Chapter Text
The familiar tune of the alarm flows into the tranquil morning in his room. Sunghoon shuts it off before it can ring any further and shuts his eyes again for a moment, collecting his thoughts and making a mental checklist for the day. Then he is up and out of bed, putting the sheets back neatly, going about his morning routine: light stretching and exercise, knocking on Sunoo’s door to make sure that he’s woken up, then taking a shower and getting ready for school before coming downstairs for breakfast with his family.
Two of the six chairs at the dining table stay unoccupied these days, the first one since Soobin hyung moved out to Seoul for college two years ago, and the second one since Jay stopped coming over for dinner or for sleepovers and staying for breakfast. That empty chair beside his own is a sore reminder every morning of what he has lost over the past year. He had considered asking his mom to remove that chair from the set, but even then, the spot at the table would remain empty and it would ruin the aesthetic of the dining table set. So, he had let that idea die down and instead tried to focus on other more important things in life, like homework and dance and staying out of Jay’s way. It was not that difficult to accomplish given that Jay had been avoiding him quite skillfully throughout 11th grade.
When he had called Jay to wish him at midnight on his birthday this year, the first birthday between the two of them that they had spent apart, he had foolishly hoped that things would perhaps magically go back to as it was before last summer. But Jay had only acknowledged his call the way any classmate or neighbour would – formal and curt - not the way Sunghoon had hoped for, not in the way he expected of his best friend of twelve years. It was heart-breaking to say the least and that night Sunghoon had decided to try to get over this longing to have his best friend back. It was much easier said than done, but he is doing better now.
He crosses paths with Jay every day still, that is unavoidable when you have the same set of friends, live adjacent to each other in the same neighbourhood, go to the same school, take almost all the classes together, sit at the same table at lunch etc, although over the past few months Jay tries to make some or the other excuse to avoid him at lunch. He doesn’t directly initiate conversations with Sunghoon unless required.
“…so, of course I am thinking of going with them. It would be a fun learning experience and I have never been away from all of you on my own. This could be a good opportunity to start being more independent, don’t you think?”
Sunghoon tuned back into the conversation at the table. Sunoo was talking about some kind of summer camp that he wants to go to with his three best friends – Jungwon, Bahiyyih and Ni-ki.
“I think it will be a nice experience for the kids” their mom said as their father hummed his approval, “as long as you kids stick to the rules. I’ll have a chat with their parents this weekend. When is the last day to apply for the camp?”
“By next weekend, which will also be the beginning of the summer holidays” Sunoo smiled wide, thinking about all the plans he had made with his best friends for their summer holidays.
“What do you think Sunghoon? Is it a good idea to let Sunoo go to this camp?” their dad asked, a teasing tone in his voice.
“I am more worried about the health and safety of the camp instructors if the four of you are going to be attending camp together…” Sunghoon giggled.
“Yah hyung! We are not that big of a menace, okay?” Sunoo pouted “But your concern is not invalid” and gave him a sly smile.
“What are your plans for the summer, son?” their mom asked.
“I’m thinking of getting a job at the Kim’s Bakery and Café. Did I tell you that the owner is our art teacher Mr. Kim’s older brother? He’s also very good friends with our culinary instructor Mr. Min. Actually, Mr. Min was the one who suggested that I take a job there and gain some experience as well, like an internship… because I like baking.”
“That sounds like a good way to spend the summer holidays. Don’t forget to ask them about the wages before you join. Also, ask them to provide you with a certificate once you complete the internship.” their dad suggested.
A little more chit-chat and breakfast was done. Both the brothers leave for the bus stop together to wait for the school bus and the parents get busy with their work. They meet up with their friends at the bus stop and break off into their respective friend groups.
Jay arrives just in time to catch the bus and goes to the last seat at the rear of the bus where his friends are sitting. This is something he has made a habit of over this past year. He takes part in their conversations, but doesn’t talk to Sunghoon directly anymore.
All of their friends are aware that something had gone terribly wrong between Jay and Sunghoon around the time when the latter had come out. Jay has never acted or said anything outright homophobic, but everyone had assumed that the distance between the two previously best friends was a result of Jay not being able to accept that Sunghoon came out as gay.
