Chapter Text
DECEMBER
lust (noun) • an intense sexual desire.
Taemin was waiting on the sidewalk, getting slightly impatient. He felt cold in his festive outfit—the winter in Iowa was way colder than in Florida, and even after four years he forgot how low the temperatures actually went—and people were looking at him funny. He tried to ignore their looks and took his phone out of his pocket.
‘Where are you? I’m cold out here’
He put the phone back in his pocket and breathed out hot air on his hands in the hopes of warming them up a bit. He should have known that it was a bad idea to wear dress pants and a light jacket in the middle of winter. He frantically ran his hands through his long black hair to cover his face and neck as best as he could to block the wind—it wasn’t very effective. His phone buzzed in his pocket and he took it out quickly with a sigh.
‘Taxi’s down the street, I’m coming!’
He let out a tiny smile as he put his phone away again. Out of all his friends here in Iowa, only Madison had stayed for the winter holidays. Only Madison had planned around Taemin’s birthday, which coincidentally—and to his dismay—took place on New Year’s Eve.
He was happy to finally have a friend like her. Back in Harmony, a small town near Orlando, Florida, he had never been able to become real friends with anyone. People were mostly acquaintances, and celebrating Taemin’s birthday on the last day of the year had always been low on their priorities’ list.
“Hey, birthday boy!” Madison said excitedly as she got out of a taxi and raised her hands in the air. “You look gorgeous tonight!”
“Thanks, Madi,” Taemin answered quietly, feeling slightly self-conscious. “I wanted tonight to be special. I’m turning 21, after all.”
Madison smiled at him and tugged on his arm.
“You don’t need an occasion to dress like that, but it’s good that you have,” she reassured him and Taemin let out a small breath. “Happy birthday, Taemin. Let’s go?”
Taemin nodded enthusiastically and they walked towards the entrance of the bar. It was a bar Taemin had never been able to go to because they didn’t allow anyone under 21—he couldn’t contain his excitement when he showed his ID and the bouncer let him enter without any questions or weird looks.
“So, Taemin, the awkward question first,” Madison said pointedly as she ordered two beers at the counter.
“Why didn’t I go home for the holidays?”
“Bingo,” she answered quickly and smirked.
She handed Taemin his beer and they went to sit down at an empty table. Taemin brought the glass to his mouth and first smelled the liquid. It made his nose scrunch and he frowned lightly. He wasn’t sure he was going to like this. He took an experimental sip, the bitter taste lingering on his tongue. He was on the fence.
“So?”
“I’m not too sure yet,” he mumbled.
“Are you talking about the beer or the fact that you didn’t go home to visit your family?” Madison asked with a giggle and Taemin felt his cheeks heat up. He had already forgotten about her first question.
“It just didn’t happen this year,” he answered with a shrug. “My parents wanted to go on vacation somewhere, my brother Taesun is stuck in Alberta, and Haneul decided to stay in Cali,” he explained.
“Wait, what?” Madison blurted out and spilled a bit of her beer on the table as she put it down. “You’re telling me your girlfriend left you hanging for your 21st birthday? What a bitch—sorry. But still,” she added, not looking guilty at all.
“Yeah, well… I didn’t reach out to her either,” he confessed. “At least, not early enough so that she could plan a trip.”
“She shouldn’t have been waiting for you to ask,” Madison said and took a sip. “Sorry, I know it’s not my business, but she can’t act like that then be jealous because you’re living your life.”
Taemin knew Madison was right. She was seeing right through their relationship even when she knew so little about the details of it. Haneul was his high school sweetheart, and also the daughter of his parents’ best friends. It was destiny.
“I think she wants me to move to Cali with her,” Taemin said absent-mindedly. “She never shuts up about it.”
“Do you want to? After you finished your bachelor’s degree?”
“Do I look like someone who’d enjoy living in California ?” he asked as he scrunched his face.
Madison giggled and Taemin knew he had made his point across. He might not be sure of what he wanted, but he knew what he didn’t want, he reassured himself as he took another sip of his beer—it still tasted too bitter for his liking.
He didn’t like the harsh sun and the endless traffic jams. He didn’t like going to places that only looked good for an Instagram picture, and he even less liked people focusing so much on their looks that they tended to forget about everything else.
