Chapter 1: Can't wait to be king
Chapter Text
"It's been three years since the last time we came here together," Gendo said looking at the empty grave. "Do you want to know why your mother died?"
Shinji looked at his father, visibly surprised.
"It was your fault! You killed her!"
"What? No… no… it can't be my fault… I was only a child."
"It was your fault Shinji. You only screw things up at the end and make people suffer. It's in your nature. It would be better for everyone if you just disappear."
After hearing those words, Shinji turned away and left the graveyard running, without looking back. Gendo kept staring at the frightened boy until he was out of his sight.
"That's right Shinji! Run! Run away from your destiny!"
Shinji ran several miles without caring about the direction he was going, with only one thing in his mind: he would never go back to Tokyo-3. The sun was almost setting when the boy found himself in an unknown place, a grassy area outside of the town.
But he was surprised to see a familiar sight. Two boys were camping in a nearby glade.
"Yo Shin-man! Nice to see you."
"Hey Shinji! Glad you still remember our camping spot."
"Toji… Kensuke… I… I have to go. My father he… I can't face him anymore. I will leave this town".
"Whoa… wait man. Take it easy. You should at least sit with us for a little while and think about Kensuke's philosophy."
"Kensuke's… philosophy?"
"Yes Shinji. My philosophy is based in an old saying that means 'no worries for the rest of your days'. It's a problem-free philosophy."
"Well… it's sound to good to be true… but…. I guess I will give a try."
"You will like it. We even have a song."
After some hours of talking and singing with his friends, Shinji was feeling happy, having forgotten his worries about his father, Eva, and of all the thoughts that were hurting him. That philosophy seems to be really great.
Everything was fine, until he was brutally tackled to the ground. He tried to fight off his aggressor, but failed and got pinned to the ground.
Even if it was already dark, he managed to recognize a girl in a green dress with beautiful and familiar face, looking straight at him with a look of reproval and sadness.
"A-asuka?"
"It's the Red Devil! Run for your lives!"
"Wait Kensuke We can't leave Shin-man alone with that…"
An icy glare from Asuka made clear to the boys that she had serious business with her fellow pilot and would not allow any interventions in their private conversation.
"SHINJI! YOU IDIOT! Where had you been? Are you trying to run away again?"
"W-wait… Asuka… why are you here? I thought you had a date today."
"Well, I did have one, baka-Shinji, and I was enjoying it very much 'Not really. In fact, I was just looking for an excuse to dump the guy and leave that boring place'… but then Misato called and told me that Section Two reported that you went missing. She asked me for help to find your lazy-ass, and you know that Asuka Langley Sohryu never fails on a mission."
'Asuka did that? For me? No… she was just following orders and probably only thinks that I'm a burden. My father was right, I always make people suffer because of my acts.'
"Hey baka, listen to me. I don't know why you did that and I'm really mad at you but I'm also glad that…. oh, forget it. Just promise me that you won't do that again."
"I can't promise that…"
Asuka looked at him with a savage glare that could melt steel and was about to yell at him, but the boy managed to speak first.
"But I promise that I will try… for you."
The girl looked at the boy confused, suddenly having lost all of the rage and forgetting about the barrage of insults that she was just about to drop at him.
"Hey Asuka… by the way, how did you find me so quickly? Neither Misato or the people from Section Two were able to find me."
The girl blushed. "Well… it's not because I'm stalking you, tracking your phone or something like that, you idiot… I guess I… just had luck. Either way, don't you dare to do that again ok? I won't forgive you!"
"Yeah. Sorry."- Shinji said with a smile.
At that moment they stared into each other eyes and realized that they were in a compromising position, with her laying above him pinning his back on the floor and with both of her hands keeping a firm grip on his arms.
They both blushed, but neither made any attempt to move their bodies from that awkward position and continued to stare deeply at each other eyes.
'I have so many things to tell her… but how to make her see the truth about my past? Impossible! She'd turn away from me.'
'He's holding back, he's hiding. But what, I can't decide. Why won't he be the great hero I know he is. The invincible Shinji I see inside?'
Both pilots were lost in their own thoughts and failed to notice that their lips started to move towards each other's.
Meanwhile, the two boys who were staring at the scene in silence suddenly started to whisper to each other.
"Hey Toji… I can see what's happening."
"What?"
"And they don't have a clue."
"Who?"
"They'll fall in love and here's the bottom line - our trio's down to two."
"Oh."
"And if he falls in love tonight… it can be assumed."
"It means that… his carefree days with us are history."
Toji and Kensuke looked into each other and sighed: "In short… Our pal is doomed."
Art by Silvermoonlight. I love to read her amazing stories :)
Chapter 2: Going the distance
Chapter Text
Asuka was down for the count.
A replica of the Longinus spear had surpassed the AT-Field and damaged her Eva's left eye, making the redhead girl feel an intense pain because of her high synchronization rate.
Unit 02 become inert because the power battery had reached it's time limit, while the Eva series had regenerated and started to eat the inner organs of the red Evangelion, making the girl inside feels like she was being eaten alive.
The girl, however, refused to give up and extended her right arm towards the sky.
"I will kill you! I will kill you!"
Somewhere else, the most powerful men of the planet were laughing, confident of their victory.
"It is over, gentlemen" - said the voice of the man identified as Seele 01 - "To be honest, I didn't expected that this pilot would be able to put up some resistance. But she is just an amateur. Despite the potential, she never was an elite pilot and never will be. Victory is ours."
Meanwhile, in the Geofront, Evangelion Unit 01 was still stuck and trapped by a huge amount of Bakelite.
Its pilot could do nothing but cry while hearing the desperate shouts of Maya and the rest of the Nerv crew narrating the outcome of the brutal battle. Until Maya's voice changed its tune.
"Wait… what is happening? Eva-02 is getting up? Beserker? Synchronization rate is over 100%! She is back. Asuka is back!"
The soldiers of the JSSDF stopped their attack for a while by hearing the thunderous roar of Evangelion Unit 02.
Everybody on the command center of the Geofront could only stare in awe on the screen as the red giant was back on its feet, looking at the Eva series with its remaining functional eye while removing the replica of the Longinus spear from the damaged one.
"One... more... round" - said the struggling Asuka Langley Sohryu.
The fight wasn't over.
"I don't know if you guys are with me here, but I think that this round went to Asuka. Come on Asuka! You can do it! Remember, this pain is not real." - Maya's voice echoed into the radio channel that by Fuyutsuki's orders was now being transmitted in a open broadcast frequency, which made the JSDDF soldiers receive an order to cease fire from the central command.
Even if it was being massively outmatched by its opponents during the fight, the red unit and its pilot refuses to throw the towel.
"No pain... no pain." - were the only words that Asuka was able to say during the battle, like they were a motto to make her keep going.
People stared in awe as the fight between Evangelion Unit 02 and the Eva series was still in progress for over half an hour since the red giant went berserk.
Nerv's crew used that time to regroup, aid the wounded and count the causalities. They discovered that Misato Katsuragi, Ritusko Akagi and Gendo Ikari were killed during the battle. Rei Ayanami whereabouts were unknown and the still traumatized Shinji Ikari was found in the cages.
Somewhere else, the most powerful men of the planet were annoyed by this unexpected turn of events.
"Keel... what is happening? Even our allies are starting to root for Nerv. The scenario is getting out of control." - said the man identified as Seele 04, soon followed by the other members of the council.
Seele 01 then pushed some buttons and his angry voice was transmitted to the battlefield.
"Listen to me, bunch of useless freaking robots! Stop embarrassing us! Finish the damn job!"
The Eva series stopped for a while, looking towards the sky with a threatening look, and closed their communication channel.
Suddenly, all the men hidden behind the Seele's monoliths were silenced and scared, as they realized that they weren't in control anymore.
The Eva series were now fighting for no one but themselves.
After almost one hour of an intense battle, the red giant and the nine white monsters were at their limits, barely being able to move.
Then, in a feat based purely on a superhuman willpower, the red Evangelion started to punch each of the mass-produced Eva series in their core, until they all collapsed on the floor for good.
"It is over. In a shocking turn of events, Asuka in the Eva Unit 2 did the impossible and defeated the Eva series." - said Maya's excited voice between tears of joy through the radio, while people in the Geofront started to celebrate Nerv's biggest win ever.
After using all of her remaining willpower to move the Evangelion back to to the Geofront, Asuka climbed out of her entry plug only to see a crowd of people from Nerv and JSSDF applauding and cheering her.
She was in a really bad shape after the battle, with massive damage in her left eye and in her right arm, also felling pain and exhaustion take over all over her body.
But, even in that state, she was able to spot a shy boy trying to move past the crowd and calling her name.
"Asuka!"
She climbed down, ignoring the pain and trying to avoid people to stop her from moving towards the boy.
"Shinji?"
"Asuka!"
"SHINJI!"
"Asuka!"
The girl embraced the boy, collapsing on his arms.
"Yo Shinji…. I did it."
Chapter 3: Your destiny may keep you warm
Chapter Text
Shinji woke up screaming again, until he realized where he was and sighed.
"The stars are... fading away? Oh... this is a familiar ceiling. So, it was all in vain again."
"Just try not to worry, you'll see them someday." –the voice of the always smiling Kaworu Nagisa made Shinji realize that he was right. He has failed again. He was, once more, laying alone in the same beach, looking at the desolated scenario and the red sea.
"I guess that this loop also didn't go well, eh Shinji-kun? How bad was it this time?"
"I would give it a 4 out of 10, I guess."
"Wow! Congratulations Shinji-kun! This means that this was one of your best tries of the last few thousand times. Good enough to enter your top 100, overall."
Shinji stared with a mean glare until he was able to see Kaworu's form standing floating above the red sea. He knew that the angel wasn't trying to be sarcastic with his comments, but that didn't help at all.
"Kaworu just…. Cut it off and leave me alone, ok?"
"But Shinji-kun, you know that I can't. Also, you understand me as well as I understand you. After all, I'm also stuck in that perpetual time loop, trying to help you and failing every single time."
The boy sighed again.
"No. We are different. You are an Angel and I'm a Lilim. You should be glad that you don't have free will, so you won't ever feel what I feel. The guilty and frustration of knowing that I always fail and I'm not able to change things not because it's my destiny, but because of my own dumb choices. I'm a total failure."
"Oh… that was kinda mean Shinji-kun. It makes me sad to know that you think about it that way." – said the angel without altering his voice or the smile in his face.
If Shinji was still able to cry, he would let the tears flown. The pain of knowing that he always will manage to hurt the people that are close to him, because of his own incompetence of making things right, was unbearable. But Shinji wasn't able to cry anymore. Not since about several hundreds of thousands of time loops ago.
"Ikari-kun. I'm sorry to interrupt, but I must ask you again the same question. Do you want to try again?"
Shinji looked around in the direction of the source of this new voice and he saw the image of Rei Ayanami materializes over the red sea.
He had answer to that question an infinite number of times. In his firsts thousands of tries, he answered her with a loud and clear "YES!" in a strangely confident way, motivated by the belief that if he had another chance, he would fix everything. But he can't even remember that feeling anymore. The truth is: he was still doing it only because nobody told him to stop, after all.
"Yes, Rei. Just give me another few minutes and I will try again."
"I really think you should stop." – the girl said with a louder voice, making both the boy and the angel stare at her in surprise. It was the first time that Rei have questioned Shinji's decision.
"You really think so? Don't worry. It's fine. I've already given up on trying to make everything perfect or saving everyone, but I guess that if I try again maybe I…."
"You won't ever be able to be happy, make her happy and be together with her at the same time."
"And you think I don't know that?" – Shinji spatted back at the girl, in anger, in an unusual display of raw emotion.
The only three sentient beings in the world looked at each other, without saying anything.
"Rei… you know that it would be everything I've ever dreamed… but you also know that I've already given up of achieving that. I would be glad just knowing that she would able to be truly happy."
"Yes. We know the sacrifices that you've made for her, Shinji-kun." Kaworu said with his ever-smiling face, which made the faintest of blushes come into the blue haired girl cheeks.
Shinji felt the sadness and those disgusting feelings of pain and jealousy overcome him.
He really tried to do everything imaginable to ensure her happiness. But in all of the times that they've got together, she would got hurt or died in some horrible way. Or got fates even worse than death.
So, he started to push her into falling in love with other persons. Kensuke, Toji, Kaworu… even Mari, Hikari or Rei sometimes. But it wasn't enough. His own existence... his mere presence in her life seemed to make impossible for her to ever forget him and be able to move on and achieve true happiness. And because of those feelings, she would eventually get badly hurt too.
He went even so far as trying to stop himself from being born sometimes. But then their fathers would've given birth to Yui Ichijo, and this girl's relationship with Asuka also wouldn't result in a happy ending for them, because piloting Eva would always….
The boy suddenly had an epiphany. That was it. For the first time in what seems to be an eternity, a new scenario started to form in his mind.
.
Shinji woke up, feeling a warm and comfortable presence, although feeling a little different. He was… smaller.
"Shinji. Get up, sleepyhead. Look, I need you to wait here." – said Yui while putting him at a playpen.
"Mom and Dad have to speak with some people over here about adult stuff. But don't be sad. It seems that you've got a cute little friend here. Be kind to her, ok?"
There was her. A toddler Asuka, who was barely over two years old, was looking at him with a curious glance on her face. She tried to say, in Japanese, "I'm Asuwka. Chawmed, huh?"
Shinji looked at her, without responding, gathering the strength to make the most difficult thing that he would ever do.
"You got no tongue? Aunta bawka?"
Shinji approached her and whispered into Asuka's ear, with perfect and clear words, in plain German and with a voice full of venom.
"I hate you! My mom will create a robot that will kill your mama and will leave you alone."
An scared Asuka quickly got away from the boy and started to cry and yell for her mama.
Kyoko stopped talking with Yui and Gendo and ran to embrace the little girl.
"What happened, Schatzen?"
As the crying girl started to tell her mother what the mean boy had said to her, Kyoko's eyes went wide, like she had made a big realization.
Shinji, in an inaudible way, mumbled: "Good bye, Asuka."
.
.
Get up!
(get up?)
Come on!
(come on…)
Why're you scared?
(I'm not scared)
Shinji suddenly woke up.
"An unfamiliar ceiling?"
He realized that he was his teenager self again, standing on a crowded train, listening to an unknown track on his SDAT device.
He also realized that he had woke up just in time, since he has to disembark in the next station.
As he prepared to leave the train, he started to think about this life.
His plan had worked.
Based on the information that Kaji provided him, it seems like Kyoko had discovered the truth about Yui's plot and left the Evangelion project for the sake of her daughter.
So, Asuka never got involved with the Evangelion project and probably was living a happy life with her mama in Germany, having already finished college at the age of 13.
He was glad. He has succeeded in removing both of her constant sources of pain - Eva and himself - from her life, without changing any of the other main events regarding the Dead Sea Scrolls.
But, of course, he would fail in other simpler tasks.
He was able to win the battles against the angels, mostly on his own.
Until Arael broke his mind, forcing him to remember all of his past failures and loops, leaving him almost catatonic and unable to pilot.
After that, Rei had to sacrifice herself to beat Armisael.
They weren't able to be brought him back to life because Ritsuko panicked earlier than expected and destroyed her clone vessels, also killing herself in the process.
That event also leaded to Gendo's suicide, since he wouldn't be able to fulfill his scenario anymore.
With Gendo's dismissal, Seele took the matters into their own hands earlier, striking at Nerv at the same moment that Kaworu was introduced as a new pilot to replace Rei.
Fortunately, Kaworu's curiosity about the Lilim and his angelic powers were able to get Shinji out of his despicable state.
Also, this time, the last angel had decided to fight alongside Nerv forces against the Eva series, sacrificing himself to destroy at least four of the white beasts and stunning the others.
Then, by activating its self-destruct mechanism powered by the S2 engine, Unit 01 was able to finish the job in an amazing blast, as Misato and Kaji were making their own heroic sacrifice to ensure the destruction of Seele's main base that contained the Dead Sea Scrolls and other crucial information about Adam and Lilith.
In the aftermath, Fuyutsuki was among the causalities on Nerv's side.
So, there were no more active Evangelion units in the world and neither any person alive who could understand enough of their nature to be able to recreate those beasts again.
The body of the pilot of Evangelion Unit 01 was never found, and its status is still reported as "missing in action".
Without any place to go, and without any desire of revealing his true identity to the world, Shinji decided to live and take care of Kaji's secret watermelon farm.
The place had a nice house and decent supply of money and resources and it would be a nice place for him to live alone in peace for the rest of his days, even though he would eventually have to go to the city to get some supplies.
.
.
The train arrived at the station. As Shinji was disembarking from the crowded train, he heard a plea for help.
By reflex, he grabbed a girl's hand and pulled her out of the train, allowing her to disembark safely.
"Thanks! You've really saved me this time."
He looked at the girl's face. Her gorgeous red hair. Her beautiful blue eyes. Her mouth that he had kissed so many times in so many different timelines. An infinity of memories passed through his head.
"But hm... For how long are you going to hold my hand?"
"Sorry." – the boy said while releasing the girl's hand as he turned his back on her and started to walk away.
As the tears started to fall off his face, he could only concentrate on the song that was playing on his SDAT.
Just take what you need, and be on your way. And stop crying your heart out.
Meanwhile, unnoticed by him, the girl kept staring at his back, with a curious glance on her face.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
After credits scene.
Floating over the red sea, Kaworu was staring at the events that were happening in a different universe, until he felt that his body and soul were starting to disappear.
"Wow… that's really how it ends?"
Rei Ayanami was at his side, also starting to disappear.
"While you and Ikari-kun were doing your time loops, I went forward in space-time. To view alternate futures. To see all the possible outcomes and scenarios where everything that Ikari-kun ever dreamed could be achieved."
"And what did you realize?" – Kaworu asked before being completely reduced to dust.
"That this was the only way." – Rei said before being fading into nothingness.
Chapter 4: Downside Up
Chapter Text
Shinji Ikari's life has not been an easy one.
His dad abandoned him when he was 5 years old, sending him to live with his sensei, after the incident that took the life of his mother, Yui Ikari.
Most of the time he was alone, studying, playing the Cello, helping his sensei with the house chores and reading his RPG books.
But he wasn't alone. Even if they were far away, there were two people that cared for him.
Kyoko, a friend of his mother, had opted to leave the Evangelion project for the sake of her daughter after Yui's incident.
But the woman made a vow to keep in touch with Yui's son, who she knew that won't have the chance to get away from his cursed destiny.
The half-german woman made a secret deal with Shinji's sensei, sending him letters from time to time and even arranged a secret radio frequency that allowed him to speak with her daughter, Asuka.
Asuka.
The girl's voice was as sweet as her words were harsh. But that was what he loved the most about her. She always managed to fill him up with energy and motivation, propelling him to always try to do better.
It wasn't a surprise that he grew to be attached and in love with this girl, even if he knew that it was meaningless.
This girl had such an interesting life, was so beautiful and lived in the other side of the Earth. It was just a matter of time until she grew up and started to hang out with her real life friends, instead of talking to him. And once she decided to hook up with one of the several boys that frequently asked her for dates, she would forget about him, for sure.
So it was a big surprise for him when, in December 4th of 2014, he finally met Kyoko and Asuka in person.
Kyoko told him that Asuka really wanted to celebrate her birthday in Japan, "But definitely not because of him!" -Asuka intervened - "I just want to see the amusement parks of Japan and this idiot can be my personal guide".
It was the best day of his life. He had lots of fun, despite of the long waiting lines. It also felt awesome to kiss the girl of his dreams, even if it was a little awkward to do this while she was pinching his nose because his breath was tickling her. But he gladly endured that procedure for several times.
Once the day was over, Kyoko had brought Shinji back to his sensei's house.
Kyoko asked to have a serious talk with him, in private, before leaving.
Fortunately, she wasn't worried about the date he just had with his daughter. But he had to promise Kyoko that he wouldn't, EVER, mention anything about his father works to Asuka, or she would ensure that he would not ever be able to see her daughter again.
A few months latter, he received a letter from his father. And shortly after that, he had the strangest day of his life so far, being asked to to pilot a giant robot to fight against a monster that looked like one of those Eldritch Abominations from his RPG's books.
But nothing was stranger than to live with Captain Misato Katsuragi and a penguin as his roommates.
"So, Shinji… tell me how was your first day at school here in Tokyo-3. The girls gave you much trouble? I think they did. Well, you should enjoy it. It's a nice bonus of being an Eva pilot."
"M-misato-san…. Please stop saying those kinds of things. I'm not interested."
"Oh… you mean that…"
"NO! It's not like that…. It's just… that I… kind of… have a girlfriend."
"Really? Tell me about her."
"W-well… she is 13 years old… she is very pretty, like a model… she has a gorgeous red hair… she is really smart too. I think she just got a college level degree."
"Okaaay…. Sure thing Shinji-kun, sure thing…. I got your point… I won't tease you anymore on this subject, you can drop the act."
"What? No... I mean… oh... you don't believe in me right, Misato-san?"
"Wark, wakr, wark!" - Shinji could swear that the penguin was mocking him.
"Shinji it's…. well, never mind. Let's have some dinner, right?" – she said, searching the freezer for a Yebisu to try to change the subject while laughing at the story that the kid have just told her right now.
Some weeks latter
"Ok. I'm inside of the Jet Alone. But I can't turn it off. The password for stopping it is in a foreign language. The key-word is HÓFFNUNG but the instructions says that I have to translate it for our language before entering the password." - said Misato from the radio channel
Ritsuko voice echoed on her radio from the command center. "Copy that Captain? Maya, get that information from the MAGI."
"Sempai! The MAGI is not responding. It seems that our network is down."
"What? How could it be? Code red! Does anyone here have a f…ing dictionary?"
"Misato-san! I know someone who can help us." - said Shinji from the communcation channel of Eva 01.
"Shinji! Really… it's not the time for you to try to brag about your imaginary girlfriend."
"Trust me Misato-san! Switching radio communications to frequency LAS0102S2... Asuka, are you there?"
From the other side of the planet, a young girl answered the radio call.
"Shinji? What are you doing? It's late night here, you idiot."
"Sorry…but it's for a good reason. I… need you. I'm huh… saving the world from a rampaging robot."
"Yeah, right. Sure you are. So are you and your geek friends are into sci-fi right now? I think you guys would rather play classic RPGs, like Bakas and Beholders or something like that."
"It's not like that Asuka... but, the thing is… can you tell me the translation for the word HÓFFNUNG?"
"Anta baka? You called me for the first time in weeks in the middle of the night just for ask a stupid question, one that you could have found the answer by looking at any dictionary?"
"Please Asuka-chan..."
"Don't you 'Asuka-chan' me, Ikari! Ok, I will tell you but first... you will have to do THAT for me."
"What? No! Asuka-chan it's not the time for that..."
"DO IT. If you can't do such single thing for me, then I want nothing from you."
"... ok….." - Shinji took a deep breath - "Turn around… look at what you see…"
All of the crew from Nerv suddenly stopped doing whatever they were doing to hear this strange duet of Shinji and this girl singing a famous song of the 80's.
Ritsuko: "..."
Maya: *blushes*
Makoto: *dumbfounded*
Aoba: *shakes head in a reproving way*
Fuyutsuki: *poker face*
Gendo: *starts to hum the tune*
Misato: 'I'm gonna die.'
"Story…hmmhmhmhm... Well you are a hopeless baka, but you are still the one that can make me happy. Ironically the word you are looking for means HOPE."
"Thank you Asuka-chan! You've just saved the world."
"Yeah… sure. Gott, I missed you, baka-kun."
"I miss you more, lieben."
"I miss you more multiplied by the numbers of the infinite universes where we will met and fall in love with each other."
"No, I miss you —"
"ENOUGH!"
Chapter 5: Will go on
Chapter Text
'Well… It's finally time. This will be my last day in this job. To be honest, I think I should have retired earlier. No, in fact I wanted to have lived all my life taking care of the watermelon fields. But the world needed me to fulfill my duty. So, I have no regrets at all.'
"Commander, Kaji-sama!"
He turned around to see a young officer, reporting for duty.
"That's ok Lieutenant. Just Kaji will do. I will be officially out of duty in a few minutes. Whatever it is you can leave that to the command center deal with it"
"Oh…. But commander. I think you should read this message. Is from Captain Suzuhara. She said it's top priority."
"Hm… let me see that."
"…"
"I see." - the man said, with tears on his face before resume speaking in a very serious way. "Lieutenant, tell the council that I've decided to postpone my retirement until tomorrow and that they must declare tomorrow an official holiday and arrange a parade. I want to make a speech."
"Y-yes, Commander. But may I ask why?"
"We need to give a dear person - that fought for our sake - one… last kiss." – the man said, letting a single tear fall from his eye, as he remembered the content of the message he has just read.
Logbook - Captain Tsubame Suzuhara.
August 14, 2091.
Data-log shows that a ship called "Over the Rainbow" that contained information from the weapons formerly known as Evangelions was lost during the events of the Failed Third Impact.
After all those years, this ship was thought to be sink and lost forever, but a team has found it.
It really looks promising, so I ordered the crew the discovery to the command center to await orders.
August 15, 2091
Today we received an unexpected visitor.
Former Captain Asuka Langley Shikinami, age 90, the only remaining former Evangelion pilot had asked for permission to go onboard and see our operation to retrieve the spoils of the wreckage of the "Over The Rainbow".
The permission was granted by me, under the section 2 of the LAS0102 protocol, as the former pilot, despite her advanced age, could provide valorous information about the retrieved ship.
After her arrival, I requested an official interview with her. The transcription of the event was also registered in this logbook, as follows:
CTS: "So let's start, Captain Shikinami."
CALS: "Please, Tsubame-chan. I have not been a Captain since you were a little brat. Just call me Asuka. It's enough."
CTS: "C-captain Shikinami. The only reason that you were allowed to be part of this operation is because of your previous experience. So you're officially on duty now."
CALS: "Well that's precious. You're a really a mix of your mom and your idiot father isn't you?
CTS:" Captain Shikinami, please cooperate here. Is there any kind of data and information you can share with us about this sunk ship."
CALS: "Well Captain Suzuhara. It takes more than that to sink a ship, you know."
CTS: "Pardon Captain, but it doesn't make any sense. Please just, cooperate and tell us about the 'Over The Rainbow'".
CALS: "Well, what can I say about 'Over The Rainbow' .. about the Evangelions ... hm… I guess I should start at the time that I was on the Over The Rainbow, on my way to Japan with my Evangelion Unit 2, to battle the angels and met the other pilots…"
(By my orders, under the terms of AXS4EVA act, the pages 2 to 2021 of the transcription of those events were encrypted as secret of State. Those are matters that shall not be disclosed for the knowledge of the general public)
CALS: "And that is what is important about the Over the Rainbow'. That's where my story has begun. A story about how I've grown to both love and hate that baka wimpy boy that failed me. The boy that I have rescued from the moon and that I've to fight against to avoid another impact … The first boy that I've wanted to see me naked, except for the thing I was wearing in my neck. The… man... that was able to save me at the end and made me able to be human again..."
CTS: "Asuk..."
CALS: "I still think about him after all this time. Every night in my dreams. Mostly about the fact that there was enough room in the entry plug for both of us, so he could have escaped the verdammt negative universe with me. That idiot! I will punch him in the face if I met him again."
CALS: "Well, it's getting late. I will tell more things to you tomorrow."
CTS: "That's fine, Captain. Stop the recording."
August 16, 2091.
At 8 AM, the lifeless body of Former Captain Asuka Langley Shikinami, was found over the deck, in her wheelchair, with a smile on her face.
Reports said that the registered cause of death was heart failure.
But some sensors seem to had detected the appearance of thin pattern blue a few moments before the estimated time of death.
The computer analysis says that it's 99,9% sure that it was either a false alarm of an event related to remaining of the former pilot condition, but it should be investigated as top priority for safety issues.
Also, an old bento box was found at the ocean that day.
Asuka Langley Shikinami wake up, surprised to be staring at her 14 years old self again.
She was facing a mirror, that looked like it belonged to one of the bathrooms of the assembly room of the old "Over the Rainbow".
After opening the door to make sure that she was in fact into that ship again, she realized that she was right.
She could recognize some of the people there. They were wearing formal clothes and looking like as they used to be before the failed Third Impact.
Misato, Kaji, Toji, Hikari, Mari, Kenken ... and… of course.
Shinji.
He was looking at her, with his arms wide open and a big smile on his baka face.
She walked slowly towards him until she was close enough to deliver a punch straight into his face.
And then she jumped into his arms, embracing him into a close hug, knowing that she had nothing more to fear.
They will stay forever this way in an unsinkable ship.
Chapter 6: It's gonna be legendary
Chapter Text
"Dad! Dad… wake up".
"Uh, what is it?"
"Ive found this weird book when I was cleaning the garage. It seems like mama has written it, look at this dedication!"
Puppy. It seems that despite of my gorgeous body being young and pretty as ever, my mind and soul are already tired. You did well, thanks for caring. You are an adult now. Please, tell this story to them when I'm gone. It's your story. Your real story. They deserve to know everything about you and you must not run away from it. Oh, and when you do tell them, you should listen to their advice ok? Keep smelling great, will you?
The man sighed. "Well… I guess I need to tell you this story."
"So, this is the story about Rebuilding Evangelion. It was at times a long, difficult road. But I'm glad it was long and difficult, because if I hadn't gone through hell to get there, the lesson might not have been as clear."
"You see, kids, right from the moment I met your mom, I knew. Even then, in what can only be called the worst of times, she would come for me. All I could do was look at her and thank God, thank every god there is, or ever was, or will be, and the whole universe, and anyone else I can possibly thank that she fulfilled her promise."
"And since that day, every time I went down to that train station to regret my decision, she would be there to bring me back to the real world and tease me with her big pair of… glasses, reminding me of the day that she fell over me on a parachute. That's the point of this story. A story about how I met her".
"That's it?" - his daughter asks, saying she isn't buying it. -"Bullshit".
"Hey! Watch your language young lady!"
"Sorry dad. But sis is right. Let's look at the facts. Mom's hardly into this story at all. She was a side character at best. Also, it seems like she was grandma best friend, isn't it? That's gross. And your real name is Shinji and not H..."
"Stop it, boy!"
"He is right dad! This story appears to be just a lot of technobabble about giant robots but it's about the relationships that you had with your dad and your friends. No… in fact this is a story about how you're totally in love with this girl, Asuka, and she was into you too, but you guys were so dumb about it that, even with Mom's constant teasing."
The man blushes "No! It was not like that! I mean I was, but well… you see. Evangelion is a story that is so ambiguous and up to interpretation that I know that every person will have their own views, but the point of the story is that…"
"Is that you totally, totally, totally have the hots for this Asuka." – the girl said, defiantly.
He denies it again, and she insists, "Yes, you do."
"You're grounded," the man says, also grounding his son who says, "Wow, you really are totally into this redhead pirate princess. Come on Dad, even Mom was trying to push you guys together during the story."
He sighed and look at the twins. "Look… even if I was still interested in Asuka that way, I wouldn't do anything about it. We don't even know how the flow of time is in that universe. If she took my advice, she probably has move on and probably is living happily in another universe, and that is good enough for me. To know that she is happy it's e-enough for me."
"Dad... it's ok to cry." his daughter said "I mean, I cried a lot when we read that scene on the beach, so I can only imagine how hard it was for you."
"Yeah. Don't make the same mistake that Misato did. You saved several universes with your actions at huge personal cost. But now things are ok. You don't need to be a Buda anymore and sacrifice your happiness for the sake of the others. You don't need to be the exact opposite of grandpa to make things work. If there's a way to see her again, you should go for it. No matter if it's painful."
"Dad... I get that Grandpa almost sacrificed reality to be with the woman he loved and you choose to do the opposite but... it's also not healthy. Maybe happiness lays at the middle ground."
"Children, you... Ok, fine. You guys may have a point. But still... I can't. I have to take care of you guys, you're still young and…"
"C'mon, dad. You were fighting Eldritch abominations when you were 13 or 14 years old. We will be fine."
"Yeah. Since you guys have adopted us, Mom has raised us to be happier and smarter than you think. For example, we know that Mom has registered a bunched of patents on several different technologies that grants us a lot of money, so don't worry: we are mature and both financially and emotionally secure." - said the boy.
The man looked at the children, in disbelief. "Wow…. I guess that both of you have grown up before me, haven't you?"
"Dad. We can hold on our own until you find a way to bring us to your universe or bring her back to ours" his daughter says, adding with a smile, "Also, she told us that this day would come. Mom's been gone for years now. It's time. We will help you" – the girl told him, while showing him the odd choker that she had found with the book.
"Captain Shikinami! Pattern blue located at coordinates 1LA5TK11S. We need you to report to the Wunder, immediately."
"Commander Akagi? Can you confirm that these are the coordinates? Are you sure?"
"Yes… it just appeared from nowhere. "
"I'm going there right now. Alone. Make sure to isolate the perimeter and not let anyone get closer right?"
"What? No you shoul…".
"Over and out."
Shinji woke up inside of an entry plug as the sunlight hit his face.
Towering him over the exit of the entry plug was her.
Staring at him with an angry look, just like when she retrieved him from Unit-13 after the failed Fourth Impact and looking as beautiful as when he said goodbye to her on that beach.
"Before I punch your stupid face, I'll give you one chance to explain what are you doing here."
"Because… this is also my place to belong. And because goodbye is what you say to someone when you hope that you can see each other again."
They looked into each others eyes for a moment and smiled, as tears started to fall from their faces.
"I'm home, Asuka."
"Welcome home, baka-Shinji."
Chapter 7: Children in plugsuits
Chapter Text
Shinji walked alongside Kensuke to see how the colony was trying to rebuild itself from the aftermath of the failed Third Impact, until they were interrupted by the voice of a 14 year's old boy.
"Aida-sensei! It's been a while. Is that your new assistant?
"Well, something like that."
"It's the first time I have met a stranger I'm Kaji, Kaji Ryouji. What's your name?"
"I'm…. Shinji Ikari."
"No way! You're the famous Shinji Ikari?"
"Y-yes… I guess… Look, I'm sorry! It's my fault. I've screwed things up and because of my previous actions you guys are having so much trouble to try to rebuild everything."
"What? No, it's nothing like that. You're our biggest hero! Aida-sensei didn't tell you about that?"
Shinji looked at Kensuke, with a confused look.
"Shinji…. This village is not suffering like that because of the almost Third Impact. We are suffering because Nerv and your father are trying to control the world. They are purposely destroying the land to force us to pay high tributes and submit to them."
"But…"
"And you are the symbol of our resistance, Shinji."
"What? But how… I mean…"
"You're the guy that was ready to destroy the Geofront and disobeyed Nerv's orders during the Angel War. The child that challenged the Gendo Ikari! You are the hope of this village and also for people from around the world. That's why Wille exists. They steal resources from Nerv and give them back to the people."
"But…. but…. why did Misato… why did Asuka… I don't…"
Kensuke sighed.
"Shinji… you've been gone for almost 14 years while Wille was fighting for the sake of the people, using you as the symbol of the resistance. They had to be sure that they weren't dealing with a clone or a trick from Nerv. But then you've decided to fight alongside Nerv and your father. It's no wonder that Shikinami was angry at you."
