Chapter Text
When Chan falls through the door, near midnight, he comes smelling like the woods. It’s peculiar considering Seoul is not particularly known for its muddy parks and it’s odd because Chan had said he was going to the studio when he left.
Two days ago.
Felix watches from the couch as Chan kicks off his shoes. His coat crumples to the floor by the entrance. Chan’s face is marred with exhaustion, it’s no different from the other benders that Felix has witnessed in the last few months of living together.
It’s the muddy-woodsy smell that has Felix waking up, even though it is 1 am and up until he heard the keypad he’d been on the verge of dropping off, seeing Chan returning like this has him instantly alert.
As if on zombie-like autopilot Chan crosses the room until he’s by the couch, feet dragging. He stands in front of Felix for a moment, as if waiting for permission but Felix is too confused to say much or to know what he is supposed to give permission for. And it seems Chan’s run out of patience. Felix blinks once and before he knows it Chan is draped all over him. Like a human blanket.
He’s practically crushed under Chan’s weight, he has pushed his knee between Felix’s legs so as to not absolutely smother him and his arms come up to cradle Felix like he’s a life-size stuffed toy. Felix is smushed all the way to the back of the couch while Chan has commandeered the other half of the sofa. If they cuddled any closer they might even fit a third.
Once Chan is completely settled he sighs wearily, like he’s a deflating balloon. Felix gets another whiff of Chan’s leafy scent.
“Hi to you too, hyung,” he mumbles around the bit of Chan’s sweater he’s got in his mouth.
“Hi Lixie,” Chan says, his voice sounds raw, like he’s been screaming a lot. He must’ve recorded for hours on end, he’s diligent like that.
Felix only got to watch him work once or twice but he knows Chan’s dedication is unmatched and it’s nothing unusual to have him come back from the studio a shell of the man he usually is.
Still, something about the post-hike smell has Felix on edge. He wants to ask but it feels like he’s being paranoid for no real reason at all. He doesn’t smell like alcohol but the idea that Chan has slept in a park nags at the back of his mind.
The tv is still on in the background, it has the room washed in a silver sheen and Chan shuffles closer, his cold nose bumps into the side of Felix’s throat. Felix squeaks and twitches away from Chan, as he goes his throat stretches to the max trying to avoid assault by cold nose.
It has the opposite effect as Chan takes the opportunity to really press close, one second Felix is trying to turn into a giraffe and the next he’s got Chan’s nose buried against his pulse point. And while Felix tenses Chan basically melts.
A shiver runs down Felix’s spin but because Chan seems so comfortable Felix decides to let it happen. It’s not like this isn't self-serving too. He loves Chan-cuddles and he doesn’t get nearly enough of them because these days Chan’s always out.
They lie like that for a good fifteen minutes before Chan starts moving again. He maneuvers them around until Felix is resting on Chan’s chest and Chan’s got more room to really stretch out. His hand finds Felix’s hair, he begins running his fingers through it and scratches his scalp in one motion.
Chan stretches his foot to nudge the tteokbokki cups that Felix had (shamefully) stacked on the coffee table. “Is this all you’ve been eating?” he asks, tone teasing, eyes crinkled.
“No,” Felix says looking up at Chan’s face through his lashes, smiling, “I also made brownies.”
Chan snorts. “What do you say? Should we order something with vegetables?”
As far as roommates go Felix really could’ve picked way worse - or rather - his mum could’ve forced someone worse to take him in. Not that Felix’s mum had to strong-arm Chan too much, Felix is pretty sure the only reason he was picked from the pool of roommates Chan had interviewed is their shared Australian citizenship.
So yes, Felix is really lucky; Chan is reliable, kind, reasonably clean and he indulges Felix (possibly far too much).
But most importantly he’s normal. Painfully so, aside from his workaholic tendencies, his nocturnal schedule and his aversion to colourful clothes Chan is pretty ordinary.
“Yeah, alright,” Felix says but instead of moving to let Chan grab his phone he tightens his grip. Chan chuckles and returns the gesture, “Five more minutes?” Delighted, Felix nods into Chan's chest.
Felix could have sworn he’d fallen asleep on the couch.
He’s definitely in his room, rolled up like a burrito in his blankets but he’s got no memory of how he got there. He must have been tired after they’d eaten the food that Chan had ordered, the only things he remembers is that they were watching something Felix had insisted on watching and that he’d had his head in Chan’s lap.
After that it’s all blank.
His disorientation isn’t helped by the fact that his window is open. Felix thought he would be doing the responsible thing earlier; airing out the room. But now that it’s been no less than twelve hours of cold winter air he can’t say that he appreciates past-Felix much.
