Work Text:
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Seokjin honestly did not have any idea how he had ended up in this position.
Here he was (Kim Seokjin: solo artist with almost ten years in the music industry under his belt), laying in a bed somewhere in the middle of nowhere in the mountains, buried under more blankets than he could count to keep the cold out, next to a man (Kim Namjoon, his new manager - after Seokjin had fired the last one) he had only worked with for about a year now.
That was the crucial point of their relationship with each other, wasn't it? They were co-workers. They had a pure business-based relationship - at least that was how it was supposed to be. This was how it had been only last week.
But now they were here, and he could feel with every fiber of his being Namjoon turning around under the covers next to him, trying to get comfortable. Now he had gotten a glimpse of how the man behind his job was like. How soft Namjoon looked when he woke up from a nap on the couch. Now there was this weird, loaded tension between them whenever there was a moment of silence, when it used to be just a comfortable silence.
Even more crucial: despite Seokjin doing his best to keep up the business façade, keep the walls between them sturdy in place, there was no denying anymore that the man next to him did something to his heart. He was not sure how to name it nor if he even wanted to acknowledge it. He felt like he should not name it, not if he wanted to do the right thing.
All Seokjin knew was that he was more than screwed.
Those had been walls he had built up himself, for very good reasons, but now his heart had taken a sledgehammer and had torn so much of it down in a frenzy.
So, really, what had happened?
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It all had started a few days ago, very normal (normal to Seokjin's standards of an artist with a bursting full schedule) and so early in the morning that it was still dark outside.
Seokjin had been ushered into the black car waiting in front of his apartment building. His brain was not really awake yet, he could not tell what was on his schedule today. But his manager was already in the set next to him, so Seokjin did not have to worry. Namjoon probably had planned out the whole day already.
"Good morning, Seokjin-ssi," Namjoon said as soon as the driver started the car. "How are you feeling today, sir?"
Fucking tired would have been an honest answer, cold another. It was mid-December and the cold wind in Seoul was merciless, even for him in his thick jacket.
But Seokjin was sure his manager did not want to hear him lamenting about the weather. Everyday Namjoon asked him the same question, just like the last manager before had done, and everyday Seokjin knew they just wanted to know if he was ready and fit enough to work his ass off and follow the schedule. (He knew what his job demanded, and he prided himself in his still remaining bite to follow through.)
"I am fine," Seokjin answered, just as always, and slowly watched the sun rise between Seoul's giant buildings.
Now, almost ten years into his career, Kim Seokjin was an industry wide known name. He has been on tours and won awards and even built some overseas audiences. His mother took pride in telling others about his son, because he was widely considered a successful artist. His life had stopped being that of a normal 20-something years ago and instead he became a public figure, always in the spotlight. If he took the time to think about it, he was aware of how lonely he was in that spotlight. It was the price he had to pay for his success.
It had not always been like that.
Seokjin had been in college for acting and somehow ended up in a musical production, where someone from their label had heard his singing and invited him to a casting.
Seokjin had been what they considered a diamond in the rough when he started, someone with the right work ethic and attitude, a bit of charm, and most of all a lot of potential - all still hidden and waiting to be uncovered through training. And he did, he worked his way into this career, slowly advanced further and further to the top, slowly but steadily improved. Among it all, he successfully had hidden to the outside what an incredibly hard and rocky journey it had been.
Here he was now, established and long enough in the game that tabloids digging up and fabricating shit about him was nothing new anymore. Hell, he had even survived anything they had written when they started to speculate that he had slept with a male colleague. (The rumour had had a truthful seed and Seokjin had learnt the important lesson to keep more to himself after that affair.)
He was long enough a public figure that he should have learned not to care what they would write about him, but he just could not help himself to scroll through the mess as his head leant against the car window and the city outside slowly passed by.
Seokjin felt like he hit a bingo in the tabloid game that day. Not only did he find an article falsely claiming having intel about him spending the night at an actor’s hotel room after both had been invited to the same gala (Seokjin had left early as the gala had been a giant snooze fest without real catering and his manager and him had gotten some amazing street food on the way back), he also found an article speculating if he was getting too old for a career in music and if it was smart form the company to even finance another comeback (and suggesting he should maybe rather fully move into drama acting instead). Both were no new topics about him, they still stung though. Especially since Seokjin knew their company really considered moving him more towards acting instead.
But all of that had been business as usual. The first difference to most days had been the change of cars at the company. The car they changed into looked more suitable for an off-road path than it did for Seoul's traffic, but then again, their company had many different cars. It still surprised him that Namjoon took the driver's seat. He had done that before, especially when they had been to smaller schedules (or like that gala), but Seokjin always had thought Namjoon disliked driving.
Not wanting to admit how out of the loop Seokjin was about his own life and schedules, but now curious what was in store for the day, he pulled up his calendar on his phone that usually was edited by Namjoon and then synchronized.
There was one entry: 10am - Yangji Pine Ski Resort, set to last the whole day.
And Seokjin dimly remembered some talk about a photoshoot in the mountains to promote a drink or something like that. They had some kind of soda brand partnership going on. On one hand he was looking forward to a few hours of mountain air, on the other he already dreaded the photoshoot.
Don't get him wrong, modelling could be a surprisingly interesting aspect of his job. It was photoshoots for product commercials he disliked, as he always felt like those were the most stressful ones, the most profit-oriented ones. But also, the quickest ones to get done- time was money after all. So, if everything went well, he could even be home early today, maybe finally getting a good night's sleep.
When the mountains around them grew and the sun rose higher up in the sky, Seokjin woke from the nap he had taken, lulled to sleep by the news station Namjoon usually liked to listen to when driving. The nap had done him good, his brain finally feeling ready for the day.
"How far is it?" Seokjin asked, staring out in the snow-covered landscape. There only had been a sorry bit of white fuzz in Seoul, but everything out here was thoroughly covered under a thick blanket.
"We are near, sir," Namjoon answered.
"Is the crew already there? The faster we get this done today, the faster we can get out of the cold again."
He sincerely hoped they did not plan on making him pose in the snow, at least not for long. Namjoon somehow seemed to sense his mood and turned up the heat in the car.
"It is just us, sir. I really hope you don't mind. Otherwise, I can immediately take us back of course. I hope you have read the details in the mail we send-"
"Wait, what do you mean it's just us? When is the filming crew going to arrive?"
"Seokjin-ssi, there is no shoot or schedule planned in Yangji. Rather, I have taken the liberty to schedule a few free days in the mountains after you repeatedly expressed the wish for a break. If I misunderstood, then I am very sorry, sir. I tried to consult with Yoongi-hyung to find a way to spend this break to your liking."
Namjoon was serious, but Seokjin still expected him to add something to show that he was kidding or at least something that explained this. (Whatever it was.) When Yoongi was involved in this then that at least was a tiny reassurance (Min Yoongi was not only his producer, but also his closest friend in their company).
"But why?” Seokjin asked, dumbfounded. “Namjoon-ssi, why are you doing this? Are you trying for a promotion? Because I am sorry, there is no way I am letting you go from this position right now. I am tired of looking for new managers. Or are you trying to woo me? Because then I have to remind you what happened to the last manager that had been out of place. Do you too think I am getting too old to do my job? I don’t really need a break."
"Why are you so surprised, Seokjin-ssi? You asked for a break and a chance to enjoy the snow like everyone else. So, I sat down with the company and cleared the next week. And it is normal and healthy to enjoy a break, regardless of age."
"In case you have not noticed, when I am always asking for a break, nobody expects you to act on that. That’s not how things work around here, people don’t listen to the ideas I had on a whim."
Namjoon did not answer. Seokjin knew that Namjoon was not like his old manager (Choi Haecheol - good at manipulation and pretending to be Seokjin’s friend for the sake of getting intel about him), but it was hard for Seokjin to not compare the two and both Seokjin and Namjoon knew.
