Chapter Text
Okay, so it was him who set off the fire alarm at 3 in the morning because he was trying to make pancakes. And, yeah, it was also him who set off the fire alarm two days ago at midnight because he'd left a towel on his portable heater. Maybe - definitely - it was him who'd set off the security alarm at six am last week because he'd tried to break into his own flat because he'd left his keys in his car. But, James did not think that this warranted the tirade of anger that was currently being aimed at him by the cute red head who lived down the hall (Lily, he thought her name was). It wasn't as if he'd intentionally set off three alarms in the space of two weeks. It had just, sorta, happened. The cute red head, however, clearly disagreed and was apparently well versed in making people feel like they were two feet tall (rather than their usual, usually useful height of six feet and three inches).
"Can't you be a little more considerate? And, oh, I don't know, not try and make pancakes at three in the bloody morning when you know full well the fire alarm works because, oh yeah, it was you who set it off two days ago. I have a test tomorrow. A test on Organic Chemistry at nine. In six hours! And now, thanks to you, I'm going to be tired for it." James wanted to ask if she was okay because she didn't seem to be breathing in between words but he figured that that probably wouldn't help the situation. So he kept his mouth shut. "You're unbelievable. Because of you, the rest of the building has to freeze their bollocks off and all you're doing is standing there looking like some gormless five year old!" To be honest, James was one of the people freezing his bollocks off but, again, he didn't say anything. "You haven't even apologized!"
"I'm sorry!" He interrupted before she could say another word. He had apologized. To like five different people. Just not to her. "It was an accident. I really didn't mean to. I'm sorry." James was actually being sincere and apparently she could tell because the pretty red head nodded, crossed her arms and walked over to stand next to a blonde girl who was trying not to laugh. Even from five metres away James heard the pretty red head tell the blonde girl to shut up.
"It's not funny Marls, I'm freezing my tits off."
"You realize you just spent five minutes yelling at the bloke you've fancied for five weeks. And you didn't even tell him your name."
"Oh, shush. I don't fancy him I-"
"Yeah, yeah, find him aesthetically pleasing. Got it." The blonde girl looked over then and James hurriedly spun around so he wouldn't be caught eavesdropping. Which was a mistake because this brought him face to face with his three best mates. All of whom were wearing very big, very ominous grins.
"So,"
"James,"
"Mr Potter,"
"Would you care to share with us,"
"How exactly you've managed to piss off one of the fittest girls in our building without even talking to her." They were finishing each others sentences and while it was hilarious when Sirius and James did it to Peter and Remus, James kind of wanted to punch them.
"Actually," Remus clapped Sirius on the shoulder, and began to imitate their old History professor, "I think we know exactly how our dear pal, James, dear dear James, managed to get under the skin of the very pretty Lily Evans. You see, Sirius, my buttercup, in the past two weeks James has set off three alarms and forced the entire building to congregate, very unwillingly, outside the building, in the freezing cold weather, very early in the morning."
"Ah yes, I remember now." Peter grinned and James narrowed his eyes at his friends because they were, all three, absolute bastards.
"Clearly he's lacking in manners. Tsk tsk." In unison they shook their heads and the bespectacled boy scowled. It wasn't just that they were being total tossers, it was also that they were wearing several layers of clothing. They'd had the sense to snatch up some jumpers and shoes and, in Sirius' case, an embroidered silk dressing gown. James hadn't even known he owned one. He himself only had the protection of his boxer briefs. And if he had known that it was minus two degrees outside, he would've attempted to make pancakes with actual clothes on. At least this particular pair of underwear didn't have Andy Pandy on them.
"It wasn't on purpose you twats." James tried to explain himself, to no avail. His mates weren't going to have any of it.
"You see what Evans is wearing though?" Sirius asked slyly and James blushed. He really, honestly had tried his hardest not to notice but she was stunning. Legs that went on for miles, perky tits, a smile bright enough it had gotten the librarian to smile, hair like wine and, yeah, her arse was pretty fantastic too. Especially when all she was wearing was a large jumper and some boy shorts. He'd only looked for five seconds and then forced his eyes away but those five seconds had given him enough fantasies to last forever.
