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Kageyama is pathetic. He’s been aware of this fact for the last two years—ever since his boyfriend broke up with him and moved to the other side of the world to play in a sandbox—but it hadn’t fully hit him until this moment.
Apparently rock bottom for Kageyama is sitting in the locker room in a towel and stalking his ex’s social media.
The stalking part isn’t new, really. It’s a compromise he made with himself when Hinata first left the country: he’s not allowed to text him but he can look at his social media accounts whenever he wants. Turns out, he wants to look at them a lot. Like, multiple times a day a lot. Which is kind of pathetic in it’s own right but at least he wasn’t texting him and inevitably spilling his guts and asking why Hinata didn’t want him anymore and if there was anything he could do to change his mind. So the compromise was good, it worked.
Or at least it had been working, until Hinata finished his beach training and came back to Japan. It hadn’t taken him long to get picked up by the Jackals and at first Kageyama was excited about that; being professional players in the same league meant that they would finally be playing on the same court again and he’d get to see all the ways Hinata had changed in person, not just through a screen. What he hadn’t accounted for, however, was Hinata’s new teammates. Really, just the one.
Miya Atsumu. Second best setter in the league to Kageyama alone.
This is where the truly pathetic part comes in: Hinata has just posted a picture of the two of them together, their grinning faces pressed cheek to cheek, Atsumu’s hand curved possessively around Hinata’s waist, and Kageyama feels like his heart just got ripped out of his chest.
See, Kageyama had been doing relatively well, up until this moment, ignoring the fact that he’s still painfully in love with Hinata. It popped into his brain occasionally, of course, but he’s always been good at emptying his mind of everything except the weight of the ball at his fingertips and as a professional player there were always plenty of opportunities to do just that. But now, with his hand clenched tightly around his phone, he’s forced to admit he’d been harboring a bit of hope.
Kageyama had understood why Hinata needed to go to Brazil. He may have improved dramatically throughout high school, becoming a well known force to be reckoned with on the court, but he hadn’t improved enough to secure a spot in the V.League, at least not at the level Hinata was aiming for—the level they’d promised to meet each other at. And when Hinata finally told him his plan, after keeping it a secret for a whole year, Kageyama knew that Hinata was trying to keep that promise to him, that he was doing what he needed to in order to catch up. He may have been gutted at the thought of spending two years apart but if anyone could understand the lengths someone would go to for volleyball, it’s Kageyama. So he didn’t tell Hinata how much he would miss him or that he was actually starting to think that as much as he wanted to play with him on the world stage until their knees gave out, he could give that dream up as long as he had him off the court. Instead he’d glared at him and told him that he better suck less when he gets back, content in thinking he had another few months to figure out how to live without his partner. Then, not a week later, he was unceremoniously dumped.
Hinata had been tactful about it, as much as a hyperactive nineteen year old could be, but that didn’t change the fact that Kageyama’s whole future had revolved around the two of them together, both on and off the court. At the time, Kageyama had been too stunned to get mad, or feel much of anything for that matter, so he gave Hinata a quick bow, told him not to be too much of an idiot in Brazil, and that was that. But it hadn’t taken long for the anger to take root and now, staring at the picture, Kageyama can feel it bloom.
It’s not fair that even after all this time, Hinata still has this kind of power over him. He’d dropped Kageyama like it was nothing, sent him only a few bland texts while abroad, and yet Kageyama had honestly believed that Hinata might have missed him just as much, might have been waiting too. Clearly he was wrong. Hinata’s been back a month and he’s already found someone else—another setter.
Kageyama unlocks his phone and glares at the picture again, as if he could remove Atsumu’s hand from Hinata’s waist through sheer force of will. In a moment of self-sabotage, he goes to Atsumu’s account.
Big mistake.
It seems like every other picture has Hinata in it, sweaty and glowing from practice, smiling widely at the camera. Kageyama clicks on the most recent one and stops breathing when he sees the caption. ‘My little Shou-chan,’ it reads, followed by three heart eyes emojis.
What. The. Fuck.
His? Where does he get off? Kageyama should get on a train to Osaka and go kick his—
“There you are! What are you still doing in here? We had a meeting, remember?”
Kageyama jumps at the sounds of his manager’s voice and nearly drops his phone. He hadn’t heard the click of her heels over the ringing in his ears. “You aren’t supposed to come into the locker room.”
“Oh please, everyone else left ages ago. I’ve been sitting out there waiting for you for half an hour. Besides, I wouldn’t be too mad if I caught a peek at Ushijima, if you know what I mean,” she says with a wink.
When he only frowns at her, she huffs. “You’re no fun.”
Kageyama abruptly realizes he’s alone in a locker room with a woman, wearing nothing more than a towel around his waist. He tries to subtly cover his crotch and clears his throat. “Can I get dressed please?”
“Nope. You lost the right to clothes when you tried to ditch out on our meeting.”
“I didn’t do it on purpose,” he grumbles.
“Don’t worry, I have another meeting to get to so I’ll keep it brief. Have you thought anymore about what I mentioned last week?”
If Kageyama is completely honest, his manager talks a lot during their meetings and he tunes her out for about 60% of it. She’s nice and clearly good at her job (she had to be, to get him the curry commercial), but unless it’s specifically related to him playing, he doesn’t really care.
“Uhh, is this about my social media stuff? I’ll try posting more, I’ve just been busy with practice.”
Hoshiumi has be trying to goad him into taking some shirtless photos—thirsty traps, or whatever he called them—and Kageyama had shut it down immediately, but the picture of Hinata and Atsumu flashes through his mind and suddenly it doesn’t seem like such a bad idea. He’s definitely bulked up in the last two years, maybe if Hinata saw that…
“That’s always something to keep in mind, but I was actually referring to the arrangement that the talent agency wanted you for.”
Kageyama scowls. The ‘arrangement’ was pretending to be in a relationship with someone as a PR stunt. He’d forgotten about it because he has absolutely no interest in that sort of thing, which is exactly what he’d told her last week. “I don’t need to think on it, I’m not doing it.”
“Tobio, please. You’re very popular with young people, especially after the commercial, and we really need to capitalize on that popularity while we can. The model they want to pair you with seems great, if that’s your concern, and the compensation is more than fair. What man your age doesn’t want to get paid to go on a few dates with a beautiful woman?
“A gay one.”
“Well, I—that’s—” She looks embarrassed, though Kageyama can’t imagine why. “Your sexuality doesn’t really change anything with the contract. The most they want you to do is hold hands and—you hadn’t mentioned that before. You being gay, I mean.”
He shrugs. The truth is that he hadn’t mentioned it because the entire time he’s been her client he’s been hung up on his ex-boyfriend and it didn’t really seem relevant; he certainly wasn’t going to be dating while Hinata was gone and now that he’s back, well.
That stupid, stupid Instagram post returns to the front of his mind and he briefly considers throwing his phone across the room. Why is he the one still pining while Hinata gets to go off and find someone new? The idea of sitting back and watching as Hinata gets further and further from Kageyama’s reach has a desperate feeling welling up inside of him. He has to do something because doing nothing has only left him alone and hurting and angry.
“How many times would I have to be seen with her?”
His manager looks surprised. “They asked for five but I think I can get it down to three. I know you aren’t the most social.”
God, Kageyama should not be doing this. He doesn’t want to date a model, fake or not; what he wants to do is take a train to Osaka and knock on Hinata’s door and say something really romantic, like in those awful movies Yachi makes him watch. And it’s exactly because he wants to do that that he finds himself nodding.
“If you can get it down to three and you promise I don’t have to, like, kiss her or anything, then I’ll do it.”
