Work Text:
When Jiwoong sees Woong start to fall for Yeonsoo, the sound of his heart beats too loudly in his ears and suddenly he can’t breathe. He walks away, hand clutching at his pained heart. He then proceeds to watch, for five years as Woong tries and tires and does his best to not show his loneliness and aching heart. Then, it all implodes in one brilliant last argument.
(And Jiwoong tries to be a good friend, a good brother. But some petty, ugly part of him is glad - and he hates that part of himself so much. How could he say that he loves Woong when he’s happy to see him hurt.)
Jiwoong does his best to help Woong, but his friend pushes him away, again and again. After days turn to weeks turn to months, Jiwoong is finally fed up and decides that he’s done.
The door swings open.
Woong is sad, but something in him has also settled.
The first time that Jiwoong sees Woong while he’s drawing, it feels like he’s watching a stranger. He’s never seen Woong be so engrossed in a task, the world melting away to just the paper and pen in front of him. Jiwoong feels as if he’s intruding and feels as if he should leave, but at the same time he wants to soak in this vision of Woong that nobody else gets to see. Woong doesn’t always kick him out like he does Eunho and that knowledge makes Jiwoong warm inside.
When Eun Ho starts to work his ‘magic’ and Woong becomes busier and busier, time taken up by schedules and people demanding his attention, Jiwoong finds himself jealous once again. Woong was his friend first. Was the one who extended his hand and never took it back.
(Jiwoong will never give it back.)
“Are you okay?”
Jiwoong blinks, startled out of his thoughts.
Woong’s face has its usual blankness, breath coming out in the cold of the pocha. Jiwoong pastes a smile on his face and shakes his head. “It’s just work.”
(He can’t say that Woong’s reconciliation with Yeonsoo has him riled up and tense just like it was when they first got together back in high school. He doesn’t want to lose Woong again. Not to her.)
Woong’s eyebrow’s knit together. “Are you sure?”
He nods again, reaching over to pour the soju into Woong’s glass. Woong takes the soju bottle from him, their fingers brushing causing goosebumps to crawl up his skin.
Yanking his hand back, Jiwoong hopes the cold covers up the heat he can feel in his ears.
Woong’s eyes narrow but he remains silent.
—
“Jiwoong-ah.”
“What.” Jiwoong doesn’t look from his computer screen. He can’t bear to look at Woong’s rumpled hair and disheveled clothes.
(Sometimes in the depth of his mind he hates that Yeonsoo had seen Woong like this. Had seen him content and happy. He used to be the one that could always be counted on to bring a smile to Woong’s typically unchanging face.
Woong says that they are just friends now, that they can never go back to being more than that. But Jiwoong can’t stop himself from fearing that he’s going to lose Woong again. And again.)
“Jiwoong-ieeeee.”
“What.”
“Look at me.”
Jiwoong can hear the pout in Woong’s voice and he sighs, steeling himself and turning to face Woong. “What.”
“Let’s go eat. I’m hungry.”
“I have to finish editing this.” Jiwoong turns back to his computer.
Something pokes his side. He ignores it. Another poke. And another.
Jiwoong groans, saving his progress and moving the laptop from his lap to the coffee table. “You barely slept.”
Woong sits up, hair brushing against Jiwoong’s arm, and stretches. “It’s okay.”
Frowning, Jiwoong shifts on the couch and looks, properly looks, at Woong. “You’re exhausted.”
Woong smiles, but it doesn’t reach his eyes and is a pale imitation of the bright smiles that Jiwoong remembers from their childhood. “It’s okay.”
Jiwoong’s frown deepens, “It’s not.”
Rolling his eyes, Woong shoves lightly at Jiwoong and says, “It’s fine, Jiwoong-ah. Stop worrying so much.”
“I can’t,” Jiwoong blurts out. He immediately feels his face heat. He hadn’t meant to say that. Shouldn’t have said that. Had he crossed a line. Said something that would make Woong abandon him?
