Chapter Text
A little note written with three distinguishable handwritings
- I think this book is gonna make us famous
-We only signed “MMN.” Celebrity is going to wait.
- Yeah. It’s for the best. Look at what celebrity has done to them.
- I don’t know, it suited them in a way. For a while.
- Yagami was the strangest mayor Tokyo ever knew…
- And L ? He lived a thousand lives.
- You know what? I’m sure they’d approve of this book
- Really? They’d approve of us putting an end to the endless theories revolving around them with a honest, uncompromising biography? I’d be surprised.
Even today, only a handful of people know about the dispute related to the paternity of L’s biography. The version on which L’s successors agreed at the end of their lives was that they all had something to do with it. In truth, the final work was mostly Mello’s. The text was his as well as the captions beneath the photographs. He also transcribed L’s interviews – there was a time where he multiplied them under the name of Lawrence Deneuve. Watari’s death and Light breaking-up with him had made L unbearable, but prolific, in the strangest ways at that time. He was always impossible to live with, but never so much as in the post-2010 years. Gathering information for the book, Mello had discovered L had written no less than a hundred art reviews, created a dozen charities and founded two companies, all under twenty different aliases.
The Life and Time, as they called it, had been published at the author’s expense. Mello loved the cover. He had considered drawing it himself. In the end, they settled for a photograph.
Mello never ceased to consider L as something of a (imperfect) deity, even decades later. Drawing him did not feel right. So, L’s successors set their heart on a photograph taken in 2009.
In the only interview Mello gave about The Life And Time, he said: “What I love most is the cover. I don’t know who took the photograph. I love it because L looks truly happy. Even though Yagami is there too, we can’t see much of his face. It’s perfect that way, that’s what I told myself. There are hundreds of portraits of Yagami including the TIME’s. However, L carefully avoided cameras’ flashes and photographers in general.”
The first time Near held the book in his hands – that book which told the tale of the greatest detective in the world and his repented Nemesis, he had mumbled: “Not that impressive, actually.”
Mello, who at this time looked like a decaying rock star, had deliberately ignored him. Matt shelled out a polite smile. They knew Near attached a lot of importance to their work. He pretended not to care precisely because The Life And Time made him care a lot. L’s successors had lived in the shadow of their mentor in a world traumatized by Kira. There was something very satisfying in divulging their well-guarded secrets.
It was not a lack of respect. They had clarified that the day they began to gather everything they knew about their mentor and his lover and decided to publish a best-seller out of it all. The decision had been made after Light Yagami’s death. Light won the game of life since he had kept on living 5 years, 4 months and 26 days in a world without L. These two spent half their lives avoiding the public gaze and the other half courting it. Kira, L and their numerous aliases laughed at the world around them with no cruelty, rather with the immature arrogance of two individuals who saw themselves above everyone else.
Mello, Matt and Near asserted their respect in the preface: “We untangled the enigma that the man behind the letter L weaved carefully around himself. Over the years, his relationship with the public became more complex. He was L, Ryûzaki, Deneuve, Coil. We do not claim to have known him. Had we really understood him, we wouldn’t have needed to involve Yagami in this book – we would have dedicated this biography to L and L only. If you believe in destiny, you’re free to think that Kira and L were promised to each other in some way.
However, we took care not to depict Yagami as the villain of their story. Our admiration for L does not blind us anymore. We shed a bright light on them in order (in an effort) to burn their masks. There were so many things they would have rather carried to their graves. We believe they owe the rest of the universe this much, though.
If by any chance they could spy on us, from wherever they are now, we are certain they’d choose not to. They wouldn’t even think of it. When they were alone at last, they ignored the world around them."
And this Fitzgerald quote, to keep a clear conscience (they weren’t L’s successors for nothing): “What people are ashamed of usually makes a good story.”
Notes in the back of the manuscript
" The Life and Time of Genius Detective L and Repentant Murderer Light Yagami " M : This title doesn’t sound right. Too lurid.
N: The book in itself is quite sensationalist
M2: Well, they can’t sue us anymore.
M : Yeah. I can actually picture L fancying that kind of homage
N: Me too. He got really mystical in the end.
M2 : Why, because he exclusively ate wolfberries?
