Chapter Text
Thalia was a big sister and she loved it. Her classmates, on the other hand, had looked at her funny when she gushed about her baby brother (Jason, his name is Jason!). Apparently the consensus was that younger siblings were annoying, dumb and generally a burden to carry around when you could be doing better things like going skating with your friends. Plus, they stole your favorite stuff, they took all of your parent’s attention and then had the gall to follow you around everywhere.
What they didn’t understand was that it was all of those things that made Jason golden in Thalia’s eyes.
(Except the stealing part. Not because Jason took stuff without her permission, no. It was just that she miscalculated and maybe you shouldn’t really let your 2 year old sibling play with your mother’s office supplies. She had gotten an earful after that one.)
They didn’t understand because they hadn’t seen how Beryl’s Grace eyes used to look before him. They didn’t know about neglect, about being used as a prop, as a bargaining chip. They couldn’t understand that for the first time in Thalia’s life she wasn’t scared about what she would find when she got back home after school.
Because now she would leave her school backpack by the entrance and be met by Beryl’s soft smile and Jason gurgling happily at her. Now, she could race to take him into her arms, twirl him around and listen to Beryl’s laugh. Now, Thalia felt her mother’s fingers comb her hair and heard her voice say: “what a good older sister you are.”
Those things didn’t happen before Jason. Before Jason—
She shivered.
Before Jason, Thalia had been alone. And now she wasn’t. Her classmates really didn’t know what they were talking about.
Still, they would keep flinging arguments at her, like they were hoping that something would eventually land.
“They are always filthy” (yeah, but Thalia got praised whenever she made sure Jason was ready for dinner. And everytime Jason left a muddy imprint of his hand on one of her cheeks while they wrestled to get him cleaned up, Beryl would snort and gently rub the dirt out of her face. She hadn’t done that since she was 4.)
“They never leave you alone” (but who wanted to be alone after years of empty hallways and broken whisky bottles? Jason was always up to any adventure as long as he had his big sister with him.)
“Your parents are always saying how they are better than you” (Beryl did this and Thalia hadn’t liked it at first if she was honest. But apparently being near Jason gave their mother pink colored glasses for her as well. She wasn’t a troublemaker anymore, she was a dutiful sister that made sure to keep her brother entertained when Beryl was busy. She wasn’t clingy, mother praised her for always keeping an eye on Jason. Sometimes she would call her “lieutenant Thalia”, her second in command to make sure Jason would eat his veggies. She wasn’t loud and brash because loud noises scared Jason. And so, she learned how to whisper and how to blow raspberries into her brother's tummy and Beryl mentioned how responsible she had gotten after getting her very own little brother.)
So Thalia Grace loved being a big sister. And Jason was the model baby brother. Always listening, soft spoken and earnest. Starry-eyed whenever his older sister spoke, eating every one of her words up. An amazing cuddling partner when she couldn’t sleep, his chubby hands always finding her in the dark.
Yes, Thalia loved being a big sister. Until now.
Because how was she supposed to get her brother down from the top of the shelf of the cupboard? Her mom was gonna kill her.
It had been a regular afternoon. Beryl had left to do God knows what (Thalia didn’t care as long as she was back for dinner) and had left Thalia in charge.
(Thalia loved being in charge.)
They had been playing in the kitchen, sprawled over the sky blue tiles. Thalia had learned early on that it was way easier to scrub paint and dirt out of them and so whenever she or Jason wanted to get their hands dirty, the kitchen was the place. She was working on her math homework while Jason made wobbly buildings out of legos. He had been finger painting an hour ago but lost interest and that had been Thalia’s undoing. She had foolishly left the cookie jar out in the open and her brother had zeroed on it. He had tried every weapon under his arsenal (pouting, puppy eyes, a very short lived tantrum) to get her to give him one but she had been unshakable.
(It was one of the hardest things she had ever done in her life. Jason’s puppy eyes were dangerous.)
After some coaxing she had been able to convince her brother that she would get him some after she finished her homework. Really, she was just stalling until Beryl got home. The fact that Jason couldn’t read yet worked in her favor. Thalia had distracted him with the lego blocks and that had been that. Or so she thought.
“Jason, how did you get up there?!”
Thalia racked her memories but she was fairly sure she would have heard Jason trying to scale the kitchen counter.
Right?
Her brother only giggled, apparently not phased by his precarious perch on the cupboards.
“Jason!”
“Cookies!”
Thalia tried very hard not to raise her voice. She didn’t want to startle him.
“I told you I would get you some after I was done!”
“But I want ‘em now!”
