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‘Fate, dealt you a tricky hand, now you're just left alone in your mind...and I have gone away.’
She didn’t remember how she got there. Or where she was going.
But she was here, standing as the fast city passed her by despite it being definitely past midnight.
Her hands ached from the cold of the rain falling around her. It shouldn’t be that cold, it was late May, sure it was raining but it was nearly summer at that point.
Still the cold persisted and settled deep in her bones, she couldn’t get warm, she hasn’t been able to get warm since that night. She shivered and gripped the thin black hoodie which was pilled and ragged from years of use from foster kid to foster kid.
She probably ran away from the house she was trapped in, maybe she got into a fight with another kid there again. Or maybe she just needed a break...again.
Her mind was filled with fog. She couldn’t think, she barely registered when the cars passed by behind her, only feeling as more water soaked the back of her legs, feeling too numb to even move herself.
There was a cardboard box she had been staring at for the past five minutes, unmoving, unfocused. Stare any longer and you might burn holes into it.
It wasn’t the box that was so attention grabbing, but the contents. One soaked and soiled once white towel with holes in it and two Cats inside. A mother curled up around a tiny fur ball, the sight itself made Penny’s chest ache painfully. Any affection did that to her. They were calico, the mom having a washed out version of the spots that were barely visible with how dirty they were, While the baby had a mostly off white underside and a stretch of orange and black spots around their face like a mask.
Like the mask you used to wear before you screwed everything up.
The box had a message written on it but the sign had long since become soaked and nearly ineligible.
Penny faintly traced out four words, litter + mom, Too Poor.
It was scary and ironic that ‘litter’ was written on the box because there was only one kitten. Usually they yield 4-6 babies, meaning that people already took the siblings or they got killed. Most likely killed. Penny’s bottom lip trembled with unease as she thought about how scared the mom must be, having to watch her babies slowly not return home to her.
Right now the mom looked at her with one pale green eye, the other one sealed shut. She was pleading, praying for rescue, for a hero to come swoop her out of the rain and give her child a better life, a safer place.
Maybe, in another time, another life. She would’ve rescued the cats, carried them back in the rain, sheltering them with her body. Maybe aunt May would’ve helped clean them up with her and drive her to a no kill shelter the next day.
This isn’t that life, she can’t even care for herself, let alone a cat family.
“I’m sorry.” She didn’t know if she muttered that to the cats or to herself as an excuse. Or if she even said it at all.
“I’m not a hero.” The voice broke into pieces and died in her throat. “Not anymore.” A singular tear ran down her face. She could only feel it in contrast to the rain because it was the only thing warm on her.
She looked down at the web shooter on her wrist. She didn’t know why she even wore it anymore, she gave up on being a hero, she couldn’t do it. Even Mr.Stark knew she wasn’t up to snuff. It was running out of fluid, the chemistry lab started locking up the lab supplies after they kept disappearing. After you kept stealing them. So it was getting more difficult to keep them full.
She shouldn’t even be wearing them anymore, they were simply a symbol of the past, something that didn’t work out in the end.
Everything seemed doomed to fail in her life.
She walked over, ignoring the protest of her near frozen body and made a small web tent above their heads. There were still a few holes, it was choppy near the ends when the shooter cut out—She didn’t have her gear to repair them anymore—but it would at least hold for the rest of the night.
The mother gave her a confused meow and Penny reached down to pet her before stopping. She didn’t deserve nice things, the cat needed someone but not her, she couldn’t do this.
She stifled a cough and walked off into the rain, pulling the hood tighter across her head as if it would help as the fabric was already soaked.
She ran, she didn’t even get out of breath, she just kept running. Blue and red lights cascaded from angles she couldn’t find. They taunted her, chased her through the spotlight, she couldn’t get away, the light was tenacious and refused to stop following her.
The stairs went upwards, entered other corridors and curled around each other. It felt like some knockoff scene from an 80s movie. A ringing sound repeated in her ears as she tried to find the end that never seemed to come.
It was only when she decided to double back that she ran smack dab into a wall, lights cascading all to a red and blue sign.
It was her spider logo, shining just like the one that Mr.Stark installed in her new web shooters. That you gave up because you almost killed everyone. It looked normal except for the new message placed above it.
Save them Spider-girl!
Penny tilted her head at the message.
“What do you mean?” She asked. Immediately the lights drained, going from their colorful red and blue from a run out black, the lights started running down the wall like a permanent marker in the rain… oh, that’s who.
“I-I can’t, I-I-I can’t do it! I’m a foster k-kid, t-t-they die, Jim will kill me too!” She trembled, the Ink bled until it changed into a new message.
Do you really care?
Of course she cared, she cared more than anything, she wanted them to have a nice home but she wasn’t it.
“Y-yes.” She leaned against the opposite wall.
Then save them.
The room slowly filled with wet ink.
Penny shot awake on her bottom bunk, careful not to jostle the sleeper on the top bunk, she did that once after a nightmare and they yelled at her.
The clock read just before six, most of the kids didn’t get up till seven, she’ll be good. She slowly slid out of the bed that smelled of urine and touched her feet to the cold floor.
This apartment was not in any way safe for children, the window to their bedroom had been cracked and instead of replacing it, cardboard and duct tape was placed on top of it, shutting out any natural light they had and still created a draft. There was mold growing in the corners of the room and she swore she saw a mouse a few times near the kitchen.
She didn’t say anything about it, she didn’t care, she got a place to lay awake at night instead of sleeping and an insubstantial amount of food. She used to say that she would report anything askew in the foster care system, but she’s not so sure now, it’s just more trouble. She’s tired, always tired.
Inside the bathroom was a small window above the shower, she used her wall climbing— about the only power she still consciously uses nowadays —and slid out of the apartment, clinging to the wall outside the building. It wasn’t raining anymore and the golden sun rose just beyond the horizon. She placidly slid down into the alleyway beside the apartment and walked the couple blocks to where she stood last night.
They were probably found by someone a lot better than you anyways. Or they died in the night, go back to bed, god knows your body needs it.
She ignored her mind and dragged on, her dream nagging her most of the way. She had to at least check on them.
When she arrived she was relieved and stressed out of her mind.
Her makeshift web umbrella had long since disintegrated, only tiny fibers and bits on the cinderblocks said that anything was there. The baby cat was curled up at the bottom of the box, she thought it might be dead from hypothermia for a second but it looked up at the sound of her crushing a wrapper beneath her feet when she walked forward.
The baby cat was still alive, the mother was gone.
The same pale emerald eyes looked back at her and it meowed quietly, as if unsure of something.
“Where did mama go?” She asked quietly, her voice gravely from lack of use, she had no reason to talk lately. The cat looked off in the distance and as if the universe was answering her question, a pet shelter vehicle passed by.
It couldn’t be...yet, there were barely any animals in this area in the first place—it was a bad neighborhood—and it did look to be heading back to the shelter but, this kitten needed her mom.
Penny sat next to the kitten for the next thirty minutes, not talking, not moving. No sign of the mom. The kitten's cries became more desperate and sporadic. It became clear that the mom wasn’t coming back.
She exhaled through her nose and picked up the baby, cringing at how she could feel the ribs— like you’re any better —and tucked the baby into her jacket to keep it warm, with that she left the soggy cardboard box and the sad alleyway, her mind made up.