Haneul had assured him that California wasn’t only about that. But after only a year spent at UCLA, he had seen her change. It was subtle at first—the way she would angle the phone during their calls so that he wouldn’t see her cute double-chin or the way her voice had seemed to have risen a bit. But then it became more blatant when she started to avoid posting pictures of her hometown when she visited home and started not only filtering herself, but Taemin too on the pictures she posted online.
“Okay, I don’t like beer,” he stated after he finished his glass. “Let’s try a cocktail.”
He got up from his chair and walked to the bar and looked at the menu card. He didn’t know at least half of the drinks, so he pointed his finger at a random name.
“Hey, could I have a—sex on the beach, please?” he asked the bartender and the man shouted something back. A few seconds later, he had his drink in his hand, and he tried it.
It was still a bit bitter, but the alcohol burned his throat and he enjoyed the subtle sweetness of the drink—he decided that he liked it. He went back to sit at their table and some music started playing on the far side of the bar.
“Oh, they’re having a karaoke night! Come on, Taemin!” Madison shouted and got up quickly.
He followed her and tried to not spill his drink, apologizing when he bumped into a few people as Madison tried to go in the front, right next to the stage. The funny thing was that she loved karaoke very much, but couldn’t sing to save her life. Taemin, on the other hand, wasn’t half bad even though he never really tried.
He observed the people singing on the small stage, wondering how they could gather the courage to get up there and sing in front of so many people. He would never dare to do something like that. But as he kept on drinking and started to feel a bit light-headed, it didn’t seem so crazy to sing in front of strangers anymore.
A guitar riff echoed throughout the room, and he felt his heart beat faster as he recognized it. He couldn’t mistake it for any other song. A shiver went down his spine and he reveled in the feeling.
“Come on, Taemin, it’s your favorite song! Go on stage!” Madison shouted and the people around him that heard her started telling him to go on stage too.
Taemin felt his cheeks heat up. Could he do that? Would he dare? Everybody around him cheered for him to go on stage, and in a split-second decision, he downed his drink and climbed the few stairs that led to the stage, just in time for the lyrics to start.
“I don’t wanna talk about it, and I think we both know why,” he started singing, the screen unnecessary as he knew the lyrics by heart. “I wish it wasn’t automatic, the way I want you every time.”
A man climbed on the stage and at first, Taemin was startled. Then the man claimed the second microphone and Taemin was secretly relieved he wouldn’t be alone on that stage.
“I see shades of you when I don’t want to, can’t think straight since you’ve been gone,” the man sang and Taemin forgot how to breathe for a second. His voice was beautiful. It was low and breathy, and while he didn’t seem to know the lyrics—he was reading the screen—he delivered them with so much confidence it shook Taemin inside out. “Saw someone out in your go-to outfit, right when I thought I was on!”
The man glanced at him and Taemin’s heart started beating faster. He had beautiful big brown eyes and a soft smile on his face, and for an instant Taemin forgot they were on a stage, singing for everybody to watch. The man gave him a slight nod and Taemin understood—he wanted them to sing the chorus together.
“You’ve got me off track, got me thinking abstract!” Taemin started at the top of his lungs, and he loved how his voice complemented the other man’s. “Baby, look at what you’ve done! Still, you’ve got me wanting some body-on-body contact,” he continued, his own voice being a bit more high-pitched, a bit clearer, but also a bit flatter than the other man’s. “I love it, but I hate that black jeans and Daphne blue still make me think of you,” he sang breathlessly. The stranger’s voice mixed with his own made both their voices sound nicer, he realized.
He needed a few seconds to catch his breath and giggled when he saw the man bobbing his head on the guitar riff. He loved how his hair flew around his head, the messy hair cut making him look cute. He realized too late that another verse was starting, and missed the beginning. Fortunately, the man started singing instead.
“I hesitate to say the ocean could hold a candle to your eyes,” he sang in his low voice and Taemin swallowed heavily. He loved how the way he was singing made his heart flutter and his gut tighten. “You shut the door and cut me open, now I’m wishing I was colorblind.”
Taemin grabbed his microphone and made sure to not miss the next part. He wanted to impress the man as much as he impressed him. He swallowed one more time to clear his throat.
“‘Cause I see shades of you when I don’t want to, right when I thought I was on!” he sang clearly, looking into the man’s eyes.
