Chapter Text
Shinazugawa Sanemi, at the age of eighteen, felt empty.
"And remember, when you see a demon, make sure you alert the authorities."
The voice was full of static.
It was the one time in the beginning of the year where the teachers dutifully showed them the outdated videos on equally outdated televisions. He turned his eyes away to the window, watching as the sky changed colors from orange to violet. The swirls of clouds swam across the atmosphere before folding into a certain shape. Some people said the clouds were the soul of the demons; released and finally free. He didn't believe it. Those were just things romantic people thought of.
And he couldn't care less about demons. The first time he had seen one was in elementary school; someone screamed and the most he saw was a glimpse. He saw another on a field trip when he was in middle school; again, it was equally underwhelming and bemusing. The demon slayer protocols were near perfect - it seemed hard to lose to a demon. Everyone had a repellent spray clipped to their belt. Just the mere waft of the blue spider lily was said to ward off the demons.
"Oi Shinazugawa, are you coming?"
"I'm coming," he grabbed his backpack and slung it around his shoulders before leaving the classroom.
"Did you zone out again?"
Someone slapped him on the shoulders, playfully. It didn't hurt. He was born with an abnormally high pain tolerance. And yes, he had zoned out again. He zoned out a lot. His mind kept wandering to somewhere - somewhere that he couldn't reach yet, for some reason. Nothing amused him. Everything felt so mundane. He felt like all his nerves in his body had died, leaving him incapable of feeling anything.
He stopped by the corridor and pushed the windows open. It had become a habit to open windows at every opportunity. Or else he felt trapped. Trapped by who, trapped in what, he didn't know. He just felt the need to feel the wind blowing in his face.
The sun set against the violet sky. It was the third sunset of the day.
I am missing something, Sanemi instinctively knew. The realization dawned to him in random moments like this, but he didn't dwell on it for too long because it was just an odd sensation that washed over him from time to time. He couldn't do anything about it.
He just felt uncomfortable with his own life.
"We had demon awareness education at my school," Genya remarked.
"Oh, me too," Sanemi answered. He listened to Genya talk about how he bought an encyclopedia on demons. Sanemi occasionally nodded but his mind was already wandering somewhere else. Demons. Some people feared them, some people considered them like a pest. Sanemi didn't care. Everytime he encountered a demon, he felt nothing. No fear, no curiosity. The best way he could describe this odd feeling was familiarity.
"Nemi, what do you want to do when you graduate?"
"I don't know," Sanemi shrugged indifferently. He would graduate, in a few months. His classmates were scrambling around excitedly, imagining their future careers and studies in a different environment. But Sanemi felt oddly out of place. He didn't feel the need to prepare anything for the future. Nothing piqued his interest.
"You're good at sports, are you going to do something with that?"
"Maybe," Sanemi thought about it. Was he good at sports? He was in a kendo club but that wasn't particularly because of anything. He just found himself there one day and didn't say no when the club president asked him to join. Sanemi felt like his whole entire life was some kind of fever dream and it was very rare for him feel his blood boil for anything.
"What do you think I'd be good at?"
"You'd be good at anything, you're smart," Sanemi said. "You're first place in your class."
Genya smiled at that and resumed the conversation. Sanemi paid attention, but barely. The voice seemed to be coming from a radio somewhere, far far away. He could hear every word his beloved brother was saying, but at the same time, he couldn't hear anything. It was like he was underwater. Like he just woke up from a very impressionable dream and was still trying to pick up the remnants of it.
I'm empty, Sanemi had concluded, some time ago.
He was hollow. There was something inside him that was missing. And the thought had been bothering him forever and ever.
Sanemi stared at his brother and the way his brother happily spoke. He liked the soft look of happiness on Genya. It was clear that he was alive, living his best life. Why did that make Sanemi so strange? He felt oddly sad and oddly happy at the same time. It was almost like he was missing something. Something that would explain exactly why he was feeling this way towards life.
