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Eliot Place, Blackheath
Wednesday, 10 Jan ‘44
My dearest James,
Altho’ you have yet to be an hour gone from our abode, I find that it is never too early to convey one’s affection for one’s own beloved. I write this now in haste so that it may reach your lodgings on the eventful morrow & that as you read it over breakfast you may imagine me smiling right across from you, ready to shower you with my bottomless devotion.
Our Frank thinks that I am being horribly sentimental. At this moment he is nursing a cup of tea & huffing as I read this aloud, but seeing as we are here in your private study at his insistence I can venture a guess that he misses you already just as much as I.
I have slipped a little present in your luggage. You will find it folded within your right slipper & will likely laugh when you discover it. You know that I have never been a good hand at embroidering letters, I find I am much more gifted with flora, but I do hope that our initials have not been ruined to the point of illegibility. It did not help that Frank insisted I include all of his!
Pray tuck our little token near your breast & be assured that you are always in our thoughts. With God’s blessing upon you & your enterprise & my kind love, I am,
Your Anne
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Eliot Place, Blackheath
13 Jan ‘44
My dear James,
It is very kind of you to have found time writing a line tho’ as you say you have scarcely enough for sleep. I am glad to know that you are settling in well & that Colonel Sabine is in good health. I do not claim a vast knowledge of magnetic surveys, but I do remember how sweetly you attempted to instruct me in its ways & how genuinely happy it made you. That you be excluded from such a project so near to your heart is the last of my wishes & for this reason & this reason alone, I am able to forgive the miles between us.
A letter arrived here this morning from our dear friend Sir Francis Beaufort. It was addressed to you & thus has remained unopened, tho’ I did write him a note saying where you were off to & if I should forward his letter to you.
I do not know how the weather fares there in Hull, but here in our happy home it is warm & comfortable even in the cold season. I somehow convinced Frank to rise from bed & join me in exploring the new neighbourhood & even tho’ he grumbled whilst dressing all the while, our little excursion was well worth it, for he found a copy of ‘Voyage of the Beagle’ at 20 percent less than the full price. As you know, our Frank has been quite cheerless since winter set in, but the purchase has rendered him in better spirits & I am so very glad to see it.
For my part I was enticed to buy a pamphlet of the basic star charts, do not laugh for you know how I forget easily! And Frank was dear enough to offer to teach me. We looked over the pamphlet after dinner, but whether Frank really meant to instruct me I knew not for he was soon remarking scathingly on the inaccuracy of the charts. I could see that it brought him joy however & let him alone to nap on the bed, which is dreadfully colder without its usual third occupant.
Frank was still in good spirits the next morning, for no sooner had he stretched out his limbs that he lumbered down my nightgown & buried his head between my thighs. I do think he was still half asleep, but I could not in good conscience protest as he was making thorough use of his tongue against my nub. I let out a pleasant moan as I mussed up the hair at the back of his head. My crisis was as gentle as the swaying of trees on a calm day & when I was done, Frank laid his head on my belly & slept like a babe for a half hour more. Extraordinary man!
I hope you do not think too much that you are being left out because of your absence, my heart. Of our united good wishes & longing for your return, you are, I trust, fully persuaded. Good night, my dear James & on all accounts believe me to be
Yours affectionately
Anne
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No. 2 Eliot Place
Tuesday, 16 Jan ‘44
Dearest husband,
Your letter from the 14th arrived with much welcome, tho’ you ought to have warned me to read it in private! Frank sent me queer looks over breakfast & when he kindly inquired if I was poorly, I was obliged to tell him that I was only feeling the heat from the fireplace. Do not mistake my alarm for complaint however, and be assured, my dear James, that such further letters are very much appreciated & encouraged.
That issue aside, I simply must tell you of the events of yesterday. Sir Francis wrote me a line & expressed his regret that he could not confer with you personally before you left. He invited us to dinner, one which he assured me was to have all our old friends present & of course I had to attend with Frank in tow. All the usual stock was there except the Franklins, much to my dismay as I miss the company of dear Eleanor. The dinner conversation soon turned to naval affairs. I could not hear much of it seeing as Lady Beaufort was inquiring after you, but there was much talk of seasons & supplies & a fellow named Fitz-James. The men broke off for cards & when they joined us again, Frank was remarkably subdued, more so than usual & when we returned home he went straight to his own room.
I did not bother him anymore, knowing that such attempts at prying would only be kindly rebuffed. He has still not spoken of it a day after, but my good sense tells me that his current melancholy is to do with Sir Francis’ letter to you, which I now enclose here. Read it & pray tell me if my instincts are correct & if there is a bare possibility that I can bring back our dear Frank to his old cheer, I implore you to tell me how. With very warm regards to Colonel Sabine & my love to yourself
Believe me, my dear James,
Ever affectionately yours,
Anne
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Eliot Place, Blackheath
Sunday, 21 Jan ‘44
My dearest James,
Now that you have informed me of the particulars of Sir Francis’ letter, I suppose I can no longer blame him for so thoroughly sending our Frank into a brown study. It was very kind of Sir Francis to sound you out before you heard from Lord Haddington himself. However, his effort at delicacy is all for naught.
