Chapter Text
Dimitri wakes to something soft nuzzling his chest. It’s nice —ticklish— if a bit too much for his still sensitive skin. He makes a confused sound, eyes slowly opening. He’s greeted by a warm chuckle and a kiss to his sternum.
“Have a good nap?” Claude asks with eyes full of mirth.
Dimitri flushes crimson and offers a hasty apology. “Sorry!”
He’d fallen asleep after reaching his peak, it seems. Again . Dimitri doesn’t mean to, he really doesn’t, but goddess Claude is so good with his hands! And mouth. And… other things. Dimitri considers it a miracle that he doesn’t fall apart within five minutes anymore. Instead, he gets to endure multiple orgasms in quick succession without reprieve as he works for Claude’s pleasure in turn.
Claude shakes his head, crawling up Dimitri’s body to give him a soft kiss that makes Dimitri melt. “Glad it was good, sweetness. ‘M trying to tide you over for a while, you know.”
Dimitri frowns immediately, hating himself for it just a bit. Claude is only going to be gone for a few weeks. Besides, he has already been patient enough by spending whatever free time isn’t being cannibalized by his residency with Dimitri. Claude’s family deserves to see him, too. Yet, Dimitri can already feel a gaping hole forming inside his chest. He won’t be alone, Sylvain and Dedue spend plenty of time at the house, but it’s not the same. Well, he could be sad about it while eating leftover cupcakes later, Dimitri decides and quickly flips them over. Claude doesn’t seem to mind at all. In fact, he lights up, eyes bright with anticipation.
“Oh? Feel like playing rough tonight, huh?" says Claude. "Hell yeah! Show me what you got, Blaiddyd!”
Felix and Sylvain are seated at the kitchen island with massive cups of coffee when Dimitri and Claude come down. Dimitri sets Claude’s suitcase by the door along with his work bag and the badge that he’s so apt to forget.
“Hiya, lovebirds. Looks like you had a good night,” Sylvain winks, and Dimitri pulls his robe tighter despite knowing that it won’t hide the love-bites dotting his neck. Claude proudly displays his by leaving the top buttons of his shirt open.
“It sounded like it,” Felix grouses. “Really? Four in the fucking morning?”
Dimitri wants to argue. Felix’s gaming live streams often run until 3 AM, and they don’t give him grief about it.
“You know, I’m actually going to miss you, Felix,” Claude says. “No one knows how to be a wet blanket quite like you do.”
“And I’m going to enjoy not hearing Dimitri squealing like a wild boar in heat every night.”
“A boar?” Dimitri frowns. He’s always been shy about vocalizing his pleasure, but Claude often asks to hear him, and Dimitri had finally worked up the courage to stop holding back so much recently. Maybe that wasn’t so wise after all.
“Your moans are adorable, Dima,” Claude says, and well, his opinion is the one that matters here, isn’t it?
“C’mon, Fe. Give the guy a break,” Sylvain says, amicable as usual. “Sex is perfectly natural. Besides, you get pre-tty hostile if I don’t go down on you at least twice a week,” Sylvain chuckles as he goes to refill his coffee.
And Felix isn’t exactly quiet about his enjoyment either, Dimitri retorts in his mind.
“Yeah, because then I have to listen to you talk,” Felix replies without looking up from his phone. “Your oral skills need work on all fronts.”
“W-what?” Sylvain stops pouring, leaving the pot poised just a bit too far to the left. Dimitri is filled with mild dread as he watches the coffee quickly fill the cup before flowing into the saucer beneath it. “Wait, what? So, you don’t like how I give head?” Sylvain accuses. “Or do you just not like me ?”
Sylvain is known for his breezy persona and likes to keep up his image as an air-headed fuckboy for reasons beyond Dimitri’s understanding, so it’s rare to see him lose his cool. But Felix has always been good at hitting where it hurts, and Sylvain’s fear of being used is a very sore spot. What’s worse is he’d win gold in the jumping-to-emotionally-based-conclusions-despite-being-so-smart category every time, according to Claude. It's been happening a lot lately, now that he thinks about it.
“Should we do something?” Dimitri whispers to Claude only to be (gently) shushed. Coffee begins to drip onto the tile flooring.
“I didn’t say that, Syl,” Felix says mildly and has the decency to look away from his phone for at least a moment. “I mean that I don’t need to fuck constantly like those animals.” He jabs a lacquered finger in their direction.
