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“I trusted you dean!” Cas screamed, his angelic wings rising up instinctively.
Dean glared back at him, dagger in hand. At the end of the dagger, all Cas could see was Aziraphale his face slack in surprise as Dean quickly sliced the throat.
“Castiel when will you learn.” Dean hissed back turning towards the door, “ I’m a fucking demon that was your mistake.”
Cas’ blood boiled at this dismissal and stomped towards Dean. His hand came upon Dean’s shoulder and his other grabbed the wrist holding the dagger. The very thing that could easily kill him. Cas stared into Dean’s dark eyes, seemingly not portraying emotion but he’s known him since the beginning of time.
“I’m no fool dean. You may be a demon but you’ve never steeped this low. It’s like you want all of heaven to come after you.”
Dean’s eyes shone with anger that they quickly flickered out, back to blank oblivion.
They shook away Cas’ grip, although it’s not like he had a firm grasp on him. Perhaps out of fear or trust.
“Leave me alone Cas. It’s like you’re following me!” They hissed, “what business do you have even being here huh. I may have heaven coming after my head but you’re the one betraying them seeking me out. Watching and not stopping me from KILLING an angel. What will it take for you to just stop it.”
He was too stunned to speak at their outburst. Dean was right and Cas knew it. What else was he supposed to do, he was basically betraying his kin. For what? A demon he’s been in love with for god knows how long. A part of him knew Dean wouldn’t change and maybe Cas was just letting himself be strung along, his own head fooling himself into thinking there was something. Or maybe Cas was a lovesick fool that thought Dean could change. Little glimpses that have only been shown in private. A side of dean that is insecure about what they are, fear driving their existence as he moves through the ages avoiding hunters. He could think of a time being jumped by demons where Dean managed to get him out. Made sure he was okay and stupidly offered to patch him up despite the ability to heal. Dean still insists that they are a demon who’s irredeemable and continue to be an ass.
Letting out a sigh, Cas steps away from Dean. Maybe this isn’t worth all this effort and Dean the person they used to be. Dean tenses at the action, eyebrows shoot up in surprise. Usually the reaction is different and Cas is nice enough to keep smiling or give him looks of disappointment but always continue this dynamic they’ve always had together.
“Okay dean, I’ll let you off for now.” He hissed with venom in his voice, “but next time I see you don’t expect this. I’ll kill you or bring you to heaven to be punished instead where you’ll burn in holy water.” Dean felt the chasm opening between them, this is what they wanted isn’t it? A little voice whispered you dumbshit this isn’t what you wanted. The voice was squashed by years of self-doubt, yes but it’s what you deserve.
The atmosphere felt suffocating, any friendliness between the demon and the angel seemingly shattered. Cas blankly looked over the demon one more time, eyes landing on the knife. Wonder if Dean would ever kill him, maybe this was a perfect opportunity. Any doubt was squashed by the walls being built up in his mind. There was a cold resolve being built as he started to walk away. Back turned to Dean and shutting them out of his life. Even though over the years they had always managed to run into each other, helping and growing together. No matter which side the demons and angels were on, the duo always found each other with each other creating their own side.
As the angel walked away Dean desperately wanted to reach out. Their body betrays their brain to reach for Cas' worn-out coat. Hands itching to grab Cas and hug and apologize and never let him down. Offer to run away from it all, fight against the world Cas and dean, rogue angel and demon. An unstoppable force.
But doubt or maybe acceptance of reality stops Dean, it was a foolish idea.
Vanishing from sight, all that’s left is Dean overlooking the cliff. Every year they meet here, as this is the spot where at the beginning of time Cas confessed his love. Despite the ups and downs of time, they still managed to secretly meet. Maybe it was guilt that brought Dean here every year. Maybe it was the need to be honest with Cas or to be finally pushed away by him, that dean brought the fucking knife. But over time it grew into an appreciation of the Angel. Then love. At first, he felt bad about turning down Cas but once they fell and became a demon anger and self-pity took over. Love wasn’t possible for a demon, why would it be? But the shattered relationship between them says enough, Dean will push anyone away they get close to.
After staring at the sun dipping below the horizon, the sky being engulfed by darkness Dean decides to leave. But before that, the weight of the knife, a reminder of their actions. Clenching it, the image of Cas’ horror and then betrayal as his eyes saw the angel blade. A bubble of pure rage came up. Not the supernatural type that is detached and prideful, no the human anger of heartbreak and guilt that blinds all things. Not a powerful demon that can snap people’s necks with a thumb. But weak and unable to figure out what to do.
Feeding off this anger, Dean brings the knife up. Violently he uses his rage to fling it, into the crashing waves. The dark ocean that swallows everything, always present and mysterious, reliable to devour the feelings of a heartbroken demon.
*splosh
It lands with grace and is absorbed into the darkening sea. Dean sighs and starts to walk away. Their heart seemingly changes from a bitter and self-loathing individual to someone who’s maybe willing to change their self. Not for Cas but maybe to change for themselves. Cas always allowed Dean to change and be better and allow them to be open. Never pushing Dean but always caring.
Dean vowed that next time they come face to face with Cas, their heart will be open and apologetic. Hoping for Cas’ forgiveness and returning the love and patience he had. Cas will listen to him (and hopefully not kill him) and maybe Dean can return the smile to his face. A bright beaming hope that is the sun and their world, helping to guide them to be happy. Not reversing what had happened to them, as falling from heaven and becoming a demon is ultimately unchangeable. Perhaps not be so absorbed about being a demon and not letting it determine every action. Using it as an excuse to be an asshole. Letting it define every aspect of life.
Dean peacefully gets into the impala, hearing the quiet hum of the engine. Backing out and merging onto the highway, they smile for the first time in a while. The knowledge that things will get better.