Having both been scorned by past love interests, Barbara Gordon and Jason Todd make an impulsive decision to show just how much they don't need Dick Grayson or Koriand'r. But will fake-dating each other really bring them relief? Or will they truly fall for each other before they can stop themselves?

Chapter 1: Operation: Team-Up

Chapter Text

“I don’t know about this, BeeGee.”

“C’mon Jase, I know how crazy this sounds.”

“Do you? Because I really don’t know if you’ve thought this all the way through.” With an exasperated sigh, Jason Todd ran his hands through his hair. He’d been in sticky situations like this before, but being pushed into it by someone he saw as less daring was a first.

“When have I ever told you to do something that would get you in trouble?” A sly smirk played on Barbara Gordon’s face. She knew she could get a yes out of him, but he was going to need more convincing than she’d have thought. Still, he was starting to crack.

“Well, I mean …. Okay, you’ve got a point, but-”

“Haven’t I always had your back?”

“Yeah, but-”

“And have I ever led you down the wrong path?”

“No, but Babs … This? What are the odds this goes well?” Jason knew he couldn’t very well argue forever, but that didn’t make him less skeptical about his chances.

“You’ve never cared about numbers before, so why start now? You’ve made a career out of taking unknown risks.”

“Yeah, and those risks are usually taken when I’ve got at least three guns and a handful of knives on me, and even then I’d feel better with more firepower.”

“Oh come on. You know the outcome would be totally worth it.” Babs could see Jason’s argument slipping through his fingers. As much as she hated to ask him for any kind of favor, she needed him.

“Babs, I don’t know…”

“Jase, you’re the most bullheaded person I know. I need your help.”

“But why does it have to be … this?”

“For your favorite reason. Petty revenge.”

“But, Babs … dating?” It felt uncomfortable even saying the word out loud. It must have been clear on his face because the look on Babs’ face changed. He knew that look well. She was worried about him. Either that or she really hadn’t thought this through all the way and she was realizing it. “Walk me through this again … What exactly are you asking me to do?”

“Well, you know what happened between me and Dick, right?” When Jason nodded, Babs mirrored, in an effort to help him understand. “That whole thing when Kori answered the door in her underwear?”

There was a pang in Jason’s heart. “Yeah. Yeah, no I remember you telling me.” His brow furrowed, lips pursed together in thought.

“And you remember telling me what happened between you and Kori, right?”

“Yeah, we both got emotionally gutted. What are you getting at?”

“What I’m getting at is the idea that we,” she gestured between the two of them, “pretend to start dating so they,” she gestured vaguely toward the door, “see us move on with someone that doesn’t like them.”

Jason nodded along, fists resting on his hips as if waiting for her to get to the point. “... Okay, and?”

Babs groaned and hit her hands against her forehead. “And maybe they’ll regret what they did to us! Man, I thought I’d have gotten you on board with the ‘petty revenge’ pitch.”

“No, I get that. What I don’t get is what the endgame here is. What the hell do you expect to get out of this?” As confused as he was, he really was trying to understand. And, as much as he hated to admit it, the ‘petty revenge’ pitch was really effective.

Babs opened her mouth, but stopped herself before she started yelling. Just because she was getting frustrated didn’t mean she should start yelling. She sighed and shook her head. “I don’t know.” The words so rarely escaped her mouth, but it was the truth. “I don’t know what I want to get out of it, okay? All I know is I’m tired of pretending I’ve moved on. I’m tired of sitting around and waiting for things to get better. I’m tired of having to force a smile every time I see them together, but most of all? I’m tired of feeling alone, okay?”

Jason was taken aback. This may have been the first time he’d seen Barbara let her guard down. Or, at least, the first time without anyone else around. “I can’t say I don’t understand that,” he said, after a moment’s silence. “So, what do you suggest?”

“Well, mostly, I guess I’m suggesting we put on a show when they’re around. We don’t have to spend more time together or anything, but just make it look like we’re getting by better than we are.”

“Who said I’m not getting by? Maybe I’m doing great!” It was a defensive reaction, but the look on Babs’ face said she wasn’t buying it.

“C’mon, man. Oracle might only be a part time gig for me these days, but that doesn’t mean I don’t have a file on you a mile wide. From what your internet search history says, you’re having as hard a time moving on from your relationship as I am.”

Jason knew she was right, but he couldn’t just admit that. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. I’m doing just-”

“Really? Are you really doing just fine? You’ve googled romance novel apps for men no less than 12 times in two weeks. Christ, Jason. Just bookmark things. I promise it’ll save time.” It was really hard not laughing when Jason’s face turned as bright red as his helmet. “Look, we don’t have to actually date. Hell, I’m not even expecting us to like each other. I would just feel better knowing I’ve got someone on my side and I think you’d benefit from the same thing.”

Even as he was still trying to maintain composure from being called out that brutally, he could see the point she was making. And, in a way, it was almost thrilling. Even if he didn’t want to reopen any wounds with Koriander, the chance to piss Grayson off was too enticing to ignore. He pondered this for another moment before letting out a sigh. “Okay. Fine. You’ve got yourself a deal. On one condition.”

“I don’t think you’re in a position to make any demands here, boy wonder,” Babs said with a raised eyebrow.

“One condition,” he reiterated. As he watched Babs roll her eyes and cross her arms in wait, he smirked at her. “You have to promise not to fall in love with me.”

A fist came out and struck him in the arm before he knew what to do about it.

Chapter 2: What Will People Think?

Summary:

Barbara starts wondering if she has bitten off more than she can chew, but proves to herself that she's stubborn.

Chapter Text

As if she’d needed an excuse to blow off steam, Babs was rather looking forward to her patrol. It had been a little over a week since she and Jason had decided to “date,” and so far nothing had really improved. At least, not as far as morale went. As much as she hated to admit it, she was starting to regret telling Jason they didn’t have to spend more time together. After all, wasn’t part of the point so they didn’t have to be alone?

Well, not like she could just call Jason up and tell him she was bored or lonely. Best as she could figure, he’d just tease her and laugh. Next best thing was to hop onto her motorcycle and ride around until she found someone to beat up.

As the engine roared and hummed, and as she weaved between cars in Burnside, she found herself thinking. She often got lost in thought and, unfortunately, she usually had thoughts flying through her head at rapid speed.

What was she doing? What was she trying to accomplish by fake-dating Jason? Was she hoping Dick would see how happy she was and come crawling back? Of course she wasn’t. She was still so hurt he’d moved on so fast, she wasn’t sure she’d ever be able to get back to being happy again even if she did get him back.

