Chapter Text
"Are you coming home for the holidays?"
This was the textbook definition of a loaded question, and Kim Dokja knew he had to navigate carefully.
"Yes," he replied. "Possibly."
"Good." His mother sounded satisfied with his answer, which was never a good sign. "Because I was speaking to the neighbours next door the other day and they mentioned their daughter is coming home for the holidays as well, so you two should take this chance to meet each other. And if you're not interested in her, the neighbour downstairs has a son--"
Kim Dokja could feel the muscles in his back stiffening as his fight or flight response kicked in. "Actually, I think I have a dentist's appointment that day."
"Nice try, but dentists don't work on New Year's Day," Lee Sookyung said sweetly.
"Overtime at work--"
"I know you slack off at work all the time, and one more day won't hurt. Besides, you can always work from home." He heard his mother let out a light sigh and braced himself for impact. "Dokja-yah, you can't run away from this forever."
"I'm not running away from anything."
Ignoring his protests, his mother continued smoothly, "You're about to turn thirty years old, Kim Dokja." She was using his full name, which really didn't bode well for him. "Are you sure you want to live like this forever? Girl or boy, I don't care, I just want you to have someone to come home to. I wouldn't have to take things into my own hands if you've been looking, but you haven't."
Even if she had a point, going on a blind date at the behest of his mother with random strangers who had also been forced to attend by their own parents was a deeply, deeply embarrassing thought. It would be conceding defeat, and Kim Dokja hated losing to her.
"Still, there's no need for you to bother your neighbours about this."
His mother chuckled. "Oh? Are you embarrassed?"
"I'm not embarrassed, I just think it's unnecessary," he said.
"How is this unnecessary? You clearly haven't had any luck finding love yourself."
Mortified by the words 'finding love' coming unironically out of his mother's mouth, Kim Dokja found himself blurting out, "Because I'm already seeing someone."
His statement was met with a resounding silence, and he seized the opportunity to take a deep breath in and calm himself. Judging by how this sort of thing worked out in books and movies, his mother would be elated by the news and back down. Then he could make up a story about how his girlfriend was too busy to come home with him this holiday and 'break up' with her after the threat passed.
"Okay," his mother spoke up just then. He could hear the smile in her voice and sighed in relief. All according to plan. "Tell me more about them then."
"There's not much to say," he said, mind whirring to action. "It's a rather new development, so I haven't had the chance to tell you yet."
"When did you get together?" Lee Sookyung suddenly asked.
"Last month."
"Tell me the specific date."
Trying to catch him off-guard, huh? It was a good thing he was skilled at improvisation. "November 29th," he said smoothly.
"Who confessed first?"
"They did."
"When was your first date?"
"December 2nd."
"Which day of the week was December 2nd?"
"...How am I supposed to remember?"
"You don't even remember the day you went on the first date of your entire life?" Lee Sookyung clicked her tongue in disappointment. "If you're going to lie, Dokja-yah, you should do your homework beforehand. I know you can lie better than this."
"I'm not lying," Kim Dokja said through gritted teeth. He really didn't want to have to do this, but it was time to pull out his trump card. "In fact, I was actually going to bring them home with me so you could meet them."
Another chuckle. "And then one day before you're due home, you'll tell me your partner had a family emergency and couldn't make it, right?"
It was at times like these when he was reminded of what it truly meant to be Lee Sookyung's son. "Of course not."
"Good, because I'm sure the neighbour's daughter would love to meet you." Kim Dokja did not miss the implied threat in her words. "Now send me a photo of you two together, I want to see what your partner looks like."
"Do you want us to hold up a sign with your name and the date on it too?" he asked in a sarcastic voice.
He should've known not to challenge his mother like that. "Yes please," she said brightly. "Have a safe trip home, Dokja-yah."
***
And that was how Kim Dokja found himself looking up girlfriend rental services online two weeks before New Year's Eve. He spent the next hour browsing through the pricing catalogues with growing dismay until he finally realized, wait, what was he doing with his life? Lying to his mother about his relationship status so he wouldn't be forced to go on a blind date, and then trying to rent a stranger's services at a ludicrous price just so he could prove her wrong--why was he going this far for this pathetic lie when it would be so much easier to ask Han Sooyoung?
"Please pretend to be my girlfriend," Kim Dokja rushed out in one breath.
Across the table, Han Sooyoung choked on the tapioca in her milk tea and spent the next minute trying to cough it out of her nose as Kim Dokja watched on in sympathy. "Excuse me?" she demanded once her airways were clear and the crisis was averted. "What did you just say?"
"I asked if you could come home with me for the holidays. And pretend to be my girlfriend."
After a long pause, Han Sooyoung folded her hands under her chin and leaned in eagerly, eyes dancing with unabashed glee. "Explain."
And so he told her about the phone conversation and received a lecture filled to the brim with schadenfreude in response. At this point, he sincerely regretted not asking Yoo Joonghyuk for help instead--even cold glares and condescension would be better than the raucous laughter he was getting from Han Sooyoung. The other patrons in the shop probably thought they were drunk.
"Just say your girlfriend had a family emergency last minute and couldn't make it," she said once she was done laughing. "Easy."
Kim Dokja dragged his hand over his face. "Do you think I wouldn't try that if I could? My mother will force me to go on a blind date unless I actually bring someone home; she doesn't trust my word."
"Wow. That sucks."
"Could you sound any more sarcastic?" He looked up from his hands and met her gaze head-on. "So are you going to help me or not?"
Han Sooyoung dropped her chin on her folded hands and furrowed her brows, looking deep in thought. Finally, her expression cleared and she looked up, eyes gleaming with the light of Financial Gain. "I'll do it for 100,000 won," she declared.
Kim Dokja recoiled from her. "You don't need the money."