Dimitri chokes on nothing (Animals! Animals! ) while Claude merely smirks.
“Our sex life is pretty great! Thanks for noticing,” Claude says. He loops an arm around Dimitri’s waist and pulls him close in that way that makes Dimitri feel incredibly wanted. “The next month is going to be torture without my baby.”
Dimitri and Claude had enjoyed each other’s company for a good four hours last night, and still, he can feel his body revving up for more, and his heart flutters. Great. Now he’ll have two aching holes to deal with. Torture indeed, Dimitri agrees.
“Oh, you’ll live,” Felix says, “It’s just a month. Anyone could do it. Well,” Felix gives them a quick once over. “Almost anyone.”
“Good morning!” Ashe’s cheerful voice floats into the kitchen. His hair is going in every direction as it tends to in the early hours of the day. “It’s awfully lively in here. What’s going on?”
Dedue follows soon after and makes a beeline for Sylvain, gently removing the pot from his grasp before silently retrieving the mop.
“Oh,” Claude hums. “Felix here was just saying that he could go without sex for a month, unlike the rest of us naughty little beasties.”
Ashe snorts and immediately covers his mouth with an oversized sleeve when Felix glares at him and says: “What’s so funny?”
“Oh, I don’t mean to make fun!” Ashe says with a shake of the head. “It’s just that you and Sylvain are quite… active! I just can’t see you two going without for a week, let alone a month.”
Felix uncrosses his legs, sitting straighter and puffing out his chest. “And what about you two? You really expect us to believe that you ‘throw your back out’ ‘baking’ every other Thursday?”
“Those trays are heavy!” Ashe sputters.
“Oh, ‘trays,’” Felix repeats, his signature mockery dripping off the word. “Is that what you call Dedue sticking his ‘buns’ in your ‘oven?’” Sylvain snickers before seemingly remembering that he’s upset with Felix and quickly schools his expression. “Maybe I should call the health department!”
“We’ve never done anything near the food!” Ashe insists, turning all shades of red. “Y-you can’t say anything when we all know you made a video of you riding a dildo right here just last week!” Ashe gestures to the island, tapping the marble surface above the dishwasher.
Dimitri remains astounded by Felix’s ability to pick a fight with absolutely anyone, even sweet Ashe.
“I didn’t know,” Dimitri murmurs. “Felix, you cleaned up well afterward, didn’t you?” No one seems to hear him. He asks again, a little louder. “Felix, you cleaned up, didn’t you?”
Everything is silent for a beat, then two. Claude and Ashe pat Dimitri on the shoulder, and Felix swivels away on his stool, slightly raised shoulders and downturned expression the only indicators that he feels at least a little guilty.
“I roll out pizza dough here,” Dimitri says, sounding completely helpless. “I make pierogies here.”
“I accept your challenge,” Dedue says as he deposits the mop head into the washing machine before scrubbing his hands clean in quick, practiced motions.
“What?” Felix scoffs.
“Regarding abstaining from sexual activity for a month,” Dedue clarifies as he begins whisking eggs together with impressive speed.
“You know what? I’m in too,” Sylvain says. “I guess we could use a break since Felix is so sick of me.”
“Sylvain,” Felix frowns, but everyone knows he’s not apologizing any time soon.
“It is settled then,” Dedue nods and grabs ingredients for omelets as he does every Sunday. “There will be no sexual activity in this household for a month’s time.”
“A whole month ?” Ashe replies, sounding nothing short of panicked as he starts on the pancakes and bacon out of habit. “Deddy Bear, I don’t know.”
Dimitri can’t help but be a bit taken aback. He’s accepted the reality that there’s a lot more to Ashe than meets the eye. Of course, Ashe and Dedue are men like any other and therefore have needs . But Dimitri simply can’t imagine them having… relations, even after Dedue, hair askew, had come knocking on Dimitri’s dorm room door one evening asking if Sylvain had any condoms, much to the redhead’s delight.
“Well, that’s easy. So what do I get when I win?” Claude asks. He holds up a hand, rejecting a beautiful, golden omelet. “Thanks, Dedue, but I gotta get outta here soon. FIA is a zoo on weekends.”
“What do you mean when you win?” Felix challenges.
“Felix, you guys, literally do porn for a living,” Claude deadpans. “You’re not gonna make it.”