The silence between them grows and Jiwoong can feel himself tense with the need to just leave. Escape the awkwardness that has fallen between them. He waits. And waits. And when it seems like Woong isn’t going to say anything, still quiet in the way where Jiwoong knows that he’s thinking and parsing together all the information, he does.
“Jiwoong-ah. Do you like me?”
Jiwoong knows he’s red now.
“I -“ The words don’t come out. He doesn’t know what he’s supposed to say. He’d never imagined that Woong would ask him about this. Thought that he’d die with his feelings hidden safely behind their friendship.
Woong’s eyebrows narrow and Jiwoong can feel himself falter. He’d never liked it when Woong appeared conflicted or worried. And he hated it when he put that expression on his friend’s face.
“That’s the only conclusion I could come to.”
“…What?” Jiwoong doesn’t know what’s happening. He’s not sure if he should stay, or go. If Woong still wants to be friends or if he hates him now.
Woong leans forward and Jiwoong finds himself leaning back, heart loud in his ears.
“I couldn’t figure out why you always used to avoid me when Yeonsoo and I were still together but would happily come out if she wasn’t there. Or when I would talk about one of our fights and you’d look like someone had called you ‘Woong’ again. Or why you looked so relieved when we broke up, but were so worried for me.” Woong takes a deep breath, “But you like me, don’t you?”
Jiwoong blinks. Not sure if he’s heard Woong say so much at once recently. And then what Woong said processes and his face heats again. He had thought that he was more subtle than Woong is making him seem.
“Well?” Woong asks, leaning forward more.
Jiwoong doesn’t know where to look, eyes darting from Woong’s eyes to his lips to the door that’s just behind him.
A hand clamps onto his arm and Jiwoong jolts, eyes flashing to where Woong has grasped his forearm tightly.
“You don’t get to run away.”
Jiwoong isn’t sure he’s ever known Woong to be this forward.
“Yes,” he breathes.
—
They’ve been together for five months before someone finds out. Naturally, it’s Eunho.
“Hyung?!”
His voice startles Jiwoong awake from where he’d been dozing next to Woong on the couch, arms settled around his boyfriend(!) who he’d had to beg to try and take a nap after a night of barely any sleep. He’ll never be over being able to call Woong his boyfriend.
“Shhhhhh,” Woong’s voice reverberates into his chest. “Don’t wake him up.”
“Hyung,” Eunho hisses, a multitude of questions apparent from his tone.
“He didn’t sleep well last night either. Don’t wake him up.”
Warmth fills Jiwoong and makes his toes curl.
“Hyung, what’s going on?”
“We’re dating,” Woong says flatly, burying his face back into Jiwoong’s chest, “Now go away and let us sleep.”
Eunho chokes on an inhale but his footsteps fade away and Jiwoong resigns himself to having that conversation later, eyelids growing heavy again.
“You can deal with that,” Woong mumbles into his chest.
Jiwoong snorts into Woong’s hair, “I had to ‘deal’ with your parents. And Eunho is your friend, not mine.”
Woong groans, “He’ll be so hurt to hear you say that. And! It’s not my fault my parents like you better than me. They threatened me! Their own son. How could they not -”
His complaints trail off as he starts to doze again and Jiwoong shakes his head and lets sleep take him too.
(Jiwoong had refused to let Woong hide their relationship from his parents.
“Your parents took care of me. They treat me as they treat you -“
“Better than me!”
Jiwoong rolls his eyes, “I would not feel comfortable lying to them.”
Woong pouts, “Please?”
“No, Woong-ah. Besides, they love you. There’s nothing to worry about.”
After they tell Woong’s parents and they start badgering Woong about making sure to take care of Jiwoong, Woong glares at Jiwoong and mouths, ‘This is all your fault.’
All Jiwoong can do is laugh helplessly and Woong’s parents call him ‘our son’ again, with a teasing look in their eyes.
He’s not sure what he did to deserve this, but he refuses to let it go.)
