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“That’s enough for today, Viktor. Time to close up.”
“You go on ahead. I have work to do.”
He’d heard those words countless times over the years, but this time Jayce pulled up short. Across the room, the Hexcore lit Viktor’s face in sharp relief as it rolled and swirled at Viktor’s behest. He hadn’t moved from that spot since noon.
“You shouldn't even be here. The doctors said--”
“I know what they said.”
“I know you’re feeling better, but it’s only been three days. You need to rest."
“There’s no time.”
There’s no time.
Jayce’s breath caught in his throat. The feverish way that Viktor said it, the desperation in his movements—it was like claws digging into his chest, scraping at his heart and lungs, tearing him inside out. For a moment, his vision flashed—pale walls, gray skin, blood staining the workbench, a diagnosis ringing in his ears like a gavel strike.
How long was he alone like that? How long was it before someone found him?
What if no one had thought to check the lab that night?
Without a word, Jayce crossed the room. Viktor didn’t turn, didn’t react at all, until Jayce’s hands were on him, sweeping him off his feet and cradling him against his body. “Put me down! Put me—”
“You need to rest,” Jayce repeated. “I won’t let you run yourself into the ground again. Once was enough.”
“What other way is there?” Viktor protested. He snatched at his crutch as they passed it, but Jayce shifted away, tilting his body so that Viktor’s fingers passed mere inches from the wood. He would come back for it later, when its owner didn’t intend to bludgeon him with it.
He carried Viktor down the halls, walking the familiar path to the wing where their quarters were located. Eventually Viktor resigned himself to his fate and rested his head against Jayce’s chest, just above his heart. Without meaning to, Jayce held him a little tighter. He was amazed at how light Viktor was, how perfectly he fit against his body.
Would I be able to carry him like this if he were well?
The sudden lack of motion stirred Viktor from whatever headspace he’d been lost in. Slowly, he looked up, then frowned. “This isn’t my door.”
“No, it’s not.” Carefully, Jayce set Viktor on his feet. He hadn’t been standing for two seconds before his tired legs buckled under his weight. Viktor’s hands flew up to grab the first thing they encountered, crumpling the starched fabric of Jayce’s coat. Jayce lunged forward, wrapping his arms around Viktor and pushing them both against the wall. “I’ve got you,” he panted, adrenaline forcing the air from his lungs. “I’ve got you.”
They waited like that for a moment, but even once Viktor tentatively tested his weight, Jayce was unwilling to risk letting go. How long had it been since Viktor slept?
“Hold on to me,” Jayce said. Viktor’s arms wrapped around his neck, pressing their bodies together. Jayce could feel Viktor’s heart thumping in time with his and all semblance of thought flew out of his head.
Keys. He needed his keys. Damn his brain, it shouldn’t take him this long to open a damn door. Still supporting Viktor with one hand, Jayce reached into his pocket and felt for the key, rubbing his thumb across each one until he found the one with the hammer etched into it.
“Why are you taking me to your room?” Viktor asked.
“You think I’m going to leave you alone in yours?” Jayce asked. He unlocked the door, pocketed the key, then lifted Viktor into his arms again. “I’m not letting you sneak back to the lab tonight.”
“Do you really think I could make it back there in this state?”
“I wouldn’t put it past you.”
That got a chuckle out of Viktor. His head came to rest against Jayce’s chest again, lifting a bit as they bypassed the couch and proceeded to the bed. Jayce set him down, pulled back the covers, and then knelt at Viktor’s feet to undo his shoe laces.
Viktor batted his hands away. “I can do it myself. You don’t have to—”
“I want to.” One shoe, then the other. “I’ll find you something to sleep in, if you want.”
“No, it’s fine. I can sleep in this.”
Jayce frowned. “Why would you want to—”
Wait...
His thoughts must have shown on his face. Jayce had a split-second of warning, the slightest twitch of Viktor’s eyebrows, before Viktor shot to his feet, fully able to stand. Suspiciously so.
You little—
“Oh no, you don’t!"
It was a futile attempt—even in his prime, there was no way Viktor could have slipped past Jayce, let alone make it from here to the lab without being caught. Jayce grabbed Viktor by the arms and hauled him back. Viktor struggled, trying to stand, determination burning in his eyes, but Jayce held firm, gripping his shoulders and holding him down to the mattress. It was easy. So, so easy.
Warm brown skin, slender arms, full lips, hooded hazel eyes, praises moaned beside his ear, midnight-black curls fanned across silk--
--gray skin, thin shoulders, shallow breaths from slender tubes, limp hair on sterile sheets, dull brown eyes hazy with pain, thin lips shaping his name as a question, surprised to see him—
“Jayce!”
