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“Problem, question? ”
Grace didn’t respond. Rocky had probably been suspicious about him just lying there, head down on his bed, for a while. At least for the few minutes he’d been right at the divider in the room. Grace stretched his arm to the side, deciding that Rocky’s question was probably a good signal to start.
“I have to tell you something,” Grace said, finally standing up as he turned to look down at Rocky. He was definitely second to the entirety of Erid in Eridian body language, but he still wanted what he could get. He walked up to the xenonite divider, and hovered a hand over it as he just caught himself from touching it. He’d learned the hard way what touching 200 degrees Celsius xenonite felt like.
“Why tell me now that you will say more, question? ” Rocky hummed in sarcasm as he kneeled on the floor. “Just tell. ”
“It’s… hard,” Grace muttered as he glanced away. For once, Rocky’s sarcasm just made him feel sick. “Very hard.”
Rocky paused. “Worry about Earth, question? ” he asked in a lower octave.
“No no, I’m sure Earth will be fine. The four Beetles were Earth’s original plan anyways. It’s about me.”
Rocky rose up to his legs, beginning to stretch them out one at a time.
“You not tell me much about you life, ” Rocky hummed. “But I not tell you much about me. Want share, question? ”
“Yes, I want to share,” Grace said, cutting himself off from stalling. “So, where do I start...”
“What was you work before mission, question? ”
At least that one was easy.
“Before Astrophage, I used to research cells, but I switched to teaching young humans.” He simplified a few concepts for the sake of not needing new words now, but it got the point across. “I was eventually picked to study Astrophage, and I became the leading Astrophage scientist on Earth.”
“Much amaze! But Friend Grace live that long, question? ” There was an odd mix of sarcasm and sincerity in Rocky’s voice.
He snorted. “Yes. Remember, Earth has more science equipment than Erid, and less insulation. We went from finding Astrophage to launching the Hail Mary in about three years.”
“Amaze. Erid need five years to research Astrophage. Need seven more years to launch ship. ” It was all but said that Rocky used Earth years by now. “I work on fix space elevator. Help for ship practice.”
“Well, that’s pretty cool too.”
“Not cool. Many 1296’s of Eridians fix space elevator. Long and need many Eridian. Robots not enough. ”
The number might’ve thrown most humans off, but by now Grace knew that 1296 was a multiple of six. It was, notionally, Eridian for thousands.
“Nah, it’s definitely pretty cool,” Grace said with a nod. “Back when I left Earth, not even a thousand humans reached space.”
“Humans no have Xenonite. No have space elevator.”
“Yep, exactly.” Grace confirmed. “Anyways, how did you end up on the ship?”
“Big project. Many 1296’s of Eridians challenge. All test with fix. Calculate. Endure. Best 24 go on ship. ”
“Wait, 24?” Grace asked. “I thought there were 23 on your ship.”
Rocky paused for a moment. “Was accident before ship leave. One Eridian loose multiple limbs. Bad bad bad. Had enough crew to still leave. ”
That made sense. As detached as Grace was from the initial crew selection for the Hail Mary, he knew that crew sizes above twelve weren’t even considered. With a whole planet on the line, launching with one less wasn’t really a problem when there were another 23 crew members.
A shame Earth never had that luxury.
“How Earth choose, question? ” Rocky asked.
“The Hail Mary is smaller, so we only had three: humans to lead, fix, and do science. Each position had one extra for accidents.”
“So few! ” Rocky warbled. “ Not run into issue with crew, question? ”
Grace grimaced. He quietly wondered if Rocky could pick up on a grimace.
“We did run into issues,” Grace said as he tried to push a neutral expression onto his face. “There was an accident. A test with too much Astrophage. It exploded.”
“How accident, question? ”
“The science humans tested a failure with Astrophage, but used too much. Instead of a small failure, they both died.”
Rocky paused for a moment.
“Human Grace live, question? ” he asked as his voice dropped an octave again.
“Say what?”
