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Kagami showed up twenty-one minutes early to her first class at NYU.
It wasn’t just because her roommate had been jabbering away on FaceTime at three times the required volume. Again. It was also because Kagami had something to prove.
Even if her mother, the person she was trying trying to prove it to, was no longer speaking to her. Kagami had made her choice to come here, and she couldn’t let herself regret that. She couldn’t hesitate.
She couldn’t fail.
The minutes on the clock ticked by, the sound echoing through the empty lecture hall. After ten minutes sitting by herself, it dawned on Kagami that she was probably wasn’t doing a very good job of acting like a college student. She should have known better, after seeing the horrors of the dorms over the past few days—hairs clogging the shower drains, the horrible excuse for food offered in the cafeterias, and that one room on her floor, which always smelled heavily of marijuana. These American students wouldn’t be likely to show up early.
No less than twelve and a half minutes since Kagami had sat down, the first other student wandered in. Kagami prickled under the girl’s gaze, even though it only focused on her for a split second before turning to the stairs. Like Kagami wasn’t worth the girl’s time at all.
Kagami wondered if the girl could tell how long she’d been sitting there. If it was written over the perfectly ironed blouse Kagami had tucked into her jeans that morning. If it was floating in the air alongside her own illusion that she belonged.
The girl’s flats slapped against the cement steps. She seemed to have chosen a seat near the back.
Kagami heartbeat echoed in her ears. Her mouth was dry. This feeling was quickly becoming a familiar part of her life, as though even her own body sought to remind her she didn’t fit in. Having broken away from the rigid plan her mother had been trying to push on her since birth, Kagami had expected to feel free in New York. Instead, she felt lost.
She hated it.
But she couldn’t admit that.
Following the first girl were staccato bursts of students wandering into the room. Eventually, that evolved into a steady mass of bodies pushing their way in, conversing loudly. Despite being fluent in English, and although she’d been binging American sitcoms for months to try and get a feel for how things worked, Kagami hardly understood a thing they said. How did they all seem to know someone, despite this being the first day of classes?
While the lecture hall filled up, Kagami mostly kept her eyes glued to her laptop screen, which was perched on the tiny side desk attached to her chair. She minimized the syllabus she’d already read through five times, and opened the introductory powerpoint. The slides barely held her attention as she scrolled through.
The professor walked in at some point, nodding to a few students before setting up her own computer on the podium up front. Unlike in the movies, the grey-haired instructor didn’t turn around to write “Psych 101” on the board in confident yet angry strokes of white chalk. The course wasn’t even called that. It was PSYCH-UA 1. Kagami didn’t even know what the end of that stood for.
The constant flow of students eventually ebbed, returning to infrequent bodies slamming through the heavy oak doors. Kagami was the only student seated in the front row. That was mostly a relief—what would she have said to them anyway? Still...
She’d come to New York to start fresh. To find a place for herself in the world, one of her own devising. So far, she’d been sold nothing but cheap lies by Hollywood films, and cheaper hot dogs by suspicious street vendors.
The class was settling down—a hush falling over the room—when Kagami glanced up to see two more students rushing in. One was an objectively attractive blond boy. He looked vaguely familiar, though Kagami couldn’t place him. The other was a dark-haired girl dressed in an absurd amount of pink. Her hair was thrown into a messy bun, but a good chunk of the strands hadn’t made it into the elastic. She gestured widely as she talked, nearly hitting some kid in the face when he tried to hurry past her.
To Kagami’s dismay, the pair seemed to be heading straight for her, albeit probably unintentionally. Neither seemed to be paying particular attention to where they were going, at least until the girl pulled her scarf from her neck. Her head turned as she did so, her face freezing for a second when she registered Kagami, no more than a meter away. For a moment, Kagami was held just as still by the pull of mesmerizing blue eyes.
In an instant, Kagami’s thoughts had flown to how she’d recreate those eyes on paper, trying to figure out what colours she’d use. Painting was a new medium for her, although she’d been sketching for years despite her mother’s disapproval. Colours were something she was still getting used to. But she thought she’d like to use a mixture of azure and cerulean to capture the gleam in this girl’s eyes. Maybe a smidge of sapphire, too.
Then the girl tripped over one end of her dangling scarf and almost fell right into Kagami’s lap. The boy grabbed her around the waist at the last second, chuckling softly as he helped her right herself.
“Tu ne changes jamais,” teased the boy. You never change. Kagami raised her eyebrows at the sound of French. She hadn’t spoken it in a few years, but it felt nice to be in on what they were saying. It made more sense to Kagami than all the talk of yeeting, or the way people dropped “mood” as a response to every second sentence.
“Tais-toi.” The girl shot back. It was almost amusing how the girl huffed at him to shut up, but Kagami was too perturbed by their near collision to appreciate it. She just wanted these people to leave her alone. Instead, the girl turned to Kagami with wide eyes. “Oh,” she said in accented English, “I’m sorry. Are you ok?”
Kagami struggled briefly with which language to respond in. They were expecting English, no doubt. It would have been the least awkward way to brush things on and move on with their separate lives. But a part of Kagami, despite her best efforts towards the contrary, longed for connection. Then again...if she replied in French, they’d know she’d understood their conversation. Sure, it hadn’t been especially private, but…
“It’s fine,” Kagami said stiffly. The girl hadn’t actually fallen on her. Kagami forced a smile, but it felt awkward, even to her. How long had it been since she’d done that?
Kagami assumed the pair would wander away after that, to find a seat in one of the other rows. At the very least, they’d leave a few seats between her and them—that seemed to be the standard practice, for those Kagami had already watched wander in. Instead, the girl plopped down right beside Kagami, grinning.
“I’m Marinette.” She pointed to her companion, who was settling in on the other side of her. “This is Adrien.” He smiled and gave a quick wave.
Kagami nodded, unsure of what the protocol was here. Before coming to University, she’d worked at her mother’s company for a little over a year, having convinced her mother that the work experience would be a good opportunity, before she went on to get a business degree. That was how she’d saved up the money allowing her to pay her own way through school, once her mother had cut her off. That and selling the company stocks she’d been gifted for her eighteenth birthday. School in the United States wasn’t cheap, but growing up as a CEO’s daughter had had its perks.
In the working world, it was easy to know how to greet people. “Dear so-and-so” graced the top of emails. “Hello, it’s a pleasure to meet you,” was accompanied by a handshake in many regions of the world. Kagami had been a toddler when she’d been taught how deeply to bow to people of various ranks in the workplace back in Japan.
None of that had prepared her for making friends. At least, not those outside of people her mother would find useful. She was probably supposed to give her name in return, but what then? Would she have to instigate further conversation? Would she be forced to nod along to whatever they said, and pretend she cared?
The professor announced the start of class, saving Kagami from having to figure that out.
Throughout the next hour, Kagami listened vigilantly, noting down any information the teacher said that hadn’t already been provided. She’d come prepared. Perhaps too prepared, since all the professor did was go through the syllabus, then spend the last twenty minutes explaining what psychology was. That last point really seemed like it ought to have been a prerequisite for taking the course.
During that time, Kagami asked a number of questions. She didn’t think there was anything strange about that, even if her classmates largely remained silent. She hadn’t entirely decided if this was even a class she was interested in taking yet—during the add-drop period, she’d planned to attend more courses than would fit into her schedule. That way, she’d be guaranteed to get the best ones. Her questions were mostly designed to assess the professor’s competency. How else would she know if the class was worth taking?
When class let up, Kagami closed her laptop and reached for her backpack. She certainly wasn’t going to end up majoring in psychology, but she couldn’t deny that some of the information might be a useful. If nothing else, maybe it would help her understand the way people worked a little better.
She was used to thinking of people as opponents, both from a fencing perspective and a business one. Typically, the more you understood an adversary, the better you faired. Although, she suspected it would take more than a first-year course to teach her to parse the various ways in which people made things a hundred times more complicated than they needed to be.
“You must be interested in psychology,” Marinette piped up beside her.
It took Kagami a moment to realize the comment was aimed at her. It wasn’t like she’d forgotten the people sitting next to her. She couldn’t have; they’d been whispering to each other the entire time. Neither seemed capable of taking notes without the other’s input, though Kagami hadn’t known before that notetaking could be a partner sport.
Kagami just hadn’t expected them to talk to her again.
“Why would you assume that?” Kagami asked. Marinette’s eyebrows flew up. Kagami must have said something wrong.
“Oooh. W-well, I just…” Marinette trailed off and exchanged a look with Adrien.
“We’re sorry,” Adrien said. We. Apparently, they spoke as a unit. “We didn’t mean to be rude.”
Kagami frowned. “You weren’t rude,” she said. A little obnoxious, maybe. “I just don’t understand how you came to that conclusion.”
Adrien opened his mouth for a moment, then closed it, rubbing at the back of his neck. Marinette’s brow furrowed.
“You asked a lot of questions,” Marinette said. “I figured it was because you were interested. And you seemed to know a lot about the topic…” Her lips quirked to one side. “Enough that even the teacher seemed off guard a couple times, so…”
Kagami nodded. That was a reasonable explanation. It still didn’t help her figure out what to do. Seating wasn’t assigned, though. Likely, she’d never even have to talk to Marinette again.
So why did Kagami even care?
“I just like to be prepared,” she said. But she wasn’t prepared right now. Not for whatever was supposed to happen next, so… “I should go.”
She shoved her laptop into her backpack, and rushed from the room before she could read on their faces exactly how she’d failed this interaction.
She didn’t need that kind of people in her life anyway. The kind who already had someone else they could easily depend on. The kind that could just sit down next to a stranger and try to make friends.
The kind that no amount of psychology credits would ever allow Kagami to truly understand.
Marinette and Adrien sat next to Kagami again next class. This despite the fact that nobody else seemed to take the same seat twice—save for Kagami, who had again shown up too early.
“Hi!” Marinette said as she took out her tablet. Her voice was perky. Kagami could tell that she just was one of those people. The ones that drew everyone else in, often without knowing it. The ones who people admired.
Kagami didn’t know what to do with that information.
Honestly, it was a quality that Kagami didn’t entirely trust. Was it supposed to be that easy to get along with people? Or was this some kind of act? Kagami was well-learned in picking apart the contradictory language of a business contract, but the subtleties of human interactions were another matter altogether.
In the end, Kagami just gave Marinette a nod in return, and shifted her attention back to the front of the class.
The pattern continued for a while, three times a week. Each time the pair stumbled into class at the last minute—in Marinette’s case, she often literally stumbled—until one day the instructor started class and neither Marinette nor Adrien had shown up.
Kagami tried to pay attention to what the professor was saying—something about gaps in memory, which she ironically wouldn’t remember later—but she found her attention gravitating to the entryway instead. A little weight had settled in her gut. One that lifted a bit each time the lecture hall doors swung open and fell right back down when the newcomer wasn’t Marinette. Nearly ten minutes into class, a familiar pair of blue eyes finally crashed through the door.
Marinette was a mess. Her pink sweater was drenched, her hair stuck to her face. It hadn’t been raining so hard when Kagami had arrived, but it must have gotten worse. Marinette’s black laced boots—a replacement for her usual flats—squeaked obnoxiously across the floor as she made her way to her seat, earning her a small glare from the professor. And she was late. Kagami never would have been late.
Kagami’s mother would never have tolerated this. If Kagami had arrived late, growing up, she’d be ignored for the rest of the day. Fed a minimal amount of food and a maximum of silence, a form of isolation to make her realize she was in the wrong. In a way, despite her disagreements with her mother, Kagami understood that. The way you presented yourself to the world still mattered. It was a matter of pride. Of propriety.
Still, as Marinette sank into her seat with a sheepish smile, Kagami couldn’t help but watch her. Marinette raised one partially soaked sleeve to wipe the rain off of her face, then turned to Kagami and smiled.
“Hi,” Marinette said. A breathless whisper replaced her usual chipper tone.
As per their routine, Kagami nodded. She glanced back to the door, half expecting Adrien to barrel through at any moment, but it didn’t open again. Strange. Kagami had grown so used to thinking of them as a mildly disruptive unit that it felt wrong to see Marinette on her own. She seemed smaller, somehow. Was she lonely? Did she want—
Kagami pushed away those thoughts. She was being ridiculous.
She was about to tune back into the lecture when something stopped her. Some urge to...Kagami didn’t know exactly. She wasn’t used to doing things impulsively.
She turned the screen of her laptop slightly, dragging it as close to Marinette’s seat as she could without risking it falling off the table.
“You can copy my notes, if you’d like,” Kagami whispered. It was the first time she’d ever spoken during a lecture.
Marinette beamed. “Thanks.”
Kagami was momentarily distracted as Marinette pulled her tablet and pen from her backpack, then leaned over slightly into Kagami’s space. The smell of the rain mixed with some kind of fruity shampoo wafted over, and Kagami went rigid as a metal rod, afraid of disturbing Marinette.