“Why are you with me then?” Seokjin asked after a while instead.
“Because Seokjin-ssi, you know really well that the company could not just let you go on a trip into the blue completely on your own. I am just here to make sure you are safe and well and to make sure you have a nice trip of course, sir."
Seokjin was unsure what to think of all this, if he wanted this. So far, Namjoon's work as his manager had been impeccable and he more than once had surprised Seokjin with how seriously he took his job, and how much he cared. But somehow, he just waited for Namjoon to turn around and show his true colours.
"Sir, if you don't want this, I will turn the car around right now. But please think about it. This could be a real break for you, especially because we will slowly enter the holiday season craze when we get back. I booked a cabin away from the crowd, private and discreet, and you are free to do as you like for the whole time as we stay there. You know you would never really rest like that back home at your apartment."
"Free to do as I like? Like anything?"
"Within limits of course, I am sorry."
(Dang, there went his chance to ski into the sunset only dressed in a feather boa.)
Seokjin was still debating what to make out of all of this, when their car rolled into the parking lot of a little house that must be the reception for the mountain cabins.
He was still hung up on why Namjoon had gone out of his way to get him this break. Especially now, so close before the holiday season. What were his motives? Was there a hidden agenda?
At the same time, Namjoon really had been a good manager, maybe he deserved some more of Seokjin’s trust. Maybe it was possible to be a good thing, carefully Seokjin got a bit excited for the surprising change of plans for the next days. Maybe it was sometimes okay to trust people (that voice sounded suspiciously like Yoongi).
And he had complained multiple times to anyone that he was once again missing out on the snow that Seoul had been graced with this year. So maybe this was finally the time to enjoy it. To actually take some time off. He was not even sure how to do that.
When Namjoon came back out of the office and hurried to their car, his face looked surprisingly grim. Seokjin frowned at him, as Namjoon sat back on the driver's seat.
"I am very sorry, sir, but there is a small problem."
"What is it?"
"There was a mistake in the booking. You see, we booked a double cabin, as I tried to give both of us the needed space of course."
"And?"
"Well, apparently the ajumma working in the office has misunderstood and given us only a double bed. They are otherwise completely booked. But do not worry, she assured me there will be a sofa I can sleep on instead. I am sorry for being so unprofessional, sir."
Well, there had to be some kind of a downside, right? At least he did not really mind having Namjoon around as company, so it really could be worse. Maybe he could deal with a shared cabin, there was probably still plenty of space to get out of each other’s way.
“This time of the year is the high season for these kinds of cabins, that's why it was so important to get one bit further up the mountain, giving you some privacy from the public eye,” Namjoon said. He had started their car again and was carefully following the small road up the mountain.
The cabin was made out of bare, big logs and intricate carvings. The roof was covered in snow like the rest of the landscape around them. Only the road leading towards it had been cleared.
For as much as Namjoon had apologised for being stuck with him in one cabin, Seokjin was surprised how big the house actually was. More than half of it was a spacious main room that held a kitchen including a dining table, an old fireplace and a sofa corner that also included a rocking chair.
But that was not all of it, there was a separate bedroom and a bathroom, as well as an extra pantry. It was nice, although Seokjin still could not believe he had days to spend here. Like, what was he even supposed to do with all that time? He felt kind of lost, unsure what to do with it. Maybe it was a good thing he was not completely alone there.
When they had fully arrived, it was already noon and Seokjin decided to go on a short walk to look at the area around the house, giving Namjoon space to settle in the living room. He tried to think back to when he just went out on a walk for the last time and could not remember - it was not only that he mostly did not have time for something like that, but it was also that he probably would very quickly get recognized in the city if just stepped out of his door. But up here in the mountains they were alone and the crunch of snow under his shoes was the only companion to his thoughts.
The quietness was almost uncomfortable. It left a lot of room for his thoughts to wander. There was a whole bulk of worries he would rather leave unaddressed for that day, but walking through this white ocean, it was hard holding them back.
Stuff like the shit the tabloids were spitting. Most of it was petty bullshit but some articles had truthful crumbs here and there. Like the pressure on Seokjin to reconsider his career.
After he came back to the cabin a different silence settled between them, more comfortable than the one outside, as he was not completely alone. At the same time, it was also uncertain. This kind of shared living space was new to them, and both were unsure how to navigate it. Of course, Namjoon had been with Seokjin on several trips abroad, for concerts and promotions and even a video shoot, but they never had shared their hotel room. (Seokjin had previously taken a strong stance on this and demanded to have his own room at all times. He had been enough years in the industry to feel entitled to at least a tiny bit of luxury.)
Namjoon had been proactive enough to prepare some dinner for them, albeit it was only simple instant ramen. They also found a package of tea in the kitchen of the cabin. The dinner was still surprisingly nice, as both sat with tea and a hot cup of ramen down at the dinner table, staring at the softly falling snow they barely could make out in the darkness of the evening.
And maybe Namjoon was still a bit embarrassed about his mishap with the booking, as he was even quieter than normal. Or maybe he was, just like Seokjin, finally just enjoying a moment of silence. There was so much silence around them, and Seokjin was used to so much noise, so much going on all the time.
It was kind of domestic in a weird way. (It was not, Seokjin scolded himself, you just do not have a normal life at all, so anything feels fucking domestic, idiot.) Namjoon was sitting at the other end of the table, so he was far enough away that Seokjin could almost imagine he really was on his own here.
When had been the last time he even sat down for dinner like this? Seokjin mused. Although it was already dark outside it was still early in the evening, a time he would usually have spent at the company.
Unfortunately, their comfortable silence was interrupted by a phone beeping with a new message. Namjoon sighed and pulled it out of his pocket. (He usually carried three of them around with him when he was on the job - his professional one as Seokjin's manager, his private one and Seokjin had early on also given him his own professional one, not feeling like dealing with it himself.)
“I am 96 percent sure this is a booty call, and I am 100 percent sure I am neither interested nor available at the moment. So, could you please, maybe, handle that?” Seokjin said. He knew exactly why he had given some people his business number, even if he had gotten to know them privately.
"It's Kim Hojun," Namjoon said with a slight frown.
"Then that is someone who did not get the hint," Seokjin said. "I am not interested in his invitations and that won’t change just because he keeps asking, can you please tell him that?"
Seokjin had met Kim Hojun at an award show afterparty for the first time, although he had been aware of the fellow solo artist for a long while. They had hit it off fairly well and hooked up the same night in Hojun's apartment. Seokjin had purposefully not given Hojun his personal number, deeming the stress with this kind of hook-up not really worth it the morning after. Somehow Hojun must have gotten hold of his business number instead.
"Sure," Namjoon said. "No problem, sir." His voice had an amused undertone Seokjin did not really know how to place. (And why should Namjoon care about his hook-ups anyway?)
The silence between remained, except for a short discussing where they wanted to get groceries the next day (the shop in the village should be enough, they both did not really want to drive to the next smaller one) and what other plans they had (none really, maybe they could try out the snowboards, Seokjin suggested).
But other than that, they somehow did not have a lot to say to each other. This was somehow new to them both, seeing each other without a strict schedule, and so Seokjin took the easy route and went to bed. (He told himself it was to give Namjoon the space and privacy he deserved in the living room.)
“Have a good night, sir. If you need anything, I guess I am, well, here.”
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The next morning, they went straight out into the snow after each of them had made his own breakfast from the things Namjoon had brought there with them (granola and yogurt for Seokjin and a sandwich for Namjoon).