“Yes! Oh, Tobio, this is going to be great exposure for you. I’m so happy I could kiss you!”
They both turn bright red.
“I won’t, obviously, that would be highly inappropriate,” she assures him.
“Okay. Can I get dressed now?”
“Yes, yes of course.”
She grabs her purse but hesitates. “Tobio?”
“Yeah?”
“Thanks for telling me. About— you know.”
His face scrunches up in confusion. “Uh…sure.”
“I promise I’ll keep it in mind in the future, alright? I can vet the companies you work with a little more, make sure we’re collaborating with progressive, forward thinking brands. And maybe we can get you involved in some pride campaigns?” He’s not sure what she sees on his face but she waves a hand dismissively. “Plenty of time to think about it in the future, no rush.”
“Yeah…”
She clears her throat and pats her purse. “Alright, I’m off. I’ll email you the details of the arrangement when I get them all sorted.”
He nods and watches her leave.
Hopefully he gets killed in a volleyball accident before he has to go through with any of it.
* * *
He does not get killed in a volleyball accident before he has to go through with any of it.
The contracts get drawn up quicker than he expected and in just a week he’s getting ready for the first ‘date’. Thankfully they hadn’t asked him to do anything outrageous; tonight they’ve got reservations at some insanely popular new restaurant. The dress code is stricter than he’d like and they’ll probably serve tiny portions that will leave him hungry but at least he just has to sit there and eat. He’s good at that.
He’s just finished putting on the suit his manager had sent over when he gets a text letting him know the car is waiting for him downstairs. Fuck. The time passed way too quickly but all he can do now is take a deep breath and accept his fate. This is his own fault for letting his feelings for Hinata push him into dumb things. Hinata probably never feels like this before a date. He probably bounces around in excitement while he waits for Atsumu to come to the door and he probably gives him that really wide smile when he does-- the one that crinkles his eyes and shows all his teeth-- and they probably both lean in for a kiss at the same time--
“Sir?”
He blinks and realizes he managed to mindlessly walk down to the car and has been standing there clenching his fists and scowling. The driver has a hand on the car door, waiting to open it for him, and seems to be graciously ignoring how ridiculous Kageyama is acting.
“Uh, sorry.”
“No need to apologize.” He pulls open the door and Kageyama slides into his seat.
He isn’t sure what he was expecting but the woman sitting inside the car is surprisingly normal. She’s beautiful in a way that does nothing for Kageyama but would definitely make Yachi blush and stutter.
She smiles at him as he slips into his seat but it doesn’t reach her eyes and he clears his throat awkwardly. “Kageyama Tobio,” he says, bowing his head.
“Uotani Mai.”
She doesn't offer more and Kageyama’s nerves flare; he isn’t good at conversation on his best days and this is not one of them. He tries to remember the advice Miwa had given him about talking to girls back in middle school—something about using a compliment as a conversation starter, or whatever.
“Your...dress is, um...pretty.” He hadn’t even looked at her dress until he’d said it, but his options were limited and lots of girls are into fashion, right?
Wrong, judging by the look of disdain she gives him.
Maybe that was too vague. “I mean—it’s a nice color on you?” He gulps and tries to think of something else to add. “And the length is—”
“Listen, I’m going to stop you right there. I’m only doing this for the publicity so don’t think that you can throw a couple of compliments my way and I’ll put out for you. It’s not happening.”
His brain grinds to a halt. “What?”
“My friends warned me about how you guys use these contracts to try and hook up with women and I’m not falling for any of your shit.”
“I would never do that, I swear,” he protests.
“And why the hell should I believe you?”
“You aren’t even my type,” he says weakly.
Her eyes narrow. “You’re a professional athlete and you’re not into models?”
“Not all of us are like that.”
“So you’re not a dumb jock?”
He frowns at the skeptical tone. “No.”
“What galaxy are we in?”
“What?”
“Well, if you aren’t a dumb jock then prove it. It’s a pretty basic question— what galaxy?”
“There’s more than one?”
She smiles but it feels dangerous. “So you aren’t a science boy, that’s okay. What’s the last book you read?”
Somehow he doesn’t think she’ll be impressed if he says Volleyball Monthly.
Before he can come up with some bullshit lie, she’s clicking her tongue at him. “That’s alright, reading is hard when they take away all the pictures. Maybe you watch the news—what do you think of our prime minister?”
“Uhh...she—”
“Nope.” She scoffs. “And I’m supposed to believe you aren't just some shallow asshole who only cares about sports and sex? Sure.”
“I’m an asshole but I’m not shallow.” Hinata would probably be proud of him for that bit of self awareness.
“Fine, I’ll play along—you aren’t shallow. What type of women do you like?”
Kageyama stiffens. “That’s none of your business.”
“I think a girl should know what her boyfriend is into.” His distaste at being called her boyfriend must show because she smirks. “C’mon, healthy relationships are built on complete and total honesty. Who’s your celebrity crush?”
“I don’t have one.”
“What was your last girlfriend like?”
“I’ve never had a girlfriend.”
Her gaze sharpens. “So you’re picky, then. How ‘bout I describe some girls and you tell me which one does it for you.”
“How about you don’t?”
“I’m thinking tall, foreign women who barely speak Japanese. You don’t seem like you need a lot of conversation.”
He’s not going to play this game. He stares out the window, ignoring her.
“No? Okay, how about a little cutie with a spunky personality. They say opposites attract, you know.”
He thinks of Hinata’s easy smiles and digs his fingers into the fabric at his thighs so she can’t see his hands shake.
“Wow, oh-for-two, huh? Maybe you like them strong and smart—the kind who can put you in your place. Glasses, too.” When she doesn’t get a reaction she tuts. “Still nothing? All these women sound great, Tobio. Do you think you’re too good for them? No one can match your swoon-worthy looks and killer personality?”
This is his worst nightmare, actually. He's trapped in a car with a lady version of Oikawa.
“I mean really, what could possibly be wrong with these girls?”
“They aren't men, for starters,” he snaps.
Her eyes widen. “Oh.”
He’d spent the whole day imagining all the ways tonight would be awful but getting accused of being a creep and then annoyed into outing himself hadn't even crossed his mind. Clearly he needs to expand his imagination because the universe hates him and wants him to suffer.
He glares for a moment longer and then goes back to looking out the window. They don’t have to get along, they just have to look like they don’t hate each other and he has another ten minutes to figure out how he’ll manage that.
“I was describing my girlfriend—that last one, I mean.” Her voice has lost the biting tone. “She’s applying to law school but tuition is really expensive so I’m trying to get on this stupid reality show to help her pay for it. I’ll do whatever embarrassing shit they want me to if it can get her closer to her dream because it’s important. She’s important. She wants to challenge the marriage laws in Japan so that people like us can get married. And she’s gonna fucking do it, too, because she’s the most incredible person I’ve ever met.”
Uotani says it with such confidence that Kageyama can’t help but believe her.
“Um. Nice.”
“Yeah.” They stare at each other awkwardly. “So what type of guy do you like?”
Kageyama groans and presses his forehead against the window. He’s not some teenage girl looking to gossip but he has a feeling she isn’t going to let it go until he answers. “Short and demanding.”
“Unexpected, but I can see it. Where’s Shorty tonight? At home anxiously awaiting your return?”
“No, he’s probably on a date he doesn’t have to get paid for.”
“Ouch. You want to talk about it?”
“Not even a little.”
“Cool. Teach me about volleyball?”
