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Manbagi Rumiko was not what you’d call a deep thinker. She was more of a spontaneous, spur-of-the-moment kind of girl. Prolonged introspection and soul-searching were not her strong suits.
Nonetheless, the evening after she’d confessed to Tadano, and then rejected his acceptance of the same, she found herself lying awake in bed a long, long time, thinking about what had happened. What she had done. Why she had done it. What she wished had happened.
Why did I reject him? But it wasn’t that she’d rejected him—she still wanted him. Oh, boy, do I want him. She shivered a little at the thought of just how much—and how—she wanted him.
But she’d also wanted to make sure that he wasn’t just going with the flow, as was his usual habit. She’d wanted to make sure that his heart was true, and that Shouko’s heart was considered too.
Shouko…
She wondered how Shouko was doing. She blushed as she recalled sitting in a stairwell with Shouko, both of them dressed as princesses. When, without thinking, she’d told Shouko that she liked her even more than Tadano. She had confessed to Shouko, and the mere memory of that made her squirm in bed even more.
She’d backpedaled immediately, of course, assuring Shouko that she meant that solely as a friend, but that last part had been a lie. Her attraction to Shouko was as real as her attraction to Tadano, just not as socially acceptable. There was no way that Shouko could possibly feel about her the way she did about her.
“I also like you a lot, Rumiko-san,” Shouko had replied quietly, almost making Manbagi’s heart stop. A moment’s hope had flared up at that, a searing flame in her heart, quickly doused as she convinced herself that Shouko hadn’t meant it that way.
“I want you to be with me...with us!” Komi had said, her voice for once loud and clear, not quiet and hiding from the world.
She couldn’t have meant it that way…could she?
What if she had meant it that way…?
Manbagi’s pulse, already elevated, kicked up another notch at that memory. She bit her lip and she curled into a tight little ball, wrapped around her pillow as she considered where things had gone astray, and wondered how she could possibly change things. Set them right.
What might happen. If she only had the nerve…
Maybe…just maybe…
She lay awake quite a while longer, as she evolved a plan.
Tadano Hitohito was not a deep thinker either. He’d more or less skated through life living in the moment, just going with the flow and accepting things as they happened (aside from a brief period of Chuunibyou that he’d rather forget). So when Manbagi-san had forced him to reconsider his answer to her, to retract his acceptance of her confession, it was a somewhat bewildering experience for him. And he, too, had a restless night of it afterwards, failing for quite some time to fall asleep.
What else have I missed? He was grateful to Manbagi-san for pushing him to actually confront his feelings. After the fact, as he lay in bed remembering it, he finally took the time to consider the events from her point of view. He realized that refusing him—after having worked up the nerve to confess to him in the first place—couldn’t have been easy for her.
She really put my feelings first. He was embarrassed that it had taken him so long to notice that fact. The notion was unsettling. He was used to being the afterthought, the also-ran, the place-holder, the one accepted as just being there. Average. Not loved, not hated. Just…there.
But Manbagi-san had considered his feelings, and pushed him to say what was on his mind. That’s what someone who truly… He paused, having difficulty even thinking the “L” word. That’s what someone who truly…loves me would do. Put my happiness first.
She…loves me?
They both do?
He couldn’t help but wonder, Did I confess to Komi-san solely because Manbagi-san pushed me to do so? It wasn’t that he didn’t have feelings for Komi-san; he knew he did. He’d been honest when he’d said he had a crush on Komi, and he’d been ridiculously happy when she’d awkwardly accepted his confession.
But his acceptance of Manbagi-san’s confession had also been sincere. And happy. Even now, he was certain that if he hadn’t backed out he could have, would have, been very happy with her. Whenever I’m with you, I end up with a smile on my face, he’d told her, and that was true. But those things didn’t make his confession to Komi-san any less true or sincere, just…
Just what?
Confused. Complicated. Conflicted.
He groaned into his pillow, shaking his head.
He had difficulty enough believing that Komi-san accepted and loved him. The thought that more than one person could feel that way about him was even more mind-boggling. Despite the giddy, nervous happiness he felt for having confessed to Komi-san, there was a part of his heart that was aching in sympathy for Manbagi-san. I didn’t want to hurt her. If only there was some way I could have said yes to both of them…
Komi Shouko was guilty of overthinking almost everything in her life. It was a major factor in her communication disorder—she could second-, third–, and fourth–guess her own words, and others’ reactions to those words, long before they ever emerged from her mouth, rendering herself tongue-tied and mute. Writing was slightly better; having concrete, actual words she could point to and look at made them somehow less abstract and frightening. The process of ordering her thoughts enough to write them down, the act of writing them down, settled her fears a little.
