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“Kang Saebyeok, do you wish to kill me?”
Jiyeong asks this with a smug expression, the left corner of her mouth is lifted and for a second Saebyeok thinks she may start smiling. Dried blood is smeared all over her face, the blood of others dirties her hands, yet her eyes sparkle with nothing less of hope. They’re glassy with tears, exhaustion, maybe anger, but they still shine as she gently stares at Saebyeok.
“I don’t.” Saebyeok answers, her hands trembling around the dinner knife she holds.
Saebyeok looks around the arena, waves of brief nostalgia hit her as she recalls what she experienced only five days prior. Where was Jiyeong on the first day? Could Saebyeok have spotted her rusted nose ring upon the hundreds of other faces? Not then, but maybe it’d be different now. Maybe it’d be different now.
Jiyeong’s mouth drops a little, the smirk she once held on her face contorting into something like a hopeless grin. “Kang Saebyeok,” she starts, but she doesn’t finish. Her mouth is held slightly agape, sparkling eyes now fixed on the ground of sand below their worn shoes. Saebyeok wonders what to say now, How could I kill you, Jiyeong? I can die first. You can win. I want you to live.
The words bounce through her head and dance upon the edge of her tongue. Saebyeok wonders if she could convince Jiyeong to vote and put an end to this. They could both live. Together. As much as Saebyeok wishes, she knows Jiyeong wouldn’t allow it. She knows she’s going to have to walk out of here with the words “ Player 240 has been eliminated ” planted into her head. Jiyeong won’t let it happen any other way.
“There’s no time limit today.” says Jiyeong, blankly. Less like a fact and more like a timid observation. Saebyeok scans the arena to confirm the statement, even though she’d take Jiyeong’s word for it either way. She isn’t tricking her. Saebyeok knows this. She wouldn’t.
It’s only been three days. Saebyeok, it's only been three days, she tells herself. The three days have passed like years. Saebyeok looks down at her hands, still calloused and red from the rope she gripped on the first day they met. A part of Saebyeok wants to apologize for being so cold, for acting like she didn’t need someone then. She did. She did, so badly it ached through her body and made shape in her mind. How did she let this happen? Wishing for a friend when her life's in jeopardy? There’s so much in her head, different thoughts pop to the front of her brain in flashes, thoughts about Jiyeong, thoughts about her brother, thoughts about herself, thoughts about her mother. If she killed Jiyeong right now, the life she always hoped for would belong to her as soon as she got out.
Saebyeok breathes a harsh breath in, and finally speaks, “I don’t want you to die.”
“Saebyeok, it’s really okay.”
“I don’t think it is.”
Jiyeong makes small steps closer to Saebyeok and grabs her wrist. “Kang Saebyeok, you have too much humanity.” She pouts, too playfully for the current situation they’re in. “I told you I would make sure you won. Weren’t you okay with that?”
“I didn’t know it’d be like this, you’re crazy!” The little bit of sanity that strung it’s way through Saebyeok’s body had snapped completely, unexplainable terror rushes through her head, the kind you get when you have an awful gut feeling about something. The kind you get when that gut feeling is correct. Jiyeong looks unphased. There’s a large blood stain on the front of her shirt, Saebyeok wonders if it’s Jiyeong’s own blood or someone else’s. Her eyes still sparkle the way they had when they had first stepped out into the arena, and Saebyeok wants to scream at her. “Why are you so okay with this? Why do you want to die so badly?”
“I don’t, I really want to be alive. I told you, though. You have more reason to live than I do.”
“Think about the future, think about what you could do with all of this money. Doesn’t that—doesn’t that make you want to kill me?”
Jiyeong scoffs. “It could never. I’m not that selfish.”
Saebyeok’s empty hand curls into a fist, her nails stab into the wounds on her palms and she hisses in pain.
“Hey, careful.” Jiyeong says, uncurling Saebyeok’s fingers from her hand.