She would take care of this kitten until her dying breath. There’s enough hardship in this world already but if she could make just one kitten's life better then, maybe there was still hope. If she was wrong, and she couldn’t then well...maybe the world doesn’t need her anyways.
“Ok Kiran, It’s complete, go check it out.” She encouraged, taking the baby off her shoulder and placing him in the makeshift house.
A day later and some handy work on her behalf she had created a small house for the kitten which was placed atop the apartment complex. It was one of those that didn’t actually have stairs to the roof so nobody ever went on there. She gathered old planks of wood and a cage she salvaged from another old alleyway.
She didn’t have much money, just scraps she found on the street or from odd jobs she did but baby blankets were really cheap in second hand stores so she bought something way too colorful for her tastes for him.
Along with washing him in a gas station bathroom he was actually doing alright.
The only thing she was worried about was food, she couldn’t actually afford food for the cat but a small google on her school library computers revealed that cats can actually eat a fair amount of human food, they probably shouldn’t, but they can.
She was about to leave the rooftop for the night when she heard meowing and tiny pawprints hitting the cement. She turned around and Kiran jumped onto her pant leg, quickly scaling her until he was back in her arms.
Ok, this might be a bit harder than she first anticipated.
Even last night she wouldn’t have ever seen this as a possibility, cuddling a kitten on the roof as her curfew drew closer.
She wasn’t good enough to have him but he needed her.
The truth is; she hasn’t done hero work for the past six months. She tried again and again to get up and go out and patrol again but it slowly became harder and harder to do that.
She was in a new strict house. Then her suit got destroyed. She lost her new suit when she switched households. The media started hating mutants again. It was winter. She lost one of her web shooters.
It went on and on until The Amazing Spider-Girl was something of the past, no longer to be spoken of. She couldn't be Spider-Girl anymore, the guilt was too much, she couldn’t even save her own family, she was weak.
It started with her being a dumb teenager and thinking she could take on the Vulture alone.
Mr.Stark took away the suit, basically a big ‘I’m only your greatest hero and I don’t think you can do this’ which honestly, she was hurt and broody at first but now she just understood. She was weak, enhancement or not, doesn’t matter, she wouldn’t ever be enough to save the people and win the day.
Then May died. It was the night she defeated the Vulture out of spite, in her old suit and with her two bare hands and two glorified wrist rockets for crying out loud. She was in so much pain, that was all she felt. She was sure she was going to die, that one of her clearly broken ribs would stab into her lungs and slowly, painfully kill her. When she opened the door all she wanted to do was to crash on her bed and sleep this off for all eternity, maybe write that apology email to Mr.Stark that he would ignore just like everything else. To be fair she was annoying. She knew that much.
Then it wasn’t the end, because May was dead. She went looking for her because she didn’t come home on time from Homecoming and she got into a car crash on her way.
Death was instantaneous, they said. She didn’t feel any pain, they tried to reason with her as she broke down crying at the hospital. Nothing could possibly sugar coat this. Her aunt was dead and she’d killed her just like she’d killed Ben. If she hadn’t gone out looking for trouble, just to try to prove herself, her aunt would’ve never died. If she had been strong enough to defeat the Vulture in time for curfew. If she had caught him earlier. If she never messed with alien tech that was out of her league. If she never went on the field trip that gave her the damned spider bite. If...If she just stayed at homecoming and let the actual Avengers deal with this, maybe, just maybe right now she would be cuddled up with her on a couch, watching some bad rom com and eating May’s bad cooking concoctions.
Since then she shut out her only friends left so they didn’t die soon and prayed that she would be the last to go.
There were a few more attempts to get up and still be a hero but they fell flat. A rapist broke her nose while she was trying to defend another person and it didn’t heal quite right, now it was just the slightest bit crooked that people were teasing her about it at school. Another attempt landed her with three broken fingers that also didn’t heal right.
Even though they were minor injuries—easily fixable with surgery if she had access to it—she still felt like this was the universe's way of saying, you can’t do this . She used to smile and push past obstacles but now she felt she was too buried under them to even see the way out.
So she stopped trying.
She let herself tear apart at the seams.
Now school was a month away from ending and god her grades had slipped. She had really taken for granted actually having a computer to type up her essays, or even just a light to study by. Even just having the motivation to try now seemed miles out of reach. She was passing her sophomore year but her freshmen self would’ve been disappointed.
She definitely wasn’t making it through her junior year though. Not only that she won’t pass class. She has enhanced metabolism, which is great if you want to heal fast, terrible when you're a teenager in foster care who requires 3x the normal amount of calorie intake and you are receiving half of what a regular teenager would need. You can do the math.
Stopping her hero work wasn’t just an emotional decision. Though it sure felt nice to finally give in. She was sure if she kept up her hero work, she would’ve been dead by now.
There were a lot of times you could’ve been ‘dead by now.’
Penny looked beyond on the setting sun and scratched between the cats ears who was happily splayed across her lap, purring intently. He seems to have taken his mothers disappearance lightly. Or maybe she’s dead.
Nobody missed Spider-Girl anyhow. At the end of the day she was just an Avengers wannabe who came and left without a trace. She was here, this was the path she ended up on and it’s the one she’s stuck on. Nobody misses her and while that used to be sad. Now it was reassuring.
4 months ago
Hey Happy!
Um...here's my report for the night. Stopped a grand theft of a bicycle, couldn’t find the owner so I just left a note. Um I helped this lost old dominican lady and she was really nice and bought me a churro.
I’m just- um...feel like I could be doing more. Y’know just curious when the next real mission is gonna be. S’yeah just...call me back.
It’s Penny...Penelope Parker.
Bye.
Tony ran his hand down his face as the audio recording played. To think that was only three months ago. He glanced over to the few articles covering Spider-Girl’s disappearance.
He couldn’t help but think he had been too hard on the kid, she was what? 12? 18? Did it matter? It didn’t change the fact that he fucked up.
Sure she messed up, nearly killed a ferry full of innocent people but who hasn't!
Now her tear stained face that was burning with shame was stuck to his mind from when he took away her suit.
He was going to try to make things better with her. She took down the Vulture all by herself despite his discouragement and for a moment he thought he had done the right thing by taking away her suit from her, it gave her the growth she needed to realize she can do better.
Then a week passed by.
Then two weeks.
Radio silence. Spider-Girl had completely dropped off, no more nerdy Star-Wars references, chirpy voices on Happy’s inboxes or hopeful patrols that she could make it to the big leagues some day.
He tried calling her himself, she never missed a phone call for as long as he knew her. But she did this time. She hung up on him.
Hey kiddo, it’s me, Tony. I uh...saw what you did with the Vulture...that was you right? I mean you left a note so it probably was. Anyways, um, call me when you get the chance, yeah? I’m...I...you did a good job out there. Probably the only time you’ll ever hear me say this but I was wrong. Bye for now.
Oh the irony. They ignore her when she wants to reach them and turn her down at every corner she tries to prove herself and now that they want to reach her she’s the one ignoring them.
He assumed she was being a broody teenager as she rightfully should but it was getting a little insane around a month's mark and barely any Spider-Woman sightings. There were a few blips in the radar but it was impossible to tell without the Training Wheels Protocol.
And now, two months and many calls/attempts of communication and Tony was fed up. So he did a little dumpster diving and bam. He looked up at the medical record in front of him.