Their second meal together at the dinner table was more comfortable than the first. (Maybe it was because they were both still wearing pyjamas. Seokjin had never really seen Namjoon out of his work clothes, but it seemed to change a lot of his otherwise very professional persona. Maybe it was because the situation had settled a bit with Seokjin and he was now looking forward to what the day had in store for him.)
The cabin had come with two sets of snowboarding gear and there was a ski slope close by for the holiday home guests. But they both wanted to stay out of the spotlight while they stayed here, so they decided to keep it in the (generous and really sloping enough) backyard of their cabin. They were both bloody beginners anyway.
After they had finally put on all of the gear - Namjoon demanded that Seokjin use every protection gear available - they were ready to go. “We really can’t afford you getting hurt, sir,” Namjoon had said and Seokjin had rolled his eyes. Additionally, Namjoon had rented them snow suits at the reception and now Seokjin felt like an astronaut, as he tried to move outside in all the gear.
It was soon obvious that Namjoon should have been a little more concerned with himself getting hurt than with Seokjin. It was amusing (endearing, really) watching him try to glide down the slope but falling onto his butt just after a few meters, like a young giraffe trying to walk.
Seokjin did fairly better, he once had been skiing as a kid. He tried to show Namjoon how to hold his balance and how to position himself (and maybe he also showed off just a bit), but even after that Namjoon came only a couple of meters forward.
"Let me help you, give me your hand," Seokjin said. He discarded his own board and stepped up next to Namjoon.
Only when Namjoon had a shy smile full of dimples on his face Seokjin noticed how close they were standing. Still, he tried to help Namjoon hold himself up, while also encouraging to get a lower stance and bend the knees more. He was basically dragging Namjoon forward at this point, but it seemed to help.
"Try leaning onto your front leg instead of your rear," Seokjin instructed. Namjoon tried and shifted, but he looked tense and kind of awkward. At least he was still smiling.
"I am no dancer like you, sir. This isn't easy."
"You really just have to get a bit lower, come on, use those thighs."
Namjoon was still rigid, as Seokjin tugged him forward and his face had turned red in some spots. Seokjin sympathised; he was also sweating hot under the snow suit.
Seokjin picked up the pace with which he dragged him forward again, until the slope got just a bit steeper.
"Come on, try on your own," Seokjin said and pulled Namjoon a last bit to give him some momentum. Which was a bad idea, because as soon as he let go of Namjoon's hands, Namjoon's arms started flaring wildly in all directions.
The next second Seokjin was laying on his back in the snow and all he could see was Namjoon's face impossibly close above him. He almost did not notice the extra weight on him, his brain still processing what was even happening.
"Oh god, I am so sorry, sir," Namjoon said and rolled to the side as quickly as he could with the board attached to his feet.
There was a funny feeling in his stomach, and he felt even hotter in all his snow protection. What was happening? He was not supposed to feel so fuzzy when Namjoon offered his hand to him to get up. Maybe Seokjin was getting a cold?
They tried for another while after it, although Seokjin did not offer his hand again. Namjoon seemed more embarrassed about tripping over Seokjin than about his attempts only marginally getting better.
When both had enough of stumbling into the snow, they changed into warm and dry clothes and drove down the mountain to the little village for a grocery run. They tried their best to disguise Seokjin with a giant scarf, a face mask and a large beanie. In addition, Seokjin wore glasses instead of contact lenses (which he rarely did in public).
It was fun, navigating between the chaos of all the families and holiday people, Namjoon sticking close to him. Seokjin rarely ever got the chance to do the mundane things in the city. He had missed it more than he had expected, as he browsed for dinner ingredients for the next few days. Seokjin was elated to discover a huge discount on a nice, mulled wine and Namjoon added a bunch of ramen packages to their cart "just in case".
A tiny voice in him was already scolding him for the unhealthy diet that was waiting for him in the next few days, but it was easy enough to ignore it.
The cashier was chatting and friendly. She seemed to assume they were a couple, but they were both too embarrassed or shy to correct her (and relieved she did not recognise them). "Stocking up on supplies, eh? Good, good, there is a small storm-deep supposed to hit tomorrow, so better be prepared, right."
Dinner that day was a lot different from the first one. Seokjin took the lead in the kitchen (quickly realising that Namjoon was not very, well, familiar with it; giving Seokjin a small heart attack as he nearly set the stove on fire). Besides that, the atmosphere between them was nice, relaxed somehow. A bit more like acquaintance and less like merely co-workers. Over the day they both had chipped parts of the clear border between them away (or tripped over it with failing arms and a snowboard).
Seokjin also had managed to convince Namjoon to try out their mulled wine, although he had been hesitant at first (as he still felt he had to be the responsible manager), but argued that drinking alone was kind of lame. “Really, Namjoon-ssi, do you want me to associate the word lame with this little break you organised?” And Namjoon gave in quickly after that.
"You know what, Namjoon-ssi?" Seokjin asked as they sat down with the finished food and another mug of the heated wine. "I had fun today, so thank you."
"I am glad to hear that, sir," Namjoon answered, smiling.
There they were again - those dimples. Seokjin could not help but stare. Of course, he had seen them before, but he had never really noticed them (and how good they made his smile look - god, why could he not stop noticing those dimples today?).
They ate and talked, Namjoon asked him what he thought about the village (a bit overcrowded) and Seokjin asked if Namjoon counted how many times he fell down that day - to which he did not receive an answer.
When Seokjin was almost finished, he cleared his throat. "I propose a game: a question for a question. Just to get to know each other a bit more, to improve our business relationship. And, ah, the loser does the dishes."
"All kinds of questions?" Namjoon asked.
"Sure - ask what you always wanted to know. The one that does not want to answer loses."
"Okay," Namjoon said, looking at him with a new glint in his eyes. "But you start with the first question."
"Any questions, right?" Seokjin suddenly felt that he was now on the third cup of mulled wine. There was heat rising in his face and worse, in his ears.
Namjoon nodded and leant forward toward him on the table, folding his hands under his chin.
"Who was your first crush?" Seokjin asked. He so far had not been given any insight into Namjoon's love-life, but he could no longer deny that he was at least curious. And yes, it was his own fault, because he never tried to get to know Namjoon privately, but now he just had to. And it was the first standard game question that came to his mind, of course.
"A guy from my music course in high school. He moved away before I had a chance to act on it." Namjoon said easily, the dimpled smile was still there. It must have been there for most of the evening.
"His loss," Seokjin said with a wink, unthinking again. There was more heat rising in his face and Seokjin was ready to blame his actions on the alcohol. (Get a grip, Seokjin.)
"Okay, my question: did you always want to become a singer?"
"No, I didn't. I wanted to become an actor actually. The official story for interviews is that the company heard me singing that one time and decided it was too good of a voice to be wasted, but the truth is that they were just more interested in a singer than an actor and for me it was either learning to sing or look for another company. And along the way I discovered that I like it, really like it. Fell in love with the music, so to say. For me it was an advantageous turn, really."
"I see," Namjoon answered, nodding, and Seokjin did not like how serious he seemed to think about his answer.
"What do you do in your free time?"
"Just like you, Seokjin-ssi, I don't have a lot of free time to spend actually. My job does not just stop when I am not with you, you know that, right?"
"Is that your question?"
"No, no, I am not letting you go off that easily. I have an actual question for you: I always wondered, why do you direct your booty calls to the business phone?"
"Don't really have the nerve to deal with them and I am rarely looking for hook-ups to be honest. Kind of too busy with the whole singing thing."
Namjoon laughed. "Well, as the one that keeps your schedule, that's fair, Seokjin-ssi."
Something has started to bother Seokjin with the carefully distanced way Namjoon kept calling him when talking (although he knew it should not bother him, he knew it had been past Seokjin who insisted on it). Still, he decided to make a bold (for his standards) move: "Would you feel comfortable if we addressed each other less formally? You can call me hyung if you like."
