Chapter Text
“I hope you have some good news for us son!”
“Yes I do! My time off has been approved, so Chris and I will be in El Paso for Christmas this year,” Eddie replies.
“We can’t wait. How long will you be able to stay?” Eddie’s mom asks.
“I have December 23rd through the 27th off and we’re planning to spend all 5 days there.”
“Oh good. Eddie, I have someone I want you to meet while you’re here.”
Eddie rolls his eyes and groans. “Mom, not this again. I do not need you to set me up on dates.”
“Just one. I really think you’ll hit it off. She’s beautiful, well educated, and I know she loves kids. Plus she thinks you’re handsome and is interested in living in LA. You can’t keep going through life alone. You need a partner.”
Eddie can see the hope on his mom’s face through the computer screen, but he can’t help the frustration he feels. Every time someone claims he’s all alone, he just thinks of the wonderful family he’s built here. He’s not really even parenting alone anymore. Buck is there to help all the times when it matters the most.
And after the awkward disaster that was his relationship with Ana, he really doesn’t want to go on a date with another seemingly perfect woman.
So he does the only thing he can think of in the moment to get his mom off his back about it.
“No mom, you’re not listening. I don’t need you to set me up on a date because I’m already dating someone here. And it’s serious.”
“What? Eddie, since when? Why haven’t you told us about her?”
“I just didn’t want to put a lot of pressure on the relationship. We’ve been dating for about 6 months,” Eddie invents on the spot.
“And who is she?”
“Well, um, it’s actually….”
Eddie looks up as his front door opens and Buck steps inside, “Buck?”
“Hey Eddie, I picked up the supplies Chris needs for his science project and thought I would just go ahead and bring them over. Oh sorry, am I interrupting something?”
“Just a minute,” Eddie tells Buck.
Buck walks down the hallway to Christopher’s room and Eddie turns back to his parents on the computer screen.
“We hope you didn’t feel like you needed to hide this from us. It’s certainly an adjustment, but we’ll get used to it. We really like Buck and he is wonderful with Christopher. And now that I think about it, you did seem especially happy and content with him when you all came to visit last year. If you’ve been together for 6 months, surely you want to spend Christmas together. You should invite him to come to El Paso with you so we can get to know him better.”
Before Eddie can respond Buck walks back in and asks, “Do you want me to get started on dinner?”
“We won’t keep you any longer. It seems like you have plans for the evening. Love you son. And don’t forget to invite Buck! Bye,” says Eddie’s mom.
All Eddie could get in was, “Love you, bye,” as his mother hung up the video call. He was too stunned by the rest of it. How had they come to the conclusion that he’s dating Buck?
“Where does your mom want you to invite me?” Buck asks.
“Uh….to El Paso….for Christmas.”
“What? Why would they want me there? I’m not family.”
“First of all, you are family Buck. But, um, also I might have accidentally given them the impression that we’re dating.”
Buck laughs, “Wait…how did you accidentally make them think we’re dating?”
So Eddie explains it all to Buck who thinks the whole thing is hilarious.
“Yeah, you just keep laughing, Buckley. What the hell am I supposed to do about this though?”
“I mean, you could just be honest and tell them you lied.”
“No, no, no. I can’t do that, Buck, my mom will force me to go on a date.”
“Really? How would she do that?” Asks Buck.
“She just would. And I just don’t want to go on a date while me and Chris are in El Paso. I want to enjoy time with my family and relax. Of course, if I don’t tell her that I lied she’ll pester me the whole time asking why you didn’t come with us. I can’t win here, can I?”
“I think you’re getting way too worked up about this. Come help me make dinner. You can get the salad ready,” says Buck as he walks to the kitchen.
“You just don’t understand, my parents and my sisters are going to be insufferable now whether I tell them I lied or not. I guess I could just keep pretending right?”
“You want to just keep pretending to date me? Why would you do that? You’re not even queer.”
Eddie’s quiet for a moment while he gets everything he needs for the salad.
“That’s not strictly true….I’ve been doing lots of thinking over the past year and I’m definitely some shade of not-straight,” Eddie says while chopping the lettuce.
Buck spins around to look at Eddie, “Oh wow. Thanks for telling me. You know if you ever need to talk about any of it, I’m here.”