But tonight, her fears were running rampant, and no amount of writing would settle them.
Tadano-kun actually confessed to me… Did I respond appropriately? Did he get that I’m happy that he did, even though I didn’t say anything? Did I at least look happy? I didn’t say a word in response…so stupid! I didn’t say yes, or thank you, or I’ll be in your care. Nothing. All I did was nod and bow. Even when it’s something I’d been longing for, I’m still such a coward.
She hugged her pillow tight and pulled her knees up, curled around it, unknowingly echoing Manbagi’s own posture a few blocks away. She shook with nerves, giddy elation mixing with fear and self-recrimination in equal measure.
Why couldn’t I say anything to him? Well, that was a stupid question, she had to admit. She could rarely say anything to Tadano-kun. But if ever there was a time when it was important for me to speak…
She became aware that she was making a piteous whining sound, like an animal dying of embarrassment, and she immediately shut up. So stupid, she scolded herself. If you can’t talk, don’t whine about it. For about the millionth time she wished she could speak, could talk to others as easily as Tadano-kun or Rumiko-chan.
Rumiko-chan. The thought of her best female friend gave her pause. What about Rumiko-chan? How is she doing?
She sat up in bed and considered that. Rumiko-chan, who had confessed to Tadano-kun first. Who had had the passion, the commitment, the courage to actually speak her heart. To put her feelings into words. She’d even had the strength to tell Komi “You should feel happy” after Komi had told her that Tadano-kun had confessed. Rumiko-chan was so strong, so kind, so brave.
Unlike me.
She buried her face in the side of a plush stuffed animal. I don’t deserve him; she does.
Manbagi was surprised to hear the doorbell early the next morning. She wondered who it could be. “Coming!” she called out, then she opened the door to find Tadano on her doorstep. Her heart skipped a beat as she gasped out his name in disbelief.
He gave her an awkward smile, looking like he was all nerves and determination. “Erm. I think we should talk,” he said without preamble.
Manbagi’s brain froze for a moment, then the very practical concerns of her sleeping mother provided her with a script to follow, giving her at least a moment to gather her wits. “Ah…sure. Let’s…talk out here. My mom is still sleeping.” She pulled her jacket out of the closet and stepped outside with Tadano. He wants to talk? Well, I want to talk to him, too. But not just him… “Let’s walk.”
“Hah?” Tadano looked confused. “Oh…okay.” He followed Manbagi obediently as they set off down the sidewalk.
“What did you want to talk about?” Manbagi asked as they walked.
“Oh. Right. Well…” He took a deep breath, staring at the ground in front of him, his face an adorable shade of red. “I confessed to Komi-san yesterday.”
“Yeah, I know. Shouko told me. Fast work!”
“I…I’m sorry!”
Manbagi laughed. “Nah, don’t worry. I’m not gonna chew you out. But you acted pretty fast after you got done talking with me, huh?”
“Erm. Actually, I wished to apologize again. For yesterday. No, for everything, really. I am truly sorry.”
Manbagi punched him lightly on the arm, making him flinch and look up from the ground. “What did I tell ya about being so formal with me?” she said with a grin.
“Oh. Er, yes. That. But I wish to—I mean, I wanna try, but—” He shot her a desperate look. “Can we…can we still be friends?”
“Jeez. What did I tell you? We’re pals!”
Tadano looked relieved, a small smile crossing his face.
“But that being said, I do have a few changes I’d like to make to our friendship.” Hah. There. I said it.
Tadano’s smile vanished, and his nervous look returned. “Oh? Um, like what?”
“But first, let’s get Shouko in on this conversation.”
“What?” Tadano looked up, and for the first time realized that he’d followed Manbagi’s lead to Komi-san’s house. He went a little pale, increasing his nervous look. “Wait, why are we—”
Before Tadano could stop her, Manbagi pressed the call button on the intercom.
“Hello?” came a familiar voice.
“Hey, Shouko, this is Rumiko. I’ve got Tadano-kun here, and we’d love to go for a walk with you!”
There was a long pause, then the intercom clicked off without any audible response. Manbagi looked at Tadano and shrugged.
“Why are we here?” Tadano asked.
“Didn’t you want to talk to Komi today, too?”
“Well, yes, but how did you know that?”