"Are you sure? I mean, that's fine with me. I just did not want to overstep anything, sir, ah - hyung."
They kept going, while drinking another cup and asked all kinds of questions, from favourite places they had been to so far to their favourite movie as a child.
"Who is your celebrity crush?" Seokjin asked a bit later, now both clearly drunk. Seokjin was so engrossed in staring at the snowfall outside, at all the little snowflakes melting against their window, that he needed a moment to realise Namjoon was not answering anymore.
"It's late, maybe I should just do the dishes, you already cooked, after all, Seokjin-hyung."
And that was it. When Seokjin got ready in the bedroom to get out of Namjoon's way in the living room, Seokjin noticed a message on his phone. It was Yoongi:
Yoongs: had planned to leave you alone for your break (enjoy!) but just wanted to let you know that there is a bit of stormy weather coming your way. I also texted namjoon to be sure - dont do dumb shit hyung, so take care ok?
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The next day, Seokjin slept in. Well, he tried to - he even had turned off all his alarms the evening prior - but he still woke up abruptly, afraid to miss a schedule. He could not even tell what time it was until he finally found his phone, as the window was covered in a layer of snow from the outside and he could not really tell how bright it was behind that.
It was not even nine yet (when Seokjin had the chance to sleep in he really wanted to maximize the experience), but now that he was awake there was not a chance he would fall back asleep again.
Slowly he got up, reluctant to leave the warm covers of the fluffy bed. Only now he noticed just how cold it was in the bedroom, for a moment he thought he could see his breath. His little bubble of this serene morning burst when he suddenly heard a strange and sharp scraping sound from the front of the house.
He threw the last of his clothing pieces over and rushed to the main room. "Namjoon?"
The front door of their cabin was open, Namjoon standing in it.
"Seokjin-ssi? Ah, hyung I mean of course!" Namjoon said and turned around as he saw him.
He was holding a big plastic snow shovel and, behind him, was a massive wall of snow and white. The sound had come from Namjoon scratching at the frozen wall at an awkward angle.
Seokjin froze in his steps, staring at the giant mass of snow, staring at Namjoon still dressed in some sweats and a loose shirt (and quite chaotic bed hair). "What are you doing there?"
"I am afraid the storm last night might have been a bit stronger than anticipated. And, ah, we can't get out if we don't shovel us out of here I think. Also, the heating gave up in the night, but I think there is some wood in the shed outside, maybe we can get the oven in here running."
“What?” Seokjin was still staring at the white wall that was where their door entrance was supposed to be.
“It looks like we are snowed in, hyung.”
The good news was that the door had not been snowed in fully. The snow reached around Seokjin's chest height, but that gap was enough to push it back and to the side.
First Seokjin insisted they put on the snow suits again. Namjoon seemed to be at a loss with the situation and what to do, it seemed to help him when Seokjin told him what to do. Normally it would have been the other way around - it had always been the other way around, but something about this whole trip seemed to throw Namjoon a bit out of the loop. (Maybe he also needed a break, Seokjin mused.)
The realization of what must have gone down that night only really hit Seokjin when he tried to crawl out of the hole they were shovelling, when he finally got some footing and could get a glimpse at the outcome. The cold wind was unforgivingly biting into his face as he stood there looking. Their cabin was half sunken in the blanket of snow, one side completely covered, the shed next to it barely looking better. He could only guess the position of their car next to the shed, as it was completely buried. Looking down the slope of the mountain he could only see endless waves of white only interrupted by heavy covered pine trees poking through.
It was a mammoth task, but once they figured out how to shovel the snow, they slowly made progress. The manual labor kept Seokjin’s mind in check. If he would not have been busy shovelling his way free, his mind would very likely been spinning around the fact that their situation was probably dangerous, much more than they realised.
"Only to the shed, until we get some wood," Namjoon panted.
Which turned into shovelling both doors free enough and making a minimal passable path. It was tiring, Seokjin would not have thought that snow was that heavy. He told himself that this would be a good workout, and it probably was. At least he was not completely slacking off in that department during this break.
When they finally got the shed door open and found that it was indeed stocked with a lot of firewood, Namjoon let himself fall backwards on the snow blanket and let out a laugh in relief. And somehow, Seokjin ended up right next to him, laughing too. There was a silliness to it - how dramatic they both felt about it, how bad they both were at snow shovelling (mind you, they never had done this before) - and Seokjin cherished that moment. For once he felt strangely detached from all his usually very present career worries.
The real problems of their situation dawned on them when they were finally back inside (with a large pile of wood neatly stacked next to the fireplace).
The storm had taken out the power - even their fuse box seemed dead. That was probably also why the heating had given up. So that's how Seokjin found himself trying to get the fireplace going, while Namjoon ran around the house with his phone trying to get any reception.
Finally the fireplace had picked up some heat and Seokjin started putting in the bigger logs. Meanwhile Namjoon, who had given up on finding cell phone reception, took a look at their fuse box. They managed to reset it and get back some power in the cabin (Thank god! Seokjin thought). Only the heating stayed dead, but the fireplace was already fighting hard to turn the cabin back to liveable temperatures.
Once they had power back, they also had access to the landline telephone.
"Hyung, I just spoke to the holiday home people," Namjoon said. "They are still trying to evaluate the situation and can't really say when the road so far up the mountain like here can be cleared and all that."
"So we are basically stuck here?"
"They said in case of emergency they can send a special rescue team, but if we can they ask us to remain here for the day, just until they know what the situation is. I am so sorry, I really planned on this break being different."
"It is what it is - we got power back, right? And we got plenty of firewood - let's make this work then. I am not letting a bit of snow spoil my winter holiday."
Namjoon called Yoongi after that and Seokjin could hear him even a few meters away.
"Hyung, he wants to talk to you too," Namjoon said and passed him the receiver.
"Hey Yoongs," Seokjin greeted him.
"Hyung! Are you okay?"
Seokjin was not sure if he had ever heard Yoongi being so ... worried and emotional. "I am fine, really, no worries. Namjoon probably told you that everything is going wrong here, but it's really not that bad."
"Are you really okay with staying alone with Namjoon for so long? Be real with me."
"Yeah, that's no problem I think." The ease with which Seokjin said that surprised even himself.
"Don't hesitate to call me if he is an idiot, okay? Or if you don't feel like staying there really - for any reason - we will get you out of there, I promise hyung. This was supposed to be a fun time for you, next time I will come with you and make sure that it works better."
They gathered all the blankets they could find and put on an extra layer of clothing. Because despite them keeping the fireplace going it was only very slowly raising the temperature in the cabin. Looking for blankets Seokjin got lucky and found an electrical standing heater.
"You should take it to the bedroom later, sir - hyung, I mean," Namjoon said. "The heat from the fireplace won't really get there."
The rest of the day was spent in the living room, both trying to busy themselves. Namjoon had started a book from the large bookshelf behind the couch, a thick and old and dusty thing.
Seokjin was trying his best to work on some lyrics for a song. The more the company tried to push him to transition from music to acting and modelling (a move they found appropriate for his age), the more he tried to get involved in the making process of his music. He had always been interested in it, but still lacked the technical knowledge. Now it was not only the interest for it (and for the opportunity to tell some more personal stories), it was also an attempt to make sure he was not just pushed out of his career by the same people that put him in it in the first place. It was hard - he had a theme he wanted to go with, but the words he tried to gather for it just did not seem to fit and stick to it.
When he was too fed up with it, Seokjin started the process of making a nice stew from some of the stuff they had there and he was grateful for the distraction of chopping vegetables and stirring the large pot.
The evening was quiet between them, even as they ate together. The snow that had settled around them seemed to also weigh on their mood. Namjoon kept apologising for all the trouble and Seokjin tried to make him understand it was okay.