How had he gotten up there?!
“Jason, you are not being a very good boy right now.”
The easy smile dropped from her brother’s face.
Oh.
Uh - Oh.
Thalia watched with muted horror as Jason’s sky blue eyes watered.
“Are you—- are you mad?”
“No!” She bit her tongue and tried again. “No, Jay, I’m not mad.”
But her soothing words fell in deaf ears.
“I — I was—- I was bad?”
Jason hiccuped and Thalia wanted to smack her past self.
“No, no, no, I swear Jason,” she tried for a smile. “You’re the best boy, such a good boy.”
“Bu—but I…” he waved his arms. “You…”
“Bluebird, I’m not mad,” she lifted her hands towards him. How was she gonna--? “I just need you to come down, can you do that? Can you do that for Thal?”
Jason seemed unconvinced, golden eyebrows furrowed together.
“Thal!”
She swallowed. “Yes, bluebird?” “I’m sorry! I don’t want cookies anymore!”
His chin trembled and Thalia felt her heart being squeezed down by tiny hands.
“I know, big guy! You’re good, you are fine,” she got over the counter, trying to keep Jason in her line of sight. The space between the kitchen counter and the cupboard made her nauseous. It was too large. She tried to extend her arms as far as they could reach. If Jason fell—, “Thal loves you very much just— just come down, okay?”
She put some space between her legs, doing her best to stay balanced. Thalia tried not to think about how slippery the counter felt underneath her socks.
“Thal, I’m sorry!” snot fell down Jason’s nose and he scrubbed his arm over his face. “I love you!”
Thalia lifted to her tiptoes.
“I love you too, bluebird,” she gave him a tremulous smile. “Do you wanna sleep in my bed tonight?”
Jason nodded, eyes still watery.
“Do you wanna cuddle with Thal?”
Her brother nodded again.
“Then,” her arms prickled from the effort, tiny nails embedding themselves into her skin. “Then come to Thal.”
Thalia didn’t allow herself to think about what would happen. Fear only made you hesitate and she needed to make sure Jason would be okay. She squashed the image of his brother falling, falling, and hitting the ground.
She didn’t let herself picture what would happen if Jason jumped but what did happen surpassed her wildest imaginations.
Jason jumped. Jason fell.
It just didn’t happen how it was supposed to.
Her brother reached with his tiny arms and slowly, unbearably slow, fell into her embrace.
Thalia immediately tucked him under her chin and squeezed. Her breathing was erratic, like she had been the one to jump.
Like she had been the one flying.
Jason scrubbed his messy nose against her t-shirt and looked up.
“You’re not mad?”
Thalia was shaking her head before she could realize she was doing it.
“No, bluebird, I’m not mad,” she peppered kisses all over his chubby cheeks and felt her soul lifting with his giggles. “I love you.”
Jason fisted her shirt. “I love you too.”
“Just—,” she swallowed. “Just don’t do that again, okay?”
Her baby brother frowned for a second but quickly nodded.
“I promise.”
Thalia put some space between them to comb windswept hair back. Now she was the one frowning.
“And don’t tell mom.”
Jason looked puzzled at that but nodded anyway.
“Promise.”
Jason kept his word and didn’t mention the cupboard incident to Beryl. Thalia kept hers and hugged his brother tight all night.
The bad thing was that it happened again. The good (good-ish?) thing was that this time Thalia saw what happened.
Or at least something close to it.
They had gone to the park with their mom. It was a sunny day, a playful breeze ruffling their hair. Beryl had promptly passed out under the shadow of an oak tree and Thalia had tried not to read too much into it. She took her brother’s hand and coaxed him to a game of tag a few ways away.
Jason ran as fast as his little legs let him, chasing her around. She laughed, making sure not to get too far away, instead evading him with sharp turns that made him skid around the grass.
“You’re cheating!”
“No, I’m not!”
“Are too!”
Thalia looked back and saw the fake frown on that baby face. Jason was biting his lip in an attempt to stop his smile.
“You are cheating! You’re trying to make me feel bad so I let you win!”
“I’m not!”
Thalia snorted. “Are too!”
Jason blew a raspberry at her and maybe that’s why she didn’t hear it. She just kept running until a distressed sound made her freeze in her tracks.
“Thalia!”
When she turned around, Jason was still behind her.
But he was flying.
Again.
She opened her mouth but before she could say anything Jason interrupted her.
“I’m not doing it!” he fretted. He moved his arms, like he was trying to swim to her. “I didn’t break my promise, Thal, I swear!”
