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ONE
“Hey Tsukki, do you believe in soulmates?”
They are lying on the hill behind Shinzen High School. Above them, they can see an occasional star; around them, cicadas scream.
“You mean, like there’s one predestined person for everyone? No.”
“Wow, you didn’t even have to think about it.”
“No, because it’s ridiculous? There’s no deity in charge of who we fuck.”
Kuroo is mildly surprised to hear this language coming from a first year, even one as cool as Tsukishima.
“Not a deity, just…magic. Destiny.”
“Tch.” Tsukishima makes a cute little scornful sound. He’s….pretty cute in general, really. Too bad he’s fifteen. “Destiny. The world doesn’t work like that. It’s just coincidence, and like, people stumbling around making bad decisions. There’s no fate.”
“You’re pretty cynical, you know that?”
Tsukishima is quiet for a minute, before he answers, “Yeah.”
TWO
“So, Tsukki!!! Are you ready for tomorrow? The Trash Can Showdown! Our fated battle! Our destiny fulfilled! From birth, the stars have foretold this moment! We’re, um, we’re…hey Yaku, what’s the opposite of soulmates?”
“Enemies? Arch-nemesis..es?”
Kuroo shrugs, and turns back to Tsukishima. “Soul-enemies! That’s us.”
Tsukishima looks at him, deadpan. “That’s the dumbest thing I ever heard.”
“Well, it’s a bit lacking in poetry. I’m still workshopping the phrasing. Uh, soul-rivals, soul-opponents. Soulponents.”
“Okay, now that’s the dumbest thing I ever heard. By all means, keep going.”
“Hey, if soulmates are real, why can’t soulponents be real?”
“Soulmates aren’t real.”
“Says you. You’re just young and naive. When you find your match, then you’ll understand.”
For the first time, Tsukishima looks thrown off. “Have you found your…match?” His eyes are very intent.
“Well, no. But it’s only a matter of time! I have faith!”
Tsukishima smiles, wry and mean and frankly, pretty hot. “Let me know how that goes.”
THREE
“Tsukishima?” Kuroo winds his way through the stands of Tokyo gymnasium. “Is that you? Holy shit!”
College Tsukishima (Kuroo heard from Sawamura he was at Sendai University) looks….different. A little taller, a lot more filled out. Longer hair. And with an air of calm self-assurance that’s miles away from his high-school self.
“Kuroo-san.” Tsukishima nods, just short of a bow.
“Can I join you?” Kuroo resists the impulse to show off by jumping over the seats; he’d probably fall on his face. “Are you here for Karasuno? Why are you sitting up here by yourself?”
“Yamaguchi and some of the others are a few rows down.” Tsukishima nods towards a big, loud group of orange-clad alum. “I needed a break.”
“And thus, we meet again. Must be fate.” Kuroo grins, hoping that Tsukishima still remembers the arguments they used to have.
Tsukishima rolls his eyes, but he’s smiling. “Not this again.” Damn, he is really cute. Kuroo finds himself feeling a little flustered.
“Well, look! We’ve found each other in this stadium of… uh, how many people does this stadium hold? Anyway. We’ve found each other in this stadium full of people! What are the chances? It’s because we are destined…uh…soul-enemies or something, I forget the word.”
“Soul-ponents,” says Tsukishima dryly. “And yes, who would have thought that you, a volleyball player, would meet me, another volleyball player, at a volleyball tournament where we’ve both played before and where our previous teams are currently playing?”
“Eh, when you put it like that, it’s no fun! I prefer to think that the universe has brought us together for a reason!”
“To piss me off?” Tsukishima doesn’t look pissed. He looks amused.
“Only time will tell! The ways of the cosmos are mysterious to us mere mortals. We may never know to what purpose the universe brought us together, in this place, at this time!” Although hopefully, he thinks to himself, it’s so I can get your number.
“You’re ridiculous,” Tsukishima smirks. “Shut up and watch the game.”
FOUR
“To be honest, I always hated that plotline. Why would he give up so easily?”
At Tsukishima’s suggestion, they are in a bookstore; at Kuroo’s suggestion, they are in the manga section, discussing (of all things) Fruits Basket.
“Because! He knew it wasn’t meant to be! Her and Kyo have all this history. It’s…” Kuroo grins. “It’s fate!”
