Chapter Text
“Can you remember your 27th birthday?” Tony looks at her, confused.
“Of course, you don’t.” Pepper teases with a smirk.
“I remember it quite well. I just turned 22nd then, just a few days shy from marching, just lost my mom from cancer and lost myself as well,” Pepper sighs deeply, trying her best to continue or she would miss her chance again.
“I’ve been attending parties here and there to avoid, to forget, to not think about how my mom just missed my graduation by just a few more days.” She grins and tries to laugh it off as if it was something stupid.
“But your party? Oooh it was the grandest of them all,” she looks up to the ceiling smiling, as if very fond of the memory. “You were pretty popular in my crowd, everyone was everywhere, waiting for you to show yourself up, looking around for your bedroom, thinking who you would take to bed that night. You were practically Gatsby, you know!” She smiled at him while he just stared, already jumping into the nearest conclusion this confession could lead to.
“You were saying you met me? Three years before you worked for me?” Tony can feel his heart beat a lot faster. He’s trying his best to recall seven or eight years worth of birthdays. Well, to be fair, every birthday feels the same since his parents died. Obadiah would organize a party in one of his mansions and he’d be doing whatever he wanted to whoever was willing to… and lucky for him, almost everyone was usually willing to.
Including Pepper.
“Not only met, but also slept with you.” She watches him carefully— watches how his mouth closes and opens for a few seconds, watches how his brain cells work with every blink of his eyes. Until a scoff came out of his mouth.
“This is not a good joke, Pepper.”
“I am not joking, Tony.”
They stare at each other’s eyes, both not knowing how to continue with this conversation. Both not really wanting to phrase what is obviously there. As if time has stopped for them to figure out who should do the next move.
“You mean… Oh, God.” Tony closes his eyes and starts massaging his temples with his right hand. He starts to walk to and fro in front of her (his) desk.
Pepper panics, she doesn’t mean to scare him. She doesn’t mean to hold him responsible. She just wants him to understand. To understand why she can’t stay as CEO even if they both want her to, why she can’t officially date him, too. Because it’s a lot more complicated than that– because she’s been keeping this secret ever since he hired her, even though she never intended to, she had always wanted to tell him– just always waiting for the right timing. Until she decides that maybe it’s better not to, that things are a lot better if they stayed the way they are, it would be a lot more peaceful for everyone. And besides maybe this isn’t supposed to happen at all, just a glitch in this reality. Oh God, she isn’t sure anymore.
“Hey, I– I don’t mean to pressure you. It’s okay if you don’t want to do anything about it. We can go back to normal– I’m resigning anyway… you can forget all about this– about me– once I step out of this office… I– I just– well I don’t know… I’m so sorry Tony, I don’t know how to make you understand without lying anymore…”
She tries to follow and stop him from pacing. Finally, she gets to hold his left forearm. He stops his steps then turns halfway to face the floor to ceiling window. Tears suddenly start forming in her eyes– for the first time in five years, she doesn’t know how to read him. Is he mad? Disgusted? Thinks she’s bluffing? Still joking? Oh my God, she herself doesn’t know what she has done. Why now? Why after all these years?
She lets go of his forearm and tries to step back. “I-Im sorry…” she looks down at her shoes, still trying her best to fight the tears that are already on their way to her cheeks.
He doesn’t move. Just puts his hands onto his waist, looks at the busy city just outside the window and deeply sighs, trying to make sense of everything he has heard in the last five minutes.
Shaking, she walks back to her desk and busies herself with putting away her things. For a few minutes, nothing can be heard but rustling papers, pens being put back into holders, make-up stuff being stuffed into a pouch, zipper’s closing, and Pepper’s controlled sniffling.
“My-my… resignation was already sent to-to.. the board, I’d still help wi-wi-with the clean-up and help with the transition until it’s all smooth…”
It took every breath for Pepper to finish her sentence. She slowly starts gathering her bag and pushing back the chair under the table. The only thing she wants now is to be out of here. Tony rarely gets mad at her, it’s usually the other way around. She has always been prepared, she has her flaws and her shortcomings but she’s quick enough to know what to do next, she gets herself out of hard situations in a blink of an eye and without a huff. The only times she didn’t know what exactly to do next was first, when she lost her mom; second, when she learned that she was about to be a mom herself; and third, now, when she admitted things to her baby daddy, eight years later.