"I…. I need to go back to the Wunder."
"Four-eyes, I need to make a quick stop before we proceed to the battle."
"Roger that, princess."
"Guess who?"
"What… I don't know."
"Let me give you a hint. A girl with a nice pair of…."
"Glasses! Let the idiot go" – Asuka's voice resounded into Shinji's cell at the Wunder - "Look, brat. I've come here to…. to…. to warn you that Nerv's forces will strike in a few moments and they plan to kill you. So, you'd better stay here and don't try to pilot that damn Eva again, understand."
"Well, that's easy, I guess. Ok, I won't."
"Really? This easy? Oh… well it seems like you've grew up a little bit. That's good to know, because they were going to try to lure you there by offering the chance of rewrite the world by causing another impact."
"To rewrite the world?"
"Yeah. You basically would be able to turn the world into everything you've ever dreamed."
"Really?"
"Hey brat!" – Asuka grabbed his face. "Promise you won't go."
"Ok, Asuka. I promise you won't go."
"Thank you." - She said as she started to move away from the cell.
"But wait a minute puppy, didn't you just..."
"Cool it."
"Chilled. Hey princess, didn't you have anything else to say to him?"
Asuka stopped and clenched her fists.
"You really need to learn to shut your mouth you know?"
"Don't be so grumpy, princess. The puppy deserves to know the prophecy. About the princess that was cursed with a sad destiny. She won't be able to age, sleep, eat or… 'love' because of that curse. That curse of Eva will be broken when the knight who is destined for her, endowed with a magical key, will finally bring an end to her virg..."
"Enough! You're making it even more embarrassing! Ok, fine…. Hey brat, the thing is… I think I kinda had a crush at you back then, but I've grew up before you and I'm totally over it now. So that's it. Goodbye."
Shinji stared at her, dumbfounded.
"Hey Asuka… wait!"
"What is it?"
"Well… I... I just want to say that I... liked you too … And I kinda still do, to be honest… since for me it has been just a couple of days since I've returned from the Eva, so obviously I still like you and... well, I'm gonna shut my mouth now…."
"Oh… that's…. awkward."
"Yeah…"
"Well… since you've grown up a little more, maybe could I give you at least one goodbye kiss. But I don't know if it's a good idea. It would be still awkward because you're a teenage brat and all, and while i'm trapped in this body i'm a 28 year's old woman."
"It would be… nice, I guess. And technically I'm also 28 years old, but spent 14 years of my life in some kind of a coma, so…"
"Ok. But first, I must warn you. It won't mean anything for me. What four-eyes said is true. Because of my... condition... I could never feel anything from one kiss."
"I understand…"
"Unless she were married! Or if a man pledged his endless love to her."
"Four-eyes!"
"Or if she knew that he desperately cared for her. Or if he were really cute. Or if he can make good and tasty bentos."
They both blushed as Mari continued her endless teasing.
The dialogue was interrupted by the sound of a loud alarm and the voice of an angry Misato Katsuragi.
"Pilot Shikinami! Pilot Makinami! Where the hell are you?"
"Scheisse! We are on our way commander!"
"No need to hurry. They already surrounded us. We've lost".
Gendo Ikari and Kozo Fuyutsuki were standing on the top of Evangelion Unit 13, observing as all the crew members of Wunder were being arrested and handcuffed, as well as the Evangelion pilots.
"Father!"
"It's been a while, Shinji."
"Why are you doing this? Do you really think that Mother would forgive you?"
"We don't know if she will ever return, Shinji. Right now, I'm only focused into be the ruler of this world. Now bring me Evangelion Unit 01 to serve as a sacrifice. I will spare them all, but I will rewrite the reality to erase your presence of all existence, so there will be no more resistance to me."
"Wait!"
Both men stared at the redheaded pilot that had managed to remove her eyepatch, showing a bright blue light emerging from where her eye should have been.
"You just need a trigger for starting the final impact, right? You don't need him to pilot Unit 01 again. You can use me and this damn angel that you've trapped inside."
"You impress me, last survivor of the Shikinami series. You're severely outmatched here, but still, I want to avoid unnecessary conflict. What's your offer?"
"If you promise not to kill this brat, I shall do the most disgusting thing that I can think of."
"And what's that?"
"I will give my body to you."
Shinji stared at her, in shock.
"You mean… You'll give yourself to me? – asked an intrigued Gendo Ikari.
"Yes, but only my body. You will never have my heart, my mind, or my soul!"
"Oh, ok! No problem with that. I have committed almost all sins that a human being can commit, but I'm not a pedo. About your soul, well… I guess you wouldn't want to know… anyway, it's a deal! Come with me. We are going to the anti-universe."
Shinji could only watch as the girl made her way towards Unit 13, giving him only a brief stare that could be translated as "Do something, baka-Shinji!"
A few moments later, the floor where Shinji was standing collapsed as an awakened Evangelion Unit 01 suddenly appeared right below him, holding the Spear of Cassius in its hands.
"What? Mother, why did you…"
"God dammit Shinji! Get int the robot and go save the princess, already!" – Mari's voice brought him back to reality.
"That's right. Father! Stop it! I… I…. challenge you!" - said Shinji as Eva 01 reached the verge of the anti-universe.
"You're going to challenge me?"
"Y-yes."
"Ok... here is the deal… are you seeing that imaginary Evangelion over there?"
"What?"
"Yes. The Golgotha object! Or something like that, don't think too much about it. I just named it myself. Anyway, think about it as a target, alright? We will throw our Spears on that target and the one that manage to have his spear land closer to the center its heart will direct instrumentality and will be able rule the world and all different realities."
"I don't understand anything. Let's do it."
"Puppy, just a quick reminder that everybody is watching you, ok? No pressure."
Shinji focused himself. Asuka's destiny and the fate whole world were depending on him. "Center the target, pull the switch."
Unit 01 threw the Spear of Cassius and…. It hit bulls-eye, landing right in the center of the target.
"Ha! In your face father! I'm not a brat! I'm worthy! I'm am the Invincible Shinji Ik…"
Unit 13 threw the Spear of Longinus and it hit right in the middle of the Spear of Cassius, tearing it in half and hitting the center of the target.
"That seals it, Shinji. I've won."
"I've…. lost? I lost? No… it can't be right. This story is supposed to have a happy ending! Please! Mother! Rei! Kaworu-kun!"
"You're right Shinji-kun!"
"What? You're not supposed to be in this realm, Tabris."
"It's written in the Book of Life. In this kind of duel, he can have another chance, as long as there is an available Spear."
"Well. That changes nothing. After all there are no more spears to be…"
"Shinji! I've just made a new Spear for you with the Wunder! It's the Spear of Gaius! Kick his ass!"
"Misato-san! Thank you! I won't fail this time!"
"….. That's… cheating."
Unit 01 grabbed the Spear of Gaius. Shinji knew that it was all or nothing now. He took a deep breath and threw the lance aiming for the Golgotha object.
Only to miss it by a mile.
Until the Spear made a 180º curve.
It gained speed and hit the Golgotha object from behind its back, piercing the center of its heart and destroying the Spear of Longinus in the process, resulting in a huge explosion.
Asuka woke up. She could hear the sound of the waves and fell the summer breeze of a familiar beach.
"I was…. sleeping?"
"Baka-Shin… ji? Wait, you're…"
"Yes, Asuka. I don't know how, but we both are adults now. I think that the curse of Eva was finally removed. However, we are still trapped in this anti-universe until Mari-san can find a way to..."
"You mean… we are both alone on this empty beach? And we're both in adult bodies?"
"Hm… yes, I guess so… and hmmmmph"
Asuka tackled him into a longing kiss that lasted until they both were forced to remember that they still have to breath.
"You idiot! I've waited fourteen freaking years for this moment! So, it's the time! Take me! Now!"
"Y-yes!"
"…"
"Um, Asuka?
"Just shut up and start it already, idiot."
"You're not going to believe this..."
"What?"
"It won't open!"
"WHAT?"
"Your plugsuit. It seems to be ripped and damaged, so I can't open it."
"You must be kidding me!"
"No, I'm not. I guess that we won't be able to do nothing until they rescue us."
They looked into each other's eyes.
"Kimochi Warui."
Chapter 8: The purple pilot returns
Chapter Text
It was a dark and cold night.
A young girl looked with envy at a well-dressed boy her age, accompanied by his parents.
Parents she never had. Literally.
At that moment she realized that she hated the boy. She was jealous of him.
And she felt even angrier after observing the way he looked at her, with a serene, peaceful gaze, even offering her a pure, genuine smile.
That was enough to make her blush and leave the place she was, running towards a dark alley. If she was lucky, she could look for some leftover food until the soldiers ordered by Euronerv could locate her and make her go back to that hell.
However, not knowing the reason for taking this odd decision, the girl changed her mind and decided to hide in a place where she could keep watching the boy, without him noticing.
A few moments later, she regretted that decision and felt bad for having been angry and jealous of that boy.
He was, after all, just a child.
And, from that moment on, he would be a child like her. One who would forever feel the pain of not having the love of his parents.
"Why do we have to keep all those freaks here? Evangelions, Angels, clones, corrupt men from Seele. They are all monsters! Enemies that are responsible for the current state of this world. Keeping them as prisoners is just a waste of resources. Look at this weirdo!"
"Hey, easy… do you know who that is? Kaworu Nagisa! And yeah... he's been a vegetable for more than a decade. Can't think. Can't feel. But he is a legend."
"This monster already has a DSS choker attached to his neck. Just press a button and make his head explode! That damn Katsuragi is so weak. At least she will step down from her position."
"Oh, it's official news? About time."
The Wille's officers were continuing their patrol without realizing that, for the first time in years, the white-haired boy cracked a smile and babbled a few words.
"That's interesting. I wonder how much he's changed. Well, it's been fourteen years. I'd imagine a lot."
Prof. Fuyutsuki... I'm writing to let you know I'm okay... and that you won't hear from me for some time. But I will return... when I know I'm able to protect the people I love. When they need me... I will return.
Asuka stared at the letter, that was displayed in a picture frame, near a photograph from a person that appeared to be one of the Ayanami types, although with a different hair color.
"Who is there?"
"So, I guess you're the one who must know about Ikari's new hideout aren't you?"
"Miss Shikinami. How wonderful to see you again."
"It's been far, far too long. Where is he?"
"Well, I-I'm afraid all of this time being away haven't increased Master Shinji's availability for social encounters, Miss Shikinami."
"I came here to tell him to stop spying on me."
"I don't understand."
"I was out the other night and I felt someone watching me. I know it was Shinji."
"Oh, I see, right, well, that makes perfect sense. So, you come here tonight, risking everything that you've build in fourteen years, just to tell him that you want nothing more to do with him. Is that the kind of gist of it?"
"He left me. Everything we went through, and one day he's just gone. He doesn't get to come back and suddenly appears after fourteen years. And he still believes that he can keep hiding from me and from everyone."
"On this, we absolutely agree. I do, however, feel it might be something that you want to tell him yourself.
"He needs to stay away. Or he will have to face me in the battlefield. That will be my only warning."
"So, things began a few weeks ago. Nagisa has escaped from the Wunder's top security prison and, shortly after that, the failures of infinity began to move and present violent behavior towards the colonies."
"Yeah… It's a miracle that we have so few casualties so far".
"And just when you were about to hand in your resignation. Life is a bitch, huh?"
"That's not the point, Rits."
"Look, things are unstable. If more failures of infinity begin to attack us… it will be only a question of days until Nerv, Seele, the Angels or the rogue pilots also make their moves. It will be chaos."
"You know, I'm old. Kaji is dead. I haven't even got the opportunity to see my son grew up. I was hoping that this world would outgrow me, but it hasn't exactly happened. No one's stepped forward."
"Well, maybe you need to step down to allow someone to step up."
"I will do… but."
"It's all right. I got you, okay? So, let's return to the main issue… the reports from intelligence tells that an unknow Evangelion came out of nowhere, saved a bunch of people and just disappeared in plain sight? Several times?"
"Yeah."
"And what should we do about it?"
"Wait."
The pilot of the Unit 02 looked at the destroyed bodies of several failures of infinity.
"You're there, aren't you?"
"Do you have any idea what you did... ...just leaving like that? You were all I had."
"And I know you wanted to protect me. But I didn't want to be protected. I wanted you!" – she made a quick 180º turn and aimed Unit's 02 pallet rifle at the purple Evangelion that suddenly appeared besides her.
"Say something."
An awkward silence.
"Say something, baka-Shinji!".
"There was no other way, Asuka. I had to go."
The red unit kept the gun aimed at its target.
"So… what happens now?
"I don't know. But I'll never leave again. Please, return your Eva to Wille's forces."
"Never gonna happen and you know that."
The purple giant stared at the red one but, in fact, it was the two 28 years old pilots trapped into children's bodies who were staring at each other's souls.
Two children that had suffered a lot during their childhood and the war and choose different paths as adults.
They are almost the same in some aspects, but, at the same time, they are quite different. It all depends of which way one decides to look at them. Like a bat and a cat.
But their feelings are still the same than they were years ago. They are real. They always were. Even if life has put a lot of barriers and walls to drive them apart.
The pilot of the Unit 02 watched as the purple Evangelion leaped into the sky, only to fade into the darkness of the night.
No goodbye was needed this time. He is back. And he knows that, at that moment, she vowed that he would pay for all the time of absence.
"That's the end of Wille and of the colonies. We can't fight against all those enemies." – stated Ritsuko, with resignation.
"We've been in worst situations before." – replied Misato.
"Now I get why you still hold that cross, commander. You still believe in miracles. It"…
Ritsuko's speech was interrupted by the sound of a purple giant, landing right in front of the landing track of the Wunder.
"Holy Mother. It's Unit 01!"
"That's impossible!" – said Sakura - "Who is the pilot?"
"A friend." – Misato smiled.
Chapter 9: Thirty three upon three times
Chapter Text
A man and woman are leaving the train station.
"So, what do you think, puppy? It's a brand-new world to explore and conquer. A world without Evangelions, just like you asked for."
"Well…. I'm sure that I made the right call, but right now I realized something. Asuka said that the village was a place that she wanted to protect. And… I like the idea of protecting people. Even without piloting Evangelion, I think I can do something to protect people in this world."
"Oh… Is that true? Well… just to be sure. Are you trying to punish yourself and living as martyr because you think you've failed them? Or maybe you want to follow that path because you want to see her again in this world, right?"
"I-I… no… it's not like that. It's all in the past and…. I don't think that I will… and she also won't…"
"Hey, hey… where is the confidence you showed a few minutes ago? If you really want to try to live like this, it's alright. I can make some connections and try to make you join the police, what do you think? Detective Shinji Ikari!"
The guy looks at her with a strange, but determinate look.
"Yeah, Mari! I understand! Thank you! I think I got my groove back. Hey, watch out world! Sexy train is leaving the station, check out this caboose. Yo, b*tches! Shinji Ikari is in the town!"
Mari just looks at this new, crazy and confident Shinji Ikari with a dumbfounded face.
"Great job, puppy!"
Disclaimer: I don't own Evangelion (yet). I guess that nothing is better to avoid writer's block than writing two different series at the same time ^^.
In this chapter, our penultimate chapter of Shikinami saga, with a new, but already classic comedy series. After this one, one more chapter of Shiki and let's move on for classic Asushin in NGE and EoE.
Special thanks to Nonameasushin, calborghete, YourBlandestNightmare, SheriffJohnStone, tomdj1701, Author0fntent, HydrationStation, Lovmemichi, Tnomart, deathbringer374 , Western-Otaku, Xce, MAD Marty, zevallos0910 (welcome, buddy) and our Guests, for the support and for keep reading and enjoying this little game.
"M-mari, are you there?"
"Danm it, puppy! It is way past midnight and you decide to call me? I'm just in the middle of a steamy marathon of sex and you are interrupting."
"Oh really? Can you get me some of your sex tapes?"
"Lame. But despite of your bad sense of humor it's nice to know that you at least still can talk like a grown up, even though your voice is shaking. What happened.?"
"I… I can't go on. I will quit tomorrow's mission."
"Puppy, puppy… you've decided to become a police officer in this world, remember it? And don't get cocky, but you are good at it. You've been doing great in the past few years. There is no one better than you to go on any kind of mission."
"Thanks Mari, but you know that…"
"Oh yes… 'princesstonyte'. I forgot about that. Your 'princessfobia' is cute and make you feel like the old puppy again, but I thought that you were ok with that. You said that you would always be glad just for being able to meet her again in this world."
"I am! It's just that… It hurts. I didn't think that we were gonna to meet every day and work together."
"Puppy, that's kinda what you were hoping for, right? Saying goodbye and everything else… just a spell for meet each other again"
"That's not the point. The point is that she doesn't want anything with me. I tried to flirt, be confident, easy going, push back at her… heck, I even confessed to her again. Twice. But she was already in other relationships. Or at least she told me so. And even after she broke up with them, she keeps saying that she won't date cops, because it would be unprofessional and make things complicated."
"I know. I was watching both of you in the past years too, remember? And even so, you continue to work and fulfill your duty. So, what's different now?
"In tomorrow's mission… they want us to pretend that we are a couple to get evidence for an investigation."
"Oh, that's awesome! Please send me pictures, ok? I was saving a picture frame for the day of your wedding, but if that's the closest that you guys would ever be, I can take that."
"I'm serious. She said: 'this is a case, nothing more; we work cases together all the time, and we're really good at it, so, you know, we're professionals.'."
"Well, well… it's like a scene that I've just watched in an odd TV Show. Don't think about it as an awkward situation. Think about that as a…. chaaaance."
"Ok, Mari, that was awesome. Thanks! Good night. I'm gonna pretend that you managed to make me feel great."
"Title of your sex tape."
"Hi. T-table for two, please." – Shinji said, in an awkward way. He managed to get dressed in a nice suit, but Asuka was simply gorgeous, looking like a movie star in her stylish red dress. The confident and cocky detective Shinji Ikari looked just like a shy teenager in front of her. That situation could blow their cover, and he knew that.
"I'm so sorry. There's nothing available. We're totally booked up." – said the attendant.
"Oh, no, that's horrible. Tonight's a really important night for us. This idiot and I just got engaged, and this is where our first date was." – Asuka said in an overly dramatic voice. Shinji took a second to realize what was happening, but got the clue.
"Oh, yeah, it would mean so much to us. I would have made a reservation, but I didn't know if she was gonna say yes, so..."
The attendant smiled. "You are just so sweet together. You know, I'm sure I can find room for two young lovers. Please, just follow me."
Asuka made a happy face as she gave a kiss on Shinji's cheek.
"Yeah, we are lovers... together... in beds."
As they got on their table, Asuka said in a soft whisper.
"Hey Shinji… I'm… sorry about springing the engagement and romantic stuff on you."
"No, no, no. That was great. I mean, it's what got us in here."
"Cheek kiss was a bit too much?"
"Very wet. But I liked. I mean… well, the honeymoon's over. We're in and back to being Shinji and Asuka, two normal cops working a job."
"Yeah… right. According to my sources, the letter is right here in the S2-floor archives, cabinet L, section AS."
"Nice job. What's the plan?"
"You sneak in and get the letter. I'll distract the security. Apparently, he's is watching an anime about giant robots, so talking to a woman like me should blow his mind." – she said with a confident smirk.
"Did you get the letter?"
"Yep. Piece of cake. And just in time for our dinner."
"Wow, champagne and oysters? You really are overdoing this fake…"
"Well, well, well." – Shinji and Asuka froze as they saw the manager of the restaurant going towards their table. Chef Keel, a well known member of SEELE. The guy that was above the law. - "We are booked up, but it's always a pleasure to see young love. Are you enjoying the meal?"
"Well, thanks sir. It's really a special night." – Shinji responded with a fake confident smile.
"So... when did you guys meet?"
"Well, it was about three years…." Asuka said.
"We were teenagers." Shinji said at the same time and realized his mistake as he watched from the corner of his eyes some of the waiters starting to draw their guns. They were exposed. But Shinji continued his speech without flinching, raising his voice a little bit so Asuka would stop talking.
"Even if we are together for real for only three years, I always liked her since I was 14. But I was too much of a coward to act on it. So, I've missed my opportunity and we lost contact because I… had to move to a distant place. We've been kept apart for 14 years and when I finally managed to meet her again, she said that she liked me at that time, but had grown up and let that feeling die. I was heartbroken, but decided that it was for the best. After all, I was absent of her life for such a long time that I didn't deserve her anymore. I was just happy that I was able to see her again. I was resigned to the fact that this train had already passed and we could never be together, but…. I guess love always found a way, isn't so, honey? Damn, I love you so much…"
Asuka was stared, dumbfounded, as Shinji moved loser to her and planted a soft kiss on her lips.
Keel and the other members of SEELE, as well as most of the clients of the restaurant were staring, in awe, at the young couple, some of then even clapping and cheering.
Shinji breathed a small sigh of relief as he realized that the men were putting their weapons back into their holsters. There was no reason to suspect this couple. After all, a declaration of love like that could not be staged. It was certainly real.
They eat their meal, in silence, and leave the restaurant, holding each other's arms like a real couple.
As they finally got back to the parking lot, Asuka broke the silence.
"Shinji, it's okay. As much as I hate to admit it, your quick thinking saved the day. That story was… a little bit corny, but I kinda liked it. It sounded like a really good love story. But regarding that kiss…"
"Asuka, I…"
"Look! Never mind, ok? This whole night was really weird. I know. I just... ugh. I want everything to go back how it was, you know? It's so awkward."
"Yeah. And you're right. We shouldn't date cops, 'cause we're a great team. We work great together. I don't want to mess that up."
"Yeah, I don't want everything to change."
"Yeah, me neither. I will take you back to your apartment."
"Okay, then that's that, Detective Ikari." – she made an official salute
"Detective Shikinami." – he replied the gesture.
"See you around the precinct. Goodbye."
"Wait!"
He grabbed her by the arm and gave her a passionate kiss. One first real kiss. She didn't object. They kissed for a few minutes. That felt like several lifetimes.
"W-what are you doing?"
"I… I… well, you said goodbye and..."
"A-are you stupid? It's not like we aren't going to see each other again."
"I… just don't want to wait that long to see you again."
"Can't you just wait until tomorrow?"
Shinji looked away, in shame for acting like a small kid in front of her. Again.
Only to be surprised by a gentle hug from behind.
"Hey idiot. It's late and my house is not far from here. I… don't know why, but I don't want to say goodbye either."
"W-what about your rule about don't dating…" – he stopped talking when she pinched his nose and kissed him again.
"Shh… don't push it, idiot. We are not dating. We will figure out what this is."
"So, Katsuragi, tell me about your Detective squad."
Misato cleared her throat and turned towards the window.
"Um... well, those three are Toji, Kensuke and Hikari. They're pretty much worthless, but they make good coffee.
"Copy that."
"Now the good ones. Rei Ayanami. Tough, smart, hard to read, and really scary".
"Kaworu Nagisa. He's a dreamer and a kind guy, but a little weird. You know, he likes all those kinds of weird stuff that makes me wonder if he is really human at all."
"Asuka Langley Shikinami. She's the youngest in a family of seven children, so she's always trying to prove she's tough. She and her assigned partner have some big bet over who gets more arrests this year. Ever since the bet, their numbers have gone way up."
"Tell me about that guy."
"Shinji Ikari is my best Detective. He likes putting away bad guys and he loves solving puzzles. The only puzzle he hasn't solved is how to grow up."
"That's enough Katsuragi, dismissed."
"Yes. Sir."
"Well, well, well…so you also decided to return here to see how the puppy is?"
"Civilian administrators like yourself really have their ear to the ground. That's enough, Maria."
"Ok, ok sir. Give my regards to Prof. Fuyutsuki and the adorable penguin." – Mari says as she left the captain's office, leaving the man with his serious appearance hiding a subtle gay smile.
Chapter 10: Bad to the bone
Chapter Text
"Asuka, can you see anything?"
"I'm not reading anything. It's not here."
"The convection current must be stronger than expected."
"There's a deviation in the target's movement speed."
"Recalculate it ASAP."
"Continue operation. Resume descent, please."
"Depth, 1,780. Now at revised estimated target position."
"There it is!"
"We have visual confirmation of target."
"Prepare for capture."
"Super EM photon screen engaged. Systems green."
"Target captured!"
"Nice one, Asuka!"
"Capture operation complete. Will now begin ascent."
"Asuka, are you okay?"
"Of course, I am, idiot! Didn't I say this would be easy?"
"Man, those people from Nerv are a pain in the ass."
"Yes. They ordered us, UN soldiers, to be mobilized here near a damn freaky volcano because there might be a monster under there. That's ridiculous." – the soldier said while taking another drag on his cigarette.
"Well, at least everything is cleared and we found this cozy bar that has some good stuff and also pretty ladies." – his partner sniffed a pair of panties that one of the strippers' girls had threw in his lap during the dance.
"Yeah, who cares about NERV? Let's enjoy this free night. What is the weirdest thing that can happe…."
Both soldiers stopped to speak as they stared at the naked teenaged girl that just entered the bar, drawing the attention of everyone present.
"Hey girl." - The older soldier said – "Wait a few more years and I'm sure that you will be able to find a career here."
"I need your jacket, your weapon and also those panties." – the girl said.
Several laughs were heard throughout the bar.
But after a few moments, and some well delivered blows that left both UN soldiers knocked out, nobody was laughing anymore.
"What? We will need to spend this night here? Why? It's not fair!"
"Calm down, Asuka. We've just captured an Angel. It's dangerous. Until the research team can assure us that there is no danger, the Evangelions have to be ready to action."
"But… but… if that's the case, why keep only idiot Shinji mobilized? If something like that happens, he won't be able to do nothing without me."
"Your Unit 02 is still being prepared to remove the damaged D-Type equipment from it, Asuka. But it's nice to see that you're so worried about him. Kinda cute, actually."
"Ha… as if!"
Shinji Ikari was in the locker room. He was allowed to have a quick meal and rest before get ready to be on his standby duty all night, while the research team would start to make some experiments and tests with the captured Angel.
It would be a long night, but he volunteered for it. Asuka already has done so much today and he was really scared for a moment that he would lose her forever and...
"Shinji-kun, are you there?"
"Whaaat? Misato-san, this is the boys locker room! I'm not ready yet. W-why are you here?"
"I just wanted to make sure that you were here, alone."
Shinji gulped and blushed as the gorgeous woman approached him in a very seductive way.
"Shinji-kun…. It's time for you to d…"
BLAM
Shinji jumped backwards, in shock, as he heard the noise of a gun being shot and Misato's head exploding right in front of him.
"Aaaah…. Ahh…. M-Misato."
He looked at the door of the locker room to see the figure of a girl wearing only a green military jacket and white panties, with a huge pistol in her hand.
"A-asuka? What did you do… Misato-san is…"
He looked in shock to see a headless Misato standing up slowly, her clothes being disintegrated and morphing into the form of a pale nude female. A kinda familiar nude female form.
"A-ayanami?"
Another two shots hit the monstrous form on the chest, projecting it right into the wall of the locker room. The boy threw himself on the floor, in shock, until a hand firmly grasped his wrist.
"Come with me if you want to live."
As Shinji was being dragged by Asuka in the corridor towards the launch platform, he managed to find strength to ask a question.
"Asuka… why are you doing that? What was that thing? Please… answer m…"
He stopped speaking as Asuka put her hand on his mouth with a really strong grip and looked at him in his eyes, as if she was scanning them for some reason.
"Despite of your odd behavior, you really are Shinji Ikari. Disgusting."
"What do you mean?"
"I've concluded that your mental capabilities are insufficient in your current state, so I will explain it to you. I'm not Asuka. I'm a clone for the Shikinami series, created by you in the year 2029."
Shinji looked at the girl with a shocked expression.
"In a few weeks, Nerv research team will input the data retrieved from the experiment with this captured Angel, Sandalphon. But the data will work like a Trojan Horse. Another Angel, Ireul, a nano-scale entity, similar to a virus, will hack into the MAGI computer systems, protecting the hard connections with an AT field on the cables to prevent it from being cut off. Since the MAGI will already be familiar with the Angel data, it won't be able to detect the invasion as hostile, and therefore Ireul will take control of the Central Dogma. The world will be controlled by the Angel and you will be one of the only survivors from Nerv in that devastated world. You survived until you were able to create the Shikinami series, based on the DNA of the girl you loved, and used a concept called Dirac Sea to send me to this point of space-time to rebuild the timeline. Unfortunately, the Angel also created clones of Lilith and is sending them through the rift of the Dirac Sea to preserve the timeline."
"I…. I don't understand…"
"Are you stupid? Ok… I will make it simpler. The captured Angel must be destroyed before the data is retrieved. That's my mission. And those creatures will try to stop me."
"So… you're saying that you're not Asuka… but a clone of her…. from another timeline. And you want to destroy the Angel that you… I mean, Asuka, just captured."
"That was the original plan. But the Lilith clones apparently decided to change plans and try to also alter the timeline, by killing you. So, I will get you to inside of your Evangelion to keep you safe while I will go back there and destroy the target."
"Oh…"
"What are you thinking about? Are you planning to use the Evangelion to stop me?"
"No… I… believe in you, Asuka."
"I'm not Asuka. I'm just a clone of the Shikinami series."
"Well… yes, but... I don't know. Even if you're different, I can see that you're still Asuka somehow. Asuka is Asuka, I guess."
The clone looked at the boy with a confused expression in her face.
"You're an idiot. Just climb up and get inside the robot. I will finish my mission and return to my universe, after eliminating the remaining Lilith clones."
She turned away and starts to run towards the corridor.
"Wait!"
"What now, idiot?"
"Just…. Just be careful, ok?"
The clone stopped to run and awkwardly turned her face away from the boy, waiting several seconds before answering.
"I'll be, baka."
Shikinami was barely standing on her feet, in front of Sandalphon's cage, having lost her left eye and her right arm, facing a horde of headless Lilith's clones.
Until Eva Unit 01 cracked the roof of the facility and crushed all of them with a swift movement from his hand.
"Baka-shinji? You… activated your Evangelion without orders?"
"W-well… technically I'm on stand by duty and I'm supposed to act if things got out of control. And… orders be damned. I couldn't just stay there when you were putting your life in danger."
The clone opened up a small smile.
"Dummy. You're really pressing your luck. Well, there is no way that Nerv staff didn't noticed what happened here, so we will have to act quickly." – she said as she touched the Angel's cage and absorbed the essence of Sandalphon into her functional eye. As she did that, the sirens and alarms went of like crazy, as a pattern blue was detected.
"Asuka! Why… why you did that?"
"It was the only way. I'm too damaged to go back into the Dirac Sea, and the Angel must be destroyed without leaving a single trace. Also I… I needed to save you…. I mean, save your status as a pilot, so if you activated your Eva because of the pattern blue you won't face any trouble for having activated your Eva without orders."
"But… but… that means you're gonna…" – the boy starts to sob.
"Hey… can I ask you a favor?"
Eva Unit 01 was standing at the top of the volcano, holding the clone in the palm of its hand.
"I saw a picture of you once. I didn't know why at the time. It was very old - torn, faded. You were young like you are now. You seemed just a little sad, despite of your Monalisa-like smile. I used to always wonder what you were thinking at that moment."
"Asuka…"
"Thank you, Shinji Ikari, for your courage through the dark years. I can't help you with what you must soon face, except to say that the future is not set. You must be stronger than you imagine you can be. You must survive. You must also protect her. Or I will never exist." – she said as she jumped inside the volcano.
The Eva pilot started to cry hard.
"I can't do it Asuka! I'm weak… I wasn't able to save you. I won't be able to protect her… Heck, I won't even be able to get closer to her. She hates me."
"Idiot! If a clone like me was able to fall in liebe with you, I'm sure that she will auch in der Lage sein. "
Despite of not feeling pain, as she was drowning in the molten lava, her nervous system became confused and she momentary lost the ability to speak in the proper language.
Just as she was about to be fully engulfed by the magma, the girl made a thumbs up signal with her hand and managed to say her last words.
"Sayon…. Goodby… Auf Widese... Hasta la vista… baka."
Chapter 11: Sometimes when you win, you lose
Notes:
Hey people, how are you doing? Now that I've finished my long series ("I don't want to forget") that pretty much contains everything that I ever wanted to say about Asushin and Evangelion, it took me a while to return to writing this, but I will sure deliver the promised 26 episodes.
Also, a fun fact. "I don't want to forget" was heavily inspired by "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind" and I posted it later, but the idea of making that one was actually the inspiration for this series and not the opposite.
I had planned to post up a Christmas fic today, but I will delay it for a good reason. So, instead, this time I got a larger chapter with a very emotional romance movie and also a small homage to a movie that referenced Evangelion itself. Hope you're prepared for more romantic angst to mark the return of Sohryu focused stories ^^. And Merry Christmas!
Chapter Text
A man and a woman are running outside the train station.
"Mari…. Do you think I'm gonna be able to see them again?"
Mari looks at him and smiles.
"Puppy, this is heaven. The world you created to give everybody a chance to find happiness. Look, this is your home. I know that there is something important waiting for you right there."
Shinji looks to see a nice house, with a huge garden, in which some really beautiful watermelons are growing from the floor.
On the garden, wearing a straw hat, the familiar figure of Rei Ayanami, but with her long gorgeous blue hair.
"Ayana… Rei?" – Shinji says with his eyes tearing up.
"Hi Shinji. It's good to see you again." - she walks towards him and gives the man a soft hug. "Come on, let's get inside. There are so many things that I want to tell you about this world."
Shinji enters the house and is greeted with a familiar shout.
"Wark!"
"Pen-pen? You're back too buddy? But how…"
Mari smiles and Rei appears at his side, with a bowl of ramen on her hands.
"Let's eat, Shinji. You must be hungry."
Shinji sits at the table and starts to eat the food.
"Wow…. Rei… it's amazing. But how did you…"
"It's Neon Genesis World, puppy." – Mari answers for her – "Of course, everything here will be amazing. You sure deserve it. You also like music, right? You can select some for us to hear or even a movie for us to watch and have a pleasant afternoon here. What do you think about it? Sounds good?"
Looking to the side, Shinji comes across a gigantic bookshelf, containing several movies and music to choose from. He randomly removes a Blue-Ray box set from the shelf and tries to read the contents of it
"The best movies of.. Robin Williams?"
"Yes! Very nice choice." – Mari says with an excited look. "He is a very famous foreign actor, with a lot of good movies and…"
"Oh, I think I remember him. He is the protagonist for those Hollywood action movies, with explosions, heavy guns everything, right?"
"Erh… not quite but… whatever. We have all the time of the world, puppy. So, we will be able to watch all those movies and do lots of things."
"That sounds great Mari. But I want to meet the others first. Asuka. Where is she? Rei, do you know where she is?"
Mari and Rei stare at each other. A sudden tension overcomes the ambient.
"Shinji… I believe that you already said goodbye to Shikinami, right? So why do you intend to…"
"Shikinami… yes… No… but Asuka name is…" – Shinji puts his and on his forehead as a powerful headache overcomes him.
"Puppy, are you alright?"
"…"
Shinji suddenly raises his head and stares at both women.
"I want to see her. No. I need to see her. Asuka… Asuka Langley Sohryu. That's her name."
"Puppy… you probably need to rest a little bit. After that we are gonna see other people. No need to worry."
