Work Text:
Kinn is young when he meets Tae and Time, too young to know responsibility and the weight of the world that they live in. When they meet they are just children, innocent and unbothered.
He remembers the warm, shy smile that Tae gave him and the mischievous toothy grin of Time’s. He remembers giving a smile of his own back to the two boys that will become his best friends. They cause trouble and laugh and whisper together and Kinn even if he is still young wants this to last forever.
They are eighteen when Tae and Kinn sit on the latters bed and Tae whispers of love, of dreams of friends becoming lovers, of hope and new feelings he has for Time.
His smile is still the same as the one he gave Kinn all these years ago, although the teenager has lost his shyness. Tae has become a self-confident young man, but his smile is still as warm as ever. Kinn smiles back, as wide as his friend. He thinks of Time, always goofing off with a smile on his face, his other best friend, and trusts him to keep the other most important person in their life happy. He never was good at trusting the right people when he was young.
It is when they are twenty and Tae’s and Time’s relationship is still young that Kinn sees the smile on Tae’s face be replaced with a frown, his confidence be replaced with ever-consuming doubt.
They are twenty and Tae comes to Kinn in tears.
They are twenty when Time first cheats and Kinn holds Tae through the heartbreak wishing he could see the warm smile of his best friend once again. Kinn punches Time for the betrayal, hurting along with his friend.
They are twenty when Kinn says to Tae that he should break-up with him for the first time.
Time promises that this was only a one-off and won’t happen again.
Somehow, when they are twenty it’s enough.
They are only twenty-one when Tae crumbles in Kinn’s arms again. It was not a one-off.
They are twenty-one when Time cheats again.
They are twenty-one when Kinn asks Time why and the other boy doesn't give him an answer. Kinn hates him at that moment.
They are twenty-one when drunk Time gives his best grin and says that Kinn is his best friend and Kinn is reminded of the boy that he once knew. Afternoons spent chasing around his garden, bothering Tankhun and bullying Kim together, laughs and secrets shared. He somehow understands in that moment why Tae can’t leave, not when underneath is still a boy with toothy, mischievous grin that held Kinn’s hand throughout all of the duration of his first day at school, the boy that gently took care of Tae’s knee when he scraped it while playing with them. The boy that is still their silly, lovable, goofy best friend. Kinn both loves and hates him at that moment and he doesn’t know how to deal with this.
They are twenty-two when Tae comes to Kinn at three am in tears. Kinn gathers him in his arms, the action as familiar to him as breathing. The boy in his arms breaks down even more.
“He didn’t come home, he- he, he always comes home Kinn.” The words are pushed out between sobs and Kinn wants to sob with him. “He can have whoever he wants on the side, if I’m not enough, but he always comes home, comes back to me. What if he leaves me Kinn?”
He bitterly thinks that maybe it would be the best thing that Time could do, Tae deserves better anyway. He doesn’t bother telling him that or that Tae should be the one to leave. Knows already how this discussion will end and by now has learnt to accept and respect Tae’s choice to stay. What he says is “C’mon, you know you are more than enough. Now, we can’t send you home in tears. What will people say, today you will sleep with me, okay?”.
Tae hesities and Kinn ads “No funny business though, sorry but I’ve seen you when you were fifteen and drunk as shit crying over the fact that snakes don’t have arms, which is a fucking ridiculous thing to cry over even drunk.” The boy laughs a little and Kinn smiles. Honestly sometimes he wished he could fall in love with Tae.
It would make sense and would be so fucking easy, he clould be good for Tae. But he hasn’t, somehow his heart couldn’t co-operate, not to mention that Tae’s was already Tine’s.
“It was very sad at the time, also you cried that dogs don’t understand the concept of time and you weren’t even drunk. You have nothing on me mister.”
They both tease each other all the way to the bed where they lie beside each other. For a few moments they just hold onto each other and the room is quiet, spare for their breaths. Tae breaks the silence with a simple “thank you”. Kinn just smiles and the boy smiles back, his smile as warm as ever. They both pretend they don’t feel the gaping space their other friend created.