It was like his life was already shaped in a certain way that he couldn't recognize.
"When are we going to start class?"
"Apparently the teacher went to call the police, again."
Sanemi cupped his chin and dubiously stared out the window. He always had the window seat in his whole entire life. It was an easy distraction. An inevitable distraction too, seeing that he was so uninterested in his classes. But that didn't necessarily mean he fell behind. He always managed to maintain the 'above average' position, regardless of his indifference to studies. The room filled with the usual complaints as their classes became delayed - which just meant it would end at a later time as well.
His school called the police quite often. And it was only partially due to the frequent spotting of demons, it was mostly because of a certain third year that kept pulling a stunt - a ridiculous stunt in Sanemi's opinion.
"That guy isn't even actually suicidal. He's just been doing that since first year!"
"But it's the school protocol, I guess."
The strange third year was notoriously quiet - according to the people that were in his class - but somehow managed to catch the attention of everyone in school once in a while. Not just because he didn't show up to his classes, but because he spent most of his time on the rooftop. Sometimes, he dared to stand at the edge of the railing in a dangerous manner. Like now. And although that would only be the four hundred and twentieth time everyone would be witnessing that, the teachers had to coax him down.
The suicidal kid, everyone called him. Even though everyone knew he wasn't suicidal.
"It's going to take ages for the police to come anyways."
"Should I go?"
"And say what? Are you going to beg him to come down?"
Something ticked Sanemi off. Maybe it was the noise; it was suddenly too loud for him to bear. And maybe it was because the weather was becoming extremely cloudy all of a sudden and he remembered that he didn't bring an umbrella. His thoughts went to his siblings and wondered if they had an umbrella. He stood up, his chair raking the floor loudly enough to usually make everyone stare at him but the room was loud enough to drown that noise.
He walked out wordlessly and unnoticed. Marching up the stairs, Sanemi questioned his motives.
Why am I doing this? he thought. It felt too impulsive. He usually didn't do anything like this. But he let himself reach the door to the rooftop and pushed it open. The wind slapped his face and he liked it. He liked it a lot that he even considered staying here occasionally but then immediately reminded himself it was already preoccupied.
Sanemi approached the suicidal kid, who had his back to him, staring out into the horizon. The sky looked prettier observed on the rooftop than from the window of his classroom. Sanemi glanced at the clouds forming across the green sky. It was already gloomy. The type of weather that he despised.
Sanemi knew that the suicidal kid heard his footsteps, he didn't make an effort to be quiet, so he felt ignored.
He cleared his throat and in that moment, the suicidal kid looked back. Momentarily they both looked surprised and then proceeded to be surprised by the fact that the other person was also surprised. Sanemi recalled the name of the person in front of him with the unreadable expression.
"Tomioka," Sanemi called his name. "Let's go down."
The silence made Sanemi wonder if he got the name wrong. No, he was pretty sure that it was Tomioka Giyuu.
"Why?" was the response that came back after a few prolonged seconds.
Why? Well...
Sanemi scowled. He didn't care. He really didn't care if the suicidal kid went down or not. He didn't care if school ended an hour later than usual. He would care if something tragic really happened but he was quite certain that the suicidal kid wouldn't jump. Just like how everyone else was also certain.
So the reason he was here was simply because he was here. He was here because he didn't want to be in the classroom. And he was talking to Tomioka Giyuu because they were on the rooftop together now. And then now he was felt the need to tell him to go down because everyone was wanting that. It was a strange revelation. Sanemi suddenly lost all interest.
Sanemi wasn't that dutiful.
"Shinazugawa," Giyuu said, which startled Sanemi. He narrowed his eyes but didn't say anything. "What do you want?"
He did he want? Absolutely nothing. He wanted noting and that was a statement that was applicable in all aspects of his life. He never wanted anything.
"Nothing," Sanemi shrugged. "But it's going to rain soon."
Giyuu looked up. For someone who had been staring at the sky, he seemed moderately confounded by the news.
