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Lester sits on the steps to the main building, waiting for Dr. Cawley. He’s supposed to give his boss an update on Andrew’s current situation, which works out well because Andrew wants him to talk to Dr. Cawley about Rachel Solando.
It’s a mild afternoon, a little cloudy, with a bit of a chill, but relatively normal weather for the island. Lester pulls up his coat sleeve to check his watch. It’s almost 12:50. Dr. Cawley said about one o’clock, so he should be arriving soon.
“Dr. Sheehan?”
Lester looks up at the sound of his name, meeting the eyes of Nurse Marino walking towards him. “Yeah?” he answers.
“May I ask a personal question?” she asks cautiously. “It’s about you and Andrew.”
“Alright,” he nods.
She climbs the two steps and sits down beside him, placing her hands in her lap. She turns her body towards him slightly and meets his eyes.
“Lester . . .” she begins hesitantly. “I don’t mean to cross any boundaries. You’re an excellent doctor; I’m not implying otherwise. But are you sure this is a good idea?” she asks. “I mean, there’s a rule prohibiting doctors and patients getting together for a reason. I know Dr. Cawley approved it, but I’m worried about you. This can’t end well.”
Lester gives a soft smile, then looks away. “You’re probably right.”
She pauses, likely not expecting him to agree with her so quickly. “So, why are you doing it then? If you’re aware of the tragic consequences?” she questions further.
He meets her eyes again. “Because I really think it might work . . . I think I can help. Dr. Cawley thinks so too, or else he wouldn’t have accepted the idea.”
“Anything besides the lobotomy, right?” she says with a sympathetic look on her face.
“Yeah . . . That’s only as a last resort,” he agrees, his voice soft. Lester looks away, eyes scanning the well-kept yard in front of them for the person in question.
“It’ll take time, but this is our last hope. He needs to know that real life doesn’t have to be as bad as it is. Then maybe he won’t feel the need to run away from reality. Make his reality worth staying for,” he finishes.
“And you think it’ll be enough? You think you can make him choose reality after all that’s happened to him?”
“No clue,” he answers truthfully. “But I’d like to try. I just hope the big boss doesn’t give up on him before we get the chance to find out.”
She hums in agreement.
“So, what’s the plan for Andrew and the others now?” she asks.
“They’re giving us a small extension with the role-play therapy. With this new development in Andrew, they want us to continue what we’re doin’ for a bit longer. We haven’t received a deadline yet, but we have to send in regular updates to track any improvements or detriments.” He pauses before continuing, his voice lowering slightly. “. . . But if they decide it’s still not working, then we’ll get the order to begin the lobotomies.”
They’re both silent for a moment. Thoughts of losing Andrew plague Lester’s mind. The fatality rate is low but the Andrew he knows and cares for will be gone, and he isn’t ready to mourn a friend. But then again, who’s ever ready to mourn someone they care about? It’s not like you get a say in the matter.
“Do you like him?” Nurse Marino asks, breaking Lester out of his grim thoughts. “The way he likes you? Or is this simply a treatment plan?”
Lester meets her eyes again and shrugs. “I don’t know.”
She gives him a disbelieving look.
“Honestly,” he chuckles, taking his eyes away from hers to watch Andrew across the yard. He’s speaking to one of the guards, probably asking if they’ve seen anything suspicious in the last two days. Andrew doesn’t go easy on anyone during his interrogations.
He brings his attention back to Nurse Marino and ponders over the question for a few moments.
“I know I care about him. And I want to do what I can to help him,” he finally answers. “I just want him to find some peace. And if that peace is with me, then I’m happy I can be that for him.”
He watches Andrew walk over to the next guard, likely planning to ask the same routine questions. The rustling of the trees is getting louder as the wind grows stronger.
Lester takes a deep breath and closes his eyes as he recalls how comfortable Andrew has become with his presence.
