Chapter Text
Never in his life, did Stewy think that he would find himself sitting on the floor of his ex-turned-friends-with-benefits’ penthouse with him and his kids playing fucking monopoly, but he supposes there is a first time for everything.
It had started with a classic 2 am text from Kendall: a picture of him gripping his hard-on through his tight Calvin Klein briefs and the simple follow-up, what are you doing right now? Stewy, never one to let Kendall believe he had the upper hand, texted him back with, not you. text me again in three business days and i’ll consider it. Embarrassingly enough though, he saved the photo and added it to the album on his phone reserved specifically for Kendall’s dick pics. It was Kendall’s fault anyway, he always sent them when he was tipsy and wanted Stewy in his mouth. Anyways, if anyone ever caught him, Stewy could say they were for blackmail or something.
Kendall did text him again in three business days, but this time he was classy enough to invite Stewy over to his house. Stewy agreed to come over because Kendall gives good head. Not because he wanted to see his stupid puppy-dog face. Definitely not.
Stewy arrives early to Kendall's apartment, half-hard, with his schedule cleared and coke in his pocket. To his rather unfortunate surprise, it’s Iverson who greets him at the door instead of Kendall.
“Dad,” Iverson calls as he turns his head to look back. “Stewy is here!” Uninterested, Iverson turns around and goes back to his iPad while Kendall bumbles into the open room and pulls Stewy in through the doorway.
“Hey, man!” Kendall pulls him into a brief hug. “Good to see you!”
Stewy just looks at him. “Ken, and I don’t mean to sound like a dick, but what the fuck are your kids doing here, bro?”
Kendall turns back to look at them, both of them lounging on the sectional in the middle of the expansive living room, staring at their electronics. “Uh, Rava had something come up, and, uh, we already gave the nanny the night off, so they’re spending the night here tonight.” Stewy nods and claps Kendall on the shoulder, making his way to the kitchen. “Sorry, man, I should have texted but it was super last minute. We’re doing a game night; you can play with us if you want. I got a bunch of board games and shit.”
“Riveting, I’m sure.” Stewy gives Kendall a sarcastic, tight-lipped smile and presses his tongue to the inside of his cheek. “I think I’ll pass.” The last time Stewy played anything remotely close to a board game with Kendall was when they were in Vegas and played strip poker, which was really just Stewy watching Kendall strip around his hotel suite while a deck of cards was sprawled out across a green felt-lined table somewhere in their vicinity. Stewy opens Kendall’s large, but pitifully empty, fridge and grabs the cranberry juice and a bottle of vodka. At least he has the classics. “I think I’ll make myself a vodka-cran and then go take a bubble bath. After the little rugrats are down for the night, I’ll let you fuck me on the couch.” He lets his gaze flicker down to Kendall’s crotch and looks back at him with a smirk.
“You wanna, um, at least have dinner with us?” Kendall asks, voice breathy. He’s always so easy. “I feel bad if you just hang out all by yourself.”
“Aw, Ken, are you trying to wine and dine me? You’re so romantic when you’re not sending me you up? texts.” Stewy runs a finger down the center of Kendall’s chest, stopping just before he reaches his belly button. “What’s on the menu for tonight?”
“Hm. I’m not sure. I gave my chef the night off.” Kendall breaks eye contact with Stewy. “I was planning on taking you out tonight.”
Stewy ignores that because he knows if he doesn’t, he’ll miss Kendall more than he should. “Jesus, don’t tell me you’re cooking?” Stewy asks apprehensively. “This isn’t some poorly veiled assassination attempt is it?” Kendall had cooked for Stewy once, on their one-year anniversary. Stewy got three bites in before he told Kendall that he loved him, but their relationship was not going to work if Kendall tried to cook for him again before taking some cooking classes. From then on, Kendall was only in the kitchen if Stewy was already cooking and needed a taste-tester.
“Oh God, no. I’ll probably order some pizzas or something.” Stewy couldn’t remember the last time he had pizza, probably when he still had a well-functioning metabolism and wouldn’t have to spend an extra hour in the gym per slice he indulged himself in. Perhaps he could stand some grease and cheese-covered carbs tonight; he needed the energy anyway if he was going to spend the evening with Kendall’s kids, and then the night fucking Kendall until the sun came up.