Tony loosens his tie before slumping himself onto the chair in front of the desk.
“How sure are you?”
“What–”
“How sure are you that he’s mine?” He looks at her for the first time. Eyes dark and challenging. The way he looks at his R&D guys and asks them what’s wrong with their formulas.
“You said so yourself, you partied here and there– how many guys did you sleep with during those days, huh?”
She stops moving. Suddenly a sharp pang of pain hits her chest, as if he reached for her heart with his bare hands and crushed it himself. Her sniffling turns into full on sobs and she covers her face with her hands.
“I didn’t– I– you were…”
He looks away from her. He feels guilty for asking her that question. But he needs to be sure. He doesn’t know this Pepper. The Pepper he knows is strong, loyal, and kind– and most of all, honest. There is no one he trusts more than her. She knows his fears, his weaknesses, she’s the longest assistant he’s been with aside from JARVIS. They were literally together almost everyday in the last five years. She’s the first person he sees every morning and the last person he talks to at night– even in the company of another woman he makes sure to call her once he’s done with the did (to tell her that well, he needs help in the morning, but also to whisper an unnecessary apology once she hangs up). He has always liked her, but she has always wanted to stay professional, and focus on her child.
He only met him– Peter– twice. Once, when he was only three and Pepper’s best friend wasn’t able to take care of him for a few hours. He was bright and bubbly. Pepper brought him in one of the meetings and he listened quietly and tried to participate as if he was part of the board, he even casted a vote in a design they were discussing for weeks already. Some members were amused with his presence but some were distracted. Pepper received a notice at the end of the day which Tony only knew about a week later. He flounced on the way to Pepper’s desk and looked for the notice.
“The next time someone sends you some ridiculous notice, you put it on my table.” He said it so loud that the whole floor could hear it.
“Your kid can decide better than half of the board, why are they so insecure with what? A three-year-old?”
He then tore the notice in front of alerted employees and no one attempted to send Pepper notices again. But she herself tried to be a lot more careful with her actions and tried her best to never bring Peter with her again. Especially when she heard rumors that she was actually not his secretary but his whore who he would never marry despite their bastard son because who the hell did she think she was? She was just some pretty face and well, a former model– just like his regular hook-ups. It was already a good compromise that he gave her a job as a secretary– may be convenient for him too– he could get laid whenever and wherever he wanted. It hurts to be talked about and to be looked down upon– especially because some parts of it were true except that no one knows how much. The rumors stopped when bringing Peter to work became a distant memory and Pepper tried her best not to stay too late at work. She made sure that everyone sees her when she’s about to clock-out so no one would think of any after hours affairs, and if Tony still needed anything, she made it clear that, okay, if it can’t wait ‘til morning, she’ll do it, but only after she gets to put her kid to bed. Tony didn’t contest it, after all, she was the only secretary who made it this far.
The second time was two years later, on a very early Sunday when he needed Pepper to bail him out of jail. He punched someone at last night’s party. He didn’t remember his name or who exactly he was– just a son or stepson of some government official who asked him if he could have his turn with Pepper. He didn’t tell anyone that story, just shrugged his shoulders when interrogated why did he punch Mr. Son of a Bitch. Happy eagerly knocked on Pepper’s door at four in the morning because he lost his phone while holding Tony back from throwing more punches earlier, and Tony told him to not dare use his phone to call Pepper because he sure could sort this mess out himself– except that he couldn’t, he was so drunk that he couldn’t even finish the police’s interrogation.
Pepper was carrying a sleepy, thumb-sucking, still-in-his-pajamas-and-a-fluffy-coat Peter on her waist when he had his handcuffs removed. She was glaring at him and he glared back at Happy in return. Happy ran to his side to help him walk straight.