Eddie looks at Buck and smiles then looks down at the cutting board and quickly adds, “Yeah, and besides it’s apparently believable, us dating, my parents weren’t surprised at all.”
“Ok so, you want to just keep pretending to date me. That’s ok if you feel like you need to do that. If it would make things easier for you, you know I’ve always got your back.”
“Yeah, I just wish you could actually come to El Paso with us. Chris would love it,” Eddie says as he adds the lettuce to the bowl.
“If you really need me, I’m sure I could work it out with Cap and come on the trip with you.”
“I don’t want to take you away from your family at Christmas, Buck. I’m sure you want to be here with Maddie, Chim, and Jee Yun.”
“Yeah, but it’s like you said, we’re family too, right?”
Eddie nods, “Ok, no pressure, you do what you want. But I know Chris would be so excited if you came with us.”
***
All through the previous day, Eddie hadn’t thought about all the things he and Buck would need to do if they went through with pretending to date on a trip to El Paso.
When he wakes up the next day, it all hits him. They would need to have some kind of story about how they fell in love. They would need to be physically affectionate. They would probably be expected to sleep in the same bed.
There was no way they could pull this off. He should just come clean to his parents and forget this whole mess.
His phone starts ringing and he reaches over to the bedside table to answer it.
“Good morning, Eddie! I have some good news, Cap has already approved the days off for me. Now I just need the flight number so I can get a plane ticket and then I’ll be all set.”
Great, another thing Eddie hadn’t considered. “No, Buck, I can't ask you to buy your own ticket. It’s not like this is a trip you want to go on.”
“Of course I want to go. Your family loved me last time we were in El Paso. And I was hating the idea of missing out on Christmas with Chris this year. Now I won’t have to.”
“Hey, what about me?”
“I guess I can put up with you,” Buck sighs. “No really it’ll be great, Eddie.”
“You say that now, but have you actually thought about what we’ll have to do if we’re pretending to date? We’ll need some kind of story about how we started dating. We’ll have to be affectionate and probably sleep in the same bed.”
“Uh, yeah Eddie, believe it or not I do actually know what it looks like to date someone. It’ll be fine. Stop stressing out. You are lucky, though, that I’m bi. I feel like it would be pretty hard for a guy to convince his straight best friend to pretend to date him.”
“Yeah, you’re probably right about that.”
Christopher peeks through the bedroom door, “Dad, why aren’t you up yet? I’m going to be late for school!”
“Oh, right. Buck, I’ve got to go. I’ll text you the flight number. Talk to you later.”
***
“I can’t believe you want to decorate your house today. Thanksgiving is next week, so it’s too early. Plus we won’t even be here for Christmas,” Buck says.
“But it won’t feel like Christmastime if there are no decorations out. Besides, we'll get to enjoy them the rest of the month. Chris loves it!”
“You say that as if you don’t love it too. I know you Diaz, you love Christmas.”
“Except Santa, I still don’t love Santa.”
“Speaking of Santa, does Chris want to go see Santa this year? Or is he getting too old for that now?”
“He hasn’t told me that he doesn’t believe in Santa anymore, but I think the time is coming soon. We can ask him if he wants to, maybe we can all go this evening.”
“Sounds good to me,” says Buck. “I’ll go check with him while you get the other boxes of decorations.”
Buck walks down the hallway to Christopher’s room and knocks.
“Come in,” says Chris.
“Hey buddy, me and your dad were talking about going out this evening and thought we could take you to see Santa if you want to go.”
Chris sighs, “I knew this day was coming soon. Let’s go out to the living room with dad.”
“Uh, ok.”
They walk out to the living room. Chris says, “Dad, Buck please take a seat. I think it’s time we had a talk.”
“This feels ominous,” says Eddie.
He and Buck sit down and look at each other quizzically and then look at Chris.
“What’s up buddy?” Buck asks.
“Buck, you just asked if I want to go see Santa.”
“Yeah, is there something wrong with that?”
“How old am I?” Chris asks them.
“You’re 11.”
“Exactly. And I think it’s time to break to you both. I don’t believe in Santa anymore. I know it’s really just you.”
Buck and Eddie both laugh. How did Chris expect them to react? It does make Eddie feel nostalgic and maybe a little sad that Chris is growing up, but he knew the day was coming soon.