So, that’s how he finds himself sitting on the floor of Kendall’s living room, on a checkered picnic blanket that Sophie had pulled out, vodka-cran swapped out for a sugary lemonade, and a folded slice of pizza in his hand, staring down at the monopoly board in front of him. He watches as Kendall rolls doubles for the third time in a row and sighs.
“You gotta go to jail, bro,” Stewy laughs, as Sophie plucks the thimble—Kendall got stuck with it when Stewy said he didn’t care if Kendall was always the car, he wanted to be the car and Kendall could suck it if he had a problem—from the board and gleefully places it on the jail space. Kendall huffs while Iverson rolls and buys Reading Railroad.
Eventually, Stewy makes a deal with Sophie and Iverson that none of them will charge each other rent, and only charge Kendall rent, to which Kendall cries that you can’t do that. Stewy grabs the paper rule pamphlet and makes a dramatic show of reading it.
“It doesn’t say anywhere in the rules that deals are not allowed. In fact, it says you can make any deal with other players as long as it’s during your turn,” Stewy smirks.
“It does not fucking say that,” Kendall says, reaching across the board to rip the pamphlet from Stewy’s hands. “You’re cheating! You have to charge rent no matter who lands on the space!”
“You call it cheating, I call it mirroring the American economic landscape,” Stewy shrugs. He throws his hands out in front of him and Sophie and Iverson both give him a high-five.
“Fuck you,” Kendall mutters, sitting back down and crossing his arms in front of his chest. “Cheater.”
Stewy pulls out his phone and opens up his text thread with Kendall. don’t be sad, baby :( i’ll make it up to you later tonight. That seems to ease Kendall’s pouting when he inevitably loses the game. Stewy thinks that he’s served his time playing games with the kids, but Sophie moves on and decides that they will be playing hide and seek next. Iverson protests and instead suggests they play charades. Kendall says they can do both—the night is still young, after all. Sophie looks up expectantly at him with wide, bright eyes.
“Are you going to play with us, Uncle Stewy?” And, what is Stewy going to say to that? What does he have better to do, go into the bathroom and tug one out? No, he’s not that embarrassing. Plus, Kendall is kind of cute when he’s playing with his kids and smiling at Stewy and genuinely laughing. Stewy always did have a soft spot for Kendall when he let himself relax and actually have wholesome fun.
“Ugh,” Stewy sighs dramatically and lets his body fold over. “I guess I’ll have to play.” He smiles at Sophie and feels his heart jump when she runs over and hugs his waist. He stands up, placing his hand over his eyes. “Go on, I’m gonna start counting. One…” He hears Sophie and Iverson shuffle away, their footsteps scuffing against the floor. He reaches his hand out and grabs the bottom of Kendall’s shirt. He drops the hand from his eyes and tugs on the soft fabric bunched up in his fist, spinning Kendall to face him. “Hey,” he grins. He pulls Kendall close to him, giving him an innocent kiss. He lets Kendall go and spins him in the other direction by his shoulder. “Go on and hide, super dad.” He slaps Kendall on the ass and watches as Kendall smiles at him over his shoulder as he runs out of the room.
He counts to thirty and then begins walking through the living room calling out, “Ready or not, here I come!” He makes his way down the hall and finds one of the guest bedrooms with the door open. As soon as he walks in, he sees Sophie curled up under the blanket, pulling it tight over her head. He walks up to the bed, pressing down on her feet.
“Hmm. This is a strange shape for a pillow.” He sits down on the edge of the bed, bouncing for good measure. “I’m kind of tired though, I guess this will have to do.” He begins laying down, smiling as he hears Sophie’s shriek. “The pillow makes noise too? Your dad has some high-tech pillows, Soph.” Sophie peeks out from the blanket and Stewy snatches the blanket back. “Aha! I knew it wasn’t a pillow!” He jumps up from the bed, laughing as he leans down looking at Sophie. “Gotcha.” Sophie follows him out of the bed, wrapping her fingers around his thumb as they walk out of the room. “Let’s go find your dad. He’s really bad at hiding, so we should find him pretty quickly.”