Jayce gripped Viktor's head and kissed him, hard and desperate. After a moment, Viktor pressed back, lips moving against Jayce’s, tilting his head for a better angle as his hands gripped Jayce’s arms and Jayce nearly sobbed at the contact, pulling Viktor closer, impossibly close, like he could melt into him if he only tried. He pulled back for air, felt a gasp fan across his lips, saw the wonder in Viktor’s eyes. A Noxian warband couldn’t have held Jayce back from kissing Viktor again, and again, and again…
“I should have been there,” he panted, wrenching himself away from Viktor’s lips. He didn’t go far—the thought of being more than an inch away was physically painful, a tether pulled taut and straining against his heart. “That night, I..I should have been here, not with—” He fell short of the name, unable to admit his shame. Instead, he kissed Viktor again, one hand sliding into his soft brown hair, gripping just enough to anchor Jayce as Viktor’s lips parted for him. The feeling was overwhelming, so different from her and Jayce pressed another bruising kiss to Viktor’s lips, trying to wash away the memory of her touch and lose himself in Viktor because he had never known kissing could be this good, could feel so right.
“I need you,” he gasped. “Don’t leave me.”
“I won’t,” Viktor said, misunderstanding. Or maybe he understood completely. Jayce didn’t ask. It didn’t matter. Viktor was gasping for breath, and for a moment Jayce feared he’d done something wrong. More memories flashed before his eyes—knuckles white against the railing, blood purple in the hexlight, shoulders hunched and still, too still—but the look in Viktor’s eyes wasn’t the distant stare of a blackout. It was something else, something new, a look that Jayce had seen before but never on Viktor: lust.
And there was something else, something that wrapped itself around Jayce’s heart and squeezed, something that choked him, that made him want to cry and laugh and scream and sing all at once. Viktor lifted a hand to cup his cheek and Jayce leaned into it, covering it with his own, eyes squeezed shut against tears that threatened to spill. “I love you,” he said, the words coming out half a gasp, half a sob.
“Jayce.” His name fell from Viktor’s lips like a prayer, conveying in one word what Jayce had said in three. Jayce turned his head to press a kiss to Viktor’s palm, unable to bear the way Viktor looked at him.
What a fool he’d been, to seek this feeling in the arms of another. How stupid, how wasteful, to wait this long to realize what Viktor meant to him.
He’d almost been too late.
Cold reality crashed down around him. Jayce reeled back, forced himself to put distance between himself and Viktor despite feeling like his heart was being wrenched out of his chest. He needed to leave, had to go, now, before he did something he’d regret…
He froze as Viktor’s fingers brushed across his wrist, curling around in a grip just loose enough to be broken if Jayce tried.
“What’s wrong?” Viktor asked. As if everything was normal. As if they hadn’t risked enough already.
“I’m sorry.” Jayce turned his head away. It was too painful to look at Viktor, to see him like this—flushed, panting, lips red and kiss-bruised—and not be able to touch him. “I went too far.”
The grip on his wrist loosened. “…I see.”
“It’s just that—”
“You don’t have to explain, Jayce. I understand.” The resignation in Viktor’s voice was like a weight around Jayce’s neck. “You do not have to force yourself. What you have given me is enough.”
“That’s not—Viktor, no.” Jayce cupped Viktor’s cheek, tilting his head up to meet his eyes. “I want this. I want you.” Viktor’s sharp inhale nearly took Jayce’s breath away, but he plowed ahead. “But you’re not…I can’t risk hurting you.”
“You won’t.”
“W-we shouldn’t do this,” said Jayce. “I want to but we can’t—what if you have an attack? I-I-I couldn’t live with myself—”
“I won’t.” Viktor sat up fully, pulling Jayce’s hand against his chest to feel how his heart raced. “I can handle this, Jayce.”
Doubt gnawed at Jayce, remembering all the times Viktor had said something similar—I’m fine, it’s nothing, just a headache, don’t worry about me, I’ll sleep in the lab—
But then Viktor smiled at him, that small, familiar quirk of his lips, lopsided and sweet and perfect, and it pulled Jayce in like gravity.
This time when they kissed he was gentle, almost chaste, brushing his thumb over Viktor’s cheek and melting at the sigh his actions drew out. He pressed forward, guiding Viktor back against the pillows before smoothing his hands down Viktor’s stomach. He undressed him as slowly and carefully as he dared, losing himself in the taste of Viktor’s lips. He was sidetracked momentarily by the smooth expanse of Viktor’s neck, the lone mole just below his jaw. Jayce kissed it, nipped and sucked until there was sure to be a bruise, a mark where everyone could see it and know that Viktor belonged to him.
That he belonged to Viktor.
