Chapter Text
Catra remembers the moment she realised. The oh shit moment. The moment when suddenly, through no fault of her own, she was looking at Adora differently. Adora was chopping onions, tears streaming down her face and Catra had grabbed a damp cloth to wipe her eyes.
“Why aren’t you wearing those stupid goggles that Glimmer got you?”
“Because you make fun of me when I wear them!”
“I wouldn’t be me if I wasn’t making fun of you. Do you want me to lose myself Adora? Is that what you want?” Catra grinned, letting the cloth drop from Adora’s eyes to wipe the tears from her cheeks.
“Never,” Adora smiled, reaching up to squeeze the hand Catra had at her cheek. And it made Catra want, a want that she’d never felt before. She burned with it, an overwhelming desire to shift onto her tip-toes and press her lips against Adora’s. She handled it maturely of course, by throwing the cloth in Adora’s face and calling her an idiot. And then she buried the feeling, as deep as she could. She was not so basic as to be one of those lesbians who pines for their best friend. Except fast forward a year and it turns out, she was. She was hopelessly in love with Adora and Adora was going on a date.
“It’s not a date!” said Adora for the dozenth time.
“It’s dinner and a movie Adora, I know you’re not this clueless,” Catra groaned.
“It’s a movie that we both have to see for class. She just asked if I wanted to get food after. The movie’s at 7pm, obviously we’ll be hungry after.”
Catra tracked Adora from her position upside down on the couch as Adora searched frantically around the lounge room.
“That’s the college version of dinner and a movie. It’s not just me saying these things Adora, you’ve watched tv, right?”
“You’ve shared this compelling theory with me several times, and now I’m running late. Have you seen my phone?”
“It’s in your pocket,” Catra grumbled.
Adora stilled, feeling around her pockets while looking at Catra with disbelief.
“How long ago did you notice that?” she asked as she fished it out.
“Just now, when you asked.”
“Catra.”
“Twenty minutes ago.”
“Catra what the hell?” said Adora, shaking her head as she pulled open the front door. “Have a good night I guess.”
“You too,” Catra replied quietly.
Adora gave her a small smile and pulled the door behind her.
“Remember to wear lip gloss for all the kissing!” Catra shouted, and grinned when she heard a groan. Her smile faded almost immediately though. Whether Adora thought so or not, she was going on a date, and Catra could barely stand it. She flipped herself right way up on the couch and considered her options for the evening.
Get drunk? No, that risked untimely declarations of love.
See Scorpia? Nope, that risked talking about feelings.
Mindless destruction? That had potential…
Catra was using her claws to crochet when she heard Adora at the front door, searching for her keys. She quickly shoved the wool under the couch cushion and turned the tv on. Flinging a leg over the arm of the couch and slouching, she tried to look engrossed in whatever public television had to offer. Catra kept her eyes forward as the key turned in the lock and the door opened.
“Catra?” Adora called out. Catra waited until Adora was practically in front of her.
“Hmm? Oh, hey Adora,” Catra stretched casually. “When did you get in?”
Adora rolled her eyes. “My hearing might not be as good as yours but I know you only just turned the tv on. Waiting up for me?” she teased. “Did I break curfew? Am I going to lose my car privileges?”
“I was muting the ads.”
Adora looked pointedly at the ad for toothpaste blaring on the tv.
“I’m very interested in that product,” said Catra, quickly shutting the tv off. “So how was your night? Was she respectful? Do I need to fight her?”
“Um… you were right I guess” said Adora, rubbing the back of her neck.
I’m dying, Catra thought. I’m going to die. They’re in love and they’ll get married and I’ll have to be a bridesmaid.
“You owe me $20” she managed instead.
“We didn’t make a bet”.
“I made it for the both of us, pay up”.
“You’re impossible,” Adora smiled softly.
“Have it your way,” Catra smirked. “I’ll just take it out of your wallet”.
Adora dropped onto the couch next to Catra and slouched down as low as she could. “Why am I so bad at this?”
“Bad at what? What happened?”
Adora shrugged “The movie was fine.”
“Ok, then what happened?”
“Things seemed normal at first, but then the café she suggested was low lit and had someone playing acoustic guitar…”
Catra snorted “Well that is a terrible way to woo you.”
“Oh yeah? How would you woo me then?” Adora’s expression wasn’t her usual shit-eating grin, it was… hopeful?
Catra cleared her throat, she was imagining things, surely. “Finish your story.”
“The food was really good, so I thought ok, that’s why we’re here, but then she kissed me and…”
Catra waited an agonising ten seconds while Adora stared off into space before choking out a strained “And?”
Adora sighed, not noticing Catra’s downward spiral, “I pulled away. It was awkward. She was embarrassed, I was embarrassed.”
For a moment Catra’s ridiculous heart soared.
Suck shit Adora’s dumb classmate.
And then she remembered.
You’re just a friend to her. Say something Bow would say.
“So, what are you bad at exactly?”
“I don’t know. Knowing what people are thinking, I mean you knew! I didn’t want to hurt her feelings. I just don’t really get why she did that.”
“Kissed you, you mean?”
Adora nodded, her cheeks flushed.
“You’re hot, dummy.” Adora’s cheeks flushed darker and Catra’s heart began to hammer. Adora was so pretty when she blushed…
Yeah, that’s not something Bow would say.
“Was she pretty?” Catra heard herself ask.
Why would you say that? cried Catra's brain.
“Yeah,” Adora shrugged.
“So would it be so bad to go on a few dates?”
Seriously! Why are you doing this?
“I don’t want to date someone just for the sake of dating someone, you know that. I want something that feels right,” said Adora.
That was something at least, the agony of watching Adora with someone else was still on hold. Adora shifted closer and dropped her head onto Catra’s shoulder “I’ll know her when I find her.”
And there it was, the sentence that broke Catra’s heart. The sentence that, every time Catra heard it, reminded her that there was no chance that Adora felt the same way that she did. Adora was waiting for ‘her’ to arrive, she wasn’t interested in the woman who had been sitting in front of her the entire time, and she never would be.