They find Kendall sitting behind the desk in his home office, the tip of his foot sticking out into view. Stewy leans down and whispers into Sophie’s ear. “Be really quiet, go up and yell in his ear, it’ll make him jump up three feet into the air.” Sophie nods, taking the task very seriously as she tiptoes over to the desk. She bends down behind Kendall, getting close to him, but not close enough that he’d be able to hear her.
“Boo!” Sophie cackles and claps her hands as Kendall jumps up and bangs his head against the desk drawer.
“Jesus fuc-” His eyes narrow as he spots Stewy laughing in the doorway. When they were eight years old, Kendall had done the same to Stewy, sneaking up behind him and shoving his shoulders as he yelled into Stewy’s ear. Stewy had let out a high-pitched scream and Kendall had never let it go.
“Sweet, sweet revenge,” Stewy sings. He looks at Sophie, giving her a high-five. “Fantastic job, Sophie.”
Kendall walks past him, making a dramatic show of rubbing his head. He was always a bit of a cry-baby. “That was over twenty-five years ago, Stewy,” he mutters angrily.
“Payback’s a bitch, bro.” Stewy ruffles Kendall’s hair, patting the top of his head. “I’ve been waiting for the perfect moment to strike.”
“You’re an idiot.”
“And yet, you still love me anyway,” Stewy jokes. He sees how Kendall flushes and immediately feels like the idiot Kendall just called him. Probably not the best thing to say to your ex-boyfriend who you occasionally still fuck and do everything you can to push down any lingering feelings.
Stewy awkwardly follows Kendall and Sophie out of the room in silence and excuses himself to the bathroom while they find Iverson. In the bathroom, he does a bump and splashes cold water on his face. He dries his hands and presses them down against his shirt, smoothing the fabric.
When he comes out of the bathroom, he finds the kids begging Kendall to let them go out for ice cream.
“It’s late guys, I’m sorry but I just don’t think—” Kendall looks away from their begging eyes, guilty, as they soften their voices and explain that the night has been so fun and would be even more fun if they finished it off with double scoops of mint chocolate chip in large waffle cones. Sophie spots Stewy walking into the living room and turns to look at him.
“Uncle Stewy,” she begins, voice dripping with sickly sweetness. “Can you take us to get ice cream?” She nods her head to the side pointedly at Kendall, who looks completely defeated. “Dad is being so boring .”
“You know, Ken,” Stewy starts, looking from Sophie to Kendall. “We could go to that little place by Battery Park. You know the one we used to like.” Kendall did know the one they used to like. They used to go there after their days at Buckley before running around the park and walking to the Brooklyn Bridge to pretend they were in a movie. Kendall would get chocolate and Stewy would get cookies and cream, and they’d spend the time dipping their spoons into each other's bowls to get the best of both worlds with two flavors. When they got older, they went there after their dinner dates and still swapped flavors, but this time they spoonfed each other and tasted the lingering sweetness when they went into the bathroom and made out.
Kendall sighs and walks over to the coat closet, pulling his, Sophie’s, and Iverson’s coats out. “Let’s go before I change my mind,” he smiles, handing the kids their jackets. They cheer and thank Stewy as they race out of the door, waiting in the hall for Kendall to follow. Kendall looks at Stewy. “You’re annoying, using nostalgia against me like that.”
“I have no idea what you’re referring to,” Stewy says with faux ignorance. “I just thought it would be a nice thing to do for the kids.” Kendall scoffs as Stewy shrugs his coat on. “Also, how long was I in the bathroom? Did I miss charades?”
“Nah, Iverson just forgot and I didn’t feel the need to remind him,” Kendall says. “You know how bad I am at charades, I suck ass.”
“Yeah,” Stewy grins. “You suck dick too.” Kendall gives him an incredulous look. “What? Bro, you handed that one to me on a silver platter.”
“Whatever. Let’s go get ice cream.” Kendall leaves with Stewy following closely behind.
The ice cream parlor is just how Stewy remembers it. A bright neon pink “open” sign flashes through the window and the fluorescent lights hanging above the ice cream flavors make them seem even more colorful.
“Alright, guys,” Kendall says, kneeling down to look at Sophie and Iverson. “One topping each; I don’t want you on a sugar rush right before bed.” Sophie and Iverson protest with record-breaking pouts, but Kendall miraculously stands his ground.