Since then Tae pretends that he doesn’t fall apart every time his boyfriend has a new fling as long as he comes home, back to him. And on the rare nights he doesn’t, he lets himself cry in Kinn’s bed as his childhood friend holds him as strong as if he could put all the pieces Time broke together. By now all of Kinn’s bodyguards know to just let him in without any trouble.
In the light of the day they don’t speak about it and pretend it is normal. Somehow this becomes their normal.
They are still twenty-one when Kinn falls in love. He trusts Tawan with all his heart and both of his friends are happy to see him in love, so careless and free with his feelings like they haven’t seen him since he had to become his father's heir. But Kinn was still young and he still wasn’t good at trusting the right people.
At twenty-three does Kinn learn to not trust anyone. It hurts as if someone has ripped his heart out and he doesn’t know how Tae can do this over and over, again. This time it is him who crumbles and both of his friends are there to hold him as he cries the remains of the carefreeness and trust in the people he had out. They spend the night with him. When Time falls asleep, Kinn turns to Tae and asks “How could you come back to him after all of that?”
His friend sends him a sad smile. Kinn can’t reciprocate this one, he doesn’t really smile that much lately. Doesn’t really let himself. Tae answers him anyway “I just can’t imagine not loving him”
Kinn doesn’t know how that feels, he knows he can’t imagine loving Tawan after what he did, but at twenty-three he promised he won’t allow himself to be that way. To trust somebody again to Kinn has become to let them betray him. To love is to be betrayed and Kinn has seen it throughout his whole life and this was his final proof.
At twenty-five Porsche enters his life and in the way only Porsche can, proves him wrong. His heart opens again and he wants to trust and be carefree again, wants to be a man worth Porsche. Wants to be someone he would want to love, a better man and starts to think that maybe not all love means betrayal.
Porsche was different and loving him was somehow the easiest thing Kinn could do.
The love of his life was asleep beside him when Tae came at three in morning with tear tracks on his pretty face. A mirror of barely twenty-two year old him that came here for the same reason, Time hasn’t come home again.
Kinn woke up as soon as he heard noises, Porsche had a tiring day so Kinn couldn’t find it in himself to even be surprised that the normally alert bodyguard hadn’t risen from his slumber.
When Tae saw that he wasn’t alone in bed his face twisted.
“I’m sorry, I should have known Porsche would be here” the man whispered probably remembering that one night when they were twenty-two and he came to Kinn for his usual comfort only for Tawan to demand Kinn send him back to his flat and then was mad at Kinn for two weeks because he didn’t. After that for the whole duration of his relationship with Tawan, Tae hasn’t come to him. Kinn tried to pretend it was because Time hadn't been as shitty at that time, but he knew better and the guilt of that still hasn’t faded.
But Porsche wasn’t Tawan. So Kinn made a gesture for his friend to come closer and gently started to wake up his boyfriend. He made it look as if he was sure of what he was doing for Tae’s sake but his heart was in his throat.
Porsche’s eyes started to flutter and Kinn hoped that this time was different. This time has to be different.
“Porsche, darling, Tae is here.” He whispered in his softest voice and his boyfriends brows scrunched up in confusion.
“Tae?” Porsche, still halfway asleep, mumbled and after Kinn confirmed that he heard right he looked up to see the man standing awkwardly next to their bed. “I’m sorry Tae, you are very pretty, but me and Kinn aren’t really into threesomes.” His words drew smiles from both men.
“Oh, we aren’t?” Kinn was teasing. All of them were aware of that. Just as all of them were aware that Tae didn’t come here for a threesome. Kinn was also aware that even if Tae was amused by his boyfriend he still was unsure, ready to bolt at any moment.
“No we aren’t and if you tried to touch anybody else, you would end up without hands and you know that. I don’t share what is mine.“ Porsche smiled still somewhat sleepily but slowly waking up. “And don’t you pretend that you would let anybody else touch me, mister Your life is mine .”