Was she trying to prove she didn’t need him? Who was she trying to prove it to? Dick very much so wrapped up in his romance with Starfire, he probably wouldn’t notice. Then again, Kori was always more emotionally aware than Dick was. Whether or not it ever pissed Dick off, it’d have been worth it to see the look on her face when she saw how wonderfully Dick had been treated before she came along. Of course, that meant being … soft … with Jason, which didn’t seem like the worst thing, but he wasn’t going to make it easy.

Then again, what were the odds that Jason was really as much of a jerk as he liked to pretend to be? With very few exceptions, Babs prided herself on her judge of character. Even as a teen, Jason had always put on a show, but she could see through that act like it was made of glass. At least before he’d died, he was soft. He just needed someone to treat him like a person. She remembered when she’d put a hand on his shoulder or mess with his hair. He had the softest smile. Maybe that guy was still in there somewhere.

“Hey, BeeGee?”

Jason’s voice brought her rocketing back down out of her head and back to reality. Though, she’d admit it still took her by surprise. She would have loved to play it off as nothing, but an involuntary sound leapt out of her throat that made it very hard to play it cool. The snort she heard in her ear didn’t help. “What is it, Red?”

“I was just gonna ask if you’d heard anything from Clock King lately, but I can call back if you need.” Admittedly, he was trying not to laugh, but it was so rare that he caught her off guard, it was hard to hide his glee.

“I don’t think anyone’s heard from him since Red Robin took the batteries out of his watch. My guess is he’s still trying to set the time just right. Why? What’s up?”

“There’s been a string of robberies near downtown, and the only thing missing is clocks and watches. Found a couple guys with a bunch of the missing watches, but they aren’t saying who they’re working for.”

“Probably because they’re not working for anyone.” It was hard not to smirk to herself. “Clock King is more obsessed with being on time than he is with collecting watches. I’m pretty sure those guys are just small time robbers.”

“Whew! That’s a relief!”

Before Babs could say anything, she heard two gunshots over the radio. She frowned and slowed her motorcycle to a stop.

“Red?” She was answered with static, but she knew he was still there. “Red, tell me that wasn’t you shooting two already subdued criminals.”

“I could, but I’d be lying,” he answered, light chuckle in his voice.

Babs sighed and shook her head. “Did you at least shoot them in the legs? Like, not a fatal shot?”

“I think we both know the answer to that.”

“Red. Tell me. Tell me you shot them in the legs. Just do that favor for me.”

After a moment’s silence, he answered. “Yeah. I kneecapped them.”

“Thank you. Alright.” Babs looked at the time, popped the kickstand of her motorcycle, and started to climb up to a nearby rooftop. “Well, Burnside seems to be quiet tonight. If you’re just about wrapped up over there, I could meet you somewhere for a drink.”

“Hold up, are you serious?” Jason sounded way more surprised than Babs might have expected him to be. “That’s it? Nightwing would’ve spent the next half hour lecturing me over the use of guns.”

“When have I ever told you how to do your job?” She reached the top of the building and looked out over the Burnside neighborhood. Things were actually quiet. “As long as those watches get turned in, it’s none of my business how you do things. I just don’t want to hear about it.”

“Heh. Damn.” Jason holstered his gun and started toward his own motorcycle. “So, drinks?”

“Yeah, I’m gonna do one more circuit, but I can meet you at your place. I’ll bring drinks.” A running start, and she was off, leaping over alleys and vaulting over vents, staying close to the street so she could see as much as possible.

“You know, I’m probably only a 15 minute ride away from Burnside’s nightlife district. If we’re lucky, maybe someone’ll take a picture of us and post it to Pixtagram!”

She couldn’t help but chuckle at the idea. And, well, it wasn’t the worst idea he’d ever had. It’d be a great, casual way to introduce the relationship to the rest of the BatFam. “You devious asshole,” she said, amusement coloring her voice. “Alright. I’ll meet you over there. I won’t be long. Just try not to start too much trouble ‘til I get there, ‘kay?”

“No promises, BeeGee.”

The static cut out and Babs was alone with her thoughts again. As much as she might have been surprised to admit it, talking to Jason brought a smile to her face. She’d missed casual banter. It wasn’t something she’d gotten a lot of since she moved to Burnside, but she did miss it.

She ran her practiced route around the perimeter of Burnside and, much like down on street-level, everything seemed quiet. Soon enough, she’d completed her circuit and ended up back at her motorcycle. Sliding down a drainage pipe, something caught her attention from the corner of her eye. It was a stark contrast to the muted purples and yellow color scheme of her bike, but the red was caught just right in the light of the street light.

A chill ran down her spine. Whatever it was was placed there on purpose. That could only mean that someone had found where she’d stashed her bike, and that didn’t sit well with her. Approaching cautiously, she switched on her cowl’s computer to see if she could find any evidence who it might have been. No fingerprints could be detected, but military style boot prints could be. Size 11, made by someone about 200lbs it looked like. Once Babs had decided whoever left the boot prints wasn’t still hanging around, she approached her bike with some caution.

The flash of red she’d seen was a box, sitting patiently on the seat of the motorcycle. No particular heat signatures coming from it, and no odd sounds, and it was only about nine square inches.

“C’mon, Batgirl. You’re being paranoid,” she muttered to herself. She huffed at her own behavior and carefully lifted the lid of the box. Inside was a small bit of yellow satin folded over something small. Further unwrapping the fabric, Barbara recognized what it concealed, though she hadn’t seen it in years.

It was a piece of a circuit board. Though it wasn’t complete, she recognized it as one of the early communicators she’d designed in her early days as Batgirl. She couldn’t help the smile on her face. Just looking at it brought back memories. She remembered showing it to Bruce, and how excited she was when he told her to implement it into their masks.

Those radios had all since been removed and repurposed. She really hadn’t thought any of them survived. And, after several years, it would have been crazy to imagine she’d see one again.

She gingerly lifted it out of the box and realized it had been carefully sealed with resin and turned into a hairclip. A memory in the back of her head surfaced, but she brushed it off as nothing. She stuffed the hairclip into a pocket on her utility belt, rewrapping it with the yellow satin, and revved up her motorcycle. It wasn’t a far drive to the nightlife district, and Jason’s bike could be spotted immediately. Of course, in perfectly dramatic fashion, he was leaning against it outside the bar, helmet dangling from one of the handlebars. When she rode up and parked next to him, the pair of them started attracting attention.

Burnside was used to Batgirl, but hadn’t seen a lot of Red Hood. So, naturally, the two of them together were drawing some curious glances.

“Lookin’ good there, BeeGee,” Jason said over the hum of her engine. “I didn’t peg ya for the bike riding kind. I didn’t think you preferred form over function.”

Babs smirked and dismounted, crossing her arms over her chest. “Some of us actually know how to ride, you know. Besides, I never said I had to sacrifice form for function. Every once in a while I get both.”