They go through the line, Sophie and Iverson getting their ice cream in massive chocolate-dipped cones (Sophie gets chocolate chip cookie dough with sprinkles, Iverson gets vanilla with M&Ms), while Stewy and Kendall stick to the disposable paper bowls.
The worker looks up to Stewy with a smile. “Any toppings, sir?”
Stewy turns to look at Kendall. “You’re paying for this, right?”
“Yeah, but I don’t see why—”
Stewy cuts him off and looks back at the worker. “Yeah, just load it up. Everything you’ve got.” A brief flash of annoyance crosses the worker’s face, but she quickly masks it with the trademarked customer service smile and begins putting every single topping into a separate bowl for Stewy.
“Dude, are you serious?” Kendall asks.
“I’m a big boy, Ken.” Stewy places his hand on Kendall’s bicep, squeezing softly. “I think I can handle a little sugar high, yeah?” He turns back and thanks the worker as she hands him both bowls.
They find a booth by the back corner, sliding onto the soft blue and pink leather seats. Kendall goes to get them all spoons, and Sophie and Iverson give Stewy’s extra bowl of toppings wistful glances.
“Take whatever you want,” Stewy smiles at them. “I’ve never really preferred ice cream with toppings anyway.” The kids eagerly take the bowl and take turns shoveling gummy worms, Oreo pieces, and finely chopped peanuts into their cones. Stewy turns his head over his shoulder and spots Kendall coming over, four plastic spoons in hand. He turns back to the kids, putting his pointer finger over his lips. Of course, Kendall sees the stolen toppings and looks disapprovingly at Stewy as he slides into the booth next to him.
“Sorry, man,” Stewy says, though it’s a false apology. “You know, I think my eyes were bigger than my stomach; I am so full. Luckily, they offered to take the toppings off my hands, I didn’t want them to go to waste.” Stewy winks at Sophie and Iverson, who are giggling on the opposite side of the table. Kendall gives up and stabs into his ice cream, hastily putting the spoon into his mouth. Stewy briefly takes Kendall’s hand under the table and squeezes softly before dropping it and swipes Kendall’s bowl of ice cream to take a bite for himself.
“Can you not?” Kendall pouts. “You have your own.”
“I don’t know, bro,” Stewy shrugs. “I feel like you owe me.”
“I bought the ice cream. How can I owe you?”
“You’re right, Ken,” Stewy sighs. “I know this purchase must’ve taken a devastating toll on your bank account. I’ll pay the overdraft fee.” Stewy takes another bite and leans his head back, sighing contently. “Mmm, just as good as I remember.” He licks his lips and finally gives Kendall the bowl back. He leans in and speaks lowly into Kendall’s ear. “Wonder if the bathroom is just as good too?”
“My kids are right there, Stewy,” Kendall whispers back.
“They’re old enough to sit by themselves for a few minutes.”
“Oh my God.” Kendall takes a bite of Stewy’s ice cream, giving him a disgruntled look. “No.”
They finish the ice cream, and by the end, everyone is smiling. Even Kendall, New York’s own governor-appointed Mr. Scrooge. When they get back to the penthouse, Kendall helps Sophie and Iverson get ready for bed. Once they’re showered and clad in soft pajamas, Stewy reads them a bedtime story, going the whole nine yards with the theatrics, giving each character an expressive voice, and making grand gestures with his hands as if he was reciting Shakespeare on stage at the Globe Theater. Kendall sits in a plush armchair, drinking decaf coffee with hazelnut creamer. When the story is over and the kids’ eyes are fluttering closed, Kendall gently nudges them to go to their respective rooms to lay down in bed. Stewy is unprepared for Sophie and Iverson to run up and pull him into a tight hug when he says good night to them, but he feels a fuzzy warmth in his stomach when they do. It looks like Kendall feels that warmth too when he watches it. Stewy falls back into the couch as Kendall takes them back to tuck them in.
When Kendall walks back out into the living room, he literally pounces on Stewy, bumping their noses together as he kisses him.