"She is right. You' re just making yourself feel worse Shinji, there's no point t ..."
"The point is there's just one thing I need." – Shinji says while punching the tale. The anger sets Rei and Mari back. – "And I need her… badly. Why? How did I forget about her?"
Mari and Rei keep staring at each other. Another tough moment of tension in the room.
"Shinji, I know that you're feeling confused right now, but that'll change in time…"
"To hell with time! Time's not that thing on my wristwatch anymore, is it? Time disappeared on me. And wherever it is, it won't make me need Asuka any less."
Silence.
"Rei…" - Shinji says, with a sad look – "How much time has passed since…. I've been with her?"
"There were a lot of loops and tries, Shinji…"
"Puppy… the thing is…. You can't reach her anymore. No matter what you do. And even if you manage to do it, you'll feel differently. And so will she."
Shinji glares at his friend. A sudden silence. No wind at all. And just above a whisper ...
"Mari. You don't know us."
Mari looks at him with a big smile.
"I sure do, puppy. You two are soulmates. Tuned in to each other. Pretty romantic stuff. Even if she never got into this realm, you've still loved another version of her. Any version of her."
"So, you understand that I need to see her. Please… help me."
Mari looks in his eyes and suddenly becomes sad. Rei speaks again.
"You can't. She is not here. Never was. She is in another place since the loops began. It might have been centuries or millenniums since then. What you call 'hell' ...a place for those who don't accept the realities that you've rewritten which each loop. They can't realize what's happened to them... because they were too self-aware of the old reality. They won't let go of the old world they've built around themselves. At this point it's like you're a different species on a different planet. Forget it"
"Where is she?"- Shinji insists.
Mari looks at Rei with pleading eyes. "Rei… please… show him!"
Rei sighs and opens the kitchen's door. Instead of seeing a kitchen, Shinji could see a empty beach, with a red sea. On the horizon, several crucified Evangelions, as well as the decomposing form of Lilith's head, could be seen.
"That's a big place, Shinji, as infinite as all the realities that you've seem during instrumentality. It's foolish to go there."
"Dear Rei. Shinji is a grown man now. But you know, if she was here, she would say that too much persistence can get kinda… stupid?" – Kaworu appears, walking from the apocalyptic scenario towards the living room.
Shinji gave him a soft laugh.
"I warned you that you would be lonely, Shinji. But have no illusions. When you find her. Nothing will make her recognize you. Nothing will break her denial, it is stronger than her love, in fact reinforced by her love. Denial twists everything around and you can't outsmart it, you can't beat it. Not even with the lances. There are things that neither the creators of this reality can change."
"I understand."
"But you can say everything you long to say. Including good-bye. Even if she can't understand it. In that sense, it's just like you did with Shikinami."
"Get me there. I'll decide what's enough."
Rei put a hand on his shoulder. "Remember. You can stay there for five minutes, tops. Otherwise, you will also become trapped in your worst nightmare too." – Shinji nods in agreement, and starts to walk towards the door as she continues. "Shinji!" – the man stops – "If losing yourself, and your soul... if being swallowed by hell itself ... could possibly save her... I…" – she gives a quick look at Kaworu and Mari – "we'd say, go for it. And we'd be there cheering you."
Shinji looks at them "Thank you". As he crosses the door, he realizes that he is now his 14 year's old version again.
Laying on the wet sand, the girl that he wants to see. Her plugsuit wasn't torn, but there were bandages on her right arm and left eye.
"A-asuka?" – he runs towards her and touches her face only to stop when the girl raised her right arm towards the sky, screaming: "I will kill you! I will kill you!"
Shinji blinks. And suddenly he is inside of the entry plug of Unit 02, as several replicas of the Spear of Longinus trespass its body, making the boy feel the worst pain that he ever felt.
As he opens his eye again, he realizes that he is in Misato's apartment. Asuka was there sitting at the table with an emotionless face. Like a doll.
"A-asuka?"
She turns her head to look at him.
"Who are you? Why are you in my house?"
Shinji's eyes tear up. Asuka doesn't remember him anymore.
"I'm… your new neighbor. The door was opened and I just wanted to introduce myself and."
"Oh… I see. Well, you must be pretty dumb to move over here. I've been living here by myself for a while and there is nothing to do here. It's boring. So, I just want to sleep all day. But when I do, I always have the same nightmare, so I wake up again and… why the hell I'm talking those things to you?" – she looks away from him and started at the table.
Shinji looks at her, with confidence in his eyes. He may look like a boy, but he is not. He is a man now. He will help her this time.
"Maybe it's because I remember you of someone?"
"What? No… of course not." – she says, still looking at the table –"Nobody is worthy of remembering anyway. Also, I don't need anybody. I'm perfectly fine living on my own."
"I see… however, you do remember me of someone."
"Oh… I doubt it. You don't know anything about me."
"She had a tragic story. She was betrayed by the person that she trusted the most."
Asuka flinches and turns her head to look at him again.
"She had her flaws, but she didn't deserve that. The person that betrayed her was an idiot. He couldn't give her what he wanted because he was so selfish that he didn't even know how to love himself."
Her eyes come up.
"And instead of solving his issues and become strong to really help her he… ran away. He pushed the pain away so hard ... he disconnected himself. From the person he loved the most. That's his crime. And he's gonna pay for it. Forever."
She stands up, looking at him with a curious look.
"He…. really seems to be an idiot."
"He sure is. In fact, he is so dense that it took him thousand of years for him to admit that he loved… no, he loves her. And he could only hope that she would know that, somehow."
"S…stupid Shinji?"
Tears stand in her eyes. Shinji starts to cry too. She reaches to touch his face. But at the last moment she recoils and, instead, pushes him backwards, making him fall over the floor, dropping hot coffee on the carpet.
"Why… what are you doing here? You don't do anything! You won't even hold me!"
Shinji fells like his consciousness is starting to fade. The time limit is reaching the critical threshold.
"Sorry, Asuka." – he says, while struggling to get up – "There's some things I have to say. And there's only ... a few moments left."
"I'm sorry. For all the things that I've done. For all the moments that I've hurt you by my actions or by running away. I was never able make you smile. I was never able to comfort you. I was never able to hold you."
Asuka looks at him, with plain disgust on her eyes.
"But I also want to say thank you. For never give up. For always being honest. For always trying to push me to be stronger. For being someone I was always proud to be with. Thank you for your guts and your… sweetness. For how you always looked, how I always wanted to hold you."
He looks at her frozen and emotionless face, still looking at him with that disgusted look that made him feel utterly pathetic as Shinji starts to lose his consciousness for good.
"I also… apologize for every time I failed you. Especially this one."
"Thought I wouldn't make it out, huh?" Shinji says, opening his eyes.
"You were in there for more than five minutes" – Rei gently speaks, caressing his hair.
"Guess I was. Took a while to realize." He looks at Kaworu. "You were right."
Kaworu smiles a sad smile, that shows that he is not happy to be right. Not happy at all.
"Nothing you can do could ever help her. This trip was always just for you."
Shinji nods once more. He knows that now. Rei clears her throat.
"Did you come close?"
"To losing it? Yeah, I pushed it straight to the edge. That's why I had to come out now ..."
A flicker of apprehension across Rei and Kaworu's eyes, their instinct anticipating danger, as Shinji resumed talking.
"To tell you that I'm giving up ..." they suddenly relax ... "Just not in the way you think." Kaworu freezes and Rei just blinks as Shinji crawls towards Asuka and starts to gently caress the girl's frozen dead body cheek again.
"Kaworu, Rei." – he says as he starts to lose his consciousness again – "Thank you for everything. I love you both. More than you can imagine. But I've made my choice. And I won't leave Asuka. Give my regards to Mari."
Shinji blinks, and suddenly he is on Misato's apartment again. Asuka is still standing, looking at him with a disgusted look, not making a single move.
"Asuka… In one minute, I'll lose myself. I won't know you. Any better than you will know me. But we'll be together. Where we belong."
He pulls her to a strong embrace, holding her. She tries weakly to pull it free, but he won't let her.
"Good people end up in hell because they can't forgive themselves." – he stares at her eyes. "I know I can't. Not if it means that I have to abandon you here."
She is staring back. Transfixed. Shinji continues.
"But I can forgive you."
Asuka softly whispers.
"For what? Being a bitch? An immature child? A worthless pilot and an even worse person?"
He shakes his head and caress her cheek.
"For being so wonderful that a guy would choose hell over heaven … just to see you again."
And with those words, a light goes out behind his eyes. He blinks, pulls back and looks around ... while weird thoughts start to take form into his head. Why he is here? Why is the sea… red?
He looks at his side and sees a girl. A girl that has hurt him. So, he has to hurt her back. How many times he did that already? Always waking up on that beach and killing the girl with his bare hands, only to wake up again and do the same thing over and over.
He quickly positions himself to stand over the girl looking at her with an emotionless look in his eyes, and begins to squeeze her neck once more.
But he stops as he realizes that something is different this time. The girl is giving him a soft caress on his cheek. Tears fall from his eyes as he hears her voice saying that this whole thing is disgusting. And suddenly, as they look into each other's eyes, they realize that they are in control of their actions again. A soft blush forms on both of their cheeks.
"You're really stupid, you know? You have abandoned your perfect and deserved paradise and happy ending. Why?"
Shinji smiles softly. "Heaven would never be truly heaven without you... Let this hell be our heaven."
Asuka sighs. "Shinji… I'm… tired… I guess I want to try to… live in a world without Evangelions."
"B-but…I…"
She flicks his forehead.
"Idiot. You found me in hell. You will find me anywhere. You better! I won't forgive you if you don't!" – she gives him a big smile as her body starts to disappear.
"I… I promise." – he says while closing his eyes.
In a hospital room, two babies, side by side, pull out into the world. The Japanese boy howls with rage and life, to the happiness and joy of the woman with blue long hair who had just given birth to him and the wide smile of the white-haired man.
But on the other room ... ... the red headed baby girl is motionless, lifeless, a frozen doll. Her parents are in shock, tears starting to moist both of their glasses. A lifetime instant. Suddenly, to the astonishment of the man who had already dropped his camera, his wife takes the girl from the doctor's arm and delivers a blow across the infant's back, and the child ... gasps, breaths and screams with the joy of being reborn.
The two brand-new mothers clutch their babies. Those babies stare at the wall that is separating them, knowing that soon there will be no walls between them anymore.
Chapter 12: May the odds be ever in your favor
Notes:
As always, thanks to the all the readers and reviewers, especially those from the last chapter, that was my favorite chapter so far.
So, let's start the 2022 season! This one ended up being up a larger chapter than usual, because there were so many scenes about this one that were interesting to explore to tell a better story. A little bit of action, romance and drama this time.
Chapter Text
Hey, Shin-man? Where are you going? They will be there soon and all children must be ready."
"I know, I will come back in a minute. I got to help Rei to come out here and watch it with us. She is still really sick, remember?"
"Man, that sucks. I wonder what I would do if Sakura got hurt..."
It was an important day on the Marduk Institute. The representants of the Ancestral Race, rulers of the entire universe, were going to make an important announcement, but only for the selected children, the last hope of mankind.
"Rei! Rei! Are you there? Oh, there you are."
"Shinji... I don't want to go."
Shinji looked at his sister and offered her a kind smile.
"Hey, wanna see what I got you today? It's a penguin pin, to protect you. And as long as you have it, nothing bad will happen to you, okay? I promise. So, don't worry. Everybody will be there. I know that they would deliver great news to us."
The children stared at the screen, in shock. Kaworu Nagisa repeated again what he had just said.
"Two children from the Marduk Institute will now be chosen to represent the Lilin to the 3rd Impact, an event that will finally define which of the different forms of the seeds of life will be worthy of controlling the book of life and the destiny of this planet. And the children are…"
Shinji's world came crashing down when he heard his sister's name being chosen as the first child.
Toji had to hold the boy who suddenly became dizzy and had a terrible urge to vomit.
"Shinji... Shinji... calm down, man. It's going to be okay."
Shinji looked at Rei and began to cry. The girl looked him in the eye and smiled in a pure, angelic way one last time before she began to walk - with difficulty- towards the vehicle that awaited her.
It was an old, French sports car. The blue color of the car contrasted with the intensity of the red color of a girl's hair, which radiated like fire. At the side of the vehicle, waiting with folded arms, was the second child. Asuka Langley Sohryu. The legend, herself. The pride of Marduk Institute and mankind best hope.
Shinji alternated his gaze between the two chosen children, and after a brief moment of hesitation, he shouted with all his might.
"WAIT!"
Everyone present looked at the boy who ran towards his sister and looked steadily at the screen, where the image of Kaworu Nagisa was still present, sporting a curious smile.
"Mr. Nagisa! I... I..."
"No need for all that formality, Shinji Ikari. Just call me Kaworu."
"K-Kaworu." - he said, as he opened and closed his right hand - "I... I... volunteer to go in Rei's place!"
Everyone looked at him, in shock. Shinji hugged Rei who was looking at him, with concern.
"Shinji... you don't..." - the girl tried to start a conversation, but soon collapsed due to the great effort she had made. Shinji gently put his sister down, giving her a soft kiss on her forehead and looked Toji, who, after a few moments, started walking towards them.
On the main screen, Kaworu Nagisa was still smiling.
"Very well. It's decided. Shinji Ikari, the third child, will join Asuka Langley Sohryu as the Lilin representatives of the Third Impact!"
Shinji got into the car and looked at his companion. Asuka made no mention of wanting to talk to him, turning her body and face toward the window and unconsciously giving the boy a beautiful view of her body and her stunning hair.
"Don't worry Shinji. Asuka has never been much of a chatterbox." - Said the voice of the car driver - "My name is Misato Katsuragi. Winner of the Second Impact. I will be your mentor along this journey."
"Great! Now I'm sure we're screwed. Leave your bullshit to this idiot boy who has only a few days left to live. I'm going to win by myself. I don't need anyone. Especially neither of you!"
Shinji looked with astonishment at the girl and looked back at the driver.
"It's great to see you again too, Asuka. Shinji, later we will talk about this whole situation, but for now try to rest. As soon as we arrive, you will be officially introduced as participants to the organizing committee. A bureaucratic protocol. Try to be nice and answer the organizer's questions honestly. We will have a long day tomorrow."
Shinji closed his eyes and sighed lightly, putting on his headphones and letting the music flow into his mind, totally disconnecting himself from the outside world.
"So, that was Asuka Langley Sohryu. The Red Devil. Charmed, huh? Now the second member of the Lilin team, Shinji Ikari."
Shinji entered the stage while hearing a round of applause and shouts from an audience he could not see. On the stage there was an empty chair next to another chair, occupied by the host, Kaworu Nagisa.
"Ah! That's the young man that is worthy of our grace! The hero Shinji Ikari! The one who volunteered to be here so that his sister wouldn't have to come. What a gentleman! Like a knight in a shining armor!"
"Oh… it's not like that Mr… I mean, Kaworu... I'm not a hero."
"Well Shinji, most people here would disagree with you. In fact, I've received several messages here saying that you're one of the favorites of the fans and many people are curious about you. Especially about your love life. So, Shinji, tell me, is there a special girl back home?"
"No. No, not really."
"Oh, sorry. A special boy then?"
"What! N-no!"
"No? Really? I don't believe it for a second. Look at that face. Handsome man like you. Shinji... tell me."
"Well, there, uh... there is this one girl that I've had a crush on forever."
"Ah!"
"But I don't think she would like to do anything with me."
"She has another fellow?" asked Kaworu.
"I don't know, but a lot of boys like her."
"Well, I'll tell you what, Shinji. You go out there, and you win this thing, and when you get home, she'll have to go out with you. Right, folks?"
"Thanks, but I, uh, I don't think winning's going to help me at all."
"And why not?"
"B-b… because she came here with me."
Shinji returned to his room.
Misato was sleeping on the dining table, with several cans of beer dumped on the floor beside her.
Asuka was standing there, leaning on the wall, looking at him with an emotionless look.
"Have you ever met her before? Misato? You know, Asuka, she is our mentor. She won this thing once. I wonder how she did it?".
Asuka ignored him.
"Look, if you don't want to talk, I understand, but I don't think there's anything wrong with getting a little help. There's so much on our shoulders right now and..."
In one swift movement Asuka held the boy by the collar and pushed him against the wall, hard.
"What the hell was that? You didn't even talk to me when we were at the Marduk Institute. Then you volunteered to come here to try to be a hero only to show off to your sister and friends. And now you just said, for the whole universe to hear, that you have a crush on me? Are you stupid? What is your problem? Are you already trying to kill me? Is this how you want to play? Is that so? Listen here you idiot, I will never let you, of all people, kill me, do you understand?"
"Stop it! Stop it! Let me sleep." - Misato
"Oh, fuck off!" - She said, quickly releasing the boy, letting out a series of intelligible swear words as she left the room, slamming the door angrily.
Shinji sighed, and tried to sleep again.
"Hey Shinji."
Upon opening his eyes, Shinji was faced with his guardian standing looking at him, as she removed her blouse.
"M-misato!".
"It's okay, Shinji. Open your eyes and look at me. I swear I'm not trying to seduce you or anything like that. I just want you to look at me. It will be easier that way."
Shinji took courage to look toward the woman and was met with a shocking sight. A giant, hideous scar that ran from the base of the woman's neck to her belly was all he could see.
"Shinji...I wish I could have spared you a little longer before you had to face reality about this event." - she said, as she sat down at the table again and opened another beer.
"Just like in Second Impact, you and Asuka are going to have to face terrible monsters. Aliens. Alternative life forms that could have been dominant, instead of humans. They...did this to me. And that is the least of my scars. I have nightmares to this day because of them. Can you imagine what that's like, Shinji?
Shinji looked at the woman, with a frightened, steady gaze, as he lightly clenched his fists.
"M-misato. I ... I imagined it would be something like that. That's why I volunteered. Rei wouldn't stand a chance. I know I probably won't be able to win that, but I won't run away. I'll do my best and everything I can to help Asuka win and..."
"STOP IT!" - Misato shouted and quickly finished his beer in a sudden motion. - "You still don't get it, right? Think about it for a while. If the human race won the Second Impact, why am I the only mentor here?"
"I guess… your partner.. Oh… I am so sorry for your loss, Ms. Misato. I can't imagine how..."
"My father."
"What?"
"My partner. He was my father."
Shinji stared at the woman who was now resting her head on the table, almost asleep again.
"Ms. Misato, I... will try to fight harder to avenge his death."
She stood up and looked into the boy's face, offering him a gentle smile.
"You don't have to. He was not killed by an enemy. He sacrificed himself, so that I could win."
"I... I don't understand."
"Shinji... in this damn rigged game, there can only be one winner. One AT-Filed rule. Even if they selected two representants of each race, only one will from one single survivor can be declared the winner. So, even in the best-case scenario, you will either have to kill Asuka or she will have to kill you."
The training with Misato lasted a few weeks. Shinji and Asuka were able to understand the battle strategies and how to act in sync to maximize the chances of victory. But they have not exchanged another word with each other since that night.
"Shinji, Asuka. This is the moment in which we say goodbye. Know that no matter what happens, I and the rest of humanity are grateful for all that you stand for."
"Misato! Thank you so much for everything."
Asuka simply stepped into the elevator without saying goodbye or waiting for her companion, who had to run to get in before the door closed.
Shinji and Asuka leaned into opposite corners of the elevator, avoiding looking at each other.
"Why?"
"What?"
"Why did it have to be you?"
"I couldn't let my sister go and..."
"I know that, idiot. But that's not what I'm asking. Oh, never mind."
Silence reigned again for a few more seconds.
"Asuka."
"What?"
"When I volunteered to go in Rei's place... I wanted to protect her, of course, but..."
Asuka turned her head and looked straight into his eyes for the first time.
"Also... when I saw that, besides her, you also had been chosen I... I just wanted to help you somehow and be here for you. I wanted you to win so you could return home safely. I... I didn't know that..."
The elevator finally reached its destination. Asuka quickly turned toward the door and stepped out, with hurried steps. Shinji followed her, without saying anything else.
Shinji and Asuka stood next to each other, waiting for the starting signal. Misato's strategy was simple: try to get hold of the Spear of Longinus that is always positioned in the center of the arena, a weapon capable of penetrating directly into the soul of the creatures, a power that is more than enough to give its possessor at a clear advantage over the other competitors.
The signal has been given. Shinji and Asuka quickly ran towards the center of the arena, at full speed.
Asuka could already see the prize on the horizon. In a few seconds she would be able to get the spear and…
"Asuka, watch out!"
Asuka stumbled and rolled in the grass after being pushed by her companion.
"Shinji, you bastard! Why did you..."
Asuka looked back to see a trail of destruction caused by a bolt of energy, which struck exactly where she would have been a few moments ago.
In the center of the arena, near the spear, a bloodbath was taking place, in which grotesque creatures were digging themselves out. A two-meter-high spider spewed acid against a floating polyhedron while a shadow on the ground swallowed a gigantic creature, and other strange battles were going on as well.
But none of this mattered to her. She was not concerned with what she was seeing, but with what had gone out of her field of vision.
Shinji.
At that moment, Asuka understood that all the strategy was lost. There was only one thing to do at the moment. Survive. That was what was needed. Not just to win this match. But to find Shinji. She needed to do this. She... needed him.
These were extremely harrowing hours for Asuka. A lot of things went through her head, including surprisingly uncomfortable thoughts that left the proud girl with an increasingly unsure look and countenance.
Until, finally, she found him.
Shinji was lying on the ground, while the bird-like creature flew over his head, emanating a bright light in his direction.
Asuka took a deep breath, and with one precise movement, she managed to hit a rock right on the target's head, which fell to the ground with the impact. Within seconds, Asuka was already in hand-to-hand combat with the creature, using another stone in her hands to finish the job with a direct hit to the head.
Asuka sighed in relief and moved toward the boy.
"Hey. Idiot! Are you alive? Hey, answer me. You can't die yet. You..."
Asuka's speech was interrupted when two hands began to squeeze her neck. Shinji had stood up, in a sudden movement, and, manifesting superhuman strength and a listless look, stood up while continuing to strangle the girl.
Asuka looked at him, confused, as she raised her hand to try to react to the assassination attempt. But, lacking the strength to react, she only managed to place her hand on the boy's cheek, caressing it lightly.
The slight contact, however, was enough to make the boy's eyes shine again and immediately let go of the girl's neck, knocking her to the ground.
"Cough... cough... a-about... time, you idiot!"
"Asuka! Asuka! Oh! Asuka! I'm… I'm sorry. I so sorry. I didn't realize what I was doing, I…"
"Heh… as if. You really thought that I would let you, of all beings of the universe, kill me?"
"I'm sorry. That thing did… something to my head… I…."
"Are you…. normal again?"
"Yeah… I think so."
Asuka looked at him, with a skeptical look.
"You scared me to death. Damn you."
"I'm sorry. I'm sorry."
"Yes, it seems that you're normal." – she said giving him a pat on his head –"Now, stop apologizing, idiot."
"Ok Asuka… I… thank you for… for.."
"What's your problem? Just spill it already!"
Shinji threw himself back onto the ground, in a fetal position.
Asuka looked to the side, as she saw two white creatures, with a reptile-like face, walking towards them. One of the creatures had the Spear of Longinus in its hands.
"I'll kill you. I'll kill you." - Asuka said, raising her arm in an attempt of removing the Spear from her face.
It was really unfair. She had managed to defeat both creatures. The biggest fight of her life. And she did it by herself. Alone.
But apparently, she underestimated her opponents. She was not strong enough to actually kill one of the creatures, giving it the chance of making a sneak attack that resulted in her defeat.
The white creature smiled as it removed the spear from Asuka's eye and delivered another sharp blow to the girl's arm, who writhed on the ground in pain.
Asuka had no more energy left to fight.
She closed her eye and waited for the killing blow.
That never came.
After a few moments, she caught her breath and opened her eye, trying to adjust her vision and understand what had happened. And as she looked to her side, her mind couldn't fully understand the scene she was seeing.
Shinji had just defeated the white beast. No, that was wrong. He destroyed the thing. He had blood al over his body, mostly in his hand and in his mouth.
The monster was already dead, for sure, and, still, Shinji Ikari continued punching and bashing the creature's head against the ground. After continuing for a few more minutes, the boy stood up, picked up the Spear of Longinus, and delivered another dozen or so blows to the corpse.
Asuka looked at the scene, startled. But she was even more startled when she saw Shinji, spear in hand and looking far away, walking towards her.
The boy threw the Spear on the ground and knelt down, standing over the girl. However, as he looked at the girl's face, Shinji began to cry, as if he once again had just snapped from a terrible nightmare.
Asuka sighed in frustration.
"Come on! It's over. You are supposed to finish me off now and end this thing. So, do it already!"
"No."
"Are you stupid? You know the rules! God damn it! You're such a selfish bastard! Why can't you act like a man for once, accept your win and let me die already?"
"I won't kill you!" – he shouted, making Asuka tremble in fear, before returning to speak in his regular voice – "N-never! I… won't hurt you, Asuka. Also, the Asuka that I know wouldn't let herself be killed by someone like me, remember?"
Asuka looked at him with a faint blush on her cheeks.
"You… are really an idiot. Do you think that I… everything would be better if you sacrifice yourself? Do you hate me that much to the point where you would force me to…"
"No. I won't let you kill me either."
The girl stopped her ranting, looking at him with confusion in her eyes.
"Those things have screwed up with your mind. You know that there can be only one winner. Only one AT-Field standing rule. One of us has to die. Otherwise, this cursed game will never end."
"There is one way…" – he said while reaching for the Spear – "if you and I were both to die..."
Asuka's hand clamped on his wrist.
"No, I won't let you."
"Trust me." - he whispered.
She held his gaze for a long moment then let it go. They stood up, Asuka hugging him from behind. In Shinji's hands, the Spear of Longinus.
"Kaworu! Listen to me! I won't do it! I don't care about the stupid rules of the Ancestral Race!"
His only answer was the complete silence.
"There will be no winners, Kaworu. No more pawns for your game. No more children of the Ancestral Race to keep the legacy going," he said.
Still silence.
"On the count of three, I will impale ourselves with the Spear, piercing our AT-Fields and…I will die together with the girl… that I love. This will be the end of everything."
Asuka gave Shinji's belly one last squeeze as a signal, as a good-bye, and they both began counting. "One." Maybe he was wrong. "Two." Maybe those alien beings didn't care if they both die. "Three!" It was too late.
The frantic voice of Kaworu Nagisa was heard above them, like a thunder that just descended from the sky. "Stop! Stop! Ladies and gentlemen, I am pleased to present the winners of the Third Impact: Asuka Langley Sohryu and Shinji Ikari. The tributes of the Lilin race, the one that will rule this planet until the next cycle!"
Shinji released the spear and collapsed on the floor, exhausted. Asuka laid down, on top of him.
"You're an idiot, you know. To pull up a gambit like that."
"Sorry."
She sighed.
"Stop apol… ah, whatever. I just want to ask one question…."
"I… won't kill you. Ever! Even if I'm fucked up, I won't hurt you! I promise!"
"That was not what I was gonna ask, stupid!" – she said in a serious voice as she closed her eyes.
"Oh…"
"I'm already know that you will not kill me, Shinji. But I need to know… if you will be able to… live with me."
Shinji smiled a genuinely happy smile for maybe the first time in his young life, as he held the girl into a soft embrace, closing his eyes.
Chapter 13: Shinji Ikari, this is your tape!
Notes:
Author notes: Once again, thank you all for the continued support and reviews.
This one is a rather dark/sad one take on a series that, sadly, fits disturbingly well with a part of NGE storyline.
After that I will focus on a separated one-shot about RoE and will try to return with more comedy and action on the following chapters.
Chapter Text
"Asuka. I... I'm scared of both Misato and Ayanami. Help me... Help me, Asuka."
Shinji shook Asuka.
"Hey... Wake up! Come on... Wake up! Asuka... Asuka... ASUKA! Help me... Help me... Help me... Help me... Help me! Call me an idiot like usual! HEY!"
Shinji kept shaking the girl until her body turned over, disconnecting some suction cups and wires connected to the monitoring devices and also opening her hospital gown, revealing her almost naked body.
Immediately, he took a few steps backwards, bumping into the hospital closet, causing some objects that were stored there to fall to the floor. In normal situations, the boy would not even pay attention to this fact.
However, one of the dropped objects caught his attention. It was a K7 tape, the same model that he used in his SDAT device. But more than that: this tape had a handwritten annotation, in an almost childish-like kanji, that simply said "Reasons".
Still nervous and alternating his gaze between the half-naked girl lying on the hospital bed and the tape in his hands, Shinji felt dirty inside. What could be worse? To take a look at the body he had always desired vile intentions or to listen to a tape that certainly contained something important for Asuka and that she would certainly not share with him? Either way, he would be violating the girls intimacy for selfish reasons.
Simply running away would be the easiest answer. And probably the correct one, this time.
But that was not what he did. Locking the door to the hospital room, Shinji took out his SDTA equipment and, for the first time in years, removed his favorite tape and put in the one marked by Asuka's handwriting.
The device registered Track 1, and as he pressed "Play", Shinji felt an inexplicable mix of emotions.
"Gutten Morgen! My name is Asuka Langley Sohryu and if you're hearing this tape now it's because I'm dead. And since you cared enough to actually listen to this tape, you will know why that happened and the people that caused that. Starting with you, Mr. Kaji."
Shinji propped himself on the wall and sat on the floor, in shock, as the SDAT advanced to Track 02.
"Mr. Kaji. It's no secret that I loved you. Sure, now I know that it was maybe the worst decision of my life, and I'm sorry for that. All of my life I tried so hard to be an adult, but, alongside you, I could only act like a child. A princess that wanted a strong man to take care of her. So I confused everything from the start. I needed a father, not a lover. But the thing is... you were neither. At any moment... Was I really important to you? You've even cared about me? Or I was just another tool for you to get closer to Misato and play your spy game? I think the answer is clear now. I hate you Mr. Kaji."
The tracks continued to play.
"Misato. At one moment, I was really glad that I got to live with you in Japan. In fact, it was maybe the best place that I've ever lived. I could almost call it home. I liked our trip to the thermal fountains near Mt. Asama. I liked our dinners, even the one at the Ramen stand. I'm sorry that I couldn't appreciate it more because I was jealous of you and Kaji. That said, you're truly a despicable person. You really knew everything about me, right? Of course, you did. You were my guardian or a while and probably asked for that position to ascend further in your career. So why? Why you did nothing to help me? You knew it! You knew everything. And still didn't care. You've always moved mountains to your beloved Shinji but never did anything for me. Like all adults, you only thought about your selfish and perverted desires. You were fucking Kaji when I was struggling and suffering. I bet that you were already planning to send me back to Germany, right? I hate you Misato!"
He sat down, and starts to tremble as he could only register some fragments of what actually was being said.
"You're just a penguin, so it was dumb to had any expectations about you. So smart and intelligent but, still, only another parasite that is incapable of doing anything other than watch me naked, smell like trash and eat our food. I hate pets, and you were no different."
Shinji didn't know how to react. He never saw Asuka speaking like that. Her voice was calm, but utterly sad.
"Father. I hate you. That's all. You don't deserve any more words from me."
A far cry from the confident girl that he knew.
"Dear stepmother. Thanks for trying to be at least civil with me. It didn't work, but I appreciate the effort. Doesn't change what you did. My father was an asshole, but you decided to fuck him while my mother was dying in the next room. I hate you."
"Asuka… I didn't know..."
"Subcommander Fuyutsuki. You knew my mother too, right? I thought that you would at least acknowledge me. You've leaded my first mission in Japan. But you did nothing, only humiliated me in front of everyone, treating me like a child. I hate old people like you."
"Gendo Ikari. You never spoke to me. Ever. I was expendable, right? That's why you decided to drop me into that volcano. That's why you did nothing to help me when I was violated. You only had eyes for your doll and didn't even care for your own son. You called him a coward, but you're the coward! A pitiful excuse of a leader who can't do nothing else than to sacrifice people for your own personal gain. I…no, the whole world, hate !
"Dr. Ritsuko. You are so smart. I envy you. All those experiments, all those tests. You killed a fucking Angel only with your skills. You've brought Shinji back to life from inside his Eva and still… you couldn't do anything to stop me from being worthless. Really? Bullshit! The truth is that you didn't want to help me. You didn't want me as an Eva pilot. Nobody did… I was expendable. You just wanted to use me as a guinea pig and then discard me. But don't worry, I will make easier for you. Soon you will be able to do all kind of tests that you want with my dead body. I hate you!"
"Why you decided to do that Asuka?" – the boy mumbled to himself in a whisper – "Why you couldn't just had talked to me or to Hik…"
"Hikari… I really enjoyed spending time with you. You genuinely made my life better and tried to help me at the end. So, I'm grateful. But… was it really true? Why me? Why Asuka? It was because of my status? Because I was different of the other girls? You forced me to go on an arranged date. Another person treating me as a doll, an exotic foreigner that is only good for being a trophy girlfriend for guys to show off. And… maybe the reason that you hanged out with me because you were trying to get close to Suzuhara. You're kind a kind person but…. Let's be honest. I think that after I had nothing to offer to you, I became just another duty and a burden for you. You took me to your house, but only because you felt obliged to it. At the end, did you really care at all? I'm sorry. I don't enjoy the fact that I feel that way… I know that you don't deserve it, but it's true. I… hate you, Hikari!"
"No… Asuka…it's… not true."
"Suzuhara. You were always trying to challenge me. I admired that. You looked like a warrior, just like me. Someone reliable. Even if you are a dumb monkey, Hikari wouldn't fell for you without any reason. Still, at the end you were just another stupid boy that helped to spread the legend of the 'Red Devil' to the whole school. That's sick. It's just bullying. No excuses. But that's how it is for foreign girls, right? People judge you by the way you look, the things they hear about you. They put a label on you. So, it was perfectly reasonable for you to treat me like a foreign monster, right? Fucking stooge, Suzuhara, I hate you!"
"Aida. You looked like a cool guy. Had lots of knowledge about your geek stuff, that I actually could relate with. Your odd passion to Eva, military and games…. it was a thing that we could've talked about it. But you were nothing but a great disappointment and a pathetic human being. Even worse than Suzuhara. You…. violated me from the start. You used your skills for disgusting things. Selling photos of me. Treating me like I was a fucking whore while you were also spreading out hate and lies about me, together with your idiot jock friend. You're sick, Aida. I hate you!"
He felt like throwing up as a disgusting sensation started to grow on his belly.
"Wondergirl. You know… as much as I don't like to say it…. I meant what I said on our first meeting. I wanted to be your friend. Why wouldn't eye? I thought that you would understand me. I thought that we had so many things in common. Two girls that trained to pilot Eva since they were young. But you not only rejected me. You acted like a fucking doll and tried to replace me. During that stupid synch training. Or the volcano. I wouldn't. A doll could not replace me… again. But after that, things seemed to go better between us. Until you stood up to defend your stupid Shinji like you were his wife or something like that. And guess what? It worked. You won. You replaced me in the end and even mocked me, by trying to teach me how to pilot and even saving me, twice. A doll like you was the best girl after all. I hate dolls. And I hate you! Hope you rot in hell!"