Jason feigned surprise. “Are you suggesting you can ride better than I can?”

“Not suggesting. Flat out telling.” She grinned and nudged him, gesturing toward the bar they were standing outside of. “C’mon. I might let you prove me wrong later.”

Sure enough, people were indeed snapping pictures of the two of them, whispering excitedly to each other as they set the pictures around to friends and uploaded them online. Before she could step away, Jason grabbed her hand and spun her around to hold her against him. “I’d love the chance to do more than that.”

There was an odd warmth Babs felt in her chest, the way he was holding her. She knew it was probably just a show for the onlookers, but it was hard to ignore it. “Cool your jets, Hoodie. I don’t kiss on the first date.”

“That’s a shame,” he said with a smirk. “I guess I’ll just have to treat you to another night out soon.”

Chapter 3: Babysitting Duty

Chapter Text

Babysitting Duty

Their plan had worked like a charm. It wasn’t long before social media was buzzing with rumors of a new vigilante romance. It hadn’t escaped the attention of the BatFam, either. Though, they were quicker to brush it off as just another rumor, and no one really has time to talk about it. Nor did they seem to care.

But it did seem to raise eyebrows when Bruce asked Jason to take Damien to the boardwalk and Barbara volunteered to go with them. Everyone was surprised, including Jason. They’d been getting along just fine the past couple of weeks they’d been pretend-dating, but they really hadn’t spent a lot of time together out of costume.

Part of him was a little excited to spend the day with her, while the other part of him was brought violently back to reality when Tim also volunteered to go with them. Not exactly the right conditions for a pseudo-date, but it wasn’t like he expected their fake relationship to go anywhere anyway.

After being piled into Barbara’s car, it wasn’t long before Damien started complaining.

“I don’t see why we have to go somewhere like the boardwalk. It’s so boring. There’s nothing interesting to do there.” Damien crossed his arms and leaned against the door of the car, looking out the window. “This is ridiculous.”

“Hey, Bruce wants you to get out of the house more, so I’m getting you out of the house,” Jason said to the rearview mirror. “Besides, if it annoys you, I’m first in line. You know that.” He chuckled as he turned his eyes back to the road, smirking with amusement as he heard the disgruntled snort in the back seat.

“That doesn’t explain why we’re going to the boardwalk though,” Tim chided. “You definitely don’t seem the type to walk along the beach and play carnival games, so what gives, Todd?”

“It’s the perfect way to torture me,” Damien sneered. “I want to go to the arcade. Where they have real games. And I want a cheeseburger.”

“You’ll get a hot dog and like it, squirt.” Jason was not in the mood to deal with Damien being picky. Not when he would have much rather spent the day alone with Barbara. “And carnival games are real games! Real games for people with skill.”

“What kind of useless skill involves rolling a ball into a hole?” Damien glared at Jason and kicked the back of the driver’s seat. “And hot dogs are gross. I’m not going to eat one, and you can’t make me.”

“Hey Damien?” Barbara was finally speaking up, and she had that smile on her face that could get Jason to agree to anything. Poor kid didn’t have a chance against her. “I promise, we’re as frustrated as you are. If you do me a favor and make today as painless as possible, I promise I’ll take you to the zoo tomorrow. Okay? All you gotta do for me is cooperate as best you can.”

Jason glanced at the rearview mirror to see how Damien would react, and to his utter surprise, Damien seemed to be agreeing in his own bratty way. It was too bad Babs wouldn’t be able to work the same magic on Tim. He could see on Tim’s face that he was far from shutting up.

“So, what’s really going on?” he asked. “You two have been acting weird all week, and I’m pretty sure there’s more to it than you’re letting on.”

Well, he got right down to the point. Jason wasn’t totally sure how to react or answer. But, luckily, he didn’t have to worry about it long. Babs reached into her purse and withdrew what looked like a half-dismantled radio.

“Tim, I’ve been meaning to ask you to help me with this. I just can’t seem to make this work. All it picks up is one radio station from Guatemala and the occasional sports broadcast. Can you take a look at it?” She held the piece of tech over her shoulder to hand it off to Tim, who eagerly grabbed it and started looking at it.

Just like that, it was quiet in the car. Jason glanced over at Barbara and smirked. “How did you manage to do that?” he asked. “Any time I try to get them to shut up, all I get is verbally eviscerated until hands get thrown in one direction or another.”

“Jase, I’ve known all of you for years. I have a few tricks to get each of you to cooperate.” She smirked and leaned back in the passenger seat. “I wouldn’t be very good at my job if I didn’t pay attention.”

He chuckled. That checked out. She was always using harmless psychological tricks on people, just to keep the peace. “What kind of tricks do you have on me?”

Babs smirked at him and reclined a little further. “It’s no fun just telling you. But I’ll give you a hint. It involves Rubik’s Cubes.”

Jason snorted, but it took a moment to register what she meant. He remembered, back when he was starting out as Robin, that Barbara would occasionally distract him with a Rubik’s Cube, offering a kiss as a reward for solving it. He had such a crush on her back then, he would immediately get to work trying to solve it. A lot of times he’d focus on it for days, never getting any closer to solving the damn thing. The memory brought a smile to his face. He wanted so badly to impress Barbara. There was something really funny about the thought that she knew that and used it against him.

It was a very peaceful rest of the drive to the boardwalk and, luckily, Damien seemed to be holding Barbara to her word. He was behaving more than Jason had ever seen him behave. He didn’t even whine when Barbara suggested the ring toss game.

Tim was still focused on the piece of tech Barbara had handed him, and as such wasn’t paying attention to much more than where they were and if he was about to walk into someone. Jason really couldn’t remember a time those two had ever listened to him, but here they were, doing exactly what Babs said. It was impressive, to say the least.

For the most part, he hung back, deciding it was better to let Babs take care of the kids. Something about watching her being protective and nurturing brought what might be described as warm and fuzzy feelings. The way she smiled at him, the way her eyes glistened as she joked with Tim, the way her nose crinkled when she tussled Damien’s hair, her laugh … It was nice to see. He hadn’t seen her this relaxed in years, and he’d almost forgotten what it was like.

“Staying out of trouble?”

The voice behind him brought Jason crashing back to reality. He whirled around to see Dick approaching them. On his arm was, of course, Kori. Despite being totally caught off guard, it wasn’t quite as shocking as he might have expected. “C’mon, Dick. You know me.”

“Yeah, that’s what I’m worried about.” Dick chuckled and waved at Babs. “Hey! Nice to see you taking a day off, Babs! How’d Jason bribe you into babysitting for him?”

Babs looked up and for a moment, Jason was worried about how she would react. The smile on her face, though, let Jason relax a little. She walked over and hooked an arm around his waist. If he was a betting man, he would have laid money down that his pulse had doubled.