It’s no use, there is no way he’s leaving his room, much less the house, today. He’d rather be a burrito forever than try to brave the cold.
He gets blissful ten minutes before he hears footsteps coming to a stop in front of his door.
Ugh.
“Felix?” Chan knocks on the door. Felix doesn’t understand how he’s awake at this hour. “Don’t you have class?” He asks through the door. Felix hates that Chan keeps up with him like that.
“It’s cancelled!” Felix lies, pulling his blanket over his head so that he doesn’t have to face the icy air anymore. Maybe class will go away too. Unfortunately, Chan has proven himself to be nothing if not persistent.
So he isn’t surprised when he hears the door open and then the bed dips under Chan’s weight. Staunchly he refuses to look at him, if he doesn’t look he can pretend like Chan isn’t there either.
Maybe Chan will believe he’s fallen asleep again, if he plays his cards right.
“Why is it cancelled?” No such luck. Through the blanket Chan's touch is feather-light, his hand finds Felix's chest, it's nice. Maybe Felix can get Chan to do that for the rest of the day, instead of class.
Although petulant Felix decides to answer, “The cold.” Chan huffs a laugh. He pokes Felix in the head, which is less appreciated.
“What if I gave you one of my nice thick sweaters, huh?”
Felix takes a chance and uncovers one eye to look at Chan to see if he’s lying. “Would you really?”
This time Chan outright laughs. “Is that all it takes to get you to class?”
Felix huffs, pulling the blanket back in its place. The sweater is tempting but not enough to ignore Chan’s teasing. Felix resolves to steal one later, when Chan is out.
“Okay, okay,” Chan soothes, he lightly pulls at Felix’s blanket but Felix is prepared with his iron grip, there will be no budging today. “I’ll get you one right now.” Felix decides he’ll still steal one, as a hostage, just in case Chan gets any ideas.
Chan returns only minutes later but Felix still refuses to unroll himself. Chan sighs loudly and before Felix can make heads or tails of it Chan’s got him tumbling out of his cocoon.
He whines in protest and tries to roll out of Chan’s reach but he’s quicker. Chan wraps his hands around Felix’s ankles and pulls him until he’s got Felix precariously balancing on the edge of the bed.
“Noooo~” Felix tries to wriggle free but Chan’s using all his muscle to keep Felix in place.
To make it worse, Chan is laughing, acting as though he’s not even a little bothered by Felix. Show-off, Felix thinks bitterly. “Are you done?”
“Ugh!” Felix says, eloquently. Still, he stops wriggling and lets Chan manhandle him until he’s in the perfect position to have the hoodie pulled over his head. Upright that is. Chan, like the horrible, no-good person he is, stops pulling on the sweater the moment it’s past Felix’s forehead, effectively blinding him.
Felix paws at the sweater half-heartedly, if he can’t see he can’t go to university.
Chan laughs and finally decides to help, for real this time. “Come on, Lixie.”
Felix lets Chan do as he pleases, content with the soft fabric of the sweater and Chan-smell he’s surrounded by. Unfortunately the hoodie does help. It doesn’t wake him up necessarily but it does make him feel warm and cosy which should be the foundation of any school day.
“Up, up!” Chan coaxes but he does all the work for Felix so it’s more of a warning than anything. “Go on to the bathroom, I’m gonna make breakfast.” Okay, so maybe he’s changing his opinion on Chan as a person.
After a breakfast consisting of last night's leftovers Chan ushers Felix to his room so he can grab his things. Felix returns to the vestibule to Chan already waiting for him there. Once Felix is finished bundling up Chan hands him his backpack.
“Today won’t be so bad, yeah?” Chan pulls at his beanie until it’s properly covering Felix ears and forehead. “Good luck, pup!” Felix manages a genuine smile before he’s unceremoniously shoved out of the door. He would love to say that his smile dropped immediately, instead he wore his stupid grin all the way to the bus stop.
On the bus his phone vibrates with an incoming message from his mum. She’s been diligently messaging him every morning, trying to cheer him up. Usually it’s old-people memes or little, short text messages telling him things about her upcoming day. It warms his heart every time.
Today it reads:
Everyone misses you!
Felix knows what everyone means, it’s his parents, sisters and grandparents but also his friends from school who he barely has time to reach out to like he used to. The text sends a little jolt of homesickness through his body, it settles into his stomach like a small but heavy pebble.
He’s not unhappy here. He came to Korea because of dance, because he thought that here he would get to do what he loves. And he does. He loves his classes; his teachers are strict but he gets to do what he’s passionate about every day.
