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She had gotten ridiculously held up that morning, even after she had made a point of going to bed early so that she would have more than enough time to get to the school. How was she to know that her car just wouldn't want to start that morning; and that when she finally gave in and called Bellamy to ask (beg) for a ride, he would take his sweet time. And of course they would then get stuck in a horrible traffic jam because of a car accident, which would quickly ruin Bellamy’s mood and they would sit in an uncomfortably silent tiny car with no air conditioning (because he refused to pay someone to fix it when he could do it himself… once he figured out how,) for over an hour.
So there she was, embarrassingly late for college freshman orientation and trying to discretely sneak into the auditorium. Someone was just out to get her that day because she just so happened to come in during the moment where only one person (the principle, she would later learn,) was talking and the door was so very loud in opening. She could feel her face go that horribly beet red it did when she’s humiliated as everyone turned to look at her trying to shuffle into an empty back seat. She made a point of not looking up from her lap until the person up front continued talking and she could no longer feel all eyes on her.
She let out a sigh of relief and straightened up from her completely unprofessional slouch (she could practically feel her mother’s judging eyes burning into her,) but going to cross her legs she accidentally bumps the leg of the person that she hadn't noticed sitting next to her. She startled and quickly looked up, apology already rushing out, when bright blue eyes locked onto light green and she was just left… speechless. At the moment, she really had no words to describe it; but later she would be able to tell this perfect woman exactly how it felt.
It was like being given an extremely unique puzzle piece and told that while it did have a partner somewhere, it wasn't necessary to find it because it was beautiful on it's own. The slight urge to match it up was there but the piece really was perfect just by itself, or even next to other pieces that didn't match it at all but they complimented each other just fine. And sometimes you would find a piece that seemed to fit, would almost fit, but not quite go with your piece. And then finally you would find one that would just click perfectly and it was like ‘Oh, there you are. I didn't even realize it, but I've been looking all over for you so that I could finally be complete.’
That was how she felt. Like she had been unknowingly looking for that one piece that went with her and when she finally did, it was like their very souls just clicked together.
“I’m Clarke.”
Green eyes never moving from her own, a slight quirk of full lips.
“Lexa.”
A patient had asked Clarke a question that day that had been prickling at the back of her mind all during her shift; she had barely managed to push it away even when she was thrown into a last minute surgery. The question itself was a bit idealistic, made by a sick patient whose significant other had fallen asleep at their bedside after holding their hand all through a night of pain.
“Do you believe in soulmates? Not just having that one perfect person, but being made for that perfect person all through time and just finding each other over and over again. And you may not remember being with them before, but your soul just knows when you see them that this is who you’re meant to be with.”
It was ridiculous, if incredibly romantic. As a doctor, the concept of souls was hard to grasp when you saw and worked with exactly what made a human function. But as a young woman who was undoubtedly in love with the woman she had met years ago, the thought of eternal soulmates made her heart beat incredibly fast. It was these two contrasting thoughts that distracted her all day. She hoped that Lexa could help her make better sense of things.
The thought of her beautiful girlfriend made a large smile stretch itself across her tired face. She knew that Lexa would be home, they made a point of planning out at least a couple days off together whenever they could swing it. Being a top notch doctor and a successful lawyer respectfully, they were both incredibly busy and sometimes went days without seeing much of each other outside of curling around the others sleeping form. Though they did make sure to talk every day and even send cute messages to each other throughout their day. These next couple of days would be a breath of fresh air after work was starting to suffocate them and Clarke couldn't wait.
She walked into their modest house, one that they had been determined and excited to buy when their combined incomes finally took them right out of poor college student status, and went directly into their bedroom after she kicked off her shoes. As she had expected, Lexa was stretched out on the bed laying on her stomach and reading a thick book. Lazy smile on her face, brown hair in a messy ponytail, wearing pajama shorts and a tank top that showed her lean limbs and tribal tattoos; the usually stoic and put together woman always made Clarke feel so incredibly honored at being the only one allowed to see this side of her.
Lexa looked up, closed her book, and turned to her side as she watched Clarke almost frenziedly toss off her scrubs and pull on her own sleeping shorts and t-shirt. There were no words needed at the moment; that could wait until they were in each other’s arms and relaxed after working so hard. Clarke was quick to snuggle right into Lexa and could instantly feel herself just completely melt into the taller woman, and she could feel Lexa do exactly the same. She had no idea how long they just laid tangled in each other. It could have been hours or just stretched out minutes, but she knew that it was what she wanted to do for the rest of her life.
“How was the office?”
“Tense, as always. They still think that I am simply waiting for the right moment to take over, by force apparently.”
“If only they knew that the big scary Commander was just waiting for the right moment to move from District Attorney to Environmental Lawyer.”