The rest of the night goes a lot smoother, though they end up arguing through gritted teeth half the time because Uotani enjoys pressing his buttons and Kageyama is quick to anger. The pictures of them at the restaurant are apparently news worthy, as are the ones of them walking around the shopping district a couple weeks later. Uotani decides to mess with him one last time by suggesting matching outfits to their managers which is how the photos of their last date end up trending on Twitter. It was bad enough to see strangers on the internet talking about him, but the teasing from his teammates was a special brand of torture; they were relentless and didn’t stop until they got told off by a coach.
He’s never doing anything like that again, but he has to admit that posting the selfie Uotani took of the two of them does give him a small sense of satisfaction. He stares at the photo and tries to imagine how Hinata might react the first time he sees it. He wonders if his jaw will drop and if he’ll let out that dumb little ‘uwah’ noise he always makes when he’s surprised, or if he’ll check her account to find out who she is and how long they’ve been seeing each other. Maybe he’ll even lie awake at night trying to analyze the looks on their faces, try to compare it to the way Kageyama used to look at him. Not that Kageyama has ever done any of those things, obviously; he’s just curious, and it’s possible that someone else who is definitely not him, might react that way.
When he comes home to a bouquet of flowers with a note that says “Good luck with Shorty,” he crinkles it up to throw away but hesitates. Smoothing it out, he slips it into his wallet because, what the hell, he could use all the luck he can get.
* * *
On the day the match between the Schweiden Adlers and the Black Jackals is announced, Kageyama spends his evening lying face down on Yachi’s couch.
“You knew this was coming right?”
He lets out a muffled grunt.
“And you have a month to prepare for it, that’s good!”
Kageyama stops trying to smother himself with a pillow so he can glare at her. “How the hell am I supposed to prepare for it? It’s been two years and nothing's changed, what’s a few weeks going to do?”
“Well, you, uh—”
She starts fiddling with the hem of her shirt and he feels a pang of guilt. It’s not her fault he’s in this situation and she’s been a good friend to him through it all.
He sighs and sits up. “I’ll be fine, don’t worry about it.”
“You’re my best friend, I’m always going to worry about you.”
“That’s not saying much, you worry about everything.”
“You know, sometimes I can’t decide if your brutal honesty is refreshing or annoying.”
“Join the club,” he grumbles. “And can you pick something to watch already?”
Kageyama secretly (though probably not as secretly as he’d like) hopes she chooses one of those cheesy romantic movies she‘s always watching. There’s something comforting about knowing that it’ll always work out for the characters in the end. Sure, his love life may have been set on fire when he was still a teenager but at least he can watch other people be happy. It’s a very healthy mindset, if you ask him.
Yachi settles on a movie with a description so sappy it makes Kageyama gag a little and shoots him a knowing smile.
Having a best friend is nice.
“I have a question,” Yachi says, halfway through the movie.
“She should get back with her ex for sure. The new guy sucks.”
“That’s not what I was going to ask, although, wow are you wrong. The new boyfriend is emotionally available in a way that her ex wasn’t and she’s obviously happier with him.”
“Her ex’s dad had just died, that’s not his fault.”
“You can’t blame everything on—okay, not the point. What I was going to ask is, are you nervous because you're going to be seeing Hinata again or because you'll be playing against him?”
He frowns. “Are those not the same thing?”
“No, I mean...are you more scared to see your ex-boyfriend or to play against your rival?”
“I’m not scared.”
“Tobio.”
“Hitoka,” he mocks.
She flicks him in the forehead. “Answer the question.”
“I’m nervous about seeing him, I guess. I’m not worried about playing him. I don’t care how much he trained on some beach, we’re going to crush that whole team and I’m going to prove once and for all that I’m better than Atsumu.”
“Wipe that scary smile off your face, you know it’s banned from this apartment. And what’s Atsumu got to do with it? I thought this was about finally facing off with Hinata.”
As if summoned, Yachi’s phone starts vibrating and Hinata’s picture lights up the screen.
They both stare at it in silence.
“You gonna get that?”
She shakes her head but looks conflicted. Kageyama feels bad; all three of them were best friends in high school and since the break up she’s tried to remain completely impartial. Kageyama hasn’t exactly made it easy for her, having spent more than a few nights on her couch bitching about him.
He sighs. “You can talk to him if you want. I’ll take a walk to the store and grab some more snacks.”
“No!” She snatches the phone and shoves it between the couch cushions. “I told you I would be here for you tonight and I will be. Hinata can wait. He knows the rules.”
“But--”
“What’s with the sudden Atsumu rivalry? You’ve never cared about him much before.”
He’s not going to admit the truth to her because she’ll just try to logic the issue away but he’s right and he knows it. “I just think he’s a smug asshole who needs to be reminded that he isn’t as perfect as he thinks he is. He may get a service ace here and there but I’m the one who was the pinch server at the Olympics.”
“You saw the pictures of him and Hinata, didn’t you?”
Actually, he takes it back: having a best friend is the worst.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he says, crossing his arms.
“I think you do. Please tell me you’re still going to talk to Hinata after the game.”
“I never said I was going to do that in the first place! I have nothing to say to him!”
“Of course you do! You need to tell him that you still love him and that playing against him isn’t enough!” She huffs. “I don’t understand why you two can’t just be honest with each other.”
Kageyama doesn’t want Hinata’s honesty. Hearing him say, ‘sorry, but I’m happy with Atsumu now and he’s gonna set for me forever’ is his worst nightmare. He’d rather never drink milk again than be forced to admit that it’s really over with Hinata.
“If you’re so big on honesty, why don’t you tell Kiyoko how you feel?”
Yachi turns bright red. “That has nothing to do with this!”
“Why should I listen to someone who doesn’t follow their own advice?”
“It’s different!”
“No it isn’t!”
“She just got out of a relationship—”
“Her and Tanaka broke up like a year ago!”
“I don’t even know if she likes girls! And even if she did, why would she want to be with me?”
He frowns. “Why wouldn’t she? You’re awesome.”
“You’re my best friend, you have to say that.”
“Okay, but don’t you guys message each other all the time? And have a weekly date night?”
“Those aren’t dates!” she splutters.
He raises a brow.
“I mean, I want them to be, but…” She groans. “This is stupid. I’m not going to confess when there’s only a small chance she feels the same way.”
“And I’m not going to confess when he already told me he doesn’t want to be with me.”
“But it’s not the same with you two! And you have this special thing between you, like nothing I’ve ever seen! How could you just let that go?”
“I didn’t let anything go, he did,” he says with a glare.
She sits up straighter and pokes him in the chest. “And if you do nothing, he wins. Are you going to let that happen?”
Kageyama’s eyes widen. “You’re…”
Right. She’s right, god damn it. If Kageyama sits back and lets him define their relationship all on his own terms, then Hinata wins. And this is a big win, worth more than the hundreds of little, inconsequential races from high school combined. But he doesn’t know what the hell he’s supposed to do about it. He can’t just walk up to him and demand Hinata reconsider. He’s never been good at translating his thoughts and feelings into words, he can’t imagine anything he could say that would convince him that they should be together again.
Unless he doesn’t use words at all.
From the moment they’d met, Hinata and Kageyama had always used a completely different language to understand each other: competition. Maybe if Kageyama can show him that he’ll always be the one that brings out the best in Hinata on the court, that other setters can’t give him what Kageyama can, maybe he’d remember how well they’d worked together off of it, too. All he has to do is win. He can do that. He has to.
Plan in place, he slumps back on the couch, flicking Yachi lightly on the forehead in retaliation for earlier. “I think you’re too invested in a relationship that’s not yours.”
She pouts at him. “I just want my friends to be happy. There’s nothing wrong with that.”
“No, there isn’t.” He’s grateful that someone as kind as her chooses to be friends with an asshole like him. “Thanks, I guess, for giving me something to think about.”