But outside of Chan he’s kind of lonely. Here, he’s an outsider, his passable Korean outs him over and over again. When he speaks it is with an accent. And worse, he doesn't always understand the customs of a culture that he should be familiar with. The problem is that he only blends in at first glance.
Making friends is hard under these conditions. Once the new-kid shine had worn off he’d soon missed the boat on friendship groups. No one is mean or anything but he’s quite literally always on the outskirts of conversations.
The mentor program that one of his teachers had introduced has been his saving grace. The universe had meant well and had assigned him to Jung Wooyoung. There is no one quite so friend-shaped as Wooyoung. Even though most of their friendship is Wooyoung dragging him places by the hand and Felix giving up on free will, he’s secretly very grateful.
So he has Wooyoung but Wooyoung has everyone, so Felix doesn’t really get the attention he wants. (Though where there is Wooyoung there is San and Yeonjun, Felix can’t complain about that either). They are his seniors and he doesn’t see them in his theory classes and most of the time they are on different schedules.
His mum’s message makes him yearn for the support system he used to have. Chan is fine, great even – probably his soulmate, actually– but he’s out an awful lot working and doing whatever else Chans do, the gym probably, helping old ladies across streets, that sort of thing.
Felix settles on sending some emojis, hoping to convey the same sentiment without actually having to express himself properly, lest he start crying on the bus.
As he gets off he spots some of his classmates mingling by the entrance to their building. For a moment he thinks about joining them but the way they’re standing in a circle makes them seem impenetrable. Felix falters before he quickens his steps. His mum’s words echo in his head, he’s just got to trust the process.
Felix notices Chan’s text when he gets out of his last dance lesson of the day.
Outside~
It was sent five minutes ago. Felix wonders whether Chan always knows where he is, if he’s got Felix’s schedule penciled into his calendar or if he’s just got a supernatural sense for timing. Either way, it puts a pep in his step as he rushes around the lockers and changing room in an effort to get ready as quickly as possible.
Chan is leaning against the wall outside the building, in his usual all black outfit. The other students give him a wide berth, probably on account of his outfit but Felix finds Chan comforting.
The outfit doesn’t betray how warm Felix knows Chan is, it’s not even really reflected on his face either, not from where Felix is watching. It’s nice that no one else here gets to know Chan the way Felix does, the way he knows Chan’s warmth.
Overcome with sudden affection Felix bounds over to Chan like an excitable dog. The only warning Felix gives Chan is a little noise of joy before he latches onto his arm. Chan nearly drops his phone but Felix can’t bring himself to feel bad. Especially not when Chan smiles indulgently at him, like he’s just as happy as Felix is to see him.
“Hello pup,” Chan says, Felix blushes furiously, secretly he thinks pup is a strange nickname but at the same time he’s pleased as punch whenever Chan uses it. It’s unique to them even in its strangeness. “Hi hyung,” Felix says, nuzzling his face into Chan’s shoulder to hide the worst of the blush.
Chan gently untangles Felix from his arm to wrap his arm around Felix’s shoulders. “Come on, let’s get food.”
The barbecue place would be nice, Felix thinks despondently. It could be really nice, if it weren’t for the fact that he has to let Chan do the grilling. Not that he had much choice, Chan had commandeered the tongs early on account of being Felix’s elder, nevermind Brian’s presence. Not that Brian has much to complain about. He’s a human vacuum and he is definitely more interested in eating than grilling and as long as Chan keeps going (and boy, does he keep going) he won’t complain.
Really the problem is the way Chan undercooks all the meat. Felix watches in abject horror as the beef he’d been looking forward to is mistreated. Chan barely lets it touch the grill before he picks it up again.
It’s spongy, tough, red and altogether inedible. He wonders who Brian and Chan are, eating like this.
Brian pokes his chopsticks at Felix’s plate, he’s got a hopeful smile on his face. He doesn’t even need to ask, Felix pushes his plate toward him. “Thank you!” He says brightly, Brian’s smile almost makes Felix’s nearly empty stomach worth it.
Chan makes a noise of discontent around the meat in his mouth, impatiently he holds out his hand gesturing to Felix’s plate. Reluctantly Felix hands it over. Chan goes and dumps more red meat on Felix’s plate.
Ugh.
Felix pokes at it, it couldn’t have been on the grill for more than four seconds, he picks it up with the chopstick and dumps it back on the grill. Politeness be damned.
“Wha-?” Barely chewed food nearly tumbles out of Chan’s mouth as he blinks at the meat and then at Felix like he can’t quite believe Felix’s audacity.
