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Problems with (the lack of) Feeling

Summary:

Legend tells of a god named Cupid. His power rivals that of the forces, and a singular shot of his bow can bring either immense disaster or something magnificent. It is said that when multiple arrows connect, they are linked with a red string - bonding two or more people with an everlasting romantic relationship.

It is quite ironic, however, that those who are not struck with this bow tend to fall under the label of “aro”.

Notes:

The main premise of this fic is Aromantic!Corbin. If any of the creators would prefer for me not to apply labels like this to their characters (or just don’t like any part of the fic in general) then I’ll immediately take this down👍.

P.S. Juniper, if you see this, please just take my headcannoning with a grain of salt and keep playing Corbin in the way that you want to! This is just me having some fun with character studies: it is in no way me pressuring y’all or saying stuff like “you should make Corbin be aromantic in canon”. This almost certainly wouldn’t happen anyway, but my anxiety demands that I mention it regardless.

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

Love is what makes you human. It binds everyone together with a tight string; unifying and constraining each person it touches. This force - the most powerful emotion in existence - is solidified by a red string on your finger that connects you to your other part(s).

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Corbin, contrary to popular belief, is very receptive to emotions - especially his own. The inferiority felt when thinking about his parents, the adoration he feels towards his friends, and the heart-wrenching pain that overtakes him whenever he lets his mind wander towards the topic of Estra. His emotions swirl like the hurricanes summoned in Band Lake. But they, too, are trapped beneath the surface by a thick coat of ice.

However, even the most hidden emotions are felt, and Corbin feels them more deeply than most.

Despite these sentiments, Corbin is still unable to do what is considered to be an essential part of life. He must have suppressed his emotions to the point of ruin, because no matter how hard he tries, Corbin can never feel romantic love.

✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦

Traveling with Fran, Slake, and Maeri has been a dream come true. The addition of Falen is a welcome one, and Corbin is elated with their growing party. The found family dynamic he has always dreamed of had finally come to fruition, and he couldn’t be happier. However, the addition of Falen also means more instances of PDA.

Corbin is delighted for Fran - don’t get him wrong - but whenever he looks at Fran and Falen curled up by the fire and holding hands, he can’t help but feel jealousy. Jealousy for what, he is a tad bit unsure of. He doesn’t want a romantic relationship with either Fran or Falen, so it must be that he wants a relationship of his own.

✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦

Seeing Aldin is always fun. His stand-offish attitude makes him fun to annoy, and it makes genuine moments all the more meaningful. Aldin is kind, courageous, and everything that Corbin should want in a significant other. So when Aldin starts inviting him to rather date-like meetings and reaches out to hold his hand on the way there, Corbin decides that rather than being uneasy and uncomfortable, the feeling in his stomach is due to the so called “butterflies” that people feel around their crush.

He was so busy trying to ignore his nausea and unease that he never noticed the arrow flying straight towards the hand connected to Aldin’s.

✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦

How he passed out from an arrow to the pinky, Corbin will never know. But what he is aware of is the abundance of red that greets him when he opens his eyes. At first, he attributed it to some strange sort of concussion or brain damage, but once his vision cleared and he could make out the shapes within the red, he realized that they were strings. Covering the floor of the forest, red strings were surrounding the makeshift bed where Corbin had set up camp.

After somewhat coming to terms with the plethora of threads surrounding him (Corbin was anything if not adaptable), he looked towards Maeri, whose slightly furrowed brows and tiny frown showed telltale signs of worry. Her hands were stretched out in front of her and her magic was producing a familiar feeling of contentedness. The golden aura faded, however, when she noticed that Corbin had awoken.

When the light dimmed and her hands were visible, Corbin immediately noticed the bright red string contrasting against the dark brown of her pinky. The string looked to be held together by a thread, but was somehow staying tied despite the rather pathetic knot. Trailing down from her pinky, Corbin could see the string mix in with the others littering the forest floors.

When Corbin was deemed healthy and intact apart from the possible visual impairments, he examined his surroundings once more before addressing his companion.

“Ummm, Maeri? Do you see those strings?”

The words were choked out like gravel - although that’s not much of a contrast from his normal voice - and strained from disuse. Making a mental note to drink some crow-tea later, Corbin turns his attention back towards Maeri. Her hands shift from the healing motions to those of her signs. The string followed along, swaying from the motions of Maeri’s actions.

‘Do you mean the strings of fate?’ Maeri pauses her signing to look at her hand and quickly points towards where her string lays slack before waiting for Corbin's response.