Although they really had not done anything that day, Seokjin soon felt tired and bid Namjoon good night. It took a while until he was settled with the heater cranked up and all the blankets - even then he was still cold.
And it took even longer because that day there had been so many worries circling his mind. Was it, like, safe to stay in a snowed in cabin? Does the company think he is slacking off because he took the break? Why does Namjoon’s face keep popping up in his thoughts at random since they got here?
◌ ❅ ◯ ❅ ◌
"They said that they need at least another day until the winter service with the snowplough can come this far up the mountain. Again, if we have an emergency they are able to come in a sled up here, but they ask us to wait and to keep calm."
Namjoon had just finished calling the holiday home people over the landline to get an update on their situation.
Seokjin was sitting at the dinner table, finishing his coffee, the remnants of their breakfast still on the table.
"I am so -" Namjoon sat down at the table again, rubbing his eyes with his palms. Seokjin could see that he had slept like shit - either from the blame he put on himself or from the cold or maybe both. Seokjin did not like that look on Namjoon one bit.
"Don't. If you want to apologize for getting us stuck here, don't. I am not mad and it's not your fault. Yes, it's fucking cold in here, but that's just because we let the fireplace die out at night, right? It should get better in a few. Now that we are here, I don't want this break - the fucking first one I have in a long while - to get wasted just because we make ourselves miserable here."
They tried to take a walk outside, but they did not get very far as there were still no paths in the chest deep snow around them. Seokjin thought the silence from all the snow outside around them was kind of unnerving and they soon headed back, out of the cold that was still biting and clawing at every bit of exposed skin.
They ended up in the living room together, as close to the fireplace as possible.
Namjoon had started the next book and Seokjin had his notepad with the lyrics in front of him again. This time he felt Namjoon's curious gaze on him, as Seokjin scribbled some notes down, but Namjoon did not ask (probably too polite to pry).
After a while of looking through stuff he had on his mobile phone (they still did not really have any reception) and a nap, Seokjin felt something he had not in a long time: bored, without anything to do. Was this cabin fever? Already? Was that why he had hastily woken up from his nap as his dreams had turned embarrassingly explicit about him and the only person he had seen in the last few days?
Regardless of what it was, Seokjin needed a distraction, pronto, before his thoughts kept drifting into territories he did not want to enter.
"So, Namjoon, I know you have managed quite a number of groups from the company before me. Who was the most exhausting? How many of them had some ridiculous requests for you? Come on, let’s spill some tea.”
At this point he was hanging upside-down on the couch, while Namjoon was reading in the rocking chair. Namjoon slowly looked up from the pages and looked at him.
“I am afraid this is really not my place to tell, sir-hyung,” he said calmly. “How would you feel if I went around and told others about your things?”
“There is not much to talk about me. Behind the whole famous thing, I am a very normal and grounded guy, all things considered.”
Namjoon chuckled. “Hyung, you make us go to this run-down backyard ramen place whenever you are wasted on an event or gala. You are the first person I met that makes me keep life-size cardboard cut-outs of yourself on hand in case you ever need a gift for someone. I once had to wait a whole day in front of some obscure comic store to get you new slippers with some game characters I have never heard of on them -”
“Hey, maple story is a classic nowadays,” Seokjin interrupted.
“My point is, yes you might not be big on champagne parties and all that jazz, but that does not mean you have no curious or questionable requests for me.”
“That’s just one of my charms, you know?” Seokjin said and winked at him, still hanging upside down, but slowly feeling the blood in his head. (That was, and only that, probably where his silly commentary came from.)
Namjoon did not answer, he was back to reading his book, but Seokjin believed he saw some colour creeping into his face.
They continued not doing much. And then, Seokjin grew restless.
Normally Seokjin hated how his phone, even his personal one, blew up with notifications on a daily basis, everyone wanting something from him. Now there was none, no notification at all, as there was still no signal to get any. It made him antsy, what if he was missing something important? He was not used to being completely out of the loop.
He did not know what to do with himself, and so he aimlessly wandered through the cabin, too restless to sit down. What was he even doing here? Rest? This did not feel very restful. And he did not need any rest anyway. Why was Namjoon so calm? Seokjin felt like he should not be there in the mountains. He felt like he should be at the practise room, or at least at the company, somehow improving his abilities. Making sure he would still have a career tomorrow. Artists like him had to keep evolving and stay on top of their game to survive. That was how it always had been.
He was about to retreat into the bedroom to get at least some voice training done, when Namjoon called him over holding a deck of cards.
“Hey hyung, I bet I can beat you at least twice in a row playing Fish.”
“What? Never - I am the Fish champion. You don’t have a chance.”
Namjoon cleared the couch table for them to play. “Let’s find out then.”
Later, they reheated the leftover stew and ate together. At that point, light snow had started falling again outside and a wind had picked up, creeping through a few corners of the cabin. The temperature inside was dropping, even if they tried their best to keep the fireplace going.
“How long will the wood last?” Seokjin asked. The pile of wood they brought in the other day was already halfway gone.
“I really don’t know, never had a real fireplace before, sorry, hyung,” Namjoon said with that furrow of concern in his brow.
They had a hot cup of mulled wine after dinner, just to keep them warm on the inside. They bundled up as much as possible and Seokjin set the extra heater as high as he could in the bedroom. Even when they gathered all the blankets they could fight, it was still a losing fight against the cold. They heated another cup of wine. Seokjin wondered if it was still a good idea to stay here, but he also felt like him getting a bit cold was not a real emergency to alert anyone about (he was not that much of a diva, no matter what the rumours said about him).
It was when they finally got ready for the evening that Seokjin could clearly feel the wind from outside creeping in.
And with the way the cold reached under his clothes and the way Namjoon kept rubbing his hands together to keep them warm (also, was Namjoon shivering?) Seokjin knew it was time to voice a thought (a stupid idea) he did have the evening prior. A solution that would work, maybe, hopefully. Because the heater in the small bedroom did a better job than the fireplace in this big, open living room.
"Why don't we just, you know, share the bed? That will keep us warmer anyway, probably, right?"
Namjoon stared at him, blinking. "Sure, of course, I think so, ah, I mean, yes sir-ah-hyung, if you are fine with that. I don’t mind. It looks like it will be a cold, cold night. So, sharing - ah - heat is very - ah - wise."
Seokjin felt somehow just as flustered as Namjoon looked. This of course also seemed like a way to feel warm again - embarrassing himself until his ears were flushed red. "Great. See you there then, bring all the damn blankets. I feel like we're gonna need them."
Getting ready involved a lot of dancing around each other and some stuttered sentences, until they finally were both in bed.
"And you are really fine with this? It is more than okay to change your mind, hyung."
"Well, I really can't let you freeze out there - the temperatures here are dropping like crazy. And it, ah, can't be good for your back, sleeping so many nights on that couch anyway. We need to keep you fit as well. So yeah, I am fine with sharing this big bed that was made for two people anyway." (And maybe there had been more reasons to get Namjoon right here next to him, but Namjoon did not need to know that right now.)
That was how he had ended up here, next to Namjoon, suddenly realizing how his heart was trembling, just because the man was laying less than a meter away next to him. That was how Seokjin ended up laying there in a bed in a snowed in cabin, knowing that his heart had just screwed him over.
◌ ❅ ◯ ❅ ◌
They might have fallen asleep each wrapped in their own blanket and with as much as possible space between them apart, but that was not how Seokjin woke up the next morning.
The first thing he noticed was how warm he felt, despite falling asleep to the cold. When he slowly opened his eyes, it took him a moment to understand what he was staring at: Namjoon’s clavicle and pyjamas, his chest still slowly rising and falling with a light snore.
