Work Text:
After being asleep for only a couple hours, Dai began to whimper quietly and thrash in their sleep. They flailed about, and the pillow and blanket were both knocked to the floor in their distress. They curled into as small and tight a ball as they could manage, their body and the couch muffling their noises.
They slept fitfully like that for a brief while, their small noises increasing in frequency and volume a little bit at a time, until they woke with a shriek that they stifled as soon as they were conscious enough to do so. They weren’t supposed to do that, make noises and cause problems. They backed as far as they could into the corner of the couch, frantic, their breathing quick and shallow. Petrified. Memories and nightmares swirled and blurred the lines between past and present, overwhelming and invasive.
Their quiet sounds hadn’t made anything stir, but at the shriek, there was a thud and an alarmed sound from upstairs. Hearse's door opened and the tall skeleton came darting out to the staircase in dark red pajamas, eyelights gleaming as he looked around. "DAI?"
They let out a quiet, fearful whimper at the sound of their name and covered their mouth with their hands. They woke someone up, they bothered someone, the fear from the nightmares and memories of retaliation were overwriting everything else and they were panicking. They hid their face in their knees, tense and trembling. They tried their best not to make any noise, to be as small as possible, to remain unnoticed.
He paused for a moment, then came down the stairs and knelt beside the sofa. "IT'S ALRIGHT. I'M NOT GOING TO HURT YOU. DEEP BREATHS."
Dai flinched when he approached, not even noticing it was him at first, but after he knelt and spoke calmly, they tried to follow his advice. It was okay, it was Hearse, it was a skeleton, a monster, someone who had only shown them kindness. Not the others, not human, not hurtful. They took a deep, ragged breath only for it to come back out as a quiet keen. It wasn't enough, they were still struggling between what was actually there and the leftover fear still thrumming through them. They wrapped their arms around themself and dug their fingernails into their upper arms, trying to quell the panic with a small bit of pain.
"WOULD YOU LIKE ME TO COUNT AS YOU BREATHE?" Hearse offered. He hesitated in offering physical comfort, but Dirge had been very touchy feely with the young human. After a moment, he gave it a try, just lightly patting one knee.
They nodded in response to his request. The physical contact of him patting their knee calmed them enough to relax their grip on their arms. There were crescent shapes from their fingernails left visible in the flesh, a remnant of their anxious panic. They were underground, they were okay and safe and neither one of these brothers was going to hurt them.
"GOOD, THERE YOU GO. LET'S COUNT, THEN. FIVE IN AND FIVE OUT. READY? IN FIRST. ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR, FIVE, OUT, TWO, THREE, FOUR, FIVE..." He kept his voice low and calm.
Dai paced their breathing to his count. They were still too frantic at first and they struggled with the first few, but they were able to slow down after a while and calmed enough to rub some of the tear tracks off their face. After they'd done enough repetitions they lost track, they signed, [Thank you. I'm sorry for waking you up]. He'd been nothing but kind, fed them multiple times, and they'd only repaid him by interrupting his valuable sleep.
"NO NEED TO APOLOGIZE, I WILL BE FINE. DO YOU FEEL BETTER?"
They nodded. [This is... Normal. I don't always... Wake people up, though. I try not to.] They did, though, often enough that they’d suffered for it. The nightmares were inescapable. If they were lucky, they didn’t wake up screaming, but they weren’t often lucky.
"YOU HAVE NIGHTMARES OFTEN?" Hearse asked, giving their knee another little pat. "YOU SHOULD TELL US IF YOU HAVE ONE. I AM ALSO PRONE TO NIGHTMARES."
[I get them all the time,] they responded. The little pats were definitely helpful, kept them focused on him, on the present, and they relaxed a little more with each one. [You get them too? I thought...] They trailed off and shook their head. [Is there anything that helps?]
"YOU THOUGHT WHAT?" He offered a wry smile. "THAT I LOOK TOO PUT TOGETHER TO HAVE NIGHTMARES? MANY PEOPLE HAVE THEM." He gave their knee another little pat. "WHEN I WAS A CHILD, DIRGE READING ALOUD TO ME WOULD HELP. NOW, I LISTEN TO AUDIO BOOKS OR MUSIC. THAT HELPS."
[...That only babies wake up screaming,] Dai replied, ashamed. [That's what they'd tell me when I did it.] Not all the time, not every home, but...enough.
"THAT'S NOT TRUE AT ALL… NIGHTMARES NEVER GO AWAY FULLY. AND, UNFORTUNATELY, SOME PEOPLE HAVE MORE OF THEM THAN OTHERS."
[I guess a lot of people lied to me, huh]. The things the brothers told them, how they treated them, how upset they were at how they'd been treated by people who were supposed to take care of them in the past, confused them. Dai had always thought that they were the problem. That between their inability to recognize emotions in others sometimes, their weird quirks, and the fact that they struggled to speak at times, they were just too damaged and abnormal to be loveable. That nobody seemed to want them because they didn't deserve to be wanted. But Dirge, and Hearse, they clearly thought differently. That the problem wasn't Dai but… everyone else. And maybe, a little bit, Dai was starting to believe them.
