Late Night with Sanji Black

by Harubo

Summary:

Late night show host Sanji interviews movie star Zoro and both get more than they bargained for. Social media mistakes occur. The crew makes desperate attempts to correct them. But in the end, the internet will always ship ZoSan.

Chapter 1: My Guest Tonight...

Notes:

Based on Late Night with Seth Meyers!

Translated into Korean by Oueoung! Thank you so much!

“Sanji, Sanji, we got him, we got him!”

Sanji turned around to see his head writer Usopp Snipe running toward him waving his phone in the air.

“Got who?” Sanji asked, as Usopp stood panting in front of him.

“The Zoro Roronoa.  Nami just got the call from his agent.”

Sanji frowned, “Roronoa doesn’t do interviews.  Especially not on late night shows after the fiasco with the Tonight Show.”

“Well, apparently he wants to go on Late Night with Sanji Black,” Usopp said dramatically, “Probably because your head writer is the greatest writer in the history of talk shows, which reminds me, have you put any more thought into my new segment idea—”

“I am not throwing peanuts into our guests’ mouths,” Sanji rolled his eyes, walking into 30 Rock.

“Not just peanuts,” Usopp said, scrambling to follow him, “Well, we’re starting with peanuts, then we’ll graduate to larger and larger objects.  It’s going to be called Big Mouth.”

“Do you have the first draft for Closer Look?” Sanji interrupted, “When is Roronoa coming on?”

“Two days.”

“Tell Chopper to pull me any interview footage he can find.  I refuse to have him come on and humiliate me like he did to Pica.”

“Hey, the clip got a lot of views, that’s not a bad thing,” Usopp shrugged.

---

After taping finished that evening, Sanji sat in his office watching footage from Roronoa’s movies and interviews.  The man was a rising star in the action world, rumored to be in the running for the next James Bond.  Sanji sighed as he finished a short home movie where the unnecessarily muscular man had fought with three swords, one gripped between his teeth.  Ridiculous.  He hated doing interviews with movie stars, preferring the relatively unknown writers and musicians he often tried to get his director Nami to bring on the show.  Not that Nami could do any wrong, but she was really pushing it this time.  Roronoa was infamously difficult to interview, refusing to discuss topics beforehand, toying with interviewers, giving curt answers to questions he didn’t like.  Sanji shivered in secondhand embarrassment as he watched his colleague Kaku try to joke with the stoic man on the Late Late Show.

“What’s my angle?” Sanji asked aloud, putting his feet on the table and leaning back in his chair.  He closed his eyes, listening to Roronoa respond, “Not many people can do it, so don’t really think I need to explain,” to Kaku’s question about his workout routine.  Sanji gritted his teeth, fuck this cocky bastard.  He looked at the blank word doc he had started for a list of questions and sighed, deciding to sleep on it.

---

“Do you have your list of questions ready?” Nami asked, walking into his office the morning of the fated interview.  Sanji looked at his director blearily and shook his head.  He’d gone through all available footage of Roronoa his team could find and all he had managed to figure out was what not to ask.

“You’re just going to wing it?” she curved a beautiful eyebrow at him.  Sanji shrugged hopelessly, “I can’t think of anything.  He’s an asshole.  I’ll figure it out.”

Nami sighed, “Okay, I trust you Sanji.  I was surprised when his agent called me.”

Sanji looked up, surprised, “His agent called you?”

Nami nodded, leaning against the edge of his desk, “Weird guy, last name was Monkey, apparently a childhood friend of Roronoa’s.  Seemed like a bit of an idiot.  Lucky Roronoa has charisma and a killer body, no idea how he could have gotten this far otherwise.”

“Yeah cause that’s all you need to make it in Hollywood,” Sanji sighed.

“Well anyways, apparently Roronoa himself wanted to be interviewed by you,” Nami grinned at him, “I never even considered reaching out, figured it would be too difficult to get him and too hard to work with him.  So, maybe he’ll be a little nicer to you tonight.”  Nami left his office with a wink and a wave.

Sanji pondered this new information, thinking about all the jokes other interviewers had made about how much work they put into getting him on their shows.  He shook his head, too much to think about, turning back to reviewing the This Week in Numbers script.

---

At 6:15 PM, Sanji was knocking on Zoro Roronoa’s dressing room door, a vague feeling of dread creeping into his stomach. He adjusted the gold tie bar Zeff had given him when he passed Late Night to him, finding comfort in the smooth metal.

“Come in,” he heard a curt grunt.  He opened the door to see a shirtless Roronoa reclining on the couch.  Sanji stared at him.  He stared back.

“Mr. Roronoa,” Sanji began.

“Zoro,” he interrupted, yawning lazily.

“Zoro,” Sanji said, anger flaring up, “Thanks for coming on the show tonight.”

“Yup.”

“If you have any topics you’d like me to shy away from—”

“Nope.”

Sanji took a deep breath, “Great, then I’ll see you for the interview.”  Before he could whirl out of the room to go scream in a storage closet, he heard Zoro say nonchalantly, “You look even better in person than on TV.”  Sanji froze and turned around slowly, “What?”

Zoro had sat up and was grinning widely at him, “I thought you were hot, so I wanted to get on the show.”

A dull buzzing between Sanji’s ears meant that he was due for a migraine tonight.  Did the Zoro Roronoa just… was he coming onto him?  Sanji observed the man carefully, narrowing his eyes.  He was probably just trying to throw Sanji off, get him confused in order to ruin his career.  Two could play this game.  Sanji wasn’t going to let the asshole control him.

“Ah,” he said, putting a hand on his hip, “As much as I would like to, I have a policy against fraternizing with guests, sorry.”

“I think you could make an exception for me,” Zoro smirked.  Sanji gritted his teeth, this fucker really thought he was god’s gift to the world.  He needed to be put in his place.

“Oh, why would I do that?  Because you’re a mediocre actor coasting by on the shock and awe effect of your ludicrous hair and the muscles you’ve managed to achieve from only drinking liquids from a bottle that your trainer hands you?  Or because you don’t have enough brain cells to rub together to start a fire?  I’ve had to deal with plenty of bullshit from my guests, I’m not intimidated by an up and coming cocky bastard like you.  The other guest I have on tonight is excellent and our other segments are killer, so let’s just have a boring and cordial interview and agree to disagree on whether you are an exception,” Sanji said sweetly.

Zoro’s jaw had gone slack during Sanji’s monologue.  Sanji was about to pat himself on the back and leave, but then the man was laughing.  A loud, toothy, handsome thing that made him look ten years younger.  Sanji stared as Zoro’s laugh finally petered out, and he was left with a wry smile on his face.

“Damn curly, you really are everything I imagined,” he said, wiping the corners of his eyes.

Sanji stared at him.  Curly?  Before he could protest the horrifying nickname, Zoro was standing up and walking over to him.

“I’ve been a big fan of yours since you took over from that old codger.  I liked your interview with that conservative dipshit,” Zoro said, reaching past Sanji to grab a shirt from a hanger behind the door, and put it on in one smooth motion.

Sanji blinked, recalling a recent interview he did with a conservative news anchor that resulted in the man having his show cancelled.

Zoro buttoned up his shirt (he really did have spectacular pecs), “And I liked the interview you did with Timothy Snyder recently.  And the one with Omar Saif Ghobash.  In fact, I like most of your interviews.”  He reached past Sanji again and grabbed his suit jacket, pulling it on in a way that made Sanji’s breath catch in his throat.  He began working on his tie and Sanji thought he might hyperventilate.

“I watch your monologues every night, it’s how I keep up with the news,” he continued, tightening his tie and grimacing, “Hate these fucking things.”  He straightened his jacket and smirked at Sanji, still standing a mere foot away, “How do I look?”

“Fine, mosshead,” Sanji managed to say.

“Mosshead?” Zoro asked, arching a perfect eyebrow.

“Sanji—where are you?”  Sanji jumped as his earpiece sounded with Usopp’s panicked voice, “Show’s starting.”

“Shit,” Sanji cursed, turning to the door, “I’ll, uh, see you in a bit.”

“Oh, and curly.”  Sanji paused.  Zoro was smiling at him, sweet and genuine, “I do think you’re hot.”  Flushing, Sanji turned around and exited the room, practically running to the stage.  Fuck, he thought, round one to Roronoa.

---

“You ready?” Usopp asked doubtfully in his earpiece, as Sanji cleared his desk before the interview with Zoro.

“As I’ll ever be,” he muttered.

“If it goes bad, I’ll set off the sprinklers.”

“Thanks Usopp.”

Sanji took a deep breath and smiled widely as the recording sign blinked on.  “Our next guest needs no introduction.  His breakout role was in Takashi Miike’s Blade of the Immortal.  You know him also as Marvel’s Sunfire, and maybe our next James Bond, please join me in welcoming Zoro Roronoa.”  Sanji stood up to greet Zoro as he bounded onto the stage, the crowd going absolutely insane as Zoro waved toward them.

He shook Sanji’s hand firmly, holding on for a bit too long, as he grinned cheekily at him.

“Been a great show so far,” he murmured.

“Let’s keep it that way, shall we?” Sanji smiled back forcefully.  Their interaction in the dressing room had him a bit on edge.  He wasn’t sure what Zoro was planning, and he steeled himself for some truly asshole-ish behavior.

As he waited for the crowd to finally stop cheering, Sanji watched as Zoro settled himself into the chair and took a sip of water, eyes flicking over to Sanji as he did so.  Sanji beckoned to the crowd and smiled, “They’ve been doing that for every guest so far, don’t let it go to your head.”  For a brief second, he wondered if he’d taken the wrong tack as Zoro took another sip of water and the crowd nervously laughed.

Finally, Zoro grinned and said, “I’d be more excited to see Masha Gessen than me frankly.  I’m hoping to get their autograph later.”

“Do you have much time to be reading with your film schedule?” Sanji teased, surprised that Zoro knew who Gessen was and the proper pronoun to use.

“Audiobooks at the gym,” Zoro shrugged, “I listened to Surviving Autocracy a few months ago.”

Sanji blinked.  He hadn’t expected that answer.  He regarded Zoro, mind going a mile a minute as he tried to decide which direction to go.  His brain was filled only with questions he told himself to avoid.  The crowd began murmuring and he heard Usopp in his earpiece, “You okay, Sanj?”

“Just ask me anything,” Zoro said too quietly for the mic to catch, a small smile on his face.

Sanji shook his head and he composed himself, “Sorry about that, do you mind if we try something, Zoro?  I’ve watched a few of your interviews and suffice it to say, I’ve been racking my head trying to think of appropriate questions for you that you’ll actually answer.”  Zoro snorted and someone in the crowd whooped.  “Horribly unprofessional of me, but what would you like to talk about?”

Zoro cocked his head as the crowd cheered at Sanji’s question.  Finally, he grinned wickedly and said, “Let’s talk about you.”

Shit, caught off guard again, Sanji thought, as he laughed weakly, “That’s not what people are here for.”

“Oh come on,” Zoro said, turning to the crowd, “Don’t you want to learn more about the Sanji Black?”  Sanji shook his head bashfully as the crowd began chanting his name.  Zoro smiled, “Late Night has flourished under your lead, your interviews rack up incredible watch numbers on YouTube, you just wrote a book—hilarious by the way, I listened to you read it—with an actually interesting take on partisan politics, I hear you went to culinary school and were a fancy sous chef for a few years, what can’t you do?”

“I don’t have the jaw strength to hold a katana in my mouth,” Sanji smiled, “How did you do that, by the way?  I watched Ashura, one of your lesser-known works.” 

Zoro actually blushed, “My friend made me do that when we were in high school.  It was a foam sword.  And I was interviewing you.”

“I was hoping this could be more of a conversation,” Sanji winked, “I tried to find out more about you but there is frankly very little on the internet.  Not even a high school listed.”

“I was home-schooled by my adoptive father,” Zoro shrugged.

Wait.  Adoptive father?  The crowd had gone silent.  Zoro had never spoken about his family before in an interview.  Even the tabloids hadn’t been able to find out much about the man.  Either he didn’t have any friends or family, or the ones he had were loyal enough to keep their mouths shut.  Unease settled on Zoro’s shoulder as he looked away momentarily from Sanji to glance nervously at the audience.  Deciding not to press the issue, Sanji asked, “So did your acting career really start in high school with a film about sticking a sword in your mouth?”

Zoro laughed, uncertainty forgotten, “Honestly, that wasn’t even Luffy’s weirdest idea.  He made a film about a man made out of rubber.  The special effects he used for it were complete garbage.  His brother was supposed to be made of fire and we accidentally burned down his grandpa’s chicken coop while filming the scene.”

“And from then on, you wanted to be an action star?” Sanji asked.

“Nah, I wanted to be a screenwriter,” Zoro laughed, “Mostly because the dialogue Luffy gave me was such trash.  I devoured scripts back then.  I was a huge fan of Kurosawa obviously, Spike Lee, I’ve recently enjoyed Chloe Zhao’s work.”  Zoro’s eyes were shining now and Sanji was startled to realize that he was enjoying talking to the man.

“I had Chloe Zhao on recently,” Sanji grinned, “I’ll put you in touch.”

“I know, I watched it.  It was a great interview,” Zoro smiled.

“Have you considered transitioning to screenwriting at some point?  Plenty of actors do it,” Sanji asked.

“I’m not much of a writer,” Zoro said thoughtfully, “I’ve tried and I just get embarrassed when I reread my own work.  I’m pretty content now with acting, now that I’m working with scripts not written by Luffy.”

Sanji pondered this, “Have you ever considered genres other than action, taking on different kinds of roles?  I watched one of your earlier pieces, that spy one with the X’s under the dressing as the big reveal.  You were excellent, though that might have just been compared to your co-stars.”

“You know you’re spoiling it for your audience,” Zoro smiled wryly.  Sanji froze.  He had actually forgotten that they were filming.  Zoro laughed, “Not that anybody is going to watch it anyways.  Thanks, Sanji, means a lot that you think I have some acting chops.  Though I do enjoy punching things, I would love to do genres other than action.  I’m worried a bit about being pigeonholed at this point.”

Sanji opened his mouth to pursue that line of questioning, but he paused when Usopp’s voice in his ear interrupted him.  “Sanji we really have to end, you’re five minutes over,” Usopp said.

“Well before I can spoil any more of your cult pieces, I’ll stop there.  It’s been a pleasure, Zoro,” Sanji said, slightly disappointed, as the crowd applauded, “I hope we can have you on again.”

“How about tomorrow?” Zoro grinned.  The recording sign turned off and Sanji stood up, laughing, “What did I do to deserve the repeat treatment?”

“You made it interesting,” Zoro said, eyes boring a hole through Sanji, “And you didn’t pry.”  Sanji looked at him sharply.  “You could have asked about my dad,” Zoro said quietly. 

“You didn’t seem like you wanted me to, so I didn’t.  I respect my guest’s privacy.” 

Zoro snorted, “Yet you brought up the ridiculous movies I made as a kid.”

“Those were fair game,” Sanji sniffed, “They were on YouTube.”

“Spent a lot of time looking me up, did you?” Zoro asked cheekily.

“It’s my job,” Sanji frowned, as Usopp came scurrying over to remind him that he needed to get ready for the next segment.

“Thanks, Mr. Roronoa, that was really cool, I’m a big fan,” Usopp stammered.  Zoro leveled a piercing gaze at him that made Usopp cringe.  Zoro stood up and stretched, “This was fun, curly, see you around.”  With one last heart-stopping grin, he was gone, heading off-stage and back to his dressing room.

Sanji watched him go before sighing and turning to Usopp, “How bad was it?  God I knew I should have prepared questions.”

“Honestly, it was fun to watch,” Usopp said, “Most of us backstage lost track of time too.  Seemed like you two were old friends and could have chatted for hours.”

“Yeah,” Sanji said thoughtfully, “Maybe.”

After the show, Sanji stumbled to his office and collapsed into his chair, still thinking about the interview.  Zoro had been… smart?  Kind, when Sanji had gaped at him without being able to come up with a question.  Sweet, when he was describing his forays into acting.  Not exactly what Sanji expected.  He groaned and shook his head, cardinal rule of late night, he had to forget the previous day and focus on the next.

He turned to his desk and was surprised to see a post-it note in Nami’s elegant handwriting sitting on his monitor: “Roronoa wanted me to give you his personal number.  Great show today.  XOXO.”

Notes:

I was going to have Sanji head the Daily Show but I could not in my heart of hearts get rid of Trevor Noah in any universe, and though I am also distraught at getting rid of Seth Meyers, it is what had to happen. Lots of references to segments from Late Night, all of which are excellent and worth YouTubing!

And yes, Pica is Jimmy Fallon, who I am happy to get rid of I won't change my mind.

Chapter 2: Two Side of the Same Coin

A week had passed since he interviewed Zoro and the post-it note was still stuck on his monitor.  He hadn’t called.  What would he say?  Hey I liked our conversation, let’s continue it over drinks, sorry I assumed you were an idiot.

He heard a faint knocking and smiled when he saw Chopper peering into his office.

“What’s up, Chopper?”

“Time to review our ratings and metrics for last week,” Chopper said shyly.  Sanji nodded, beckoning him to come in.  Chopper Tony had been an invaluable addition to their team.  Sanji had snatched him from some biomedical start-up to help them improve their data collection and analysis.  The brilliant man helped them identity weak segments based on audience viewerships and online data.

“How did we do, Chopper?  Is Lorne finally going to give me a raise?”

“He probably should,” Chopper smiled, “We broke records this week.  Especially the day of your interview with Mr. Roronoa.”

Sanji blinked, looking over the chart Chopper had put in front of him with the big spike on Wednesday.

“We usually get a spike on Wednesday, right?  Hump day and all that?  And we had on other guests that day.”

Chopper shook his head, “The spike was all from your Roronoa interview.  And the YouTube video is at 600,000 views.”

Sanji’s jaw dropped, “That can’t be right.  It was only a week ago.”

“Apparently it was passed around a lot on social media,” Chopper blushed, “A lot of people are commenting on the sexual tension between the two of you.”  Sanji’s blood froze as he stared at Chopper.

“What.”

“Don’t make Chopper explain sexual tension to you, Sanji.”  Sanji redirected his stare to Nami, who was standing at the door, “Have you even watched the interview back?”

“You know I hate doing that,” Sanji said, “Wrap and roll.”

“Some fans made a side-by-side of Roronoa’s body language in interviews with you and with Pica,” Nami said, “Apparently, Zoro was leaning toward you the whole time and his eyes were… what was that one comment, Chopper?  ‘Zoro’s gaze is focused inexorably on Sanji like he is the only man in the universe worth looking at.’”

Sanji blushed, “What the hell...”

“Have you called him yet?” Nami asked.

“No.”

“I think you should give it a try,” Nami said, shrugging, “You’re always the first one here and the last to leave.  Your lights are still on when I finish clubbing on Friday nights.  When was the last time you got laid?”

“You can go, Chopper, thank you,” Sanji said quickly.  Chopper nodded gratefully and fled the office as Sanji leaned back in his chair and sighed.

“Zeff trusted me with Late Night, Nami, I’ve got to work hard to keep the ship running.”

“It’s been a year since the transition, you’ve injected fresh energy into everything we do here, our ratings prove that.  What did you do on our last break?"

Sanji winced, “I came up with Deep Google and Bad Sponsors, and wrote my book.”

“Look, I don’t usually give a fuck about the private lives of my underlings, but you are going to implode one day if you keep going the way you are.  Roronoa is obviously into you, and I have a sneaking suspicion you’re into him.  Call him, by the end of the day, or I’m forcing you into early retirement.”

“You can’t do that, Nami,” Sanji sighed.

“Try me,” she said, slamming his door behind her.

Sanji stared at the post-it note on his monitor and took a deep breath.  He would do this for Nami and to avoid early retirement.  Zoro had probably already forgotten about him and the interview.  He would call and thank him for coming on the show.  He’d done that before for other guests.  It was called networking.  Sanji nodded, having convinced himself, and picked up his phone, dialing the number.  As the line rang, Sanji internally begged for it to go to voicemail.

“Hello?”

Sanji shivered at the deep baritone.

“Hi, this is—”

“Sanji.”

“Yup, that’s me,” Sanji said lamely.

“I know your voice pretty well by now.”

Sanji chuckled nervously, “Um, I wanted to call and say thanks for coming on the show last week.”

The line was silent and Sanji checked to see if maybe he had accidentally ended the call.

“Why are you really calling me?”

Fuck this direct bastard, Sanji cursed internally, let me work up to it, asshole.

“I… I enjoyed our conversation and was wondering if you might want to continue it,” Sanji said, biting the bullet.

“How about lunch?”

Sanji’s jaw dropped, “What?  Today?”

“Why not?”

“Uhh, I don’t usually get lunch.  Usually just work through it.”

“Dinner then, or do you also work through dinner?”

Sanji paused, trying to remember the last time he hadn’t worked through a meal.

“Come on, curly, you can stop working a few hours, let me treat you to dinner.  I’ll be outside 30 Rock at 8.  I’ve got to run, but I’ll see you tonight.”  Sanji stared at his phone after the call cut off.  What the fuck just happened?

“Sanji, sketch meeting starting in 15,” Usopp said, opening the door and poking his head into Sanji’s office.  “Whoa, you okay?” he asked, looking quizzically at Sanji.

“I think I have a date tonight?” Sanji said, still shocked.

“Congrats?  I think?” Usopp said, “You look like you want to bury yourself in a coffin six feet under.  With who?”

“Zoro Roronoa.”

“Ahhhh,” Usopp said, nodding as comprehension dawned on his face, “We were wondering when that was going to happen.”

Sanji looked up sharply at him, “Who’s we?”

“Me, I use the royal we nowadays,” Usopp stuttered, “I- We have to go to the bathroom before the meeting, we will see you soon or maybe never again.”  He shut the door quickly and Sanji heard his loud footsteps running down the hall.

Sanji suffered through the rest of the day, anxiety clawing at his throat, and feeling particularly suspicious of his staff whenever they whispered to each other.  After the show wrapped, Sanji barricaded himself in his office and began truly panicking.  That asshole didn’t let him prepare.  He didn’t have time to go home and change.  He opened his closet, trying to see if he could at least change out of his work shirt, which had gotten horribly sweaty because Sanji had a mini stress attack whenever he thought about Zoro throughout the day.  He pulled out another collared shirt and layered over it a light blue sweater he kept for weekends on the coldest winter days.  This would have to do.  He checked his hair with his phone camera.  Other than looking extremely haggard and stressed, he supposed he looked fine.  He checked his phone, 7:57.  With a groan, he exited his office, leaving his belongings there for now.  He had a bit more work to finish but it could wait until after dinner.

Zoro was waiting for him outside 30 Rock, leaning against a pillar.  He had on sunglasses and a beanie, and grinned widely when Sanji came out.

“You know it’s nighttime, right?” Sanji asked snidely.

“Oh, is it?  I guess I’ll take off my sunglasses and my beanie so everybody will know that Sanji Black is meeting up with Zoro Roronoa for dinner.”

Sanji blinked, he should have known that, “Makes sense.  I forgot you’re famous.”  Zoro snorted at that, looking strangely pleased.

Zoro began walking and Sanji fell into step beside him.  He glanced over at Sanji, “I’m surprised you don’t have paparazzi of your own following you around all the time.  You’re pretty popular as far as late night hosts go.”

“I’m not a movie star,” Sanji said dryly, “And I’m sure they would find my routine very fascinating.  Oh, today, Sanji has chosen to use his dark blue backpack and is wearing a grey collared shirt instead of a white collared shirt to work this fine Saturday morning.”

Zoro laughed, “Don’t get out much, curly?”

“Stop calling me that,” Sanji said grumpily, “And turns out doing a show every night is a lot of work.  Especially for the interviews.  I have to read and watch all of my guests’ recent stuff.”

“It’s like a fifteen-minute interview, do you really have to do that?”

“I don’t like asking typical questions.  And I want my guests to feel like I actually understand what they do.”

“Right, so for me, because I don’t have enough brain cells to rub together to start a fire, you were planning on asking what kinds of questions?”

Sanji flushed, “I didn’t… that was uncalled for, I am sorry about that.  I was pissed because I thought you were hellbent on ruining every talk show host’s career and I really had no idea what to talk to you about.”

“It’s okay, I was just testing you.  I hate having to do interviews.  The studios usually require a certain number for marketing.  I had to meet my quota so I told Luffy to call your director."

Ah, Sanji thought, so Zoro went on the show because he had to.  He had a strange sinking feeling in his stomach at the thought.  Zoro looked sidelong at Sanji and, as if he read Sanji’s mind, said softly, “I’ve always wanted to go on your show though.  You have great guests on and you ask insightful questions.  I noticed you don’t usually have actors on to just talk about blockbuster movies, so I always figured you wouldn’t want me on the show.”

Sanji stared, trying to process the vulnerable Zoro Roronoa next to him.  He cleared his throat, “Usually there’s not much I’m allowed to ask about for spoiler purposes, so all I have left is the annoying how do you work out to get your body type questions.  After I grumped about it for a bit, Nami— my director stopped bringing big-time actors on.”

“I can tell you about my workout routine, curly,” Zoro grinned.

“No thanks, mosshead,” Sanji said, raising his hand, “Not interested.”

Zoro shrugged, “Your loss.”  He stopped suddenly and beckoned toward a sushi restaurant located halfway underground.

“My favorite place,” Zoro said, “Usually just regulars here on a Wednesday night and they respect my privacy.”

Sanji looked at the cross streets and blinked, “Wait… This is like two blocks from 30 Rock.  Why did it take us ten minutes to get here?”

Zoro frowned, “It’s not two blocks from 30 Rock.”

“30 Rock is 6^th Avenue at 49^th.  We are at 6^th and 47^th.  The streets are numbered— Nevermind,” Sanji sighed, “Shall we?”

They walked down a few steps and entered a cozy restaurant with only counter seating.  Zoro greeted the man behind the counter in Japanese.  The man smiled and directed them to sit, before barking out a few orders to a younger man.

“Have you ever had omakase sushi?” Zoro asked, sitting down and taking off his jacket, sunglasses, and beanie.  He ran a hand through his hair and looked at Sanji with his piercing grey eyes and Sanji was momentarily distracted.  Zoro raised an eyebrow at him and Sanji finally said, “Umm, no, I haven’t.”

“Got anything you don’t particularly like?  Any allergies?”

Sanji shook his head, “I eat everything.”  Zoro said a few things to the chef who nodded and said something with a cheeky grin.  Zoro laughed warmly and responded, looking quickly over at Sanji.

“What are you talking about?” Sanji asked curiously.

“He’s just teasing me that I’ve never brought a ‘special friend’ here before,” Zoro shrugged.  Sanji blushed, “Ah.”

“So…” Zoro said, fidgeting with his chopsticks and suddenly looking a little hesitant, “You said you wanted to continue our conversation.”

Sanji blinked, “Oh, um.”  He tried to remember their interview from a week ago.  What had they actually talked about?

“You know… for a talk show host, you’re not that good at talking,” Zoro said dryly. 

Sanji glared at him, “You know… you’re kind of an asshole.”

“I’ve been told that a lot,” Zoro smiled.

“Defense mechanism?” Sanji drawled.

“Maybe, you gonna psychoanalyze me now?”

Sanji leaned back and made a show of surveying Zoro, also using it as an excuse to extremely check the man out.  Under his bulky nondescript jacket, Zoro was wearing a dark green v-neck sweater that very nicely draped over his defined shoulders and arms.  An image of Zoro, shirtless and reclining on the couch, crossed Sanji’s mind, and he had to disguise a small sigh as a cough.

“What’s my story, doc?” Zoro asked with a small grin.

“Let’s see.  You came from a small town, lots of space to run around and get into trouble.  Yet you had a wealthy upbringing and your parents probably thought private school wasn’t good enough.  You had tutors who taught you philosophy and fencing, and tried to get you into politics.  You were a rebel though, and decided that movies would be where you’d make your mark.  Traveled to Hollywood, realized it was really fucking difficult to make it, bummed about doing low-budget films and soft porn for a while, before you were discovered by a Japanese producer, were just exotic enough but not too exotic to get mainstream approval, and here you are.  Thank you for listening to my TED talk, I’ll now take questions.”

Zoro was giggling.  Really, this huge muscular man had no right being so fucking adorable.

“Spot on.  One correction,” he said, with a slight quirk of his lips, “It wasn’t soft porn.”  And then the chef was placing a glistening piece of nigiri in front of each of them.  Zoro immediately stuffed it in his mouth and groaned in pleasure.  Sanji’s mind was blank as he stared at the nigiri in front of him.

“It’s rude to the chef if you don’t eat it in one bite and right away,” Zoro said, swallowing and grinning cheekily at Sanji.  Hand moving on its own, Sanji gripped the chopsticks and ate the bite.  His eyes widened at the incredible taste.  Sanji chewed slowly, the flavor making his taste buds sing.  When he swallowed, he gave the chef a smile, “Amazing.”  He turned to Zoro, who was looking at him fondly, “Can you tell him the vinegar in the rice is just fucking perfect and I’ve never had fish with that kind of mouth-feel?  Really spectacular.”

“Chef speaks English,” Zoro said, laughing.  Sanji flushed and turned to the chef who had a twinkle in his eye and said, “I’m glad you liked it, Mr. Black.  Zoro told me you were a chef before, so I’m grateful to hear your words.  Oh, and don’t listen to Zoro, he hasn’t done any porn.  He’s a pure boy.”

It was Zoro’s turn to blush now as Sanji turned to him with a grin, “A pure boy, eh?  So do you have any other corrections to my narrative of your backstory?”

Sanji found himself completely absorbed the rest of dinner talking to Zoro.  He’d done a fairly good job at guessing his background.  Zoro did have a wealthy upbringing, the man who adopted Zoro was apparently a bit eccentric.  He took good care of the four children under his care, though he insisted on high academic standards and assigned each of them a fancy sport to train from a young age.  Zoro, surprise surprise, trained in fencing and kendo.  They talked about his first movies and about the worst and best directors Zoro had to work with.  He approached acting with a lot of care, Sanji was surprised to learn, studying every genre of movies in his spare time.  Sanji thought the man’s good looks were actually limiting him from taking on more interesting roles where he could really show a wider range.

Zoro asked questions too and seemed genuinely interested in Sanji’s career.  They talked about Zeff, laughing about some of the more memorable moments from the previous host’s long career.  Zoro had always been an avid watcher of late night shows, though he grumbled about Pica’s ridiculous voice and stupid, somewhat humiliating, segments he forced his guests to do.  Sanji had only known Zoro for a few hours and could already tell the man was not going to put up with Pica forcing him to do a lip sync battle.  Zoro was curious about why he quit the restaurant business, and Sanji tried to explain how he felt somewhat trapped working endless hours under the management of snooty executive chefs.

“And now you’re trapped working endless hours under the management of your snooty director,” Zoro said with a smile, “I spoke briefly with her, Nami, when I gave her my number to give to you.  She was a firecracker.”

“Don’t say anything bad about that angel or I’m leaving right now,” Sanji sniffed.

“Good thing it’s the last course,” Zoro grinned, as the chef placed a ball of tempura ice cream in front of Sanji.  Zoro just got a cup of green tea.  When he noticed Sanji looking between the two, he shrugged, “Chef knows I don’t like sweets.”

“This was all wonderful, chef,” Sanji said, “I’ll come by for lunch whenever I can.”

“Bring Zoro,” he said with a smile, “He is lonely.”

“I’m not, chef,” Zoro groaned.

“Ever since he made it big, he has a sorrowful look to him.  He was happy tonight.”

Zoro said something biting to him in Japanese and the chef just laughed, walking away with his hands in the air.  Zoro’s face was red, so Sanji decided not to comment.  It made sense, he mused, knowing that when he spoke privately with some of his celebrity guests, they’d commented on how both isolating and intrusive fame could be.  Zoro had done a pretty good job keeping himself out of the public eye, all things considered.

The chef’s assistant brought the check to them and Sanji reached into his pocket.  Zoro grabbed his arm, “I said I was taking you to dinner, curly.”

“It’s fine, mosshead,” Sanji said, “We’ll split it, I had fun.”

“If you had fun, then let me pay for it,” Zoro said stubbornly, “It can’t be a date if we split it.”

Sanji stared and then scoffed, “How antiquated.  And how come you have to pay for it then?  I’m a salaried man, I probably make more than you.”

“You’re infuriating,” Zoro gritted, still holding onto Sanji’s arm as he wrestled his wallet out of his back pocket and took a credit card out with one hand to give to the chef’s assistant.

With a huff, Sanji took his hand out of his pocket and sat back, “Do you usually throw down $200 for a first date?”

“So this was a date then,” Zoro grinned, “And no, I can’t remember the last time I went on a date.”

“I’m honored,” Sanji said dryly, trying to keep his heart from leaping out of his throat, as the two of them stood up and put their jackets on.  Zoro slipped on his sunglasses and beanie again, covering his recognizable green hair.  “But, thanks, Zoro, I really did have fun.”  Zoro turned to him with such a huge, boyish grin on his handsome face that Sanji couldn’t help but grin back.

“Let’s do it again?” he asked.

“I’ll check my schedule,” Sanji joked, as they exited the restaurant, waving goodbye to the chef.

“Tomorrow?” Zoro continued.

“Geez, mosshead, you’re stifling me,” Sanji laughed, “We have a staff dinner tomorrow, but how about Friday?  I’ll… cook something?”

“At your place?” Zoro asked curiously.

“No, in the microwave in the staff kitchen in 30 Rock,” Sanji rolled his eyes.

Zoro paused and Sanji wondered if maybe he should have suggested eating out for dinner instead.  It was a bit… personal, going back to his place for a second date.  He had just assumed Zoro would prefer not to eat out in public.

“Or we could go to one of my favorite places?” he said, trying to backpedal, “I’ll see if they can set up a more private table for us.”

“N-no, I would love to try your food,” Zoro said, “I just… I feel bad having you cook after a long day of work.”

Sanji turned to stare at him, as he looked resolutely forward, cheeks tinged pink.  That was… sweet.

“It’s not a problem, I love cooking, obviously, and haven’t been able to do much of it in the past year.  Lots of sandwiches packed for lunch and dinner.  I’m looking forward to it actually, been a while since I made anything for anyone else.”

“Great, then I’m in,” Zoro said.

“I’ll text you my address,” Sanji said as they came up to 30 Rock.  With Sanji leading, it was a much shorter trip.

“I’ve got a bit of work to finish up for tomorrow,” Sanji said, beckoning toward the door, “I’ll, um, see you Friday then.”

Zoro nodded, hesitating, “I… want to kiss you goodnight.”

“Oh,” Sanji breathed, a faint ringing in his ears, “Um, sure.”

“But I can never be sure about paparazzi, so I won’t.  But I wanted you to know that I want to.  Kiss you.”

Sanji felt a laugh bubbling up in his chest, “Okay, duly noted.  I want you to know that I also want you to kiss me, but I understand why you can’t.”

Gorgeous art by the talented Bacon!  Thank you, BB <3

 

Zoro groaned, rubbing the back of his head, and Sanji was honestly shocked at the difference between the man in front of him now and the one who was reclining shirtless on the dressing room couch last week to test him.

“Okay then.  We’re on the same page,” he said decisively.

“Great,” Sanji said, turning around, “See you Friday then, mosshead.”

Before Sanji could make it to the door, he heard light footsteps behind him and Zoro was there, a gentle hand on Sanji’s cheek as he pulled him close for a soft kiss.  When he stepped back, a huge grin on his face, Zoro said breathlessly, “I’ve been wanting to do that since your first monologue.  I was skeptical of this young skinny blonde guy taking over for Zeff, but you were hot and charming and so fucking smart.”

Sanji chuckled, a little out of breath himself, “I mean compared to that old geezer, anybody would be hot and charming and smart.”

Zoro looked him over critically, “You’re right, you’re not that special.”

“Fuck you,” Sanji said, pushing him away.  He reached up and adjusted the beanie on Zoro’s head that had gone askew.  Zoro put his sunglasses back on and looked around quickly.

“I’ll see you tomorrow?” he asked.

“Friday,” Sanji laughed, correcting him.

“Okay fine,” Zoro pouted, “I have to go home now to watch your show.”

“And I have to plan for tomorrow’s,” Sanji grinned.  Zoro nodded, drawing Sanji into a tight hug, and then bounded away, throwing a peace sign up behind him.  Sanji sighed, watching him go and still tingling from the kiss. 

Once he was in his office, he spun around a bit on his chair, trying to collect his thoughts.  Absentmindedly, he searched “Zoro Roronoa” on YouTube and pulled an interview that Zoro had done on Saturday at a film screening.  He scoffed at the glare Zoro was leveling at the interviewer in the preview.  His face was all hard lines, corners of his mouth permanently pulled down.  It was such a difference from the man that had just said goodbye, sweet faced and boyish. 

Sanji slid down his chair and sighed, touching his lips.  Was he really going to start seeing a movie star?  Sanji thought about Zoro’s sunglasses and beanie, which appeared to be necessary elements for whenever they were out and about together.  As they walked to and from 30 Rock, Zoro had shot a few nervous glances around them and jumped once when a couple nearby used flash for a selfie.  Sanji was certain that, given Zoro’s privacy, he wouldn’t ever want any relationship to be public.  Usopp, Nami, and Chopper knew, which meant Franky and Robin probably knew too.  They would be smart enough not to spread it around, but generally sneaking around his staff would feel strange.

He turned back to the video when the interviewer asked, “I watched your interview on Late Night with Sanji Black.”  Sanji watched as, for the briefest of moments, Zoro’s face softened before he looked impassively at the interviewer and said, “Okay.”

“Seemed like you enjoyed chatting with him.”

Zoro shrugged.  Sanji winced, feeling horrible on behalf of the interviewer.  He would talk to Zoro about that on Friday.  He could be private without being an asshole.

“Did you know him before the interview?”

After a pause, Zoro shook his head, “No, I just watch the show.”

“Planning on going back on?”

“If he’ll have me,” Zoro shrugged again.  After a fan screamed for Chris Evans and the interviewer was distracted, Zoro slunk away and the video cut.

Sanji scrolled down to the comments section.  His eyes nearly popped out at the number of comments on the video.

RorororororoZororoororororo: 1:53 You’re all welcome.

            SinceAshura: Oh my god, yes, the look on his face when she said Sanji Black.  UWU

            WorldWarZoro: Thank you sweet friend.  I just keep pressing this time mark to see it again.  BRB saving as my desktop background.

Zfan2301: The “If he’ll have me” killed me.  I would have you Zoro.

            RoBroCop: ikr, lucky Sanji…  

            Ampman: Someone should tweet at Late Night with Sanji Black with this video

            WorldWarZoro: @Ampman No, don’t do it!  Zoro would be so upset.

            Ampman: …Why?

            WorldWarZoro: Um, don’t you know him?  He’s so private, he’d be furious if we meddled in his love life

            Ampman: Dude, I just want him to go back on Late Night.  The interview was awesome.  Sanji is always great.  Maybe they’ll see it and ask him to come back on.

            SinceAshura: He was adorable, I fell in love with him even more.  Thank you Sanji.

            Zfan2301: Do you guys think there’s actually something there?

            Ampman: WTF.  You guys should stop, they’re real people

            ZoSan2019: Who should get together

            RoBroCop: Lol, I like your username @ZoSan2019

            SinceAshura: fwiw I think they would make a great couple

            Sunfireinme: No way, he’s mine.  

Face red, Sanji quickly exited out of the video before he could read further and banged his forehead on his desk.  If Zoro knew about this…  Chopper had confirmed that Zoro didn’t have any official social media accounts when they were conducting research on him before the interview, though he occasionally showed up in videos and photos posted by his agency.  Hopefully, the actor didn’t bother with social media.  Maybe they should be more secretive.  Sanji had no interest in being dragged into Zoro’s rabid fanbase.

He turned to the segments chosen for tomorrow’s show and tried to take his mind off the video and its subject.

Notes:

Is this how people on social media talk? I have no idea. I severely need help in this department.

Chapter 3: Pure Boy

When filming wrapped on Friday, Sanji took a moment to just sit back in his chair and relax as the audience filed out.

“Bring Zoro back on!” someone shouted.  Sanji resisted the urge to groan and just waved cheerily at the man currently jumping up and down on the top row of the seats.

“Get him out, Franky,” he gritted into his earpiece, still smiling outwardly, and Franky was there, gently but firmly guiding the audience member through the door.

“He only answers questions on your show, please Sanji,” the man continued yelling as he was escorted out the studio.

“I mean it’s true,” Usopp said in his ear.  Sanji took the earpiece out and tossed it on his desk.

“Rude,” Usopp said, walking up behind him, “We watched a few other videos since he came on our show.  He’s kind of mean.”

“Who is WE?” Sanji raged.

“You never told us, I mean, me about your date,” Usopp said, bravely marching forward to his demise.

“It was good, he is not mean, I’m seeing him again tonight.”

“Really?  I mean those frown lines look like they’re permanently etched into his extremely beautiful face.”

“He’s… shy?” Sanji said, not entirely believing himself.

“Okayyyyyy,” Usopp shrugged, unconvinced, “Have a fun date with Mr. Meanie.”

“Don’t call him that or you’re fired.”

“If Mr. Meanie is mean to me, would you stick up for me, Sanji?”

“I have to go now otherwise I would write your dismissal letter,” Sanji glared, “But I’m coming into work tomorrow so I’ll have plenty of time then.”

“I’m irreplaceable,” Usopp yelled as Sanji stalked away.

“Nobody is, except me, it’s not Late Night with Usopp Snipe,” Sanji called back, sticking his tongue out.

---

When he arrived home, Sanji immediately rushed to the kitchen, checking to see if the fish he’d left in the fridge during the day had thawed.  Satisfied, he turned on the oven and began pulling various ingredients out of the fridge.  He had decided to do fish tacos with various salsas and slaws, much of which he was able to prepare in advance.

As he seasoned and placed a dab of butter on the tilapia to go in the oven, his phone began ringing.  He saw that Usopp was calling and quickly picked up; the man was always listening to or watching the news and would often call Sanji to rant about a possible sketch idea.  If Sanji picked up right away, he could usually direct Usopp’s overproductive mind in a more helpful direction.

“Dude, Sanji, Twitter is going insane.  Mr. Meanie just left an interview halfway saying he had plans tonight.  Twitter has theories.”

Heart dropping, Sanji picked up his phone and googled Twitter.  He groaned at the large “Don’t Miss What’s Happening Now.  People on Twitter are the first to know” banner that popped up on his screen.