Frank told me the whole of it yesterday & it seems that during a quick game of bridge, Lord Barrow’s son had let slip that should you, my dear, demur at the Admiralty’s offer, then Lord Haddington was of the opinion that the one to lead the expedition was our Frank himself! This did not go over well with Lord Barrow, who I understand has his own man in his eye, but it is not Lord Barrow’s opinion that is of consequence at this time, it is Frank’s, for he has gotten it in his head that he must accept!
I will never understand this ‘duty’ that compels you to go to sea, but surely to return to its perils so soon after your last expedition is folly. Had Frank been eager for the appointment then I would be at ease, only he seemed resigned, like he had no choice in the matter. Frank spoke of his poor sisters in Dublin & how without any other prospect in sight, he could not let himself be a bother to them & a burden to anyone else.
Before I knew it, the sun had begun to set. Frank & I sat in the parlour whilst facing each other, our heads rested sideways on the cushions. I reached out & brushed back a lock of hair from his face. He looked so tired, and so very afraid.
My dear James, I wish you were here. I feel that it is only with your personal assurance as a former First and his closest friend that Frank will be convinced of our conviction to let him stay. That he thinks even now that he is a burden to this happy household fills me with anguish & the only measure of comfort to me is the knowledge that you shall soon be here to set things right. How delighted shall we be to see you & with a prayer of God’s blessing & safe travels, I remain,
Your Anne
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No. 2 Eliot Place, Blackheath
Wednesday, 24 Jan ‘44
My dear James,
I cannot properly describe to you the mingled dismay & anxiety I felt the day I learned of your further delayed return. I have read aloud your letter to Frank & he assures me that Colonel Sabine’s demands are more than reasonable & that he is not at all keeping you away from us out of some inexplicable, malicious desire. I will choose to look at this with an optimist’s eye, for now you will have more time to devote to our little mission.
Oh James, the sketch from the jeweller is really quite lovely! I almost spoiled the surprise when Frank saw a slip of it at breakfast & quick as I was to cover it up, Frank was made all the more curious. I was obliged to say that it was a matter between a wife & her husband, and to this he gave me a most unimpressed stare.
Will a ring look well, do you think? I have yet to see him wear one. Perhaps you will find it better to acquire a pocket watch or a locket. I think our Frank will look very handsome with a locket around his neck. Of his sensibilities, you are, I trust, more intimate with & whatever you decide I shall fully approve.
With your return so uncertain still, I shall endeavour all the more to lead our Frank out of his brooding. Yesterday I was able to once again convince him to don his layers & endure the London cold with me. We went to The Wallace to choose a painting, whereupon an incident happened that I think would be best shared with you in person. Afterwards we spent some time in Piccadilly, and between the armchair & the tea set, I can report to you with confidence that we have done very well in decorating our new home. I was being cunning by secretly obtaining a gift for Frank. I told him that the tie pin was for you & I cannot wait for there to be an occasion with which I can present it to him so he may wear it proudly.
We arrived home rather exhausted from our little escapade. Frank was bemoaning his aches and pains so I rewarded him marvellously for being a sport, perhaps too marvellously for now I have entirely lost sensation in my left fingers. I have had to clear my throat several times today & everytime I did so, Frank would blush as rosily as a bride. He is such a dear & too adorable for words, I cannot wait to share him with you again. So long & undetermined is that day still & with kind love to yourself & very kind regards to Colonel Sabine,
Believe me, my dearest James,
Yours most truly,
Anne
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No. 2 Eliot Place
31 Jan ‘44
My dear Mr. Ross,
I have spent a long time contemplating whether I should send this letter to you. It will be very cruel of me indeed to allow you to read it, but I am afraid that the necessity of your intimate knowledge of the following events supersedes any fear of a possibility that I will require your forgiveness soon after.
On the morning of the 27th, an invitation arrived from your old friend Sir George Lyon. You may remember that the Lyons hold a winter gala every year, but with your being held up in some Pole or another you have never been available to attend. It was with good fortune then that Frank was able to go in your stead & tho’ he came with his usual grumbling I am pleased to report that we had a pie of a time.
Sir George is a most curious, most generous fellow. You once told me that Sir George belonged to that rare brand of officers who cared overly much for their men. Perhaps there is no stronger testament to that than his refusal to incriminate you and Frank when he saw you frigging each other during one of Sir Edward Parry’s masquerades, with Sir Edward himself holding court not three feet away behind a sheet of canvas.
Sir George imparted this to my ear in exquisite detail as we danced to a waltz. I feared then that I would faint in all my elation & when Frank came to my aid, I insisted that he summon the coach as soon as possible, whereupon he told me the whole of it.