Winchester (2004-2005)
End of game, beginning of play
Curtains open at the end of the case which changed everything. Like every criminal L ever hunted, Light laid down his arms – a bit of an irony, as his own weapon caused his demise. The Death Note was kept away from Light Yagami forever. It was not destroyed immediately. Watari suggested that Yagami should be locked up in a secret place until a decision had been made. Soichirô Yagami studied the choices he was presented with. He frowned when L said: “Deprived of his memories, he seems to have become a completely different individual. Do you still believe it is fair to punish him for crimes he doesn’t remember committing?”
The question was sincere, for all he knew. The answer was obvious.
Light Yagami had to be punished in secret as to avoid any kind of public humiliation.
The alternative was the Wammy’s House. ”We are always in need of well-intentioned monitors for our school,” Watari had affirmed. All was well. L had defeated Kira and got to keep Light close to him. Light worked for those he had sought to kill, with an almost mystical desire to make amends.
At first, The Life and Time - the tale of L and his rival, was a simple joke Mello did not find funny at all. He had resented L for associating himself with this criminal, a man who actively tried to assassinate him.
“You know I made a bit of discovery recently. Something really important. Like you wouldn’t believe,” Matt had said. Everyone in the study room was either really quiet or really focused. Matt didn’t feel like being either of them – it was a problem. Leaning over the equations they were supposed to solve, Mello refused to let himself be distracted. Matt tried again:
“Since that new Japanese assistant arrived, L visited three times. Granted, he always pretends to be Lawrence, Mr Wammy’s nephew but you, me and Near, we know the truth.”
L very occasionally visited the Wammy’s House and it was always under the guise of Watari’s kin. However, Near found out eventually and L consented to tell the truth to those who were the most likely to succeed him someday. Mello was certain he always wanted to tell them anyway – but his legendary paranoia got in the way.
“That stiff assistant here is Kira trying too hard to redeem himself,” Mello mumbled, “If you think you got a scoop there…”
Matt shrugged. He was used to Mello’s genius. “Not, not really. I wanted to know what you make of it.”
“It’s L’s business, I guess,” Mello answered in a breath.
Under an alias, Light Yagami stayed in the orphanage for a while. He vanished as soon as he was done with the daily tasks, so often that he quickly became subject to the craziest gossips.
The most popular of them all? That brilliant and reclusive young man HAD to be L, of course. For the orphans, it was crystal-clear. If only they knew.
The mysterious nephew of Mr Wammy visited the orphanage again, six months after the Kira case came to an end. Six months without any contact - for two lovers in denial, it was rather risky.
It seemed only natural to include the exchange Mello came upon that day to their book. L and Light never knew someone else had heard them. It was a privilege the authors of the Life and Time offered their readers – an ultra-secret part of the very private life of two people who at the time almost lived in hiding.
Leaving the table that evening, Mello had noticed L – tall and thin and ill at ease in his black shirt and trousers. He seemed to be waiting for someone. It could only be Light. He wouldn’t have waited for someone else. L could treat others like a king does his subjects. He did not easily make time for others, as a general rule.
M’s comments on the May 2005 reunion
In the shadows, I observed their little game. I bit my upper lip when Yagami pulled L against him and my heart missed a beat when my idol made the same move. I was still a child, I was still in awe of L. Today, I picture his smile – such a rare sight - and I forget my resentment. At that time, all I could see was this: the most brilliant man in the world, our Sherlock Holmes, Interpol’s favourite trump card offers a second chance…no, more than that, his friendship and his love to the man who almost destroyed him. To me, it was nothing but an unbearable injustice.
L and Light entered the empty kitchen. Mello waited until they closed the door to press his ear against it. He had the exceptional mind of a very jealous child – he remembered every word he heard that day. By chance, they were speaking in English.
“I cannot go on like this. My family knows and I can’t confront them. The whole world doesn’t and I can’t face them either. You…what you are doing, is it fair? Does it feel right? You wouldn’t give a second chance to everyone, would you? That’s why I can’t work with you.”
Mello would have described Yagami’s tone as “whiny” but he was aware of his own bias.
“I didn’t ask you to work with me, Light Yagami. You will work for me. Wedy and Aiber committed crimes before becoming my agents. This is my method. I keep trophies. You can call me a thief. Eraldo Coil, Ryûzaki, Deneuve were my enemies before being my aliases. Had I killed you, I would have stolen your name as well.”
L’s voice was severe and intimidating – Mello almost blushed. Maybe Yagami did, too.
“Why do you need to be so harsh?”