“Usopp, remind me to make you teach me how to use Twitter,” he grumbled.

“What happened to me not being irreplaceable again?  I’ll just give you the tl:dr.  Mr. Meanie was being interviewed on live fucking television, was looking extremely bored, looked at his watch, happy face, stood up, ripped all of his mic stuff off which led to sad face from me, said sorry he had a thing, and just peaced out.  Interviewer’s face was incredible by the way.  It’s definitely going to be a gif by tomorrow.”

“And Twitter thinks…”

“That he has a date.”

“With…”

“You.”

“Fuck Usopp, couldn’t you fucking lead with that?” Sanji groaned, “Why do they think that?”

“They matched happy face here to happy face during your interview.  Also happy face Mr. Meanie will probably be a gif soon too.  Anyways thought I’d let you know, haveagooddate.”  His head writer hung up and Sanji was left staring at his phone, wondering if he should call Zoro to let him know to do some evasive maneuvers.

---

Either he was doing evasive maneuvers or he was horribly lost, but Zoro ended up at Sanji’s apartment fifteen minutes late, red-faced and panting.

“Sorry, I’m late,” he said, immediately wrapping Sanji into a hug.  Sanji chuckled and patted him awkwardly on the back, “I heard you were at an interview at 53^rd and Broadway.  Do you want me to do the math for you again on how few blocks that is away, mosshead?”

Zoro let go and looked suspiciously at Sanji, “How did you know I was in an interview?”

“Usopp called and told me you left it halfway,” Sanji said, taking Zoro’s arm and leading him into the apartment, directing him to sit at the bar island while Sanji checked on the tilapia.

“Usopp…” Zoro said slowly.

“My head writer?  Long nose?”

“Oh him.  How did he know I was in an interview?”

“He saw it on Twitter.”

“How did Twitter know I was—”

“Pause,” Sanji said, glad that Zoro was even worse at social media than he was, “Let’s just drop this conversation.  Would you like a drink?  Margarita?”

Zoro grinned, “How about just tequila?  It smells amazing in here, by the way, curly.”

Sanji shook his head, “Just something simple today.  If you come over on a weekend next time, I’ll make something more elaborate.”

“How about tomorrow?”

“Are you usually this clingy?” Sanji laughed, sliding over a glass and the bottle of Patron to Zoro.

“Clingy?” Zoro raised an eyebrow, pouring himself an extremely generous glass and knocking it back.

“You’re always asking to see me now, today, or tomorrow,” Sanji teased.

“I know what I want,” Zoro shrugged.

Sanji sipped his own margarita, contemplating this.

“Does it bother you, curly?  Being what I want?” Zoro said, and Sanji almost spat out a mouthful of his drink at the forwardness of the question.

“You… how do you know I’m what you want?” Sanji asked.

“Well, I’ve watched all 250 hours of your show, read your two books and all the articles authored by you or about you I can find online, watched your interviews on other shows, read your cookbook even, are you still hiding a lot from the world?  You’re going to catch flies with that mouth,” Zoro said smugly.  Sanji snapped his mouth shut.

“You know I’ve never had to take out a restraining order against anyone but I’m considering it,” Sanji said faintly, “And you do know most people’s public personas are extremely polished, right?”

“Mine isn’t, and I don’t think yours is either,” Zoro said, crossing his arms.

“Wow, thanks, so kind,” Sanji sighed.  It was a lot to think about.  Frankly, he was flattered by Zoro’s attention.  The idea that this no bullshit movie star took the time to watch all the episodes of his shows… Sanji didn’t kid himself that they were all great.  He never rewatched his own shows despite Zeff telling him he should do so every damn time he called (“You don’t catch all the dumb shit you do unless you watch yourself doing it,” he griped constantly.  “I don’t do dumb shit,” Sanji responded).  He had tried it once and ended up just writhing his way out of the room, leaving Usopp behind with a bowl of popcorn and his obnoxious laugh.

“Does it really bother you?” Zoro asked hesitantly, breaking Sanji out of his thoughts.

“N-no, it’s… refreshing?” Sanji said quizzically.

“That’s very convincing.”

Sanji laughed, “I’m constantly surrounded by guests who are trying to promote their work and come across as simultaneously your next door neighbor and the most perfect being god has created.  Can you blame me for being a little thrown off by you?”

“Maybe you need better guests, curly.”

“There’s something to be said about niceties,” Sanji grinned, reaching across the island to poke Zoro on the forehead, “Maybe you can try to be a little nicer to the poor people trying to interview you.  You were nice enough to me.”

“I like you.  I don’t like most people.”

“Come on mosshead, you can do better than that.  That poor woman who interviewed you at the film festival last Saturday?  She was just trying to do her job.”

“Are you ever going to feed me?” Zoro asked snidely.  Sanji automatically moved to finish the tilapia and heat up some of his homemade flour tortillas, then cursed himself for letting Zoro move on from the topic so easily.

“I read an article about you that when you were a sous chef you would never turn away a hungry person, even if they couldn’t pay, so your executive chef never let you leave the kitchen,” Zoro said idly, placing his elbows on the island and resting his chin on his hands, smiling affectionately at him.  Sanji’s grip on the paring knife tightened as he thought about Judge.

“It was a shitty restaurant,” Sanji muttered.

“Was it true though?” Zoro asked.

“You shouldn’t believe everything you read on Page Six,” Sanji said tightly, taking out his taco trays.

“Fair enough, I can believe it though,” Zoro shrugged, “Everything about you screams goody two shoes.”

Rolling his eyes, Sanji placed a tray of shells filled with tilapia in front of Zoro and pulled out various containers from the fridge, “I made a ton, please keep eating until you can’t anymore.  Mild, medium, or corn salsa.  Red cabbage or mango slaw.  Chipotle or lime crema.  Cotja or queso fresco.  Some crunchies for texture if you’d like.”

Zoro stayed at the various plates in front of him, “Honestly curly, I’m not even sure where to begin.  Usually Luffy and I just get the party pack from Taco Bell.”

Sanji clutched his chest and had to take a slow deep breath, “Okay, don’t touch anything, let me do it.  How’s your spice tolerance?”

“Pretty high,” Zoro grinned, wagging his eyebrows at him.

“Is that supposed to be some kind of innuendo?” Sanji sighed, putting together a set of three tacos for Zoro.

“Only if you want it to be.”

“Eat,” Sanji said, pushing the tray toward Zoro.  Zoro took one of the tacos and ate half of it in one bite.  He moaned and stuffed the other half in his mouth.

“So good,” he managed to say, and Sanji couldn’t help chuckling, setting to work on his own tacos.

---

After dinner, Sanji put the various containers back in the fridge, thinking about the bowls he could make for lunch tomorrow.  Usopp would probably be in the office tomorrow too, he’d make one for him to apologize for threatening to fire him, even if jokingly.  Zoro wandered around Sanji’s apartment, looking at various books and knickknacks Sanji had on the shelves.

Sanji watched him out of the corner of his eye.  Zoro took a book down and read the back cover, brows furrowing.  Sanji had enjoyed dinner—the actor was witty and smart, easy to talk to, though cheeky and biting at times—it was a fun verbal sparring that Sanji didn’t usually get to do.  Apart from Usopp and Nami, most of his coworkers were overly deferential to him.  It was a pity Zoro didn’t show this side of himself to the public.  Sanji didn’t think Zoro was necessarily a “Mr. Meanie,” as Usopp so cleverly called him.  He just had absolutely zero patience for pretense.

“Drink?” Sanji asked, pulling out a few glasses from his bar.

“Scotch, if you have it,” Zoro said.  Sanji nodded and poured a glass, walking over to Zoro who was still looking at Sanji’s books.

“You can borrow some if you want,” Sanji said.

“Does this mean you’ll see me again?” Zoro asked lightly.

Sanji flushed, “If only to get my books back.”

Zoro laughed, pointing to a stack he’d already made on the counter, “I was planning to steal these and beg forgiveness later, so thanks curly.”  Sanji looked at the selection Zoro had pulled and nodded appreciatively, “Educated is excellent, Tara Westover is a gem.”

“Any other recommendations for me?”

“How about ‘How to Win Friends and Influence People’?” Sanji asked dryly, “I don’t actually own a copy, and probably never will, but I’ll have it delivered to you if only just as a reminder.”

Zoro scoffed, “I don’t need more friends or to influence people.”

“You just need Luffy?” Sanji asked.

“And one other person,” Zoro said, glancing sidelong at Sanji.

Sanji decided this was a good time to sit down before his legs collapsed.  Zoro joined him, sitting on the other end of the couch and was suddenly very interested in his drink.  Sanji was reminded of the sushi chef’s “pure boy” comment and couldn’t stop himself from giggling again.

“What?” Zoro asked, frowning at him.

“You talk a big game, but you’re pretty shy when it comes to dating, aren’t you?” Sanji grinned at him.

Zoro colored, “It’s not like it’s easy to date as an actor.  And I was too busy trying to make it for most of my career.”

“You’ve never dated any of your costars?” Sanji asked, genuinely interested, “I watched Sunfire.  You and Tashigi had great chemistry.”

“In case you haven’t noticed, we don’t play for the same team,” Zoro said dryly.

“Didn’t want to assume,” Sanji laughed, “Smoker then?”

“A prick.”

“Bonez?”

“Asshole.”

“Hachi?”

Zoro stared at him, “You’re kidding right?”

Sanji grinned, “You’re really picky.”

“I am, curly,” Zoro said, looking levelly at him and Sanji flushed at the implication.

Zoro’s phone began ringing and Sanji jumped.  Zoro pressed a button and the ringing stopped.

“You can answer,” Sanji said, “What if that’s Luffy calling to say you’re the next James Bond?”

“They’ll never pick an Asian James Bond, it’s all just senseless rumor to keep people talking,” Zoro said, “And that wasn’t a phone call.  It was my alarm for your show starting in a few minutes.”

Sanji stared flabbergasted as Zoro put his phone back in his pocket and returned to staring moodily at his drink.  Slowly, Sanji moved over to Zoro’s side of the couch.

“I’m just going to kiss you, pure boy,” he said quietly, “Don’t be nervous.”  Zoro scoffed, but closed his eyes, and Sanji gently touched his lips to Zoro’s dry ones, licking them lightly before pulling back.  Zoro cracked an eye open and leaned forward to peck Sanji on the lips again, then grinned, “Can I turn the TV on then?”

“Are you seriously going to watch my show right now with me here?” Sanji stared.

“I never miss it,” Zoro shrugged, “Unless I’m actively filming overseas or something.  Then Luffy will record it for me.”

“Well I am not going to watch it, so you can either watch it here, I will retire for the night, and you let yourself out, or you can go home and watch it, though knowing you, you’ll definitely miss the whole thing unless you live next door to me somehow,” he said, going back to his side of the couch.

Zoro laughed, grabbing onto his arm, “Fine, I’ll text Luffy to record it for me.”  He pulled Sanji to rest against his chest as he took his phone out and typed a message to Luffy before tossing the phone on the table and hugging Sanji tightly from behind.

“I never would have taken you for a cuddler,” Sanji said, Zoro’s body a line of heat on his back.

“’s comfortable,” Zoro murmured.  Sanji squirmed, trying to shift so he didn’t feel like he was in a straitjacket but Zoro held him even tighter.  He sighed and ultimately relaxed, staring at the ceiling and wondering what he’d gotten himself into.  A few moments later he heard a quiet rumbling sound underneath him.

“Zoro?” he said.  The man didn’t answer.

“Are you—are you asleep?” Sanji asked, elbowing Zoro in the gut and sitting up when he finally released him.  Zoro blinked at him, rubbing his eyes.

“Are you narcoleptic?” Sanji spluttered.  Damn, he was really adorable like this though.

“It’s been a long day,” Zoro said sheepishly, “The studio made me do panels with the rest of the Sunfire cast and a few interviews.  My last one even started late and was annoying.”

Sanji sighed, “Next time just tell me if your interview starts late, you don’t have to leave halfway.  Believe me, I am aware of actors’ schedules.  We always have backup segments when our actor guests call last minute and say they can’t make it.”

Zoro looked torn, still extremely sleepy-looking but asked quietly, “So… can I see you tomorrow?”

“It is tomorrow,” Sanji said lightly, “I’ll be working all weekend, we’re doing a Day Drinking segment with Rihanna next week and I’m probably going to pass out from excitement before we even start.”

Seeing the disappointment on Zoro’s face, Sanji added, “Do you want to… come hang out at the office?  It’ll probably just be me and Usopp, my office has a comfy chair for napping and reading.  I won’t be much fun, but it might be a nice change of pace for you.”

It would be a bit of a hassle to get the movie star in the building and safely ensconced in his office.  Some of his other staff did occasionally pop by, so they’d have to be careful, but the bright smile on Zoro’s face at the idea was worth it.  Sanji laughed and ruffled his hair, “Okay, it’s decided, now go home and go to sleep.  I’ll call a Lyft.”

“I have a driver,” Zoro said, “I’ll text him to pick me up.  He’s never far.  I don’t really just take Lyfts.”

“Ah, right, famous and all that,” Sanji said.

“It’s… tough to get used to,” Zoro said, a hint of sadness in his voice, “It’ll probably annoying for you too.”

“Well then you’ll just have to make it worth my while,” Sanji teased, standing up, “Let me send you back with some leftovers too.”

---

Sanji watched as Zoro stepped into a black car with tinted windows, resisting the urge to wave as he peered around looking suspiciously for paparazzi.  Zoro took his sunglasses off just before he closed the door and shot Sanji a cheeky wink.  And then he was gone, his driver speeding away and cutting off another car.  Sanji walked back into his building and pressed the elevator up button.  They had decided not to take the elevator down, using the stairs instead, Zoro childishly leaping down entire flights to keep ahead of him.  Before they exited into the lobby, Zoro had grabbed him and kissed him hard, then grinned and put his sunglasses and beanie on and leaving a flustered Sanji behind.

As Sanji rode the elevator back up to his floor, he pulled out his phone and saw several messages from Usopp.

Usopp:  Here’s a video of the interview that Mr. Meanie bailed on, granddad.  I know your internet development stopped at YouTube.

Usopp:  Also, for Day Drinking, I’ve been doing some research on rum.  Because RUMBRELLA.  Get it?

Usopp:  ugh, did you not get my rumbrella joke.  Or are you still with Mr. Meanie.

Usopp:  Have you found love in a hopeless place?

Usopp:  Do you want him to stayyyyyyyyyyyyy?

Usopp:  Has he got love on the brain?

Usopp:  Oh I have another idea for Day Drinking.  Do you think we have the budget to get actual diamond glasses?  Or even just some diamonds that we could add to a drink?  If not, do you think Rihanna will pay for it?

Sanji:  Usopp go to sleep.

Usopp:  Oh man, I was almost certain he murdered you and I’d have to go drinking with Rihanna.

Sanji:  See you tomorrow.  Text me again and I’m changing my number.

Usopp:  I’ll find you.  

Sanji sighed and opened the link Usopp had sent on his computer.  It was a short clip, just twenty seconds of Zoro looking balefully at the interviewer before checking his watch and leaping off the chair pulling at the wires and the mic on his shirt and rushing off camera.  Sanji didn’t see a “happy face” Zoro at any point in the clip and cursed at people reading into things that weren’t there.

Hesitantly, he scrolled down to the comments again, and wished immediately that he had not.  One of the comments, however, caught his eye.

Sunfireinme:  Honestly, I think Zoro’s too good for Sanji.  Have you seen Sanji?  He’s fine but he’s not on Zoro’s level.

Sanji’s eye twitched.  He signed out of his account and tapped his fingers as he tried to think of another username he could create.  Moments later, in a fit of insanity, he was responding.

Blackleg1985:  @Sunfireinme Sanji’s a nice guy though.  Zoro was pretty rude to just leave.

Moments later, Sanji was sure his computer would explode at the number of notifications he was receiving.  Now he was absolutely certain he and Zoro could not be public.  He liked living.  Shakily, he scrolled through a number of choice replies before he reached a veritable essay.

WorldWarZoro:  @Blackleg1985 I can see your perspective, but maybe you don’t know that much about Zoro.  It’s deleted now though sometimes it pops up, there was an old interview that Zoro did where the interviewer was really cruel to him.  Made a lot of assumptions about his background.  Zoro was trying to be polite but it was really hard to watch as a fan.  He hasn’t been the same in interviews since then.  Have you seen his interview on Late Night?  He said something about his family and Sanji did not ask him any questions, just changed to professional questions.  That is the kind of interviewer that I can respect.  I think Zoro is a nice guy, but does not like it when interviewers ask questions about his private life.  I least I hope he is.  Some people like that he is mean.  But I think he just pretends to be mean so people don’t treat him mean first.  Haha, I hope you can understand.  I have been a fan of his from the very beginning, so I have a lot of thoughts.  I can share anything about Zoro you want to know to change your mind about him.  I like Sanji too.

Sanji read the comment a few times through before adding a like and logging out.

Notes:

This has become so completely self-indulgent. Also I blame Discord for the social media-focus of any chapters. I am, like Sanji here, someone whose internet development stopped at YouTube and only recently got a twitter just to get rid of that stupid banner on my phone when I try to look at a tweet. <3

Chapter 4: Enma_Chan

Notes:

Thank you Dee for painstakingly and patiently answering the prompt "what is social media tho" and explaining various internet subcultures and suggesting how headwriter!Usopp would thus educate latenight!Sanji. All credit for that plot line goes to Dee. :) Any inaccuracies in execution are my own.

“Give me your phone,” Sanji said as soon as Usopp walked into his office the next morning.

Usopp paled, “Why?  I didn’t do anything wrong.  What did I do?  I swear it wasn’t me.”

Sanji’s eyes narrowed, “What wasn’t you?”

“I don’t know, I just want to preempt whatever you’re angry about.”

“I’m not angry,” Sanji sighed, “I want to see your Twitter.”

“You do realize that you can see my Twitter on your own phone, right?”

Sanji frowned, “It wants me to make an account.  I was going to make one last night so I could see… stuff, but it asked for my number and I don’t want to give it my number in case it shares information about my Twitter with the contacts on my phone or if it traces my account back to me.”

Usopp rolled his eyes, “Okay tin foil hat man, it’s not going to do that.  You can sign up with an email too.  Just make a fake email, you’ve done that before, I know.”

“How do you know?” Sanji flushed, thinking about the new YouTube account he created last night with a fake email.

“I don’t literally know, just, everybody’s done it at some point, Sanji.  Also why are you doing this?  We have a ton of planning to do.  Do you want Rihanna to be disappointed in us?”

“Fine, but I’m not dropping this, I want to see what people on the internet are saying about Zoro.”

“About you and Zoro.”

“Yes, fine, about me and Zoro, happy now?” Sanji hissed.

“You don’t have to worry so much about people on the internet,” Usopp said sagely.

“Okay, well the next time you date a movie star and people think the green-haired muscle man is dating down, we can have this conversation about the wisdom of the crowd again.”

“I think you’re dating down, Sanji,” Usopp said sweetly.

“No, you’re not getting a raise.”

“Fine, but I have an idea about throwing peanuts into Rihanna’s mouth.”

“Big Mouth is never going to happen, Usopp.”

---

The morning went by without a word from Zoro, and Sanji was getting tired of leaping to check his phone whenever it buzzed. 

“Are you expecting a call from the Queen?” Usopp asked finally, munching on the taco bowl Sanji had brought him.

“The Queen would be more communicative,” Sanji muttered, tapping his phone screen again in case he had somehow missed a text, but it still only revealed the fucking time and a gorgeous picture of Nami from their Emmy win.

“A watched pot never boils,” Usopp said.

“Out, out of my office.”

Usopp laughed, getting up with his lunch, “I’ll keep working on the Savage X Fenty bit, I’ll send you some ideas soon.”

When Usopp left, Sanji turned back to watching a YouTube compilation of Rihanna’s “most savage moments that proves she’s the biggest boss.”  For research of course.  His phone buzzed and he immediately checked it.

Usopp:  Hi.

Sanji looked up and saw Usopp waving cheekily at him from his desk and made a mental note to ask Nami if she could dock Usopp’s pay.  He turned back to his computer and continued watching, wondering absentmindedly if someone had made a compilation video of Zoro shutting down reporters’ questions.  His phone buzzed again.

“I swear to god, Usopp—” Sanji began, but clicked his mouth shut when he saw it was actually a phone call from Zoro.  Sanji waited with bated breath, wondering how many rings was appropriate to make it seem like he wasn’t waiting desperately for the actor’s call but also he did not want it to go to voicemail.  Finally, he picked up.

“Curly,” Zoro said immediately.

“Mosshead,” Sanji responded, glad that his voice did not so much as crack.

Zoro chuckled, “Can I still come see you?  I’m just around the corner.”

“Sure,” Sanji said, heart racing, “I’ll come down, we can use the freight elevator that you used last time to get in.  You sure you’re in the right spot though?

He could practically hear Zoro roll his eyes, “I’m in my car.  Do you want to confirm with my driver or something?”

“Alright alright, I’m coming down.”

“See you soon, Sanji.”

Sanji flushed at hearing his name and ended the call, grabbed the freight elevator key card, and hurried out of his office.

“Did the Queen finally call?” Usopp asked dryly as he waited impatiently for the elevator to arrive.

“Zoro is coming up, if you act like a fool, I will add a segment where I embarrass my writers for twenty minutes with their baby photos.  Or I’ll tell him what your nickname for him is."

Usopp paled, “So I actually have to go home now, I forgot I have a dentist appointment in Jersey City.”

“You’re staying.  You can’t just leave me alone here with him.”

“You’re the one dating him,” Usopp spluttered incredulously.

“If someone randomly shows up, I need you to lie and tell them we’re preparing for Zoro to come on the show again,” Sanji said, stepping into the elevator.

“Okay, I know I’m a good liar but there’s no fucking way I can keep a straight face—” Sanji didn’t hear the rest as the elevator door closed.

He took a deep breath on the way down, taking out his phone to make sure he didn’t look too tired from a morning of worrying about Rihanna and dealing with Usopp.  He frowned at his bangs.  He knew he had a habit of twisting them around his finger when he was anxious, and they had curled comically.  He tried in vain to straighten them, but had to stop pulling at his hair like a crazy person when the elevator arrived on the ground floor and a few people were standing there waiting.  Fiddling with his bangs still, he exited 30 Rock and looked around for a black car.  When he saw it, he hesitated.  Should they have come up with some kind of hand signal?  Should he walk to the freight elevator entrance and expect Zoro to follow shortly behind?  Should he stop staring at the black car?

He jumped when his phone buzzed.

Zoro:  You look nervous, curly, just go to the freight elevator, I’ll be there in a bit.

Sanji let out a huff, annoyed at being called out for being a normal person who didn’t deal with this shit on the regular.  But he walked, casually he hoped, to the loading dock behind 30 Rock, beeping the key card and opening the door to the freight elevator.  He stood awkwardly, looking left and right, expecting a horde of photographers to find him letting Zoro Roronoa into his office.  Finally, the actor showed up, wearing a face mask, sunglasses, and beanie, and flashed a peace sign at him.

Sanji hurriedly stepped into the elevator, followed by Zoro, and pressed the close button repeatedly and furiously.  As the elevator began moving, Zoro took off his sunglasses and face mask and pulled Sanji toward him, pressing his lips to Sanji’s forehead.

“You would make a terrible spy, curly,” he grinned.  He then smiled a horribly fond smile and tried to fuss with Sanji’s bangs.

“Just leave it, they’re hopeless.  And why do I have to live my life like I’m a Soviet counterintelligence agent in NYC?  I’ve seen the movies, it never works out well for me,” Sanji sighed, enjoying being pressed against Zoro’s large frame nonetheless.

“Because I’m worth it,” Zoro chuckled, and Sanji melted into the vibrations from the man’s laugh.

When they reached the studio, Sanji peered out to see if any of his staff had decided to come in on the weekend.  Coast clear, he led Zoro through the empty studio toward the stairs to their office space.

“It’s kind of spooky when it’s not in use,” Zoro said, glancing around.

“We had a staff party once and we pretended to play Sardines here, but we all just left and Usopp almost wet his pants wandering around the studio alone.”

“Usopp…?” Zoro frowned again.

“Long nose,” Sanji sighed, “Honestly, I think you’re just doing this on purpose now.  Be nice to him, he’s here.”

“Am I supposed to pretend we’re just friends?” Zoro asked.

“He knows we’ve gone on dates.  He’ll keep his mouth shut, I trust him.”

“Okay, then I trust him too,” Zoro shrugged.

Sanji was glad the stairs were dark enough to hide the flush on the back of his neck as he led Zoro up, hand still holding on tightly to the actor’s even though it was clear where they were going at this point.

When Sanji opened the door to their office space, Usopp let out a small yelp.  He stood up immediately and inexplicably bowed to Zoro.

“What the fuck are you doing, Usopp?” Sanji sighed.

“I have no idea, my body just moved on its own,” Usopp admitted, straightening up to stare at Zoro.  Zoro stared back, raising an eyebrow.

“Honestly, I’m not trying to challenge you or anything, Mr. Roronoa, I’m just really transfixed by your eyes,” Usopp said, still staring.

“Just Zoro,” Zoro said, “Nice to see you again, Usopp.”  He smiled charmingly at Usopp, who relaxed visibly.

“Wow, you really do look different when you’re smiling.”

Zoro frowned at this, Usopp shriveled back into his seat, and Sanji decided to bring the actor to his office before Usopp could put his foot further in his mouth.

Once there, Sanji closed the door, not before shooting one final glare toward Usopp, and beckoned toward the armchair.  Zoro collapsed onto the seat and grinned mischievously up at Sanji after taking his beanie off and running his hand through his hair.  Sanji was really going to develop a complex over that move.

“I’m not going to be too distracting, am I?”

“Don’t kid yourself,” Sanji sniffed, “Did you bring anything to do?  I’m not babysitting you.”

Zoro pulled out one of the books Sanji had lent him and put it on the table next to him, “I’ll probably fall asleep though, my trainer kicked my ass this morning.”

“You were at the gym?” Sanji asked.  That would explain the lack of communication, Zoro’s interviews made abundantly clear how seriously he took staying in shape.

“Martial arts studio, learning taekwondo for my next movie.  Pretty sure my foot will be bruised for the rest of the week,” he sighed.

“Do you really do all your own stunts?” Sanji asked curiously, remembering an article he’d read about Zoro to prepare for the interview.

“Yup, I actually broke a few ribs shooting the last scene in Sunfire.  Luckily it was a good shot, so we wrapped after the hospital confirmed I probably shouldn’t be leaping out of moving cars anymore,” Zoro grinned.

“Maybe you shouldn’t leap out of moving cars in general.”

“Are you worried about me, curly?” Zoro smiled, blinking drowsily as he sank further into the comfortable chair that Sanji had definitely slept in one or two or a dozen nights when he didn’t feel like going back home after a late evening.

“Go to sleep, mosshead,” Sanji said, grabbing his headphones and plugging them into his computer.

Zoro shook his head stubbornly and fought back a yawn.

Sanji sighed, “I’ll still be here after your beauty rest.”

“I am pretty beautiful,” Zoro muttered.  Moments later he was asleep.

Adorable art by sanjilvr! Thank you!! <3

 

Sanji spent a few minutes just staring at Zoro’s sleeping form, his face peaceful as he breathed deeply, twitching every so often.  His phone buzzed and he glanced down.

Usopp:  Can I go to my dentist appointment now?

Sanji:  No

Usopp:  You guys aren’t going to do anything weird in there, are you?  The closed door is making me nervous.

Sanji stomped to the door and opened it before stomping back to his desk.

Usopp:  I mean, now if you guys do something, I have to see it.  I almost prefer it closed.

Sanji:  He’s napping.

Usopp:  How romantic.  What a great date.  10 out of 10.

Sanji:  Shut up and get back to work.

Usopp:  You’re lucky this is a great job, not many people would put up with a boss like you.

Sanji:  *middle finger emoji*

---

Sanji stretched, satisfied with the bits they had prepared for Day Drinking.  Now all he had to do was stuff himself with food before they started filming and hope he didn’t get completely drunk and make a fool of himself in front of Rihanna.  Usopp had headed home with Sanji’s permission, still going on about missing his fake dentist appointment. 

Zoro had slept the entire afternoon, at some point curling into a tight ball on the chair.  Sanji had tossed a blanket over him and pulled the shades down so the afternoon sun didn’t wake him up.  Sanji sat back now and watched him sleep like a large cat, wondering again what he’d gotten himself into.

“I didn’t know today was bring your pet to work day.”

Sanji jumped and turned to see Nami standing at his door.  He flushed, “I didn’t know you were coming in today, Nami.”

“Clearly not, or you wouldn’t be so open about watching your boyfriend sleep.”

Sanji blushed impossibly redder, “Ah, Usopp and I just finished up the plan for Day Drinking.”

Nami sighed, “I told you to connect with Zoro so you would become less of a workaholic, not more.  Are you going to head out now at least?  Do something fun with that horrifyingly attractive man?”

Shrugging helplessly, Sanji looked toward Zoro again, “It’s kind of hard to do stuff in public with him.  Maybe we’ll just order takeout here.”

“Why are you against having a public relationship with him?  I’ve been on Twitter, people are a fan of the two of you together.”

Sanji put his hands over his face and slumped down in his chair, “I dunno, Nami, he has a lot of fans.  I’m sure some of them wouldn’t be happy.  I’d rather not deal with them to be honest.  I like being boring Sanji Black, sexual orientation and relationship status unknown, of no interest to reporters or paparazzi—”

“Morning, Zoro,” Nami said with a tone of caution, and Sanji’s eyes shot open.  Zoro, now awake, had sat up in his chair and was looking sadly at him.

“Hey,” Sanji croaked, embarrassed that Zoro had heard him complaining.

“Hey curly,” Zoro responded.

“N-Nami, you’ve met Zoro before, right?”

“We’ve talked on the phone a few times,” Nami said.  Zoro inclined his head toward her, but kept his eyes on Sanji.

“I just came to grab my red heels,” Nami continued, “I’ll see you on Monday, Sanj.”  With that, she left and it was just the two of them sitting quietly in Sanji’s office.

“Sorry,” Zoro said softly.

“Nothing to be sorry about,” Sanji winced, “Zoro, I was just shooting the shit with Nami, I’ll get used to all of this soon.  It’s not a big deal.”

“Eventually, someone will find out,” Zoro continued, his voice slightly hoarse, “I’ll do what I can to protect you, but people say shit all the time.  It bothers me too, but I’ve got a thick skin now.  I should have thought more about how you’d feel.  I’m sorry we can’t do more normal date things and relax when we’re in public.  I want to, Sanji, believe me, but I also want to make sure you’re feeling comfortable.”

Sanji stood up and went to kneel next to Zoro, placing a hand on his knee, “Zoro, to be honest, I am far too much of a lazy bum to want to do normal date things.  We’ll just need to do a bit more planning if we want to go to restaurants and maybe let’s get you some other beanies and sunglasses, but I’m honestly a bit of a pathetic homebody who would love nothing more than to cook for you in the comfort of my own kitchen.  Yeah it’s a little weird seeing a celebrity, but I’m willing to give this a try if you are.”

“I think it should be obvious by now that I’m willing,” Zoro chuckled weakly, “Also I’m sorry for sleeping the whole afternoon in your office.”

Sanji laughed, “It was cute.  You were snoring the whole time.”

Zoro glared, “I don’t snore.”

“Right, must have been someone else,” Sanji said, standing up, “Are you hungry?”

Zoro nodded, looking torn between protecting his no-snoring honor and wanting food.

“Takeout?  There’s a good Greek place nearby that knows me by voice I order from them so often.”

“You should work less, curly.”

“Yes, thank you, I’ve not heard that one before,” Sanji sighed.

---

After dinner, Zoro left 30 Rock reluctantly.  He was flying that evening to LA to film a few commercials.  He had hugged Sanji desperately before leaving the freight elevator, flipping his jacket collar up like he was in an old detective movie and hurrying toward his car.  Sanji retreated back to his office and briefly contemplated spending the night in the chair, still probably warm from Zoro’s body heat.

He took out his phone and considered texting Zoro something stupid and sappy that he would regret, but instead decided to read the multiple texts his head writer had sent him in the two hours they were separated.

Usopp:  By the way, if you are still scared of starting a twitter, here is a YouTube video about how Twitter thinks you and Zoro are soulmates.  Now you know.  Be at peace.  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FHFy5Eso3. 

Usopp:  Don’t watch any ones other than this one, you will be upset.

Usopp:  I’m serious

Usopp:  Ignorance is bliss

Usopp:  Selective information is bliss.

Sanji cautiously went to Youtube, confirmed that he was still on his fake account so he wouldn’t have to deal with similar videos recommended in the future on his real account, and opened the link Usopp had sent.

After three minutes of listening to a very sweet sounding woman explain why people on Twitter liked “Zosan” because (1) he, Sanji, seemed genuinely interested in Zoro as a person, (2) he, Sanji, always did a good job of making some of his more nervous or standoff-ish guests feel comfortable on his show (referring to multiple tweets from previous guests raving about him), and (3) he, Sanji, was perfect for someone like Zoro and would influence him to be more Gentle and Kind, Sanji was feeling pretty good. 

He noticed a video next to the lovely video titled:  “THIS IS WHY ZOSAN WAS TRENDING” by an Enma_Chan.  He frowned at the all-caps, but decided to ignore Usopp’s warning and watch the video.  How bad could it be?

After he watched the entire seven-minute video, transfixed in a morbid way, Sanji was certain that if he went to his doctor at this moment, they would diagnose him as on the cusp of a stroke based on his blood pressure.  This video was not, as it was titled, simply about why Zosan was trending, but why Enma_Chan thought in no uncertain terms that Zoro was straight and even if he wasn’t, Sanji was not right for him for reasons that were purely physical.  The Youtuber included links to Twitter users who felt the same way in the video’s description.

Livid, Sanji decided this would be the day he’d make the leap.  He wouldn’t take this sitting down.  But he would need some help to get started.

Sanji:  I’m making a twitter.  I won’t have my information FILTERED by Enma fucking chan.

Usopp:  You watched other videos didn’t you

Sanji:  I’m going to make it with my phone number.  It’s going to be me.

Usopp:  Congrats.  But be careful, the FBI monitors all accounts, they’ll be able to hack into your photos and see all the pictures you’ve taken of your own food.

Sanji:  I’m ignoring that for your job security’s sake.  It says SanjiBlack is taken.

Usopp:  You should just use TheRealSanjiBlack for your handle and then get verified.  Your display name can still be Sanji Black.  I’ll have our official Late Night account follow you too.

Sanji:  What am I supposed to say in my Bio?

Sanji:  And can anybody see my birthday

Sanji:  Do people use funny or serious photos

Usopp:  I don’t get paid enough for this

Usopp:  You don’t have to put anything in your Bio.  You’re fucking famous, people know who you are.  You can look at other late night hosts’ bios if you want.

Usopp:  No, people can’t see your birthday, but you do know that your birthday is on your Wikipedia page already, right?

Usopp:  And use any photo, but like a funny one where you still look hot, you have a reputation to maintain.

Usopp:  Here, use this one.

Usopp:  *image*

Sanji:  Okay thanks.  I think I did it.

Usopp:  You’re like a hundred years old

Sanji:  Shut it.  What do I do now?

Usopp:  Follow our official Late Night account, you’ll get recommended me and Nami and a bunch of other people you’ll want to follow because we’re great.  Pretty much the whole staff has a twitter and they’ll be tickled that you’ve finally joined.  You can follow Daily Show and Tonight Show and stuff too. 

Usopp:  Honestly though, this is a horrible idea you’re going to get addicted and start following a bunch of accounts dedicated to dogs and cats and cooking and you’ll get fired for not working and I will probably lose my job too then since we’re a package deal

Sanji:  Okay I did all that, I am now following 54 accounts all with the blue check mark.  I’ll follow more later, I am overwhelmed.

Sanji:  Which ones are dedicated to dogs and cats and cooking

Sanji:  I’m throwing you under the bus if this becomes a problem

Sanji:  Can you see that I followed you

Usopp:  Yes, Sanji.  I just followed you back.

Sanji:  Cool, btw, can people see my search history if I search something in the bar

Usopp:  No, though what are you going to search

Sanji:  K

Usopp:  What are you going to search?!  

Sanji tentatively typed “Zosan” into the search bar and his eyes widened at the flood of results, the first one of which appeared to be a drawing of him and Zoro… okay nevermind, he quickly closed the window.  This was probably a bad idea.  He would work up to this.  He tentatively opened Twitter again and searched Zoro Roronoa instead.  He scrolled through the posts, appreciating Zoro’s physique giggling at some of the more creative ones.  He paused at a series of connected posts ranting about Zoro’s upcoming indie film that was already getting some Oscar buzz, where Zoro would be playing an adopted Japanese-American teenager struggling with his white adoptive father’s interest in helping him learn about Japanese culture.  Sanji liked the post, thinking he’d have to ask Zoro about the movie the next time they talked.

A minute later, he saw Usopp was calling him.  He sighed and picked up, going to the New York Times home page to see what random news stories just caught Usopp’s interest.

“What?”

“Did you just fucking like a random post about Zoro?”

Sanji frowned, “How did you know that?”

“That is literally the only thing on your profile right now, are you trying to advertise that you are either dating him or have a fucking creepy crush on him?”

“People can see your likes?” Sanji asked, panic in his chest as he went to his profile.

“Yes, you doofus,” Usopp screamed, “You already have a few other followers, they’ll see that you liked it, not to mention SinceAshura, the person whose post you liked so much, has already made a follow-up post screenshotting your stupid move.”

“I’ll just stop liking it then, calm down,” Sanji frowned, “No one is paying any attention.”

“No, that is not the way to handle this.  It’ll make you seem guilty.  Quick, go like a bunch of other photos or posts of random celebrities.  Smoker.  Hemsworth.  Boa Hancock.  JLaw.  TLaw.  Obama.  Neil deGrasse Tyson.  Throw in a couple of intellectuals, we have to bury this in a stream of likes so people just assume you’re old and dumb like you are.”

“Wait, say those names again?  Who else should I like?”

“Anybody,” Usopp shrieked, “Anybody other than Zoro.  Why did I let you do this?  This is not how I wanted to spend my Saturday night.”

“What would you be doing otherwise, we both know you spend your weekends watching old episodes of Seinfeld,” Sanji said, typing Shirahoshi into the search box and liking the first photo that came up.  He frowned as he tried to think of more random people to search.

“Wow, I am saving your life as we speak, and this is how you come after me?  At least you didn’t like a shirtless picture of Zoro or a picture of him on your show.  There is at least some plausible deniability for you liking a random post about a movie that hasn’t come out yet.  Though people will know that you were really trawling to like this post that has… wait for it… four other likes.”

“Honestly Usopp, people on the internet have better things to do than look through all of my likes,” Sanji yawned.  The armchair was really calling for him.  “I’m going to sleep, I liked a total of 22 other posts, happy now?”

“You’d be surprised,” Usopp said ominously, “Don’t blame me if the internet has exploded on you when you wake up.”

 

 

Incredible art by mem!  I bow before you!  Go check them out on the tweetie bird!

 

Notes:

The Day Drinking episode with Rihanna is a real thing and is excellent.

I'm obviously here for Zosan, but Usopp and Sanji will always be my favorite dialogue to write. Zoro and Nami being a close second.

I am learning how to use Twitter through this fanfiction. #pleased #isthathowyouusehashtags?

Chapter 5: ZoSanFans

Summary:

In which there is a Twitter storm and a Reddit analysis.

Notes:

I have discovered Reddit. O_O. Still using plotlines suggested by Dee.

Me: Can I have your phone?
Partner: Why?
Me: So I can send myself a DM on Twitter and see what it looks like
Partner: Is this for that fanfiction you're writing?
Me: I'll never say.

Sanji woke after a few hours, his neck in a great deal of pain from the way he had slept.  Blinking groggily, he groped for his phone to check the time and see if he should try to sleep a few more hours.  His eyes widened when he saw the notifications on his phone, the idea of sleep immediately forgotten.

5,202 people had followed him in the few hours since he’d fallen asleep.  He had been “mentioned” in 988 posts.

He looked at the time.  6:02 AM.  Usopp would probably be up by now, the man rarely slept.  Even if he wasn’t awake, this was an emergency.  Sanji called and put the phone on speakerphone as he debated whether he should open Twitter.

“Hey Sanji,” Usopp answered after a few rings, voice heavy.

“Did I wake you?” Sanji asked.

“Nope, I’ve been awake for a few hours.  I kept getting mentioned on Twitter because of someone.  I turned off notifications, but couldn’t sleep again.”

Sanji groaned, “How bad is it?”

“Honestly, it could be worse.  Most people think you’re just going to have Zoro on the show again to talk about the stupid movie of his.  Have you looked at your app yet?”

“I’m too scared.”

“As you should be.  Please don’t do anything again on Twitter without my permission.  You should really consider asking if Zoro will come on the show next week.  Hopefully this will go away.”

“Okay…” Sanji said doubtfully, “So can I open the app?  Will people see I’m online?”

Sanji heard a heavy sigh from Usopp, “Let’s just delete your fucking account, I can’t deal with this anymore.  No, people can’t see you’re ‘online.’”  Sanji practically heard the air quotes in Usopp’s voice.

“What are all these things that people have done?”

“Well, you’re being followed by a couple thousand people, which isn’t that many, probably because you’re not verified yet.  You’ll probably get more than a million eventually.  A bunch of people have mentioned you in their own posts, which means they just typed the @TheRealSanjiBlack to get your attention but you can just ignore them.  I would not advise you look at all the posts you’re mentioned in, you will just cry since 90% are replying to the SinceAshura post.  They really should thank you for signal boosting them so much.  Just ignore your notifications for now and you can scroll through your feed and see what people you followed have posted.”

“I don’t really care what the people I’ve followed have posted.”

“Why did you get a Twitter again?”

“So I can find out what people I don’t care about enough to follow have posted.”

“Seems healthy.”

“I have a lot of message requests from people too.”

Sanji had to hold the phone farther away as Usopp screamed, “Oh. My. God.  You didn’t disable DMs from people you’re not following?!”

“Usopp, I only did things you told me to do.”

“NO you fucking didn’t, I can’t believe you’d say that to me, have you already forgotten LikeGate?!  I’m coming into the office now to fix your stupid account.  I shouldn’t have helped you yesterday night and just done this for you today myself.  Don’t look at any of the DMs, don’t like anything, don’t retweet anything, actually just throw your phone out the window.”