Did you really ride him while wearing a dress? There is an entire drawer in my dresser which contains nothing but old petticoats & had I known of your particular inclination, I would have readily allowed you free reign of it. It is no matter, when you return we shall have a proper reenactment.
So stirred was I by Frank’s recollection that he had scarcely enough time to rekindle the fireplace before I pushed him to the armchair and climbed atop him. He slipped his hands beneath my dress & rucked it up past my hips. He nipped at my ear, called me the sweetest of names & when finally he managed to open his trousers, you may depend that I hesitated not a moment to bear myself down onto his mighty prick.
To have Frank within me, I think, is a joy that could scarcely be compared with any other. Even with you, my love, for you affect me so differently tho’ no less fervently. I conjured the image that Sir George so soundly described, of a younger Frank sat on the floor, his back to an empty crate, of you on his lap with your skirts spread decorously, save for the front where both your hands were ardently employed in bringing yourselves to completion. A beautiful tableau. And in the throes of my passion I could not help but picture myself within it. Not as an observer or a heavenly witness, but as yourself, my dear James. Of me as you & me within you & ourselves as one & ourselves fucking into Frank or he into us, until we all three merged into one spirit & stuffed ourselves in the name of love & pleasure.
I was so lost in my fantasy that I had not realised that Frank was speaking. James, you’re so good, James, he cried. He cupped my cheek & looked at me directly, his blue eyes dark as he said: You’re so tight, James, tighter than any arse I’ve buggered. Let me come, please, please let me come, James, James.
Darling, I do not think it would have been possible even for you to have remained unaffected in that moment. I felt my completion wrack through me like a thunderclap, shuddering in Frank’s arms and, to my horror, spurting on his shirt. He took it in stride however & when I was sufficiently recovered, he had me on the carpet & thrust into me with such force that there were abrasions on my knees the next day.
Now my dear, you will think me very cruel for having put this pretty picture into your head without the pleasure of yourself having participated in it, but be assured that it is only for your wellbeing that I do so. Consider this my second gift, that you may call upon its contents whilst you are tired or lonely or simply bored. Good night, good night & believe me, dear Mr. Ross with my love to you & a prayer for God’s blessing
Yours affectionately
Mrs. Ross
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Blackheath, 4th Feb ‘44. 2 PM
My dearest James,
I write this presently in the comfortable warmth of our morning room whilst soaking up what little sun there is. I am alone now, for Frank has taken ill. Do not worry yourself for it is nothing serious, only that in my enthusiastic & well-intentioned efforts to improve his mood, Frank overexerted his back whilst thrusting up into my mouth last night.
We had been in one of those intricate positions in which both partners need ‘giveth and be given’ & while ordinarily this would not have troubled our capable Frank, it must be considered that we had not gone a day without having each other since the gala at Lyon’s. In consequence, poor Frank is resting in his own room for once. I come up occasionally to give him a hot bottle, but I fear that the incident has deeply embarrassed him & my lingering presence only further rubs salt to the wound.
You understand now how dire our situation is here, Captain Ross. With your Second invalided, it is your honour-bound duty to take up his responsibilities & I hope you do so without further delay. I can only expend so much forbearance & I am so very inflamed I can write no more.
I will not lengthen this note seeing as we might soon be in each other’s embrace rather than your receiving it. Come home, my love & be assured that always I shall ever be
Your Anne
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By 3 P.M. The Study
1st March ‘44
My dearest James,
I only thought it right that I should let you two alone whilst you proceeded with this significant business. Our Frank, as you know, is like a rabbit at times & I am certain that he will seek escape all the more if there are two foxes cornering him when one will suffice.
There is a light rain pattering against the window of your study & so I cannot make out your voices wafting from the parlour below. You need not worry, my dear James: Frank will accept. I have known this since you woke up in the middle of the night in our new home & tore yourself away from the bed. Do you recall it somewhat? You staggered to the corner of the room & buried your head in your trembling hands. I always felt unmoored when such occasions came, but Frank only looked at you with a grim determination & proceeded to pull out the bedding onto the floor. We ended up sprawled on a tangle of linens & limbs not three feet away from the bed. Frank tucked you in himself, and when you once again surrendered to sleep, Frank & I joined our hands across your belly & watched you til morning.
If I look to the future of the rest of our lives, that is what I see. We are all three human sympathies concentrated in one, loving together & beloved by all around us. And as I saw it so clearly then when the daylight touched your face, so I believe did Frank. But he is a science man, and whilst his heart has taken up hope, it is up to you, my dear husband, to provide him with the proof. The ring is very lovely indeed. I have faith that it will be enough.
It is very quiet now & it has been some time since I last heard your voices. I will leave you to it a while longer & take up my embroidery again. My initials, I am relieved to discover, will not change, tho’ its real meaning will remain among the three of us for now. With a prayer of God’s blessing & my love to you both,
I am, my dear husbands,
Yours affectionately,
Anne Crozier-Ross