There was something alive about Marinette that Kagami had been doing her best to ignore for the past few weeks. That stirred something Kagami had long ago buried deep in her past.
All Kagami really knew about her was taken from the bouts of french Marinette exchanged with Adrien in the minutes before class. She was from Paris, and had come here to study fashion. She’d come to New York because she’d been accepted as an intern at a prominent fashion house. The fact that she was somehow juggling a full course load and an internship might have impressed Kagami, if it wasn’t making it even harder to ignore Marinette. Making it harder for Kagami not to think about her, even when she wasn’t sitting next to her in class.
Frankly, it was just annoying.
A few drops of rain dripped slowly down the length of Marinette’s hair, which was worn loose today, instead of in her usual messy bun or braid. Marinette didn’t seemed to notice, engrossed in copying notes onto her tablet. Kagami found herself wondering what it would feel like to brush her fingers through Marinette’s hair, to gently untangle the strands. Marinette seemed like the kind of person who’d appreciate that.
Kagami tried not to let herself think about what it would feel like if Marinette’s fingers were tangled in her hair.
A few drops fell onto Kagami’s jeans, eventually forming a larger spot that Kagami could feel. As a general rule, Kagami didn’t like having wet clothes. Her mother wouldn’t have approved. But now, she was allowed. And, with Marinette softly humming, pausing only to let out a chuckle at some part of the lecture which Kagami was no longer paying attention to, Kagami was momentarily brought back to another time.
A time of stomping around in puddles, where the giggles were her own. Of a hand on her shoulder leading her home. Of a deep voice singing nursery rhymes as the rain came down around them. Of strong arms picking her up and putting her down, and her fingers letting go one last time.
Marinette shifted, her hair starting to drip into a new puddle on Kagami’s leg. Kagami shook herself from her thoughts. They came from a whole other lifetime.
Eventually, Marinette finished, and sat back in her seat. The rest of the class passed uneventfully, but Kagami found herself simply more aware of Marinette’s presence as the seconds ticked by. When the professor finally disconnected her laptop, Kagami glanced over at her classmate.
“Thanks again for the notes,” Marinette said. She glanced away just as quickly, no doubt used to Kagami not responding.
Today, Kagami couldn’t let that happen.
“Your boyfriend’s not here today,” she said. She’d meant it as a question, but she’d forgotten to add the inflection, so it came off as a statement.
A small dimple appeared in Marinette’s forehead. “Huh? My...you mean Adrien?” Kagami nodded, and Marinette’s eyes widened a tad. “Oh.” She laughed. “We get that a lot, but no. He’s not my boyfriend. He’s...my ex, and one of my roommates, but...uh...well, I actually live with Adrien’s boyfriend too. Luka. Who’s also my ex...and that probably just sounds like the plot of a bad sitcom or something, but…” She shrugged. “It works for us? And it’s not like...Oh! I forgot to answer your question. He’s fine! Just has a cold. He’s whiny when he’s sick, so he didn’t want to come.” She let out a breath. “Sorry, I talk a lot when I’m nervous.”
“You’re nervous?” That didn’t seem to fit in the puzzle of Marinette that Kagami had been building.
Marinette’s eyes went wide. “Pffft, me? Nervous? That’s not what I meant, I just...I didn’t think you liked me very much.” Kagami stared, eyebrows raised. She was trying to work out how to respond when Marinette started rambling again. “But then, you did share your notes with me today, and I just thought...Well, I wouldn’t mind...getting to know you better, I guess. I-if that’s something that you wanted, of course. I mean, you don’t have to, but—”
“I’m Kagami.” If she hadn’t interrupted, she had no doubt that Marinette would have found a way to keep talking indefinitely. And maybe she wasn’t completely unpleasant to listen to, but Kagami eventually had other places she’d need to be.
“Oh,” said Marinette. “I knew that. The teacher’s called your name a few times. Well, a bunch of times, really. You always seem to have the answer.” She smiled.
“Right,” said Kagami. How could she have forgotten that? What was it about this babbling blue-eyed girl that turned Kagami’s brain to mush?
“It’s really pretty, though,” Marinette added.
The comment hung between them, and Kagami wasn’t quite sure what to do with it. She wasn’t used to feeling so unsettled. So unnerved. Usually, she had an answer for everything, without having to think things through.
But then, that hadn’t really gotten her anywhere with other people, in the past. She was known as blunt, or rude. She was othered. Pushed out of the loop before she could begin to understand its inner workings. For some reason she didn’t comprehend, she really didn’t want that to happen with Marinette.
“Thank you,” Kagami said eventually. “Your name is also...nice.” And it was. Kagami had seen the way Marinette looped her letters to sign her name. Kagami had imagined the syllables rolling off her own tongue, even if she didn’t dare to speak them out loud. There was no reason to do that. It would have been frivolous.
Marinette smiled. “Thanks.” She bit her lip. “Hey...are you...Do you want to grab a coffee, or something? I noticed that you’re in my lit class as well, but you weren’t there this week, and I wouldn’t mind trading you my notes in exchange for your help, today.”
“I dropped that class,” Kagami said. “And I don’t drink coffee.”
There was an awkward pause.
“Oh.” Marinette looked down. “Well...that’s good to know.” Her voice was strained. She shoved her things roughly into her bag. “Thanks for the notes, then.”
Kagami told herself she’d only imagined the disappointment she’d seen briefly flash Marinette’s eyes.
Marinette walked into class on Friday like always, laughing at something Adrien was saying. Then her eyes met Kagami’s and dropped to the floor. She settled silently into her usual seat, and Kagami had only one thought, beyond her control.
This won’t do.
“Hello, Marinette.” Kagami almost didn’t bother greeting Adrien. He wasn’t really the point. But societal expectations dictated that ignoring people was rude, even if it was more efficient, so she reluctantly gave him a quick nod as well. “Adrien.”
Adrien smiled. “Hey, Kagami!”
“Hi,” Marinette said, her eyes wary. She busied herself by searching through her backpack. Adrien glanced between Kagami and Marinette, confusion colouring his gaze.
Kagami watched for a while as Marinette pulled out a notebook and a pencil. Odd, seeing as she normally took notes on her tablet. The silence stretched thinly between them. Marinette’s eyes darted over once then glanced quickly away when she saw Kagami watching. Kagami knew it was rude to stare, but it was also hard not to. The seconds ticked by.
“I like orange juice,” Kagami blurted out eventually.
Marinette’s head snapped toward Kagami, and a little crease formed between her eyebrows. “O-okay.”
Why had Kagami said that? She didn’t mind orange juice, but she didn’t really like it all that much more than coffee. She liked tea, if anything. But...it was probably too late to retract her statement now.
Adrien, whose fingers now seemed to be trying to rub a hole in the back of his neck, piped in. “Orange juice is great! We love orange juice. Can’t get enough orange juice.”
Kagami raised an eyebrow. “It’s certainly...adequate.”
Marinette shot Adrien a look, and he just shrugged. She sighed and turned back to Kagami. “Sorry. Adrien hates conflict. We won’t bother you again.”
Kagami frowned. “You aren’t bothering me.”
Marinette tapped her pencil angrily against her notepad. “It certainly seemed like I was at the end of last class,” she challenged.
“I…”
Kagami had started fencing lessons at five years old. She had been the youngest in her class, and unable to keep up with the older kids. In truth, she hadn’t seen the point in trying. Hitting people just to win a game seemed senseless. It lacked the purpose she felt when her fingers guided crayons across a page. It missed out on the sense of security she felt from locking her brain on an image and trying to recreate it.
Fencing, at first, was the feeling of her mother’s terse smile as she watched from the sidelines. When Kagami lost her balance for the umpteenth time, she’d look up and see her dad smiling down at her. Her mother would stand, arms flying up to gesture something to Kagami, until Kagami’s dad settled a hand on her shoulder, dragging her back down. Kagami would pull a glove from her pudgy hand and wave, and even her mother would smile.
Things in Kagami’s family hadn’t always been so serious back then. The tension had only begun to manifest.
At five, it had been hard to get a clear picture of what was going on, but Kagami heard the whispers about her mother’s waning vision. She walked in on the arguments her parents had, when her mother stayed later and later at the office each day. Those were soon forgotten in favour of savouring the red bean mochi her father distracted her with.
Still, Kagami noticed that the dinners she spent alone with her father involved less of him smiling than they used to. She decided that the way to fix everything was to make her parents proud.
So she begun watching her classmates. Studying them when they fought one another, until she could predict their moves nearly every time. That was frustrating, at first, since half the time they didn’t even seem to know what they’d do next. But as she practiced and practiced, it became second nature.
She practiced her stance. Practiced shuffling back and forth across the floor. Practiced lunging and parrying until her tiny muscles ached.
Eventually, it paid off. Kagami won her first match. She fell in love with the rush of adrenaline from landing a hit. She stopped hesitating.
Or, at least, she had stopped hesitating.
Now, she was a lost kid again.
Marinette was still staring, her lips pinched together.
“I didn’t mean to upset you,” Kagami said. “I’m not very good at talking to people. I wasn’t...My mother didn’t allow much opportunity to socialize, growing up.” Kagami decided not to mention that the attempts she’d made at school weren’t reciprocated either. That the other kids had always found some reason or other to run in the opposite direction. “I was supposed to focus on my schooling and extracurriculars. Friends...weren’t a priority.”
Something in Marinette’s face softened. She glanced at Adrien, who looked back up at Kagami.
Adrien cleared his throat. “I...can relate to that. My father was the same way.”
“You don’t seem like you have a hard time with it,” Kagami pointed out. It wasn’t just the way he interacted with Marinette. In the few short weeks that Kagami had known him, Adrien had dropped everything on more than one occasion to help the out professor without being asked. He’d lent five pens in a row to the same guy, who never returned them. He’d even offered to bring Kagami a coffee to their next class one time. She’d declined, of course, but that wasn’t the point.
Adrien wasn’t the same as her. People adored him.
Adrien nodded. “Fair enough. Maybe I don’t exactly seem like...Well, anyway, the point is...it wasn’t always easy for me either. So...if you ever want someone to talk to…”
The default response on the tip of Kagami’s tongue was, No. Tsurugis didn’t need help. But she bit back the reflex.
“That might be...nice,” she admitted instead, despite having no intention on following through. Her stomach did funny things when Marinette beamed in response.
Marinette’s mouth opened to say something else, but the professor was starting class, so instead Marinette’s lips closed into a small smile. As the lecture droned on, Kagami tried to focus on the slides, but all she saw was Marinette’s smile flashing in her mind.
“Would you like...to maybe go get some orange juice some time?” Marinette asked, as Kagami packed up her things after class. “I’m free now, if—”
“I have to go.” The words—the lie—flew from Kagami’s mouth almost before Marinette had even finished speaking. “Perhaps some other time.”
Marinette didn’t seem offended, this time, at Kagami’s refusal. If anything, she seemed bewildered.
So, maybe...maybe that was progress. Sort of.
Not that Kagami cared.
Over the next few classes, Kagami couldn’t keep from noticing Marinette.
A lot.
All of the time, really.
Enough so that one day she nearly fumbled two questions the professor asked her—she’d taken to singling out Kagami to answer questions, and Kagami couldn’t blame her. Most of her classmates seemed wildly incompetent, and it was frankly terryfying that a large number of them actually wanted to major in the subject.
The third time Kagami faltered, Adrien bailed her out. He scribbled something on the edge of his notebook and tore the corner out, then passed it over Marinette’s lap with a smirk that Kagami did her best not to read into. She wasn’t acting that strangely, was she?
Kagami had noticed during one of their first classes that Marinette was always sketching things on the edges of her notes, but Kagami hadn’t looked to see what the designs were. It was rude to pry, as much as the artist side of Kagami was intrigued. When the alternative was staring blatantly at Marinette, though, the tablet seemed like the safer option.
The drawings were mostly clothing designs, which was unsurprising. The style was edgier than Kagami had expected, though. Studded leather jackets and ripped jeans. Kagami couldn’t imagine Marinette showing up in those clothes, so she wondered where the inspiration came from. Maybe it was an assignment.
Marinette kept asking Kagami to do things, too. There had been several more offers for orange juice, until one day Kagami brought tea to class, and Marinette struck up a conversation about some fancy teahouse she’d been meaning to try. There were non beverage-related offers as well—to go explore a new part of the city, or to study together, or to go grab lunch.
The question as to why Marinette was making such an effort, especially when she kept being turned down, had taken up constant residence in Kagami’s mind. Although Kagami’s mistrust was quickly evolving into mere curiosity.
Kagami slowly realized that Marinette was the type of person who noticed things. That she was thoughtful. That she could ask the kind of questions that set someone at ease, and made them feel seen.
When Kagami attempted the same tactic, it was a disaster.
For example...Marinette chewed on the end of her pen in class sometimes, when her nose did that cute thing where it scrunched up in concentration. The pen-chewing should have been gross—Kagami was learning about bacteria in biology, and it was all she could think about since she had a test coming up. Still, it was endearing when Marinette’s front teeth peaked out over the top and she froze a little bit, processing the professor’s words.