May Parker: Deceased.
October 1, 2016 10:45 PM
TBI, blood loss, blunt force trauma.
He was confused by this medical file until he went through a matching police file.
Her only living relative, May Parker, had died in a car crash and now Penny was somewhere frolicing around foster care, all alone.
She was young, too young. Even he was older than her—even if it was just by a bit—when his parents died.
He tried to track her down at that point, to be the bigger man and apologize to her in person but she was lost on the records.
School stopped updating which information for which house she was at. Most documents were physical and confidential and the foster system in America was really just a big trainwreck. Kids were all over the place, they were abused, neglected and misplaced. Hell Tony was nearly one of those kids until Jarvis—bless his heart—stepped up as Tony’s ‘parental figure’ for two years until Tony enhartied Stark Industries.
But what about Penny? She was all alone in the big wide world with nobody to fall back on.
He considered sending the suit to stalk her, to make sure she’s ok. Or maybe meet her after school because he at least knows where that is but at the same time...what should he say, would she hate him, she has every right to. Should he tell her that he does want her on the team, she has gone completely off the radar for Patrols, would she even still want to be Spider-Girl?
He groaned and hid his face in his hands, an old habit of frustration.
For all his genius, he could be a real idiot some days.
“Roll the clip again Fri.”
Hey Happy!-
He used to be annoyed with the persistent and spunky girl but these days he just wishes that she would find a way to reach out, to nerd out about a Lego kit her and her friend were building, to talk endlessly about the people she saved, no matter how small.
He just...wanted to know that she was doing alright.
Penny stared at the whiteboard that was washing in and out of focus.
She could easily fall asleep. She almost got no sleep at night and it was never enough, she always woke up feeling unrested and like she never slept in the first place. She tried to catch short naps when she could.
Barely anyone in the class was paying attention, the teacher had a monotone voice that would only talk about equations and never give them practice work. It felt like they were trying to make everyone fail the class. Penny could only see two people actively taking notes and even them were just putting little highlighter doodles along the margins of the page.
She used to be that kid, with a rainbow pastel selection of highlighters and eagerly taking notes on whatever subject, no matter how boring.
If she squinted hard enough at the general area in front of her she could almost see herself, freshman year, no powers, making a blue subsection at the top that spelled out Surface Area Of Triangles in neat calligraphy. She could see her brown wavy hair that was smooth and silky, running down her back. She could see her friends passing little notes to her and joking about some Vine that got popular. The bright brown eyes curled upward in amusement and while she paid attention she still hoped lunch would come soon.
She blinked and the once colorful vision faded to gray again. It took her too much time to realize she wasn’t going colorblind, it was just that she had stopped redgeristing the color.
She could see the boy with the bright red hoodie in the front, she knew it was red but it had lost all purpose in being red for her. The colors reflect and bounce off her retina’s, fading to oblivion.
It took way too long for school to let out, it took way too long to walk to the subway. Part of her considered swinging, part of her beat the other side to silence.
There was a man standing too close to her on the subway, he brushed up against her too often, when she shifted her grip on the standing pole he did too. Maybe last year she would’ve tried to move or stick with someone who looked safe but now she simply didn’t care, she didn’t care what happened. He wasn’t actively hurting her despite how close he was. She had respect for her body and she still hated sexual offenders, with any other person this would’ve been wrong but something just stopped turning when May died and if she didn’t pay him any mind it wouldn’t matter by tomorrow. She would easily forget him.
When the subway pulled to her stop she walked out and he grabbed her arm.
“Where ya going, baby?” He asked, his breath smelled of alcohol and disparity.
“Home.” She said simply, tugging on her sleeve. Super-strength could take care of this in an instant, Spider-Girl could beat him up, so why not you? He held strong, his big hand squeezing her fragile wrist.
“I’m fifteen.” She finally said assertively. “It’s a felony.” dull brown eyes bored into washed out grey ones. He was older, why is it always the older ones? Life obviously hadn’t been easy on him, pinched wrinkles in the corners of his eyes, graying black hair and chapped lips. He could probably look ok if he actually cared but then again, did Penny even care? In the end she was just a shadow of him, not for sexual desire but to just feel like she belonged.
Orange, black and white flashed through her head, she did have a calling. She was better than he was. She knew that much. Someone was waiting for her.
One more tug of her sleeve and he had let go, something in her eyes must have told him to knock it off because he stared back at her in shock as the doors closed. Something changed in his eyes too. She looked back as the train pulled out of the station and she could’ve sworn she saw him mouth the words ‘I’m sorry’.
She didn’t know if it was the truth, she’ll probably never know. He was just a man among 8.56 million. Some part of her that still breathed liked to think that she taught him a lesson, that he would stop being a bottom feeder on the NYC subways. That part died once again. He was probably mouthing ‘Come back’ and would move on to his next victim soon enough.
She forced herself to stop thinking and move along. Passing by a guy playing something on the colorful piano. It sounded upbeat, it might be something new and popular. She wouldn’t know, she got grounded her third week in foster care and her phone got taken away. The next day she switched houses fast and they never gave it back. No longer to have connection with the outside world. She had a few precious photos on there that she wanted back, or at least to look at occasionally but even if she never found it again they were backed up in the Cloud.
If you even have the courage to look again. She kicked a pebble down the street. There’s a photo of you and Tony. she stifled another cough and shuttered as a chill ran through her despite the sun being out. It was one of those stupid photos. She bit her lip. The one where you were in the med bay after getting shot and he passed out in the chair beside you. Without knowing her legs started to speed up underneath her, her heart rate increased. He pretended to be mad at you but you saw later as he asked Friday to steal a copy from your phone. She ran, short breaths puffing against her and feet hitting puddles. He probably deleted it. A tear ran down her face. He hates you now and nobody’s left.
She stopped in front of the shady apartment, sucking in breaths that left her wheezing. God you haven’t been this bad since your asthma attack in the sixth grade field day. She walked to the side of the building and clung to the wall, quickly scaling her way up to the roof. Immediately Kiran pounced out of his home and bustled towards her, she was quick to pick him up and snuggle him close. For a second that deep chill in her bones wore off, the clouds seemed a little brighter, the world just a little less dull and more refined. The purring fixed her ears for a second as she faintly picked up a beautiful violin busker a few streets down, she could hear the beauty in it, hear the melodic tune drifting from one ear to another. The vision of the brightly colored kitten fixed her eyes allowing her to see as she once did, the false color blindness no longer prominent. The softness against her skin, the warmth of something alive. Something that wants her around. She sighed with content and leaned against her backpack as the cat happily snuggled against her.
That baby, that small baby kitten, trusted her with it’s life. She was this kitten's mom now and it was her responsibility to keep him safe.
Her kitten.
Her lovely kitten.
Her darling with pale green eyes.
Her ray of light.
Her way home on stormy nights.
She’s messed up an unimaginable amount. The guilt constantly chipped away at her and by the means of everything she didn’t deserve this amazing second chance.
But by god was she going to try.
With that she pulled out her small bag of lunch meats she had been keeping at the back of the fridge.
The good times could never last. Every time she left her kitten she felt as the color drained from her senses and faded back to her baseline functions. God she was selfish. She would head back down and help make dinner, occasionally killing a mouse that nobody saw.
