Chapter Text
Kuroko Tetsuya sighed as he closed the door of Teiko’s fourth library without stepping a foot inside. Just like the previous three libraries, it was filled with students in various stages of socializing – and not a single one of them studying, as Kuroko had thought libraries were supposed to be for. But given the noise level everywhere, he supposed it wasn’t too surprising that no one could study (even if they’d had the inclination, which, from what he’d seen of his rich classmates so far, was doubtful).
He trudged up the ritzy, carpeted staircase of the East Wing of his new school. A huge chandelier hung overhead, delicate cut-crystal ornaments tinkling in the well air-conditioned halls. In the third-floor hallway, he passed an exterior wall made of 15-meter-tall windows. Outside, the giant clock tower stood over the East courtyard’s artistically messy lily pond and its central fountain. Kuroko’s eye twitched at the extravagance of his surroundings.
Why are rich people like this, Grandmother?
The thought of how his grandmother would have snorted at his question made him smile briefly.
Not really paying attention to where he was going, he somehow found himself subconsciously drawn to a quieter nook of the building. He didn’t think he’d been here before, but so far most of the school looked the same to him, down to the fresh roses in every hallway. The only thing distinguishing each room’s purpose was an ornately-gilded sign above each door that Kuroko had to get close to and squint to read. The one he stood in front of now was labeled the “First String Basketball Clubroom.”
Kuroko figured that, on the off-chance that any of the first string basketball players were serious academics - highly unlikely, because a) rich people tended to be lazy in academics, and that could probably be applied to sports as well, and b) most basketball players who were good enough to get into the first string had to be tremendously dedicated to the sport and likely wouldn’t have time or energy for studying much – there was still probably a 95% chance that no one would be in the club room at this time of day, for studying or otherwise. Besides, this school had a million other hang-out places and useless rooms; him being in this one wouldn’t be noticed, as Kuroko already had a very low presence to most other people. Even if he was noticed, he could use the “new student” excuse to cover his tracks, and just find another place to study. But if there was no one in here, and likely to stay that way at this time on future afternoons, then this clubroom could become his new study spot.
And Kuroko desperately needed a quiet place to study. Perfect attendance alone wasn’t going to keep him enrolled at this prestigious school.
With this logic in mind, Kuroko pushed open the door.
…And was immediately assaulted by flowers.
He sputtered for a minute, swatting rose petals away from his face, as several voices proclaimed, “Welcome!” from somewhere beyond his flower-obscured vision.
Then a single voice chimed, as if narrating a script: “Teiko Academy, the home of the powerful and wealthy. And everyone knows that prosperous people have too much time on their hands. Therefore, the Teiko Host Club was born so that beautiful boys with too much free time can entertain their peers who also have too much free time, and make a profit in the meantime. Just think of it as Teiko Academy’s elegant playground for the super rich and beautiful!”
Kuroko looked up and blinked twice.
“Heh? There’s no one there.”
“Ha! Guess you wasted that speech, Kise.”
“Aw, seriously? And I sounded so elegant this time too! Didn’t I, Murasakibaracchi?”
“Sorry, I was yawning when you said it so I didn’t hear you. Mido-chin, did he sound good this time?”
“Passable. Your inflections needed work.”
“Gentlemen,” a new voice broke in. “We do, in fact, have a guest.”
The five gigantic boys posing in the middle of the room swiveled their heads toward Kuroko in unison. A sixth one, much smaller than the others, with bright red hair was already looking in his direction, and based off his smirk, Kuroko presumed he was the last one to speak.
He bowed in greeting now that all attention was on him. “Hello.”
The tall, tan boy with dark blue hair gave an unmanly shriek when he saw Kuroko. “How long have you been there?” he demanded.
“The whole time,” Kuroko replied.
“Jeez, you have absolutely no presence.” A boy with dark reddish-black hair and thick eyebrows scowled at him.
“Daiki, Taiga, isn’t this young man in your class?” The smaller redhead posed this question.
“How would we know?” the boy with thick eyebrows retorted. “Aomine’s skipping half the time –”
“And Kagami is sleeping the other half,” the boy with blue hair finished with a snort.
The short redhead made a face that suggested he was rolling his eyes without removing his gaze from Kuroko. When he spoke, though, his voice was smirking. “I see.” His eyes seemed to read right through Kuroko’s blank face. It made him slightly uncomfortable. “Well, then, welcome to the Teiko Host Club, Mr. Honors Student.”
A blond boy popped up in front of the redhead. “What? You mean this is the special honor student we’ve heard so much about? Kuroko something, right?”
“Kuroko Tetsuya,” the redhead corrected before Kuroko could speak, and then looked at him and asked, without an ounce of true ignorance or curiosity, “Isn’t that right?”
“I am Kuroko Tetsuya, yes. But how do you know my name?”
“This school makes it very difficult for commoners to get in. You must have quite an audacious nerve to work hard enough to fight your way into this school, Kuroko-san.” The redhead seemed to enjoy giving this answer.