Manbagi laughed, her own nerves winding tighter. Can I really do this? “C’mon, what guy wouldn’t wanna talk with his girl on the weekend? Especially when she’s been your girlfriend for less than a day.”
“Well…yes,” he repeated. “But…”
He was interrupted by the front door opening. They both looked over at Komi as she emerged from the house. She was dressed in a skirt and a jacket, managing to make even her casual weekend wear look like she was a fashion plate stepping out of a magazine. Both Manbagi and Tadano sucked in a sharp breath at the sight of her, then they exchanged embarrassed glances.
"He…hello,” Komi said, her gaze flicking nervously from one to the other.
Manbagi knew she had to take the lead if she was to have any chance of making things work out the way she wanted, so she said, “Hey, Shouko. Wanna head to that park at the end of the block?”
Komi gave a microscopic nod, not questioning anything as they started walking down the sidewalk. Neither Komi nor Tadano seemed inclined towards conversation as they walked, which suited Manbagi fine; it gave her a few minutes to screw up her courage.
They arrived at the park, and headed to a bench under a pavilion. Komi and Tadano sat down, not very close to each other, and Manbagi remained standing. She flashed them a nervous smile. “So. I suppose you’re wonderin’ why I’ve called you here today.” She tried to project a calm air, but her hands were clenched into quivering fists by her side. She didn’t wait for a response, but continued, “I’ve got something I need to tell both of yous,” she began, then she froze. I can’t do this, this is ridiculous, what if they hate me…
Tadano waited. He was used to waiting for Komi to complete a sentence, so he was patient enough to wait out a full minute. It was Komi who finally broke the silence.
"What…did you want to…tell us?" Komi asked.
Manbagi took a deep breath. And then another.
And then another.
And another.
And then she began to feel light-headed, and she abruptly sat down on the ground. Tadano lurched forward, as if to offer her a supporting hand, but she waved him off. She gave an embarrassed laugh. “That was silly of me.”
"Are you okay?" asked Komi worriedly.
“Yeah, yeah, just…stupid.”
“You’re not stupid,” said Komi firmly. Both Tadano and Manbagi looked at her, clearly startled by her voice, and she blushed.
Manbagi grimaced and stood back up. “Sorry, this isn’t how I pictured this going. Uh…” She stared down at Tadano and Komi intently for a moment, chewing on her lower lip. Then she took a (single) deep breath. “Tadano-kun. I wanna ask you…kinda the same question I asked you yesterday, but different.”
Tadano frowned, confused. “Which one? And different how?”
“Are you sure you won’t regret not going out with me?”
“Ah…” Tadano went pale, and Manbagi thought that if his eyes went any wider, they’d be in danger of falling out of his head. A small squeaking noise from Komi drew her attention away from Tadano. Komi’s eyes were almost as wide as Tadano’s, and she looked terrified.
“I’m not trying to take him away from you!” Manbagi hastened to reassure Komi, waving her hands frantically. “No, no no no! I wouldn’t do that to you!”
"That’s not…what it sounds like,” said Komi fearfully.
“Yeah,” agreed Tadano.
Manbagi grabbed Tadano’s hand with her right hand, and Komi’s with her left. She squeezed tight. “What I’m trying to say…what I want…” She faltered, her nerves fraying, but then they both squeezed her hands back, reassuring her, giving her courage. She lifted her head and faced them as squarely as she could. “I want to confess…to both of you.”
“Whaaa?” Tadano’s confusion was so palpable that Manbagi almost giggled, but she bit it back. She was afraid that if she started giggling she’d never stop, her nerves were stretched so tight.
Komi remained silent, but her fearful look faded, and she looked less confused than Tadano. In fact, she looked…thoughtful. For the first time, Manbagi thought she might actually be able to pull this off.
“I want…I want to date…both of you. And I want both of you…to date both of us. Er, the other two. Us all dating each other.”
“Both…at the same time?” asked Tadano hesitantly, as if he were struggling to piece together what Manbagi was saying.
“Yes! That way none of us has to give up the other two!”
Tadano blinked rapidly for a moment, then shook his head sharply. “Other two…so you and Komi-san…wouldn’t have to give each other up?” he asked, puzzled. He looked back and forth between the two of them, as if hoping for enlightenment.
Manbagi had thought she was already blushing as hard as was humanly possible, but that pushed her face to an even darker scarlet. “Yeah,” she whispered.
Tadano looked at Komi, who was as red as Manbagi. “Do you…I mean…I don’t…what do you think of this, Komi-san?”