They would eat the cardboard food, aunt May was cathloic and taught her to pray before meals but they never did. She would look like a fool if she did, so she did so quietly in her head.
Jim was their foster dad and there were four of them in the house, two older girls, two younger boys. He was a tyrant, he had strict rules in place and seemed to have a passion to crush children's dreams. He would crush them up into colorful stardust powder and sprinkle them onto his scrambled eggs just so he could feel something. He was well over six feet, had a scar over his eye, and brass knuckles in his sock drawer. The kind of man who thinks keeping his stubble and wearing only flannel is cool. Maybe in the north but definitely not in a city.
He also only allowed country music on the radio and was sexist so that was...fine. Again Penny really didn’t care. She was fine if someone controlled her life and gave her a purpose, she was grateful in fact. She was fine if he made her wash the dishes and she had no dreams left to crush anyways. What about Kir - he would never find out about him.
When she had finished doing the dishes and was about to sneak out to the roof again for a small amount of time, he stopped her from leaving the room and all the other foster kids watched.
“Have you been sneaking out at night, Penelope?” He asked, normal kids would freak out, stutter and lie but Penny felt nothing, she wasn’t doing anything particularly bad even though he wouldn’t like it. She could lie, she wasn’t a goodie two shoes hero anymore.
“No.” She said calmly.
“No...no what?” He prompted.
“No sir.” She responded, looking at her shoes. He slammed his fist down on the counter, making her jump with enhanced hearing.
“Look at me when I’m talking to you!” He shouted as she forced herself to maintain eye contact, and keep them open enough. Last time her eyes were too drooped and he slapped her on an excuse that she should stay awake.
“Now tell me why you lied just now.” He said, Penny swallowed hard, her mind drawing a gray blank.
“I can’t sleep.” She admitted, feeling her cheeks burn with shame. “So I got to the park.” She added quietly. He stifled a chuckle.
“Aww you can’t sleep.” He said, mocking her voice in a high pitch tone. “I don’t fucking care.” He said, his voice dropping and moving closer to her, sour breath surrounding her.
“I’m your foster dad and it’s my job to keep all of you little fuckers alive.” Gosh it sure didn’t feel like it. “So for the next week, no leaving the house except for school, no playdates or midnight strolls in the park. After school you come straight home, got that?” She asked even though they couldn’t disagree. Penny’s eyes widened. How would she feed her kitten? Or spend time with them? She couldn’t, she couldn’t be locked up.
“B-but.” One of the boys said from the side where they all watched.
“B-b-b-but.” He mocked. “But nothing! You will not disobey me!” He said as he shot the group an icy glare.
“You’re dismissed.” He groveled. The three kids scurried out of the room like the mice.
Penny started walking to join them when her Spider-sense went off, she ducked on command, narrowly avoiding a swipe that would’ve hit the back of her head.
He grumbled.
“Serve that as a warning, next time there won’t be a verbal tell off.” He said, looking through the cabinets, most likely for a drink.
“Yes sir.”
That night as Penny lay awake at night as she usually did. Why did it feel like her body wanted to do anything but sleep in the designated sleeping hours?
Jim elected himself to sleep outside of the room since they obviously couldn’t be trusted. All the other foster kids were mad at her, saying it was her fault this happened which...yeah, that’s a valid claim. Always dumb Penny Parker, always messing up, mask on or off.
She climbed up the ceiling in the dark and crawled across slowly. She opened the door and passed by silently, slipping away into the background sounds of the apartment. The clunky heater running, the fridge and it's annoying buzz not to mention the sound of the rain and cars already pre-muted her.
As she was turning towards the bathroom Jim stirred and the snoring stopped, Penny turned around on the ceiling looking towards him on the chair.
He was waking up! Penny watched in horror as he shifted back and forth and slowly opened his eyes.
“Oi what the fuck!” He yelled, standing up and grabbing his pistol she knew he kept in his sock drawer and faced towards her. The steady drip of the leaky faucet in the bathroom is the only sound visible between her and the barrel.
She took a deep breath and blinked, watching as this vision faded.
It wasn’t real, Jim was still on the chair, snuffling and shifting but still well into dreamland where she wishes so badly she could be.
He almost looked docile sitting on the chair, but the narrowed caterpillar eyebrows and crease lines across his face said that waking time would come soon and she wouldn’t go say goodnight to her kitten.
She took a few shaky breaths and continued on and into the bathroom, it getting progressively harder to lift her fingers without pulling up bits of the popcorn ceiling. As she dropped down into the bathroom she was finally able to take a full breath. The hardest part was over.
She could hear her cat meowing for her even though she was five stories away.
She had done this at least fifty times, step onto the shower edge, grab onto the wall, walk up and slide out the window.
It never failed her before.
Sound shattered the silence like a bomb dropping down on a peaceful town during a war. She stared down at the betrayed shampoo bottle with fear and panic. Immediately booted footsteps followed towards her. She struggled to unstick herself from the wall in time.
“Oi what the fuck!” He stared at her as she hid her hands behind the wall.
“I-I was j-j-just u-uusing the bathroom.” She said quietly. The sting of a slap met her face.
Tony glanced down at his home screen on his phone, Penny in the corner with a peace sign raised to her face, himself slumped out in the chair behind her.
Six months. It had been six fucking months since she went off the radar and Tony still couldn’t properly track her, though he had slowed his attempts.
The longer communication was cut the more he thought that she didn’t want to try anymore. That she had truly given up on the whole superhero gig.
He should really just get it over with. Show up after school one day and just ask, ‘hey kid, remember me?’ or ‘You stopped the whole superhero stuff! What’s up with that?’ but god he really didn’t know what to do.
“You’ve been staring at your phone for the past five minutes.” Natasha noted from the barstool where she very obviously had been stalking him and this mental breakdown. He jumped and turned it off, stuffing it back into his jean pocket.
“You’ve been staring at me for the past ten.” He shot back.
Yeah the rogues were back at the compound, that was fun. He still got into petty spats with Steve, or stared at Bucky for too long but all and all they were doing ok . And that was more than he could say with his relationship with Penny right now.
“You look like a lost duckling, what were you looking at anyways?” She asked, pretending to only be partially curious but was definitely in vulture mode, ready to eat the propaganda alive.
“Nobody, I mean—shit—nothing, it’s none of your business anyhow.” He said in a defiant teenage voice. Natasha hummed thoughtfully, all information probably extracted from that one sentence.
“I have been wondering, what happened with that girl who was fighting on your side. What was her name again...Spider-Ma’am?” She asked. Tony clenched his fist but kept his face clear. She stared at him with a playful look, she was slowly unraveling this story with only his silence.
“Have you ever...pushed someone away who relied on you to… I don’t know, protect them. But then you find out that they’re fine without you and suddenly you want them back? Want to show you still care?” He asked, she stayed silent for a long time as if allowing him to reel in self pity before speaking up.
“Honestly, or as honest I can be from a spies perspective. No I haven't, that sounds like a douche move on your behalf.” She said and he cringed with the harshness of the truth. “But I know the feeling. I would have to know more information on the personal situation if you wanted good advice on what to do but...maybe you should consider if the relationship was really worth it in the first place.” She spoke up and Tony immediately pushed himself off the chair, exiting the room.
Of course the relationship was fucking worth it! Every goddamn second of it. Fuck he would just invent a time machine just to go back to the Spider-Girl times, to not take away her suit, maybe mentor her instead of how to not get it to this point.