“No bribes necessary,” she said, leaning in close to Jason. “I get to spend the day with a wonderful guy!”

Dick laughed awkwardly, like he couldn’t tell if she was joking or not. “How much is he paying you to say that?” He glanced at Jason again before leaning into Babs a little. “Blink twice if you’re here against your will.”

“Dick, I do not think she is joking,” Kori muttered to him. She looked at Jason and offered a smile. “I am glad to see you are doing well!”

Babs gently squeezed Jason, and it caught his attention instantly. As he looked at her, she smiled, and his heart felt like it was melting. “Jase, I was going to get a round of hot dogs. Would you like anything while I’m at the stand?”

“Nah, I’m good,” he said with a smile. “Just hurry back before Damien decides to start playing darts with the toothpicks.”

Babs smiled and nuzzled her nose against his. Jason felt his face heat up, but he couldn’t have prepared himself for what came next. She kissed him. The kiss only lasted a moment, but it put him on top of the world. He didn’t care that Dick and Kori had shown up. He didn’t care that Tim and Damien were tagging along. He didn’t care about any of that. The girl he’d had a crush on since he was 10 had just kissed him.

Dick and Kori were talking, but nothing they said registered with Jason. He just stared wistfully after Barbara as she walked over to the hot dog stand. Slowly, things were starting to click into place in his head. He’d never really stopped admiring her. The odds of his feelings for her being reciprocated were slim, but he couldn’t bring himself to care. At least for now, for once, he felt at peace. For however temporary the situation may have been, at least he could pretend. For now.

“Jase.”

Tim was standing next to him now. When did that happen? Dick and Kori had wandered off. Jason was left standing by himself, grinning like an idiot. He was still only barely registering that Tim was talking to him.

“Jase, you good?”

All that really came out in response was a sort of incoherent muttering. There was part of him that was still practically buzzing from the high of being kissed by Barbara.

“Dude, what’s going on? You can’t seriously expect me to believe that the rumors are true.” Tim had abandoned the tech in favor of a far more interesting puzzle, and Jason just didn’t care enough to give him any answers. “What’s up, man?”

“Tim? Shut up.”

Chapter 4: Late Night In

Chapter Text

There weren’t a lot of things Barbara couldn’t figure out. She was good at puzzles. Always had been. As long as she was able to sit down and think through something clearly, she was usually able to get to the bottom of why a certain set of circumstances had played out the way they did.

So why, then, was it so hard to figure out what had happened at the boardwalk? Everything was going just about as well as might have been expected. Damien was cooperating, if only to earn the right to pet some animals, and Tim got to feel superior for trying to help her fix a junk piece of tech she only kept around to distract him. But Jason? There was something about the way he looked at her. There was a softness she’d not seen in him for a long time. It was refreshing. And it was nice to see the old Jason in there, somewhere.

She sat on the edge of her bed, looking at her phone. She so rarely talked to the others outside of regular business, she wasn’t sure why she had such an urge to call Jason now.

She closed her eyes and let herself fall into the memory of the boardwalk.

She looked up and saw the irritated look on Jason’s face. Her eyes flicked to the pair approaching him and she felt a pang in her gut. Not a jealous pang, but one that filled her with a sense of remorse. She hadn’t wanted Jason to be caught off guard like this. Neither of them had prepared enough. She was worried how he would handle the situation.

She walked over and gently slid an arm around Jason’s waist, holding him against her. If nothing else, it was an effort to remind him she was there with him.

She felt his warmth through his jacket. It seeped through the layers of cloth between them and spread across her like an infection. The warmth was hard to ignore. It made her feel comfortable. Safe.

His hand rested on the small of her back, though he didn’t seem to realize it.

His blue-grey eyes twinkled like twilight as he looked down at her. Her heart seemed to swell as she looked at him.

She could hardly help herself. Whatever force that had compelled her to hold him the way she was, pushed her further to press her lips gently against his.

Warm. Soft. Gentle. Three words she did not think could describe Jason Todd.

Whatever she might have intended by kissing him, she suddenly didn’t want it to end. It felt safe. It felt-

Oh come on, Babs. She brought herself back out of her memory and ran her hand through her hair, pushing the copper locks from her eyes. She didn’t want to find herself in a relationship. Not with everything that was going on around them.

Besides, Jason didn’t wholly seem the type to settle down into a monogamous relationship. Not from what she’d heard. She couldn’t expose herself to the same heartbreak she’d already endured.

She looked down at her phone, calling up Jason’s phone number in her contacts. Her thumb hovered over the talk button as she tried to think through what she was going to try to say. Truthfully, she didn’t have anything in particular she wanted to talk about. She just wanted to talk.

Then again, no one else seemed to want to talk about anything but business. It wasn’t like she had anything else to talk about that might hold his interest, so what was the point? Well, the point was trying not to be lonely anymore. That was the point of all of this.

While she waffled back and forth about the pros and cons of calling Jason just to talk, her phone started ringing. Jason was calling her. She almost couldn’t believe it. Enough so that she nearly forgot to answer the phone.

“Jase?” She held the phone to her ear. “What’s up? What do you need? Is everything okay?”

“Whoa! Calm down, Babs! Everything’s fine!” He was chuckling on the other end, but it didn’t help Babs feel much better.

“So what’s up?” She asked, trying to calm down from the momentary panic that he was in mortal danger.

“Nothing.”

Well, that was a shock. There was no hint of deception in his voice, but that didn’t mean she was going to take him at his word. “You sure about that?”

“Yeah, I just wanted to check on you.” He was chuckling, like he thought she was joking. “What? No one else just calls to talk?”

“Not really. Most of the time, the only calls I get are questions about criminal activity or tech.” Wow, it didn’t feel great that that was the truth. She didn’t think about it a lot, but maybe she should start expecting more respect.

“Babs, I’m so sorry to hear that. I guess I figured out of all of us, you’d be the one with the best social life. Like, never a moment’s rest.”

“Nah, I’m boring.” She chuckled. It was a response she’d come to expect from people. She didn’t have anything relatable to talk about very often, and when she did, she tended to go off on tangents until the other party lost interest. She’d learned to laugh about it.

The silence on the other end of the line, though, surprised her. “I don’t think you’re boring,” he muttered. “You working on anything fun?”

Babs smiled and got up to pace around the room. “I don’t know about fun, but I did start working on a device that scans evidence and picks up residual trace DNA. So even if someone’s wearing gloves, the dead skin cells that tend to cling on would be identified. Ideally, it would give a list of DNA identified in order of how much was found. Figure it’d be a good place to start with a suspect list in cases where not a lot of evidence was left.”

“Damn, that’s awesome!”