Andrew swiftly shuts the door behind them, both men are breathing heavily after they finally lost the Deputy Warden. The room is silent; only the sound of their breaths can be heard. Andrew pulls the chain for the light, brightening up the small storage room. The room is fairly empty, just a few shelves at the back with cleaning supplies, and a bucket on the ground with a mop sticking out of it.
Andrew breaks the silence with a loud chuckle. “We make a good team, Chuck; you and me,” he says, turning to Lester with a grin on his face. “I’ll really hate to see you go once this is all over. I feel like we have a connection.”
“Yeah?” Lester replies, still trying to catch his breath. Andrew already looks fine again, which Lester finds quite impressive. Andrew works out intensely every day; that’s one of the reasons he’s considered the most dangerous patient at the hospital. His violence can do some real damage. Being ex-military, some habits just stick with you.
“I’m sure we’ll see each other,” Lester continues. “Maybe we’ll work another case together sometime. Or at least grab a few beers when one of us is in town and not drownin’ in paperwork.”
Andrew’s grin widens. “Paperwork can wait a few hours if you’re ever around,” he says as he meets Lester’s eyes.
“Yeah,” Lester replies, small smile on his face. “Paperwork can wait.”
Lester opens his eyes and stares at the sky, taking a breath of fresh ocean air. The clouds are getting darker; it looks like it might rain later.
“His story is unfortunate,” Lester continues, eyes settling on Andrew again. “He drew the short straw in life, that’s for sure . . . I can’t even imagine what I would have done in his situation.”
He lets out a long sigh. “I just want to help ease his pain, even a little bit.”
She nods her head sympathetically. “. . . But he forgets who you are,” she says after a few beats. “He’ll forget he ever loved you. That has to weigh you down eventually.”
Lester doesn’t respond right away, trying to gather up all his thoughts.
“No, I think he knows,” he says slowly, still watching Andrew. “It’s confusing to him, but his feelings stay the same. Even if his memories disappear for a while. Similar to patients with Alzheimer's. They forget important people in their lives, but they usually still trust them and feel safe with them. I’ve spoken to husbands who say even though their wives have no memories of them being together, they know they love them. And I believe it’s like that for Andrew.”
He takes out his cigarette box from his coat pocket and stares at it.
“It’s the little things,” he continues. “He tells me he has trust issues but opens up to me right away. Says he knows he can trust me for some unknown reason. He’s mission-focused but always abandons his mission to come save me. There’s so many things he does that show that he knows me, deep down. Or at least feels safe with me.”
“I trust you with my life, Chuck,” Andrew states with confidence. “I can’t say that about many people. I don’t know why. I barely know you. But I feel it in my gut; you’re a good man and I’m glad you’re here to have my back,” Andrew finishes. He places his hand on Lester’s shoulder, squeezing firmly.
“He tells me he’s never loved anyone since Dolores. But he said he’d like to try someday. He thinks he’s ready,” Lester continues.
“Also,” he says, looking back at Nurse Marino, “No matter how many times he forgets me, he always chooses me in the end.” He smiles softly. “So, in a way, it’s like we can fall in love over and over again.” He looks down at his hands, still gripping the cigarette package. “We’ll get to play out a new love story every time he reverts back to his delusion. And I think that’s kinda romantic.”
Nurse Marino shakes her head, giving him a sad smile. “I don’t know how you do it. Always seeing the positive in any situation.”
“Well, in this job, you kinda have to. If not, we’ll sink just as deep as the people we’re trying to help,” he states.
“You’re a good man, Lester. With a heart of gold. Remember that.” She keeps her eyes locked on his, conveying her earnestness.
“Thanks. It’s hard to forget. He tells me that all the time,” he chuckles, moving his gaze to Andrew still talking to the guard. “Always saying he’s glad he got stuck with me for a partner and not some asshole hotshot who doesn’t use his brain.” His grin fades, seriousness showing on his face. “He needs someone he can trust. And he trusts me, even if he doesn’t know he knows me.”
They sit in comfortable silence; Lester is listening to the chirping of birds and the occasional gust of wind. He wonders about the future for Andrew and him. Is he stupid for going this far for someone everybody says is a lost cause? Probably. He knows this can end with him getting severely burned, but the memories they can make along the way might be worth it.