“Ah, well that’s ok, Chris,” says Eddie. “You are growing up on us. You’re not too old for hugs though, right?”
“Never!” Chris says as he walks up to his dad and Buck on the couch. He wraps an arm around each of them and they all hug. “I would still like to go out tonight. We could go to dinner and go see the Christmas lights.”
“Sounds like a good plan,” says Eddie. “You ready to get this house decorated for Christmas now?”
“Yeah!”
Eddie has the tree already set-up in the living room with lights on it. He turns on Christmas music and encourages Chris to start putting ornaments on the tree. He pulls out his phone to snap a picture as Buck lifts Chris up to put ornaments on the top section.
Then Buck insists on taking some photos of Eddie and Chris decorating the tree together.
“It’s my turn now,” says Chris as he takes the phone from Buck. “Just keep decorating.”
Eddie and Buck oblige him and keep decorating the tree while Chris snaps pictures of the two of them.
“Come on, let’s get a picture of all 3 of us,” Chris insists.
They take a few selfies of the 3 of them and on the last one Buck leans over and kisses Eddie on his temple. Neither of them say anything about it.
After a couple hours of putting up Christmas decorations, they are all hungry. They go out to dinner together and then head over to the plaza where Santa is to check out all the beautiful Christmas decorations.
They walk around together.“Can I have a few minutes to take some pictures?” Chris asks as he pulls out his phone.
“Sure buddy,” says Buck. “Just stay where we can see you.”
Buck and Eddie sit down on the ledge at the fountain as Chris walks around taking photos of the lights.
“Uh, Eddie, what are we going to tell Christopher about this fake dating thing?”
Eddie is speechless. How had he forgotten about telling Christopher? “Shit.”
“I guess this is another one of those things you hadn’t thought about,” Buck says as he laughs.
“I’m glad you find this all so funny.”
“It’s fine Eddie. We’ll just tell him it’s all a pretend game and get him in on it. What’s the harm?”
“I can think of lots of harm. Like giving him a skewed idea of relationships. Or making him think it’s normal to pretend to date people. I don’t want to totally mess him up!”
“Ok, you might have a point. But what’s the alternative? We lie to him too?”
“I feel like no matter what we decide, it’s not good for him. I don’t know what to do here.”
“I guess he never has to find out that we lied, right? But there’s no way to explain a pretend relationship in a way that’s not going to warp how he views relationships.”
They lapse into silence for a couple minutes. Then Eddie says, “I think we should just tell him we’re dating. Now that I think about it, not much would change for Chris if we were. We already see you multiple times a week. You sleep over at our house regularly. It’ll be fine, right?”
“I’ll go with whatever you want to do here. You’re his dad. You get to make this decision.”
“Let’s just go for it and tell him over ice cream after he’s done taking pictures.”
Chris walks back over to them. “I got some good pictures.”
“You’ll have to send your favorites to me so I can add them to my Chris the Photographer album on my phone. Let me get a picture of the two of you in front of the tree,” says Buck.
Eddie and Chris stand in front of the big Christmas tree in the plaza and Buck stands back and takes a photo of them.
“Your turn,” Eddie says and he and Buck swap places.
An older woman approaches Eddie as he’s taking Buck and Christopher’s picture. “I’d be happy to take a photo of the three of you so you can have a picture of the whole family.”
“That would be great. Thank you.” Eddie hands her his phone and walks over to Buck and Chris. He meets Buck’s eyes and they both smile. Eddie puts his arms around Buck and Chris and smiles at the camera.
She hands the phone back to Eddie and he thanks her again. Then he looks at the photos she took. There are two. One of all three of them smiling at the camera. The other she took when Eddie and Buck looked at each other. Eddie sends the one of the three of them smiling to his mom. Then he sends both photos to Buck.
“Come on! Let’s get ice cream,” says Chris.
“Alright, let’s go,” Eddie says. The three of them walk to the ice cream shop. Eddie wonders when the three of them started looking like a family to strangers. It feels warm and comfortable to Eddie, like that’s how it should be. People should see them and see a family, even if it’s not quite in the way most would expect.