“Yeah! I figured it would also make it easier to up security without having to take off costume pieces. I mean, for the most part, we could use retinal scans, but you wear a helmet most times, and the masks everyone else wears tends to play tricks on the scanners, so I’m trying to figure out how to adapt fingerprint scanners to work for people with gloves on.” Babs stopped short of starting another sentence, putting her hand to her forehead. “...I’m sorry. This probably isn’t very interesting, is it?”

“What? No! No, I love hearing about your projects!” He chuckled on the other end. “Sorry. I guess I don’t have anything interesting to add. It’s just … nice to hear you talk about stuff you like.”

Babs glanced out the window and smirked, leaning against the window frame as she looked into the night. “Don’t say that, or I’ll never shut up.”

“I’m gonna go ahead and double down, then, because I love hearing you be passionate.”

“You gonna just listen on the phone? Or are you planning to ring the doorbell sometime soon?”

“....What?”

“Jason, there’s basically no delay in our conversation, which means you’re closeby, and I can see your motorcycle from my window.” She pulled the curtain back and saw Jason pacing in front of the door to the apartment building. “That a new jacket? Looks good on you, Jase!”

There was silence for a long moment, and Barbara watched as Jason looked at the phone, up to the window, then at the door before pressing the button for her apartment.

BUZZ

“I’ll buzz you in, you dork.” She smirked, hung up, and hit the button to let him into the building.

“You sure this isn’t weird?” he asked, holding the building door open. He was hesitating. “I mean, I did just kinda show up where you live.”

“Jase, I’ve had ample time to tell you to get lost, but I’m inviting you in instead. Now, please, come in? It’s weirder to be talking on the phone when I can literally see you.”

“Okay, if you say so.” He hung up and stepped into the building.

Babs smiled. She was honestly happy he was here. Maybe it’d be nice to have someone over just to spend time with them.

Chapter 5: Tea Time

Chapter Text

In the last couple of weeks since he’d accidentally creeped on Barbara, they’d spent a lot more time together. It was nice. Jason never really thought he’d be able to spend this much time with her, even during his time as Robin. He kind of felt like they were making up for lost time, and they weren’t even doing anything terribly specific. When they weren’t on patrol, they were just spending time together. Whether it was running errands, or playing video games, or just taking a walk, barely a day went by when they didn’t do something together.

Today, they were walking through the book district of Gotham. Babs said she was looking for a particular book, and she wanted to see if any of the used bookstores had a copy. Truthfully, Jason was also looking for a book, but he didn’t want to admit it until he found it. If he found it, anyway.

The morning, since the shops had opened, was more or less a bust. Neither of them found what they were looking for, but they had gotten to tease each other back and forth. Even if the hunt thusfar had been unsuccessful, he was having a good time.

They walked down the street, past a couple of cafes, while Babs read something funny she saw online to him.

“She got out and,” she snickered for a moment before finishing, “man door hand hook car door.”

Jason laughed more heartily than he ever remembered laughing. “I’m sorry, WHAT?”

Babs laughed along with him and showed him the screen of her phone. “Man door hand hook car door!” She wiped a tear from her eye. She was laughing so hard she was starting to cry. It was so wonderful to see. “Someone made a bot tell an urban legend, and this is what it came up with.”

“You should do something with a bot! Like, I don’t know … make it write an episode of that Batman show that was on TV for a while.”

Babs, who had just started to calm down, started laughing all over again. “Oh my god, that would be so campy! I’m definitely going to make that a project to work on in my downtime now.”

“I’m gonna need daily updates about it,” he teased. “After all, I’m invested now. I need to check and make sure my ideas are being well executed!”

As they were talking, they started to pass a tea shop. Jason would have ordinarily completely ignored it, but out of the corner of his eye, he saw something he didn’t expect. Mad Hatter was sitting in the tea shop, sitting across a table from someone wearing one of the Hatter’s mind-control headbands. He stopped and frowned. “Oh great. I’m gonna need to find one of my spare helmets,” he muttered.

Babs turned to ask what he meant, when she apparently saw the same thing he did. As Jason started to unbutton his shirt to reveal his armor, Babs put a hand on his to get him to stop. “Hang on, Jase,” she said. “Gimme a sec to talk to him, okay? He’s been doing better with his treatment at Arkham. Maybe something’s going on.”

Jason was shocked that she wasn’t immediately suiting up, but he also didn’t want to tell her no. “Okay. Ten minutes, but then we either take him in, or we call someone. Deal?”

“Deal.” Babs smiled and stepped into the tea shop, waving at Mad Hatter. He seemed to notice her, and enthusiastically waved back. “Hey, Jervis!”

“Miss Gordon! How nice of you to stop by! Would you like a cup of tea?” Hatter didn’t often refer to someone by their real name, so this caught Jason’s attention. Had he really been responding well to treatment? It had been a while since he’d heard anything from him. Maybe Babs was right.

“Always,” she said, that winning smile glistening. “You wanna introduce me to your friend?” She looked at the person with the headband, who didn’t seem to notice anything was going on.

Hatter looked bashful, looking down and away from Barbara. “This? This is … just a friend I made?”

Barbara walked over and put a hand on Hatter’s shoulder. “Jervis, I thought we talked about this. Mind-control isn’t the best way to make friends.”

“But it works 100% of the time!”

“Until the band short-circuits. C’mon. Why don’t we take that band off and I can sit with you? You know I love our talks about literature.”

Hatter screwed his face up, apparently weighing his options. Apparently, Babs made a compelling argument, because he bowed his head and pulled the band off of the person’s head. Jason walked over and gingerly led the confused woman out of the cafe, glancing back to make sure Babs would be okay.

“Where am I?” the woman asked, looking around in a daze.

“You’re on 35th and Dickens,” he said. “You’re safe. Just take a walk. The fresh air will help.” When he went back inside, Babs was already sitting with Jervis, and had ordered her own tea. She waved for him to join, so he grabbed a seat and sat down with them. “Hey Babs, everything okay?”

“Yeah! Jase, this is Jervis Tetch.” She was smiling so brightly, it was hard not to smile with her. “Jervis, this is my boyfriend, Jason.”

Jason was blushing. He was sure of it. It was the first time he’d heard her refer to him as her boyfriend, and he had to say, it felt nice. “Nice to meet you, Jervis,” he said, extending a hand to shake.

Jervis looked thoroughly engaged in the introduction. His eyes went wide as he energetically shook Jason’s hand. “A pleasure indeed, sir! It seems the Queen has found herself a worthy King!”

Jason glanced at Babs, who didn’t seem terribly alarmed by the way Jervis was talking. She smiled and held up a finger. “Now, Jervis, this is one of those things we’ve talked about. I’m not a queen. I’m just someone trying to help people.”

“My apologies,” he said. “Miss Gordon, I am so glad to see you!”