"VERY MANY PEOPLE DID, YES," he said quietly. "PLENTY OF ADULTS WAKE UP SCREAMING, ESPECIALLY IF THEY'VE BEEN THROUGH TERRIBLE THINGS. AS HAVE YOU."
[Thank you.] They scrubbed at their face; the tear tracks had started to become itchy. [For helping. For talking.] They glanced at his hand on their knee and gave a small smile. They appreciated his small affections, they meant just as much to them as Dirge's hugs. Whatever Hearse could give them comfortably was enough. The fact that he was willing to do even this much was enough. Being cared about was…new. It thawed places in them that had started to freeze, stirred emotions they’d begun to give up on.
"OF COURSE. IT'S NO TROUBLE." He patted again.
[you're good at taking care of your people. Dirge told me... You saved him. I wanted to thank you for that. For... Being there, and being a good brother. Even though it was a long time ago and had nothing to do with me.] They wiped their eyes and sniffled. They were still emotional about the thought of losing him, even if it was before they would have known him. [I still wanted to. Because you're the reason I got to meet him at all.]
Hearse stilled as they said that about Dirge. "...I SUPPOSE I DID, THOUGH AT THE TIME, I FELT TERRIBLY HELPLESS. NOTHING I DID SEEMED TO HELP FOR A WHILE..." He looked thoughtful. "DIRGE DID A GOOD JOB RAISING ME, I THINK. DESPITE HIS TROUBLES. I WANTED TO BE A GOOD BROTHER IN RETURN... SO I AM VERY GLAD HE'S STILL HERE TO HAVE MET YOU TOO." He reached out to their hand to squeeze lightly.
Dai accepted the squeeze eagerly and returned it, a little firmer though they tried not to squeeze too hard. "You're both... Good... for each other. And…" They looked down as they signed, [and me]. They were, in Dai's opinion, the best thing to happen in their life in years, if not ever. The brothers not only wanted them, they supported them, guided them, comforted them, and actually took care of them. Everything they had wanted for years and had been denied was here, waiting underground.
"I LIKE TO THINK SO TOO, YES." He wasn't good at looking soft, but he did offer a small smile to them. "WE ARE GLAD TO HAVE YOU. TRULY."
They smiled back at him, "It's nice to have a home that... feels like a home." Instead of just a place they lived. Somewhere they wanted to be instead of somewhere they stayed because it was their only option.
"IT IS." Hearse patted their hand. "DO YOU THINK YOU'LL BE ABLE TO GO BACK TO SLEEP?"
They shook their head. "Probably not for a while. But I can read." They always had a difficult time getting back to sleep after a nightmare that bad. Sometimes they didn't bother at all because it only came back and then they just woke everyone up again. It was better not to try, not to bother anyone like that. They'd been surviving on little sleep for a long time, they'd manage one more night. Or however many more nights they needed to.
"ALRIGHT." He got back up. "YOU SHOULD DO THAT, THEN. BUT ALSO... IF YOU THINK YOU WOULD SLEEP BETTER NEXT TO DIRGE, I CAN TELL YOU THAT HE WOULDN'T BEGRUDGE YOU GOING TO JOIN HIM IN HIS ROOM."
Dai brightened immediately at the suggestion, expression hopeful. To not just get the chance to do that, but to be invited to, to be wanted… "Is... That... I... Mmm." They stuttered several times, overwhelmed with the emotional impact of the desire and what the offer meant to them, before they closed their eyes and took a calming breath. "Yes... That. Would help." They hadn't had bad dreams at all when they'd napped on him or fallen asleep tucked into his jacket. He was safety, he protected them even in their dreams.
"GO AHEAD, THEN. HE WON'T BE ANGRY." He gestured up the stairs.
They gave his hand a slight squeeze before they let go. "Thank you, Hearse."
"YOU'RE WELCOME. GOOD NIGHT, DAI." He watched them go, then returned to bed.
They climbed the stairs and quietly slipped into Dirge's room. They had a moment of hesitation after they closed the door behind them, while they silently reminded themself that it was okay before they crawled in beside him. They tried their best not to disturb him as they did so.
Dirge was fast asleep. When they curled up beside him, he subconsciously curled a little closer to the warmth, mumbling wordlessly in his sleep. They loved him so much. Their dad. Theirs. Their protector who, despite only knowing them only a little while, was fiercely devoted to them. He was rapidly becoming their world
It didn't take very long for them to fall back asleep once they were next to him and, comforted by his presence, they slept through the rest of the night without incident.