They’ve worked hard over the past year to build a better friendship. Once Buck finally broke up with Taylor, Eddie was able to open up and actually talk to Buck about everything - the panic attacks, the shooting, getting taken hostage. They talked about his will and what it really meant. It wasn’t supposed to make Buck feel like a back-up plan, it was supposed to cement him as part of their family.
And now things are better than ever between them and for the 3 of them as a family. They spend more time together and communicate better. Eddie loves his life now. He just hopes this pretend dating thing doesn’t mess it all up.
They each choose ice cream and Eddie pays. Buck carries his and Chris’s ice cream while they go find a table.
Eddie is suddenly very nervous as he realizes the time has come to tell Chris that he and Buck are dating. He flashes back to when he told Chris about Ana, Chris being angry and running away. But he ran to Buck, so surely he’ll be happy about this. Eddie hopes so.
“Chris, there’s something we need to talk to you about.”
“Ok, what is it?”
Eddie takes a deep breath, “Buck and I are dating.”
Chris smiles, “So what does that mean? Buck will have dinner with us more? You should let him cook.”
“My cooking is not that bad! And yes, it means Buck will be around more. You might also see us be more physically affectionate.”
“Like kissing?”
“Yes.”
“Oh and will Buck sleep in your bed? That’s what my friend’s parents do.”
“Um, yeah buddy.”
“Ok. That’s fine with me. We’re already a family, the 3 of us. That’s what you tell us all the time. This just adds another element to it,” says Chris.
“That’s true,” says Buck.
“Buck, if you spend the night then we can get up and work on my science project in the morning!”
“Sounds like a plan,” says Buck.
Eddie smiles fondly at Buck and Chris. He’s so glad that this went well.
They go home and play video games together for an hour. Then it’s time for Chris to go to bed. Buck grabs the book he’s been reading to him, Fablehaven , and sits in a chair beside the bed. He reads to Chris for about half an hour like he always does. Eddie comes and leans against the doorway when he knows Buck is about finished for the night.
As he watches Buck read, he realizes that this is all he could ever want. The 3 of them together.
“Alright that’s the end of the chapter and where we are going to stop for tonight,” says Buck.
“Buck, does you and dad dating mean that you could be my dad too someday? I would like that.”
Buck looks stunned and quickly looks over at Eddie. As Eddie walks over to him he sees the tears in Buck’s eyes. He places a hand on Buck’s shoulder and holds one of Chris’ hands with his other.
“We are a family. Buck is already like a parent to you,” says Eddie. “And it’s time for you to go to sleep now. Good night.” Eddie leans down and kisses Chris on the forehead. Then Buck does the same.
Eddie grabs a couple beers from the kitchen and he and Buck go sit down on the couch together.
“So I guess our pretend dating has officially started,” says Buck.
Eddie laughs, “Guess so. And now that Chris knows and thinks we’re actually dating we’re also going to have to tell Abuela and Pepa.”
“What about everyone at the 118? Chris and Denny have a sleepover planned next week. Think he would mention it to them?”
“Yes, I think he’ll definitely talk to people about it. So we’re going to be lying to everyone. Great.”
“All the adults will think it’s funny when we come clean eventually though,” says Buck. “And we’ll just let all the kids think it was real and that we decided to just be friends. It’ll be fine, right?”
“Yeah, nothing to worry about. Want to watch a movie?”
Buck grabs the remote and picks out a movie for them. Eddie’s trying not to worry and he probably has less anxiety about this whole situation than he should. The one thing he is concerned about is PDA. He’s never kissed another man before. He’s wanted to. He’s thought about it, but he’s never actually done it. They have to look convincing and seem natural. Most couples randomly touch, hold hands, and kiss.
“I’ve been thinking. Maybe we should practice acting like a couple. I said we’ve been dating for months, so we need to look like we’re in love.”
“Ok. What do you think we should do for practice?” Buck asks as he pauses the movie.
“I mean, we should probably get used to touching each other more? And, uh, kissing. Um, if you would be ok with that.”
“I agreed to be your pretend boyfriend. I knew what I was signing up for.” Buck turns his body toward him and scoots closer. “Wait, have you ever kissed a man?”
“Uh, no, but it can’t be that different.”
“It’s not really. Stubble is the biggest difference. Though me being a little taller than you will probably make it a bit different for you as well.”
