Work Text:
“Jin-hyung is coming over,” Yoongi says. He’s standing in the doorway of Jungkook's bedroom. “Are you hungry?”
“Yeah,” Jungkook sighs and lowers his laptop screen. He’s been doing homework all day, he’s exhausted. “I don’t really have time though, I have a bunch of research to do for this group project and then I gotta make my slides. Our submission is due tonight, so…”
“We’ll cook something and you can come get some when you have a second, okay? Or do you want hyung to bring it to you?”
Jungkook’s heart swells a little. Yoongi’s expression is so soft. He’s been worrying over Jungkook the past few days. Finals have been especially rough on Jungkook this semester, and it’s been showing. No time to eat. Up late into the night. Waking up early. Talking to himself constantly about things he needs to work on. Lately, he’s been wanting a hug more than usual. Craving a touch from someone who cares about him. Someone like Yoongi.
It's not just that though.
It’s also the massive crush he’s been harboring on Yoongi for a while now. It started when Jungkook broke up with his last boyfriend, and acknowledged that most of the time he spent with his ex he had always thought it would be more fun with Yoongi. Yoongi would appreciate the indie bands performing in bars and markets more, Yoongi would want to share a mess of lamb skewers with him, Yoongi would sit and play video games with him for hours. His ex was nice, they worked well enough, but their interests were too different and he—
He wasn’t Yoongi. And so maybe the crush was around even before he dated his ex, but it took being with someone else to see what he was missing out on.
Jungkook smiles. “I’ll come out and eat with you guys when it’s done. Thank you.”
“Of course,” Yoongi turns around, stretching. Jungkook watches as Yoongi ties part of his long, blonde hair up into a bun at the back of his head. He leaves half of the golden strands loose, a bit tangled but beautiful.
When Yoongi started growing out his hair in their freshman year of university, Jungkook would have never thought Yoongi would let it grow past his shoulders.
The whole crush thing gets a lot harder to ignore when Jungkook is tempted on a daily basis to run his fingers through Yoongi’s hair, or kiss the soft pink corners of his mouth, or hold his hand. Is it selfish of Jungkook to want to be more affectionate with Yoongi? Yes. Maybe a bit. But their friends get to do it, so why can’t he?
Jungkook really shouldn’t let it bother him so much. It’s not that big a deal. Yes, it makes his chest tighten and puts him in a sour mood. Yes, it isn’t healthy to fixate on.
He shouldn’t be like this. But he can’t help but want to be close to Yoongi.
It wouldn’t bother him so much if their friends weren’t always clinging to Yoongi. He gets it. Yoongi is everyone’s favorite hyung, and then Seokjin loves to treat Yoongi well. It makes sense. And Yoongi, almost always, likes the attention. He never asks for a hug or to be cooked food, but when Hoseok does it his face lights up. He always fights Taehyung’s cuddles, but quickly gives in. When Namjoon is over they’re always squished together on the couch sharing earbuds.
Yoongi likes affection. He welcomes it, even if he pretends he doesn’t, from everyone.
Everyone but Jungkook.
Which is kind of ridiculous. It doesn’t make sense in Jungkook’s head at all. He’s known Yoongi longer than most of their friends, save for Namjoon. He and Yoongi have lived together for three years now. They’re roommates. They’re best friends. They do everything together. When given the choice to go out or stay in, they almost always choose to stay in and watch movies or cook together. They pick each other for everything.
But Yoongi doesn’t accept Jungkook’s affection, and it’s starting to get to him.
Yoongi gives a little wave to Jungkook and then shuts his bedroom door for him. He and Seokjin will probably be a bit chaotic in the kitchen. Thankfully Jungkook is pretty good at blocking out the extra noise.
He continues to work on his project while situated comfortably on his bed. Occasionally he hears Seokjin’s signature laugh, or Yoongi go stop it, stop it! About an hour later, he gets a text from Yoongi saying food is ready.
“Mmm,” Jungkook sniffs the air as he steps out of his room. “Kimchi stew?”
“You bet,” Seokjin grins from his spot at the dining table. He and Yoongi are sitting across from each other, bowls of steaming hot stew in front of them.
“Meat?”
“Who do you think we are?” Seokjin tsks and grabs a chunk of beef out of his bowl. “Always meat.”
And then he reaches across the table and feeds it to Yoongi from his chopsticks. Jungkook’s eyes widen as he watches Yoongi smile and accept it. Jungkook tears his gaze away and pushes down the ugly feeling rising in his chest. It really shouldn’t bother Jungkook.
The kimchi stew smells like ginger and garlic and gochujang. The daikon radish is sliced in thin circles, and there’s chunks of tofu to complement the beef. Jungkook takes a hefty serving. He needs it. When Jungkook turns around, every bit of him wants to retreat back into his bedroom. Seokjin is dabbing at Yoongi’s mouth with a napkin and laughing. Yoongi is smiling at him.
Jungkook's grip on his bowl tightens.
“Come sit with us, Jungkook-ah,” Yoongi says, gaze shifting to him. “Get away from your laptop for a second.”
Jungkook sits down beside Yoongi and begins picking up bites of kimchi, green onion, tofu, and whatever else his chopsticks find in the stew.
“Gonna say thank you to us?” Seokjin chastises. “You should be cooking for us. We’re your elders.”
Jungkook rolls his eyes, “Thanks hyungs.”
“Yoongi-chi, you always let Jungkook treat you like this?”
Yoongi leans back in his chair. “Let him be, hyung. He’s stressed these days.”
“Yah!” Seokjin’s brows shoot up, “Don’t work too hard!”
The good hearted teasing continues, but then Yoongi and Seokjin start discussing their plans for winter break. They’re gonna go fishing together. Now they’re both leaning across the table, looking at Seokjin’s phone together. Jungkook holds back a sigh and lifts his bowl to slurp down the rest of his spicy broth.
“Back to work,” Jungkook mumbles, knowing the others are too preoccupied to even acknowledge his absence.
Jungkook enters his bedroom and closes the door gently. He doesn’t want to seem mad. Because he’s not mad. He leans back to the door and presses his palms to his face. It’s fine.
These feelings for Yoongi… they’re getting out of hand. He doesn’t know why it’s become so hard to ignore. It began as this little thing, in the back of his mind, in the corner of his heart. Like a seedling. A tiny green sprout he could just forget about. But as time has gone on, it’s grown bigger. A dozen flowers blooming in his chest are impossible to ignore.
—
Yoongi and Jungkook walk to class together on Mondays and Wednesdays. Yoongi’s class isn’t meeting this week—their last assignment is an essay—but Yoongi is still walking with Jungkook for moral support.
It’s raining today. The school is pretty empty. It’s decorated by autumn leaves on the ground, the trees now bare. Some people have already left the area for good to go home for winter break. Only a few students are walking around or on bikes zipping past. Jungkook is holding an umbrella over their heads, their arms bumping as they walk close together on the winding sidewalk through campus. Jungkook should be going over the flashcards he made one last time, but instead he’s fixating on the point of contact with Yoongi.
As Yoongi’s arm swings he brushes against Jungkook's elbow that’s bent to hold the umbrella. Sometimes Yoongi strays away slightly and Jungkook chases after him with the umbrella to keep him covered. Jungkook really wants to tell Yoongi to hook his arm through Jungkook’s. For warmth. For pacing. So Yoongi stays securely beneath the umbrella’s cover. All of these are good reasons, but the real reason is that Jungkook’s chest aches with desire to be close.
