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Yokohama.
A city of cultural beauty, in which it is the second largest in Japan by population and the most populous city in Kanagawa Prefecture, the home to a number of great tourist attractions including Minato Mirai 21, Yokohama Bay Bridge, Yokohama Chinatown, the Nippon Maru—and this is where the first years’ newest mission takes place, under the “guidance” of Gojo Satoru. As what the sensei in question said.
But Fushiguro Megumi doesn’t buy into his words—he knows the blindfolded idiot like the back of his mind. He must have came only to sightsee the city and there is nothing more. People would be dying and Satoru would be buying souvenirs without a care in the world. Unlike Itadori Yuji—that sweet, sweet soul—who believed the albino’s every word and is simply joyed by his rare company in missions. Meanwhile Kugisaki Nobara had a grin on her face—certainly a grin that calls for trouble because that girl is far from innocent. She certainly is delighted to have Satoru with them simply for his credit card. (Megumi secretly enjoys it when she empties his bank account for her manic shopping sprees. Slay, queen.)
Anyhoo.
The reports confirmed the existence of a Grade One Cursed Spirit within a haunted hospital—and the tasked first years along with Satoru and Ijichi had finally arrived in Yokohama. Megumi could physically see glitters and stars radiating from Yuji and Nobara, the country folks awed by the modernity and beauty of the city—and Megumi doesn’t mirror their excitement because he’s a city boy. Very much used to this setting. The same goes for Satoru, who is right now enthusiastically calling them to get in the car. Yuji and Nobara race to it followed by the calm Megumi. And just as they settle themselves within the vehicle, Megumi’s pupils shrink in haunting realization.
Ijichi is nowhere to be seen, and Satoru already started the car.
Itadori Yuji and Kugisaki Nobara have learned something new about Gojo Satoru. The Strongest Sorcerer, the man of many talents drives like a maniac.
It is no wonder the second they found out he would drive them instead of Ijichi, Megumi has fallen into a state they had never in their life expected to see him in. Megumi, as pale as a war veteran with permanent emotional scars, hastily unbuckles himself and desperately reaches for the door handle.
“F—Fushiguro!?” Yuji and Nobara chorus in shock and concern. “What are you—”
“GET THE FUCK OUT OF THIS CAR,” Megumi cries out, “BEFORE HE—”
And the car flies.
Poor them, having to go through Satoru’s shit. The car went to top speed. Screams and profanity eruptes through their vocal cords and Megumi relives his trauma. Reliving this utter nightmare—where he was no older than 12, when his dear sister Tsumiki was still by his side, hugging each other as if life depended on it (well, their life did depend on it because they are technically in a near-death situation because—) because fucking Satoru caused at least five car accidents. Five. Satoru’s Infinity kept them all uninjured but that does not make up for his crazy shit. It was supposed to be a normal journey of a guardian taking his kids to school, but no. Police cars are after them, Satoru is laughing, Tsumiki is crying and Megumi goes through the five stages of grief.
“FUCK, ITADORI,” Nobara’s wrathful voice pulls him back from his wide-eyed trance. He feels her and Yuji’s weight crush onto him. “YOU’RE SO HEAVY—GET OFF OF ME!”
“I CAN’T—” Yuji gets interrupted by her palm slapping over his face, attempting to shove him away. But it was futile. Oh, her anger intensifies and she indignantly considered pulling out her hammer and hit him off of her with it, then break Satoru’s skull—Huh?! The urge and rage vanish the millisecond she felt something walk on her leg. She glances down, and she blanches. It’s a goddamn cockroach in all of its glory and sassiness, a really big one that can fly. Nobara screams and kicks violently to get it off, only to accidentally aim her leg at Megumi’s abdomen. The poor boy lets out a grunt of pain in the process, bending down to hug his bruised middle.
”GOJO–SENSEI, SLOW DOWN!!”