He wanted her to be better, not to give up, or disappear.
He entered his lab and looked at her suit he took away over six months ago now, it still had the tiny nicks and scrapes from the ferry that he never got around to fixing with the rogues and nano tech development. Now that he thinks about it, he never asked if she was ok after the ferry. He had gone over footage many times, she had gotten smacked into poles many times, punched in the face and nearly blasted with an alien powered gun.
One week.
He’ll stop reeling over this in one week, if she doesn’t by some miracle call first. He’ll call her, he'll force the call to go through, he’ll ask if she’s alright and if she hangs up then that’s his answer. If she—which the probability was low on this one for how much of an ass he had been—still wanted him around, well then the suit would be waiting for her exactly where he left it.
One week, he stared at the calendar. One week and this guilty feeling would stop.
The warm weight rested around her shoulders and stayed tucked under her hood as she walked the streets, the time once again nearing midnight but she’s not trapped in her usual fog.
The weight of her kitten happily purring around her shoulders kept her awake and content. She felt selfish after she realized that this kitten was keeping her alive, that he put her in a good mood for once, that she shouldn’t be gaining anything from this relationship. But she noticed that when she started to get upset, so did her kitten, so if he helped her stay out of it she was by force, helping him stay out of it.
They were each other's rocks and dispite nearly getting kicked out of her foster home, she was feeling better. She was still barely sleeping, sick and guilt still weighed her down like an anchor to a sea of depression but she was better, the colors of the world were just a little brighter with Kiran around. Her little ray of light, a beacon in the dark, the lighthome.
She woke up from a ferocious nightmare that made her claw at her skin in desperation to escape the grasp of the building she was trapped under, her hands shaking with low blood sugar or anxiety she didn’t know.
The window for the kids bedroom had been replaced, no longer the soggy and useless cardboard. He only did it to pass the next inspection but it was easier to escape the house now. He attached a string heading to his room and a bell on the end so he would hear if someone tried to escape but luckily for Penny, it was a spot that was easily evadable with sticky powers.
She walked the old streets that were abandoned at this time of night and enjoyed the early June breeze, exams were coming up soon and before she knew it, it would be summer again. Her mind was attracted towards a building in front of her. Her spider sense flicked on for a second, but it wasn’t for imminent danger, it was more for a reminder, almost like nostalgia?
She looked up to realize that this was a pawn shop and when she pressed her face against the glass to peer inside she found nothing of particular value. There were rusty old decorations, a few bikes, musical instruments and jewelry displayed in the window and beyond that it just appeared to be the usual crap.
She was about to ignore her senses and move on when her eyes stumbled across a bin closer to the back. Placed under the pawned electronics section of the store, there was a yellow bin with a mismatched pile of old phones, her old one clearly sitting at the top. Sure it had been stripped of its phone case and Darth Vader charm but she would recognize the heart shaped crack it had for falling off a building.
That was her phone, her old foster mom had pawned her freaking phone! She glanced up at the loose vent maybe twelve feet off the ground.
I’m sorry Uncle Ben but...it is my phone . She checked left and right to make sure nobody was watching, she pulled her hood with her cat inside just a bit tighter and started scaling the pawn shop building.
She forgot how easy it would be to be a criminal with her powers. The alarms were scarily easy to disable, her powers made it too easy to never leave a footstep or even fingerprint as she used her webslinger to grab the phone. In one of the last moments she took one of the chargers from the bin beside her.
Nobody was going to miss her crappy 5s and certainly not one of the thousand frayed charging cables.
She stared at the phone sitting on the ground as if it was going to answer itself.
It was the weekend, Jim was at a construction site, the older girl off somewhere and the boys watching cartoons on the old T.V in the living room.
Penny sat in the middle of the room, phone charging beside her, cat receiving cuddles in her lap.
They probably did a factory reset on it when they gave it up, but then again, nobody knew her password, maybe it was still untouched from the three weeks after her aunt's death. Frozen in time, frozen in better time. Six and a half months. A person could really change in that time period. In six and a half months, usually two seasons pass by, a baby could grow half an inch, 28 luna moths could live and die, marriages could end, bridges could burn.
She held the phone in her hand, feeling the warm metal resting on her palm.
Just do it. She turned away and coughed. Even if it is still backed up it’s not like anyone was trying to reach you. She bit her lip. Coward.
She clicked her phone on, a million emotions ran through her just seeing her old phone background of her, Ben and May standing under the Atlas statue. She was maybe eight. Terror, fear, panic, joy, sadness, anger, regret, guilt, guilt, GUILT. That wasn’t the only thing that stressed her out, the one notification resting at the top of her page was from Mr.Stark.
One Missed VoiceMail: Mr.Stark
The red dot taunted her, mocked her and her thoughts that nobody would care, that nobody cared about her disappearing.
The phone powered itself down before she could even consider listening to the voicemail.
Silence rang throughout her head like a paralysis spell as she watched the lady walking down the street. She was wearing a red dress, carrying her matching stilettos in her hand, her tan stockings getting dirted on the ground. She looked tired, obviously coming home after a long night of work. The appearance of the woman in red was similar to the women she used to defend in the red light district. Penny couldn’t be sure though, so she wouldn’t jump to conclusions.
It’s 11:08 pm. 23 hours and eight minutes. It’s a school night, Jim will be back from work at twelve. It takes fifteen minutes for her to get back to the apartment, twenty if she wants gap time. That means she has to leave this behind at 11:40 to go home, that gives her 32 minutes to sit on the park bench and do nothing.
She’s been taking Kiran everywhere now, he stayed so quiet that she was able to bring him to school one day. Nobody saw, she had become exceptional at being a wallflower.
She stared down at her phone, the heart shaped crack right next to Mr.Starks voicemail from four months ago. She actually made it to the phone app this time.
Penny wanted to click the button to hear what he had to say but at the same time even the thought of it filled her with nausea. Her thumb hovered over it, not moving, not responding to that part of her that told her to get it over with.
Time passed and her fingers grew locked up and numb.
It was Kiran in the end that betrayed her. Who knew that cat paws worked with phones.
One tiny tap unraveled her turmoil for the past six months.
He probably didn’t mean any harm by the action, he just probably saw her thumb hovering and wanted to try too.
She jumped and juggled her phone as the message started rolling.
Hey kiddo, it’s me, Tony. I uh...saw what you did with the Vulture...that was you right? I mean you left a note so it probably was. Anyways, um, call me when you get the chance, yeah? I’m...I...you did a good job out there. Probably the only time you’ll ever hear me say this but I was wrong. Bye for now.
She stilled, Kiran pushed against her hand for attention but she was too starstruck to acknowledge his presence.
Mr.Stark didn’t hate her? Or at least, agreed with her. He probably hates you now, she tightened the grip on her phone. Taking four months to respond to his message? Should she call him back like he asked? Is there too late of a return call time? He probably hates her by now.
You did a good job out there. She clutched her phone and turned it back on, hoving over the reply button. To only hear a good message.
As she gathered the courage to replay the message a scream ran out from the street in front of her.
The short lady in red, the tall man in black.
“P-p-please, leave me alone.” The woman pleaded, the man placed a hand on the cinderblock wall behind her, a knee placed between her legs that slowly lifted her dress up and surely couldn’t be very comfortable.