At the end of class one day, that was still on Kagami’s mind. So, when searching for a way to start up conversation, what she ended up saying was, “Do you know how much bacteria is on the average cell phone screen?”
Marinette’s eyes widened, and Kagami hastily said goodbye and left the room before she had to try explaining her way out of the statement. Not like that was anything new.
Another day, Kagami was watching Marinette sketch a pair of trousers when both of them should have been paying attention to class. Kagami found herself wanting to know more.
She meant to ask if Marinette was interested in fashion, as if she didn’t already know. Instead...
“You like pants?”
Marinette giggled. “Well, it’s better than wearing no pants, don’t you think?”
Kagami very much needed to change strategies if she was going to be able to figure this girl out. Somehow, that led her to one of the umpteen coffee shops around campus. Marinette seemed to like coffee, after all. Adrien was constantly bribing her with it and she rarely came to class without one. Maybe Kagami could use that to her advantage, somehow.
There were no other customers when she walked in, and the barista was slouched over the counter, scowling at a piece of paper in her hands. An index card, Kagami realized, as she approached. The barista had purple strands in her hair and was nibbling on a lip ring that Kagami doubted complied with the dress code. Her ears had so many cartilage piercings that it was almost surprising they didn’t just flop over. She didn’t seem to notice Kagami walk up.
Lazy and undisciplined is what Kagami’s mother might have called her, but Kagami could sympathize. She couldn’t imagine how hard it must be to work as well as being a student.
It was a bit annoying, though, when nearly a minute had passed, and the barista still wasn’t paying attention.
“Excuse me,” Kagami said.
The barista—Margot, according to her nametag—glanced up with one eye, then let out a loud sigh. She pushed herself up off the counter, slipping her flashcards into her apron pocket.
“Hullo,” she said.
There was no, “What can I get you?” or “Welcome to Miraculous Coffee.”
Kagami felt Margot staring her down. She practically heard Margot telling her to “Hurry the fuck up,” through thinly pressed lips. There were a ridiculous amount of things on the menu, though, and Kagami had no clue what to get.
“The girl I sit next to in psychology likes coffee,” she said instead.
Margot arched an eyebrow. “Good for her.” When Kagami didn’t continue, Margot sighed. “And that brings you here because…”
“She keeps asking me out for orange juice.”
Margot blinked. “Yeah, I’m going to need a little more context.”
Fair enough. “I am trying...to understand her. And she likes coffee, so I figured…”
“Ah,” Margot said, with a sudden sparkle in her eyes. “So you like her.”
Kagami considered. “She is...agreeable enough. I think that I could like her, maybe. She seems kind. And we might have some things in common. Although, having her as a friend does seem like it would be…a lot of effort. She talks a lot. And she chews on her pen, which doesn’t seem very sanitary. Also—”
Margot laughed. “No, I mean...you have a crush on her.”
“No,” Kagami said. But it was a reflex. Suddenly, she wasn’t so sure.
She knew she was interested in girls. One of the things she’d argued about with her mother the last time they’d spoken was how her mother assumed that since Kagami had come out to her as bisexual, it meant she’d been fine only dating men. That had been one of the last straws, finally pushing Kagami to get out from underneath her mother’s thumb.
But a crush?
That sounded so...juvenile. And, while she appreciated photos of women in magazines or watching them on TV, she’d never really...liked anybody that way before. Not that she could recall for certain, and it seemed like one of those things you wouldn’t forget.
Was a crush the sweaty palms she got in class when Marinette leaned into her space? Was a crush the twisting of her insides every time Marinette sat down beside her? Was a crush not being able to stop thinking about Marinette, even when it was 2am and Kagami had a midterm the next morning, which she hadn’t studied nearly enough for, because she’d also been unable to stop thinking about Marinette earlier?
“Maybe,” Kagami allowed.
Margot smirked. “Look, kid,” Kagami found that a bit condescending, since Margot couldn’t have been more than a couple years older, but it didn’t seem worth it to argue. “If you want to impress her, you’re not going find what you’re looking for in some trashy coffee shop.”
“Should you be talking that way about your place of employment?” Kagami asked. She took care to inflect some humour into her tone. She’d noticed that people tended to say rude things, but it came across as funny if delivered the right way. Somehow, Margot seemed like the right person to test that out on. “You could get fired if someone hears you.”
“I’m not sure that would be so bad,” Margot mused. “I swear, some of my customers could turn out to be literal supervillains, and I wouldn’t be surprised. This place is Hell. You should get out now, while you still can.”
Kagami found her lips quirking up at the joke. “Fine. I’ll go somewhere else. But I’m half convinced you’re only saying that because you’re too lazy to make me a drink.”
“Smart ass.” Margot grinned. Her eyes narrowed playfully. “Fine. I changed my mind, you can stay. Whatever you want, on the house.”
“I’ll take a green tea, please.” Kagami avoided pointing out that giving out free drinks could also get Margot in trouble. It seemed redundant to do that twice.
“Just say yes,” Margot said when she handed out the drink. “Whatever the girl asks you next, say yes. Get to know her. And for God’s sake, make sure she’s gay. Nothing like crushing on a straight girl.”
Kagami was pretty sure she was safe there, since a couple classes ago Marinette had walked into class waxing poetic about Clara Nightingale’s legs, and Kagami was pretty sure she’d heard Marinette talk about being involved with some queer club before, but she made a mental note to dig deeper.
She walked out of the coffee shop, somehow feeling like she’d just had her first successful social interaction. Even if she had been mercilessly teased, it sort of felt nice to be...understood. To have connection.
And maybe...maybe Margot was a little bit right about Marinette. About Kagami’s feelings for her. In any case, she couldn’t stop thinking about it.
Thinking about Marinette.
About Marinette doodling little ladybugs next to the dresses on the edges of her tablet. Her boots tapping the floor absentmindedly as she took notes. The way she seemed to always be drenched in pink, which should have been off-putting, but was somehow just Marinette. Imagining Marinette in a leather jac—
Nope. She was in the middle of economics, she couldn’t have that thought now.
Their next psychology class was the last before the semester break, and Kagami had decided to take Margot’s advice. When Marinette asked her to do something today, she was going to say yes. To whatever.
She just hadn’t expected it to be…
“You’re inviting me to...what exactly?”
“It’s a bowling night, put on by the LGBTQ+ society. I’m on the organizing committee, so I just figured I’d invite you. I mean...not that I’m assuming you’re queer, or anything.” Marinette blushed. “You don’t have to be, but Adrien and Luka will be there too, and I just th—”
“I like girls,” Kagami said. “O-oh,” said Marinette. Her face reddened further. “G-good. Heh, I mean...not good. It’s not like being straight is bad, but uh…”
“I will be there.”
“What?”
“Bowling? You said…”
“Oh. Right! Great! I’ll text you the details!” Marinette nodded, grabbed her bag and ran out of the room before Kagami could respond.
Adrien, still seated, was clearly holding back laughter. “She doesn’t have your number, does she?” Kagami shook her head. “I can give it to her,” he offered. “If that’s ok?”
Kagami agreed, and they exchanged details. Adrien gave her Marinette’s number as well as his own—in case something came up with class, he’d claimed, but he’d also said she could text him about anything. Kagami smiled and thanked him before leaving.
She was at her desk studying later that night—well, trying to, but really she couldn’t stop eyeing her phone—when the message came through. Kagami smiled at her screen as she parsed the details from the contents of the message. Apparently, Marinette rambled even in texts.
Kagami tried not to read too much into the pink heart at the end of the message, but apparently her rapidly pounding heart had already decided it meant something.
The bowling alley was loud. Heavy balls slammed against wooden floors and crashed into pins. Screams from a child’s birthday party in one corner mixed with the general raucous of the other patrons, some seeming to be heavily inebriated despite it being four o’clock on a Thursday. Even the sight of it was loud—neon coloured balls, clashing patterns on the carpets, people decked out in ridiculous outfits and clown shoes. Kagami wanted to leave the second she walked in.
But then she caught Marinette’s eye.
Marinette smiled and waved, and Kagami reflexively smiled back. Marinette put her hand on the shoulder of a blue-haired boy beside her and whispered something in his ear when he bent towards her. Then she was running toward Kagami.
“You came!” she squealed, and wrapped Kagami up in a hug. The gesture was unexpected, and Kagami felt herself tense.
Marinette pulled back. “Oh, I’m sorry, I should have asked first, I—”
“It’s alright, I’m just not used to hugs. But...it was nice.” Kagami almost missed the feeling of Marinette’s arms wrapped gently around her neck. She’d have to find some way to make that happen again.
“I’m glad,” Marinette said, smiling again. “Come on, let’s get you some shoes.” She took Kagami by the hand and started dragging her off somewhere.
“I already have shoes,” Kagami protested.
Marinette just laughed.
Kagami turned out to be terrible at bowling. If she’d hoped the athleticism from years of fencing would help her, that went down the gutter along with the first ball she threw.
“It’s okay,” Marinette insisted. She’d already picked up another ball from the rack. She handed it to Kagami. “Try this one. Sometimes it’s a bit easier with a lighter ball. Especially for beginners.”
It wasn’t any better the second time, and Kagami felt the shame wash over her. She wasn’t used to doing things she wasn’t good at. She knew this was only supposed to be for fun, but the expectations she had for herself were hard to shake.
Someone from the other team—four people Kagami had been hastily introduced to and had just as quickly decided she had nothing in common with—stood to take their turn as Marinette led Kagami back to their seats.
Kagami wasn’t so sure she had anything in common with her teammates either, aside from sharing class with two of them. The fourth member of their team was Adrien’s boyfriend, Luka. He seemed calmer than the other two, but Kagami hadn’t had much of a chance to talk to him yet.
“Nice try,” Adrien said. “I’m sure you’ll do better next time.”
Kagami nodded, and gave him a hollow smile. He turned to Marinette and started yammering away.
Kagami added bowling alleys to her mental list of the places where she didn’t fit in.
So far, the list was comprised of essentially every place she’d visited in New York.
Kagami sank into a seat between Marinette and Adrien, but there was no chance for her to join the conversation in between their bickering. Or trash talking. Kagami wasn’t entirely clear on why they seemed to be acting like they weren’t on the same team.
Her confusion only grew when Marinette got up for her turn, and Adrien jumped up to follow her. He stood beside her as she prepared. She smirked sideways at him as he jumped around and waved his arms around like one of those inflatable tube men. It was unclear whether he was cheering her on or heckling her.
“They’re always like this,” said a voice to Kagami’s left. She looked over to see Luka staring fondly at his roommates. “They have a competitive streak a mile wide, but something about the two of them together…” He nodded at the lane, and Kagami looked up in time to see Marinette bowl a perfect strike. “When they team up, they never miss,” Luka finished.
Marinette bowled a second strike after that, leaping into Adrien’s arms as soon as the last pin went down. When he put her down, they went over to talk to the other team, falling into an easy banter.
“You don’t feel...left out?” Kagami asked. Even Kagami had felt threatened by their dynamic in class, and she didn’t really have any right to be. Here, they had even more of a presence, not having to stay quiet or remain seated, and Luka was Adrien’s boyfriend. Kagami couldn’t imagine being okay with that if the situations were reversed.
“Naw,” Luka said. “I wouldn’t have them any other way.”
“It seems...strange,” Kagami said. “I don’t mean to be rude, it’s just not...it’s not normal, is it? The set-up the three of you have? That you both dated Marientte, and now...”
Luka took some time to consider his response. Kagami could practically see him trying out different combinations of words as his fingers tapped a steady rhythm against his thighs.
“Have you heard of queerplatonic relationships?” he finally asked.
Kagami nodded, although she was only vaguely familiar with the term. She’d done her research before coming to this event. Her own knowledge of queer culture, despite technically being a part of the community, was severely lacking. She hadn’t really had any friends her age growing up, let alone queer ones.
Not wanting to accidentally offend someone today, Kagami had spent hours the day before reading up on LGBTQ+ history and culture. Much of it made absolutely no sense. She’d never listened to Girl in Red, so why would she tell people she had? Queerplatonic was one of the terms she’d seen briefly, before spending hours learning about the complexities of gender and pronouns.
She’d eventually landed on something called the “Lesbian Master Doc”. After several read-throughs, comprehensive googling of the term “compulsory heterosexuality”, and an hour of swinging the fencing sword she hadn’t picked up in months to process her feelings—that stopped when she she’d almost poked her roommates eye out when she burst back into their tiny dorm—Kagami had come to the conclusion that she was, most likely, a lesbian.
It should have been an empowering discovery, but it seemed to bring only more confusion. She’d already struggled enough coming to terms with bisexuality, and this just felt like another thing she had to sort out and file away. And everything she’d read had led her to believe that interacting with people in the community should have given her a sense of belonging, so apparently she was doing that wrong, too.