At that point, Shinji was trembling and sweating, like he had a fever. The device switched from Track 24 to Track 25. He was afraid of what was coming next, but he also knew it. For the first time, turning off the SDAT and facing the real world seemed like an infinitely better option than continuing to listen to the tape. But the fear had paralyzed him so deeply that he didn't even had the strength to press the "Stop" button or remove the headphones.
"That is the last person that I will talk about in my life. And, of course, it's the person that I hate the most. Be honored to know that my last words will be directed to you. You will certainly be happy, because you are an idiot and what you enjoy the most is when the whole world revolves around you, isn't it? The fact that I'm dead proves that you won. So, congratulations, invincible Shinji Ikari."
Shinji hugged his own knees and collected himself in a fetal position as Track 26 started.
"From the first moment that I saw you, you irritated me deeply. How could such a pathetic human being become an Eva pilot? To be able to achieve synchronization test records and defeat angels with no training? That had to be a joke. Luck. Or plain cheating. I dedicated my whole life to being an Eva pilot and you, an idiot coward, just appear out of nowhere and become... better than me?"
"There is nothing good about you! You're not handsome, you're not smart, you're not strong, and you don't even know how to value yourself when you're really good at something."
"You never did anything right. You are just an amateur that has no place in the battlefield. You ran away. You disobeyed orders. You got trapped into your fucking Eva. And, yet, even doing all things wrong, you keep winning. And everybody likes you because of that. In the end, that's how it works. You win, you get love. That's how it is. It means that I'm just a loser, isn't it? Just a burden for the invincible all-mighty Shinji."
"You... showed me that I wasn't special. You defeated me on every single level. And worst of all! Even though you achieved everything I ever wanted, you don't recognize it. You still think that it's not enough, choosing live locked away in your own world, like a spoiled child!"
"You are just a doormat. A puppy dog, that was always following Misato's orders, running after Wondergirl and hanging out with the Stooges. You never stood up against any of them or questioned all of their abuses or mean jokes that all of them have done against me."
"I... needed you. And I thought I could count on you. Like when you were with me on my first battle. When we did that stupid training to defeat the Angel. When you jumped into that volcano… Why? Why you appeared from nowhere, did all those things and then after I…. you just rejected me afterwards! You mocked me, making me feel useless. You didn't talk to me! You didn't look at me! You didn't kiss me! You wouldn't even hold me! Why? You're a bastard."
"At the end of the day I wonder… was I ever important to you? Or just another material for your jerking off fantasies? Well, I hope that at least I was useful for something in the end. That's it. There is nothing more to say in this tape. No more reasons needed. I hate you Shinji Ikari! And even if that makes me feel sick… I…"
"…"
"I hate myself for loving you, Shinji Ikari."
The tape ended. Shinji was in shock.
The small fuzzy feeling that he felt inside when he heard the the unbelievable last sentence soon turned into despair and guilty as realization came over him.
He didn't help Asuka. He failed her. But most of all… he cost Asuka her life because he was afraid to love her.
Shinji was on the verge of crying. He wanted to scream. Scream like an inhuman creature.
"Hey, idiot! Can't you give me a break? Jeez… what an annoying boy! I'm the patient in this room, and still it looks like you're the one that is in need of medical attention."
Shinji raised his head and could not believe his eyes. Asuka was standing in front of him, properly dressed in her hospital gown, looking at him.
"A-asuka?"
"Of course, it's me, stupid? Think I would die so easily?" – she said with a confident smile.
Shinji stood up, looking at the girl with a mix of several emotions and thoughts going over his mind.
"Asuka, I am…" – Asuka put a hand over his mouth, interrupting him.
"Shut up! If you plan to apologize to me, you will be the one that will occupy this hospital bed for a long time. Have you learned nothing at…"
Asuka's body tensed as Shinji held her into a tight embrace while also kissing her on her lips, in an awkward way.
After a moment of hesitation, she kissed him back.
"Idiot!" – she said, gently, while slowly breaking the kiss – "Your breath tickles and you haven't brushed your teeth."
"Asuka, I'm so…"
"Shh… would you please try to not ruin this moment?"
He looked in her eyes, with determination, still holding her into a firm embrace.
"Asuka! I… I love you too."
She looked surprised but, after a few seconds, she gently caressed his face and gave him a sad smile.
"Why didn't you say this to me when I was alive?"
He opened his eyes and realized he was still sitting on the floor, with his SDAT on his hands. Asuka was there, still lying on the hospital bed, almost naked, and the hospital machines were making irregular noises because of the disconnected wires.
The tears never stopped falling.
Misato Katsuragi entered the hospital room, with her pistol in her hands.
Asuka was lying on her bed, as expected, properly covered with a blanket. Shinji was also there leaning against the wall, curled up in a fetal position, clutching his SDAT device..
As the Section 2 team prepared to transport Asuka into her Evangelion, Misato tried unsuccessfully to convince Shinji to stand up.
"Shinji, come with me. This is serious, we don't have much time, get up!"
But the boy remained inert.
The major took a deep breath, and held the boy's face - "Shinji! Look at me." - Only to see a pale face marked by parched tears and a deeply sad and despairing look on his face.
Misato hugged the boy, who sketched no reaction.
"Shinji. I know that things aren't good right now, but they will get better. The way we treat each other and look out for each other." - she said while caressing the boy's hair - "It has to get better somehow."
Chapter 14: 50 Third Impacts
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
"What a disgusting feeling."
Asuka stared at the boy that was crying over her, with a mix of pity, disgust and sadness. But she made no motion to stop him.
After a few minutes, the boy's tears stopped falling, and she took that opportunity to lightly push him away and stand up, looking out at the red sea and the apocalyptic scene that surrounded them.
"Asuka, I... I."
She looked at him, indifferently. "Let me guess. You're sorry right? Did you want a body that badly to put in that tomb you built? Ha! That will never happen!"
"Tomb? What tomb?"
"Are you stupid? That memorial over there that you made. You even left Misato's cross nailed there."
"I... I didn't make that."
"What?"
"I didn't make that."
She stood up, grabbing the boy hard by the collar.
"What do you mean you didn't do it? Did anyone else survive? Did you see anyone else here? Who else was going to make a memorial for us?"
"I don't know, Asuka! I don't know! I just woke up! I thought I was still in that place until you..."
She let go of his collar, abruptly.
"What do you mean? I saw you lying there on the beach before I laid down here. And I'm sure those are your footprints!"
"I don't know Asuka... I don't know."
"Aaargh! Go to hell, you idiot!" - Asuka said, walking furiously in another direction, turning away from the boy.
"Asuka, wait!"
"Don't follow me! I don't want to see your face again."
Asuka continued walking for a few more minutes until her mind became confused. Ahead of her, several poles placed in the sand, forming a memorial identical to the one she had found before.
Driven by curiosity, she decided to climb the rocks to better analyze the structure.
A few minutes later, Shinji Ikari slowly approached the girl above the rocks, who was looking at the lower part of the beach.
"Hey... Asuka."
The girl slowly turned around, with a terrified look on her face.
"Shinji... what have they done to you?"
As the boy focused on his companion's face, he could barely notice the existence of about ten memorials identical to the previous one along the shore.
Shinji opened his eyes, startled. An unfamiliar ceiling.
As he tried to stand up, he noticed that his arms were tied together and began to scream for help. Fortunately help didn't take long to arrive.
A familiar redheaded girl opened the door to the room, approaching slowly and carefully touched the boy's face with her hand.
"Hey. Take it easy. Shinji, what's the last thing you remember?"
"I... I... I saw you... Unit 2... and then I..."
"Shhh... calm down. Yes, all that stuff happened, it was horrible, but it's over now. You managed to win and we are here alone, waiting for the others to come back too."
"Really? So hm..." - he nodded, heading toward his restrained arms.
"Oh, that? Well, you were having some very strange nightmares so it was necessary to tie you up. But don't worry, I'll get you out in a minute. Just try to stay away from my neck, okay?"
That caused the boy to lower his head again, covered in shame.
"Well! Today was a really productive work day for us, Shinji. We got some valuable supplies and completed the tasks we needed to ensure our survival for a few more weeks. Thank you for your hard work."
"Y-you are welcome, Asuka. Hm... what should we do now?"
Asuka looked at him, with a smile on her face.
"Well, you know... I guess I'm bored."
"Oh... so... you mean"- he blushed as old memories began to resurface in his head.
"Hey, Shinji. Do you like me?"
"E-eh? What... why are you asking me that?"
"Just answer the question. Do you like me?"
Shinji paused, trying to find the right words as he struggled to cover up his embarrassment and face the beautiful girl who was looking at him. After thinking for a while, analyzing all possible scenarios, he finally answered.
"Y-yes."
Asuka immediately gave him an angry look and rapidly closed the gap between them, making the boy shiver in fear and regret his words. Only to playfully fickle him on his forehead.
"Idiot! I already knew that!"
"But... but... but... how..." - the boy stammered, amused and half angry to see her chilly and mocking reaction to this important confession.
"Hey, hey... take it easy. I know it was hard for you to confess for the first time, but I've actually heard that same confession 28 times. Well, at least it's a good way to make sure you're telling the truth."
Shinji looked away, visibly annoyed.
"Hey, what's the matter, idiot?"
"Why haven't you told me this before? It may not be important to you, Asuka, but it is important to me. I..." - he was silenced by her index finger that gently touched his lips.
"Let me tell you something important too." Even though I've heard it a bunch of times"-she moved her lips toward his - "I still feel like it's the first time."
As they laid on the ground, cuddling, Asuka realized that the sun had already set and they would need to start making preparations for sleep.
"Hey Shinji... It's late. I... I'll need to tie your hands again, you know? For my safety and yours too."
The boy looked at her and nodded, with a sad smile.
"Asuka... when I wake up again... won't I remember any of this?"
She looked at him, gently stroking his cheek.
"Probably not. But don't worry, I'll make you remember. Just like I've been doing every day."
"But... how long will we have to live like this?"
"Are you stupid? For as long as it takes, of course."
"So? What were the results?" - Asuka said as soon as she heard the sound of the door opening.
Misato looked at her with a serious look and simply spoke. "Asuka, you'd better sit down."
Obviously, the girl refused the advice and kept her stance, arms crossed, with a frown that challenged her former guardian to continue her speech.
"Asuka... Ritsuko has done every test and examination possible, considering our limitations. But it is virtually certain that the damage done to his mind by the events of Third Impact is irreversible. His mind will remain stuck in that loop forever. His brain can no longer retain the new information. That's why every time he sleeps, he will lose those recent memories and think he is again living through the events of the day of Third Impact."
Asuka didn't show any reaction, other than clenching her fists slightly.
"Is that it? Then you've wasted your time! This diagnosis I had already made, alone, months ago while you were still at the bottom of that red sea. And we managed to survive anyway. It only takes a few minutes a day to make him understand his situation and then..."
"Asuka, stop!" - Misato said, raising her tone. "I know it's hard, but the sooner you stop deluding yourself the better. Look, you are simply outstanding. Not only did you manage to survive that hell, but you managed to take care of Shinji and make sure he survived until now without going crazy. What you've done for him is simply amazing, but there's no way to evolve any further than that. He is no longer a functional human being. His mind will no longer be able to keep up with reality in the world and all we can do is see to it that he has a survival within a controlled environment, just like..."
"Just like my mother?" - Asuka said angrily, causing the former major to take a step back. - "So what? I don't care. I'm not going to abandon him. Just like I would never abandon my mother if I had another chance. I'm not going to let you people do to him just like they did to her."
"Asuka... please try to understand. What's gonna happen down the line? Someday he's gonna wake up and look in the mirror and notice his face's aged ten years overnight. Imagine how sad and unfair it would be for you and for Shinji if in 14 or 15 years you became a grown woman and when you look at him you will know that he will continue to act like a 14-year-old child every day? Wouldn't it be very strange for you to continue to hold those feelings under those circumstances?"
"That's not... I..."
The conversation was interrupted by a knock on the reinforced glass that separated the waiting room from the exam room. Both women turned to see the image of Shinji who, with a sad look on his face, was showing a sheet of paper with a message written in simple kanji.
Asuka looked at the message, stunned, and then looked into the boy's eyes one last time before running out of the room, tears in her eyes.
Misato looked into Shinji's moistened eyes and sighed, with a look of sadness.
Asuka was waiting in the boarding line. Going back to Germany was not something she liked, but it was the best thing to do. Staying in Japan would bring back memories she would rather forget.
However, her thoughts were interrupted with a familiar voice that caught her attention.
"Asuka! Asuka!"
She turned around to see a breathless and panting Misato Katsuragi approaching.
"What do you want?"
"Asuka... you could have let me know you decided to go back to Germany. Why do you want to..."
"It's none of your business, Misato. Tell me, why did you come to see me? It certainly wasn't to say goodbye or anything of that sort."
Misato looked into the girl's cold eyes and pulled out of her purse a familiar device.
A SDAT.
Cautiously, Asuka took the object from the former major's hands, put the headphones in her ear and pressed the play button.
'- So, that's all for today, Shinji. Do you wish to say anything else?
- Yes, doctor. If you see Asuka... please tell her I'm sorry. For everything. And even if she hates me, I... I would like to see her again.'
The audio ended, and the device switched to track 02.
'- So, that's all for today Shinji. Nicely done.
- Doctor?
- Yes?
- If you see Asuka... please tell her I'm sorry. For everything. And even if she hates me, I... I would like to see her again.'
"What kind of sick joke is this, Misato?"
"Asuka... he says that every day. That he is sorry and wants to see you again."
"I understood that, I'm not dumb. I'm asking why you came here to show me this?"
"I... I don't know. I just thought you needed to know about it. It just breaks my heart to see him like that and..."
"And you decided to share this burden with me? Just to make you feel less guilty about your decision?" - Asuka said, turning her back on her former guardian and picking up her bag to go back on the line.
Misato lowered her head, embarrassed.
"Look Misato. It's useless. It's not your fault. It's not my fault. He made his decision. He decided to push me away because he felt it was preventing me from having a full and happy life."
The flight attendant was making the final boarding call.
Asuka turned her face and looked at Misato.
"And that's why he is and always will be an idiot!" - she said, breaking down in tears.
"Doesn't he see that being with him is the only way I can have a full and happy life?" - She said as Misato held her in a tight embrace.
Shinji opened his eyes, startled. An unfamiliar ceiling.
But something was different. A television connected in front of him was playing a video.
'Do you, Asuka Langley Sohryu, take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband and to maintain, from this day forward, the life span of both of you?
- I do.
- I now pronounce you husband and wife.'
Asuka? She was beautiful and... older. And she was... getting married? But…
He began to shiver until he realized that a SDAT device was on the bedside table. Quickly, and by reflex, he reached for the device, hoping to escape this reality. Only to be again surprised by the sound he heard.
"Hello, my dear idiot! Calm down. This is not a dream. It is real. You managed to save us all from that hell. 14 years have passed since that day and even if your mind can't remember everything clearly, try to look around your room and see the life we built together. And when you are ready, put on some decent clothes and come have breakfast with me. I love you."
He looked again at the walls of his room and noticed that they were full of pictures and captions, forming a chronological order of events. The world slowly recovering from the consequences of the Third Impact. Misato, Ritsuko, several people from Nerv, and his friends were alive and well. And in each year, a picture of him with Asuka, with the television playing the wedding video positioned in the place corresponding to the year 2025.
Suddenly, all these events were settled in his mind as if they were real. As if he had really lived through it and experienced it all. The feeling was wonderful. If this was a dream, he would not want to wake up. And as soon as this thought came into his mind, a wave of sadness hit him again.
Slowly he got up and dressed, taking a few more minutes to get up enough courage to open the door.
As he opened the door, he could only see the beautiful redheaded woman who was just setting the breakfast table. Hearing the door opening, she turned toward him and cracked a big smile.
"Hey, hey, good morning, Mr. Sohryu. Would you like to meet your daughter?"
Shinji looked down to see a little girl who was hugging Asuka's legs.
"Go say hello to Daddy."
"Hi, Daddy!"
The little girl jumped into Shinji's arms as he struggled awkwardly to hug the girl, still looking confused.
"Asuka... is this real? How can I know for sure that I'm not..."
She slowly stood up and walked towards him, extending her arm and caressing him on his cheek.
"Shhh... It's okay. Don't you remember what your mother said? Any place can be paradise... as long as you don't run away from me. Idiot!"
Asuka stared at the man who was crying tears of joy, his eyes showing a mixture of affection, understanding and love. And she made no motion to stop him.
Notes:
Author notes: Once again, thank you all for the continued support and reviews and sorry for the delay.
I promised that this chapter would be more lighter and fluffier but once I've re-watched the original movie I thought that, despite being labelled as romance comedy, it was really a rather tragedy/sad tale, so I got to improvise a little bit.
I intended to post it on mother's day, since Asuka's struggles in this one were kinda based on my own mother, who took care of my father until the end even after he got a similar mental condition, so, even with the delay, I guess it still counts as an homage.
Will try to post another chapter by the end of this month. One that will start with Shinji on the telephone booth :)
Chapter 15: Don't run, Shinji. Don't run.
Notes:
Hey. A little bit late, but I'm dropping this rather larger than usual update for Shinji's birthday. It's from a movie that I think it fits rather well with Shinji's character and journey, so I tried to make way more references in this one, not only for the scenes, but also for the narrative style. Several opportunities to catch the reference, to this classic movie and enjoy the ride on this Shinji Ikari epic journey with some easter eggs about famous fanfiction too.
As always, thanks for the continuous support.
Chapter Text
Shinji was standing near a telephone booth.
As he looked away from it for a while, he saw a blue haired woman staring at him.
He closed his eyes and opened them again, but the woman was still there.
"May I ask what you are doing?" – she asked.
"I'm just trying to make a call, but I think that it's not working."
"Of course it's not working. Who uses a public telephone booth nowadays? It's still here just because of tradition."
"Oh… I see. You know, one of my first memories of my childhood was right here."
A little boy closed his eyes tightly as he sat on the floor, while a purple haired woman was speaking at the same telephone booth.
"Look Rits, I know that he is different. We're all different. What do you mean with 'really stupid'? What does normal mean, anyway? He might be a bit on the slow side, but this boy was selected by the Marduk Institute, so he is going to get the same opportunities as everyone else. Yeah, I'm sure. No, I don't have parental issues. Screw you Rits!"
The woman looked to see young Shinji staring at her.
"I'm sorry."
"Why are you sorry, kid?"
"B-because I'm stupid."
"Hey, hey. Don't ever let anybody tell you they're better than you, Shinji. Did you hear what I said? You're the same as everybody else. You are no different.
Her name was Misato. She was not my real mother, but she always had a way of cheering me up. Sadly, not all people agreed with her. I remember my first day of school at the Marduk Institute so well.
Young Shinji entered the classroom, looking for a place to seat.
Another boy with glasses looked up from his chair
"This one is taken"
Shinji looked around. A girl moved her things over, so Shinji couldn't sit next to her. She shook her head.
Shinji looked to the other side where a boy was sitting alone, occupying three chairs. The boy glares up at Shinji.
"You can't sit here."
Shinji froze in the middle of the class, while the rest of the kids laughed and threw balls of paper on him.
I, I... don't recall what I got for my first birthday or the even my mother's face. But, I do remember the first time I heard the sweetest voice in the wide world.
"You can sit here if you want."
I had never seen anything so beautiful in my life. She was like an angel. I don't know why they called her a devil.
"Well, are you gonna sit down, or aren't ya? Are you stupid or something?
"Misato says stupid is as stupid does."
The girl put her hand out toward Shinji.
"I'm Asuka Langley Sohryu. Charmed, huh?."
Shinji reached over and took her hand.
"I'm Shinji. Shinji Ikari."
From that day on, we were always together. Asuka and me were like sausages and rice inside a nice bento box.
Shinji and Asuka were returning home after class, when a bunch of boys from the Marduk Institute surrounded them, leaded by the class bully, Toji Suzuhara.
"Hey idiot".
Shinji is hit in the eye with a dirt clod. Shinji falls backward onto the ground as the boys glare at him.
"Are you retarded, or just plain stupid?
"Look, 'I'm Shinji. Shinji Ikari'"
Asuka glared at the boys, which made them stop as Toji ordered them to retreat. She helped Shinji get back up.
"What was that? Can't you stand up for yourself?"
"I… I'm sorry."
Asuka sighed.
"Listen, Shinji. You promise me something? If you're ever in trouble, just do something, stupid Shinji. Don't be afraid and do nothing, waiting for things to happen. And remember: never, never run away from your problems, ok? Otherwise, I won't forgive you."
Shinji nodded with his head.
A lot of people called me stupid, but when Asuka did that I didn't mind it. People feared Asuka, so they didn't try to mess with me.
Asuka was so beautiful that she went in a lot of dates with other guys. But she always dumped them for a reason and, after that, she always asked me to play the cello for her.
I didn't know at the time, but she explained to me that the Marduk Institute was selecting kids for piloting Evangelion. You know, those things that everyone saw in TV and that they sell lot's of mech and toys based on that.
She had told to me that everything she ever dreamed was to be able to pilot one of those. I wish she didn't have that dream.
When we turned 18, I was selected to pilot one of those things, alongside with Toji. Asuka wasn't selected. We had a fight. She screamed at me and said lot of nasty things, saying that she didn't want to see me again, ever.
I didn't want to do that. I wanted to tell them to put Asuka in my place. But they didn't listen to me.
Shinji stepped onto NERV shuttle. Rain pours outside as the pilot yells at Shinji.
"I'm Shinji. Shinji Ikari."
"Nobody gives a hunk of shit who you are, fuzzball! You're not even a lowlife scum sucking maggot! We don't want smart people here! We only selected dumb men that can't think or question orders for doing this job. Get your faggoty ass on a seat. You're in NERV now!
Shinji was about to sit on the first available seat, but the recruit sitting there pushed him away.
"This seat's taken."
Shinji tried to sit on the next seat, but another recruit moved over, blocking him.
"It's taken."
Then a man with silver hair moved his case over, making room for Shinji to sit down.
"You can sit down if you want to. My given name is Tabris, the Angel of Free Will, the 13th Apostle, child of Adam, but Lilin decided call me Kaworu Nagisa. Can you believe that? But you can call me by any name you want. I think Karl is a nice name, don't you agree."
"My name's Shinji Ikari. People call me Shinji Ikari."
"You are worthy of my grace, Shinji Ikari."
Karl said a lot of things that I didn't understand, but I enjoyed talking to him.
"So, what do you think is the pinnacle of Lilin culture?"
"W-what?"
"I'm just asking what things you like to do."
"Oh… I like music, but they didn't allow me to bring my SDAT player. I also like to cook, because Asuka was always less angry when she was eating the bentos that I prepared."
"Hm… I see. I don't know much about the thing you Lilin call 'meals', but I do have a favorite dish."
"And which one it is."
"Trout."
"Excuse me?"
"Yeah, trout. Did I say it wrong?"
"No… it's just that I don't think those are anyone's favorite dish."
"Well, it's mine for sure. Anyway, like I was sayin', trout is the bliss of Lilith's creations. You can barbecue it, boil it, broil it, bake it, saute it. There's trout-kabobs, trout creole, trout gumbo. Pan fried, deep fried, stir-fried. There's pineapple trout, lemon trout, coconut trout, pepper trout, trout soup, trout stew, trout salad, trout and potatoes, trout burger, trout sandwich. And my favorite of them all: Rainbow Trout. That, that's about it. Do you know why I'm telling all these things to you?"
"No."
"It's because I like you."
I think I liked him too. But everything would go tumbling down in the next days.
Nine giant white beasts were flying over the sky, activating their powerful AT-Fields that destroyed most of Nerv's defense in the battlefield.
Shinji held his own ground and started to shoot on the enemies.
"Center the target. Pull the trigger."
"That's the way to go! You're doing great, Shinji."
"Thanks, Karl."
Then a big explosion was heard. And he saw the familiar shape of Toji Suzuhara's Evangelion being caught by the blast.
Shinji ran into the middle of the battlefield, while Kaworu gave him cover. He went straight to the place were Toji was and grabbed the remaining of his Evangelion, carrying the destroyed unit in his arms, trying to look for a safe place.
"Ikari? What you are doing? Are you stupid? You dink son-of-a-bitch! I'm done. Leave me there, Ikari. Forget about me. Get yourself out! Did you hear what I said! Goddammit, pull me down! Get your ass out of here!"
Shinji dropped Toji's Evangelion upper body down at the bank, and returned quickly to his position
With three precise shots, he was able to take down the remaining enemies that were over Kaworu. After the targets were destroyed, he approached the destroyed body of his friend's Evangelion.
If I'd known this was gonna be the last time me and Karl were gonna talk, I'd have thought of something better to say.
"Hey, Karl..."
"Hey, Shinji."
They stared into each other, in silence.
"Shinji, what happened?"
"They… got you."
Then Karl said something I won't ever forget.
"I think I was born to meet you Shinji Ikari."
Karl was my best good friend. And even I know that ain't something you can find just around the corner.
Karl was gonna show me how to make a rainbow trout, but instead he died right there in my arms.
After that, I returned to the base and was put into the field hospital, for observation. I got a nice medal. They called me "Invincible Shinji Ikari". But not everyone was happy about it.
Shinji was lying in his hospital bed until he felt two hands grabbing his neck.
As he tried to push away his aggressor, he recognized those hands.
"Look at you! The idiot bastard Shinji Ikari. A hero! And look at me. Now, I'm nothing but a goddamned cripple! A legless freak. Look! Look! Look at me! Do you see that? Do you know what it's like not to even be able to run away?"
"I… I think I do."
"Did you hear what I said? You cheated me. I had a destiny. I was supposed to be an all-star basketball player or to die trying. But you cheated me out of it! And now I'm crippled! I don't have my legs. I will have to live without being able to fulfill my destiny! You understand what I'm saying, Ikari? This wasn't supposed to happen. I was Toji Suzuhara. And now? What happens now?"
"Y-you're still Toji Suzuhara."
Toji looked at him with pure anger in his eyes. Then, confusion. And, finally, sadness, as he loosened his grip on Shinji's collar, returning to lay on his own bed.
After the doctors allowed me to go, I went back to Misato's apartment.
As Shinji opened the door, he saw doctor Ritsuko standing next to Misato, who was laying in the bed.
"Hi Shinji."
"Misato, I think we should continue tomorrow, right?"
"Yeah, probably is better. Thank you again, Rits."
The doctor looked at Shinji's medal.
"You sure fulfilled your destiny, didn't you, boy?"
The doctor left the room and closed the door as Shinji walked towards Misato.
"What's the matter, Misato?"
"I'm dying', Shinji. Come on in, sit down over here."
He sat down near her bed, holding her hand.
"Why are you dyin', Misato?"
"It's my time. It's just my time. Oh, now, don't you be afraid, sweetheart. Death is just a part of life. It's something we're all destined to do. didn't know it, but I was destined to be your guardian. I did the best I could."
"You did good." Said Shinji, tearing up.
"Well, I happened to believe you make your own destiny. You have to do the best with what life gave you."
"What's my destiny?"
Misato asked Shinji to come closer and gave him a gently kiss on his forehead, putting a small metallic cross on his hands.
"You're gonna have to figure that out for yourself. I will miss you, Shinji."
A few days later, she passed away. Ritsuko told me that Misato got sick because she had worked too close to a radioactive device to protect us all. Misato was a good person. I miss her. Every day. I will carry her cross with me until the day I die.
I stayed in her house and had nowhere to go and nothing else to do.
Until I got a message from the Sub-Commander saying that they would hold a special celebration to honor the heroes of the war.
Shinji was standing on a stage in front of a huge crowd. He was wearing his tight plugsuit. Standing next to him, Sub-Commander Fuyutsuki was making his speech on the microphone.
"And thanks to the unique skills of heroes like Shinji Ikari, NERV will assure that the world will be saved and that no other power on Earth will be able to…"
Suddenly, several gas bombs began to be fired, scattering the crowd, as several hooded men tried to climb onto the stage.
"Death to NERV!"
"The Evangelions have only brought doom to the world."
Shinji was taken aback by the situation and fell to the stage floor, coughing heavily from the effects of the gas, as two hooded men approached.
"Look how lucky we are, Keita! We just caught Mr. Hero."
"I'll be happy to finish this idiot."
"Hey, stop it! He's just a soldier! He has nothing to do with it." - said a female voice approaching, which made the two men turn around.
"Sohryu? What you mean? He's the poster boy for NERV. We just finish him off and we'll..."
"Are you deaf by any chance? I already said no and..."
One of the men grabbed Asuka from behind and put his hand over her mouth.
"You know what, Sohryu? I'm already tired of your arrogance. How about we take the opportunity to finish her off too, huh, Musashi? Musashi?"
The man looked at his companion, only to realize he was on the ground, knocked out, as a berserk Shinji Ikari ran towards him.
Asuka took advantage of this moment of hesitation to free herself from her attacker, knocking him to the ground.
"Asuka?"
"Shinji! Come with me."
They ran together until they reached a busy street in the center of town.
"You can't keep doing idiotic things like this, Shinji. Are you stupid? They could have killed you!"
"They were tryin' to hurt you."
"A lot of people try to hurt me. History of my life. I don't need your help. I can handle my own problems! Why can't you just leave me alone? See, that's why I hate you!"
"I can't help it. I needed to do something. I… I love you."
"Shinji, you don't know what love is."
"I would never hurt you, Asuka."
"I know you wouldn't, Shinji."
They walked in silence. Asuka touched Shinji's plugsuit.
"That uniform is a trip, Shinji. You look handsome in it. You do."
"Asuka…"
"What?
"I'm glad that we are together again."
"Me too, Shinji. I have so much to tell you, you won't believe what's been going on..."
We walked around the rest of the day, Asuka and me, just talkin'. Until we got into her place. It was a very old apartment complex. She apparently had forgotten the keys, since we had to jump the wall to enter the building.
"Well… here we are. Thanks for walking me here." – she said while picking the lock of the door.
They stared into each other's eyes in an awkward silence.
"Do you… want to stay?"
"I want to help you somehow and be with you forever, Asuka. I'd make a good husband."
"You would, Shinji."
"But you won't marry me."
"You wouldn't want to marry me. Trust me."
"I want you to have this".
Shinji placed the box with his medal in Asuka's hand. Asuka looks up at him.
"Shinji, I can't keep this."
"I got it just by doing what you told me to do. I didn't run away, Asuka. I actually did something worthy. All because you were there with me all the time, inside here." - he pointed to his chest.
"Why're you so good to me?"
She softly kissed his mouth and took his hand, guiding him inside the apartment.
It was a wonderful night.
Shinji was still asleep as the sun was raising, while Asuka carried her backpack, leaving the apartment building, and walked toward a waiting cab.
"Where are you running away to, miss?"
"I'm not running away." – she answered, as she entered the car.
After I woke up that day and Asuka wasn't there anymore, I didn't have anything else to do. I was angry at her. So, I decided to break my promise. I ran.
I ran until I reached the end of the road. And when I got there, I thought maybe I'd run to the end of town. And when I got there, I thought maybe I'd just run across Tokyo-3 district. And I figured, since I run this far, maybe I'd just run until I reached Mt. Asama. And that's what I did.
For no particular reason I just kept on going. I ran clear to the Sea of Japan. And when I got there, I figured, since I'd gone this far, I might as well turn around, just keep on going. When I got to another ocean, I figured, since I'd gone this far, I might as well just turn back, keep right on going. Until one day someone called my name.
"Shinji? Shinji Ikari?"
Shinji stopped to look at the source of the familiar voice.
Toji was walking across the street way, using a cane. A woman and a little girl were walking next to him.
"Toji Suzuhara? Toji Suzuhara!"
"Hello, Shinji."
"You got new legs. New legs!"
"Yeah, I got new legs." – he lifted his pant leg to display his metal leg. "Custom-made titanium alloy. It's what they use on the space shuttle."
Shinji looked at the prosthetic legs, with worried eyes.
"You can't play basketball with those."
Toji nodded his head.
"No, I can't. But guess what? I'm still Toji Suzuhara. A doctor. Husband of this lovely lady, Hikari and father of the cutest thing in the world, Tsubame. Thanks to you!"
"Toji Suzuhara" – Shinji smiled.
"So, Shinji, you've been running for a long time, right? May I ask you why?"
"Well… I guess it's because nobody told me to stop."
Toji laughed a playful laugh, while Hikari whispered something in her husband ear.
"Oh, yes. I guess there is one person that would be able to change your mind. Hikari here is actually friends with Asuka, you know."
Shinji looked away.
Toji stared at him, confused, while Hikari whispered something in her husband ear.
He then picked up a small business card, and started to write something on it.
"Hey, Shinji there you go. That's my card, you can call me or drop by my house anytime you wish to talk. I also written Asuka's number on it, so if you want to get in touch with her, I think she will appreciate it."
Shinji looked back at him and picked up the card just nodding.
And so, I came here.
"I don't have a phone, so I needed to find a telephone that I could use. But this one is not working anymore. I guess destiny is saying that we are not meant to be together. After all this time, she wouldn't recognize my voice or even remember about me."
The blue haired woman looks at the card for a while.
"I don't think that this is destiny. You know that you could have asked anyone to lend you a cellphone or buy one yourself, right?"
"Oh…oh… I… I guess I didn't think about that."
"Either way, you don't need to call. He also wrote her address on the other side of the card, see? It's just five or six blocks down that way."
"Down that way?"
"Down that way. Maybe you can call that destiny."
"Oh."
Shinji hastily grabs his suitcase and card as he stands, starts to running into that direction, taking a few steps before turning back to talk to the woman again.
"Thanks. It was nice talking' to you!"
But she wasn't there anymore.
It took Shinji a few minutes to arrive at Asuka's house and several more minutes for him to gather the courage needed to get near the door.
He stands in front of the door and rings the doorbell.
Once.
Twice.
He takes a step back, preparing to walk away as Asuka opens the door, wearing nothing but a green robe.
"Hey, you are earlier than…"
She stares at him, in shock.
"S-shinji?"
"H-hi."
"How are you doing? Come in. Come in."
Asuka shuts the door. Shinji looks around, in awe.
"Yeah, before you will judge me, I know it's messy right now. Hey, it's way better than the last time, right? Give me a break! I just got off work. Just sit here for a while. I got something to show you."
Asuka picks up a scrapbook and turns the pages. Shinji noticed his old medal, exposed in a picture frame.
"I kept… I kept a scrapbook of you. Of your clippings and everything that the journals said about you. There you are. This, I got your running."
He smiles a sad smile.
"Asuka. I ran away. Sorry, I broke my promise."
"No! No, no, no. There. Listen, Shinji. I don't know how to say this. Um, I just... I want to apologize for all that I did to you. I was messed up for a long time, and I should have told you that..."
The doorbell rings. Asuka quickly moves to attend the door to reveal a young woman carrying a young boy.
"Hey!"
"Hey Nozomi!"
Asuka grabs the boy in her arms.
"He is doing really well, Asuka. How do you do?
"Ah, listen, next week my schedule changes, so I'll be able to... but thanks for picking him up. I owe you one."
"No problem. Got to go. I'm double parked. Sis is going to be there at papa's house, Come to see them next weekend if you can, alright?"
"Okay, bye."
Asuka puts the child on the floor again.
