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Hard days come for everyone, and though they are not something that can always be prepared for when they arrive, they must still be faced with a certain level of determination to get through them.
Those days of hardship come faster and faster after the last despite attempting to keep your head above water until all you can hope to do is climb out of bed and sit upon the couch in your apartment living room. It isn’t much, but the mental strain that finds you more as of late draws your energy down to nothing but a flickering flame on the verge of going out from the moment you wake until somehow, you find hope again.
Perhaps it is the constant ebb and flow of daily life and work that refuses to let up and give you a chance to breathe, or the upending of your personal life with new trials to see to, that take every ounce of energy you had scrounged up just to make it through the week. Most days you shout and fuss at the injustice, showing off the fire you harbor inside of your heart, that drew your Prince to you in the first place, but then there are days like this when you find yourself sitting on the plush velvet couch that is far too big for the modest apartment the two of you share in the rebuilding world, and stare out the window, wondering how you will get through your day.
Each step away from your safe place, threatens to pull tears from your eyes, and each time you even think about facing the morrow and the challenges it will bring, the fatigue in your limbs grows ever stronger.
But oh…
Your poor Ravus.
Ever the steadfast problem solver of any group, he is born to make decisions and solve a person’s troubles with a few well planned commands. When he cannot do that, however, he begins to get a touch panicked. Suddenly that well honed training goes right out the window as desperation claws through him and the reminder that he is only human rears up before his eyes.
There is much your Ravus has been unable to solve in his life, and when he is presented with another moment that may slip out of his hands, he struggles to maintain control where he has none. Those dark little voices that haunt you when everything in the world feels far too big to handle, are no match for him, but one day he will learn to vanquish them quicker than he does now.
The morning often starts with a firm talk about your needs and the things he wishes to do to help, including helping with your hygiene or making you food for the day even if his cooking skills leave quite a bit to be desired. He means well, your handsome Prince, but he was not made to be a homemaker. Constant reassurance are given to his worried mind that further wear on your resolve to not cry for a ‘loss’ that you cannot put your finger on, and once he is appeased for the time being, and you are alone, those tears come.
They come hard, hot and fast, unyielding in the face of your personal turmoil until you are draped across the couch with your cheek pressed into the damp velvet as you focus on your breathing so that the world will stop spinning. These days are not uncommon for you, though the guilt weighs heavier on your mind now that you are lying to Ravus instead of your friends who know better. Ravus truly believes that you will be alright while he is gone, he truly believes with all of his heart that his stern speeches and determined features will placate the insecure pieces of you that ache to be loved…
By no one other than yourself. When will you be enough? When will the world stop to matter with their inane beliefs of beauty or the perfect way of living one’s life? When will it be enough that you are you, and you are imperfect and that is more than acceptable. IT is even wanted. It is cherished, because if you were perfect, then you would not be the woman you are today whom so many adore.
When will his love be enough to push away the shadows in your mind? When will that look in his eyes, that believes you to be the most beautiful woman in all of Eos, be a truth instead of the lie that you convince your heart that it is.
You are no Princess, nor are you a warrior, built and bred for greatness, in fact, you are hardly more than a grunt worker that helps to make the world go round, but would be as expendable as the next man beside you…
And yet, he tells you every day how you have touched his heart and breathed life that he had thought long ago lost, back into the fluttering organ. His eyes shone brighter than you remembered in those first few weeks that you knew him, and even his laugh was a far more frequent expression that he shared daily, whereas before it was lucky happenstance if it occurred once a week. And never for a long period of time, nor did it really touch his eyes.
Now there were times he would cry through the laughter and turn a brilliant shade of primrose while the bouts of joy carried him from one moment to the next. How you adored seeing him come alive like that, and how you longed to mirror it each moment that the two of you spent with one another.
There was nothing to be unhappy about in your life, and you tried with all of your might to reconcile this truth, but these hard days snuck up on you regardless and left you wallowing around in confusion and self pity that you didn’t deserve. You were a nobody…
Dating a Prince…
Why did you think you should be sad?
How could you think that you suffered more than the man you had tied yourself to beneath the Gods, when he had lost everything in his life and still managed a smile? What a foolish, spoiled, selfish thing that you were…
“My love… My sweet one…” Ravus’ voice pushes through the common round of insults that run on automatic pilot through your mind, while your eyes struggle to focus in the darkness that has come over a once vibrant day…
For hours you have laid on the couch in the remains of your sadness, unaware that the sunlight was drifting away from this new world to bring about the dawn of another evening where stars cover the darkened sky and the moon shines brightly as a symbol of hope.