“I don’t have that kinda stomach,” Felix explains, casting a meaningful glance toward the meat which looks like it could walk out of the restaurant if directed to. Chan still looks confused. “The kind that can eat raw meat.” Like bears, wolves or lions. Animals, not humans with sensitive stomachs and missing enzymes for digestion.
“Oh!” Chan says, rubbing his neck sheepishly. “Sorry.” He pokes Felix’s meat with the tongs so that they’re neatly spread out for a thorough cooking. Pleased, Felix smiles at Chan’s efforts.
“Is this raw?” Brian asks, holding up one of the pieces of meat, looking at it critically like he can’t quite tell. It’s visibly red.
Chan looks at it for a moment before he shrugs, “Looks good to me.” The meat disappears in one, Felix vows to keep a close eye on his portion of the meal.
At the apartment Felix expects to see Chan collapse. After he had been done eating he’d started drooping dangerously, so much so that Felix had almost anticipated him falling face first into the grill.
Brian, on the other hand, had shown no signs of food fatigue. It's almost like he hadn't eaten at all. Neither his appetite nor his chipper attitude flagged once. And Felix had watched him put kilos of food away.
Brian had left after hugging both of them with a satisfied smile on his face. As well as a wallet that was several won lighter.
Felix had a hard time keeping the awe at Brian’s sheer skill off his face.
On the way home Felix has to insist on getting a taxi. Chan is so out of it that Felix has to hold him up using sheer will and every bit of muscle he has. Chan is Felix's height but the muscles hidden under his all black outfits, coupled with his stocky build, make him heavy.
Despite all that he’s reluctant to let Felix guide him into the back of the cab and he struggles against Felix’s hold. Felix has to use most of his strength to tug Chan into the backseat.
So it’s a surprise that Felix is now watching Chan as he’s hunched over his laptop, headphones on, typing furiously. Dimly, Felix wishes he had Chan’s work ethic. Chan’s always working and he’s got – for now– moderate success to show for it. Felix just knows that one day Chan will be successful in a way that he can’t fathom now, there is no other path for someone like Chan. The universe would be unusually cruel to not catapult Chan to the top of the music industry.
However, as much as he admires Chan he’s kind of bummed by this sudden turn of events. Felix lingers by the door, wishing Chan would still be droopy enough to be coerced into another couch cuddle. Especially since the day is now catching up to Felix making him lethargic, heavy limbed and fuzzy-headed.
Chan looks up, offering Felix a small smile. He pushes the headphones off his ears so that they awkwardly sit at the back of his head on top of his beanie. “Aww Lix,” He coos. “You look very tired.” He pats the space next to him, which Felix takes as an invitation which he gladly takes. Felix crawls onto the sofa until he’s as close as he possibly can be to Chan without crawling into his lap. Ever indulgent, Chan props the laptop up on his knees and settles backwards so that Felix can rest his head on his chest.
They sit like that for a moment; silent but comfortable.
Felix watches Chan as he answers emails, there are so many Felix wonders if Chan ever actually does any real producing. When, eventually Chan sends his last email and with a sigh he pushes the laptop to the side, free of obstacles Felix flings his leg over Chan’s lap.
Chan’s a good friend and lets him, he even pulls him a little closer. Felix revels in the close contact until Chan buries his nose in Felix’s hair and takes the most dramatic, deep inhale. It’s like he’s trying to see if he can suck up Felix’s hair with his nose to tickle his brain.
“Are you smelling me?”
“You smell nice,” Chan says, taking another exaggerated sniff. Felix can’t really imagine how he’d smell nice, after a day out dancing followed by a restaurant visit. Felix pulls his sleeve to his face to see what Chan is talking about. He gets a nose full of smokey, meaty, fried cotton, under it lingers the scent of Chan’s detergent. “I smell like barbecue.”
“Yeah, like I said –” He buries his nose in Felix’s shoulder. “– Nice.”
He shouldn’t have let Wooyoung talk him into this, Felix thinks as he drops inelegantly to the practice room floor. He hasn’t felt this unfit in a while, his chest is tight as he tries to catch his breath. To Felix’s satisfaction all the other boys are equally wiped out: San has monopolised the couch in the back and both Yeonjun and Haknyeon have collapsed in the chairs near it. Everyone else is on the floor like Felix.
Wooyoung is the only one left standing but it doesn’t look like he will be for long, like everyone else his hair is matted with sweat but unlike everyone he’s sporting a big smile, satisfied with his day. Felix is happy Wooyoung is happy but he wishes Wooyoung would’ve gone for a less involved choreography.
Felix can’t find it in himself to complain too much because it is a huge opportunity, Felix knows getting asked by your mentor to join him for a piece, especially one that he choreographed himself, for one of his showcases is a big deal. Secretly he’s sure Wooyoung only picked him because he’s light enough to do the big jump at the end, the one where he has to land on Wooyoung’s chest. They haven’t practiced that yet but Felix dreads it already.