"No." James' scowl deepened and Peter guffawed whilst Remus and Sirius raised very judgmental eyebrows. "Oh, stick it where it hurts, Black." James grumbled and all three of them burst into laughter. James tutted, looking around to see if anyone was paying them any attention.
Lily was watching them but when she saw him looking, glared before turning to face the blonde she'd called Marls.
"If his arse didn't look so good in those bloody briefs, I'd slap his teeth out." Lily muttered to her friend, refusing to look over her shoulder to check if the Potter boy was still looking.
"No you wouldn't," Marlene rolled her eyes, "You fancy him too much to do that." Lily huffed and crossed her arms over her chest, trying not to admit to herself that Marlene, as usual, was correct. Potter lived in the hall below her and whilst it was annoying when he and his friends held all night parties or marathoned Lord of the Rings, he was admittedly very fit. She'd first seen him in freshers week when she'd bumped into him several times at various pubs. Then, thanks to them living in the same building, she'd often pass him on her way out or in.
Undoubtedly, he wasn't hotter than his best mate, Sirius Black, but, nonetheless, Lily desperately wanted to snog him. Or shag him - on the details she wasn't so concerned. He seemed clever - he'd gotten into the same university as her after all - and was definitely funny. The fact that Lily found him extremely attractive was an added bonus. She wasn't quite sure if it was his riotous hair, thick glasses, structured jawline or the delicious curve of his arse that made him so handsome but it was definitely something. Whenever she saw him, the Arctic Monkeys and The Kooks started playing in her head. Lily wondered what it would be liked to shag him whilst Snap Out of It played in the background.
"Alright everybody -" The hall master called out then and Lily was pulled out of her wildly inappropriate fantasy by the joyous news that they were allowed back inside.
"Finally." She said as she and Marlene walked past Potter and his mates, not seeing the roll of James' eyes. Or where they went as she walked inside.
Aesthetically pleasing, James mulled the words over in his head, absently listening to Sirius and Peter argue about whether or not Sirius needed beauty sleep. It was positive, definitely, but he much preferred what Marls had said - the blonde had said Evans had a crush on him. James wasn't one for jumping into things - unless 'things' constituted hastily and badly put together pranks which would surely end in disaster - yet he was certain that making out with Evans would be better than when his team won the final of the house cup at boarding school. And that win had been one of the best days of his life.
Perhaps once every had thawed out and were no longer willing to stab him, he would see if Evans wanted to hang out. Yeah, James smiled to himself, that sounded like a good idea.
It had been three days since the Third Alarm Debarcle and Lily was still slightly annoyed at the Potter bloke - in spite of his fantastic arse - because she'd gotten her test results back and, lo and behold, she'd gotten a good portion of the questions wrong. Sure, they were extension questions only meant for the second year students but Lily was meant to be able to do those. The fact that she was sitting in her onesie, alone in her room with only a Chemistry paper to keep her company on Valentine's Day just added insult to injury.
So when a note slid under her door at midday addressed to "Evans", she was suitably unimpressed.
Evans,
I'm sorry about the alarm the other day. And the two before that. I swear to Merlin, Hades and every and all great deity that I did not mean to set any of them off. Especially the night before your test. (I hope you did well in that btw.) I don't know how to put this without sounding awfully and horrendously cliche but, I think it'd be pretty far out if we could be mates. (Not too cliche, thank you 80s slang.) Or at least acquaintances. Remus says you're pretty cool and I make it a habit of mine to know cool people - especially if Remus thinks they're cool bc Remus is a p good judge of character. Also very hard to impress so congrats on that one. Anyway that's all I really wanted to say. OH, and if you do want to be friends (or mates or people who nod at each other in the hall and say "alright?") then the lads and I are having a small party tonight in our hall. Bring whoever you want. Alcohol and rad music will be provided. No food tho bc last time that happened we had a food fight and tbh it didn't end very well.
Yours (unless you don't want to be my friend/acquaintance/person who nods at me in the hall and says "alright?" in which case I will back off),
James Potter (aka known as the tosser who burns everything he cooks)
His handwriting was awful, he didn't seem to know that paragraphs existed and he used proper grammar whilst simultaneously using chat speak. It was ridiculous. But also really fucking adorable. Lily sighed and read the note again, eyes skipping over crossed out words and the little doodle he'd left unfinished in the corner of a smashed fire alarm.