“Fine,” Sanji said, already clicking on his messages and looked at the requests.  Usopp hung up.  He ignored the first couple requests he saw, which mostly began with all caps random letters from users excited that he was on Twitter.  He saw one titled:  I’M A BIG FAN and decided to open it.

Once in the message, he saw a hidden photo and clicked View media and was confronted with a picture that appeared to be of genitalia.  Sanji exited the message immediately and fumbled around until he figured out how to delete it, and then wondered if there was an emergency eye wash station in the office somewhere.  He was about to exit Twitter and delete the app from his phone and toss it out the window as Usopp suggested, when he saw a message from the user SinceAshura.  This had to be good.  He opened it with one eye closed so he could keep at least one of his eyes if it was another dick pic.  It wasn’t.  He relaxed and read.

Hi Sanji, thanks for liking my post.  I was really surprised to see it and at first thought someone was impersonating you.  I’m still not sure you’re actually you.  I’m curious, why did you like my post?  Are you really going to have Zoro back on the show to talk about Tadaima?  I would definitely watch your show if you did.  I never watched your show until Zoro went on, and I’ve spent the last few days watching every clip of Late Night I could find.  I’ve always been a Zoro stan, but I think I’m now even more a fan of you.  Anyways, I’m sure you’re not going to read this so I don’t even know why I’m messaging you.  But wanted to let you know I’m a big fan.”  

Sanji winced at the use of “I’m a big fan” again but was strangely touched by the message.  His fingers hovered over the Accept button, wondering if this was on the no no list from Usopp.  It was a private message, not like it’d show up on his profile.  He quickly googled “Do messages show up on your profile” just to make sure, before accepting the message request and typing out his reply.

Hi SinceAshura, thank you for your message.  I’m glad you like my show.  Can’t say if we’ll have Zoro back on, we try to keep our guest list a surprise as long as we can.  I’m looking forward to watching Tadaima.”

Perfectly innocent message, he nodded to himself and sent it.  Satisfied at his fan engagement for the day, he turned to read the news.

A moment later, a notification that he’d received a message from SinceAshura came onto his screen.  He opened Twitter again and read.

Ohmygod, is it really you, Sanji?  If so, I’m honored that you’d take the time to reply to me.  Can I ask one more question?  I know there have been a lot of rumors about you and Zoro swirling around.  I want to respect your privacy so you definitely don’t have to tell me, but is there any truth to them?  I would be really happy if so, because I think you two are perfect for each other.

Sanji flushed reading this.  Usopp would definitely not approve a reply.  He exited out of Twitter and went back to the New York Times.

Another notification from SinceAshura came across his screen after ten minutes.

Ah I must have gone too far.  I saw that you read my message.  But I guess you really don’t want to reply.  Sorry sorry, please forgive me!  Can I ask you questions about what it’s like to be a late night show host instead?

Usopp chose this moment to arrive and Sanji stared up at him.

“Can people… see that I’ve read their message?” he asked hesitantly.

The look on Usopp’s face was one that Sanji couldn’t remembering seeing before on any human being.  It was a deep despair combined with a pure pity that Sanji would have been annoyed by had he not just made another Big Mistake.

“Unlock your phone and give it to me, give me your driver’s license too,” Usopp said quietly.  Sanji wordlessly did so.  Usopp took both and left Sanji’s office.

---

Usopp returned his phone and license fifteen minutes later.  He had deleted the Twitter app.

“Ask Zoro to come on the show this week,” Usopp said, when he handed the phone back to Sanji.

“I’ll call him in a few hours, he’s in LA now,” Sanji nodded.

Usopp still had remnants of That Look on his face.

“Heyyyyy, Usopp, thanks for doing all this, sorry about all the trouble,” Sanji said tentatively, wondering if he’d broken his head writer.

“It’s fine,” Usopp said, blinking himself out of his stupor, “I blame myself honestly.  I let the baby duckling go into the scary world of social media to get eaten by crocodiles.  The Great Brave Usopp should have been with you, guiding you by your cute little tail feathers the whole way.”

Sanji bit back a protest at this metaphor.  He had put his head writer through a lot in the past twelve hours.

“So everything is okay with my Twitter?”

“I did all the damage control I could.  I can’t believe you responded to SinceAshura.  Hopefully they’re not an asshole and won’t screenshot your private convo and post it.  Fixed your privacy settings.  I tweeted from my account that you were still learning social media and made a joke about us drinking too much last night while planning for the show.  Applied to get you verified eventually.  Stuff like that.  It’ll be fine.  I’m sure there are already subreddits dedicated to this whole fiasco though.”

Subreddits.  Sanji filed that away in his mind.

“Great, all handled, let’s go get bagels, my treat,” Sanji said, grabbing his jacket and sweeping past Usopp.

---

“I’m telling you, it just is better with capers,” Sanji said, licking his fingers after demolishing his Zucker’s bagel.  Well worth the walk and wait.

“They look like little wrinkled eggs that will hatch gremlins,” Usopp replied.  The two of them were sitting on a bench in Bryant Park, watching the city slowly wake up on a Sunday morning as they sipped their coffees.

Sanji was about to explain the benefits of pops of flavors from capers when he saw that Nami was calling him.

“Oh god,” Usopp paled, looking at Sanji’s phone, “I’m not here, I’m not here, I’m not involved.”

“Namiiiiiii, good morning, my love,” Sanji crooned, as he answered the call.

“What the fuck are you and Usopp doing?  I’m being mentioned and followed by the most random people in the universe.  Half of the usernames involve Zoro and his apparently huge penis.”  Nami’s voice was sweet even when she was angry.

“Don’t worry, Nami, Usopp handled it,” Sanji said smoothly, ignoring Usopp’s frantic gestures.

“Is he with you right now?”

Usopp shook his head vigorously as Sanji replied, “Yup.”

“Tell him he better come up with a bit for tomorrow making fun of your stupid inability to use social media.  Put it on A Closer Look.  I want it in my inbox by mid-afternoon.”

“Yes Namiiiiiii.”

“What’s this shit about Roronoa coming onto the show this week?”

“I haven’t asked him yet, but Usopp thinks we should do it.  If you disagree, I’m on your side.”

After a long pause, Nami said, “We should do it.  You’ll ask a lot of questions about his new movie.  I’ll talk to the studio about it, it’s a little indie film they’ll be happy with getting some publicity.”

“Understood, Nami, I’ll get him on.”

“I’m going back to sleep.  But I’m serious about the script by mid-afternoon.  I want to review it closely.”

“Yes, Nami, we’ll work on it this morning.  Have a good rest.”

“Oh, and Sanji?”

“Yes, dear?”

“You are such an idiot.”  She hung up, and Sanji couldn’t help but grin.

“She just called you an idiot,” Usopp pointed out.

“Yes, but she said it fondly.  Come on, let’s get to work Mr. Head Writer.”

---

After they came up with a few options to make fun of Sanji’s weekend social media mistake, Usopp went to work refining the jokes and Sanji shut himself in his office to give Zoro a call.

“Curly,” Zoro said, picking up after one ring.

“Mosshead,” Sanji responded, “How was your flight?”

“Good, slept the whole way.”

“Typical,” Sanji smiled.

“How are you?” Zoro asked.  Sanji hesitated, wondering what to say.  If this really would blow over, best not say anything and unduly worry the man.

“Great, Usopp and I are back in the office.”

“Curly, you really work too much,” Zoro scoffed.

“This weekend is… atypical.  How long are you in LA again?”

“Tuesday.”

“Will you come on Late Night on Thursday for another interview?” Sanji asked, biting the bullet.

“You don’t… usually repeat guests so close together,” Zoro said after a long pause, “I’ll have to ask Luffy about my schedule.”

“I know, I know,” Sanji sighed.

“What’s brought this on?”

“I… fucked something up over the weekend,” Sanji admitted, “Usopp and Nami were thinking this would be good damage control.”

“Okay, I’ll come on the show.  I’ll let Luffy know to clear my Thursday.”

Sanji blinked, “You’re not going to ask what happened?”

“Doesn’t really matter.  You need help, right?”

“Yes…” Sanji said, feeling strangely giddy.

“Then I’ll do it.  I trust you.  I have to run, curly, was about to start the shoot when you called.”

“Ah okay.”

“I’ll call you after this stupid shit is done tonight.”  And Zoro hung up.

Sanji put his phone on his desk and sat back, swinging himself back and forth on his chair.  Then I’ll do it.  I trust you.  He blushed slightly remembering the certainty in the actor’s voice.  Sanji knew he’d have to do better to live up to that trust.  No more twitter mistakes that could put Zoro in an uncomfortable position.  He’d need to really plan for Thursday too, keep things professional and clinical.

“Usopp, he said he’ll do it, Thursday,” Sanji called out.

“Lord have mercy on us,” Usopp replied.

---

Sanji treated Usopp to lunch and dinner as well.  The two of them sat on couches in the rec room, eating Greek food, the second night in a row for Sanji.  Sanji had read through Usopp’s A Closer Look script, which had been, as usual, excellent.  They sent it to the other writers and Nami and had decided to play a few rounds of ping pong in the rec room.

“Hey Usopp, what did you mean earlier about a subreddit?” Sanji asked suddenly.  Usopp choked on a dolma.

“No, we’re not doing this.”

“What happened to the Great Brave Usopp taking care of a baby duckling?”

“Can we just let the first social media fiasco die down before we move onto the next?” Usopp sighed, “Though I guess there is only marginal damage you can cause on Reddit.”

“People talk about celebrities and stuff on Reddit, right?  I looked earlier for a bit, you don’t need an account to see anything.  Wouldn’t it be good to do some research on what they’re saying about me and Zoro?  Like, if they’re talking about stuff that we did on the last interview that made them think we liked each other, we can just… not do that?”

Usopp looked suspiciously at Sanji, “I suppose that’s a possible avenue of research.”

“I won’t post anything, we’ll just lurk.”

“We?”

“Yes, you’re so brave and clever and thoughtful, I know I can trust you to handle everything and just show me what you’ve found.”

Usopp preened, Sanji always got him to do more work by praising him.  He stood up and went to retrieve his laptop.

“Okay, let’s see what we can do,” Usopp said, cracking his fingers.

---

r/latenight

Posted by u/ZoSan2019 5 hours ago

24.0k  (Analysis) What does Sanji’s Like Really Mean?

So I know a bunch of you have seen the screenshots going around Twitter.  Sanji gets a Twitter last night.  The FIRST thing he does is like a tweet about Zoro.  It’s not even a popular tweet from Zoro’s manager or agency, it’s a random tweet that he had to actively search to find.  That can’t be coincidence.  My theory:  he’s super into Zoro and didn’t know that everybody can see his likes.

Counterpoints that I will now address

Oh but ZoSan2019, he liked a bunch of other tweets after that

Yes, he did, but follow the fucking evidence people.  All the likes after the original Zoro like were the first posts from all these celebrities that you’d see on their profile.  Popular stuff like TLaw’s new tattoo that he just got.  I was watching all this unfold live (I followed him immediately) and took screenshots with time markers (yes I have a lot of time on my hands, DM me on Twitter and I’ll send them to you), and all the new likes were one after another, as if he wanted to cover his trail after the original Zoro like, which happened like thirty minutes before all the others.  I’m guessing he or one of his friends figured out his mistake and tried to fix it.  SinceAshura had already posted a screenshot of his like so the cat was out of the bag.

I think Sanji was doing research on Zoro to bring him back on

Okay first of all, Sanji never brings guests on multiple times.  He only does that with his friends and people he has a great rapport with, usually to make up for cancellations, see, e.g., those Top Chef guys Patty and Carne.  IF he repeats a guest, it’s because they have a new movie or book already out.  Why would he bring Zoro on again?  It’s only been two weeks since the last time he was on.  Tadaima isn’t even out yet, what would they even talk about?  Yeah, the show’s viewership went up after the first interview, but Sanji doesn’t really pander to the crowd like that, I don’t think (trust me, I’ve been watching Late Night for two decades now).

Why do you fucking care?

BECAUSE THEY’RE SO FUCKING PERFECT FOR EACH OTHER.  DID YOU SEE THE EYE CRINKLES ON ZORO WHEN HE WAS TALKING TO SANJI?  I EVEN SPOTTED A DIMPLE. 

And I’ve never seen Sanji so flustered by a guest.  The mic didn’t catch it, but people on Twitter read Zoro’s lips when Sanji didn’t know what to ask and he told Sanji to ask him anything.  He was SUPPORTING Sanji.  He won’t let other interviewers ask him a single damn thing and he tells Sanji he can ask him anything.  My heart really can’t take it.  (See the post I made right after the interview analyzing how they would be great together.  Tl:dr Sanji’s strengths are Zoro’s weaknesses and vice versa.  They would be such a power couple.  Also Sanji is beautiful and ethereal and Zoro is a Greek god.  I would literally die if I saw them on the red carpet together one day.)

Anyways, what are your thoughts?  Any other ZoSanFans out there?  (I grabbed this username as soon as the interview dropped, sorry not sorry).

78% upvoted

 

892 comments

---

“Do you… want to read any comments?” Usopp asked.

“I don’t think I can handle that right now,” Sanji said, “Send me this link.”

“You’re not going to… start an account or anything and reply right?” Usopp asked.

“What am I supposed to say?  Well-spotted, you fucking creep?”

“I mean now you know Zoro shouldn’t smile at you during the interview, Mr. Ethereal.”

“How am I supposed to explain to him why he shouldn’t smile at me?”

Usopp fiddled with one of the peeling stickers on his laptop, “Why don’t you guys just go public?  Or I mean, you don’t have to announce it, but why do you have to hide it?  Ugh I mean, I know why you want to hide it obviously, but feels a bit like you’re putting a lot of work into this and maybe you guys should just… accept that people will assume stuff.”

Sanji slumped back onto the couch.  Why indeed?  Why was he twisting himself in knots about this?  What exactly was he afraid of?

“I guess… part of me is worried that if our dating becomes a hassle for him, Zoro won’t want to… I dunno… keep going?” Sanji mused, “If it’ll be too much work to stay with me, then he won’t.  I know he really values his privacy and stuff.”

“Nami is right, you really are such an idiot,” Usopp laughed, “The man is clearly smitten with you.  He hates interviews, yet he’s doing another interview because you asked.  You trying to keep your relationship private is hassling him, Sanji.  Did he put up a fight about coming on the show again?”

Sanji frowned, “No, he didn’t even ask me why.”

“Exactly.  Stop worrying so much,” Usopp said, “I know I’m not the #1 dating guru, I’m top five surely though, but I really think you should stop stressing out so much about it.  He’ll come on the show, you two just be yourselves.  If you overthink it and try to pretend like you’re not even friends, it’ll be even more obvious something is up.  It’ll be fun just like the last one.  We’ll get a huge boost in our viewership again, Nami will be happy.”

“And that’s all I want in life at the end of the day,” Sanji sighed.

“Great, now come on, lemme kick your ass one more round,” Usopp said, standing up and heading to the ping pong table.

“Them’s fighting words, asshole,” Sanji laughed, grabbing a beer from one of the sixpacks they’d picked up, jumping over the back of the couch, and went to join Usopp.

---

Sanji collapsed onto his couch, knowing he really should take a shower before he fell asleep.  He and Usopp had gotten just drunk a little tipsy in the office, putting on a couple old episodes of SNL and giggling into their beers.

His phone began ringing and he brought it up in the air above his face to see Zoro FaceTiming.  Trying to blink away the haziness in his head, he answered, immediately grinning when he saw Zoro’s tired but extremely beautiful face.

“Hi handsome,” he said, before he could stop himself.  He looked at himself in that teeny little square in the corner, a little red but otherwise no way Zoro could tell he’d had too many beers.

Zoro scoffed and raised an eyebrow at him, “Are you drunk, curly?”

“Nope, nope, nope,” Sanji said, “Just perfectly tipsy, at that good good point where things are chill but I have full control over everything.  You look nice, are you wearing makeup?  Your skin is glowing.”

Scowling, Zoro rubbed at his face with his sleeve, “They always put so much shit on my face for these commercials.  Just got back to the hotel and didn’t take it off yet.”

“Well you look A++,” Sanji laughed, “I would buy whatever you’re selling, snake oil salesman.”

“Curly, what did you get up to tonight?” Zoro asked amused.

“Usopp and I were working soooo hard,” Sanji said, nodding to emphasize the point, “I love Usopp, he’s the best.  My best friend.  Who’s your best friend, mosshead?”

Zoro shrugged, “Probably Luffy.  You’re home now right, curly?”

“Yup yup, safe and sound, don’t worry sweet mossy, I can take care of myself.”  Sanji thumped himself on the chest and grinned happily.

“You’re a pretty fun drunk,” Zoro laughed.

“Not drunk right now, but yes I am an excellent drunk,” Sanji frowned, annoyed that Zoro couldn’t tell the difference between just a tiny bit inebriated and smashed, which he definitely wasn’t, not off four beers, “You’re probably a mean, surly drunk.”

“Can’t deny it.”

“You always have that frowny frown, but inside you’re like a soft marshmallow,” Sanji sighed.  He could have said that better, admittedly, but it was an apt description.

“Tell me more, curly,” Zoro grinned.

“What more is there to say, Sir Moss?” Sanji asked, waving his hand dramatically in the air and accidentally dropping his phone onto his chest.  He fumbled to pick it up.

“Hello, are you still there?”

“Still here, Sir Curly.”

“Okay, what was I saying?”

“You were going to say more about how I’m a soft marshmallow.”

“Yes, you are, everybody is always like ol’ mosshead is grunt growl grimace but you’re just trying to protect your sweet little heart from the cruel world.”

“You can see my sweet little heart?” Zoro asked with a small smile on his face.

“Yes, it’s not little either, it’s huge, like your dick probably is.”

Zoro flushed scarlet and Sanji frowned, trying to remember what he just said to cause that to happen.

“Curly I think you should get some sleep.”

“No, no, no, you’ll go away then,” Sanji panicked.

“I won’t go away, sad drunk, get ready for bed, you can just leave the phone somewhere, I won’t hang up.”

“But you’ll hear me pee.”

“Just mute yourself to protect my delicate sensibilities,” Zoro sighed.

“Fine,” Sanji tried to glare, but he really just looked like he was squinting.  He would need to learn how to glare from Zoro.  And he probably should get to bed.

Sanji made his way to the bathroom and propped Zoro up on the sink, smiling at him as Zoro began eating something that looked suspiciously like Chinese takeout.  He then proceeded to take his shirt off.

“Oi, curly, seriously?” Zoro spluttered, “What are you doing?”

“Getting ready for bed, I need to shower,” Sanji said, confused.

“I thought you were just going to brush your teeth and shit.”

“Are you embarrassed, mossy?” Sanji grinned, “You don’t have to watch.”

“Don’t have to--?  Do you usually just strip in front of people when you’re drunk?”

“Only in front of handsome men, don’t worry,” Sanji said, taking his pants and underwear off and moving to turn on the water.

Zoro had gone suspiciously quiet.  Sanji poked his head back toward the phone, to see Zoro staring blankly far above the screen.

“Earth to mosshead, are you frozen?” Sanji frowned.  Zoro sighed, still looking up, “No, I’m still here, go take a shower, curly.”

Sanji nodded, grabbing the phone and heading to the shower.  He heard a choked noise and looked down, “Oh good point, I shouldn’t get my phone wet.  Stay here though okay grassman?”  Zoro nodded mutely and Sanji put the phone down before stepping into the shower.

When he came out, feeling slightly more refreshed and less hazy, he toweled himself off and absentmindedly rubbed the towel through his hair as he picked up his phone again.

Zoro had finished his takeout and was nursing a beer of his own.

“I’m going to brush my teeth now.”

“Thanks for the update, can you put some clothes on now?” Zoro sighed.  Sanji stuck his toothbrush into his mouth in response.

By the time Sanji got into bed, four empty beer bottles were sitting on the nightstand by Zoro, which didn’t seem to affect him at all, the bastard.  Sanji sighed into his pillow, it had been too long.  He grinned at Zoro, lying sideways with his phone resting on the bed, “Did you enjoy being a peeping Tom?”

“You were the one who made me watch,” Zoro muttered, “Really testing me, you asshole."

“Do you have a busy day tomorrow?”

Zoro nodded, “Full day tomorrow, then flying back Tuesday.  I should be back in New York around dinner time if… if you’re free.”

“I could probably make some time for you,” Sanji smiled.

“Okay I’ll see you then, Sanji,” Zoro grinned, “Go to sleep, drink some water, you lightweight.”

“Not a lightweight,” Sanji murmured, closing his eyes for a second before opening them again in panic, “You still there?”

“I’m here, I’ll end the call when you’re asleep.”

“Okay Zoro.”

Chapter 6: Twitter's Beautiful Hellscape

Summary:

In which Zoro interviews Sanji, Sanji discovers fanart, and Luffy finally makes an appearance.

Sanji knocked on Zoro’s dressing room door, feeling somehow just as nervous as he was the first time around, this time for a different reason.  He had discussed how to approach the interview with Zoro, both of them agreeing to keep it as professional as possible.  He had resisted the urge to tell Zoro not to smile, both because it seemed incredibly rude/weird and because he liked Zoro’s smile.

Zoro pulled the door open forcefully and pulled Sanji into the dressing room just as forcefully, pushing him against the back of the door and kissing him.

“I’m going on air in fifteen minutes,” Sanji hissed after they separated, hurrying to the mirror to make sure he didn’t look absolutely ridiculous after Zoro’s manhandling. He fixed his tie bar and smoothed down his shirt.

“You look good, curly,” Zoro grinned, grabbing him from behind and surveying the two of them in the mirror, “We look good.”

“Okay Mr. Humble,” Sanji muttered, “You reviewed the list of questions I sent you?”

“They’re boring,” Zoro pouted, “I don’t want to talk about acting.  I do it all the time.”

“What would you rather talk about?  Our make-out sessions?” Sanji muttered.

“Let’s talk about you again,” Zoro grinned, “We can do a flipped interview.”

“Absolutely not,” Sanji replied, “We’re bringing you back on to talk about Tadaima which is premiering in three days.  We’ll talk about how you get in character, what it’s like doing a small budget indie film after some pretty big budget action movies, and we’ll move on with our lives.”

“Okay curly,” Zoro said unpersuasively, “Can I stick around after the show?”

“If you insist,” Sanji sniffed.  Zoro grinned and kissed the back of Sanji’s neck, finally letting him go to put on his sweater.  Zoro had opted for a more casual look this time, Sanji noted.  He frowned, surely the fans would read something into that choice.

“No tie?” he asked, hopefully offhandedly.

“You know I hate those things,” Zoro grimaced, “Figured this was for an indie film, not to talk about fucking Sunfire again, I could be a little more relaxed.”  He looked nervously at Sanji, “Is that okay?”

Sanji instantly felt guilty at hoping Zoro would do something he disliked just to continue their act of not being close.  “Of course,” he said, adjusting the sweater and giving Zoro a quick shoulder squeeze, “Looks more like you.”  The corners of Zoro’s eyes crinkled in the best of ways.

---

During the break before the interview with Zoro, Sanji fidgeted nervously.  He usually liked chatting with the audience as his staff got the next segment ready.  But he had already seen a few groups with Zoro signs and Zoro t-shirts and had no idea what question to ask to avoid the topic of Zoro altogether.  At least the audience had reacted well to his many self-deprecating jokes about his inability to use social media, eliciting some loud hoots when he talked about his Twitter debacle.

His dilemma was unfortunately solved when one of the audience members yelled at him first.  “Are you and Zoro dating?” a woman called from the front row.  She had on a headband with two springs, at the ends of which were affixed two green fuzzy balls.  An obvious homage to the green-haired idiot.

“Now where did you get that idea, love?” Sanji asked, forcing a smile.  Yes, good, Sanji, divert, redirect, there is strength in returning a question with a question.

“Stop avoiding the question,” she called, and several other audience members cackled.  Fuck, Sanji panicked.

“Leave him alone, stop bothering with their private lives,” someone called out from the back.  Sanji made a note to ask Franky to identify his mysterious savior and reward them with return tickets or maybe $1,000.

“They’re public figures, they put their lives out there to be commented on,” Number One Bad Audience Member shot back.

“Some public figures do, but Zoro and Sanji try to keep their lives private probably because of people like you,” Number One Good Audience Member replied.  Okay, a $10,000 monetary reward instead.

“Franky, you may be needed here,” Sanji muttered into his earpiece as the audience devolved into multiple small arguments.

“What should I do Sanji bro, doesn’t look like anything is dissolving into fisticuffs yet.  Mostly just bickering between Zo-fans and San-fans,” his head of security responded.

“Don’t call them that,” Sanji sighed, “Just, keep an eye out for unruly guests.  Is Zoro ready yet?  We should maybe just get the music going to calm these people down.  Someone tell Brook to play some jazzy bit.”

“Let them rile each other up before Zoro comes on,” Nami’s commanding voice jumped in.  Sanji melted at the sound.  “I’d like to get some dissenting opinions so people don’t assume all people want to hear about are what positions you and Zoro like.  Maybe they’ll keep their fucking mouths shut during the actual interview.”

"Nami, we haven’t—”

“TMI, Sanji,” Usopp squawked.

“I wasn’t even going to say anything,” Sanji frowned.

“Sanji bro, I’m pretty sure people on Twitter can read lips, so I’d keep yours closed for now,” Franky said.

“Fuck,” Sanji said aloud, which would certainly be captured by the Twitter mindmeld.

“Usopp, get Brook to start before Sanji fucks things up more,” Nami sighed.

After the Soul King’s band got the audience to quiet down with a few of their more famous numbers, Sanji got the go-ahead to bring Zoro on.

“It really seems like my first guest needs absolutely no introduction,” Sanji quipped, hoping his nerves weren’t showing, “But returning a mere two weeks after his initial appearance due to high demand, please join me in welcoming Zoro Roronoa, here to give us a sneak peek of his upcoming film, Tadaima.”  Sanji strode across the stage to meet Zoro halfway, something the production crew had agreed upon to make it seem like they were at least friends to explain the return visit.  Zoro gripped his hand tightly, giving him a small smile.

“Seems like there was a bit of a ruckus during the break,” he said quietly.

“We handled it,” Sanji waved his hands.

“Good,” Zoro grinned, “So it’ll be alright if I do this?”

“Do what?” Sanji bit back, but before he could say anything further, Zoro skipped ahead of him and sat down at his chair.  The audience went absolutely wild as Zoro gave them a shit-eating grin, waving at the guests as he lounged on Sanji’s precious seat.  Turning to Sanji, he beckoned toward the guest couch.  Moving as if in a trance, Sanji went to sit down, vowing to exact his revenge on Zoro as soon as he possibly could.

“Hi Sanji,” Zoro said, “Welcome to Late Night.”

Sanji turned to the audience, “I did not agree to this, by the way.”  The fuckers laughed.  Sanji leveled his gaze back on Zoro, who responded with a wink.

“My agent tells me there have been a lot of rumors about the two of us,” Zoro said, relishing in the catcalls from the guests.

“What the fuck is going on,” Nami hissed into his earpiece.

“We didn’t plan this,” Usopp’s panicked voice responded.

“At least our ratings will go up again,” Chopper piped up, trying to make lemonade out of some pretty fucking sour lemons.

“So I asked to come on the show again to set the record straight,” Zoro continued, “Turns out we have a lot of similar interests and connected about them.  Sanji is, surprise surprise, funny, smart, a helluva good cook, and kind beyond belief.”  Zoro’s expression darkened as he continued, “It really pisses me off that people are bothering him about the nature of our relationship.  True to form, I honestly don’t give a shit, but he worries about it.  So, I’m back to make two things clear.  One, I’m honored to call Sanji Black a friend and nothing more.  Two, anybody who gives him a hard time and pries into his private life can go ahead and fuck off.  Sorry Usopp or whoever has to bleep my language for the rest of this interview.”

“He really doesn’t know what I do, does he?” Usopp sighed.  Sanji ignored him.  Somehow.  Somehow, the audience was eating up the charismatic asshole’s words.  The cheers would never die down.  Sanji just stared blankly at Zoro, letting it all sink in.  This.  This was going to make Twitter go crazy.  He didn’t need to be a social media expert to know that.

“Well shit,” Usopp continued, “Guess I’ll just go ahead and delete Twitter now.  Farewell, my 523 followers.”

Zoro focused his intense gaze on Sanji, “So shall we go on with the interview?”  The audience immediately fell silent, shushing each other like the Pope had just entered the Vatican for a service.

“You’re in the host seat,” Sanji said helplessly, certain that he would not be able to think of an appropriate question to ask other than “what the fuck what the fuck what the fuck” for the rest of the night.

“Tell me about how you prepare for your guests,” Zoro said.  A softball question, not unlike one Sanji himself would ask for a nervous guest.

“It depends,” Sanji found himself answering, “If it’s an author, I read his or her or their book.  Even if I’m not able to read the whole thing, I try to get the gist.  Only after I’ve done that do I read any reviewed or articles about the book.  If the guest is an actor, we watch recent works and interviews to get a sense of interesting lines of questioning about their career.  That usually translates to a list of questions, though I recall you threw a wrench in my usual process.”

“Why do you put so much work into your interviews?” Zoro asked.

Sanji frowned at the question, “Because there’s so much more to each guest than the headlines or the cover stories.  I’d like to figure out the motivations rather than the finished product, as much as I can.”

“And that, ladies and gentlemen, is why Late Night is worth watching,” Zoro said, a soft smile on his face.

Sanji stared at Zoro, flabbergasted at how openly fond he was being.

“Can I ask you a few questions about the book you published this year?” Zoro continued.

“Do I have a choice, Guest Host?” Sanji sighed.

Zoro laughed and if the audience wasn’t already speechless, they now were.  Zoro proceeded to spend the rest of the time they’d reserved for the interview questioning Sanji about his book, asking about his interviewing and writing process, something that Sanji was sure was infinitely boring.  He threw a few sideways glances at the audience, but nobody had fallen asleep yet that he could tell, most just watching Zoro with rapt attention.

Finally, he heard Usopp give a one minute warning and answered Zoro’s last question before saying, “Guest Host Zoro, unfortunately you don’t have the little gremlin in your ear telling you that your time is up like I do.  Thanks for coming onto the show and making it both memorable and nerve-wracking for me.”

“My pleasure,” Zoro smirked, standing up to give Sanji a handshake.  He turned to the audience and said, “Watch Late Night with Sanji Black 12:30 AM every weekday.  You don’t need any other late night show.”  He threw a peace sign at Sanji before striding off backstage with the crowd chanting his name.

“Go sit in your seat, Sanji,” Nami said tiredly, “Let’s try to get some control back.  I’m going to chat with Robin about how we can contain this before airing.  Post-production needs to start with this segment now, it’s the only one people will focus on when we air anyways.”

Sanji quickly moved back to his chair, absentmindedly drinking the rest of his water as he tried to process what had just happened.  The audience was murmuring again.

“Franky, you’re keeping a watch for cellphones, right?” Sanji whispered.

“Trying, Sanji-bro, already had to eject one guy for filming.  I’m sure others are being less obvious about it.”

“There goes my hope that we could just not air tonight,” Usopp sighed.

“Robin will figure this out, everything will be fine,” Chopper said, still trying to make lemonade out of now rotten lemons.

“Focus people, Brook starts now, get ready for the next guest,” Nami said.

---

“What the hell was that?” Sanji asked immediately, when he stormed into Zoro’s dressing room.  Zoro was sprawled on the couch facing the monitor in the room, clearly having been watching the live feed of the show.

“What?” he asked innocently.

“Your thing.  The flipped interview.  The thing,” Sanji responded, eloquently.

“I thought it went well,” Zoro grinned, standing up, arms open to give Sanji a hug.  Sanji slipped away and stumbled around the room as Zoro tried to grab him.

“You don’t get to shrug this off with a stupid bear hug, you asshole,” he hissed, as he and Zoro went around and around the couch.

“Your plan was never going to work, curly,” Zoro said, exasperated, “People are going to overanalyze things.  This way, at least they’ll talk about how I’m probably smitten with you and you have no idea and don’t know how to react to it, which is kind of accurate actually.”

Sanji flushed, “Were you planning this the whole time?”

Zoro shrugged, “No, I really was going to just sit there obediently and talk about Tadaima.  Then I heard that one audience member’s question and got really fucking angry.”

Sanji paused at this.  He felt strangely… happy that Zoro would get up in arms about protecting Sanji’s privacy.  This was certainly not the best way to do it, but the idea of Zoro seething and wanting to help was gratifying in an odd way.

“Have I… made it worse, do you think?” Zoro asked quietly.  He looked adorably pitiful.  Sanji sighed and jumped over the couch to give him his requested hug.

“It’s fine,” he murmured into the actor’s broad chest, “It’ll be fine.”

---

“This is not fine,” Sanji gaped at his Twitter.  It was 1 AM.  He and Usopp were in his office, Usopp having given him permission to check Twitter on his computer during the run of their show.  Zoro was lounging on Sanji’s comfy chair, but Sanji was seriously debating kicking him out of his office and life for the fiasco currently playing out on his monitor.

“Can we confiscate phones in the future?” Sanji muttered, staring at the screen in horror.  The Twitter user “heart eyes” “heart eyes” “green heart” “yellow heart” had tweeted two photos, one with Zoro drinking from Sanji’s mug and one of Sanji subsequently drinking from it, along with the words: “Indirect kiss on Late Night!”

“I don’t remember Zoro drinking from the mug, this must be photoshopped,” Usopp sighed.

“I did drink from the mug,” Zoro said lazily, “I was thirsty.”

“You had your own damn mug,” Sanji said.

“It was far away.”

“Why aren’t you freaking out about this more?!” Sanji shrieked.

Zoro cracked open an eye, “Curly, this isn’t the first time people have dissected my romantic life.  The shit I got about Tashigi a few months ago...  Luffy told me some rando took a picture of Tashigi wearing a green hat and the internet immediately presumed we were fucking.  It’ll go away, stop stressing out about people assuming we’re dating.”

“But we actually are dating, you idiot,” Sanji hissed, “Clearly you aren’t careful enough to prevent this kind of stuff from happening in the future.”

Zoro sighed and rolled over, bringing his knees to his chest and resting his head on the arm of the chair, “Can we do something else?  Twitter is a hellhole and you’re going to drive yourself crazy on it.”

“‘LMAO, just friends, my big sweaty asshole,’ says TrashTiger,” Usopp read, scrolling through Sanji’s notifications, “Did he really have to describe his ass?  Seems gratuitous.  I also spy a lot of the ‘Now kiss’ meme floating around in your mentions.  Oh, this is good artwork of you though, Sanji.”

Sanji looked at the painting that WanoLandlocked had posted of him and Zoro, chatting happily on the Late Night stage.  He clicked on the account and began scrolling through other artwork the user had posted.

“Don’t click Follow,” Usopp said nervously.

“I’m not a moron,” Sanji muttered, ignoring Usopp’s “Could have fooled me.”  He stopped at an artwork of him and Zoro sitting on a park bench in the snow, holding steaming drinks in their hands and smiling at each other.

“What is this?” he asked, trying to recall when that had ever happened.  It hadn’t even snowed in NYC yet.  And Zoro would never sit on a park bench without his extremely poorly though-out disguise.

“It’s fanart, Sanji,” Usopp sighed, “You probably have a ton out there.  There are some really incredible artists hiding amongst the crazies.  We get some sent to us by snail mail to 30 Rock.  Zeff never really got this many when he was host, just so you know.”

“I know what fanart is, Usopp,” Sanji said, shivering as he thought back to the first image he saw on Twitter when he typed ZoSan into the search bar.  He would never recover.  But these were gorgeous.  “Have you seen these, mosshead?” he asked, “People have put a lot of work into this.”

“Luffy has a couple on his fridge of me that he likes because they’re goofy,” Zoro said, standing up to take a look as well.

“This person’s done a full-on comic of us,” Sanji gasped, “Apparently I’m going to die in a few weeks from cancer.  I look damn good dying though.  Look, you’re crying, grassy.  Would you actually cry if I died?”

“Yes,” Zoro said simply.

“Ew, sincerity,” Usopp shuddered, immediately getting up and gratefully refusing to look at Sanji’s beet-red face, “I’m going to head home Sanji, but I’ll see you bright and early tomorrow.  Remember, don’t—”

“Like, follow, retweet, respond, just scroll,” Sanji said, rolling his eyes.

“I will change your password and lock you out if I wake up in the morning and you’ve done any of the forbidden things,” Usopp said, pointing to a sign he’d made and taped on Sanji’s door with the Forbidden Things.  “Good night Zoro,” he squeaked, below sprinting away.

“Is he scared of me or something?” Zoro asked, watching him go.

“He’s scared of everything,” Sanji mused.  He saved WanoLandlocked’s twitter page to his browser’s bookmarks, resolving to take a closer look at their posts and retweets later.  He swiveled around to face Zoro, who was still standing behind his chair.

“You’re really okay with all this?” he asked, looking up at the man.  Zoro raised an eyebrow, “With what?”

“With people… shipping us,” Sanji said, employing a word Usopp had explained to him earlier that evening.

“There are worse people to be shipped with,” Zoro smirked, “There was a period where people assumed Luffy and I were together, which was comical.  Luffy got a huge kick out of it, he would repeatedly try kissing me in public and eventually people understood it was a fucking joke.”  A/N I love ZoLu btw, to me it’s simple and sweet and lovely and I’m itching to write some.

“I’d like to meet Luffy,” Sanji laughed.

“He’ll be here in twenty minutes with a keg of beer if you want,” Zoro grinned, “Want me to call him?”

“Sure, why not, how much more insane can this night get?  Invite him over to my place, I have no interest in trashing Nami’s beloved office,” Sanji sighed.

---

Luffy, as it turns out, was exactly what Sanji imagined—dynamite on lanky limbs with a smile that stretched ear to ear and warmed Sanji from head to toe.

“Sanjiiiiiii,” the man said, immediately grabbing him into a tight hug, “Zoro said you’re a good cook.”

“Of course that’s the one thing of the multiple things I’ve told you about curly that you latch onto,” Zoro said grumpily, a small smile nonetheless on his face.

“Let me prepare something,” Sanji said eagerly, heading to the kitchen and resisting the urge to cover his ears at the high decibel scream Luffy emitted.

“This is so cool,” Luffy said, running around Sanji’s apartment and peering out at NYC, getting his noseprint and fingerprints all over Sanji’s window, “Mugiwara Studios is just in my basement.  I want to work and live in a fancy building like this.”

“I’m your only talent, you dumbass, why would you need a high-rise building?” Zoro sighed.

“We’re expanding, Zoro,” Luffy said with enough energy for Sanji to believe wholeheartedly that this would be the case, “Traffy said he wants to join.”

“He did not,” Zoro sighed, “I was there.  He said maybe so you would stop pestering him.”

“After Traffy, we’ll get Sanji,” Luffy continued.

“Sanji can’t act,” Zoro scoffed simultaneously with Sanji saying, “I can’t act.”  Sanji frowned, not liking hearing the plain truth from someone else.

“That’s okay,” Luffy grinned, “I’ve got an idea for a reality tv show where Sanji can be the host and it’s an MMA style arena where the cooks have to fight each other while they’re cooking.”

“He’ll forget about this idea in about five minutes,” Zoro said to Sanji, tapping the keg that Luffy had indeed brought with him.

“Sanji, watch me, I can drink beer through my nose with straws,” Luffy grinned.

---

Sanji sighed.  It was 5 AM, he hadn’t slept, spending the wee hours of the morning cooking for Luffy’s boundless appetite and ignoring Zoro’s pleas to take a break.  The two were currently passed out on Sanji’s rug, Zoro from almost singlehandedly finishing the keg and Luffy from eating Sanji out of house and home.  Sanji looked down fondly at the actor.  After Luffy had fallen asleep, Zoro had stayed up a little longer and asked him hesitantly if Sanji had been hurt by his saying they were just friends and nothing more.  “You had to say it,” Sanji had shrugged.  “Didn’t feel good saying it anyways,” Zoro had replied, fixing his forceful gaze on Sanji until Sanji had to look away.

Sanji watched the first tendrils of light creep onto the sky and considered trying to get a few hours of sleep, but ultimately decided to shower and prep for the day.  At least it was Friday.

He brewed himself some coffee and plopped down on his couch, opening Twitter and going back to the WanoLandlocked bookmark he’d saved.  He shuddered at the number of notifications, deciding to ignore them for now and ask Usopp if he could make them go away without having to look at them.

Finding the fanart of him and Zoro on the park bench, he tried to figure out how to save the image.  The good old right click, he nodded to himself, adding it to a folder on his Desktop he named “Twitter’s Beautiful Hellscape.”  He continued searching for other photos to add, marveling at how stunning some of them were.  Some of them were adorable little versions of him and Zoro that made him want to pinch Zoro’s cheeks as he lay slobbering and snoring on his expensive Persian rug.  Many were drawn in unique styles with oddly accurate banter.  Others were domestic scenes of the two of them (one, which Sanji saved instantly, featured a bare-chested Zoro hammering a nail into a wall).  Still more were… Sanji blushed, peeking at them with one eye, which didn’t prevent him from saving those photos but gave him the cover of half darkness.

It felt like a shame to not be able to tell the artists how talented they were, Sanji thought, regretting his decision to open an official account to clap back at his detractors (which he now knew he should never do).  Certainly Usopp would be fine with him opening a fake account, commenting, retweeting, and liking the hell out of everything he’d just saved to his computer. 

Convincing himself, he logged out of TheRealSanjiBlack and started Blackleg1985 with his fake email.  For the next hour, he painstakingly went through each post from several accounts that he followed with glee, writing long comments on each.  At 6 AM, now satisfied, he began to prepare a breakfast for champions for when Luffy and Zoro eventually woke up.

Chapter 7: Horny On Main

Summary:

In which Sanji makes another big mistake. And intricate plans are laid.

Sanji frowned at his computer, the character limit was really cramping his style.  He stared at the fanart of Zoro he wanted to comment on, depicting the actor taking a mirror selfie, his shirt pulled up, the hem clenched in his teeth, exposing his abs.  He had seen Zoro’s real abs, but this artwork still managed to do something wicked to him.  He peered closer at the screen, trying to see all the details that he liked so he could add them to his comment.

“Hey Sanji,” Usopp said, knocking on his doorframe, and Sanji almost slammed the computer shut on his nose.