“Good job, guys!” Wooyoung says, around a big gulp of air. He receives half-hearted cheers from the room. It had been a good job in Felix’s opinion, despite them being put together by Wooyoung’s instinctual insanity Felix sees a lot of synergy within the group. They were all incredibly strong dancers and in all honesty it makes Felix feel a tiny bit inferior.
They are his seniors, so obviously they have a head start with experience and they’ve got the confidence bonus of knowing the ropes a bit better than Felix. The thing that makes Felix feel like the real outsider is that they all know each other. He gets the backseat to their inside jokes and friendly banter, the things that he can’t quite keep up with.
Wooyoung drops the towel he’s holding onto his backpack and then mercifully, finally, turns off the music. “I’ve got the room for five more minutes, so we better pack up,” he says before unceremoniously collapsing onto the floor, doing nothing to pack up at all.
Felix takes his lead and stays where he is. Just for a moment longer, he tells himself, just until his legs won’t buckle under him if he tries to get up.
It takes four minutes for anyone to move, the first one is Haknyeon, then the other boys start moving, Felix takes his time getting up, grateful when San offers his hand to haul him up. Unfortunately, San overestimates the amount of strength he needs and Felix ends up nearly landing on the ground face first. He yelps, startled by the sudden change of position.
Thankfully San doesn’t let go but for a second he dangles from his own arm, like a ragdoll. “Aigoo!” San says, laughing, he pulls Felix up with ease. “Wooyoung certainly picked the right kid for the jump.”
Embarrassed, Felix pulls at his shoulder trying to ease the sting surreptitiously. “Yeah, I guess so.”
“Sannie!” Wooyoung yells, laughter in his voice. “Don’t make it sound like Bbokie is here to play flying chipmunk only.”
Felix feels a blush crawl up his neck, it’s nice to hear but it’s still embarrassing. San rubs the back of his neck, still smiling. “Sorry about that,” he says, sheepishly. “I didn’t mean it like that.” He says this in the direction of Wooyoung, to Felix in a lowered voice he adds, “I don’t think you are just a flying chipmunk.”
Felix smiles brightly. “I know! It’s okay, hyung.” San returns it, ruffling Felix’s hair. San is nice, Felix decides, sweet and goofy, he hopes he gets to see more of him.
Felix collects his stuff, happy to be done for the day and basking in the afterglow of Wooyoung’s compliment, however convoluted it may be. He decides to shower at home, it’s late already and all he wants is dinner, his own bathroom and maybe something to watch to fall asleep to.
San and Wooyoung wait by the door for him, they too have decided to forego changing here, nevermind showering. As soon as he’s close enough Wooyoung puts a warm hand on the back of Felix’s neck. He squeezes Felix lightly and leaves it there, the solid weight of the gesture sends a pleasant shiver down Felix’s spine.
He can only imagine the sweat that Wooyong must feel there and he admires how little Wooyoung cares.
“You wanna meet Seonghwa-hyung, Lix?” San asks, excitedly, he bounces on the balls of his feet. Felix, impressed by San’s boundless energy, hopes he will get his second wind soon, so that the walk home won’t be the end of him.
Wooyoung scoffs like San’s question is ridiculous, “Of course he does!” He exclaims, his hand still on Felix’s neck as Wooyoung is guiding him. “He’s waiting outside, he’s real smart, he studies psychology.”
“I thought he was studying law?” San asks.
“Law?!”
Felix tunes out the squabble that ensues, just happy to be there. By the time they reach Seonghwa (who is clad in all black and impressively pretty, Felix is reminded of a bird) they’ve cycled through all the smart sounding majors and come to an agreement on medicine.
Seonghwa is less than impressed with their findings. “I study child development,” he says, drily but with the air of someone who has long since resigned himself to who Wooyoung and San are.
Wooyoung cheers, delighted. “Oh! So I was right!”
This sets them off again, Felix and Seonghwa watch as the other two begin to discuss the key difference of psychology and child development.
Seonghwa sighs deeply, used to it but somehow disappointed anyway. His attention lands on Felix, he smiles brightly at him, his whole sharp face is transformed into something much softer.
It makes Felix feel very warm, it’s so comforting. “Felix, right?” Felix nods, hair flopping into his eyes as he does a little bow. “I’ve heard so much about you.”
“Oh?” Felix can only imagine the things Wooyoung says about him and comes up with.
“Only good things, I promise!” Seonghwa glances at Wooyoung like he’s trying to get confirmation but he’s still very much engaged with arguing his case. “He definitely wasn't exaggerating how cute you are!”
