Work Text:
He brings two coffees everyday.
It's a reflex he knows. A habit he hasn't been able to get out of his system. He doesn't care to. Not does he want to.
He drinks the first and leaves the second untouched, taking it along with him everywhere.
In the improv class, every body acts normal but always seems to take a peek at the paper cup sitting in the chair beside him. He ignores the stares.
In the Asphalt Cafe, everyone notices the cup beside Beck, right on the seat she used to stay.
"Uh .. Beck?" Tori is the only one who has the courage to ask
"The coffee cup..." Not too brave it seems.
Silence fell on the table as everyone else looked at the both of them, watching how it'll go down.
He looks over at it like it was nothing before turning back to the brunette
"Yeah?" He asks.
The whole gang looked silently shocked at the look on Beck's face. Outwardly, he had an confused even ignorant look on his face. Yet his eyes told a different story. They were deep, dark and glaring as though daring her to point out something untoward .
Tori got the hint and looked away, a squeaky "N-nothing." coming out. The rest of the gang hurriedly changed the subject, trying to resume their antics.
By the end of school he throws the cold coffee into the garbage and enters his car to head to the cafe again.
"I'm not happy with our relationship!"
"Haven't seen you around here before." A blonde girl with pink highlights approaches him as he sits in a table in Karaoke Dokie with his friends.
"We're regulars here." Cat points out helpfully among the group.
She is duly ignored and the without asking, the girl takes an empty seat ("Rude" Tori mutters to Andre.") beside him.
"So, What's your name?."
"I'm Miriam, but you can call me Miri"
The girl called Miriam kept pushing her advances towards Beck who didn't seem the least interested. In a situation like this before he would act friendly, give a stern smile and try to be as sweet as possible. This was not the case.
He continuously focused on his phone or the other members, ignoring the blonde girl beside him. Save a few curt responses he didn't pay attention at all.
"So, are you retested?" Miri asked, unaware of the.
"No. I have a girlfriend." Five (four) pairs of eyes drilled into him at the statement.
"Well I don't see her anywhere." Beck clenched his fists hard as the words hit a nerve. Everyone else winced at the statement but took no action. Wary of the slight tick in his jaw, they kept silent, hoping their body language will help the girl take a hint.
Out of the corner of his eyes she reaches for his hair and he had reached his limit.
His hand went up to grip her wrist not too gently, only inches from his hair before turning to her and pushing it away. Turning to her
"Listen Maddie or whatever the heck you're called. If you couldn't understand English when I said I have a girlfriend or you're so socially inept that ignoring you wasn't enough to get the hint, lemme tell you straight. I don't like you and I'm.not.interested. so get out and leave me alone." He spewed out, the words coming out like venom attacking her.
Shaken and a bit teary, she stood up from the table and left hurriedly, blonde and pink highlights fluttering as she skittered away.
He turned back, a gruff "What?" He asked, exparatedly. The others were looking at him like he was a different. Changed. And maybe he was.
"Sorry man " Andre looked down on his food, avoiding Beck's eyes "We've just...we've never see you act like that before."
"Yeah." Robbie timidly agreed before proceeding to focus on his food like before.
Rex spoke up "if anything, I'd say you were acting a lot more like-"
Rex's statement was closed off with Robbie's hand covering his wooden mouth. "Shut up Rex." leaving only muffles.
But it was alrealdy too late, the unsaid word hung over their heads. Everyone looked towards Beck who had stilled for a moment. Less than a few moments in, he grabbed the burger he ordered and began to eat.Cautiously, everyone else followed and ate silently, the tension around them thick.
Two minutes into eating Beck stood up suddenly, drawing all their attention to him. He gave a weak smile before turning around to pick up his backpack.
"Sorry guys. I've lost my appetite. I'll see you guys later."
He turns away, ignoring Tori's voice talking about taking the burger with him.
He leaves the restaurant and enters his car, noting to stop at the cafe.
"So you want to break up?"
"Oh my gosh did you hear about his girlfriend?"
"Didn't they break up?."
That's what I heard. It's only a rumour though after that Worst Couples show."
"They broke up? That must have been why?"
