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“Alright, so that’s three for, seven against, and one abstained—”
“I did not abstain, I am not participating,” Jim clips from beneath their hat.
Lucius rolls his eyes. “One non-participant, and Izzy – we’re just not going to tell him about this, right?”
Ivan and Fang nod their heads in vigorous unison.
“I’m telling you.” Pete makes a fist and pounds it to his heart. “They’re bonkers about each other. Have you seen his eyes when he looks at Stede? I know I’m right!”
“Babe,” Lucius says. “I adore you, but don’t you think I know a little bit more about this than you would?”
“He’s not Blackbeard’s usual type,” Ivan says slowly. “But I think I’m changing my vote.”
Pete offers up a high five, which Ivan simply glares at. Roach reaches through the crowded room and finds Pete’s hand to slap it. Pete sticks his tongue out at Ivan, and narrowly avoids getting it cut off.
“So now it’s four for, and six against.” Lucius scratches and scribbles for a moment, then grins wolfishly at the crowd. “I can’t wait to take your wages when I win this thing.”
“How will we know, though?” Oluwande speaks up at last. “How will we know if they, you know. If they.”
“Shoot twixt wind and water?” says Buttons.
“Ride below the crupper?” says Wee John.
“Dance the Paphian jig?” says Fang.
“Take a turn among the cabbages?” says the Swede.
“Fuck,” says Frenchie.
Lucius taps his quill to his chin. “I suppose, if we hear them. Or catch them outright. Not a lot of places to hide on the ship, are there?”
He smiles knowingly, as does half the crew.
“We could ask,” Jim says.
“If you’re not participating.” Lucius puts one hand on his hip. “Then you don’t get to participate.”
Jim shrugs.
“Anyway.” Lucius elongates the “waaay” and snaps his book shut. “They don’t have to fuck. We just need confirmation they’re into each other. And I can always tell.”
“Well, obviously you can’t, babe, because they’re super into each other and you can’t see it!”
“Team Black Pete!” hollers Roach.
“Team Lucius!” Fang bellows.
There’s a tussle, and then a scuffle, and it would have become an all-out rumpus if not for the dulcet tones of Izzy Hands at the doorway of the cramped room.
“What the fuck is happening? Why aren’t you doing any work?”
Hands pause their hair-pulling, knives are sheathed, and apologies muttered.
“For your sake,” Buttons says, brushing past Izzy with a glare. “I hope Pete’s right.”
Izzy doesn’t ask for clarification because they’re all bloody fucking idiots and he won’t give them the satisfaction.
~*~
Blackbeard, scourge of the Caribbean, terror of the sea, he of flaming beard and bloodthirsty cutlass and boundless cruelty – is flirting.
Badly.
How Lucius has ended up twirling this godforsaken snake over a fire, watching these two old men make eyes at each other, he would never know. And worst of all, worse than the bugs and the sweat and the nauseating miasma of flirtation – he had been wrong.
“Oh my god,” Lucius says out loud. “This is happening.”