“Well…” Luka said. He’d been silent for long enough that Kagami had almost forgotten she had asked him a question. “We’ve never really talked about it in that way exactly, but...I think that might be the best explanation. Something that doesn’t really...fit with how heteronormativity and amatonormativity are so deeply engrained in our society.” Kagami nodded as if she understood, while Luka continued.
“Marinette...she’s more than just some friend to me and Adrien, but it’s not in a romantic way, you know? Or a sexual one. And I’m pretty sure she feels the same way. We’re a team, the three of us. We balance each other out. And between Adrien and I...well, that’s different. But it doesn’t make Marinette any less important to us.”
“I see,” said Kagami. “That sounds nice.”
She was jealous of him too, suddenly. For the way he seemed to have everything figured out, not for his relationship to Marinette. That would have been stupid.
Luka studied Kagami. “Your melody is...uncertain,” he said.
“My what?”
“Your melody.”
“I don’t have a melody.”
“Everyone has a melody,” Luka said, smiling lazily. “It’s how I read people. I relate them to music. If you can understand the song that makes a person tick...all of a sudden they aren’t so mysterious, anymore.”
That made sense...in a way. Kagami sometimes used fencing or her art as a means to understand people, after all. But music?
“That’s ridiculous,” she said. “People aren’t songs."
Luka laughed. “Marinette said you were blunt.”
For a moment, Kagami wanted to ask what else Marinette had said about her, but she was still stuck on the music thing.
“If I had a melody,” she said, “it wouldn’t be uncertain.”
Luka’s grin only widened. “Careful. Someone might call that fishing for more information. As if you don’t think what I’m saying is complete hogwash.”
Kagami glared. “It is complete hogwash.” As was using the word hogwash.
Luka let out an amused huff and closed his eyes. “Your song is hesitant,” he said. Kagami felt a chill go through her. She didn’t want to be read by someone else when she could hardly even figure out herself. “It’s like...you’re hanging on to each note for a little too long before moving to the next. You haven’t found your rhythm yet.” His eyes blinked open. “But I imagine it will be a powerful song when you do.”
Kagami stared incredulously at him. “Where the hell did Marinette find you?”
Luka burst out laughing even harder than before, but didn’t have a chance to answer before Adrien and Marinette returned.
“What’s so funny?” Adrien asked. Luka just stood with a grin and gave Adrien a quick kiss before grabbing a ball for his turn.
“Hey,” Marinette said softly, as she slid back into her seat beside Kagami. “Are you having a good time?”
“Luka seems...interesting,” Kagami said, in lieu of lying. She wasn’t having a terrible time, exactly, but...She couldn’t honestly tell Marinette what she probably wanted to hear, and Kagami found herself unwilling to upset her.
Marinette laughed. “Oh no, did he talk about your song? I told him to stop doing that with new people. It freaks them out.” She turned to Adrien. “Maybe if somebody would back me up on that account, he’d actually stop.”
“What? I think it’s cute,” Adrien said, grinning sheepishly.
Marinette snorted. “Oh, it’s cute, is it? Are you forgetting the Chloé incident?”
Adrien scoffed. “That was Chloé. I hardly think it counts.”
“Pffft.” Marinette turned to Kagami, and smiled. “Anyway, I’m glad you and Luka are getting along.” Kagami didn’t correct the assumption. “I hoped you would.”
“Why?”
Marinette glanced shyly in Kagami’s direction, but wouldn’t meet her eyes. “Because...he and Adrien are important to me. And I just thought…maybe...I mean, it’s stupid. We barely know each other. But I can’t help but feel like...Maybe one day...I want you to be important to me too.”
Marinette’s hands rested on her thighs. Pink polish slightly chipped, her nails digging into her jeans. Kagami thought for a moment about reaching over and grabbing one of those hands. She talked herself out of the idea just as fast.
“I would like that.” Kagami also liked the blush that spread over Marinette’s cheeks. It was useless to deny that, at this point. She opened her mouth to say more, her thigh brushing Marinette’s. Her hand shifted sideways—
“You’re next, Kagami!” Adrien said, breaking the moment.
Kagami withdrew her hand and stood determinedly, eyes fixed on the pins. She could do this. She’d show the pins who was charge. And if she happened to bowl over a pretty girl in the process...well, that was just coincidental.
Kagami didn’t become a proficient bowler by the event’s end, but after the first game she mostly managed to keep her balls out of the gutters. She also managed to bowl a few spares by the end of the night.
She was untying her shoes when Marinette approached, one hand clutching to the purse hanging from her shoulder and the other grasping her arm across her chest. “Hey. Did you have fun?”
“I don’t think bowling is my thing, but...I enjoyed spending time with you.”
It was true. After a few rounds hitting no more than a pin or two and still having her ridiculous teammates celebrate like she’d just won a tournament, Kagami had started to ease into the atmosphere. For some stupid reason, she kept going back to what Luka had said, about hanging onto her notes for too long. So she tried to let go. To have fun, despite years of conditioning screaming at her not to.
It wasn’t entirely a success, but then there was Marinette. High-fiving Kagami when she came made a good shot, whispering in Kagami’s ear when in between turns, giggling when Kagami made fun of Adrien for epically failing to do the moonwalk. She gave Kagami a side hug for good luck before her last turn, and that was when Kagami had come closest to knocking down all the pins at once.
Kagami was tired, now. Overwhelmed by the people and the cacophony of the bowling alley. Wrists sore from throwing balls that were a bit too heavy, because at times she’d been paying more attention to Marinette’s encouraging smile than which ball she was picking up next.
Despite her exhaustion, a part of her was reluctant to go home. There was...a specific reason for that.
“I liked spending time with you too,” Marinette said softly. She bit her lip and glanced back at the boys. Kagami followed her gaze to see Luka wink at her. Marinette turned back, a little redder than before. “So...I’m sure you probably have something better to do, or you’re probably sick of me or something.” She laughed, although Kagami wasn’t sure what was funny. “But if you want to...we’re just going back to our place to watch a movie, and we’d love to have you join us.” She paused to nibble on her lip again. “I’d love it if you joined us.”
“Ok,” Kagami agreed, without thinking. She stood.
Marinette broke into a wide grin. “Really?” She didn’t wait for Kagami to respond, just looped their arms together and kept talking as she pulled Kagami along with her. “This is great! You’ll have to tell me what kid of snacks you like, because we have a few, but, well..everyone’s taste is different, right? Luckily there’s a Trader Joes right outside our subway stop, so we’ll be able to find a good selection. And you can help us pick the movie, so it’s something you like. I hate horror movies, so you don’t have to worry about that, but if—”
“Marinette,” Luka said as they reached him and Adrien. “Let’s let her breathe, hmm?”
“I am,” Marinette protested. She tried to detangle her arm, but Kagami instinctively leaned closer before she could pull away. Marinette looked up, lips parted in surprise.
Luka’s suggestion was a lost cause. It seemed that it didn’t take anything, really, for Marinette to take Kagami’s breath away.
It was a short subway ride. Kagami wondered if Marinette was just as aware of all the times their arms brushed as they stood beside one another, or if she could feel Kagami’s breath warm her cheeks the way Kagami felt hers when Marinette turned to say something.
It dawned on Kagami, as they entered the grocery store, that perhaps following a bunch of strangers home wasn’t entirely wise. But then she looked around the group. Adrien made ridiculous puns as they wound their way through the produce section, while Luka grinned at him like a fool. Marinette, who’d stupidly been entrusted with the cart, had consequently almost crashed into three different people within the first minute.
Kagami figured she’d be safe. So long as she kept her distance from Marinette’s driving.
The trio refused to let Kagami pay for a thing, insisting that she was their guest. Kagami felt uneasy about that. It wasn’t like she was swimming in money anymore, but she had more than enough to keep comfortable through University. When they reached the apartment building, Kagami’s guilt fell away.
It was a sleek, tall building in downtown Manhattan, at most a five minute walk from the edge of the NYU campus. Kagami hadn’t given much thought to where her acquaintances lived, but she’d have imagined her them living in Brooklyn if she had. Or somewhere else off the island, with less exorbitant rent prices. Instead, Kagami was led past a concierge who held the door open as they passed into an extravagant lobby with polished marble floors and an ornate chandelier. It felt more like a hotel than an apartment building.
“How do you...afford this place?” she asked as they stepped into a mirrored elevator. Adrien scanned a key fob and pressed the button for the penthouse.
Marinette and Adrien both glanced at Luka, who rolled his eyes. “My dad wasn’t really...part of my childhood. I think I was about fifteen when I finally learned who he was and started getting to know him. Although, we actually have a pretty good relationship now, honestly. He’s the one who helped me get a job when we moved here. I help out with a charity that helps make music more accessible for lower-income kids.” He smiled. “I really like it. But this apartment is basically...guilt money.” He shrugged. Adrien intertwined his fingers with Luka’s, giving him a soft smile.
The rest of the elevator ride was spent in silence. Kagami’s eyebrows widened when the door opened. The space was huge. An open concept living room dining room with a partially closed off kitchen to one side. A hallway lay beside the kitchen, which Kagami expected led to the bedrooms. Floor-to-ceiling windows lined the wall opposite the kitchen, through which blurs of city lights were visible.
Luka flipped on a light switch. The furniture came into view, at contrast with the elegance of the space itself, but more what Kagami had pictured. Two mismatched sofas, one that was scratched all along one side. An electric guitar was propped up on a stand beside one of the couches. There was a lot more pink than Kagami would expected from somewhere two guys lived. The throw pillows, the living room rug, the piles of fabric heaped on the cheap-looking dining room table, partially draped over a mountain of textbooks. The only modern fixture seemed to be the giant flatscreen mounted on the wall.
“It’s actually not so bad,” Luka said. “You should see the place he got for my sister and her girlfriend.”
Adrien chuckled, slipping off his shoes. “Remember the pictures Juleka sent of the closet when they first moved in?”
Marinette snorted. “He had an entire line of pyjamas made for them, with Fang’s face printed on.”
“Fang?” Kagami asked. She lined her shoes up against the wall.
“Jagged’s crocodile,” Adrien explained, starting toward the kitchen. Marinette and Luka followed, with Kagami bringing up the rear.
“Jagged? Like...Jagged Stone?” Kagami wasn’t really into that kind of music, but she somehow doubted there was anyone else who went by Jagged and owned a crocodile. Luka set his grocery bag on the kitchen island, and Kagami stopped beside him. “Your father is Jagged Stone?”
“The one and only,” said Luka. “So yeah, I don’t feel to bad about him paying for the place. Honestly, we don’t need all this, but…” He shrugged. “It makes him feel like he’s doing something, so…”
“Well, I feel bad,” Marinette grumbled, standing between Kagami and Adrien. “I feel like a freeloader.”
“Stop it,” Adrien said. “You don’t have anything to feel bad about.”
“Sure, easy for you to say. You can actually chip in.”
“Barely,” Adrien said. “The trust fund from my mother’s side of the family isn’t nearly as much money as Gabriel had.”
Kagami’s eyes widened. “That’s why you looked familiar,” she realized. “You’re Adrien Agreste.”
Adrien winced. “It’s Graham de Vanilly now, but...yeah. That’s me. Son of the criminal.”
Luka gave Adrien a hard look from across the island, and Marinette squeezed Adrien’s shoulder as she moved past him to open the fridge.
“Well…” Kagami was at a loss for what to say. “At least it was just tax evasion. Not like he was...terrorizing Paris or something.”
Luka tilted his head and widened his eyes in Kagami’s direction. The Universal symbol for, What the fuck?
Adrien just burst out laughing. “Yep. Could always be worse. And I have to admit there are some benefits. Can’t say for sure I’d be studying physics and—” he turned soft eyes to Luka “—living with the man of my dreams if Gabriel was still around.”
“Let me guess,” Kagami said, “he wanted you to take over the company after him?”
As Kagami had been talking, Adrien had accepted a bottle of Perrier from Marinette. Now, he unscrewed the plastic cap and took a long sip. When he finished, his eyes were on Kagami.
“I guess you’d know a lot about that, wouldn’t you?” He smirked. “How did you manage to escape?”
“You know I’m a Tsurugi?”
Marinette frowned as she set the last bottle of Perrier down in front of Kagami. “What are you talking about?”
Kagami had never been one for fizzy beverages, but she didn’t want to be the odd one out. She opened her bottle and took a short sip, holding back a wince as the bubbles stung her tongue. Europeans and their sparkling water. She’d never understand.
“Kagami was all set to take over her mother’s company. She quit a few weeks before our semester started. Came as a huge shock, apparently.” He looked back to Kagami. “I thought you looked familiar on the first day of class, but I couldn’t quite place it. Then I was was reading the news one morning and it clicked. I was supposed to meet you once, I think. For some business agreement that fell through.”
Kagami nodded. “Yes, I remember something like that.”