"Bollocks." She said and promptly dropped her head onto her desk.
James had decided that a note was the best way to go about it. That meant he didn't have to actively seek her out and risk her thinking he was a stalker. However, it did mean he had to persuade the hall master to tell him her room number. Which could also give the impression that he was a stalker, if taken without context. Luckily though no police had turned up on his doorstep since he'd slipped the note under her door and then sprinted down the corridor before she had a chance to see who had done it.
All he had to do now was to wait and see if she accepted his apology note and turned up. Which would've been easier if he hadn't had Sirius mocking him incessantly as they set up the stereo system on James' desk. An hour of that followed by four hours of all three of his so called best mates teasing him and James was ready just to call off the whole party. Except the minute he suggested that, Peter got everyone to shut up and they were able to continue typing balloons into dick shapes in peace. (The circus classes his mum had paid for them all to go to over the easter holidays of fourth year paid off in the most awesomest of ways.)
"You ready?" Marlene asked as they walked down the stairs to the lower hall. Somehow James had forgotten to mention a time so the two had just waited until they'd heard thumping music and then left fifteen minutes later.
"It's just a party Marlene."
"You're wearing your 'fuck me' heels and your lipstick is redder than your hair; clearly someone is going to get lucky tonight." Marlene nudged her shoulder and Lily smirked, conceding.
"It's not like you haven't made an effort either, little miss push up bra." Pointedly, Lily stared at Marlene's cleavage which usually wasn't so obvious.
"At least I'm not bringing a gift for the host." It was a much better comeback than her own and Lily blushed, trying to make the present less conspicuous. That was easier said than done though, considering the only wrapping paper she'd had left was a roll covered in naked Santa Claus'. If she'd wanted to spend any more than £5 on the gift then she would've purchased a new, plain roll of paper but the present itself had cost three quid and ninety nine pence and damn if she wasn't going to buy a hot chocolate whilst she was out as well. (Not that she had actually dressed and left her room specifically to go and buy a gift for Potter.)
"You're such a prick." Lily informed her friend, unable to think of a better response.
By the time they'd maneuvered their way through the crowd of people in the hall and to where the beverage table was, Lily had spotted Potter at the other end of the corridor, having some sort of dance off with a very drunken Sirius. The latter, despite being completely smashed from the looks of it, was still able to look utterly flawless as he performed what seemed to be a sensual pole dance, minus the pole. James, on the other hand, seemed a lot more sober but was completely crucifying the moon walk. Lily wanted to wade in and save him from himself but she knew if Marlene saw her going up to Potter before she'd even had a few shots, she'd well and truly be in the shit. So she decided to tuck his present under her arm, down some neat vodka and let Potter ruin a few other timeless dance moves before finding him.
"Hey! Evans! You came!" He found her before she had a chance to find him though and, in the time it took for her to say hi, he was lifting her off the floor and spinning her around. When he set her down he grinned and lent against the wall with his shoulder, running a hand through his hair. Lord of fucking shit, Lily thought, could he get any more shaggable. The answer was yes, she realised when his tongue flicked out and licked his upper lip.
"Some people just say hi you know, Potter." She said, raising her voice so he could hear her over the pounding of Uptown Funk.
"Huh?" He yelled, cupping a hand around his ear. Lily rolled her eyes but obligingly stepped closer and yelled again. That time he heard her and he smirked, shrugging. "I'm not completely sober, to tell the truth, and I love hugging people."
"I can tell."
"You got my note then?"
"Yeah... I think it'd be pretty far out if we were friends too." She smiled up at him and he laughed and let out a whoop.
"That's brilliant. I've wanted to speak to you since I saw you in freshers week at that bar at the bottom of the hill."
"The one with the pig on the roof?"
"That's the one."
"Is it lame if I say ditto?" Lily bit her lip.
"Not at all. I actually think it's pretty groovy." James gave her an exaggerated wink and Lily laughed, trying to think when was the last time a bloke had really made her smile. Excluding Remus and her dad, definitely not in a while.
"I got you something by the way-" She brought the present out from beneath her arm and handed it to him. James' face lit up in apparent ecstasy and her grin grew.