“Are you looking at porn?” Usopp asked, eyebrow raised.

“No,” Sanji replied, honestly not sure if he was telling the truth or not.  He hadn’t had the nerve to follow this particular Twitter, still feeling timid about the number of explicitly sexual artwork they posted, instead searching for their handle each time he felt the need to revisit.

“Sure,” Usopp said skeptically, “I’m here to give you permission to reinstall Twitter on your phone.”

“I didn’t know I needed your permission,” Sanji sniffed.

“You’re awfully bold now that one week has passed since you fucked everything up and came begging to me for help.”  Sanji winced.  Touché.  “Anyways,” Usopp continued, “Nami thinks you should do something with your Twitter to promote the show now that you have one.  Other than the initial disastrous liking spree, you haven’t done anything with your account.”

Sanji gulped.

“You haven’t, have you?” Usopp glared.

“Of course not, you’d be able to tell, right?” Sanji said nervously.

“I would…” Usopp said, still suspicious, but thankfully moved on, “So you can reinstall Twitter and post some witticisms every now and then about our guests and segments.”

Sanji gave him the thumbs up, already installing the app and considering what he could say about Eustass Kidd, heavy metal artist extraordinaire.

---

Sanji collapsed at his desk at lunch time and pulled out his phone to check his likes.  For the first hour after he’d posted his first ever tweet, he’d found himself incessantly checking his Twitter to see how many likes, retweets, and replies he was receiving, feeling gratified each time he saw a red notification.  Into hour two, however, he was starting to get annoyed and asked Usopp mute notifications for him.

“Should I respond to the replies?” he had asked his head writer.

“No,” Usopp said simply, and the conversation was over.

Sanji frowned, wondering if the artists whose work he commented on felt the same way about his lengthy replies.  Absentmindedly, he scrolled through his feed on his phone, liking a few posts from fellow late night hosts, comedians, and the dozen or so cat and dog accounts that he had found (without Usopp’s help, he thought proudly).  These were fine to like, he was sure.

He searched for Luffy’s Twitter @luffmugiwara (Usopp had forbidden him from following it), and scrolled through it, looking for any pictures of Zoro that Luffy might have posted recently.  Luffy mostly tweeted in all caps about kung fu and pirate movies, but every now and then, he would add a picture of himself and Zoro or just Zoro himself doing something inane.  The number of likes these pictures generated was astounding.  Sanji smiled fondly at a photo Luffy had added in the morning of Zoro mid-bite, looking surprised at the camera, reclining on a— Wait, Sanji panicked.  That was his couch.  Luffy and Zoro had come over last night and crashed at his place, Luffy taking the guest bedroom.  That was the breakfast sandwich he had made for Zoro, his signature from his few years cooking at the North Blue.  Sanji breathed nervously, zooming in to see if there were any other identifying features in the picture.  There was a blurry picture frame in the corner of the photo… could someone figure out it was a picture of him and Zeff on Late Night’s set from a few years ago if they did some computer mumbo jumbo?  That particular vase he got was from an art fair, what if the artist remembered—

“Are you looking at porn again?”

Sanji jumped and stared at Usopp.

“Why do you look like a young Doc Brown right now?  What happened?” Usopp asked.

“Nothing,” Sanji said hurriedly, putting his phone in his pocket and standing up, “Sketch meeting?”  Usopp nodded, as Sanji joined him and they headed to the conference room.

“I see you’ve been liking things again on Twitter,” Usopp said.

“Such a stalker.”

“Can you blame me?  So far so wholesome.  Chopper’s been monitoring the chatter.  People think it’s cute that you follow WeRateDogs.”

“There was the cutest pupper this morning who was born with this teeny little tail growing out of his forehead—”

Usopp shuddered, “You know I can’t stand limbs not being where they’re supposed to be.”

“Though they’re not sure if it was a penis or a tail—”

“Stop.  Stop,” Usopp shrieked, running into the conference room.  Sanji smirked and swept into the room, sitting at the head of the table, and leaning forward to smile at his writers, “So what’s the plan today?”

---

Sanji stayed behind with one of his writers to finalize her Things Sanji Can’t Say segment.  After she left, giving him a middle finger as a goodbye, Sanji sighed and put his feet up on the table.  He pulled out his phone again, still on Luffy’s profile.  Luffy had added another photo of Zoro, this time a candid photo of the actor holding a plank position, wearing a tank top with a few textbooks stacked on his back.  Sanji sighed happily, looking at the photo.  His fingers automatically typed in the artist who posted Gym Zoro that morning—he had searched for them so often—and found the post.  He’d thought of a funny response during the sketch meeting that might hopefully get him a reply this time and began typing it out.

“Sanji, breaking news about the mayor, let’s add something to Weekly Update,” Usopp said, peering into the conference room.  Sanji nodded, deciding to finish the reply later but leaving a like.

He followed Usopp to his desk, where the man had pulled up a New York Post article about the mayor getting a ticket for parking his car on a sidewalk in Brooklyn.  As he and Usopp batted around jokes they could make at the mayor’s expense, Chopper walked up nervously.

“Umm, Sanji?” Chopper asked, twiddling his thumbs, “There’s been some… actually quite a lot… well, maybe it’s trending… social media buzz… about…”

“What did you do?” Usopp hissed.

Sanji didn’t hear him.  Every thought in his head narrowed to the little heart with the +1 that he had seen earlier when he liked the artwork of Gym Zoro on his phone.  On his phone, where he was logged onto his official account.

He decided to come clean from the start.  “Usopp,” he said, in a voice that sounded mostly robot, slightly Sanji, “I made a burner account so I could look at fanart.” 

Usopp stared at him with horror, before choking out, “Horny on main.  You were horny on main, weren’t you?”

“What?” Sanji asked, confused.

“You did something on your main account by accident, didn’t you?  What did you do?  Did you like a NSFW gif of Zoro from some steamy movie scene?”

Chopper squeaked and ran away, having successfully delivered the diagnosis of a terminal threat to Sanji’s sanity.

“No,” Sanji winced, handing his phone over.  Usopp took it and sighed heavily as he saw the artwork, before admitting, “This is really good though.”

“Isn’t it?!”

“Nothing I can do at this point for you, my friend,” Usopp said, handing the phone back, “Why don’t you and Zoro just go public?  You’re going to seem like a real creep if you don’t.”

Sanji fell to the ground and leaned his head back against Usopp’s desk, “I don’t want to be forced to go public.  God, this is awful.  I need to call Zoro.”  His face flushed, “This is so fucking embarrassing.”

Usopp gently patted Sanji on the head, “It’ll be okay.  You should know better than anyone that the cycle of ridicule for dumb things dumb people do is only a week.  And then someone else fucks up and all the attention switches to them.”

Chopper came up to them again, looking even more nervous.

“What else have I done?” Sanji asked, resigned to his fate.

“Actually it’s about Zoro,” Chopper said, “He got an account himself earlier and his first tweet…”

Usopp and Sanji stared at him before diving for their own phones.  Usopp found the account first, @zoromugiwara, and turned his phone to show Sanji.  Zoro had taken a selfie of himself mimicking the fan art that Sanji had accidentally liked on his main account.  It was frankly stunning, Sanji thought, but his eyes were drawn to the caption: “Lost a bet to @TheRealSanjiBlack, this is the result.  AMA 30 min #askmeanything.”

“Smooth,” Usopp said, “That’s actually brilliant.  I can’t believe he thought of that.”

“Probably wasn’t his idea,” Sanji said quietly, scrolling through some of the replies.

Rainbow Finnsealed @Finntheseal – 33m

Replying to @zoromugiwara

Hot hot hot, are you two dating?

Roronoa Zoro @zoromugiwara – 32m

Nope, just friends.

Crispy Crunchy Spicy McZoroNuggets @sunshineboys – 32m

I call bullshit

Roronoa Zoro @zoromugiwara – 31m

Takes some to know some.

Spirit of Shusui @bigswordboy – 26m

That’s awesome, you’re both so cool, how long have you been friends?  Since the interview?  How come we don’t see Sanji on Luffy’s vids?

Roronoa Zoro @zoromugiwara – 24m

He’s shy.

Spirit of Shusui @bigswordboy – 23m

Fair enough!  What do you y’all do together?

Roronoa Zoro @zoromugiwara – 17m

Mostly eat food.

Spirit of Shusui @bigswordboy – 15m

Ohhh, he must make really delicious food!  Thanks for doing this by the way!

Roronoa Zoro @zoromugiwara – 13m

He does.  And you’re welcome.

---

Zoro can have my babies @Zfan2301 – 27m

Replying to @zoromugiwara

[Screenshot of Gym Zoro artwork]

Roronoa Zoro @zoromugiwara – 15m

Yup, I had to get a Twitter and do whatever fucking fanart he found.  Asshole chose that one.

Zoro can have my babies @Zfan2301 – 14m

Bless, Sanji

[gif of a crying woman]

AlphabetaSoup @ABCeatme – 13m

Your first post is a thirst trap?  Arrogant much?

Roronoa Zoro @zoromugiwara – 11m

[picture of Zoro’s middle finger]

Zoro can have my babies @Zfan2301 – 10m

Replying to @ABCeatme and @zoromugiwara

Honestly, sir

I’d let you sit on my face.

I’d let you order me around.

I’d let you marry me in a mass wedding ceremony.

Roronoa Zoro @zoromugiwara – 7m

?  [shrug emoji]

---

Shun @SaekiAllSanj – 27m

Replying to @zoromugiwara

What was the bet?

Roronoa Zoro @zoromugiwara – 24m

Staring contest.

Shun @SaekiAllSanj – 23m

[Laughing emoji]. That’s amazing, I would be weak to those baby blues too.

Roronoa Zoro @zoromugiwara – 23m

[eyeball emoji]

---

Johnny Yosaku @bountyJY – 18m

Replying to @zoromugiwara

LMAO BRO, sorry to hear that but damn you look good.

Roronoa Zoro @zoromugiwara – 16m

[sunglasses emoji]

Johnny Yosaku @bountyJY – 13m

Glad you’ve finally joined us on the dark side, bro, you gonna do more of these?  I have a few suggestions if so.

Roronoa Zoro @zoromugiwara – 10m

Not unless I lose another bet.

Johnny Yosaku @bountyJY – 9m

Come on Sanji bro!

---

Mifalcon @Gloomsday – 20m

Replying to @zoromugiwara

Stunning.

Roronoa Zoro @zoromugiwara – 20m

Go away.

It’sMePerona @PinkPantherona – 19m

Replying to @zoromugiwara and @Gloomsday

Gross.

Roronoa Zoro @zoromugiwara – 19m

Fuck off.

---

KingofPirates @luffmugiwara – 30m

Replying to @zoromugiwara

[fire emojis] Who’s your best friend in the whole wide world?

Roronoa Zoro @zoromugiwara – 30m

Beer.

KingofPirates @luffmugiwara – 30m

[crying emoji]

---

“He’s actually answering all of them,” Usopp said astonished, “I know I’ve said before that he doesn’t deserve you, but sometimes I do think it’s the opposite.”

“I know,” Sanji admitted, watching the questions and replies continue endlessly on his phone screen.  At first he wondered if Luffy or one of his interns was writing these, but each answer was so typically Zoro.  Sanji could just imagine him slouching on his armchair and frowning at stupid questions.  He checked the time of Zoro’s initial post, a little more than half an hour ago.  The questions had not slowed, but Zoro’s replies had stopped.

“I’m gonna give him a call,” he said shakily, “We can figure out mayor jokes in a sec.”  Usopp nodded, turning back to his computer.

In his office, Sanji took a deep breath and pressed the video button for FaceTime.  Zoro’s amused face instantly appeared on the screen and Sanji saw himself turning bright red.

“Were you drunk again, curly?” Zoro grinned, “You shouldn’t drink during work hours.”

Sanji bit back an insult and sighed, “I can’t believe you did that.”

“What?  Be snarky with strangers on the internet?  It was actually really fun, I don’t know why I didn’t get into this earlier.  I might answer more questions later just for the hell of it.”

“I’m surprised you figured out Twitter.”

“Luffy made it for me,” Zoro shrugged, “I tried to do it myself, but it was too hard.”

“Why did you do it?” Sanji asked, not sure what he wanted as an answer, “You hate being public about stuff.”

“Luffy said you were maybe in a tough spot and this might help,” Zoro said seriously, “He seems kind of dumb most of the time, but he’s pretty savvy about helping his friends.  And I am an actor, Sanji.  I don’t think there’s a single movie I’ve done where the director didn’t make me strip for the camera.  I’d rather not have my private matters out there, but if people want to ogle me on a computer rather than chase me on the streets, I’m all for it.  Did it help whatever was happening to you?”

Sanji laughed, swiping to check his twitter quickly, “Mostly people are asking why I didn’t choose a more explicit photo for you to model.”

“Were there more explicit photos you were considering liking?” Zoro smirked, “I can model those for you later.”

Flushing even darker, Sanji grimaced at him, “I have to go, you get two more passes to make fun of me for being an idiot and then we’re forgetting this ever happened.”

“Yes, boss,” Zoro laughed, “I’ll see you tonight?  My place?”

Sanji nodded, waiting for Zoro to hang up first.  When Zoro didn’t, Sanji glared at him until Zoro laughed and said, “You’re such a fucking sap, curly.”  Then the call ended.

---

When Sanji arrived at Zoro’s horrible bachelor’s pad penthouse apartment that evening, Luffy was there.  Judging from Zoro’s expression, Luffy had not been invited.

“Sanji,” Luffy cooed, latching onto him, “Now that people know you and Zoro are best friends, can I take pictures and videos of you two for my Twitter, and for Zoro’s?”

Sanji frowned, “Is that a good idea?”

“I’ll let you see every photo before I add it.  This will be good for both Mugiwara Studios and Late Night.”

“Let me consult my handler,” Sanji said, pulling out his phone to give Usopp a call.

“Oh, your head writer?  Invite him over!” Luffy said, eyes shining, “I want to meet him, Zoro says he’s funny.”

“Great, another unwanted guest,” Zoro muttered in the corner, nursing his beer sullenly.

Sanji dialed Usopp’s number, and was surprised when Nami’s voice answered with, “Did you do fuck something up again, Sanji?”  Sanji fought back the tiny twinge of jealousy that Usopp was hanging out with his dear Nami.

“Namiiiiii, so lovely to hear your voice, is Usopp nearby?”

“He went to the bathroom, we’re at a bar with Chopper trying to drink away our anxieties at your social media antics.”

“About that,” Sanji said, “Zoro’s agent had an idea about our Twitters—”

“That idiot?  Loopy?”

“Luffy,” Sanji corrected.

“Are you with him now?” she asked.

“Yes, we’re at Zoro’s place.”

“We’re coming over for a strategy meeting.  Text me the address.  No way in hell is that Loopy going to make decisions that might affect Late Night without me there.  Chopper, finish your drink, sweetie, and go tell Usopp to hurry the fuck up.”  Nami hung up.

Sanji sprang into action, hissing at Zoro, “Clean your apartment, Nami is coming, and there’s no way in hell I’m letting her stay in this pizza box invested hellhole.  Open the windows, do you have any air freshener?”

Zoro groaned, “This is not how I was planning on spending our evening.”  Sanji kicked at him, and he got up begrudgingly to start tidying.

---

By the time Nami, Usopp, and Chopper arrived, Sanji, with Zoro’s help and Luffy’s hindrance, had managed to get Zoro’s apartment in decent shape for his beloved director.  She marched in, sat down on the couch, and crossed one leg gracefully over the other.  Usopp and Chopper filed in slowly after her.  Usopp nodded nervously at Zoro and went to take a seat next to Nami.

“Thank you for hosting,” Chopper said awkwardly to Zoro, “I’m Chopper.”   Zoro nodded with a small smile, “I’ve heard a lot of good things about you, Chopper.  Want a drink?  Curly said you like apple juice?”  Sanji’s heart swelled at Chopper’s shy smile as he followed Zoro into the kitchen.

“I’ll take a beer, Roronoa,” Nami called after him.  Zoro grunted in response.  “So what’s your plan?” she asked Luffy, who was sitting on the ground with a huge grin on his face.

“Operation Dupe the Entire World into Thinking Zoro and Sanji are Just Friends and Make Mugiwara Studios and Late Night Famous,” Luffy said, clapping his feet together, “I’ll just post some videos and photos with Sanji in it, doing friend stuff with Zoro.  People will always suspect that they’re dating or want them to date, but if they’re being secretive about it, it’ll just make it worse.  People will love it.  Every photo I put of Zoro gets tons of likes.”

Nami frowned, accepted a bottle of beer from Zoro, and considered Luffy’s frankly foolhardy plan.  Finally she nodded, “I like it.  The masses adore a ‘they’re just friends but could become more’ angle.  This way, at least we can profit off the two of them.  I’ll need to approve every picture, and some of them will have to come from Sanji’s account, let’s say a 60/40 split in our favor.”

Sanji opened his mouth to protest but closed it when Nami shot him a look.  She glared, “We’re doing this, which means you need to be more careful.”

“I am very careful, I swear, Nami—”

“Did you or did you not come into work Saturday wearing Zoro’s sweatshirt?”

“Um,” Sanji blushed, sneaking a look at Zoro who was sitting on the side with Chopper, trying to stay out of the conversation.  The actor was seemingly used to Luffy making decisions about his life for him.

“So that’s where my sweatshirt went,” Zoro sighed.

“No more of that, I’m sure if someone took a picture, some crazed Zoro fan recognizes every article of clothing he’s ever worn.  But at least you don’t have to sneak around anymore.  Our poor freight elevator has never seen so much use.  Zoro can come in through the front and we’ll take some pictures of the two of you playing ping pong in the rec room.  Bro stuff, or whatever the hell that is.”

“Yes, Nami,” Sanji said meekly.

“Good, it’s decided,” she said, clapping her hands together and jumping up, “I’ll take the first one.  Sanji, you and Zoro sit here with Usopp and Luffy between you.  I refuse to put Chopper at risk.”

“And you’re okay putting me at risk?!” Usopp squawked, as Luffy practically leapt onto his lap.

“It’ll be weird if it’s just Luffy with Zoro and Sanji.  Go on now Sanji,” she said, pulling out her phone.  Sanji sighed and sat on the other side of Usopp.

“Come here Zoro,” Luffy yelled, patting the couch.  A disgruntled Zoro joined them and Luffy spread out across all their laps.  “Oi,” Sanji and Zoro said simultaneously as they each got a foot and fist in their face respectively from Luffy’s thrashing.

“Cute,” Nami said, looking down at her phone, “Very platonic, good friendship vibes.”  Sanji pushed Luffy’s legs off his lap and hurried to see the photo, in which he had on a harried expression as he tried to push Luffy’s leg off his shoulder.

“I look ridiculous,” he moaned, “Let’s take another one.”

“No this is good, you all seem like buds just goofing around.  Give me your phone, Sanji.”

Sanji sighed and handed it to her, watching with bated breath as she fiddled around with Air Drop and Twitter.  He turned to see Zoro watching him.  Zoro raised an eyebrow, checking in on him, and Sanji simply sighed, giving him a thumbs up.  They were doing this, it seemed.

“Okay, posted.  I’m leaving.  Chopper, I’ll give you a ride back home.  Remember Luffy, no posting anything with Sanji in it without my explicit approval.”  Luffy laughed and nodded, “You can do whatever you want with photos of Zoro.”

“Asshole,” Zoro gritted, tugging harshly at his ear as Nami and Chopper left.

“Hey Usopp, Zoro has a foosball table, wanna play?” Luffy asked, “Or do you want to play Super Smash?”  Usopp’s eyes lit up, “Yes to both.”

“I’ll grab some beer,” Luffy grinned, leaping off the couch.  Usopp ran to join him in going through Zoro’s alcohol selection.  Zoro’s face turned murderous at the two of them deciding unilaterally to stay at his place.  He looked to Sanji and hefted a huge sigh, patting the couch next to him.  Sanji plopped down.  Zoro wrapped an arm around him, pulling him close, and resting his cheek on top of Sanji’s head.

“What a fucking exhausting day,” he muttered.

“I think I played a pretty big role in that,” Sanji said sheepishly, patting Zoro apologetically on the leg, "Sorry to have made you do the AMA and then have all of us pile here for a strategy meeting."

“No, that was fine, don’t worry so much, curly.  I didn’t mind that at all.  Luffy just kept me really busy today and I’m heading out of town for a few days tomorrow morning, and wanted to spend some alone…”  He was interrupted by Usopp’s hoots and Luffy’s groans from the other side of the living room where the two idiots had begun a game of foosball.

“I don’t think they’ll notice anything other than their little foosball players right now,” Sanji grinned.  (“No spinning,” Usopp complained, drowned out by Luffy’s cackling).

“You don’t say,” Zoro grinned, lifting Sanji’s chin and kissing him softly on the lips.

A splintering sound filled the air and they both jumped, turning to see where the sound had come from.

“Zoro, I think I broke it again,” Luffy said sadly.  Usopp was standing frozen on the other side of the foosball table, staring at the broken handle in Luffy’s hand.

“Luffy,” Zoro said dangerously, “Get out of my apartment.  Usopp, you too.”

Luffy placed the handle on the table and smiled, “I’ll see you at JFK tomorrow bright and early then.  Bye Sanji!”  He put an arm around Usopp and whispered conspiratorially, “I also have Super Smash at my place and I live one building away.”  Usopp gave him an OK sign and the two of them left, giggling about different characters to each other.

After the door slammed shut, Zoro turned back to Sanji with a grin, “Now where were we?”

Notes:

I had a very specific artwork in mind for Gym Zoro. If you know you know. XD

Chapter 8: And the Golden Globe Goes To...

Summary:

In which Sanji hosts the Golden Globes and makes a decision about his relationship with Zoro.

Sanji frowned at his computer.  He was looking at the profile of a random person who commented fifteen times on the photo Nami had taken yesterday and had liked every tweet and photo Sanji had ever posted or been mentioned in.  The notifications had been excruciating.  Their most recent post said, “lrt I would sell some organs to be part of their crew.”

“Zoro,” he called out.  Zoro poked his head out from the bathroom, running a towel through his hair.

“Do you know what lrt means?”

“Is it something from Twitter?”

“Yes.”

“Then no.  Why do you even bother asking me?”  He disappeared back into the bathroom.

“Light rail transit?” Sanji muttered, looking through the google search results, “Strange.”

;__; Thank you Tuli for this adorable art of Sanji trying to figure out Twitter with his faithful marimo.  <3

 

Zoro reemerged wearing a pair of sweatpants and a sweatshirt and peered at Sanji’s computer.

“Which account are you on now?” he teased, “The porn one?”

“Shut up,” Sanji glared, “I’m on my Late Night account.  I don’t go on the other one anymore.  I’m still too traumatized.”

“Why do you need it when you have the real thing?” Zoro grinned, kissing the top of Sanji’s head and moving to the kitchen to do his usual disgusting routine of drinking straight from the carton of milk and eating a few slices of plain fucking bread.  Animal.

“Let me make you some real food,” Sanji said, standing up quickly.  Zoro waved him away, already pulling the milk out.  “Driver’s picking me up in five minutes.”  He stood there awkwardly for a moment, a slice of bread in hand, and then opened a drawer, taking out a set of keys.

“Had these made yesterday,” he said quietly, plopping the keys in front of Sanji, “No pressure, I keep losing my own keys anyways so it’d be good to have a backup.”

Chest tight, Sanji quickly scooped up the keys and put them in his pocket, “I’ll be ready to save you when you lock yourself out next time.”

Zoro flashed his charming grin at him, kissed him on the cheek, and headed to the door, munching on the bread.

“Tuxedo,” Sanji called after him, and Zoro doubled back, grabbing the black bag containing his tuxedo and slinging it over his shoulder.  While Zoro had most of what he needed in his home in LA, the Golden Globes were coming up.  Tadaima, despite being directed by an American director and set in upstate New York, was up for Best Foreign Language Film, which meant Zoro was being compelled to attend this year by his director.

“See you soon,” Sanji laughed when Zoro patted him on the head in thanks for the reminder, slice of bread hanging from his mouth.  After the door clicked shut behind the actor, Sanji turned back to his computer.  He closed out of Twitter and went back to his own Golden Globes script.  He had been tapped to host this year and had been working with Usopp for the past few weeks on his monologue.  The distractions around Zoro had not helped his anxiety about hosting one of the biggest awards shows of the year.  He tapped out a few more lines for his Jokes Sanji Can’t Say bit and checked the time.  8:03, he should get going.

He tidied Zoro’s apartment, grabbed his bag, and headed for the door.  The ride down from the penthouse the mornings he stayed at Zoro’s always made him nervous.  He dreaded the day the elevator would stop on the floor below and the residents would see Sanji doing the equivalent of the walk of shame in an elevator made almost entirely of glass.  Thankfully, the elevator didn’t make any other stops this morning, and he exited into the lobby, throwing glances 360 degrees around him like some nervous owl.  Zoro had explained that no paparazzi could make it into the apartment itself, but it still made Sanji nervous to be seen despite their now public friendship.  He imagined trying to explain a platonic sleepover to reporters.

Once he’d made it to the safety of his office, he opened his computer again.  His fingers automatically opened a new tab and typed “t,” then “enter,” and his feed popped up.  He had decided not to save Twitter as a bookmark, but his lizard brain still managed to open it before he even realized most days.  He scrolled through absentmindedly, giggling at a series of tweets Buggy had posted about losing his clown shoes that morning, but stopped at a photo Luffy had posted of Zoro napping in the car.  (Usopp had begrudgingly given him permission to follow Luffy and Zoro).  The actor’s head was leaning against the window, breath causing it to fog up, and Luffy had drawn a frowny face in the patch of fog.  Sanji clicked the reply button, typed out “mosshead even dreams grumpily,” and sent it off.

Moments later, Usopp was at his door and warned, “You’re playing with fire.”

“We’re supposed to be friends, right?” Sanji grinned, “You said I could interact with them on Twitter now.”

“Yes but knowing you, you’re going to fuck something up eventually.”

“Thanks for the vote of confidence.  You here to give me something I actually need?” Sanji asked, holding his hand out for the folder in Usopp’s grip.

“They finally gave us the list of attendees to the Golden Globes,” Usopp said, “I wanna start reaching out to see who would be willing to do the punch lines for Jokes Sanji Can’t Tell.”

Sanji flipped through the list and the seating chart, looking for Zoro’s name.  The actor was seated with his co-stars in Tadaima toward the front of the room, in full view of where Sanji would be standing on the stage.  He would have to concentrate on not looking at Zoro all the damn time during his monologue.

“Do I do the bit about Tadaima and college admissions for Asian Americans?” Sanji mused, “Should I reference Zoro at all?”

“That seems like a question for someone a higher pay grade than me,” Usopp said nervously, “Ask Nami?”

“I’ll just avoid it,” Sanji sighed, “Or is that worse?  Will people expect me to roast him because we’re friends and if I don’t they’ll think I’m avoiding him on purpose because we’re dating?”  He clutched at his hair, “This is impossible.”  Usopp stood awkwardly, unsure of what to do.  Sanji waved him away, “Close my door, I have to make an important call.”

“You can just say you’re calling Zeff, that’s the only reason you close the door,” Usopp rolled his eyes, “That or you’re doing suspicious things with Zoro.”  He shut the door before Sanji could shoot back a response.

Sanji sighed and took out his phone, finger hovering over “Geezer.”  It had been a while since he’d called Zeff.  The man was enjoying retirement, having bought a beach house in Florida and spending most of his waking hours fishing.  Sanji had made fun of him for being the most stereotypical retiree in the universe.  Zeff had told him to eat shit for breakfast.

The phone rang twice before Zeff answered.  Hearing the gruff, “What is it, eggplant?” made Sanji feel like the world was suddenly uncomplicated.

“Surprised you’re awake, old man, don’t octogenarians need 15 hours of sleep to stave off strokes?” he asked with a grin.

“Get to the point, kid, I’m already tired of hearing your grating voice.”

“I know you watch the show every evening, so it can’t be that grating to you.”

“Post-production has done wonders.  You should give them all a raise.”

Sanji sighed, “So… you saw that Zoro Roronoa was on the show twice?”

“I’m assuming you’re taking that man to bed.”

Sanji’s face turned bright red as he hissed out, “Wow, what a fucking thing to say.”  He was glad the door was closed as he put a hand to his cheek and tried to cool his face down with his perpetually icy fingers.

“Am I wrong?”

“Fuck off, geezer.”

“I don’t like him, seems arrogant.”

“He is.”

“Are you looking for advice on dating, eggplant?”

“No, god no,” Sanji stuttered, “I need advice on my Golden Globes monologue.  We have some killer jokes to make about Tadaima being in the Foreign Language category and about Zoro not getting a nomination for Best Actor.  If… if you were in my position, what would you do?”

“I wouldn’t be fucking around with actors, kid.”

“Not helpful.”  A twist of something full of guilt curled inside of Sanji.  Late Night was a legacy Zeff bequeathed to him.  He didn’t want to do anything to mess it up.

“Do the joke if it’s a good one.  Trust your instincts on what will get a laugh.  You’re a professional, Sanji, don’t let all the peripheral stuff affect what you do best.  You write killer jokes and punchlines, stick with what you know and believe that you and the team you’ve put together know how to deliver.”

Sanji sat silently after hearing Zeff’s advice, warmth washing over him at hearing the words he needed to hear, always did hear, when he spoke with the man he would happily call his father if that wouldn’t mortify both of them to death.

“You still there, eggplant?”

“Yeah,” he said hoarsely, “Thanks Zeff.”

“He treating you well?”

“Yes, Zeff.”

“Okay, well, he looks smarmy and I don’t like his hair.  But both those interviews with him were fun shit to watch.  You looked like you were having a panic attack both times though.”

“Thanks for noticing.”

“You’ll do great, eggplant.  No one ever invited me to these fancy award shows.”

“Because they knew you’d turn them down,” Sanji rolled his eyes.

“As you probably should have.  These stilted, peacocking, ego-tripping, pat yourself on the back—”

“Got it, old man,” Sanji laughed, “I remember all the jokes you made about the EGOTs while you were Late Night host back in the day.”

“That your way of telling me it’s your show now and I should shut up?”

“I’ll call you afterwards and you can tell me what a shit job I did,” Sanji grinned, “For now, thanks for the advice, geezer, every time I see a Florida Man article, I assume it’s you.”

“Take care of your heart, kid.  Call more often.”

“Bye Zeff."

---

“It’s 68 degrees in January,” Sanji sighed happily, “Why do we live in New York again?”  Usopp shrugged, “You’re too Type A and anal retentive to live in LA, Sanji.”

“I’m ignoring that because I’m too content right now at not having to wear seven layers and still lose feeling in my nose.”  Sanji tilted his face up to the sun as they waited for their Lyft at the airport.  Zoro had offered to send his driver, but this was LA, Sanji just assumed everyone around him was paparazzi.  They’d decided to do some sightseeing and meet Zoro at a nondescript strip mall before going to his house to stay for the weekend.

“Luffy posted another photo of Zoro at that private beach in Malibu,” Usopp said.  Sanji hurriedly pulled out his own phone to take a look.  In the photo, Zoro was making a sandcastle, a huge grin on his face.  He looked like a giant child, though the way he was squatting really showed off his impressive quads and calves and—Sanji shook his head.  This was platonic friendship mode Sanji. 

He pressed reply and quickly typed out, “a drifting piece of seaweed finds its way to land on Malibu Beach.” 

Moments later, his phone dinged and he saw Luffy had replied with just a picture of Zoro raising a middle finger.  Sanji frowned, considering what to say, and replied with, “Oh?  The plankton is sentient?” 

Another notification popped up, this time from Zoro’s account with the words, “come join us, toothpick, I’ll turn you into driftwood.”

Sanji replied with a selfie of himself giving the middle finger and put his phone back in his pocket when their Lyft pulled up.

“People really like your exchanges with Zoro,” Usopp said in the car, nervously checking Sanji’s account as he seemed to do every half hour to make sure nothing untoward had occurred, “They think you two are cute as friendly rivals or antagonistic friends.”

“Honestly, it’s how we usually interact anyways.  Minus kissing and—”

“Okay I got it,” Usopp said hurriedly.

“Should we go to the beach?” Sanji mused, “I don’t really want to do all the shit on your itinerary.  Well, other than visit Zeff’s star at the Walk of Fame and take rude pictures with it.”

“I want to go to Madame Tussaud’s,” Usopp whined, “The Hollywood one has a ton of celebrities the New York one doesn’t.”

“You’ll get to see them in person on Sunday, Usopp,” Sanji said, already pulling his phone out to let Zoro know they were going to join them.

“But I’ll be losing my shit and it’ll be embarrassing,” Usopp sighed, “I’d much rather take a selfie with a wax sculpture.”

“Yes yes,” Sanji said, distracted by Zoro’s texts.

Zoro:  You’re actually joining us?

Sanji:  Bad idea?

Zoro:  No, of course not, just need to prepare myself.  Lot easier to control my reaction if you’re not actually here

Sanji flushed.  Zoro had a point.  This wasn’t some staged photo taken from the security of their homes or a chain of replies over the internet that Sanji could carefully consider before sending.  While it was a private beach, there would be other residents there.  This would be a semi-public interaction that Sanji had regretted not being able to have when they first started dating, but with certain limitations.  No intimate touching, no staring, no flirting.

“You look like you’re deep frying something in your head,” Usopp said dryly, “We can still go to Madame Tussaud’s.”

“It’ll be fun, everything will be fine,” Sanji said, shaking his head.

---

Sanji regretted his decision as soon as he saw Zoro and had to fight very hard to school his expression into something that wasn’t goofy.  It was clearly a struggle for Zoro too, as his face took on a terrifying grimace.

Thankfully, Luffy had no such qualms, leaping onto Sanji’s back immediately and pointing toward the ocean, yelling, “Go Sanji horse, go!”

“Absolutely not,” Sanji hissed, throwing Luffy onto the ground, “Do you see what shoes I’m wearing?  No fucking way are these getting wet.”

“Leather shoes at the beach?” Zoro chuckled, walking closer and awkwardly putting his hands in his pocket as if physically refraining himself from reaching out.

Sanji sniffed, raising his foot in the air, “These are for boardwalks and rooftop bars, I wasn’t expecting to get dragged to the beach.”

“No one invited you,” Zoro grinned, a glint in his eye as he grabbed Sanji’s foot, forcing him to hop awkwardly on the spot to keep his balance.

“Somebody did invite us,” Sanji said with a huff as he managed to wrench his foot out of Zoro’s grasp.  He stared at Zoro’s chest.  Zoro had a patch of sand on his right pec that Sanji wanted to brush off.

Usopp cleared his throat nervously, and Sanji ripped his eyes away, looking toward the ocean.  He took a deep breath, filling his lungs with ocean air, and sighed it out, “Damn, mosshead, why do you spend all your time in New York when you have this?”

“You know why,” Zoro said quietly, before walking back to the beach towel he had set up and collapsing back onto it.

“Wanna collect shells with me, Sanji?” Luffy asked excitedly, “I’m making necklaces for our crew.”  Sanji nodded numbly, following Luffy to an impressive collection of shells stacked in a mountain in the sand.  He toed his shoes off, rolled up his pant legs, and joined Luffy in the wet surf.  Usopp sat down next to Zoro, looked at him nervously, and pulled out a book to read.

Sanji focused on glints of white in the sand, rushing to collect them whenever the tide pulled back.  Luffy was more indiscriminate with the shells he was collecting, most of them broken or covered in weird black spots.  But Sanji threw most of the shells he found away, focusing on the perfect specimens or ones with splashes of iridescent color.  He eventually spotted a conch shell, shouting out with glee when he grabbed it and found that it was mostly intact.  He yelled for Luffy, but the man was a hundred feet away, so instead he whirled around looking for Zoro, running back to where they’d left the two sedentary beings.

“Mosshead, mosshead, look at this,” Sanji said breathlessly, stopping inches from Zoro’s beach towel and holding out the conch shell.  When the marimo didn’t move, he looked down to see Zoro staring up at him with an unbearably open look of wonder, equal parts adoration and reverence.

“What?” Sanji asked awkwardly, “I found a shell.”

“That you did,” Zoro smiled, sitting up and taking it gently from Sanji, turning it around in his hands, “It’s a good one, curly.”

“You… can have it,” Sanji said, “I’ll… go look for more.”  Zoro grabbed his hand before he could go and Sanji immediately looked around to see if anybody was watching.

“I don’t want to pretend anymore, curly,” Zoro said after a long pause, “I want to treat you like I want to treat you and react to you without second-guessing myself.  If people find out, they find out.  I honestly don’t care anymore.  Is that okay?”

Sanji swallowed, trying not to look at Usopp who was trying to slowly crawl away.  Was it okay?  Why were they pretending to be just friends in the first place again?  At some point in time, Sanji had lost the plot to this secret romance.  Was it to protect Zoro?  He didn’t seem to care anymore.  Was it to protect Sanji?  Running around in secret was doing worse things for his heart at this point.  Was it for Late Night?  Reviews had only gone up since this whole fiasco started. 

Zoro let go of his hand and settled back, “It’s fine, if you don’t—Forget I asked.”  Before Sanji could respond, Luffy came running back and bulldozed into him, knocking him on the ground and spilling all of the shells in his hand in the air.  Sanji watched them fall onto the white sand around him, cursing as he tried to wipe the sand from his face and get the grains out of his mouth.

“Damnit Luffy,” he sighed.  Luffy had spotted the shell in Zoro’s hand and was now grabbing for it.

“Lemme see, Zoro,” he begged as Zoro held him off.

“You’ll break it,” Zoro glared, holding it possessively against his chest and kicking Luffy away.

Watching Zoro protect a silly shell Sanji had given him from his best friend with all the ferocity of a mountain lion, something clicked in Sanji.  He knelt next to Zoro and hugged him tightly around the shoulders, pressing his lips to the side of Zoro’s head.  Zoro dropped the shell in shock and Luffy scampered away with it.

“Curly?” Zoro questioned.

“No more hiding.  We don’t have to be crazy about it, but no more hiding,” Sanji said resolutely. 

Zoro brought his hand to gently grasp Sanji’s arm across his chest and repeated, “No more hiding.”

“Yes, but, you know, for your friends’ benefit, could you two please not start making out right now?” Usopp asked, having made it just a few feet away.  Sanji let go of Zoro and kicked a wave of sand at Usopp, who spluttered and ran, Sanji giving chase.

---

Sanji adjusted his bowtie nervously, watching the Golden Globe attendees on the screen in his dressing room.  He and Usopp had been at the Beverly Hilton since that morning, participating in the red carpet roll-out, going through the schedule for the evening, and getting lectured on rules and procedures for what felt like hours.

“There he is, there he is,” he said, slapping Usopp’s leg as Zoro stepped out of a black car.  He looked incredible, his tuxedo fitting him perfectly as he adjusted the sleeves and grinned wickedly at the cameras.

“He looks like such an asshole,” Sanji muttered fondly as Zoro stopped momentarily, standing for the cameras with a smirk on his face.  He was then directed toward a few reporters, disappearing from view when the camera went to the next guest to arrive.  Sanji sat back, no longer interested in the feed and went to reread his monologue.

“Anything on social media from the beach?” he asked Usopp.  Since they returned from the beach yesterday, Sanji had Usopp monitoring the internet for any pictures of their afternoon that might have been taken without their knowledge.

Usopp shook his head, “That place is already full of celebrities, I’m sure nobody cares or is interested in breaking whatever code there is about privacy.  Remember trying to get through that gate too?  Security is probably too crazy for paparazzi to try anything.”  Sanji nodded, turning back to nervously tapping his foot and trying to stop making last minute changes that wouldn’t make it onto the teleprompter anyways.  He and Zoro had chatted further last night about being in public together.  No announcements, people would find out when they found out.   But no more tiptoeing around either.  He had texted Nami about their decision.  Her response was, “Good riddance, the two of you were giving me gray hairs.”

“Mr. Black?”

Sanji looked up to see the lovely assistant organizer of the Golden Globes poking her head into the dressing room.

“We’re ready for you backstage.”  Sanji nodded, standing up quickly and heading to the door, giving Usopp a quick wave before he left.  His head writer would join soon, running the mic during Jokes Sanji Can’t Tell.

Half an hour later, Sanji was bouncing on his toes, listening to the sound of the crowd (some guests apparently already very tipsy).  On cue, he stepped onto the stage, waving as the crowd roared for him.  At the center of the stage, his eyes darted around the room, finally landing on Zoro, who was leaning back in his chair.  He raised his champagne glass, a small smile playing on his face as the crowd continued cheering.

Finally, when the sound died down to a murmur, Sanji began, “Good evening.  I’m Sanji Black and I’ll be your host tonight, welcome to the 77^th Annual Golden Globes you bunch of despicable, spoiled, minimally-talented brats.”  He waited for the applause and laughter to die down.  “Oh sorry, I think the teleprompter is reading the script my predecessor Zeff Baratie was preparing for when he was never invited to host.  Can we—can we switch that out to mine, thank you.  Welcome to the 77^th Annual Golden Globes you bunch of despicable, spoiled, minimally-talented brats.”

As Sanji went through his monologue, he snuck glances at Zoro, who was watching him with a huge grin on his face.  Sanji had seen previous awards shows where Zoro was in attendance, knowing that whenever the camera panned to the actor, he looked, at best, bored, at worst, asleep.  Now, he leaned forward in his seat, watching Sanji like a hawk.  When Sanji finished and went to take his place at the podium to begin announcing the guests who would present the various awards, Zoro continued watching him.  Only when Sanji met his gaze did he wink and turn back toward the stage.  A camera certainly caught that, Sanji thought with a sigh.

---

Tadaima won for Best Foreign Language Film, and the director, Ryuma Shimotsuki, made his way on stage to huge applause.  As part of his speech, he thanked Zoro, for being, despite the rumors surrounding him, the most delightful young actor he had ever had the pleasure of working with.  Sanji’s heart swelled on Zoro’s behalf as the actor gave a genuine smile and wave to the director Sanji knew was beloved to him (and the reason Zoro agreed to attend the award ceremony in the first place).

When the event was finally over, Sanji returned backstage and sat for a moment in the dressing room, still tingling from the adrenaline of hosting.  His phone rang, Zoro’s name flashing across the screen, and he picked up hurriedly.

“Great monologue,” Zoro’s low voice said with a chuckle, “Nice Tadaima joke by the way, Ryuma nearly passed out from laughter.”

