DIVE

by FaintEcho

Summary:

Yohan is in a downward spiral drowning his sorrows after Gaon has left the mansion declaring that Soohyun was his world. He grapples with his feelings until he can't anymore and goes to bring Gaon back to him.

Notes:

Takes place after the breakup in episode 12. I haven't even watched the actual episode yet because I'm waiting for the finale this weekend. But boy did I see gift set after gift set of Yohan being ridiculously dramatic in his mansion. And I say this jokingly because it's how I deal with pain. 🥲 But yeah I'm terrified for the finale and this is how I cope.

Also Jinyoung's single Dive totally gives me major Gahan feels. 🥲

Chapter 1

Even though I know it's foolish
I'm diving, oh I
I know it will hurt too
Even though I know that too well, I dive

- Dive by Jinyoung

 

He awakens with a start, breath coming out in shallow pants and dripping in sweat. It takes him several moments to orient himself.

His body aches and there's a kink in his neck from the odd sleeping position. He's in the plush ornate chair by the window in his room. It's still night time. The only light comes from the small beams of moonlight slipping through his window curtains.

A dream had awoken him. He could still feel the phantom heat of the fire. It was the church again. He stood before his brother...no that wasn't right. The man that had stood before him wasn't his brother. The lack of glasses was the first most obvious clue. But the most revealing clue was in his eyes— his stare. They pierced him to his very soul. Only one person had ever looked at him quite like that.

Kim Gaon.

"Kim Gaon.." he breaths out slightly slurred, eyebrows pinching together. His head throbbed. He had resorted to drinking himself stupid after running himself ragged for a couple of hours only helped to tire out his body but not his treacherous mind. It continued to supply him with every memory of Kim Gaon his mind contained.

He reached around for his phone finally finding it in the crease of the chair cushion. He squinted at the screen as it lit up.

1:15 a.m.
1 missed call.

Gaon. Gaon had tried calling him. His eyebrows pinched in confusion. What more could he possibly have to say to him? He's made his choice clear. It wasn't him. It would never be him. His heart clenched bitterly.

Why did you let him go?
You could've tried to get him to stay!

Elijah's voice rang in his mind.

"Because he didn't choose me!" he shouts at nobody breathing hard.

He stood up abruptly only swaying slightly. Stumbling he made his way into his bathroom clinging onto the sink once he reached it. He assessed himself in the mirror. He looked like death. He clenched his eyes shut taking a deep breath to steady himself.

This wouldn't do. He was Kang Yohan. He made the rich and powerful beg for mercy at his feet. He was always two steps ahead of everyone. He knew how to adapt every situation to his advantage. So what if Soohyun was "his world"?

Gaon was his associate judge.

His. His mind emphasized. But he didn't examine that particular thought further.

He would go to see him right this instant. His slightly inebriated mind supplied helpfully. He had been hasty. He could be reasonable, adaptable. He'd sort this out quickly and things would continue just as they had been.

He hastily turned on the faucet splashing cold water on his face before clumsily brushing his teeth and slicking his hair back with a bit of water.

He dresses in a casual button down and slacks looking a little more presentable than a minute ago.

He makes his way to the garage as fast as his legs allow. In the back of his mind he realizes that its probably best not to drive in this state but he has tunnel vision in matters that concern Gaon so after steadying himself on the door frame for a minute he climbs into the car.

Halfway to Gaon's apartment it begins to storm, making visibility atrocious. How he makes it there in one piece is truly a miracle.

He's parked right by Gaon's place. The storm shows no sign of letting up. Well he was always one for dramatic entrances. Plus maybe this would help his case. Appearing like a lost puppy in the rain could make Gaon's nurturing tendencies kick in. He was nothing if not calculating.

He gets out of the car and rushes towards Gaon's apartment. He makes it about half way up before he hesitates leaning on the railing. He realizes he hasn't prepared what he was going to say at all. He stands there a little dazed. He's shivering already soaked to the bone.

A startled noise makes him look up. Its Gaon. He's holding an umbrella in one hand and a couple of small potted plants in the other. He's slightly rumpled in a long sleeve shirt and pajama pants.

"Sir..?" He says sounding uncertain.

"I..uh.." Yohan replies less than eloquently blinking the water out of his eyes.

Gaon sighs. "Why don't you come inside first sir?" He says while safely placing the plants in his hands under the protective awning and covering them quickly with a protective tarp to shield them from the rain.

Yohan hasn't moved yet so Gaon moves a little closer to him shielding him from the rain with his umbrella and grabbing him gently by the arm to usher him inside.