Thalia ran back but before she could try to retrieve him from the air something raised Jason even higher.
“Thalia!”
“What’s happening?!” Thalia looked around, her hair whipping around. There were some trees close by but they were still too far from where Jason was suspended in the air. “Can’t you get back down like last time?”
“I’m telling you I’m not doing it!” he kicked his legs and Thalia swore she heard a gasp. “I didn’t break my promise!”
Thalia opened her mouth without really knowing what to say when a giggle cut her off.
“Isn’t he adorable?” A voice like wind chimes said. It seemed to envelop them, like they were both in front of her and behind her at the same time. “Such a sweet little thing!”
Jason pushed at something that was wrapped around his middle and Thalia narrowed her eyes. After straining her eyesight for a second, she saw it. A slender arm kept Jason close to what seemed to be, if Thalia really concentrated, the body of a woman. She was almost transparent but now Thalia could see her wispy hair floating in the wind and her sharp nails not letting Jason go.
“Give him back!”
The laugh came back. “Oh? You want him, little girl?”
Thalia jumped but not even the tip of her fingers were able to graze Jason’s belly.
“He’s my brother!”
“Ah, but he’s a gift to the Gods first, isn’t he?”
Thalia frowned.
“What are you talking about?”
The woman only laughed again.
Jason kept kicking, trying to get out of her grip.
“Thalia!”
The fear in his voice twisted something inside her and she flexed her knees, bracing herself.
“Jason!”
And she leapt.
There was one second where she felt like her stomach had left her, floating away like that weird woman. She felt suspended on air but before she could question what was happening, Jason was finally within her reach and she hugged her brother tight. Jason was now hanging upside down, his upper body being dragged by Thalia’s weight.
The women let out a growl that made Thalia’s hair stand on end.
“You disrespectful kid! This is none of your business, I’m taking him with me!”
Thalia kicked her legs around wildly, trying to get some kind of leverage.
“He’s my brother, you hag! Leave him alone!”
“What did you just say?!”
“I’m not letting go!” she clenched her teeth. Don’t look down, don’t look down, don’t look down. “I’m never letting go!”
“You brat! You don’t understand anything!”
Thalia felt a hand trying to push her downwards, downwards, and her stomach flipped. But above the howling of the wind and the beat of her heart she could still hear Jason’s sobs, screaming for her. She pushed her head into the hand, trying to leverage herself.
“Leave him alone!”
A light flashed and suddenly the air around them was buzzing with static. Thalia heard a yell and then, she was falling. The woman had let Jason go and his brother clung to her with all his strength.
Thunder clapped above them and they were falling.
“Thalia!” Jason screamed. She tried to glue her body to his, shielding him from the wind whipping around them.
“Jason!” they were falling, they were falling, they were falling. “Jason, you’re gonna be okay!”
Jason clung to her, his legs wrapping around her sides and she made her last mistake.
She looked down.
Everything was rushing, rushing, the ground closer with every second.
They were gonna die.
Theyweregonnadietheyweregonnadietheyweregonnadie.
Thalia closed her eyes, tucked her head over Jason’s and held on.
But they never touched the ground.
She opened her eyes and with her heart still in her throat, Thalia looked down.
The grass innocently danced around the summer breeze. They were, once again, suspended in the air, moving alongside the wind like if they had been lying in a hammock. She looked at her baby brother. Jason’s knuckles had turned white from how hard he was clinging to her.
“Jay,” she said with the softest voice she could muster. “Jay, you are okay.”
Her brother shook his head.
“The bad lady—”
“She’s gone, baby, she’s gone,” she shushed him, humming an old lullaby under her breath. “Let us down, it’s safe now, baby.”
One sky blue eye peered behind the messy blond hair.
“Are you sure?”
“Thal doesn’t lie, right?”
Jason lifted his head and tucked his little chin over her chest.
“Right.”
Thalia had never been so happy to fall flat on her butt. She immediately straightened up and cradled Jason, placing him over her lap.
“Bluebird, are you okay?”
Jason nodded. He wasn’t letting her go. She kissed his forehead and he seemed to relax a bit more. Thalia tried to put her thoughts into some kind of order. It wouldn’t do if she ended up making Jason feel bad. Her little brother was too adept at blaming himself for every little thing.
“When the bad lady dropped us, did you help us?” she whispered, like they were sharing a secret. “Did you do the same thing from back in the kitchen?”
Jason whipped to look at her, eyes suddenly brimming with tears.
“I didn’t mean to! Thal, I swear!”
“I know, Jay, I know. But you saved us! You helped us come down, like back in the kitchen, right?”