"I see," Giyuu said. The way he spoke was somewhat off putting. He had a tone that seemed to have surpassed everything.
They both turned their heads to the same direction when the sound of sirens started coming. Sanemi sighed exhaustively as he stared at the colorful cars noisily makings its way into the school fields. It was only when he heard the shutter noise that Sanemi noticed the camera in Giyuu's hands. When he saw the lens aimed at his direction, he immediately took a step back defensively.
"Did you just take a picture of me?" Sanemi scowled.
Giyuu, unfazed, didn't say anything. He looked at the camera and simply observed, "You're not angry."
"Well, I'm annoyed," Sanemi scoffed. "Delete that picture."
It started raining but neither moved for the first few moments. The sprinkles of rain peppered on both of them. Giyuu lifted a hand and shaded his camera before walking away, towards the door. Sanemi followed and they both went down the stairs without a single word. Sanemi felt strange. The experience was very strange. It was one of the rare experiences that he knew he was consciously existing. He could feel the time passing and it wasn't just another unimpressionable day.
Giyuu halted abruptly. He turned around and lifted the camera to Sanemi.
"Look at yourself," he said.
Sanemi peered at the screen and surely, it was himself. Slightly dumbfounded, slightly confused looking him on the rooftop, with the gloomy sky behind. His wisps of white hair failing around wildly because of the wind, his lavender eyes not paying attention to anything.
"I look..." Sanemi realized.
"Hollow," Giyuu finished the sentence. Then he murmured something that Sanemi couldn't hear before turning away.
Hollow. Empty.
Sanemi didn't think it was something that you could tell from the outside. He was clearly wrong.
For some reason, he felt the need to avoid Tomioka Giyuu for knowing something he didn't.
It was a few weeks later when Sanemi was reminded of Tomioka Giyuu. Only because it was raining again.
Sanemi rummaged through his backpack and pulled out a transparent umbrella that he started to always carry ever since that day. As he struggled to open the umbrella, he felt another person's presence beside him. He only meant to steal a glimpse but couldn't tear his eyes off when he saw her. Her eye brows were knitted together as she looked up at the sky with a pondering expression. She must've felt his gaze, because she looked at him straight in the eye.
Strangely, neither spoke.
Strangely, they continued to stare at each other.
It just felt like everything returned to him. His heart started beating again. He could think again. The colors in his life became brighter and more vibrant. He could hear the rain more vividly. He felt alive. He became aware of the fact that he truly existed. Everything inside him left his body and instantaneously returned the next split second, with something more wondrous and brilliant.
He knew he was born just to be in this exact moment.
Sanemi recognized the patterns on her uniform. She was a third year like him. There was something about her that made it impossible for him to look away. Was it because she was pretty? No, there was more than that. Something inside him was rattled by her presence, but he couldn't define what it was. The closest description would be that he fell in love at first sight, but it didn't feel entirely romantic.
It was like the time he met a demon, but it was different.
An otherworldly feeling of wistfulness washed over him.
Sanemi wanted to cut open his chest and exhibit his heart to examine it. He wanted to give this notion a label and he wanted to ask her if she felt the same. He wanted to ask her if that was why she wasn't saying a single word when it seemed natural that one of them would say something. He wanted to ask her if she felt secluded in this moment too and if that was why her eyes looked at him in a certain way that didn't require words to be spoken.
He wished this moment lasted forever.
He didn't know how long he was trapped under that moment but it stopped raining at one point.
And she was the one that broke the spell first.
Her gaze shifted to the clear purple sky.
Light streamed on her and the only thing Sanemi could think was how good she looked against the color violet. The girl looked at him again, this time with an emotion that he could read. She hesitated but then waved a little and walked away. Sanemi wondered what that flint of a hesitation was for. Did she also feel the strong need to call out his name but then realize that she didn't know his name? Her nonexistent name was at the tip of his tongue. He watched at her walk away until she was out of his sight.
She had never once smiled, but he saw an illusion of a smile in her eyes.