The chorus started again and Taemin was surprised the man didn’t seem to rely on the screen anymore. Instead, he didn’t look away from him and Taemin felt a warmth spread through his whole body. Out of all the people staring at him in the room, only that man mattered at this instant. Only that man made Taemin feel vulnerable and shy, and yet he wanted to look his best, just for him.
He tried to hold his stare through the last piece of the song, but his hands were slightly shaking and he didn’t know what to do with himself, so he resorted to looking at Madison in the small crowd. She gave him two thumbs up as a big smile spread across her face, and Taemin smiled back.
The song finished with one last riff and as the people in the crowd cheered, his little bubble burst. He suddenly felt extremely self-conscious and felt his ears get really hot as blood rushed through them. The man gave him a soft look and extended his hand, and Taemin grabbed it before he realized what was happening. The man bent down in front of the crowd and Taemin followed his move.
His hand felt soft against his. A bit sweaty, too, but Taemin didn’t mind. As they both got back up, he didn’t know if he was supposed to let go of the man’s hand, but as he didn’t let go either and instead got down the stage, Taemin had no other option than to follow him.
“That was crazy!” he shouted towards Taemin as another song was already starting and the crowd cheered for the next girl.
“Thank you for joining me,” Taemin said quietly as he looked up at the man once more. “I was a bit stressed out about being all alone on that stage,” he confessed.
“You’re welcome,” the man told him and finally let go of his hand.
Taemin felt empty all of a sudden. He missed that man’s touch even though less than a few minutes ago, he didn’t know he needed it. It must have shown, because the man giggled and gave him a sweet look.
“Gentlemen, do you want a shot? Everybody who sings can get one,” the bartender told them and the man accepted before Taemin could say anything.
“Oh, and another round of whatever he’s having,” the man added and pointed to Taemin’s empty drink.
“Sex on the beach,” Taemin said mechanically and felt a rush of blood coming to his cheeks as he said the words out loud.
The man glanced at him and Taemin couldn’t look away. He knew what had crossed his mind, and he couldn’t deny it had crossed his too. The way that man’s hand felt on his made him want to touch him in other places, he realized. He didn’t know if it was because of the alcohol or the fact that he felt touch-deprived. He didn’t care.
The bartender came back with their shots and cocktails, and Taemin didn’t waste a second. He sat at the counter and downed the shot and shook his head when the alcohol burned his mouth and throat. The man giggled and did the same after sitting next to him.
“You sing very well,” the man told him and Taemin felt flustered. He knew that already, but hearing the man compliment him was nice.
“You’re not too bad yourself,” he answered quickly.
“Minho. My name is Minho,” the man said gently and laid his hand on Taemin’s knee.
Taemin missed a breath and felt his insides tighten. He squirmed on his chair as he felt blood rushing directly in his groin. He hadn’t felt like this in years, he realized with a gasp. He loved it.
“Taemin,” he whispered as no other coherent thoughts were forming in his head.
“It’s nice to meet you, Taemin,” Minho said quietly and tucked a strand of Taemin’s long hair behind his ear, his fingers grazing on the side of his face.
Taemin was flustered. Nothing was happening how it was supposed to happen, and yet he loved it. He had always been taught that sex should only happen between two loving long-term partners of opposite sexes, that it should be short and sweet, and that missionary was the only acceptable position.
But as Minho moved his hand away from his face, his eyes not leaving his, and laid it back on his thigh, all Taemin wanted was for Minho to shove him against a wall and rail him. He wanted to be fucked so hard that he wouldn’t be able to walk the next day. He wanted his throat to feel sore because of his moans.
He swallowed heavily and took a sip of his cocktail to try and clear his mind of those dirty thoughts. He realized soon after that it might not have been the best idea, as his mind became hazier, and the bit of self-control he had left disappeared.
He laid his hand on top of Minho’s and slowly brushed against his knuckles. The man smiled in front of him and took another sip of his drink, and Taemin was mesmerized by his throat swallowing the liquid. His Adam’s apple bobbed up and down, making his gut feel even hotter and he had to refrain from letting out a small moan.
It felt like nothing existed except for them. A small part of his brain made him aware that the lights had dimmed, that people around them were drunk and dancing, and that he had no idea where Madison was, but he didn’t care. What he cared about was the man in front of him that was slowly lighting a fire inside of him, a fire that had been left unattended for way too long.