Komi bent her head, staring at the ground, and her blush slowly faded as she thought. With her free hand he reached into her jacket pocket, pulled out her pen and a pad of paper, then she shook her head and shoved them back in. Instead, she reached over and took Tadano’s free hand, completing the circle. “I think…this way…we can all get what we want?” she offered tentatively.
Tadano kept looking back and forth between Manbagi and Komi, his mouth hanging down. “All?” he finally squeaked.
Komi and Manbagi exchanged a long glance, slow smiles forming on both their faces, then turned to him in unison and nodded. “Yes, all,” Manbagi said, with Komi nodding in agreement.
“Oh. Well.” Tadano licked his lips, and stared at them in confusion. “I, ah, never realized.”
"I don’t think…I did either…until things began to change,” Komi admitted.
“When was that?”
"When you said you were going to confess to Tadano-kun, I realized…I was sad…about losing…both of you.” Her face was scarlet again, but she bravely kept her gaze on Manbagi’s face as she spoke.
“Uh, so, wait,” Tadano said, still working to catch up. “Manbagi-san, you’re confessing to both me and Komi-san? And Komi-san, you’re…all right with this?”
Komi bit her lip and nodded.
“When I said I liked you…” Tadano hesitated, flicking a glanced at Manbagi, then continued, facing Komi-san, “I didn’t just mean that as friends. I actually like you….romantically.”
Komi squeezed her eyes shut in embarrassment, her face turning even redder as she nodded emphatic understanding of his words.
Tadano turned to Manbagi. “And you…”
“I mean it romantically, too. I like both of you. That way,” Manbagi said sturdily.
“Oh.” Tadano’s voice was almost as quiet as Komi’s. He sat there, still holding their hands, blinking and looking a little shell-shocked.
“I’m not tryna get in your way—if you guys just wanna date like a normal couple, that’s fine, we can all just forget I ever said anything and you two can go on your merry way.”
“No.” Once again, Tadano and Manbagi were surprised by how firm Komi’s voice was. “I don’t want to forget.”
Tadano was shaking his head, and Manbagi was afraid he was about to put a kibosh on the whole proposition, but then he said, “How can I have two such wonderful girls…want me?” He looked confused. “It doesn’t make sense…I’m nothing special…why would you…”
“Bzzzt!” Manbagi made a noise like a game-show buzzer. “Wrong!” She glanced at Komi. “Tell’im, Shouko.”
Komi looked momentarily panicked at being put on the spot, but then she looked at Tadano’s confused and worried face, and took a deep breath. "You’re wonderful…and kind…and always there for me…” She glanced at Manbagi. "For us,” she corrected. "You make…me happy. Just seeing you…”
“Makes me happy too,” Manbagi finished. “Shouko isn’t the only one who you’ve helped make friends, y’know. You’re so sweet it’s almost scary, but I really love that about you.” She blushed as she realized she’d used the “L” word, but she didn’t try to take it back.
Komi lifted her chin in agreement. "I l-l-l-love that about you…too.”
“Oh.” Tadano blinked rapidly as if fighting back tears, looking back and forth between the two girls. “I…don’t know what to say.”
“Say yes, if you wanna make two girls really happy,” Manbagi suggested. Komi nodded in fervent agreement.
Tadano seemed to remember that he was still holding hands with both of them. He squeezed their hands, took a deep breath, and said, “Yes.”
“Yes?”
Tadano nodded, a slow smile spreading across his face. “Yes.”
Manbagi squealed and pulled both Tadano and Komi to their feet. She released her grip on their hands in favor of wrapping her arms around them both. “Oh, yes yes yes yes!” she burbled. “Ohmigod, I was so nervous you guys, but you actually said yes!” Then she froze, and looked at Komi nervously. “Uh, you said yes too, right?”
Komi’s smile was as brilliant and stunning as Manbagi had ever seen it. “Yes,” she said, loud and clear.
Manbagi laughed in delight, and Tadano and Komi joined in. The three of them stood for a long moment, hugging each other, until embarrassment at the public display of affection forced Komi and Tadano to let loose. Manbagi couldn’t keep a smile off her face as she regarded her new boyfriend and girlfriend. “I think this calls for a drink. Let’s go get some hot chocolate. My treat!”
“Sounds good,” Tadano agreed. Komi nodded, also smiling.
The three of them left the park and headed toward a nearby restaurant. Being much more forward than Komi or Tadano, Manbagi slipped between the two of them and grabbed their hands as they walked. They both blushed yet again, and Manbagi giggled.
“Oh, this is going to be so much fun!”