He swallows hard, “Hyung.”
Yoongi glances his way, eyes asking what?
“Uh, never mind.”
“No, what is it?”
“Just—”
This shouldn’t be a big thing. They’re friends. It’s raining and cold. It’s such a simple suggestion and Yoongi can always say no. Just ask , Jungkook urges himself. He bites his bottom lip, fiddling with his lip ring.
“It’s just you keep walking into the rain. Do you wanna hook arms with me so we can share the umbrella easier?”
“Oh, it’s fine,” Yoongi shrugs. “My coat is waterproof. It’s not raining too bad.”
Jungkook nods wordlessly, then squeezes his eyes for a moment. Stupid stupid stupid. It took so much courage to ask Yoongi that and it was so quickly dismissed. As Jungkook knew it would be. He could insist. Or just loop their arms without asking. But…he wants Yoongi to want to. He wants Yoongi to choose to be close to him. It seems like that’s never gonna happen.
As they approach the building Jungkook’s exam is in, Yoongi points toward the entrance at a tall figure in a long, black puffy coat.
“Hyung! Jungkookie!” Taehyung’s voice is recognizable even though Jungkook can hardly make out his face through the rain.
He starts running toward them, his messenger bag bouncing at his side.
“Oh boy, here he comes,” Yoongi mumbles, hiding his fondness.
“Hyung!” Taehyung shouts as he gets to them, nearly tackling Yoongi with how hard he hugs him.
“Aish,” Yoongi twists his face away from Taehyung, reluctantly (gladly) accepting the hug and patting Taehyung’s back. “What is it?”
“Haven't seen you in ages! Where have you been?” Taehyung squeezes Yoongi again and then loops his arm through Yoongi’s effortlessly. Naturally. Like it’s the easiest thing in the world. “What have you been up to, Jungkook? What are you guys doing here?”
Jungkook feels his jaw flex and then forces himself to look down at the pavement, raindrops splashing around his black combat boots. Yoongi likes to call them platform shoes because of the extra two inches they give him. Jungkook has always liked the way it let him tower over his hyung a little more.
“Jungkook-ah has an exam in a bit. We’ve both been really busy with finals,” Yoongi tells Taehyung. “You just finished a test? How was it?”
“It was a presentation. We were presenting our portfolios from the semester. So basically showing every piece we made the past couple months and explaining our process to the class and stuff.”
“The fashion course or the painting one?”
“Fashion,” Taehyung replies, now fiddling with Yoongi’s fingers. “It was really fun, honestly. And everyone else’s work was amazing.”
Jungkook holds the umbrella over all their heads as the rain pours harder. He’s trying desperately to block out the way Taehyung is touching Yoongi, and the way Yoongi is smiling at Taehyung. Jungkook nods and gives short answers when he has to, humoring their conversation. His shoulders are tense. His fingers are frozen around the umbrella. Jungkook hates the way he’s jealous right now, but he can’t help it.
He loves Yoongi.
And it sure doesn’t feel like he stands a chance.
He gets it. He does. They’re friends. They’re roommates. Yoongi probably sees him more as a brother than anything. Someone he has to take care of.
But Jungkook takes care of Yoongi too. He does most of the cleaning. He makes coffee in the morning so Yoongi will have some when he wakes up. Jungkook makes them dinner on the nights Yoongi is working and he listens to Yoongi vent about his teachers and coworkers and parents. If Yoongi would let him, Jungkook would wrap him in his arms and keep him warm through the winter. If Yoongi wanted him to, Jungkook would spend the entire holiday season at his side.
If he could, Jungkook would string mistletoe in all their doorways and catch Yoongi beneath every time.
“Good luck on your test, Jungkook!” Taehyung says, finally pulling away from Yoongi with a boxy grin. His dark bangs are plastered to his forehead from the rain and his coat is shiny with water.
“Hey, wait,” Jungkook shoves the umbrella towards Taehyung, eyes flicking to Yoongi only briefly. “Take this and walk Yoongi home, won’t you?”
“Jungkook, you’ll need it when your test is over,” Yoongi frowns, pink lips pursing.
“And you two need it right now,” Jungkook replies. “I’ll be fine.”
Taehyung takes the umbrella, beaming at Yoongi. “I’ll be your escort today, sir.”
Yoongi rolls his eyes, “You really don’t need to do this…”
“Hyung, c’mon. I felt bad about you walking me here anyway. Take the umbrella,” Jungkook says, allowing himself to nudge Yoongi’s elbow to get his attention.
“Okay…” Yoongi looks at Jungkook intensely. “You’re gonna do great on your test, okay? You studied hard. Good luck.”
Jungkook nods, Taehyung wishes him luck too, and then Jungkook leaves the safety of the umbrella and zips through the rain towards the building entrance. He glances back at his friends and sees Yoongi and Taehyung leaning against each other as they walk away.
Jungkook runs a tongue over his lip piercing.
As much as he wants Yoongi’s attention for himself, he'd rather make sure Yoongi is taken care of than be selfish. That’s why he gave Taehyung the umbrella. So he can do what Jungkook can’t.
—
Finals week is nearly at its end. Jungkook has one set of short-answer essay questions to proofread and add citations to, and then he’ll be free. Thank god.
He’s in a surprisingly good mood considering how exhausted he is. Jungkook has all his stuff set up at the dining table. Laptop plugged into the mess of cables beneath the TV, music playing softly on his current favorite Bluetooth speaker, a bowl of banana kicks within arm’s reach. He taps his fingers to the rhythm of the music as he inputs the URLs of his sources to a citation generator and copies them over to his assignment.
Jimin is over to see Yoongi right now, and Jungkook can distantly hear them in his bedroom talking and laughing. They’re gonna all order food together and watch a movie once Jungkook gets his work turned in. He’s looking forward to celebrating the end of the semester with a chill night in. And with Jimin here, it adds some more liveliness to he and Yoongi's usually quiet nature.
Jungkook leans back in his chair and stretches. He rolls his neck, all his muscles too tight from typing for so long. He could use a bit of a break.
Something crashes to the ground in Yoongi’s room, and Jimin swears loudly. Jungkook snorts to himself and pushes his chair out to go see what his friends are up to.
“Dammit, sorry hyung,” Jimin is saying just as Jungkook pushes open the door.
“What’s all the noise about?” Jungkook teases, crossing his arms and scanning the room.
Yoongi’s bedroom has always felt especially homey. His walls are covered in framed band posters. One wall is dedicated to a bookshelf filled half with books, half with music. There’s a corner with a keyboard and guitar, and his bed is pushed against the wall near the window with blankets overflowing on top of it. Yoongi always gets extra cold in the winter. Their cheap apartment doesn’t have heating, so they’re forced to make do with slippers and sweaters.
“Jimin’s breaking my stuff,” Yoongi deadpans. He’s sitting at his desk chair, legs spread wide.
“Hey!” Jimin exclaims. “You just said it’s okay!”
Jungkook’s nose scrunches up as he laughs.
“It’s broken already, don’t worry,” Yoongi smiles. “It doesn’t light up anymore.”
Jimin straightens up, running a hand through his bright pink hair and showing Jungkook what he dropped. It’s the lava lamp that usually sits on the window sill. Yoongi has told Jungkook before that the changing colors and oozing shapes relax him. Focusing on the shifting colors is a distraction from stress, lulling him into a peaceful sleep. Has Yoongi-hyung been able to sleep okay without it on?
“See! At least I didn’t break it more then,” Jimin shakes his head, “Be glad I’m not Namjoon-hyung, because then it would have shattered.”