“Oh. Well…what are friends for?” she says, clearly thrown by his change in tone. “And I’m, um, sorry I raised my voice earlier.”
“...me too, I guess.”
“Hug?”
Kageyama grimaces.
“Fine, ice cream?” she offers.
“Is it that cheap crap you always get?”
“I think you know the answer to that.”
“Bring it over,” he says, resigned.
He never relents about the hug but he does scoot close enough that Yachi can tuck her small feet underneath his thigh. The ice cream starts to taste a little better after that.
* * *
The team gets put up in a nice hotel the night before their match with the Jackals and Kageyama was relieved to see he got roomed with Ushijima and not Hoshiumu. He likes Hoshiumu, he really does, but the last time they were roommates he kept Kageyama up way too late angrily muttering over the opposing team’s stats and then woke him up by blasting his ‘hype’ playlist, whatever the hell that means. Ushijima, on the other hand, tends to stick to himself and quietly go through his own calming pregame routine. Tonight he invited Kageyama to join him in the sauna but Kageyama politely declined. Instead, he’s stretched out on his bed scrolling through his phone.
Normally he’s relaxed the night before a match, choosing to spend it eating with his teammates, going over strategy, and catching up on some tv. Tonight, however, he’s got a restlessness that he can’t get rid of. He’s already gone on a run and doesn’t want to push himself too hard before a big game, and being around other people right now would only make it worse; his teammates would immediately call him out for acting weird and he isn’t in the mood for their teasing. His phone is doing little to distract him, though, and he’s about to give up and join Ushijima at the sauna when he gets a notification from Instagram, Hinata’s name popping up at the top of the screen.
Kageyama hesitates. He isn’t sure seeing Hinata’s face will help with the itch he feels under his skin. And he’ll see Hinata tomorrow, it’s not like it was when he was all the way in Brazil and the photos posted online were the only updates he got.
He stares at the notification for a full minute before letting out a quiet, “fuck it,” to his empty hotel room and clicking on it.
Turns out, he should probably trust his instincts.
Hinata has posted a bunch of pictures of his team, the caption exclaiming how excited he was for his first game in the V.League. Bokuto shows up in quite a few of them and Kageyama allows himself a small smile at the pair. It seems Hinata is still following him around like a little duckling. It’s cute. Irritatingly so.
Kageyama swipes to the last picture and any feelings of fondness evaporate, leaving him cold.
The photo must have been taken from the end of the court during a practice. Hinata and Atsumu are perfectly framed, with Atsumu jumping to set and Hinata in almost flawless form near the top of the net. It isn’t their volleyball technique that he’s paying attention to, though– it’s their faces. Their eyes are locked on each other and they’re grinning freely; Kageyama can almost hear the breathless laughter Hinata must have been letting out at that moment.
His eyes follow the slope of Hinata’s mouth, the fullness of his cheeks, his strong jaw. Had Hinata looked at him like that when they’d played? He remembers the fierceness of Hinata’s eyes when he’d spiked Kageyema’s sets, the way he’d shouted when they landed, but did he look this happy? Or is that joy something Atsumu has drawn out in him? Maybe this whole thing is pointless and he needs to accept that he wasn’t enough for Hinata.
The photo suddenly disappears as his phone alerts him to an incoming call and his brows draw down in confusion when he reads the name.
“Hello?”
“Hey, kiddo! It’s Suga!”
“I know, it shows your name when you call. And I’m an adult now, can you please stop calling me kiddo?”
“Not a chance,” Suga says brightly. “You’ll always be my kiddo.”
Another voice cuts in. “He just spends too much time around actual kids now, it’s become a habit.”
“Daichi’s here too.”
“Hey, Kageyama.”
Jesus, these two are worse than his actual parents. “Hi, Daichi.”
There’s silence on the other end of the line.
“Did you guys need something?”
“No, no, we just wanted to check in, see how you’ve been.”
Kageyama frowns. “We had lunch together last week.”
“Right, we know. But tomorrow’s a big day and everyone’s so excited to get together—we wanted to see how you’re feeling about it all.”
“I’m fine.”
“Good! Great! You know, they say you should stay off your phone in the evenings. The blue light is terrible for your sleep and you’ve got to rest up if you want to do your best tomorrow,” Suga says with forced casualness.
His eyes narrow. “Who is ‘they’?”
“Scientists, Kageyama, scientists. And they know what they’re talking about so make sure to keep off those social media apps, you little...influencer…”
Ah. So that’s what this is about.
“Did Yachi put you up to this?”
“Whaaaat? Of course not! We don’t even—why would we—”
“Listen, bud—”
“Oh my god, Daichi, you can’t make fun of me for calling him kiddo and then call him bud like this is some American baseball movie.”
“—relationships are hard and confusing, and I know it’s scary to allow yourself to be vulnerable—”
“What your father is trying to say—”
“C’mon, Koushi, that joke wasn’t even funny in high school and we’re all grown men now.”
“What, I thought you liked it when I called you daddy.”
There’s a scuffle on the other line as the two of them have a muffled argument, Suga’s laugh the only thing Kageyama can make out. He stares at the ceiling and considers smothering himself to death.
“I’m sorry about that, Kageyama. Suga’s had a little sake and lost his brain-to-mouth filter. We’re not trying to ambush you or anything, but I hope you know that we’re here if you need to talk. About anything, anytime. Hell, give us the word and we’ll drive to your hotel room right now if you need us to.”
“We’ll bring sake!” Suga shouts in the background.
“Okay, I would drive to your hotel, Suga would be buckled safely in the passenger seat. Point is— you know you’ve always got people on your side, right?”
Five years ago he could never have imagined having this conversation. But then he chose Karasuno and it was nothing like he expected at all. His days had been filled with volleyball and laughter, and plenty of arguments too, but their team had felt like a family and they’d come out of every storm stronger than before. They were the first ones to make him feel like he could rely on others and could trust that his teammates would have his back. He wouldn’t be the player he is today if he hadn’t been embraced by that ragtag group of underdogs. He was lucky then and he’s even luckier now, that all these years later his upperclassmen are still looking out for him.
“Yes, captain.”
“Ah, jeez, don’t call me captain—you’re the one playing professionally. I bet even a weak serve from you nowadays could knock me on my ass.”
“That first service ace you made in your last match? I swear Daichi had sympathy pains just watching the other team try to recieve it. It’s hard to believe you were once our little spoiled prince.”
“You’re not actually his mother, Koush, tone it down. But we are proud of you, Kageyama. We tell anyone who’ll listen that we taught you everything you know.”
“And no one needs to know it’s a lie.”
“You guys did teach me a lot,” Kageyama offers. “Not about serving, that was Oikawa—”
“C’mon, man.”
“—but I didn’t even know how to be a part of a team before you guys. I wouldn’t have made it to the Olympics if I was still trying to play the way I was in middle school.”
“Flatterer,” Suga accuses.
“We’ll take credit for that. Alright, I know you’ve got to get some rest so we’ll let you go but you give us a call if you need to talk, okay?
He knows he’s not going to, not when just the idea of talking about his feelings makes his palms sweat, but he hums in agreement.
“We’ll see you tomorrow. And hey, try to have some fun, will ya? You and Hinata always loved playing together.”
“We aren’t playing together, we’re playing against each other.”
“You’re on the same court, aren’t you?”
“I...I guess so.” Kageyama had been so focused on seeing him again, on coming up with a plan to get him back, he’d forgotten that tomorrow he’ll be playing the game he loves with Hinata for the first time in two years. His nerves flare; what if it isn’t the same? What if that spark they’d always had faded while they were apart? Does Hinata even consider him a rival anymore? He silently curses Daichi for opening the floodgates.