"Hey, look. This is a very good friend, Mr. Ikari. Can you say hi to him?"
"Hello, Mr. Ikari." – the boy says, offering his hand.
Shinji just stares for a while before taking the boy's hand.
"Hello."
The boy looks at him and then at Asuka.
"Is he st…"
"Shhhh! Watch your tongue. How many times I told you that you can't say mean things to other people?"
"Sorry, mama. Can I go watch Ultraman now?"
"Yes, you can. Just keep it low."
The little boy runs into other room and picks up TV remote control.
"You're a mama, Asuka!"
"Yes. I'm a mama. He is very special to me. His name is Shinji."
"Like me." – Shinji says, staring at the boy.
"I named him after his Daddy."
"He got a daddy named Shinji, too?"
Asuka sighs and put her hands on his shoulders.
"You're his daddy, Shinji."
Shinji continues to stare at the boy for a few seconds before his eyes widen and he starts to back away from Asuka's touch.
But she grabs his arm with a firm grip.
"Hey, Shinji, look at me. Look at me, Shinji. There's nothing you need to do, okay? You didn't do anything wrong. I'm the stupid one here, not you. Okay?"
They stare at each other's eyes for a while, before turning their heads to stare at the kid that was in the other room.
"Isn't he beautiful?"
"He's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. But... is, is he smart, or is he..."
"He's very smart. He's one of the smartest in his class."
Shinji's eyes tear up and Asuka softly caress his face.
"Asuka. I… what I should do now?"
"We… will need to talk. I can tell you everything that happened in my life. But I have no right to tell you what you should do. You're gonna have to figure that out for yourself. If you don't want to see me again, I would unders…"
Shinji pulls her closer to him and, holding her as their lips touch into a soft, gentle and longing kiss.
A few seconds after, Shinji breaks the kiss, looking ashamed.
"Sorry. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I didn't brush my teeth."
Asuka stares at him, dumbfounded. Then, chuckles. And after a few seconds starts to laugh, throwing her arms around his neck and kissing him on the mouth again. An adult kiss.
She rests her head on his shoulder, softly whispering.
"Shinji… do you want to stay?"
He pulls her into a caring embrace.
"Asuka. I'm not a smart man, but I know what love is."
She let the tears fall, while pushing her face closer to his chest.
"You know… some people would say that I don't deserve you. That I only hurt you. That you should let me go and move on. Find a nicer person to make you happy."
"Oh. I guess that they are really stupid."
Chapter 16: LCL
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
Asuka and Shinji were standing at the dinner table, at Misato’s apartment.
An uncomfortable silence between them was broken by Asuka’s soft and confident voice.
“Say, Shinji... wanna kiss? Or are you afraid?”
Misato’s voice echoed into the room.
“You mustn't! It's not something kids should do.”
Asuka ignored the voice and stood up, getting closer to Shinji.
“Okay, here goes...”
But instead of kissing him, Asuka stopped.
“You don't understand anything! Stay away from me!”
Shinji looked at her, surprised, with his hand twitching.
“I do understand.”
“No, you don't, you idiot!” - Asuka kicked Shinji’s leg, as his hand convulsed. - “You really think you understand me!? You think that you can help me? That is so arrogant! You couldn't possibly understand me!!”
“How can I understand, if you don't say anything? You don't say anything... You don't talk to me! How can I understand you? It's impossible!!”
“Ikari-kun, did you try to understand?” – Rei Ayanami’s soft voice spoke.
“I… I tried...” – he said, closing his eyes.
When he opened his eyes again, Asuka was standing over him, while Rei just observed from the other side of the train wagon.
“If I can’t have you all to myself, then I don't want anything from you!”
“Then, be nice to me...”
“Nice???? Nice??? Are you stupid? You're a fake and a phony, and I wish I never laid eyes on you.” – Asuka ran out of the wagon in frustration as tears formed in her eyes.
Shinji stared at her going away, with an emotionless face, and his hand twitching again.
“Ayanami… what should I do?”
“Ikari-kun. If you're really filled with affection, you're too shy to convey.”
“Huh?”
“In the eternal summer days of post Third Impact Japan, under the summer sun, something's begun. In the summer heat, boy and girl meet.”
Shinji rubbed his eyes and noticed that he was in school again, on his physical education class. He was alongside Toji and Kensuke on the running track.
“Hey Shinji. Man, Okinawa was so good. And what happened there at Mt. Asama? Tell me more, man!”
“Well, the trip had me a blast. Asuka was there, ‘cute’ as can be.” – he said, trying to make the compliment sounds more ironic than it was. He took a glance at Asuka, who was sitting by the pool alongside Hikari and Rei.
“Hey Asuka, we missed you there in Okinawa. What did you do in the past week? Tell me more about it. I heard that you defeated another Angel. And that Shinji…”
“Well… the battle happened so fast, but one thing is clear. That stupid boy is crazy… for me.” - Asuka said, trying to make it sound like she was disgusted with the statement, but as she said that, she looked at Shinji on the track, running in circles around her, and sighed.
“What? The red devil was cute? Impossible! You better tell us more!”
“We were at the pool, she… huh- talked to me. At the battle, did quite well, but I saved her life, she nearly drowned.” – he said, remembering his leap of faith in the magma.
“Whaaaaat??? He likes you???? Like, really, really like?” – said Hikari overjoyed. “Tell me more, Asuka!”
“He dived for me, without proper equipment on. When they opened the plug, his plug suit was damp. But he showed off, without any wound.” – she said, remembering how she called him a 'show off', with a rare genuine smile in her face.
“You saved her life? That’s you being awesome Shin-man. But I don’t think that the devil would even say thank you, am I right? Tell me more.”
“Well, she got… friendly… when we got back on firm land.” – he took another glance at the pool and found Asuka also staring at him.
“Kyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!!!” – Hikari shouted an excited fangirl scream –“ So, he dived in a volcano to save you Asuka??? That’s so romantic! And how did you feel? Tell me more.
“W-well… He got a friendly hold on my hand. He was sweet, but… he is still just a teen!” – she said, looking at the running track and finding Shinji looking at her. – “N-not a man like Kaji, you know.”
“But, Shinji, did the devil at least say thanks to you?”
“W-well, she was… good… you know what I mean.” – Shinji said, awkwardly looking away from the pool.
“And what happened after, Asuka?”
“The battle was over, that's where it ends.” – Asuka said, in a quiet and nonchalant voice, also turning her head away from the tracking field.
“Hey Shinji, don’t fall into the devil’s charm, ok?
“I hope that at least we will be friends. Wonder what she's thinking now…”
“So, you won’t do anything, Asuka?”
“I will pay him back, I made a vow.”
“Summer dreams ripped at the seams. But, oh, those summer nights.”
Asuka looked at Rei, confused with her unexpected words, as Shinji looked back to stare at them from the track, until the bright sunlight dazzled his eyes.
Shinji opened his eyes again and he was in Misato's apartment, with Asuka sitting dejectedly at table.
“Asuka… I want to help you in some way... and to be with you forever.”
Asuka looked at the boy with a tired and emotionless look, and whispered in a harsh way.
“You better shape up.”
“Huh?” – Shinji took a step back, in surprise as Asuka started to walk in a threateningly way towards him.
Shinji stepped back until he hit the wall. Asuka closed the gap between them with a furious glare on her face.
“Are you that stupid? Do I have to explain everything to you? Fine! You better understand, ok? I… need….”
Shinji looked at her blushing face and started to try to say something, but she put a hand on his mouth.
“Wait. Don’t say anything. Listen, I don’t expect you to do anything ok? I’m just saying that because I must be true to my heart and… my heart is… my heart set on you.”
She said it an immediately rushed to her room and slammed her door, almost tripping in a confused PenPen that was staring at Shinji with an annoyed face.
Shinji snapped out of the shock and, clenching his fist, quietly opened the door. He saw the girl laying on her bed, with her face buried in her pillow.
He took a few steps in the direction of the bed, as the girl hugged her pillow, without looking at him. He took a deep breath and laid down on the bed embracing her from behind.
They stayed there, for some minutes that felt like centuries, without saying nothing.
“Asuka I… I think I understand…I promise you. I’m gonna shape up. Even if I don’t know if I can be the man you need, I swear that I’m gonna prove that your faith is justified.”
She turned her head and body to face him and saw a determined, yet soft smile on his face. A mix of the brave invincible Shinji that piloted the Eva better than anyone else and of the cute stupid Shinji that made her lunch and walked her to school every day.
“Shinji… are you sure? Even after all this… you still want to try?”
“Yes, I'm sure. Down deep inside.”
“So… you better prove that my faith is justified.” – the girl said with a blush and a soft smirk starting to form on her face.
“I will do it. You're the one that I want, Asuka. The one I need.”
“Oh, yes indeed, idiot!”
Asuka closed the gap between them and they kissed each other.
"Asuka is this the end?"
"No, Shinji. It’s only the beginning."
As the instrumentality dream scenario began to fade, until only the image of a smiling Rei Ayanami remained.
“What the hell was that?” – said a confused Kaworu Nagisa that just appeared from nowhere in the blank scenario.
Rei Ayanami turned at him with a warm smile and a blush on her cheeks, saying with an utterly innocent voice.
“Well… sappy romance comedy musicals are the greatest achievement of the Lilin culture, don’t you agree Nagisa?”
“…”
Notes:
As some of you know, things have been a little busy for me and my country in the last months, but I had some spare time to drop this very short update in memorian of one of my mother's favorite actresses and one of the most famous musical movies ever. Once again, thanks for the feedback and for the support. Hopefully I will catch up with r&r other fics and, if things get calmer here, write more chapters to reach the intended goal of 26 episodes until the end of this year. Take care and have a nice week :)
Chapter 17: Soul
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
Shinji opened his eyes and looked up. This time there was no unfamiliar ceiling above him. In fact, there was no ceiling at all. Just the blue sky and the daylight reflected off the figure of the red giant that was partially destroyed on the battlefield. Alongside it, several cranes and other equipment trying to bring the Evangelion Unit 02 back to the Geofront.
He slowly recovered his memory of what had happened. He had decided to leave Nerv and his position as pilot of Unit 1, but the Angel's attack drove him into a shelter. From afar he watched as Asuka and Ayanami tried to fight off the enemy and heard the words of Kaji, who was quietly watering a watermelon field while the battle was going on.
Yes, he now remembered everything. He had decided to go back on his decision and ask to pilot the Eva again to save everyone. Obviously, he had failed, and he is lucky to still be alive. Sure enough, he had been knocked out by one of the explosions resulting from the battle and Unit 1 with the Dummy System had finished off the enemy. He was right. He really was useless and no one needed him anymore.
And to further increase his humiliation, as he reached into his pockets, Shinji realized that he no longer had his phone, wallet, and documents with him. He would have to ask Misato for help once again. Sighing deeply, he slowly began to walk towards the apartment where he had spent the best days of his life. Days that were now in the past.
The walk to the apartment was longer than he imagined, but Shinji didn't mind. Nor did he feel hungry or tired. On the way, he just stared at people's faces. None of them, however, looked at him, ignoring his presence. As was always the case. He only had value for piloting the Eva. Nobody really cared about Shinji Ikari, after all.
When he arrived at the apartment, it was already late at night. He stopped beside the entrance door and hesitated. How could he face Misato and Asuka after all that had occurred? Although he knew he had no choice, it was not easy to make the decision to knock on the doorbell and announce his arrival. "I'm home" was a phrase that no longer made sense given the circumstances.
However, to his surprise, as he leaned his hand on the door, Shinji got off balance and fell face-first onto the floor inside the apartment. 'Was the door open? What happened here?'- Shinji stood up and tried to pull himself together, when he finally felt himself being observed by someone
"Hi Pen-pen." He said, sketching a smile. The penguin kept looking at his face, with a strange and slightly disturbing look. Until the uncomfortable situation was interrupted by the sound of the phone ringing.
Before Shinji could do anything about it, he saw Asuka quickly come out of her room and answer the phone, in a hurry.
'Asuka...' - a mixture of feelings of happiness and sadness ran like a tractor through Shinji's thoughts, but was quickly interrupted by the nervous voice of the girl speaking on the phone.
"I know that she is fine! Misato, don't phone me for such a trivial thing!"
Asuka threw the phone on the floor, and immediately locked herself in her room.
Shinji could hear some grunting and crying as the girl screamed angrily.
"I couldn't... I couldn't do a damn thing to stop it... And I was outdone by that stupid Shinji... I hate this!"
'Outdone?' - Shinji thought for a while as he realized that the fact that Asuka didn't even notice his presence was perhaps for the best. He decided to run away, after all. He failed. He had disappointed her. She didn't even want to go with Misato to say goodbye to him.
So, Shinji decided to retreat to his old room. Tomorrow Misato would arrive and he would ask her to send him away from their lives for good.
He lay down on the bed and closed his eyes. Minutes and hours passed. But he couldn't sleep. It was about four o'clock in the morning when he noticed the living room light on and, a few moments later, the sound of glasses and plates breaking.
He got up and opened the door to his room slightly.
Asuka was sitting at the table, her head and arms resting on the table. The crying was loud and noticeable, causing Shinji to wonder if this scene was in fact real. The great Asuka Langley Sohryu crying? The only time he had ever seen a similar scene was that night before the battle against the angel after they completed their synchronization training. But what happened in the aftermath shocked him even more.
"Shinji, you idiot! You're not coming back? I hate you! I hate you! I was so stupid… how could I start to to like someone as pathetic as you? "
Shinji's eyes widened and, perhaps driven by adrenaline, he began to walk slowly toward the girl who was crying copiously.
He knew it was worthless and would probably make things worse, but he couldn't keep seeing Asuka like that without doing anything. So taking all the courage he had Shinji put his hand on Asuka's shoulder.
Asuka felt a chill run through her body and began to cry even harder as Shinji's hand went across her shoulder and across the wooden table.
Shinji, in turn, looked at his hand, slightly transparent, and screamed a cry of horror. Which was not heard by Asuka. After all, dead people can't speak.
Days passed without Shinji knowing what to do. He just watched helplessly as Asuka destroyed herself in her frustration and depression, while Misato worked day and night without rest at the Geofront.
And what hurt him the most was the fact that he saw how strong Asuka's feelings towards him were. For better or for worse, he was really very important to her. And to see her in this state, so vulnerable and helpless, made him immensely sad.
He accompanied her everywhere, but whenever he tried to get close to her, he noticed that the girl shivered and was overcome by a wave of sadness and anger.
Shinji sat down in his chair in the classroom. The chair that seemed empty to all the occupants. He always felt invisible in the middle of the classroom, until he arrived in Tokyo-3 where he started hanging out with Toji and Kensuke. And then also with Ayanami and Asuka, in their own way. And suddenly, without him even noticing, he began to enjoy going to school. But those days were over, forever.
The bell rang, marking the end of another school day. Asuka quickly gathered her things and quickly ran towards Misato's apartment. Shinji, this time, did not get up from his chair and just watched Asuka and the other classmates leave. It was time to accept fate.
'After all, what's the point of going after her? I am already dead. No one can hear me.'
"The fact that your soul is outside your body does not mean that you are dead."
Shinji was amazed to see Rei Ayanami preparing to perform the chores of cleaning the empty classroom.
'A-ayanami, can you hear me?'
"Yes."
'W-what happened to me? Because I...'
"Your physical body was absorbed by Eva in the last battle, but your soul was not."
'I... I don't understand. So does that mean I've died?'
"Not yet. But the essence of the human soul needs a receptacle. Of a body capable of generating an AT-Field to hold its essence. Without it, slowly your soul will break down and your existence will disappear. Major Katsuragi and Dr Akagi are trying to find a way to reunite your soul back to your body, but so far they have been unsuccessful."
'I see... So... how much time do I still have?'
Rei for the first time looked away and did not answer the question.
'Ayanami... I... may I ask you a favor?'
Asuka opened the apartment door angrily, getting even more angry when she realized who was ringing the doorbell.
"What are YOU doing here Wondergirl?"
Shinji looked at the two girls and whispered to Rei.
'A-ayanami… I'm sorry. You don't need to do this. Asuka won't believe in you, so…'
"Pilot Sohryu. In the previous days you felt some strange presence near you and have thoughts related to Pilot Ikari."
Asuka stepped back as Rei entered the apartment without hesitation, with Shinji following.
"What kind of nonsense you are talking about, First?"
"That you felt Pilot Ikari presence calling you."
A period of awkward silence.
"So let me understand. Are you trying to say that Shinji… is here?
'I'm sitting beside you Asuka!'
Rei just pointed. "Right here."
Asuka tentatively extended her hand. She flinched for a second, feeling that same odd chilling sensation that she felt that other night - but didn't pull back.
'I… I'm sorry Asuka.'
"What is he saying?"
"He is saying that he is sorry."
Asuka got up, and laughed a mean laughter. "Oh really? Couldn't you have thought of something more elaborate? That's so lame, even from you Wondergirl! That idiot is dead! I know that you are delusional and acting like a desperate widow because your beloved is gone, but that is not my business. I don't care at all! So get out of here! NOW! Leave me alone!"
'Ayanami. Tell her she's wearing the same blouse that she was wearing at that night that Mr. Kaji went to sleep here'.
"Shinji is saying that you're wearing the same blouse that you wore at that night that Mr. Kaji slept here."
The laughter on Asuka's face gave way to a look of astonishment and concern, prompting her to react the way she always did when things get out of her control. Shout loudly in anger.
"What kind of clowning around is this? I'm tired of wasting my time with you, Wondergirl. Get out of here now! GO AWAY! I don't want to hear any more of this nonsense!"
'Asuka...' - Shinji said, with sadness" - "It's no use, Ayanami. It's impossible. She'll never want to listen to me.'
"Ikari. You can use my body if you want."
Shinji and Asuka looked at her, in shock.
Rei, sensing his hesitation, continued talking: "It's no different than synchronizing with the Eva."
He suddenly understood what she meant.
"W-what kind of bullshit things are you saying Wondergirl? Are you stupid?"
Shinji hesitated for a moment and then cautiously, awkwardly pushed his ghostly body into her solid form.
Rei closed her eyes. She walked over the house sound system, and, after a few moments, she selected a track and pressed the "play" button. A familiar song started to play.
Rei's body turned slowly toward Asuka.
Rei's hand reached out and barely touched Asuka's hand, speaking with a different kind of voice some well-known words. "R-remember… Full power, maximum performance from the beginning!"
Asuka swallowed hard. And she closed her eyes.
"I… I know that. We'll finish in 62 seconds."
With awkward tenderness, she put her arms around him and before
he could understand what was happening, they were dancing. A strange, touching image, reminiscent of their last night before that battle.
They danced until the music stopped. Asuka, still with her eyes closed, felt Shinji's ticklish breath. And also his scent, his shyness and his stupid smile that she learned to like so much.
"Your breath tickles."
"Oh… sorry. Do… do you want to pinch my nose?"
"That depends. Do you want to hold me this time?"
Shinji reached out, slowly bringing his fingers down over her face, caressing her forehead, her cheeks, her lips, until they softly kissed as he held her tight.
Asuka stood motionless. Her face shined. At that moment, she knew beyond all doubt that it was him.
And soon after that, fear and despair immediately came into her conscious mind.
Asuka screamed, pushing him away. Shinji's spirit fell on the floor, as Rei's body kept her balance. Only to be hit by a loud slap from Asuka.
"Why are you doing this to me? Get away from me, Wondergirl! I know all about you. You're a fake. You're just a freak. A liar! Leave me alone!"
'No, Asuka! You don't understand! Rei, please, tell her' – Shinji tried to speak, in vain, as Rei simply turned back and started walking away from the apartment.
Shinji tried to go after her and ask her to stop. But the lonely single tear at the blue haired girl face told him the news that he feared the most.
Rei wasn't hearing him anymore.
The sound of a door opening was noticed by Rei Ayanami, but she did not turn around to see who it was.
The answer was obvious.
"So... this is when they will try to rescue the idiot isn't it?"
Rei simply nodded.
After a silence of a few minutes, Asuka asked in a low voice, almost as if she were speaking to herself. "He's here, isn't he?"
Rei simply shook her head, negatively.
The two remaining pilots looked out the window as the Nerv technicians made final preparations. In a few moments, the operation to rescue Shinji Ikari would take place.
"The Eva rejected the signal!"
"His ego formation in LCL is breaking up."
"In the plug, the pressure is getting high."
Misato looked at the monstruous face of Eva Unit 01 and the pool of LCL flooding the isolated area, with no sight of Shinji.
The operation had failed.
In the observation room, Asuka felt on her knees as she stared at the despair from Nerv technicians, while Rei observed the scene, with a faint sad smile.
"No! No! No! This is impossible!" – Asuka whispered.
"Goodbye, Asuka."
Asuka's head lifted up, as she looked around.
"Stupid Shinji? Is that you?"
"A-Asuka?"
"I… I can hear you, idiot! Where are you? WHERE ARE YOU?"
She shouted with a mix of anger and sadness.
The dust in the air near Asuka began to shimmer with a subtle glow. To her astonishment Shinji luminous form appeared before Asuka, overwhelming her. The two of them gazed at one another without moving. A silent exchange, charged with emotion.
"I can't stay anymore, Asuka."
Tears roll down her cheek.
The brilliant light intensified, beautiful, like a sunrise, saturating the room with a warm, comforting glow. Asuka and Rei stared in awe for a while.
"I will miss you, Ikari."
"I will miss you, too.. Rei. Thank you, for everything."
Rei smiled warmly.
Shinji turned to Asuka, who was gazing at the last remaining
moments of him, her eyes brim over with tears and love.
"Thanks for saying that you liked me. I… liked you too Asuka. I love you, Asuka. I'm sorry I disappointed you."
Asuka swallowed hard as she wiped her eyes.
"Baka!"
The light inside Shinji intensified. A sweet smile emerged on
his lips.
"It's so amazing, Asuka. The love inside..."
Suddenly, Asuka ran toward him and touched on his cheek. A real touch this time, that both of them could feel despite of the AT-Field. Two souls, connecting deeply, in a moment of true understanding. She started sobbing.
"Stupid Shinji! Don't run away, i-idiot! Come back! Like you always do, invincible Shinji. And if you don't, I will reach you no matter what! And then I will kick your sorry ass, do you understand?. I… I…"
He whispers, almost crying. "I… wish to see you again."
Those were his last words before his spirit slowly dissolved within its ghostly moorings and begins to evaporate.
Asuka sat quietly on the floor with a look of awe and wonder in her eyes. After a moment, Rei reached down to help her up. Asuka looked at her and sighed. Then awkwardly took her hand. Arm in arm, supporting one another, as they stared again at the window, showing the unreadable face of Evangelion Unit 01.
"What's the point of science if it can't save one person?!" – Misato screamed in despair. "Just one! Give Shinji back! Give him back to me!"
Ritsuko tried hard to keep her stoic pose as she gave the order.
"Stop all operations. Cut the power supply."
"Wait. The plug is exited."
"Shinji!"
Notes:
Once again, sorry for the extended absence and thanks so much for the continued support. Things got mad here in my country and my daugther decided to arrive to this world earlier than expected. Now that things are a little less complicated and all is right with the world, I will catch up with read and reviews and try to write something for Asuka's birthday, here in this series or as a one-shot.
Oh, and this one was supposed to be a Halloween chapter, but as subversion of the horror movies tropes, turning it into a romantic story. Can you guess the old movie that did the same trick?
Until the next time.
Chapter 18: Keep the Change
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
Asuka was sitting in her chair, leaning on the dining table as she watched Shinji lying on the floor, listening to music on his SDAT. The events that had occurred earlier today still intrigued her.
She knew she would probably regret asking this question, but she couldn't help it. She was bored and Misato was still going to take her time getting back from that silly wedding. And thinking about that alcoholic together with Kaji was disgusting, so even putting her defenses aside a little and asking Shinji that bold question was preferable to wondering what the adults were doing.
"Hey Shinji."
"Huh?"
"Do you want to... tell me why you didn't go see your mother's grave today?"
Shinji removed his earplugs and looked at the girl, surprised by the question.
"I... didn't want to see my father, I guess. I'd rather stay home alone than have to meet him again."
Asuka looked at him, with a puzzled look.
"What is it?"
"Nothing. I'm just surprised to see you defying your father like that. But I understand you would rather stay here than meet him for that reason. My father too..." - she noticed Shinji's attentive look at her words and quickly looked away - "anyway, I guess I've spoiled your plans to keep the house to yourself haven't I?"
"No, not at all. Your presence doesn't bother me, Asuka."
She slammed both hands on the table and stood up, looking at the boy with a sarcastic look.
"And what do you mean by that? That my presence is indifferent by any chance?"
"No, I just..."
"Listen here third child. Do you think you can stay home alone, without any supervision and without notifying anyone? That is the basics of any pilot's training. We are super-valuable assets to humanity! Surely there are people who are watching our steps and trying to kidnap us or something. If something happens to us, the whole world will be in danger. You really are an irresponsible idiot."
"Yes but... you also came home earlier than expected Asuka! And what dangerous thing could happen here inside the apartment and..."
Shinji stopped talking immediately after the light in the apartment went out. A blackout. Just like a few weeks ago at that angel's attack.
Shinji ran towards the phone to contact Misato. But the phone line was also dead. Lost in his thoughts, he didn't even notice when Asuka silently approached and whispered in his ear.
"See, idiot? But don't worry, the great Asuka Langley Sohryu is here. This is our house, we have to defend it."
"But... how are we going to do that? We have no weapons and no means to contact Misato and..."
"I'm going to make them pay. They're gonna wish they never messed with the great Asuka Langley Sohryu."
"Asuka, are you sure all this is necessary?" - Shinji said while trying his best not to move, since every movement would mean touching a part of the girl's body that was hidden with him under the bed. "Why..."
His question was interrupted by the sound of knocking on the entrance door. Shinji started to break into a cold sweat and unconsciously held Asuka's arm, who didn't show any reaction.
What happened next was exactly what she had predicted. They could hear the man's cry of pain as he reached for the doorknob. Asuka's plan of putting red-hot charcoal starter over the inside of the knob of the front door was successful.
But apparently that was not enough to intimidate the intruder, and a few seconds later the loud noise of the door falling down made Shinji startled again and gripped the girl's arms even tighter.
However, again everything went according to plan, as the intruder let out another cry of pain as the cans of paint that were attached to the door by a pulley system fell on him.
But the man seemed to be made of steel and again stood up. Only to be struck by the hot iron that was on an ironing board.
Shinji again clung to Asuka as he heard the impact of the blow, unsure if it would have been enough to knock the invader out.
After a few seconds, the sound of the man again getting up terrified him even more. The traps were over, and now they wouldn't stand a chance. At that moment, Shinji looked at Asuka in the darkness and could see that the redhead was trembling and... crying? He had never seen Asuka so vulnerable. Not since that night when he heard her calling for her mother. No. It couldn't end like this. He had to do something.
Sensing that the man was approaching the room where they were, Shinji suddenly snuck out of bed, grabbed his alarm clock, and as soon as the door opened, hit the man in the head as hard as he could, causing the assailant to finally fall unconscious.
He looked at Asuka, who slowly stood up and walked towards him.
"You were right, Asuka. I'm sorry, I..."
Asuka interrupted him, placing her index finger over his lips and leaned her head against the boy's shoulder. The two teenagers shyly embraced each other, letting the tension of the moment fade slightly after a few minutes. Until Asuka broke the silence.
"Hey Shinji.... do you want to kiss me?
A few hours earlier
"Ikari didn't come?"
"No."
"And that doesn't bother you?"
"No."
Rei Ayanami's cold stare in his direction caused Gendo Ikari to stop and reflect. Not even the memory of Yui was enough to make Shinji overcome the fear and hatred he felt for him. Under normal circumstances, Gendo Ikari would not worry about this. But today, on the anniversary date of the contact experiment, something motivated him to do differently this time. He picked up the radio and gave a simple order.
"Fuytsuki. Cut power and telephone communications in Tokyo-3 for one hour. Ask the agents in Section 2 to clear my access to Katsuragi's apartment."
He would meet Shinji today anyway and get what he wants. As usual, nothing would be able to affect his scenario.
Notes:
Just a quick Christmas related movie this time. Merry Christmas and a happy new year for eveybody. Will return to action in 2023 with a lot more fanservice ^^
Chapter 19: Beautiful Boy
Notes:
Hey. I just managed to finish this one right in time for Valentine's day, a chapter that is a little bit longer than usual
A quick WARNING: this chapter mentions sexual acts and relationship between adults, but not in a way that would affect T rating. The movie that plays with those themes and tropes is also not M rated, so I guess it will be fine.
So, have fun with this classic movie, revisited by Shinji and Asuka. And, once again, thanks for reading and for all the support and feedback.
Take care and until the next one.
Chapter Text
It was the end of another workday for Ritsuko Akagi when her cell phone beeped, reminding her of an international video conference.
The woman sighed deeply, tidying her brunette hair that was beginning to show some white strands and turned on her camera, starting the meeting.
"Guuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuten Morgen, Rits!"
"It's already night time here in Japan, Asuka." - she replied in a voice devoid of emotion, contrasting with the young woman's animated voice. "Tell me, is everything ready for your trip?"
"So, I'm calling to cancel the extra ticket. I will be going alone, I am inf fact boarding right now."
"What? Asuka, that wasn't the deal. What happened with your boyfriend?"
"Boyfriend is a very strong and completely wrong expression to apply to him, Rits. In short, he was very annoying and I broke up with him. I could never spend 15 hours flying for him and still attend an important business event without him bothering me."
"Asuka" - she said, bringing her hands to her head - "You are impossible! I can't believe you did that. Sometimes it feels like you're about 14 years old and not nearly 30. Don't you remember what I said? Here in Japan things are different and your sexy appeal and mind games won’t work. I know better than anyone that it’s so sexist and old-fashioned, but no one will take an unaccompanied foreign woman seriously for such an important business meeting! That’s why it is crucial that you show up with a fine man by your side, even more so when dealing with..."
"Relax, Rits. We will find a way. You always did with the technical issues and I always did with negotiations. Besides, we are the heirs of the two women who saved this world, remember? They dismantled an international conspiracy and managed to ensure that an alien technology was used to build the world after the Second Impact, instead of destroying it. It's not possible that..."
"Asuka, the world has changed. People have short memories. To these vultures, only money and power matter. They don’t care about who we are and what our mothers did anymore. So why do you..."
"Aaaaah... Sorry Rits, I'm boarding now. Don't worry, I'll take care of everything, okay? Trust me. I'll see you when I get there ok? Everything is under control. Bye-bye."
"Wait Asuka! Once you arrive there you must. Oh that little b…. always a brat!"
"Scheiße! Scheiße! Scheiße!" - Asuka screamed as she lamented her situation. Her phone battery had died and the stupid Japanese plugs were not compatible with her charger. Although she spoke Japanese fluently, she had great difficulty reading the kanji and was completely lost.
But she would never admit that. Her pride would not allow it. Instead of seeking help to contact Ritsuko and relying on her memory of the times she had visited Gehirn's Japanese headquarters, she decided to take the subway, even though it was already past midnight.
However, soon after boarding, she realized that she had made the wrong choice. The train car was relatively empty, but at the next station it was occupied by a bunch of people who looked at her in a very unfriendly way.
A gang of nine drunken men stared at her with a malicious eye, licking their own lips as the nightscape drifted away from the center of the Japanese capital towards the suburbs.
They stared at her like vultures, and Asuka realized that she was in danger. After a few minutes, they started walking toward her.
"Hey there little redhead. What have you come to do so far away from home?" - said one of the men with a cynical and terrifying smile.
"Look at the way she's dressed! I'm sure she's in the mood for some action. - said another, while licking his own lips.
Asuka stared at the situation trying not to show fear, as she watched the light signal showing that the next station was approaching.
As soon as she felt the train slow down, she headed for the door of the car, but the men quickly stood up and made a blockade in front of the door and around her, surrounding Asuka like a prey before a flock of vultures.
The train door opened, and the men began to laugh as she tried, in vain, to disembark.
Asuka foamed with rage and even felt like crying. At that moment, she couldn't help but think about how her arrogance actually hid a weakness and insecurity to face the world alone.
And how could she?
Her mother, Kyoko, was a heroine who saved the world from a catastrophe and revolutionized all scientific paradigms while Asuka was still a child. Together with Naoko Akagi, she turned Gehrin into the most important scientific foundation in the world, all of that while giving Asuka all the love of a mother and the best opportunities of advanced education.
So when Kyoko decided to retire and move to the United States to help to take care of the elder Ms. Langley, it was only natural that the transition would occur. Kyoko gave an emotional speech to the world, announcing that Asuka was ready to take on the responsibility of continuing to honor the legacy that her mother had built.
Asuka didn't mind. In fact, she rose up to the challenge. Her negotiation skills put her in the position of the most famous businesswoman under 30 in the world. But as much as she exuded confidence in her professional abilities, her personal life and her eccentric, arrogant attitude had always been her Achilles heel.
And because of her stubbornness now she was in this situation. Completely surrounded, in the middle of a hostile crowd, unable to escape this situation on her own. How disgusting. If only someone could appear and...
Suddenly, she felt something touching her right hand. And a brief instant later, a hard pull made it possible for her to break through the blockade of her assailants, causing her to disembark from the train just a moment before the door slammed shut, leaving the men in the carriage completely enraged as the train continued its journey.
Asuka looked forward and saw the figure of a beautiful boy in front of her, dressed in an overcoat and a scarf.
"Thanks! You've really saved me this time."
She watched more closely as he helped her to her feet and realized that although her savior's features were kind and his eyes looked like those of a frightened dog, he was actually a tall and even a bit intimidating man who was looking her directly in the eye.
"But hm... for how long are you going to hold my hand?"
He quickly let go of her hand, startled.
"S-sorry! Are you ok? A lady like you shouldn't take this train at this time of the night, let alone in this region. It's too dangerous."
Asuka looked at the man with a mixture of curiosity and interest. How could the same man who had bravely saved her act like a scared and fearful child just a few seconds later? But at the same time, years of conditioning caused a latent anger and aggression to take over her thoughts and her lips.
"Are you stupid? I didn't intend to take this train, I just didn't realize it until.... shit! My suitcase was left behind! Aaargh... I hate this place and.... hey, where are you going?"
The man - who had already turned to walk away - stopped and looked again at Asuka, with sad eyes.
"Sorry. I am in a hurry. I have to work."
"Work? But it's the middle of the night. What kind of work do you..." - she stopped talking as soon as she observed that, underneath his overcoat, the man was practically naked, clad only in a thin sticky cloth that appeared to be made of latex.
He looked at her briefly with a sad smile and then quickly turned away, embarrassed, and continued walking toward the station exit.
Asuka watched him go, incredulous, staring at the man's backside as a mischievous smile began to appear on her lips as she whispered her favorite mantra. "Chance!"
"Hey! Wait!!!"
The man again stopped, just in front of the staircase. But he didn't turn to look her in the eye. Asuka approached, confidently, and as she came close to him, she spoke in a low voice.
"How much is it for the night?"
"What?" - he turned around quickly, with a mixture of astonishment, fear, and indignation on his face.