“I’ll tell him you said that,” Jungkook clicks his tongue. “He won’t be happy.”
“Did you just come in here to bully me?” Jimin asks, handing the lava lamp back to Yoongi, Yoongi carefully sets it on his desk, long fingers tracing over the glass to make sure it’s really okay.
“No, I’m tired of working on my final.”
“Did you finish?” Jimin asks.
“No…”
“We’re waiting for you to be done to order food! You’re so close,” Jimin walks over, pushing Jungkook’s chest to force him out of the doorway and back into the dining room. “What do you have left to do?”
“Would you read it over for me? I just need someone to proofread it. I just finished my citations,” Jungkook slumps back into his chair. Jimin comes up behind him, arms wrapping around Jungkook’s neck as he leans over him and scans the laptop screen.
“Hmmm…you know I’m an arts major. I don’t do well with words. You should have Yoongi-hyung read it,” Jimin straightens up and combs his soft fingers through Jungkook’s hair.
“I don’t want to bother him…” Jungkook mumbles.
Jimin flicks his forehead, “But you’re okay bothering me? You know he’ll say yes.”
“Yeah, but—”
“What will I say yes to?” Yoongi is in his doorway now, one hand holding a mug. His long blonde hair is half-tied back in a ponytail and long strands hang down by his face.
“Editing Kookie’s assignment,” Jimin says.
“Sure, just share it with me and I’ll look it over right now,” Yoongi sets his empty mug on the counter. “It’s for your anthropology class right? Human migrations or something?”
“Yeah,” Jungkook confirms, already adding Yoongi’s email to the document so he can edit it. “Thank you, hyung.”
“Of course.”
Yoongi disappears back in his room and Jungkook shuts his laptop screen. Jimin is still carding his fingers through Jungkook’s hair.
“Do you think Yoongi would let me braid his hair tonight?”
“You know he hates it,” Jungkook smiles, relaxing at Jimin’s touch.
“I know. But do you think he’d let me?”
“Probably.”
Jimin laughs, “He’s like that isn’t he. He always says yes.”
Jungkook opens his eyes. He can hear Yoongi typing from his room.
“Yeah.” Except when it comes to me, Jungkook adds in his head.
“Do you think you could teach me? How to braid hair?” Jungkook asks, hoping he doesn’t sound too overexcited. Maybe, if Jimin is the one asking if Jungkook can touch Yoongi, he’ll say yes. Maybe he’ll let Jimin teach Jungkook how to braid hair, using his pretty bleached locks. Yoongi’s hair always smells of coconut shampoo. It looks so soft. Jungkook wants to bury his face into it and inhale. He craves anything Yoongi has to offer.
“Oh, yes! That would be so fun!” Jimin agrees. He pats Jungkook’s shoulders and then walks around him to take a seat at the dining table. “Let’s figure out what to order for dinner.”
“Okay, cool,” Jungkook grins.
Yoongi finished editing Jungkook’s essay answers before long, and then Jungkook submits the assignment and they place an order for Thai food. They decide to rewatch the first two Spiderman movies since they’re planning to watch the third over winter break together.
They’re halfway through the movie when Jimin sets his empty to-go container on the coffee table, and then lays across the couch. Head in Yoongi’s lap, legs across Jungkook’s thighs.
“You’re gonna fall asleep before we even start the second movie!” Jungkook grumbles, shoving lightly at Jimin’s shins but not pushing him off.
“Wake me up for the next one then,” Jimin presses his face into Yoongi’s sweater, and Jungkook watches as Yoongi sets a hand on top of Jimin’s pink hair and pats his head.
Jungkook sucks in a sharp breath.
This isn’t even Jimin being especially affectionate to Yoongi, this is Yoongi voluntarily being affectionate. Jungkook has a sour taste in his mouth. He tries to will it away by looking back at the TV, but even Zendaya and Tom Holland can’t distract him.
When the credits start to roll, Yoongi gently sets Jimin’s head on the couch cushion so he can stand up.
“Where you going?” Jungkook asks as his roommate walks around the back of the couch and his slippers thump on the kitchen tiles.
“I was gonna get my whiskey down.”
“Oh yeah?” Jungkook hooks one arm over the back of the couch and looks over at Yoongi. He’s reaching up towards the cupboard above the stove, standing on his toes. Jungkook smiles, stomach fluttering. Yoongi is just so cute.
“Thought it seemed appropriate to celebrate the end of semester,” Yoongi grabs the glass bottle, brown liquid shimmering inside. It clunks against the counter as he sets it down and reaches for a glass. “Do you want some?”
Jungkook wrinkles his nose, “You know I don’t like it.”
“I can put it on ice.”
“That doesn’t help,” Jungkook watches as Yoongi pours a few fingers’ worth into the glass. “Could I just take some sips from yours?”
“That sounds like you want your own glass…” Yoongi looks over at him, swirling his whiskey.
Jungkook can’t help but stare. The copper liquid beside Yoongi’s golden hair. His dark eyes and pink mouth. Yoongi’s wrapped up in his giant hoodie and thick sweatpants. He’s everything Jungkook wants.
“Okay. But just a little. And ice sounds good.”
“I’ll add some bitters too so it tastes better,” Yoongi says and sets to work. He even adds a bit of sugar and water and stirs them in as well. Jungkook takes the glass when it’s offered to him, still wincing at the strong smell.
“You sure it tastes better?”
“Don’t go wasting my whiskey,” Yoongi warns lightheartedly. “Spent my own money on that.”
“What should I get you for Christmas, hyung?” Jungkook asks suddenly. “Some fancier whiskey?”
“You don’t need to get me anything,” Yoongi sets his glass on the table as he nudges Jimin and gets him to lift his head so Yoongi can sit down again. “Save your money for school.”
Jungkook wants to argue, but he holds back. He’ll just surprise Yoongi with something instead. They start the next movie, and Jungkook swirls his drink around like Yoongi does. He holds his breath to avoid the smell of alcohol and then takes a tiny sip.
Immediately he coughs, the burn in his throat and taste on his tongue unpleasant.
“That bad?” Yoongi is smiling at him, gums showing.
“It’s great,” Jungkook chokes, lifting his glass. “Cheers to the end of the semester?”
Yoongi nods, stretching his arm across the couch so their glasses can clink together.
“Cheers.”
They each take a sip, Jungkook’s entire face scrunching up in distaste. It’s certainly better than the plain whiskey Yoongi had him try last time, but it’s…not great. But he’ll drink it because Yoongi made it. And because of the smile on Yoongi’s face when Jungkook coughs on the bitter flavor.
—
None of them leave for their hometowns until a few days before Christmas, so they have a little over a week to spend time with friends and do absolutely nothing. Jungkook is taking advantage of the time and gaming with Taehyung and Seokjin late into the night. They could meet up to do it, but instead they’re each in their respective apartments and Jungkook is holed up in his bedroom with his headset on in front of his gaming PC that his parents helped him buy after he finished his first year of university with high scores.
Jungkook hadn’t done that well in high school, but he’s been flourishing in university. He’s studying what he wants to, picking classes he likes, and meeting people who have similar interests. It’s motivating in a way high school never was.
Today Hoseok is wrangling up him and Yoongi to go to an arcade and then barbecue. Like Jungkook, Yoongi has spent the past few days cooped up in his room working on music and reading. Sometimes Jungkook can hear him strumming on the guitar and he’ll take off his headset just to listen. The way Yoongi plays makes the flower in his chest double in size and press at his ribcage with each strum.
