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The first time Anthony fell in love, he was certain he would marry Miss Molly Fraser. She was his governess and no five-year-old boy could love her more. She regaled him with tales of her homeland with a slight Scottish burr to her speech and he quite frequently told her her red hair was golden as the sun. He knew she loved him, too. According to his mother, he was the most perfect gentleman and any lady would be lucky to be loved by him. When Miss Fraser became engaged to one of their footmen, he was inconsolable and swore he would never love again.
The second time Anthony fell in love, he knew as a boy of ten, this time it was real. Sarah Southby had flaxen hair and endlessly deep blue eyes, like the lake near Aubrey Hall, he told her when in fact everyone knew the lake was a muddy grayish-green, but it should have been blue. Like her eyes. She paid him no mind despite his desperate attempts to win her affections by bringing her flowers from his mother’s garden at Aubrey Hall. When her family returned to town for the season in order to present her older sister to society, he became despondent. He wrote her love letters constantly but never received a reply.
By the age of seventeen, Anthony was sure he had been mistaken in his previous attempts. At five and then ten, surely a boy could not know his own heart and mind. But at seventeen, he was practically a man and he had been told his whole life, as the firstborn son of Viscount Bridgerton, it was in fact his duty to marry and produce an heir. Much like his father and grandfather had done before him. And much like his father, having had the example of his parent's marriage his whole life, he knew he could only make a love match.
Caroline St James, with hair dark like chocolate and green eyes, was petite and graceful; Anthony’s true love. Despite his best attempts, she patronized him much the same as Misses Fraser and Southby. He was yet to be a viscount, and despite her being fully out in society, he could not fathom why his attempts were rebuffed so. He knew she was being courted by a mere baron, but certainly, his heart and viscounty would win hers if only he could have a moment of her time alone so as to persuade her to his feelings. He knew she would not be able to resist his charm. When her engagement was announced, he walked listlessly on the grounds.
But maybe, after having loved so desperately three times, there was still indeed someone for him.
but you’ve already lost when you only had barely enough to hang on
Now, he knew, there was nothing to be said of the merits of a love match. He would marry for duty and duty only. His responsibility to his family was everything to him and that included the requirement to produce an heir. Love was not required for that particular duty as he was well familiar. Besides nothing could be stronger than the love he felt for his family – his mother, brothers, and sisters. His duty was, above all, to them.
When he declared this season would be the season he would take a wife, he believed it very reasonable to court and marry the diamond. One in her position could only understand too well the importance of such a match with or without love. The Viscount and the Diamond, it could be one of the tawdry novels his mother found so enchanting. But with only respect and possibly friendship, there would be no love lost there.
Until the morning he slowly cantered home from the brothel and encountered the woman who would change his life irrevocably.
when the world is hers and she held your eyes
Now lying in bed, Anthony could not help as his mind muddled over the events that had brought him here and he could not sleep. Not this night after his failed wedding to Edwina. Not this night when he finally felt freed from the ridiculous theater he had placed himself into. Not this night after finally having Kate in his arms, feeling her lips on his.
Now when all had broken open in front of him, he found he could not – would not! – regret finally allowing himself to see, to understand, to feel. As he allowed himself the luxury of finally imagining his future with her, with Kate, he knew he would never regret it, could never regret it. She was the balm of his soul, smelling of lilies and tasting of just a hint of the chai tea leaves she held so precious. And he would not let her go without a fight. Fight he knew she would, for she never saw herself the way he now acknowledged he did, saw what she deserved and denied herself. What he had denied himself for so long as well.
Love.
He would need help from his mother and likely Lady Danbury as well though he grimaced at the thought of asking them.
The next afternoon, Anthony entered his mother’s private sitting room, both elegant ladies of the ton already seated. He had not been in this room since his father died, the memory of them sitting together always sharply painful. However, it suited his need for somewhere private from the prying eyes and ears of his siblings.
“Mother, Lady Danbury, I wish to thank you for taking the time to sit with me, to discuss something I have recently realized as being very close to my heart,” he began, “I know the past days have been difficult and I can only express my most sincere apologies. It was never my intent to disrupt our lives so.”
“But disrupt them, you have,” Lady Danbury bit out with a sharp thwack of her cane.
“This I know and this I do regret. If there were anything in my power it would be to…,” he paused, “Start over and court Miss Sharma. Miss Kate Sharma.”
“Anthony…,” his mother started before he continued.