“HUH?!” Satoru turned around, the shit-eating grin on his face was spine–chilling, “TURN IT UP?! OKAY, I’VE GOT YOU!”
Slim Shady by Eminem starts to blast and Satoru proceeds to sing the lyrics in cringeworthy, broken English, as Yuji, the unfortunate soul, screams but got muffled by the cockroach—it float towards his face, and he started to flail his hands in a frantic fashion. Yuji accidentally punches Megumi square in the face—with Nobara evading the blow before it reached her. “Fuck,” Megumi’s eye waters by the impact of the punch, and the apology falls on the tip of Yuji’s tongue. But he can’t open his mouth because the cockroach is terrorizing his face.
”I’ve had enough,” Nobara clicks her tongue and pulls out her iconic toy hammer, and proceeds to hit Yuji’s face with it—to kill the unbeatable insect. “MHHH—UGH!—KUGISHAKI—SHTOP—”
”SHUT UP AND LET ME KILL THAT FUCKING ROACH,” seethes Nobara, never stopping her hits. God, Megumi considered to just open the door beside him and throw himself out of this chaos. Sexyback begins to play, Satoru laughs, Yuji falls unconscious, the cockroach jumps on Nobara’s head, and Megumi is really on the verge of crying—and the car stops.
Megumi and Nobara kiss the ground when they get out of the car.
Satoru did mention booking a hotel for them before they even got to Yokohama and go through this traumatic car experience. (“WHO THOUGHT IT WAS A GOOD IDEA TO GIVE YOU A LICENSE?” Nobara screams furiously. “A man with excellent decision–making skills!” chirps the blindfolded dipshit.) and this is where they stopped. Right in front of that particular hotel. Megumi narrows his eyes.
“Sensei, is this a joke?”
The name of the hotel is Deez Nuts. Deez Nuts. This is a joke. This must be a pathetic joke.
“I’m dead serious,” Satoru says in complete seriousness, even though his grin contradicts that, “It’s also five stars! One of the best hotels in Yokohama! I know what I chose and what I’m doing.”
Megumi gawks at the albino, “Then why is it named after an outdated meme?!”
“Some great things in life have the wildest and stupidest names. Be it a meme or not. And this hotel is one of them, Megumi.” What kind of bullshit saying is this.
Megumi sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose, silently praying for the gods above to give him patience. He then turns to Nobara and Yuji, “Kugisaki. Did he wake up yet?”
“Uh...” the girl is sitting next to Yuji, who still had very much not woken up. She had the decency to look sheepish at least, ”He’s, uh, breathing at least.”
Great. Wonderful. Fantastic.
“Great job, Kugisaki,” Megumi snarls, “Thank you for sending him into a coma.”
“Listen,” Nobara stands up, her cheeks reddened in fury and shame, “Blame that damn insect, not me! I tried to help Itadori get rid of it!”
“By hitting his face into unconsciousness!”
She grits her teeth, “WELL, SORRY WE GOT ATTACKED BY A ROACH THAT JUST DOESN’T FUCKING DIE!”
“Now, now, kids. Let’s not fight,” Satoru claps his hands, “And don’t panic! Yuji is a strong kid! I’m sure he’ll wake up soon! It’s just a cute little concussion!”
Megumi’s eye twitches and Nobara shoots him a murderous glare in response.
And so, they stole a wheelchair for the unconscious Yuji and went to the gate of the hotel—with Megumi being the one who pushes Yuji. Satoru didn’t lie when he said it was five stars, because damn did it look fancy. Crafted in gold, beautiful lanterns littered the pathway, spacious with the width of a royal ballroom—no hotel servant came to grab their luggage. No one bothered to grab their luggage, something that is supposed to be done in hotels. Confusion crosses over Satoru's face as they continue walking, passing by several guests.
And the guests were sitting on the floor. No chairs whatsoever. The servants are there, and they didn’t care.