“Yes, we will! Right, Sylvain?” Felix turns to look at Sylvain, who has been tapping away on his phone.
“Hmm? Who’s ‘we?’” Sylvain asks in turn, sliding off of his stool and marching to his room with a cheesy omelet in tow.
A horn honks outside.
“Ah, crap, my ride’s here. Gotta go!” Exclaims Claude.
Dimitri walks Claude to the front door, and the latter plants a quick kiss on Dimitri’s lips as he takes his bag from his hand. “Love you, baby! Text you when I land.”
Dimitri’s phone pings a moment later as he takes Sylvain’s vacated stool. A new alert from a close friend. He taps the notification.
Felix gasps. Dimitri freezes.
Sylvain Jose Gautier has updated his relationship status: Single.
Ashe’s cheerful ringtone can be heard in the distance.
“Oh, I bet that’s our bride!" Ashe gasps. "I’ll be right back! Dimitri, flip the pancakes, please!”
A notification from Claude appears, stating that the mail carrier was coming up soon just as there’s a knock on the door.
“Ah,” Dedue hums, patting his hands on a dishcloth. “Perhaps that is my mushroom kit. Dimitri, please watch the food.”
Dimitri’s eyes shift to Felix. Felix is just as frozen as he is, mouth agape.
A call comes. “H-hello?” Dimitri mumbles after fumbling the phone several times, watching the blood drain from Felix’s face.
“Baby, have you seen my passport?” Asks Claude. “I think I left it in the bedroom!… Dima?” He prompts when the other takes too long to answer.
Dimitri comes back to life. “Yes. Uh, it’s in the front pocket of your carry-on with your badge and a protein bar.”
“Really?” There’s some shuffling. “Ah, so it is. Thanks, sweetness! Enjoy your flapjacks! Buh-bye!”
Ashe can be heard muttering in the office down the hall. “Yes. Of course! Of course! Would you like to set up a tasting? Ah, I’m so sorry, Donna, just a moment,” Ashe sticks his head out of the office. “Is something burning?” Ashe calls.
Dimitri looks to the front door. Dedue stands there with several packages beside him, chatting with a woman in the colors of the local independent party. “…Yes, I believe we are all registered for the upcoming election.”
The colorful computer tower in the living room whirrs cheerfully as the monitor lights up with notifications. Time for Felix’s weekly raid. Usually, they’re an enjoyable experience, the perfect breakfast entertainment. Finally, Felix snaps out of his daze, dropping his phone onto the counter and channeling his sprinter days as he flies up the stairs.
“Sylvain!” Knock, knock knock. “Sylvain, open the door! Open the door! Sylvain! Sylvain! ”
“We all have a big role to play in our democracy!” Says the cheerful woman. “Can we count on your vote to help make a difference?”
“We all hold various beliefs, so it is difficult to say for certain,” Dedue nods. “I’m personally unfamiliar with your candidate.”
“Oh, well, let me tell you about her!” The woman smiles and holds out a pamphlet.
“Dimitri, I’m on the phone. Turn off the stove, please!” Ashe calls again.
“Sylvain! Please! ” Felix pleads upstairs.
Dimitri’s phone lights up. The group chat is going haywire. He’s missed a call from Ingrid. She’s sent several direct messages.
Ingrid: D
Ingrid: Thea just woke me up saying it’s a disaster? R u good?
Annette: Mornin’! Sleep ok? Fe isn’t picking up. Can you tell him to call me?
Ingrid: OMG :O
Ingrid: Did they break up?
Mercedes: Good morning, dear! One of our other volunteers is sick :( Could you come in a bit early today? I’d hate for the children to miss storytime.
Ingrid: Vain is hysterical!!! I dont know what he is saying
Ingrid: D! CALL ME!
An acrid smell curls up Dimitri’s nose.
The pans are on fire.
“Shit!” Dimitri curses, hopping over the counter to toss a pan into the sink while trying to turn off the stove. Instead, he turns the knob in the wrong direction, setting the flame to the max. A shrill beeping sounds throughout the apartment, and suddenly, cold water sprays down from above.
“Aaah!” Ashe shrieks down the hall, and Dedue is beside Dimitri a moment later, giving him a bewildered look.
What’s happening? Dimitri silently laments.
“Vote for Anna!” The woman says, waving a small flag in their doorway.