Yoongi is a pretty quiet person, unless you get him talking about something he has a lot of opinions on. Or if he’s drunk. Then he talks a lot without seeming to realize it. Those moments with Yoongi don’t happen very often, but when they do Jungkook tries to collect every word Yoongi says and assemble them together into a puzzle. He has yet to figure out what the picture makes, but he knows enough to be certain Yoongi’s heart is good. Possibly the best.
Jungkook wants to protect it…and be part of it. As more than just a friend.
He drags himself out of bed to shower, and when he steps out of the bathroom in his robe Yoongi is right there holding his towel. He’s just in a tank top and his boxers, hair back in a ponytail with tangled strands hanging around his face.
“Good morning,” Jungkook smiles at Yoongi’s grumpy cat expression.
“Your shower was long,” Yoongi pouts and then squeezes past Jungkook into the bathroom and shuts the door.
Jungkook laughs to himself and heads to his room to get dressed. He puts in slightly more effort than usual. They’ll be out most of the day and there’s a chance they'll run into more people they know. He goes for tight jeans, belt, and a buttoned-up flannel shirt half-tucked in.
Just as he steps out of his bedroom, Yoongi opens the bathroom door. Steam rolls out around him, smelling like his coconut shampoo. Yoongi's hair is wet and plastered back away from his face, his towel snug around his waist and giving Jungkook an eyeful of his chest, collarbones, and wirey hair just below his belly button. Yoongi walks past to his bedroom, and Jungkook picks up the hairdryer they leave plugged in in the hallway. They invested in it when Yoongi’s hair started getting long and he hated having it wet, and now Jungkook uses it too if wants to make his hair extra fluffy.
He turns it on, the harsh air immediately heating up, and then starts ruffling through his hair to dry it.
He and Jimin never did braid Yoongi's hair the other night.
Jungkook was, of course, wrongfully bothered by Jimin sleeping in Yoongi’s lap. Though he did feel special getting some of Yoongi’s whiskey so that made up for it. He wonders what Yoongi would say if Jungkook asked for help blow drying his hair. Would Yoongi do it? Or would he tell Jungkook he can handle it himself, like every other time Jungkook has tried to initiate the tiniest bit of physical closeness between them. One time Jungkook asked Yoongi to tie his tie for him, and Yoongi simply took the tie, tied it up around his own neck, and then lifted it off over his head and handed it back to Jungkook saying, now just pull the knot up to tighten it.
Jungkook wanted Yoongi’s fingers to play with his collar. He wanted the heat of skin near his own. He wanted Yoongi close to smell his shampoo.
Something tells Jungkook Yoongi would do it for one of their other friends. But why not me?
Yoongi comes out of his room then. He’s also dressed up a bit more than usual. Light wash jeans, striped long-sleeve shirt with a band t-shirt over the top. He’s brushed his hair, but it’s still very wet.
“Do you want me to help dry your hair?” Jungkook asks, shutting off the blow-dryer. His heart is beating quickly. Sure, he can already assume the answer. Yoongi will say no. Like he always does. But still, the prospect of asking is a lot for Jungkook. And maybe he gets more anxiety because he knows he’ll be rejected. What would he do if Yoongi actually said yes one day?
Okay, you can hold my hand.
Sure, you can braid my hair.
Yeah, I’ll help paint your nails.
Jungkook, will you hug me?
Yoongi won’t ever say it. But sometimes Jungkook gets so lost in his daydreams he almost convinces himself it’s possible. Jungkook is the only one Yoongi shows incomplete songs too, or feels comfortable playing a new song on the guitar in front of even if he's not confident in it. Jungkook is the only one of their friends—as far as Jungkook is aware—who has seen him wear next to no clothes. Tiny shorts and a loose tank top in the summer, boxers every morning. Jungkook is the only one who gets to see Yoongi’s adorable bed head, or hear him sing along quietly to music while cooking.
Since they’re roommates, he knows Yoongi in ways no one else does. And Yoongi knows him that way too. Yoongi cooks Jungkook’s favorite meals all the time, he’ll always buy Jungkook food if he gets some for himself, Yoongi is the only one who knows secrets Jungkook has kept for years. Some of them are silly—like who wrote on the bathroom wall that so-and-so were dating and then accidentally started a fight between two guys in high school. And some of the secrets have to do with why Jungkook can have such a hard time falling asleep. Or why a bad test score isn’t just a bad test score to Jungkook.
Yoongi knows Jungkook better than anyone, and still chooses to be his friend. Chooses to be with him everyday. And that’s why Jungkook is holding out hope that maybe, maybe, maybe Yoongi could like him back.
“I’ve got a technique now,” Yoongi takes the blow dryer from Jungkook, “I promise I won’t take too long.”
“Okay,” Jungkook replies, lips tight together in a smile. That’s not why I was asking , he thinks. But he has to let it go. Like everything else.
So Jungkook brushes his teeth with the door open, settling for watching Yoongi dry his hair via his reflection in the mirror. The hair that was turned brown from water slowly dries back into golden blonde, and Jungkook is forced to remind himself that Yoongi is far from his. Yoongi has every right to be affectionate with whomever he chooses. One day Yoongi will date someone who Jungkook will just have to accept—even as they do all the things he’s dreamed of.
Kissing Yoongi. Spooning him. Feeding him food. Holding his hand. Napping with him. Playing with his hair.
No matter what would make Jungkook happy, he wants Yoongi to be happy most of all.
Next to the jealousy that claws at his insides, is happiness. Happiness when Seokjin feeds Yoongi from his chopsticks and Yoongi accepts it with a hum. Happiness when Taehyung hugs Yoongi and Yoongi melts into it. Happiness when Yoongi looks peaceful as he strokes Jimin’s hair.
Jungkook does everything in his power to remind himself of that while they’re out with Hoseok. He reminds himself of that when Hoseok wraps his arms around Yoongi to help him aim during a shooter game. He reminds himself when Yoongi offers to hold Hoseok’s hand as they watch Jungkook play a horror game. He reminds himself of that when the two disappear and play games together without him.
Jungkook knows it’s because he and Yoongi play games together at home all the time. He knows it’s because Hoseok doesn’t get to hang out with Yoongi much, but Jungkook sees him to learn dance covers with him pretty often. Jungkook knows he likes games they get scared by, but…
Still. His chest aches. And even if he sees Yoongi every day, he still wants to be near him.
They meet up with Namjoon at the barbecue place. Jungkook and Hoseok sit on one side of the table, Yoongi and Namjoon on the other. They order pork belly and short ribs to cook on the grill and a dozen assorted banchan. Yoongi and Jungkook take turns cutting and flipping the meat, silently making sure everyone gets plenty.
While Jungkook is manning the grill, Yoongi, Namjoon and Hoseok start talking about a music engineering class they’re looking forward to next semester. Yoongi’s voice emerges in the conversation, and everyone quiets to listen to him. Or maybe that’s just Jungkook. Hanging on Yoongi's every word.
He can’t help it though. Yoongi has this habit of twisting his hair between his fingers while he talks—his nails have been spared from him biting them ever since his hair grew this long. Yoongi twirls his hair, talks animatedly, grins and shows all his teeth. He looks from Namjoon to Hoseok and back as he praises the professor. Yoongi had him for a class last year, and Yoongi apparently got on with him really well, and he’s hoping the course will be just as good.
“I’ve been working on the track recently where the topline just isn’t hitting right, I wanna have him look over it.”
