Work Text:
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It’s supposed to be a good reflective work. A different approach in understanding yourself a little better, yet, Taehyun doesn’t seem to find anything about the take home assignment that could make him quote on quote, understand himself on a deeper level, as the tutor had stated near the end of the tutorial. On the positive note, assigned works from the class are never marked, and are rather just discussed usually at the start as a tutorial. Such as the previous one, when they were assigned to watch a film; Kinsey. The discussion only ran for a quick twenty minutes.
This leaves, Taehyun on his bed in the middle of battling whether or not he should even spare some time to do what he’s asked to, or whether he should just copy what other students on his table would say and make up answers on the spot during the day.
However, in the back of Taehyun’s mind, the week’s topic is too difficult to pass.
Love.
Never would he think he’d ever spend an actual university class talking about love – talking about the science behind it, the chemicals that fire in the brain, and then the additional ‘love languages’ that he learnt earlier on the day. He even sat back slouched on his seat as he listened to other students’ personal experiences with love whether good or bad, whether past or present when everyone was told to. And everyone except him, were all giddy and happy. He too, couldn’t put a finger on it as to why he was so bitter during the whole topic. There was even a time during the two hour class when he started to imagine what it would be like to be in his classmates’ positions even when their endings are awful and bittersweet. Then, Taehyun snapped himself out of it. Consequently, feeling terrible fantasising about it.
Taehyun… has experiences with 'dating', he guesses. Flings more so. Met out with plenty, ate out with a few and spent the time with a couple. But love? He never thought about it. Sure, love in movies, in films and love from the horror stories of his friends’ love lives. But his own personal story with love is non-existence.
Probably why on the way home from university he bitched about the assigned work to Kai who was still on campus. Call him childish, overreacting, all that and Taehyun will just simply agree. Nevertheless, it doesn’t stop Taehyun who is blankly looking at his empty word document in bed.
The front door opens. Taehyun’s bed is the closest to the front so he’s always aware when someone is beeping on the keypad to the apartment. He rechecks the time on the corner of his laptop. It could be Kai if his friend had decided to just skip his last class and head home early. It couldn’t be Yeonjun because he’s still got a few more hours till the end of his shift. That leaves Soobin.
He takes his laptop with him by his hip as he swings the door of his room open. A new environment would do him good. The open area of their shared apartment is a much better place to think in than his dark boxed room. There he spots Soobin who is already seated down, a plate in front of him. They share a friendly smile before Taehyun goes around him and heads to the couch.
“Have you eaten?” Taehyun is asked politely by the older. A shake of a head is his answer, forgetting their backs are turned towards each other so instead he just unleashes a grunt of ‘no’, “maybe later. I’ve got uh, school stuff –I guess– to do.” He flicks his eyes to the sticky note by the mousepad. Written down messily in his writing were the prompts for his assignment.
The class was asked to make a list of things they could offer in a relationship, to which Taehyun knows he would just bullshit and probably write down things that are most likely a lie, if not just shy from a lie. Like writing, I can whip up a good hearty meal for my tired partner, instead of I’m really good at finding good take outs on the way home. Close to each other, but not really at the same time.
It is the last prompt that gets Taehyun a little weary in the stomach. To make a list of characteristics, no matter how defined or vague it is, that he looks for in a partner. Partner. Taehyun presses his lips together uncomfortably. Like proper partners, he guesses. Not just someone that could buy him a free meal or someone he could hit up when he’s bored and wants to talk to someone. A partner, someone to properly like: Love, to be more precise with the assignment and this week's tutorial topic.
Soobin disrupts his thoughts. Fortunately for Taehyun since he is beginning to spiral in thought.
“But you’re craving sushi.” Soobin states. So the younger cranes his neck to look behind him to see that the latter is already looking at him. Taehyun’s brows twitch at the statement, “huh?”
“Sushi.” Soobin repeats and holds up the tray he brought home with him, which are sure enough filled with sushi. Not what Taehyun is referring to, so he sends a questionable look at Soobin who laughs mildly. “You told me last night you craved sushi. Don’t you remember? The celebrities in that show you liked were eating it and you whined wishing the sushi place down the road was open twenty four seven.” The tone of Soobin’s voice made Taehyun feel silly for not remembering something, dare to say, miniscule. When truly, it is Soobin that’s silly for remembering.
The younger scoffs out a short chuckle. There’s a food critic show he enjoys watching on Monday nights. Most of the time, Soobin just lingers by as per usual in the lounge. Though there are some rare occasions when he would accompany Taehyun on the couch and wordlessly watch with him. The previous night is an example.
Taehyun turns back to his previous position. “I craved sushi.” He corrects. And when Soobin releases a disappointed airy ‘oh’, it makes Taehyun’s heart weirdly tug and make him feel unwell. So he fixes his lips into a grateful smile and looks back once more to send it to him. “But I am still feeling like sushi today. So thanks, Soobin. I just really want to get this over and done with.” He gestures to the laptop down on his lap.
“Alright.” Soobin eventually says after a moment of short silence, like he was debating thoughts in his head. “I bought your favourite. The spicy crunch roll. Make sure you eat it, or hide it before Kai comes home and steals it away from you.”
“Hmmh, thanks.”