"Evans, you amazing human person. This is wonderful!"
"You haven't even opened it yet!" She argued, wondering when they had gotten this close. Had her hips really been brushing his thighs a minute ago? Surely not.
"Whatever. I'm sure it's fantastic." James grinned down at her and for a second Lily considered just knotting her hands in his hair, tugging him down and snogging the living daylights out of him. "Hey," he interrupted her thoughts before she could act on them and she kind of wanted to kick him for it. "If I kissed you would you totally be against that? Or is that like, something you might be interested in -"
Lily didn't let him finish his sentence. Instead she stepped forwards, grabbed the collar of his stupidly pink shirt, rose onto her tiptoes and kissed him. And yeah he'd set three alarms off in the space of two weeks and they'd only had about three conversations and she didn't even know what he was reading or if they even had anything in common but, right now, in that moment, she didn't give a single flying shit.
James had been right. Kissing Evans was better than winning that match and maybe they were both a little bit tipsy and he wasn't sure if her hair was red like wine or blood or if she still hated him for setting off three alarms at ungodly hours but James wasn't really that bothered. Tangling his hands in her hair and feeling her body press his up against the wall with R U Mine? playing in the background was better than anything he'd ever felt before and fuck it, if he wasn't going to spend the rest of his future Valentine's without her.
Drunk sex, according to Marlene, was not meant to be mind-blowing. It was meant to be quick and furious and great sure, but not this-is-the-sex-I-want-for-the-rest-of-my-life-good. It was clear to Lily then, that Marlene had never had sex with a tipsy James Potter. Lily hadn't even had sex with a tipsy James Potter and she was still sure she wanted it to be him who shagged her for the rest of her life because if fucking him was anything like his foreplay... Lily smiled to herself and softly traced the strong line of his jaw.
He mumbled in his sleep and blearily opened his eyes, yawn turning into a smile when his eyes landed on her face.
"Mornin'" His voice was deep and husky and Lily felt goosebumps rise on her bare arms at the sound of it.
"Hiya." She breathed into his neck, smiling in contentment as he wrapped his arms more tightly around her waist.
"I'm guessing this makes us friends then." James spoke into her hair, drawing slow circles on her back.
"Nah. I'm just gonna nod at you when we pass in the corridor and ask 'alright?'"
"I see how it is." James smirked and immediately began to tickle her, hands moving swiftly up and down her sides as Lily wriggled and giggled, choking on a snort.
"Stop!" She squealed, kicking his shin in an attempt to get him to lay off. She was laughing so much she was struggling to breath and, admittedly, the feel of his warm hands on her was kinda making her a little horny.
"Only if you say we're friends!" James continued relentlessly, chuckling as she squirmed.
"I'd say we're more than friends, you plonker." She managed to breathe out as she writhed, tangling herself in the sheets. That was enough for James and he stopped, once again wrapping her up in his arms. Lily huffed and elbowed him gently in the stomach as she snuggled further into the shape of his body.
"Thanks for the present by the way." James had unwrapped it at some point last night, in between her screaming his name with his head between her thighs and him clenching his fists as she expertly wrapped her hand around him, and now it lay on his beside table, opened at where she'd written a note on one of the pages.
"I figured you might need it." The book was entitled 39 Ways to Make Pancakes (and other breakfast foods) and on the dedication page she'd quickly scrawled a message to him:
Potter,
If you ever set the alarm off at three am again (or between the hours of 8pm and 10am), I will gladly separate your probably minuscule penis from your body, in the hope that your engorged head will be able to balance better on your shoulders in the knowledge you will never create any offspring with your intense stupidity.
Yours (ready with a knife if you ever set off an alarm again),
Lily Evans (aka the most fittest woman ever to grace your presence)
He'd laughed when he'd read it and Lily was glad that it had made him smile because, really, his smile was amazing.
"You want to correct your note now, Evans? Maybe change minuscule for a more suitable adjective?" He suggested it as his hand was tracing its way between her thighs and, really, it wasn't like minuscule was the correct adjective anyway so if Lily did change her note, just slightly, it wasn't like it was her fault or meant that she actually really did fancy him. Even though she did.