Sanemi finally realized what it was that he felt.
He longed for her. The girl that he didn't even know.
Shinazugawa Sanemi, after meeting the one person that made him feel alive, found his life more dead than before.
He wanted to see her again, but he felt like he shouldn't search for her. He had the foolish hope that she would appear by his side magically, just like how she did the day it was raining. It wasn't that he wanted to talk to her. He just wanted to see her again. Even if it was from a distance. He just wanted to stare at her until he found the answer to the question that he couldn't confront yet.
Sanemi opened the door to the gym and changed into his kendo uniform. He grabbed the wooden sword that had his name engraved to it off the racks and waited for his clubmates to come. Until then, he stared at the sky from the small window. Maybe he should go to the top of the rooftop like Giyuu. He would definitely feel the wind and the sky more distinctively. But only the mere thought crossed his mind; it wasn't enough to make him do anything.
Nothing ever was.
"Shinazugawa, did you hear the news?"
The club president barged in with a hurried breath.
"The speakers don't work here so I came, I knew you'd be here early. We're having an earthquake drill."
An earthquake drill. Sanemi sighed as he walked out of the gym in a lackadaisical manner. The club president seemed anxious and urged him to walk faster but Sanemi thought he had no reason to. An earthquake drill wasn't even as serious as a demon drill. He might be reprimanded for being late to an all school evacuation, but even then, he knew that he had a valid excuse. And he didn't care.
He was apathetic about everything in his life after all. Detention, suspension, nothing scared him. Those weren't the reasons keeping him on is lane. He followed instructions because he didn't care whether or not he did them. He conversed with people because he didn't mind.
The only thing he really wanted was just... seeing her again.
Just staring at her. Her staring at him.
Whole school evacuation suddenly felt like an opportunity for him. Sanemi was filled with the hope that perhaps he could see her again and subconsciously quickened his pace. Everyone was gathered accordingly to their class at the soccer field. Sanemi scanned the area of people. The strange intuition that he would magically lock eyes with her crossed his mind. But that didn't happen.
Sanemi simply sighed as he listened to the principal drone on and on about a specific class he was proud of and a specific class he was disappointed in. Sanemi wondered if she was also listening to this lecture somewhere, thinking that it was boring.
There was a scream - no, a yelp - somewhere. Everyone looked at where the noise was coming from. A person was pointing at the bushes where a demon seemed to peeking out. There was a screech. In a few quick seconds, the earthquake drill just turned into an unplanned emergency demon drill. Familiar with this mundane drill, everyone walked back to the school to their designated classrooms. They would lock up the doors. And his class might get scolded if he wasn't in that locked classroom as well. But Sanemi weirdly felt frozen all of a sudden. He would usually let his body go with the flow but he felt the need to stop. Some people brushed against him, shooting him a weird look.
The demon crawled out of the bushes. It was on the smaller side, barely a threat.
Sanemi subconsciously touched his belt and realized he didn't have a belt - of course. He had changed to his kendo uniform. No belt meant no repellent spray. The thought should make him at least a little bit motivated to go with the evacuation, but Sanemi remained unfeeling.
He looked at the demon again. It prowled like it was looking for something.
Sanemi was at peace, weirdly certain that the demon won't aim for him.
"Shinazugawa, what are you doing?"
Someone called for him in a faint voice, far away.
Sanemi snapped his head, not because of the classmate's voice but because he felt someone's presence. That's when he saw her. Or so he thought he saw her. He was sure, even though she was just a small dot in the crowd. It was her.
Someone screamed admist the crowd, pointing at him.
He frowned and then finally realized what was happening.
Sanemi felt a stinging pain on his arms and he felt the world spin. The world collapsed in front of him and it took Sanemi a few moments to properly react. A splatter of blood blurred his vision. His arm was heavy, still bitten by the demon. The pain was startling but Sanemi didn't scream. He simply groaned and winced, biting his lower lip. He shook his arm but it was too heavy. His head became dizzy.