“Glad I could be of assistance,” Sanji laughed, “Please pass on my congratulations to him, and I suppose you should get some too.”

“We’re going to the NBC afterparty.  Come join me?”

Sanji paused.  There was some plausible deniability to him going to the NBC afterparty since he was affiliate with Late Night…  He pinched himself, falling into the bad habit of strategizing to keep their relationship a closed secret.

“Sure, I’ll bring Usopp too.  He wants to meet Kaya Syrup.”

“I’ll introduce him, she’s nice.”

“Okay, I’ll text you when we’re there.”

He sent a quick text to Usopp when Zoro hung up, trying to decide how he would greet Zoro when they met.  Usopp stumbled into the room, looking like a frazzled mess after running around the ballroom trying to find the various celebrities he was meant to hand the mic to and having panic attacks when he ran past his idols.

“We’re going to meet Kaya Syrup, tidy yourself up Usopp.”

Usopp stared at him for a moment, life leaving his eyes.  Sanji sighed, standing up and pointing to the vanity mirror and table, “Go, sit, I’ll make you presentable.”

---

When he and a slightly less frayed Usopp arrived at the NBC party, they were immediately greeted by various actors congratulating him on his monologue.  It took him ten minutes of being rotated around before a hand grabbed his arm, and he was thankfully pulled away from a very drunk and very gross Gecko Moria.  Zoro led him to a booth where his costars and director sat, letting him and Usopp get in first before sliding in at the end, glaring at Gin Krieg who tried to greet Sanji.

As Sanji chatted with Zoro’s colleagues, Zoro had a comforting hand on his leg, squeezing lightly when Sanji made his closest friend on set, Kuina, laugh until she cried with a pickled ginger joke.  Zoro got up at points to take selfies with various other celebrities, with varying degrees of enthusiasm. 

At one point, he reached for Usopp’s collar and practically dragged him over Sanji’s lap, pulling the hapless man to meet Kaya Syrup, who had just arrived.  When Zoro returned, Usopp-less, he just shrugged and winked at Sanji, sitting back down and throwing an arm on the back of the booth behind Sanji, who, at this point, had far too much to drink to think much of it.

---

“Curly,” Zoro eventually said, poking him in the shoulder, “Curly, should get you home, you look like a beetroot.”

“Shut it, bro-b-broccoli,” Sanji said, certain that he had not slurred the words, but someone would have to wind the tape back to make sure, “’m having fun.”

“You are no longer able to put a full sentence together,” he vaguely heard Zoro say, “Let’s get you to bed.”  Sanji lost all ability to protest when Zoro dragged him out of the booth, slinging Sanji’s arm over his shoulder and practically carrying him to the door.

“Honestly, Sanji, you’re going to be the death of me one day,” Zoro muttered.

“Warner Brothers party?” Sanji asked hopefully.

“Absolutely not, home, shower, pajamas, bed.”

“What about something extra between shower and bed?” Sanji asked, giving Zoro a sloppy kiss on the cheek.  He watched a blush form as Zoro led them toward the entrance of the Beverly Hilton.

Zoro waved to the driver who had just arrived at the curb and sighed, “I'll consider your request for tomorrow morning.  You’re going to fall asleep as soon as you finish your shower anyways."

Notes:

I love watching Golden Globes monologues! My favorites are the ones by Tina Fey and Amy Poehler (which I used for Sanji's monologue). :)

It did actually take me five weeks of being on Twitter before I finally figured out what lrt means.

Chapter 9: Love and Hate

Summary:

Sanji gets hate from the internet and love from his friends. And Zoro too.

https://www.refinery29.com/en-us/golden-globes-after-party-pictures-#slide-1

These Golden Globes After Party Pics Are Basically Just Like Being There  

By: Ann Stampede

The 77^th Annual Golden Globes were everything and then some, from host Sanji Black’s hilarious no-holds-barred monologue to Ryuma Shimotsuki’s touching speech after Tadaima won for Best Foreign Language Film.  (Many tears were shed in the Beverly Hilton last night, including from yours truly).  However, as we all know, the fun doesn’t stop after the guests walk away with their eponymous golden globes.  Keep watching and you might find some post-credit scenes as Hollywood’s finest crowd into those famed after parties.

Ahead, get a behind-the-scenes look at some of the most lit after party scenes of the 77^th Golden Globes.  Prepare to feel like you were there, drinking with Trafalgar Law and Eustass Kidd.

---

Sanji’s mouse hovered over the Begin Slideshow button, already worried about what images the Golden Globes photographers had captured.  The event was locked up pretty tightly, only official photographers and more prominent bloggers were allowed to attend the after parties—those whose reputation rested on not pissing off “Hollywood Finest.”  But he couldn’t quite remember most of the night and couldn’t vouch for how affectionate he was with Zoro.

Taking a deep breath, he began clicking through the slides under he reached one that made his heart race.

It was a photo of him and Zoro sitting at the Tadaima table.  It was taken mid-gesture as he was clearly trying to explain something to Kuina.  In the photo, Sanji’s cheeks were slightly flushed as he leaned forward and grinned at Zoro’s childhood friend.  But Sanji’s eyes were drawn to Zoro, who was leaning back, watching the two of them with a soft smile on his face.  His arm was thrown casually behind Sanji, holding a glass of whiskey in his other hand.

Zoro Roronoa, Sanji Black, and Kuina Shimotsuki

In one of the sweetest pics of the night, host Sanji Black charms everyone in sight, including the co-stars of his best friend, Zoro Roronoa.  The Tadaima table was left clutching their sides all night at Sanji’s jokes.  We love a good Hollywood friendship here.

Best friend.  Sanji snorted and sent the article to Zoro and Usopp, before getting up to finish packing for the flight back to New York.  He was itching to return to the studio.  Today’s Late Night episode would feature some of his writers and junior correspondents.  He and Usopp had watched the segments of Coby and Helmeppo wandering around a right-wing protest in Washington, D.C., interviewing the dim-witted protesters, and of Bartolomeo getting a makeover and model walk lessons from Bon Clay, on the trip to LA, trying to contain their laughter on the crowded plane.  He truly loved his staff, his check-in bag full of gag gifts that he had bought on Saturday.

Zoro shuffled into the dining room, rubbing his eyes.

“Feeling okay, curly?” he asked sleepily, “You found the aspirin I left out?”

Sanji nodded, standing up to peck Zoro’s cheek as he put his empty coffee mug in the sink.

“You fly back Tuesday?” Sanji asked.  Zoro nodded as he crowded Sanji against the kitchen counter, placing his hands on Sanji’s hips.  Sanji brought his own arms around Zoro’s shoulders, pulling him closer to knock their foreheads together gently.  He could feel Zoro’s breath ghost across his lips as he closed his eyes and basked in his last moment with the man for a few days.

“Why do you two always forget that I’m also here?” Usopp asked sadly, walking into the kitchen with his backpack on and dragging his carry-on behind him.

“Usopp, can you leave for a minute?  I need to make-out with your boss,” Zoro said evilly, tilting his head and leaning toward Sanji.  Sanji pushed him off and glared, grabbing his own backpack and bag.  They walked through the hallway to the front door, taking off their house guest slippers and slipping into their shoes, before exiting into the warm LA morning.  Zoro’s driver was already waiting to take them to the airport, ready to fight LA traffic all the way.

“Bye mosshead,” Sanji said, lips feeling cold and wondering if he should have just let Usopp run away and kissed Zoro liked he desperately wanted to. 

“Safe travels, curly,” Zoro replied, leaning against the side of the door, “I’ll see you soon.”

Throat strangely tight, Sanji nodded and joined Usopp by the car, throwing one last glance behind him at Zoro before clambering into the back seat of the SUV.

“You know I’m just teasing you, right, Sanji?” Usopp said quietly once they started pulling away, “I’m a big boy, I can leave if you two start making out.”

Sanji chuckled, “I don’t want that either, Usopp.  My friends come first, also I don’t want to be sued for workplace harassment or something.  Anyways, did you read that article I sent you this morning.  People think Zoro and I are best friends.”

Usopp looked at him balefully, “Wow, you really are dumb.  Don’t send me some Refinery29 or Vogue article and say that’s what ‘the people’ think.  Those authors pride themselves in not being gossip mills.”  Usopp’s use of air quotes was very condescending.

Sanji narrowed his eyes, “Please elaborate or I’m suing you for workplace harassment.”

Usopp sighed and pulled out his phone, “I know you don’t check your mentions anymore.  I started following the Topic, ‘Sanji Black,’ so I won’t get blind-sided by the random things you do on the internet.  And no, I’m not going to explain Topics to you.  People can see the Topics you follow, so I’m still limiting you to following approved accounts and clearing your tweets with me and/or Nami.”  He handed his phone to Sanji, who swiped through the Topic.

The first post that caught his eye was a QRT of a short video taken of a television screen, the Golden Globes logo in the corner.  When he played it, he was greeted with a five second clip of Zoro winking.  Sanji sighed.  He could guess when this was.  The original poster had included with the video the question: “Any guesses who Zoro was winking at?”  The QRT simply stated, “Sanji,” and was currently up to 3,000 likes.

“Best friends can wink at each other,” Sanji sniffed.

“Keep going,” Usopp sighed.

Sanji scrolled, ignoring the posts that were entirely text and stopped at a photo of him and Zoro at the Tadaima table, different than the one used in the Refinery29 article.  In this photo, Sanji was leaning back against Zoro’s arm, gazing up at him with an unbearably goofy expression, as Zoro looked past the top of Sanji’s head at Kuina and Kin’emon, an annoyed look on his face as they laughed about something.  The photo was accompanied by the text: “@TheRealSanjiBlack @zoromugiwara  Two cuties at the Tadaima table.  Discuss.”

The post was by a Bonney Jewelry.  Sanji checked her profile which stated: “Bonney, mukbang extraordinaire, fashion blogger, makeup artist, DM me for LA sessions, I’ll make you look young af.”

He sighed, “I can only guess what the discussion is about in the 195 replies.”

“Spare yourself, Sanji,” Usopp said, reaching to take his phone back, “You’re fine with being public with Zoro now, aren’t you?  Don’t worry about this shit anymore.  People will say whatever they want, it shouldn’t bother you.”

“That’s easy for you to say,” Sanji muttered, trying to push aside his inquisitiveness, only for a new topic of his curiosity to come up.  He was an interviewer, he couldn’t let sleeping dogs lie.

“So Kaya Syrup?” he grinned at Usopp, who turned dark red, “Did you get her number?”

Usopp nodded shyly, and Sanji immediately reached over to hit him across the chest.

“That hurts, Sanji,” Usopp squawked, trying to hide from Sanji’s excited blows.

“Tell me everything that happened.  Every.  Fucking.  Thing.  You smooth bastard,” Sanji grinned.

---

After extracting every drop of information out of Usopp about his conversation with Kaya, Sanji settled back in his seat, looking out the window at the nearly stand-still traffic around them.  Zoro had warned that they should leave a few hours early, ignoring Sanji’s jabs that they weren’t directionless idiots.  Turns out the actor was right.  He sighed, took out his phone, and went to Bonney Jewelry’s profile to find the photo of him and Zoro.

Taking a deep breath and throwing a look over at Usopp who had closed his eyes for a nap, Sanji opened the replies like a small child doing something naughty in front of his parents.

He scrolled through the replies quickly, most of which were variations of “CUTE” and “AWWWW.”  His face flushed at one reply with nearly as many likes as the original post where the replier eloquently stated: “Zoro snack, Sanji want eat.”  Hesitating for but a moment, he dove down headfirst into a rabbit hole he would never find his way out of by tapping to see the replies to this reply.  Moving quickly past some suggestive gifs, he paused at a longer comment: “Honestly, I think this is really sweet.  Sanji looks like he’s in love.  Zoro looks like Kuina and Kin’emon are making fun of him for being in love.  I absolutely ship it.  Find yourselves someone who looks at you like Sanji looks at Zoro, lads.”  He smiled and very nearly liked the reply before practically throwing his phone away at the near misstep.

Taking deep breaths, he retrieved his phone, ignored Usopp’s sleepy, suspicious look, and went back to the replies.  He fumbled with the phone in his hand, terrified of accidentally clicking anything, when he noticed the reply right below the nice reply with simply the word: “Gross.”

Sanji’s anger flared, his vision narrowing to a point as he stared at the reply.  He immediately clicked on the replier’s profile, which revealed very little information other than he/she/they were interested in first person shooter videogames.  Seething, he went back to the thread to see if there were other assholes who had left shitty comments.  He felt himself getting more and more annoyed at the non-zero number.

“Can you believe this shit?” he blurted out, poking Usopp hard in the shoulder and showing him a caps lock, typo-filled comment full of expletives and homophobic slurs.  Usopp looked for a moment, confused, then sighed, “I mean, yes, I can believe it, Sanji.  The internet is really fucked up.  You okay, bud?”

“Who the fuck does this?  Go mind your fucking business.  What is the point of commenting like this?” Sanji raged.

“Twitter can be really horrible, Sanji,” Usopp said nervously, “I’m sure there are a ton of supportive replies too, do you want me to go through and find some for you?”

“I want to respond to them and tell them that the fucking Dark Ages want their ass-backward thoughts back.”

“Please don’t do that,” Usopp sighed.  Sanji opened his mouth, remembering his other account.

“Not on your other horny account either,” Usopp continued, “Look, Sanji, these are just confused pre-teens or conservative assholes looking for attention.  They just want you to feel bad and make you angry or sad.  You know those people hate Late Night too and we just laugh at them.  Cavendish has that whole segment dedicated to stupid, mean tweets.”

“This is different, Usopp,” Sanji gritted out, “This is… this is personal.  Not some conservative blowhards angry at us for making fun of right-wing politicians, these people are saying shit about me and about Zoro, and I fucking hate that.”

“Sanji, hey, boss,” Usopp said, putting a hand on Zoro’s shoulder, “They don’t matter.  I know you’re not naïve enough to think homophobia doesn’t exist in the world.  We are surrounded by loving, amazing people who don’t give a fuck who we love, but the internet has all the dark spaces that we don’t want to be in, you know?  There will always be shitty people out there, and nothing you say to them is going to change their mind.  Just fuck ‘em.  The fact that they’re even leaving shitty replies in the first place is because you’re making an impact, you mean something to people, which is more than they could ever wish for.”

Sanji mulled Usopp’s words, feeling a rush of gratitude and fondness for his head writer.

“I knew I kept you around for a reason,” he smiled weakly.

“Honestly, lean into it more,” Usopp laughed, “Next time we all hang out, we should take a selfie of the gang and you should just be lounging on Zoro’s lap, show the assholes that we don’t give a fuck and we’re the coolest people out there.”

Sanji grinned, “Sounds like a plan.”

“In the meantime, let’s just not check Twitter anymore, eh, Sanji?  You can really work yourself up into an aneurysm about these people,” Usopp said, a hint of desperation in his voice.

“But some people are saying nice things,” Sanji began cheekily, laughing at the bug-eyed expression Usopp shot him before saying, “Yeah, yeah, I’ll stop.”

---

It was dark by the time they arrived back in JFK, Sanji cursing the short winter days and the time difference.  He sent a quick text to Zoro letting him know that they’d landed and that he’d call when he got home, and waited at the taxi pickup with Usopp, shivering in the cold NYC night.

“Honestly, Buggy has it absolutely right, taping in LA,” he muttered, “We should stage a coup until NBC lets us move to somewhere warm.  Fucking Florida even.”

“We make fun of Florida all the time, it would be bad form to move there,” Usopp said, teeth chattering.  They reached the front of the taxi line at that moment, and the two of them scooted into the backseat of the nearest cab.  Once they were situated and the taxi began heading to Sanji’s place where Usopp would crash for the night, Sanji took out his phone to idly check Twitter.  He froze.

“Usopp,” he said.

“What did I say about ignoring shitty comments?” Usopp sighed.

“I didn’t do anything,” Sanji said, “Luffy is the one replying to people.”

Usopp groaned and pulled out his own phone to see what damage the troublemaker had caused.

Hodydadoor @Hodyjones – 7 hr

Replying to @jewelrybonneylove

Mute me, I don’t want to see this shit.

Shine bright like a fucking diamond @jewelrybonneylove – 7 hr

Replying to @Hodyjones

You’re such a fucking child, LMAO.  I’m not muting shit, in fact, here’s a pic of me and my boo.  She’s cute, isn’t she?

KingofPirates @luffmugiwara – 5 hr

Replying to @Hodyjones

[poop emoji] [laughing emoji]

It’sMePerona @PinkPantherona – 4 hr

Replying to @Hodyjones, @jewelrybonneylove, and @luffmugiwara

Luffy, I miss you. [crying emoji] @zoromugiwara, bring @TheRealSanjiBlack back home, I want to meet your husband.  @Hodyjones suck my dick, lol, people like you are so cringe.  @jewelrybonneylove I fucking love your hair?!?!?

Wado is my fav @worldwarzoro – 4 hr

Replying to @PinkPantherona

Wait, are they actually together?  I think that’s cool, but have they said anything about it?  Did I miss something?

---

CP9 rules your mom @Spandamage – 6 hr

Replying to @jewelrybonneylove

*retching sound*

Shine bright like a fucking diamond @jewelrybonneylove – 5 hr

Replying to @Spandamage

Is the sound your mom made when you popped out of her womb [sunglasses emoji]. 

KingofPirates @luffmugiwara – 5 hr

Replying to @Spandamage and @jewelrybonneylove

[poop emoji] [laughing emoji]

Sanji’s eyelashes make me cry @sanjiluvr – 6 hr

Replying to @Spandamage

Fuck you asshole, Sanji is a ray of sunshine for all of us, and I for one am happy he found someone to make that light brighter, people like you trying to put that light out is so senseless.

---

Blackbeard @teachyoualesson – 10 hr

Replying to @jewelrybonneylove

Nasty.

KingofPirates @luffmugiwara – 5 hr

Replying to @teachyoualesson and @jewelrybonneylove

@zoromugiwara [picture of Zoro straightening his tie] [sweating emoji]

KingofPirates @luffmugiwara – 5 hr

Replying to @teachyoualesson and @jewelrybonneylove

@TheRealSanjiBlack [picture of Sanji laughing at the Late Night desk] [looking emoji] [heart eyes emoji]

Shine bright like a fucking diamond @jewelrybonneylove – 5 hr

Replying to @teachyoualesson and @luffmugiwara

Luffy, you’re such a gem.  I’ll take a hundred of you, and just put you all in my pocket and pat your heads.

KingofPirates @luffmugiwara – 5 hr

Replying to @teachyoualesson and @jewelrybonneylove

[picture of Luffy giving a heart sign].  Join Mugiwara Studios, Bonney!

Shine bright like a fucking diamond @jewelrybonneylove – 5 hr

Replying to @teachyoualesson and @luffmugiwara

DM-ing you now!

---

After reading through a few more threads, Sanji could only collapse back in his seat and laugh, Usopp doing the same.

“Luffy’s a good captain,” Sanji said, still giggling at some of Luffy’s tongue-in-cheek responses to hate comments.

“He really doesn’t have a care in the world, does he?” Usopp sighed.

“I could probably learn something from him,” Sanji grinned, putting his phone down and turning instead to look out at New York City going slowly past.  Now that he was sitting in a warm cab, he took back his previous desire to move to LA.  Who could want to leave New York?  He smiled fondly at the pedestrians walking without a care in front of their cab stuck in traffic, catching a glimpse of the Empire State Building as they drove along 3^rd.  He watched two men, holding hands, drunkenly stumble past a Wagamama, their voices audible but unintelligible.  He smiled, thinking about a green-haired actor who he would see again in approximately 24 hours.

“You’ve got on your dopey Zoro smile,” Usopp sighed, “Honestly, can’t you control your face when you think about him?”

“Fuck off,” Sanji replied.

---

When he had Usopp settled in the guest room, Sanji slipped into bed and gave Zoro a call.

Zoro answered immediately, a concerned look on his face.

“Hey,” Sanji smiled, pulling his sheets up under his chin.

“Curly, you alright?” Zoro asked.

Confused, Sanji responded, “About what?”

“Luffy said people have been saying shit on the Twitter.  He said I shouldn’t go on because I’ll break my phone and that he’d handle it.”

“You should tell him he did a good job,” Sanji chuckled.

“Seriously, are you okay?”

“Seriously, I’m okay, marimo,” Sanji sighed, “Our lord and savior Usopp gave me a pep talk and I really did enjoy reading Luffy’s replies.”

Zoro studied him through the phone and Sanji resisted the urge to cover the camera.

“If you say the word, I’ll get on my computer and shit talk every single person who’s said anything bad about you, you’ve seen my interviews, I know how to be nasty to people,” he said after the long pause.

“I’ve been trying to encourage you to be less of an asshole to people,” Sanji sighed.

“And wouldn’t you say it’s working, curly?” Zoro grinned.

“I’m fine, Zoro, in fact, I’m great,” Sanji smiled, “It was shitty to read some of the comments.  But we have great friends.  And at the end of the day, I have you.”

Zoro said nothing.  Sanji frowned, wondering if Zoro had lost connection and was now frozen, “Mosshead, you still there?”

“I love you, curly,” Zoro said suddenly.

Sanji stared.

“I wanted to tell you in person, but I’m not sure I can wait.  I’ll tell you again tomorrow.”

Face burning, Sanji simply nodded, unable to find any words.

“You should get some sleep,” Zoro said softly, “I’ll text you when I head to the airport.”

Sanji nodded again.  Zoro grinned at him, and then ended the call.

Laying back, Sanji banged himself in the forehead a few times.  Why didn’t he say anything?  He cursed Zoro.  He was going to say it first and avoid this awkward situation of responding with what felt like the equivalent of “you too” and “right back atcha.”  “I love you too” always rang so hollow to him.

His phone buzzed and he looked down to see a text from Zoro: “I know why you didn’t say it back, curly, stop beating yourself up.  See you tomorrow.”

Sanji threw the phone away and burrowed his face in his pillow, certain he would set his bed on fire with his cheeks.

---

Sanji happily slumped into his office chair Tuesday evening after filming ended.  He checked his phone, refreshing the flight tracker of Zoro’s flight on Google.  Zoro would be landing soon, with disembarking and getting to his car and traffic, Sanji would see him in about three hours.

“Heading out, chief,” Usopp said, poking his head in Sanji’s office.

“Me too,” Sanji said, standing back up and gathering his laptop and notes.

“Good show today.”

Sanji sighed, “I could have done better on the Hancock interview.”

“I mean, if I had to look at her for an extended period of time, I also would not be able to form complete sentences.”

“I wasn’t that bad, asshole,” Sanji glared, “And this from the mouth of the Kaya Syrup worshiper?”

“I heard a rumor Hancock is joining Mugiwara Studios,” Usopp said, as they headed out of 30 Rock together, “Law too.”

Sanji shook his head incredulously, “How Luffy does it, I honestly don’t know.”

“We should get all of Mugiwara Studios on the show one day, have a big segment like we did with the Whitebeards a few months ago.  Do a bunch of interviews and maybe some games.”

“Zoro’s going to appear on Late Night for a third time in a few months?” Sanji laughed, “Other talk shows are going to think he’s going soft.  But that does sound fun.”

Sanji bid Usopp goodbye at the metro, walking the rest of the way home.  He checked his watch again, still another two and a half hours.  He sat on his couch for a few minutes, the silence of his apartment stifling, before getting up resolutely and heading out the door.  His feet carried him to the 5^th Avenue-53 St station, managing to catch an E train as soon as it arrived on the platform.  He found a seat, put on a podcast, and closed his eyes, preparing for a long ride.

Forty minutes later, he stepped briskly out of the train at Sutphin Blvd, quickly transferring to the AirTran to JFK.  Zoro had just sent a “Landed” text.  When Sanji arrived at Terminal 8, he bounced nervously on the balls of his feet as he waited at the arrivals gate, hoping he hadn’t mistimed it and the mosshead was already driving home.  If he didn’t show up soon, Sanji would have to give up on the surprise and call Zoro desperately to come back and pick him up.

Then, the familiar hunched figure came into the view, the same beanie and sunglasses.  Sanji smiled to himself.  At least, with Sanji’s intervention, Zoro changed the color of his beanie every now and then.  Today, he sported a dark blue one, just a tiny fringe of green hair peeking out the sides.  He moved briskly, skirting around slower moving individuals as if in a race to the door.  He nearly ducked past Sanji, who reached and grabbed at his jacket, whispering “marimo” playfully.

Zoro stopped in shock, and Sanji could barely make out Zoro’s eyes through the tint of his sunglasses, before he was wrapped into a tight hug.

“What are you doing here?” Zoro muttered in his ear.

“Thought I’d ask you for a ride back to your place,” Sanji laughed, arms pinned to his sides like a straitjacket by Zoro.

“How did you get here?”

“I used this thing called the train,” Sanji said, “I know you’re too directionally challenged and rich to use it, ouch.”  He glared when Zoro squeezed him so tight he thought his ribs would break, before letting go.

“You can use that thing called a train to go home then,” Zoro laughed, grabbing his hand and dragging him toward the exit.

“Wait, wait,” Sanji said, pulling on his hand.  Zoro turned, slightly confused, when Sanji hesitated.  Face red, Sanji blurted out, “I love you. I was going to tell you first, you asshole, no one’s ever said it to me first in any of my relationships, and I take pride in that, and then you had to go and cut me off like the huge jerk head you are, ouch.”  Sanji glared when Zoro gripped his hand so hard he thought his fingers would break.

“Why are you so violent today?” he grumbled, and then he was being dragged toward Zoro as the actor tilted his head and kissed him in the middle of the terminal.

"I love you too, curly," Zoro grinned when he pulled away, "It's not so hard to say after all."

Notes:

This chapter was probably the hardest for me to write. When I first joined twitter and started tentatively writing domestic Zosan tweets, I got a few pretty malicious comments that really rattled me. As a baby social media person, I contemplated just leaving Twitter. At that time, I got my own pep talks and advice on how to handle it from Dee and Hawk. I actually included portions of their kind words in this chapter. Thank god for friends. I love this community so very much, and want you all to know that I'll throwdown with haters for any of you.

Chapter 10: And the Academy Award for Best Actor Goes To...

Summary:

In which Sanji tries to get Zoro an Oscar.

“Mosshead, get the fuck up,” Sanji groaned, coming back into the bedroom to see Zoro still lying comatose under a pile of blankets.  He tugged at the covers, but Zoro stubbornly held on, trying to bury himself further in.

“Curly, leave me alone, what time is it?” Zoro muttered, putting his head under the pillow when Sanji gave up on the blankets and went to open the curtains.

“8, the Oscar nominations are being announced soon.”

“Great, lemme know what the results are later,” Zoro responded, voice muffled.

Sanji pried the pillow away from Zoro and hit him over the head with it.

“I want to watch it live.”

“Go forth and prosper.”

“I want you to watch it with me.  Please,” Sanji said, tacking on the last word with a slight feeling of guilt knowing that Zoro never said no to his begging.  Yet at least.

Zoro groaned and turned over, blinking up blearily at Sanji, “One day that’s not going to work, you know.”

“I’ll take my chances until then.  I already made breakfast and coffee.”

Grumbling, Zoro rolled out of bed and went to rummage around for a pair of sweats, scratching at his bare chest like an animal.

“I can tell you the results before the show even starts, curly.  The Oscars are just a big circle jerk of old actors nominating films their friends made or are in or films that will make them seem interesting and sophisticated.  Tadaima will be nominated but Ryuma won’t be nominated for Best Director even though he deserves it."

“I think you’ll get nominated for Best Actor.”

Zoro let out a disbelieving snort in response.

“It’ll be a nice narrative, action movie star takes on a serious role full of nuance and vulnerability and absolutely nails it,” Sanji mused.

“I’m hungry, curly,” Zoro said, kissing Sanji’s temple and sweeping out of the bedroom.

---

“And Zoro Roronoa, Tadaima,” Shirahoshi said, wrapping up the nominations for Best Actor in a Leading Role.

“I knew it, I told you, didn’t I?” Sanji crowed, clutching Zoro’s hand as they both continued staring at the screen as the nominations moved on to Best Actress.

“Did that really just happen, curly?” Zoro said, voice hoarse, “I’m not still asleep?”

Sanji pinched his cheek, dragging Zoro’s face toward him for a hard kiss on the lips.

“Not still asleep,” he murmured, “This is happening.  Proud of you, mossy.”

Zoro’s phone began buzzing, and they both looked down to see Luffy’s face on the screen.

“Go ahead,” Sanji smiled, running to grab his computer as Zoro answered.  Sanji chuckled when Zoro had to hold the phone away from his ear at the sound of Luffy’s ear-splitting yells.  He quickly opened Twitter, thinking for a few moments before typing: “Congrats on the Best Actor nom @zoromugiwara!  Time for @TheAcademy announcers to start learning how to pronounce your last name.  Hint: the R’s are silent.”

As soon as he sent it off, a message from Usopp popped up on his screen.

Usopp:  Zoo Oonoa?

Sanji:  Indeed

Usopp:  You know, they might actually take that seriously

Sanji:  If only, if only, the woodpecker sighs

Usopp:  You’re still coming into work, right?

“Shit,” Sanji said, checking the time and leaping up.  They still hadn’t announced Best Director and Best Picture yet.  Zoro was still holding the phone a foot from his ear as Luffy’s voice ran through loud and clear about his upcoming schedule.

Sanji blew him a kiss and headed out the door.

---

By the time he made it to his office and checked his computer, Ryuma had been nominated for Best Director and Tadaima for Best Picture.  He sent a quick text of congratulations to Kuina and left an overly-sappy voicemail for Zoro (the actor was probably still on the phone with Luffy) before turning to the segments for that night’s show.

“Tell Zoro congrats for me, Sanji,” Nami said, poking her head into his office a few moments later.

“Will do, my dear,” Sanji smiled.

“He’s going to be pretty busy the next few weeks, I suspect,” she continued.

Sanji frowned, “With what?”

“Now that he’s got the nomination, he’s going to have to do some schmoozing to actually win.  Tadaima got a big bump from the Golden Globe, but I’m sure a lot of the Academy still thinks of Zoro as this musclehead superhero movie actor who doesn’t deserve an Oscar and should be happy enough with a nomination.”

Sanji’s blood boiled at the thought but he kept his voice even, “All those people have to do is watch Tadaima and they’ll know he’s the right choice.  What will he have to do?”

“Most of it will be Luffy, so I hope he’s prepared to really start pushing Academy members to watch the movie.  It’s probably too late for Zoro to actually make friends with Academy members, but the aura of relatively unknown, up-and-coming Asian-American actor might do him well.  Zoro should probably do some guild screenings and interviews where he’ll have to try and sound intelligent and charming,” Nami said, giving Sanji a knowing look, “Which, we all know he can be if he tries, but he doesn’t try very often, does he?”

Sanji winced, recalling Zoro’s past interviews.  He’d gotten better in recent months at Sanji’s continued insistence, but it was still a struggle to get him past three-word answers, most of which were “I don’t know.”

“I’ll talk to him about it,” Sanji said.

“You’re a member of the Writers’ Guild, right?” she asked, “Maybe you can moderate a WGA interview of Tadaima after a guild screening.  Keep him engaged and talking."

“Genius, as always, my dear,” Sanji said, pulling out his phone to text Luffy as Nami was called away by Robin.

Sanji:  Luffy, do you think I could moderate an interview for Tadaima?

He paused, trying to think of how to justify the request and began typing out some reasons.

Luffy:  OKAY COOL HOW ABOUT SATURDAY.  I’LL TELL THEM IT HAS TO BE YOU OR ZORO WILL SHOW UP NAKED.

Sanji sighed, sincerely hoping Luffy had a plan.

---

After filming, Sanji sat in his office and put his feet on his desk, contemplating how he could help Zoro make up for his notable lack of social skills and have the Academy give him a chance.

He scanned through his list of contacts again and selected a name.

“I think I know why you’re calling,” Law drawled as soon as he picked up.

Sanji grinned, “What do you mean?  I call you all the time to check up on you like the good childhood friend I am.”

“Since we graduated high school, the only times you call me are to force me to go on that stupid show of yours.”

“That’s not true, I text you happy birthday every year.  Saw your new tattoo by the way, you’re really embracing the bad boy look.  You were such a nerd in high school,” Sanji said.

“Can you get to the point?  You want me to vote for Roronoa.”

“Only if you think he deserves it,” Sanji said, “Mostly I wanted to get the inside scoop on Zoro’s chances and see how he could improve them before voting starts.”

“He has a moderate chance.  Crocodile’s the favorite, typical stupid mafia movie where all he has to do is look steely for three hours.  He’s a safe pick, so your Zoro will have to convince people he’s worth it.”

“How does he do that?”

“He can avoid saying mean but truthful things about the Academy, because he seems like the type to do that.  Oh, and completely redo his public persona of someone who only knows how to grunt and punch.”

Sanji winced, “Okay, easy enough.”

“I have seen Tadaima.  And I was going to vote for him.  Anything else?”

“Are you really joining Mugiwara Studios?  Luffy kept talking about someone named Traffy, and I can’t believe that’s you.”

“Don’t talk to me about that idiot.”

“But are you though?”

“I’m hanging up.”

“Bye Law, and thank you,” Sanji laughed as the call ended.  He sighed.  Completely redo Zoro’s public persona?  Moving mountains would be easier than getting Zoro to make nice with interviewers.  His phone buzzed, and he checked to see a text in all caps from Luffy that he could moderate the Tadaima screening on Saturday.  He took a deep breath, feeling like he was about to dive into battle.

---

Sanji smoothed down Zoro’s lapel, more for his benefit than Zoro’s.  Zoro had the usual disaffected look on his face he got when he was about to do something he was being forced to do against his will.

“Smile, mosshead, I know you can,” Sanji muttered.  Zoro curved the sides of his lips up maniacally and grunted when Sanji kicked him in the shin.

“You know what questions I’m going to ask, most of them will be for Ryuma anyways.  Don’t slouch, nod along to everybody else’s answers, at least pretend like you’re paying attention.  We’ll do limited audience questions, be nice if you get any."

“Sure, because that’s my forte, being nice to vapid questions.”

“Pretend like they’re coming from me,” Sanji glared.

“You don’t ask vapid questions.”

“Zoro, do you want to win an Oscar or not?” Sanji hissed.

“Of course I do, curly,” Zoro sighed, “I just don’t think there is anything I can do at this point to get one.  You’ve read the articles.  I’m the token minority who will get people to pay attention to the Oscars because I’m hot.”

“Wow.  What a statement.  Stop being so pessimistic,” Sanji responded, fussing with Zoro’s hair, “People will see how talented you are if they just watch the movie.  There’re hundreds of people out there coming to see Tadaima tonight, and they’re going to have questions and you’re going to answer them with grace and composure.”

“If you say so.”

“I do say so.  I brought a spritzer, if you don’t answer a question nicely, I’m going to spray you in the face like a disobedient dog.”

Zoro laughed, grabbing Sanji into a hug, “I’m glad you’re here, cook.”

“Get off, you’re wrinkling my suit,” Sanji muttered, nevertheless pulling Zoro closer.

---

After the screening, during which he cried again despite seeing the movie half a dozen times already, Sanji nervously waited for the chairs to be set up and the cast to file in and take their seats.  Zoro sat in the farthest chair away from him, poor planning on his part to not have placed Zoro close for monitoring, but he could hardly displace Ryuma sitting next to him.

He tapped the mic a few times and the audience sounds died down to a murmur.  Flashing a smile at Ryuma and shooting a glare over to Zoro who straightened up in his seat, he began the pre-vetted questions.

The interview proceeded smoothly as Sanji mostly directed his questions to Ryuma, interspersed with a few for Kuina, Zoro, and Rayleigh.  Zoro gave his answers competently, if monotonously.  It would have to do, Sanji thought, as they approached the audience Q&A.  He had watched previous WGA interviews and knew the audience usually asked pretty staid questions that Zoro shouldn’t have trouble answering.  Hopefully.

Sanji thanked the cast after the last of his questions and turned to the audience.

“We have time for a few audience questions.  If you’ll raise your hand, we’ll have our runners bring a mic.”  He waited, scanning the audience.  He saw a woman toward the front and gestured in her direction, “Miss, why don’t we start with you?”

She stood up nervously and accepted the mic, turning toward Zoro.

“Thank you, Mr. Roronoa, and, um, congratulations on your Oscar nomination.”  She paused.  Zoro stared and Sanji wanted to kick him.

“Thank you,” he said finally.

“My question, um, how did you get in character for the role?  It’s such a unique role to play and you did a really good job.  So I was wondering if you were able to rely on personal experience?”

Zoro frowned.  Sanji waited with bated breath, hoping that Zoro wouldn’t go into a diatribe about being asked a question about his personal life.

“Can you repeat the question?” Zoro asked, “I’m not sure I caught it.”  Sanji groaned internally, a typical Zoro response hoping the next time the question was asked he could get out of answering it.

“I can repeat it,” Sanji said, breaking in, “It was a little hard to hear up on the stage, so we’ll have production adjust the mic for the next question.  Zoro, our lovely audience member would like to know how you were able to get into character for the role of Aidan Kozuki.  Were you able to rely on personal experience or did you have other techniques of inhabiting the mindset of the character?”  He added the last part in the hopes of giving Zoro a way out of delving into his personal life.

Zoro looked at him carefully, and Sanji, for a moment, felt the world around them disappear.  He maintained eye contact and gave Zoro a small smile, trying to communicate “It’s just me, just you and me.”

Zoro turned back to the audience member, transformed by the soft look now on his face.  He took a deep breath and began, “I’m actually adopted myself and grew up in a predominantly white county in the middle of nowhere in Kansas.  So I did rely a lot on personal experience for the role in terms of feeling disconnected from my culture, feeling uncertain about my worth having been given up as a child, and feeling like I was perceived as an other by the community I grew up in.  But that’s kind of where the similarity ends.  My adoptive father is not at all like the man that Rayleigh played.  And my adoptive sister is leagues away from the woman that Kuina portrayed.  So, getting into the role was very much a collaborative process that involved lots of heart to hearts with my fellow cast members and with Ryuma, who, by the way, from the moment I met him, I knew I was working in the presence of greatness.  It took a lot of reading about the Japanese-American experience, a lot of conversations with Japanese-Americans, especially adopted Japanese-Americans living in New York City, because to authentically portray that role, I couldn’t only rely on my childhood in Kansas.  And in the end, a lot of soul-searching.  But that may have been more information than you were looking for with your excellent question so I’ll stop there.”

The room was silent as Zoro sat back, mic on his lap as he looked serenely out into the auditorium.

“Any other questions?” he asked finally, raising his mic again.  Sanji jumped, realizing it was up to him to moderate the rest of the conversation.

“Thank you, Zoro, any other questions from the audience?” he said, voice shaky.

Not a single hand was raised.

“My answer was just that good,” Zoro quipped, breaking the tension in the room.

“You surprised all of us,” Kuina grinned.

“I don’t know what you mean, Kuina, my sunny disposition is well documented,” Zoro said calmly.

As the audience laughed, Sanji saw a few other hands go up and began directing the runners around the room for more questions.

---

“Did I do okay?” Zoro asked dryly when Sanji found him in his dressing room after the interview.  Sanji laughed, collapsing onto the couch, laying his head on Zoro’s lap, and loosening his tie, “You were perfect.”

“As usual,” Zoro responded, bending down to kiss him.

“All you have to do is do that a half dozen more times and people might just start warming up to you.”

Zoro groaned, “I can’t wait for this dog and pony show to be over.  Can you moderate all of the other events Luffy has on my schedule?”

“You’ll do great, mosshead,” Sanji said, “You don’t need me there.”

“I was going to be snarky, but I didn’t want to disappoint you,” Zoro replied quietly.

“Well the same principle should apply when I’m not physically there,” Sanji said, ruffling his hair.

They sat in silence for a while, waiting for the audience to leave before making their own exit.

“You going to be okay with people snooping into your past now?” Sanji asked.

Zoro shrugged, “Perona will want the attention and Mihawk has his own ways of staying out of the public eye.”

“But are you going to be okay?” Sanji repeated, scanning Zoro’s face.  There would be reporters digging into every community in Kansas now, looking for stories of Zoro’s behavior as a child to blow out of proportion.

“Yes, curly, I’m going to be okay,” he smiled, eyes warm as he looked down at Sanji, “I said no more hiding, didn’t I?  They can do their worst.  At the end of the day, I have you."

“Stop stealing my lines,” Sanji muttered, flushing as he remembered their FaceTime from a few weeks ago.

“Let’s go,” Zoro chuckled, “Kuma will drop you off at your place, I’m heading to Chicago in a few hours.”

“When will you be back?” Sanji asked, trying not to sound like a petulant child.

“Two weeks, and then I’ll be back on the road for another four,” Zoro winced, “I never realized awards season was such a shitshow.”

“Two weeks,” Sanji mused.

“I’ll be back for two days on the 2^nd and 3^rd,” Zoro said shyly.

“Something special happening around then?” Sanji laughed.

“Daniel Craig was born on March 2^nd,” Zoro responded, “I went to his birthday party in the Maldives last year.”

“Fuck you,” Sanji groaned.

---

Usopp:  You’re welcome.  https://www.reddit.com/r/latenight/coments/si3hp/I_just_want_to_rant_about_ZoSan

Sanji:  …

Usopp:  You know you’re curious

Sanji:  You aren’t worried about me doing something crazy on social media anymore?

Usopp:  Honestly, Sanji, that ship has passed.  You’re on your own now.  Spread your wings and fly.  Don’t ever @ me for anything though

Sanji:  “@gettodausopper wrote this Reddit post, thought I should share.  He is ZoSan2019.”

Usopp:  Don’t you dare.

Usopp:  Sanji?

Usopp:  Sanji

Usopp:  SANJI

Sanji:  Calm down, I’m reading.

---

r/latenight

Posted by u/ZoSan2019 13 hours ago

132.9 k    (Discussion) I just want to rant about ZoSan, okay?

Okay, I’m back.  And all I can say is I told you so.  It’s all but official at this point.  This post is going to be about how incredible they are together but check out my twitter thread about their history from the day Zoro went on Late Night last year through the most recent pic Sanji tweeted where Zoro took Sanji on a helicopter date on… wait for it, Sanji’s birthday.  [As a side note, Zoro flying a helicopter is really hot.] 