“You think he’d give feedback on a personal project?” Hoseok asks.
“I’m hoping he will. I’d love it if he could write me a letter of recommendation or something,” Yoongi chews on a piece of kimchi. “He’s got in at a ton of record labels in Seoul. Start-ups, too.”
“Think he could land you something?”
“Maybe,” Yoongi shrugs.
Jungkook busies himself with the meat again, hoping no one notices how he gives Yoongi a couple extra pieces.
“Oh, I’m good,” Hoseok pats Jungkook’s arm as he tries to set more on his plate. “I gotta go in a minute.”
“Where are you going?” Jungkook frowns, putting the pork belly on Namjoon’s plate instead.
“I have work in a half hour,” Hoseok sighs and looks around at all of them. “I had a good time though, guys. I’ll probably see you again before break is over.”
Jungkook steals a tight hug from Hoseok before he can leave, nails digging into his denim jacket as Hoseok’s laughter tickles Jungkook’s ear and he pats his back. Hoseok pulls his black bucket hat over his chestnut-colored hair and then waves goodbye, sneaking a kiss onto the top of Yoongi’s head and then jostling Namjoon’s shoulder on his way out of the restaurant.
Jungkook sees the way Yoongi’s lips twitch with an endeared smile and reminds himself that he’s happy so long as Yoongi is. Even though I want to be the one kissing him.
—
Jimin ends up not being able to make it to the Spiderman movie, so they invite Namjoon instead.
Jungkook takes it upon himself to fill Namjoon in on the first two movies while they’re on the bus to the theater. He isn’t sure if Namjoon is absorbing it, but Jungkook feels Yoongi smiling at him the entire time so that keeps him going.
“We’re gonna have to fix that eventually hyung,” Jungkook shakes his head. “I can’t believe you haven’t seen any of the movies.”
“He made me watch them all when we moved in together too,” Yoongi says. “I think you could get into them.”
“Everyone can get into them,” Jungkook tugs lightly on Namjoon’s sleeve. “I don’t expect everyone to like every movie, or every character, but there’s something for everyone.”
“You’d probably understand the plot better than I do,” Yoongi adds, body swaying with each lurch of the bus. “I try to keep up but I’m always falling asleep during the action sequences.”
Jungkook starts explaining why the action scenes are worth paying attention to, maybe going on too much of a tangent about the CGI and filmwork. They come to a stop and people squeeze past them to get on and off the bus. They’re standing in the aisle, all the seats taken. Yoongi reaches up to smooth his hair back under his beanie, golden locks dancing in the daylight, and then suddenly the bus lurches as they take off and he falls directly into—
Namjoon’s arms.
“Woah there, hyung,” Namjoon has one hand on a yellow pole, keeping himself steady. The other arm is wrapped around Yoongi and holding him close so he won’t fall.
“Sorry,” Yoongi’s hands are white knuckled on Namjoon’s coat as he regains his footing. He smiles sweetly, like he’s amused and embarrassed at himself. As he grabs a plastic strap to hang onto he smooths out the wrinkles he made on Namjoon’s coat.
Jungkook sucks his lip into his mouth, tongue aggressively playing with the silver ring. He really doesn’t want to feel this way anymore. He is relieved Yoongi didn’t fall. He’s glad Namjoon caught him. But… it would have been even better if Jungkook had.
He tightens his hold on the plastic loop keeping him steady, forcing the jealousy down.
The line is crazy long at the theater, but Jungkook bought their tickets weeks in advance so they’re able to get them scanned and head right in.
“I’m gonna get us seats,” he says. “Are you guys buying snacks?”
“I was gonna get popcorn and a soda,” Yoongi looks between Jungkook and Namjoon. “Either of you wanna share?”
“I’d love a pack of gummy worms or something if they have them…” Jungkook replies.
Yoongi rolls his eyes, “Sure. I’ll get you some. Get our seats and I’ll get in line.”
“I’ll wait with Yoongi,” Namjoon says, “Wanna bother him some more about a track he’s hiding from me.”
Namjoon gives Yoongi a look, wiggling his brows, and Yoongi glares back at him. Jungkook goes to choose seats, trying not to be bothered by the close relationship Yoongi and Namjoon have. He picks spots almost directly in the center of the theater and settles in as trailers start to play.
His friends arrive just before the movie starts. They have to shuffle past everyone else sitting in the row—the theater is now properly packed full—and Yoongi sits beside Jungkook with a smile. He got him a couple different kinds of gummy candy and Jungkook whispers thank you as all the lights dim.
Now, normally Jungkook is one to be completely absorbed in a Marvel film. He never looks away. Seokjin says he looks like an idiot while watching the movies—mouth gaping open and eyes wide. And it’s true, as one of the things Jungkook’s most passionate about, he pays complete attention to them. But…there’s one thing, one person, who he arguably likes to pay more attention to than even Marvel movies.
Yoongi.
His roommate. His best friend. The boy sitting next to him right now and flinching every time someone lands a punch or their weapon strikes. It’s not like it’s scary, but it is intense. Yoongi seems alarmed by it, and Jungkook can’t help glancing at him. When they watch films together that aren’t Marvel, Jungkook easily pays more attention to Yoongi than the movie. He always wants to see Yoongi’s reactions and know what he’s thinking. Right now Jungkook’s instincts are at war with each other. Spiderman or Yoongi?
Yoongi and Namjoon have been sharing popcorn the whole time. Hands brushing as they reach into the buttery paper bag simultaneously. Jungkook really wants to be the one sharing the bag with Yoongi. He also wants to be the one Yoongi is leaning into. Yoongi’s shoulder is pressed against Namjoon’s as he recoils from the fight scene. He occasionally mumbles something that Jungkook can’t hear, but Namjoon nods to. And…
Namjoon’s hand is on Yoongi’s thigh now, squeezing. He’s comforting Yoongi and Jungkook feels sour.
He tries to just watch the movie. MJ and Peter Parker are so cute together. He loves the Spiderman powers and the villain for the film is intriguing. The music is loud, swelling all around them as it escalates.
But he can’t stop looking at Yoongi. Yoongi and Namjoon.
Jungkook just wants to hold Yoongi’s hand during a movie and sneak kisses from him. He wants to share popcorn and candy and cuddle up in the seats together. Jungkook wants Yoongi to be more than his roommate.
When the movie ends, he thinks Yoongi can tell Jungkook isn’t as enthusiastic as normal. Usually he’d talk the entire ride home about the plot and the costumes and the actors and everything he liked or plot points he thought were too cliché. This time he keeps pretty quiet, and listens to Namjoon and Yoongi analyze the film soundtrack.
Jungkook spaces out a bit on the bus, eyes on Yoongi. Watching him talk but hardly hearing the words. It’s cold out, and Yoongi’s scarf could really use to be wrapped around him tighter. And Jungkook would love to give Yoongi his gloves. He doesn’t wrap Yoongi’s scarf more or give him the gloves.
Is it silly? Is it silly that Jungkook is obsessing so much over this? It’s one thing to have a crush on his roommate (or be in love with him, whatever), and another to be bitter about how little affection Jungkook is allowed to give and receive from Yoongi. Isn’t he just being selfish?
It’s not fair to expect from Yoongi. But he wants it so badly.
—
The days before they go home for Christmas are running out. Yoongi and Jungkook have spent a lot of time with their friends. Jungkook went shopping with Jimin and Taehyung. Yoongi went to holiday art shows and poetry readings with Namjoon and Hoseok. Yoongi and Jungkook went with Seokjin to a dozen pastry shops and had a day of taste-testing different treats and hot apple ciders.