“But I cannot start anew. I made… regrettable choices and caused damage to those I care most about. But I believe, and hope you believe as well, in second chances. I will heed whatever advice you shall give me in my desire to court Kate.” He had used her given name intentionally, he wanted them to know how vital she was to him, to his heart.
Lady Danbury turned towards his mother, an eyebrow raised in question, “Well, this I was not expecting.”
“Nor I,” his mother replied, her voice soft. He could tell he had won at least her over; she wholeheartedly embraced the idea of him finding a love match.
“It may take time, you understand, Lord Bridgerton?” Lady Danbury asked, “The ton may not be so forgiving. In fact, I believe the first person you must win over will be Miss Edwina.”
Miss Edwina. He had scarcely given her thought. Not because he did not care, but precisely because he did. He regretted his actions toward her most desperately, second only to Kate. If anyone had caused the pain he had to Daphne, Eloise, Francesca, and his dear Hyacinth, even their riding headfirst into the duel would not stop him.
“What is it you would recommend?”
“Mama, must I?” Edwina begged.
“Oh, Edwina, I know how you grieve,” Lady Mary began.
“It is not that! I realize now Lord Bridgerton and I are not at all suited to one another,” she responded, “It is simply I am embarrassed how completely swept away I became.”
“Perhaps an honest conversation between you will do wonders for you both.”
Edwina sighed, slumping in a most unladylike manner on the chaise. Lady Danbury had joined Kate upon her daily walk with Newton, surprising all of them when she stated she would like to join Kate. After they left, Lady Mary quietly explained Lord Bridgerton had requested an audience with only her and they had not wanted to upset Kate with his arrival.
“Lord Bridgerton, my Lady,” Nicholas, the butler announced, standing to the side as their guest entered.
“Lady Mary, Miss Edwina,” he bowed to both as they stood to greet him, two small bouquets of peonies in his hand.
After a few moments of silence, Lady Mary began, “I shall sit just here.” As she sat, Anthony turned to Edwina.
“Miss Edwina, I must begin by saying how truly grateful I am you consented to allow me a few moments of your time.”
“Please, Lord Bridgerton, do sit. I believe this may take more than a few moments,” Edwina replied. He moved to sit on the open settee while she sat lightly on a wing-backed chair across from him.
“First, Miss Edwina, I know I do not deserve your forgiveness and please know I do not anticipate it either. But I must express my deepest regret for my actions and the circumstances of our betrothal. I can only ask if you might deign to listen to what I have realized in its wake. It is not an excuse, but it is a reason.”
Quietly, Anthony continued, telling her of the death of his father at eight and thirty and his own vow, having watched his mother drown in grief before him, love would play no part in his marriage. Telling her how he believed it possible or even likely he too would succumb at an early age and could not bear to cause that kind of pain to anyone he loved. Telling her how he had steeled his heart against any and all intrusion, of Siena, who he thought he might have loved, but in fact knew, with relief, it could have never been so. And finally, he told her of his deep and unexpected love for her sister, for Kate. How he grieved his mistakes having hurt her most of all.
With each precious truth, Anthony shared, Edwina felt her anger and embarrassment lessen. And when Lord Bridgerton lowered his head, tears in his eyes, she moved to sit next to him on the settee.
“My lord, it will be well! The truth is, as I now know, we are in fact unsuited to each other. And having seen the love you have in your eyes for my dearest sister, I wholeheartedly offer both my forgiveness and assistance.”
“Your assistance?” Anthony questioned.
“Of course, my lord, we must all work together because my sister is blind to everything she deserves,” Edwina smiled. For the first time, he truly saw Miss Edwina, the kindness in her eyes and the obvious love she had for her sister. She truly was a diamond.
As Anthony exited the Danbury home, he felt the sun really shine on his face for the first time since his father died. And he was grateful.
When he received his mother’s note that afternoon requesting his presence for a brief moment prior to dinner, he hoped she would have made progress in assessing the likelihood of scandal if he proceeded in his desire to court Miss Sharma.
“Mother?” he called, reaching her sitting room.
“Yes, dearest, thank you for coming. I wanted to warn you,” she began.
“Warn me? Whatever for?” he exclaimed.
“Because Anthony, we will need the help of all your siblings if we are to succeed and you will need to be as honest with them as you were with Miss Edwina today. Lady Mary said Miss Edwina was quite touched you would honor her with such a difficult truth.”
“Mother…”
“No, dearest, they will want to help you. Let them help you,” she continued. She stood before him, seeing both the man he had become and the young boy he once was. Placing her hands on his lapels, “You have lived the better part of your life for us, Anthony, please allow us to be there for you now.”