“When did you get out of Arkham?” she asked, leaning her chin on her hand as she stirred her tea with her free hand. “I was going to stop by on Thursday! You didn’t tell me you’d been released.”

Jervis looked bashful again. “I wasn’t officially released,” he admitted. Jason felt immediately on edge, but Babs wasn’t reacting, so he was going to follow her lead. “The orderlies there have been quite brutish lately. I had to get away from it! But, unfortunately, not many people give me a chance to make a good impression.”

Babs gave him a look. “You know the orderlies are just doing their jobs. They don’t want to be there any more than you do, but they do want to help.” She took a sip of her tea, smiling gently. “And you know you can make friends without controlling their minds.”

“But it takes so much longer!”

“I know, but it shouldn’t be the number of friends you have. It should be the quality!” She pulled her phone out and made a note on it. “Tell you what. If you go back to Arkham and continue working on your treatment plan, once you get discharged, I will put you in contact with someone I know that I think you’d get along with. Does that sound good?”

Jervis thought for a moment, but nodded. “I think that sounds wonderful, Miss Gordon! You have so many interesting acquaintances, I look forward to meeting them!” He shook Babs’ hand. “I suppose you’re going to inform the doctors where I am?”

“I’m going to have to. You know that. But, if you stay here and finish your tea, I’m sure they’ll be very polite when they get here!” She sent a text to one of the doctors at Arkham, and Jason found himself wondering how many times she’d been in this kind of situation. “Alright, the doctors are on their way. Can you promise me you’ll start taking your medication again?”

“For you, Miss Gordon, I would do anything.” Jervis tipped his hat and smiled warmly. “Can I look forward to your weekly visits?”

“Of course you can!” She got up and walked to the counter. From what Jason could hear, she was telling him to put Jervis’ tea on her bill, but Jason’s attention was shifted before he could see how the clerk would react.

Jervis was shaking his hand again, quite emphatically. “And you, sir, are a lucky man. Miss Gordon is one of the finest people I’ve had the pleasure of meeting. You must promise to take good care of her!”

Jason, to his own surprise, was kind of flattered to be called lucky. He really was starting to root for the weird little man. “Believe me, it’s an honor to be mentioned in the same breath as her. I promise I’ll take care of her for as long as she wants me around, and probably for a good while after that.” He smiled and nudged Jervis. That seemed to satisfy the Hatter, and just in time for Babs to return to the table. “You ready to get going?” he asked.

“Yeah, we’ve still got a couple shops to check out.” She slipped her arm around his waist as he stood, then smiled at Jervis again. “Be good, Jervis. I’ll see you Thursday, okay?”

“Absolutely, Miss Gordon! Have a nice day!”

As Jason escorted Barbara out of the tea shop, he looked at her with complete surprise. “So … how did you know that was going to work?”

“One day, I didn’t have access to my costume, and he was trying to control an entire church. I managed to get him to slow down long enough to talk to me. Honestly, he’s really not that bad. He just needed a little push in the right direction.” She smiled and brushed her hair behind her ear. “Honestly, a lot of Batman’s enemies are just people that need a little help.”

“Yeah, but a lot of them are also incredibly dangerous. Not all of them can be talked to or reasoned with.”

“Maybe, but the non-violent ones usually can be. And even some of the muggers and robbers are just trying to make ends meet. It’s a matter of finding out who needs help and who needs rehabilitation.” She shrugged and looked up at Jason. “I’m not going to expect you to change your methods, like you don’t really expect me to change mine. It’s just something to think about.”

It was something to think about. Jason had never really tried to think about things like this before, but she did bring up a good point. And he’d seen the way she worked. She was ruthless when someone couldn’t be reasoned with, but it was nice to see that she really was trying to make a difference. The Batgirl schtick wasn’t just for show. She really did want to help people in any way she could.

Just another reason to love her.

Chapter 6: A Word of Advice

Chapter Text

With all of the time she’d been spending with Jason, Barbara was starting to wonder how much of her feelings for him were just excitement that she was spending time with another, skin and bone human being, or how much of it was … well, more. It was admittedly getting hard to tell. The line between the two camps was getting more and more blurred by the day. She would have loved to assume that she was just relieved to be spending time with a person, but the way he made her feel was … nice.

The memories of his laughter echoed in her ears, his warmth lingering around her shoulders from when he would hold her close. His crooked smile and the way his eyes glimmered … Babs was starting to wonder when he became such a strong man.

It was all very confusing, so she did the only thing she knew to do when she didn’t know how to handle a situation. She called her dad.

He offered to take her to lunch, and she happily accepted. She hadn’t seen a lot from her dad lately, and she wanted to catch up with him. She just hoped she’d be able to squeeze in a chance to talk to him about Jason.

They met up at a coffee shop about midway between Burnside and the downtown precinct, at a place her father truly believed was “hip,” despite assurances that it wasn’t. Babs chose to see it as a charming eccentricity of a middle aged dad.

“How’s the precinct?” Barbara asked once they took a seat near the window. She thought it would be nice for him to see the trees outside, knowing how rare it was for him to get out of his office lately. “You get back on patrol yet?”

“No, the younger officers get nervous about me tagging along.” He smiled as he took a sip from his latte, using a napkin to wipe the foam from his mustache out of habit. “How about your patrols? Anything exciting you can share with your old man?”

“Surprisingly, no! Burnside’s been really quiet lately. Though, a lot of people seem to like taking pictures. I never seem to notice until I check social media the next morning.” She chuckled awkwardly, rubbing the back of her neck.

“Oh, I’ve seen some of the pictures,” he teased. “Which, I’m sure, brings us to the real reason you wanted to meet up, right Barbie?”

“First of all, I’ve asked you not to call me Barbie. Second, how dare you! Can’t I just want to catch up with the father I love and don’t get to see nearly enough?” Babs was met with an incredulous look, and she looked down bashfully. “Okay, you’re right.”

“I thought so. You’re not the only decent detective in this family, you know.” Her dad smirked and leaned a little closer. “So, tell me about this mysterious guy in the red helmet.”

“Well, he goes by Red Hood…”

“Very clever.”

“Shush. He’s been through a lot, but honestly? I kinda feel like he’s one of the only people I know that … kinda gets what I’ve been through. Or, at least, he gets it better than anyone else can.” She used her stirrer to swirl the chocolate syrup that was collecting at the bottom of her cup. “He doesn’t baby me, either. I mean, he gets worried that I’ll over-exert myself, but he doesn’t hover. And he actually likes hearing about stuff I’m working on. He asks me questions about it instead of just nodding along.” She smiled wistfully, absently stirring her coffee. “He’s got such a great sense of humor, too. It’s so easy to smile around him. I actually look forward to spending time with him. Like, for once, I don’t want to just spend every waking moment on my computer looking at thousands of lines of code.”