“This is not me being harsh, Light. I am a realist. I may condemn Kira’s actions but it doesn’t make me a saint. If you believe yourself to be a sinner, know that I am a sinner too. Love me, but don’t idealise me.”
There was a rather long silence during which Mello was convinced they were speaking with their eyes. They had a real talent for that.
In spite of the closed door, Mello could feel this unnerving tension around them. They would never even try to appease it. He imagined it was already there during the investigation. Had they given in to their desires or had they bravely ignored it in the name of professionalism? It was still there, in any case. They were drawn to each other like magnets.
“Love you? How?”
“Well, decide for yourself, Light.”
L did not manage…or rather he refused to maintain his usual detachment. Yagami tried to control his voice so as to eliminate anything that would betray his edginess.
“Do you really want to yield to that? You are giving me a second chance that I am not sure I deserve. I will honour it. I believe it’s enough. I don’t want to distract you from your work. Carry on being brilliant and come to see me sometimes. Write me letters. But –“
“What are you even trying to say? You speak too much. Get to the point.”
Yagami paused. Was he weighing up the pros and the cons?
Then he said: “Are you in love with me?”
“I do not know,” L replied. “Ask me questions.”
“This is not a medical exam!”
“I have never been in love, how could I know?”
“Me neither! You should have an idea even if you’re not sure. What would you say if you had to give an answer?”
“In that case, I’d say yes.”
“…Really? This is not…I thought you’d never…At least certainly not like this!”
“You expected something dramatic? I could be like Gunther Sachs if you want – showering your future house with roses. Or macarons.”
L left the Wammy’s House sometime later. He had found it hard not to glance at his phone during his short conversation with Mello and Near.
Meanwhile, Light kept his mind busy. He had curled up in some fluffy-looking armchair, wondered who was responsible for the orphanage’s awfully dated furniture and began to read books he already knew by heart. After a while, he closed his eyes and thought of L. He refused to let himself go. He would never be one of these love-struck adolescents he claimed to despise. He did his utmost to draw up a list of L’s worst flaws – an exercise he practiced all his life. That day, though, he came up with two flaws. That was all.
- His hair is still horrifyingly messy.
- He wears tight jeans now. Bad idea when you weigh 50 kg.
Light did not respect the rules. He loved that scrawny figure of his and his cigarette-like legs. They were miles and miles away from a flaw.
Several times during the six following months, Light looked angrily at his phone for a few minutes before giving in to the temptation. He concealed his adoration under layers upon layers of excessive self-confidence. Once the message was sent – the damage was done, he justified himself in thousand different ways. He found the courage to reveal his favourite one to the readers of his autobiography, 35 years later.
When I’d realise I would inevitably take this damned phone and write to him in the next five minutes, I’d remember each of the looks he gave me and try my best to interpret it as a cry for help. I wasn’t yielding; I was merely giving him what he needed. I was doing him (and certainly not myself) a favour.
Encrypted conversation
LIGHT: I have the feeling you’re having trouble expressing yourself tonight. Is it that hard, having me on your mind all day long?
L: I’m working. I investigate and watch over my agents, you know. The usual. You? You tried to call me twice. My queen should learn to live without my insufferable self…
Don’t take me too seriously. Take care.
Maybe they loved each other, but they didn’t act upon it. Mello informed Matt of what he had heard and Matt insisted they tell Near too. (“He has the right to know, Mel. If things continue like this…next thing you know L and Yagami are going to go on a year-long trip somewhere. L has not been himself lately. You and Near are going to take his place soon.”)
Matt was not entirely wrong. L wasn’t planning on going into exile with his ex-Nemesis yet. Nevertheless, he knew that his existence as the World’s Greatest Detective was coming to end. It was time.
All he had to do was prepare a memorable exit. He wrote his last message as ‘L’ as he would have written his suicide letter – by hand and in secret. In his mind, it was a suicide letter after all.
It didn’t take much time. He knew exactly what he had to say. As he was ahead of the date he had chosen, the hardest part was to wait for it to arrive.
One year exactly after L proved he had been Kira all along, Light Yagami received a message on his phone. It had been weeks since the last one. The sky was still pale; the sun hadn’t begun to rise yet. It would have woken him up if he had been able to sleep.
The message was brief: “Listen to L’s speech on TV today”. By his own admission, Light had been resenting L for acting so coldly. Light longed for comfort but strictly refused to admit it, even to himself. That day, he executed every task Mr Ruvie entrusted him with.