“Rae…” Is all the sound you can muster from your parched throat, the sensation of his fingertips dancing frantically across your brow draws you up to a sitting position where he braces you against his chest. The solid heart beat against your back draws you from the fog that glosses over your eyes, as the sensation of his cheek against yours draws you further into his orbit.
“Tell me… tell me what I can do…” He will be your everything if you would let him, and then, if you were to let yourself ask the question…
Isn’t he already?
“There’s nothing you can do, Ravus.” Turning into his lips that search your cheeks and eyes for an embrace you long to give, you soak up his warmth and comfort until the tears begin to fall all over again. “Just hold me.”
“Oh sweet one,” He purrs as he curls his arm around your body to hold you near, and braces the broad flat of his palm against your jawline to hold you against his shoulder where he can gaze down upon you like the world is written in your eyes. “I wish I could take away this sorrow… I hate to see you so upset.”
Just as you hated to see him upset, but there would be days when nothing could be said or done, and only the honest presence of the one who loved you would suffice. Turning your mouth toward the splay of his calloused palm, kissing over the webbing between his thumb and forefinger, the first honest smile of the day colors your face and dances its way up into your eyes. “You do. It just takes time.”
“But what can I do?” He pleaded gently, shifting so that your body was nestled against his for not only warmth, but the comfort he so easily provided without even realizing it.
As your eyes fluttered closed to the sensation of Ravus’ thumb stroking tenderly across your chin and lower lip, the answer manifested between the two of you with a soft whisper of, “This.” that lingered on the tip of your tongue.
Even when your mind could not fathom freedom from the dark thoughts and torrid of negativity that stole away your happiness, Ravus was your protector no matter how you pushed him away in the beginning. He didn’t know how to give up, nor did he understand your self loathing that lashed out in his direction to scare him off, and you were ever so grateful for it.
Because now, when you could not see your way out of the pain, his voice broke through the din inside of your head and led you back to his side. Right where you were safer than you ever could be alone.
Quiet moments with soft touches and unhurried breaths saw your eyes drawing open, clear and warm for the first time in the past few days. Lilac and sea breeze blue painted a path from your eyes and down the slopes of your cheeks until they landed upon the curves of soft lips that had missed the pressure of their Prince’s pout against them. He was asking your permission, but he never needed it.
He always had it.
“Kiss me, Rae.”
“Always, my beloved.” He was eager to please, he always was, and the moment the softness of his lips pressed into yours, you sighed a happy breath and felt those voices finally grow silent. The only thing clamoring for attention was the palms of your hands that ached to anchor into moonlit hair, and the press of your chest into his harder one in a way that made you feel cherished.
Ravus approached his kisses with the same determination that he did everything else in life with…
Fervor.
He touches upon you with the heat of his breath against your tongue and the longing that courses through him with each soft motion of the languid muscle through your pliant mouth. His body brackets you in with strength and determination to push away the demons he cannot see, but that he can feel within you. They resemble his own that you have battled back and away from the soft parts of him he was never able to show to the rest of the world until you promised him that it was safe to do so.
“I love you so,” He breathes the words inside of you, aching for them to be the magic potion that will fix you once and for all…
And maybe they are. Maybe, they are all you will ever need to hear so that you can remind yourself that you also feel love for the imperfect woman that you are.
“I love you.” You breathe back against his cheek as he dips to mouth against your neck and fold you into a soul shattering hug that makes your toes curl and your eyes glisten with unshed tears that are nowhere near sad.
When Ravus pulls back to gaze into your eyes, he smiles, and gently promises, “One day I’ll take away these bad days once and for all.” Then he chuckles at the irony of such a promise that could never come to fruition.
Or so he thinks. The truth is… “You do every time you hold me. Everytime you kiss me. Everytime you let me cry in your arms. You make them all go away.” They will come and they will linger occasionally, but they no longer stay for days on end.
Your warrior won’t allow for it and you are brave enough to let him lead you back to the light that you had convinced yourself that you would never be good enough for. Perhaps the sunlight would never fully grace your fears with their brilliance…
But you had always preferred the brilliant moonbeams that lit up the night sky and that gazed at you through two toned orbs that smiled in their pretty lilac and blue tones. When you could not see the way out…
All you had to do was turn to your Prince, and he would guide you to safety once more.