It was something that Lexa had confessed to always wanting but kept hesitating on making the switch. She had always loved nature and knew that she wanted to be able to take a stand in protecting it as best as she could. But right out of law school she had been recruited by the government because of her ruthlessness in the courtroom, and Lexa was too smart to turn down such a prestigious job offer. Clarke was supportive tried to subtly encourage Lexa to pursue environmental law without pushing the proud woman to the point of putting her on the defensive.
“What about the hospital? Did you save worthy lives today?”
“Mm, you know that I do what I can. But a patient asked me an interesting question today.” Lexa only made a noise of acknowledgement and Clarke was quick on getting out what had been bothering her all day. “They asked me if I believed in soulmates. Not just the concept of having that one person that completes you, but having that same person completing you through many lifetimes. And even if you don’t recognize each other, your souls remember and know when they've found each again.”
They were both quiet as they took in what Clarke said. Lexa's automatic reaction was to scoff at the mere mention of soulmates. But then she thought of what Clarke had told her about how it had felt when they first met. It was incredibly corny, but Lexa had felt the same way. She had felt the sudden completion of her deepest self the moment their eyes had met. And she knew, knew, that she wanted nothing more than to spend the rest of her life with this beautiful woman; and she couldn't imagine ever living a life in which she wouldn't want to spend it with her. She buried her fingers in golden hair and felt Clarke hum in approval. At that moment she knew that even if it was illogical and she wasn't able to ever explain it properly, she believed.
“I do not know for certain if soulmates are real. However, I do know that if there was someone I was meant to spend my life with, it would always be you. And I also know that if my soul has lived many lifetimes, there would not be a time in which I would not want to spend it with you.”
“Are you saying that we’re totally eternal soulmates?” Clarke was quick to tease Lexa even as she knew that she believed it as well. She wasn't one to pass up a perfect opportunity to poke fun at Lexa's expense when the woman could be merciless in her own teasing.
“I am saying that if there are such things as soulmates, then I have had the good fortune of being bound to you for eternity.”
Clarke angled her head so that she could softly connect their lips as she was filled with an overwhelming love for Lexa. They exchanged several gentle pecks, both too comfortable to do anything more at the moment, before Clarke buried her face into Lexa's neck and let her breath brush against smooth tan skin. She was falling asleep before another thought came to her.
“I bet you were some kind of badass warrior in most of our past lives. Probably even usually in a position of power because you’re too prideful to be just another face in the ranks.”
Lexa let out a soft snort before digging her fingers in Clarke’s ribs and letting the other woman squirm for a few moments.
“Well, I am sure that you were some kind of stubborn noblewoman in the majority of our past lifetimes. It would definitely make more sense as to why your friends are so instant on calling you Princess.”
“What a disgustingly romantic pair we’d make. The Princess and her warrior.”
“As long as we were together, I would have not cared what other thought of us.”
“I just hope that we were as happy as we are now.”
“It almost makes me want to remember these hypothetical lifetimes. But I also do not wish to influence our choices by things we may have done in a different time.”
Clarke pressed a kiss to Lexa's pulse point as she questioned if she would want to remember all her past lives. She was a bit of an optimist sometimes, but even she wasn't delusional; what were the chances that all the past versions of herself lived happily. How many tragic lifetimes had she lived among the happy and even boring ones? Had she ever spent lives where Lexa died and she had to continue in a horribly painful world without her? Even if there were blissfully happy times, she knew that it would be the painful times that would continuously haunt her.
“I think I’d be too scared to remember all of our past lives. Besides, I’m perfectly happy with this lifetime, I don’t need another one.”
“You are right. I have been given a life with you, asking for anything else would simply be selfish.”
They fell into a satisfied silence as the conversation came to an end. Clarke was more than ready to fall asleep but had just remembered a voice message she had received that day but had forgotten about till that moment.
“Have you been ignoring Anya's calls?”
Lexa lost her composure at the sudden question and spluttered for a second before she practically whined into Clarke’s hair.
“She has been bothersome as of late.”
“Alexandria Woods! That woman practically helped raise you, you think of her as an older sister and she’s one of the few people you fully respect. What can she be doing that you find so bothersome?”
“ She keeps… asking when the wedding is going to happen.”
“Oh.”
Clarke swallowed the sudden nervous giggle that had threatened to spill out.
“Well let her know that you’re going to have to propose first.”
“Maybe I am waiting for you to be the one to propose.”
“Lexa, we both know that if I was the one to pop the question, you’d be pouty all the way up to the wedding because ‘Clarke I was just waiting for the right moment!’ and I’d end up with a permanent eye twitch.”