"You've heard about the accident yeah? she-"
"Deserved it."
"Hey!"
"Well I think she deserved it- karma and all that stuff."
"I don't know about that, but I don't blame Beck for dumping that nutcase. He should have done that a long time age. After all, she was such a g-"
That was the moment he snapped. Stepping out of the corner he made himself known to the surprise of the three girls gossiping in the empty classroom.
"B- Beck!"
"We were just-"
They stopped probably because of the look in his face, which could be described as scary.
"Whether Jade or I broke upnis none of your business. Don't you ever call Jade a gank again. She's has more talent in her finger that any of you ever will have in your whole damn life."
The girls gasped and some had tears in her eyes, but he continued.
"And Jade may do a lot of things, but she would never speak behind a person's back. Especially when that person -"
He couldn't finish his sentence and turned away, throat feeling heavy as he fought back the hot tears in his eyes. His fists clenched hard, fingernails biting into his skin. The pain was the only thing keeping him from losing it right then and there.
He walked away, ignoring the crying sounds of the girls behind him. Walking a way, he felt a mix of pride anger, and Morty. Pride, because he defended Jade from those hurtful words.
Mirth(sad irony), because he's done it for far too late.
If Jade were here, she'd be proud of him.
She'd defend herself that she could take than on and didn't need his help. After scolding him, a small indiscernible smile would creep on her face, a smile meant only for him.
But she isn't here now. He reminds himself with regret. He thinks of all the words said against her, all she had to hear and bear. All she kept inside while he either ignored or couldn't seem to care .
"Jade is such a gank"
"Yeah she is."
His back hit the door of the empty bathroom stall how he got there he doesn't recall) And he crouched down, spilling silent tears.
"I'm tired of fighting "
He comes back home when it's already dark despite the school closing several hours ago. Such is his routine now. He steps on the walkway to the house. Not the RV.
Despite him staying in the RV separate from his parents, they always came together on Saturday for breakfast or dinners. Recently, they started having dinner together more because of the-
Beck shut his eyes and forced himself to thing of something else. He couldn't bring this now. Giving a small sigh, he stepped into the house.
"Hi Mom. Dad." He greeted. Both were already seated on the dining chairs already, halfway through their food. It seems he came late again.
Putting on a convincing smile he strolled towards them, side hugging his mother and putting a kiss an her forehead before sitting on the empty chair next to hers. He didn't feel like eating much, so he only took nibbles at a time to go unnoticed.
Silence reigned in the house, with all three of them eating their dinner and ignoring the looming tension.
The silence was broken with the slight clang sound of the fork hitting the plate. Both mother and son looked towards the father who bored a weary expression. Beck felt uneasy as he felt what was about to come.
"Beck. You've been coming home late for the past few days."
Despite his uneasiness, he nodded nonchalantly, eyes focused on the food he'd now lost all appetite for.
His mom spoke second "Have you been visiting-"
"Yes." He cut her off. There was no need to make any excuse or beat around the bush. Just like there was no need to continue talking around the matter.
His father seemed to sense this as he said. "You need to stop going there."
Beck felt rage well through him as he lost his composure as his words "WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY!?"
His mom stood up along with him and placed her hand on his shoulder, trying to palacate him sweetly. "Dear, calm down. Your father and I spoke together about this. We just think they for your sake-"
He shrugged it wmaway "For my sake!? Don't put that excuse on me. I know how much you disliked her despite everything she did. No matter how nice she was to you or how she acted, you would always see a fault. All because she wasn't the perfect conventional sweetheart you guys wanted! But to say this, this is fucking low."
"Beck!"
"Beck! Don't use that language on us." His father warned.
"If you knew her," he croaked in a more fragile voice "you'd know how beautiful she is inside. How despite her looks, she's the sweetest, most caring person, you'll ever know. And now you can't know." Beck breathed deeply hold in his rage.
Swallowing silently he blinked and nodded to himself, coming to a decision.
"This was a mistake. I'm out of here." He spoke before proceeding to storm out.
"Beck? Beck?!" He ignored his mother's calls as he stormed out of his parents house to shot the mettalic door of his RV. He went straight to his bed where it lay.