Her father smiled warmly. It wasn’t often she opened up like this, and it must have been nice to see. “It sounds like you’re pretty well smitten.”

“That’s just the thing, though! We’re supposed to be fake-dating to stick it to our respective exes, so how do I know what I’m feeling is real? What if I’m just really getting into this role I’ve made for myself?” Babs looked helplessly at her dad. This question was starting to tear her up. “I mean, I don’t think it’s … love. Maybe I’m just lonely?”

“Well, there’s a set of questions I could ask that might help you figure that out. Want to try?”

“More than anything.”

Her father straightened up in his seat and put on his interrogation face. Not really required for something like this, but Babs would allow it. He didn’t get to use it a lot anymore. “What color are his eyes?”

“Blue-gray. Like, if you picture the sky on a hazy day, when the sun is low enough to illuminate the fog… that color.” She blinked. That was very specific. Maybe there was something to these questions. “That’s not fair, though. Eidetic memory.”

“Okay, fair. How about this one: What’s his favorite song?”

“Oh, that changes based on the radio. If you ask him that out of nowhere, he’d claim it was Blood // Water by grandson, but the second the song Middle Finger by Bohnes comes on, he proudly proclaims that it’s his jam.”

“Interesting…” Her father stroked his chin in thought, clearly amused by her answer. “What’s your favorite thing about him?”

That question caught her off guard, but not more so than her realization that she had an answer already. “His smile. I know that sounds cliche, but it’s not just that it’s a handsome smile. It is. It’s aesthetically pleasing. But I love the way it makes me feel. Seeing him smile like that, after everything we’ve been through, and everything we face every day? It makes me feel hope. It makes me feel like no matter how bad things are, they can get better. And they will get better.”

“And what’s his name?”

“Dad, you’re trying to trick me into telling you his name so you can look him up in police records, but for the sake of this exercise, I’d rather you just treat him like anyone else.”

“I am! That’s why I want to look him up!”

“Dad!”

“Okay, fine.” He laughed and smiled at his daughter. “My professional opinion as a dad is that you like this guy. A lot. You like him enough that you’re trying to protect him from me, which means you want whatever it is you have to last for as long as it can. So, for what an old man’s opinion is worth, I’d say go for it. At the end of the day, I can’t tell you what the right kind of guy will be like, but I can tell you, with utmost certainty, that the right guy will love you no matter what. The best thing you can do is find a person who loves you for exactly what you are. Good mood, bad mood, ugly, pretty, handsome, what have you, the right person is still going to think the sun shines out your ass. That's the kind of person that's worth sticking with.”

Babs smiled. She remembered talking to her dad about her relationship with Dick, and she remembered him being a little more cautious in his support. Maybe he saw something she didn’t. He was a good detective, after all. He wouldn’t have gotten as far as he did if he didn’t have good instincts.

She stood and leaned over the table to hug him. After a moment’s shock, he hugged her back. “Thanks, dad,” she said. “I appreciate it.” She kissed his cheek and picked up her purse. “And don’t worry, I’m not going to make it too easy for Jason.”

“Wait. Jason TODD?”

But Barbara was already almost out the door. “Talk to you later, dad!”

Chapter 7: Field Trip

Chapter Text

With as much time as he’d been spending with Babs, Jason was finding he didn’t want to spend too much time away from her. It was so nice to be around her, he kind of wanted to do his nightly patrol in Burnside, just so he could pretend to be running into her. Mostly, he just felt lonely, and wanted some company tonight. But was he going to admit that? Of course not. He had a reputation, after all.

What that reputation was, exactly, tended to change depending on who you ask, but dammit, it was his reputation.

He was all suited up, weaving through the streets on his motorcycle, navigating the now practiced route to Burnside. “Hey BeeGee, how’s it looking over there?” he asked over the radio. He wasn’t great at managing tech, but he knew how to triangulate a signal, and he wanted to at least figure out where Babs was without directly asking.

“Hey, Red! Actually, I might have found something interesting in the warehouse district. Usually, there’s just a lot of raves and parties over there, but I have a hunch there’s something else going on tonight.”

“Really?” He was weirdly hopeful that this might be the perfect time to work with her. “You need a hand? Batman and company have Gotham pretty well blanketed, and I can’t find anything fun.”

“Awww, poor baby.” He could hear the chuckle in her voice. “I mean, if you really need something to do that desperately, I bet I can keep you out of trouble.”

If he didn’t know better, he’d say that was her flirting voice. He couldn’t remember ever hearing that tone in her voice outside of her banter with Dick. “Promises, Promises, BeeGee.” The signal was starting to narrow down where Babs was, and it looked like she was just outside the warehouse district. She must have just found something. “So, whaddya say?”

Babs chuckled. “You’re already in the neighborhood, aren’t you?”

Jason slowed the motorcycle to a stop, trying to play it casual. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Yeah, yeah. Play it cool, hotshot. I’m scoping out warehouse D24 from the roof of a condo building on the west side.”

The smugness in her voice should have annoyed him, but at least he didn’t have to dance around trying to talk her into letting him hang out. He pulled out his phone to try to navigate to warehouse D24, when Babs started talking again.

“Keep going down the alley you pulled into, turn left onto the street, and keep going like that until you see a billboard for soap. Then you’re gonna turn right. Kay?”

“Shut up.” He was glad for the directions, though. He had a history of being too proud to ask her for directions, but it was nice to know where the hell he was going. He followed her directions and found himself getting closer to the warehouses. It wasn’t hard to see the building Babs would have chosen to scope the place out. After doing a quick perimeter check, he pulled into an alley and parked next to the familiar purple motorcycle. A short climb up the fire escape and he saw Babs crouching behind the short wall at the edge of the roof.

“So kind of you to show up,” she teased, smirk on her face. “You were so quiet, I was starting to wonder if you’d show up.”

“And let you have all the fun? Not a chance.” He smirked under his helmet and leaned against the wall next to her. “So, what’s the status? Any idea who might be involved?”

“Well, from what I can tell, it’s a hand off. Three guys dropping off, five picking up. Not extremely well armed, so it’s probably not a weapons deal, but there’s definitely something fishy going on. I just can’t tell if it’s chemicals or drugs or vintage Beanie Babies or what.”

Jason furrowed his brow, unable to help his amused smirk. “Beanie Babies?”

“If you’d seen what fanatics will do to get their hands on an original Princess Diana bear, you’d understand.” She did chuckle, though, so maybe it was a joke. Jason hoped it was a joke, anyway. “I’m betting this is just a typical chemical exchange. Probably some scientist lost funding and he was only a couple months from a breakthrough. I’ve got a bad feeling, though. I just want to make sure.”