Even if Andrew never accepts reality, Lester vows to stay right by his side.
Lester and Andrew are seated on the steps to the main building. Andrew’s leg is practically vibrating from how fast he’s bouncing it. Something is clearly bothering him.
“You okay there, boss?” Lester finally asks, after about a minute of witnessing Andrew’s obvious anxiety.
Andrew sighs. He puts his hands on his thighs, stopping the bouncing, and starts rubbing them, like his legs are cold. It’s a little chilly tonight, but Lester guesses the weather has nothing to do with this.
“Chuck.”
“Yeah?” Lester responds patiently; eyes trained on Andrew.
Andrew sucks in a deep breath, then exhales with a soft ‘whoosh’.
“I really like you,” he starts, unwilling to meet Lester’s eyes.
“I like you, too. You’re good company.”
“No,” Andrew says, shaking his head in frustration, “I really like you. You coming into my life was probably the best thing that’s ever happened to me since Dolores.”
Lester doesn’t have time to respond before Andrew is speaking again.
“Now, I’m not gay,” he clarifies urgently, finally meeting Lester’s eyes. “I never once looked at another man the way I do a woman. It’s not like that at all. I just feel something between us, Chuck. I don’t have a damn clue what that is, and maybe you feel it too . . . but I was hoping maybe we can try to figure it out together?” he finishes. His eyes are pleading, and his voice is filled with uncertainty.
Lester is speechless. Out of everything Andrew could have said, he did not expect that.
“Jesus, Teddy, I—I don’t know what to say,” he says in disbelief.
Andrew sighs, squeezing his eyes shut tightly. “I knew I shouldn’t’ve said anything.”
“Hey,” Lester says softly, “Ted, hey.” He grabs Andrew’s arm, making the other look at him again. “I’m flattered—”
Andrew groans and tilts his head upwards, choosing to look at the dark sky instead of his partner.
“Really! I am!” Lester emphasizes with a grin on his face. “It’s just that . . . I have a girl at home . . .” he trailed off, unsure about what else to say.
“Fuck.” Andrew sighs again. “Yeah. I should have guessed that,” he says. He jostles Lester’s hand away as he raises his arms and presses his palms hard against his eyes. He sighs heavily. “Of course you’d have someone waiting for you. Why wouldn’t you?”
Lester looks at Andrew sadly. “You couldn’t’ve known. I never mentioned her.”
Silence fills the air again, and Lester doesn’t know how to break it, or even if he should. His mind is reeling. This is something that hasn’t happened before so he was forced to think on the spot. He hates lying to Andrew; he doesn’t have a girlfriend, but he had to make himself look off-limits, for both of their sakes.
“I still love my wife,” Andrew states suddenly, bringing Lester out of his thoughts. He glances at Andrew; his arms are in his lap again, and he looks a little more composed than he was moments before.
“I know,” Lester says. “Liking someone else doesn’t mean you love Dolores any less. It means you’re healing.”
Lester looks away after that and stares straight ahead into the darkness. He sees the outline of trees, but nothing more.
“You know . . .” Lester breaks the silence again, eyes training on Andrew. “If circumstances were different, I think I would have liked to try . . .” he trails off, gesturing toward Andrew and him with his hands. “Whatever this could have been.”
“Stop,” Andrew hisses out. “You don’t have to try to make me feel better. I can handle rejection,” he spits.
“I’m not! You said that you felt a connection, and I feel it too,” Lester says openly. “We’re a good team. Partners.”
“Yeah . . .” Andrew says quietly. He’s still staring off into the distance.
Andrew abruptly rises to his feet, then turns around, starting towards the main building and leaving Lester alone.