The next day passed peacefully. Dai tried to be as quiet and unobtrusive as possible, but that only lasted as long as Dirge allowed it. He engaged them in discussions of first the books they'd read and then theories relating to them. They were cautious but eager, soaking up knowledge from him like a sponge and basking in every bit of praise he gave them for good answers. It was one of the best days Dai ever remembered having.
In the early evening, after work, Dirge beckoned them over to him on the couch and pulled out their collar from his pocket. "this is all done now. you can go ahead and put it on. now, uh, remember, when you do, it'll try to bond with you to create an emotional link. you can do it deep or shallow, it's up to you. i won't be offended either way."
Dai took the collar from him and held it in their lap for a moment, stroking the fabric. They got lost in thought for a minute or two with their fingers exploring the collar as their mind wandered. This was the shape of his promise, the teeth he was giving it. The thing that would mark them as his, his kid, someone for him to protect and love and cherish and care for…
They roused themself after a time and carefully fastened it securely around their neck.
When they felt the magic, the offer of security and comfort and safety that was wrapped up in being his, they couldn't turn down the deeper connection and the feeling of belonging that it offered. They had spent too long being denied affection, being ignored and unloved, spending so much time wondering if that day would be the day they finally gave up trying. And then he came along and offered not just a promise, but proof to back it up with. And so, when the magic asked them, they let him in completely. There wasn't another choice that was right in their heart.
They were so anxious he wouldn't really want all their emotions, hopeful for what the future would hold, worried that it wouldn't work out after all, but they loved him. They trusted him. And they were so happy to wear his claim.
Dirge's sockets went wide as it all hit him. Honestly, he hadn't expected them to let him in deeply. They were a teenager, after all, most teens wanted some privacy. It wasn't bad that they did, though. Those feelings were so wonderful to feel. A little bit of purple welled up in his sockets and he pulled them in for a tight hug. "i love you too, kiddo."
They hugged him back just as tightly with a profound relief and heartfelt joy. "Dad." Moisture welled up in their eyes as well. "I have a dad. I really…" they belonged somewhere. It was real, it was there, and they let him in and he was holding them. He wasn't pushing them away or rejecting them or changing his mind. He was just… their dad.
"yeah, you do. i'm your dad, and i'm always gonna be here for you from now on." He kept holding on tightly, reaching up to lightly trace that leafy green collar. "i promise you."
They held onto him for a long time, feeling grateful and loved and a bit overwhelmed. They snuggled up to him, buried their face in his shirt and just... Breathed. Just existed. Let themself love and feel loved. Let themself feel all of the things they felt about him, about the collar, about finally having a family. Eventually, they calmed enough to tell him, "thank you for giving me a family. You're... The best dad I could have asked for."
"you're doing so well. you're here, you're so damn kind, you're affectionate, and you just... you make me so happy, kid. really."
His words made them shy, but they were so appreciative. "You're just.... Very supportive. You... Let me be... Encourage me to be..." They huffed, a bit frustrated with themself. They couldn't make the words come out right. Couldn't communicate how important this was to them.
They switched to signing. [You want me to be...just me. You support that, you care about that. You don't... Force. You don't try to make me be anything else. You don't care that I'm.] Broken. No. He said they weren't broken, just battered. There was another moment of self deprecation that was quickly smothered with a calming breath. [that I struggle sometimes. You just... Be a good dad. I'm glad I can make you happy too. You deserve happiness.]
"of course i do all that stuff, dai, that's what a parent should be like." He pulled back to gently brush their hair back. "i want you to be exactly who you are, and that makes me really, really happy."
They closed their eyes and leaned into his touch, taking comfort in his affection. "My mom..." They felt a complicated mix of despair, love, longing, and loss. [She used to... Be like that. A long time ago. But nobody else until you. And you don't even have to, nobody asked you to, you just did. You're just good.] He'd scooped them out of the snow and brought them home all on his own, his own choice. He’d picked them.
He nodded, still gently petting their hair. "i'm sorry to hear she's gone, kiddo... losing a parent is always hard. i lost my father when i was pretty young too. but stuff like that... i mean, kid, nobody asked your mom to either, i'm sure. people make the choice to be a good parent, whether they planned to have a kid or not. or... they don't make that choice, and don't put in that effort. folks like that, who aren't willing to care or to support you, they just shouldn't have kids. the folks who fostered you, they should never have kids."
Dai shrugged. [They were just doing their best. Sometimes they were a little... Strict. But kids need structure and rules or they don't grow up with respect and then they end up as delinquents.] They didn't really believe that, didn’t feel attached to it as truth, they'd just heard it often enough from enough different people that they'd accepted it as a fact.
"kid..." He trailed off and sighed, letting them go on.
[All those families... Offered to take in kids who didn't have anyone else. They volunteered, it's not their fault if they got sent too many or... Kept getting ones that weren't good enough.] The longer they went the further they sank into sadness and self-doubt, became more withdrawn and inadequate and weren’t present anymore. They started to drift…
Numb
Detached
They stopped being able to feel… anything.