They decide to tell Yeonsoo and Solyi next, not wanting to deal with an accidental discovery and subsequent nagging like they’d gotten from Eunho.
Yeonsoo is quiet for a few moments, the air tense inside Solyi’s bar but then it breaks, and she grins widely, shoving Woong and teasing him incessantly.
Something inside Jiwoong relaxes at their easy acceptance - even though they’re not important to him, they’re important to Woong.
(And some part of him was always afraid that Yeonsoo would take Woong back.)
—
Years pass and Jiwoong grows more and more comfortable in his role as Woong’s boyfriend. There’s moments of anger and sadness, but their long friendship (and Jiwoong’s unwillingness to take Woong’s long silences and broodiness) makes it so that those moments pass quickly.
The moment that Dongil-sunbae brings up the documentary, Jiwoong knows he’s not going to enjoy the next few weeks.
He tries to resist but Dongil-sunbae insists.
(Jiwoong has never regretted not telling Dongil-sunbae about Woong and him more.)
Unfortunately, Woong is on a three day streak of insomnia, so when Jiwoong gets home and tries to broach the subject, he’s merely shooed back up the stairs by a grumbly Woong. He wakes a few hours later when the bed dips beside him and Woong buries his face into Jiwoong’s back. Woong mumbles something into his back but Jiwoong just reaches around to pull one of Woong’s hands over his side and laces their hands together. He’ll just have to try again in the morning.
Trying again in the morning does not happen.
Woong is pulled out of bed by Eunho who says that they have a schedule that they have to rush to. Jiwoong sighs as he slides out of bed and rearranges the covers.
Maybe he’ll ask Yeonsoo first.
Yeonsoo is entirely unimpressed with him, arms crossed as she stares down at him.
“What did Woong-ah say?”
Jiwoong grimaces.
“You haven’t asked him yet?”
“I haven’t had the chance!” Jiwoong rubs at his face, “He’s been working on a big project and then he had some schedule this morning.”
Yeonsoo snorts, “You both deserve each other. I don’t know why I never saw it.”
Jiwoong glares up at her.
“I’ll do it if Woong-ah does it.”
Jiwoong resists the urge to throw his hands up in exasperation.
“And, only if I get paid.”
Sighing, Jiwoong nods and opens his mouth.
“What would we even film, though? It’s not like Woong and I actually see each other.”
Jiwoong buries his head back in his hands. “I don’t know.”
Yeonsoo laughs, hand covering her mouth. “Guess you’ll have to figure it out. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go track down a reclusive artist.”
“Wha -?”
—
“What?”
Jiwoong winces.
“Why would you ever want to do that again? Not to mention do it to yourself?”
“Woong-ah,” Jiwoong whines, slumping against him on the couch. “Dongil-sunbae was the one who forced me to do it. Besides, it’s not like you and Yeonsoo-ssi don’t know each other. And -“
“I’ll do it.”
Jiwoong’s mouth shuts with a click and he blinks blankly at Woong. He expected far more pushback or something at least.
Woong’s eyes crinkle as he smiles at Jiwoong. “You always take care of me and help me, and my parents. The least I can do is repay the favor.”
Jiwoong frowns, “I’m not doing any of that stuff because I want a favor. I’m doing it because I love you.”
“I know,” Woong presses a kiss to Jiwoong’s cheek and smiles when Jiwoong’s face flushes, “But that doesn’t mean that I don’t feel bad that I can’t do anything for you.”
Jiwoong looks down at his hands. “Thank you.”
—
The artist that Yeonsoo was looking for turns out to be Woong.
“I thought you knew!” Jiwoong yelps when Yeonsoo punches him in the arm when she finds out that everyone but her knew.
(Well, everyone meaning just Jiwoong and Eunho. For some reason, no matter how much Jiwoong tries to persuade him, Woong doesn’t want to tell his parents.)
“How was I supposed to know?” Yeonsoo hisses, “It’s not like Woong-ah was ever known for talking about himself.”