But the point of today’s rant: how perfect they are for each other.  Case in point, Zoro’s recent interview after a WGA screening of Tadaima where Sanji was the moderator.  These things usually get like 200 views on YouTube, but this one, as of the time I wrote this post, was at 493,060 views.  This is a screencap of Zoro’s FACE when he looked at Sanji, after which he proceeded to talk about his private life and vulnerabilities, hnngghhhhh.  Need I remind you of the disastrous interview ten months ago where Zoro murdered someone with his words when they asked about his private life?  He was about to do it here, but Sanji was that perfect modulating influence on him and I just want to cry.  But that’s just it, they BALANCE each other. Sanji brings out that beautiful softer side to Zoro that’s hiding underneath that hard exterior.  Zoro builds Sanji up and is a support system for that man who works too. damn. hard and doesn’t let anybody take care of him (Luffy posted this pic of Sanji asleep on Zoro’s shoulder that makes me melt).  They’re both so different yet so similar?!  The mutual respect and admiration and love in their faces when they’re with each other, they just complete each other.  God, the number of buckets I’ve cried talking to people over on the ZoSan Discord about all this (DM me on twitter if you want the invite, I’m a mod).  I’m so invested in their relationship it’s sad.  Don’t tell me to get a life in the comments, I’m aware I don’t have one and I’m all the happier for it.

89% upvoted

2.8k Comments

---

Sanji’s face could have roasted marshmallows when he finished reading.  He sat back, trying to cool his face down with his hands.  He gripped at his hair trying to wrap his mind around the thought that strangers were psychoanalyzing him on the internet and writing treatises on his relationship.  He took another look at the number next to the up and down arrows, whatever that meant.  132.9 k?  Was that the number of people who had seen this post?  What were people saying about him on this Discord thing?  He gripped his hair, trying to decide what to do about all the turmoil and curiosity burning inside him.

He heard his phone buzz.

Zoro:  Landed in London

Sanji picked up the phone immediately.  Zoro had flown to London for a few days to attend the BAFTAs.

Sanji:  Say hello to Daniel for me

Zoro:  Meeting him for lunch

Sanji:  Are you actually?

Zoro:  No

Sanji bit his lip, trying to decide whether to mention the Reddit post to Zoro.

Sanji:  Does it bother you that people talk about us when they don’t know anything about us?

His phone vibrated, and he looked down to see Zoro was calling.

“What’s going on, curly?” Zoro asked when Sanji answered, his face full of concern, “Did someone say something shitty again?”

“No, I guess the opposite,” Sanji sighed, “I thought people would pay attention if we were more public, but I didn’t expect anybody to fucking write a book about us with the romance of the century as the title or something like that.”

Zoro frowned, “If someone is writing a book about us without our permission, I’ll call my lawyer.”

“God,” Sanji laughed incredulously, “No, nobody’s writing a boo—nevermind, also wait you have a lawyer?”

“Of course.  A team.  They do saber-rattling whenever the tabloids get too bold.”

“Sometimes I forget we live in completely different worlds,” Sanji sighed, “Anyways, I should probably just spend less time on the internet.”

“That’s probably for the best, curly.”  They fell silent as Sanji watched Zoro look around confused for a few moments before walking in probably the wrong direction.

“Do you think we complete each other, mosshead?” Sanji mused.

“What?” Zoro spluttered, looking back down at the phone.

“That’s what the internet says,” Sanji said.

“What exactly are you reading?”

“Ugh, I don’t know,” Sanji groaned, “Forget I said anything.  Go to your afternoon tea with the Queen or whatever you’re doing over there.  I’ll call you tonight after the show.”

“I do, Sanji,” Zoro said quickly.

“You do what?” Sanji asked, confused.

“I do think that we…”  Zoro’s face was tinged with pink, “The thing you said that the internet says.”

“Complete each other?”

“Yes, that.”

“Oh,” Sanji whispered, feeling inordinately embarrassed, “Me too.”

“Good.”

Sanji chuckled weakly, “I’ll stop it with the internet things.”

“Also good.”

“I’ll call you tonight, mosshead,” Sanji repeated quietly.

Zoro nodded and hung up.  Sanji turned back to his computer and exited out of the Reddit page.

---

“Law thinks you have a good chance,” Sanji said, patting Zoro’s leg as they drove toward Dolby Theatre.

Zoro grunted.

“The New Yorker article was great,” Sanji continued, “You did a good job with that interview, Twitter talked about it for ages.”

“Curly, all I want to do tonight is get extremely drunk, then take you back home and divest you of your purple suit.  Can we not talk about the hellscape that has been this past month and a half?”

“It’s not purple for the thousandth time,” Sanji muttered, probably turning purple at the comment, “It’s burgundy.”

“If you say so.”

Sanji was about to berate him some more on being color blind when the Dolby Theater and the entrance to the red carpet came into view.  He gulped, heart rate rising at the field day reporters would have at his coming to the Oscars as Zoro’s date.

“I can toss you out the side of the car right now and Kuma can circle around and take you back home,” Zoro said, eyeing him, “I’d rather not have the headline tomorrow be ‘Zoro Roronoa brings hostage to Oscars award ceremony.’”

“Do I look that crazed?” Sanji laughed, “I’m just nervous.  This is different than posting a few pictures on Twitter.”  He gripped Zoro’s hand tightly before saying softly, “But I’ll be fine.  I want this.”

Kuma stopped and Sanji looked out the tinted windows at the crowd of photographers approaching.  Zoro watched him carefully, then leaned forward, grabbed Sanji’s face with a large hand, and kissed the absolute living daylights out of him before turning to open the door and step out of the car.  As Sanji sat, shocked, Zoro grinned and extended his hand.

“You still with me, curly?”

Taking a deep breath and composing himself, while vowing to exact revenge on Zoro at a later date, Sanji shuffled down the backseat, took Zoro’s hand, and let himself be pulled out to stand by the actor, hoping he didn’t look too shell-shocked.  Zoro, still holding onto his hand, walked past the line of photographers, refusing multiple calls to stop for a photo, a huge grin etched on his face.  He looked back and winked at Sanji, who could only shake his head and smile in response.  They balance each other, ZoSan2019 had said.

Maybe so, Sanji thought, as he held Zoro back from storming straight into the venue, feeling the push and pull between their clasped hands, a prayer, a promise, and protection all at once.

Notes:

Major thanks to Hawk for the Zoro-has-to-be-nice-maybe-Sanji-can-moderate-a-screening plotline, for reading the chapter and making sure this all sounds close to accurate, and for patiently explaining how "The Academy" works! <3

Chapter 11: Discord

Summary:

In which Sanji discovers Discord.

“What are you doing?” Sanji asked, peering over Usopp’s shoulder to look at an unfamiliar-looking screen.  He usually caught his head writer on Twitter or watching videos of people restoring old rifles like the nerd he was, but Sanji hadn’t seen this particular interface before.

Usopp quickly stood up and hugged his monitor, looking around with guilty eyes.  This meant he was doing something Sanji-related.

“Let me see,” Sanji demanded.

“It’s really nothing, boss man,” Usopp stammered.

“Remove yourself from your monitor, or I will send you with Cavendish and Bartolomeo for the strip clubs segment.”

With a sad sigh, Usopp melted back into his seat, allowing Sanji access to…

Sanji frowned.  He really had no idea what he was looking at.

“What is this?”

“Discord,” Usopp muttered.

“The thing white supremacists use to talk to each other?” Sanji asked, raising an eyebrow, “When did you make the transition to the dark side, Usopp?”

“What?  No.  Regular people use it too.  I have one for my Pokemon Go group—”

“Okay, I’ve realized I don’t care,” Sanji said, standing up and preparing to leave Usopp to his strange devices when a photo of himself sitting at his Late Night desk popped up on the screen.  He stared at it.  The photo almost immediately disappeared when a wall of text took its place.  He peered closer and read.

“FUCK HE LOOKS SO GOOD.  I KNOW EXACTLY WHICH EPISODE THAT WAS FROM, THE SEAFOAM TIE ON EARTH DAY UGHHH MY HEART.”

“His little smirk gets me every timeeeeeee.  Yes, Sanji, please batter me with your words.”

“He was interviewing Law, wasn’t he?  I hope he brings him back, this interview was Hilarious."

“Usopp, what is happening?” Sanji asked hoarsely, “Are they… are they talking right now?”

“Yes, Sanji,” Usopp sighed, “The little gremlins in my computer are typing madly.”

“Who are they?” Sanji asked, bewildered, but also slightly flattered as he watched strangers continuously say nice things about him on the dark screen.

“They’re just… people.  Just think of it as a big group text.”

“Do you know them?” Sanji demanded.

“What like… personally?” Usopp asked, “No, I don’t ever even say anything, I just lurk.”

“Show me how it works,” Sanji commanded.

“It’s the middle of the work day, Sanji,” Usopp sighed.

“This is more important.  Do they say bad things about me?”

“God no, the people on the server are like your biggest fans.  They’d murder for you,” Usopp said.

“So they just talk about me all day long?” Sanji asked, wondering how he could get access to this Server.

“Well, you and Zoro,” Usopp said sheepishly, “It’s technically a ZoSan server.  I was curious after reading that ZoSan2019 Reddit post so I joined.  There’s a Sanji channel, a Zoro channel, a ZoSan channel, and a few channels for chatting about other stuff.  I mostly lurk in the Sanji channel.  It’s pretty amusing.  They talk about every episode and discuss their favorite bits.  It’s honestly pretty useful.”

“What about the ZoSan channel?” Sanji asked, dreading the answer.

“I’m too scared to spend time in the ZoSan channel.”

Sanji shuddered, “God, it’s probably full of paparazzi photos.”

“Actually no, the server is pretty respectful,” Usopp said, navigating to a screen titled RULES AND REGULATIONS.

Server Rules

1. Be Nice. We’re all friends with at least one thing in common, a love for the angels Sanji and Zoro and they wouldn’t want us to be assholes to each other.
2. OFFICIAL PICTURES ONLY. Please do not post photos that are clearly paparazzi photos invading our boys’ privacy.  They will be taken down immediately.
3. The Boys are Real People. Thirsting is allowed in the Sanji and Zoro channels.  However, while this is a shipping server, please be respectful in the ZoSan channel when talking about them together.  See the pinned message that our beloved founder and mod Zozo (ZoSan2019) made about do’s and don’t’s in that channel.  EDIT – now that they are officially official, we have updated the pinned message.
4. Keep it Safe for Work. While we love our sweet and soft fanart, no NSFW fanart is allowed.  The mods WILL be watching.  You must SOURCE the fanart, very important.  (The NSFW Zoro channel is meant for official shirtless Zoro pictures.  Those are allowed.)
5. Please write an introduction in #introductions to prevent spam accounts.  A mod will then give you access to the rest of the server.
6. Have fun!

“They are taking this seriously,” Sanji mused, “Go to the ZoSan channel, I want to see.”

With a heavy sigh, Usopp clicked on the white highlighted word “ZOSAN,” and Sanji was immediately greeted with a picture of him and Zoro from the Oscars red carpet.  He gulped when he saw it, instantly remembering the rush of emotions he felt when Zoro dragged him toward Dolby Theatre.  He had walked down red carpets before, but the sheer number of camera clicks and flashes he saw and heard were new to him.  Just before they got to the entrance, he had pulled Zoro back for one photo, shyly linking his arm into his partner’s and smiling at the gathered reporters, before allowing Zoro to haul him into the venue.

(Collab art with the wonderful, perfect Laura.  Thank you, my dear!)

“Hourly bump of this photo, I still can’t get over it.”

“Thank you for doing god’s work.”

“What a beautiful couple.  And oh my fucking god I’ve seen this photo so many times and I’ve only just realized Zoro has on a burgundy tie, they MATCH.  Someone should write a song about them.”

@RaMi “What a beautiful couple.  And oh my fucking god I’ve seen…”

“Let’s be real, Sanji chose Zoro’s outfit.  And are you volunteering to write this song?”

“The way Zoro is staring at the camera gives me goosebumps.  #willyoumarryuszoro.  #polyculesareokayright?”

“Sanji’s big ol’ smile will live rent-free in my mind until I perish.  They just look so goddamn happy together.”

“I screamed when I first saw this photo.  They are so cute but also so fucking brave?!?  Changing Oscars history for damn sure, debuting their relationship on the red carpet.  I’m so proud of them, honestly, I will murder to keep them from getting any hate.”

@ZoZo “I screamed when I first saw this photo.  They are so…”

“I know right?  I feel like I spend all my time on twitter reading replies to Luffy’s posts and going apeshit on haters.  Probably should just report the tweet but what else am I supposed to do when I’m seeing red and frothing at the mouth?”

@Sparrow “I know right?  I feel like I spend all my time on twitter…”

“Same.  I also spam the hell out of people who take photos of them at like a bodega, it’s so annoying, just chill and bask in their presence, you don’t have to prove that you were lucky enough to go pick up cat litter at the same time Sanji wanted some Skittles.  I’m terrified that people are snooping into Zoro’s childhood now.  Just leave them alone!!!!!”

“Whatcha thinkin’, boss?”

Sanji snapped back to the real world at Usopp’s tentative question.

“I dunno… it’s a lot to take in,” he said, watching the text continue to climb up as more and more people commented on their photo.

“It’s all light-hearted stuff,” Usopp said, “I’m starting to get a sense of peoples’ personalities too, and I see them commenting on your twitter posts.  They really are like you and Zoro’s personal army.  I didn’t tell you about this because you went into hiding after the Oscars, but some conservative commentator said Zoro only won Best Actor because he’s Asian, and I shit you not, the server organized a campaign and the commentator apologized for and deleted the tweet two hours later.”

“That’s really nice of them,” Sanji said thoughtfully.

“Don’t, by the way,” Usopp said.

“Don’t what?”

“Don’t join the server, I can see you thinking about it.  You have your ‘I-have-to-do-something-for-insert-person-or-group-of-people’ face on.  You’re too fucking nice, Sanji.  It would be really weird for them if you joined, I promise.  Just keep going on with your life.”

Sanji sighed, “You’ll… keep me updated though?”

“I will surely not.  I should leave as well, it gets weird when they mention me.”

“Do they do that?” Sanji asked skeptically, “What, do you search for your name or something?”

Usopp glared at him before turning back to his computer, “Rude.  Once or twice they have.”

---

“The usual?” Gin asked, “Medium latte and a large black coffee?”

Sanji smiled.  “Thank you, Gin, and because I’m feeling feisty today, a blueberry scone and a cheese scone,” Sanji said, peering at the selection of pastries the coffeeshop had to offer.  Gin nodded and went to prepare his order.

He heard a giggle and looked behind him to see two women staring at him.  They laughed some more, and Sanji wondered if Usopp had again taped a “spank me” sign to his back before he left.  He tried to surreptitiously check.

“Are the black coffee and cheese scone for Zoro?” one of the women asked shyly.

Sanji stared at her.

“Um, no, it’s for my director and the scones are both for me,” he said finally, not sure why he felt the need to actually answer.  The women looked disappointed, and Sanji quickly moved away to grab his order before sprinting out of the coffeeshop.

This was happening to him more and more these days—people connecting him to Zoro.  He had gone to this coffeeshop every afternoon for two years, and no one had ever paid him any attention.  A few days ago, someone had questioned him on the cuts of meat he ordered from his local deli, asking if Zoro preferred white or dark meat in a suggestive way.  He’d received a package delivered to the Late Night studio addressed to “Sanji Roronoa” with a t-shirt of Zoro’s gym fanart.  (Sanji kept it.)  The manager of his gym told him the number of sign-ups they’d gotten since the Oscars had tripled, probably hoping that the infamous gym rat would attend Sanji’s gym.  It was frankly annoying, but the indominable need in Sanji to be polite always stopped him from lashing out.  He wondered if Zoro experienced a similar change.  Likely not, since the man already had to deal with fame before meeting Sanji.

“You okay?” Nami asked, likely noticing the look of turmoil on his face when he handed her the coffee.

“Fine,” Sanji said, heading toward his office.

“Sanji,” Nami called after him, and he stopped.

“You know you can talk to me about anything, right?” she said.  Sanji nodded and flashed her the biggest smile he could muster and ducked into his office.

Once he was at his desk, he thought again about the Discord server and the rules the members had put in place in an attempt to protect his and Zoro’s privacy.  If only all of Zoro’s fans subscribed to the same philosophy, he thought sadly.

“Sanji, I’ve got an idea for the Mugiwara Studios episode,” Usopp said, poking his head in his office.

“For the millionth time, Usopp, we’re not doing Big Mouth,” Sanji sighed, as his head writer lurked by his door.

“Big Mouth is so last year, I’ve grown past it.  That was the old Usopp, the bad mood Usopp,” Usopp began.

“I know you’re about to do your ‘I Love Kanye’ bit, please don’t,” Sanji said, raising his hand.

“Okay fine, but I do think my new Usopp idea could be a recurring sketch.”

“I’m listening.”

“Chopper said people loved the reverse interview thing that Zoro did, I know, I know, without your permission,” Usopp said, looking nervously at Sanji’s darkening expression, “But it was popular.  So here’s my pitch.  We should go to them instead of having them come to us, spend an afternoon doing segments like Day Drinking or Fake or Florida in their space.  People would love that inside look at Mugiwara Studios or BTS or G-8.”

“Sounds like something Pica would do,” Sanji frowned, “Gimmicky and staged.”

“You don’t have to act like Pica,” Usopp rolled his eyes, “You’ll bring your own brand of snarky humor to it.  And we won’t stage any of it, just roll like we do with Day Drinking, I’m sure we’ll get enough good footage for an episode.”

Sanji contemplated this for a moment, “I’ll consider it.”

“I’ve got a couple of ideas we can talk to Luffy about.  You’ve always said you hate having groups come on the show for interviews because one guy hogs all the talking and no one learns anything about anyone.”

“Okay, like I said, write it up and I’ll consider it,” Sanji said, more sharply than he intended.  Usopp looked surprised and Sanji immediately felt guilt curling in the pit of his stomach.

“Sorry, Usopp, it’s a good idea,” he sighed, “It’ll probably work well too, with all the weirdos that Luffy has collected.”

“You okay, Sanji?” Usopp asked softly, “You wanna talk about anything?”

“It’s nothing, just tired,” Sanji said, smiling weakly, “Haven’t had my afternoon coffee, Mean Sanji is in the building.”

Usopp looked at him carefully, “I know you only get afternoon coffee to get some fresh air, you don’t actually need the caffeine.  And I know I joke about it, but there really isn’t a mean Sanji in you.  Something else is bothering you.”

“It’s really nothing, Usopp, just not used to the additional attention now that I’m public with Zoro, but I’ll get used to it.  I just need some time.”

Usopp sighed, “Ah shit, I figured that was going to happen.”

“I’ll be fine, honestly,” Sanji said, “I’m sure it’ll die down in a few weeks.”

“I hope so, but, you know, I am part of your ZoSan army.  I’m ready to throw hands with anybody.”

“Usopp, we all know that while you have the mental acuity of a MacArthur Genius Grant award recipient, you have the physical strength of a small toddler."

“So there is a mean Sanji in there,” Usopp sniffed, sticking his tongue out before leaving.

---

After filming wrapped up, Sanji sat in his office and stared out the window at the city.  He was suddenly feeling apprehensive about leaving 30 Rock, wondering if he should invest in a beanie and a pair of sunglasses himself to avoid people talking to him about Zoro.

“I’m heading out, Sanji,” Usopp said, knocking on his door, “You gonna stay here a little longer?”

“I’ll come with you,” Sanji replied, leaping up.  Maybe people would be less likely to bother him if he had a friend around.

Usopp nodded and waited by the door while Sanji hurriedly packed his stuff up.

“Good draft of the Mugiwara Studios pitch, by the way,” Sanji said, as they walked through the empty office space, “Let’s see if Nami can get it scheduled for a few weeks out.”

“Thanks, though I’m sure Luffy will say yes and everybody just does what he says,” Usopp sighed, “Sometimes he calls me at 11:30 PM wanting to play videogames and turns out he’s already outside my apartment.”

“God, to have been a fly on the wall watching him and Zoro as kids,” Sanji laughed.  He thought for a moment before correcting himself, “Not in a weird way.”

“Headline:  Sanji Black, Your Friendly Neighborhood Pedophile,” Usopp replied, as they rode the elevator down.

“Don’t say shit like that in public, I swear to god, Usopp,” Sanji groaned, “I’ve gotten so paranoid, it’s ‘the walls have ears’ for me constantly.”

Usopp patted him sympathetically on the back, “Good thing you are clean as a whistle and probably have never even jaywalked.”

“It’s illegal to not jaywalk as a New Yorker.”

“Headline:  Sanji Black, Serial Lawbreaker.  I wonder if Zoro has any weird things in his past that he’s hiding from you,” Usopp mused, once they’d exited the elevator, “Has he told you about any skeletons in his closet?  Like maybe he’s secretly a pirate.”

“That’s the weirdest thing you could come up with?” Sanji asked as they headed to the front door, waving goodbye to security.

“You know how fucked up modern-day pirates are?  There’s this documentary on—”  Usopp stopped suddenly, and they both stared at the people running toward them as soon as they exited 30 Rock, cameras in hand.

“Mr. Black, Mr. Black, do you have any comment on the story Page Six just put on their website about Zoro Roronoa’s criminal charges as a 17-year-old?”

Sanji’s vision blurred as he tried to process the question.

“Did he mention this to you at all?” another reporter asked, shoving a microphone in Sanji’s face.

“Hey,” Usopp said angrily, pushing the mic aside, “Do you all really have nothing better to do?  Stop harassing us.  We have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Do you really not know what we’re talking about, Mr. Black?” a man asked.  A moment later, Sanji felt a presence behind him and looked back to see Franky with an ominous look on his face.  The reporters edged backward.

“Problem, Sanji bro?” he asked, crossing his arms across his broad chest, “As head of security for Late Night, I’m prepared to make damn sure you don’t run into any trouble on your way home.”

“Not sure that’s part of your official duties,” Sanji said weakly.

“It is now, let’s go,” Franky replied, glaring at the gaggle of reporters watching them warily.

“You know, I could have handled it, Franky,” Usopp said, a relieved look on his face as Franky escorted them down the street.

“Sure, my little bro, sure.”

---

Franky walked them to Sanji’s apartment and left only once he’d heard them lock the door.  Usopp listened to Franky’s heavy steps receding down the hallway and sighed.

“You wanna stay here tonight, Usopp?” Sanji asked, retrieving two glasses for wine.  The glasses clinked lightly, and he glared at his hands as they trembled.  He took a few deep breaths, annoyed at himself for being so worked up about a few intrusive reporters.  It was fine, this was all the paparazzi trying to gin up more clicks by smearing someone who was always in the news.  It was either a complete lie or there was some reasonable explanation for whatever had happened in Zoro’s past.  There had to be.

“Sure, I don’t feel like going to Brooklyn right now,” Usopp sighed, “Should we call Zoro?”

Sanji looked up at the clock on his wall.  “It’s the middle of the night for him.  I don’t want to wake him up about this, I don’t know what he can do right now other than worry.”  Zoro was filming in Hungary and had sent Sanji a good night text a few hours back.  If Sanji called him now in the anxious state he was in, Zoro would want to fly back immediately.

“Do you want to read the article?” Usopp asked hesitantly.

“No, it’s on Page Six, it’s definitely bullshit,” Sanji seethed.

“Okay, well I’m going to check Discord and see what the chatter is,” Usopp said, pulling out his laptop.  Curious, Sanji joined him, reading over his shoulder.

“What are they saying?” he whispered.

“You don’t have to whisper, Sanji, they can’t hear you,” Usopp said, scrolling through lines of text on the Zoro channel.

“You’re going too fast,” Sanji hissed, “Let me read it.”

“Fucking Page Six, I cannot believe it.”

“Can we sue on Zoro’s behalf?  This is ridiculous.”

“Has anybody read it already?  I refuse to click on the article and give them any more views.”

“My sister did and told me the article was about how Zoro was charged with assault when he was 17 and spent a night in jail but nothing happened after that.  The author of the article thinks that Zoro comes from a powerful family and got the charges dropped.  They said his dad is some rich person who owns a bunch of property in Kansas.”

“Wtf, why are they digging around and publishing shit that’s definitely not verified?  It’s so fucking annoying.  Leave Zoro alone.”

“Anybody know what we can do?  Has anybody @’d Luffy to see if he knows what happened?!”

“I think they’re both in Hungary right now.  Luffy posted a photo a few hours ago of Zoro passed out in the hotel room.  I bet Page Six waited until both of them were asleep to publish.”

“Should we let Sanji know?  I know we have a no DM rule, but maybe one of the mods can send him just one message from the server since this is a big fucking deal.  He doesn’t check twitter often.  Maybe he’ll know the backstory?”

“Or wait, what about Zoro’s sister?  Doesn’t he have a sister?  She commented on Zoro’s post once about bringing Sanji back home to meet them.”

“Found her, @PinkPantherona.  She actually tweeted about it.  He really was charged but his sister said he was protecting someone from this asshole and the asshole got pissed and tried to get his daddy to do something.  The prosecutor thought it was all bullshit and dropped the charges when she read the police report and did some investigating.  So it’s the fucking OPPOSITE of what the Page Six author is speculating.  Zoro’s sister said the arrest record was supposed to have been expunged, so no idea how Page Six even got it.  Here’s the tweet thread.  https://twitter.com/PinkPantherona/status/1506365205345 .  It doesn’t have that many likes or retweets yet, we should signal boost.”

“I’ll use my fucking main to retweet this too.”

“Done and done.”

“Fastest retweet of my life."

“I just left thirteen comments on the Page Six tweet about the article.  Let’s see them try to block all of us.”

“Holy shit, the girl that Zoro was protecting just tweeted too, confirming the story.  She’s @RikaShells.  Retweet her post too, y’all.”

Sanji glared at the screen, cold fury rising in his chest, “Usopp send me Perona’s tweet."

He pulled out his phone and quickly liked and retweeted Perona’s post, leaving a comment for Perona, “Thank you, my dear, for sharing the story.  @PageSix should be fucking embarrassed.” 

“Maybe QRT it too?” Usopp asked.

“What does that mean?” Sanji frowned.

“Um, you retweet something, but you add your own thoughts so it becomes...  Click on the—Never mind, just give me your phone and tell me what you want to say.”

“Page Six is a parasitic institution that relies on clickbait libel and should burn in hell for the rest of eternity.  Stay the fuck out of Zoro and Perona’s lives, you giant pieces of shit.  Consider taking a single journalism course or maybe growing a second brain cell to counteract the pure idiocy of the single one all of you are sharing.  Sincerely, Sanji.”

“Okay, that is definitely too long, but I get the point and will adapt your message accordingly,” Usopp said, fingers typing quickly.

Almost immediately after Usopp posted the “QRT” and handed the phone back to him, the condolences began flooding in from his celebrity friends.

Kid: That fucking SUCKS, Roronoa’s a hardass, but he’s a good guy, I’ll gladly shit talk Page Six from here to November.

Law: Roronoa and I have the same attorneys, I’ll check in to make sure they’re on the case.

Bonnie: SANJI BB HANG IN THERE, I’LL MURDER THESE ASSHOLES.

Drake: Let me know if there’s anything else I can do to be of assistance, Black.

Boa: I’ve called the editor of Page Six.  The little worm that published this story will be terminated.

Sanji sat back on the couch, overwhelmed by the combination of strangers and friends coming to Zoro’s defense so quickly.

“It’s done, holy shit,” Usopp said, eyes glued to the screen as he toggled between Discord and Twitter, “Page Six pulled the article and apologized.  Discord is going insane, they’re all promising to do an in-person gathering in June in NYC.”

“Maybe we should go and say thank you,” Sanji chuckled.

“I mean at this point, I almost think we should,” Usopp replied, shaking his head, “I haven’t seen people on Discord work together this well since Pokemon Go first introduced legendaries.”

Sanji decided not to ask what that meant and turned back to Perona’s tweets.  She hadn’t responded to his reply yet or to any of the hundreds of replies she’d received since first posting.  He contemplated giving her a call to check-in on her when Zoro’s picture flashed across his phone screen.  Sanji stepped into the kitchen and sat down quickly at the bar, answering the video call to see Zoro’s bleary face.

“I’m so sorry,” Zoro choked out, “I should have told you.  I honestly forget that shit happened.  I didn’t think— Did anybody bother you about it, my love?”

“No no,” Sanji lied, “No, it’s fine, everything is fine.  They pulled the article, and everybody knows you didn’t do anything wrong.”

“I don’t give a fuck what everybody else thinks,” Zoro grunted, “I just care what you think—”

“I read Perona’s post, Zoro,” Sanji said quietly, “I know you were defending someone else.”

“She called me in a panic,” Zoro sighed, “I’m glad she did that for me, but she did add her own embellishments about the amount of blame I deserved.  I did actually punch the guy.  But in fairness, he hit me first.  And I didn’t know he was the turd of a mayor’s kid.”

Sanji giggled, “Would that have changed what you did?”

“No, still would have hit him, he had an extremely punchable face.”

“Tell me the story of your bravery,” Sanji teased.

Zoro blushed, “There’s no story there.  Luffy and I were coming home from filming something stupid in the woods.  Some neighborhood kids, Coby and Rika, were getting bullied by kid named Helmeppo and his dumbass friends.  We told them to stop.  Helmeppo punched me.  Felt like a wet paper towel slapping me in the face.  I punched him back.  He cried and ran away.  Later that afternoon, the police knocked on Mihawk’s door and arrested me.  A week later, it was over when Hina, the prosecutor, told them she was busy and to fuck off.”

“You’re a hero,” Sanji giggled.

“I’m going back to sleep,” Zoro muttered, “Luffy told me to stay off Twitter for a bit.  I don’t get why he says that when I only go on Twitter when he tells me to.”

“Good night, darling,” Sanji smiled, “We’re starting a riot over here in New York against Page Six.”

“Good luck,” Zoro grinned, “Burn some buildings down for me, curly.”

Notes:

So blessed to have had Laura draw art for this chapter. Thank you, my friend! Also lots of love to the ZS discord and the wonderful friends I’ve made there! I adore you all! We’re very cool and awesome and normal, I swear. https://discord.com/invite/aGjZ9Bg

Chapter 12: Met Gala: Heavenly Bodies

Summary:

In which Sanji attends the Met Gala with Zoro.

"Have you heard of the Met Gala?" Zoro asked, surveying Sanji over his morning coffee.

Sanji rolled his eyes, "Have I heard of the Met Gala?  Are you kidding?"

"Luffy's making me go."

"Oh," Sanji replied, realizing where this was going.

"My designer wants to make you something," Zoro said, looking into the dark depths of his black coffee.

Sanji, who added steamed milk to his coffee as god intended, raised an eyebrow, "What, to wear at home?  Lounge around in?"

"Curly, please come with me to the Met Gala," Zoro begged, "I don't want to go alone dressed like a stupid peacock."

"You're going as a peacock?" Sanji laughed, "I thought the theme was Heavenly Bodies, Catholicism stuff."

"Inazuma thinks there is a lot of room for interpretation," Zoro groaned.

"Of course I'll go with you, mosshead," Sanji said, "Why are you being so shy about it?"

"You said you don't like this kind of stuff," Zoro said, the relieved expression on his face apparent, "And you were so stressed after the Oscars."

"Zoro, if I don't go with you, everybody will think we broke up and I definitely don't want to deal with that."

"We're not breaking up," Zoro said immediately.

"I am aware of that," Sanji said, rolling his eyes, "Finish your eggs.  When do I have to meet with Inazuma?"

"He's coming here in an hour," Zoro said, shoveling the rest of the food into his mouth and rushing to the kitchen.

"Why do you always have to wait until the last minute to tell me these things?" Sanji yelled after him.

---

"You have lovely bone structure," Inazuma said, touching his cheeks.  Sanji smiled nervously, "Thanks?"

"Any color would look good on you, a dark one though, you're quite pale," he continued.  Sanji tried to get a glimpse of Inazuma's eyes through his sunglasses, but only saw his own reflection.

"Zoro," he said imperiously.  Zoro straightened up, and Sanji tried to memorize the tone Inazuma used for future use.

"I've changed my mind.  The highlight will be Sanji.  I'm putting you in white and gold.  It'll be delicately understated.  Sanji, you will shine like a star, nobody will be able to keep their eyes off you."

"Oh, that's good," Sanji said shakily.

"Have you ever walked in stilettos before?  How about a long train?  Slim-fitted pants?"

"Um."

"Well, you'll get used to it, my vision right now is too stunning to not bring to life.  Let me get your measurements."  He placed his hands on Sanji's waist and nodded.  "A fitted bodice.  I want to show off your hips.  You may have some difficulty breathing, but fashion requires sacrifice."

"Um," Sanji repeated.  He looked at Zoro, who had gone slack-jawed, glassy-eyed, and had turned red.  Useless.

"You'll have people praying to you by the end of the night," Inazuma crowed, measuring what felt like every part of Sanji's body, "It will be my masterpiece."  Sanji stood in stunned silence until he finished, packed up his bag, waved goodbye, and whirled out of Zoro's apartment.

The room was quiet.

"I think you'll look really good, my love," Zoro said helplessly.  "You always look good," he added.

Sanji took a deep breath and pinched the bridge of his nose, "It's just one night, it'll be fine.  Tell Luffy that he owes me."

"I will," Zoro nodded emphatically, standing up to give Sanji a hug.  "Do you think Inazuma will let us keep your outfit afterwards for personal use?" he whispered in Sanji's ear.

Sanji stomped on his foot until he let go.

---

"Run the list of Luffy's motley crew by me again?" Sanji frowned, "At least the ones who will be doing the behind the scenes segment."

"Luffy, Zoro, Law, Kid, Killer, Bonney," Usopp said, "Two actors, two musicians, an influencer, and... Luffy.  I'm having a shitty time trying to figure out what to do with them, they're all so different and weird.  Filming is going to be chaos.  Nami said she personally wanted to attend to make sure this goes well.  This was a horrible idea in retrospect."

"This was your idea, Usopp," Sanji reminded him.

"Yes, but when have I ever not regretted one of my own ideas when it comes down to doing it?"

"Good point," Sanji sighed, "But we'll manage.  And then it'll be the editors' job to figure out what to do with the footage."  He turned around to his computer, “In the meantime, I need help.  I want to watch this video from last year’s Met Gala and the sound won’t play.”

Usopp stared at the screen for a moment before turning to him with a look of pure disbelief, “That’s a gif, Sanji, not a video.  It does not have sound.”

“Oh,” Sanji replied, chastised, “Well can you find me a version that does have sound?”

“Why are looking at videos from last year’s Met Gala again?”

“I’m going with Zoro,” Sanji sighed, “His designer sketched out what I’m supposed to wear and I’m fairly certain I will trip and break my nose, but only after I break my ankles, and will already have had to break my ribcage to be able to fit in the outfit.”  Usopp looked curiously at the drawing Sanji shoved in his face.

“That’s… that’s something,” Usopp said.

“Just help me find some videos from last year’s Met Gala, I want to know how it’s set up, how many stairs are at the Met’s front steps, and how noisy it will be.  I’ll need all my concentration to just walk and not die.”

---

Sanji grimaced as the man behind him pulled hard at the ties of the corset around his waist.  He was almost certainly going to die.

“That’ll have to do,” Inazuma said critically, “Suit jacket, pants, and then let’s try him in the heels and then we’ll adjust the train.”

Sanji allowed himself to be moved this way and that, raising his arms to slip into the dark blue suit jacket, etched with delicate silver swirls (“It matches you, curly,” Zoro had grinned when he first saw it, causing Sanji to kick him into the nearby sofa).  The assistant fiddled with the sleeves and the flare at the waist, before helping him slip into the form-fitting dark blue capris pants.  He looked down suspiciously at the long v-neck of the jacket that Inazuma buttoned at his sternum just above the corset, exposing more of his chest than he was comfortable with.

“Am I going to… get a shirt to wear under?”

“Don’t be silly.  It’s fashion, darling,” Inazuma said, “And you have a lovely chest.”  He placed his hands at Sanji’s hips and beckoned for his assistant.

“The train will start here,” he said, “Let’s pin it for now, I’ll make it one piece for your next appointment.”  As his assistant worked behind Sanji, Inazuma left and returned with the accessory that caused Sanji the most sleepless nights, a pair of dark blue stilettos.  Inazuma had shipped a pair to Zoro’s apartment, and Sanji had practiced in them with Nami’s help.  He had rolled his ankles so many times, he was certain they’d never be the same, spending many evenings complaining at Zoro as the hapless actor held an icepack on Sanji’s ankles in his lap.

Sanji slipped into the shoes, standing a few inches taller, grateful that he wasn’t nearly as wobbly in them as he was when he first wore three-inch heels.

“Walk for me, darling,” Inazuma said imperiously, and Sanji attempted to take a step forward.  He was stopped by what felt like a tug at his waist.  He turned around and gaped at the train behind him. 

It was beautiful.  Dark blue satin with the same silver lines as his jacket making delicate patterns in the material.  It must have taken Inazuma days to make just the train, several yards of fabric that shimmered when Sanji moved.

“What do you think?” Inazuma asked quietly.

“I… I don’t know what to say, it’s just beautiful,” Sanji replied, “How can I pull this off?”

“You’ll be spectacular.  But it is an extra five pounds,” Inazuma said, “A heavy material, I didn’t want you to look gauche with tuille or something amateur.  You’re stunning, Sanji Black, this is a train fit for a king.  Now, walk to me.”

Sanji turned back forward and took another step, anticipating the pull from the train this time.  It was a strange feeling, but as he walked down the makeshift runway of Inazuma’s loft, he slowly got used to the added weight.

“Back straight, confidence,” Inazuma barked, “Perfect, perfect, Sanji.  You are a vision.  The stairs now.”

Sanji gulped as he looked at the steps up to a stage that Inazuma had in his loft, and began making his way up, hesitantly at first as he wondered if the stilettos would break.  He made it to the top, breathed a sigh of relief, and turned to smile at Inazuma.

“Breathtaking,” Inazuma nodded, swirling the wine in his glass around, “Now do it again.”

---

“Two calls in a year?  To what do I owe the pleasure?”

Sanji smiled when he heard Law’s voice.  “I’m surprised you’re still alive.  Every time I see you in one of Luffy’s videos, you look like you want to cry.  Or are you just going really heavy on the eyeliner these days?”

He looked down at his phone, saw that Law had hung up, and called him back.

“Say that idiot’s name again to me, and I’m automatically hanging up.”

“Oh stop being so dramatic, you wouldn’t join his agency if you didn’t adore him, you stinker.”

“What do you want?”

“Wanted your help on what to do for interviewing the most ragtag bunch of people I have ever seen listed on the same page.  Usopp wants to call the episode the ‘Supernovas.’  I told him ‘super no.’”  He chuckled at his own joke.  “What segments should we do with you all?”

“Isn’t that your job?  Why are you making it my job?”

“Just give me the general vibe.”

“The idiot does whatever he wants and drags the rest of us with him.  I told him I hate bread, and he decided to get me cast in a romantic comedy as a baker.”

Sanji scribbled this down, muting himself so Law couldn’t hear his giggles.

“Good good, more, what else?”

“Eustass and Killer are maniacs.  One of them talks too much, the other is basically Michael Myers from Halloween and creeps me out.  No soundproofing in the world is enough to prevent their practice sessions from making my ears bleed.  Jewelry is very messy and leaves food wrappers everywhere that nobody cleans up in the hellhole basement that is Mugiwara Studios.  She once ate ten steaks from Wolfgang Puck for one of her mukbang things, and I thought I would die from the sound of her utensils on a plate and her chewing.  And you know all of Roronoa’s many issues.”

Sanji chuckled, “Yeah I have an idea of how best to use him.  Okay this is great.  Seems just as dysfunctional as I imagined.”

“And then some.”

“And yet there you are,” Sanji laughed, “Maybe we’ll do a mockumentary where we investigate why all you people want to work for Luffy enough to put up with each other.”

“If you can figure out the answer to that question, let me know.”

Sanji laughed, twirling his pen, “Hey, another question, you going to the Met Gala this year?”

“I went two years ago and will never go again.  Luffy tried to get me to go.  I told him to make you go with Zoro instead.  That’ll be enough spectacle from our agency.”

Sanji blinked, “Wait, what?”

“Have fun,” Law said, then hung up.

---

“Close your mouth, Zoro, you’ll catch flies,” Inazuma said, snapping his fan shut and circling Sanji like a strange bird of prey.  Sanji heard an audible click of Zoro’s teeth as his partner quickly shut his mouth.

“Walk this way,” Inazuma said, and Sanji took a few careful steps, once again having to get used to the pull of the long train.  He was managing better with the heels, hardly wobbling and no longer feeling like a stiff breeze could knock him down.

“Should have made the train longer,” Inazuma sighed, “I want you to be the Titanic, with a wake miles long so no others can interrupt your photographs.”

“You… you do know what happened to the Titanic, right?”

“Tragic, but beautiful,” Inazuma said, before turning to Zoro, “Zoro, practice walking next to Sanji.  If you step on the train, I will dispose of you, and Sanji can walk alone at the Gala.”  Zoro stood shakily, face red as he carefully skirted past the train to stand next to Sanji.  Sanji noticed with glee that he now stood slightly taller than Zoro.  Maybe he should wear heels more often, he mused.

“How you doing, mosshead?” Sanji asked.

“Great,” Zoro said thickly, “Never better.”

“Was thinking I should wear heels more often,” Sanji said as he and Zoro walked toward Inazuma, “Nice to lord over you every now and then.”

“I think you should.  Let’s go get some after this,” Zoro blurted out, surprising Sanji who was expecting a rude retort about being taller in response.

“Back straight, look forward, Zoro,” Inazuma said, “Honestly, how does Sanji take you anywhere?”

Sanji giggled.  The movement made him wobble, and he grabbed onto Zoro’s shoulder, cursing to himself.

“If that fucking happens in front of cameras,” he muttered.

“You can hold onto me,” Zoro said quietly.

“There’s not enough room for you and this train next to me,” Sanji replied, flushing.

“There is,” Zoro said, holding onto Sanji’s arm.

“You look like you’re leading him to prison, Zoro,” Inazuma barked, moving toward them and adjusting their arms.  He backed up and looked critically at them for a moment.

“Good,” he said, waving his arms in the air, “Now walk.”

---

“So… what kind of store do we go to for heels?  Is there a… store for shoes?” Zoro asked, when they’d left Inazuma’s apartment and headed back down 5^th Avenue.