“I told you not to call her,” he said as he put his arms around Happy’s wide shoulders.
“Technically, I didn’t call her… I went to her.”
“I’m going to kill you when I’m a bit sober, Hogan.”
“Oh, can you be a bit nice, I have a kid in here,” Irritation was obvious in her voice.
Pepper made sure to hold Peter’s hood on his head since it was still cold outside. Tony caught Peter’s eyes looking at him as they walked to the car and he never felt so guilty. Pepper was firm that if she was to continue working for him, Sundays were off-limits, too. This was the only day she could be with Peter all day, and she sure needed a break from all his hullabaloos– including this one.
He smiled at him a little, when he caught Peter still staring at him from the rear view mirror. Pepper secured Peter on her lap but Peter leaned forward and held onto Tony’s headrest.
“Mummy said you fought a bad guy, is this a boo-boo?” Peter greeted him as he removed his thumb from his mouth to poke a forming bruise on his cheek.
“Oh, shit!” He moves his head away from Peter’s touch and accidentally bumps his head onto the front door glass, “Oh, fuck!”
“Careful, boss.” Happy reminded him as he kept his eyes on the road.
Pepper snorted a laugh and held onto Peter’s hand, “You just gave him another boo-boo, honey.”
“Oops, I’m sorry,” Peter innocently looked at her mom.
“Can we kiss his boo-boo, Mummy?” He asked, trying a whisper except that everything can be heard.
“Kiss my boo-boo, huh?” Tony smirked looking for Pepper’s eyes in the mirror. She rolled her eyes when she caught him.
“Yeah, so it can go away, boo-boos are afraid of kisses,” without warning, Peter proceeded to lean a lot forward and kissed him on the cheeks. He stumbled forward just so he could reach him, “Oops.” Fortunately Pepper was able to hold him tighter.
“Honey, please sit still, you’re gonna get boo-boos yourself if you keep leaning forward.”
Tony was still blushing on the passenger’s seat when they reached Pepper’s apartment. Happy opened their door to help them out and he was only able to watch from the side mirror– still very drunk from alcohol, from some thrown punches, and from Peter’s innocent kiss.
“Bye Mr. Stank!”
He slowly turned his head around to sloppily smile at the kid as he watched him wave his little hands.
He mouthed a thank you and thought of giving Pepper the same amount as his bail for her monthly bonus thinking that this is the least that he could do.
The next day, he blind-ordered the highest reviewed car seat and put it away in his garage. Only Happy knew about it because it was now a part of his job to make sure that the next time they were with Peter, he was secured enough not to get any boo-boos while on the drive. Except that the next time never happened. Well, maybe that’s for the better, because honestly, who would want someone like him around their kid.
“I– you know what, just forget everything that I said, it doesn’t matter, just–” she inhales deeply and tries her best to compose herself, she stops sobbing and starts sniffling again, except that it’s a lot stronger this time.
“Please forget everything I told you, I’m bluffing, I’m bluffing, I’m bluffing… No, yes! No-None of it was true! I-I’m going, I’m sorry for all of these, Mr. Stark… I’ll be out of your hair soon enough.”
She walks past him as fast as her heels could take her. She couldn’t believe what had just happened and why is this happening after all these years that she tried to keep everything a secret– no, she tried to keep things in order. Peter is a consequence of her actions and no one else’s. She never once blamed Tony or his lifestyle. He does his best to face every child claim that was thrown at him and he’s confident that he never fathered anyone– especially not those models. He has never forgotten to use his self formulated condoms that only he and James (and sometimes Happy) have the permission to use– never, except when he slept with Pepper a week ago after the big expo mess, and apparently, except eight years ago, the night when they really first met.
Pepper could feel her tears cold on her cheeks and she panics, other employees couldn't see her like this– messy, out-of-place, crying her way out secretary! They couldn’t suspect anything. Before she reaches the door, she suddenly feels a grasp on her left wrist. He tugs her so swiftly that she involuntarily turns around and has no choice but to face him. His eyes are dark but also pleading.
“Why only now, Pepper?”