“The service in this hotel... Why is it so horrible?” comments Nobara incredulously, paralleling Megumi and Satoru’s thoughts. As they reach the reception room, they were met with many long lines of people standing before each of every receptionist in the room. The room is full and crowded, despite it being spacious.
Unbelievable.
“No way,” Nobara clenches her hands into fists, “We have to get through all these people!?”
“Seems like it,” Satoru mumbles.
“Ugh!” the girl throws her hands in the air, “As if this shit couldn’t get any worse. I just want to get the mission done so I can sightsee Yokohama and go shopping, dammit!”
Megumi feels like laying down and sleep in peace but he can’t. The traumatic car journey took a great toll on his energy and mental health. He’s soo tired, and when he eyes Yuji’s peaceful (yet also littered in bruises and a black eye. Damn, it was all by a toy hammer. Nobara is a force to be reckoned with—) face, he can’t help but feel a little envious. The pink head has the luxury to sleep through everything. Yuji was left with the luggage at the side, while Megumi, Nobara, and Satoru took their place in the line. And so, they waited. And waited. And waited. Three hours they waited, and when it was finally their turn, hope rising from the horizon—the receptionist decided to open her fucking mouth.
“Sorry, but the notification of your booking hadn’t reached our system. So, we have no available room for you.”
Satoru’s expression shifts, “Excuse me?”
“You heard me.” the woman gives him a look. A judgemental look at that. Probably out of the weirdness of Satoru's blindfold and the white hair that magically defies gravity. Either way, she acted rudely. She acted rudely towards her own guests. Megumi and Nobara simultaneously glare daggers at the woman, while Satoru remains calm.
He nears her, “Aren’t you acting a bit too reckless? Your attitude will diminish the reputation of your hotel. You’ll lose your job,” his shadow intimidatingly looms over her unfazed expression, “And we didn't pay money, travel from Tokyo all the way to Yokohama, and wait three hours in the line just to get told we have no room.”
The receptionist clicks her tongue, “And it’s not our fault you didn’t book your place properly.”
Anger flashes across Nobara's face, “You—” yet she gets interrupted by Satoru blocking her way with his extended arm. She gives him a puzzled look in response. He then takes off his blindfold, flexing his beautiful sky blue eyes as he allows his silky white hair to fall handsomely over his features. Megumi grimaces at the familiarity and the remembrance of Satoru’s doing. He’s going to try seducing the woman into giving them a room—the same tactic he had done to his middle school teachers to bail him out of trouble whenever he got into a fight.
And it always worked.
Satoru smirks at the woman, “Now, then. Why don’t you be a good girl and solve the problem for us?”
No reaction. Utterly no reaction. The prettiness of The Good-Looking Gojo Satoru™ did not affect her. Not even in the slightest. Disgust looms over her face instead, “Instead of flirting with me and delaying loads of people behind you, you could just ask the other staff members for help.”
Satoru’s grin falls, a scowl forming on his features. He speaks calmly, but his voice dripped with a venomous sense of sarcasm, “Alright, then. Thank you for your respectful and totally useful service.”
They waited another hour to get to another staff member, and Nobara is on the verge of killing someone. The receptionist—that bitch—was an oil to her already flamed mood. And all this waiting is fueling her anger even more. Her hand itches to pull out her hammer and hit everyone on her way, grabbing the receptionist by the collar, and threaten her into giving them a room.
She was simply not having a good time—or even a good day at all. Satoru's godawful driving skills, the damn cockroach that dared to touch her twice, the growing worry over Yuji’s extending unconsciousness, the shitty service in this hotel—Nobara is full of stress and she is going to kill someone. This was supposed to be a joyful mission because this is Yokohama. The city of cultural beauty. Nobara’s murderous gaze turned to Megumi, who is currently talking to a random servant.
She hears him say, “Look, we have a child of special needs—” he points in Yuji’s direction (He is still unconscious. Dammit, she laments, her hands became sweaty.) then she watched Megumi jab a thumb at the blindfolded Satoru as well “—and a blind old man.”