Penny clicked her phone away and stared at the situation, wondering if she should call someone. What are you saying you’re Spider-Girl! She ushered her cat up to her neck and stood still. You were Spider-Girl, you can’t do this anymore. The situation only grew more dire.
“C’mon whore, I know one of you when I see one.” He said, voice slurred with toxins. The woman quaked under his weight keeping her still.
“I-I’m not on s-shift, t-this isn’t what I-”
“Why should it matter! A slut on duty, a slut off.” Penny’s fists clenched until they turned white and her palms drew blood. The woman was getting more sporadic, trying desperately to get away. Penny saw red when he pulled out a pocket knife.
You did a good job out there.
Do better.
You did a good job.
Do better.
Do better.
Do better!
Be better!
b̸̧͂e̴̟͠ ̸͚͗m̸̭͠o̵̦͝r̸̰̄ẹ̷!̷̘̏
Her cat scratched her neck and broke her out of her thoughts. She jumped off the bench, running towards the man in a black hoodie.
“Get away from her!” She yelled, it was gravely and her voice cracked at the end but it was the most outspoken she had been in six months.
One kick to the liver, knee and a punch across the face that sent him flying back and it was over. It almost felt too easy. The knife skittered across the silent night and landed at the woman's feet, there was blood covering the end of it.
The man ran away and she heard his feet hitting the concrete hard.
She stared down at her shoes, already knowing the lady's cheek was cut and she was bleeding, she saw the small splash of blood on the concrete.
“Thank you.” The sound only barely registered over three fast heartbeats. How come even though she finally got back up it only felt like she got knocked down further? She saved her, where was that old rush of dopamine from saving someone? You didn’t save her, she’s bleeding, she’s hurt because of you. If you were really still a hero you wouldn’t have hesitated. This is pathetic to even watch, you’re not a hero anymore, you just pretend to be. She peaked at the woman in the red dress, red bleeding cheek.
“Thank you.” She repeated.
“M’not a hero.” Penny’s voice returned to quiet. The woman shook her head.
“It doesn’t matter, I’m grateful.” She grabbed her heels from the sidewalk and even pulled Penny into a small hug. Penny was smaller than her by a bit so she had to bend down awkwardly.
“What’s your name?” She asked, Penny didn’t know why the woman was bothering to even talk to her.
“Penny.” She answered anyway. The information wouldn’t hurt her.
“Kimberly.” The lady replied. “You look like you’re going through a tough time.” It was amazing how when you lose hope for everything, people can read you like a book. Penny shrugged.
“Well, just know this, you saved a mom’s life today, because of you, I can go home to my daughter. She’s two years old.” Penny’s eyes widened and the woman started walking away, a new spring to her step.
For a second she felt the flicker of a piece of flint hitting stone, she remembered why she did this. Moment’s like this where she thought she did something small but she actually made a big impact. The flicker fizzled out but the warmth stayed for a second longer.
“Take care of her!” She yelled back on impulse. The lady turned around with a look of shock on her face. She then calmly smiled and nodded knowingly.
“Of course.” Because I couldn't, Penny wanted to add but didn’t have the strength to.
The hum in her ears only grew stronger, she was conflicted, everything was too much. Stimuli of the world used to be her drug but now was her downfall.
Be better.
Be better.
Be better.
You did a good job out there.
I’m grateful.
Penny coughed into her hand and drew it back to find bloody mucus in its place. She pushed herself too hard again.
11:50
She stepped silently into the dark house, carefully closing the window behind her. It was past curfew but with any luck they would have forgotten she was gone and already went to bed.
Protectively, she curled a hand around Kiran, lately he had been sleeping with her instead of on the roof which worked out for the both of them because she slept easier and he stayed warm on breazy nights.
One week was left of school, three exams and one essay and it would be summer time.
But without the megar amounts of school food would she even make it through the summer?
She had to, for her cat.
“Well, look who decided to come back.” It was Jim, standing in the middle of the room with the kids gathered around him like a packt.
“I-” Her voice died in her throat. What was she supposed to say? What could she say for all the times she skipped curfew, snuck food out of the house for her cat. What could she possibly say that would let her off easy one last time.
She couldn’t think of that answer in time.
“I told you she had a cat!” Katy, the teenage girl yelled out. Katy, who exchanged small smiles with her when they were forced to do the dishes. Katy, who promised to keep this a secret when she heard about it. She liked the cat too.
Jim took two steps forward and reached under Penny’s hood where Kiran was hiding. She couldn’t react fast enough to stop him from grabbing the kitten who yowled under the harsh calloused hands.
She grabbed his hand but he pulled her cat away and slapped her hand back.
“Wait! I-”
“We have a strike system in this house Penelope.” He walked over to the edge of a doorway and set the kitten on the edge. It struggled to balance and Penny struggled not to move forward.
“Three. I’m generous, you get three strikes and you're out. Do you know how many you have?” She took a step forward towards her cat but he grabbed the back of her arms and pinned them behind her back. She was enhanced, she should be able to do this, but why did it feel like her arms had been coated in thick honey. When did she get so weak?
“No.” She whispered quietly.
“Speak up!”
“No sir.” She felt tears run down her face in steaks as her cat wobbled, the other kids watched with apathy.
“Sixteen strikes! You may think you were being a little smartass by sneaking out at night but I had eyes on you girl. And now this? It’s almost laughable, you caring for such a pitiful creature, even though you knew there was a pet tolerance. I should’ve thrown you out long ago.” She squirmed under his grip but her enhanced strength had failed her, she couldn’t do it anymore, she was too tired. No longer Spider-Girl.
“But I know what I need to do.” He let go of her and the three other foster kids pinned her back.
“What are-” He grabbed her kitten and she watched in horror as the trembling calico was put on the ground.
No.
No.
NO!
“Break the spirit and reform it stronger.” She hated that term. She had been broken so long ago and reformed with a broken nose, fingers and a persistent cough. Yet something in her couldn’t stop trying.
A steel toed boot rose into the air. She couldn’t breathe just as her kitten stopped in that moment.
‘You’re my kitten.’
‘I love you Kiran’
‘I’ll protect you till my last breath’
‘As long as I’m here, no one can hurt you.’
She saw red. The red blood of her kitten across the gross brown carpet. The last cry for help ringing through her ears and shaking her soul, waking it up from a long nap.
“You bastard!” She pushed all three kids off, managing to charge him and push him back against the wall, screaming and crying for her kitten. The one she promised to protect. The one she had failed to protect.
Spider-Girl didn’t kill but Penny was ready to. She was ready to tear Jim to pieces and stomp on his neck to see how he liked it.
The adrenaline ended as quickly as it came and it was drained completely. Leaving her a limp piece of cardboard in the rain as he threw her to the ground. She registered a kick to her stomach, face, chest.
She didn’t care, she was already filled with so much pain that it wasn’t changing anymore. She wanted the pain to kill her like it killed her cat.
Kick after kick, harsh word after harsh word.
The last thing her dead brown eyes saw was May standing in front of her, she kneeled in front of the bleeding girl and pressed a kiss into her forehead before carrying her kitten off with her. She wanted to follow but she was too weak.
Always has been.
She couldn’t be there to save the ferry.
Or aunt May.
Or Mr.Starks respect.