Laying down, he buried his face into the small leather jacket Jade left there many weeks ago. It still had a faint trace of her scent. The peppermint and Jasmine scent wafted over him, calming him down. He shut his eyes, hoping if he pretended hard enough, he could imagine it was her comforting him like the many times before.
Beck we can't recast you. You're our best actor. Our star. We can't change the male lead !" Sikowiz whined, on the improv stage at Beck who stood in front of him.
"I don't want to do the play sikowiz. Please respect my decision. Find another guy to play the lead." Beck said, gritting his teeth.
"No. I refuse. There will be famous people coming there Beck. I want my play to be perfection and I want only the the best of the best."
"Well you had no problem picking Tori as the lead every time so this shouldn't be a problem for you. " Beck retorted the unsaid implications drawing heavy on both of them as well as the class.
If he'd looked back he'd see Tori's face filled with guilt and sadness looking away, Andre putting his arm around Tori, Robbie and Rex in shock and Cat with an indiscernible look on her face. But he didn't. He was solely focused on the face of the teacher in front of him.
Sikowiz' s face fell "Beck-"
Beck cut him off by turning around and putting his bag on his shoulder and walking to the door. Only turning his head to the side to tell him "I'm not doing the play. Take it or leave it." Before opening the door and shutting it be hind him with a bang.
Walking the near empty hallways to the black box, he thought of the number of times jade worked hard and auditioned for roles only to get rejected or taken up as an understudy. He thought of all those times she came back crestfallen and sad, acting angry at others yet drawing into herself in private.
Ever since they were together they'd made plans to rise together. They were both aware that it was unrealistic of them. But at least, despite the ups and downs, she was supposed to be here . They were Back and Jade and he could never be just Beck. He couldn't do this without Jade. Jade was his tether, his True North.
He won't leave her behind.
"I'm gonna walk out of this door and count to ten. If I get to ten and you're not out of there, I'm going home, and we're over ."
"Sorry guys. Raincheck?" Beck dodged once again another invitation from his friends to hang out after school at Tori's house.
He saw Tori and Andre's face fall and Robbie looking down. Andre moved forward and gripped his shoulder reassuringly, saying "it's okay man." Before stepping back, dragging Tori along.
"We're always here for you if you need anything " Tori assured as she got pulled back by Andre. Robbie followed with Rex exclaiming "Bummer!!" As they tried to catch up with the other two.
Ever since the scene at the restaurant (who was he fooling? Ever since the accident) things have been strained between him and the rest of the gang with them cautiously tiptoeing around him, waiting for him to snap. He had declined most of their invitations, had accepted some, but never the ones involving Tori's house. He refused to go there no matter what. How could he? That was where everything fell apart after all.
But no matter the venue today, he wasn't planning on accepting. After all, he had a visit to make.
As he is about to step into his car, Cat runs up to him with what's is seemingly the most serious face he has seen her with. He's a bit confused as to why she does. The main thing connecting them together was Jade and now she's-
"What do you want Cat?" He asks.
She takes out of her pink bag a small cardboard tube container. She opens it to reveal a whole bouquet filled with dozens of paper flowers.
"My caretaker was teaching my brother how to make paper flowers. He didn't get it and turned the (silly Cat stuff). I was able to get it though." She exclaimed airily.
He frowned, at the slight bits of red around some of the paper edges "Some of them are stained."
Cat waved it off. "My brother forms a some really weird red paint thing around. Jadey loves red so I thought I'd use it. I asked him where he got it from but he said -"
"Okay Cat. I get it." Beck spoke exparatedly.
She put the container in Beck's hands, making an indiscernible face
"I miss her " she whispered in a voice laden with sadness and weariness. It was a voice so un Cat-like.
"Give it to her for me. Please." She blinked at him, and he could recognise the lost look in his eyes (he saw it everyday in the mirror). Speechless, he gave a sharp nod and looked down at the flowers.
As he looked down and saw her hands, he knew her earlier statement was a lie. Looking back at the thoughtful face of Cat and not for the first time saw that there was more to her than he thought. Between the carefree smiles and ignorant speech, she was hurting just as much as he was.