Satoru took full offense, “Hey—”
Megumi shuts him up with a sharp look and continues, “We really need a room right now. Please.”
The servant took minutes before speaking. No shred of mercy was given, “Apologies but I can’t help you. You could at least be more patient and wait for your turn. There are only three people before you.”
And that's when Nobara snaps.
Everything suddenly went in slow motion as she pulled out her hammer and ran towards the servant—ignoring everything around her. She jumped, swung her hammer at the man’s skull, and made him plummet to the ground with a vicious thud. A river of blood began to spill out of his head. Multiple gasps and petrified sounds resonated through the reception room, as everyone witnessed the committed homicide. With a streak of blood tainting her cheek, Nobara straightened her back and tilted her head to the many eyes on her.
Her expression was utterly manic.
Everyone started to run away, clearing the area in hopes of escaping that monstrosity of a girl.
Satoru was smiling, proud of his precious student.
Megumi was too stunned to speak.
Yuji wakes up.
It took him a few minutes to regain his senses and process his surroundings. As he tried to sit up, a shock of headache struck his head. He kept his eyes shut as he held his head, hissing in pain. Dammit, Kugisaki, he grumbled inwardly, you nearly split my head in half! His scowl shifted into an alarmed expression by the shouts and sight of people running past him. He urgently stood up from his—his wheelchair? What? He slept on a wheelchair? He decides to digress and focus on the much more important matter at hand.
There must be a Cursed Spirit, he thought as he willed his Cursed Energy to envelope his fist, rushing towards whatever people are running from. Only to skid into a stop, shocked by the view in front of him. Megumi was grabbing Nobara by the waist, keeping her from hitting a woman (—who appears to be this hotel’s receptionist?—) with her real hammer. Not the toy one. Her real, made of steel hammer. Jesus fucking Christ. All while Satoru was cackling and recording the whole thing.
Cursed Energy faded from Yuji’s hand as he walked to them, as he realized the thing that people were escaping from was in fact just Nobara, “Um... What did I miss?”
“Yuji! You're finally awake!” chirped Satoru in delight, moving his recording phone to Yuji’s stupefied expression, “You missed a lot of fun!”
“Huh?”
Nobara violently whirled her head to Yuji’s direction, and that’s when she calmed down, “Holy shit, he’s alive. Itadori, you scared the shit out of me!”
“You!” Yuji scowled at her, throwing an accusing finger on her. “What was your problem hitting my face like that!? And—” he motioned to the blood on her face, horrified, “W—Why do you have blood on your face—”
“Shut up! I tried to save you from the roach!” she threw a finger at him back, while Megumi let out a deep sigh of relief, unhanding her waist. Relieved for being saved from Nobara’s wrath and relieved that Yuji is okay.
“Save me?! You tried to kill me!”
“You wouldn't have woken up if I actually tried to kill you!”
“Bullshit! That hit with your hammer was too personal!”
“You—” Nobara was interrupted by Satoru swiftly grabbing both herself and Yuji over his broad shoulders like two sacks of potatoes, “HEY! Put me down!”
“No can’t do!” Satoru spoke in his usual stupid cheerful tone, “We’ve got ourselves cops to escape from! You killed the dude, after all!”
Yuji shouts, “WHAT!?”
“Let’s get out of here, my precious students!” the albino laughs, Yuji and Nobara bickers, and Megumi would very much like to get swallowed by a black hole because he’s—he’s too tired of everything.
Poor Ijichi, left alone in the middle of a parking lot. He just wanted to get a coffee before getting to the car and drive the first years and Satoru to their wanted destination. Yet, after ten minutes of purchasing a coffee, when he came back, the car is gone—the kids and Satoru are nowhere to be seen. The stress is so high, he started crying. He lost the first years. Satoru went to cause havoc. Principal Yaga is going to kill him. Ijichi is doomed.
Now it’s only him, his coffee, and his tears.