“Huh,” Marinette said. “And we all ended up here together anyway. Small world.”
Kagami eyed her. “What about you, I take it you’re not a secret heiress?”
“Ha. Noooo. My uh…my parents own a bakery. It’s nothing special, really.”
Adrien and Luka both scoffed. “They only make the best macarons in Paris,” Adrien said, “but sure, nothing special.”
“They’re not the best macarons,” Marinette said, studying the rim of her bottle, “that’s just what people say. I mean sure, they’re good, but—”
“You’ll have to ignore her when she gets like this,” Luka interrupted. “Marinette could spend hours listing the ways everyone in her life is amazing and forget all about how incredible she is.”
“That seems stupid,” Kagami said. She hadn’t really thought about it much before blurting out the words, and wasn’t expecting three pairs of curious eyes to swing in her direction. Kagami placed her bottle on the counter and carefully ran her thumb along the label. “It’s obvious you’re talented,” she said, staring into Marinette’s bewildered eyes. “I don’t know why you would downplay that.”
Marinette’s lips parted. She stared in awe, until Kagami had to look away. She wasn’t entirely in control of herself with Marinette looking at her like that.
“You don’t even know me,” Marinette breathed. “I think all I’ve done is made a fool of myself in front of you. Why would you think I’m anything special?”
Kagami considered her words before speaking. She was still getting used to that, to thinking so much before she spoke, but she couldn’t mess this up. “Because you’re passionate. I’ve seen your sketches. The ones you take out to study when you think the professor isn’t looking, and the ones you scribble beside your notes. I’ve seen how focused you are when you’re adding adjustments to your designs. And you’re obviously tremendously busy with your internship, but you still managed to pull off an A on the psychology midterm, and probably in your other classes as well. Somehow, you keep up a social life on top of that. It’s objectively impressive.” Kagami wasn’t sure why her face felt so warm when she stopped talking. Or why everyone was still staring at her.
Adrien broke the silence. “Did you know she got her internship by impressing Audrey Bourgeois herself? Oh, and she designs Jagged Stone’s album covers, too.”
“And that,” Luka added, looking at Marinette, “is exactly why you shouldn’t worry about rent. Jagged always said he wanted to pay you more for those. As far as he’s concerned, this is really just...what he owes you.”
Marinette mumbled something incoherent, staring down at her feet.
Adrien’s leaned forward. “And you know what else—”
“Okay!” Marinette shouted, slapping her hands on the counter and staring between the two boys. “Why don’t you come with me and pick a movie, Kagami?” She eyed Adrien and Luka. “You two can handle snacks without getting distracted, right?”
“Oh, I don’t think I’m the one in danger of being distracted,” Luka said, waggling his eyebrows.
Marinette smacked him playfully, then grabbed Kagami by the arm and yanked her out of the room. Being pulled around by Marinette seemed to be becoming a habit, but Kagami couldn’t find an objection to that. If nothing else, it kept things interesting. They walked over to the living room area, and Marinette pulled up Netflix on the TV.
“I can’t believe you noticed all those things about me,” she said as the screen loaded.
“You are hard not to notice,” Kagami said. Marinette stared at Kagami in awe again. The remote slipped from her fingers, onto the rug. Kagami was filled with a sudden desire to move closer, and was starting to lean in without really thinking when a black blur ran into the room and immediately started attacking Kagami’s ankles.
“Plagg!” Marinette hissed, shooing the blob—a cat, Kagami now realized—away. “I’m sorry about him. He’s our...well he Adrien’s cat, and he’s super territorial. Honestly, he doesn’t even like me and Luka much. But he’ll mostly stay away from us.” She eyed Plagg, now skulking near the other couch. “Probably.” She bent down to pick up the remote.
“I see,” Kagami said. “Do you have any...other pets?”
“We have a hamster,” Adrien called out. He and Luka were walking into the room with bowls of chips and bags of candy. They set them on the coffee table, and Adrien took out his phone and pulled up a picture to show Kagami.
“Ah,” she said. “Cute.” In all honesty, she didn’t care for rodents, but Marinette and Adrien were looking at the picture like it was their firstborn or something, so she couldn’t exactly admit that. “What’s its name?”
Marinette opened her mouth wide and then firmly shut it. Adrien inhaled and shoved the phone back in his pocket.
“We don’t talk about the Hamster’s name,” Luka said darkly. He’d settled onto the other couch and picked up the guitar beside it. His comment prompted Marinette and Adrien to exchange a brief glare, and Kagami wasn’t sure if she even wanted to know what the story was there. “Anyway, those are our pets.” He started strumming a quiet tune.
Marinette scoffed. “I can’t believe you forgot about Tikki.”
Luka rolled his eyes. “Riiiight. How could I ever forget about about Tikki?”
“You have another cat?” Kagami guessed. It sounded like a cat’s name. Or maybe a dog’s. But surely a dog would have made an appearance by now.
Adrien chuckled, sitting down next to Luka. “No, Tikki’s not a cat. She’s—”
“The only voice of reason in this household,” Marinette interrupted.
“She’s a stuffed animal, Marinette,” Luka said, a fond exasperation tinging his voice as he took a break in playing and pretended to pull out his hair. Clearly, this argument was one that had occurred before.
Marinette shrugged as Luka went back to strumming his guitar. “She’s a ladybug stuffed animal,” she said, as if that explained everything.
“I don’t understand,” Kagami said.
“Ladybugs are good luck,” Marinette said.
“We don’t understand either,” Luka said, then messed up a cord as Adrien elbowed him. Marinette giggled, and the boys started laughing too a couple beats later.
They all settled in to watch a movie—The Breakfast Club, because apparently it was some quintessential part of the American experience, and Luka was horrified that Kagami hadn’t seen it. Pointing out that they had all only been in America for a few months didn’t seem to have any effect.
Kagami was somewhat concerned that she had apparently moved to a country which identified strongly with a bunch of high school kids in detention, but all in all the movie wasn’t that bad...at least the parts of it Kagami managed to process.
Sitting next to Marinette on the couch was a significant distraction. Kagami spent most of the movie being hyper aware of the lack of distance between their thighs. She couldn’t seem to figure out what to do about it. Should she let their hands brush when they reached into the chip bowl? Should she whisper comments into her ear as Marinette was doing, risking the half-hearted glares Luka sent their way? When Marinette yawned at the end of the movie and stretched her arm and let out a little squeak, Kagami died a little.
According to her internet research, the appropriate term to explain Kagami’s behaviour was, “useless lesbian”.
“What did you think?” Luka asked, pausing the rolling credits. He looked longingly at his guitar, but at some point during the movie Adrien had laid down in his lap, so Luka settled for teasing his fingers through Adrien’s hair. Adrien smiled, his eyes drooping shut.
“It was...alright?” Kagami said. “I suppose I can see the appeal. People from different worlds finding common ground and all that, but...it’s a little unrealistic. It’s not like they’re going to all show up to school tomorrow and be friends.” Kagami felt a pit settle in her stomach at the realization. Were the people sitting around her right now going to be her friends tomorrow? She was surprisingly unsettled by the thought of them not being so.
“True,” Luka said, “but I don’t really think that’s the point. People have more in common than they think they do. Pretty much anyone can find harmony with each other when the circumstances are right. It’s beautiful.”
“You’re beautiful,” Adrien mumbled sleepily, snuggling in closer, and everyone else chuckled.
Marinette sent Kagami a smile, then picked up the empty bowls. Kagami grabbed some of the wrappers strewn about, and followed her into the kitchen.
“Thanks,” Marinette said, setting the bowls on the counter. She took the wrappers from Kagami, who felt a thrill run through her when their fingers brushed.
“Thank you for having me.”
“Of course.” Marinette opened the cupboard under the sink. Her eyes stayed glued to Kagami while she attempted to toss the wrappers in the garbage can. They missed their target completely, but Marinette didn’t seem to notice them fluttering to the floor. “Did you have fun today?”
Kagami nodded. “It was...unexpected.”
Marinette smiled. “I know, we can be a lot.” She laughed. “I can be a lot. But—”
“Marinette, you’re wonderful.” Kagami wanted to step closer, to take Marinette’s hand or touch her cheek. Just to see what it would feel like. But she was rooted to the spot.
What if she was reading this all wrong? It wasn’t like she really got people. And that barista’s advice popped into her head again. She’d never flat out asked Marinette if she liked girls. Kagami lost her moment to figure out what to say next when Marinette glanced away and her eyes widened.
“Oh, it’s nearly eleven. I hadn’t realized it was so late.”
“Me neither. I should...go.”
“Y-you...if you want to, you can stay the night. We have space.”
“I’ll be fine. I’m in the dorms, it’s not far from here.”
Marinette nodded, but her eyes were trained sideways. “Are you sure? I mean it’s dark out, and it’s really no trouble.”
“I think...I would prefer sleeping in my own bed.”
“That’s understandable.” Marinette studied her feet. “Would you...like me to walk you home?”
Kagami smirked. “You’re tiny. What exactly do you think would be accomplished by coming with me? Then I’d just feel like I had to walk you back home again to keep you safe.”
Marinette scowled. “Hey, I’m not that small.” Her voice had risen with that comment, and laughter echoed from the living room at her statement. She shut the boys up with a glare. Her gaze softened as she looked back to Kagami. “Anyway, I just thought it would be nice to offer. You came over here, and—”
“It’s not that far, really. And I very much enjoyed tonight. Thank you, Marinette for inviting me...I am honoured to consider you a…” She’d meant to say friend, but the word felt off, somehow. “I am honoured to spend time with you,” she amended.
Marinette stared, lips slightly parted. Kagami turned away, because she couldn’t stand to look at that and not try to do anything about it. She didn’t know when she’d fallen this deep, but she could no longer deny that she had.
She made her way to the elevator, conscious of Marinette following her. She pressed the button beside the door, then slipped on her shoes. When she stood, she turned to say goodbye, and Marinette leaned forward. A hand curled around Kagami’s wrist and lips pressed against her cheek.
Kagami stared at Marinette as she pulled away, and despite her doubts Kagami was about to lean in closer, until Marinette dropped her wrist and took a sudden step back.
“I have to go...water the hamster! Yeah! It was great to bowl you over, Kagami. I mean, have you over. After bowling. Because we did that too.” She broke off, eyes wide, mouth gaping like a fish. “Well, come again sometime! If you want to, heh. Okay, bye!”
She turned around and ran away, leaving Kagami momentarily wondering why on earth this was the girl her brain had decided to fall for. When the door to Marinette’s room shut behind her and a faint scream was audible through it, Kagami smiled and forgot about everything else.
Kagami huddled in her wool coat, doing her best to enjoy the crisp afternoon at Washington Square Park. The nearby grass was blanketed in reds, oranges and yellows, glinting in the sunlight. Only a few brave leaves still clung to the trees.
She nibbled on a bagel so thick it should have been two separate meals. Of all the strangeness in her life lately, her newfound, genuine appreciation of bagels had to be near the top.
Even closer to the top was Marinette.
It had been a little less than a week since bowling, and Kagami had already become accustomed to receiving a constant flurry of texts from her. They’d studied together at the library the day before, an activity filled more with quiet smiles across the table than actual processing of information. Marinette had already told her she was invited to their next movie night, and Kagami hadn’t even bothered searching for an argument. Like the fallen leaves, she’d accepted her fate.
She was seated on a bench beside Adrien, now, watching with a smile as Marinette and Luka goofed off in front of the fountain. If Kagami leaned a certain way, a rainbow shimmered through the mist.
“It’s hard to look away, isn’t it?” Adrien said. Kagami watched as he tore off a piece of his croissant. He made a slight face as he put it in his mouth, chewing slowly. She may only have known him for a short while, but she already knew that this was his routine. He hated the croissants here. Kept complaining that they didn’t live up to the ones in Paris. But he’d buy one nearly every day regardless, as if hoping it would somehow be different.
Kagami understood, logically, that he was seeking some familiar comfort in those disappointingly dry pastries. Blindly following the threads of nostalgia, in search of a home he thought he’d left behind. But he already had a home: the two people giggling away by the fountain.
If Kagami had that, she wouldn’t have taken it for granted for a second.
“When she smiles,” Adrien prompted, shaking Kagami out of her thoughts. “It’s hard to look away.”
Kagami frowned. Something coiled unpleasantly in her gut. “I thought you no longer had feelings for her.”
“Oh.” He put down his croissant on his lap. “No, I don’t. But she’s still...She’s Marinette, you know? She kind of just...makes the world a better place. Especially for the people she loves. And...I still remember how she made me feel when I did have romantic feelings for her, you know?”
“Not really,” Kagami said. “I’ve never been in love before.” And she couldn’t imagine falling out of love with Marinette.