Jungkook is just getting back from a day out with Namjoon. They walked along the Han River—shivering in the cold—and admired all the decorated storefronts. Namjoon could tell something was up with Jungkook. Jungkook isn’t sure how Namjoon senses these things, but he knew right away that Jungkook was thinking hard.
“What’s on your mind, Jungkook?” Namjoon asked him as they waited in line for fresh hotteok. The little shop was squeezed between two large store fronts, serving food directly to customers passing by on the sidewalk. They serve ssiat hotteok here, which always reminds Jungkookie of home in Busan.
“It’s just…Yoongi-hyung,” Jungkook began. He avoided eye contact by watching the chef fry the dough.
The sound of sizzling oil carried over to them, people passing by in big coats and masks that could only keep their pink cheeks so warm.
“What about him?” Namjoon asked. His tone was light, but Jungkook could feel the pressure anyway.
Jungkook had never told anyone before. Most of the time he’s spent harboring this crush on Yoongi he’s denied it to himself. He’s tried to close the blooming flower in his chest, tried letting it shrivel up, but nothing worked. No matter how much he ignored it or denied it his feelings just grew stronger. Part of that denial though was keeping his crush a secret. If he told someone how he feels about Yoongi, they might push him to confess or make him think about things he’d rather not.
So Jungkook isn’t sure why he told Namjoon the truth.
“I like hyung,” Jungkook exhaled, breath white in the freezing air. “I want to be more than just his friend.”
“Oh,” Namjoon paused. Seeming surprised. “How long?”
Jungkook shrugged, “A long time. Couple years. It started really small but now…” He fought back the wetness in his eyes and told himself it was from the biting cold.
“Yeah,” Namjoon nodded, setting a hand on Jungkook’s shoulder. “I understand.”
“Lately I just…” Jungkook shut his eyes, sucking on his lip piercing. “I can’t keep doing this. I either need to give up or…”
“Or tell him,” Namjoon finished the thought.
Or tell him.
It was their turn to order then, and when they got the hotteok Jungkook changed the subject.
Now Jungkook is in the hallway to his apartment, boots wet and coat damp from the rain starting outside. There’s muffled music coming through the apartment door, and Jungkook thinks he can hear Hoseok and Yoongi laughing inside. He smiles to himself. Yoongi sounds so happy. Jungkook can picture his best friend's smile and adorable eyes as he looks at Hoseok and jokes with him.
The key is cold in Jungkook’s brittle fingers as he unlocks the door, grateful for the rush of warm air. It smells like cookies. Did they bake Christmas cookies?
Jungkook kicks his boots off in the hall, the music even louder now that he's inside. His friends are listening to classic trot music and he can hear them still laughing, moving about the kitchen. Jungkook peeks around the corner, and feels two conflicting emotions at once.
The first is joy. Yoongi is beaming, his gums showing, saying something to Hoseok with his slightly slurred Daegu satoori. Hoseok looks equally as happy. He's grinning, giggling. The kitchen is a mess of baking ingredients, one tray of cooling cookies sitting out and five minutes left on the oven timer for the next batch.
And they’re dancing. Yoongi and Hoseok are dancing in the kitchen. Holding hands, gripping hips and shoulders, stepping and swaying with the music and laughing.
Jungkook isn’t sure if it’s jealousy or loneliness or fear, but he can’t stand to look at them. He can’t.
It hurts. They’re so happy and he’s happy for them but he just… Yoongi is so beautiful. His long hair swishes as they sway. He’s wearing the apron Jungkook gifted him last Christmas that has cat paw prints all over it. Jungkook should be the one dancing with him. Jungkook should be swaying in the kitchen baking with Yoongi, holding him close. He wants to cup Yoongi’s face and kiss the sugar off his lips and—
Right now it looks like Hoseok is moments away from doing just that.
Jungkook steps into his bedroom, and doesn’t even care as the door slams shut behind him.
It feels like his heart is breaking. Which is ridiculous. Yoongi has never been his. He’s never even told Yoongi how he feels so he has no right to complain or wallow. It’s not like he’s been rejected or like Yoongi's dating anyone else but…
Is this what giving up feels like?
Jungkook gives himself ten seconds.
Ten seconds to let angry tears streak down his cheeks and shoulders shake and hands curl into fists. Then he takes a deep breath, wipes the wetness away, and decides he’ll blame any redness on the cold. The wind is pattering at his window now. He sheds his coat and reminds himself that he’s happy when Yoongi is happy.
And he has to let go, right?
Or tell him, Namjoon’s voice echoes in his head. Or tell him.
Jungkook opens his door again, trot music still playing. Yoongi and Hoseok are crowded around the cooler cookies now, opening up tubes of colored frosting to decorate them with.
“Jungkookie!” Hoseok waves at him. “Wanna come decorate with us?”
“Okay,” Jungkook smiles, cheeks tight with effort. “It smells really good.”
“I measured and Hobi stirred it all together so hopefully it turned out okay,” Yoongi pushes the green frosting tube into Jungkook’s hand.
“I’m sure they did, hyung. You made them after all,” Jungkook says softly.
The other batch is done now, cooling on a rack. The three of them have fun making faces with frosting and cute designs. On one cookie Hoseok makes a cat, and holds it up beside Yoongi’s face and exclaims, It’s hyung! Jungkook covers one completely in frosting and then shakes sprinkles onto it until they form a sort of crust, which makes his friends grimace in horror but Jungkook finds great satisfaction at the crunch when he bites into it.
They finish decorating all the cookies and Yoongi boxes up a bunch for Hoseok to take with him. Hoseok gives each of them a tight hug goodbye and then heads out.
Yoongi starts cleaning up the batter bowl and messy table, and Jungkook silently helps him by putting away ingredients and wiping down the counters.
“Are you okay?” Yoongi asks as he crumples up the tin foil and puts it in the recycling. “You seemed a bit upset when you got home.”
“Oh, sorry, I didn’t mean to slam my door,” Jungkook replies automatically.
“No, not that. Just…I don’t know. Was everything okay with Namjoon?” Yoongi is busying himself by carefully placing the rest of the cookies in a plastic container.
Or tell him.
Jungkook freezes where he is, fingers twisting in the sleeve of his sweater nervously.
“It wasn’t Namjoon-hyung,” Jungkook’s heart starts beating faster. It’s loud in his ears. He’s terrified, terrified , of being honest but…
“What happened?” Yoongi looks up, eyes wide with concern. There’s green and red frosting dotting his fingertips.
“Nothing bad happened,” Jungkook prefaces, knowing how Yoongi's mind can go to the worst-case-scenario first. “It’s just kind of…a me thing, you know? Um…”
Yoongi is still watching him, making Jungkook even more anxious. He has the words on the tip of his tongue. He just has to make himself say them. Every fiber of his being is fighting against it. It’s all he’s known for so long. Hiding his feelings. Pretending like it isn’t a big deal when Yoongi denies Jungkook affection but gives it to others freely.
“I’ve been wondering, like, I don’t know… It’s not a big deal. But why…why do you…”
Yoongi’s eyes widen even further, if that’s possible. He grabs a paper towel and wipes his hand clean of the frosting. He doesn’t say anything though, just letting Jungkook take his time to say…
“Why do you let all of our friends be close with you and I can’t?”
“What?” Yoongi blinks.