Kuroko raised his eyebrows. “Thank you,” he chose to reply for the indirect compliment of his tenacity.
The blond pounced forward, his arm wrapping around Kuroko’s shoulders. “You’re quite a hero, Kurokocchi! Even though you’re the poorest student in the school, you’re still top of the class. That’s seriously admirable!”
Kuroko was suffocating under the blond’s enthusiasm. He shuffled sideways out from under the arm. Undeterred, the blond continued, “It must be hard to be constantly looked down upon by others. Your studies must suffer from your normalcy!”
Kuroko furrowed his brow in annoyance. “You’re taking this poor thing a little too far.”
“But you’re here now, which proves it wasn’t all in vain. Long live the poor!” The blond pulled Kuroko further into the room and twirled them around. “Welcome to our elegant world.” He affected a deep, ceremonious bow.
Kuroko had had enough of this nonsense. “Excuse me,” he said and began walking toward the door, but ran into something hard and unyielding. Backing up a bit, he saw that it was a torso. A very long torso. He craned his neck up to see that the boy he’d run into had long purple hair and was munching on a Pocky stick. He had to be over 2 meters tall.
“You should be more careful, Kuro-chin,” the giant said. His free hand ruffled Kuroko’s hair and he squatted down some to better look at Kuroko. “If you get such good grades then you’re like a superhero, aren’t you?”
His childish way of speaking was a complete contrast to his huge physique, and it threw Kuroko off for a moment. “I’m just an honors student, not a superhero.” Then he remembered the giant’s phrasing, and looked up at him. “And who are you calling Kuro-chin? And,” he spun and looked at the blond, “you called me Kurokocchi earlier. My name is Kuroko Tetsuya.”
“I put ‘cchi’ on the end of anyone’s name who I respect,” the blond said easily. “And Murasakibaracchi just likes to shorten using ‘chin’, I guess. He’s kinda lazy, so that’s probably why.”
“Please don’t.” Kuroko directed this at both of them.
The blond appeared to ignore him, musing with a hand on his chin, “I never would have imagined that the famous scholar would be so openly gay.”
At that abrupt shift in topics, Kuroko’s eyes widened. “Gay?”
The blond snapped his fingers. “So tell me what kind of guys you’re into!”
Clearly slipping into game show host mode again, he gestured at the bespectacled green-haired boy in the back, the only one who Kuroko hadn’t seen speak so far. “Do you like the confident nerd type?” The boy pushed up his glasses.
“Or the unpredictable type?” The blond waved at the purple-haired giant, who unwrapped a candy and winked as he slipped it in his mouth, startling Kuroko at the 180° switch in personality.
“How about the mischievous type?” He indicated the boys with dark blue and reddish-black hair, who were leaning back-to-back and grinning a bit sinisterly.
“Or the cool type?” Kuroko’s eyes fell on the smirking redhead before the blond invaded his vision, clearly expecting an answer to his rapid introduction of the hosts.
“I think you have the wrong idea here.” Kuroko looked up at the blond. “I was just looking for a quiet place to study, not a harem of rich boys playing hosts.”
The two boys dubbed the “mischievous type” began chortling in unison. “We’re a harem now, huh?” Mr. Thick Eyebrows asked.
“He doesn’t look like a fangirl, but maybe we can give him a show anyway,” the tan boy replied, lifting the other’s chin toward himself.
“No, no, that won’t be necessary!” the blond piped up, sliding into Kuroko’s field of vision once more. “You look like you’re into guys like me, aren’t you, Kurokocchi?” His fingers cupped Kuroko’s cheeks and brought their faces startlingly close.
Kuroko reacted instinctively, shoving the blond backward. He stumbled and tripped over his own feet, the imbalance causing one ankle to collapse to the side.
“OW!”
The blond fell to the floor and brought his right leg up, making whimpering noises. Kuroko nearly rolled his eyes at the dramatics before he noticed tears in the blond’s eyes and how he appeared to be struggling with inhaling. That’s when he realized the boy was serious, not faking his pain. He dropped down beside him and then hovered uncertainly, not sure how to help. At the same time, the green-haired boy rushed over and knelt next to him, pulling the blond's shoe and sock off before gently rotating the ankle. “Ow, ow, stop it!”
Kuroko suddenly felt guilty. “I’m so sorry, are you okay?”
“I think you just broke my foot!” the blond wailed in return.
“It’s not that bad,” the green-haired boy spoke at last. Kuroko noticed that the fingers of his left hand were covered in tape as he probed the injured spot, causing the blond to hiss. “But it looks like it’s sprained. You won’t be able to put weight on it for a while.”
“What? Does that mean he can’t play?” The tan boy appeared over Kuroko’s shoulder.
“I’m afraid not. The next two days will likely be very painful for him. He’ll need to take it easy.”