The words he had often thought of when working on budgeting for Colin’s next adventure or ensuring Francesca’s pianoforte and Gregory’s Latin tutors were paid, it was all for them. So he nodded, words tight in his throat.
As they sat for dinner, he spoke softly, feeling both stripped naked and relieved at the telling. Once Anthony began telling the truth, he found he could not stop.
“I love her, Miss Sharma. Kate,” he said, “but I need your help. All of your help.”
“You only had to ask, brother,” Benedict grinned.
“It would be wonderful to have another well-spoken, intelligent woman in the family,” Eloise added, “Two! As I shall be most grateful to get to know Miss Edwina as well. I understand she is very interested in philosophy.”
“If you marry her, will Newton come to live with us as well?” Hyacinth voiced. At this he laughed, feeling his burden lessening with each word. He neither wanted to nor could deny the relief he felt in knowing his family truly cared for his happiness as he had cared for theirs. They were with him and they would help navigate the tricky waters of the ton.
some things tie your life together, slender threads and things to treasure
When they received Lady Danbury’s invitation to promenade the next afternoon, there were murmured plans from all his siblings.
“Fret not, dearest,” his mother said, “The mamas have it all in hand.” That he did not doubt. He had come to them, laying himself bare for the first time in his life and they had gladly answered his plea. Now as they circled the park, Anthony felt himself at ease. It would be alright.
“Lady Danbury! Lady Mary! How pleasant to see you this afternoon! What a beautiful day,” Violet stated upon reaching their picnic, just loud enough for those around them to hear.
“My dear Lady Bridgerton, please do join us. It would be such a pleasure,” Lady Mary replied, “I know both my daughters would enjoy such company.” Anthony looked around for Kate, seeing her walking with Newton at the lake’s edge.
“My Lord Bridgerton, I wonder if I might have a moment,” Edwina intoned.
“Of course, Miss Edwina,” he replied. He did not know what she planned to say, but with a quick wink she assured him all was well. He offered her his arm as they moved along the path.
“Lord Bridgerton, I feel I owe you an explanation. You see, in that moment when you knelt to help my sister, I realized I could only ever have a brotherly affection for you. It would not be fair to either of us to attempt to make something more of the pleasantries between us.” Anthony listened as she continued, “I hope you can understand.” He realized clearly what it was she was doing in allowing them to be seen together, without malice and speaking loudly enough for the ton to retract their claws, paving the way for him.
“Of course, Miss Edwina, I have also come to realize I see you in the same regard I hold each of my sisters, with the utmost respect and I wish only for your continued happiness,” he answered, “and wholeheartedly agree we would not suit beyond that affection.”
“It has recently crossed my mind that I believe you would be much better suited in a match with my sister, Kate,” she giggled as if in jest. He grinned at her, truly a diamond indeed. Only the Queen herself could have navigated such a stunning reversal of public opinion. And he was grateful.
“Come, let us return to our mamas, I believe they have lemonade and cake at the ready.” When they returned, he found Kate sitting with Eloise, discussing a newly published book they were both eager to read. He filed away the name for later, hoping to gift it to both. Kate looked up at him as he bowed, her eyes questioning what exactly was happening. He simply smiled and greeted her, “Miss Sharma.”
“Lord Bridgerton,” she answered, looking from him to Edwina and back.
“Might I join you?” he inquired, seating himself next to Eloise.
“I do find Miss Sharma so refreshingly well-versed, Brother,” Eloise stated, “We should invite them back to Aubrey Hall for the end of summer soirée.” He looked at her, they had never had an end of summer soirée before. She winked at him.
“Of course, I know we would all be delighted to welcome you back,” he replied, addressing Kate, “I shall have my mother send the invitation immediately.”
“I’m sure we would all be most grateful. Aubrey Hall is quite lovely,” Kate answered.
“I am most anxious to return,” Eloise added, “The end of summer is a most wonderful time in the country, much quieter than Mayfair during the season. I believe Daphne and Augie will be joining us as well. Hopefully, you will be able to arrange for such a quick departure. Mama wanted to leave tomorrow.”
Anthony could not help looking at Kate, watching her as she swung her head between them, looking quite perplexed. As he watched her the rest of the afternoon, he could tell she was quite determined to figure out exactly what was going on. Seeing as he himself was somewhat in the dark as well, he believed the mamas to have it well in hand and would indeed keep her guessing.