“Listen, don’t think too hard, Kageyama. It’s just one game. Now make sure you go out there and show ‘em how crows do it. Karasuno?”
God damn it. It’s been years and Daichi will not let go of their old chant. “Fight,” he mumbles, embarrassed despite no one being around to witness it.
“Oh come on, just because I told you not to worry about it, doesn’t mean you shouldn’t give it your all. You want to win, don’t you?”
“I always want to win.”
“And you want to show everyone you’re better than Atsumu don’t you?”
“Don’t encourage him, Daichi!”
Kageyama sucks in a breath because that’s the crux of it, isn’t it? He doesn’t just want to win– he has to. If he can’t show Hinata that he needs Kageyama, he doesn’t stand a chance. Volleyball is all he has to offer. “Of course I do!”
“Well alright, then let’s see that fire! Karasuno?”
“Fight!”
“There he is! Kick some ass!”
Kageyama finds himself smiling after they hang up. He may be shitty with relationships but he’s the best setter in the country, goddamn it; he’s going to crush Atsumu and Hinata is going to remember that it’s Kageyama who’s always made him fly.
* * *
He should have known to avoid the bathrooms. Years may have passed but Hinata will always be that nervous kid rushing to the toilet before an important match. That’s about the only thing that’s the same, though.
They’re facing off outside the restroom door, both clearly caught off guard at seeing each other. This certainly isn’t the reunion he’d imagined but at least he finally gets to see the man Hinata has grown into with his own eyes and damn if it doesn’t nearly bring Kageyama to his knees.
Hinata’s legs had always been muscular, all that time biking and jumping resulting in thick, strong thighs, but now Kageyama struggles to pull his eyes away from them. He seems a little taller than before and a lot broader; the black jersey is stretched tight across his shoulders, the sleeves snug around his biceps. Hinata had always been a little pale in high school, most of his days spent in the classroom or the gym, but all that time on the beaches has given him a glowing tan along with a sprinkling of freckles across his nose and cheeks that were never there as a teenager. Kageyama has to hold himself back from reaching out and tracing them with his fingers. His hair, still almost obnoxiously bright, has been shaved on the sides but the wild mess of waves on top is exactly how Kageyama remembers it. Kageyama’s wandering eyes finally meet Hinata’s own and those are just the same—bright and warm, and currently gleaming with determination.
This man standing in front of him is both familiar and foreign and there's an ache in his chest because Hinata used to feel like an extension of his own body and now he feels like a phantom limb. He wonders if Hinata is taking in all the ways he’s changed as well, if his head feels like it’s spinning as the old him and new him blur together. It’s too much for Kageyama, being confronted by the two years he lost with Hinata, and his eyes slide away to focus slightly to the left of his head.
He has to say something. This is the first time he’s seen Hinata since the night they ended things and it’s his chance to show him the kind of man he’s become in his absence.
“You’re not gonna shit yourself before we play are you?”
Fuck. He’s an idiot.
“Kageyama,” Hinata whines, shoulders finally relaxing from their stiff position, “you were supposed to say something cool!”
Has his voice gotten deeper or had Kageyama just forgotten the way it made his stomach flutter? “Well at least I said something! You were just going to stand there making a dumb face!”
He wasn’t making a dumb face at all, actually. He looked surprised but so handsome Kageyama could hardly stand it.
“That’s just my face! If you want to see something dumb, look at your hair!”
Kageyama’s cheeks warm. He’d gotten sick of constantly having to go into a salon for trims and chopped the front off with scissors. Now the only way it looks even semi presentable is if he parts it down the middle. “I’m surprised you can even see it from all the way down there, runt.“
“Hey! I’ve grown a whole two inches, I’ll have you know!”
His mouth stretches into a predatory smirk. “So have I.”
“I—I’m not scared of you.”
“You don’t have to be scared of anyone, Shou, not when you’ve got me.” Kageyama’s stops breathing as Atsumu saunters around the corner and drapes himself over Hinata’s back. “But you, Tobio, should be scared of our number 21 here.”
He hadn’t noticed, too busy cataloging all the ways he’s grown, but his eyes drop to the large 21 printed on the front of Hinata’s jersey and suddenly he is scared of him—of the way he makes Kageyama’s heart stutter without lifting a finger, of the the way he’s smiling at Atsumu, completely unaware that he’s holding all of Kageyama’s hope in his hands.
It had to be on purpose, right? There’s no way he just happened to pick 21 when Kageyama has played as 20 since he first joined the V.League. But Hinata had always been sentimental, proudly wearing the Little Giant’s old number in high school and speaking fondly of every classmate who ever tossed a ball for him in middle school. Kageyama has to remind himself that Hinata may be thinking of him, but probably only as his rival-- the player he’s wanted to beat since he was fourteen. The familiar way he and Atsumu lean into each other is proof of that.
“Now I wouldn’t say I make him invincible, but it’s pretty damn close.”
No, no, no, no. Kageyama has to work to keep his face neutral as his heart drops into his stomach. He can’t bring himself to look directly at Hinata but he sees him blush out of the corner of his eye. He’d told Atsumu what Kageyama said? Why? To mock him? Did they laugh about what a sappy idiot he was, about how tightly Hinata had him wrapped around his finger since the beginning? It doesn’t sound like something Hinata would do but the last five minutes have been a lesson in how little Kageyama knows about this older version of him. Brazil had taken in a boy and spit out this man and Kageyama has no idea what he’s capable of, not on the court and certainly not off of it.
He has to retreat. If he stays here any longer the ache in his chest will spread and affect his playing. Volleyball is his and he can’t let stupid emotions get in the way of it. He’s better than that.
His hands may be shaking but his voice is steady. “I’m the best setter in the league. I don’t care that you’ve got a shiny new toy to play with, I’m going to win.”
“Volleyball is about being a team player, or did you forget? Shouyo knows that better than anyone—maybe he can teach you a thing or two.”
“I think I’ve learned all I need to from him, thanks,” Kageyama says, then he turns and leaves, ignoring Hinata calling out his name.
He can do this.
* * *
Sweat is dripping into his eyes but they stay glued to Hinata’s elated face as he celebrates his first win as a professional player, jumping up and down with his teammates despite how exhausted he must be. Kageyama thinks he should probably feel worse about losing but the crowd’s cheers are like white noise, clearing his mind of anything except Hinata. He’d had no idea what to expect from his training in Brazil but it’s clear that it paid off. Hinata was impossible to look away from as they’d played, his natural athleticism finally being used to its full potential as he seemed to glide around the court, faster and more balanced than ever. But more than that, he was confident, never losing his cool or doubting himself despite playing at this new level. And why should he, when he’s just shown everyone what he’s capable of. Kageyama looks at his sweaty, flushed face beaming while Atsumu spins him around, and he aches.
Hinata had used their quick with Atsumu. He’d known they would—why would Hinata hold back his greatest weapon in his debut match? But knowing it was coming didn’t stop it from hurting, like a serve to the back of the head. Kageyama has tossed for dozens of spikers, all of them with unique needs and strengths, but none of them had been able to match what he’d had with Hinata. He’s spent two years craving the feeling of sending the ball directly to Hinata’s waiting hand and Hinata’s found someone else to give that trust to. God, he’s been so stupid, thinking this would go any other way. Hinata just showed him how little he needs Kageyama now; not his sets and certainly not his heart.
Kageyama can hear his teammates talking to him but he has no idea what they’re saying. All he knows is that he lost, not just the game but his partner. It’s over.