It didn't feel real. The sense of reality just drained out of him. He couldn't believe that he was being attacked by a demon. It felt like some kind of day dream.
He had the feeling he would wake up any time now. Wake up from this life.
- kaze no kokyu
His blood froze over. Sanemi stared into the eyes of the demon that was drooling from his arm. He felt his blood make a small puddle. He could hear the people screaming around him, from afar. All of a sudden, Sanemi found himself all alone. Everyone was so far away. She was far away. Sanemi felt hazy. He lifted a hand and squeezed the snout of the demon. He squeezed it so hard that his own hand started to bleed.
- ninth form
The eyes of the demon bored into him. Even the demon seemed to know something that he didn't.
- idaten typhoon
Something made him do it. The more pain that gushed into his body, the more alive he felt. Sanemi grabbed his kendo sword and swiftly stabbed the demon. Once. Then twice. The demon squelched and before long, Sanemi was strangling its neck. The texture of flesh and blood between his hands, the feeling of the fangs tearing his skin, everything felt too familiar. His head started to hurt.
His heart started to beat incredibly fast and something poured into his head. Something hot and yet cold simultaneously. Something that made him want to do something to get rid of the feeling and yet he wished to prolong the seconds just to comprehend the experience. He felt pain yet also relief. His blood was hot to his own skin, but everything else felt too cold.
Red. His whole entire world looked red. It was all red and then he absolutely felt nothing.
- sanemi, i love you.
His heart started to sink somewhere. Sink into a depth that he didn't know he had. A place where he forgot. A time where he had forgot.
Shinazugawa Sanemi remembered that there once had been a world where the sky was blue and the sun rose once a day.
There used to be a world where he was a demon slayer. A world where humans turned into demon. A world where everything was so different but so similar to now. A world where he lived miserably and died miserably. A world where demons were such a threat that the pain was unbearable. A world where he met her.
Where he loved her.
Kochou Kanae, was the first thought Sanemi had when he opened his eyes next.
He wanted to cry and laugh at the same time. Of course. Of course. How could he have forgotten? Everything rushed into him, overwhelming him with the overload of emotions and memories. He wanted to scream into the void. Desire suddenly infested his heart. Sanemi stood up and clutched his head. He slowly took notice of his surrounding. His hands were bandaged. And this was the nurse's office. He wondered if his family was notified. No, there were other things he had to do.
Finding Kanae.
It was her. Of course it was her. She was the only person that was capable of making him feel like that. She was the only one that can make him feel like he was alive even when he wasn't. The life, the memories that he had been craving his whole entire life came back to him. Everything that he had forgot. Everything he had missed. Sanemi stood completely still for what seemed like forever, feeling his past, present, and future welling in his eyes.
Everything hurt. The air prickled his skin.
"Oh, Shinazugawa-kun," the nurse said as she opened the door. "How are you feeling?"
"I'm fine," Sanemi said as he moved for the door.
"You should... eh? Shinazugawa-kun! Where are you going?"
Sanemi headed to the silenced hallways to finally realize that school had ended. Long ago. He ran a hand through his hair, frustrated. She wasn't here. He wanted to scream again. He felt like he was going to explode. No, he wanted to explode. He wanted to explode and cover the world with his memories, his pain, his love. He wanted everyone to know.
He stomped up to the rooftop and slammed open the door.
"Tomioka!" Sanemi yelled.
Tomioka Giyuu turned around.
There was something that flitted across Giyuu's eyes that was everything but surprise. It was almost like he was waiting for it. Yes, of course. He had been waiting for it. He was expecting this. The whole time. The first time they met, Giyuu knew this day would come. Sanemi clenched his fist, unable to control his anger. His anger for who, he didn't know. Just anger. Anger from another life.
Sanemi watched Giyuu touch his camera before raising it.
A soft shutter.
"You knew," Sanemi seethed, walking up to him.
- you're not angry.
"You're angry," Giyuu observed.