“I was joking,” Sanji sighed, “They are seriously painful.  And I can’t believe you just asked if there is a store for shoes.  When was the last time you did your own shopping?”

Zoro said nothing, just looked forward morosely.

“My place or yours?” Sanji asked, when they reached 56^th.

“Um, mine?” Zoro asked tentatively.  Sanji nodded and turned left, knowing Zoro would walk them around in a circle if he lead the way to his apartment.

Zoro adjusted his beanie nervously.

“Hey, curly,” he began, then stopped.

“Yes, mosshead?”

“Um, so you know how you have a key to my place?”

Sanji turned to look at him.  The key had been useful.  On occasion, Sanji had been able to leave work early and surprise Zoro with dinner when he came home from a long day.  His building had once had a fire alarm go off at 2 AM and rather than deal with standing outside or sleeping through it, he had fled to Zoro’s, burrowing into sheets that smelled like his partner while Zoro was filming in Atlanta.

“Yes?”

“Do you… want it… to be your only key?” he asked, looking forward, determined.

Oh.  Sanji flushed, turning to stare straight ahead as well.  When Zoro was in town, they spent every night together, alternating between their apartments depending on where Sanji had left ingredients for dinner or whether Luffy was hanging out (had to be Zoro’s) or Nami joined (had to be Sanji’s).  He had thought about moving in with Zoro, on occasion, when he forgot his skin cleanser at home and Zoro had grunted that he just used water and occasionally a bar of soap to wash his face, or when he wanted to make a cocktail that called for fresh lemon juice and Zoro only had a squeeze bottle of lime juice that expired five years ago.  He ended up buying double sets of everything, storing them at Zoro’s who accidentally used expensive skin cleanser as body wash and tried to eat a lemon mistaking it for an orange.  Zoro’s apartment was bigger, brighter, more centrally-located, more amenities.  But then Sanji thought about his apartment, everything right where he wanted it, a cozy building with a quirky elevator and a doorman whom he adored.

“No,” he said finally, and Zoro’s face fell.

“Right, too soon, that’s what I figured just thought I’d do a temperature check—”

“Move in with me,” Sanji said, before Zoro could get any further down the pity parade, “I want you to move in with me.”

Zoro stared, surprise on his face.

“My place is way smaller, and it doesn’t have fancy security or a fancy gym, but I hate your building, I feel like I’m going into a corporate spaceship every time I walk in through those ridiculous doors.  I’ll move some kitchen stuff and get an exercise bike.  I’ll need to get some more bookshelves for your books, but I can find space, maybe in the dining room.  You don’t own any clothes, so the closet space I have is perfectly fine.  And the view isn’t as good but—”

“Sanji,” Zoro interrupted, “I’ll move in with you today if you’ll have me.  I don’t need a bike, I go to Luffy’s to train anyways.  Who needs books and clothes?  I’ll burn them.”

“Don’t burn your books,” Sanji laughed, feeling giddy, “Some of your clothes, go ahead and burn them.”

Zoro grabbed his hand and tried to pull him back the direction they came.  “Let’s go to your place.  Our place.”

“Stop it, I have two whole branzino in your fridge, I’m cooking at your place tonight,” Sanji said, tugging at his arm.  Zoro reluctantly followed.

“Can I move in tomorrow?” Zoro asked.

“Yes, fine, you can move in tomorrow,” Sanji grinned, as they walked through the huge sliding glass doors of Zoro’s apartment building.

---

“No, no, no, if you wrinkle the train, I will perish,” Inazuma said to his assistants, as Sanji perched on a seat in the huge Range Rover.

“Is this safe?” Zoro asked, staring at the lack of a back on Sanji’s chair, the train being adjusted by assistant in the trunk.

“It’s fine, we will drive slowly, it is two blocks away,” Inazuma replied, “The outfit is the most important thing in this car right now.”

Zoro looked nervously at Sanji, who shrugged.  He had done more dangerous things with his improv friends when they were all starving college students, fitting half a dozen people in the backseat of a Volkswagen buggy driving from NYC to Chicago.  Eventually, the train was arranged to Inazuma’s satisfaction, and they were off.

As they drove, Sanji shot Zoro a few sidelong glances.  He was dressed in a white suit with similar curling gold lines to Sanji’s train at the collar and down the front.  Inazuma seemed to have a vendetta against shirts, so Zoro’s chest was exposed with almost as deep a V-neck plunge as Sanji’s.  He was wearing a gold cross necklace, which apparently the Catholic Church had lent to him.

“Mihawk had one of these dumb things,” Zoro had told him when Inazuma first put it around his neck, “But his was a knife.”  Sanji had to grab Zoro’s hands to stop him from tugging at the necklace to check if it was also a knife.  He wasn’t religious, but it was best not to take chances with the Catholic Church.

“You look amazing, curly,” Zoro said, catching Sanji in the act of staring at his chest.

“I feel ridiculous,” Sanji flushed.  Inazuma had placed a light layer of glitter on his cheekbones and eyebrows, and brushed his bangs back.  He kept fighting the urge to cover his eyebrows, “Next year, someone else from Mugiwara Studios has to go to this thing.”

“I won’t argue with you on that,” Zoro sighed, “We don’t have to stay the whole time.  It’s just a bunch of people talking and a lot of pretending to laugh."

“Do you pretend to laugh?” Sanji asked.

“No.”

“Didn’t think so.”

He looked out the tinted windows nervously as they drove up to the steps of the Met.  Unlike at the Oscars, the Met Gala called for quite a lot of pageantry.  If they tried to rush up the steps to get away from the cameras, Inazuma would arrange that their bodies would never be found.

“Ready, curly?” Zoro asked when the car slowed to a stop.

“Fuck, no, does that mean anything?” Sanji asked, as Inazuma showed up at the window like a wraith.  The car door slid open, and Zoro hopped out to a storm of camera flashes.  Sanji tentatively followed him, stepping down shakily, almost slipping, but holding tightly onto Zoro’s hand for support.  When he felt comfortable enough to look up, he smiled nervously at the cameras and carefully stepped forward.  Inazuma followed, batting away helpers from the Gala who tried to help Sanji with his train, stooping to do it himself.

At the foot of the steps, an official-looking woman called for their attention and pointed at a set of a photographers.  Sanji turned to them, feeling completely out of place in front of the flashing lights, wincing at how bright they were.  This was far cry from his desk in the studio where he could just vibe with his guests and pretend no one else was there.

“Fuck,” he muttered, “There are so many of them.”

“It’s just me, you and me,” Zoro said quietly in his ear, “Like we’re at home, and Nami is forcing us to take a picture.  Just a row of Namis.”  Sanji laughed at this, imagining his boss standing there glaring at him to smile when he did his mock grumpy face every time she pointed her phone camera at him.

“There he is,” Zoro said, turning back to the cameras, a confident smile plastered on his own face, “There’s the smile.”

“Sanji, Sanji, here,” someone shouted, and Sanji turned dutifully, pivoting on his heels.

They stood for at least another minute, the woman organizer holding them there as other guests moved past them.

“Okay,” she said finally, “Have fun at the event, Mr. Roronoa, Mr. Black.”

“Here goes,” Sanji muttered, looking up the steps carpeted in red.

“Race you,” Zoro grinned.

“Don’t you fucking leave me behind,” Sanji glared, holding tightly to Zoro’s arm as they made their way up.

“I won’t, I won’t,” Zoro chuckled, “Someone else would swoop in, and I can’t have that.”

When they finally ascended the stairs, they were met by more organizers who led them to their seats.  Sanji waved at a few celebrities he had previously had on his show as Zoro stalked forward, pulling him along to prevent him from stopping to chat.  They reached their table where Inazuma was already seated.

“Well done,” he said, gifting Sanji with a rare smile, “You did a splendid job.  Stole the show.  You’ll be on the next cover of Vogue.”

“It will all be your design if so,” Sanji protested.

“The man maketh the clothes,” Inazuma said, lifting his sunglasses and fixing his gaze straight on Sanji, “Don’t let anybody tell you otherwise.”  Sanji nodded, then jumped when he felt a tap on his shoulder.  He turned to see Ace Portgas, celebrity windsurfer, and stood to shake his hand.  Ace pulled him in for a hug instead.

“You look like you stepped out of some fairy tale,” he said, looking Sanji up and down, “Long lost prince or some shit like that.  And good on you wearing those heels.  I won’t have you stand any longer, I’m here at this table with you and your eye candy.”  He turned to Zoro and held out a hand, which Zoro begrudgingly shook.

“Zoro Roronoa,” Zoro said.

“I’m aware,” Ace laughed, “Ace Portgas at your service, congrats on the Academy Award.”

“Thanks.  I saw you on Late Night a year ago.”

Ace sat across from them and winked, “Oh I knew Sanji from his chef days too.  He cooked for me, what, seven years ago, Sanji?  First time we met?”  Zoro shifted uncomfortably next to him at the question, and Sanji resisted the urge to roll his eyes.

“Eight years ago,” he smiled back, “Though I haven’t seen you in a few years.”  Zoro settled down slightly at this.  A woman Sanji recognized as businesswoman Vivi Nefertari sat down next to Ace, distracting him for the time being.

“Stop fidgeting, I can tell exactly what you’re thinking from your fidgets,” he whispered at Zoro.

“No you can’t,” Zoro responded childishly.

“You’re jealous Ace knew me before you.”

“Am not.”

“Are too.”

“Am not.”

“Are too.”

“Did you ever date him?”

“I knew it,” Sanji sighed, “Yes, briefly, stop being a turd, I’ve dated a lot of people before you.”

“A lot?”

“Vivi, I’ve been meaning to reach out to you,” Sanji said loudly, standing up to greet her on the other side of the table, “My director would love to get you on our show if you’d do us the honor?”

---

By the time the event drew to a close with a harp performance by CONIS, Sanji was very pleasantly tipsy.

“Am I going to have to carry you home, curly?” Zoro smirked.  Inazuma had left after spending the entire dinner sipping only red wine and eyeing other designers around the room.

“Think I can go barefoot for our exit?” Sanji whispered.

“I won’t tell Inazuma if you won’t,” Zoro smiled.

“I do want to go to Smoker’s afterparty,” Sanji sighed, “But my feet and back are killing me, let’s just go back to my place.”

“Our place,” Zoro corrected, “Our home.”

“Yes, our home,” Sanji laughed, reaching down to slip the heels off his feet, “Shall we?”

 

*loud gasp*.  GORGEOUS art by Huh!

Stunning Shoujo art!!!  <3

Notes:

This is Sanji's outfit, but it’s dark blue, silver spiral curly etching, and no shirt under the jacket *insert sunglasses emoji*

Watched a lot of Edna Mode clips for Inazuma inspiration. :)

Chapter 13: Mugiwara Studios

Summary:

In which Sanji revisits Discord and visits Mugiwara Studios.

"So..." Sanji said, leaning against Usopp's desk, "What have the people on the service said about me recently?"

Usopp stared at him blankly, before comprehension dawned on his face, "You mean… the server, right?"

"Yes, the dark screen thing where the fans talk about me."

"I dunno, I left," Usopp shrugged.

Now it was Sanji's turn to stare at him, "You what?  Why would you do that?"

"Felt weird, was taking too much time."

"Go back," Sanji demanded, "I need to know what they're saying about the Met Gala."

"Check on Twitter."

"I'm scared of Twitter, some people are mean so I don't look at the comments.  I want to go somewhere where people are guaranteed to be nice to me.  Please Usopp."

Usopp let out a deep breath and slowly turned his office chair to face Sanji, placing his elbows on the armrests and steepling his fingers as he looked coolly up at his boss.

"Sanji.  There comes a time in every man's life where he must turn to the person who employs him and explain that he is batshit crazy if he thinks that-"

"Fine," Sanji said, glaring at his insubordinate employee, "I'll find someone else to do it for me."

---

"Hey Luffy," Sanji said, holding forth a bag of homemade apple turnovers as an offering.  Luffy immediately grabbed it and opened the door to his Brooklyn brownstone.

"Sorry to come unannounced," Sanji continued, taking off his shoes and following Luffy to the dining table.

"You're always welcome, Sanji," Luffy grinned at him through a mouthful of turnover, "Are you here to see Zoro?  He'll be done with training in just a bit."

"Ah yes," Sanji said, "But also thought I might run through a few things for the Mugiwara Studios segment coming up."

"Sure," Luffy nodded, stuffing the last of the half dozen turnovers Sanji made in his mouth.

"So, Usopp and I are planning on doing a mockumentary where we interview all of your clients--"

"Not clients, friends," Luffy corrected.

"Right, your friends," Sanji said, "We'll interview them separately and intersperse the segments with some antics that we film.  The title of the mockumentary and the question we're trying to answer is 'Why Work At Mugiwara Studios?'"

"Because it's fun," Luffy chirped.

"I'm sure," Sanji grinned, when he heard a crash and a yell coming from the basement where Mugiwara Studios was based.

"Sometimes Jaggy gets angry," Luffy smiled, "I don't always know why but I just let him break something and then he feels better."

"You're a lenient boss," Sanji said.

"Not boss, friend," Luffy laughed, "Your plan sounds exciting."

"I'm not going to give any of you a script.  Also pretty sure none of you would read it if I did."

"Probably not!" Luffy said, reaching for a bowl full of actual apples and beginning to munch on one.

"I have one more question, Luff," Sanji said, feeling nervous, "Have you ever heard of Discord?"

Luffy nodded, "I'm in Usopp's Pokemon Go Discord group--"

"Yes yes," Sanji said, shuddering as he thought about the lengths his writer still went through to get virtual, albeit cute, creatures on his phone, "Are you in any others?"

"Like the ZoSan one?" Luffy asked, a small smile on his face.

"Yes, that one," Sanji coughed.

"I'm not, but I'll join right now," Luffy said, diving over the back of the couch and grabbing his computer.

"Oh, you don't have to," Sanji said airily, but sat down next to Luffy and watched as his fingers quickly danced over the keyboard.

"What are you doing?"

"Writing an intro."

"As yourself?"

"No," Luffy laughed, "That would silly."

"Yup, really silly, no one would do that," Sanji nodded.

 

Name:  MonkeyInDaMiddle

Pronouns:  Any

Age:  Adult

Social Media:  NONE SORRY

Why do you love Zoro:  He's goofy!

Why do you love Sanji:  He's goofy too!

Why do you love ZoSan:  When you look at them, you can hear the sound of puzzle pieces clicking together.  It's nice!  Sometimes I wonder how they managed to find each other in this big world.  But that doesn’t matter because in a million lifetimes they always will!

 

Sanji had to blink a few times to clear the mist from his eyes.

"Now, we just have to wait for someone to let me in," Luffy said, staring at the screen as if he could will the moderators into action.  Moments later, he was approved.

"Okay, do whatever you want," Luffy said, depositing the computer on Sanji's lap and leaping back over the couch to poke around his refrigerator.

Sanji stared at the dark screen, suddenly shy and feeling extremely helpless.  He tentatively clicked the SANJI channel and was immediately confronted with fanart of his Met Gala outfit, followed by a barrage of completely incoherent all-caps comments, keysmashes, and emojis he had never seen before.  He gaped at the "several people are typing" statement at the bottom of the page, and almost contemplated exiting out when he saw a familiar name.

@RaMi "I have thoughts on the corset"

"Let’s take discussion of the Met Gala look over to NSFW-SANJI?  We made a separate channel for it lmao."

@ZoZo "Hey y'all, mind taking discussion of..."

"Sorry dear mod, yup, running over."

Sanji looked at NSFW-SANJI highlighted in the list of channels and decided he wasn't ready for RaMi's thoughts on his corset yet.  He clicked on the ZORO channel instead and smiled at the link to the Twitter post Luffy had made earlier that morning with Zoro napping in a corner of Mugiwara Studios, a Late Night hoodie draped over his shoulders.

@Sparrow "Boyfriend sweater time..."

"I'm dying at this.  They're so married, your honor."

“When they get married, I hope they do a big public one like it’s a royal wedding.  Close down 5^th Avenue for the procession.

“They’ll definitely do a teeny ceremony.  Or elope.”

“Oh fuck, we had a long discussion about this in #ZOSAN last month.  What if they did the wedding during an episode of Late Night?  How cute would that be?!”

“Y’all think Zoro would surprise propose to Sanji on the beach and then immediately take him to the courthouse?”

Sanji flushed at the thought of their marriage that everybody on the server seemed to be certain of.  A wedding on Late Night?  Nami would be on board.  It would certainly drive up ratings.  He shook his head.  Why was he thinking about this?  He and Zoro hadn’t talked about—

“What are you doing, curly?”

Sanji yelped and nearly threw Luffy’s computer away.  Zoro was standing shirtless behind him, gulping down a glass of water.  Sanji’s hand came up to cover the camera on the computer, suddenly paranoid that the Discord could see or hear them.

“Nothing,” Sanji said, hoping Zoro wouldn’t look too closely at the conversation happening on the screen, “How was training?”

“Fine,” Zoro shrugged, “Kid was being loud but what else is new.”

“You ready to go?” Sanji asked, reluctantly closing Luffy’s laptop and saying goodbye to the server.

Zoro nodded, looking around for a shirt, finding one tossed over a nearby couch and putting it on.  Sanji wrinkled his nose, “Is that even clean?”

“Cleaner than me,” Zoro said, sticking his tongue out and putting an arm around Sanji’s shoulders.  They waved goodbye to Luffy who was eating a peanut butter jelly sandwich and exited out into the hot evening.  “What are you doing here, curly?” Zoro asked, as they ducked into Zoro’s car.

“Talking to Luffy about the Late Night segment,” Sanji said, not entirely a lie, “Running through the theme we’re going with, make sure it all sounds okay.”

“You know Luffy will go along with anything, right?”

“Honestly, this is Usopp’s one chance to do Big Mouth with a willing guest,” Sanji sighed, “Maybe I should just let him do it.  This season has been exhausting for all of us.  Looking forward to going on break for a bit and just relaxing.”

Zoro cleared his throat nervously, “Would you be interested in going on break in Hawaii?  You could relax on the beach.  I’ll be filming there for a week, but then I’ll take a week off and we can… relax together… on the beach.”

Sanji watched Zoro as he fidgeted in his seat.  The server’s comments sprang unbidden into his mind.  “Y’all think Zoro would surprise propose to Sanji on the beach and then immediately take him to the courthouse?”

“Sure, sounds fun,” he said finally, deciding he was being ridiculous and paranoid.

---

When they arrived home, Sanji sent Zoro to shower and sat on the couch stewing for a few moments before leaping up and running to their bedroom.  Feeling like an idiot, he opened their drawers and began rummaging around Zoro’s limited piles of clothes.  When he was met with only many many iterations of the same white t-shirt, he shut the drawer and fell facedown onto the bed.  What was he expecting to find?  A box with a ring?  A list of courthouses in Honolulu?

He flipped around and pulled out his phone, going to Twitter to see if he could divine any clues about plans Zoro may or may not have.  Was he even filming in Hawaii?  Was it a cover for an elaborate proposal?  What movie was this for?  When he found Luffy’s tweet hinting at an announcement about Zoro’s new beach music festival movie, he sighed. 

Who would Zoro tell about this?  Perona.  He sent her a quick text mentioning that he was so very excited for his upcoming beach trip with Zoro to Hawaii.  She responded with, “Oh, I didn’t know that, my dumbass brother doesn’t tell me anything, have fun boo.”

After hitting himself in the forehead a few times, he decided to drop it and sent a text to Usopp, “You were right, I shouldn’t look at Discord.”

Usopp:  *eyeroll emoji*.  Why doesn’t anybody ever listen to me?  What did you see?

Sanji:  The secrets of the universe.  The intersection of space and time.  The future.

Usopp:  You’ve grown too powerful, I see.

Sanji:  Are we all set for Saturday?

Usopp:  I’m still at work while you’re fucking around with the meaning of being.

Sanji:  We’re just going to wing it, Usopp, go home.

Usopp:  Alright fine, I’ll admit I’m actually still here because it’s too hot in my apartment.

Sanji:  You can sleep in my office.

Usopp:  This is why you’re the best boss in NYC.

Sanji giggled as Zoro walked into the bedroom with his towel tied around his waist.

“Usopp?” Zoro asked.

“I don’t only laugh because of Usopp,” Sanji said, reaching forward to untie Zoro’s towel, letting it fall to the ground.

“90% of the time, it’s because of Usopp,” Zoro smiled.

“50% of the time,” Sanji said, pulling Zoro toward the bed, “The other 50%, I’m laughing at you.”

---

“You couldn’t have cleaned up at least a little bit before we arrived?” Sanji asked Law, looking around at the haphazard organization, or lack thereof, in Mugiwara Studios.  He hadn’t been to the basement of Luffy’s apartment before.  There were too many strange sounds coming from it whenever he visited.  He looked around at the cramped space that somehow fit a studio where Kid and Killer were currently situated banging away at drums, a small gym where Zoro spent most of his time, a conference room currently covered with stacks and stacks of pizza boxes, and a living room filled with mismatched sofas and beanbags, a big “Going Merry” sign the only decoration in the room.

“I tried,” Law said simply.

“I cleaned up the gym,” Zoro said unhelpfully.

Sanji sighed, “Nami, what do you think?  Should we fix it up for the shoot or keep it the way it is?”

“Just leave it,” she said, “We’re filming the creatures in their natural environment.  Sanji, you handle the interviews, Robin and I will take care of B-roll.”  She grinned wickedly at Law, “So I hear you don’t like bread.”

Sanji took Zoro’s hand and pulled him toward the conference room, sitting him down and waiting as his crew put Zoro’s mic on.

“Let’s film with the living room in the background,” Sanji said, “I hope we can catch something real weird.”

“What do you think happens here, curly?” Zoro sighed.

“Ritual sacrifice, summoning demons, all that good stuff,” Sanji said, standing behind the camera.  “Looking good,” he grinned, “You look suitably awkward and uncomfortable.  Perfect for the theme.”

“I don’t get what I’m supposed to do,” Zoro muttered, “I’ve never watched the mockumentary shows or movies you keep talking about.”

“Just relax, Zoro,” Sanji said, “We’ll get a ton of footage and really only need a couple of good scenes.”

“What if I’m shit at this and you don’t get anything good?” Zoro asked, looking down and fiddling with the buttons on his shirt.

“Are you… nervous?” Sanji asked, surprised at Zoro’s sudden hesitation.

“I don’t have any lines,” Zoro said, “I don’t know how you want me to act, or what role I’m playing.”

“I need the room,” Sanji said to his crew, who nodded and filed out, leaving just Sanji and Zoro.

“You don’t need to stage some kind of intervention like I’m a bratty teenager,” Zoro grumbled.  Sanji knelt by his leg, squeezing Zoro’s thigh reassuringly.

“This isn’t acting, Zoro,” he said, “I’m not asking you to be anything but yourself, we’ll edit with camera angles and B-roll to make it mockumentary style.  I’m going to ask you a bunch of questions, sometimes I’ll ask the same question but in a different way, just answer them to the best of your ability.  Just like we’re having a conversation over dinner or it’s an interview on Late Night where you don’t have to play any role other than the curmudgeonly version of yourself you like to put out there in public.”

Zoro fidgeted in his seat, “Do I… look at the camera or something?”

Sanji laughed, “Look at me, and if I say something dumb, look at the camera like you’re asking it to commiserate with you.”

“That’ll be often then.”

“Sure, dear, sure,” Sanji said, standing up and kissing him on the top of the head.

Zoro grabbed his hand before he could call back the crew and looked at him seriously, “I want this to go well for you, curly, I want to do a good job for you.  If I’m fucking up, you should tell me.”

“Since when have I held back telling you you’ve fucked up?” Sanji grinned, “You’re going to do great, Zoro.  Though, worried, self-conscious Zoro is cute, usually I have to deal exclusively with rude, arrogant Zoro.”  Before Zoro could respond, Sanji beckoned for his team to return to the room and moved back behind the camera.

“Ready?” he asked.

“Sure,” Zoro responded with a sigh.

---

JUNE 30 EPISODE OF LATE NIGHT WITH SANJI BLACK

MUGIWARA STUDIOS SPECIAL:  WHY WORK AT MUGIWARA STUDIOS

FILMED ON LOCATION

 

INT. MUGIWARA STUDIOS CONFERENCE ROOM

Zoro sits on a chair.  In the background, Luffy and Kid leap across couches pretending to swordfight with foam pool noodles.

               ZORO

The first three words that come to mind about Mugiwara Studios?  Chaotic.  Home.  Luffy.  I don’t know what else you want me to say.

CUT TO:

INT. MUGIWARA STUDIOS LIVING ROOM

Law reads a book on a beanbag.  Luffy takes off Law’s black and white baseball cap and puts it back on his head backwards.  Law fixes it.  Luffy repeats action, giggles.

               LAW

          Please stop.

               LUFFY

          I’m bored, Traffy.  Sanji’s taken Zoro away and Kid and Killer are filming something without me.  What are you reading?

               LAW

          Discourse on the Method of Rightly Conducting One’s Reason and of Seeking Truth in the Sciences by Descartes.

Camera zooms in on Luffy’s face, which has become blank.  Camera pans to Law’s face as he glares at it viciously.  The two are silent.

               LUFFY

          Okay bye.

Luffy runs off.  Camera pans to Law’s book, titled “Sora, Warrior of the Sea.”  Law gives camera another look and turns back to the book.

               LAW

          We all do what we need to in order to survive.

CUT TO:

INT. MUGIWARA STUDIOS CONFERENCE ROOM

Zoro watches with a disgusted face as Bonney eats a large number of pizzas.  Bonney speaks with her mouth full.

               BONNEY

          This is honestly the best place I’ve ever worked at, definitely worth moving here from LA.  Everybody is cool except Zoro, Law, Kid, and Killer.

               SANJI’S VOICE

          You’ve... you’ve named everybody except Luffy.

               BONNEY

          Did I?  My bad.

               SANJI’S VOICE

          What is it that you like about Luffy?

               BONNEY

          He’s insane.  But in a good way, you know?  Like he makes you feel insane enough to do anything.  He won’t say no to any suggestion.  If you want to do something, he’s in.

CUT TO:

INT. MUGIWARA STUDIOS RECORDING ROOM

Kid appears to be screaming into a microphone.  Killer plays the guitar.  Text appears across the bottom of the screen:  “Sound has been muted for upcoming album leaks and to preserve your eardrums.”  One camera pans to Usopp who has earplugs in his ears and a very pained expression on his face as he tries to beckon at Kid and Killer to stop.  Kid and Killer do not stop.  Audio is lifted for five seconds of pure noise.

CUT TO:

INT. MUGIWARA STUDIOS CONFERENCE ROOM

Silence as Killer sits in front of camera.  Killer says nothing.  Camera pans to Sanji who shifts nervously in his chair.  Zoro sits next to him and looks just as stone-faced as Killer.

               SANJI

          Let’s just cut right there.  Thanks Killer.

INT. MUGIWARA STUDIOS CONFERENCE ROOM

Kid lounges on chair, puts feet up on table.  Zoro glares at him and Kid puts feet on chair instead.

               KID

          Why did I sign up for Luffy as my manager?  Dunno.  I hated my old manager.  Luffy asked, so I joined.  He’s batshit crazy.  Runs his agency out of his basement and you think nobody will take him seriously, but then a week later he books us at Madison Square Garden and we sell out.  Force of will, I guess.  Charisma.  Luck.  Dunno what the kid runs on, but we should probably bottle it and sell it on the black market.  When you first talk to him, seems like he’s dumb as bricks, but me and Killer think he’s a genius.

               SANJI’S VOICE

          Is... that what Killer thinks?

               KID

          Yeah, he didn’t tell you?

CUT TO:

INT. MUGIWARA STUDIOS CONFERENCE ROOM

Silence as Killer sits in front of camera.  Killer says nothing.

               SANJI’S VOICE

          Okay... We’ll just... let’s just use Kid’s interview.

CUT TO:

INT. MUGIWARA STUDIOS LIVING ROOM

Luffy has a serious expression on his face as he stares Usopp down.  Usopp has a serious expression on his face as well.  Law sits on couch next to Kid, looking bored.  Bonney has her hands over her mouth as her eyes flick between Luffy and Usopp.  The room is tense.  Suddenly, Usopp raises an arm and throws a whole clementine in the air.  Luffy leaps and catches it in his mouth.  The room erupts into cheers.  Even Law quirks a small smile.

CUT TO:

INT. MUGIWARA STUDIOS CONFERENCE ROOM

Law sits, arms crossed.  Camera zooms in on a twitching vein in Law’s forehead.

               LAW

          Totally dysfunctional.  I regret joining every day.

               SANJI’S VOICE

          Why do you stay?

Law appears to wrestle with himself as he contemplates the question.

               LAW

          I would regret leaving even more.  He... he does everything backwards and yet always faces forward, dragging us along.  He makes you feel like the only way to achieve your dream is to do it with him by your side.  I have Stockholm Syndrome.

               SANJI’S VOICE

          You love it here, be honest.

Law stands up and takes the mic off.  Law is saying something but there is no audio.  The camera pans to Sanji laughing as Law leaves the conference room.  Camera turns to Zoro and Sanji.  Zoro holds his hand out and Sanji grasps it.  No sound plays as they speak to each other, both smiling.  Sanji notices the camera and stands up, glaring at the cameraman and reaching for it.  Screen goes black.

CUT TO:

INT. MUGIWARA STUDIOS CONFERENCE ROOM

Luffy crouches on a chair, balancing on the balls of his feet, his trademark straw hat hanging around his neck.

               SANJI’S VOICE

          How did you think filming went today, Luffy?

               LUFFY

          Great, it always would be, with you in charge.

               SANJI’S VOICE

          Few last words to our audience about your crew?

               LUFFY

          I won’t ever have just a few last words, Sanji.  They’re my family, I would do anything for them.  If they’re happy and feeling successful, so am I.  We go merrily, here, at Mugiwara Studios.  Right, Zoro?

Luffy pulls Zoro into frame and gives him a hug.

               LUFFY

          Zoro was too shy to talk to you for so long, Sanji.  And now look how happy he is.

Luffy pushes the corners of Zoro’s lips up with his fingers and laughs.  Zoro mopes.

               LUFFY

          Can I tell them what you said about Sanji the first time you saw his show?

               ZORO

          Cut, cut, cut.

Zoro lunges for Luffy.  Sanji comes into screen and tries to block Zoro from grabbing Luffy’s mic.  Luffy cackles.  Camera zooms out to capture the rest of the Late Night crew laughing.

SCENE FADES OUT.

---

Sanji sighed, “They made a lot of editing decisions behind my back.  I’m going to have to do some interrogation after the break.”

“It was probably Nami,” Zoro said.

“You’re right,” Sanji said, “And I can’t do anything to my angel.”  He lifted his head up from Zoro’s lap.  In Hawaii time zone, they watched the episode before dinner, the last episode before Late Night’s two-week break.

“I’ll get dinner started,” Sanji continued, standing up and stretching.

Zoro grabbed his wrist, “I… I actually made reservations for us for dinner at 7.”

“Oh,” Sanji blinked, “Where?”  They had ordered groceries, and Sanji had expected to cook for their entire vacation, letting Zoro the recluse continue being a recluse.

“Place on the beach.  I… booked a private room for us,” Zoro said, averting his eyes from Sanji’s nervously.

“Y’all think Zoro would surprise propose to Sanji on the beach and then immediately take him to the courthouse?”

Palms sweating, Sanji backed away from Zoro to scrutinize him.  “Is it… a fancy place?”

Zoro shrugged, “Just a place I ate at once.  Pretty casual, what you’re wearing is fine.”

Sanji looked down at his t-shirt and swim trunks.  If Zoro actually was going to propose, there was no way in hell he was going to wear what he was wearing.

“We should both change,” Sanji blurted out, “I’m going to change.”

“Okay sure,” Zoro said, looking surprised as Sanji sprinted away to the bathroom.

Sanji:  May fucking day, I think Zoro is going to propose to me.

Usopp:  Congrats!

Nami:  Mazel tov

Sanji:  What do I do?!

Usopp:  Wait, are you not going to say yes?

Sanji:  We just moved in together.  It hasn’t even been a year.  We haven’t talked about this at all.  I’m freaking out.

Usopp:  Oh.  Pretend you’re sick.

Nami:  Don’t do that, don’t listen to Usopp, just tell him you’re not ready

Sanji:  He’ll hate me forever.

Nami:  He won’t.  He’s an idiot, but not that much of an idiot.

Zoro knocked on the bathroom door.  “Curly, you okay?”

“Yup, great, fine, excellent.”

Sanji:  I have to go.  If I don’t return from this trip, it’ll be because I’ve perished from mortification.  Nami, in choosing my replacement, please make sure they are less handsome and less competent than me so that people think of me fondly.

Nami:  Stop overreacting, everything is going to be fine.

Sanji took a deep breath and stepped out into the bedroom where Zoro was changing into dark jeans and a button-up.  Sanji moved shakily to his drawer and rooted around for something that would be appropriate to wear at either a happy proposal acceptance or the most awkward “let’s wait a little longer” rejection in the history of the world.  He still wasn’t sure which one it was going to be.  It would depend on which phase the moon was in and/or the direction of the breeze.

Zoro was staring at him when Sanji turned around after finally figuring out how to put clothing on again.

“Are you… sure you’re okay, curly?” he asked.

Sanji nodded, “We haven’t eaten out in a while.”

“I wanted this trip to be special,” Zoro said, flushing.

“No, it’s wonderful, thank you,” Sanji replied, feeling sorry for making Zoro flustered.  As they headed out in their rental car, each rotation of the tires made Sanji more and more nervous.  Zoro spent the car ride looking moodily forward as well, doubling Sanji’s anxiety with each moment of silence.

By the time they arrived at the restaurant, were ushered in through the back door, and sat down on a private patio overlooking the beach, Sanji was certain he would throw up as soon as any food touched his mouth, which would be horribly rude to the chef.

“Curly, you really don’t look good,” Zoro said, concern on his face, “We can go back if you’re not feeling well.”

“’m fine,” Sanji said, gulping down a glass of water.

“I… just ordered the tasting menu for us,” Zoro said.

“Perfect,” Sanji croaked.  The waiter poured Sanji another glass of water, bowed his head, and disappeared, leaving them sitting in silence.  A million questions ran through Sanji’s head.  When would he do it?  How would he do it?  Would he involve others?  Would he wait till dessert?  Sanji gaped when Zoro stood up and pointed toward a couch.

“Before the appetizers come, do you want to sit for a bit with me, watch the sunset?” he asked.  This was it, Sanji thought.  This was the moment.  Sanji would sit on the couch and Zoro would kneel in front of him and ask him one of the most important questions of their lives—

“I’m not ready yet,” Sanji blurted out.

“Oh,” Zoro blinked, “Okay, we can just sit here then.”

“No, I-I’m not ready to get married.”

Zoro stared at him, face going slack with shock.

“I love you, Zoro, I love you so so much, but I think we should spend some more time talking about it.  And we’ve only just taken the next step and moved in—”

“C-curly,” Zoro said, “Where is this coming from?”

“Aren’t you about to propose?” Sanji asked.

“No,” Zoro said, a disbelieving chuckle escaping his mouth, “W-where did you get that idea?”

“You took me to a fancy restaurant and wanted to sit watching the sunset over the beach and you were nervous.”  Mortification of a different sort began crawling up his spine.

“I just wanted to treat you,” Zoro said, “We never go out to eat, neither of us have much time, I was nervous because the last time I picked a restaurant it was that French place that you hated.”

Sanji began laughing, all the stress built up in the last hour leaving his body at once as he sunk into his chair and covered his face.

“I’m such an idiot,” he giggled, “I got all twisted in my head, seeing things that weren’t there.  Shit, I’m sorry, my dear.”

Zoro knelt in front of Sanji and draped himself over Sanji’s lap, a grin on his face, “You are an idiot.  I will talk to you before I ask you to marry me.”

“If you ask me to marry you.”

“Before,” Zoro laughed, “It’s inevitable, isn’t it?”

“I said if because you’re crazy if you think I’ll let you handle it, given a choice,” Sanji sniffed, “I’ll be the one who asks.”

“We’ll race,” Zoro grinned, standing up and moving back to his seat as the waiter came out with a tray full of appetizers.

“Drink, sir?” the waiter asked Sanji, beckoning toward a bar cart.

“Yes, please,” Sanji sighed, still feeling giggles bubbling up his throat as he looked at Zoro, bathed in light from the sunset.  It would have been romantic, to have this be their proposal location. 

After a dinner of Zoro taking every opportunity he could to pretend to propose and accepting each of Sanji’s many retaliatory kicks to the shin, they wandered back to their rental home and sat on the back porch.

“If, hypothetically speaking, we were going to get married,” Sanji said quietly, “You would want a small thing, right?”

“If, hypothetically speaking, whatever you want.”

“No, but what do you want?” Sanji glared.

“I want whatever you want.”

“Annoying.  It’ll be a big wedding then, all of New York will be invited.”

“If that’s what you want,” Zoro laughed.

“We’ll rent out Yankees Stadium.”

“If that’s what you want.”

“There will be obnoxious green fireworks.  And really sweet cake.  And no alcohol.”

“If that’s what you want,” Zoro repeated, pulling Sanji close, his eyes warm, “That’s what it will be.”

 

Brilliant comic of the scene by the wonderful Huh!

Notes:

I tried to do special formatting for the screenplay part but it didn't work ;_____;

I apologize for any second-hand embarrassment from Sanji being overly influenced by Discord lmao.

Two more chapters left, thank you all for sticking with me!

Chapter 14: TikTok

Summary:

In which Sanji discovers TikTok and feels the clock ticking on the proposal race...

“Are you married yet?” Usopp asked, poking his head into Sanji’s office.  Sanji glared at him.  He had had to explain to Usopp and Nami when they got home from dinner that Zoro, in fact, did not propose to him.  Usopp had immediately called him to laugh at him, and had texted him every hour on the hour after that asking if Zoro had proposed.  Sanji ended up muting Usopp’s number.

“Go back to your cubicle.”

“Just checking because it’s been a while since I’ve heard any news on that front, and I’m very invested.”

“Remember how I said that you could come with me to the premiere of Sunfire: Death’s Champions so you could see Kaya again?”

“…Yes,” Usopp said suspiciously.

“Nothing more to say, just wanted to remind you.”

Usopp slunk out of his office back to his desk, throwing sad puppy-dog looks back at Sanji the whole way there.

Sanji turned back to his computer, glad that Usopp hadn’t come further into his office and looked at his screen where he was currently scrolling through the results of a Google search for “How does TikTok work?” 

Bonney had tried to explain TikTok to him during the Mugiwara Studios filming.

“It’s the future, Sanji,” Bonney had said.

“The future of what.”

“I dunno, just the future.  Let me show you.”  Bonney had proceeded to show him her TikTok app, taking a video of herself with Sanji in the background looking confused.  “I’ll add music, a few cute little emojis, and then...” she said, sticking her tongue out in concentration as her fingers moved quickly across her phone screen.

“Wait, did you just post something?” Sanji frowned, staring at little hearts emerging on the screen.

“Yup,” Bonney grinned, “#zosan #onehalfofzosan #latenight.”

“There’s … Zosan stuff on TikTok?” Sanji asked, flushing at saying “Zosan” aloud.  It felt strange to hear it in his voice.

“Oh it’s huge, y’all are huge on TikTok,” Bonney had said, “People dub over Zoro’s interviews on Late Night all the time.  Super cute.”

“They what?” Sanji had asked desperately, but Bonney was already gone, called over by Nami to film an eating competition scene with Luffy.

Thus, in his office on a busy workday, Sanji found himself reading through a few of the articles about TikTok and still finding the app inscrutable.  Taking a deep breath and deciding to just dive in, he typed “Zosan Tiktok” into another search.  Before he could overthink it, he selected the first link “#zosan Hashtag Videos on TikTok.”

When he clicked on the first video, his computer immediately began blasting the song “Beggin” by Måneskin.  Heads turned to his office as he scrambled for his headphones.  Thankfully the song stopped after a few seconds, and he waved at his employees awkwardly.  A moment later, it began playing again.  Sanji searched desperately for the Mute button on his computer, a button that never seemed to present itself when he most needed it.  When he finally found it, he stood, yelled “Research” into the common room, and slammed his door shut.

Sitting down heavily, he managed to plug his headphones in and turned to the video, which had apparently already played several times in a row.  The video was a compilation of screenshots from Zoro’s interviews on Late Night, strategically stopped at moments where Zoro was looking particularly ridiculous.  A shy smile, head thrown back in laughter, leaning forward gazing at Sanji, the screenshot of him drinking from Sanji’s mug.

'Cause I'm beggin', beggin' you

And put your loving hand out, baby

I'm beggin', beggin' you

And put your loving hand out, darling

Blushing, Sanji exited out of TikTok.

Usopp:  What exactly is going on in there.

Sanji:  Nothing.

Usopp:  Are we really getting Måneskin?

Sanji:  Sure.  I’ll ask Nami to reach out to them.

Usopp:  So you’re doing research on a guest we haven’t invited yet.

Sanji:  Yup, thinking forward.  Important thing to do in this industry.  You’ll have to learn if you want to rise in the ranks.

Usopp:  You’re definitely doing something related to Zoro.

Sanji threw his phone aside and went back to work.

---

Sanji’s stomach grumbled, and he looked up at the clock in the living room.  He blinked blearily, surprised at the late hour.  He had spent the last three hours trying to figure out how TikTok worked, ending up watching everything from cat videos to paint dripping down walls to cooking hacks to more ZoSan content. 

“Stop this, Sanji,” he said to himself, putting his phone on the coffee table and stacking several books over it.  Standing and stretching, he headed to the kitchen.  Zoro would be home soon, likely hungry as he usually refused to eat anything during shoots, waiting for Sanji’s food instead.

As he began preparing dinner, his thoughts turned, as they always did, to Zoro.  After the fiasco of their dinner out in Hawaii, the rest of the week had been wonderfully uneventful.  Zoro did bend down fairly often to tie his shoe in attempts to scare Sanji with fake proposals, but was otherwise good-natured about Sanji’s moment of eternal shame.  On their last night, they had wandered down a remote beach, walking barefoot in the low tide.

“What… what do you think would change, if we were to get married?” Zoro had asked suddenly.

“Are you asking if I’m taking your last name, because I’m not,” Sanji had replied after the initial shock.

“Sanji Roronoa sounds very strange.”

“As does Zoro Black.”