Taehyun tries to focus on the device that is beginning to heat up his thighs underneath but he fails to. He doesn’t understand why his pulse is beating a little faster than normal. Like he could hear it in his ear. And could feel against his chest. A deep inhale followed by closing his eyes for a few seconds seems to have done the trick to calm himself down.
Taehyun’s fingers fly across his keyboards like it had a mind of its own. He is focusing on the last prompt, deeming the first one he could pull the answers out of his ass during the day.
Attentive, he types.
He types and types until he’s got several keywords listed out under the prompt. Thinking about this dream person he is typing quickly about makes him feel a little excited. Almost a copy to the excitement his classmates were emitting during class. And Taehyun begins to understand why. It’s fun, he thinks, fun to imagine a person that seems to be everything good, and perfect that it’s hard not to fall in love with them and to do anything for that love to be reciprocated.
He lists: someone who doesn’t need him to verbally state what he’s like and dislikes are (just date a mind reader, Taehyun jokes to himself). Someone who enjoys the things he likes, shows, hobbies, music. Someone who likes the domestic part of the relationship more than celebrating it with grandness. Like where Taehyun would need to be in a fancy restaurant where he has no idea which fork to use to stab the overpriced fish with, is a big no-no.
A yes would be like when… hm, when Soobin would always offer to go with him down the nearest convenience store or when Soobin would do chores with him around the house. A lot of the time it's just the two of them in the apartment, so they grew feeling accustomed to being together. Most of the nights when Yeonjun would be asleep early because he has a morning shift the next day and Kai would be out with his club members, Soobin and Taehyun would sit around the coffee table of the lounge amd watch shitty tv shows and eat delivery food till they’re both stuffed. Things like that would be nice to have in a relationship, is what Taehyun thinks as his eyes scan the lists.
Believing that the list is still a little empty he adds a few more. Remembering that proximity can flourish a relationship so Taehyun types down someone available who lives near him. And then someone who can make him laugh easily and comfortably. Someone who doesn’t mind being a little corny and complimenting him like it's nothing. Someone who likes to touch. Without a doubt, Taehyun is a big fan of cuddling. And Taehyun is very self aware that the person he is thinking of as he is typing this all out, is definitely unreal. Perhaps real in some alternate universe, or in those mangas Yeonjun likes to read. Ah yes, definitely the person he’s writing about exists somewhere but in a fictional-unavaible-to-love-in-real-life somewhere.
A grin escapes his still face as he happily types out ‘attractive’, because he has already gotten this far in his happy fictional escapee, why not dive even deeper? Effortlessly attractive, Taehyun corrects, scraping the last word. With a hit of enter, leans back all done. A helpless chuckle at himself follows soon after. A little chuckle of self pity, but more so of a ‘are you fucking kidding Kang Taehyun’ chuckle.
“You look like you’re having fun.”
Taehyun quickly snaps his laptop shut. He doesn’t know how long it had been ever since Soobin was standing behind him, but dear God he refuses for anyone to see the list he embarrassingly just did. He‘s actually beginning to wonder if he could even muster up the courage to open it up and read the stuff he typed out next week in front of strangers let alone a friend.
Soobin has his hands on either side of Taehyun's head if he hadn't moved forward to twist his neck and shoot him a glare. The older just grips tighter on the cushioned back seat of the couch. “Seriously though, you’re giggling as though you’re writing some kind of love letter.”
Taehyun snorts non-audibly. Yeah, he thinks to himself, something like that.
“I didn’t know class work was that fun. The side of your mouth was about to rip from that smile you had.” He’s leaning even closer, using it to drive the tease even further. It makes Taehyun to tut his tongue and look away from him. “Are you done?” The younger grumbles after an exasperated breath leaves him.
Soobin’s face contorts warmly after a bit. “It’s cute.” He says. His hand is on Taehyun’s hair, caressing it back once with flat open palm as though he’s non-verbally apologising for the light joke he said before. The younger just sits still.
“The smile you did, it was cute. You’re cute.”
Then Taehyun surveys Soobin in any case he’s still teasing him. But nothing about shows any signs of sneer and the tone of his voice could melt the coldest ice. The younger refuses to hear it but he fails to ignore the way Soobin’s gaze rests on him. His gaze is so soft. So warm. And Soobin looked… painfully stunning.
Luckily the older moves first, tearing apart their eye contact. He flicks Taehyun’s cheek with his finger playfully before he shoots himself off from the couch and stands up straight again. “What are you staring at?” He goes back to sneering. Tone, however, is not even close to coiling with negativity.
After inhaling a short breath to collect himself, Taehyun wipes his cheek with a knuckle harshly, pretending to look annoyed. In reality he’s trying hard to understand why his mind has gone all blank and his pulse is back again, beating like he’s just run ten miles.
“You didn’t even wash your goddamn hands yet,” Taehyun huffs, faking another glare towards the older who shrugs one shoulder with a lopsided smile on his face. He leaves the shared area and heads to the hallway where his room lies.
Only when the older is fully out of the sight is when Taehyun exhales through his gritted teeth, eyes falling shut tightly. An unwanted-shaky hand opens up his laptop and he faces his word document again. While he’s rereading the list, a swear escapes his lips.
“Fuck," Taehyun breathes. He wrote about Soobin.
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