He watched her skip off to the rest of the gang, band aid- covered hands behind her as she smiled off at them.
"One"
As his new normal routine, leaving school he drove to the cafe where he got only one cup of coffee (black, two sugars as usual). Before heading to his car and driving off to his destination.
The place smelled of antiseptic and death. He thought of how badly Jade will hate this place. Despite her dark humor and morbidness she didn't like to go to places like these. These were far too sad. Too depressing. too real.
"Five "
His feet took him through the hallways that he has memorised, leading him to the room he wanted.
"Seven."
Like every time he came here (every single day), he opened the door (but he didn't open the most important one. The one that mattered.) And stepped into the room, a weak smile on his face before speaking softly. "Hey babe."
On the hospital bed lay his ice princess, paler than she usually is. Her face, bare of any makeup stood out against the hospital lights. Wires and tubes were attached to her. There was no sign of her response except for the rhythmic beep of the machine behind her.
"Ten"
He remembered how released the doorknob, letting her go. The only thought in his head then being that he was doing the right thing. The best thing for the both of them and their strained relationship and maybe someday she'll see that as well.
It wasn't until later on in the night, playing cards with the gang as a way to distract himself from the thoughts in his head that he received a call from the hospital and understood what regret feels like.
On her way home she crashed into a tree damaging her car beyond repair and sending her against the windshield. The neighbors in the vicinity found her there, calling the ambulance to take her to the hospital.
The most worrisome thing was not the cuts or bruises but the injury sustained on her head. She was put in a stable condition and has since then been in a comatose state. The doctor attending to her stated that she could wake up at anytime.
That was three months ago
He sat in the chair beside her and dropped the cup of coffee and cardboard tube of paper flowers on her bedside. Speaking to her casually. Like every day he came here. He told her about everything he did. He told her about the girls he shunned, how he defended her, the role he left, he told her about Cat's gift. He told her all his feelings and began to recall their moments together.
His mouth ran dry as he continued speaking, sometimes having to clear it once or twice, but not once did he reach for the coffee on the table. Why would he? It was for her after all.
He spoke and spoke for so long despite receiving no response. When he had exhausted all his thoughts, he looked at the girl he loved laying on the bed, her dark hair around her like a halo.
She would hate herself like this he thought. She would go ballistic for her hair not being perfectly curled, makeup not done and wearing a bland hospital gown. She would hate looking anything less than the perfect intimidating image she wanted to protray in public. The only time she felt comfortable was with him. She didn't need to worry about all that when she was with him. She felt safe, secure with him.
He reached for her hand, grasping it with his own. Her hands were so small, overshadowing his own. She was always like this, yet managed to appear larger than life. She was so small, so vunerable this way.
This wasn't how she was supposed to be. She was supposed to be snarky, dark, intimidating. She was supposed to be in the restaurant, chasing all the girls in the vicinity from him. She was supposed to be in the hallways, the corridors, intimidating those those who gossiped about her.
She supposed to be with him in the RV, cuddling with him, ranting about how annoying Tori was, or arguing with him about a movie. She was supposed to be arguing with him again about a girl or something or anything at all. She was supposed to be anything. Anything but this.
He breathed as he spoke, suppressing a sob. His voice broke as he spoke "I miss you Jade."
He could not hold himself back (but when could he ever do so around her) and broke down. Silent sobs racked his body as he grasped her hand tightly (she may bruise from this. She always bruises so easily...), willing her to wake up so he could tell her that he's sorry for everything that he wishes he had done something, anything so she wasn't here like this. He wants to tell her that he'll be better, rectify all his mistakes. He tries to say all that but the only thing which comes out is
"I should have opened that door."
He lay his head and arms on her bed, never letting go of her hand. Closing his eyes, he imagined that it was not the stake scent of antiseptic but her peppermint and jasmine he smelt. Only around her, slowly he let his walls down, being the tired vunerable person he third not to keep aware. His exhaustion gets the better of him and he drifts off to sleep, with tear tracks on his face.
"Love you Jade.." he murmurs, the only coherent thing in his mind before he is pulled into the darkness.
As he drifts off, encased in his hand, a pale slender finger twitches.