Gentle Reader, It has reached this author’s attention that the Queen’s Diamond, Miss Edwina Sharma, herself announced to the ton she could not love her former betrothed any more than a brother and upon realizing this quickly hastened to end their betrothal. But could she have other aims as a matchmaker? Miss Edwina also declared it is her sister, Miss Kate Sharma, who would in fact be better suited to a match with none other than Viscount Bridgerton himself…
“The Bridgerton family end of summer soirée is rarely opened to guests,” Lady Danbury declared in the carriage during their long journey to the country, “We are most fortunate to have secured such a prestigious invitation.”
“I am most excited!” Edwina added. Kate could not hide her surprise.
“What has precipitated this dramatic change of mind, Bon? Yesterday during promenade, you looked quite pleased to be speaking with Lord Bridgerton…” Kate asked.
“It is simply that I have realized forgiveness is good for the soul and wished to convey this to him directly,” Edwina answered, “I do not believe Lord Bridgerton really knew his mind any more than I did. We are both at fault.” Kate blinked at her. In the past three days, Edwina had gone from refusing to speak to her to a complete and full acceptance of the circumstances of the dissolution of the betrothal. Kate was bewildered.
“Bon…, that is wonderful,” she added quietly, “I am happy for the peace you have found.”
“Oh, yes! In fact, I believe I shall fully enjoy Pall Mall this time, without having to worry about Lord Bridgerton’s reactions to me,” she giggled. When the carriage reached Aubrey Hall, Kate was stunned to see every member of the Bridgerton family waiting to greet them, including it seemed, Simon, the Duke of Hastings. When the footman opened the door, she found Anthony there, hand ready to greet each of them upon exiting.
“Miss Sharma,” he bowed.
“Lord Bridgerton,” she answered, his hand lingering a little longer with hers than the others.
“Please allow me to introduce the Duke of Hastings, as I believe you have not had the opportunity to meet him.”
“No, my lord,” then curtsying, “Your Grace, it is a pleasure.”
“I assure you, the pleasure is entirely mine,” Simon said, a twinkle in his eye that Kate could not identify. She knew he and Anthony had long been friends, despite some contention during his courtship of Daphne. “Please call me Simon as none of us here are so on airs to be addressed formally.”
“Kate! It is so good to see you,” Hyacinth crowed, “I have missed Newton.”
“You just saw him yesterday!” Kate laughed.
“It was a dreadfully boring journey,” Hyacinth shrugged.
“Please let me escort you to your rooms,” Lady Bridgerton interrupted, “I believe it was likely a long journey for our guests as well, Hyacinth dear.” As Violet let them to the rooms they had previously occupied, she spoke again. “We are so delighted you could come! Truth be told, the end of summer soirée is most often a family party, but I do feel ever so strongly you have all become very nearly family as well. I only hope this may continue.”
“Of course, we feel the exact same,” Edwina answered, “It is so wonderful to be with you all again.” Again Kate could only blink at her sister. Whatever was going on?
“We will begin the evening tonight in the orangery, followed by dinner. In the meantime, please refresh yourselves and if you should need anything, please do not hesitate.”
Kate continued to be bewildered as she made her way to join the evening’s events. Neither Edwina nor her mother had waited for her to join them prior to leaving their rooms for the soirée. They had encouraged her to wear a new dress the modiste had tailored for her and just finished prior to their leaving for Aubrey Hall, a rich and almost royal purple, with elegant stitched flowers creeping upwards.
“Oh, Kate! I know it is not as fashionable as the light colors of the season, but you look more yourself in these bold colors,” Edwina had fussed when she tried to put on a lighter color. “You are bold! Be bold!”
And again later when she asked for her hair to be tied up, Edwina exclaimed to their ladies’ maid, “No, it should be softer! I believe a long curl down the side and some soft ringlets around her face.” Kate stared at her. Edwina had never opposed or voiced any opinion regarding Kate’s hair or what she wore. Or anything really.
And now, as she entered, there appeared to be no one present other than herself in the orangery, beautifully lit with candles. And lilies, in vases and baskets all over among the other fragrant blooms. Someone must have purchased every lily in the southern half of England in order to fill the room so. It was overwhelming. How she loved lilies… But still, nothing appeared to make sense and standing there, she sighed, what in the world was going on? As she turned to leave, she heard him.
“Miss Sharma,” Anthony began. She turned to face him, curtseying quickly.