Watching Marinette now, seeing her dance behind the rainbows, Kagami couldn’t help but wonder if that was true. What was love, really? Was it smiling the second she noticed she had a message from Marinette? Was it looking up videos about hemlines at 2am to try and understand something Marinette had said in passing a week prior? Was it following her blindly and putting up with her strange roommates? Kagami couldn’t even convince herself anymore that she didn’t like Adrien and Luka, because they saw the same wonderful things in Marinette that Kagami did, and she couldn’t find any fault in that.
“Ah,” said Adrien, punctuating the silence that had fallen between them. Adrien was normally easy to talk to, but this seemed like an area that neither of them were particularly comfortable discussing. Still, Kagami had questions.
“Do you regret it?” Adrien shot her a questioning look, so she elaborated. “That you and Marinette dated? Since it didn’t work out.”
Adrien shook his head. “Not at all. It was wonderful for a while. And, it’s not like she’s not in my life anymore. In some ways...I think we’re even closer now than we were as a couple.” He paused to take a sip of his tea. “It was a bit weird at first, when we ended things, and...a lot of that was my fault. I pushed her away, when things went south with my father. I didn’t know how to let anyone help me, and Marinette doesn’t...She cares so much. It was killing her to see me hurting and to not be able to do anything to make me feel better.
“In the end, she couldn’t sit around and do nothing. She kept trying to help me, until it was suffocating me, and I couldn’t figure out the words to explain what I was feeling at the time. That it just wasn’t what I needed. So I started lashing out, little by little, and we grew apart. I didn’t want to hurt her anymore than I already was, but I couldn’t see a way out, so...I ended things. And then…” He smiled. “Then there was Luka. And he got me. He could let me just be. Let me find my place in the world again. My freedom, on my own terms. At the end of the day...Marinette and I just weren’t meant to be. Not in this Universe, at least.”
In this Universe? What kind of hokey crap was that? “Do you think there’s another Universe or something where you are meant to be?”
“Not necessarily. But it’s possible. Hypothetically.”
Kagami snorted. “Sure,” she said drily. “And, hypothetically, in this other Universe, maybe you’re a crime-fighting cat-boy who dresses in leather.”
Adrien burst out laughing. “Who knows,” he said, when he finally caught his breath. “Maybe I am…” He waggled his eyebrows and let out another short chuckle. “Anyway. All that to say, I won’t be standing in your way. In case you were worried.”
Kagami realized what his comment implied. “You think I have feelings for her?” It wasn’t like he was the first person to say it. It wasn’t even like Kagami didn’t know it was true. But still...was she that obvious?”
He smirked. “Like I said. I remember looking at her like that.”
By the time she’d written her second psychology midterm, Kagami could say with certainty that she had friends. Adrien sent her cat memes every morning, no matter how many times she asked him to stop. Luka had made it his personal mission to try and figure out what kind of music Kagami would like after she’d made the mistake of saying she didn’t really listen to much. The other day she’d caught Luka on Facetime with someone named Nino, the two exchanging suggestions of artists for Kagami to try.
Kagami was even part of a group chat with the three roommates, where they mostly complained about midterms, heckled Luka for not having any, and exchanged weird memes. Cursed memes. Whole apples were not supposed to be inside of a sandwich, and why the hell were people taking pictures of food in toilet bowls?
Her only explanation for the reason she found herself genuinely looking forward to seeing her new friends came straight from her psychology textbook. The Mere-Exposure effect, she’d written in her notes. Increased familiarity leads to developing a preference for something or someone. In other words, her brain had decided to like them simply because they were always there. It was the only thing that made sense.
Kagami was also spending more and more time alone with Marinette, something that fascinated her. The way Marinette’s mind worked was a mystery. When studying, she could clearly grasp concepts quickly, but getting her to focus on one thing was near impossible. She’d sit there looking like she was lost in space, often sketching, or, if Adrien or Luka were around, engaged in some sort of banter. Then, Kagami would ask her a question and she’d do some sort of weird mental gymnastics, which involved looking at random things around the room and making them into some sort of acronym or rhyme or other ridiculous thing, to somehow arrive at the right answer. Kagami hadn’t ever seen anyone make connections like that.
Today, after two straight hours spent lounging on Marinette's bed, studying Erikson’s stages of development, Marinette groaned. “I swear, if I have to read through this section about ‘Integrity vs. Despair’ one more time, I’m going to spontaneously combust. I’m despair. What have I accomplished if I can’t even make it through a single paragraph?”
Kagami laughed. “It seems like you’ve at least grasped part of the concept, then.” Marinette’s only response was to groan louder, though her voice was muffled this time.
Kagami glanced over. Marinette lay facedown over her textbook, forehead resting against her arms. Kagami took her in. The curve of her waist cinched in a short black skirt, her dark silky hair draped over the sleeves of her blouse.
Her eyelashes fluttered as she shifted her head to a comfier position, pressing her cheek into the textbook, eyes closed. Kagami wondered if she ought to warn her that the pages might bleed ink onto her cheeks if she stayed much longer—for a 200$ textbook, you’d think it would be better made—but selfishly, she thought it might be cute to tease Marinette later if it turned out to be the case. And it would probably wash off easily.
The silence stretched out longer than Kagami expected, but she didn’t feel a hint of tension. Something swelled in her chest, the overwhelming feeling of just being with Marinette. That she trusted Kagami enough not to fill the silence with a hundred excuses anymore. Kagami hadn’t realized until now that that had changed.
Then again...Marinette’s breathing was soft and even, now. Too even.
“You’re going to fall asleep if you keep lying there,” Kagami said.
“No I won’t.”
“You will. I know you were up too late again last night. You messaged me at 3:30. You’re going to fall asleep, and you’re going to drool over your study guide.”
“I don’t drool in my sleep,” she mumbled, barely coherent.
Kagami poked Marinette in the shoulder, her finger lingering a bit longer than strictly necessary. Marinete just let out a low whine and readjusted her position.
“You definitely drool. My shoulder was soaked after the last movie night.”
“Mmmph…”
Kagami grinned. The fact that Marinette wasn’t mortified by having drooled on Kagami’s sweater meant she hadn’t processed what Kagami had said, and she must have been closer to falling asleep than Kagami had realized. Kagami didn’t feel ready to say goodnight yet, but she knew how much Marinette needed to sleep.
Would be creepy for Kagami to stay over and make sure Marinette slept for once? She knew that Adrien and Luka tried, but Marinette had a habit of waking up after napping for a few hours, once her roommates had already gone to bed. The sun would be up before either of them realized she’d spent the last six hours at her sewing table, and had nearly stitched her own sleeve into a design.
If Kagami stayed, she could fill up on coffee and stay awake overnight, making sure that for once, Marinette got the rest she deserved. Kagami would easily catch up later. Besides, watching Marinette sleep wasn’t exactly the worst thing in the world.
But it probably would be creepy. At the very least though, she could prod Marinette to get up and ready for bed properly. To change into pyjamas and brush her teeth. So Kagami tried again.
“You’re going to wrinkle your designs,” Kagami said, eyeing the papers that were scattered underneath Marinette’s textbook.
“‘T’s fine.”
Kagami tried to pull them out from under the textbook, but they wouldn’t budge. “Marinette,” she sighed. She shook her shoulder gently.
Marinette grunted and turned her head slightly to fix Kagami with a single unimpressed eye. Her forehead was scrunched up and her lips formed a pout. “Rough copies. Don’t care.” Her eye fell shut again.
Kagami tried one more tactic when Marinette shifted a bit and Kagami managed to free the papers. “Would you mind if I look at your designs?”
Both Marinette’s eyes flew open and she slowly pushed herself up, kneeling on the bed and fighting back a yawn. “Okay…”
Kagami smiled and looked down at the papers, trying her best to examine them while Marinette’s eyes bore into her. They were rough sketches, but they were still incredible. Kagami wished she could capture the texture of fabrics the way Marinette did. She wished she could create the way Marinette did. Sure, Kagami loved art, but often she was copying things. Sketching things she could see. Her mind couldn’t conjure pure magic out of thin air.
“Why do you bother drawing the hands?” Kagami asked. It wasn’t really so surprising, since Marinette always paid attention to details, but it seemed like a lot of effort when the point was the clothes. Kagami had always struggled getting hands just right, but the ones Marinette drew were perfectly dainty, like the pair crossed over Marinette’s lap that Kagami wanted to grab hold of. “They’re the hardest part, don’t you think?”
Marinette’s eyebrows shot up. “You draw?”
“Sometimes...” Kagami said. Then, more decidedly, “Yes. It was the one thing I started doing for myself years ago, even though my mother thought it was a waste of time.”
“You don’t talk about your mother much,” Marinette said.
Kagami nodded. “I don’t mind talking about her, if you want to know, but...I don’t like bringing it up, either. I’d prefer to focus on the future. If she would like to be a part of that...that’s on her.”
“That’s fair,” Marinette said. When Kagami chanced another glance at her, she was chewing on her bottom lip, glancing at her sketches. Kagami couldn’t help but remember what Adrien had said, about how Marinette couldn’t let something go when she thought she could help. In the end though, Marinette just sighed. “I don’t know why I do the hands. I just always have.”
Kagami finished looking through some of Marinette’s designs in silence, then handed them back to Marinette. “They’re wonderful. I really this one.” She pointed to the design on top, of a pinup style dress, red with small black polka dots. “It would look lovely on you.”
Marinette smiled. “I actually started working on that one, do you want to see?”
Kagami nodded, then followed as Marinette leaped off the bed and ran to her closet, tiredness apparently forgotten. She opened the doors to the giant walk-in closet, and Kagami followed her in to see the dress on a mannequin in the center. The hemline wasn’t done yet, still hanging with pins, but top looked complete. The sleeves hung off the mannequin’s shoulders, and a black, lace belt cinched the waist.
“I know it’s not like, a super original cut or anything. And maybe it’s a bit childish. And honestly, polka-dots aren’t even in season right now, and the belt is crooked, bu—”
Kagami shut her up with a look. “I love it.”
Marinette inhaled. “I’m glad.” She paused. “I’d love to see some of your art someday too, you know. I’m sure it’s wonderful. Just like you.”
Kagami felt the blood rush to her face. “Thank you,” she said.
They stared at each other, falling silent. It wasn’t quite the comfortable silence from before, because Kagami was too aware of Marinette this time. Neither of them seemed able to move.
Marinette spoke first. “I uh...I should probably go clean up my school stuff so I don’t fall asleep on it again.” She let out a shaky laugh and started back to the bed.
Kagami didn’t know what possessed her to say what she did as Marinette walked through the doors back into her room—clearly she’d been spending too much time with Adrien—but the words slipped from her lips before she could think them through. “Oh, looks like you just came out of the closet.”
Marinette whirled around immediately, the shock clear on her face. “Did you just...pun.”
Well, I certainly hope it was a pun. “Please don’t tell Adrien. He doesn’t need the encouragement.”
Marinette’s eyes gleamed. “Oh, I so can’t promise that.” She placed her hands on her hips, her grin widening. “And anyway, you’re a good few years too late for that joke. I’ve been a proud bisexual disaster for years.”
Kagami smiled. “Good to know. I too, am too gay to function”
Marinette laughed. “Did you just quote Mean Girls?”
“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
Marinette laughed, and another layer fell onto the fabric stretched between them when quiet settled between them this time. If their silence today were a dress, it started with a soft, silk bodice. Simple and comfortable, but unfinished. The robe was then shaped with boning, which held them rigid in their uncertainty. It was necessary, for structural integrity, to do things right. To be sure. Finally, there was the thrill of discovery. A playful lace pattern hanging overtop, like nothing Kagami would have pictured herself in. All of this, for Kagami, was stitched together with the thrill of what might be.
She could only hope it was the same for Marinette.
The dress made from their silence was beautiful, but suddenly it was too much for Kagami. Too restrictive. How many ways might she tear a seam or snag the fabric. What if something stained it and they could never wear it again?
Better to hang it up for now. Maybe they’d wear it again some day.
“Why fashion?” Kagami said, reaching for the first thing she could to change the subject.
“Huh?” Marinette blinked.
“Why are you interested in fashion?”
“Oh, um…” Marinette crossed her arms across her chest and gazed past Kagami, around at the contents of her closet. “I don’t really remember choosing it, to be honest. I’ve always just kind of been interested. But I think that what I love most about it is...well, it’s a form of self-expression. People choose what they want to wear because it says something about who they are. Or rather, how they want to be seen. Clothes can give people confidence. Help them fit in. Help them figure out who they are.”
It was, in a sense, the opposite of what Kagami tried to see when she drew people. She tried to see beyond what they showed the world, to what truly lay beneath. But she was starting to realize that it wasn’t all so simple. The two couldn’t be separated, entirely, and neither side was any more or less important.
“What do you think I’m saying to the world, then?” Kagami asked.
Marinette laughed. “I’m not Luka, I’m not going to psychoanalyze you. I am very much not qualified to do that. I think...you have to decide what your clothes mean for yourself.”
Kagami looked down at her outfit. Dark skinny jeans and a white polo shirt. “I don’t think they mean anything at all.”