“Roronoa-Black.”

“Late Night with Sanji Roronoa-Black is a mouthful,” Sanji had laughed.

“People would learn it,” Zoro had replied stubbornly.

“Sanji Roronoa-Black,” Sanji repeated under his breath as he added carrots and peas to the fried rice, mouth curving at the sound.  Their conversation at that point had devolved to bickering about whether to add a hyphen between Roronoa and Black, and which last name their kids would take, as if it were a done deal, as if it were the most natural of progressions.  What else would change?  Not their day-to-day routine, with Zoro sleeping in every morning he was in New York, begging for coffee in bed when he smelled it brewing; spending their days off lying tangled up together reading on the couch, always commenting that they should get a second couch and never doing it; surprising each other at work, most recently Zoro treating the entire Late Night staff to take-out from Momofuku for lunch.

“Sanji Roronoa-Black,” he said again, louder this time, a huge grin now on his face as he plated the steaming bowls of rice and began preparing garnishes.

“Sanji Roronoa-Black,” he sang.  Just as Zoro opened the door.

Zoro blinked.

“Zoro Roronoa-Black, returning from work,” he said, recovering quickly, a smirk on his face, “Hello Sanji Roronoa-Black.”

“What is going on today with me embarrassing myself?” Sanji moaned, reluctantly letting Zoro grab him into a tight hug.

“What else have you done today?” Zoro murmured into his ear.

“Nothing, go wash off for dinner, you smell like gasoline,” Sanji said, struggling out of Zoro’s grip.

Zoro sighed, “Explosion scenes.”

“Do they actually have you close to the explosion scenes?” Sanji gaped.

“No,” Zoro shrugged, “But Luffy thought a container of gasoline for one of the dumpster fire scenes was hand sanitizer and gave it to me to wipe my hands after I filmed a fake explosion scene.”

“I don’t want to know anymore,” Sanji said.

“You really don’t,” Zoro replied, heading to the shower.  Sanji finished up preparing dinner, pouring a glass of beer for Zoro as well.  Zoro’s habit of drinking from the can, crushing it in his hand, getting beer everywhere, and tossing it into the recycling bin without washing it and making the recycling bin sticky had driven Sanji insane.  One of multiple habits that Sanji had spent many painstaking weeks training out of Zoro that Zoro had grumbled about at first but ultimately complied with after a few lectures.  “I’ll always change for you,” Zoro had said once when Sanji ended up apologizing for nagging Zoro too harshly about the way he folded socks.

Zoro came out of the bedroom, shirtless as always, and downed the glass of beer after a quick thank-you kiss.  He poured himself another glass, then rinsed the can out and placed it carefully in the recycling bin.  An incredible lightness filled Sanji as he watched Zoro bending to fit the home they had created together.  That was the crux of it, wasn’t it?  The willingness to expand and contract into the spaces they didn’t quite fit in each other’s worlds, would maybe never fit, but the constant dance to become partners was something Sanji knew he wanted more than anything else.

When Zoro turned to Sanji, already halfway through his second glass, he paused, lowering the glass and licking beer foam off his lips.

“You’re looking at me funny, curly,” Zoro said.

“I want to spend the rest of my life with you, Zoro,” Sanji said softly.

“Curly,” Zoro replied, face going slack, “What… what brought this on so suddenly?”

“You rinsed out your beer can,” Sanji replied helplessly, unable to figure out how else to explain.

“Well… if that was all it took,” Zoro said.

“Come to dinner,” Sanji giggled, “We can talk about it more later.”

“No, I want to talk about it now,” Zoro said, grabbing his wrist, “You just proposed to me, curly, I’m not going to sit down for dinner like it’s a normal Thursday.”

“That wasn’t a proposal,” Sanji frowned.

“Sounded like one.”

“That was just a statement of intent.  You’ll know when I propose.”

“On July 7, a date which will live in infamy, Sanji Roronoa-Black proposed to propose to Zoro Roronoa-Black,” Zoro said dramatically, “When will he actually propose?  Today or tomorrow?”

“Stop rushing me,” Sanji glared.

“You were the one yelling Sanji Roronoa-Black at me as soon as I walked in the door and declaring your never-ending love to me after I recycled to your standards.  To a neutral onlooker, you are the one rushing me,” Zoro sniffed.

“I’m going to eat before the food gets cold,” Sanji muttered, trying to extract his hand.

Zoro continued holding tightly onto him, unmoving.  He grabbed Sanji’s other hand, face now serious, “Curly, I do too.  That is, want to spend the rest of my life with you.  Just so it doesn’t go unsaid.”

“Good,” Sanji said, flushing, “We’re on the same page.”

“So when can we get married, today or tomorrow?” Zoro asked, mischief dancing in his eyes.

“Dinner,” Sanji barked, pulling Zoro toward the dining table.

---

Sanji stared at the TikTok app on his phone.  He had finally decided to download the app and was now trying to decide what his interests were.  Cautiously, he clicked “Gym,” “Pets,” and “Cooking.”  Immediately, he was shown a video of a man with extremely well-defined glutes doing squat jumps.  He swiped viciously, trying to remove the video before 30 Rock’s wifi could detect that he had seen it.  At least that was how he thought the internet might work.  The next video was 15 seconds of someone scraping a knife over the top of freshly-baked bread.  Sanji sighed happily.  How did they know?

The next video was a cat fighting a grape.  Also good.  He sunk into his chair and watched fascinated as a fisherman reeled in a particularly large catfish.  How did he… how did he find specific content though?

“Usopp, Usopp,” he called.

“Boss?” Usopp asked.

“Do you know how TikTok works?” Sanji asked.

“No, I’ve never used TikTok in my life,” Usopp rolled his eyes, “That’s a bridge too far for me.”  His eyes narrowed at Sanji sitting comfortably in his chair, phone inches from his face, “Why do you ask?”

“Come look at this dog giving evil glares to his owner,” Sanji said.

“Let me see the dog,” Usopp said eagerly, crouching behind Sanji to watch the screen with him.  They swiped through a few more videos together when Sanji decided to ask, “If I were to look for particular videos, how would I do that?”

Usopp immediately backed away, “No, no, no, no, no, you’re not tricking me like that.  I won’t be dragged into your scheme.”

“Wouldn’t you rather make sure I come to no harm?  Get up to no antics?  I’m just curious.  We could do a TikTok parody segment, draw in a younger audience.”

“You’re meddling with powers you do not understand,” Usopp said sagely.

“Fine, at least show me how to search.”

“Sanji, the icon for ‘search’ is universal.  You can’t miss it.  But before you mess up your algorithm looking at videos of Zoro, can you show me a few more cats?”

---

“What are you doing?” Zoro asked, putting his book down at Sanji’s repeated giggles.

“Look at this parakeet, it knows how to say, ‘fuck you’,” Sanji said, holding the phone in front of Zoro’s face until the man went cross-eyed.

“Fascinating,” Zoro said, turning back to his book.

Sanji swiped up, already beginning to recognize the videos he wouldn’t be interested in where teenage boys played pranks on other teenage boys.  Then, very suddenly, he recognized the subject of a video.  It was him.  A video of the TV screen during a recent episode of Late Night where he stood waving at the audience before turning the attention to Brook’s band.  The video was on his face, very briefly, and then suddenly zoomed in on his backside as he turned to the side.  The caption was several peach emojis.

He stared at the video, watching it play a few more times, closing one eye and peering closer at the phone.  That was his ass.  That was a lot of views of his ass.

“What the hell—”

“What’s wrong?” Zoro asked absentmindedly.  Sanji froze, unsure of what to say to Zoro.  Would Zoro get angry, try to track down the user?

Zoro looked up at Sanji when Sanji didn’t answer, his expression serious, “What’s going on, curly?”  He beckoned for the phone, “Let me see.”

“It’s okay, just a stupid video, nothing to see,” Sanji said hurriedly.  Zoro reached over and took the phone carefully from Sanji’s grasp.  He stared at the screen for a while, face betraying no emotion.  Finally, he handed it back.

“Someone doesn’t skip glute day,” he said dryly, a smile on his face, “It’s a good shot.”

“That’s your reaction?” Sanji asked.

“I’m sure that’s not the first video objectifying you that’s ever been made, curly,” Zoro said, “I’ve looked at plenty of photos of you over the years on the internet."

“You what?” Sanji squawked.

“I know you’ve done the same of mine,” Zoro laughed.  He gathered Sanji into his arms and kissed the top of his head, “It’s the internet, curly.  I think of it as a large wriggling mass of people with one hivemind that randomly fixates on something every other day.  Luffy told me there was a sudden influx of art of my collarbones the day after Sunfire came out.  Another day, it’s your extremely good-looking ass.  It’ll all pass.”

“What a mature reaction,” Sanji grumbled.

“On the other hand, if someone looks at your ass in a bar, I will certainly have a complaint.”

“Ridiculous,” Sanji muttered, resting his head against Zoro’s chest.  He swiped up to remove the video of his derriere from the screen, revealing a screenshot of fanart of him and Zoro kissing.

“What was that—” Zoro asked, frowning.

“Nothing,” Sanji said, sitting up and retreating to the bedroom.

---

After a sleepless night of mindlessly watching TikTok videos with his headphones on and the brightness turned to the lowest setting, Sanji decided to delete the app from his phone.  He now stared blankly at the calendar in their kitchen as the coffee brewed.  Zoro had written “Curly’s proposed proposal” on the calendar box for July 7.  July 7 was a good day, he thought, a pretty number 7/7, very lucky.  He shook his head, trying to clear the fogginess from lack of sleep.  It would have been a good day to actually propose.  What was another good day to actually propose?  8/8?  He would have a few weeks to come up with a good proposal method.  They could go for a hot air balloon ride over Lake Erie?  He could take Zoro on a date in Central Park and propose on a boat in a secluded area.  Or getting down on a knee at the top of a Storm King mountain?  None of this felt right.  He groaned, pounding his head against the wall.

“Curly?” Zoro called sleepily.

“I’ll bring you coffee in a sec,” Sanji called back.  Instead, Zoro stumbled sleepily into the kitchen, rubbing his eyes.

“You didn’t sleep well,” Zoro said, resting a chin on Sanji’s shoulder, “Are you still thinking about people thinking about your ass?”

“No,” Sanji laughed, “But thanks for reminding me about that.”

“What’s bothering you, curly?”

“Again, speaking purely hypothetically, how would you want to be proposed to?” Sanji asked, tugging at Zoro’s ear and hoping the question would come across more as a joke than an existential crisis.

“Hm, I’d want huge theatrics and a lot of publicity,” Zoro said.

Sanji snorted, “That sounds about right.”

“Curly, you could write ‘Marry Me’ in shaving cream on the bathroom mirror, and I would be happy.”

“I wouldn’t be happy.  Do you know how hard it is to get shaving cream off a mirror?”

Zoro licked a long strip up Sanji’s neck in retaliation for his quip and dodged backwards from Sanji’s flailing to retrieve coffee mugs.  “There’s no hurry, curly,” he said as he began the painstaking task of steaming milk for Sanji, “You were so worried about rushing to the next step.  What’s changed?”

“Nothing changed,” Sanji said, looking out the window pensively, “That’s the point, I suppose.  Nothing changed because we’re constantly changing and yet it feels like what we have will never change.  You know what I mean?”

“Surprisingly, I do,” Zoro chuckled.

“And because of that, I want to do something monumental to prove how much I believe in us,” Sanji said, sitting down at the kitchen bar and taking the coffee from Zoro.  He looked down at the mug as Zoro began pouring himself a cup as well.  Zoro had drawn a lopsided heart in the milk foam. 

When Zoro stood across from Sanji, he had a conflicted look on his face, still clearly ruminating about what Sanji had said.  He opened his mouth and began, “Sanji, you don’t need to prove—”

“Marry me,” Sanji blurted out.

“What?”

“Marry me today.  Or tomorrow.”

“Sanji—”

“I won’t take no for an answer,” Sanji continued, words pouring out of his mouth as Zoro looked more and more flabbergasted, “I’m taking a leaf out of your book.  Months ago, you were sitting here, and we had just met, and you told me I was what you wanted.  It’s taken me a little longer, but I know what I want now.  You are what I want, Zoro Roronoa.  And getting married to me is a bigger step than getting lunch, but I want you to go to the courthouse with me tomorrow and marry me.”  He was breathing hard by the end of his monologue, unable to believe himself what he had just done.

“Okay,” Zoro said softly, “Let’s go tomorrow, curly.  Let’s get married tomorrow.”

“Logistically, that might not be possible,” Sanji muttered, losing some steam, “But yeah, the general gist of it, I guess, is what I wanted to say.”

“Sanji Black,” Zoro said, “Let’s get married tomorrow or as soon as logistically possible.”

“Good,” Sanji replied, feeling horribly, achingly giddy.

“Sanji Black,” Zoro repeated, standing up and rushing over to Sanji’s side of the counter, lifting him up, “We’re getting married tomorrow.”

“Or as soon as logistically possible,” Sanji laughed, “It is a Saturday.  And there’s probably a waiting period after we get our license, and we’ll need to get a witness and take time off.  I’ll need to call Zeff and make sure he knows, and there’s a lot of paperwork we’ll need to—"

“We’re getting married tomorrow,” Zoro bellowed, lifting Sanji up over his shoulder and carrying him back to the bedroom. 

---

“Come again?” Usopp stared when Sanji called him to his office on Monday and plopped their marriage license on the table.

“Come with me and Zoro tomorrow.  We’re getting married and we need one witness.”

“Sanji, I am so sorry for making fun of you about whether you’re married yet,” Usopp stammered, “If I was putting pressure on you—”

“You didn’t put pressure on me,” Sanji laughed, “You were just mildly annoying, and you can make it up to me by being our witness.”

“It would be my honor, boss,” Usopp said, face lighting up, “What should I wear?  Should I bring anything?  Do I need to do something special?”

“Just show up, make sure you’re over 18 and mentally competent.”

“Well fuck me then, guess I'm out of the running,” Usopp sighed.

Chuckling, Sanji shooed him out of his office, “Thank you, dear friend.”

---

The next day, Sanji arrived at the courthouse with Zoro, butterflies not so much fluttering as sparring in his stomach.  Zoro, in a suit and a black beanie and sunglasses, was oddly calm as they checked-in, and then headed to the lobby to wait before for their appointment time.  Usopp was already sitting on one of the marble benches and, for some reason, was also wearing a suit with a black beanie and sunglasses.

“Are you the one trying to marry me?” Sanji asked dryly.

“I’m going incognito,” Usopp hissed, “The paparazzi could be anywhere.”

“The clerk of court didn’t even recognize Zoro when she made him take off his beanie and sunglasses to check his identification yesterday when we came for the license,” Sanji laughed, “He was very disappointed."

“Was not,” Zoro grunted.

“She recognized me,” Sanji crowed, “Said her daughter was a huge fan.”

“Well, you do get to be on TV every single day.”

“No need to be so jealous, mosshead,” Sanji grinned.

“Roronoa and Black?”  They jumped when a bored clerk poked her head out of an office and beckoned toward them.

Sanji took Zoro’s hand, leading him toward the small courtroom where a man in black robes sat at a low table on what looked like a lawn chair.

“Do you have vows or anything?” he asked, taking the license from Sanji’s shaking hands.

“No,” Sanji said, “We just want to get married.”  He paused, trying to decide how to explain to this judge that they were serious and weren’t a celebrity couple destined to be divorced in three months.  “We haven’t been dating that long but—”

“Honestly, Mr. Black,” the judge sighed, “You don’t have to tell me your story.  I’m sure it’s very lovely, but this is a simple process, I’ll just need some signatures and some ‘I do’s.'"

“Right, yes,” Sanji said, ignoring Zoro’s low chuckle.

The judge stood and raised a hand, “Do you, Zoro Roronoa, take Sanji Black, to be your lawfully wedded husband?”

“I do,” Zoro said quietly, gaze on Sanji’s eyes steady and clear.

“Do you, Sanji Black, take Zoro Roronoa, to be your lawfully wedding husband?”

“I do,” Sanji said, voice squeakier than he would have liked.  He saw Zoro take a shaky breath at that moment, betraying some nerves, a relieved look now on his face.  Sanji reached for Zoro’s hand, holding it tight, wanting to explain the full magnitude of what Zoro’s presence meant in his life—

“Great, you’ll just have to sign here and here, and you too, Mr. Snipe,” the judge continued, suddenly businesslike.  Sanji blinked, automatically accepting the pen and signing above his printed name.  Usopp awkwardly squeezed between him and Zoro and did the same, scooching out quickly after he signed.

“Best of luck,” the judge nodded.

“It’s done?” Sanij asked.

“Done and dusted,” he said, “Have a good day.”

“Um, thank you,” Sanji said, as they were ushered out of the courtroom by the clerk of court.

“I liked that guy,” Zoro grinned, once they were outside, “Very efficient.”

“Are we… actually married?” Sanji asked.

“Do you feel any different?” Usopp asked tentatively.

“No,” they both replied at the same time.

“You’re not suddenly more in love with me?” Sanji asked, grinning at Zoro, at his husband.

“That would be difficult,” Zoro shrugged.

“I’m going back to work,” Usopp sighed, “See you two lovebirds later.  Congratulations to you both.” 

Before he could go, Sanji wrapped him up into a hug.  “Thanks Usopp,” he murmured, “I wouldn’t have wanted anybody else with me today.”

“Of course, Sanji,” Usopp said, sniffing slightly, taking his beanie off to wipe his eyes.

“Careful, everybody will recognize you,” Sanji teased.

“I hope the paparazzi catch you,” Usopp glared, giving Sanji one more pat on the back before letting go and jogging back toward the metro.

“What should we do now, Mr. Roronoa-Black?” Zoro asked.

“Did we actually decide on last names?” Sanji responded, linking his arm into Zoro’s, “How about bagels, Mr. Roronoa-Black?”

Notes:

*wipes tears*. They finally gone and done it in the most simultaneously messy and simple way ever. XD

Did I download TikTok for research? Yes. It is now deleted.

Thank you to Three for the brilliant objectify-Sanji's-ass-let-Zoro-comfort-him plot point!!! <3

Chapter 15: There Is a Light That Never Goes Out

Summary:

In which Zoro is again a guest on Late Night with Sanji Black.

“Doflamingo cancelled, Sanji,” Usopp said, sprinting in Sanji’s office, “Called Nami and said he didn’t feel like coming.”

“That fucking asshole,” Sanji hissed, “He always does this shit.  Demands to be the only guest and then ghosts.  Why do we even try to book him anymore?”

“Should we try to get Carne and Patty?  See if they’re available to talk your head off for half an hour?”

“No,” Sanji said, “No.  Let me make a call.”  When Usopp left, Sanji pulled out his phone and dialed his husband’s number.

“Curly,” Zoro said, answering immediately.

“Darling, how are you?” Sanji crooned.

The line went silent.

“What do you need, curly?” Zoro asked after a beat.

“Do you think you could ask Luffy if you can be a guest on Late Night with Sanji Black next Monday to help your husband who is in a tight spot?”

Zoro sighed, “I’ll tell Luffy.  What are you going to ask me?  I don’t have anything coming up that I can talk about.”

“We’ll just shoot the breeze for a bit.  I don’t have anything in particular.”

“Going to wing it like our first interview?”

“That ended up working pretty well,” Sanji laughed.

“I guess it did, curly,” Zoro chuckled.

“We’ll figure it out, I’ll get Usopp thinking about it,” Sanji said.  He sat back, looking out the window at the bright New York day.  “Our rings will be ready this weekend,” he said quietly.

“Luffy says the internet has been non-stop asking what happened to my earrings,” Zoro grumbled.

Sanji smiled.  They had arranged for a blacksmith to melt down two of Zoro’s earrings for Sanji’s ring, Sanji doing the same with the gold tie bar he wore every filming of Late Night for Zoro’s.  Sanji was slightly annoyed that nobody noticed the absence of his tie bar, but he assumed not as many people made an occupation out of staring at his photos.

“Are you going to wear it?” Sanji asked.

“Why wouldn’t I wear my ring?”

“People will definitely notice you wearing a wedding ring.”

“I’m happy for them to notice that.”

Sanji smiled, “The first time the audience will see my ring is when you come on the show.”

“Tell Franky to be prepared for people rushing the stage.”

“I’ll tell him,” Sanji laughed, seeing Nami waving at him, “I gotta go, Zoro.  I’ll see you tonight.  Love you.”

“Love you, curly.”

Nami poked her head in the office when Sanji put the phone down.

“You heard about Doflamingo?” she asked.

“Yeah, I just… I just asked Zoro to come on the show instead, if that’s okay?”

“Perfect,” Nami grinned, “I was going to have you do that.  Handy that you’re dating a big movie star.”  She sighed, “I meant married to, I can’t believe you had a secret court wedding.”

Sanji shrugged helplessly, “Sorry, dear.  Though we’re hosting a small celebration in a few weeks, which I hope you can attend.  We’re getting out of town people like Zoro’s dad and sister.  And Zeff.  Which reminds me I have to buy plane tickets for him, the old man still tries to get a travel agent to do it for him instead of use the internet.”

“I haven’t seen that old man in years,” Nami said, “I got a holiday card from him that had him holding up a marlin with some old-fashioned pun written across the top.  Pretty sure I tossed it.”

Sanji laughed; his card was hanging on his fridge right next to one that Zoro received with a frowning face drawn on the back.

“He was pretty annoyed about the wedding too,” Sanji said, recalling the icy silence when Sanji explained what had happened, followed by a few sardonic questions about whether Sanji had gotten Zoro pregnant.

“Well, I hope he can take some time off from sitting around doing nothing to visit 30 Rock again,” Nami said, walking out the office, “And thanks for getting Zoro, it’ll be cute.”

---

When Sanji arrived home, Zoro was sleeping face-down on the couch.  Sanji sat down on the ground next to him, and flicked the lone earring on Zoro’s ear until he woke up.  Sanji was then unceremoniously dragged onto the couch as well, wrapped into a tight hug.

“Mosshead, I’ve got to make dinner,” Sanji sighed, when it became clear that Zoro was falling asleep again.

“I already made dinner,” Zoro mumbled into his shoulder.

“What did you make?”

“Sushi.”

“You made sushi?” Sanji asked, turning himself around to stare at Zoro.

“Yup.”

“Do you mean you got takeout sushi?”

“No, I made it.  I’ve been taking lessons from Ipponmatsu,” Zoro said.

“Who?” Sanji frowned.

“Old guy who runs my favorite sushi spot,”

“The one we went to on our first date?”

“Yeah,” Zoro said, smiling happily, “He’s been teaching me how to make sushi for the past week.”

“What exactly have you been able to learn in a week?”

“Rolls,” Zoro sighed, letting Sanji go and sitting up, “I can’t make nigiri or anything, that’ll take another fifty years.  Let me just show you.”  He pulled Sanji into the kitchen where he had covered a bunch of dishes with whatever he could find in the cupboards, a paper plate, spare Tupperware, a pot lid.  Sanji would need to show him where he kept the cake covers.

Carefully, he lifted each of the covers off, revealing far too many trays of rolls, some inelegantly cut, some stuffed far too much, but none of that mattered to Sanji when he looked up at Zoro’s eager, hopeful face.  So full of love it made Sanji want to cry.

“I… I made some mistakes, the shrimp tempura was bigger than the ones Ipponmatsu had,” Zoro began, but Sanji cut him off with a swift kiss, then lingered, leaving tiny touches every time Zoro tried to speak again.

“Thank you for making dinner, darling,” he whispered.

“I’m going to learn how to make other things,” Zoro said, voice raspy as he looked down at Sanji with slightly watery eyes.

“Me too,” Sanji replied, “Take me with you to learn from Ipponmatsu next time.”

Zoro frowned at this, “You’re going to learn faster than me.”

“Of course I will, I was a professional chef,” Sanji glared.

“Let me have a few more lessons, get a head start.”

“It’s not a competition.”

“Maybe not to you.”

Sanji flicked his earring and went to retrieve some plates.

After they set up on the counter, Zoro watched like a hawk as Sanji grabbed a piece of the nearest roll with his chopsticks.

“I see tempura, avocado, cucumber,” Sanji said, peering into it, “What’s the sauce?”

“Eel sauce, that I just stole from Ipponmatsu.”

Sanji put the whole bite in his mouth and chewed, contemplating.

“How is it?” Zoro asked nervously.

“Chef Sanji’s seal of approval,” he said when he managed to swallow the large piece.

“Promise?” Zoro asked, “You’re not just saying that?”

“Mosshead, it’s very good, the rice is perfectly flavored, all the ingredients are balanced, you should be proud.  Stop looking so constipated and eat with me,” Sanji said, choosing another roll.

“Anything I could do better?”

“Maybe a mandoline next time for the cucumber.”

“That’s what Ipponmatsu said but I couldn’t figure out how to work the one you have,” Zoro said sheepishly.

“After dinner lesson, darling,” Sanji said, “Though maybe I shouldn’t teach you, I’ll come home to find you’ve cut off all your fingers.  This one is delicious too.”  He pointed to the mango-based roll he had just eaten, “Maybe you should quit acting and go work for Ipponmatsu.”

The grin on Zoro’s face was blinding as he began to eat as well.

---

With trembling hands, Sanji took the two black boxes from Hitetsu, a blacksmith in Westchester County who Zoro knew through Ryuma.  He opened one of the boxes.  In it was Zoro’s ring, the lighter-colored, almost rose gold of Sanji’s tie bar that he could recognize instantly.  Zoro wordlessly held out his hand, and Sanji slipped it on.  As he pushed the ring forward, it felt as though he was pushing all the air out of his lungs, breathless when it fit snugly on Zoro’s left ring finger.

“Your turn,” Zoro said quietly, opening the other box.  Movements sure and certain, Zoro gently took Sanji’s hand and slipped the ring on.  It rested as a foreign weight on his finger.  Sanji held up his hand, letting the ring shine next to Zoro’s earring, smiling at the matching color.

“Are you going to get more earrings?” Sanji asked.

“Nah,” Zoro said, “They’re yours, and I can’t replace that.”

Sanji flushed when Zoro gave him a small smile then turned and bowed low to Hitetsu.

“Thank you,” he said.

“Thank you,” Hitetsu replied, “For trusting me with something so meaningful.”

When they left the forge, hand in hand, Sanji touched the metal on Zoro’s finger.  “How does it feel?” he asked.

“A little strange,” Zoro said, “But I’ll get used to it.”

“You know I do have to get another tie bar, right?  As romantic as your gesture is to not replace your earrings, I can’t bear having a tie flapping around.”

“Do you?” Zoro asked skeptically, “I’ve never used one.”

“Because you’re slovenly.”

“I’ll get you another one,” Zoro said, “Where do you even get tie bars?  Antique stores?”

“Fancy yourself a comedian now?  That’s my job, you can fuck right off with that,” Sanji laughed, climbing into Zoro’s car.

“Home, Kuma,” Zoro said, sliding into the seat next to Sanji, “Straight home.”

---

On Monday, Sanji found himself knocking again on the door to Zoro’s dressing room.

“We can’t keep meeting like this,” Sanji joked when Zoro opened it immediately and pulled him in, leaving messy kisses all over his face.

“Stop,” Sanji laughed, “You ready?”

“I just have to talk to you for half an hour about anything right?  What’s so hard about that?”

“We have some little segments planned, not going to tell you in advance to get your genuine reaction.”

“You know my genuine reaction is probably going to be just staring at you in confusion.”

“And that’s what we love and adore about you, my dear,” Sanji said.  He sat down on the couch and giggled to himself, remembering the first time he met Zoro, walking in on the actor lying shirtless on the couch.

“Why were you such an asshole when we first met?” Sanji asked.  Zoro flushed, “Was I an asshole?”

“You didn’t wear a shirt and then you immediately started hitting on me.”

“You were pretty rude too,” Zoro said, “I recall you accused me of being an idiot.”

“Well that accusation has come to bear fruit,” Sanji sniffed.  He went to adjust his rumpled shirt in the dressing room mirror, mind turning to their interview.

“Why did you call me?” Zoro asked suddenly, “After our interview.  It took a week, but you called me.”

“Nami threatened to fire me.”

“Why did you call me, curly?” Zoro repeated.

“Because… because you were a challenge,” Sanji said, trying to figure out himself why he called Zoro, “Because I enjoyed our conversation.  Because you made it interesting.  Because I couldn’t stop thinking about you.”

Zoro contemplated this for a moment, face serious, before it was replaced with a playful smirk.  “And because I’m hot.”

“I will make you play Big Mouth, you asshole,” Sanji said, heading to the door.

“Big Mouth, eh?” Zoro grinned.

“I’m going on set now,” Sanji glared.

---

“We should change the show name,” Nami said, a sweet voice in his ear as Sanji sat at his Late Night desk.

“To what, Nami?” Usopp asked, “Am I finally going to get my name in the show for doing all the work and getting none of the credit?”

“Late Night with Sanji Roronoa-Black,” Nami replied, “I’ve already had Chopper running the numbers on whether that would be a boost in viewership or not.”

“Early research says yes,” Chopper said, piping in.

“I’ll get the design team working on it,” Robin said.

“I can hear you all,” Sanji said, gritting his teeth as he smiled out at the audience.

“Oh we know that, Sanji,” Nami said.

Before Sanji could respond, Usopp said quickly, “Recording in three, two, one.”  Brook’s band began playing, quieting the audience down.  Sanji stood, pretending to conduct until the final note, bowing to Brook when they finished.

“Soul King Brook and the Yomi Yomis, folks,” Sanji said, waving at the audience, “We have a treat tonight, my lovelies.  A last minute cancellation, but luckily, I know some people.”  He winked when the audience began cheering, and a slow “Zoro” chant began in the crowd.  When Brook began playing again, Sanji looked toward the backstage door eagerly and saw Zoro striding out, a huge smile on his face.  He looked handsome and confident, waving with his left hand, his ring glinting in the spotlights above.

When Zoro approached to give him a hug, Sanji instead touched his elbow and leaned in to peck him on the lips.  The audience roared their approval as Zoro stared at him, stunned.

“Every time you come on this show, you try and throw me off,” Sanji smiled, “About time I returned the favor.” 

“Right,” Zoro said, sitting down heavily, a flush on his cheeks as the crowd continued cheering.

When the noise from the audience finally died down, Sanji sat back in his chair, feeling giddy as Zoro nervously took a sip from his cup, likely wondering what else Sanji had in store for him.

“So, darling, thank you so much for doing this,” Sanji said finally, taking pity on Zoro’s fidgeting.

“I’m surprised you wanted to have me back,” Zoro said in response.

“You don’t make it easy on me,” Sanji laughed, “But that’s what I love about you, I suppose.”

If Zoro could sink into the couch and disappear off the face of the planet, he probably would as the audience let out a collective “aw.”

“Anyways,” Sanji said brightly, “I didn’t just invite you here to say nice things about you.  We’ve got a fun segment planned called Celebrities Read Thirst Tweets so we can hear the fun, beautiful things the lovely beings on Twitter have been saying about you instead.”

“Curly,” Zoro said slowly, a frantic look in his eyes.

“It’ll be so much fun, darling, please play along,” Sanji laughed.  He handed a stack of cards to Zoro when he sighed and sat up straight.

Zoro looked over the first card and glanced at Sanji, “Did you come up with these?”

“Yup,” Sanji grinned.

“You’re sure one of your writers didn’t switch them out?” Zoro asked.

“Um,” Sanji said, no longer as confident, feeling a tremor go up and down his spine.  They wouldn’t, would they?

“Okay,” Zoro shrugged, “From user @hLy0r1.  ‘Y’all notice the way Sanji Black chews his bottom lip when he’s contemplating an interesting answer to his question?  Baby, let me chew it for you.’”

Mortified, Sanji put his head down on the table as the audience cheered and cat called.  He was going to kill Usopp.  No one would find his body.  He would melt it with acid in his bathtub.

“You do have very nice lips,” Zoro said, voice calm.  Sanji lifted his head to glare as viciously as he could at his husband.

“Let’s move on to another segment,” Sanji said frantically, trying to grab the cards from Zoro.

“The next one,” Zoro said, holding Sanji back with one arm as his eyes skimmed over the next card.

“From user @duvalicious, ‘Sanji Black reading his book about partisan politics makes me feel all kinds of things.  Can we get @TheRealSanjiBlack to do some ASMR?  I might actually _____.’  The rest of this is censored out,” Zoro said, grinning wide as he practically headlocked Sanji to keep him from taking the cards away.

“Zoro,” Sanji begged.

“Just one more, my love,” Zoro laughed, “I like this one.  It’s very accurate.  From user @HelloHarubo ‘Domestic ZS Moment.  Sanji: [exists]   Zoro: [has a reason for existing].’”

Sanji stopped struggling in Zoro’s hold.  The audience went quiet as Zoro put the cards down and let go of Sanji, straightening Sanji’s collar when he shakily sat up.

“Don’t be too hard on Usopp,” Zoro said.

“You’re going to have to protect him from me,” Sanji muttered.

“I can do that,” Zoro chuckled.

“Thank you, Zoro,” Usopp said meekly in Sanji’s ear.  Sanji glared at the side of the stage where Usopp usually stood watching the crowd, chewing his nails and panicking about how his jokes were landing.

“Now I’m nervous about my other segments,” Sanji said, looking suspiciously at the neat stacks of cards in his desk.

“I’m curious, curly, let’s see them,” Zoro said.

“Oh now you’re excited about this kind of stuff,” Sanji sighed, as the audience cheered in agreement.  He pulled out another deck of cards.

“This one is a segment we call Ready To Be Known.”

“I didn’t fuck with that one,” Usopp said in his ear.

“The premise is, the extremely clever and talented scientists and experts we employ here at Late Night have come up with five questions.  Just from your answers to these questions, the audience will be able to fully know you, Zoro Roronoa.  They’ll get the whole package, you’ll walk out of here and the very essence of your being will be exposed.”

“Five questions,” Zoro said doubtfully.

“Indeed, Sir Zoro.  Are you ready to be known?”

“Go ahead,” he sighed.

“Zoro Roronoa, first question, cats or dogs,” Sanji asked.

“How is that supposed to allow me to be known?”

“Don’t attack the premise, just answer the question, dear.”

“Cats.”

“Really?” Sanji said, looking up in surprise.

“What about you, curly?” Zoro asked.

“Dogs, the obvious choice.”

“Guess we’ll just have to get some of each then,” Zoro shrugged, “But my cats will eat your dogs.”

“No, we’re not getting any, they’ll ruin my upholstery.  We’ll just have to make friends with cat and dog people,” Sanji replied, turning to the next card, “What do you think happens when we die?"

To Sanji’s surprise, Zoro looked thoughtful about this question, not raising any fuss about it, before finally answering, “I know that the ones who love us will miss us.  That’s all I can be certain about.”  Sanji let out a small exhale of breath, as Zoro looked steadily back at him.

“Were you looking for something like what happens to our spirit when our body is buried, do we go to heaven, etcetera?” Zoro asked dryly.

“No, that—that was a perfect answer.”

“Will you miss me when I die?”

“Of course,” Sanji said, blinking back sudden tears, “Let’s not talk about that now, darling, actually let’s never talk about it.”  He took a deep breath, trying to regain the professionalism Zoro continually took from him.

“Window or aisle?” he asked shakily.

“Depends.  Are we in first class and are you sitting next to me?” Zoro asked.

“You don’t get to ask follow-up questions,” Sanji said.

“Fine, if we’re in first class and you are sitting next to me, aisle.”

“Wait, you can’t do that, and also why?” Sanji asked.

“You don’t get to ask follow-up questions,” Zoro responded, sticking his tongue out.

“Fine, you are really messing with the audience’s ability to get to know you, but, the next question.  You get one song to listen to for the rest of your life, what is it?

“The Smiths’ There Is a Light That Never Goes Out,” Zoro said immediately.

“Oh,” Sanji said, “That’s a deep cut.”

“Four years ago,” Zoro said, “I came to do an interview with Pica on The Tonight Show.”

“Yeah, I’m willing to bet everybody here remembers that interview,” Sanji grimaced, not sure four years was enough time for Pica to recover.

“I’ve never told you this, but that was the first time I saw you,” Zoro said, “Zeff was still Late Night host, you were just some no name writer.  You came to drop off some props at Studio 6B and spent five minutes chatting with the front desk staff and There Is a Light That Never Goes Out was playing in the lobby.  I wanted to ask you out, but I didn’t have the nerve.  So that song is special to me.”

“You’re a movie star, Zoro,” Sanji said, dumbfounded.

Zoro shrugged, a helpless look on his face.

“We’re talking about this later, you ridiculous man,” Sanji said, turning to his last card and certain his face was completely red, “Describe the rest of your life in five words.”

“What?” Zoro asked incredulously, “What kind of question is that?”

“It’s not a question, it’s a demand,” Sanji said, “Describe the rest of your life in five words.”

“I- fine, um, health, growth, friendship, love, Sanji.  Is that five?”

“That’s five,” Sanji smiled.

“Is this over?  Am I known now?” Zoro grumbled.

“Yup, completely, totally, you are now fully understood by our audience and everybody who watches this segment.”

“Which will be everybody in the world,” Nami said gleefully in his ear.

“Time’s up, Sanji, good place to end,” Robin said.

“Well, darling, the little voices in my head are telling me our time here is up.  The clock is striking midnight.  Your beautiful dress will turn to rags.”  He leaned forward and planted a kiss on Zoro’s cheek, “Thank you for being ever patient, mosshead.”  The recording sign blinked off, and Sanji stood, beckoning Zoro toward the exit.

“See you soon?” Zoro asked.

“See you soon,” Sanji smiled.

---

After filming ended, Sanji brought Zoro up to his office and collapsed onto his office chair.  Zoro stood by the window, looking out at New York.  The longer summer days meant the sun was only just finishing setting, casting a glow on the city below.  Sanji turned on his computer and began playing “There Is a Light That Never Goes Out.”  Zoro quirked a smile, still gazing out the windows.

“What a life we live,” he said quietly.

“Yeah,” Sanji nodded, moving to stand next to his husband, arms wrapping around his waist.

“Did I do alright tonight?” Zoro asked.

Sanji laughed, “No notes, perfect guest.”

“The first time I came on, I was nervous about talking to you.  The second time I came on, I was nervous about exposing we were dating.  This time was nice."

“You weren’t nervous about exposing we got married?”

“I mostly worried about you, but you were the one kissing me in front of an audience and asking me to describe the rest of my life as if I wouldn’t include you in it.”

“We ask that question to every guest on Ready To Be Known.”

“Sure, curly,” Zoro said, kissing the side of his head, “I remember when you used to refuse to get in the same elevator as me leaving my apartment.”

“That was because you smell."

He wheezed when Zoro squeezed him hard into a hug.

“Sanji— oh shit,” he heard, and elbowed Zoro until he let go.

“What’s up, Usopp?” he asked, watching as his writer peeked his head cautiously into his office.

“Nothing, just wanted to tell you to stay off Twitter for a bit.  Turns out people did notice your rings.”

“What are they saying?” Sanji asked, immediately curious.

“Oh the usual foaming at the mouth.  A lot of Pepe Silvia memes connecting the dots of Zoro’s missing earrings.  All caps, sobbing gifs, keyboard smashes, validations that love is real.  There’s already fanart.”

“Let me see,” Sanji said eagerly.

“Curly,” Zoro said, holding onto his hand, “Maybe you should listen to Usopp for once.”

“For once?” Usopp squawked, just as Sanji asked, “Why would I?”

“Because, I have come to learn, Usopp is usually right.  Usopp, you’re the least recognizable of us, go get us some beer,” Zoro said, pulling out his wallet and throwing what looked like a hundred dollar bill at Usopp, “I heard you have a ping pong table, let’s play.”

“Can you give me not a hundred dollar bill?” Usopp begged, “I’m not showing up to a bodega with this.”

Sanji watched as the two of them bargained over the random collection of bills and coins in Zoro’s wallet, a content smile on his face.  Usopp then proceeded to ask Zoro what kind of beer he wanted, the actor responding with “Something with alcohol in it,” prompting the decision-wary writer to immediately begin sweating.

“Get a couple of Brooklyn Lagers for Zoro, some 1911 Originals for me, and whatever you want,” Sanji said, pushing him out of the office

“A couple bottles of Brooklyn Lager or—”

“A couple sixpacks,” Sanji said, laughing as Zoro looked offended at Usopp’s question.  Usopp left, repeating the order under his breath in a desperate attempt to remember.

“Ready to get your ass handed to you in ping pong?”

“In your dreams, curly,” Zoro replied, stretching his neck and his arms in a threatening manner as they entered the rec room.

“I’m heading out,” Nami said, poking her head in the room, “Don’t stay up too late, kids.”

“We won’t, ma,” Sanji laughed, slamming the ball down so hard it flew into the common room.  Zoro grumbled and went to chase after it.  Nami leaned against the doorframe, a smile on her face.  “I’m happy for you, Sanji,” she said softly, “I thought you were going to burn yourself out a year ago, the way you were working.  I’m… I’m really happy to see you playing ping pong on a work night.  This is going to sound condescending, but your husband is good for you."

Sanji looked down at the chipped ping pong paddle in his hand.  “Yeah.  He is,” he replied, giving her a shy smile.

Zoro came back, a scowl on his face that disappeared when he saw Sanji looking at him.

“I’m gonna go,” Nami said.  Sanji barely registered her leaving as he walked to the other side of the table and pulled Zoro toward him for a kiss, long and slow, putting all the gratitude and contentment and love in his body into the movement of their lips and the press of their bodies.

“Curly,” Zoro said hoarsely.

“Mosshead,” Sanji replied, “Thanks for coming on my show.”

Zoro chuckled, “Thanks for having me.”

 

Sobbing about muki's beautiful art.  Thank you, my dear!

Notes:

*sobs quietly*. Thank you all so very much for joining me on this long Late Night journey. I love these boys and this cast so much, it will be so hard to put them away. I just had the most fun writing this fic, and all your lovely comments mean the world to me. Please come holler at me over on Twitter! I got a Twitter because of this fic! It's been a learning process, and I'm so grateful to have found the ZS community there and on the ZS Discord. Thanks for Dee, Hawk, Laura, Three, and all my friends for all their help teaching this baby bird how to navigate social media and for all the great plot suggestions!

[The Ready To Be Known segment is based on a Stephen Colbert interview with Keanu Reeves. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fl0x9Swgfgw]

Much love to all and to all a good night!

Series this work belongs to:

• Part 1 of Late Night