“My lord,” she replied. He moved closer to her, hands clasped behind his back, looking dashing – though she would certainly never tell him – in his fine coat, the cravat tied neatly at his neck and she noticed, his waistcoat in a similarly deep purple matching her gown.
“I am quite confused…”
“You look lovely…” Both broke into smiles as they attempted to speak over the other.
“My apologies, what is it you were trying to say?” Anthony asked, stepping closer to her.
“Only that I am most confused as to where everyone else is,” she answered. He took another step closer.
“Ah, I am afraid that is my doing,” he began, “I asked them for a moment alone with you.”
“And my mama and Lady Danbury agreed?” she exclaimed.
“Only a moment,” he chuckled, stepping closer still, adding softly, “Do you know why I asked for lilies to fill the orangery?” She shook her head. “Because of you, because of your scent. It has remained imprinted in my mind since the first night of the Conservatory Ball on that terrace. Lilies…” He stepped forward again, his eyes searching hers.
“I love you. I’ve loved you from the moment we raced each other in that park. I’ve loved you at every dance; on every walk, I've loved you every time we’ve been together and every time we’ve been apart.
“You do not have to accept it, you do not have to embrace it or even allow it. Knowing you, you probably will not. But you must know it, in your heart. You must feel it because I do. I love you.”
Kate looked at him, tears shining in her eyes, “I do not know what to say…”
“You do not have to say anything.”
“I do not think there is anything else to say other than I love you, too,” she replied.
Anthony’s eyes widened. “You…, he began, stepping closer again, “I want a life that suits us both. I know I am imperfect, but I will humble myself before you because I cannot imagine my life without you. And that is why I wish to marry you.”
“You do know,” she smiled, “there will never be a day where you do not vex me?”
“Is that a promise, Kathani Sharma?” Her eyes widened. Hardly anyone knew her full name, much less called her by it.
“Yes! Yes, it is a promise,” she answered.
“Well, it seems the two of us are finally seeing eye-to-eye on something,” he grinned.
“I suppose we are.” In that moment, she launched herself into his arms and kissed him with every ounce of joy she could muster.
and she pulled you in, and she bit your lip, and she made you hers
And then cheers erupted all around them, forcing them apart. “What is going on?” she gasped. He chuckled.
“You see, I could not do this alone. I had to ask our families, those who are so important to us both, for some assistance,” he answered as both their families came in after peaking through the windows to watch them. Edwina ran to her, throwing her arms around Kate.
“Oh, Didi, I am so happy!”
“You are…?” Kate was stunned.
“Kate, I have only ever wished for you the same things you wished for me! Now, be the sister I know you are. Be funny and feeling and brave. Let your light shine brightly.” The tears Kate had been holding at bay spilled over at this.
“Thank you, Bon,” she whispered.
Gentle Reader, It seems Miss Edwina Sharma has a talent for matchmaking indeed. After bolding proclaiming her former betrothed would be more suited to courting her sister, it seems just that has occurred. With even Her Majesty the Queen supporting the match, Lord Anthony Bridgerton and Miss Kate Sharma are engaged! It seems the magic of the Bridgerton love match continues as this author has never seen a man so devoted to his intended. Could Miss Edwina’s luck remain with rumors of a certain Prince of Prussia returning to visit his aunt?
Though it is the wedding of the season, do not look for an invitation as this author has learned a small ceremony in the orangery at Aubrey Hall has been planned. We may not see these lovebirds for some time as they honeymoon on the Continent…
Anthony stood in the orangery, in the very spot he had proclaimed his love for Kate mere weeks before, waiting for her to enter. He looked around at each of his family, to Kate’s family, gratitude welling in his chest for each of them. When she entered, he could feel his trembling hands still as his beloved, resplendent in red silk and gold flowers, entered. Brides, he had learned, wore red in India for blessings, prosperity, and most appropriately he thought passion. Miss Edwina had worn white on their ill-fated wedding day and it suited her, but seeing Kate in such brilliant colors filled his soul. She was everything he ever dreamed he could want and infinitely more.
As the wedding proceeded, he clasped her hands, the intricately beautiful designs of her henna markings only amplifying the unique beauty she was. He studied the curve of her lips, the curl of her hair, and the deep warmth of her eyes. Nothing was more important than this moment, being here with Kate. And she was his. Forever.
and she combed your hair, and kissed your teeth and she made you better than you’d been before
What Anthony did not realize on his wedding day was that his love for Kate would only grow and evolve with time. He fell in love with her again every day, in every way; on big days such as when she bore his children and on those days when they simply walked hand in hand through the orangery, lilies always present.