“Well...that’s ok. I mean, it doesn’t have to. You don’t have to see clothes the same way I do.”
“And what if I want to?”
“I...I’m not sure what you mean.”
Kagami wasn’t sure either, but she couldn’t help but glance around Marinette’s closet. There was an overwhelming amount of pink, but aside from that...there was freedom. Choice. Something Kagami hadn’t had, growing up. Something she was still trying to figure out.
“I want...you to dress me,” Kagami decided.
Marinette’s eyes sparkled. “Really?”
Kagami nodded. “Show me how you see me.”
“Oh. Ok. I can…” She turned away from Kagami, her eyes darting quickly around the closet. She walked up to one section and trailed her finger across the sleeves. She grabbed one and pulled it out, then shook her head and dropped it. She whirled on Kagami. “I can’t do this while you’re watching.” She made a playful shooing motion, grinning.
Kagami smiled back and walked over to sit on the bed, studying the pictures tacked to Marinette’s wall. She hadn’t realized before that Marinette had added a picture of her, of the two of them smiling goofily on the couch, waiting for Luka to start whatever movie they’d been watching that night.
“Psst,” hissed Marinette about a minute later. Kagami turned to see her head peaking out of the closet. “Is there anything you wouldn’t feel comfortable wearing?”
“Not really, although I’d prefer not to wear a dress.” It reminded her of being dressed up according to her her mother’s expectations for formal events. Although, Kagami couldn’t help but imagine what Marinette might look like in a Kimono.
Marinette scoffed. “I wasn’t going to put you in a dress.” She seemed almost offended by the idea. “That wouldn’t match your vibe.” Her head disappeared and Kagami turned away once more.
Eventually, Marinette emerged again, coming to stand beside Kagami. “I’m done. The clothes are on the stool in the closet, I’ll let you get ready. You can keep your own jeans, I didn’t think my pants would fit you. And...what size shoe do you wear?
“Um...in American sizes, or...?”
“Anything works, I can translate.”
“A six, I think.”
Marinette smiled. “Perfect, I’ll be right back.
Kagami went to get changed, first pulling on the shirt Marinette had left first. It was a red satin crop top with thin straps that didn’t cover her bra. That didn’t matter though, because there was another item on the stool to go over that. Kagami pulled on the black, studded leather jacket—half wondering why Marinette even had it—and strapped on the thin black choker left on the bench. Then she turned to face the mirror. Her eyes went wide.
The girl looking back at her wasn’t the overwhelmed kid she’d been, the one with a thousand obligations forced upon her. She wasn’t the girl who everyone automatically avoided when they saw her in a room.
She looked fierce. Determined. Reflexively, she pushed back one side of her hair, imagining another style. Maybe a piercing or two. Things her mother would have said were unbecoming.
Kagami grinned.
A knock sounded on the door before it eased open. “I’m not looking, I’m just going to throw these in.”
A pair of black boots thumped to the grown in front of Kagami, who pulled them on and laced them up. Then she walked out of the closet.
“What do you think?”
Marinette looked her up and down. Kagami saw her swallow.
Marinette couldn’t manage a coherent sentence for the rest of the time Kagami spent at her place that night.
When Kagami got home, after firing off a quick text to tell Marinette she’d arrived safely, she walked straight over to the full-length mirror her roommate—who thankfully wasn’t home—kept in their closet. Marinette had let Kagami keep her new outfit, claiming she didn’t wear those things much anyway. And, while Kagami was far from vain, she couldn’t get enough of the look.
She was tired, though, so after five or so minutes of making poses at her reflection that made her cringe, she changed into pyjamas and hung up her new clothes. She was putting her school stuff away when the sketchbook on her desk caught her attention. Marinette had said she’d be interested in seeing Kagami’s sketches sometime...And it was the least Kagami could do, to pay her back for the clothes.
She flipped quickly through the pages and took pictures of a few she was proud of, sending them off before she could talk herself out if it. She grabbed her toiletry kit and went to the bathroom to get ready for bed. Someone had left a loaf of bread beside one of the sinks, and Kagami was hardly even phased. It was far from the strangest thing she’d seen in the dorms.
Her phone rang on her way back to the room.
“I can’t believe you’re still awake,” Kagami said when she answered.
“‘Gami, they’re beautiful,” Marinette said.
Kagami reasoned that Marinette had probably only dropped the first syllable of her name because she was tired, but the nickname did funny things to her ability to walk. She almost crashed into the wall as she turned the corner. Apparently, Marinette was really rubbing off on her.
“They’re alright,” Kagami said, unlocking her door. “The shading on the first one is off. And I’m not entirely happy wi—”
“Shut up.”
“Excuse me?”
“If I’m not allowed to talk badly about myself, then neither are you.” Marinette glared through the phone. “They’re beautiful.”
“Alright then,” Kagami said. “They’re beautiful.”
You’re beautiful. Even in the dim lighting of the lamp beside Marinette’s bed, through the grainy image on her phone, Kagami couldn’t deny it.
Marinette yawned.
“You should sleep,” Kagami said. “I worry when you don’t.”
Marinette smiled, her eyes fluttering closed. “You don’t have to worry about me.”
“If you get some sleep, I won't have to.”
“‘M’kay.” Another yawn. “‘Night, ‘Gami.”
“Goodnight.”
Marinette hung up, and for the first time in her life, Kagami contemplated screaming into her pillow.
As the semester ticked on, each day blurred into another. Final projects started popping up, mixing with the last round of midterms. Kagami had less time to see Marinette, especially in a non school-related capacity. When they did carve out time for social activities, they made sure to make the most of it, though the one topic Kagami couldn’t bring herself to mention was her ever-growing feelings.
It would be selfish, she told herself, to tell Marinette at this point in the semester. She was already stressed, staying up later and later each night. The waste basket beside the desk in her room was almost entirely comprised of empty coffee cups at this point. If Kagami confessed, and her feelings were unrequited, Marinette would only feel bad. Kagami didn’t need to give her another thing to worry about.
Kagami knew it was just an excuse. What she didn’t know was when she’d become such a coward.
Finals were fast approaching, and two hours into reviewing DSM-5 disorders one day around the dining room table, Adrien had decided he needed a break. Kagami had been on board with that, until he and Marinette had decided that, in the spirit of reviewing, they should each take a quiz to figure out what their attachment style was. Kagami was fairly sure she knew what Adrien and Marinette would get. Kagami probably could have diagnosed herself without taking the quiz too, but she’d been avoiding that line of thought. She still got roped into taking the quiz, because she couldn’t say no to the coy smile Marinette sent her way.
Kagami hated it from the first question:
I can be very emotionally present with others (friends, family, partners, strangers), but it takes me a while to build trust and share vulnerable things about myself.
She blinked at the screen, half hoping the words would change. Why did it seem like a trick question? What was she supposed to respond true or false to, the beginning or the end? Why did she feel like the first part implied she was supposed to be able to be emotionally present. She was pretty sure the first condition didn’t apply to her at all, so she selected ‘False’, and hoped the rest of the quiz would be better.
It wasn’t.
No, she didn’t feel comfortable expressing her feelings to loved ones. Yes, she was out of touch with her emotions. She paused too long in front of the question that asked if she thought she deserved a happy, healthy relationship, before hesitantly clicking ‘True’.
For nearly every question, she felt like the answer she gave was the wrong one. A lot of the time, she found herself in hypotheticals, not having been in a romantic relationship before. Finally, her result showed up on the screen: Dismissive Avoidant.
The website didn’t have great resources, so she turned to her notes. Key words and phrases swam in front of her, popping out of the page.
Unreliable caretakers in childhood. Funny to think of the woman who’d never missed a deadline as unreliable, but as a parent, she’d rarely shown up to dinner on time. Not unless those dinners doubled as business meetings. As for Kagami’s father? Kagami barely remembered what he’d been like.
Low assessments of others. Well, that seemed a bit unfair. People were disappointing. How was that Kagami’s fault? Rarely did she actually want to get to know someone. Even if other people somehow managed to befriend everyone in their path...Well, it didn’t matter, did it? It wasn’t like Kagami saw Marinette as a disappointment. Not yet, at least, said a voice in the back of her head.
Crave intimacy, but fear it. Well, that was pretty straightforward.
The room felt too small. Too loud. Marinette was distracting Adrien while he tried to finish his quiz, having breezed through her own. Kagami hadn’t been surprised to hear her say, “huh. Secure,” a few minutes earlier. Kagami suspected that Adrien wouldn’t get the same result, but it didn’t really matter. He had Luka, who clearly loved him to death, and wouldn’t want to change a thing about him.
Kagami didn’t have anyone. Not really.
And maybe she shouldn’t. If she was bound to push people away, what was the point? She didn’t want to think of Marinette’s easy smiles fading away because Kagami had somehow come to resent her. Finding the flaws she always seemed able to find in others as easily as Marinette, Adrien, and Luka found strengths.
Kagami would be better off staying away.
Abruptly, she pushed back her chair, ignoring the surprised looks fixed on her. “Bathroom,” she mumbled, then walked off in the opposite direction, toward the kitchen.
Rain pounded against the kitchen windows, then sideways against Kagami’s face as she pushed open the door to the balcony. It was too cold for this, so high up, without a sweater, with the wind flying right at her. She didn’t care. Suddenly, it was easier to breathe again. The balcony was partially covered, but she walked over to the part that wasn’t, letting the rain drench her fully.
She closed her eyes, and heard laughter ring through her mind. Her tiny voice from years ago. Her father’s. Marinette’s. Three types of laughter tangled in memories of rain. Three different ways of hearing the same reason why Kagami couldn’t let herself feel like she belonged.
“Kagami?” Marinette’s soft voice carried though the pounding rain. “You’re going to get sick out here.”
“That’s a myth,” Kagami said. “The cold can lower the effectiveness of your immune system, but you still need to actually catch a virus to get sick. I tend to avoid people, so I’ll probably be fine.”
The sound of Marinette’s feet squelching across the wet balcony announced her approach. “You don’t avoid me,” she pointed out.
Kagami didn’t respond. A couple seconds later, dry fabric settled around her shoulders. Kagami reached up to grab the sides of her coat and before the material could fall. She took it from her shoulder and pulled it on. She didn’t care about the cold, but she didn’t want Marinette’s gesture to go to waste.
“I’m sorry,” Marinette whispered. “I didn’t realize…I shouldn’t have made you take the quiz. You were clearly uncomfortable, and I should have realized.”
“Did you see the result?”
“Of course not. That’s none of my business. I just saw you, and—”
“It’s not a big deal.” Kagami opened her eyes and glanced sideways at Marinette, whose hair was dripping with rain like the first day Kagami had offered Marinette her notes. “I tend to push people away. I already knew that. A quiz doesn’t change anything.”
Marinette’s expression didn’t change, her eyes squinting through the rain, but she took a step closer. Her breath warmed Kagami’s cheeks when she spoke again.
“Do you want me to go away?”
“No.” The answer was easy. Apparently, so was Marinette’s response.
“Then you don’t have anything to worry about. I’m not going anywhere. I don’t abandon the people I lo—care about.”
Marinette reached out a hand, slowly brushing the backs of Kagami’s fingers. Kagami grabbed hold of it, and they stood in silence for a while.
“Do you want to talk about it?” Marinette asked.
“No.”
“Ok.” Her wet fingers slipped on Kagami’s, and she took a second to readjust her grip. “Would it be ok if I talk?”
Kagami nodded, and waited until Marinette figured out what to say.
“I don’t believe in umbrellas,” she said eventually.
Kagami’s face must have morphed into a funny expression, because Marinette giggled. The laughter didn’t hurt when Kagami could hear it for real.
“I don’t mean literally,” Marinette continued. “It’s just that...the first time I fell in love was because of an umbrella. When Adrien gave me his, the day I met him. I’d...misjudged him at first. I thought he was just some snobby rich kid. Then he found me outside on the steps after school, and he explained everything. He forgave me, even though I’d done nothing to deserve it. And he gave me his umbrella, even though he’d get wet. That was how I first fell for him.”
“I thought you dated Luka first,” Kagami said.
“Um…” Marinette looked sideways. “Yeah, but I still had feelings for Adrien at the time. Anyway, it’s not really the point. When Adrien and I broke up...I was mad, at first. I didn’t want to accept that things were really over. I didn’t understand why he was throwing something away that had felt so good before. So I threw out the umbrella. About a week later, I got caught out in the rain, without it, and…” She shrugged, tugging a little at Kagami’s hand as she did. “It felt freeing, somehow. Like I was a little kid again, you know?”
“Yeah,” Kagami breathed. “I know exactly what you mean.” Her chest was bursting with something. Some understanding. Some connection.