Felix blushes before Seonghwa is even done speaking, overcome with awful embarrassment he ducks his head. “Ahh~” Suddenly tuned into the conversation Wooyoung reaches out to pinch Felix’s cheek.
Seonghwa visibly melts and like he too can’t help himself reaches out to give Felix’s cheek a squeeze. Jesus Christ.
Felix lets it happen on account of not knowing what he’s supposed to do to stop it. It’s not exactly uncomfortable either, if he’s honest with himself.
Wooyoung lets go first but Seonghwa pinches once more before he pulls his hand away. Felix reaches up to rub the sting away. “Are they treating you well? Do they take care of you? You can tell hyung if they aren’t.”
“Hyung~” Wooyoung exclaims, offended. San makes a noise that conveys a mortal offense committed. “We would never mistreat our Bbokie!” He says, a hand over his heart. San clambers to wrap Felix up in a hug from behind. “Yeah! We’d never,” San agrees, fervently.
Felix smiles at their antics. As politely as he can he says, “They’re treating me really well, hyung, you don’t have to worry.”
“Oh no,” Seonghwa says, stricken he grabs Felix’s hands. “We need to adopt him!”
Wooyoung clicks his fingers, “San and Son!” He exclaims like it’s a revelation.
Laughing, Felix says, “I don’t think my mom would like that.”
“Pfft.” Wooyoung waves him off. “I think we can make a compelling case.”
“I don’t doubt it,” Felix can only imagine what they’d present his mom with, it’d be pure chaos and in the end his mom wouldn't even know that she’d signed over parental rights to a twenty-something.
Seonghwa squeezes his hands, they’re pleasantly warm, “Do you need a ride home? It’s very late for you to be roaming the streets, I can drop you off if you want.”
It’s a tempting offer, it’d be nice not to have to take the bus for once but Felix has his heart set on convenience store snacks and he can’t ask Seonghwa to make a pit stop somewhere. “Oh hyung, that’s very kind but I really don’t think that’s necessary.”
“So polite!” San says into Felix’s ear. He's still hanging on, though he could rest on Felix fully he’s holding himself up remarkably well.
“Are you sure?” Seonghwa seems genuinely concerned and Felix almost wants to take his offer just to ease his worry.
But snacks…”It’s really alright, I’ll be okay, the bus stop is close to my house.”
“Okay,” He says. “Do you have everyone’s number, so you can text if something goes wrong?”
“Yes hyung, really,” Felix squeezes Seonghwa’s hands to reassure him. “I’ll be just fine.”
Felix comes out of the convenience store several won lighter but happy with his choices. It’s very dark now and the air is so crisp that Felix pulls his hands into his coat sleeves. The plastic bag full of snacks dangles on his fingers and hits his thigh every time he walks but that’s far better than losing his fingers to Korean frost.
The weather had turned to bitter cold far too quickly, Felix barely had time to overcome his Australian sensibilities and as result spends a lot of time bitterly cold.
Felix almost regrets turning Seonghwa down. He definitely would be more comfortable in a car, hell, he would be home now. But then he would not have gotten his snacks. So braving the cold is going to be worth it later when he gets to enjoy them in the warmth of his home. Felix braces himself against the stiff autumn breeze and hurries down the street with his face turned toward the ground.
It’s not nearly as deserted as he would expect considering the hour and cold of the night. There are men lingering, drinks in hand or, judging by their stumbling, already drunk. Felix gives them a wide berth. He’s learned his lesson before and he does not want to get roped into chatty, weird conversations with any of them.
Perhaps, he’s being too cautious but he decides only one headphone is best, just in case. He’s not quite sure what case he’s thinking of but better to be safe than sorry.
Felix picks up speed until suddenly he's knocked over, he falls clean to the ground because something big, furry and solid hits him in the middle.
In his disorientation Felix has a hard time finding his bearings, he lies on the ground for a second listening to one of the ahjussi across the street yell obscenities. At first he thinks it’s directed at him but when he clears his head enough to actually sit up he realises that the man is cursing at a dog.
“Oh!” Felix says, startled, the dog is fairly big, unkempt even. It’s fur is matted and it’s hot breath smells of – there is no nice way of saying this – garbage. If the size isn’t intimidating, the bad breath is enough to have Felix on edge. He tries to pull away a little, just in case the dog is feral, but because he’s still on the ground he can only go so far.
Even though it had been in a neck-break rush, the dog now sits attentively by Felix’s leg, panting like he’s a pet. The ahjussi is still cursing in the background but the dog is completely unfazed, he’s got his eyes on Felix and Felix alone and to Felix’s confusion the dog looks positively amused.