Now, there is often a palpable tension in the air when the two of them were around each other, but the situation had not been awkward to the extreme that their friends would feel the need to intervene. All of the four childhood friends probably hoped that things would smooth out on its own, while Jake thought that it was not his place to intervene, being the newest addition to the friend group and all.
~
Jake was happy to have found such interesting and warm people in his class, who also lived in the same neighbourhood where he was put up. He was made to feel accepted, and very comfortable within such a short span of time after transferring to this school and not at all like an outsider. The best part was that he felt such a strong connection with Sunghoon that he felt like he has known him all his life. He belonged with this group of friends. But he also knew how to respect others’ privacy and tried not to pry into the past apart from what was obvious.
Heeseung and Ni-ki have grown on him like real siblings, just the way he had grown on them and their family. They really made him feel at home in their home and since Heeseung will be moving out for college in a couple of months, he would have to look after and care for Ni-ki while Heeseung is not around. The thought makes his chest swell with pride: to have found two friends like them, almost like having siblings here… Jake considers himself quite lucky to have landed in this place at this time in his life.
He misses his parents and his older brother sometimes, but the people around him make him feel at home. He likes this neighbourhood. All the people here have known each other since ages. From what he has learnt so far, they’ve all been neighbours for more than ten years at least. There is such a loving and homely feeling among the people here, and they have all welcomed him with open arms, which was definitely a plus.
Their neighbourhood had only the five households: the Lees, the Chois, the Parks #1, the Parks #2, and the Kangs. It was quite a peculiar neighbourhood that felt like something out of a Studio Ghibli movie the first time Jake set foot in here.
The neighbourhood was perched on a hillock, exceptionally clean and well kept, with plants and flowers everywhere. All the five households were adjacent to each other and there was no traffic rush or that many outsiders (except the mail delivery, occasional delivery persons, and guests at any of the households). It almost gave off that feeling of a gated community, but it also made it safe for the kids to move around and play freely.
Mr. Kim, their school Principal, told him that he would be staying with the Lees who volunteer to house exchange students at their school. So, here he was making himself at home in their neighbourhood according to the arrangements made by their school.
The Lee house was the one at the top of the hillock, the biggest one in the neighbourhood with the largest back yard, and now with the addition of Jake, with the greatest number of people in the house too. There was Mr. and Mrs. Lee, their son Heeseung (who is older than Jake), Mr. Lee’s widowed sister, aunt Heyeon and her son Ni-ki (who is younger than Jake).
Heeseung hyung is a very nice person, and is talented in so many things. He is the lead vocalist in the school band, and a member of the students’ council too.
Ni-ki likes playing pranks on his hyungs, but can also be very cute and baby-like. He is also a very pampered child as the youngest in the neighbourhood. Jake has to admit that Ni-ki is a very talented dancer from what he has seen so far.
The Chois lived down the street to the right of the Lees. Their family consisted of Mr. and Mrs. Choi, their oldest son Yeonjun, middle child Beomgyu, and their youngest, Huening Kai (he is Jake’s age and prefers to be called Kai).
Yeonjun hyung, whom Jake had met during the winter holidays, is currently studying in KNUA in Seoul as a music major. He is a very charming person and almost had Jake whipped for him from their very short interaction over winter break.
“…Yeonjun hyung feels like a lead character from a k-drama or an anime. He is so attractive, he sings and raps so well, and don’t even get me started on his dancing skills... He’s my role model, you know?” Sunghoon had fanboyed when he and Jake were bonding, sprawled across the floor of Sunghoon’s room during Jake’s first week here and he was giving him a ‘quick intro’ (Sunghoon’s words) of the people in their neighbourhood.
Beomgyu hyung is more the naughty trickster type, from what Jake has learnt so far. But that doesn’t mean he was not a good person. He had been best friends with Heeseung hyung since they were in diapers, and is the lead guitarist for the school band. He is fun to hang out with. Jake knows because he often comes over to the Lee household to chill with Heeseung hyung and the four of them (Ni-ki included) go all out playing video games or jamming to their shared favourite music or dancing in the attic studio.
The youngest Choi, Kai was one of the sweetest people that Jake has ever come across. But he also pranks his friends and siblings from time to time. Not really an angel then. But he did sing like one in choir at school, and also played a number of instruments. Initially, Jake was a bit intimidated by all of these handsome, talented people in the neighbourhood, but they have quickly grown on him.