“Ok.”
They look at each other for a moment. Eddie smiles. Buck leans in and then Eddie closes the distance. Their lips meet. It’s soft and chaste. Then Buck moves his hand to Eddie’s cheek. He changes angles and they kiss more - slow and sweet. They part. It was a good kiss. Eddie is filled with warmth and contentment.
“Think you’ll be able to handle kissing me?” Buck asks.
“It’s a hardship I can bear,” teases Eddie and Buck laughs.
They resume the movie, but this time they’re pressed together on the couch. Buck puts an arm around Eddie’s shoulders and Eddie rests his hand on Buck’s knee. Eddie is sure they look like a real couple right now. It’s good.
Eddie isn’t really paying attention to the movie. Thoughts just keep swirling in his head. The reality is that he has figured out that he’s not straight over the past year. He hasn’t felt the need to put a label on his sexuality, but through lots of self-reflection he’s realized that he can be attracted to anyone regardless of gender.
He had a few crushes on boys as a teenager but would quickly repress them and studiously only think about girls. It’s not an easy task to untangle all of those thoughts and work through that internalized homophobia. But he has been and now he’s kissed a man, and not just any man, Buck, and he liked it. A lot. It feels affirming, to know it’s not just all in his head.
The credits roll on the movie. “I’m beat. You ready for bed?”
“Yeah.” Buck goes to the hall closet to grab his pillow and blanket.
“No Buck. Come sleep in the bed. It’ll be much more comfortable. Plus Chris expects it now. No more excuses.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes Buck,” Eddie says. And to emphasize his point he grabs Buck’s hand and pulls him down the hallway to his room.
After they each change clothes, use the bathroom, and brush teeth, they climb into bed together. Buck is laying on his back and Eddie rolls onto his side to face Buck.
“Is now a good time to take you up on the offer to talk about sexuality?” Eddie asks.
“Of course,” Buck replies earnestly.
“I probably should have talked to you about this sooner. I really had been meaning to. It just feels like an awkward thing to bring up. But now I feel like maybe I was hiding it from you and we’ve been working so hard on being better at communicating the past 8 months. I’m sorry.”
“You don’t need to apologize, Eddie. It’s a complicated thing that I’m sure has been difficult for you to work through. Sometimes there are things that we need to work through on our own first. It’s ok that it took a while. I can’t imagine it’s easy to realize you aren’t straight in your 30s.”
“Yeah, I mean. I guess I’ve always kind of known. I had crushes on guys when I was a teenager. I just shoved it away and didn’t think about it though. I am attracted to women, so I just focused on that and pretended that I was straight.”
“I get that,” says Buck. “I did the same thing as a teenager. It wasn’t until I left home that I started allowing myself to feel what I felt. I’ve dated a couple guys, slept with a few more. Buck 1.0 really got around.”
“You’re not a piece of technology Buck.”
“I know, I know. You hate me talking about software upgrades to myself. It’s because you’re a technophobe.”
Eddie rolls his eyes, “I am not. We played video games tonight!”
“Whatever you say.”
“I’m honestly so surprised that my parents didn’t freak out about me dating a man. I never imagined that they would just accept it and be supportive. When I told them you would be coming with us this Christmas, they were so excited.”
“I’m glad. I know your parents haven’t always been the greatest. All that work you’ve been putting into your relationship with them seems to be paying off though.”
“Yeah. It’s definitely been a productive year for me when it comes to improving my relationships with people. I’m most proud of us though. It wasn’t easy, but it’s worth it. Thank you, for walking this road with me….and Chris.”
Buck is looking at Eddie with that amazed, fond smile he loves so much. “I wouldn’t want to walk it with anyone else.”
“Do you think I need to find a label for my sexuality? I’m just not sure what fits.”
“Nah, you might eventually find one that fits you well or you might not. It’s not a big deal really if you don’t want to. Queer is a good general label I think.
So are you thinking about actually dating again? Maybe trying out some men? Not just pretending with me?” Buck asks.
“No, I don’t want to. I’m happy with the way things are right now. Just me, you, and Chris,” Eddie replies easily.
“Ok. Me too. You ready for sleep?”
“Yeah. Good night Buck.”
“Good night.”