Or even one small kitten who had the whole world against it.
7:44. It was morning. It was also the last day of the week that Tony promised he would call her and get this one sided dance over with.
His hand laid at his side, hoping for the strength to just reach over and reach out to her.
Every day of the week he made up an excuse, but he was tired of running, of the sleepless nights and her tear stained face.
He would need to call her now, she would be going to school soon so she needed to call now or after school.
Right as he was about to call it after school Friday called her, leaving the phone ringing on the desk.
“Fri!”
“Sorry boss, you told me to automatically call her at this time last night.” Shit he did do that didn’t he?
He sighed and sat down again as the phone rang out in front of him.
One ring.
What would he even say?
Two rings.
I’m sorry. He would definitely say that.
Three rings.
Maybe she’s busy, maybe she doesn’t need him anymore.
Four rings.
Spider-Girl wasn’t well liked by the media, not anymore and it’s his fault she isn’t. He had nothing left of him to her, all he could do is ask if she still remembered.
Remembered how it felt to work in long hours in the lab on their suits only to get chastised by Pepper that she had school the next day.
Remembered when she fell asleep on his couch and he carried her off to a guest room that was hers at one point.
How she hit it off with Vision and Rhodey immediately and they loved her back because how they could they not.
Remembered how he abandoned her and never regretted anything more in his life.
Record your voicemail after the tone.
“Fri, force the call through.” He had never been a patient person, six months or not. Hate his guts or not, he was done waiting.
There was barely any sound on the other end, he only faintly heard a wheezing sound like someone was having trouble breathing and hushed voices in the background which Friday amplified.
‘She had been living there for two months, how could a case like this slip between the cracks?’
‘I heard he nearly killed her, poor thing.’
‘What was the reason again? A cat?’
His eyebrows furrowed and with a sickening realization he jumped to his feet and automatically formed an Ironman suit around him.
“Track the signal of her phone.” He commanded, and with that, jumped out the nearest window.
Six and a half months, too many without his kid.
Penny Parker had always been small.
He thought it had something to do with the spider bite. It mutated her DNA, probably so that she didn’t need to grow anymore. So she had always been just slightly under average for her age but right now as she laid curled up under an itchy looking wool blanket, she looked smaller than ever.
“Sir you can’t be back here.” He turned around, suit having been left outside. When the lady made eye contact she took a step back, realizing exactly who he was.
“What happened to her?” He asked, his voice filled with fire.
“I- what are you-”
“Just tell me!” He exasperated, the girl stirred from behind them but made no effort to get up. She looked close to dead from the bruises and bloody nose he could see on her face.
“I...she was brought here earlier this morning by the police, we’re trying to get her transferred to a more suitable house but Iron Man sir I-”
“And you didn’t think to bring her to a hospital? Look at her!”
“The government doesn’t cover any hospital bills and she’s still bre-” He had heard enough, he carefully walked over to the couch and scooped the small teenager into his arms. She at least weighed twenty pounds less than last time and it worried him. She had always been thin with her enhanced metabolism but it was only amplified by the system.
“What are you doing?” She asked meekly, obviously terrified of Tony.
“Taking her home.”
He walked out of that building and didn’t look back.
“Multiple severe contusions, three broken ribs, two cracked, some internal damage that seems to be on it’s way to repair, mild concussion and pneumonia in both lungs.” Helen Cho sat beside him peering at a chart. Tony only kept his eyes fixated on the girl in front of him hooked up to a few monitors. The bluish coat to her lips was a bit less prominent than before because of the oxygen they gave her but it was still just as scary, he could see the true damage of her arms and face now that one of the nurses had changed her into a hospital gown and wiped the severe amounts of blood off her face.
“How could I let this happen?” He said to himself more than anyone. Barely even phrasing it like a question. He sighed and took his iconic glasses off his face. placing them onto the nightstand beside the unconscious girl who had been unconscious for twenty five hours and thirty eight minutes—yes he had been counting—and apparently to Helen, will be for a while longer. She wasn’t in a coma. Helen explained that because of her DNA set, when she received damage, her body tried to prioritize healing, with her already weakened immune system, she was basically just sleeping. Very deeply.
Helen seemed to notice his despair and sighed.
“It doesn’t matter who let this happen. It’s who’s going to fix it that matters. I’ve got her hooked up on every necessary monitor, saline, nutrients and antibiotics but what do you need to be doing?” She asked. Tony looked up at him before an old confident emotion swelled in his chest.
He immediately got up and left the medbay.
He was Tony Stark, he knew exactly what he needed to do.
She wished upon every swift kick to her stomach or head that the pain would kill her but nothing ever seems to go her way in her life.
Instead she was stuck in her own head. She could hear everything and feel everything but she just couldn’t open her eyes.
Warmth that she craved since her kitten died spread across her as someone lifted her up and cradled her to their chest.
‘Taking her home.’ The voice was familiar, the confident but calming voice that sounded like hot chocolate on a cold winter's night, an old blanket to wrap up in while watching the rain.
She wanted to go home, wherever that was. She wanted the coldness and pain to go away forever.
It came back in full force when she felt things pricking her, professional voices talking in muffled tones of various drugs and diagnosis.
Then there was the warmth again, spreading from her left hand.
‘Wake up soon kiddo.’ she let the warmth carry her off.
It was short lived when she remembered the promise she broke and the blood of an innocent creature spread across that damned brown rug.
The coldness spread like the first frost of winter.
When she awoke she was filled with cold as she had been for the last six and a half months. The room was a dimmed grey color, with mainly accents of white and blue. She was in the most comfy bed she had slept in, in a long time.
Her lungs burned and ribs ached as she pushed herself upwards. As her eyes cleared of sleep and focused around her she landed on a familiar pair of glasses on the nightstand.
She reached forward and grasped them with crooked fingers, staring down at the familiarly shaped glasses.
Trust. Those glasses used to represent trust for her.
Motivation.
Intuity.
Betrayal.
She didn’t know what they represented anymore.
‘I wanted you to be better.’
‘You did a good job out there’
Which one did he mean? Did it even matter at this point?
She saw shadows shifting outside the room, through opaque glass. They appeared to be arguing but she could barely register the sound even with enhanced hearing. She must be in the tower's medbay, she remembered how well soundproofed it was.
How did she even get here, the last thing she remembered was...Kiran.
“Pep, just listen I couldn’t just leave her there like I did last time.”
“Yes but Tony! Do you realize how much of a disturbance this could’ve caused in the media, if literally anyone reports this it will be mayhem .”
“Three broken ribs, two cracked.” He lowered his voice even more.
“What?”
“That man who was supposed to be her guardian kicked her hard enough to break three of her ribs and I did nothing. I don’t care what kind of legal battle this is going to cause, I’m not letting her slip away again.” His voice was filled with a different kind of anger, not the kind that revoked the spider suit. The kind a parent would use to fight for their child getting bullied. Something protective.
“Tony.” The lady’s voice was empty but also exasperated. “I’ll do what I can.”
The shadows shifted and reformed, one walking away from the medbay, the other one reaching towards the door.
When the man stepped in and noticed she was awake and holding his glasses they both froze.
He looked different from that day. Instead of wearing some expensive black suit he stood in jeans and a band shirt. He had a few more gray hairs then last time and he stood in an unsure and cautious posture. As if she was a wild animal.