“Play what?” Kuroko asked, and suddenly all eyes in the room were back on him, full of malicious intent.
“Play basketball,” the boy with thick eyebrows answered him scornfully. “We have a game tomorrow against one of our biggest opponents!”
“And now thanks to you, one of our starters won’t be able to play at all!” the tan boy growled right on his heels.
Kuroko inhaled. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to injure you. How can I help?”
Although he addressed the blond, the blue-haired boy answered. “Unless you can take his place, there’s nothing you can do to help!”
“Actually, that’s not a bad idea, Daiki,” the redhead smoothly interjected. “What do you think, Ryouta?”
Everyone looked at the blond. Even grimacing in pain on the floor, he seemed to have an excited light in his amber eyes. Kuroko felt nervous.
“I think you’re right, Akashicchi. Kurokocchi, have you ever heard the saying, ‘When in Rome, do as the Romans do’? Since you injured me, you owe me a debt.” The blond pointed an imperious finger at him.
“Starting today and until I recover, you will be the Host Club’s dog, and my replacement on the basketball team!”
“Wait, what?” Kuroko’s head was spinning. “I understand if you want me to play basketball for you since you won’t be able to, but why do I have to be the Host Club’s dog too?”
“Because obviously I won’t be able to host properly with my injury,” the blond replied like Kuroko was an idiot. “All of my fangirls will have to take care of me while I lay prone and vulnerable, unable to do the usual manual labor such as pouring tea, kissing hands and whispering sweet nothings in their ears! Which means,” and here he leveled Kuroko with a shrewd glare that looked scarily natural on his previously-sunny face, “you will have to do all of those things for me.”
Kuroko looked at the other Host Club members for help, but none was forthcoming. They all appeared to be completely in agreement with the blond about Kuroko’s “responsibilities” – all except the redhead, whose face briefly showed sadistic amusement before smoothing itself out.
Grandmother, I don’t know if I can do this.
Feeling a bit like he was signing his own death warrant, Kuroko said, “Okay, I’ll help around until you’re recovered.”
“Not that you had a choice either way, but we appreciate your willing cooperation.” The redhead smiled beatifically at Kuroko’s glare.
“But,” Kuroko emphasized. “I should warn you in advance. I’m not very good at basketball.”
The boys all exchanged a glance over Kuroko’s head.
The blond boy tsked. “Do you know the rules, at least?”
“Yes. I used to play in middle school.”
“Well, what a coincidence! So did we all!” The blue haired boy wrapped an arm around his shoulder. “We won’t expect Kise’s level from you, but we’ll help you out.” The way he said it sounded suspiciously insincere.
“Yeah, no way we’re losing to those bastards at Seiho.” The boy with thick eyebrows slung an arm around the opposite shoulder so Kuroko was sandwiched between them. His next phrase was almost a threat. “So you better not drag us down. We have bets riding on this match.”
“I believe that’s enough, Daiki, Taiga,” the redhead spoke up. Kuroko wondered if he was the leader of this Host Club. The thought made him pause.
“Are you all members of the basketball team, or just you three?” he asked, indicating the blond and the two hanging off his shoulders.
“We are all members of Teiko’s first string,” the green-haired boy replied, surprising Kuroko who thought it would be the redhead who answered. “We are the regulars.”
“Ah, that’s right, we haven’t introduced ourselves to you.” The redhead took back over. “I am Akashi Seijuro, captain of our team. This is Midorima Shintarou, the vice-captain.” The green-haired boy gave a nod. “On your left is Aomine Daiki and on your right is Kagami Taiga. Behind you is Murasakibara Atsushi. And the boy you will be serv- replacing is Kise Ryouta.”
The blond, Kise, waved at him jovially. At a loss for what to do, Kuroko reverted to politeness. “It’s nice to meet you all. Please take care of me.”
“Shouldn’t that be the other way around, Kurokocchi?” Kise cried. “You have to take care of me! I’m injured, remember?”
“No one’s forgotten, Kise,” Aomine grunted to Kuroko’s left. “What a drama queen.”
“How dare you! When I get better, you are going down, Aominecchi!”
“Like that’ll ever happen,” he scoffed. “Maybe you should teach your replacement here some moves so he can beat me for you.” Aomine examined Kuroko carefully. “Actually, scratch that. I don’t think he’s going to have much luck being your sub.”
“Don’t worry, Aomine,” Kagami said in a high, sweet voice. “You know I’ll always be here to beat you on the court, even if no one else can.” He puckered his lips exaggeratedly and leaned across Kuroko into Aomine’s space.
Kuroko decided enough was enough and swiftly stood up, causing both boys who had been leaning on him to collapse over each other on the ground. The redhead, Akashi, followed him up.
“Sorry about those two. It’s part of their act.”
“What act?”
Akashi looked like he was about to answer, but then caught sight of something behind Kuroko and merely smirked instead.
“Well, you’re about to find out,” he said. “Because the Teiko Host Club is now open for business.”