Saebyeok is breathing too heavy to yell anymore, to curse and scold the girl in front of her. She doesn’t want to, anyway. Jiyeong’s fingers stay wrapped around Saebyeok’s, it eases her mind a little. It makes her wonder what would happen if Jiyeong wasn’t going to die. She wonders about clear waters and the taste of sweet beverages in her mouth. She wonders about all the things she hasn’t experienced—the things she hasn’t said to anyone yet. Maybe things she hasn’t felt either.
They both stand still. Saebyeok curls her fingers around where Jiyeong’s hold her own. She doesn’t want to wonder what this means to her or Jiyeong. In the middle of the arena, they share the thought of each other. Saebyeok starts to tremble again, the handle of the knife burns against her skin. Jiyeong doesn’t say anything, she just looks at Saebyeok’s hand and gives her a look of warning.
Saebyeok drops her knife to the ground.
“Aren’t you scared I'll hurt you now?” Jiyeong asks, her eyes are wide with astonishment but it’s obvious that she’s trying to keep her composure.
“No.”
Jiyeong pulls the blade from her pocket and drops it to the ground across of Saebyeok's. “Well, now I can’t anyways.” She smiles, it’s weak and Saebyeok really doesn’t want it to be there.
“Should we play the game?”
Saebyeok shakes her head rapidly, hand involuntarily clutching Jiyeong’s with more strength. “Let’s.. talk. Let’s just talk for now.” Saebyeok suggests. She doesn’t exactly know how to explain what she’s feeling, and she’s worried she may be questioned if she says everything she wants to say to a girl she’s only known for a few days.
“Talk. Okay, about what?”
“Anything but this.”
A small laugh escapes from Jiyeong, and Saebyeok wants to snatch it into her palms and cradle it like it’s worth more than the money only one win away from her. In a way, it might be. Saebyeok feels a tug on her fingers and watches Jiyeong sit down. Saebyeok follows the pull of her hand, seating herself across from Jiyeong without a second thought.
“I’m not sure what to talk about. Weren’t our lives miserable even before this? That doesn’t sound like a good thing to discuss.” Jiyeong uses her free hand to play with the little pieces of gravel in the sand.
Damn it, she’s right, Saebyeok thinks. She doesn’t want to bring down the mood—not that it’s very lively right now anyway, though. “Is there anything you wish you could’ve done before this happened? All the bad stuff aside—if that’s possible—what’s something you wanted to do?”
Saebyeok feels silly for suggesting this. She feels silly for speaking to Jiyeong in the first place, her cold demeanor is quickly melting away, all because of this girl she met when she’s in the most danger she’s ever been in.
“Go to a party, maybe. A college one that’s free entry. Cheap food and lots of alcohol.” Saebyeok’s eyes dart up once Jiyeong speaks, and her heart swells in her chest.
“Why?”
“Um. I don’t know, really.” Jiyeong huffs a laugh and starts to draw shapes in the sand. “I never really got to do that stuff. It seems like such a cliche, and I probably wouldn’t like it if I was actually there—it’s nice to think about it in theory, I guess.”
“I like… That. Your answer. It’s good.” says Saebyeok, she watches Jiyeong’s head lift from it’s spot staring at the ground and turn to look at her. Saebyeok tries to shift her eyes, and for a second she wonders if she should apologize for staring at her while she was talking, but Jiyeong doesn’t look bothered by it.
“Thanks. And you?”
“I want to…” The words hang on the edge of Saebyeok’s tongue. She thinks, and thinks, but nothing comes to her. So she stays quiet and waits for Jiyeong to say something instead.
“Hey! You shouldn’t have asked the question if you couldn’t answer it. That’s so unfair!” While Jiyeong scolds her, she unwraps her hand from Saebyeok’s. She tries to push down the feeling of loss, and tries to resist the urge of grabbing Jiyeong’s hand back.
Saebyeok wants this to be over. She wants to yell that she’s quitting, whether that means Jiyeong siding with her so it can be voted to end or whether that means Saebyeok having to be killed. It’s torturous, to feel so warm inside when everything else around you is chill. It’s torturous to know that the warmth will be over soon, and all that will be left of it is the most unpleasant memory that could be recalled.