"Yes, Tomioka, I'm angry," Sanemi cried, exasperated. His eyes stung again, threatening to make him cry. Everything just flowed out of him. He felt like everything inside him was going to curl up in some kind of black hole and disappear away. It was too much to handle but it was everything he ever wanted. It was all the things he was searching for his whole life; the part that filled up his holes. He clenched his fist and then unclenched it. He repeated it until his hand became numb. He looked up.
Giyuu was still staring at him.
"Long time no see," Giyuu whispered, his voice barely audible.
Sanemi looked at Giyuu. He really looked at him this time and really saw him. He saw the memories they shared living right his eyes. The life they lived. The death they had. Sanemi wondered when Giyuu remembered. He knew it would be inconsiderate to suddenly blurt out the question, but the words had already left him before he knew it:
"Did you always remember?"
"Yes," Giyuu said. "There wasn't a time that I didn't remember."
Giyuu looked very strange while saying that. He seemed distant. Empty. Sanemi frowned, consternation filling his visage as he became momentarily distracted by this observation. Why did Tomioka Giyuu look so hollow while saying that? Was it because he was sad? Was the sadness enough to keep him deflated in this new life as well? He seemed even more distant and closed up than when they were demon slayers.
"I've known for too long to be emotional about it," Giyuu continued in a tranquil voice. "It just feels like someone else's life."
Someone else. Sanemi couldn't relate. Everything still felt so real when he knew. He recalled everything like it happened just yesterday. When Sanemi continued to remain speechless, Giyuu glanced at him and almost half-smiled at Sanemi's bewildered expression.
"I remember the events that happened like I read a biography, it's been long since the emotions have been numbed," Giyuu said. "But I remember enough to be tainted. I can't live ordinarily anymore. I don't have that perspective."
Tainted. That was a strange way to put it but somehow it made sense. They were tainted by the memories of their past life. Whether or not they remembered, it was difficult to live a normal life when you had experienced something like that. Something like the feeling of one's sword cutting through flesh. Something like the bitterness and fury after experiencing a loved one's death. Sanemi nodded, only a little understandingly.
"You want to ask about Kochou Kanae," Giyuu read Sanemi's mind. "I have never conversed with her in this life."
At that, Sanemi felt an uncomfortable sting. Tomioka Giyuu was very uninterested. No it was more than that. It seemed like he was trying his best to not be involved at all. It almost annoyed him but he didn't say anything. It almost hurt him that Giyuu didn't acknowledge their life, give it a meaning, like he did. His brain was slow, while his heart was going ahead of itself. His heart had been screaming her name for a while now, but Sanemi's reality wasn't catching up fast enough.
"Why?" Sanemi blurted. "It's... it's... her."
Sanemi's her did not have the same affect on Giyuu.
"You're going to talk to her," Giyuu said as if he just detected Sanemi's intentions, his eyes widened a little.
"Yes, of course," Sanemi cried as if he was stating the obvious. "It's her. She's... I need her."
His voice came out all cracked and hoarse. He knew that if he cried right now, he would barely be gasping for breath and won't be able to stop until he lost his vocal chords. So he tried his best to suppress everything. But even then, his body trembled. It trembled with all the things that coursed through his body. His heart seemed to be pumping emotions instead of blood. Shards of memories ran in his vessels.
"She doesn't remember you," Giyuu said.
That felt like a stab to Sanemi. It hurt so much that his knees buckled and he collapsed to the floor. He started crying. It wasn't necessarily because of what Giyuu said, but that was the last straw. The additional seconds of thinking about her finally made him explode. Sanemi slammed his fist to the concrete ground repeatedly as ugly coughs and gasps came out of his lips. Tears fell down his cheeks like molten lava. It left a stain. Then a scar. Then it melted his flesh down to his heart.
Only when everything became muted did Sanemi stop thinking about Kanae. He wanted to know what Giyuu was thinking now, looking at how unstable and broken he was. Would he not understand him at all? Sanemi didn't understand himself either.