“Kids are in bed for the night,” he smirks. “I believe you made a promise to me about the couch?” Kendall doesn’t give Stewy the opportunity to respond, just pushes him down into the cushions by his chest and puts a knee on either side of Stewy’s lap before dropping down to sit on his thighs. He kisses him slowly, grabbing at the hem of his soft cashmere sweater. He eventually strips the sweater from Stewy’s chest and runs his fingers over the fine black hair, reveling in the warmth of Stewy’s skin.
He takes his own shirt off and presses his chest flush against Stewy’s, dragging his lips down to Stewy’s jaw. He feels Stewy getting hard beneath him and puts his hands on shoulders and grinds down. Stewy moans against his neck and tightens his grip around Kendall’s waist, pulling him closer. Kendall kisses him once more and then hops off of his lap to run back to his room and grab a bottle of lube. While he’s gone, Stewy takes his pants off but leaves his briefs on for Kendall to take off because, for some reason, Kendall really enjoys doing it. He lays down on the couch and closes his eyes, a small smile stretching across his lips. He’s missed this, missed Kendall. Their hookups are usually rushed—hurried blowjobs in bathroom stalls, late-night meet-ups with both of them out of the door to return home as soon as it’s done, in between meetings and important business calls. This is different, this time they’re going to take their time.
Kendall returns, only in his boxers, and resumes his position hovering over Stewy, giving him messy kisses all over his face. He grabs the throw pillow from the corner of the couch and lifts Stewy’s head up from the back of his neck and lays him back down on the pillow. He reaches down, pulling Stewy’s briefs down to his knees and tongues at the skin just below his navel. Stewy kicks the briefs fully off and pulls Kendall up to kiss him slowly. Stewy pulls Kendall’s boxers halfway down his thighs and kneads his hands into the swell of Kendall’s ass. Kendall breaks his mouth from Stewys to fully take the boxers off and carelessly tosses them to the floor. He grabs the lube and within minutes his warm fingers are replaced by his cock as he gently rocks into Stewy, the corners of his eyes crinkling as he smiles down at him.
They watch reality TV, of all things, after they're done, underwear back on, cuddled together under a blanket. About twenty minutes in, Kendall nudges Stewy’s ankle with the top of his foot. It takes a few times before Stewy breaks his attention from the television and looks at Kendall.
“Kendall, why are you trying to initiate a game of footsie under the blanket? What are we, fourteen?”
“I don’t know, I was just thinking maybe…” Kendall trails off, dragging his hand down Stewy’s side and placing it on his upper thigh. “You know, if you want to go again… I wouldn’t necessarily be opposed to that notion.” Stewy brings his bottom lip between his teeth, biting down, before Kendall moves on top of him again and kisses him roughly. Kendall pushes him back down the couch, but Stewy puts his hand against his chest.
“Dude, I can’t do another round on your barely-broken in IKEA couch. My back’s already gonna be so fucked.”
“Stewy, are you serious? Bro, you’re fucking old!” Kendall laughs, but sits up nonetheless, pulling Stewy up with him.
“Not my fault that I enjoy comfort,” Stewy retorts. “Besides, you got your fun little couch fantasy, take me back to your bed and we can fuck like adults.”
“You know, you’re the first person I’ve ever fucked on that couch,” Kendall says, extending a hand to Stewy, pulling him up next to him.
“I’m glad to have taken your couch’s getting-fucked-on virginity. Think I might get it engraved on a plaque and hang it up above my desk next to my diploma,” Stewy jokes, scooping his clothes up and following Kendall back to his bedroom. Stewy lays back on the bed, fluffing the pillows up behind him. He lazily strokes himself, eyes trained on the taut muscles of Kendall’s back as he sifts through the pile of his and Stewy’s clothes for the lube. When he finds it, Kendall leaps up onto the bed and pushes Stewy’s legs apart.
“Actually, Ken, I’m kinda sore. I’ve got a big day tomorrow, can’t be walking funny. Maybe you could—” Stewy gestures to his lap. “Get on top?”
“I’m starting to think you just don’t want to do any of the work,” Kendall laughs.
“Kendall.” Stewy points at his face as he gives Kendall a shit-eating grin. “Look at this face. Does this face look like it does work?”