As the sadness and self doubt and detached feelings grew, his own concern did too. They were spiraling.
He gently grasped the collar with one hand and their cheek with the other. Both hands glowed purple as he poured in calm and clarity and love.
"dai, c'mon, focus on me. breathe. you're not there anymore. look at me."
A blip of recognition. They blinked a few times, slow and spread out. "Dad?" Their voice was soft, distant, like all the emotional attachment had been drained out of the words.
A muddied concern filtered through the emptiness to him. This… wasn't right. This feeling wasn't right, something was wrong. They couldn't feel, they couldn't make their body move, they could make words come out of their mouth.
"....what-?" Confusion. What was going on? They weren't entirely there, but were trying to struggle their way back.
"yeah, kiddo, it's me. it's your dad." He rubbed their cheek gently, pressing in more of that calming intent. "look at me, c'mon. you're alright."
They closed their eyes and leaned into his hand, the calming intent guiding them back. They took a deep breath and opened them again, disoriented and confused. "what.... happened?" They started to panic. They looked right at him, afraid. They'd had no control, no perception, no feelings. Just that... terrifying emptiness. "Dad?" their voice squeaked.
"hey. hey, it's alright." He kept rubbing their cheek gently. "i'm right here. you got kinda... lost for a second. you dissociated, i think."
They pressed their face into his hand like a lifeline, clinging to the reality of it being there. "I wasn't... I couldn't..." Anxious. They didn't know what had happened, but they didn't like it, not at all. They held his arm in their hand and timed their breathing to his gentle strokes, focusing deeply on the contact. He was there, they were here...with him. He had them, he would always have them. He'd promised. Promised and proved it. Even if they were a burden, even if they were difficult, he wouldn't abandon them. They were his.
"i know, kiddo, it's okay. just breathe. you're alright. you're here now."
They did as he asked and focused on breathing, on him. The anxiety didn't go away entirely, but it did lessen as it was joined by affection. Their hold on him gentled; they still held him but it wasn’t as desperate. “Thank you, Dad." They were so grateful for him, that he'd chosen them.
“course. it's gonna be okay. any time you start to lose yourself like that, just call me, ok? just tug this." He lightly pulled the collar away from their neck and then set it back in place.
They stroked the collar, appreciative of the reminder that it was there and what it meant. They loved it like they loved him. It meant security, it meant that they mattered, that they were cared about. That he cared about them. They leaned against him, tired. "Ok."
"good. you should take a nap, kiddo, you look like you need it." He gently coaxed them onto the couch.
"Probably." They were easily coaxed. That episode had left them exhausted, but they knew they would only have nightmares if he left. Hesitantly, they asked, "Stay? Just a little while." Just until they fell asleep, that would help. They were a little bit anxious still but mostly just felt a lot of attachment. They felt safer with him close.
"i'll stay as long as you want me to, kid." He snuggled them close.
"Guess it's forever then." they mumbled, not even noticing that they'd said it aloud as they snuggled into him, sleepy and pleased. It didn't take them long to fall asleep, worn out from the day and their panic, feeling warm and comfortable and safe.
"heh... yeah." He held them close, sighing in relief when they fell asleep. With a bit of shifting around, he laid down with them on top of him and then also fell asleep.
__
"hey, kiddo, how're you feeling today? you up for a bit of physical activity?"
It was almost two weeks later. Dirge was munching on breakfast, stifling a yawn or two.
"Doing what?" Dai asked in between bites of their own breakfast. Though brief, the period of adequate sleep and meals was already creating a visible improvement. They were feeling pretty content to be sharing in a regular breakfast routine. It was a feeling of belonging that they hadn’t felt at any point being bounced between families all those years.
"self defense training." He reached over to pat their hand gently. "you're safe when you're with me, but i want you to be able to hold your own in an emergency."
"That's... Like fighting, right?" They felt a twinge of anxiety, but the desire to make him proud was stronger. "I...can try? But..." They didn’t want to hurt anyone, and…they were worried about being hurt. Were worried what would happen if they started to rely on that pain again.
"it's not fighting for the purpose of hurting someone," he said gently. "it's just protection. it won't be anything too rough."
"...okay." They were hesitant, but not unwilling. They trusted him, he was safe, they knew he wouldn’t hurt them deliberately. It was still scary to think about. Someone so much bigger than them doing something violent…brought back memories.
"alright. after breakfast. we'll go out to my work station where nobody is around.”
They nodded and went about finishing breakfast, apprehensive but also just as excited to spend time with him as they always were. He had quickly become a source of stability that they relied on: His comforting presence soothed their nightmares, and his steadfast support had already been making improvements to their self esteem. He’d been the exact thing they needed in their life, after they’d long since given up on getting it.