An insistent press of hips reminded Jayce what he was doing. He sat back, intent on removing Viktor’s pants and studiously not paying attention to the way Viktor reached up, pressed against the mark he’d left, and shivered.
The moment he freed Viktor’s cock from his pants, Jayce was hit with a need more powerful than he’d ever known. He knelt between Viktor’s legs and pressed a kiss to the tip, feeling Viktor’s hips stutter at the contact. Viktor slapped a hand over his mouth, his other hand fisting in the sheets as Jayce’s lips parted and slid down his shaft. Jayce bobbed his head up and down, reveling in Viktor’s muffled moans and the taste of precum against his tongue. He thought he could be happy just like this, just by making Viktor feel this good.
“Oh…ah, Jayce…” Jayce’s eyes flicked up to find Viktor watching him. Without breaking eye contact, Jayce gripped Viktor’s hips and sucked, hard. Viktor’s eyelids fluttered closed as he moaned. Jayce branded the image into his memory.
Suddenly Viktor’s eyes flew open. His lips parted around a sudden gasp as his free hand gripped Jayce’s hair and tugged backwards.
Jayce fought back a moan as he released Viktor’s cock, panting for breath as his hand wrapped around it to gently stroke. He pressed kisses down the shaft until the hand in his hair forced him away.
Viktor’s slender chest, so pale in the moonlight—pale in candlelight, ghostlike in a thin hospital gown that dwarfed his slim frame—heaved with effort. “I’m sorry, I…”
“It’s okay.” Jayce leaned up to press a kiss to Viktor’s stomach, his collarbone, the mole on his cheek. Viktor hummed and smiled, and the whole world seemed brighter.
He pressed kisses across Viktor’s cheek, along his jaw, down his neck. “What is it you want?” he asked, proceeding to lightly suck at a new spot on Viktor’s neck.
Viktor brushed his fingers against Jayce’s neck like he was something fragile, something to be cherished. As if Jayce deserved even a fraction of this affection. His sigh was the sweetest sound imaginable.
“Whatever you are willing to give.”
His heart nearly seized in his chest. Without fully meaning to, Jayce gave a particularly hard suck, and then Viktor was arching off the bed with a cry, his cock rubbing against the front seam of Jayce’s pants and lightning flooded Jayce’s veins.
The next few minutes were a blur as Jayce wrenched himself away, shedding clothes haphazardly as he fumbled in his nightstand for oil. Clarity came back as his own cock sprang from its confines, red and glistening. Jayce groaned as he wrapped an oil-slick hand around it, pumping slowly, feeling a gut-punch of relief at the contact.
“Is this a dream?”
Jayce’s head shot up at the words, barely above a whisper, perhaps intended to be no more than a thought. He found Viktor staring at him, expression tender and amazed, as if he were looking upon a god rather than a man. And yet Jayce had never felt more human before, kneeling in front of this man who he had failed to protect, who he had abandoned, who lay completely bare before him and looked at him like he hung the stars.
You’re the only god here, he thought.
Jayce slicked up a finger and pressed it to Viktor’s hole, caressing at first, slow circles to help him relax. Viktor’s breath came out shaky, catching in his throat at the first intrusion. His body curled instinctively, and Jayce stopped, threading a hand into Viktor’s hair and cradling his head against his cheek. He pressed in again, listening to Viktor’s pants and choked moans, the sweet symphony of noises he made as Jayce added a second finger, then a third.
“Gods, you’re beautiful,” he said, words muffled in Viktor’s hair as he pressed a kiss to his head. Viktor moaned in answer, a long drawn-out sound, and it shattered Jayce’s restraint.
A few more kisses, and Jayce repositioned himself between Viktor’s thighs, guiding his cock to Viktor’s entrance. He paused, looked up.
“You ready?”
“Yes.”
One more kiss, and Jayce pressed inside.
The air was punched out of Jayce’s lungs. Viktor felt so good. It was so tempting to just push forward, to sink into that tight warmth, to bury himself deep inside, where he belonged. He bit his lip and forced himself to go slow, to slide forward inch by agonizing inch, to focus on the way Viktor’s body pulled him in, until his hips were pressed flush again Viktor’s.
Jayce gripped Viktor’s hips to ground himself, forcing himself to stay still, to let Viktor adjust. He blinked his vision back into focus and looked up from where they were joined, checking to see if Viktor’s panting was a good sign or a sign they needed to stop. Viktor was looking at the ceiling, eyes distant and glazed while his hands clenched and unclenched in the sheets. After a moment, he met Jayce’s eyes and nodded.
Jayce wanted to go slow. He wanted it to be good for Viktor, gentle and tender, an act of worship. He wanted Viktor to feel everything.