“Like, you let them be close to you. You hold their hands or let them sleep on your lap or dance with them but you never even let me touch you,” each syllable catches on Jungkook’s tongue, struggling to come out smoothly. But he has to ask. He has to know. More than confessing he just wants to understand why he stands where he does with Yoongi. Why is he different from everyone else?
“I don’t know what you mean,” Yoongi’s arms hang by his sides loosely. He looks genuinely confused, but that almost makes Jungkook angrier. Yoongi has to know what he’s doing. He has to be deliberately choosing to scoot away from Jungkook when their legs brush. He has to be choosing not to accept food from Jungkook’s fingers or chopsticks. He has to be choosing not to cuddle up with Jungkook on the couch, when he moves closer to someone like Taehyung or Hoseok.
“I live with you,” Yoongi frowns. “I see you every day. What do you mean I’m not close to you?”
“Not like that, hyung,” Jungkook bites his tongue. “I mean like… physically. You’re so affectionate with all our friends but you never are with me. I know we do everything together. I know I see you every day. But it feels like you treat me differently and I don’t get it. I’m your best friend aren’t I?”
“You know you are,” Yoongi confirms, voice low. There’s a brief silence as Yoongi rubs the back of his neck. “I didn’t know this was so important to you.”
“It’s…it’s not even that, hyung. I wouldn’t be upset if I didn’t feel like I was getting singled out,” Jungkook exhales, almost breathless. His tone has gotten snappier. He doesn’t want to sound mad but he can’t help it.
“Our friends hang all over you too,” Yoongi crosses one arm protectively over his stomach and grabs his other elbow. He doesn’t seem to know what to do with his hands. “It’s just how they are.”
“No,” Jungkook shakes his head. “You’re not…you don’t get it. I ask to do things with you hyung, and you always say no. But with them you do it without them even asking. You’re affectionate toward them but you’re not toward me. And it’s okay, you know? If you don’t feel comfortable being close to me, that’s okay, but I want to know why.”
“You never cared before,” Yoongi furrows his brow, licking his lips. “Why do you now? Does it matter that much?”
“Of course it matters,” Jungkook does his best not to raise his voice, but he can’t help the swell of emotions coming through. The flower in his chest feels like it’s about to burst. Will it finally lose its petals? Will it burst into flames? Will it grow so big it constricts his heart?
“Why? You’re not exactly affectionate either,” Yoongi leans against the table, almost seeming annoyed now.
Jungkook’s shoulders tense. “I ask you all the time if I can touch you, and you always say no.”
“Is this about drying my hair?” Yoongi asks, tilting his head.
“No!” Jungkook sighs. “I mean, yeah. That was one time. But it happens all the time. I wanted to loop arms with you under the umbrella, I wanted to share a drink with you. I ask you to let me rest my head in your lap but you always grab me a pillow instead, and then just the other day you let Jimin-ssi fall asleep on you and you pet his hair the whole time! I want to respect your space, hyung. I really do. But it hurts me when I see everyone get to do things I want to do with you, and then I’m not allowed.”
Jungkook doesn't know how he managed to say that all without bursting into tears. Maybe adrenaline has finally kicked in and let him speak his mind.
“I’m sorry, Jungkook,” Yoongi frowns, casting his gaze to the floor. It’s still dirty with specks of flour and sugar. “I had no idea it was this big a deal to you. You’re my best friend, and you know how much you mean to me.”
“Do I?” Jungkook scoffs. “It feels like we’re not understanding each other these days.”
Yoongi wraps his arms completely around his waist. The cat apron is still on him. His golden hair is up in a messy bun, looking like it could fall apart at any moment. Yoongi looks vulnerable. Sad, even. Jungkook immediately feels guilt course through him.
“Hyung, I’m sorry. I really should have said this differently. I didn’t mean to make you feel bad, you don’t owe me anything,” Jungkook feels the fight leave his body completely. All he wants is for Yoongi to be happy and now he’s gone and caused the opposite of that.
“No, Jungkook, you’re right. I do treat you differently,” Yoongi swallows hard, eyes darting around the kitchen. Jungkook stares, lips parting dumbly. “I never thought you noticed. I wish I didn’t make you feel bad, I promise I never meant to.”
“Why?” Jungkook asks.
“Because, Jungkook. What I want from you is…” Yoongi raises his hands to his face, sweater sleeves partially covering them. He hides his cheeks in his hands, which have become slightly flushed. “I want more than just sharing food with you and cuddling during a movie. I want more than holding your hand or playing with your hair. I want you.”
Jungkook’s mind races as he tries to figure out what that means. Yoongi wants more ? More of what? More of who? How? How can Jungkook give more? Right now Yoongi asks for nothing, so how could—
“Jungkook, if I said yes to you holding my hand all I would be able to think about is how much I wish I was kissing you instead.”
Jungkook's stomach lurches. Or…or his heart? His heart is beating fast again, his entire body warm with anxiety.
“You mean…”
“I like you, Jungkook,” Yoongi hides his face more in his sleeves. “That’s why I always say no. I want so much more than what you offer as a friend, and saying yes to any of it would just make it harder for me to handle all these feelings I have…”
“Feelings for me?” Jungkook is holding his breath.
“Yeah, feelings for you.”
Jungkook takes a step forward, moving without thinking right in front of Yoongi. Slowly, he lifts his hands to Yoongi’s wrists and wraps his fingers around them. He gently draws Yoongi’s sweater paws away from his face, searching for Yoongi's pretty dark eyes.
“Hyung,” Jungkook shakes his head in disbelief. “I want you too. It hurts when you turn me down because I’ll take anything you let me have, hyung. I want all of you, but all this time I didn’t think I could have any of you.”
Yoongi meets his eyes finally.
Jungkook squeezes Yoongi’s wrists, bracing himself.
“Hyung, I’m in love with you.”
Yoongi tears his gaze away, hands curling into fists. Jungkook frowns, watching as Yoongi's mouth forms a pout.
“Ask to kiss me.”
“Huh?” Jungkook leans his head in closer, hardly catching Yoongi’s whisper. Did he hear that right?
“Ask to kiss me so I can finally tell you yes,” Yoongi says.
“Can—can I kiss you?” Jungkook trips over the words in his rush to get them out.
“Yes.”
Jungkook smiles, raising one hand to cup Yoongi’s warm, pink cheek and turn his blushing face back toward his own.
“I can kiss you?” Jungkook asks again, leaning closer. Yoongi’s eyes are trained on his mouth.
“Yes.”
“Hyung.”
Jungkook presses their lips together, Yoongi immediately pushing back and hooking his free arm around Jungkook’s waist to reel him in closer. Yoongi’s mouth does taste like sugar. Jungkook smiles so wide he breaks the kiss, giggling as he runs his hand up the side of Yoongi’s face and then through his hair. His fingers find the hair tie and give it a tug.
“Can I put your hair down?”
“Yes,” Yoongi smiles.
Jungkook frees the blonde locks from the bun, then runs both hands through Yoongi’s coconut scented hair. Then he kisses him again, fingers tangled in the pretty strands and Yoongi pressing his tongue into Jungkook’s mouth.
“Hyung,” Jungkook huffs against Yoongi’s lips after a few minutes. “Can we—can—do you wanna…?”
“Yes,” Yoongi slips his hand up the back of Jungkook’s neck, tugging on his dark hair playfully.
“You don’t even know what I was gonna ask,” Jungkook sticks his bottom lip out.
“It doesn't matter now,” Yoongi shrugs, a fond smile taking over his puffy pink lips. “I’d say yes to anything you asked.”