After breakfast, Dirge led them out to his station. He carried with him a few bags of sand and a bunch of rope. Once there, he strung up the bags at a few different heights from thicker tree branches.
"we're gonna start with how to throw a punch."
They looked at the bags dubiously and curled their hand into some attempt at a fist. "I've never punched anything before..."
"i know, kiddo, that's why i'm gonna teach you. now, look." He took their hand to gently guide it into the proper fist shape. "don't ever put your thumb in front of your other fingers, because that's how you break it. you want to use the knuckles of your pointer and middle finger, since they're stronger." He gestured to one of the bags hanging down. "punching that a bunch of times is gonna do a lot for you. it's gonna help your endurance, your muscle strength, and when you get to moving around it, it'll help with balance and dexterity. ok?"
They nodded and stared at the fist he'd fixed, trying to memorize how it looked. They copied it with their other hand until it looked the same, then uncurled it and made the fist again.
"It's like exercise. Training?"
"yeah, exactly. i ain't gonna ask you to punch people unless you gotta. but this is a good way to get you strong, fast, and able to last a while in a fight."
"I don't... Want to fight. But. I don't want you to be upset more. So I'll do my best."
"kid, like I said, it's not about hurting people. you don't have to fight if you don't want to. but if someone comes at you... you're my kid. i don't ever want you hurt or killed because i didn't teach you how to survive."
"And you'd be upset and I don't want that." They blinked at him; in their mind that was exactly what they just said. His suffering meant so much more to them than their own and he, for whatever reason, loved them. He would be hurt if they got hurt, and if they could prevent that by learning this, they wanted to.
He sighed but then smiled. "if that's what motivates you, alright. go on, then. take a few swings. use a bit of force, but don't try and put everything you got into one punch, ok? this is about repetition."
Dai remade the fist again like he'd shown them and thought about books they'd read or pictures they'd seen of martial artists, then tried to mimic the pose as they punched a bag.
It... actually landed solidly, and even swung the bag a bit where it hung. Surprised, they repeated the motion with the other hand with the same result.
They looked at him with a proud smile. "Dad, I did it!" They felt a strong swell of excitement and pride, they could do this, they could make him happy and proud, they could deserve him.
Dirge grinned as he saw the bag swing a little. "damn, kiddo, nice job. those are really good hits. try to keep it up, ok? keep going."
They did a few more punches, a bit easier now they had an idea what it felt like, though none of them were quite as good as the first few. Their form wasn't great but it was effective at getting the bag to swing at least a little on most of the hits. The real problem, though, was their stamina, and they started to lag after only a few minutes of practice
Once they started to tire, Dirge came back over with a bottle of water. "take a little break and then get back to it. gotta build up over time. every day a little more."
"Thank you." They took the water and drank it in small sips, breathing heavily.
"there you go. nice deep breaths. don't pant, you don't get enough air into your lungs that way." He pet them gently.
They leaned into the pets, breathing slower the longer they sat. Basking in his comfort and affection.
"there you go, kid." He pet for a few more minutes, then pulled back. "go on, a little more."
They took one more deep breath and set the half empty water bottle down, then leaned into him for a brief moment before they got up and went back to practicing. They still did alright, though the longer they went, the more their form started to slip.
He kept watching, and as they started to obviously tire again, he picked up the water bottle. "alright, that's enough for now. come finish this and sit with me at the station, eh?"
[okay.] They took the bottle and wiped some of the sweat off their face with their sleeve. "did I do okay?"
"you did amazing, kiddo. i'm super proud of you." He pulled them into a hug.
They snuggled into his hug, flooded with all of the warm and pleasant feelings. "Thanks, Dad"
He flushed and smiled, picking them up to carry back to his station. "you just rest for a bit now."
Dai curled into his hug and held on, pretty used to being carried around by now, but it still made them happy every time he did.
For a little while, punching the bag was all Dirge bid them to do. He had them start to move around it soon enough, practicing footwork and staying on their toes even when throwing their punches. He let them build up a bit of endurance before moving on to a new thing.
"so now, we'll focus more on solid defense. i'm gonna first teach you how to block blows with your arms properly, and then i'm gonna give you a shield and teach you how to use that."
They were instantly apprehensive and anxious, but also tried not to show it. "Okay... Is it like the fist, where there's a right way to hold your arms?"
"exactly, yes. now c'mere, look..." He gently took one of their wrists and lifted their forearm, then patted the back. "you always want to block with this side, cause this here is where humans have only got nice tough flesh and bone. this side..." he patted the inside. "this has got all of your veins and muscles, see. it's impractical to use to block punches, and if you try to block sharp things like a knife, you'll bleed much more. so always the back. ok?"
He let go and rolled up his jacket sleeves to demonstrate a proper front block. "up and down, a bit diagonal, for a punch coming at you from the middle. then straight parallel to the ground up here for something coming from above you. and keep your hand in a fist because it tenses up the muscles and helps you put some strength behind the block. just holding your arm out is useless if it can't bear the weight of the attack."