He didn’t even move away when he saw Minho’s face get closer to his. He didn’t know what he was about to do, but he was already yearning for it.
“Do you want to go elsewhere?” Minho asked slowly into his ear, his breath leaving a warm trail and goosebumps on his skin, and Taemin nodded instantly.
“What do you have in mind?” he asked back, wondering if Minho would be straightforward about what he wanted. He hoped he would be, because he had no idea how to translate his own need into words.
“There’s a lovely hotel just down the street,” Minho said with a chuckle as he moved his hand slowly up his thigh, getting higher and brushing the inside of it. Taemin let out a small breath and spread his legs ever so slightly, not even realizing it.
He nodded and got up from his chair quickly. They needed to leave. They couldn’t waste another second. As Taemin grabbed Minho’s hand and started to walk towards the front of the bar, he felt his heartbeat quicken.
It wasn’t like him. He knew he had wanted to try sex with a man since he had discovered he was bisexual, but he had never thought it would happen like this. He never thought he’d be cheating on his girlfriend with a man he’d met in a bar.
But as he almost tripped on something and Minho grabbed his sides to prevent him from falling down, he didn’t care anymore. He didn’t care that he was probably making a mistake, he didn’t care that he would most likely regret it in the morning. He needed to get this out of his system.
They got out of the bar and the chill winter air felt good on his skin. It slightly pulled him out of his light-headed state, and he realized he maybe had a bit too much to drink. His body wasn’t used to the alcohol yet. He blinked a few times and took deep breaths.
“The hotel’s just there,” Minho said slowly and pointed to a pretty old-looking building with big windows and balconies. “Do you still want this?” he asked when Taemin stopped for a second.
Taemin gave him a look and almost drowned in his eyes. His body was shaking because of the cold and he couldn’t stand still on his feet, but the fire burning inside of him was well alive.
“Yes,” he answered with as much confidence as he could gather.
Minho grabbed his hand and they entered the lobby of the hotel. Taemin stared wide-eyed as he realized how big and expensive-looking the place actually was. He had no idea who this man was, but he sure had money to afford such a place.
He kept a bit of distance as Minho booked a room at the counter and felt his phone vibrate in his pocket. He fetched it and needed a few seconds to focus on the words written on the small screen.
‘I can’t find you in the bar, where are you?’
Taemin felt a grin spread on his face, though he also felt a bit guilty about leaving Madison alone. He could be such a bad friend, sometimes. He typed a quick response with shaky fingers.
‘I left, don’t worry about me. I’ll call you tomorrow’
Minho came back towards him and gestured for them to go to the elevator. Taemin nodded and started walking, feeling some stress growing inside of him. All of this had seemed like a great idea when they were in the bar, but as the elevator doors closed and they were truly alone with a harsh light blinding him, he didn’t know what to do with himself anymore.
“Is it your first time?” Minho asked him and Taemin wasn’t sure what ‘it’ was. Did he mean his first time with a man? His first time with a stranger? His first time at all?
“No,” Taemin answered in a whisper, knowing fully that statistically, there was a higher chance of him lying than telling the truth. But he didn’t want Minho to know that. He didn’t want the man to change his mind because of his answer.
Minho nodded and licked his lips slowly. Taemin stared at them and wondered what they tasted like. All he knew were Haneul’s lips, with a faint strawberry taste that he didn’t particularly enjoy, but had learned to tolerate.
He reached his hand forward towards Minho and suddenly, he felt hands cupping his face and lips crashing on his. He gasped in surprise—he hadn’t thought Minho would act like that. But he didn’t mind. On the contrary. His cock twitched in his pants as Minho ran his tongue against his lips and he parted them as easily as he had spread his legs earlier in the night.
Minho’s tongue explored his mouth, and Taemin took deep breaths through his nose, trying to process what was happening. He could feel Minho’s weight on him, forcing him to walk backward until his back hit the wall and he huffed.
A hand came brushing his ass through his pants and he instinctively jolted forward, making their bodies press against each other. He could already feel Minho’s cock poking at his thigh—the feeling was exhilarating.
He wanted to know how it felt to fuck with a man. He wanted to hold someone else’s cock in his hands and see them quiver under his touch. He wanted to be filled up and ripped and come untouched, he realized as he let out a whine.