Then he noticed how their legs were entangled with each other under the blankets, how Namjoon still had an arm thrown over his waist, holding him close and how Seokjin must have slept with his face buried in Namjoon’s chest. Maybe he should have been embarrassed by all of this, he definitely should have rolled over and put some space between them. That would have been the right thing - the professional thing - to do.
But it was Namjoon still holding him close, not the other way around. And frankly, it had been a long while since Seokjin had felt just so comfortable - so he did the only thing he could think of and lay down again, carefully tucking his face back to where it had rested and allowed himself to just enjoy the moment. Before he knew it, he was slowly drifting back to sleep again.
The next time Seokjin woke up, he was alone in the bedroom. He tried not to be disappointed by it, told himself it was for the better probably, saving them the awkwardness.
When he shuffled into the living room, he found Namjoon sitting at the dinner table with a cup of coffee and his phone in hand.
“Good morning,” Seokjin said, voice rasping. (God, he also needed some coffee or tea.)
“Good morning, sir-hyung, sorry,” Namjoon said, looking up. “It has snowed more overnight. And we are almost out of wood here, let’s try to get to the shed again after breakfast, okay?”
“Sure,” Seokjin said, brain still booting up.
So, Namjoon seemed to just pretend like the last night had not happened, that was fine with him (it was somehow not really fine, even if nothing really happened.)
The morning was once again spent outside, bundled up in all the snow gear they had. Even dressed in ridiculous outfits like that, Seokjin’s eyes somehow started to stick to Namjoon’s figure as he shovelled the snow out of the way. There was something about his strength Seokjin had not really noticed before. (Something that kept his core warmer than all those layers of clothes.)
It was when they had just finished bringing enough wood inside for the next few days, that Seokjin felt this sudden urge. An urge that made him quickly reach down and gather a handful of snow in his hands, before Namjoon came back out of the house.
“So, hyung, what are your plans for the rest of the -”
Smack - the snowball hit him straight on the chest. Namjoon’s face was priceless, eyes wide and mouth open for a shy moment, until his head whipped around to focus on Seokjin, who was already putting a bit of distance between them.
“Hyung!” Namjoon protested, hands on his hips. Still, he bent down to gather some snow himself.
Seokjin used that moment to throw a second ball, barely missing his bent down head, then he retreated, walking backwards while keeping an eye on Namjoon.
A whole snow fight had started. They chased each other around the house until they were panting. Seokjin managed to hit Namjoon a few more times, but Namjoon was a surprising sharpshooter himself. Seokjin felt giddy, elated, and he did laugh out loud when he managed to hit Namjoon’s neck.
But somehow Namjoon cornered him to the cabin side wall, threatening him with a snowball he was holding, stepping closer and closer.
“Don’t you dare!” Seokjin said, still panting for air. “I am your hyung! Respect your elders!”
“Then don’t start what you can’t finish, hyung.” Namjoon was now right in front of him, grinning somewhat wickedly. “This is just payback, I currently have snow melting down my back, hyung.”
So, he reached forward, almost closing the gap between them, one hand bracing against the wooden wall next to Seokjin. Seokjin tensed by the incredible closeness, somehow fixating on Namjoon’s mouth, Namjoon’s lips only centimetres away from him. Had they always looked this soft? How easy it would have been to just close the gap.
But then Namjoon’s other hand snapped forward and shoved the snowball he had been holding down Seokjin’s neck under all the layers of clothes. Seokjin let out an undignified shriek and pushed him away.
“I am cold,” Seokjin announced, and he knew he was pouting (Namjoon’s laughing was very telling). “Do we have some more of that mulled wine?”
“Honestly, we bought so much with that deal, we might have enough for the whole winter.”
Back inside, they got a nice cup going to greet the late morning. But Seokjin’s mind was still stuck on the closeness between them outside against the shed. Somehow the images from the early morning joined the whirl of thoughts. What was happening to them? What was happening to him? Why did the way he looked at his co-worker suddenly changed? Was he about to make a mistake? Could this be another blow to his career?
Yoongi checked in with them again. Reminding Seokjin that if things were not going great there, he absolutely would arrange a rescue mission to get him out of there, no matter the road situation. (Or rather: Seokjin checked in with Yoongi when Namjoon retreated to their bathroom to try and take a - probably painfully cold - shower.)
He rushed to the telephone, as soon as Namjoon had left the room.
"Jeez, hyung. Are you okay? Do we need to send out a rescue mission?" Yoongi asked after Seokjin had started to babble about the mess in his head.
"Yes, no - ah - it's complicated. You don't need to rescue me, don't worry, that's not it. But - it's just that -"
"Hyung, are you okay? Is Namjoon being an idiot?" Yoongi’s voice was still raspy and knowing him, he probably was not even up yet.
"No, he is not, really not, and maybe that's the problem, kind of?"
"I don't understand. Sorry hyung, it's early, can you maybe, like, just say why you are calling?"
“Yoongs, it’s almost noon.”
“Hyung, why are you calling?”
"Well, okay, you remember when I had that variety show shooting with the sky dive and my brain was just scattered everywhere that day?"
"You mean the day you very likely had a panic attack?"
"Yes?"
Suddenly Yoongi sounded much more awake, alert. "Hyung what is happening? Why are you panicking?"
"ImightbefeelingthingsforNamjoonthatgobeyondanythingprofessional."
"Excuse me? Seokjin, is Namjoon with you right now?"
"No, he is, he is trying to get the shower going. The thing is worse than the cold showers we have here right now, okay? I might eventually be developing feelings for Kim Namjoon, Yoongi! And I don't fucking know what to do about it! Should I, like, stop them?"
"Seokjin, breathe," Yoongi said. "So, feelings for Namjoon, hm?"
"Yes. This is a disaster."
"It's really not, calm down. I am not gonna tell you it's a good idea to have something with your manager, cause it's really not, but I still wanna tell you that you are allowed to feel things Seokjin. Just be careful, okay? Make sure what you want before you act on it. And if you are sure about it, talk to Namjoon."
"I can’t talk to Namjoon, what if he does not feel the same. Working together would be impossible with that between us. Or even worse, what if he does feel the same and this weird tension won’t ever go away again. I can’t think straight, Yoongs.”
"Hyung, let’s be real, there is not a lot of straight thinking going on in your head anyway. You should really talk to Namjoon. You can trust him. He is a good guy, you know? "
And that was that. Yoongi once again made sure that Seokjin still wanted to stay in the mountains and then he demanded to go back to sleep.
They settled inside with blankets wrapped around each of them and the fireplace slowly warming them up together with a nice, hot cup of mulled wine.
Sitting in the armchair, Seokjin tried to work on the lyrics, again. He was almost ready to throw the whole notepad out in the snow. Generally, he knew what he wanted to say, but still struggled to put it in exact words.
Namjoon had gotten cozy on the couch, nose buried in one of the books that had been in the cabin already, he was almost finished with it - Seokjin had watched him gulf down half the book in one sitting, it must be really gripping. (There was something very endearing about seeing Namjoon's eyes widen at certain parts of the book or him leaning forward with excitement, eyes glued to the pages.)
After a while of staring at his own most empty pages, Seokjin got up and made them another cup, maybe a bit of alcohol could help his creative process. It did not help all that much, he only got a few more general notes written down. Maybe he should just forget about it, Seokjin thought, closed the book and threw it on the couch table.
He finished his cup staring out of the window (it was snowing again) chasing his thoughts. There had been a reason why he just could not concentrate on what he was doing today and if he was ready to admit it or not, it was because a certain someone had stolen all his attention. In the last few days Seokjin suddenly had noticed so many new things about Namjoon and now he just could not un-see them.
True to those thoughts, Seokjin's gaze whipped back from the window to Namjoon when he heard a silent sniffle.
"Namjoon? Wait - is that a tear? Are you crying?"