There’s a huge tree at one corner of the Choi front yard with a swing. Legend has it that Mr. Choi, Mr. Park#1, Mr. Lee and aunt Hoyeon used to play on that swing when they were kids. “…Our parents tell us stories that this tree is where all of our ancestors’ spirits rest upon. That is why it is so big apparently… They keep an eye on the neighbourhood from the top of this tree... and they bless the children who play on this swing” Kai had informed him one day while they were all hanging out around the tree, Jake pushing Bahiyyih on the swing while she squealed with joy.
Adjacent to the Choi house, down the hill live the Kangs. They were the last ones to move to the neighbourhood. There’s Mr. and Mrs Kang, their son Taehyun (who is also Jake’s age and is very close friends with Kai) and his sister Bahiyyih (about Ni-ki’s age). Since she is the only girl among all the kids, she is the apple of everyone’s eye in the neighbourhood. She is a dancer too and often jams with Ni-ki in the make-shift studio in the Lee household’s attic. They also frequently upload dance routines on the internet together.
Taehyun, on the other hand, is a member of the school choir and the chess team. He is the wise one that all the 02z and the maknaes go to when none of the hyungs are around (sometimes, even when they are around). “Taehyunnie oppa is the best magician ever!” Bahiyyih had declared proudly after Christmas dinner at the Lee household when all of the five families had gathered around the fireplace to spend some quality time together. Yeah, so he also did magic tricks as a hobby... talk about being talented!
Across the street from the Choi household, to the left of the Lees live the Parks #1(Sunghoon’s family). His father and mother, his older brother Soobin and younger brother Sunoo. They have the most beautiful garden in the neighbourhood because Sunghoon’s mom loves gardening and is pretty good at it too.
Soobin hyung, best friends with Yeonjun hyung, is currently in college at SNU, Seoul pursuing a degree in business management. Jake met him when he had come home during the winter break. He is a very calm and sincere person, from what Jake had gathered from his interactions and from Sunghoon’s chatter about his brother. Sunoo was younger than Jake, very observant and sassy, but also very cheerful and caring.
The Park siblings were very close to each other and very proud and protective of each other. Jake has had the opportunity to observe them from the closest quarters among all the kids here, since he has been almost attached at the hip with Sunghoon since his first day here. When Jake was not at his soccer games or science club meetings, or at home (at the Lee household), he would most probably be found with Sunghoon. It is now common knowledge in the neighbourhood.
Sunghoon is the same age as Jake, a very shy introvert in front of strangers, but a very loud one with friends, family and people whom he trusts and likes. He is an amazing dancer, and he loves baking. He takes the culinary classes at school with Kai. “…you know, I feel like I’ve known you forever, although we’ve only just met like…two days ago…” he had said to Jake on his third day here. Jake returned the sentiment; he had felt that instant connection with Sunghoon too.
Next to Sunghoon’s house live the Parks #2. When Jake had asked why the #1 and #2, Heeseung had smiled sagely and explained “… Because Sunghoon’s family had been here first, since before Jay’s family moved into the neighbourhood.”
They moved here just before the Kangs did. Mr and Mrs Park, their older son Jongseong (who prefers to go by Jay) and their younger child Jungwon moved here from the US when Jay was four years old. English was the first language that he had learnt, so he was still pretty fluent in it. His parents had decided that it would be a good idea for him to be fluent in English along with Korean. Jay plays soccer in the school team that Jake had also tried out for and got selected into. He is also a guitarist in the school band. But from what Sunghoon had told him, he is very good at cooking too. And from their conversations in general, Jake has gathered that Jay wants to build a career in the fashion industry- as a designer.
Jungwon, Jay’s younger brother is a very cute boy. When Jake had met him the first time, he almost cooed out loud in front of him. (In hindsight, that could have been disastrous for his first impression of Jake keeping in mind the fact that he is a teenager with growing self-respect and he prefers to carry himself in a very dignified manner. Oh, whatever… he looks like a cute little kitten.)
All the people in the neighbourhood call him cute though, and they melt at his boba eyes instantly. Except for maybe Bahiyyih and Ni-ki (take it from Jake, those two are also at the same level of cuteness). Even Sunoo (who is also very cute, by the way) finds it difficult to stay sassy when faced with Jungwon’s cuteness. But he is more than just a cute boy, he is trained in Taekwondo, and is very thoughtful and wise for his age. He could run for the student body President when he’s old enough… Jake had once thought … or even bigger leadership positions, later in life.