“Jiyeong. Let’s end this, please.” Saebyeok says, the hand that held Jiyeong’s now gripping the fabric of her shirt in an attempt not to lurch forward and beg with everything in her to stop all of this . Saebyeok has never wished for something more than she wishes for this to be over. She’ll find some other way to salvage her family, she’ll earn the money in a better way and she’ll be happy and Jiyeong can be by her side and it can all be okay. They’ve made it this far, they have to be okay.
Jiyeong shakes her head. “No, Saebyeok. Your mom. Your brother, come on. Remember?”
Saebyeok grabs Jiyeong’s shoulders and pleads. “Jiyeong, Jiyeong, I’ll eliminate myself. Let's stop this. Please.” Her voice shakes with agony, and she finally comes back to the reality of all of this.
Someone’s life will end here. Today.
“I’m not going to agree. Kang Saebyeok, you need this prize more than I do. Stop holding onto me like I’m worth something.”
Saebyeok cannot help the sob that escapes her, or the tears that follow as she looks and sees Jiyeong crying as well. “If we stop now we can both live. We—we can go to Jeju—we can find a way, Jiyeong.”
“Saebyeok. Saebyeok.” Jiyeong grabs Saebyeok’s face with both of her hands, cupping it so forcefully yet so gently at the same time. “Saebyeok, we can’t.” Jiyeong cries, all of her heart pouring out in small hiccups as she sobs. “I feel so bad watching you cry, Saebyeok. Help your brother and your mom. Kang Saebyeok, do you hear me?” Jiyeong tries to smile through it, she tries to smile as if this isn’t—what it is. As if she’s not going to die.
“Jiyeong, what I wanted before I had to come here—” Saebyeok starts to say, she’s trying so hard not to let her words be stifled by her cries, or not to let her shy away from voicing them. “I wanted to have a best friend. I didn’t trust anyone enough to have one before.”
Now, Jiyeong wraps her arms around Saebyeok’s neck and cries into her chest. “Sorry. Saebyeok, sorry. I’m really sorry.” Saebyeok can’t help but lose herself all over again when she hears Jiyeong’s voice, so burnt out and exhausted. “Kang Saebyeok, I want you to trust me.”
“I do.” says Saebyeok. “I do.” She repeats.
“I want you to trust me so much that—that you let me go and you—you trust that I’ll be okay.”
Saebyeok’s eyes widen, she pulls Jiyeong’s head from her chest and now it’s her turn to cup the girl’s face. “But you’ll be dead.” Jiyeong holds her hands on both of Saebyeok’s wrists.
“I will. And you’ll be okay.” She smiles. It’s genuine, it’s a real smile that is laced with hope and a feeling that sends a shiver through Saebyeok’s whole body.
“Saebyeok, it would be an honor to die for you.” Jiyeong pulls away from her grip and stands up, lifting the knife she had released at the start.
Jiyeong. Jiyeong. Saebyeok tries to scream, but she finds that the words won’t come out. She scrambles to hold Jiyeong’s hands, shame and worry about the action completely disappearing.
“Move please. I don’t want to get you dirty.”
Saebyeok let's go with all the reluctance in the world. Her chest heaves as she cries, eyes planted on Jiyeong’s figure, watching as she holds the sharp knife to her neck.
“Kang Saebyeok, this was the most fun I’ve ever had. Let’s meet again, okay?”
“In Jeju?” asks Saebyeok.
“In Jeju. Yes.” Jiyeong answers.
And then there’s blood, so much of it, possibly more than Saebyeok has seen in her six days in this hell chamber. It spills onto the ground and pools around the fallen body it escapes from.
Saebyeok kneels stiffly beside Jiyeong’s body, “In Jeju. In Jeju.” She repeats.
Saebyeok tries her best not to hear the “Player 240 has been eliminated” that emits itself from the speakers.