The doors of the elevator opened but Minho didn’t let go of him. Instead, he held him by the hips and started to walk in the hallway, his mouth still on his, sloppily kissing him. Taemin was afraid for a moment that he would lose his balance, but he realized Minho was holding him tight enough that he wouldn’t fall.
When they reached their room, Minho let go of his lips and Taemin took the opportunity to breathe again. He grabbed Minho’s hair and buried his face in his neck, taking in his scent and shivering when he realized it made him light-headed.
The door opened and he didn’t have any time to check what it looked like because Minho let him fall on the bed and directly hovered over him to kiss him again. Taemin moaned in the kiss as the man put all his weight on him and made him spread his legs. Taemin whimpered as the fabric of his pants rubbed against his cock—he felt like he could come at any moment.
Minho stopped kissing him and pulled away slightly to look at him. There was a fire burning inside his eyes as well, but also some kind of nervousness that made Taemin shiver. Did he still want this too? He hadn’t asked.
“What?” he said in a breath, not able to form longer sentences.
“Nothing,” Minho answered quietly and a faint smile appeared on his face. “It’s just… you’re so pretty,” he added and laid a chaste kiss on his lips.
Minho’s words and his sudden modest action sent a shiver down his body, and he grabbed the man’s waist with his legs, desperate for more contact. Minho seemed to understand, because he started kissing him properly again—but with a kind of restraint that made Taemin feel really hot in his gut.
He felt hands roaming down his stomach, untucking his shirt from his pants, then brushing his skin. Taemin moaned as the soft hands wandered towards his sides and he tugged on Minho’s hair. He loved this.
“You’re ticklish,” Minho said against his mouth with a smile spread over his face. Taemin nodded, not pulling away, and thrust forward to create more friction between their clothed bodies.
He felt proud when it made Minho moan quietly—he too could make him feel good. He continued to move his hips against him, only wanting their clothes to be gone, until Minho’s hand started to unbutton his pants.
He fumbled with it for a while but it didn’t seem like he was getting anywhere. Taemin whimpered when he let go of his mouth to look at how the pants opened, and Taemin felt exposed. He knew Minho could see his hard cock through the fabric, and he let out a surprised gasp when he felt hands brush over his groin as Minho finally managed to open his pants.
He didn’t waste another minute and started to unbutton his own shirt, feeling too hot in it. He wanted to feel Minho all over him. He got up slightly to completely remove his shirt, then felt Minho tugging at his pants to remove them too. He gasped as he felt his underwear brushing down his legs along with his pants, and suddenly he was completely naked in front of a fully clothed stranger.
He grabbed the hem of Minho’s shirt and lifted it up. He felt breathless as he uncovered a toned stomach and chest, his heart beating faster and faster as he realized he loved what he was seeing. Minho raised his arms and Taemin removed his shirt, then unbuckled his belt and opened his pants. He wanted to fuck.
When Minho was also completely naked, he pushed Taemin back on the bed and Taemin breathed out, shivering with anticipation, the man’s naked body overwhelming him. He had no idea what to expect. Everything felt so familiar yet so different—but he was open to anything Minho wanted to show him.
Minho nested himself between his legs and slowly ran his tongue on his lips again. Taemin opened his mouth almost as a reflex, and Minho chuckled but didn’t kiss him. Instead, he continued to lick his mouth, lapping the skin almost like a cat, and Taemin melted in his embrace.
He whined when he felt a hand brushing his inner thigh and getting dangerously close to his ass. His hand felt cold and slick, and part of him felt relieved—Minho had brought lube. A finger tugged at this hole and he let a moan escape his mouth—the feeling was strange but intoxicating.
“Can I?” Minho asked in a breath and Taemin spread his legs further, unable to say anything. He wanted to know what it felt like.
A finger entered him, parting his insides ever so slightly, and he let out a loud breath. He grabbed Minho’s head and held him close, not stopping the sounds that came out of his mouth. Minho moved his finger around, bending it from time to time, added another one, and started again.
Taemin felt himself relax under his touch, his cock harder than ever, every move from Minho making him shiver heavily. As Minho bent his fingers in a particular way, shockwaves spread through his body and he moaned more loudly than he thought he would. In a split second, he decided that this was his new favorite thing.