A hard slap on the back clears the fog in his brain and he stumbles forward, turning to glare at his teammate.
Ushijima stares back solemnly. “I had a feeling it would turn out this way. Hinata Shouyo is always full of surprises. You’ve chosen a worthy rival.”
He knows Ushijima is trying to console him about their loss but the only thing Kageyama can think about is how this is his future; people will look at him and Hinata and they’ll see two players in competition, nothing more. But he wants more. He wants it all.
“Kageyama!”
He takes a shuddering breath and faces his fear.
Hinata is smiling at him, hands on his hips in a cocky stance. “Don’t look so sad, Pouty-yama. I told you one day I’d stay on the court longer. You should have known I’d beat you.”
He should have known. He should have known. Fuck, why didn’t he see this coming? He may have been a better player than him, but Hinata had always been magnetic, a star so bright it blinded you. Of course Kageyama couldn’t keep that. He’s awkward and selfish and angry and when Hinata figured it out, he bailed. And now look at him—finally living his dream.
Kageyama’s throat tightens and all he can do is nod.
Hinata’s smile drops. “‘Yama?”
“I--” He struggles to think of something to say that won’t give away how crushed he is but all he can think is he should have known. Hinata’s hand grazes his arm, concern written all over his face, and Kageyama absolutely cannot do this, not out in the open with their teammates standing a few feet away and the crowds looking down on them. He jerks back quickly and pretends he doesn’t see the hurt flash in Hinata’s eyes. “Congrats on the game. Your team played well.” He bows stiffly and strides off the court, not stopping until the only noise he can hear is the noise in his head.
He takes a few deep breaths, feeling more winded than he had during the actual game, and flexes his shaking hands.
The pain of losing Hinata to Brazil, the pain he’d tucked away behind a sliver of hope, has come rushing back in, all at once, and all he can think is, this isn’t fair.
“Kageyama!”
He flinches at Hinata’s angry shout, and tries to shove the crazy mess of emotions to the side, his face sliding into a carefully blank mask.
“What?”
Hinata stomps right up to him and glares, poking him angrily in the chest. “Don’t you ‘what’ me! You know what!”
Kageyama scoffs. “Good to know you didn’t get any smarter in Brazil.”
“You—” Hinata cuts himself when a couple of the ball boys turn into the hallway, chatting excitedly. He gives them a tight smile when they wave at him and then he’s grabbing Kageyama’s arm roughly. “Come on.”
He pulls them into the small conference room a few doors down and slams the door behind him.
“I was trying to be patient with you and—and understanding, or whatever, but you’re being an ass.”
“I’m sorry, this is you being patient?”
“Shut up! You’re really going to act like this, after we haven’t seen each other in years?”
“Whose fault is that?”
“You don’t get to be mad that I went to Brazil because you told me you made me promise that I would do whatever it took to meet you here!”
“I know what I said.” His voice shakes with his simmering anger because how dare Hinata throw that in his face and act like this is Kageyama’s fault. He wanted him to get better but he didn’t ask Hinata to travel thousands of miles away to do it and he certainly didn’t tell him to break up with him.
“So I did! And now you’re going to act like this is nothing?”
“You mean the way you acted like we were nothing when you left me?”
Hinata sucks in a breath. “Tobi—”
“You don’t get to call me that. You lost that privilege—willingly gave it up, actually. And for you to come here and act like I won’t care that you’ve got that asshole hanging all over you—”
“Tsumu? What’s he got to do with this? He’s a good setter, but—”
“I don’t wanna hear about how good of a setter he is! I don’t wanna hear anything about him!”
“Why are you so mad? This is—I thought this was what we wanted. What we both wanted! I’m here and I’m better, didn’t you see? I’m good on my own now, not just when I have you, and I wanted you to be happy—”
“Why would I be happy, Hinata? Fuck.” He holds his head in his hands, his eyes clenched shut. “I know I’m not—I don’t express myself very well sometimes, or say the right things. But that was never a problem for us before so I thought you knew how—how I felt about you. About us. And I know it was never up to me, that I never could have made you stay, but you didn’t even talk to me about any of it. You were just done with me all of a sudden and it felt like my whole world was crumbling—so how could I be happy?”
“I didn’t…I didn’t mean to make you feel that way, Kageyama, I’m sorry. I was leaving and I knew—” He takes a deep breath. “I wanted us to stay friends. But you never responded to any of my messages—”
The rage swells inside of him again. “So that’s it then? You decided you didn’t want me as a boyfriend anymore but you still wanted to catch up every couple months, talk about the good old days and how training is going?”
Hinata meets him head on. “Don’t say it like that, like it was childish of me. That’s what friends do.”
“We aren’t friends.”
“Not right now because you’re being stubborn, but—”
“No, Hinata. We were never friends.”
That stops Hinata in his tracks. Kageyama should stop now before he says something he regrets but he needs to make this clear, needs Hinata to understand.
“We were rivals and teammates—”
“Stop.”
“And partners on the court—”
“I don’t wanna hear this.” Tears are welling up in Hinata’s eyes but Kageyama clenches his fists and keeps going.
“—classmates—”
“And friends!” Hinata cries.
“No! You were the sun, Hinata! The thing it all revolved around! You motivated me—shaped me—pushed me every single day! You were the better person who came to find me! So don’t call me your fucking friend!”
All Kageyama can hear is his own heavy breathing. Hinata isn’t looking at him. His chin has dropped to his chest, his shoulders hunched, and it makes him seem as small as he was when Kageyama first met him.
Kageyama is reminded that they’re having this fight in a very public gym when the door knob turns, clicking loudly in the silence. He opens his mouth to tell whoever it is to fuck off but the words catch in his throat when Atsumu walks in.
“Hey, I heard some yelling. You giving my spiker a hard time for kicking your ass?” Atsumu smirks, leaning against the door frame.
His spiker.
Kageyama looks to Hinata for a reaction but he hasn’t moved an inch and stays silent. He’s not sure what he was hoping for, exactly. For Hinata to brush off the possessive comment? Assure his teammate that they’re fine and just need some privacy? He gets neither, which he supposes says enough in itself.
“No, just clearing up a misunderstanding,” Kageyama says, voice low in barely controlled anger. Or maybe it’s sadness; he’s always been quick to confuse the two. “I’ll leave you and your spiker alone. Wouldn’t want to keep you two from a date or anything.”
He moves to slip past Atsumu but a calloused hand grips his wrist before he can take more than a step. Kageyama glares down at the offending hand and then at Hinata, who still hasn’t taken his eyes off the floor. He’s about to snap at him but Atsumu speaks up first.
“Date? Are you finally taking me up on my offer, Shouyo? Did I win you over with my superior setting?” His smile somehow becomes more smug and Kageyama doesn’t think he’s ever wanted to hit someone so badly in his life.
“Get out.”
Kageyama’s eyes widen. He’s never heard that tone from Hinata before, low and dangerous. He glances back expecting to meet brown eyes but they aren’t focused on him at all; they’re staring unblinkingly at Atsumu.
He seems as unprepared for this as Kageyama, the grin gone in an instant and replaced with an uncertain frown. He glances between the two of them before giving Hinata a short nod. “Yeah, okay. Do me a favor and shoot me a text later, ‘kay?”
He leaves without waiting for a reply and Kageyama is alone with Hinata again, the hand on his wrist burning like a brand.
“You said date.”
Kageyama is still reeling from the sharp dismissal and can only let out a breathless, “What?”
The hand on his wrist tightens. “Date. You said, ‘wouldn’t want to keep you two from a date or anything’. Explain that.”
