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“are you two dating?” tooru asks, and it’s a simple question really, but issei’s throat grows dry and his head begins to ache, that is until a warm hand laces it’s fingers into issei’s own.
“we’re married , actually.” takahiro smiles, his hand still tightly holding issei’s.
this earns a scoff from tooru, who eyes them both as well as the hand-holding that they’re not even trying to hide, muttering “i’m sick of you two.”
-
sure, there’s such a thing as platonic flirting but there’s a fine line between it being platonic and actually being in love. hiro and issei have been hovering over that line for far too long, when does it stop becoming “are we gonna kiss right now?” and finally become “yeah, because i’m actually in love with you.” so tooru decides to take matters into his own hands, staying up all night to put together his master plan.
the next morning he announces to the lovebirds as well as hajime, that they need to come over to his house after school, since it’s a “very important matter!” the three had complained (even though hajime would have been coming over anyway).
once they were finally at tooru’s house and being ushered into his bedroom, he takes a deep breath and turns on his tv. “what’s so fucking important?” takahiro asks, watching as tooru fiddles with his tv and links a cable up to his computer. suddenly big bold letters flash on the screen and he lets out a loud “ah ha!”.
tooru’s ‘matsuhana’ master plan!
“matsuhana?” issei mutters under his breath, but it’s heard by the others, who are equally as confused.
“yep, it’s your shipname!” tooru smiles and gestures towards hiro and issei who are now looking at each other.
“nice, so yours and iwa’s is iwaoi?” takahiro exclaims, issei nudging his side when they both notice hajime’s embarrassed expression and try not to laugh.
“well, yes but we’re already together so there’s no need to ship us.” tooru states like it’s obvious.
“what are you? some kind of fanboy?”
“makki oh my god, shut up and listen!!” he switches to the next slide, one that reads: the reason for this powerpoint
tooru watches as they all get themselves more comfortable on his sofa bed, not sure whether to take that as an insult or compliment.
“okay so…why aren’t you guys dating?!” tooru blurts out and issei chokes, “what are you talking about?!”
“yeah,” takahiro joins in, “we’re already married?”
“no you’re not!” tooru shouts.
“we’re not?”
“ah damn issei, what about the baby?”
“for the love of god,” hajime begins, the first time he’s spoken since they’ve sat down, “please stop this.”
but if issei’s and hiro’s expressions are anything to go by, they’re both confused as hell.
“this is exactly what i’m talking about, do you have any idea how much me and iwa-chan suffer because of you two?!”
“why are you suffering ?” issei asks and cocks an eyebrow, his usual laid back appearance still apparent, but the puzzlement in his face is not so subtle.
tooru ignores him and he switches to the next slide, this one reads: proof that you’re already basically dating
“this is so pointless kawa, we know we’re together.” takahiro complains but his voice goes small when tooru’s face grows an angry red, “NO! oh my fucking god . stop with this platonic bullshit, you actually love each other and you need to grow up and admit it.”
that shuts hiro up and causes his cheeks to grow red, all while hajime sits quietly at the end of the couch and nods aggressively.
“anyway...please look at these pictures i’ve taken secretly.”
the first picture is of issei and takahiro holding hands while walking through the halls of their school. they seem to be in their own little world, surrounded by the warmth of each other as the afternoon sun reflects off the large windows. takahiro remembers like yesterday, he can still feel the way his heart beat and the pride in his steps as he held issei’s hand close to him. he loves issei’s hands and holds them more often then he’d admit, only now realising how obvious he had been.
the next is them sharing a milkshake, the one after is them sharing an ice cream. they’ve never had any problem with sharing food, especially if they have different flavours and are curious of the other's taste, isn’t that what all best friends do?
“pretty sure this is illegal..” issei mutters while looking at the non-consented photos on the screen, but he’s only shushed as tooru switches to the next one, one that makes both boys breath hitch.
it’s them staring at each other while hiro sits on issei’s lap, their faces inches apart and issei’s hands rest comfortably around hiro’s waist, like it’s natural, like they belong.
“we were drunk, this doesn’t count.”
“it so does.”
finally, the last picture pops up, it’s not very flattering, not at all. tooru has prettily added a description at the bottom in blue writing and a fancy font. it says ‘biting’. that’s right, biting. at any chance the two can get, they’re pouncing on each other and taking chunks out of their arms and other areas on their poor bodies.
“i just want you to take this picture in, because what the fuck is happening?!” tooru shouts and his eye twitch when the two aggravatingly just shrug. “whenever i ask you why? you always give some bullshit answer that it’s some form of love language.”
hiro can’t help but chuckle, another thing to add to the list of things he’s only just realised: how much him and issei bite each other - especially in front of others. “alright, alright, don’t get your panties in a twist.”
“i don’t wear panti— “
“iwa-chan’s seen them.”
but the powerpoint has been changed, tooru’s breath getting heavier and an evident pout in his face, clearly trying to change the subject back to ‘matsuhana’.
however, this one doesn’t seem to be any better than the last, in fact, maybe the worst one yet.
there’s no title, just a picture of a bucket filled with water and jesus’ cross plastered over the front.
“if i had a ¥500 for every time i’ve seen this happen, i would have ¥1000, which isn’t that much but it’s disgusting that it’s happened twice.”
issei crosses his arms, “what are you talking about now?”
“you two always making sly innuendos, i just never thought you’d act upon them.”