Jason blinked. “You are— you are not mad?”
“Of course not, bluebird,” she punctuated that statement with a loud kiss on his cheek. “You did so well, I’m so proud of you.”
Her brother smiled, a pleased blush pinking his cheeks. They stayed there for a while, Thalia unconsciously rocking them back and forth.
“Thalia?”
“Yes, bluebird?”
“Falling—,” Jason looked at her, suddenly serious. “Falling hurts.”
Thalia blinked. “Yes, when you fall from very high up it hurts a lot,” she tucked a lock of hair behind his ear. “You did so well, helping so it wouldn’t hurt.”
He gave her a toothy grin. Her heart, which was still hammering in her chest, seemed to soothe and slow down at the glimpse of the silly gap between his teeth.
“I can do it by myself!”
“Can you?” she humored him.
But Jason was suddenly serious again. “But I promised not to do it again, so I wont.”
Thalia smiled. She combed his bangs back, thinking.
“It’s okay to do it if you want to,” she conceded. “Just promise to stay close to me, okay?”
Jason’s eyes were huge and in them Thalia could see the reflection of the clouds above.
“Really?”
“Really.”
“Really really?”
Thalia chuckled. “Really really.”
Jason threw his arms around her neck. “Thal, you’re the best!”
She squeezed him and rubbed her nose over his head, messing up his hair even more.
“You’re the best! Only..” she turned back, where the picnic basket and their mother were waiting. “Let’s not tell mom, okay?”
Jason blinked up to her and Thalia bit her lip. How was she supposed to explain to him that their mother—?
“Okay.”
Thalia did a double take, peering down at her little brother.
“Okay?”
“Yes! It’s a promise.”
She snorted.
“Yeah,” she leaned her forehead over Jason’s, his hair tickling her brow. “It’s a promise.”
Jason was a sweet kid. He really, really was. And Thalia loved being his big sister.
But having a flying brother really complicated things.
Thalia could no longer count the times she had to tug Jason by the strap of his backpack or by a loose shoelace so he would come down before their mother could see.
It also didn’t help that Jason seemed to see the whole thing as an elaborate game of peek a boo.
When she had asked him to keep this whole thing a secret he didn’t even question it. Thalia really hoped it was due to the tendency of kids treating everything like a game. She held onto that hope because otherwise it meant that Jason was beginning to understand that sometimes it was better to lie to their mom.
And that kind of broke her heart.
It broke her heart because Beryl was supposed to get better, not worse.
Thalia could already piece together the puzzle she had never wanted to see again. But the evidence was right there. The more Jason grew, the more time it passed and their father didn’t come back, the worse Beryl got.
It made Thalia so mad because it wasn’t like Jason was a bad kid. He was a sweetheart, well behaved and earnest and Beryl should have counted her lucky stars for having Jason as her son.
But their mother’s eyes had turned vacant again. Her lips seemed to be permanently twisted into a frown and she no longer soothed Jason’s nightmares. Now, when Thalia came back from school she would find her passed out in her room and it was up to her to try to make something for dinner. Their mother no longer blew raspberries in Jason’s chubby cheeks, she no longer gushed about her children to whoever that would listen.
Their mother was turning into Beryl Grace again and Thalia hated it.
She rummaged through her purses, old journals, even her dirty laundry but she never found their father’s phone number or any kind of contact information. Not that she held any love for that figure dressed in pinstripe suits who never seemed to meet her gaze. But anything would be better than making Jason go through the same stuff Thalia did, right?
Thalia stopped paying attention in class, the situation at home a worry that wouldn’t stop nagging at the back of her mind. She planned and planned but what could she do?
She ran in circles, trying to come up with something, until one afternoon the time for plans ended.
Thalia had been forced to stay after class because of a stupid prank her classmates had roped her into. It had been actually her idea but now that the worry and the guilt were churning her stomach, she preferred to blame them for being late.
She ran home as fast as she could. She had learned she couldn’t leave Jason alone with Beryl a couple of months ago. Not if she wanted to make sure her brother ate at “reasonable hours”.
She threw her backpack by the entrance and it happened.
The thing is, even golden sons like Jason have their own bad days. Thalia knew that Beryl’s flint only needed a tiny spark to burn their house down. Only one defiant look, one pout that lasted too long, one contrary word on the tip of their tongue.
Thalia didn’t know what the spark was but she arrived at the exact moment that Beryl Grace slapped her baby brother so hard his little head turned with the impact. Jason fell back, too stunned to even cry and Thalia had to plan no longer.