Lester takes a deep breath in, holds it briefly, then lets it out slowly, trying to calm his body before he goes inside. He surprised himself with how honest his last statement was. He didn’t lie that time; that was genuine. Had things been different, he could see them being closer. How close exactly, he’s not sure, but the thought is appealing. He really does like the man, and they do have a connection. He hasn’t had a bond this deep with any of his other patients. There’s something about Andrew that makes him want to break all the rules just to see some light in his eyes. But things aren’t different, so he shouldn’t humor the idea any further. He’s still Andrew’s psychiatrist, so it simply can’t happen.
He has to speak with Dr. Cawley to see what the best approach is, should this come up again. He doesn’t know how Andrew would hold up if they assign him to someone new . . .
He takes another deep breath, then gets up to follow Andrew inside.
“—ster . . . ? Hey, Lester.”
“Hm?” Lester turns to Nurse Marino again who has a knowing look on her face. “What?” he asks in confusion.
“You zoned out while staring at Andrew with a silly grin on your face,” she points out lightheartedly. “You can’t tell me you don’t have a little crush on him after that. And if you did, I wouldn’t believe you.”
Lester shrugs, looking wistfully up at the graying skies threatening to pour down rain soon. “Maybe I do. I guess I just never thought of it before. My relationship with Andrew was strictly professional, I never even entertained the thought of something happening between us. But now that the possibility is there? Yeah, I’m having some thoughts.”
She smiles at his response.
“Sooo . . . ?” she draws out. “What were you thinking about?” she asks in a playful tone.
He meets her eyes again, raising an eyebrow at the question. “I was thinkin’ of how nervous he was when he told me he liked me,” Lester says, deciding to tell her the truth. “And no, I’m not saying anything more about that night. I know how nosey you can be.”
“What!” she says, taking mock offence. “You can’t blame me; there’s no romance on this island. Give a girl a break.”
Lester snorts, glancing back at Andrew who was already staring in his direction. He seems to be done questioning the guards. “You chose the wrong profession if you were hopin’ for workplace romance.”
“I did,” she sighs.
Andrew starts making his way towards them.
“Thank you for lookin’ out for me,” Lester says suddenly, finishing up their conversation before Andrew gets within earshot. “Really. It really means a lot. But I have faith that things will turn out fine,” he says sincerely, meeting her eyes again. “And if things do end badly, I give you my full permission to say, ‘I told you so.’”
“I’ll hold you to that,” she says while getting up to leave. She turns around and starts making her way into the building.
“Lester?” she calls out again, looking back once more.
“Yeah?” he replies, turning slightly to meet her eyes again.
“If you ever want to talk, I’m here. Just because it might turn out fine doesn’t mean it won’t be hard as hell. I’m here for you. Remember that.” Her voice is more of a whisper since Andrew is nearing them, but Lester hears every word.
He smiles. “Thanks.”
Nurse Marino enters the building just as Andrew reaches him. “So? Did you get anything out of her?” Andrew immediately asks. “I saw you guys talking.”
“Nah. She didn’t say anything useful. Just told me stuff we already know,” Lester says, rising to his feet.
“Damn,” Andrew sighs. “I didn’t get anything from the guards either.” His disappointment is clear in his voice. “And hey,” he says quickly, stepping in closer. “I think that nurse you were talking to knows more than she lets on,” he says quietly. “She seems like she’s hiding something. I can feel it. There’s something she’s not telling us; I know there is.”
“Possibly,” Lester replies, trying not to smile at how true that statement is. “So. Shall we head inside? We have plenty of people to interview, and I still have to try Dr. Cawley again.”
“Yeah. I want to talk to Bridget again too, but I need to find a way to do it privately without the other doctors watching. I don’t think she’ll tell me anything with an audience. . .”
Andrew’s eyes meet his. “Hey, you think after talking to Cawley, you can distract the docs while I sneak in and talk to her?”
Lester nods in affirmation. “Sure thing, boss. Just give me the order.”
“Excellent. I knew I could count on you,” Andrew says, patting Lester’s shoulder with a grin. He then climbs the steps and strides inside the building, looking eager to get this case completed.
Lester shakes his head while watching his partner’s retreating form, then follows him with a small smile on his face.
What did he get himself into?