The amusement is nearly human, it’s odd and unsettling on a dog’s face.
Now, Felix isn’t afraid of dogs, usually, but the more Felix looks at this dog the more aware he is of its sheer size. Its size is coupled with a face that has the markings of a puppy. The huge paws – good for pouncing, Felix thinks – are a good indicator that this bear of a dog isn’t anywhere near finished growing but the face gives the impression that the puppy is not quite done growing yet.
As if sensing Felix’s discomfort the dog flops down onto its belly, paws touching Felix’s leg, whimpering pitifully. Soft as he is he can feel his heart break, tentatively Felix reaches out to offer the dog his hand for sniffing.
Physically the dog looks fine, Felix doesn’t spot any open wounds, so Felix has to guess what the problem is. “Are you hungry?”
The dog’s ears perk up considerably. With shaky hands Felix pulls apart his tangled up bag looking for the sausages he’s bought, it’s the only thing on him that he thinks is remotely dog safe. The dog wags its tail as soon as Felix pulls the sausage out, recognising the package. Marketing really is pervasive.
Felix starts to peel the wrapping off, across the street the ahjussi gets louder and louder. “Do not feed that beast!” He yells, Felix turns around to see him hurrying across the road, broom in hand. Frightened for himself and the dog Felix tries to finally get up on his feet but before he can the dog leaps over his legs. The dog postures like it means to attack the shop owner, growling and barking like it’s possessed.
The growls reverberate through Felix’s body, freezing him in his place on the ground. He had wanted to feed the thing, a surefire way of losing a hand or at least some fingers. Despite that when the shopkeeper goes to swing at the puppy Felix lunges forward onto his knees, ready to intercept.
Felix moving sets the dog more on edge, it starts to growl even louder if possible. The man hesitates for a moment, broom still raised to strike. He looks from the dog, who is ready to pounce, to Felix who must look very pathetic.
Irritated, he sighs before lowering the broom halfway. “Look brat,” He says to Felix, the dog barks once offended on Felix’s behalf. “We can’t feed every dog, especially not the feral ones, this one needs putting down not snacks.” The dog growls again, it does little to dissuade the ‘being feral’ accusation.
Still, Felix feels compelled to make a case for the dog. “Oh but–”
“No buts!” The man snaps, he points a finger at Felix and wags it scoldingly. “Don’t let me catch you feeding this mutt!” He raises the broom again but just as he goes to strike the dog leaps forward and snaps at the man’s ankles. He only gets his teeth into the jeans but it’s enough for the ahjussi to yell in fright. The dog lets go and the man makes a run for it.
Felix watches as he runs across the street into his store only to then barricade himself, broom still in hand. Perhaps it’s dumb but it makes Felix snort a laugh.
The noise makes the dog turn around and cock his head cutely at Felix. It’s jarring, the difference in demeanour, especially on a dog this scary.
Felix backs away, he tries his best not to set the dog off again. In his hand he is still clutching the sausages, for a moment he considers listening to the shopkeeper. But when the dog is back to wagging its tail Felix doesn't have it in him to deny it.
He would probably be a spicy puppy too if he was on the streets fending for himself. It’s a bit of a no-brainer for Felix to unwrap the sausage after all. Shopkeeper and fear be damned.
The sausage is gone before Felix has fully processed the fact that he’s unwrapped it. The dog pushes onto Felix’s leg, huge grimy paws leaving behind all of Seoul’s germs as he eats. It's hot breath hits Felix again, that coupled with the sausage smell only makes it worse, it makes him want to gag.
But Felix is pinned now, there is no way to move, all he can do is mouth-breathe until either he’s used to the smell or until the dog decides he’s next on the menu. And honestly, Felix hopes he’s next on the menu just because the smell is becoming so unbearable.
He decides to try simple reasoning...with the feral dog. “Hey...um..puppy?” It blinks at Felix with so much intelligence that he just feels like he has to take his shot. “Do you think you could get off me? You’re kinda heavy.” The dog blinks once more and then does the exact opposite.
In the blink of an eye Felix has got dog-tongue all over his face. It drags it’s tongue across every bit of exposed skin it can reach.
“Uh-aah!” Felix exclaims, in vain he tries to push the dog off but it doesn’t budge until it has given Felix a full tongue bath. Mercifully it lets up eventually and Felix takes his chance and scrambles up back on his feet.
“Thanks, I guess,” Felix mutters, using his sleeve to wipe off hot-garbage-breath-slobber. The dog yips, not even a hint of remorse in sight. “Listen,” Felix says, like the dog is a real person. “I gotta go home now.”