"Stay here. I'll grab you a towel." Gaon says quitely leaving him swaying awkwardly at the entrance.

Yohan takes this moment to look around. Its small but cozy and lived in. There's a tiny living area with a tv piled high with books on every surface and stacked in every corner. Off to the the side was a kitchen area filled with even more plants. Further in seemed to be the sleeping area with a bed..he might of had an errant thought or two but didn't have a chance to exam them because Gaon was back.

Gaon didn't say a word only wrapped him in large towel and began to dry him off. Yohan stared. Taking in every detail of his face. He seemed a bit tired slight dark circles under his eyes. The expression on his face was carefully neutral except for the slight frown of his lips. His stare couldn't help but linger there. His lips were always so pink and plush. It drove him crazy more often than not.

His hand moves before he can think of the consequences. He cups the side of Gaon's face, thumb brushing feather light across his lips.

Gaon startles slightly, lips parting in a sharp intake of breath. He stares wide eyed at Yohan. "S-sir..what are you doing here?" he questions in a whisper uncertainty lacing his voice.

Baby deer. Yohan's mind supplies fondly.

Yohan knows this is the part where he should apologize. Talk things out so there are no misunderstandings. But words are hard. And he's cold and Gaon is so close radiating warmth in waves. So he dives in fully prepared to drown.

The towel slips off Yohan's shoulders as he moves to cup the back of Gaon's neck pulling him in closer until their lips are finally connecting.

Gaon makes a tiny squeak of surprise and his hands come up to fist the soaked fabric of his shirt.

Yohan smiles into the kiss. Cute. He thinks.

Yohan continues to kiss him open mouthed and gentle. His tongue licks at the seam of his lips coaxing them apart. Gaon gasps and Yohan takes the chance to lick into his mouth.

Gaon is trembling in his arms fists clenching so tight he might rip the fabric. He wonders if this is as overwhelming for him as it is for himself. He's fantazied about this so many times than was probably healthy. He almost half thinks this is some sort of fever dream.

He reluctantly parts from Gaon's lips to rest his forehead on his. They're both a little breathless and shaky.

Gaon breaks the silence first.

"..That wasn't an answer." He says huffing now looking directly at Yohan. His eyes are narrowed slightly but there's mirth in his voice and the hint of a smile on his lips.

Yohan blinks slowly at him. Gaon's directness always succeeds in disarming him.

"I..well..you called me." is the brilliant answer Yohan comes up with.

 

Gaon sighs while eyeing him critically. "Just how much did you drink? Did you actually drive here? What were you thinking? Do you realize how dangerous that could have been?!

Gaon seems distressed and he's asking too many questions but the concern he hears in his voice is making his heart clench painfully with an emotion he is too terrified to name.

Yohan can't help himself he's kissing him again. A hand goes to his hip pulling Gaon flush against him. They begin to stumble towards the couch until the back of Gaon's legs are hitting the edge and they fall in heap of tangled limbs.

Its more desperate than before his hands roaming all over Gaon. He hears Gaon's quiet gasps and it drives him a little insane.

Yohan slots himself more comfortably inbetween Gaon's legs lining them up. They're both hard against eachother. He hears Gaon make a cut off whimper. He's biting his lip almost hard enough to draw blood. One of his hands grab a hold of Gaons jaw, his forefinger prying his bottom lip free.

"Let me hear you." Yohan whispers near his ear voice husky. He can feel Gaon shudder underneath him as he begins to rock into him.

He snakes a hand under Gaon's shirt fingers spread wide to cover his abdomen. He can feel him quivering underneath his fingers. He drags his hand lower pulling Gaon's sleep pants far enough that his erection springs free, curving against his belly and leaking.

Gaon moans unrestrained.

At the sound Yohan hastily undoes his pants and pulls himself free. They groan in unison as he presses them together traping their cocks between their bellies creating a dizzying friction.

Yohan begins thrusting in earnest now. Swallowing his name as it spills from Gaon's lips.

He snakes an arm underneath Gaon griping his entire waist to get better leverage. It makes Gaon arch and throw his head back panting Yohan's name. Gaon is scratching at Yohan's back thighs quivering around him.

Yohan latches onto Gaon's neck nipping and kissing wetly as he picks up the pace. Gaon let's out one last breathy keen as he spills between them, his entire body shaking. Yohan shudders and groans deeply following soon after.

He lays there gripping onto Gaon on the verge of being suffocating. Gaon just allows it seeming to be able to sense the fragile state of Yohan's mood.

Yohan's breathing finally starts to calm and turn rhythmic as he drifts, nuzzling into Gaon's warmth. Words will have to wait until morning.