“Kid…” he began slowly. Something broke inside her as gripped the glasses harder and tears started running down her face. She didn’t know if she was relieved or worried. She couldn’t feel anymore.
‘In the light, right here in the light, right here in the hold me and don't you ever let this die’
She remembered exactly how she got there. And she knew where she had gone.
She was back here in the alley, standing as the slow city passed her by because it was summer and the night was long.
Her hands ached but there was no cold or rain falling around her. She missed the rain, it used to be her excuse for feeling cold but there was no rain, no kitten, no long nights holding him on a rooftop, no excuse to go on.
It had been two weeks, four days since that day. The day Kiran was killed. Mr.Stark looked guilty. He Looked guilty as he looked at X-rays of her broken ribs. Looked guilty as she lined up the enhanced antibiotic pills on the side of cardboard tasting meals.
She wondered at first why he thought it was his fault. Then she realized that she stayed out late fighting the vulture to prove herself to him. She didn’t have the strength to feel angry.
One of the first things he did when she was discharged from the medbay was show her to a guest room that she used to stay in after long nights working in the lab. There had been new clothes put away for her, the room was painted a soft blue and there was even some of her old belongings which she had not the slightest clue how he obtained. But that’s not what caught her eye the most. It was a silver briefcase sitting on the bed.
‘I uh...thought you might want it back. It’s yours, I…shouldn’t have taken it away from you. Anyways I’ll let you settle in.’
When he left the room she took the case and slid it gently under the bed, out of sight. It didn’t matter anyhow, the media thought she was dead or just MIA. She didn’t know if she could anymore. That lady she saved nineteen days ago stuck in her mind, maybe something was growing there but she couldn’t see it, she didn’t care anyhow when the grief of her dead companion still hung over her mind.
There were also exams. She had missed it in her pneumonia and injury recovery; Mr.Stark told her that he took care of that too, that he would help her prepare for the exams when she was ready. She wondered if he saw how bad her grades had slipped since november. -B and -C were something to turn your nose up to in the Stark household. There was a time when she was an allround A student but now she was just lucky to pass.
She wondered why the man even bothered to stick by her despite her obviously being so dead to the world. How he tried his best to make sure she took in the right amount of food for an enhanced person even though she usually threw up from nightmares or guilt later in the evening. How he always asked her for the movie choice at night, to which she agreed to anything. She wanted to keep doting on why but her mind was stuck to eighteen days ago.
The carnage spread across the carpet, dead echoing screams of a tortured animal, the crunch of bo-
“Kid.”
She didn’t even turn around at the voice, for however useless her powers were, she heard the footsteps from a great distance.
“I’m not mad.” She didn’t care. She didn’t care if he was mad, sad or through the moon. She took a deep breath in and let it out.
“Why,” her voice croaked, she still wasn’t used to talking. They thought her voice box had been damaged at first. “Why are you here?” She asked. She heard him shuffle on his feet and sigh.
“Because I care about you. Because I feel like you’re mad at me-”
“I’m not mad at you.”
“-Because you won’t talk to me, so I’m in the middle of an alleyway, trying to get my protege to acknowledge me.” He finished. Penny squinted at the crates in front of her, they blurred and misshapen with tears filling her eyes.
“You...care.” She breathed out and let the tears run down her face.
“Of course I do. You’re an amazing kid, smart, compassionate, funny, energetic. I just...want to know what happened to that kid.” She slowly turned to him, he was wearing his iconic AC/DC shirt and jeans. A cap had been placed on his head so he wasn’t easily recognizable.
“She’s gone.” Penny said quietly, tears ran down harder as she raised her hands to block them. “I-I, I’m a terrible person. You should’ve left me to die!” She raised her voice for the first time in eighteen days. He took a step forward and wrapped his arms around her, the coldness receding from her body at the contact.
“You’re not. Pretty sure the textbook definition of good is a picture of you.” He joked but that just made her sob harder.
“Just let me die...like everyone else I couldn’t save.” Her voice grew weaker, he held onto her tighter.
“Kid…” His voice was serious and concerned, exasperated even. “You gotta tell me what happened. I can’t help you if you don’t.” She raised her fist and hit it pitifully against his shoulder.
“What if I don’t want help?” He laughed and she felt it reverberate throughout her whole body.
“Well we don’t always get what we want, do we?” She knew that fact. She knew it all too well.
It took her seven months to fully break after aunt May’s death, but after all; Pandora's Box for all the anarchy it causes, gives you hope.
It hurt. It hurt to an unimaginable extent to restart her story and tell it from the beginning.
But she did it, she told Mr.Stark everything, every little detail.
Fighting the vulture, even after the suit was taken and she found out he was Liz’s dad.
Finding out May died in a car crash looking for her.
Being taken into foster care.
Trying to be Spider-Girl again and failing miserably, leaving her with broken fingers.
Her phone getting taken away.
How she slowly lost hope.
Lost her spark.
She even told him about Kiran, the amazing baby kitten with all odds stacked against him.
How just for a while she thought things might be ok.
Even though Jim would hurt her.
And the people on the subway stood too close.
When she got his Message he left all those months ago.
How Jim killed her baby cat.
Then tried to kill her.
He listened intently though all of it, never making a comment or interjection. He ran his hands through her hair when she cried just like he used to and promised to help her get back on her feet. And this time she was tired enough to believe it, she let her head rest on his chest and listened to the faint whirring of the arc reactor, she let herself break and knew that her favorite hero would be there for damage control.
“I thought you hated pets, what are we doing here?” Penny asked as they stood outside a pretty run down shelter in the middle of Forest Hills.
“Well...I make exceptions for spiders.” He said with a nonchalant shrug but Penny couldn’t help but feel something more was behind this trip.
“It’s just browsing anyhow, I heard they got a new litter of bunnies here recently. Here I was thinking you loved spending time with me.” He said in fake pain. Penny was about to stutter over her excuse but he was already walking into the building, she followed him silently.
“Ah Mr.Stark, she’s right in the back.” A young secretary with a warm smile greeted him and stood up. Penny raised an eyebrow at him and he winked back.
They got led through a series of corridors and past barking dogs to a back room with cages lining the walls. They stopped at one cage just at eye level with Penny.
“You’re lucky you spoke up, she was getting put to sleep in a few days-” The lady discussed details with him but the words lost all meaning as she saw what cat was resting inside the cage.
Light and spotty calico fur, pale green eyes. This was Kiran's mother.
Penny wordlessly unlocked the cage and the cat stirred, looking back at her with a sort of recognition.
There was silent communication stretched between their eyes.
In the end the cat jumped into her arms and curled up immediately, knowing that Penny was safe.
“Oh well would you look at that. This was probably the most aloof cat we had ever seen, I’m impressed kid.” The lady said, Penny smiled though her freshly fallen tears and held tighter.
In the end Penny walked out of that shelter holding an empty cat carrying box and a mama cat in her arms.
“Glad you like her that much kid, because I am not cleaning litter boxes.” Penny smiled as the cat purred softly in just the same way as Kiran did.
“I’ll do it...I’ll love her and not let go again.” She said the last part so quietly that Mr.Stark didn’t catch it as he started driving back to the compound.
“Whaddya gonna name her kid?”
“Artemis.” The sun has set now, but the moon can still provide light to navigate you through the scary things that lay below.