He was ever so diligent. Even so, he made a mistake he later blamed on melancholy. He had killed and forgotten it. Tried to live with that idea. A year was not enough to accept this.
Anyway, Light did something he regretted so much he could still feel the bitter taste of humiliation in his mouth weeks later: he listened to L’s speech along with the rest of the orphanage. L was a celebrity everywhere now but he was practically a god in the little, slightly disturbing world that was the Wammy’s House. Everyone sat, in a silent deference, in front of the television.
The letter L appeared on the screen. Light glanced at his phone. No other message. He was too preoccupied to feel Mello’s sidelong look at him. Standing in a corner, L’s greatest admirer dreaded what would happen next. He couldn’t get Matt’s words off his mind. Could it really be L’s swansong?
Indeed it was. Although everybody knew it by that time – it had even been printed on overpriced t-shirts you could only find on the Internet, Mello, Matt and Near decided to reproduce this ultimate message in The Life and Time. Such a famous speech had been distorted many times. They were keen to give the real version. (“Corny as it was,” Near had said).
LAST SPEECH FROM L FIRST OF HIS NAME TO THE WORLD
(They had really written ‘first of his name’ in The Life and Time as to respect the slight regal side of their mentor)
My investigation was successful. Kira was beaten. In front of me, he said his last words. The murders of criminals ceased a year ago. Is it not enough to earn your trust?
The end of the Kira case should not be treated as my private, ultimate and personal victory against the most prolific serial killer of our time. I was able to prevent Kira from carrying out his plan with the help of the Japanese police force, but we will never be able to prosecute them. The world will have to carry the weight of Kira's actions forever, and accept the indisputable fact that no human being will ever be tried for Kira's actions. I'll go so far as asserting that even if it was physically possible to bring them before court, no jury in the world would ever reach a fair verdict for a variety of reasons.
I will be brief: Kira no longer exists and most of their modus operandi remains unknown. Any hope for a fair trial in these circumstances is…unfathomable.
If we were to judge Kira in spite of that, shouldn’t we also bring to court all those who backed off, those who dared not confront this serial killer and cheered for Kira whenever they could? Kira is gone from this world but I cannot promise you there won’t be another one. It is vital we unite our forces in order to create a fairer world. The world is worth fighting for. Kira agreed with me on this – but they made the childish mistake of believing they could fight alone.
Now, I want to answer a question I saw go around, here and there. No, if the human being that hid behind that Kira persona was in front of me, I wouldn’t condemn them to death. Kira showed us we can all go downhill when we feel so powerless against injustice. You made Kira what they were. You were all impatient to crown them. People love to see death. It reminds them that they have a life, no matter how vile and mediocre.
Kira, I am addressing you now. This absurd power left you but I fear that one day it might come back. If it does, remember my words. You are young, desperate. You are powerless and terrified. I do not doubt you have the purest intentions. But before you sacrifice your soul for an ideal world, before you renounce hope, I beg you to think again. You are not a saint, you are not a martyr. You were not chosen and you have never been so alone. To become a self-righteous monster, to decide to die, to decide who should die…all of this is so simple for an adolescent. It is simple because you cannot see a future that pleases you. All you can see is the appalling side of this world.
As someone who knows how frightening this world is, I am assuring you: you have a bright future ahead of you. The future exists. You cannot expect it to be fair if you greet it with bloody hands.
Kira, if you hear me, I am asking you to consider the consequences of your actions. Let go of the idea that you have to save the world. It will ruin you. If you want to be fair and just, lower your weapon. Fear is not the cure to injustice; but the seed of tyranny.
If no one ever reached for you, I will. Because, like you, I am intimately convinced that the world needs people like us to fight for it. True justice will be our aim, our sword, our end.
You are a brilliant mind, corrupted by despair and weakness. You have been weak and you have been followed by weak people. Yet, I will dedicate every second of my life to ensure that your sins be absolved. I cannot take back what you’ve done to this world but...together…
Together we can work for a future enlightened by the ever shining light... of justice.
L retired from his role as the World’s Greatest Detective, bowing out with one last quip: “If you decide I am a criminal, if you want to bring me into court for reaching out to one lonely human being…then, by all means, catch me! I wish you luck because no amount of courage or hard work will ever be enough to accomplish that feat.”