"I know I'm not your type of customer, but I'm tired from traveling, I have a lot of things to take care of tomorrow, my phone doesn't work, I can't read this kanji crap, and I just want a place to sleep. And you are a nice guy who needs the money, aren't you? So, I will pay to sleep with you. It’s the most appropriate solution. But just sleep, ok? Is there a problem? You have a place nearby where we can spend the night, don't you?"
“Are you serious?” - he said, astonished - “You are a beautiful foreign woman that just arrived at this late hour in one of the worst parts of the town, almost got assaulted by a gang of freaks and you are asking a person like me to sleep with you?”
She looked at him and just smiled. “And what is the problem with that?”
“Well… what if I am a sexual predator? Aren’t you afraid that I might strangle you at night and steal all your belongings?”
"“Are you stupid?" - Asuka put the tip of her finger on his forehead - "You saved me just now. You put yourself at risk to save someone you didn’t know. So, no. You won’t convince me that you aren’t a good guy. And I am indebted to you. Since I know you wouldn't accept money for your good deed, I'm giving you a chance to continue helping me and I am simply making up for the amount you were to receive tonight. Do you understand? So, will you at least be professional, do your job and make a woman happy or will you run away?"
"Yes, but I don't... I mean, you don't..."
Asuka laughed internally as she saw the man's nervous look gradually change to one of understanding, admiration, and finally resignation.
“Ok… for spending the night with me in the regular room it will be 6,000 yen.”
“That’s it? You are selling yourself short.”
“It’s not a five star hotel and you will only sleep, so it’s the price.” - he said, harshly - “If you don’t want to, that's ok.”
“Hey, hey calm down. Lead the way mister…. Hm, how can I call you?”
He looked at her with some hint of embarrassment and said. “It’s up to you. But usually people call me Shinji.”
“Nice to meet you, Shinji. I am Asuka Langley Sohryu. Charmed, huh?”
Asuka woke up the next morning feeling the warm scent of coffee being prepared. She looked at the floor and could still see the pillow and the cover that Shinji used to sleep there last night. She checked her purse and realized that she would have so many things to catch up with today. Call Rits, find new clothes and…
“Sorry.” - the man said, interrupting her thoughts. “Here is your breakfast. He said, offering her coffee and some scrambled eggs.”
“I thought you said that this wasn’t a five star hotel.” - she said while realizing that she was really hungry and starting to devour the food.
“Also…” - the boy said. “I found an adapter, so you can recharge your phone too.”
“Whagh?” - she said, with her mouth full, rapidly swallowing the food. “So this is really a five star hotel after all! Thank you!”
After a while, she recharged her phone and managed to call Ritsuko, while Shinji started to retrieve and clean the dishes.
“Hey Rits! Guten Morgen!”
“ASUKA!!!” - the rage, intensity and volume of the angry shout from the other side of the call could be heard even by Shinji - “Are you insane? How are you? I got the police looking for you already! Where are you? Don’t tell me that you… Oh dear! Frankly, you are impossible. You are just like my old College roommate that always…”
“Relax Rits! I am alive, I am ok. I will just need to buy some new clothes for tomorrow's meeting.” - she looked at Shinji doing the dishes - “and I think I just found a solution to that other problem too.”
“No.”
“Why not?”
“Because I don’t do this kind of thing.”
“I thought you were a professional.”
“I am. But there are certain kinds of things that I am not comfortable doing. And that request is one of them. You would be better with another person, I can recommend some to you.”
“Come on! You let me sleep here without any kind of… regular activities. You also fixed me breakfast and even went out of your way to buy an adapter for my phone! See! You can do it! That’s exactly what a ‘boyfriend experience’ is. Or… “ - she smirked and faked a surprised voice - “did you do all those things because you weren’t being…. strictly professional, Mr. Shinji?”
Shinji turned away from her, hiding his face.
“It’s one thing to do it here, under this familiar ceiling. To go outside and talk to other people. Pretending to be someone that I am not… I am sorry, that’s too much.”
She approached him, looking straight at her face.
“How much?”
“It’s not a matter of money. I just can’t do what you are asking me to do.”
“Are you stupid, Shinji? I am not asking for an escort. I am asking for you! I need you! It has to be you to accompany me to that business meeting tomorrow.”
“Why?”
“It’s a matter of trust, ok? That’s the way I am. I can’t just pretend to get along with someone I don’t trust and my trust is not earned that easily. It’s not like I will meet any other man that would save me from a gang of thugs out of the blue, right?”
He sighed - “You are just trying to use me.”
“No, I am not. I am being completely honest and explaining to you why I am desperate and I have no other option. I know and understand that it’s uncomfortable to you, but I am once again asking for you to reconsider, since you are a professional and I am willing to pay as much as you want. Just give a number.”
“Sorry Asuka. I can’t. I really can’t.”
“200 thousand yen!"
He looked at her, shocked with the proposal.
“400 thousand!"
"Done."
"Holy shit..." - he said in disbelief, staring at the woman's triumphant smile and mumbled an answer.
"Just for you to know, I would have agreed to do it for 200."
"I would have paid 600." - she answered with a grin - “Now, come on, we have a lot of shopping to do.”
The day was really fun. One of the best days Asuka had in her entire life. After they brought new clothes for the meeting - and Asuka selected a nice suit for Shinji that made the tall man feel embarrassed like a small boy - she decided to enjoy her “boyfriend experience” package and decided to have a date.
She was surprised that he chose to go to an amusement park, but she didn’t mind. Not even the long lines and the waiting time bothered her. She took the opportunity to show off her skills and won a bunch of prizes, bragging about it all the time. Shinji didn’t mind. The fact that she couldn’t tell if he was being professional or honest was starting to annoy her. So she made her move.
“Hey Shinji. Let’s have sex.”
“What?”
“Sex. Have you ever done it?” - she said, ironically.
“Well, ok but…” - he said nervously, looking at the crowd.
“No, not here, idiot. Let’s go back to your place. And that way I will be able to see if my money really brought me the best boyfriend experience of Japan.”
“Mein Gott!” - she said, as Shinji went to the kitchen to get her a glass of water. She had some relationships in the past. Some guys managed to make her reach there once. A few ones had been able to do it twice. But thrice upon a time? That was a mind fuckery! How could this man be so good? Her thoughts were interrupted when he returned, still up for one more round.
“I can’t believe in it! You really are 'invincible', Shinji. How can you still be ready to go without.. you know...”
“Well… you didn’t tell me to stop, so...”
She spit the water she was drinking - “Oh, come on! I am really offended now. Are you sayingm that am I not pretty enough to make you reach there too?”
“It’s not like that.” - he turned away from her. “I am a professional, and that’s why I can hold it.” - he stopped, when he felt her embracing him from behind.
“You sure are. But today you are my boyfriend, remember? So, you can have fun too. I don’t mind.”
“Sorry, I can’t.” - he said, trying to escape her embrace, in vain.
“Why?” - she asked. Not with a commanding voice or a mocking tune. But more like a soft whisper.
“I… I don’t know. I guess since I was a child I just do things to please other people. It’s hard for me, especially when you work in this business, to try to do things for myself. When I am around other people doing those kind of stuff, it’s like I'm wearing an armor. No, even more. It’s like I have to get inside of a robot to protect myself and ensure that people won’t hurt me.”
She touched his shin and made him look at her. With a swift move, she threw them both at the bed. He was on top.
“So, Shinji. I have a request for you and you must comply, understand?”
He just nodded and closed his eyes, only to open them up quickly when he felt her hand gently caressing his cheek.
“Shinji Ikari.” - she said, approaching her lips to his - “get out of this damn robot”.
They stayed in bed for a few hours after that. Not talking. Just enjoying each other’s company. Until Asuka broke the silence.
“Shinji…” - she said, tracing her fingers on his chest - “Tell me more about yourself.”
“Why?”
“Because I am bored.” - she purred, snuggling her face into his neck. He sighed.
“You know that all persons that work at my business usually have issues and don’t want to talk about their past, right?”
“I know. You and I are such similar creatures, Shinji. We both screw people for money.”
He laughed. A genuine laugh. And caressed the woman on her head.
“Well… when I was a little boy, my mother used to take me to the playground to play on the sandbox. Sometimes other children appeared to play with me, but I couldn’t really talk or connect to them. I felt like they would hurt me or I would hurt them, as if I had a bunch of spikes, like a porcupine or something like that. So, I would build my own sandcastle, alone, only to destroy it later.”
He held back some tears.
“But after my mother died and my father abandoned me I started to miss those days. Because the world wasn’t a playground. No chance of just playing, having fun and connecting to other people. So, I frequently dream about being able to return to play on that sandbox. I would start building up a castle again and pretend that someone would notice me this time. Be kind to me. Rescue me from my sadness and my madness. Would save me from my destiny of being always alone, retreated on my shell. Then I…”
His speech was interrupted by a soft snore. He looked at the foreign woman and realized that she was in a deep sleep.
Shinji sighed and got out of bed, grabbing a sheet and getting ready to sleep on the floor on another cold night.
"In the end, you just want to use me too, don't you?"
The next day, Asuka woke up with breakfast served in bed. But no sign of Shinji. Only a written note: ‘Don't worry, I didn't run away. I'll pick up the car at the rental place and come back at 11 to pick you up.’
Asuka took advantage of the time off to call Ritsuko again.
“Guten Morgen Rits. Everything solved and I am ready to go. Any last minute tip?”
“Asuka.. Just don’t screw up ok? Gehrin is in a tough spot right now. Governments and companies from all over are pushing hard to cancel the treaties and get their hands on the Magi blueprints and use your mother’s research about Dirac Seas and AT-Fields for military purposes. And Shiro will try hard to push the Japanese government against us. He will be there alongside the Minister and other seven key businessmen. Be careful.”
“So it will be nine against one, huh? Kinda unfair. But don’t worry. I can do this if I manage to get my five minute presentation. Now leave it to me. Bye bye, Rits”
Asuka hung up the phone and went to the bathroom to get ready. She looked at herself and whispered “You can do it, Asuka.”
Everyone in the restaurant stopped to stare as Asuka and Shinji entered the room. The couple looked completely dazzling and stately, with Shinji wearing an elegant and stunning suit and Asuka wearing a stunning red dress.
They went straight to the special table reserved for authorities, where the Japanese government representative and the most powerful businessmen of the country were waiting for them.
Behind the greetings and smiles, Shinji could feel the animosity and fury that these people possessed. They were not very different from the gang of perverts who tried to attack Asuka on the train.
After the procedural lunch, Asuka had the opportunity to present her proposal.
In a few minutes, she masterfully presented a business model in which all the advances and research developed by Gehrin could result in gains for all humanity and also financial returns for governments and the company.
She also exposed the risks of shutting down the institution and allowing all this knowledge to be placed in the hands of people and entities with no commitment to Gehrin's security protocols and principles.
Her arguments were irrefutable. She had won. Until someone started clapping, breaking the silence.
"Well done, Kyoko's daughter." - Said the husky voice of Shiro Tokya, a businessman in the field of war technology development industries. "Now, you have failed to mention when your wedding will be. And this boyfriend of yours, is he really that shy? Did the cat get his tongue? What is your name, beautiful boy?"
“The name is Shinji, sir.” - he said while Shiro smiled a devilish smile knowing what would happen, since his subordinates were ready to ask for the man’s ID. “Shinji Ikari.”
The mention of his last name caused a stir among those present. Asuka didn't understand what was happening and Shiro took the opportunity to continue his attack. "Shinji Ikari! What a surprise. The son of the traitor Gendo Ikari, who tried to sabotage Gerhin and the efforts of Kyoko Zeppelin Sohryu and Naoko Akagi to save humanity from a third impact. I hear that you work in an interesting area. Tired of hanging out with guys now?"
Shinji bowed his head, not having the courage to look into the eyes of Asuka, who watched in disbelief at this revelation.But Shiro didn't stop there.
"Or.. maybe the beautiful young maiden Asuka is in fact a cheating tramp, who has odd relationships with people of his kind and is also trying to betray Gehrin's principles for personal gain? If she walks with traitors and prostitutes, how can we trust her words?"
Asuka began to tremble as Shiro's words echoed and were followed by further insults from the other occupants of the table. She then felt for the first time in her life the bitter taste of defeat. She had failed. Disappointed Ristsuko. Disappointed her mother. And now she was there, being swallowed by these vultures and violated in her honor. Nothing made sense anymore. Her world had collapsed.
Until the laughter stopped and gave way to the sound of chairs and glasses flying as a body slumped to the floor, his jaw dislocated. Shinji had stood up and punched Shiro straight in the face, causing everyone there to stop their mocking and stare, terrified. Shinji then continued, speaking loudly so that everyone present could hear.
"I am far from being an authority or a person with study or social status like you. But I'm not stupid, and I don't think you are either. You heard her proposal. There are no flaws. If you want to throw it away because of pride and conservatism, you are really stupid."
As soon as he finished his speech, Shinji turned his back and promptly extended his arms toward the security guards and police officers who arrived to defend the authorities. He did not resist arrest.
Shinji sat down, staring at the unfamiliar ceiling of his cell. Alone. A few hours had passed by until a police officer appeared and told Shinji to accompany him.
He signaled for Shinji to get into the car. They would probably transfer him from the police station to a regular prison. He would have access to a public attorney, but considering the power of those people, he would probably spend the rest of his youth behind bars.
But that was ok.
For the first time in his life he stood his ground. He did something. And because he wanted to do. Not to impress anyone or because he was told to do it. That was good enough for him.
However, to his surprise, the car stopped in the middle of a park. The policeman ordered him out of the car, removed the handcuffs, and gave Shinji back his belongings and personal effects.
"Your bail has been posted." - Said the policeman, returning to the car and leaving Shinji in the middle of the park.
Looking around, it took him only a few seconds to see a familiar red-haired figure sitting in a sandbox obviously designed for small children, while trying to build a sand castle.
He approached slowly, and settled down on the floor in front of the woman.
"Would you like to build a sand castle with me?"
“Asuka… why did you…” - she interrupted him, by putting her fingers - full of sand - on his lips.
“Twice. You saved me twice. It is just payback. No big deal.”
“Sorry, I should have told you that I...”
“Forget it. I don’t care.”
They stayed in silence, as Shinji started to help her build a sandcastle.
“Asuka, what will happen now? About Gehrin and everything else?”
“I don’t know. We will figure it out. And once we do, all is gonna be right with the world.”
They continued to build it for a few more minutes until they managed to finish it.
A sandcastle.
Rough, imperfect, ugly.
But something that they build together.
They stared into each other eyes, as their fingers gently touched, still dirt because of the sand.
"Hey Shinji, can I ask you something?”
“Sure.”
“In your dreams, when you played alone in the sandbox... what happened after someone showed up to save you?"
Shinji looked into her eyes and gently caressed Asuka's face.
"I would save her too. Because she was also waiting for me."
Chapter 20: Asuka, Asuka.
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
Asuka was sitting, hugging her own legs, completely naked in the middle of a playground.
A young girl, carrying a stuffed monkey appeared before her.
"Are you lonely?"- said the child, trying to touch Asuka's head, only to be interrupted by a harsh reaction.
"No! Don't come near me! I can live alone ! I don't need anyone! I can live alone!"
The girl's face turned into a doll's face as she spoke only one word. - "Liar".
Asuka wanted to scream. Her mind was on the verge of collapsing.
But she looked at the intruder in her mind, represented by the doll’s face and answered.
“Yes. I am. So what? Do you think I like that? I wish that I wasn’t! I wish that just for one day I could be true to my heart, say what I really want to say and not live hidden beneath lies!”
The doll looked at her and smiled.
“We are losing Asuka!!! Rei, hurry up! Throw the spear!”
Rei prepared herself and took aim, while she graciously moved her Evangelion to throw the spear of Longinus into the Angel that was targeting Unit 02 with that weird beam.
However, right when she was about to make the throw, the angel redirected his beam to the hand of Unit 00, cutting it off like a sharp blade of light cutting butter, as the Longinus spear was thrown, missing the target.
The noises of the MAGi's calculations were the only sounds heard at Nerv’s headquarters.
“It’s 3 PM now. The target is not moving and didn’t make any other move after the last attack.”
“I don’t know what it is planning or how much time we have to plan, but we will need to activate Unit 01. It’s our only active unit now.”
“Not really. Unit 02 is still operational, in theory.”
“You want me to put Asuka on the battlefield again? After what just happened?”
“She is just following the quarantine protocol, but the analysis showed that there is no risk of contamination.”
“That’s not the point, Ritsuko!”
The blonde doctor just shrugged and drank a little bit of her coffee.
“Asuka? I.. I am glad that you are ok.”
Asuka heard the voice of the Third Child, but refused to look back at him. She thought about making a harsh response like “Do I look like I am ok, idiot?” and immediately shout it with all her strength.
“I am glad that you are here.”
Shinji stared at her, surprised, while Asuka moved her hands to close her mouth. She immediately got up and turned back to face him.
“Don’t get the wrong idea!” - she said, waving her hands in front of her face, defensively. I am not happy because…. you are still behind this stupid quarantine strip instead of holding me.”
The two of them blushed several shades of red.
“A-asuka… it’s… I can’t do it. The quarantine, and...”
“If you won’t do anything and won’t hold me now Third Child I swear that I will…. I will… I will pretend to not care about it, but this night I will cry like I never cried since my mother died and.. Oh verdammt!”
Asuka once again moved her hands into her mouth and dropped on her knees on the floor, avoiding to stare at Shinji, ashamed. Of all the things that the Angel did to her, messing with her mind to make her say all those things. In front of him. That was it. Total defeat. She didn’t want to live anymore. She didn’t want to live. She didn’t want to…
She felt a hand touching her in the shoulder.
She looked up.
“Shinji?”
“I… I know that something is wrong with you Asuka. It’s hard to believe that you mean the things you just said but… if you don’t want to talk, you don’t need to ok? I-iIf you want me to stay, I will stay. If you want me to go, I will go.”
She looked at him and said, in a whisper that was softer than she would like too.”.
“Idiot.”
The way she grabbed his hand while saying that was enough for the Third Child to understand her this time.
They stayed that for some hours, in silence, falling asleep next to each other.
On the next day, the MAGI finally calculated a strategy that had a chance to neutralize the Angel.
The Angel’s AT-Field was strong enough to endure one blast of the positron rifle, but not two. So, Unit 01 and Unit 02 would be positioned at opposite sides of the battlefield and would shoot at the target at the same time.
Misato explained the plan to the pilots and ordered them to go to the gates. Shinji went, as ordered, but when Asuka was going to do the same, Misato grabbed her hand.
“Asuka. You haven’t said a word since yesterday. I am worried. We need you for this, but I need to be sure you are ok with it. So, please talk to me. You can say anything you want to say to me.”
Asuka looked at her, trying hard to control her mouth.
“Asuka?”
“Jugs.”
“What?”
“You have big jugs. I mean, your boobs are huge. I mean, even I wanna squeeze 'em. Mama!”
Misato looked at her. In shock.
“Also, the commander is a pedantic, pontificating, pretentious bastard, a belligerent old fart, a worthless steaming pile of cow dung, figuratively speaking.The subcommander is old! He should've been out of the game years ago but he can't stay home because he hates his life. And Ritsuko is the biggest brown-nose I've ever seen! She got her head so far up the Commander’s ass, I can't tell where she ends and he begins!”
Asuka put her hands on her mouth again. Misato looked at her with a shocked expression, that gradually changed to a serious one.
Until she burst out laughing.
“I like your style, Asuka! That's just what we need - a little irreverence! Go kick this Angel ass.
“Good! I'll see you later, big titted slut!” - said Asuka, running to the cages.
3PM. The operation had begun.
Asuka was in her position, waiting for the signal. She was facing that monster again. The one who messed with her head. She was afraid. Afraid that she would fail again. But somehow she felt… lighter? Maybe after the events of the past day she won’t have anything to lose.
The countdown began. On the count of 3 she pulled the trigger, in perfect synchrony with Shinji. Only to watch in terror as she saw the beam of light being shot. Directed at Unit 01.
“Shinji!!!!”
Asuka said while manually opening the entry plug of Unit 01.
The plan succeeded. The Angel was killed. But Shinji was hit by the beam and his Evangelion wasn’t moving.
But as she entered Unit 01 entry plug and find an unconscious Shinji with a look of plain terror in his face.
“Come on. Come on Shinji. Wake up. Don’t you dare to die here, idiot! Not after yesterday. Not after you learned that I love you. And…”
She was interrupted with a soft kiss on her lips.
Shinji had woken up.
She looked at his face. And soon realized what happened.
“Shinji…. When that beam hit you, you wished that you would have the courage to kiss me right?”
“What? No… I don’t remember anything after I was hit.”
“But.... but then… why you did that?”
“W-well you just said that you loved me and after yesterday… wait. You weren’t lying, right?”
She looked away from his face, with her face matching the color of her plugsuit. Before looking back at him, with a small smile.
“Idiot…. I am the great Asuka Langley Sohryu. And I am not a liar.”
Notes:
A Jim Carey classic movie for April's Fools Day. s always, thanks for the support and feeback. Until the next one :)
Chapter 21: Exactly two seconds before I honk your nose and...
Notes:
Hey, sorry for the delay. Disclaimer alert: I know that Kaworu is a controversial character, specially when played with in a romantic setting, and it sadly has become a trope so overused that many readers wouldn't even want to read stories about it. But hey, don't worry. It's Asushin in the movies, right? So you can trust your favorite author. And you can trust me too. Hope you enjoy the ride, the payoff will be good (I hope)
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
It was unusual for Shinji to go to the Geofront by his own will, but after all that happened in the last few days, what else could he do? The echo of Asuka's slap after their brief discussion earlier still lingered on his cheek, a stinging reminder of his inadequacy and how he was useless. The weight of her words, harsh and biting, clung to his soul in a way that not even the sound of his SDAT was able to make it go away.
He was alone. Misato was distant and Rei wasn’t the same anymore. That’s why he needed to come here to this dreadful place.
He refrained to talk to anybody and took quiet steps until the elevators, as his memory guided him to the place where Ritsuko showed him the aquarium with several clones of Rei Ayanami, a scene that haunted his thoughts since then. What was her role in all of this? Her existence seemed shrouded in mystery, and the unsettling feeling of being manipulated lingered like a shadow in his mind.
He needed to know, to understand the secrets that shrouded Rei, the truth behind Misato's sudden absence, and the purpose of this foreboding place that had become his fate's cruel stage.
The air within the Geofront was thick with an unsettling aura, as if the very walls whispered secrets of despair and chaos. The low hum of the Geofront's machinery resonated in his ears, accentuating the feeling of isolation and dread. Shadows danced in eerie patterns along the cold, metallic walls, casting grotesque silhouettes that seemed to mock his presence.
Shinji's heart pounded in his chest, a constant reminder of the fear that coiled around him. And then he realized the obvious: he was lost. Alone amidst the labyrinthine corridors.
As he turned another corner, Shinji stumbled upon a colossal chamber, the epicenter of his morbid fascination. A macabre sight awaited him, freezing his blood in his veins. Before him stood a towering monstrosity, a crucified white giant suspended on a cross, its monstrous form contorted in agonizing torment. The sight was enough to strike terror into the human mind, but Shinji, caught in the grasp of fate, was unable to tear his gaze away.
Yet, it was not just the grotesque figure that held him captive. It was the peculiar mask that adorned the face of the beast, a mask that seemed strangely out of place. As Shinji approached, his trembling steps faltered, his eyes widening in horror as he realized that the mask was beginning to slip away from the creature's face.
As Shinji approached, the clamor of grinding metal resonated in the chamber, and the mask, as if conspiring with some malevolent force, began its unholy descent. Slowly, inexorably, the veil of deception slipped away, revealing the true horror that lay beneath.
The mask's descent mirrored the unraveling of sanity itself, its grotesque movement exposing a twisted truth that shattered Shinji's fragile grip on reality.
Shinji's body quivered, his mind struggling to comprehend the horrors before him, as he unconsciously got closer to the creature and stared at the mask that was now lying on the floor. Until he felt his whole body being dragged toward it, with a strong unnatural pull of
His breath came in ragged gasps, each inhale a desperate attempt to hold onto a fragment of his crumbling sanity as the mask embraced him, attaching his body to itself while orange fluid with the smell of blood kept pouring from the wounded giant.
Shinji's frail frame quivered, his breath a tremor upon the precipice of madness. Each gasp was a struggle, a desperate attempt to anchor himself to reality, yet reality itself seemed to dissolve before his very eyes. In that accursed moment, innocence shattered like fragile glass, and he stood ensnared in the grasp of unspeakable terror.
In the profound silence and solitude of the hidden chamber at the Geofront, nobody heard his last plea. “S-somebody…. stop…”
The lake glistened under the first rays of the moonlight, its tranquil surface reflecting a world that seemed alien to her. The pale shadow of the former ace pilot Asuka Langley Sohryu now walked in the shadow of her own doubts and fears. Synchronization ratio zero. Her days of piloting Eva were gone and with them, the sense of purpose and belonging she once had.
The echoes of the recent conversation with Shinji lingered in her mind. He had come to her, hesitantly in his usual stupid way, and told her about Kaji's death. The news hit her like a crushing blow, tearing away the last shreds of stability she had left. Unable to know how to react, she hit him. With a slap in the face. And, ironically, she was the one who ran away this time. She immediately regretted her actions just a few minutes later. Shinji never deserved a slap on the face. That’s what her hands were made for? To fight and hurt people? Maybe… but not for everyone. Not Shinji. It was wrong. It made her feel sick.
Love and self-hatred warred within her, leaving the girl torn between the desire to be understood and the belief that I was nothing more than a coward, unable to grasp the complexity of her own heart.
But that only served to confirm her decision. The weight of loss and despair bore down on her like a heavy yoke, suffocating the life from within. Without Eva and without Kaji, her life seemed like a hollow husk, devoid of meaning and direction. She felt lost, adrift in a sea of uncertainty, unable to find my footing in this tumultuous world.
As she stood by the water's edge, the urge to surrender to the darkness gnawed at her soul. The water's surface seemed to mirror her turbulent emotions, a chaotic reflection of the storm within.
She sank to her knees, tears menacing to fall and mingle with the cool lake water, as the darkness threatened to consume all of her being. Her heart cried out, yearning for someone to understand, to reach out and pull her from the abyss. And at that exact moment, it was like her prayers were answered.
“Your love is like a red, red rose... who cares if you are a little thorny, right?”
She turned her face to look at the silver haired boy that was laying on his back, staring at the lake, with a rose between his teeth.
“What… who the heck are you?”
The boy smiled and looked at her, as he jumped to his feet with a swift acrobatic move.
“The name is Kaworu Nagisa. Charmed, huh?”
Asuka stared at the boy, confused, as the sirens started to sound, saving her from that awkward moment. And announcing an Angel’s attack.
Asuka stood before the window that was showing the figure of her red Evangelion. Her heart pounding with a mix of anticipation and trepidation. The weight of uncertainty gnawed at her, doubting her ability to synchronize with the colossal machine. She knew that without proper synchronization, she would be unable to unleash its full potential in battle.
As Misato approached, her face etched with concern, she delivered the troubling news. "Asuka, I'm afraid Shinji is nowhere to be found," she began, her voice laced with worry. "And what's more, neither the Commander nor the Subcommander are present. We don’t know what is happening, but just like before, we have a rogue Evangelion coming to the Geofront. It already has trespassed our first lines of defense.”
Asuka tried to keep her face still, as Misato continued. “I know that you are not in the best condition, but I need you to try to activate Unit 02 again. If you can’t do it, we will have no choice but to deploy Kaworu Nagisa, the Fifth Child, to pilot Unit 01."
Asuka's eyes narrowed at the mention of Kaworu, a newcomer whom she had never fully trusted. The thought of him piloting Unit 01 in Shinji's absence only fueled her frustration. She had worked so hard to prove herself, and now the spotlight and glory was on the verge of being stolen by an unfamiliar face.
"No way!" Asuka protested, her voice tinged with defiance. "I won't let some outsider take Shinji's place!"
Misato's expression softened just a little bit, understanding the young pilot's resistance. "Asuka," she said, gently and firmly at the same time. "We don't have much time. The enemy is closing in, and we need to act quickly. It’s all up to you.”
Reluctantly, Asuka nodded.
With a heavy heart, she entered the cockpit of her Evangelion, preparing herself for the daunting battle that awaited. But to her dismay, no matter how hard she tried, the synchronization eluded her. Panic surged through her veins, the fear of failure weighing heavy on her shoulders.
Just as her frustration reached its peak, the monitor screen of her Evangelion flickered to life, and Kaworu's enigmatic presence materialized before her. "Don't be disheartened, Asuka," he said, his voice gentle and soothing. "I can help you synchronize with your Eva."
“Eva Unit 02 activated! Synchronization rate 60% and rising!”
In less than a minute, the red giant was again making his imposing presence on the battlefield. The enemy, a formidable Mass Produced Evangelion, loomed before her, and Asuka steeled herself for the fight. Gripping the controls tightly, she took a deep breath, channeling her focus into her Eva.
The battle raged on, her Eva and the Mass Produced Evangelion locked in a relentless exchange of blows.
But as the battle wore on, and the enemy seemed to adapt and regenerate, doubt crept back into Asuka's mind. She struggled to keep up, her Eva pushed to its limits, and the absence of Shinji's reassuring presence weighed heavily on her. She activated maximum power mode and started to put the opponent on the defensive with a flurry of blows, striking hard and connecting several punches, turning the white Evanelion face into pudding, until it stopped moving. She had won.
Yet, even in her moment of triumph, the enemy proved resilient. The Mass Produced Evangelion regenerated, catching Asuka off guard with a surprise attack that sent her Eva reeling. She tried to get up, but with no success, as her battery reached the limit.
However, as the giant white beast approached, he was met by a swift flying kick from a purple giant. Eva Unit 01, powered by a S2 engine, had entered the battlefield. The Mass Produced Evangelion shouted a guttural scream as the monster attacked his new foe.
"It's showtime!" Kaworu taunted, twisting and turning to elude its blows with a grace reminiscent of a seasoned performer, evading the Mass Produced Evangelion's relentless attacks, his movements a dazzling display of skill and showmanship.
"Sssssmokin'!" he teased, as he unleashed a barrage of bullets from his pallet rifle upon the opposing Evangelion.
The Mass Produced Evangelion, seemingly unfazed, retaliated with a vengeance, but Kaworu reveled in the thrill of the battle. "Alrighty then!" he exclaimed, countering each attack with deftness and audacity.
As the Mass Produced Evangelion charged toward him, he managed to get close enough to deliver a powerful blow, momentarily disorienting his foe.
With a mischievous glint in his eye, Kaworu sprang into action. , "Oooh, somebody stop me!" before swiftly pulling the Mass Produced Evangelion's control core, yanking it up above its head, until it exploded.
As the dust settled, the Mass Produced Evangelion lay defeated, its once imposing presence reduced to a heap of tangled limbs.
With the battle won, Kaworu calmly piloted his Evangelion back to safety, while carrying Eva Unit 02 back to the Geofront.
As both pilots exited their entry plugs, Kaworu stepped closer to Asuka, his cerulean eyes locked onto hers with an almost hypnotic intensity.
Still angry and confused, Asuka was torn apart by the impulse to take some steps back or yell aggressively at the newcomer. But she did neither.
"You are exceptional, Asuka," Kaworu murmured, his voice a gentle breeze upon her ears. "Your strength and brilliance shine like a radiant star. I am drawn to your fire, your passion."
Asuka's heart fluttered with a mixture of intrigue and apprehension. Kaworu's words were like sweet nectar, intoxicating and alluring. A part of her was tempted to succumb to his charm, to bask in the attention and adoration he showered upon her.
But then, in the midst of his seductive words, Kaworu made a comment that struck a dissonant chord within her soul. Her eyes narrowed, and the spell he had woven began to fray. "What did you say about Shinji?" she demanded, her voice laced with a tinge of anger.
Kaworu's lips curled into a knowing smile, but it was the kind of smile that grated on her nerves. "Oh, Shinji," he said dismissively, "He ran away. Why bother with him? He is merely a timid and weak boy, lost in his own insecurities. You deserve better, Asuka."
Her heart quickened, not out of infatuation with Kaworu, but out of anger.
With a sudden surge of determination, Asuka's hand shot forward, and she slapped Kaworu hard across the face, the sound of the impact echoing in the room. "Don't you dare insult Shinji, you freak!" she spat, her eyes ablaze with indignation.
"I don't need your empty words," she declared firmly, her voice steady. "I know who I care about, and it's not you. Leave me alone."
But, to her surprise, when she looked at the boy’s face again she didn’t see Kaworu’s smirking face. But a familiar face. A dumb, dull and idiotic face.
Shinji was there, rubbing his cheek, sitting on the floor. And a weird mask was lying a few meters from him.
Asuka stared for several minutes at the boy standing in a fetal position - his head hung low, the weight of his own self-doubts evident in his body language - unsure about what to do.
Asuka's anger simmered beneath the surface, but seeing him like this softened her resolve. She took a deep breath and approached him, stopping just inches away.
"Idiot," she said, her voice both stern and tender. "You don't need to pretend to be anyone else."
He looked up at her, eyes filled with uncertainty and vulnerability. "But... Kaworu is better. He's strong and confident. He can help you. He can save anybody. I'm just... me."
Asuka's hand twitched, as if she was ready to slap him again, but then she hesitated. Instead, she gently caressed his cheek, her touch surprisingly gentle. "You may not be perfect, but you're my partner," she said, her voice softening.
Shinji looked at her face with wide opened eyes as both him and Asuka blushed at the implication of her words, as she suddenly smacked him on the head “Not like that, you perv.”
While her punch made him feel a minor pain in his head, her words seemed to lift a weight off his shoulders, and he gave her a small, grateful smile. "Thank you, Asuka."
This time, it was Asuka who stared at him with wide open eyes for a moment, before she turned her face away.
"You are welcome. But don't think that means I'll let you run away or give up" she added, her tone firm. "I won't forgive you if you do."
They stared at each other’s faces for a moment. A rare moment of genuine happiness. That was interrupted almost immediately by Misato’s voice on the speakers.
“Asuka! Kaworu! Get back into the Evas. We are detecting more AT fields. There are… eight of them?”
No more words were needed. The terror was already inserted in their and every member of NERV’s crew hearts.
Shinji looked at the mask on the floor, and looked back at Asuka. She was staring at him, with an unreadable expression.
A few minutes of silence passed by as he finally made a decision.
Shinji approached the mask and, with a single movement, stepped on it, cracking the weird object in half.
Asuka took a relieved breath and looked at the boy. With a frightened look, but with a smile on her lips.
"I am scared Asuka. I don’t know if I can do it."
In her own eyes, a mixture of fierceness and vulnerability met his gaze. "I'm scared too, Shinji," she admitted. "But I won't let fear paralyze me. I won’t run away again. Ever. I'll fight with everything I've got."
A sense of unity and understanding passed between them, forged in the crucible of shared vulnerability. "Then… I'll be there with you," Shinji affirmed, his voice steady. "We'll face it together."
Asuka's grip on his shoulder tightened for a moment, her anger and worry melting into a fierce determination. "Idiot.” - she said. “I won't let you run away anymore."
The unspoken promise hung in the air, binding them together in their resolve to confront whatever darkness awaited. Imperfect, scared, but unwavering, they would stand side by side, drawing strength from each other in the face of uncertainty.