“All this I’ll make it up to you, Ken big talk in your texts, and here you are, being a fucking pillow princess. Sorry, pillow prince .” Kendall gently pats the pillow right next to Stewy’s head. “I’m assuming you want me to prep myself, too?”
“I mean, if you’re offering…” Stewy shrugs. “Who am I to stop you?”
“Unbelievable.”
Nonetheless, Kendall preps himself and sinks down onto Stewy without further complaint. He comes rather quickly, hands pressing down on Stewy’s chest while Stewy’s hands remain firmly on his hips. He flops down onto Stewy when Stewy finishes, and presses his face into the crook of Stewy’s neck, breathing him in.
“That was good,” Kendall sighs.
“Mhm,” Stewy agrees, tracing shapes on Kendall’s back. “Honestly, might be some of our best.” They lay there for a few more minutes before Stewy nudges Kendall’s shoulder. “Dude, get off of me, you’re crushing me.” Kendall lifts his head up, gives Stewy an offended look, and falls back down, still fully on top of Stewy.
“You weren’t saying that ten minutes ago,” Kendall mumbles.
“Well, you’re a lot heavier when you’re not riding my dick, man.”
“That’s rude.” Kendall leans up, using his elbow to hold his weight up. “Don’t you think?”
“Fine.” Stewy wraps his arms around Kendall and pulls him back down. “I guess I’ll just sacrifice breathing so you can continue to lay on top of me even though we’re in a king-size bed.”
“Such a sweet way of telling me I take your breath away, Stew.” Kendall rolls off of him and leans into his side, arm draped over Stewy’s stomach.
“Do you ever think about getting back together?” Stewy finds himself asking without his brain’s consent. He blames it on orgasmic haze. The question takes Kendall aback and he just stares at Stewy like he’s sure he hasn’t heard him right.
“Do you?”
“I mean,” Stewy sighs. No use in trying to back peddle now. “Yeah, I do. I think about it a lot, actually.”
“Oh.” Kendall doesn’t say it like it’s the best news he’s ever heard, but he also doesn’t say it like it’s the worst news he’s ever heard either.
“I mean, why not, y’know?” Stewy continues, because it seems that he can’t just stop talking. “Your kids already fucking love me, man. I’m sure they’d be cool with it.”
“Everyone fucking loves you, Stewy.”
Stewy turns and looks at Kendall, tracing the shell of his ear with his finger. “Oh yeah? Does that include you?”
“Yeah,” Kendall sighs. “It does.”
“So, I guess, if—” Stewy looks down and then looks back up. “If you love me, and I love you, maybe we should try again?”
“It didn’t work the first time around,” Kendall responds.
“Yeah, but we were young, then. We’ve learned from our mistakes.” Stewy holds Kendall’s face. “We could take it slow. Start from the beginning. I’ll take you out to dinner and walk you back home and give you a kiss goodnight on your cheek.”
“What? Like we’ll fucking, uh, go steady?” Kendall smiles.
“If that’s what it takes. I can find my old letterman and give it to you.” Stewy leans in and gives Kendall a soft kiss. “I mean, the divorce is finalized, and has been for some time. And, like, it’s legal, and pretty socially accepted now, so we really only have to deal with your shitty dad—but he’s never scared me before. We’re older now and it has to mean something that those feelings never really went away.” Stewy pauses. “So, what do you say? Will you be my boyfriend? Again?”
Kendall smiles and presses his mouth to Stewy’s tangling his fingers in his hair. “We’re going to have to take it slow,” he says, as he rolls back on top of Stewy. “Make sure we really do it right, this time.”
“Mhm. Take it slow.” Stewy grinds up against him. “That is exactly what we are doing right now.”
“Okay,” Kendall pauses. “We can start taking it slow tomorrow morning.” He attaches his lips to Stewy’s neck and begins sucking the warm and salty skin as Stewy laughs. Round three is definitely the best sex they’ve ever had, which is the least Stewy could expect from his best friend-turned boyfriend-turned ex-turned friends with benefits-turned boyfriend, again. In hindsight, he should have known it was only a matter of time before they got back together—I mean, who else could possibly get him to eat pizza and play monopoly on the floor? Certainly not anyone that wasn’t Kendall Roy, that’s for sure.