They nodded, trying to commit all of that to memory and repeated the motions he'd demonstrated. More than anything they wanted to make him proud, wanted to prove they could be his kid, that they were worthy of him.
"alright. now, s'it okay if i use these for this?" He lifted up a trio of bouncy dodgeballs with blue magic. "i won't go too fast or hard, but i've got to make you learn how to block fast and firm."
They poked one of the dodgeballs where it was floating. "I'll try?"
"alright." He pulled them back a bit. "ok, get ready."
He started off by sending one shooting forward at them, right about chest height. They held their arm like he'd shown, and blocked it. It was a much softer impact than they'd been worried about and the success quickly turned their anxiety into pride as they offered him a smile. They raised their arm again, getting ready for another one.
Dirge grinned at them. "hey, good job, kiddo. keep it up, okay?" He shot the next one at them, a little faster.
They blocked that one too! They felt another flash of pride and steady concentration as they focused on learning what he was trying to teach them.
"doing great, keep going. i'm gonna go a bit faster." He did two this time, first one at the same place, then one higher up.
They were a little more nervous about two but breathed and concentrated on remembering what he'd taught them, and blocked both. The block for the second wasn't as solid and bounced oddly, but it didn't hit them.
Dirge kept going, about a dozen more times, calling out encouragement in between a few.
The encouragement kept them focused, and they managed to block most of them. About halfway through their blocks started getting sloppy, and the last one they missed entirely. They were trying, but their body still wasn't as healthy as it should be. It would be a while before they built up the kind of stamina they should have.
Dirge let all of the dodgeballs drop back down to the ground. "alright. that's enough for now. come sit, drink water. you're doing great."
They sat next to him, rubbing at their arms where the balls had hit them. "This is a lot easier than I was worried about."
"is it?" He grinned as he offered the water. "well, i'm glad to hear it. it might not stay that way forever. sometimes it gets really rough. but... i know you don't want to hurt others. so you've got less to learn than hearse and i did."
they nodded and took the offered water, drinking sips "I was..." They paused, hummed, and then continued. "I thought it would hurt more."
"well, kid, i'm not gonna lie... eventually, it's gonna get harder. and when real weapons come into play, you might get hurt sometimes. but better you get a few cuts and bruises practicing than get cut open in a real fight. i'm just... i'm startin' ya slow."
They smiled at him. "Thanks. For being gentle with me. I-" They paused. They felt the beginnings of self deprecation but smothered it with fond affection. It was okay, he was there, and he cared. They continued, signing, [You don't give up on me even when I struggle. It... means a lot to me. Everything you do, that shows you care].
"of course i don't. everyone struggles with a new thing. ain't nobody ever perfect their first try." He pulled them into a little side hug.
They snuggled into his hug and hummed, pleased. The love, trust, and happiness they always felt around him worked hard to soothe the stress and anxiety from the practice.
After a few days of blocking with their arms, Dirge pulled out a shield to hand over to them. "now i'm gonna teach you how to use this. for now, i think i want you to carry this around whenever we go out. just in case. i don't think humans can make shaped magic attacks like us..."
Dai took the shield and explored it with their fingers, getting used to the feel and the weight. They looked up at him when he mentioned the magic though. "I didn't think humans had magic at all?"
"well... some humans can use magic almost as good as monsters do. and all humans have a little, in your soul and whatnot. doesn't mean you can use it. s'just inconvenient, is all. i've never taught someone who can't use it before. that's not your fault, though, kiddo."
They nodded. It would be cool if they could share magic things with him too, but if he didn't expect them to have it they couldn't fail him by being without it.
"It's okay, Dad." If he wasn't disappointed in them not having magic, it was never something they were expected to have before. "I have you." Having a Dad, a family, a place they belonged was better than just having magic anyway.
"that's right, kid, you've got me. i'm better than a bit of magic." He grinned and ruffled their hair. "alright. now you want to make sure to hold it the right way, so a hard hit won't break your wrist or knuckles..." He started to teach them how to use it properly.
They listened attentively, doing their best to follow his instructions. They needed a few corrections, but he was a good teacher and they responded well to his style. Once they had the hang of holding it, he got the dodgeballs out again, hovering them with blue magic to send shooting at them to practice. They held the shield up like he showed them, still a bit nervous, but they were confident by now in the knowledge that he wouldn't hurt them. Their form wasn't great, they kept trying to cower behind the bulk of the shield instead of holding it properly and then correcting themself, but they did successfully block all the balls.
"you're not doing badly, kid, but brace properly with it like i showed you, ok? i'm not using a lot of force, but if someone is coming at you, they will be." He picked up one of the balls again. "if you break your wrist, you won't be able to hold that up at all."
Dai nodded; they really wanted to make him proud, so they refocused and tried again. They did better the second round and had to correct their posture less.