"I'm fine," he said, but his voice still broke. "It's just, the book, that ending, it was so good, hurt so good - I need a moment, sorry."
Seokjin felt the strong urge to just get over there and take him into his arms. But maybe that was just the wine speaking. Seokjin was probably overreacting, he himself had cried multiple times over books. And Namjoon wanted a moment (a.k.a. he wanted space, right?). So, Seokjin did the most logical thing he could think of and went to the kitchen to get them another cup of mulled wine.
When he returned, Namjoon had recovered (albeit he still seemed very embarrassed about his outburst) and they fell in nice, slightly drunk, conversation.
Something had shifted between them, maybe because they had woken up together, maybe because Namjoon had just very openly cried in front of him or maybe this had been coming over the last few days, but Seokjin (and his drunken mind) decided Namjoon had earned some more of his trust and felt himself opened up on their conversation.
Somehow, he ended up on the couch next to Namjoon, shortly after, Namjoon offered him half of his blanket.
“You know, after my last manager I never would have thought managers could be people that are … so nice to be around,” Seokjin said, head leaning against Namjoon’s shoulder, staring into the flames of the fireplace.
“You never really told me what happened, and the company just let us know that he had crossed some boundaries that cost him his job.”
“He expected it was part of his job that he could tell me what to do - me! You know I have trouble listening to the company's requests at times. But he was also good at wrapping all of it in pretty words, saying it was the right thing to do. At first, I did not see how manipulative he was about it - sometimes he inserted himself as this close friend in my life and asked me all kinds of stuff and other times he used all that against me for his gain. He was the first one to initiate the idea at the company that my time in the music industry was running out. I later found out that he is part of the board of some major drama production company here.’”
“Wow, I am so sorry hyung - I really didn't know. I was so blind. You know what bugs me about this? At the company, especially when they were looking for a new manager, you are known to be difficult to work with. Yoongi literally begged me to give it a try, because I thought someone as big as you and someone with this much history and trouble with the company would be too much for me - who has only ever managed rookie groups before - to handle.”
“And my relationship with the company had not always been this … this strained. If it was, I would have left long ago. But now, after all we have achieved, I suddenly have to fucking prove that music is still a thing I can do.” Seokjin could not help the sniffle that escaped him (and a few stray tears clouding his vision). “I started writing my own songs, you know? But it’s - it’s not really going well. I have never done this before. Not like this. But maybe if I manage to present them something good, they can’t turn it down.”
Namjoon nudged Seokjin’s knee with his own under the blanket. “When we are back, I will have a stern word with a few people - I promise you that. And I told you, I will help you in every way that I can.”
And there it was again, the amount of care Namjoon poured in Seokjin’s direction with whatever he did. Seokjin’s heart was soaring, his gaze fixated on their still touching thighs.
"Are you okay with this?" Namjoon asked and put an arm around his shoulder.
Seokjin nodded, his head still against Namjoon’s shoulder. "You know why I always insist that everything is strictly business?" he asked. (Fuck, why did his voice sound still so broken? Was he being too much? Too emotional?)
"Because that's what would be the right thing to do as co-workers?"
"Because I have no private life anyway. Nothing that has worked out. I got like one - strictly platonic - best friend and he is my damn producer. But besides that - nothing, nada, niente. Old things faded with the demands of my career and at some point people, me included, just stopped trying. People think I have it all just because I have a decent career, but I mostly feel like it's all very lonely. Like the people around me have stopped caring about the person behind the face."
"You know that I care, right, hyung?" To emphasise his words Namjoon tightened the arm around his shoulder.
"I think I am slowly getting an idea," he admitted and felt strangely giddy with that. "But you know why I also insisted on all that?"
"Are you still talking about what happened with that manager?"
"Yeah, I can’t deny it. I had a hard time after that. A hard time about letting people close again, especially new ones. But somehow, I have come to realize that this is not about him, not anymore. Because I think I don't mind you calling me hyung, I enjoy the time spent with you.” His words started to slur. His tongue felt heavy from the alcohol. “You are taking such great care of me - Just look at this trip. And I just can't help but notice what an amazing and endearing person you are-" Okay, maybe the end had been something he did not want to admit (not yet), but he felt like it was all just pouring out of him and he did not know how to stop it.
"I - do you really mean that? Are you sure?" Namjoon lifted Seokjin's chin carefully from his shoulder so that they could look each other in the eyes.
They were so close, he felt like he was about to drown in Namjoon's eyes on him.
"Yeah, I am very sure," he whispered, then he tried to clear his throat to speak the next words clearly. Maybe everything that had changed between them had led up to this. "And I think I would actually like us to be a bit more than just, just colleagues."
A smile bloomed on Namjoon's face, there shifted something in his eyes and his dimples greeted Seokjin. "So, let's say I wanted to kiss you, hyung, would that also be something you like?"
"Let's find out," Seokjin answered with a smile.
Namjoon leant over to his side, closing the gap between them. But they were both still tangled in the blanket, and they were both tipsy, so with the movement Seokjin lost hold of the arm he was leaning on and fell with his back on the couch, Namjoon's face landed somewhere on Seokjin's stomach. They both burst into laughter and giggles.
Namjoon sat up, climbed half over him until he could reach Seokjin's face and finally, their lips were touching. (And damn did that feel good! Seokjin felt like his brain was short-circuiting.)
At first it was just a shy pressing of the lips against each other, but when Namjoon's let go of him, Seokjin buried his hands in Namjoon's hair and pulled him close again. Pulled him in for a real kiss, until they were tasting each other's mouth.
They made out right there on this couch somewhere in the mountains. Their tongues and fingers tried to explore as much of each other as they could without letting go of the blanket around them, as they were seeking the warmth in each other.
◌ ❅ ◯ ❅ ◌
Once again Seokjin woke up with his face buried in Namjoon's chest, both bodies and limbs tangled together under a mountain of blankets. Somehow, they had made it to bed last night, but Seokjin could barely remember.
Carefully he lifted his head to check if Namjoon's eyes were still closed (they were), so he allowed himself to feel the giddiness bubbling in his stomach.
Not for the first time he felt the strong urge to stretch and capture Namjoon's lips, taste them, only now those thoughts suddenly became accompanied with the fact that Seokjin knew how they would taste. His heart started thrumming. The last evening - them making out - had really happened. At first, he did not believe it, thought it was just a detailed dream. But when he turned his head, he saw a clear hickey in Namjoon's neck. (God, most of the things that Seokjin remembered of the last evening were endlessly embarrassing - him suddenly spilling his guts, feeling so needy when Namjoon kissed him.)
He felt like hiding and let himself fall back into Namjoon's chest, burying his face.
"Good morning," Namjoon said and his hoarse voice had the most delicious rasp.
Seokjin wanted to answer, like a normal, decent human being, but his head was spinning in circles - what were they now? What did Namjoon think of him? What was their future going to look like? Did Seokjin do more things he did not remember last evening? And most importantly, would Namjoon kiss him again?
Seokjin wanted to answer, but all that came out was an awkward squeak.
"We should get the fireplace going. It's freezing." Namjoon said, unaware of Seokjin’s little breakdown.
"Oh yeah - of course," Seokjin said, voice still tight, and quickly slipped from where he was leaning on Namjoon.
And that was it. Namjoon got up, cursing at the temperature in the bedroom as he started to pull clothes that had been discarded on the floor back on.
His head was still spinning (from all these thoughts or from a bit of a hangover - who knew) when he got up to follow Namjoon into the main room.
Seokjin made breakfast while Namjoon was still busy with the fireplace. When Namjoon joined him, he said: "Looks like the roads are finally cleared."
"They look like that?" Seokjin questioned.