In Winchester, Light Yagami was swearing in Japanese. Matt could only grasp a few words, swallowed in what sounded like a very angry sobbing. Yagami slipped away before Mello could get a grip on himself: he never saw Yagami cry. Neither did Near, but he pretended not to regret it. He really didn’t care that much about Yagami.
The next day, the editorial boards of every tabloid newspaper in the world were burning with excitement. Yet, most of the front pages were terribly uninspired. One of them did aim straight though. So straight, it hit the target.
It was an English tabloid newspaper which lived up to the reputation of every English tabloid newspaper. Its article on L’s speech was titled: “Genius Detective L and Psychic Killer Kira: the most turbulent love story of our time?” The detective and his rival were every bit as good as Richard Burton and Elizabeth Taylor.
Light read the newspaper that morning and smiled while doing it. When asked what he made of their comments on L’s speech, he shrugged in an affected manner.
“If I were Kira, I’d feel better and ready to make amends. L was right.” He finished his coffee (black, without sugar – why was L so determined to spoil this pure, bitter taste with tons of sugar, he would never comprehend). “If nobody else other than Kira understood his message, that’s too bad but I’m sure L doesn’t care much anyway. He was speaking to Kira.”
As for now, the majority of the orphanage was certain they were living under the same roof as Kira. Light pretended not to care.
The English tabloid newspaper was certain to have discovered the secret behind L’s message: he was in love. It may be more accurate to say that the newspaper triggered something. These rumours united them – and if not for that, they would have only had the same awkward embarrassment to share. Truth be told, they loved to read about L and Kira’s passionate love story. It excited Light’s narcissism and fed L’s ego.
L called that night. Light thanked him politely, his voice shaking slightly. L smiled against his cellphone; Light could feel it somehow.
“I only did what I had to. Have you read the newspaper? It’s quite amusing. L and Kira against the rest of the world.”
Under the identity of Mr Wammy’s nephew, L visited the orphanage of his childhood again. He spent his nights several rooms away from the one that had been prepared for him.
Matt tried to persuade Mello not to spy on them. He could be caught eavesdropping with no rational reason. They had no right to be involved in L’s private life. Mello had nodded as he feared L’s fits of anger – they were rare but memorable.
However, L’s successors ignored a simple fact that would have freed Mello of guilt: L and Light relished in letting the world gossip about their relationship. They loved that sort of vulgar celebrity.
Here is what Light had to say in his biography:
In public, we hardly ever agreed on anything and we fought about nothing. Nobody would have guessed how united and alike we truly were. To the rest of the world, each of us wanted to appear as the winner of an imaginary game. But in private…I can’t say we truly opened our hearts. We were still too self-conscious. We knew how easily these things break. Still, whenever the two of us were alone we would experience a love and excitement that we never dreamed possible. We would do everything to make the other feel it with the same intensity. Especially L. He always was excessive. Passionate, even. The entire universe could have been spying on us, and we wouldn’t have stopped for them. I can even hear L’s comments: "Let them enjoy the show! These voyeurs have good taste.”
The Life And Time disclosed the few words that the young and still very jealous Mello had managed to hear:
"Did I tell you what I like about you?" Yagami said, his voice ever so calm.
“My name?”
“Hilarious. Actually, don’t you think you could trust me with this now? I may feel the irrepressible need to say your name, one day.”
Most of their sentences were punctuated by very long half-silences during which Mello could only try not to picture what they were doing. In his mind, it was always L who ended up pushing Yagami away. He was wrong at a 40/60 ratio. Yagami had the tendency to slip away when things got too intense between them.
“God knows what my real name is. I don’t even know my stupid father’s surname. I have one name: the one Mr Wammy gave me. Like I said, I stole names because I don’t have one. I will be buried under a nameless grave. Isn’t that the saddest thing?”
Light usually sighed whenever L evoked his death – it happened on a regular basis. For once, Light didn’t sigh.
L added, his voice low: “So, what do you like about me, Light Yagami?”
"Your voice. Without hesitation. I enjoy the rest, but that voice was made for giving orders."
"You want me to give you orders? Oh, I know. That's because I’m the oldest, right?"
"Try me. I know how to take advantage of any situation. Watch me."
Crushed against the door of the room, Mello silently deplored L’s taste in men. He went back to his room and tried to get some sleep. At least, he was certain there was nothing he could do to stop this from happening. He realized how late he was.
Thus began their relationship and the first chapter of the book. The Life and Time showed them as they were rarely seen, as they truly were: pretentious, self-centered, and seriously disturbed.