Jiwoong shrugs, wincing when Yeonsoo (lightly) punches his arm again. He pretends that he doesn’t feel warm inside from the way that Woong once again showed his preference for him over Yeonsoo.
“Well, at least I have something to film now.”
Yeonsoo scowls at him and Jiwoong shrugs. “I also have to make a living, you know.”
She throws her hands up and leaves, shouting over her shoulder, “I’m telling Woong!”
The door shuts behind her and Jiwoong shakes his head.
“…She knows that I live and work here, right?”
Jiwoong jumps, whirling around to see Woong leaning against the door to the stairs to his workroom.
“Did we disturb you?”
Woong gives him a dry look and then goes to flop onto the couch. He pats the cushion with a pointed look and Jiwoong huffs out a laugh and sits next to Woong. Woong immediately shuffles so that his head is cushioned on Jiwoong’s lap and closes his eyes. Jiwoong lays a palm across Woong’s eyes and asks, “Tired?”
“I slept less than the time it takes to marinate pork.”
Jiwoong snorts. “Sleep as long as you want then.”
Woong hums and then starts to doze, chest moving up and down steadily.
—
Nu-ah is at the party and Jiwoong barely manages to resist the urge to bundle Woong up into his arms and shuffle him away from all the people. He follows Woong, after a quiet word to Chaeran to continue filming without him, and waits patiently in the car as Woong’s rage boils and bubbles more visibly than he’s seen in years.
Slowly, he takes one of Woong’s hands into his own and traces hearts on the back of it.
“I hate him,” Woong whispers, looking out the window.
Jiwoong hums. He’d never managed to get the whole story out of Woong. Or any story at all, really. “What are you going to do?”
“I don’t know.”
“Want me to ruin his career?” He asks, tone light but utterly serious. He’s not had a long career as a producer yet but he has made connections that he’s sure he could use.
Woong laughs. “No.” Firmer, “No, I’ll figure something out.”
Lifting Woong’s hands to his lips, Jiwoong presses a kiss to it and says, “I know you will.”
—
Jiwoong watches with worry as Woong pours his everything into the competition with Nu-ah. He hates it when Woong does this, easily losing time to his art and disregarding anything and everything. His sleep is fitful and he pushes away any attempts to care for him. All Jiwoong and Eunho can do is watch and try to make sure that he doesn’t collapse.
(He’d collapsed once after too many nights without any sleep at all and Jiwoong hadn’t known what to do. He never wanted to feel that panic and despair again.)
Woong wins, as Jiwoong had always known he would, and they go an celebrate with Woong’s parents who are overjoyed to finally know more about what Woong does.
Time passes, Jiwoong drags Woong and Yeonsoo to a retreat, and laughs as they bicker incessantly, like they had at school but without the underlying tension. Instead, Jiwoong gets to feel that tension himself when they retire for the night, hands clasped tightly as Eunho snores puncture the air.
Woong’s exhibition happens.
(Jiwoong is steadfastly ignoring his mother, spending nights at the studio or with Woong who keeps looking at him with increasingly furrowed brows. He doesn’t want to talk about it though.)
He’s not there when Nu-ah confronts Woong, but Eunho calls him immediately and Jiwoong picks up even though he’s at the hospital.
(It’s never a good sign with Eunho calls him directly.)
They meet back at the pocha, back where it all began.
Jiwoong lets himself break in front of Woong and Woong confesses his desires.
They curl up in bed that night, Woong’s face pressed to Jiwoong’s chest and their arms wrapped around each other as tightly as possible.
In the night, they slowly lay out a future. One that Jiwoong finds himself tentatively excited to step towards. As long as it’s with Woong.
—
They film the documentary again, ten years later.
But this time, Woong and Jiwoong are holding hands, wearing matching rings, and Yeonsoo and Solyi are pressing light kisses to each other’s kisses, trying to see who’ll cave first, while Eunho is complaining in the background.
Jiwoong wouldn’t have it any other way.