“Well I don’t share either.” Porsche smiled even wider and sat up to peck Kinn on the lips.
“Good.” Both of the men just sat in the bed for a few moments smiling and feeling warm and in love. That is until they hear quiet sniffles and are reminded of the man next to their bed. “Oh shoot, no, Tae, man, don’t cry. Maybe me and Kinn will become old and boring and one of those weird, wealthy couples that suddenly needs spice in their life and decides that threesome will fix their problems, you must know you will be our first choice then. I mean look at you, you are a catch, man! And if I hadn’t dated Kinn, I would think about it, because c’mon this body with your amazing style and that pretty angel face?”
His boyfriend was blabbering nervously and Kinn shouldn’t find it as endearing as he did but Tae started letting out giggles between his tears so he was good.
“Porsche, darling, shh.” As endearing as it was, Kinn still didn’t know if Porsche would be okay with the reason for why his friend really came here in the middle of the night, and he had to know. “Tae came here just to sleep. Sleep, sleep.”
“Why?” Porsche looked between two of them. “I mean, I’m all for cuddling the homies and this bed is big enough for five people, so of course I don’t mind, but why?
Both Kinn and Tae looked at eachother at the same moment. It was on Tae if he would tell Porsche or not, if he didn’t want to, Kinn wouldn’t say a word.
“Time is not home” Tae mumbled and looked away from the two men.
“Oh, some business trip? I understand, I also can’t sleep when Kinn isn’t here, c’mon, get your angel face over here.” Porsche lifted the covers and patted the space next to him in an inviting gesture.
Kinn breathed out a sigh of relief, of course Porsche wouldn’t mind if Kinn wanted to comfort his friend and wouldn’t throw his crying friend out. Porsche was good like that. It was also an out for Tae to keep the real reason a secret. Porsche, ever curious, still knew when to be mindful and wouldn’t pry.
But even Tae it seems wasn’t immune to his boyfriend's warm smiles and comforting presence. As he settled next to the pair, the three of them still sitting, he blurted out.
“More like he’s busy sticking his business in someone else's ass” Porsche’s eyes widened and Kinn laid a comforting hand on Tae’s knee who as if a dam broke in him started crying again, which made Kinn wrap his arms around him. Tae hid his face in Kinn’s chest as his body was wrecked by sobs and Kinn was whispering quiet reasurencess as he kept holding his friend. This was familiar to them, the one constant in their hectic lives.
“Bastard” Both of the men looked at Porsche, who’s eyes had a fire in them, as if he could burn the whole world just by looking at it. Kinn believed he could. Tae tensed and Kinn once again was reminded of Tawan and the fear in him was back, again. It was short lived though because Porsche’s eyes without losing the fire softened when he looked at Tae and he tenderly started petting the man’s hair. “Shhhh, that bastard isn’t worth your pretty tears.”
Tae unfolded and all the tension left his body as he just leaned more into Kinn while letting Porsche pet his hair and comfort him with his words.
“We can cut his dick, right Kinn?” All Kinn could do was lean his body on Porsche, hold Tae tighter and nod. “Yeah we will cut his dick, and we will get Tankhun involved with planning revenge. You know how extra he is and he must have some great ideas with how many romance dramas he watches.”
Porsche spent at least an hour describing all the ways they could make Time regret that he was even born before all three of them started yawning.
They lied down, Tae between the pair as if he was their son coming to their room for comfort after a nightmare. As he was falling asleep Kinn caught his boyfriend’s eyes.
Kinn is twenty-five and all he can feel is love.
Kinn is twenty-five and understands the words that Tae whispered when they were twenty-three. He also can’t imagine not loving Porsche. But maybe young Kinn wasn’t good at trusting the right people, but this one is. This one found the perfect man to trust with his heart.
Kinn is twenty-five and he falls asleep with a gentle smile on his face, trusting that his heart and his smile belong to the right person.