At the depths of the Geofront, two old men were tied on their chairs. With their underwear pulled over their heads.
Notes:
So, the idea was given to me by Blackunknown, author of the great series "Rise of the Minisukas", on a Discord convo, playing with a concept that was stated by Anno on an interview that "Kaworu was designed as a perfect/idealized version of Shinji".
I decided to play with it and tie it with this classic movie, mixing a little bit of drama and comedy. And also making a jab about those overused tropes of trying to pair canon Kaworu or any other canon male character with Asuka to "cuck" Shinji or generate cheap faux romance triangle drama. Until next time folks. We are approaching the end. Just 5 more episodes to go. Be safe and have an amazing day.
Chapter 22: 14 to 28
Notes:
Hey people. Life just got in the way, but this one is still not finished. So enjoy that Special chapter for Asuka's birthday. Thanks for reading and have a Merry Christmas and happy New Year :)
Chapter Text
Asuka walked confidently through the bustling shopping district, her fiery red hair a striking contrast against the array of colorful storefronts. Beside her, Misato kept pace, their conversation light yet filled with an undercurrent of familial warmth.
"Come on, Asuka, pick something! It's your last day as a 13 year old," Misato teased, her voice laced with affection, in her own unique Misato way.
Asuka's eyes rolled as she scanned the displays with a discerning gaze. It wasn't just objects she was looking for; it was for something that could work as an expression of her growing identity, a testament to her maturation. Her eyes finally settled on a boutique showcasing an array of perfumes. The scent of lavender wafted out as they entered, enveloping them in a mature, sophisticated aura.
"This one," Asuka declared, picking up a bottle of lavender perfume. Her voice carried a mix of curiosity and assertion. "It's sophisticated, like me."
Misato's smile was knowing as she purchased the perfume. As they stepped out of the boutique, she nudged Asuka playfully. "Who knows, maybe a man you like will be waiting for you with an even more special gift."
Asuka felt her cheeks warm at the suggestion, a flutter of excitement tingling in her stomach. She tried to appear nonchalant but couldn't quite mask the glimmer of hope in her eyes. "Kaji..." she murmured softly to herself.
Inside Misato's car, Asuka sat quietly, her new perfume resting on her lap. The streets of Tokyo-3 zipped by, a blur of neon and concrete, but Asuka's mind was elsewhere, dancing on the edges of a daydream.
In her reverie, she was no longer just a teenage pilot, but a woman of elegance and allure, the kind that would catch the eye of Ryoji Kaji. She imagined him waiting for her, not as the NERV operative she knew, but as something more - a symbol of the mature, exciting world she yearned to be a part of.
Misato's voice, light and teasing, cut through her thoughts. "Thinking about your special man, Asuka?" She glanced at Asuka through the rearview mirror, a playful smirk on her lips.
Asuka's cheeks flushed a deeper shade of red, but she tried to keep her voice nonchalant. "Maybe. It's not your business, ok?"
The car arrived to Misato's apartment complex, the familiar sight pulling Asuka back to reality. Yet, the seed of hope Misato had planted continued to bloom in her heart, mixing with her daydreams of Kaji. She clutched the perfume a little tighter, a symbol of the woman she aspired to be - mature, sophisticated, and, most importantly, noticed by those she admired.
As they parked, Asuka's heart fluttered with a mix of nervous excitement and a faint, unspoken fear. What if Misato's teasing held a kernel of truth? What if her birthday did hold a surprise, one that would bridge the gap between her dreams and her reality?
As Asuka stepped out of the car, her heart thumping with a blend of anticipation and apprehension, she caught sight of a familiar figure in the living room. It wasn't Kaji.
Shinji stood there in the living room, awkward and hesitant, holding something carefully in his hands.
Asuka's approach towards Shinji was laced with a mix of curiosity and irritation. As she drew closer, Shinji's nervousness became more apparent. He shuffled his feet, his eyes flickering between Asuka and the object in his hands. It was a handmade puppet doll, crafted with an evident personal touch.
Shinji, holding the handmade doll with such care, looked exceptionally nervous. His usual shy demeanor was even more pronounced in the face of Asuka's strong presence. "Happy Birthday, Asuka," Shinji stammered, extending the doll with trembling hands. "I... I made this for you."
Asuka's eyes, fiery and intense, fixed on the doll. It was a simple thing, really, but in its simplicity lay a reminder of everything she despised - vulnerability, naivety, a childhood she had long since rejected. Shinji's gift, meant to be an act of kindness, felt like a cruel joke, a mirror reflecting a part of herself she wished to forget.
Asuka's gaze flickered between the doll and Shinji, her initial intrigue quickly souring. The doll, with its innocent simplicity, seemed so out of place in her world of complexities and desires. "Why on earth would you give me a doll, Shinji?" she snapped, her voice sharp with rising annoyance.
Shinji flinched, the hurt flashing in his eyes. "I thought... you might like it. It's... it's supposed to be special." He struggled to explain, his words tripping over his anxiety. "The dust... they say it's magic wishing dust. You can make a wish, anything you want."
Asuka's frustration boiled over. She glared at the doll, seeing it as a symbol of everything she was trying to leave behind. "A wish? What good is a wish going to do, Shinji?" Her tone was biting, each word laced with scorn. "I don't need childish fantasies! I am not a child like you!"
Shinji recoiled as if struck. The effort he had put into the gift, the hope that it would bring a smile to Asuka's face, all seemed to crumble in the face of her anger. "I... I just thought...," he stuttered, unable to find the words to defend his choice.
Asuka's patience snapped. With a swift movement, she aggressively grabbed the doll from Shinji's hands, her eyes blazing with anger. "This is ridiculous, Shinji. I don't need your pity gifts!" With that, she stormed off towards her room, the doll clutched tightly in her grasp.
Shinji and Misato exchanged a look, a mix of confusion and concern, but Asuka was already gone, the door to her room slamming shut behind her. In the solitude of her room, surrounded by the walls she had built around herself, Asuka clutched the doll tightly, her heart racing with a tumult of emotions she couldn't quite name.
In the solitude of her room, Asuka sat on the edge of her bed, the doll clutched tightly in her hands. The room was a mirror to the chaos of emotions swirling within her. The walls, adorned with many memories from her younger days in Germany, all of them looking beautiful at first sight for an innocent observer, in fact, seemed to mock her all the time with the constant reminder of her past. The childhood that was robbed of her.
Asuka's eyes, fiery and intense, fixed on the doll. It was a simple thing, really, but in its simplicity lay a reminder of everything she despised - vulnerability, naivety, a childhood she had long since rejected. Shinji's gift, meant to be an act of kindness, felt like a cruel joke, a mirror reflecting a part of herself she wished to forget.
Her thoughts spiraled back to Misato's teasing words, the fantasy of Kaji, and her longing to be seen as an adult. She wanted to be strong, independent, someone who commanded respect and admiration. Not a child playing with dolls.
In a burst of anger, Asuka began to tear at the doll. The fabric ripped under her fingers, and the stuffing spilled out like clouds of pent-up frustration. "I will kill you," she hissed at the doll, her voice laced with bitterness. It wasn't just the doll she was speaking to - it was her insecurities, her own fears.
"I am not a child! I am not a child! I AM NOT A... CHILD!" As she tore the doll apart, the magic wishing dust Shinji had mentioned began to shimmer and swirl around her. The particles glinted in the air, catching the light from her lamp, creating a mesmerizing, yet ominous, aura. Asuka's words echoed in the room, a mantra of her deepest desire: to be free from the chains of her youth, to be strong, independent, and unbreakable.
The dust swirled faster, enveloping Asuka in a cocoon of light and shadow. Her room, her sanctuary of solitude, seemed to fade away into the background. Asuka's eyes widened in shock and fear as the world around her began to dissolve, the boundaries of reality blurring.
Then, just as suddenly as it had begun, everything went dark. Asuka felt herself slipping away, her consciousness fading into an abyss. The last thing she saw was the torn remnants of the doll, a symbol of her shattered childhood, lying amidst the glimmering dust.
Asuka's eyelids fluttered open, revealing a stark, unfamiliar ceiling that immediately set off alarms in her mind. The last thing she remembered was the anger, the tearing of the doll, and then... nothing. Now, she found herself in what was unmistakably a hospital room, its sterile whiteness enveloping her.
Sitting up with effort, her body felt different, heavier, and unfamiliar. Dr. Ritsuko Akagi stood at the foot of her bed, clipboard in hand, her usual stern expression softened slightly.
"Asuka, you're awake," Ritsuko announced a clinical tone to her voice. "Don't worry, the surgery was a success."
"Surgery?" Asuka's voice was a raspy whisper, confusion lacing her words. What surgery?
Ritsuko, with a hint of irony in her voice, remarked, "It's better to look at it yourself"
Asuka's brows furrowed in confusion and irritation at Ritsuko's comment. Without another word, Ritsuko wheeled a full-body mirror to the side of Asuka's bed. The reflection that greeted Asuka was startling – it was her, unmistakably so, but not the her she knew. The woman in the mirror was older, her features more defined, and her body matured into that of an adult.
Asuka's hand trembled as it reached to touch her face, her eyes tracing the unfamiliar lines of her matured self. The reality of her transformation was overwhelming, a mix of shock and a dawning sense of wonder. She passed out.
When she woke up again. Asuka found herself in an apartment that was hers but felt alien. She sat down at a sleek, modern desk, her fingers flying over the keyboard as she searched for clues about her new life. It was there, amidst emails and official documents, that she found her Nerv ID Card that now read: "Major Asuka Langley Soryu". However, Asuka focused her attention on the date of birth and did the quick math. She was 28 years old. The revelation hit her like a wave – she had her wish, she was an adult, yet the joy of this discovery was shadowed by a creeping sense of unease.
As she looked around her apartment, she felt like walking into a stranger's life. The walls were adorned with art that Asuka couldn't remember choosing, and the furniture was the epitome of adult sophistication – a far cry from her room at Misato's apartment.
She wandered through the rooms, each discovery bringing a mix of amusement and bewilderment. In the living room, a collection of high-end electronic gadgets that she had no idea how to operate. In the kitchen, an array of cooking utensils and appliances seemed overly ambitious for her culinary skills. And then, the wardrobe – filled with clothes that screamed elegance and maturity, so different from her usual pilot suits and casual teenage attire.
As she tried on outfit after outfit, Asuka couldn't help but laugh at the absurdity of it all. Here she was, in the body of a 28-year-old, playing dress-up in her own life. Each garment she donned felt like a costume, a role she was yet to grow into.
Amidst the laughter, however, there was a growing sense of drama. As Asuka stood in front of the mirror, dressed in a nice outfit that would have been the envy of any adult woman, she couldn't shake off the feeling that something was missing. The reflection showed a mature, confident woman, but inside, Asuka still felt insecure full of doubts and unresolved emotions.
With a mix of trepidation and curiosity, Asuka prepared herself for her first day at work in this unfamiliar world.
As Asuka entered NERV headquarters, her presence was undeniable. The adult version of herself carried an air of authority and grace that demanded attention. She walked down the corridors with a stride that spoke of confidence and experience, a stark contrast to the brash teenager she had been.
Heads turned as she passed by. Several NERV co-workers, who had once seen her as a fiery, unpredictable teenager, now looked at her with a mixture of admiration and respect. Their gazes lingered, taking in her mature appearance, and the elegant way she carried herself. Some offered polite nods, others whispered words of approval. The attention was flattering, and Asuka couldn't deny the thrill it gave her, yet it also stirred a strange sense of unease within her.
Among the onlookers was Ryoji Kaji, his usual composed demeanor faltering slightly at the sight of Asuka. He approached her with a smile, the familiar charm in his voice. "Well, if it isn't the esteemed Senior Langley. You've certainly grown into your role."
Asuka felt a flutter of excitement at his words, a remnant of her teenage crush. Yet, as an adult, she responded with a composure she had only dreamed of as a teenager. "Thanks, Kaji. It seems a lot has changed," she replied, her voice steady but her heart racing.
Kaji leaned in, a playful glint in his eye. "Change can be a good thing. I must say, it suits you. The maturity, the authority... It's quite becoming."
Asuka felt a mix of pride and awkwardness. Kaji's flirtatious demeanor, once a source of girlish fantasy, now felt more real, more within reach. Part of her reveled in the attention, but another part hesitated, sensing that something wasn't quite right. The dynamic had shifted, and while it was what she had always wanted, it felt unfamiliar, uncharted.
Still dazzled by the events and the butterflies in her stomach, before she realized, Asuka found herself being ushered by Misato into the staff lounge for an impromptu coffee break. There, Ritsuko and Maya were already seated, their laughter filling the room. The atmosphere was light, a stark contrast to the usual tension that pervaded NERV.
As Asuka approached, the conversation paused, and all eyes turned to her. There was a moment of almost reverent silence before Misato broke it with a wide grin. "Look who's finally joined us! The queen herself!"
Asuka felt a mix of pride and awkwardness at the title. She took a seat at the table, the others making room for her as if she were the guest of honor. Ritsuko pushed a cup of coffee towards her, her usual stern demeanor softened by a friendly smile. "It's been too long, Asuka. We've missed our alpha queen around here."
The conversation flowed easily, with Maya and Ritsuko sharing office gossip and Misato recounting humorous anecdotes from recent missions. Asuka listened, chiming in with her own witty remarks. The conversation was surprisingly comfortable, like old college friends catching up after years apart. They treated Asuka with a mix of respect and affection, deferring to her opinions and laughing heartily at her jokes.
Asuka found herself relaxing into the role, the warmth and camaraderie of the group filling a void she hadn't realized was there. Yet, amidst the laughter and chatter, a part of her couldn't help but feel like she was playing a part in a play she hadn't rehearsed for.
Their conversation was interrupted by Misato's approach. Her expression was one of amusement, tinged with a hint of curiosity. "Ready for the test, Asuka?" she asked, her tone light but probing.
"The test?" Asuka echoed, her momentary excitement fading into confusion.
Misato laughed, a sound that was both comforting and disconcerting. "Of course. You need to be an example to those kids, right?
The revelation brought a rush of emotions. Pride, bewilderment, a sense of displacement. Asuka was still part of this world, still a pilot, yet everything around her had shifted. She was in her dream – an adult, respected, admired – but the dream felt off-kilter, like a puzzle with pieces that didn't quite fit.
Inside the NERV testing area, Asuka's confusion and internal conflict deepened. She donned her pilot suit, an action so familiar yet now strangely disconcerting in her adult body. The suit, tailored for her mature physique, felt like a bridge between her past and present selves.
As she made her way to the testing chamber, Asuka's eyes fell on Shinji and Rei, who were engrossed in their pre-test preparations. They were clad in their pilot suits, looking much as they always had – young, focused, a stark contrast to her own transformed appearance.
She focused her attention on Shinji who was near his unit, his back turned to her, holding something in his hands.
Her steps slowed as she neared him, her heart beating a rhythm of anticipation and unease. "Shinji," she called out, her voice echoing slightly in the vast chamber.
He turned abruptly, his eyes widening in a mix of surprise and apprehension. It was then that Asuka saw it – the doll. The same doll Shinji had given her, now a relic of a time that seemed both distant and painfully close.
Shinji's reaction was immediate and clumsy. He tried to hide the doll behind his back, a flush creeping up his neck. "Oh, Miss Soryu! I was just..." he stammered, his voice trailing off.
Asuka's heart twinged at the formality of his address – 'Miss Soryu.' It was a stark reminder of the gulf that now lay between them. "Why are you calling me that, Shinji?" she asked, her tone steady but her heart aching with a mixture of surprise and sadness.
Shinji's eyes darted away, unable to meet her gaze. "I... I thought it was appropriate. You're different now," he mumbled, his voice tinged with a melancholy that mirrored her own.
The air between them was heavy with unspoken words and missed connections. Asuka longed to bridge the gap, to return to the familiarity of their old banter, but the reality of her new adult existence made it seem like a distant dream.
"Why do you still have that doll?" she inquired, nodding towards the object awkwardly concealed behind him.
Shinji hesitated before responding, his fingers tightening around the doll. "I kept it because I thought... I thought it meant something to you. I didn't know you'd... change."
"Oh..."
The moment of fragile connection was abruptly cut short by the announcement of an Angel attack. The immediacy of the situation jolted them both, a harsh return to the demands of their roles as pilots.
As Shinji turned to leave, the doll fell from his grasp, landing softly on the ground. Asuka watched him dash away, a part of her longing to call out to him, to return to a time when things were simpler when they were just Asuka and Shinji.
Picking up the doll, Asuka held it gently, a bittersweet symbol of her past and the present that had slipped beyond her grasp. Her expression remained composed, but inside, a storm of emotions raged – a poignant mix of nostalgia, sadness, and the painful realization of what her wish had truly cost her.
Encased within the metallic confines of her Evangelion, Asuka felt a familiar rush of adrenaline mixed with the weight of her new reality. The cockpit, once a symbol of her youth and rebellion, now felt like a bridge between her past and present selves. As the Eva systems hummed to life around her, a sense of purpose steadied her racing heart.
The communicator crackled, breaking the silence. Misato's voice, casual yet authoritative, echoed in the cockpit. "Remember, Asuka, quick and clean. We've got plans tonight, we have been waiting for this drinking night for such a long time, so no time for dawdling."
Ritsuko's voice followed, tinged with her usual scientific detachment. "Ensure the sync ratios are stable. We can't afford any lapses."
Maya's softer tones chimed in, a hint of excitement beneath her professional demeanor. "Looking forward to it, Asuka. It's been a while since we all went out."
Asuka couldn't help but feel a disconnect from their light-hearted banter. Here she was, about to engage in a battle that could decide the fate of humanity, yet their conversation flowed as if they were planning a casual night out. The camaraderie was familiar, yet now it felt oddly out of place. She suddenly missed Hikari, that stupid penguin, and...
She looked to the side to see Eva Unit 01 began its ascent towards the surface, the gears and hydraulics whirring in harmony. Seconds later her own Unit 02 followed the same procedure. As she ascended, another voice unexpectedly cut through the chatter. It was Kaji, his tone carrying the usual flirtatious undercurrent.
"Asuka, how about joining me for dinner tonight? A little celebration for the successful mission," Kaji proposed, his words lingering in the air. His voice over the communicator had been smooth, and confident, carrying the same flirtatious edge that Asuka had once found so captivating
The invitation caught Asuka off guard, her heart skipping a beat. The adult part of her was flattered, intrigued even, but she also felt a jarring sense of incongruity. Here she was, in the midst of her transformed life, receiving an offer she had once dreamt of, yet under circumstances, she could never have imagined.
The offer from Kaji lingered in Asuka's mind, a tantalizing whisper against the backdrop of her imminent mission. The idea of spending an evening with him, something her younger self had only fantasized about, now presented itself as a real possibility.
Asuka's fingers tightened around the controls, her knuckles whitening. The mix of excitement and confusion was a cocktail of emotions she wasn't prepared for. She had wanted this, hadn't she? To be seen as an equal by the likes of Kaji, to step into the adult world she had so envied. But now, confronted with the reality of it, she felt unmoored, adrift between the shores of her past desires and her present self.
As the surface neared and the light of the sun began to filter through the entry hatch, Asuka's mind raced. The prospect of an evening out, the battle ahead, Kaji asking her out, and the echoes of her past life all clashed within her. She was an adult now, living the life she had wished for, but the reality of it was more intricate and tangled than she had ever anticipated.
As her Evangelion charged into battle, Asuka pushed the swirling thoughts to the back of her mind, focusing on the immediate threat. But beneath her calm exterior, the questions about her new life, her desires, and her identity continued to simmer, unresolved and waiting.
The battlefield stretched out before Asuka, a chaotic canvas of destruction and conflict. Her Eva landed with a thud that resonated through the metal frame, grounding her in the reality of the moment. As she maneuvered her unit into position, her mind was still reeling from the whirlwind of emotions stirred by Kaji's invitation and the casual banter of her colleagues.
Her attention was abruptly drawn to the enemy. Emerging from the chaos was an Angel, unlike any she had encountered before. Its form was eerily reminiscent of a doll, a grotesque parody of the innocence and simplicity that such a figure usually represented. Its movements were unnervingly graceful, almost mocking in their fluidity.
As Asuka watched, the Angel raised what appeared to be a lance, poised for an attack. Her instincts as a pilot surged to the forefront, pushing aside the lingering confusion and doubt. She readied her Eva for combat, her hands steady on the controls.
But before she could react, Shinji's voice crackled through the communicator, urgent and laced with fear. "Asuka, look out!"
In a split second, the Angel launched its lance, a deadly projectile aimed directly at her. Time seemed to slow as Asuka braced for impact, her eyes fixated on the approaching threat.
Then, in a blur of motion, Shinji's Evangelion lunged forward. He intercepted the lance, the weapon impaling it with a force that sent shockwaves through the battlefield. Shinji's Eva Unit staggered, the lance protruding grotesquely from its torso.
Asuka's heart lurched at the sight. Shinji had jumped in to save her, taking the blow that was meant for her. A mix of gratitude, horror, and deep-seated fear gripped her as Shinji's Evangelion crumpled to the ground.
The communicator erupted with voices – Misato's commands, Ritsuko's analyses, Maya's panicked updates – all creating a cacophony of noise that mirrored the chaos unfolding before her. But Asuka's focus was solely on Unit 01 the stark reality of his sacrifice silencing everything else.
She maneuvered her unit closer to Shinji's fallen Eva, her hands trembling slightly at the controls. The communicator was a frenzy of voices – urgent, panicked, conveying the gravity of Shinji's condition. Misato's orders were sharp, Ritsuko's analysis clinical, but behind their professional facades, there was an undercurrent of fear.
"Asuka, maintain your position. We need to assess—" Misato's voice was cut off by Asuka's own, firmer and more resolute than they had ever heard it.
"No, I have to see if he's alright," Asuka insisted, her Eva's hand reaching out to cradle Shinji's damaged unit. Her display flickered with warnings and readouts, but her focus was singular: Shinji.
She opened a direct communication line to Shinji's cockpit, her voice a mixture of desperation and hope. "Shinji, can you hear me? Don't you dare die on me! I'm here, I'll take care of everything."
Static filled the line at first, then, a faint, strained voice broke through – Shinji's. "Asuka... it's too late for me. I... I..."
"Hey, don't you dare say those stupid things. When this is over we will..."
"I liked you, Asuka".
The words hit Asuka like a physical blow, a stark reminder of the cruel reality they lived in. Shinji's voice, weak and fading, was the embodiment of their shared struggles, their sacrifices, and the unyielding burden of their roles as pilots.
"But you've grown up before me."
Shinji's final words hung heavy in the air, a somber echo in the vastness of the battlefield.
Asuka's vision blurred, a mix of tears and rage clouding her sight. Shinji's Evangelion lay still, a silent testament to the brutal cost of their war. The communicator crackled with urgent calls to reengage, but for a moment, Asuka was lost in her grief, in the realization of the depth of their bond and the harrowing truth of Shinji's words.
Asuka's Eva, towering and formidable, stood as a sentinel over Shinji's fallen unit. Her fingers gripped the controls, white-knuckled, as she absorbed the finality of Shinji's faint, fading words. The cockpit, once a realm of control and power, now felt like a confining cage of despair.
"Asuka, you need to focus. We have to—" Misato's voice attempted to pierce through the fog of Asuka's shock, but it was like speaking to someone in a trance.
In a voice barely above a whisper, strained with the effort to keep her emotions at bay, Asuka responded, "I hear you, Shinji. Just hold on, please." Her words were more plea than command, a desperate bid against the inevitable.
The silence from Shinji's end of the line was deafening, a void that echoed with the unsaid, the undone, the unfulfilled. It was a silence that spoke volumes.
Asuka's gaze was fixed on the lifeless form of Shinji's Eva, her mind racing, replaying every interaction, every argument, every moment of shared vulnerability. The realization of what Shinji meant to her – what he had always meant – crashed over her in a wave of belated understanding.
Her heart ached with a profound sorrow, the kind that comes from knowing that something crucial has been irretrievably lost. Shinji's words echoed in her mind, a haunting reminder of their reality a realization hit her with the face of her mother hanging on the ceiling and whispering: "You can't change the past."
In that moment, the full weight of her wish, the desire to leap into adulthood, to escape the trials and tribulations of her youth, came crashing down upon her. The cost of her wish – the loss of time, the loss of connection, the loss of Shinji – became painfully, irrevocably clear.
It was the sight of Shinji's doll, now floating into the LCL of her entry plug, that brought her mind back to the reality around her, as Unit 00 was being pushed to the ground by the disgusting figure of the enemy.
Grief morphed into fury within Asuka as she confronted the Doll-shaped Angel, the grotesque mimicry of innocence now a symbol of her deepest anguish. Her Eva, an extension of her will, moved with a ferocity born of raw, unbridled emotion. Each step was heavy with the weight of her loss, each movement a testament to her resolve.
The Angel, with its unsettlingly serene facade, seemed to mock her pain, its presence a cruel reminder of the twisted reality they were all ensnared in. Asuka's vision, red with tears and rage, focused singularly on the entity before her. The communicator buzzed with urgent calls to strategize, to coordinate, but Asuka's world had narrowed to the fight, to the act of vengeance.
"I will kill you, I'll kill you," she repeated like a mantra, her voice a mix of a battle cry and a wail of despair. Her Eva lunged forward, fists and weapons striking with a brutality that was as much a release of her inner torment as it was a bid to destroy the enemy.
Each blow was a release, a catharsis of the emotions that had been dammed up within her – the guilt, the regret, the unspoken love, and the unacknowledged bond she had shared with Shinji. With every strike, she was not just fighting the Angel; she was battling the cruel fate that had torn Shinji away from her, that had turned her wish into her worst nightmare.
The battle raged, a dance of death between the towering figures of Asuka's Eva and the Angel. And then, with a final, decisive blow, Asuka shattered the core of the Angel, unleashing a torrent of energy that illuminated the battlefield with its eerie glow.
As the core broke, a shower of dust that had started her journey into adulthood sprang forth, swirling around her Eva in a hauntingly beautiful vortex. The dust glittered in the light, each particle a reminder of the wish that had brought her to this moment, of the dream that had turned into a tragic reality. A magical dust.
Asuka's eyes fluttered open to the familiar sight of her own room, a stark contrast to the chaotic battlefield she last remembered. For a moment, she lay still, her mind trying to piece together the events that had transpired. The battle, the Angel, Shinji's sacrifice – it all felt like a vivid, harrowing dream.
But as her gaze fell on the object in her hands, reality settled in with a gentle yet profound clarity. It was Shinji's doll, the same one she had dismissed and then later clung to in her alternate adult life. Its presence was a tangible link to the experiences she had undergone, experiences that now felt like distant echoes of a life lived in fast-forward.
She sat up slowly, holding the doll close to her chest. The act evoked so many feelings inside her. Thoughts about childhood, innocence, and the simple joys she had long forsaken in her pursuit of maturity and strength. The texture of the fabric, the faint scent of the magic dust still clinging to it – all of it served to ground her in the present, in her reality as a teenager.
With a deep breath, Asuka swung her legs over the side of the bed and stood up. The room around her was the same as she had always known it, yet she viewed it through new eyes. Each poster, each object, was a reminder of the life she had momentarily left behind – a life she now saw with a newfound appreciation and understanding.
The sound of movement outside her room caught her attention. With the doll still in her arms, she stepped out, her steps hesitant yet purposeful. The corridor, bathed in the soft light of the apartment, felt both welcoming and solemn, a pathway back to a world she had almost lost.
As she approached the living room, the sight that greeted her was unexpectedly poignant. Shinji was there, his back to her, quietly cleaning up the remnants of what was meant to be a celebration. The uneaten cake, the unused plates – each item a silent witness to the hope and disappointment of the day.
Asuka moved silently, each step carrying her closer to the remnants of what should have been a simple birthday celebration. The sight of Shinji, meticulously cleaning up the area, struck a chord in her heart. He moved with somber diligence, unaware of her presence, his shoulders bearing the weight of an unspoken sadness.
Holding the doll close, Asuka stepped forward, the distance between her and Shinji shrinking with each step. Her heart, a whirlwind of emotions and realizations, was ready to bridge the gap that had once seemed so insurmountable.
The atmosphere was thick with the silent echoes of missed opportunities and unexpressed feelings. Shinji carefully lifted the untouched birthday cake, its candles unlit, its frosting pristine and untouched. The festive decoration, meant to symbolize joy and celebration, now served as a poignant reminder of their failures. What is the point of trying the same thing over and over Only to get the same bad results? That was the definition of stupidity, right?
Asuka watched him for a moment, her eyes tracing the lines of his form, the familiar contours and movements that she had come to know so well. There was a gentleness to his actions, a care that belied the depth of his emotions, emotions that she had often overlooked or misinterpreted.
With the doll clutched to her chest, Asuka found her voice, a soft but clear sound in the quiet of the room. "I never played with dolls," she said, her words floating across the space between them.
Shinji stiffened, the cake almost slipping from his grasp as he yelped in surprise. He turned sharply, his eyes widening at the sight of her standing there, a ghost of a smile touching her lips despite the heaviness in her heart.
Asuka continued, her voice steady but imbued with a vulnerability she rarely showed. "I have been training to be a pilot since I was four. So I rejected most of the things that I considered childish. But guess what? By doing that, I was the only one who was being childish."
Shinji's expression, a mixture of relief and confusion, searched her face for understanding. "So... you are not mad at me?" he asked, his voice tinged with a hopefulness that had long been subdued.
Asuka's response was a flick to his head, a familiar gesture, but softer this time. "What are you, stupid? I am not... I am mad at myself. I feel like I've lost my childhood and I know that those days will never go back."
Shinji's reply was simple and heartfelt. "I am sorry," he said, his words a mirror of his earnest nature.
Asuka took a step closer, her gaze locked with his. "It's okay. I didn't thank you for the gift, right?" Her words were a bridge, an offering of peace and understanding. She gently pulled him up, closing the distance between them, and pressed a soft kiss to his lips.
The kiss was a bold move, a leap into the unknown. It was an acknowledgment of their shared past, their present struggles, and the uncharted future that lay ahead. Asuka knew it was okay to not have all the answers, to be in between the realms of childhood and adulthood. She was allowed to make mistakes, to take chances, to live in the moment.
And when Shinji kissed back, a silent affirmation of their connection, Asuka felt a profound sense of belonging. In that simple, tender exchange, she found her place in time – not as a child, not as an adult, but as Asuka, just as she was meant to be.
Chapter 23: I said I wasn't gonna lose my head, but then
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
The golden hues of the setting sun spilled gently through the windows of Misato's apartment, casting long shadows across the floor and walls.
Amid the serene quietness, Shinji Ikari sat alone in the living room, his posture slightly hunched, his fingers delicately poised over the cello's strings. He drew the bow gently across them, coaxing a melancholy melody that echoed softly through the room—warm yet tinged with sadness, reflective of the boy playing it.
Lost in the harmony, Shinji closed his eyes, each note a quiet escape, a private confession hidden within the music he would never dare to speak aloud. For these few stolen minutes, the weight of piloting the Evangelion, the unspoken expectations of his father, the tangled feelings he carried—everything faded into the background. Here, in this moment, it was just him and his music. As it always has been.
As Shinji's bow pulled gently across the cello for the final, lingering note, he exhaled softly, the silence afterward nearly as powerful as the melody itself. Only then did he sense a presence behind him, clapping at his performance, and he startled, turning quickly.
"Not bad at all. I didn't know you could do stuff like that." Asuka Langley Sohryu, in a rather childish green dress, confidently stepped into the room, her expression shifting swiftly back to her usual smirk.
" I can only play this well because I started when I was five... I don't have much talent" - he stammered, his cheeks turning a faint shade of red as he instinctively shifted the cello in front of himself like a shield.
"Don't they say that persistence is a virtue?' I have a better impression of you now."
Shinji hesitated, eyes downcast, fingers fiddling nervously with the cello's neck. "I started playing because my teacher suggested it. I could have given it up."
She shrugged casually, trying to seem indifferent, though her eyes were thoughtful as she regarded him again. "Then, why'd you keep playing ?"
Shinji shrugged weakly, staring at the strings. "Because no one told me to stop."
Asuka studied him for a moment, recognizing that quiet admission for what it was—an honest glimpse beneath his carefully maintained shell. For a fleeting second, she considered saying something comforting, but quickly settled for her usual approach, a way to put a protective veil over her own vulnerabilities.
"I thought so."
However, her eyes caught sight of his notebook lying open on the desk beside him, a colorful flyer from their school peeking out from beneath the pages. Her curiosity instantly piqued, she reached over, pulling the notebook toward her.
"Hey!" Shinji protested weakly, but she ignored him, eyes scanning the flyer with growing interest. A sly smile crept onto her face as she quickly connected the dots.
"Well, now, what's this?" she asked, raising an eyebrow, her voice teasing yet surprisingly gentle.
"Tokyo-3 Junior High School Annual Music Festival"
She glanced up, eyes alight with enthusiasm. "Hey, Shinji, you didn't mention this! You're entering, right? I mean, clearly you've got the talent. At least compared to the stooges of the school." She waved the flyer slightly, an expectant smile crossing her lips.
Shinji's expression instantly clouded. He shifted uncomfortably, avoiding her gaze as though her enthusiasm itself was painful. "Oh, that. I... I'm not entering."
Asuka's smile faltered into a frown, brows furrowing in disbelief. "What? Why not?" she demanded, her tone sharp with irritation. "You obviously love playing music. And from what I just heard, you're good enough."
He shook his head, his voice growing quieter, tinged with self-doubt. "Playing someone else's music is different. It's easier. But they are asking for students to compose something original. I just can't do it." He looked down at his hands, fingers absently tracing the cello strings. "It's not that simple."
Asuka regarded him silently for a moment, her usually critical eyes softening just a bit, understanding slowly dawning on her face. But once again, rather than showing some empathy, she took a deep breath, rallying her typical confidence. "That's just stupid, Shinji. If you can play as well as you do, you can also write something of your own. You just have to stop moping and try."
He looked up briefly, startled by her sudden intensity. "Maybe. But even if I wrote music, I'd still need lyrics. And..." he hesitated, clearly embarrassed, "...I was never good with words."
"Are you stupid?" Asuka echoed incredulously, her voice sharp with disdain. "What kind of excuse is that? Writing lyrics isn't rocket science. It's just finding words to go with the melody. Even you should manage that."
Shinji sighed heavily, clearly uncomfortable under her scrutiny. "Maybe for you it's easy. But for me, it's different. I can craft melodies, sure... but when it comes to words? They just don't come out right. They never mean what I want them to."
Asuka rolled her eyes dramatically, crossing her arms over her chest. "You're being ridiculous. Lyrics are the easy part. A few rhymes here, a bit of emotion there—anyone with a monkey brain could do it!"
She leaned in closer, eyes flashing with challenge. "Alright, Third Child, I'm going to show you exactly how simple lyrics are. By the end of the night, you'll have your precious song—and maybe, just maybe, you'll stop whining about things you supposedly can't do."
Shinji opened his mouth to protest, but Asuka was already grabbing a pen, flipping open his notebook to a fresh page. Her eyes danced with a determined fire he recognized all too well—the fire that always meant she would not back down until she'd gotten her way.