"good, much better." He kept going, about half a dozen more times, before gathering up the balls again. "that should be enough for today. dai, how do you feel about a real sparring match?"
"Sparring… with you?" They were apprehensive, anxious, and a tiny bit fearful but... They fingered their collar and calmed. They took a moment to think about it. They wanted to make him proud, and if anything did happen, he'd worry less if he knew they could do this. So they nodded. "Okay. Not today though?"
"yeah, either with me, or... i could go grab one of the teens that hang out in the forest?" he offered. "it's up to you." He would feel better about doing it himself, but he was also keenly aware that they might get triggered having an adult/guardian figure aiming a punch or an open hand in their direction. He didn't want to make them afraid of him, even for a moment. "nah, not today."
"Is it... Safe? For them to help?" They were worried about the same thing he was. They didn't want to be afraid of him, even though it wouldn't be him they were afraid of, just him standing in the place of ghosts and memories, giving them a gateway to their present. They didn't want him to embody those ghosts, not ever.
"the teens? yeah, should be. they wouldn't get any bright ideas about really hurting you with me supervising." He shrugged. "they're just kids, just like you."
"Maybe...that. Would be better." They anxiously shuffled on their feet a few times before they went to hug him. "Sorry."
"no need to say sorry." He hugged them back nice and tight. "s'alright."
They snuggled into him "I know you're not like them. But sometimes it doesn't matter… that I know that."
"i know, kiddo. your mind tells ya what it learned forever ago. it'll take time. the important thing is you're trying, yeah?" He tilted their face up and kissed their forehead gently.
"Yeah..." The open affection filled them with adoration. They were loved. Their heart hadn't been this full in a long time and he just. Kept. Doing it. He understood them, even when they couldn't always explain themself. He made them feel seen. "Love you Dad"
He squeezed them gently. "love you too, kiddo. c'mon, that's enough for one day. the boss is making his signature lasagna tonight for dinner."
Dai gave him one last squeeze and then let go, though they kept a hold of a handful of his jacket, feeling more secure when they were attached to him somehow. "His lasagna is the best."
“it definitely is.”
The next day, in the early afternoon, Dirge led Dai over to an area with one of the teens waiting. Chilldrake was shifting from food to foot, eyeing them nervously. Dai was doing pretty much the same thing, nervously fidgeting as they followed Dirge.
Dirge stood back from the two of them standing a few feet apart. "ok. so. nothing too crazy. this is just a sparring match. we're gonna start off with chill throwing some attack patterns, and you try to dodge, ok?"
Dai rocked on their feet, anxious, but settled after a few moments. Ever determined to make him proud, they nodded. "Okay."
Chilldrake looked back at Dirge, as if questioning again if this was okay. Dirge nodded and made a gesture, so Chilldrake shrugged and sent out a bullet pattern. Dai tried to dodge the bullets, but they got a little overwhelmed and distracted, they dodged one only to end up dodging into another they hadn't seen.
Luckily for Dai, the attack they bumped into only did 1 HP of damage. Chilldrake tilted his head, blinking owlishly. "You need me to go slower...?" he asked, his voice cautious.
"Probably... A good idea. Yeah. Sorry." They rubbed at the spot the bullet hit; it might have only taken off 1 HP but with a pool of 10 that was quite a ding. They'd have to be more careful.
They gathered themself and got ready to try again.
Dirge looked on worriedly, ready to jump in if need be. "i know you can do this, dai. stay alert."
Dai nodded at his words, and Chilldrake sent out another bullet pattern, this one slower. Bolstered by their dad’s confidence in them, they managed to dodge the whole pattern that time.
Dirge looked proud at that. "much better. good job, kiddo. keep goin'."
Chilldrake gave them a moment, then sent out another. Dai managed much better at the slower pace and avoided getting hit by all the projectiles again.
"good. try the faster one again."
Chilldrake looked wary, but sped the bullets up again. Still nothing crazy.
The practice at the slower pace and Dirge's praise had given them enough of a confidence boost that they kept their focus once the pattern returned to normal speed. They dodged them all, though their movements weren't the cleanest.
They kept going like that for a little while, one attack pattern at a time. But soon enough, Dirge had them each take a break. Dai was given water. Another bottle was left, unopened, on the ground for Chilldrake to snatch. They drank the water a little at a time while they soaked up his comforting presence.
Then they moved on to physical attacks. Chilldrake had a beak or wings he could fight with okay. Dirge gave Dai the shield for this, and they held it like he'd taught them.
Chilldrake seemed calmer now, apparently having realized that he wouldn't instantly be dusted for actually landing a hit. He waited for them to be ready with the shield, then jumped forward to use his beak in an attack. Dai brought the shield up just like they'd practiced with Dirge yesterday. Though they had a brief spike of panic, they blocked the attack successfully.