“Yeah - what’s up with those?”

‘I’ve only ever had other gods be able to see them. I’m pretty sure we aren’t supposed to talk about the strings to other people, but since you’re able to see them it’s probably fine. They’re referred to as the strings of fate, and they were made by Cupid to link a person to their true love slash loves. Did you just begin to see them after waking up?’

“Yup. I’m pretty sure the ground used to be brown.” Maeri quickly signs laughing, her eyes crinkling in amusement, before responding.

‘Okay. I guess the only thing we can do for now is make sure nothing bad comes out of your ability to see them, and maybe decipher the reasoning behind your newfound capabilities. I’ll be honest, I’m pretty excited that someone else is able to see them too. I’ve been wanting to talk about whose soulmate is whose with someone for a while now.’

Chatting with Maeri while walking back to the camp, Corbin felt at home.

✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦

Fran and Falen are connected, which is absolutely unsurprising to Corbin. Maeri has one string leading off towards where he’d assume New Estra is, and Slake has two strings leading off in separate directions. Everybody else he’s seen has strings, but Corbin is still unable to find one of his own. Chalking this up to a side effect of his newfound ability to see them, Corbin dismisses the issue and decides to ask Maeri about it later.

✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦

Considering his upbringing, Corbin is very familiar with arrows. The shooting range on Estra (albeit not being a place he frequented often) was quite popular, and there weren’t many citizens who couldn’t wield a bow. Even Slake - born in the Red Fields - holds mastery over the weapon. Despite his lack of practice with bows, Corbin’s spear is rather comparable to an arrow: the tip holds the same shape, and he could probably notch it if he really tried.

So when Maeri asked if he was “arrow” in response to his question about not having a string, Corbin could confidently say that he was in no way the accompaniment to a bow.

“Maeri - I’m a crow! First you say I’m human, and now I’ve been demoted to an arrow? Godhood has changed you…” Wiping a fake tear from his eye and clutching his boob window, Corbin continued on with his chattering. “I see why you might think that though, with the feathers at the end of arrows and all. But those feathers are from being a crow, Maeri: not an arrow.” Maeri, used to his antics, waited patiently like the angel she is for Corbin to finish. Once done, she raised her hands and started signing.

‘I meant the romantic orientation: aromantic. It means that you don’t feel romantic emotion. I don’t see any strings attached to you either, so I’ve always just kind of assumed that you were aro.’

“It probably just hasn’t shown up yet: I can’t imagine myself not being able to have a relationship. I’ve definitely had romantic feelings before - tons of crushes and stuff.”

‘Okay. You know you better than anyone else, Corbin.’

✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦

Only hours after Corbin had woken up, Aldin came to visit him. After all of the typical “how are you feeling”s and “I hope you heal quickly”s were exchanged, the conversation turned to what they were doing when Corbin was shot.

“Since we weren’t able to yesterday, would you want to go to the pond tomorrow instead?”

This was the perfect chance to prove to himself that he’s not aro. Hanging out with Aldin is always awesome, but based off tone and how things have been between the two of them, Corbin can pretty much tell that Aldin wanted this to be more than just a hang out session. So, mustering his notorious courage and bravado, he winked dramatically and exclaimed, “It’s a date!”

Almost immediately, Aldin started blushing. Looking off to the side to hide his face in typical tsundere fashion, Aldin reluctantly grumbled out a “I’ll see you tomorrow at noon, then,” before quickly walking away.

The dread didn’t kick in right away. Corbin was pretty much indifferent towards the situation for the first few minutes. But then his mind switched gears and he realized what had just happened. The entire vibe of the day switched in an instant, and he started feeling that same uneasiness in his stomach, but to a much higher degree.

Corbin, ever in touch with his emotions, quickly decided that these were first date nerves and continued on with his day. However, whenever his mind even started to drift towards Aldin, Corbin was overcome with dread. This was made worse by the fact that there weren’t any quests for Corbin to do. Without anything to focus on, Corbin quickly spiraled into thought, his mind running almost as fast as his horse form. Why wasn’t he excited or happy? He just scheduled a date with someone who is his ideal match: shouldn’t he be ecstatic? But instead of breaking out into a smile every time he thinks about Aldin, Corbin had to ignore the overwhelming sense of wrongness that had enveloped his entire being.

That night, for the first time in a while, Corbin cried.

✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦

From a young age, everyone on Avelis has been taught that romantic love is the greatest thing you’ll ever experience. Movies, books, and even the phrase “more than friends” all imply that romance is more important than any other relationship. Never being able to experience this amazing feeling scared Corbin more than Torva or any of the gods ever could. It was due to this fear that Corbin had immediately pushed the thought of being aromantic out of his mind, but it was getting harder and harder to keep up that belief when every encounter with Aldin leaves Corbin filled with trepidation and unease.

However, Corbin is quite the master at denial. After all, he’d managed to convince himself he wasn’t human for the vast majority of his life. And using these skills, Corbin told himself that he was only feeling this way because Aldin wasn't the person he was connected to (and Corbin was definitely connected to someone; he just couldn’t see his own string for some reason).

✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦

Once Corbin actually saw Aldin, he was able to push the anxiety out of his mind. Focusing on the interaction helped him to repress his worries, and the date was fun for the most part. However, on their way to the pond, Aldin hesitantly reached his hand out, and Corbin was immediately overwhelmed. Holding hands with his friends is awesome: 10 out of 10, would recommend. But as soon as there were romantic implications… well, that’s a different story.

So when Aldin reached out his hand, his string leading off towards the west, Corbin came up with what was probably the strangest handshake he’s ever done. Slap to the front, slap to the back, hammer fist over top and slide to the side, then transition into a mini crow flying away.

Aldin, dumbfounded, completely withdrew his hand and continued walking. This awkward silence, which would be devastating to most people, served as a time for Corbin to think through how he’s feeling and attempt to analyze his rather impulsive reactions to any romantic gesture on Aldin’s part. While it could be because he’s not connected to Aldin, Corbin reacts the same way with everyone he could (should) be romantically interested in. Back in Estra, Corbin was the only one who didn’t try to flirt at the party or in the shooting range. Corbin distinctly remembers thinking (if his life was a podcast, this might have been around the third episode) that he knows this romantic attraction is there, and he wants to feel it. But he couldn’t then, and he can’t now.

Corbin, for once a bit hesitant about what he wants to do, looks over to Aldin and blurts out the words he has been dreading before he has a chance to stop himself.

“Aldin, I think I might be aromantic.” Corbin immediately feels lightheaded. His stomach was turning and making it hard to think. Everything was muddy and clouded and swirling around, but there was also a very clear and welcoming feeling: almost like Maeri’s magic. He was worried about Aldin’s reaction, but he also felt a lot more at peace than he’s been in a while.

“Oh. That’s… okay.”

“Yeah - this is kind of the first time I’ve said that. And realized that. Well - more like come to terms with it, but that doesn’t matter.”

“Yeah - no. That’s, um… cool.”

Aldin was visibly thrown off, which makes sense considering the bomb Corbin had just dropped (on both Aldin and himself), but he seemed to be handling it better than expected, which Corbin is thankful for.

“Heck yeah - let’s hurry up and get to the lake, then. I bet I can beat you there!”

Aldin snorted at Corbin’s proclamation, and started jogging along after him.

✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦

Corbin is pretty upfront about most things, so he told his friends he was aro the second he saw them. Berger-Jerger is an incredibly supportive mother, so of course she was thrilled (especially considering the fact that now she doesn’t need to hunt down any people Corbin may have gotten into a romantic relationship with). Slake is always supportive, and Darius just glared from their shoulder, so those two’s reactions were pretty much what Corbin had expected. Maeri was thrilled, but also had a tiny bit of an “I told you so” attitude. Falen was pretty much just like “cool, bro.”, and Fran was Fran. Corbin imagines that Laika would probably say something along the lines of “that’s sick, Corbin - I’m so proud of you for figuring that out!”

Life after he came to terms with his aromantacism was like living from a whole different perspective. You never notice how much romance is encouraged and highlighted in daily life until you’re hyperaware of every mention. The strings covering the ground certainly don’t help, but Corbin is eventually able to tune them out. After about two days, things feel normal again. Every once in a while Corbin will feel jealousy towards Fran and Falen like he had previously. Now, however, with Corbin being more in tune with his own emotions, he realizes that this is just jealousy for the ability to feel romantic emotions - not him wanting one or more partners.

The phrase “I feel nothing” has become more of a joke among him and his friends, and every time Slake pulls out their bow, Corbin immediately starts making arrow puns. Life is good, and Corbin couldn’t be happier.

➶ ➶ ➶ ➶ ➶

Love is not essential to being human. It binds those who feel it with a tight string; unifying and constraining each person it touches. This force is solidified by a red string on your finger, but not everyone needs another half to be whole - and there are more relationships to life than an everlasting romantic bond.

Notes:

This totally wasn’t completely based on my own experiences, lol.