“Yeah, that makes sense.” He knelt and peeked over the wall, using the lenses in his helmet to zoom in to see what she was seeing. Sure enough, there were three guys unloading crates and five that were taking stock. “Can you tell what’s in the crates?”

Babs shook her head. “I can’t see any labels. Can you?”

Jason squinted, trying to see if he could read what was on the one label he saw. “Yeah, I can see one. Looks like … myristicin? What the heck is that?”

“It’s an active ingredient in nutmeg. Usually, the beans are roasted, and that sort of gets rid of it, but it does have hallucinogenic properties.” She paused, frowning. “I dunno. I don’t think it’s dangerous. Not unless … wait.” She squinted, and Jason tried to see what she might be seeing.

“What is it?” he asked. “Unless what?”

“Shit.” Babs stood up and started prepping her grappling hook. “Nitrous Oxide.”

“What? Giggle gas?” Jason looked up at her, entirely confused. “Isn’t that the stuff dentists use as a sedative?”

“Yeah, but it’s also a dissociative hallucinogen. Who do we know that uses gas to make people see things?” And before he could answer, Babs was already swinging over to the warehouse.

Jason really didn’t like the possibility that Scarecrow was out of Arkham again. Scarecrow wasn’t always the worst player in town, but … well, he could be a nightmare when he wanted to be. So to speak. He pulled out his own grappling hook and followed Babs over, landing near her in the rafters. “Do we have a plan?” he whispered into the radio.

“Yeah, we knock out the three dropping off, take out four of the guys picking up, and leave one for questioning so we can narrow down a hideout. Much more than that, try not to damage the crates. We don’t have time to be incapacitated by any of that nonsense.”

“Alright, since you specified to ‘knock them out’ and because I like you, I’ll use the tranq guns instead of the regular ones.”

“You’re so thoughtful.” She smirked at him and swung down, feet forward to take out the goon that had his gun drawn. “Hey there! You guys having a party?” She didn’t seem concerned when the two guys that flanked her pulled out rifles. “I never seem to get an invite. Totally not fair.” She leapt up and did a split kick to take both of them out at the same time.

Jason was, admittedly, kind of enchanted just watching her. He didn’t get to see her fight very often, and it was kind of a treat. It didn’t hurt that she wore the leather pants well.

He loaded a tranquilizer dart into one of his pistols and aimed it at one of the remaining goons. The four that were still standing looked confused, desperately looking around to see where the dart had come from. At least one of them saw him, and he just waved.

It gave Babs enough time to grab the guy by the back of the head and shove his face into one of the nearby crates. Even Jason winced from hearing the cracking sound it made. He wasn’t sure if it was the guy’s face or if it was the wood, but either way? That had to hurt.

With three people left, Jason watched Babs put her weight on faceless’ head and launch a kick into one dude’s chest, kicking off and landing in a crouch before ducking under a fist flying at her. She grabbed the wrist attached to it and yanked the arm toward her, putting an arm around his neck and squeezing.

The last one standing was dazed, but looked like he was going to try to take a swing. Jason dropped down and aimed a pistol at his head. “Hey, buddy. You might want to rethink that move.”

Babs looked at Jason, smirking. “And here I was afraid you weren’t going to lift a finger.”

“Eh, you had it under control.” He looked at her, winking even though she couldn’t see. “Besides, I liked the show!”

“Chivalry isn’t dead,” she teased, dropping the now unconscious goon from the headlock he was in. “Alright, one more for vigilante bingo.”

The goon tensed up, clearly afraid. “Listen, I don’t want no trouble,” he said. “I won’t tell anyone I saw you! Just please don’t hurt me!”

Jason could tell what Babs was setting up. The good cop/bad cop routine. It just wasn’t often he was the good cop. “Whoa, whoa, whoa! Calm down, buddy. We just want to talk. Okay?”

“But if I talk, I don’t get to see dawn.”

“And if you don’t talk, I won’t stand in the way of the hot chick in leather pants taking your teeth as trophies.” Jason pat the goon on the shoulder. “So it kinda seems like a lose-lose situation here, don’t it, Ted?”

“I thought that was you, Ted!” Babs smiled and leaned against Jason. “Looks like your arm is healing up nicely. Wouldn’t it just be a rotten shame if it got broken again?”

“Oh come on, Batgirl! You know the psychos that hire us!” Ted was practically whining, and it was getting harder for Jason to suppress the laughter.

“And you know how vicious she can get, and you know how much worse I can be, so c’mon. If you make this easy for us, we’ll just knock you out and no one will have to know you said anything.”

The sounds of disbelief coming from Ted’s mouth were getting increasingly incoherent, but finally he sighed and hung his head. “Alright, fine. Scarecrow hired us. I don’t know what his plan is, but it’s probably the usual ‘terrorize the city’ nonsense. He’s hiding out at the Stevenson Funeral Home.”

Jason clapped him on the back. “Thanks, Ted! That’s really helpful. Now, who would you like to crack you one before we leave?”

“Man, as much as I hate either option, I’m gonna have to go with Batgirl. She’ll make it quick.” He sighed and hung his head, muttering, “I need a new career.”

“You should try hooking up with the Goonion,” Babs offered. “They get great health insurance, and they offer unemployment!”

“Really? Shit, I might have to look into that.”

“Yeah, I’ll leave the number for you so you remember when you wake up. Now, say goodnight Ted!” And before Ted could process what was about to happen, Babs delivered a roundhouse kick to knock him out.

“Scarecrow isn’t gonna be fun,” Jason said as Ted collapsed. “But if he’s waiting on a shipment, it might give us time to scope out what he’s planning.”

“Are you suggesting we hang back and come up with a plan before we break in the front door?” Babs sounded surprised, and honestly? Jason understood why.

“What?”

“Nothing. Just … you’re using your brain. That’s kinda hot.” She smirked and wrote the number for the goonion representative onto a scrap of paper, stuffing it in Ted’s pocket.

Jason was so glad he was wearing his helmet. He was sure she was just offering playful, flirty banter, but that didn’t mean he didn’t absolutely love hearing it. If that’s all it took to win her over, he was willing to plan through things a little more. “I’m not the meathead bull in a China shop Dick is,” he teased.

“I know, and not being like Dick is one of your best features.” She smirked and started to examine the crates. “Can I ask you to take stock of what’s here? I’m going to try to hack into the surveillance at the funeral home and see if there’s any audio I can tap into.”

Jason smiled and nodded. “Yeah, I can do that. Give me a call if you find anything, okay?”

“Of course!” She smirked and kissed the cheek of his helmet. He might not have felt it, but it still made him blush. “Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do!” Without giving him time to answer, she grappled up and away, leaving Jason chuckling to himself.

“Might as well tell me not to do anything.”

Chapter 8: Field Trip