“It requires a very specific moment Clarke. I will not apologize for not simply blurting it out after we make love like you most likely would.”
“I… have no idea what you’re talking about.”
Lexa smiled as she felt Clarke’s lips pout against her neck. She briefly let her eyes look to where her briefcase was stored. The briefcase that had a small velvet box tucked into its inner pocket that held the perfect engagement ring that had taken her ridiculously long to find. It had been there for months now, taunting her. But she was determined on waiting for the perfect moment, there was no rush, they had an eternity after all.
“Do you think our future selves will be able to live as happily as we do now?”
“All I know is that I would never let you walk away without a fight. Not after finally finding you.”
Heda Leksa kom Trigedakru knew that she had lived countless lifetimes before, her soul was centuries old. She could not remember all the lives she has experienced, but sometimes she did get flashes of what she knew were memories. They were mostly of wars; rough stone weapons, warm blood splattering across her face, steel on steel, fields littered with hundreds of bodies, cannons exploding all around her, burning pain across her body, deafening gunshots right by her ear, bone chilling screams that could have been theirs or hers.
But there were also breathtaking memories of things she wanted so badly to remember more clearly. The world slowly being born from the harsh rocky terrain, the raising of great stone structures against the clear sky and sandy plains, the coming forth of literature, art, and philosophy and then the birth of a great empire. There was just so much; creation of new eras, discoveries that changed lives, inventions that shaped history. And she, or at least her soul, was able to experience all of it.
Though the thing she loved most about those memories were the flashes of gold and bright blue. These memories were so much hazier, but brought forth more emotions than everything else combined. Warmth, happiness, a fullness in her heart. She just knew that whoever this person was, it was the only one who could completely love her. And she longed for that more than she could admit to even herself; but it also terrified her, especially since she kept herself locked away behind the walls of leadership after she fell victim to feelings for Costia.
So when Anya came to her with word of the Sky People and their leader with her golden hair, eyes the color of the sky, and offering words of peace; she let her fear control her for a second and ordered their death, hiding behind their blood for blood ways. And when word came back of the fiery death of her warriors, only the fact that the Sky People had been taken by the Mountain Men eased her guilt.
Then Clarke just strolled right into her tent, looked her right in the eyes, and everything just… clicked. She could tell that the blonde girl had been just as affected as her by the way blue eyes widened and how she stuttered awkwardly before she cleared her throat and started talking. Lexa could barely hear what was being said as she tried to control the memories that flashed through her mind as soon as blue met green.
Stealing glances around the bustling Greek city as they tried to do their respective tasks. Sneaking around a grand mansion, giggling like the young girls they were. Teasing her slight illness on the ship they were taking to the New World. Falling in love with a beautiful nurse during the Civil War and then raising a bunch of delinquents on their own plot of land. Proposing on a rooftop under a meteor shower while promising to always find her no matter when they are.
Lexa tried to keep steadfast to with the same ‘love is weakness,’ motto that molded her into a strong leader after what happened to Costia. She could feel it seeping through all too much, could also feel Indra’s eyes silently discouraging. When she finally gave in and pressed their lips together, it was like every first kiss they've ever had led up to this delicate one. She saw the conflict in Clarke’s eyes when she pulled away, but when she had said ‘not yet,’ she knew that the girl only needed time to deal with her own demons before they could reunite.
And then Lexa was given a choice.
It was an easy choice. She had been given similar ones before and had almost always picked Clarke. But in this life, she wasn't just a soldier who could run away to be with someone who had been born in the enemy country, she was a leader with thousands of lives in her hands. It was an easy choice. She had lived with the guilt after causing death to her people because she had chosen Clarke. But in this life it wasn't just a handful of her fellow warriors that she abandoned in order to save a single girl that made her heart race, it was hundreds of her tortured people and ten times that of people who had put their lives on her shoulders. It was an easy choice. But this time, she couldn't take the easy way out.
Lexa walked away.
Sitting on her throne in Polis, she had come to accept that she had probably ruined her chance for personal happiness for the rest of eternity. She had given up any thought of going out and asking for forgiveness after thinking of the way Clarke looked at her right before she had turned her back. Never, in any of their lives, had those blue eyes looked at her in that way. The chances of Clarke forgiving her were only slightly higher than Lexa forgiving herself.
When someone just walked in without announcing themselves, Lexa was just about to snap at who she thought was Indra coming in to scold her again for feeling guilt over a decision she had already made. But when she looked up, instead of seeing the dark eyes of her general, she was met with the burning determination of blue eyes.
“I don’t know if I’ll ever forgive you in this lifetime. But we both know that our eternity is only complete with each other. Besides, didn't I tell you that I wouldn't let you walk away without a fight?”