Again Felix feels as though the dog can understand him but simply chooses not to. It latches onto Felix’s sleeve with its teeth as if it's trying to make Felix stay, Felix’s heart breaks again.
He could probably take it home, Chan most likely wouldn’t mind and it would only be until they could find it a better home, one with a big garden and people with high tolerances for hot-garbage breath. “Do you wanna come home with me, puppy?”
It’s like the dog didn’t think it would get this far, like it’s startled it lets go of Felix’s sleeve, yips once and then hightails down an alley.
“Wait!” Felix calls but it’s out of sight and probably earshot so quickly Felix doesn’t stand a chance. Dumbfounded, he stands in the middle of the street, suddenly freezing again.
If it weren’t for the dog-breath smell and the sausage wrapper still in his hand he’d think it was all a dream.
Felix stumbles through the door of his apartment, happy to be welcomed by warmth. It almost feels like the dog stink is still lingering on him. Maybe he’s being overly sensitive but he feels it clinging to the inside of his nose.
Gross.
He shrugs off his coat and lets it drop to the floor unceremoniously. He’ll pick it up later. Maybe.
The shoes are the real struggle; his numb fingers render him completely unable to even really grasp his shoelaces. The laces keep slipping out of his stiff grip because he can’t feel them at all. In the end he settles for pushing the shoes off with his heel.
Most of the lights are off so Chan is either out or in bed already. There is a singular lamp on, by the couch, Chan always does this when he knows Felix is coming in late. And vice versa, if Felix is honest the lamp is never not on.
Felix had hopes that Chan would still be up. Either so that he could get a cuddle in before he falls into bed or to tell him about the dog. He isn't sure he will believe himself tomorrow if he doesn’t tell the dog story today. In fact he isn't even sure if he believes himself right now.
As he picks up the bag of snacks, which he plans to eat in bed, he hears rapid footsteps from down the hall. It’s like he’s being called upon by a higher force; Chan stumbles out of his room into the hallway. He's wrapped in a blanket, beanie peeking out, looking unfairly cosy.
But despite the cosiness Chan looks on edge, his eyebrows are drawn and he’s scowling. “Are you okay, Felix?” He shuffles closer like he is expecting something bad.
“Eh,” Felix says, eloquently.
“What’s wrong?” Concerned, Chan leans over to flick the lights on. The sudden flood of light has Felix blinking rapidly, through it he says, “Nothing, really.”
Felix doesn’t have to see it to know that Chan quirks one eyebrow in disbelief. Chan makes a gesture as if to ‘go on’.
“Um, can I get a hug first?” Felix asks, hopeful. Chan being Chan, doesn’t even hesitate, his blanket falls into a heap on the floor and his arms come up to embrace Felix. The moment Felix is close enough to smell Chan physically recoils. And Felix? Felix feels himself tearing up.
It’s so stupid but he’s tired and he’s cold and that dog did a number on him. He’s a little fragile, okay?
“Ah no!” Chan says but he doesn’t make a move to come closer. “Don’t cry, it’s just...you kinda stink.”
That does it. Hot tears well up in Felix’s eyes, a sob catches in his throat. He tries to swallow around it but it’s so big it’s impossible. Helplessly, he lets go.
“There was a dog!” He exclaims, through a stupid sob. “He knocked me over!” He can’t get anything else out but Chan finally takes pity; he reaches out and places a comforting hand on Feilx’s shoulder.
“Hey, hey,” he says, trying to soothe but Felix can’t stop. “Hey!” Chan sounds actually concerned now, Felix can’t tell through the curtain of tears but he’s probably wearing his problem solving face. Chan’s grip on his shoulder tightens.
Felix does his best to blink away some of the tears, to no avail. Desperate, he looks up, tries to make his tears go away that way.
Mercifully, Chan waits him out patiently. When he finally gets to the point where he isn’t sobbing like a little kid anymore he manages to make eye-contact. Chan looks very serious, his lips are pressed in a thin line and his eyes keep scanning Felix’s body like he’s looking for something.
”Did that dog…” He pauses to take a deep breath. “Did the dog hurt you?” Sniffling, Felix shakes his head no. Chan deflates like he’s relieved.
“How about a warm shower, huh?” All Felix can do is nod, a shower does sound good. Gently, he’s taken by the elbow and led down the hallway, Felix follows along like he’s in a haze, he barely registers Chan leaving and coming back to hand him clothes and a towel.
It’s only when he stands under the hot stream of the shower, when it pounds onto his back that he comes to himself. The embarrassment of his overreaction is a cold shock.
He feels a little silly, it was just a dog after all.