Jungkook feels the flower in his chest grow to two sizes. He’s overwhelmed by how much he loves Yoongi, and how lucky he is to be with him right now. He isn’t sure how this all happened but all he wants is for this feeling to never end. And with Yoongi in his arms, it probably won’t.
Yoongi uses Jungkook’s shoulders to help lift himself onto the table, spreading his legs and inviting Jungkook closer for even more kisses.
“I wanted to ask if we can be boyfriends now,” Jungkook's hands land on Yoongi’s hips, fingers teasing his ass. “Or is it too soon?”
“It’s never too soon. It’s not soon enough,” Yoongi’s eyes look as misty with emotion as Jungkook's. “I would love for you to be my best friend, my roommate, and my boyfriend.”
“Sounds good to me.”
—
It’s their last day together before they go home for Christmas.
Yoongi and Jungkook haven’t left each other’s side since their confession in the kitchen. It’s not like they left each other’s side much before that either.
It’s been life-changing for Jungkook.
He gets to reach for Yoongi’s hand whenever he wants and trusts that Yoongi will squeeze his fingers as soon as they’re interlocked. He rested his head in Yoongi’s lap, staring up at his boyfriend’s cute face, while Yoongi watched a documentary. When they sat together on Yoongi’s tiny bench in front of his keyboard piano, Yoongi planted his butt on Jungkook’s lap partway through a song and Jungkook got to bury his face in Yoongi’s coconut-scented hair. Last night they fell asleep together in Jungkook’s bed. Their cold apartment finally felt warm.
Jungkook doesn’t think he’ll ever take any of this for granted. How could he? He’s been longing for it for two years, even if he wasn’t always aware of it. And now he has Yoongi. As much as he can have him, at least. And Yoongi seems all to happy to give himself, and take some of Jungkook in return. When they lock eyes, smiling and content, Jungkook can feel a thousand unsaid words swimming between them. Now that they can finally touch one another, Jungkook is starting to hear Yoongi speak just from his subtle affection.
A hand on Jungkook’s leg means I got you. Lips against his own mean I want you . The way Yoongi wrapped his arms around Jungkook last night, snuggled beneath the blankets, said I’m so happy I have you .
Jungkook isn’t sure if Yoongi is learning the language of their touch the same way, but Jungkook presses I love you into each kiss. He says I love you when he brushes a strand of Yoongi’s soft hair behind his ear. He leaves I love you behind with each back-hug he’s given Yoongi while he’s busy at the stove.
The flower in Jungkook’s chest has made way for a garden.
Pretty green vines twist all inside him. New sprouts have poked through and bloomed dozens of flowers. The butterflies in his stomach are happier than ever, flitting about. His heart is pulsing like the sun. Warm, vibrant, growing in size. Everything has been sweeter, lighter, better since he told Yoongi how he feels. And now he finally understands Yoongi too.
“Are you sure you know what you’re doing back there?” Yoongi’s rumbly voice interrupts Jungkook’s thoughts.
“Um,” Jungkook looks at the lengths of blonde hair held between his fingers. “Yeah.”
“You don’t sound sure,” Yoongi laughs, “how’s it really going?”
“Well, I separated it into three sections but I think the sections are getting blended together somehow…” Jungkook frowns at the messy, loose braid he’s halfway through attempting. “Um, I think I might have to start over.”
“Again?” Yoongi giggles more, adjusting his legs to be crisscrossed. They’re sitting together on the couch, Yoongi’s back to Jungkook as he tries to braid his hair.
“I didn’t hear you complaining before,” Jungkook teases, undoing the messy braid. “I thought you were gonna fall asleep when I was brushing your hair.”
“Me too. Actually, that would be great. Here,” Yoongi hands back the brush and Jungkook takes it with a grin.
“Hyung,” he whispers, leaning in close to one of Yoongi’s ears. “Welcome to Jungkook’s A-S-M-R salon.”
Yoongi squirms, shoulders shooting up, “That tickles, stop it.”
“Shhhh,” Jungkook continues to whisper, now in the other ear. “Relax…now I’m going to brush your hair.”
He presses a kiss to the back of Yoongi’s head, laughing to himself. Gently he begins to brush out the knots he made, taking his time.
They’ve made hotpot for dinner, which is still cooking on the counter. They added pork and beef, mushrooms, tofu, and packs of seasoning for the broth. At the end they’ll add noodles and then feast on it while watching a movie called Last Christmas. Jungkook enjoys cheesy romance and Yoongi will appreciate the George Michael soundtrack—and the cheesy romance, even if he still won’t admit it. Watching the movie sounds fun, but Jungkook fully expects them to get distracted once their food is gone and start making out on the couch, and honestly he can’t wait.
Jungkook reaches behind himself, feeling around for the gift he wrapped and secretly hid out here.
“Take the hair brush back,” Jungkook says, setting the gift into Yoongi’s palm when he offers his hand.
Yoongi takes it, then sets it in his lap. The wrapping paper crinkles.
“This isn’t the hair brush…”
Jungkook snorts, distracting himself from his nerves by combing his fingers through Yoongi’s hair.
“Nope.”
“Is this for me?”
“No, it’s for my boyfriend,” Jungkook jokes. “You might know him? Long blonde hair, looks like a cat, cutest boy you’ve ever seen.”
“Oh, shut up,” Yoongi grumbles. Jungkook peeks at the side of Yoongi’s face where a smile is hiding.
“Open it,” Jungkook starts to separate Yoongi’s hair into three chunks again.
“It’s not even Christmas yet…”
“Hyung.”
“I didn’t get you anything…”
“Hyung.”
“Fine,” Yoongi sighs.
Jungkook grins, focusing on crossing Yoongi’s hair over itself as the wrapping gets torn away from the present. Then Yoongi tears the tape off the cardboard box, and finally slips the gift out into his hand.
“Oh,” he says softly. “You got me a new lava lamp.”
“Your old one broke, and you said it helped you sleep so…”
Yoongi suddenly turns around, making Jungkook let go of his hair as he shuffles around on the couch. His crossed legs overlap Jungkook’s.
“I told you that when I first bought it,” Yoongi says simply, eyes shiny. “That was like two years ago.”
Jungkook looks down at where Yoongi’s hands are protectively wrapped around the lamp.
“Well, in case you didn’t know, I’m kind of in love with you, hyung.”
“For that long?” Yoongi’s voice is soft, now turning the lamp and examining it.
“I think so,” Jungkook admits.
“You painted this yourself?” Yoongi asks. His finger traces over the white outlines of planets on the metal parts of the lamp. It used to be generic and silver, but Jungkook painted it black and then used a white paint pen to draw the planets on. He even hot-glued small gems on to look like stars.
“Yeah.”
“Jungkook,” Yoongi looks back at him. “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome,” he shrugs, sucking in his piercing nervously.
“I love you too,” Yoongi says, sounding a little panicked. “I don’t think I said it before. But…I love you.”
Jungkook beams, endeared by the way Yoongi immediately breaks eye contact and anxiously rubs the back of his neck.
“Hyung,” Jungkook sets his hand on Yoongi’s knee and squeezes, “Can I hold you?”
Yoongi nods, silently leaning forward to crush their chest together and wraps his arms tightly around Jungkook. Jungkook closes his eyes and hugs Yoongi even closer. He smells like coconut.
“Only if you promise never to let go,” Yoongi whispers.
“I can do that.”
Jungkook doesn’t think it’s possible to say no to Yoongi.