"Someone from the holiday home agency knocked earlier and told me. So if you, you know, wanted to go back, we could." Namjoon was not looking at him when talking. Somehow that bothered Seokjin.
"How long do we have left here?" Seokjin asked, trying to bring order in his thoughts.
"Two more nights," Namjoon replied.
Two more days to find out what the fuck was going on between them before he was thrown back into his tight schedule.
"I mean, if you were okay with that, I think I would like to stay then."
"Sure, hyung."
They finished breakfast in silence. And as the time went on, Seokjin only felt like he gathered more questions, but Namjoon looked strangely tense and made Seokjin unsure how to address them.
"Hyung? I am, I have something to tell you when you are finished and you have the time for it."
Oh no, Seokjin thought as he finished his breakfast - the carousel of thoughts in his head spinning faster - he probably regrets it, he wants the professional distance between them back again.
When they were later sitting next to each other on the couch, Seokjin was trying to inconspicuously wring his hands. His mind was still analysing what Namjoon would want to tell him.
"So, ahm," Namjoon started, hind hands clinging to his turned off tablet in his hands. "So, you have been very open with me yesterday evening."
"Look, Namjoon, I was drunk, I am very sorry." (So he probably really had been too much then, right?)
"Not that's not - I appreciated it very much, hyung. I just, I want to return the favour."
“Return the favour?”
“I want to tell you something about myself. Something I have not been very open about.” Namjoon nervously turned his tablet over in his hand and seemed to gather his thoughts.
Seokjin thought about all the possibilities of what Namjoon would want to tell him. Did he have a partner back home maybe? Was there some very weird kink he was into?
“I did not dream about being in this job when I was younger, and I did not plan to land here when I first started out. Did Yoongi ever tell you how he met me?”
“No, never,” Seokjin admitted. This was not the direction he had expected their conversation to go.
“We both tried to make it in the underground scene for a while. That was where I met him. And for underground, we both slowly had decent success, although he went more into producing behind the scenes and I kept performing on stage. Then I finally dropped my first full mixtape and suddenly I was this semi-public persona, suddenly my name was known in the hip-hop bubble, suddenly they all wanted to know about me. They dug up everything about my person they could somehow find, even if I tried to keep my identity as hidden as possible, performing with a stage name and a mask.”
“All of this had been my dream, had been what I wanted to do. At least this was what I thought, but truth is, I was not well at that time. The sudden pressure and attention felt crushing. I started to spiral and then there was only one solution left: I left the scene. Yoongi-hyung caught me and helped me get back on my feet. Then one day our company was looking for managers and he recommended me. It was what I needed, a fresh start. Now I can say with confidence that I am better, but it took a long while to accept.”
“Hyung, there is another reason why I am telling you this, aside from wanting to return your honesty: music still has my heart. I might not be as much of a genius as Yoongi-hyung in making a song, but I have some decent experience, especially in writing lyrics, I would say. So, if you want to, I am happy to help you.”
“You really would do that?”
“Of course, as I said, anything for you. And ah, if you want to, even if it’s fucking embarrassing - remember that I was a lot younger - I could show you some of my old songs? I still have some on here I think.”
There was no way Seokjin could turn down an offer like that and so they settled more comfortably on the couch and started to look up videos of a younger Namjoon. (And yes, some of it was amusing, like how the still very lanky and young boy tried to be intimidating, but most of it left Seokjin thoroughly impressed. He could tell that Namjoon had been good, even if this was not his usual style of music.)
They spend the day chilling in the living room. At some point, the internet returned, and Seokjin was busy catching up on social media. Now that Namjoon’s talk had not been about the elephant in the room, the tension between them returned.
This chickening around each other was bullshit, Seokjin thought, as still none of them dared to open the conversation about what was between them. Was Namjoon feeling this too, all those unsaid things? When was the right time to talk about this? Would there ever be a right time? (Maybe it was finally time to say fuck it and just go for it.)
In the end, he was still the Kim Seokjin. He was still the one and only who had charmed the nation enough to make his career survive his outing and any small and big scandal ever since. He was still Kim Seokjin, an artist that was beloved by elders and teenagers alike.
He maybe was not always the most responsible in his decision (Yoongi would probably call him impulsive), but what Seokjin was not was a coward, normally, generally at least.
So, after a morning of awkwardly hovering around each other (and wondering if it was okay for Namjoon if he would cuddle into him while scrolling his phone, holding back the urge to just do that), Seokjin decided it was time to cut the chase.
“Namjoon, I think we should talk - about us,” Seokjin said and sat up so that he was facing Namjoon. "Okay so, let's say it as it is. In a situation like ours most would say it is a really bad idea to try to pursue something between us -"
"It is, it's irresponsible and unprofessional."
"-but you should know by now that I really don't care.” He took a deep breath and gathered his courage. “So, please, if you are feeling the same, let me be by your side."
Namjoon looked at him for a moment, like he needed to process what Seokjin had said. "Of course, yes, please, I do feel the same - you have no idea how much, hyung."
"I don't?" Seokjin smiled at him, there were butterflies the size of airplanes in his stomach.
"I have been crushing on the Kim Seokjin for ages, of course I have, just look at you, so charming and handsome. But then I started this job and gradually realized that the man behind the persona is so much more, so much better, than I had ever thought."
"You - what? I had no idea."
"Do you know how many times Yoongi had sat me down to remind me to take good care of you after all the shit managers you had, while at the same time reminding me to don't dare to take advantage of you? He cares a lot, you know, and so do I. I was happy to at least be there for you, support you as much as I could, I would never have dreamt that you could feel this way about me. Really before this trip I thought you would never even -"
Seokjin could not wait any longer, he surged forward to capture Namjoon's lips in a kiss. He took Namjoon's hands in his own and deepened their kiss and suddenly they were full on making out.
Until Namjoon put a bit of space between them to say: "I had a whole breakdown about this on the telephone with Yoongi the other day, because I was so afraid to do the wrong thing and he just called me an idiot, called us both idiots actually."
Seokjin laughed, he was feeling so light and happy and giddy he could not stop. "Well, I had a very similar phone call with him a few days ago too. Maybe we are idiots then."
With Namjoon's help, they managed to make a rough outline for lyrics out of the notes Seokjin had worked on. Namjoon also offered to arrange a meeting with Yoongi to flesh it out more.
"The more we manage to make a concrete track out of this before we present it to the company, the harder it will be for them to just dismiss it, hyung."
Working with Namjoon was like watching magic happen right in front of his eyes. Namjoon certainly knew his way around words and soon they together untangled what it was that Seokjin wanted to say. There was another thing that stood out to Seokjin in the way that Namjoon worked, he really seemed to want to know what Seokjin’s vision for the lyrics had been and so he kept asking his questions over and over until they had pinpointed the topic.
When Seokjin read the full outline for the first time, he had a lump in his throat. It was much more beautiful and personal than he had hoped it would be.
It was their last evening in the cabin, and they were just lazy cuddling on the sofa. Namjoon was still reading his way through the cabin's bookshelf, while Seokjin was resting on his chest, already almost drifting off to sleep. He tried to savor this moment, this content feeling, the soft crackling of the fireplace and the wind they still could hear outside, the warmth of Namjoon's chest and how perfect their bodies melted into each other.
"I really don't care what the company or the public says, should they ever find out about this," Seokjin said. "But I am really curious how Yoongi will react."
"Oh, he will have a field day with us," Namjoon said with a chuckle. He turned a page in his book and then buried the hand in Seokjin’s hair. Seokjin could feel Namjoon leaning forward to press a kiss onto his head.
"We should take him out drinking before telling him," Seokjin mused. "Butter him up with some nice whiskey before dropping the bomb."
(They did not need to worry. It turned out he was really happy for them - although he also reminded them to remain very careful. He was happy they both stopped being idiots for once.)
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