"Just because I don't need it doesn't mean I don't want it."
"You're already getting free meals and a vacation out of this, stop being greedy."
"80,000."
"30,000."
"50,000, take it or leave it."
"50,000, and you're not allowed to breathe a word of this to anyone alive. Especially not Yoo Joonghyuk."
"Fine."
"Fine."
Kim Dokja reached across the table and shook her hand, sealing the deal.
"Your pride's pretty cheap," she remarked, withdrawing her hand.
"Be quiet."
With everything said and done, Kim Dokja temporarily stopped obsessing over the situation so he could focus on more important things, like work or the webnovel serializations he was following. But as the date of homecoming drew nearer and nearer, he was forced to start thinking about how best to pull off their scam once more. When he tried contacting Han Sooyoung a day before Christmas Eve to set up a meeting so they could practice their cover story, however, he was met with terrible news.
"What do you mean you can't make it anymore?" he asked, incredulous.
Han Sooyoung set down her chopsticks. "Listen, Kim Dokja, I have a date on New Year's Eve and I really can't go back with you," she said. "But I can call your mom while you're home or something?"
"That won't work." Kim Dokja pinched the bridge of his nose; he could feel a headache coming on. "My mother will never let me live this down if you don't show up. She's already convinced I'm lying."
"Maybe if you weren't a pathological liar your mother would trust you more."
"I'm not a pathological liar," lied Kim Dokja.
"Sure you aren't," said Han Sooyoung, popping a piece of tempura into her mouth. "What's so bad about a blind date anyway?"
"They're not my type."
She arched an eyebrow in disbelief. "How do you know these people are not your type if you've never met them?"
"I just know it wouldn't...feel right."
"Hm."
As if on cue, Kim Dokja's phone screen lit up with an incoming message.
[Lee Sookyung]
You still haven't sent me that photo yet ^^
He cursed under his breath and tucked his phone away in his pocket, out of sight. When he looked up, Han Sooyoung was watching him with a curious expression on her face. "What is it?"
"You know," she began, "there's one way out of this situation."
"I'm aware of girlfriend rental services, thank you. If I wanted to spend my holiday with a stranger I would just go on the blind date--"
"I meant Yoo Joonghyuk."
Kim Dokja's voice died in his throat. "You want me to ask Yoo Joonghyuk to come home with me," he said, deadpan.
"Yep. I'm sure he'll agree."
"Are you joking? There's no way in hell he'll say yes."
Han Sooyoung shrugged. "Yoo Joonghyuk's mind works in mysterious ways. I think you'd be surprised at his answer."
"I would rather die than ask Yoo Joonghyuk," said Kim Dokja.
***
"Please pretend to be my girlfriend," said Kim Dokja. "I mean boyfriend. Sorry, slip of the tongue."
Yoo Joonghyuk stared at him. And kept staring at him. And staring. "Pretend," he repeated, voice impassive.
Begging Yoo Joonghyuk for a favour was not how he expected to spend his Christmas Eve this year, but beggars couldn't be choosers. "I'll even pay you 50,000 won."
His appeal to Yoo Joonghyuk's rationality seemed to backfire as the man's expression soured. Damn it, of course this sunfish would take offense to his kind offer when he was only trying to be generous.
"You get 50,000 won and the chance to humiliate me forever," Kim Dokja continued. "You should take a good deal when you see one."
Yoo Joonghyuk narrowed his eyes. "I don't need the money."
"I know you don't, but I need you." That came out sounding a bit weird, and he tried to salvage it by adding, "If I don't bring someone home, my mother will force me to go on dates with her neighbours' children, and I'd rather spend my time with you than a stranger." Something stirred in Yoo Joonghyuk's blank expression, and Kim Dokja seized the opportunity to stare into his eyes and add in a soft voice, "Joonghyuk. Please."
Yoo Joonghyuk's fingers twitched briefly before he drew them into a fist, the tendons in his hand flexing with the motion. "Fine," he said curtly. "When do we leave?"
Confident that Yoo Joonghyuk would never go back on his word, Kim Dokja dropped all pretenses and lounged back in his chair with a lazy grin. "Thursday evening at 8 pm. Now let me tell you about the cover story I prepared." Prepared for Han Sooyoung, actually, but switching around the pronouns was easy enough. "You confessed to me on November 29th--"
"You confessed," said Yoo Joonghyuk.
"No, you did."
"I refuse."
This childish brat. Kim Dokja's eye twitched in irritation. "Fine, we both confessed. Except you did first. Moving on," he said loudly when Yoo Joonghyuk opened his mouth to protest, "we had our first date on December 2nd--what is it?"
It was hard to read the strange expression on Yoo Joonghyuk's face at that moment. "You came over on November 29th. And we had dinner together on December 2nd."
"If you say so," Kim Dokja said cautiously. He wasn't really sure what the point of this line of inquiry was. "I'm surprised you still remember. Either way, we had our first date on December 2nd and have been meeting regularly since, including on Christmas Eve. As long as we get the timeline right, I'm sure we could fill in the blanks for everything else on the spot since we're familiar with each other. Do you have any que--"
"Shouldn't we practice?" Yoo Joonghyuk asked suddenly.
"Practice what?"
Yoo Joonghyuk averted his eyes. "Being intimate."
'Being intimate', huh. Spoken like a true boomer, Kim Dokja thought to himself. "Why would we need to be intimate?" he asked instead. "I'll just tell her you don't enjoy public displays of affection." That earned him a glare. "It's true, isn't it? You never let me touch you."
"I don't because I--" Yoo Joonghyuk cut off mid-sentence, looking furious at himself.
Mysterious workings of Yoo Joonghyuk's mind, indeed. Kim Dokja cleared his throat awkwardly. "Do you have a pen?"
"Why?"
"I have a sign to write."