~
When Jake had first arrived here about a year ago, he had not expected the people to be so open minded and accepting, sue him for being wary while moving into a far-off place on his own at sixteen. He used to observe everyone and everything keenly from an outsider’s perspective, but he grew to love the general atmosphere of acceptance and solidarity in this neighbourhood. He just fit right in.
They were curious about his upbringing abroad, and he faced a bit of difficulty with the language, but they were patient with him. Heeseung hyung and Sunghoon actually helped him a lot in learning the language. Jay had also tried to help him out by translating things into English initially.
Jay’s parents and his younger brother Jungwon have also been very good to him, considering that they had themselves moved in here after living abroad for quite a few years. They knew how to make him feel at home. They had invited him over for dinner a few times, and twice without the entire Lee family too.
Jay’s a nice guy, very helpful too. He had been quite friendly and looked out for Jake at soccer practice. He seems popular among the girls in school too. Well, all of the boys from their neighbourhood seem to be quite popular among the girls at school - even Sunghoon who is openly gay. But the way Jay tries to avoid Sunghoon was clear even to a new comer like Jake.
From what Sunghoon had told him and he himself had gathered from everyone else over the past year, Jay and Sunghoon had been inseparable since elementary school up until the summer before Jake arrived. Sunghoon and Jay’s friendship had also come up in conversations on a few occasions at the Lee household, and among their friends. The reason for them drifting apart seems to be a mystery for everyone, including Sunghoon. Everyone seemed to be sad to some extent to see their friendship fall apart like that, even the adults.
“…Word gets around quite quickly in this neighbourhood. If one person knows about it, then expect everyone else to know about it too by the end of the day. The parents have their own group chat and the kids have their own. I’ll add you to ours… We have a separate one for the 02z too…I’ll add you in that one too, cool?” Taehyun had said in passing while returning from school one day.
Jay was not overtly homophobic; Troye Sivan was one of his favourite musicians after all. But everyone had noticed that Jay distancing himself from Sunghoon had started around the time Sunghoon had come out as gay.
Jake did not miss the longing glances that Sunghoon used to send in Jay’s direction whenever they were all together: on the bus to and from school, at lunch, in the hallways when either of them walked past, whenever Sunghoon and their friends had time to come and cheer for them at their soccer practice or games, or whenever they went to watch band practice or performances.
Jake has seen pictures of Jay and Sunghoon together, framed and sitting proudly among the pictures on the mantle in the Parks #1 household. There are a few pictures hanging on the walls in Sunghoon’s room too, taken on different occasions over the years. He saw one in the living room at Jay’s house too – seven-year-old Sunghoon looking dumbfounded with cake frosting smeared on his face, while seven-year-old Jay, with frosting on his hands, laughs so hard beside him that his knees almost buckle under him.
“… it’s one of my favourite pictures of them…” Jay’s mom had explained and went on to tell Jake the story behind the picture. And fondly recall a few other stories about Jay and Sunghoon’s (mis)adventures over the years.
But Jake hasn’t seen Jay laugh since he arrived here; you know the kind of carefree laughter where your eyes turn into crescents and your cheeks and tummy hurt from laughing. He laughs at the silly jokes that Kai and Taehyun crack, smiles too when their team wins or he scores a goal, when the situation demands… But he seems very guarded, like he has these walls up around him. He probably thinks that no one sees it, but he often zones out when they are hanging out with their friends or the soccer team. The Jay that Jake has met and befriended seems like a different person from the Jay that everyone else seems to know and talks about.
A few months back at lunch Taehyun had mentioned it in passing when Jay was not around, “… does Jay seem a bit off to you guys these days? Like he is lost in thought or always keeping himself in check… you know since the summer break...?” Kai had suggested that it might be due to stress about school work and band practice and soccer and what not. Sunghoon had just hummed and nodded to that, and Jake shrugged his shoulders and just like that they had dropped the topic, not wanting to address the elephant in the room. But the lingering silence immediately after told Jake that it was unusual behaviour for Jay and it had worried all of his friends to some extent.