Chapter 2

Summary:

A little insight into Gaon's mind the morning after.

Notes:

Guys how are we? I very nearly had a break down at work on Sunday. I was STRESSED. But it ended so much better than I could have realistically hope for! I'm so relieved. 😭😭

And so here I was able to finish a little part 2 in Gaon's POV. Hope you enjoy!

Something was tickling his nostrils. Gaon scrunched his nose in discomfort. He was suffocating, far too warm, and a bit sticky.. He sluggishly blinked his eyes open and froze when he caught a glimpse of the cause: the messy head of dark locks in front of him.

It was Yohan..the head judge, that is to say his boss and he was on top of him clinging to him like a koala while snuggling into the crook of his neck.

Gaon flushed up to his ears recalling with startling clarity the events of the previous night. Yohan caught in the rain, standing on his door step and looking incredibly lost. He almost thought his tired brain had been hallucinating.

He had made a valiant effort to remain neutral but he would be lying if he said he didn't notice how Yohan's clothes had clung to him like a second skin. How his hair fell in attractive disarray over his forehead dripping droplets of water.

And then he was touching his lips. He had allowed it without protest as he so often did with whatever Kang Yohan wanted when he approached him. Maybe it was a lack of self preservation. Or maybe it was the absurd amount of charisma he wielded that disarmed him. That, or if he was being a little more honest, it could have been the fact that despite his best efforts he had had the hots for his boss since the the very first time he had been thrown against a book case.

He sighed and cursed internally. He was embarrassed. After he had declared that Soohyun was his world he immediately regretted it. But he was stubborn by nature. When he was mad he very rarely was able to control the things he says on impulse. It was one of his biggest flaws. 

He had been so shaken by the events that night. Their carefully made plans crumbling as he disconnected emotionally for a second to search the body. It hit him hard a bit later when he realized he was shaking as Yohan put a comforting hand on his forearm. And then he tried drinking it all away but was wisked off by K and delivered to Yohan as K's advice rang too loud in his ears.

Even with all the storm of feelings raging in him he could still see the quite storm raging in Yohan's eyes as well. Could clearly see Yohan's best attempt of comforting Gaon with barely contained desperation. But when he asked him to make a choice he was hurt. Soohyun was one of the only people he had left. Always a grounding lifeline. He owed his life to her. And so when Yohan asked that of him it was too much in that moment. So he said words that weren't completely true in spite. Swallowed the lump of regret in his throat even as he reluctantly pushed Yohan's arm away and saw the flash of deep hurt in his eyes.

Soohuyn was very much a part of his world..but no longer all of it. He had wormed his way into Yohan's life with the pretense of keeping an eye on him, to uncover all his secrets. Turns out what he had discovered was a man that was softer than anyone realized. A family— that harbored deep wounds he now longed to heal.

Yohan shifted in his sleep pulling Gaon swiftly out of his deep introspection. He gazed down at him. Taking in softness of his face in sleep. He was hopelessly gone on the man. An ever increasing fondness willed his hand to reach up and part the curtain of messy bangs from his forehead.

 

Yohan's eyelashes flutter and Gaon's fingers still on the side of of his face before attempting to remove his hand but Yohan's hand covers his and keeps him there as he his lifts his head and lock eyes with Gaon.

"Gaon.." is all he says for once seemingly at a lose for words.

Gaon regards him intensely for a moment. He thinks they could just move on from this moment. Act like it never happend and continue on as they tended to do so often it was routine by now. But he was tired of that so instead he would dive head first into whatever this was— even if it meant getting  hurt.

Gaon sighed. Catching the hint aprehension in Yohan from the involuntarily clench of his jaw. He instinctively strokes Yohan's jaw with his thumb trying to sooth the tension.

"Sir.." he begins gravely. "you do realize we're both a pair of huge idiots right?"

Yohan's lip twitches.

"Yes..I've.. become aware." Yohan says almost cautiously.

Gaon smiles teasingly. "Careful sir, don't hurt yourself now."

Something sparks alight in Yohan's eyes as he suddenly moves in very close so that they are nose to nose.

Gaon feels Yohan's breath on his lips as he whispers, "Gaon-ah.." and after Gaon's soft intake of breath continues, "you shouldn't tease your elders."

And then Yohan is bridging the gap and they are kissing soft and languidly exploring eachother's mouth. And as the kisses turn more insistant and hungry Gaon half thinks a real talk can wait until after breakfast at least.

Notes:

I think this done for now but we'll see if it gets another little extra if I feel inspired haha. 😁