Rocky let out a low whistle that was definitely a sigh. “All science humans die. But friend Grace not die. How friend Grace die and not die, question? ”
Right, Grace reminded himself. Rocky probably assumed he was the main choice for the scientist. Or the backup. His fist clenched itself, and he quietly hid it behind his back.
“I wasn’t the science human. Or the extra.”
There was silence on the ship. Grace sat back down as he quietly clenched at the edges of his flight suit.
“Human Grace… join, question? Save Earth.”
“Stop ,” was all Grace could say before he clenched his teeth. The last thing he needed was Rocky praising him for something he didn’t do.
It was disgusting, wasn’t it? To really think about it, and to put himself above all of Earth. His mind drifted back to Stratt, before she locked him up. Everything she called him. A coward. Wanting to be worshipped. Weak.
He turned around and punched his bed, the springs creaking in protest at the sudden motion.
“FUCK YOU STRATT! SENDING ME HERE TO DIE! FOR EVERYTHING YOU BITCHED ABOUT SACRIFICE, WHAT DID YOU LOSE!? YOU JUST WAVED YOUR POWER AROUND AND LET EVERYONE COWER AWAY! AND SOMEHOW, THAT MAKES ME A COWARD!??”
Grace slammed his head into the bunk, letting out a snarl. It hurt, and he wasn’t just talking about his head. It was the reason he’d never get back to Earth, at least not until he saved Erid. A nitpicky part of his mind noted that Stratt never even said sorry. Maybe it would have stung less. Maybe it wouldn’t have. Who knows.
The familiar sound of Eridian fingers tapping on Xenonite echoed from behind him.
“Go on, Rocky,” he grumbled, turning but not bothering to look at him. Lack of eye contact probably wouldn’t bother a species without eyes.
“Friend Grace, okay, question? ”
“No.”
“Friend Grace was sent to Tau. Not want to go. ”
Grace opened his mouth, but stopped before any words came out. He almost asked if Rocky was asking, but he stopped himself. Rocky would’ve said he was asking.
That was an affirmation.
“I didn’t. I was bad bad bad.”
Somewhere behind him, Rocky’s legs scrambled in a clatter against the floor.
“Friend Grace not bad bad bad! ” Rocky whirred. “Friend Grace save Earth! Friend Grace save Erid! ”
“I didn’t want to save Earth,” Grace retorted.
“Friend Grace did save Earth! Friend Grace a hero! ”
“I’m not, ” Grace retorted, his voice cracking on the last word. “I put my life over all of Earth. An entire planet! Who does that!?”
Rocky paused.
“Is mistake, maybe, ” Rocky said in a lower pitch. “I make mistake too. ”
“Rocky...”
“Radiation kill crew. Ship no obey physics. Sampler break. Know mission should last thirty years, question? ”
“No...” Grace sighed. “Rocky, things messed up. Your whole species missed all of those things! You’re good!”
“But why Grace not, question? ”
“Because I put my life above all of Earth,” he said, finally raising his face with a solemn expression. “That wasn’t something humanity did. It was a choice. It was my choice. I was bad.”
“Erid was choice too. ”
Grace’s eyes darted over toward Rocky. He was slumped over, leaning slightly toward the xenonite barrier in between them.
“I offer to stay. Erid could wait. You could go to Earth. ”
“No,” Grace answered, wincing. “I couldn’t.”
“Erid can wait seventy years. Can build another ship. Might build a ship now! ”
“How many Eridians are on Erid?”
“About ten to tenth power Eridians. ”
Ten billion. More than Earth ever had.
“I couldn’t just ignore that many people! Why would I?”
“You choose to save Erid. You could go to Earth. You help. ”
“I… that’s different!”
“Right. More Eridian than humans. More good. ”
Grace gaped at Rocky. He didn’t even know how to respond to that.
“You change. Good good good, ” Rocky finished as he finally raised his carapace again.
Grace slumped his side into the mattress, still staring at Rocky. A weight lifted from his shoulders.