He wanted to go slow, but he couldn’t. He tried, even managed it for a little while, but it was only a matter of moments before he sped up, the force of his thrusts increasing steadily. At first he tried to keep his eyes on Viktor, watching the way his face crumpled with pleasure, his mouth falling open around wordless moans and gasps and pleas for more, more, oh gods…
It was more than he could handle. Jayce curled around Viktor, pressing his body as close as feasibly possible, one hand cupping the back of Viktor’s head as he buried his face in Viktor’s neck and lost himself to pleasure, lost himself in the feeling of being surrounded, Viktor’s arms wrapped around him, hands in his hair, digging half-moons and red lines into the skin of his back. Viktor’s moans poured into his ear as the new angle caused Jayce to pound repeatedly at that spot inside of him, his body constricting around Jayce’s cock and Jayce roared at the feeling, slamming his free hand against the mattress once, twice, three times just to be able to handle the pleasure that threatened to send him spiraling over the edge too soon, too soon.
He never wanted this to end. He never wanted to let Viktor go, to be anywhere other than right here, inside Viktor, held by Viktor, his partner, his sun, his whole world…
Something warm and wet trailed down Jayce’s face. It took him a moment to realize he was crying.
“Jayce,” Viktor breathed out. “You…”
“I love you,” Jayce said. “I love you, Viktor, I love you so much.”
“Ah, ah, I…Jayce, Jayce!”
Below him, Viktor went rigid, body arching as he came. He tightened around Jayce like a vice and all of it--the heat between them, the pressure of his thighs, the little punched-out moans that slipped from his lips—it was all too much.
Jayce slammed his hips into Viktor’s, his orgasm crashing through him with the force of a hexgate launch. His vision went white, all sound fled from his ears, as his world narrowed to just the two of them, nothing existing outside of him and Viktor and the places where they touched, swallowed moans and sweat-slick bodies and a desperate, all-consuming love that threatened to tear Jayce apart.
When he came back to himself, he was spilling inside Viktor, chanting his name like a mantra against his cheek and trembling with aftershocks, held together only by Viktor’s arms around him. He’d never felt so complete before. He’d never felt anything like this.
It was so much better with Viktor.
Jayce sobbed into Viktor’s shoulder, the weight of all his love and guilt crashing down on him as he held his partner in his arms. Pulling out of Viktor felt like losing a piece of himself, but he had no choice. He collapsed beside him and just…looked.
Viktor was radiant. His pale skin was flushed red, bruised in places by Jayce’s lips and hands, his hair messy and ruffled. His golden-brown eyes were glazed and hooded with pleasure that Jayce had given him. His thighs were painted white with Jayce’s seed, his stomach covered in his own. His chest heaved with deep, calming breaths.
“You’re so beautiful like this,” Jayce whispered, hating how insufficient the words were.
Viktor’s head flopped to the side. He smiled. “So are you.”
Jayce almost laughed. He knew he was a mess—his eyes were red and puffy from crying, tear tracks ran down his face in every direction gravity had pulled them, and he could feel his hands trembling. That Viktor would think him beautiful in that moment was nothing short of a miracle.
Jayce turned away, feeling tears welling up again. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d cried like this. He busied himself with finding something to clean up with, settling for a handkerchief he kept in his nightstand—the best Ionian silk he could afford, soft and easy on the skin, still barely worthy of the god in his bed. He cleaned Viktor off with as much tenderness as he could put into the action, feeling Viktor’s eyes on him the entire time. When he was done, the handkerchief cast onto the floor, Jayce felt a hand on his chin, forcing him to look at his partner. Viktor swiped a thumb across his cheek, catching a tear that lingered there.
“Are you okay?”
“I’m sorry,” Jayce said. “I just…”
“It’s fine,” Viktor said. “Just as long as you’re alright.”
“Are you?” Jayce asked. “It wasn’t too much?”
“Of course not.”
Gods, when Viktor smiled like that, Jayce could almost forget he was dying.
Jayce lay back down, exhausted, pulling Viktor against him so he could feel his heartbeat, hear his life pounding through him, confirmation that for now, he was here with Jayce, alive and loved and by some miracle in love with Jayce.
After everything Jayce had done, all the signs he’d ignored, he didn’t deserve that love. But he was selfish, so he would take it anyway, every ounce that Viktor had to give.
Viktor snuggled closer, scooting down until they were face to face, that perfect smile on his lips, his eyes soft with emotions that Jayce felt deep in his soul. They kissed, slow and tender, and when they broke apart Jayce pulled the blankets over them and curled around Viktor, holding him close, thoughts racing as Viktor fell into much needed sleep.
“I’ll save you,” he murmured into Viktor’s hair, listening to his lover’s even breaths. “I swear, I’ll save you, even if it kills me.”