“Fuck—that—that—” he cried out, breathless, and Minho chuckled in his ear, moving his fingers faster inside of him.
Taemin reached down to Minho’s cock. He wanted to touch him. To make him feel good too. He could feel it throb against his thigh and as he grabbed it, it felt so big in his small hand. Way bigger than his own, he realized. Somehow, it made him feel vulnerable and suddenly Minho’s fingers inside of him were too much and he felt he was about to come.
“Mmmh—please—” he whispered between moans, tugging at the man’s cock. He wanted to feel him inside of him.
Minho seemed to get the message because he removed his fingers instantly and fetched a condom from the bedside table. Taemin took the time to properly look at him, and his eyes grew wider—Minho was big. He watched in awe as the man stroked his shaft a few times after putting the condom on, even his hand looking small when touching himself.
Minho grabbed him by the side and Taemin didn’t have any strength to protest when he turned him around to make him lie on his stomach. If anything, it made him feel even more aroused as he couldn’t see what was happening, but it also made him slightly stressed out for the exact same reason.
“You’ll like it better this way,” Minho whispered in his ear and spread his ass cheeks.
Taemin braced himself and squeezed the pillow under him, but when he thought he would pound inside of him and hurt him, he felt the man’s cock rub against his crack and his hole with all its length and it made his own cock twitch. He could feel himself opening up as he let out a moan muffled by the pillow he was buried in.
This felt so hot, hotter than anything else he had experienced, he realized. He knew Minho was looking at him, looking at his hole begging to be filled, and probably smirking. Part of him was glad he couldn’t actually see him because he knew his shyness would have taken over.
When the head of Minho’s cock probed at his hole, he felt some pressure and he forced himself to relax in the sheets. As he did, he felt Minho slide inside of him and he gasped. A shiver went down his body and he cried out in the pillow, the feeling overwhelming. It didn’t hurt—it was uncomfortable at most—but feeling him inside, parting his walls and filling him up was impossible to describe. He felt at his mercy, he felt on edge, he felt like he could come and faint right this instant.
Minho stayed still inside of him for a moment, and Taemin felt his back fill up with his own sweat as he also realized what was happening. He was having sex with a man, a stranger, and he had never felt better in his entire life. He took big gulps of air as he felt Minho’s hands roam on his back and he squeezed the pillow tighter.
“Are you good?” Minho whispered slowly and Taemin whined in response. Yes, he was good—more than good.
Minho chuckled and started pulling out slowly, making Taemin moan at the loss. Soon after, he moaned again as Minho pushed back in a little more quickly than the first time. Minho continued to move in and out quite steadily, and Taemin soon became a moaning mess. He couldn’t catch his breath, he didn’t have any strength left in his body. He could feel his release coming slowly—and suddenly, he needed more.
As Minho pulled out, Taemin moved his hips backward and met him again, sending shockwaves through his body. He heard Minho gasp behind him and he smirked through his whine. Then Minho grabbed him by the hips and started thrusting faster, and Taemin knew he was about to come.
He moaned very loudly as Minho angled his hips in a slightly different way and started pounding inside of him. He grabbed the sheets for dear life and let himself feel overwhelmed every time Minho touched that spot inside of him that made him see stars.
He reached down for his cock, needing to be touched there too, and just after a few strokes he came into his hand, Minho still thrusting in his ass at a hazardous pace. He cried out in the pillow as everything was starting to be too much, until he realized something else was still building up inside of him.
Another orgasm hit him without any warning, this one feeling very different from the first one and way more intense, spreading through his body with each of Minho’s thrusts, making him moan and shiver and sweat more than he had ever had. It radiated through his whole body and he felt like he could faint from the pleasure.
Minho groaned in his ear and thrust one last time inside of him then jerked slightly and Taemin knew he was coming too. He clenched his ass slightly to try and make it better for him, and in the process he felt another shockwave overwhelm him.
He whimpered when Minho stilled inside of him and relaxed, giving him light kisses on his shoulder. Taemin also started to catch his breath, and his heart missed a beat when Minho finally pulled out.
He closed his eyes, feeling completely drained, and felt Minho move around him and put covers over his body. He smiled and reached his hand towards the place where he thought Minho was lying. Fingers intertwined with his and he let out one last breath before he felt himself drift into sleep, completely drained from this experience.