"good, very good. keep calm, breathe." Dirge was watching carefully, eyes sharp.
They trembled a little, but took his advice and spent a few moments breathing to calm down. Then they nodded to indicate they were ready for another go.
"there you go, good. you're doing well." He nodded also, and Chilldrake attacked again.
They expected the spike of panic that time, but weren't as prepared for it as they'd tried to be. They still managed to block the attack, but it wasn't as clean as the last time.
Dirge frowned, beckoning Chilldrake back again. Then he went over to them and gently rubbed their arm. "hey, c'mon, breathe. it's alright. it's just practice, kiddo."
They nodded, but they were trembling, trying to hold back tears because they felt like they disappointed him, like they weren't good enough. Too scared, too flinchy, too stuck in seeing things from the past instead of what was really there. They bit their lip, hard, and curled their shoulders in. They couldn't do it right, even though he spent so much time with them, teaching them, being patient and kind, and they wasted all his effort because they couldn't take someone coming at them without flinching.
"it's ok, dai. it's alright." He knelt down to be closer to their level, pulling them into a hug. "we can stop if you need."
They wrapped their arms around his neck and gripped tight to his jacket. They melted into the hug, buried their face in his shoulder and, after a moment, nodded. They weren't going to get anything else right with how upset they were.
"yeah, there you go. it's alright, kid."
He held them gently for a long minute, before pulling back just long enough to dig into his pocket and toss a small bag of coins at Chilldrake, who snatched it up and ran off like he worried Dirge might reconsider. Then, Dirge scooped Dai up into his arms to carry them back home.
They clung to him, never lifting their head, and every so often their body trembled. They struggled with waves of despair, feeling worthless, and tightened their grip as they did.
"it's alright," he kept repeating soothingly. "you did great, ok? i'm proud of how much you did. i know it's not easy."
All that came out when they tried to respond was a small, distressed whine. They didn't want to let go of him to sign so they just shook their head. They couldn't do it right, they couldn't do anything right, they needed-
They needed to hurt.
He felt that, through the collar. He felt it and he held them tighter. "no. no, no, you don't. i am so proud of you. you did amazing. it's okay. i'm so happy you did it at all. and you got really good at dodging, too. i'm less worried about you being on your own for a few minutes outside, because i can see you can get out of the way if you have to. that's a lot. it helps me. i promise, kiddo."
The desire to hurt didn't go away, but it did get... tempered by the security of his hold and the comfort of his words. They nuzzled into his jacket, trying to use the texture to keep themself in the present moment, with him, where he cared.
He relaxed a little himself, feeling that shift. That was better. He got them inside and set them on the couch, in his lap, pulling a blanket over them. "there you go, kiddo. it's ok. i'm right here. we're alright."
They relaxed significantly once they were cocooned, wrapped up completely in the smell and feel of home and safety and him. They snuggled into him and slowly let the tension bleed away. "Dad." They said it like a realization and a plea wrapped up together. He'd promised, he'd promised and he meant it.
"hey, dai. i'm right here." He pet their hair gently. "i'm right here, like i promised. you're safe."
Dai softened further with the pets. He was so sweet and caring, and they adored him. They still didn't feel like they deserved any of this; a part of them still thought they needed to be punished for their failure, but they were trying very hard not to listen to that part.
"Dad." They said it again, an affirmation. They were his kid and he wanted them, and it didn't matter to him how damaged they were. They belonged. "Love you. Sorry."
"hi." He smiled, relieved. "love you too, kiddo. no need to be sorry. it takes time."
They squeezed him in a hug from their blanket cocoon. He was the first one in years who'd been willing to give them that time. "I tried..." It hadn't been enough, but it was a start.
"you did more than try, kiddo. you did well." He kissed their forehead gently. "you want anything? some tea or water? something to eat?"
They shook their head; they still felt fragile and weren't ready to leave their safe spot just yet.
"alright. that's ok. how bout i read aloud to ya?" he offered, summoning a book to his hand.
Dai nodded at that suggestion, feeling relieved. They wouldn't have to move. "Thank you, Dad."
"of course." He opened the book and kept petting them gently while he started to read. It was A Wrinkle In Time.
The longer he read the more they relaxed, and after a few chapters, they were finally calm again. Calm and a little sleepy. He kept going, since they didn't tell him to stop. Once he got lost in a book, it was hard to come out without prompting. But he still kept petting their hair tirelessly.
It was no secret by now that cuddling was one of Dai's favorite things to do. Affection starved for so long, they soaked it up from him like a little sponge, and whatever time he was willing to spend with them, they were eager for. Their shared love of reading made it easy. A few chapters later and they'd fallen asleep, still holding tight to his jacket.
It took a little bit, but eventually, he realized they were asleep. Sighing in relief, he put the book aside and settled them on the couch. Then he went to make some quick lunch for them and heat water for tea. He'd have to rethink the self-defense sparring, it seemed…