He stared at her, part of him dreading the confrontation, yet another part strangely comforted by her stubborn confidence. Reluctantly, he picked up his cello again, fingers lightly caressing the strings as he glanced at her, a faint, uncertain smile touching his lips.
"Alright," he murmured softly. "I guess we can try."
Asuka sat cross-legged on the floor beside the low table, the notebook spread open in front of her, scribbling lyrics with the unwavering confidence of someone accustomed to taking charge. Her red hair cascaded loosely over her shoulders as she chewed thoughtfully on the end of the pen, occasionally pausing only to toss Shinji pointed glances.
"How about something about overcoming difficulties?" she asked, eyes bright with enthusiasm. "People always like that kind of thing. Life, frustration, hope… things that are universal."
Shinji, perched uncertainly on the edge of the sofa, nodded quietly, fingers idly tracing the cello's strings. "It sounds good. Maybe something that starts slow, then picks up?" Tentatively, he drew the bow across the strings, producing a soft, reflective melody.
Asuka frowned slightly, tilting her head in critique. "That's too depressing, Shinji. It needs more... passion. More punch!"
He smiled sheepishly. "Alright, what about this?" His fingers danced briefly over the strings, shaping the melody anew. This time it was brighter, livelier—gently hopeful.
Her eyes lit up in approval. "Better! Now that's a melody I can write to." She scribbled furiously again, humming softly to herself, occasionally muttering snippets of lyric under her breath. Every now and then, she'd sigh dramatically or scoff playfully at Shinji's cautious suggestions, but her eyes never lost their sparkle.
"What about 'finding strength through the darkness?'" Shinji offered, hesitant but determined.
Asuka chuckled lightly, rolling her eyes with playful exaggeration. "Too cliché, Third Child. Try again."
They continued like this. Exchanging ideas, trading gentle jabs, gradually finding their way through the awkwardness. Slowly, cautiously, they began to understand each other's rhythms, the barriers between them falling away in small, almost imperceptible fragments.
Hours passed unnoticed as the night deepened outside. The glow of streetlights filtered softly through the window blinds, casting gentle patterns across the floor. The apartment was quiet, save for the soft hum of conversation and the occasional melodic strains from Shinji's cello.
By now, the room was littered with scribbled notes, discarded ideas, and half-finished melodies. The notebook lay open, filled with lyrics crossed out and rewritten again and again. Asuka stretched lazily, yawning but smiling contentedly.
Shinji paused, leaning the cello carefully against the table. He glanced at Asuka, his eyes reflecting a quiet gratitude. "Thanks, Asuka. I didn't think I'd actually get this far."
She waved off his thanks dismissively, though her voice was unusually soft. "You underestimate yourself way too often. Everyone's got something they want to say. It's just a matter of finding the right words." Her gaze softened slightly, voice dropping to something gentler, almost introspective. "Even if it's hard."
Shinji hesitated, watching her carefully. "Do you ever feel like there are things you want to say, but just... can't?"
For a moment, Asuka's eyes darkened with something vulnerable. "Yeah," she admitted quietly, her gaze distant. "More often than you'd think." Quickly, she shook her head, recovering her usual composure. "But that's why we're writing a song, right? To say the things we can't usually say."
Encouraged by her candor, Shinji took a careful breath, allowing himself to speak more openly. "It's complicated. I'm not sure how to put my true feelings into words."
Asuka studied him, her voice gentle yet firm. "Well, that's exactly what makes your music real. People can feel when something comes from the heart. Use it."
They exchanged a glance, unguarded and sincere. In that quiet moment, amidst the scattered notes and melodies, they recognized something familiar within each other—hidden vulnerabilities, carefully guarded dreams, and perhaps, even a tentative trust beginning to bloom.
"All right. Now let's see how it holds up. You can start. One… two… three."
Shinji nodded thoughtfully, picking up his cello again, fingers moving over the strings with newfound confidence. The melody he played now held deeper meaning—a reflection of his uncertainty, of the courage he'd found tonight, and of something warm and hopeful he couldn't yet name as he start to sing the lyrics written in Asuka's bad handwritten kanji.
" I've been living with these shadows in my head. Always lying awake, staring at regret
I've been lonely for so long. Stuck behind walls, afraid of being wrong…"
"I've been hiding all the dreams I try to hide Keeping them safe from this fear deep inside
Setting feelings to the side Just in case I lose them, every time I try."
(Shinji)
I've been waiting, but the stars won't light the sky. I've been searching for the words I can't describe. There's gotta be something true. A way to show the feelings I have for you
(Asuka)
I've been looking for some hope within your eyes. Not another battle, not another lie
I could use a new direction. If you promise me protection.
(Shinji)
And if I open up to you, Will you promise that your heart will open too?
(Together)
All we wanna do is find a way back into love
Can't we find the truth, and let our fears dissolve?
(Shinji)
And if I share myself with you
I'm hoping you'll show me how to trust
(Asuka)
And if we dare to start anew
Promise me you'll stay, won't let me run away…
The final notes of the cello echoed softly in the small apartment, blending seamlessly into the stillness of the late-night hours. Shinji placed the bow gently across his lap, breathing deeply, surprised by the unexpected feeling that rose within him. For the first time in what felt like forever, his heart was lighter, a warmth blooming inside him, chasing away the shadows from earlier that day.
He glanced up at Asuka, who sat beside him, the notebook resting lightly on her lap. She was reading through the lyrics again, lips pursed thoughtfully, her expression unguarded and gentle—a rare sight. Shinji smiled unconsciously, gathering his courage from the fleeting, precious ease between them.
After a night filled with an intense search for the right words, at that moment none of them were needed as they stared at each other, with barely any distance between their faces, their heartbeats making the only needed melody.
Until their moment was interrupted by the doorbell ringing.
After Kaji left, leaving a passed out and mildly drunk Misato in her bed, both kids found themselves staring at each other again. Except for the fact that this time their eyes awkwardly searched for the cello, the notebook or anything else to look at.
"Asuka?" Shinji ventured softly, his voice tentative but filled with quiet enthusiasm.
She glanced up, startled, quickly hiding the soft vulnerability behind her usual mask of confident indifference. "What?"
"I was thinking..." Shinji hesitated briefly, his fingers nervously adjusting their grip on the cello's neck. "I think this song is really good. And since you helped write it… since we did it together… I thought maybe... you'd sing it with me at the music festival?"
For the first moment in the night, there was no melody, music or noise. Just silence. Asuka's eyes widened slightly, briefly gazing at the standing over the desk. Something inside her chest tightened painfully, a soft ache she couldn't quite name. Deep beneath her carefully constructed defenses and repressed anger at Kaji and at Misato, Shinji's offer was a warmth flickering into life like a small, fragile flame.
But just as quickly, instinct took hold—the familiar instinct of self-defense, the fear of vulnerability, the fierce determination never to be seen as a weak and needy child. Her expression hardened sharply, brows knitting together as her anger and frustration grew second by second.
"What are you, stupid?" she snapped harshly, her voice colder than she intended. She saw Shinji flinch, the brief flicker of joy in his eyes extinguishing instantly, replaced by hurt confusion. Yet she couldn't stop herself. "You really think I'd waste my time performing some ridiculous song at a school festival?"
Shinji lowered his gaze, confusion and shame washing over him. "But... I thought.."
"Thought what?" Asuka interrupted sharply, her tone biting, each word laced with bitterness. "Look, Shinji, I only helped you write this song because I felt sorry for you. Don't get any ideas."
Shinji's shoulders slumped, the cello forgotten in his lap, its weight suddenly heavy and burdensome. "Oh," he whispered, unable to meet her eyes. "I'm... sorry.."
Asuka looked away, fighting the sharp sting behind her eyes, her throat tight with regret she would never voice. But her defenses were firmly back in place, her expression carefully composed in defiant dismissal. "You do whatever you want with the song. Sing it or don't, I honestly don't care."
Shinji nodded silently, eyes downcast, his fragile joy shattered by her harsh rejection. In that painful silence, the warmth and connection they'd carefully nurtured seemed irretrievably lost, swept away by the fierce tides of their own fears and insecurities.
Neither spoke another word, each trapped within the walls they had rebuilt around themselves, hearts aching in silence.
The morning sunlight filtered lazily through the classroom windows at Tokyo-3 Junior High, casting bright pools of warmth across the polished desks and chattering students. Voices filled the room, the gentle chaos of everyday life. A stark contrast to the uneasy silence that often haunted this city, shadowed by the ever-present threat of Angels.
Asuka Langley Soryu entered confidently, her steps sharp and precise, her fiery red hair trailing behind her like a banner of pride. She offered quick greetings. Some genuine, most perfunctory, her expression radiating confidence and assurance. Yet beneath the surface, something gnawed uncomfortably at her thoughts, an itch at the edge of her consciousness she stubbornly refused to acknowledge.
Settling herself at her desk with practiced ease, Asuka reached into her bag, pulling out her textbooks and notebook. Almost automatically, her eyes flicked toward the seat to her left -Shinji Ikari's seat- only to find it conspicuously empty.
She froze. The steady rhythm of her routine faltered, the confident facade cracking ever so slightly. Her eyes lingered on Shinji's empty chair, its silence unsettling, almost accusatory. An unexpected pang of guilt and concern stirred within her, tightening uncomfortably around her chest. Asuka quickly shook her head, eyebrows knitting in irritation.
"Idiot," she muttered softly to herself, turning sharply away. But despite her best efforts, her gaze flicked repeatedly back to the vacant spot, betraying her thoughts.
Behind her, Hikari had been quietly observing, brow furrowed in careful contemplation. The bell rang sharply, signaling the start of the day's lesson, and Asuka forced herself to concentrate on the teacher's words, though her focus was tenuous at best.
Throughout the class, Asuka's fingers tapped restlessly on her notebook, her foot twitching impatiently beneath her desk. She stole occasional furtive glances toward Shinji's empty seat, her mind drifting unwillingly to the harsh words she had hurled at him the night before. The guilt intensified, twisting sharply within her chest, before she angrily shoved the feeling aside.
At last, the bell chimed once more, signaling the end of class. Chairs scraped noisily across the floor as students eagerly jumped to their feet, chatting animatedly amongst themselves. Asuka, unusually quiet, remained at her desk, methodically putting her belongings away.
"Hey, Asuka?" came Hikari's tentative voice from behind her, gentle and concerned.
Asuka turned abruptly, quickly masking any lingering discomfort behind her familiar, confident smirk. "Oh, morning, Hikari," she replied casually. " I went to the date as promised, but that guy was really boring and…"
Hikari stepped closer, her voice carefully measured, wary of her friend's unpredictable moods. "Did something happen with Shinji yesterday? He didn't show up today andI noticed you seemed a little… distracted."
Asuka stiffened slightly, eyes narrowing instinctively in defense. Her heart lurched momentarily before she quickly reinforced her protective facade. "Shinji? Why would I care where that idiot is? It's probably better without him around anyway. Less whining."
Hikari's eyes softened knowingly, clearly unconvinced by Asuka's cold dismissal, yet unwilling to press further for now. "Right. Well, if you hear anything, just let me know, okay?"
"Yeah, whatever," Asuka responded offhandedly, deliberately turning away, effectively cutting the conversation short.
As Hikari walked away, Asuka allowed herself one final lingering glance at Shinji's empty seat, her chest tightening again with a quiet ache. She quickly stood, gripping her bag tightly, forcing her feet forward. But even as she stepped decisively from the room, the emptiness beside her echoed far louder than she was willing to admit.
The hallway echoed with the lively chatter of students heading toward their next classes, their voices merging into a chaotic hum. Yet even amidst this familiar commotion, Asuka felt oddly distant, her usual vibrancy somewhat muted by the lingering image of that empty chair.
"Asuka!" Hikari's voice broke gently through her thoughts, pulling her back to reality. The class representative hurried to catch up, her footsteps tapping softly against the polished tile floor.
"What now, Hikari?" Asuka asked with forced casualness, trying her best to appear disinterested as she moved forward with steady, purposeful strides.
Hikari matched her pace, eyes clouded with genuine concern. "It's just… I know I mentioned it before, but... do you have any idea why Shinji didn't show up today?"
Asuka felt a faint, bitter heat rise in her chest at Shinji's name. Memories of their harsh conversation returned unbidden, stinging her pride and guilt alike. She stiffened slightly, her expression quickly becoming icy. "Shinji? Why would I care where that idiot is?"
Hikari hesitated, clearly unconvinced, her eyes filled with silent understanding. "Are you sure? It's just, you two seemed.."
"Seemed what?" Asuka sharply interrupted, her tone cold and dismissive, cutting Hikari off before she could complete the thought. "We didn't see anything. That guy's a walking headache. I couldn't care less if he shows up or not."
A quiet chuckle drifted toward them, followed by a familiar teasing voice. "Really, devil? That's not what it looked like yesterday."
Asuka spun around sharply, eyes narrowing dangerously. Toji stood there, leaning casually against the wall, arms crossed, a knowing grin spread across his face. Beside him, Kensuke adjusted his glasses, equally amused, sharing a silent glance with his friend.
"And what's that supposed to mean?" Asuka snapped, folding her arms defensively.
Toji raised his hands in mock surrender. "Hey, chill. I'm just saying you two looked pretty cozy yesterday."
"Yeah," Kensuke chimed in, a mischievous sparkle in his eyes. "Maybe he decided to get brave enough to actually perform that song after all. You know… to impress someone special?"
Asuka scoffed loudly, the sound deliberately exaggerated as she tried desperately to mask the sudden rush of conflicting emotions. Her cheeks flushed faintly, but she quickly masked it with bravado. "Please. Like Shinji would have the guts to go through with it. And even if he did, it'll probably be a disaster."
Toji chuckled, shaking his head knowingly. "You'd be surprised. He's in the music room right now, practicing something. Seems like he's finally stepping up."
Asuka paused, momentarily speechless, her heart suddenly pounding a little faster. The idea that Shinji was actually preparing to perform their song without her filled her with an uncomfortable mix of anger, jealousy, and confusion. Yet she forced a mask of arrogant amusement over her face.
"Now this I've got to see," she declared dramatically, feigning a sarcastic smile. "Ikari making a fool of himself? That's entertainment I just can't miss."
She turned abruptly on her heels, swiftly leaving Hikari, Toji, and Kensuke behind. The trio exchanged skeptical, knowing looks, watching her retreating figure hurry down the corridor.
"Think she's really going to laugh?" Kensuke murmured doubtfully.
Toji's smile faded slightly, eyes thoughtful. "Nah. I think she's worried about something else."
Hikari nodded slowly, quietly adding, "I just hope this doesn't end badly."
The three stood silently for a moment, watching Asuka disappear around the corner, each silently recognizing the storm of emotions concealed beneath her bravado.
The school corridor stretched silently ahead of Asuka as she moved swiftly toward the music room, her footsteps echoing sharply. Her heart raced uncomfortably in her chest, anxiety twisting painfully inside her. Her bravado had carried her forward, but now, alone in the empty hallway, doubts crept back in, mixing awkwardly with the anger and insecurity she fiercely denied.
She slowed as she approached the music room, hearing the faint, familiar sound of a cello drifting gently through the slightly ajar door. Pausing at the threshold, she hesitated briefly, feeling a knot form in her throat. Forcing herself forward, she approached quietly, peering cautiously through the narrow gap.
Inside the music room, Shinji sat poised, his cello held gently in his hands, eyes closed as he played the melody they'd composed together. His expression was calm, serene—a stark contrast to the nervousness she often saw in him. Asuka felt a strange pang, watching him play with such heartfelt sincerity.
Yet the warmth vanished in an instant when her gaze shifted slightly, noticing Rei Ayanami standing quietly beside Shinji, lyrics sheet in hand. Rei lifted her head, beginning to sing softly, her voice clear and ethereal, perfectly harmonizing with Shinji's melody.
Asuka's heart tightened painfully, the ache nearly unbearable. Anger, jealousy, and hurt crashed through her chest simultaneously, shattering the fragile composure she'd carefully constructed.
The sound of footsteps behind her made her quickly compose her features again. Hikari, Toji, and Kensuke joined her, looking curiously into the room, oblivious to the turmoil that raged silently within her.
"Wow," Toji whispered appreciatively, eyes wide. "They're really good."
Kensuke nodded, genuinely impressed. "Who knew Rei had a voice like that?"
Hikari smiled warmly, her voice gentle. "They sound incredible together. This is going to be amazing at the festival."
Each word stabbed Asuka more deeply, making it increasingly difficult to maintain her carefully built façade. She clenched her fists tightly, nails biting painfully into her palms.
Inside the music room, the song reached its gentle conclusion, and the music teacher applauded enthusiastically. "Excellent! Absolutely wonderful! Ikari, Ayanami! You two will undoubtedly be the highlight of the festival!"
Shinji smiled shyly, clearly pleased but hesitant, then froze abruptly, his eyes locking directly onto Asuka's through the gap in the door. Shock and confusion flickered across his face, quickly replaced by uncertainty and silent apology.
Unable to bear the painful intensity of his gaze, Asuka sharply turned her head, her breath hitching slightly in her chest. Without another word, she spun around and quickly bolted down the corridor, her hurried footsteps echoing with a heartbreaking finality.
The trio behind her exchanged worried, bewildered looks, sensing something deeper had transpired, yet unsure what to do. Left behind, Shinji stared silently after Asuka, heart aching with confusion and regret, uncertain of the rift that had now opened between them, unaware of how deeply his actions had wounded the person who had inspired him in the first place.
The midday sun hung high above Tokyo-3 Junior High, casting sharp shadows across the bustling school grounds. Yet for Shinji Ikari, the brightness felt oddly oppressive, each passing moment intensifying a gnawing anxiety deep within his chest. He moved quickly through the crowded hallways, his eyes anxiously scanning faces, hoping, yet failing, to catch sight of one particular blaze of red hair.
"Asuka?" he called softly as he peered into the classroom, receiving no answer except the indifferent murmurs of classmates. His heart sank a little further.
Determined, he moved swiftly toward the cafeteria, eyes darting nervously from table to table, yet again finding no trace of her. A cold unease twisted in his gut as he quickly approached Hikari, Toji, and Kensuke, who sat together chatting over their lunches.
"Have any of you seen Asuka?" he asked urgently, his voice edged with worry.
Toji paused mid-bite, exchanging glances with Hikari and Kensuke, their expressions quickly shifting from casual amusement to thoughtful concern. Hikari shook her head gently, offering a sympathetic look. "Sorry, Shinji. She hasn't come by here at all. I thought she might be with you…"
Shinji felt his chest tighten uncomfortably, disappointment heavy in his throat. "No, I haven't seen her since…" he hesitated, swallowing the bitterness rising in his chest, "since this morning."
Kensuke adjusted his glasses uneasily, frowning softly. "You know her, she's probably just blowing off steam. She'll turn up soon enough."
But the reassurance felt hollow, leaving Shinji more unsettled. He murmured a quiet thanks before turning away, heading swiftly toward the empty corridors, his pace quickening with growing urgency.
As the minutes dragged by, his steps echoed hauntingly through empty hallways and silent staircases, heightening his frustration and guilt. Thoughts swirled chaotically. Memories of the hurt look in Asuka's eyes, her hurried retreat from the music room earlier. each flash of memory slicing him more painfully than the last.
Finally, he stepped into the deserted courtyard behind the school, away from prying eyes and buzzing conversation. Silence stretched heavily around him, broken only by the distant murmur of distant classes. Shinji stopped, breathing heavily, his frustration erupting in a low, ragged sigh.
"Where are you, Asuka?" he whispered bitterly, voice filled with helplessness and regret.
But before he could finish the thought, a fierce cry pierced the quiet air behind him.
"YOU IDIOT!"
He spun around, eyes widening in shock—just as Asuka lunged, knocking him off balance. Her momentum slammed him roughly onto the grass, pinning him beneath her with startling strength. Her vivid red hair framed her face, her features twisted into an expression of furious hurt, her blue eyes blazing like fire.
Pinned beneath Asuka, Shinji stared up at her, eyes wide with shock and confusion. The world narrowed abruptly to this moment, this confrontation, this heated intensity blazing between them.
"Asuka?" he started hesitantly, voice tight with bewilderment, yet she cut him off sharply, trembling with barely restrained anger.
"Why did you choose Ayanami of all people to sing our song, you idiot?" she demanded, her voice shaking, each word raw with pain. Her fingers clenched tightly on his shoulders, gripping him desperately. "Our song!"
"Asuka, I…" Shinji gasped, struggling slightly beneath her grip, his confusion deepening, feeling trapped both physically and emotionally.
She laughed harshly, a bitter, mocking edge slicing through her tone. "What were you thinking? Did you actually believe a song we wrote about feelings and real emotions could be sung by someone like Rei? She's like Buddha—perfect, serene, and totally emotionless. Might as well have had her sing something like 'Buddha's Delight' instead!"
Her voice trembled slightly on the last words, anger mingling painfully with a deep, hidden hurt. Shinji stared up at her, slowly realizing how deeply wounded she truly was, how his actions had inadvertently struck her most vulnerable point.
"But Asuka," he protested weakly, desperation clear in his voice as he struggled to explain, "you're the one who said you wouldn't perform it! You called the whole thing stupid, remember?"
His words hung heavily between them, charged with hurt and misunderstanding. For a long moment, silence stretched, broken only by their rapid, uneven breathing. Asuka stared down at him, her expression shifting rapidly—anger, hurt, betrayal all flickering across her face in quick succession.
"You're such an idiot," she whispered finally, her voice soft yet razor-sharp, her eyes shimmering dangerously with unshed tears. "You didn't understand anything at all."
Shinji lay beneath her, feeling utterly helpless, unsure how to bridge the painful gap his actions had unintentionally opened between them. He opened his mouth to speak, but found no words, caught between guilt and frustration, trapped in a moment neither knew how to escape.
Pinned beneath Asuka's furious gaze, Shinji could feel his heartbeat echo painfully in his chest. The weight of her accusation pressed him harder than her physical hold ever could, each word etched deeply into his consciousness. Yet, beneath the storm of her anger, he glimpsed something fragile—something hurt—and suddenly, his confusion melted into raw vulnerability.
His voice, when it came, was quiet, barely audible yet carrying immense sincerity. "I didn't want to throw away what we made, Asuka. That song…" he faltered, his gaze dropping momentarily, "...it mattered to me. It still matters."
Asuka's breath hitched slightly, the intensity in her grip loosening ever so slightly. Shinji continued carefully, choosing each word with aching honesty. "But you made it clear you weren't interested. You called it stupid, said you wouldn't perform it—what else was I supposed to think?"
He drew a shaky breath, forcing himself to meet her eyes again, revealing a truth he rarely dared to acknowledge aloud. "I… I can't sing it myself. My voice isn't strong enough. I'm not good enough for that song—not alone. Rei…" he hesitated, his voice breaking slightly. "Rei's voice is beautiful, even if she can't capture exactly what we intended. I just thought, if it wasn't going to be you… at least the song wouldn't be wasted. I never wanted it to be like this."
For a brief, suspended moment, silence stretched tautly between them. Asuka stared down at Shinji, eyes wide, the harsh edges of her anger slowly softening. In his voice, in the painful honesty of his admission, she finally saw the truth behind his actions: not betrayal or dismissal, but a fragile reflection of his own insecurities and doubts—the same insecurities she fiercely hid herself.
Her grip loosened further, a brief flicker of understanding passing through her blue eyes, something gentle and almost forgiving. But before she could give voice to these newfound feelings, pride and self-preservation surged back fiercely, snapping her emotional armor firmly into place once more.
Abruptly, Asuka pushed herself away from Shinji, rising sharply to her feet. Her entire body was tense, her fists clenched at her sides, trembling faintly with restrained emotion. She turned her back to him, breathing rapidly, trying desperately to hide the turmoil raging beneath her carefully reconstructed facade.
"So, for you, anybody would do it, right? You're such an idiot, Shinji.," she whispered harshly, her voice shaking slightly, betraying hidden pain.
Shinji opened his mouth to speak, to protest, to plead, but no words came. No words seemed enough. He merely watched her, rooted to the ground, silent anguish written plainly across his face.
Without looking back, Asuka took a long, steadying breath, her shoulders trembling gently as she gathered what little remained of her resolve. When she spoke again, her voice was softer. Still hurt, but laced with raw, unguarded honesty.
"If you really wanted do sing it with someone else, Shinji, you should've just written another song," she said quietly, her voice faint yet clear in the painful silence. "That song was ours. Our feelings, our mess. It wasn't meant for someone like Rei."
She took a hesitant step forward, preparing to leave him behind, yet she paused briefly, turning her head slightly to glance over her shoulder, her eyes glistening with unshed tears. Her voice broke slightly as she opened her hand, revealing a crumpled piece of paper.
"But I will help you one more time. Add those lines to the lyrics and it will be a perfect ending for your presentation. Just read it. Out loud."
Shinji trembled, as he took it from her hand and started to read it.
If you can't understand why this matter
if you're not brave enough to do it together
Then just leave me alone again.
Because all you ever do, all you've ever done, is cause me pain.
Shinji slowly sat up, his heart clenching sharply at the lyrics. Then she turned sharply away, striding swiftly across the deserted courtyard, her footsteps fading rapidly into silence. Shinji watched her retreating figure, heart heavy with regret and longing, powerless to bridge the painful distance that had grown between them, feeling the weight of her final words linger bitterly in the empty air.
The auditorium hummed gently with whispers and quiet conversations, a subtle undercurrent of excitement rippling through the assembled crowd. The lights dimmed slightly, adding a soft golden glow to the stage curtains that fluttered lightly, stirred by the muffled movement backstage.
Shinji stood silently behind those curtains, his cello gripped firmly but gently by his side, his knuckles pale with quiet tension. His heartbeat pounded uncomfortably in his ears, each rhythmic thump echoing anxiety and apprehension.
Carefully, he edged closer to a tiny gap in the curtain, peering discreetly into the growing audience, searching for something, someone—one unmistakable presence among the blurred faces. The familiar blaze of vivid red hair, the piercing, defiant blue eyes of Asuka Langley Soryu—he searched anxiously, scanning rows desperately, needing reassurance, forgiveness, or perhaps just the courage that only she could provide.
But as he continued to look, disappointment tightened around his heart, his hope beginning to fracture with each empty seat and unfamiliar face. The absence of her fiery presence was painfully conspicuous, striking deeper than he dared admit.
He sighed deeply, stepping back from the curtain, his shoulders sinking under the weight of unmet expectations. The voices of the crowd blended into a distant murmur, almost drowned out by the fierce rush of uncertainty within him.
"You okay, Shinji?" asked one of the classmates passing by backstage, eyes wide with mild curiosity.
"Y-yeah, I'm fine," Shinji responded softly, forcing a shaky smile. "Just a little nervous, I guess."
"You're gonna be great!" another voice offered cheerfully, accompanied by a reassuring pat on his shoulder.
He nodded quietly, offering another faint smile in return, but his mind was elsewhere, lost amidst unanswered questions and unresolved emotions. Breathing deeply, Shinji gripped his cello tighter, drawing strength from the instrument itself, the only steady presence he had at that moment.
"Ikari" the teacher's voice gently called out, breaking his introspective silence. "It's almost your turn."
Shinji nodded again, feeling a sudden wave of determination surge within him. Even if Asuka wasn't there. Even if she might never forgive him, this performance was important. Not just for her, but for himself as well. With a steadying breath, he took a hesitant step forward, emerging from the shadows toward the awaiting brightness of the stage.
At the exact moment Shinji stepped onto the stage, the auditorium doors behind the audience quietly cracked open, spilling a thin sliver of hallway light into the dimmed room. A shadowed figure slipped inside discreetly, silently closing the door behind her.
Asuka stood quietly by the entrance, her breath catching painfully in her throat as she stared at Shinji's small figure taking his place under the bright spotlight, cello in hand. Her heartbeat quickened anxiously, an uncomfortable mixture of apprehension, hope, and hidden longing twisting sharply within her.
"Wait a second," she murmured softly to herself, confusion coloring her tone. Her eyes scanned the stage frantically, searching for the missing presence she'd expected. "Where's Wondergirl?"
A soft voice, steady and calm, startled her from the shadows beside her. "I'm right here, Soryu."
Asuka jumped sharply, turning quickly, wide-eyed with surprise to find Rei Ayanami seated calmly in a chair immediately next to where she stood, her red eyes soft yet composed.
"Wh.. what are you doing here?" Asuka demanded quietly, her voice a tense whisper, her posture instinctively defensive.
Rei's expression remained unflinchingly serene, her voice soft and gentle, devoid of judgment. "Watching Ikari-kun's performance. I decided not to participate tonight. Please, sit with me. You should listen."
Asuka hesitated, confusion and uncertainty warring fiercely across her features. Her eyes flickered between Rei and Shinji, standing alone beneath the harsh brightness of the stage spotlight. Her heart clenched sharply with realization: he was truly alone, just as vulnerable and uncertain as she felt.
Slowly, with hesitant steps, she lowered herself into the empty chair Rei indicated, feeling oddly exposed yet strangely comforted by Rei's quiet presence. The tension that had gripped her began to ease slightly, her attention entirely captured by the lonely figure on stage, uncertainty and hope blossoming silently within her heart.
The auditorium fell into an expectant hush, the whispering audience quickly subdued by the gentle footsteps of the music teacher stepping forward to center stage. His calm voice resonated clearly throughout the space, capturing everyone's attention immediately.
"And now," he announced warmly, a proud smile touching his lips, "for something truly special, Shinji Ikari will present a new song. A song he calls 'Sorry.'"
The word echoed softly, sparking quiet murmurs throughout the crowd. Students exchanged curious glances, intrigued and uncertain. In the dimly lit corner, Asuka sat frozen, her eyes wide with disbelief and a painful tightness constricting her chest. Her breath caught, emotions swirling chaotically within her.
"'Sorry'?" she whispered faintly, her voice trembling slightly, in an odd mix of anger and longing, barely audible even to herself.
On stage, Shinji drew a deep, steadying breath, eyes momentarily closed, gathering the scattered threads of his courage. As his gaze slowly opened, he found strength in the warmth of the spotlight, feeling its brightness pierce through his doubts. With a slow, deliberate movement, he gently raised his cello bow, the instrument nestled comfortably against his shoulder.
The first note was quiet, hesitant—a single trembling voice in the silent darkness. Gradually, however, the melody grew more confident, each careful stroke of the bow resonating deeply, filling the auditorium with heartfelt sincerity. The music rose and fell softly, carrying his vulnerability and genuine emotion with breathtaking honesty.
Then, Shinji began to sing.
His voice, initially fragile, gradually steadied, blending seamlessly with the gentle melody. Each lyric carefully chosen, an honest reflection of everything left unsaid. Words he never had the courage to speak directly to Asuka, to himself, to the world.
Asuka listened silently, the heartfelt lyrics wrapping around her like a gentle, remorseful embrace, softening the defensive edges of her guarded heart. Her breath trembled gently, eyes stinging with unshed tears, unable to look away from the fragile, courageous figure on stage, offering his soul through every word and every note.
Beside her, Rei listened quietly, her usually impassive face touched by a subtle softness, understanding evident in the calm stillness of her gaze. Elsewhere in the crowd, Hikari, Toji, and Kensuke watched Shinji's performance in quiet awe, struck deeply by the raw honesty and unexpected bravery of their friend.
Finally, the song reached its gentle, heartfelt conclusion, the final, poignant notes of the cello lingering tenderly in the air. A profound, emotional silence enveloped the auditorium. A silence heavy with respect, astonishment, and awe.
Shinji slowly lowered his cello, the instrument gently resting on the stage floor beside him. His gaze remained downward, fearful and hesitant, afraid to lift his eyes and confront whatever reaction awaited him from the audience. He felt vulnerable, raw, utterly exposed, every emotion laid bare, his breathing unsteady as the silence stretched unbearably around him.
Each second that passed amplified his anxiety, the stillness suffocating him with uncertainty. Did they understand? Did she understand? Had he made yet another mistake, laid his heart open only to be rejected again?
He closed his eyes, desperately wishing for something. Anything. To break this painful silence.
The tense silence was shattered abruptly, sharply, by the sound of sudden, powerful applause. All eyes in the auditorium immediately turned, startled, seeking the source of the noise.
Standing tall amidst the silent crowd was Asuka, her expression radiant, eyes bright with unshed tears, clapping energetically and unashamedly, her applause clear, firm, and determined. Every clap echoed with sincerity, courage, and forgiveness, a powerful testament to the feelings Shinji's heartfelt performance had awakened within her.
She smiled genuinely, warmly. Perhaps the first true, radiant smile she'd ever openly shared. It was a smile filled with pride, understanding, acceptance, and something deeper, gentler, that she'd long denied even herself.
Moved by Asuka's powerful and sincere applause, the rest of the audience quickly followed, erupting into enthusiastic, heartfelt cheers and claps. The auditorium filled rapidly with joyous, appreciative noise, breaking the spell of uncertainty that had held Shinji frozen.
Slowly, hesitantly, Shinji lifted his eyes, the world around him blurring momentarily with overwhelming emotion. His gaze immediately found Asuka standing proudly, and his breath caught sharply in his throat, eyes widening with surprise, relief, and a profound, heartfelt gratitude.
They stood there, separated by the distance of the auditorium, yet intimately connected. The barriers they'd so carefully constructed around their hearts had finally cracked open, allowing trust, understanding, and genuine connection to flow freely.
For the first time, they'd found harmony. Not through perfection, not through guarded silence, but through the courage to be vulnerable and still make the leap of faith.
And the honesty to say "sorry" without running away.
"Sorry"
It's never been easy for me
To find the words I want to say, honestly
But this time, these feelings I can't hide
Please listen—don't push me aside
Since you came, the world isn't the same
My heart, my fears—everything rearranged
I was hiding in the dark
Then you sparked something in my heart
I haven't felt like this, brave enough to make a start
I know based on my history
I'm not the strongest bet you've ever met
But all I'm asking now is
Don't write me off just yet
I've spent years telling myself lies
Thinking I was safer running away, closing my eyes
But you're the one who never gave up on me
Pushing me to face who I could really be
Now I see how many chances I've missed
Too afraid to stay, too unsure to exist
Yet here I am, standing brave and true
Because all I want now is to prove
I can be brave enough to reach you
As the applause finally ended and people were wondering how many times they had seen a presentation with someone playing the Cello and singing at the same time, the teacher announced the moment that all of us had been waiting.
"Now, it's time for the true stars of this show. Let's give a big round of applause for our heroes. Hikari, Toji and Kensuke will perform the number one hit on the Tokyo-3 parades: Kiseki no Senshi Evangelion!"
Notes:
Happy birthday, Shinji, and thank you to everyone who has read this and also to all of you who have been supporting this story and the whole Evangelion and Asushin communities. This song is also me saying sorry for not being able to write as often as before and not even being able to read and give proper reviews to some of my favorite series by Calborghete, RLRRR, Deathbringer, YourBlandestNightmare, Silvermoonlight, and all the new works written by the new and talented writers that have been carrying the torch and writing exciting new stories about our two favorite idiots.
Take care everybody.
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Me! (Guest) on Chapter 13 Mon 21 Feb 2022 09:23AM UTC
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Last Edited Sat 08 Apr 2023 12:28PM UTC
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