Rocky’s words shouldn’t have felt so relieving. It didn’t change what he’d done. But maybe, just maybe, he was the one who changed.
He did change. Once, he’d missed being the smartest person in the room. As much as he hated to admit it, there were definitely times between Rocky’s photographic memory and perfect calculations where he wished that he wasn’t so embarrassingly dumb. It almost felt like a noose at times, choking him right around all of the things he wished he could be.
But somewhere along the line, the noose faded away. Rocky was amazing at some things. He was great at others. That was the status quo.
Maybe he was a coward before. He wasn’t anymore.
“How Grace sent to Tau, question? ” Rocky was quieter. He would have accepted a no if Grace said so.
Grace didn’t say no.
“There was a human: Stratt.”
“Mention human before. Eridian name can be 𝆕♩𝅘𝅥𝅮. ”
Part of him wanted to ask what that meant, but he couldn’t bring himself to care.
“Stratt led the Hail Mary. She wanted to defeat the Astrophage. She forced me onto the mission.”
“Other crew not know due to sleep, question? ”
“I… need more science Rocky. Do Eridians inject chemicals into their bodies?”
“Hnn. A little. Few science Eridian test. I not know results. ”
That made sense. Erid hadn't discovered radiation sickness or antibiotics, so their biology programs must have been years behind Earth's.
“Well, humans made a chemical. When injected, it makes you forget.”
Rocky’s whole body flinched.
“Friend Grace… forget how much, question? ”
“I forgot everything. Definitely forgot not wanting to go, most of Project Hail Mary, and near the start I forgot I taught young humans. At the very beginning, I even forgot my name.”
Grace snorted. What a site, an astronaut that couldn’t remember their own name. It was hilarious.
He looked over at Rocky, who had immediately frozen in place.
His first thought was confusion. Sure he forgot basically everything, but his memory came back. But that was it; human memories came back. Rocky had a near perfect memory, and he mentioned forgetting his own name. Eridians had better memory than humans, being able to remember almost everything with negligible memory loss.
Did Eridians even have experience with memory loss?
“Bad bad bad bad bad bad, ” Rocky warbled in a low octave.
“It’s okay. My memories have been coming back.” To look a little more put together, Grace finally sat straight on the bed.
“Not all back now, question? ”
“I… have most of the major ones, but some are still gone.”
“Bad bad bad. ”
“It’s not so bad, really. They come back easily. Mostly when I do things that are close enough to my old memories.”
Rocky scratched the ground, clenching one of his arms past his back.
“When remember not want to go to Tau, question? ”
“Uhh… back when the first Taumoeba experiment died. When we felt like we failed. I guess feeling like a failure made me remember my worst failure of all.”
Rocky lowered his carapace.
“Wish I could have helped Friend Grace. ”
“It’s fine. I didn’t say anything because we had to breed the Taumoeba. For every reason I hate Stratt, I wasn’t going to let the rest of Earth die.”
“Sad. Friend Grace suffer. I not know. ”
“I’ll get better, promise.”
Rocky perked up. “ What word after better, question? ”
“It’s saying that it will happen. That you will do something in the future, no matter what.”
“Erid have three words for promise. Middle length word is 𝅘𝅥𝅮𝅗𝅥𝅘𝅥. ”
“You have three words for promise?” Grace asked. It wasn’t the first time that one word had translated into multiple, but it was rare enough for him to be surprised.
“Yes, three words.” Rocky confirmed. “Short length word is 𝅘𝅥𝅮𝅗𝅥. Last for few days. Middle length word is 𝅘𝅥𝅮𝅗𝅥𝅘𝅥. Last for few years. Long length word is 𝅘𝅥𝅮𝅗𝅥𝅘𝅥𝅗𝅥. Last for whole Eridian life.”
Grace stared blankly at nothing into particular before a low laugh eased its way out of his chest. Who would have guessed that he could go from confessing to almost abandoning a whole planet right back to basic vocabulary again.
“Well, I will get better,” Grace finished. “Promise.”
“Promise, ” Rocky repeated.