He was just traumatized by his memories and yet he was glad he had them.
Now there was really no going back.
"Of course she remembers me," Sanemi managed to choke out. He glared resentfully at Giyuu, who looked down at him like he couldn't understand. "She remembers me. She looked at me like... she loved me." At that, he swallowed his tears and buried his face in his hands.
The door opened behind him.
"Shinazugawa-kun! Your mother is here," the nurse's voice faded out in the back of Sanemi's mind.
Sanemi recalled the way Kanae looked at him. Even as strangers, she had looked at him like that. She looked at him in the way that only she could. And Sanemi knew, even when he didn't really know anything. He knew she was special to him. She was one for him. He knew even when he wasn't sure.
She had to love him.
- she loved me.
If she didn't, he didn't know what to do with his life.
The guy who killed a demon.
That was what everyone called Sanemi once he entered the school gates the next day. His bandaged hands seemed to be the most interesting thing at the moment and everyone's attention turned to him. Sanemi didn't care. The things he cared about wasn't anything mundane like this. His eyes no longer chased the sky. He searched for her amongst the crowd, the hallways, the classroom, everywhere. He looked for her in his life.
Sanemi walked into the nearest classroom. The voices were silenced and everyone stared at him.
"Is Kanae here?" he whispered. Her name sounded so strange on his lips, but it didn't sound unfamiliar. "Kochou. Kochou Kanae."
Someone glanced to the side and murmured, "Isn't she in class B?"
At that, Sanemi closed the door behind him without another word. His heart started to beat ridiculously fast, knowing that he was very close. He was very close to seeing her again. Soon, she would be in his life again. He swallowed nervously and clutched his heart, wanting to make sure that it wasn't going to explode. All the worries and concerns started flooding him all of a sudden. Did he look presentable right now?
What was he supposed to say? He should have the sentences ready in his mind so he wouldn't do anything stupid. He did look very exhausted, because he couldn't sleep at all last night. His family thought he was fear struck by his experiences with a demon, but that was the least of his problems. He got scolded by the principal and almost got suspended, but those things were irrelevant to him. There was only one thing important in his life and that was Kochou Kanae.
He halted in front of class B.
He wiped his hands on his pants and took a deep breath.
But before he could open the door, he could feel a presence behind him. Something about how silent the silhouette of the shadow casting across the door made him iffy. Then he could smell the person; it was a flowery fragrance, the kind that he recognized.
It was her. He knew it. He was absolutely certain.
"Kanae," Sanemi whispered as he turned around.
Her violet eyes locked with his. She was so close. She was right in front of her. Sanemi felt everything wash out of him. He laughed, a little, but he didn't know why. Tears blurred his eyes again. He found his arms reaching out and closing around her. He buried his face in her shoulders and wept soundlessly. She felt so soft and warm. She was alive. The last time he had her in his arms, she had been cold and stiff.
"I missed you," he breathed. "You're just the same. The same as the last time I saw you."
Her hands hovered by his arms hesitantly before she pushed him back.
Her expression was unreadable. Everything about her was the same. The lovely eyes, the silky dark hair, even the butterfly adornment in her hair. Everything about her, except the face she had right now, was the same. She seemed mixed but none of the emotions that were mixed seemed to be anything like happiness.
She wasn't happy.
"Kanae?" Sanemi whispered. "Is something wrong? Did I do something?"
Her gaze fell to the side. She chewed on her lips then finally met his eyes again. The mesmerizing violet eyes were filled with regret. No, was it remorse? It was a look that he had never seen in her before. A completely new side of her that he never knew. It wasn't just because she wasn't smiling. It was different.
"Do I know you?"
Someone stabbed him. That was what he thought until he realized the pain he was feeling was in his heart.
- she doesn't remember you.
The first words that she spoke to him in this new life hurt him. It hurt him more than anything in the world.
- sanemi, i fell in love with you at first sight.
The reason why she looked so different was because this was the Kochou Kanae that didn't love him.