Chapter Text
I tried not to be too quiet as I let myself into the clinic and walked upstairs. I knew I might be waking Harvey up, but I at least didn’t want it to be a shock. If he woke up to the aroma of hot coffee, he’d probably be fine with that.
“It’s just me, Harvey,” I said, almost to myself, as I stepped through the door into his apartment. I set the two keep cups on the coffee table and sat myself awkwardly on the far end of his red sofa. The room was still, but in a different way to the farmhouse. Still almost suited it here.
It was a bit before 7am. I would have been even earlier if I hadn’t taken my time to get the coffee just right; I’d prepared this cup of morning-mitigation with my best beans. I contemplated bringing a jar of pickled artichokes as well, but it seemed wrong for the time of day.
I stared at the floorboards, heard him shuffle a little under the covers as Harvey slowly came to. His hand rustled around the bedside table for his glasses. There was enough light peeking through the kitchen window that he was able to see me as he sat up. I gave him an apologetic little wave.
“Hi, Charlie. What time – is that coffee I smell?”
I held up the pair of cups for him to see.
“Ah.” Strapping his watch on like it was habit, he padded over to sit in the armchair near me. He picked up the coffee in both hands, inhaled deeply, and took a small sip. “It’s earlier than I usually like to see anyone, but you’ve quite made up for it.”
We sat in silence for a few minutes, drinking coffee and tuning out some morning bird chatter. He seemed to wake up properly soon enough, leant back in his chair and looked me over. “Can I guess that you didn’t bring me coffee before half the town is awake because you’re having a good week?”
I shook my head. For all the time I’d been waiting in the corner here, I hadn’t found any words to explain why I wasn’t okay. I just trusted him to be patient with me.
“I suppose you’re usually up early, as a farmer. You don’t usually look this tired though.”
“I slept badly,” I say. It’s a small part of the truth, an easy part. “I think I spent most of the night staring at the ceiling.”
“Humans are surprisingly bad at sleeping, given how critical it is to our wellbeing,” Harvey mused.
“I’ve been having trouble getting out of bed for a couple of weeks now. The crops are irrigated, the animal care is mostly automated, I don’t really have to get up early any more.”
“And yet here you are, at – well, I suppose 7:30am isn’t that early, but you certainly didn’t sleep in.”
“I think I finally got fed up with being in bed and not sleeping. I didn’t really know what I was going to do this morning either. I just realised I had more coffee beans than I needed and remembered you would appreciate them.” It was all true, but it was still small facts. The morning, the whole last week, was all so inconsequential.
He set his cup down, almost finished. “If you’re going to spend your morning doing nothing but sitting quietly and drinking coffee, I’m glad to be included in it.”
There was no way he couldn’t feel that there was more to it. He didn’t press the matter; instead, he finished his coffee and got up to rinse the cup out. “Have you had breakfast yet?” he asked from the kitchenette.
“No.”
“If I make some, will you have a bit? I’m afraid I don’t have much, but there’ll be something.”
“Yeah, alright.”
I heard the sound of the fridge door unsealing and the clink of glass. “What about toast with hazelnut spread – wait, is this still good?” There was a rustle and a clunk, the jar resettling in the bin. “Cranberry jam? Yes, that’s fine.”
The room was a little lighter now as I listened to Harvey pull out bread from the freezer and plates from the cupboard. I was glad he wasn’t doing anything more extravagant. I already didn’t know what to do with myself. I hadn’t even really explained why I was here. I hadn’t really grasped it myself. It sat in me, not a weight, but a void.
Harvey had no kitchen table, so we ate at the coffee table. He sat on the couch next to me this time. There was enough space for two; we didn’t touch. I wondered for a moment; if he were to have bumped my knee as he sat, would that have nudged that void? Would that do anything? Did I want that? It felt safer to keep it still.
The jam was good. I didn’t really have an appetite, but a piece and a half of toast was okay. Harvey didn’t bother me about not finishing the plate.
“I don’t have any appointments until 1pm today. You said you didn’t have anything particular to get done this morning?”
I shook my head, swilling the last of my own lukewarm coffee around the cup before I finished it.
“Would you join me for a walk? I don’t often get out early enough to appreciate it, but I do like the morning air in the valley.”
“Yeah, that… that sounds good.” I couldn’t summon any enthusiasm but it was something to do.
“Excellent. I’ll get myself changed and we’ll head out.”