Marinette smiled. “Well, anyway. I haven’t used an umbrella since. I kind of...fell in love with the rain, instead. It was like...saying goodbye to umbrellas helped me let go of my feelings in some stupid way. It wasn’t all at once, but I started thinking about my future, more. Not just my love life. I was more focused on me. Even now, I still won’t use an umbrella.” She laughed again. “It drives Adrien insane, because he thinks it makes him look like a jerk when we’re walking somewhere together and I show up drenched while he’s perfectly dry.”
Kagami smiled, picturing his indignation.
“Anyway,” Marinette continued, “my point is that...everyone has their things, you know? Maybe the test said I’m supposed to be able to figure it all out, but...I don’t exactly feel that way, you know? I overthink things constantly. And I’m scared of having my heart broken again, even if I’m over what happened. Relationships aren’t easy for anyone, so...don’t worry about it, ok?”
Kagami took a moment before she replied. “Thank you.”
“Anytime.”
Silence fell again, and it seemed past time to return inside, but Marinette just stood there, her grip strong on Kagami’s hand, patiently waiting for Kagami to make the next move. Kagami turned toward the city. Most of it was covered in fog, but it was beautiful, somehow. She took a step forward, tugging Marinette along with her until they were both standing by the edge. Their intertwined hands dangled against the railing.
“I love the rain, too. My dad used to take me out sometimes, in the middle of a storm. My mother...she never had time for those things. She’d get angry, if she saw me like that. Soaked through. Dirty. My dad was the only one who let me just...be a kid, sometimes.” Kagami swallowed. “My dad left, when I was five. The rain is one of the only memories I have left of him, and I used to think...I used to think that was all there was to him. Happy songs and dancing in puddles. But it’s not that simple.
“He left, and never looked back. I know my mother was difficult, but he didn’t even try to stay in touch with me. And now...the more I think about it, the more I can’t even remember if he was really that present when he actually was there. I remember him as the guy who’d take me out for ice cream, or play my favourite movies for me, but...maybe that’s all he was.”
“I’m sorry, ‘Gami.” Marinette’s voice was barely audible. “You deserved more than that.”
“Yeah.”
They stood in silence for a few minutes, until they were interrupted by the balcony door banging open. They whirled around to see Adrien standing there.
“Are you guys insane?” Adrien asked, looking them up and down with wide eyes.
Kagami met Marinette’s eyes, watching the rain drip down her face. They both burst out laughing.
In the blink of an eye, finals arrived. Another blink, and they were gone.
And so were Kagami’s excuses not to tell Marinette how she felt. She had a plan though, sort of. And it started with her sitting rigid in front of a mirror, with a hairdresser’s hands fiddling with her hair.
“So, what is it you’re looking for?”
Kagami held up a picture. Fourty-five minutes later, she walked out, feeling lighter (literally), and rubbing the newly buzzed left side of her head. She had an undercut in the back, too. The strands shaping the right side of her face fell to the bottom of her chin. She was wearing the boots and the leather jacket Marinette had given her, and she could feel people’s eyes following her as she walked down the street. A part of her hated the attention, but another part was smug.
Never in a million years would her mother have expected this. To be fair, Kagami hadn’t really expected it of herself either.
Technically, this part of the plan was for Kagami, not Marinette. But she knew it would be appreciated, regardless. She walked over as quickly as she could, wandering past Christmas displays in shop windows and kids wearing Santa hats as they walked home from the last day of school before the holidays.
Kagami walked into Marinette’s building, past the tree in the center of the lobby. The concierge did a double-take, before giving her a nod that said he recognized her. He followed her to the elevator and scanned his card inside to give her access to the top floor.
Kagami’s stomach swooped as the elevator door opened. The apartment seemed the only place in the city that wasn’t decorated for Christmas, since its occupants would be heading back to Paris for the holidays. Kagami knew she’d miss them, even if they’d only be gone for ten days. She wouldn’t miss the apartment, though. She’d somehow been roped into feeding Plagg and the nameless hamster while their owners were away. Officially, that was why she was here today. To learn the basics of caring for two animals, not to show off her new haircut.
“Oh, Kagami, I didn’t know you were already—” Marinette froze when she registered the sight of her. She dropped the pile of laundry in her hands all over the floor. “Oh my God, you look amazing.” She reached a hand up to Kagami’s head, then stopped mid air. “Can I…”
Kagami nodded, and grinned as Marinette brushed fingers along her scalp, tickling her ear as they passed by.
“Wow,” Marinette said. Kagami looked at her parted lips, and had to agree. She was about to say to hell with the plan and kiss Marinette right there, but… “Ow, Plagg!”
Marinette sprang back, startling the cat who’d started nipping at her ankles.
Kagami glared at his retreating form, briefly contemplating just not showing up to feed him over the break.
“I need your help,” Kagami said the next day, as she shook hands with Adrien after landing a final touch that won her the fencing match. Her helmet was tucked under her arm.
Adrien had been ecstatic when he’d first learned that Kagami could fence, and hadn’t been able to stop pestering her until she agreed to join him at the club he’d joined. She’d been hesitant, at first. Spending time alone with Adrien had seemed a little daunting. At times, she could really connect to him, since they had had similar upbringings. But at their core, they were different people, which Kagami had a hard time letting go of.
She was trying, though. Trying not to get hung up on the small things. So she relented after a few days of him all but begging her to come practice with him. He’d whipped her butt in the first match, but she’d loved every minute of the adrenaline coursing through her veins. Now, after a few weeks of practice, they traded off on who won matches, though Kagami suspected that she might gain an edge over him soon.
“Oh really? You need my help?” Adrien smirked. “This wouldn’t have anything to do with impressing a certain someone who came to watch today, would it?”
Kagami scowled. “Yes, it’s a surprise for Marinette. I need to...buy something. And I know that you know a little something about fashion, whether you like it or not.”
His grin widened. “I’m listening…”
The day before Marinette was due to leave for the Christmas holidays, Kagami walked into the elevator of Marinette’s building, straightening her blue tie in the mirror. To match Marinette’s eyes, Adrien had insisted. Kagami wore a slim-fitting black suit, with one button done up over a white dress shirt. To her disgruntlement, Adrien had also talked her into a pair of silver, kitten heels. Because apparently, sexism dictated that a woman couldn’t pull of a suit without heels. Even to impress another woman. Admittedly, they were kind of cute, but Kagami wasn’t looking forward to the blisters.
Still, her mind was more focused on other things right now, like what she was going to say. She’d tried to think things over earlier, but nothing had seemed right, exactly. Adrien had offered to help her come up with something, but she couldn’t imagine how flowery that might have been. It certainly wouldn’t have sounded like anything Kagami would have said. So, instead, she was planning on winging it. The thought sat with her about as well as the greasy pizza sold on every street corner in the city.
Kagami had a spare key now, so she tapped the fob against the sensor and hit the button for the top floor. The doors were nearly closed when a purse suddenly appeared between them, forcing them back open to reveal a group of five girls in short dresses.
They stepped inside, and Kagami waited for them to push a button, but the one closest to the panel merely looked at the selected floor and gave Kagami a quick once over before turning back to jabbering away with her friends. If Kagami had once thought that Marinette was loud and obnoxious, well...she had nothing on these people.
These were girls that Kagami wouldn’t be caught dead with. She hadn’t thought her friends would have been either, but they were still inside the elevator when it opened to Kagami’s destination. They immediately recognized some similarly dressed frends and a few boys in dress shirts, whose ties were inexplicably tied around their heads. There was alcohol being passed amongst the guests, which wasn’t a surprise, but the atmosphere was. This definitely wasn’t Kagami’s usual crowd.
Kagami wished she hadn’t followed Adrien’s advice to arrive late. She’d been planning on taking Marinette up on her offer to show up before the party and hang out while they help set up, but Adrien had insisted that her making a late entrance would have more of an impression. Kagami didn’t understand how, when the room was packed with people. She hadn’t expected this many. Maybe the point of the heels was to make her just tall enough to be made out overtop of the sea of heads.
Luckily, a squeal cued her into Marinette’s whereabouts. Kagami swung her gaze around to a corner by the kitchen, just in time to see Marinette shove a red plastic cup into Adrien’s hands and start hurrying forward. Kagami met her halfway, probably a good thing, since Marinette walking in heels, let alone running, seemed like a terrifying prospect. At least she’d ditched the drink so she couldn’t spill anything as she pulled Kagami into a hug.
“You look beautiful,” Kagami whispered as the hug ended. Marinette wore the dress she’d been working on that day she’d picked out clothes for Kagami, paired with black nylons and a pair of red heels, a tad higher than Kagami’s, so it put them on about an even height. Her hair was pulled up in a high ponytail, with a silver ribbon wrapped around it. She’d put on make-up too, just enough eyeliner for her blue eyes to pop a little more than usual, and some glittery eyeshadow. Kagami’s heartbeat refused to keep to a steady rhythm.
“Pfft, me?” Marinette blushed, looking Kagami up and down. “You...you…” Her eyes settled on the knot of Kagami’s tie. She put a hand on Kagami’s shoulder and leaned in close. “You’re incredible,” she whispered in her ear.
She pulled away again and the two stared at each other, each spontaneously competing for the largest smile before they both glanced away.
“Hey,” Kagami said, wiping sweaty palms along her pants. She wanted to get this over with as soon as possible, so she could either enjoy the party or...Well, she was trying not to think about that. “Could we go somewhere and—”
“Heeey, Marinette!” interrupted a shout from the kitchen. “Where’s the vodka?”
Marinette smiled apologetically. “Come get a drink?”
Kagami nodded, and followed Marinette into the kitchen. She stuck to water, not wanting to add another variable to complicate her evening, then waited for Marinette to help out a few guests. Marinette ended up getting pulled back into the main room to solve some other crisis, telling Kagami she’d be back soon.
After ten minutes or so, Kagami ventured into the party. Every time she managed to find Marinette, hostess duties pulled her away the next second. She was asked to join selfies or share her holiday plans, or she was running off to greet another latecomer. Some of the people Kagami recognized from bowling, but most were strangers.
Kagami wasn’t jealous, or anything. Marinette was allowed to have other friends, obviously. It wasn’t a surprise that she had so many. Kagami just...wasn’t used to feeling like she had to compete for Marinette’s attention. Adrien and Luka never made her feel like that.
After a few failed attempts at catching Marinette’s attention, Kagami wandered back into the kitchen. A pair of excessively loud men followed her in, and after realizing they weren’t leaving anytime soon, Kagami decided to get some fresh air.
Standing on the balcony now, she was far colder than she had been a few weeks ago. The sharp, early winter air bit into her cheeks. The weather had predicted snow for tonight, but that seemed like another missed opportunity now. Still, the balcony was quiet, and Kagami was warm enough in her suit jacket, at least for a short while.
Kagami wasn’t sure what she’d been thinking. That she’d just waltz in here in some fancy new clothes, and suddenly belong? With the girl who’d been bouncing around the room all night, who everyone seemed to want to talk to? She’d been fooling herself.
And now, she just wanted to be alone.
Then she heard the balcony door slide open, and she couldn’t help but smile when she looked over and saw who’d joined her.
“Hey,” Marinette said. “I thought I might find you out here.”
“I hoped you would.” Nevermind the fact she’d just been trying to convince herself of the contrary.
“Yeah?” Marinette smiled, stepping outside and crossed her arms, rubbing them up and down as she walked up to Kagami.
“You’re cold,” Kagami said.
“It’s f-f-fine,” Marinette chattered.
Kagami shrugged off her jacket, then placed it around Marinette’s shoulders. She tried her best to relax her muscles, so the wind ruffling her shirt sleeves wouldn’t make her shiver as well.
“We can go inside,” Kagami said.
“N-nah, its nice out h-here.”
“You’re still shivering.
“I know, I just…” Her head bent down, but she glanced up shyly through her eyelashes. “It’s not so cold when I’m with you.”
“No?”
“No.”
Anything Kagami might have wanted to say died on her tongue, which was probably for the best. She’d never be good at words. Maybe she’d never be good at people.
But she’d try her best to get better at letting go.
Marinette reached her hands forward. She grabbed Kagami’s tie gently between her fingers and rubbed her thumbs up and down the faint flowery pattern traced onto it. The jacket started slipping from Marinette’s shoulders, so Kagami moved her hands there. To keep the jacket from falling, that was all.
No other reason.
Not even as their eyes locked, Marinette’s eyebrows lifting. Not even as Kagami felt a gentle tug on the tie, and moved her hands to Marinette’s shoulder blades, pulling her in even closer so that their foreheads rested together. Not even as one of her hands moved up to tangle in Marinette’s hair, the other reaching under the jacket and finding her lower back. Nor as the jacket tumbled to the ground, forgotten by both of them in the moment.
Marinette’s fingers moved to settle on the back of Kagami’s neck. One hand moved to tuck a hair behind Kagami’s ear. The strand flopped back into place a second later, too short to be restrained.
Kagami smiled. Their lips were inches away from one another. Flakes of white tumbled through Kagami’s periphery right before she closed the final distance.
Their lips met beneath the falling flakes, and they both fell in love with the snow.