~
The last week of 11th grade before summer break went by in the blink of an eye. Things were more or less the same as always. Sunghoon had taken up Mr. Min’s advice and applied for the job at Kim’s Bakery and Café. Mr. Min had put in a good word with the owner, Mr. Kim, so it was quite a smooth sailing job interview. No really, it was more like talking to an old acquaintance although Sunghoon hardly knew anything about Mr. Kim (other than the fact that he was the older brother of their art teacher and good friends with their culinary instructor at school).
Turns out, Mr. Kim Seokjin is a very warm person, who loves to crack dad jokes and proceeds to laugh heartily at his own jokes. He is very friendly and approachable too. But he had mentioned that he won’t tolerate slacking at work during rush hours. Other than that, he seemed like a pretty chill guy.
So, that brings us to today, three days into summer break and Sunghoon’s first day at work. Apart from Mr. Kim (who insists that all the staff call him Jin hyung/oppa, since they are all younger than him), there were five other employees: chef/baker Moonbyul (noona), barista Hyunjin (hyung), and three people to cater to the customers directly – Hwasa (noona), Hanbin (hyung) and K (hyung), but the job description was quite flexible.
Hwasa and K often made the coffee if they were in a rush and Hyunjin was otherwise occupied. They would also help Moonbyul noona with the cooking and baking if required. Hanbin helped in doing the dishes and general cleaning, but also doubled up as sous chef to Moonbyul if required. He didn’t like cooking though. Jin hyung was the manager and manned the register too. They felt the need for another person to help out in the kitchen and that brought Sunghoon to them. All the other staff members have been working there for more than three years now, since the café started. Sunghoon was the only intern/temp there.
First day of work was good enough. His work day started around 11 am, the lunch rush was between 12 pm to 3pm and then there was a lull for about an hour. Then more customers again from 6 pm till 9 or so. They close at 10 pm, but they stop taking any more customers after 9:45 pm. Jin hyung is very particular about what kind of schedule he wants to follow for his café and his staff. Since they are popular for everything on their menu, the rush hours seem to be really tight. Sunghoon had to work in the kitchen mostly, so to his relief, he did not have to interact with strangers.
By the end of the day, he had almost got the hang of it all. And the staff was allowed to take a breather whenever they needed throughout the day… Jin hyung was a good boss. This should be fun - just the right amount of busy, a lot of opportunities to try out new recipes and friendly people to work with, a kind and understanding boss and good wages. Feels like it’s going to be a good summer.
~
This is going to be the most stressful and awkward summer of my life thought Sunghoon, as Jin hyung introduced the newest member of the staff once all the employees had arrived.
This morning when Sunghoon walked into the employees’ changing room, he stopped in his tracks and tried not to gawk at the person standing in front of him, dressed in the café’s staff’s uniform. What is he doing here? Why is he dressed like that? No way he chose this place for a summer job when he knows that I am working here already… what’s going on? Is this some kind of prank?
Jay gave him that tight lipped smile-through-your-pain-because-it’s-a-formality kind of smile that Sunghoon hates to see on his face, and walked out of the room trying to avoid eye contact with him.
Sunghoon got changed into his uniform and walked out to see Jin hyung gathering all the staff near the counter.
“Everyone, you are already aware that K had to rush back home three days back because of some family emergency and we are not sure when he’ll be able to return. So, in the meantime, I have hired Jay here as his replacement. He’s in high school just like Sunghoon…wait, you guys go to the same school, right? And same grade too, I think. Do you already know each other?” Jin hyung asked looking between the two of them.
Sunghoon didn’t know how to respond to that. Did Jay want to keep it a secret? Or did he have no issues in letting them know that they are…no, they were in fact, best friends until about a year ago.
“Yes, we do.” Jay’s voice pulled Sunghoon out of his internal monologue.
“Okay then. Great!” Jin hyung clapped his hands with finality “Sunghoon can show you around and fill you in. Feel free to ask any of us if you need help with anything. Welcome to your first day at Kim’s Bakery and Café. Everyone back to work now… chop chop… Meeting dismissed.”
Sunghoon felt like someone had dumped a bucket of ice water on him. It took a moment for him to gather his bearings and nod to Jin and move to show Jay around. They have not talked to each other directly without a third person’s presence in about a year now.