Hinata’s turned his piercing gaze on Kageyama and he sucks in a quick breath. It’s the same look he’s seen him give challenging opponents during a match but he’s never been on the receiving end of it and it’s more intimidating than expected. He refuses to give Hinata the satisfaction of knowing that, though, and scowls down at him.
“I know you were bad in school but I think you can figure that one out on your own.”
“Fine, if you wanna be difficult I’ll tell you what I think.” Hinata drops his hand and shoves Kageyama, sending him stumbling back a step. “I think you saw me and Atsumu together one time and your tiny, pea-sized brain jumped to conclusions.” Another shove sends him back two more steps. “And instead of just asking me, or one of our friends who actually bothered talking to me for the last two years—” A final shove puts his back against the wall and a tiny grunt escapes him. “You worked yourself up and got pissed. Tell me I’m wrong.”
He hates how well Hinata has always seen through him.
“Go on,” Hinata presses, close enough that Kageyama can feel the heat coming off of him, “tell me.”
“Don’t pretend you know anything about me.”
“Unbelievable.” He steps back and Kageyama feels like he can finally breathe again. “I don’t know why I even bothered trying to talk to you when I was in Brazil. It’s not like I was missing much.”
The words hit him like a knife to the chest and Kageyama can feel the last of his self control bleed out. “Fine, you wanted to catch up like old friends? Here it is, Hinata: I train and train and train and when I’m not doing that I’m trying to get over you. And, god, it’s been years, but I’m still so bad at it.” Kageyama runs his hands through his hair, frustration building. “And that’s not even the worst part. The worst part is that I let myself hope, I let myself feel things that I know you don’t, not anymore. And I thought, maybe, when you came back we could...fuck, this is so pathetic.”
“Don’t be a coward. You thought we could what?”
“I thought we could be together. I thought that if there weren’t all those miles between us that you might want me again. And I’m so fucking mad at you—”
“Stop swearing at me,” Hinata says weakly.
“—Because even when we were nothing but rivals, we were always on the same page for everything that mattered. And this mattered so much, more than anything else, so I assumed you would be with me on this, that you’d want the same thing. But then I see you with your setter and he was touching you, and you seemed happy, like you found someone new and forgot about us—”
“I never stopped wanting you.”
Kageyama freezes. “What?”
“Never, not once, did I stop wanting you. I wanted you when I was breaking up with you, and I wanted you when I was on my third plane to Brazil, and I wanted you when I was struggling to get the ball up in the sand, and when I was watching you play at the Olympics on TV, and— I always wanted you.”
“But...I don’t understand, you—”
“I regretted breaking up with you the second the words were out of my mouth,” Hinata says in a rush, “and you were right, you didn’t need to say anything for me to know how much I was hurting you but I thought it would be better that way. You wanted to stay together but you would have been stuck missing me the whole time. You were going to play in the city, what if you were distracted because of me and didn’t play your best? Or what if we couldn’t handle the distance and broke up—then it would have been for nothing! But if I hurt you, just the once, it wouldn’t drag on. It was one night of pain or two years of it.”
“One night of pain? What kind of fucked up logic is that, Hinata? You thought, what, the minute the clock struck twelve suddenly it wouldn’t matter that you broke up with me? That I would get over you that fast?”
“It made sense at the time, okay! We were barely out of high school and we had these big dreams and you were already off living yours! What were the chances of us making it work?”
“When we’re together, anything is possible.”
Hinata blinks rapidly, his lip wobbling like it always does before he starts crying, but there's a nasty part of Kageyama that’s glad this is hurting him and he goes for the kill.
“You act like everything you did was for my sake, but be honest: you gave up on us because you were scared. Who’s the coward now?”
“Shut up!” Hinata sobs, pounding his fists against Kageyama’s chest. “You think I don’t know that? I was so miserable when I first got to Brazil, all I wanted to do was hear your voice. I wanted you to call me a dumbass and tell me that it was all going to be worth it, but I couldn’t so I sat there replaying the last time I saw you, over and over again, and it was killing me. And then I found Oikawa and at first that made it a little easier, because at least there was someone who I could talk to, who would understand what it was like to leave everything behind for a chance to play volleyball. But then he started telling me about Iwa and how no distance could ever change how they felt about each other, and I knew, I knew I’d ruined what we had for nothing. I wanted to take it back so badly, Kageyama, you have to believe me. After Oikawa went back to Argentina, I sent you a message, hoping that maybe you could forgive me if I just had a chance to explain myself and apologize but you never replied. Not to a single one, you big, dumb, jerk. But I couldn’t even be mad at you because I would remember the way you looked at me when I told you I wanted to break up and I—I did that to you and I had to live with it.”
Kageyama hadn’t replied to any of the messages but he’d kept them. They weren’t particularly meaningful, just Hinata saying hi and a few comments about missing the food in Japan and wishing him well with his training, but he’d stared at them for hours, late at night when he couldn’t sleep. He’d thought about replying, about trying to stay connected to Hinata in some way, but his thumb always froze over the keyboard before he could. He’s not sure if he regrets that now or not.
“So I thought I would wait until I could see you in person. Until I could prove to you that it had been worth it—me going to Brazil. If I showed you how much I changed, maybe you wouldn’t be so mad. And I was so excited to see you again, Kageyama.” Hinata’s breath hitches, but he shakes his head and pushes on. “I imagined it all the time—locking eyes with you from across the net and smiling at each other because I had finally caught up to you. I’d found you again.”
Kageyama’s eyes burn because he can picture what Hinata is describing so vividly, had spent lonely nights imagining the same thing, and they’d deserved that, hadn’t they? He’d been waiting to be found.
“But then we ran into each other in the hallway before the match and you could barely look at me.”
“It hurt,” he says quietly.
“Looking at me?”
“Seeing all the changes I wasn’t around for.”
“Oh.”
“It’s not like we would have had a chance to say much anyway, with your setter coming to protect you.”
“Don’t call him that,” Hinata pleads.
Kageyama clenches his fists. “Sorry, boyfriend.”
“Bakageyama, have you not been paying attention to anything? He’s not my boyfriend, I have no idea where you got that idea! But you know what? Even if he was, you aren’t allowed to get mad! If you can have your stupid, beautiful, model girlfriend, then I get to move on too!”
It feels like he’s been hit with a bag of bricks. The relief of hearing Hinata refute his greatest fear is enough to make his knees go weak but there’s too many emotions flowing over him and he latches onto confusion so he doesn’t get swept away. “Girlfriend?”
“Did you think I wouldn’t see? I set up Google alerts for you when they announced you were joining the national team. I wanted to count your wins so I knew how many I needed to catch up once I got back.” Hinata stares off to the left, pink dusting his cheekbones. “But I turned them off when the articles about you and…anyway, you don’t get to be angry with me, okay. You moved on first.”
“I have no idea what you're talking about.”
Hinata glares at him. “Don’t be a jerk.”
“I’m not trying to be, I’m just really confused. I don’t have a girlfriend.”
“Wait, did you break up? Already? I’m not surprised, I don’t know what girl would put up with you if she didn’t have to.”
“Hey!”
“Well it’s true!”
“She didn’t break up with me! I mean, she doesn’t even exist, but if she did, I definitely would have been the one to break up with her!”
“I saw the pictures, Kageyama, you don’t have to hide it. You and that model went on a bunch of dates. You even had matching outfits.”
Uotani. Kageyama can’t believe that actually worked.
“I was never dating her, it was PR. She wanted to go on some reality show but not enough people knew who she was so our managers set up a few things for us to do together.”
Hinata looks stricken. “Why would you do that?”