“ act upon our sly innuendos? kawa shut the fuck up.” issei deadpans.
“i think you should shut the fuck up, mattsun, and think about your actions.” tooru exclaims before issei can even open his mouth to say another word, he then grabs hajime’s arm, dragging him off of the couch.
“okay iwa-chan, hump me.”
issei and hiro cackle even though they’re thoroughly confused.
“SHITTYKAWA??!!”
“i’m not sure why you’re laughing when you’re the humper,” tooru pointed at issei, “and you’re the humpee.” he points at hiro.
takahiro turns to issei, “what is he talking about?”
and suddenly issei recalls what tooru had just asked of hajime, and he recalls the times( twice ) when there may or may not have been a humping situation.
“i’ll ask again,” hiro glares, “what is he talking about?”
but issei doesn’t have time to explain himself before their attention is turned to hajime shouting and swearing as tooru has him bent over and violently starts rutting his hips. it doesn't last long before tooru’s slapped in his face and hajime readjusts himself, “i’ve just been abused.” he spits, “tell me you get it now.”
hiro does get it now, he remembers, he remembers picking his water bottle up one lunch and turning his head around to see issei behind him doing obscene actions to his backside. it must have been amusing to tooru and for anyone else that saw the event. the thing that made hiro’s head spin, was that he actually found it amusing - if it had been anyone else, he would definitely not have taken that situation lightly in any way shape or form; it’s sexual assault is it not?! but because it’s issei, it was...okay...because it’s issei, they can...laugh it off?
however, twice? he has no recollection of a second time and he’s not sure he wants to find out.
“makki i can hear the gears turning in your head, please pay attention.”
takahiro turns towards tooru with his thin eyebrows raised, “attention to what? the porn show in front of me?” but even his witty remarks don’t cover the sound of his heart racing against his chest.
kiss!
“wha—“
“kiss!” tooru shouts with his arms in the air and takahiro turns to issei, their cheeks a cute pink and hiro puckers his lips, “hiro? can i actually kiss you?” issei asks shyly, staring at the boy in front of him with their faces mere inches apart.
keep in mind that the two have kissed many times before, and each time their hearts flutter, their lips fitting perfectly. but it’s always just whatever , swallowing down the feelings that bubble up in a large gulp.
“‘course you can.” so issei does, he closes the gap between them and pecks hiro on the lips, just a peck since he’s fully aware hajime and tooru are watching them with their eyes wide.
“shit kiss babe.” hiro smiles and leans back into the couch again.
“hey—“ but before issei can finish, the next slide pops up: you guys literally just kissed!
there’s silence, because they really did just kiss...
it’s weird. it’s definitely weird and both issei and hiro are so frazzled at how it took them this long to realise.
tooru begins to get angry once again on this strange evening, “you literally. just. kissed. best friends don’t just kiss each other. did me and iwa-chan kiss before we dated? NO! because we’re NORMAL!”
“ i’m normal, not so sure about you.” hajime retorts with a smirk and tooru’s lack of reply is enough to prove his point.
“okay, before i say something, are there any other slides?” issei asks, standing up. tooru presses next and the screen goes black, “that’s it. what do you have to say mattsun?”
issei swallows hard and looks at takahiro, who’s looking straight back at him with his gorgeous eyes and perfect pink hair that match his perfect pink lip—
“mattsunnn! earth to mattsun?!” tooru waves a hand in front of his face, “you’re going to stare a hole into makki’s face.” issei blushes at this, waving him off before offering a hand to hiro.
“my love,” hiro takes issei’s hand and lets himself be pulled up into the middle of tooru’s room, “i stand here before thee, confessing my undying love which i cannot bear to contain inside any longer, this night hath been long and our good comrade kawa is an idiot, but that doesn’t change my feelings.” issei states proudly, however he leans a little closer to hiros ear before whispering, “if you don’t feel the same i will off myself right now.”
it’s stupid, but hiro giggles and anything that makes the beatiful man before him giggle, is not stupid.
“what the fuck is this..?” tooru pants like a dumb dog, “ARE YOU DATING OR NOT?!”
“calm down muchacho,” hiro raises his hand, the other still holding issei’s, then he turns his attention back to said man, expression completely soft as he whispers, “don’t you worry beloved, there will be no offing of oneself tonight, a different kind of offing is on the table though, if you know what i mean..” hiro winks.
“yes yes yes yes yes.” issei chants in lightning speed, maybe a little too enthusiastic, maybe a little too cheeky in front of their friends but they’ve all seen eachother hump or be humped, so it’s okay.
-
issei and takahiro have been dating properly for a month now and everything…is literally the same as it was before; the only thing that really changed was now whenever they’re asked if they’re dating, they don’t have to laugh and shake it off, they don’t have to be elaborate and exclaim marriage, they just smile and nod.
there are more kisses, so many kisses and even more terms of endearments than before, this time with meaning, rather than a flirty joke. tooru swears that if he hears “issei, my love.” or “hiro, baby.” one more time, he’s going to burst.
“issei my love, you haven’t kissed me enough today.” takahiro smiles and tooru gags.
“oh hiro, poor baby!” issei elaborately pulls his mouth into a frown and furrows his eyebrows, he looks stupid, that’s the whole point.
and once they finally bring their lips together, tooru’s retching at the noises, but he can’t help the smile tugging at his lips when they pull away and he sees his best friends have never been happier, they just needed a little push, a shove perhaps.