Come on Sunghoon, you can do it! It’s just Jay… Yeah, just Jay who hates your guts and refuses to acknowledge your presence and your feelings anymore. He’s practically a stranger to you now.
The orientation was quick enough. Of course, Jay is smart and he picked up on things quite easily. At least he didn’t pretend like Sunghoon is invisible to him, although he did not talk to him like they used to. What were you even expecting… you dumbass! Sunghoon mentally slapped himself.
Sunghoon often wishes that Jay would stop with the silent treatment and just talk to him. Make him understand what went wrong; where they went wrong. Did he realize that I have a crush on him? No, that can’t be it. Sunghoon had been very careful not to act any different after he came out to him.
Jay is not homophobic, I know it. Or is he just disgusted by me?... But he was okay when I’d first come out to him. He hugged me and told me that he’ll be my best friend no matter what… Hell! He was more nervous than I was when I had decided to come out to my family. And he was ecstatic when I told him later that my family was understanding and supportive of me.
He got so surprised when I told him that my mom had her suspicions before, and he got upset thinking about how he had not seen it coming when he’s with me all the time and we share everything with each other. But Jay is smart, maybe he put two and two together later, and realized that I liked him more than just a best friend… That might have been the reason why he is being this way towards me.
Sunghoon had spent so many sleepless nights crying alone, crying to his parents and his brothers, thinking over why Jay stopped being his best friend. His parents reassured him that it is just a phase and that they’ll be back to normal in no time. But Soobin hyung was just as confused and worried, and Sunoo had cried with him a few times. Sunoo too had lost a friend and brother when Jay had stopped coming over or hanging out together with Sunghoon and him. Although Jay tried to maintain his relationship with Sunoo, things had obviously changed.
Both Jay and Sunghoon still hang out with all of their friends, they go to school together, sit at lunch together. But oh! Jay often finds excuses to ditch them citing some band meeting or soccer practice or to hang out with his team. They all know it’s bullshit.
Jay has always worn his heart on his sleeve, he was not good at hiding his emotions or acting unbothered. Sunghoon would know best. Something was bothering him deeply and he did not want anyone to know. Maybe it had something to do with Sunghoon, maybe not.
Initially, Sunghoon felt so frustrated by his change in attitude, by the ways he avoided him, his calls and texts, that he just wanted to be angry with him, scream at him. But that is not Sunghoon. He is patient and he decided to give Jay all the time he needed to come to him with his worries. And he is still waiting, hoping that things would go back to normal. And in the meantime, he’s trying to keep going with this change in their relationship.
~
“What’s the deal between you and him?” Jin hyung asked tilting his head back and jutting his chin out to point towards Jay who was stacking up the chairs on the tables in the far corner. It’s closing time, Sunghoon was helping in wiping down the counter while Jin took account of the register for the day.
Sunghoon’s eyes followed Jin’s motion to land on Jay who had his back to them. But Sunghoon knew there’d be a slight pout on his lips as he concentrated on what he was doing. He looks so cute when he concentrates on something and his eyebrows furrow just the tiniest bit and that pout appears on his lips. Sometimes Sunghoon wishes he could kiss that pout away. Stop that Sunghoon! What are you even thinking?
“We used to be best buddies, and now we’re not…” Sunghoon answered Jin with a longing in his voice and slumped shoulders.
Jin whipped his head around with wide eyes “…Yah! Did you just quote Anna from Frozen?” he barked out his signature laugh.
Sunghoon lowered his head out of embarrassment and turned back to wiping down the counter. “Whatever it is that you guys have been through, I hope you sort it out eventually. It would be a great misfortune to lose a close friend, and I can tell that you guys were really close from your voice just now. And from the way he kept stealing glances at you throughout the day, I think he might want to sort things out with you too.” Jin said in a serious voice and pat Sunghoon’s shoulder reassuringly.
Jay steals glances at me when I am not looking! Sunghoon’s heart skipped a beat. Maybe he just wants to make sure that I am far away enough so that he doesn’t have to interact with me. His self-doubt and insecurities pull him in. Yeah, that must be it… he hates me now, doesn’t he?
Sunghoon steals another quick glance at Jay who’s putting up the last chair for the night. He should stop wishing for things to go back to as it was between them and just move on. Jongseong seems to have moved on from him, from their friendship.