“My manager asked. I said no, at first, but then you started playing for the Jackals and you were posting a bunch of pictures with Atsumu—”
“I have, like, two pictures with him, tops.”
“—And it pissed me off, okay? That you’d found someone new before me.”
“Couldn’t lose, huh?”
“No, it’s not--” Kageyama doesn’t want him to think this was anything like those meaningless races back in high school. “It wasn’t a competition. I knew I wouldn’t win if it were. It just seemed like you didn’t have to try nearly as hard as I did. Even if I wanted to move on, that would have meant giving someone else my heart and I couldn’t because you took it with you to Brazil. And I didn’t want to take it away from you. If I couldn’t have you, at least I could leave you with that. So you wouldn’t forget me.”
Hinata hides his face in Kageyama’s chest. “You—you can’t say things like that,” he whispers.
“Sorry, that probably sounded stupid.”
He groans and rubs his face against Kageyama’s sweaty uniform. “You have no idea.”
“I was just trying to tell you that you don’t have to worry about a girlfriend.” Kageyama finally allows himself to touch Hinata back, sliding his hands through the bright hair and tugging gently. “Which you should have known since I’m gay. I think that makes you the bigger idiot.”
He conveniently leaves out the part where he’d been hoping for that reaction. It’s even more embarrassing in hindsight.
“Well, I don’t know,” Hinata huffs. His arms find their way around Kageyama’s waist before he peers up at him shyly. “I was worried that the way things ended between us might have made you reconsider.”
“Hinata, I love you, but not even you could make me interested in women.”
Hinata’s gapes at him, eyes shining. “You do?”
It takes Kageyama longer than it should to realize he just confessed that he’s still in love with his ex-boyfriend. This is not going how it was supposed to at all. He hadn’t taken into account the way Hinata rewires his brain and makes him incapable of behaving normally. He has to distance himself if he wants to make it out of this with some semblance of dignity.
“I—” He starts tugging at the arms around him. “Let go, Hinata.”
Hinata clings tighter. “No, you said—"
“Forget I said anything, okay? Go celebrate with your team, you won.”
“Stop struggling, Bakageyama! Ouch! Don’t pinch me! What are you, five?”
“Look who’s talking! You’re twenty one, stop hanging on me!”
“Not until you say it again!”
Kageyama knows where this is heading. If neither of them back down, they’ll start wrestling for real until someone accidentally gets hurt. In high school that had almost always been Hinata but with the new muscles Kageyama is desperately trying to ignore, that might not be the case anymore. As much as being vulnerable makes him break out in hives, it might be worth it. Hinata doesn’t seem mad about what he said so maybe…
He sighs and squishes Hinata’s cheeks between his hands, ignoring the loud complaints he gets in return. “Listen up, because I’m only going to say this once.”
Hinata nods at him eagerly.
“I...I love you, okay? A lot. That never changed, even when you left, because you’re…” How is Kageyama supposed to explain what Hinata is to him? He doesn’t think there’s words to describe it and if there are, he certainly doesn’t know them. But Hinata has always spoken his language and he prays that’s still true. “You’re my person. You’re the only one who never made me second guess myself or worry that I was being too weird or that I wasn't saying things the right way, because none of that mattered to you. When I’m with you, I can just...exist. The only other time I feel like that is when I’m playing volleyball.”
“Tobio…”
The way Hinata is looking at him is too much, his eyes glistening with unshed tears and making him feel like his heart is going to burst, so he says the first thing that pops into his head. “I really want to kiss you.”
Hinata lets out a sob and pulls Kageyama down until their foreheads are touching, only an inch left between their lips. “I’m going to be so mad at you if you don’t.”
Kageyama feels one last warm breath against his mouth before he’s finally, finally, kissing the lips he’s been missing for two years. It’s soft and sweet and feels like coming home.
When they break apart, Hinata continues to pepper little kisses across Kageyama’s face, drawing a small chuckle out of the setter, before dropping back onto his heels.
Hinata is a mess. His eyes are red and watery from crying, his cheeks flushed, and he keeps sniffing like a little kid; Kageyama has never found him more beautiful. He uses his own jersey to start wiping at his face. “You’re gross.”
Hinata simply beams at him. “In case it wasn’t obvious, I love you too. I always will, no matter what. I’m sorry I made you think otherwise but I promise I’ll never let you go again, okay? It’s you and me ‘till we’re old and grey.”
Kageyama pulls Hinata close and hides his face in his neck, overwhelmed at the thought of them spending all those years together. “Okay.”
“No chickening out, either. We’re doing this for real—partners for life.”
At that, Kagayama jerks back and glares. “Idiot! I’m not the one with commitment issues!”
Hinata squawks. “I don’t have commitment issues! I was nineteen and stupid, it’s not the same thing!”
“Yeah, well, you have a lot of making up to do!”
“I know that!”
“Which means I get to pick out our first apartment together!”
“Fine!” Hinata only seems to understand what Kageyama said after he’s already agreed to it and confusion replaces the heat in his eyes. “I mean...yeah, that—that seems fair.”
“And I get to be the one to propose, no doing it before me!”
“Okay,” Hinata breathes, eyes wide as saucers.
“I know it might be a while, because of the laws and stuff, but um, I know someone who’s working on it—or she will be, as soon as she graduates from law school,” Kageyama says awkwardly, scratching the back of his head. Now that the urgency has faded, he’s left feeling embarrassed about his demands.
“I believe you.”
“Cool.”
“Cool.”
They’re saved from any further awkwardness by a knock on the door. Hinata looks at him for permission and Kageyama shrugs. He’s not the one who’s been crying. At least not obviously.
“Come in!” Hinata calls.
The door flings open and Bokuto barrels in, dragging Atsumu along in a headlock. “Hey, hey, hey! I think you two made poor Tsumy nervous. He’s been pacing around the hallway for like ten minutes. What are you doing in here anyway? It’s time to celebrate! Well, Hinata at least. Sorry, Kageyama.”
Kageyama shrugs. “We’ll beat you next time.”
“Now that’s some confidence! Better bring the skills to back it up!”
Astumu wrestles free of Bokuto and looks Hinata over. “You okay, Shou?”
“Better than ever,” Hinata tells him, reaching out to lacing his fingers with Kageyama’s. “Sorry about earlier, we just needed to talk some stuff out.”
“No worries, man.” That infuriating smirk is back and Kageyama regrets not locking him and Bokuto out. “You know, you’re kinda scary sometimes.”
“Whaaat, my disciple is scary?” Bokuto asks, mouth falling open in shock.
“Yeah, he gets these crazy eyes. You better hold on tight, goody two shoes,” Atsumu says, finally acknowledging Kageyama, “some people might find that kinda sexy, try to steal him from you.”
“I’d like to see them try,” he growls.
“Ouch, Yama, you’re squeezing too tight.”
Kageyama immediately relaxes his grip on Hinata’s hand and blinks down at his pouty face “Sorry.”
“I would never treat my precious Shou-chan like that,” Atsumu simpers.
“Jeez, Tsum-Tsum, stop trying to start something with Kageyama. Akaashi invited the Karasuno gang to come celebrate with us and I don’t want to be late for the epic reunion because I have to break up a fight.”
“I could take him.”
Bokuto throws his head back and laughs. “I don’t think so. He’s got that extra inch on you.”
Atsumu sulks but allows himself to be led away with the promise to find Sakusa.
“Can I please punch that guy? Just once?”
“No! The Jackals need their best setter so we can take your guys’ spot as the number one team in Japan,” Hinata says, following his teammates. “But maybe after you propose to me. It’ll be like an engagement present!”
Kageyama lets their joined hands swing between them and smiles. Suddenly he’s got a lot to look forward to.