She had to act.
Thalia crossed the living room, wrapped her arms around Jason and whirled around to face Beryl Grace.
A light flashed.
A heartbeat later, thunder clapped.
“Do not touch him again,” Thalia didn’t even raise her voice, too attuned to her younger brother’s moods. “Don’t you dare touch him again.”
Their mother stayed silent for a second but then her eyes turned wild again.
“Who do you think you are, you brat?! He is my son!”
“You don’t deserve him as your son!” The lights went out. A flash of lightning filled the small living room and Thalia could see their mother’s hateful face, the empty glasses that adorned her feet like the bouquet of flowers she longed to receive after every film. Thalia extended one hand, electricity crackling between her fingertips. “You don’t deserve us.”
“What—-What do you think you are doing?” her voice trembled and Thalia couldn’t help the vindicated satisfaction that gave her. She was but a shell of her former self and they didn’t need her anymore.
“If you try anything, I will hurt you, Beryl Grace,” thunder deafened the labored breathing coming from their mother. Jason didn’t even make a sound, just tucked himself deeper into her chest. “We are leaving.”
Before Beryl could say her piece Thalia sprinted towards their room, making sure to lock the door behind her. She moved towards Jason’s bed but when she tried to pry him away from her Jason only held tighter.
“Jay, Jay, we need to go,” she rocked them back and forth like every time he had a nightmare. “We need to pack your stuff and mine and for that I need both of my hands, big guy.”
Jason whimpered and Thalia felt her heart breaking once more.
“Is mom—?”
“She won’t be able to hurt us anymore, Jason,” she sat on the bed and gently directed his head so he would look at her. “I won’t let her hurt you ever again, bluebird. I promise.”
“Is it—,” Jason’s chin trembled and Thalia had to take a deep breath to keep herself together. “Is it my fault?” he asked, voice terribly small.
“No, never! It’s never your fault, bluebird,” she cradled his cheek, wiping away tears. “She’s— she’s sick and she can’t see what a good boy you are, Jason. I love you, okay? It’s never your fault.”
Watery eyes searched her face for more answers but eventually her little brother said: “okay.”
Thalia sat him on the bed, her hands never leaving him.
“We need to pack now, okay? We are going on a trip and I need you to look for your clothes, you know where your clothes are, yeah?” Jason nodded and she kissed his forehead. “Good boy, just pile your stuff here and we’ll pack, okay?”
Jason darted to their closet while she rummaged around her belongings, searching for a backpack big enough to shove both their things in. She was cramming her jeans and Jason’s raincoat into it when their mother started knocking on their door so hard the sound seemed to rumble inside their bodies.
“Thalia! THALIA! GIVE HIM BACK! HE’S MINE!”
Thalia swallowed and looked at Jason. Her brother clutched a fuzzy sweater against himself. He was shaking.
“Jason, Jay, look at me,” sky blue eyes met electric blue. “You are going to be safe. I promise.”
Jason gulped and then scrambled into action once again. Thalia squatted, looking for her secret money stash between the floorboards. It wasn’t much but it should still be enough to buy them something to eat since ransacking the fridge wasn’t an option right now.
“THALIA YOU WON’T GET AWAY WITH THIS! HE’S MINE!”
Thalia tried to ignore her as best as she could and coaxed Jason into his thickest coat. She closed the backpack and kneeled. Jason had filled another, smaller backpack and was trying to loop his arms under the straps. Thalia smiled and straightened up his clothes. She was pretty sure the little backpack was full of toys.
“Bluebird, I need you to be very brave for me,” Thalia said and hated herself for putting her baby brother in this position. “Can you do that for me?”
Jason nodded quickly. He seemed to be struggling with his words since Beryl started screaming.
“We need to leave and mother isn’t going to let us go through the door,” she squeezed his little hands in hers. “So we need to get out through the window, do you know what that means?”
He frowned. “Jumping.”
She gave him a soft squeeze again. “Yes, jumping. Can you help us fall so it won’t hurt? Can you do that for Thal?”
Their mother rapped on the door again and Jason startled. He looked at the door. He looked at Thalia.
“Yes.”
Outside, the sudden storm kept on raging. Thalia opened the window and felt raindrops kiss her cheeks. She sat on the windowsill and perched Jason next to her.
She looked down.
This time it was Jason who squeezed her hand. “I’ll do it, Thal. I promise.”
Thalia turned. Her baby brother puffed out his cheeks, looking as determined as a 4 year old could be.
She smiled. “I trust you, bluebird.”
They both looked down.
And then they fell.