“Bullshit. She and Momiji had fun together; they’d be happy and drama-free!”
“Now, that’s bullshit. Look at Momiji’s past. You don’t think that’s gonna have to be dealt with at some point?”
“Fine, fine, I acknowledge that they are all seriously fucked up. But at least Momiji made her laugh! Kyo is just surly, why would she even like him?”
I don’t know, thinks Kuroo. Why do I like YOU?
“Because she knows,” he says out loud. “She feels it. They’re soulmates.” In a gentler, more thoughtful tone, he adds, “She fell in love. You can’t fight that.” In his mind, it echoes: I can’t fight it.
“Bullshit.” Tsukishima is fired up now. “People have choices. You might not be able to control your…pantsfeelings, but you can control how much you wallow in it. You can control how much you focus on somebody. Falling in love is a choice like any other.”
Kuroo looks at him for a moment. “Have you ever been in love?” he blurts out.
“No,” Tsukishima answers quickly, but he won’t meet Kuroo’s eyes. “We’ve talked about this, I don’t have time for that shit.”
“So you’ve said.” And I believe you, he thinks. At least I believe that you believe it.
Otherwise, what would I be waiting for?
***
“Here’s the thing, though,” says Tsukishima later, as they sit in Kuroo’s favorite coffee shop. “If destiny is real, then what about free choice?”
“We have free choice. Damn, this is a good scone.”
“How can we, though? Like, take your soulmate theory. If someone is your predestined soulmate, then isn’t it like you’re forced to be together? Doesn’t that take the romance out of it?”
Kuroo takes another bite of his scone, to buy time. “I don’t think it’s quite like that. It’s not a thing you can’t go against. Maybe it’s more like…the current of a river. You can paddle in any direction you want. But if you just sit back and let it carry you, then…that’s where you end up. That’s destiny.”
“Hmm.” Tsukishima considers. “I’ll admit, that analogy makes it seem a little better.”
“Ha! Try this scone, it’s amazing. This scone is your destiny. Allow yourself to drift along the river of fate and be carried to the arms of your true love. Or in this case, carried to the arms of this scone.”
“You’re ridiculous,” says Tsukishima. “I will try the scone because I choose to. From my own free will. Damn, this is good, what is this?”
PLUS ONE
“So,” says Tsukishima over ramen. “There’s something I should tell you. I, um. I started seeing someone.”
For a moment, the world seems to slow. Kuroo can feel the blood leave his face, the panic rush through his veins. Adrenaline?
“Oh,” he says stupidly, and then the world resumes its natural pace. “Um. Good for you! Um, for how long?”
“Just a couple dates.” Tsukishima seems to be watching carefully for Kuroo’s reaction.
“And, uh…how’s it going?” Shit, why did I ask that? I don’t want to know.
“Fine, I guess. It’s still early.”
Have you kissed him? More than kissing? Do you laugh at his jokes? Does he laugh at yours? Do you get that giddy feeling that I get whenever I’m near you…
Don’t ask those things.
“So…this is different for you,” he says. Tsukishima nods. “What’s special about this guy?” I don’t want to know any of this.
Tsukishima shrugs. “Nothing, really. It’s just that I’ve been saying no for so long. I wanted to see what it would feel like to say yes.”
“Good for you,” he forces out. “I hope you get what you want from it.”
For a second, Tsukishima’s calm slips. He looks strained, and maybe a little sad. Then it’s gone. “Yeah,” he says softly. “Thanks, Kuroo.”
FIVE
“Hey, um, I don’t know if you’re free, I know this is short notice and all, but I’m in Sendai this weekend, so, if you’re free, I thought maybe we could get some lunch? Only if you’re not busy. Um. Call me or text me or whatever. Okay. Bye.”
Kuroo hangs up the phone, certain that he’s left the worst voicemail in the history of voicemail.
A moment later, his phone buzzes.
Tsukishima: did you seriously just leave me a voicemail?
Tsukishima: Just text like a normal person.
Kuroo: Do you wanna get lunch tomorrow?
Tsukishima: I’ve got practice.
Kuroo’s heart sinks.
Tsukishima: Would dinner work?
Kuroo: That would be great!
He’s glad they aren’t on the phone; he already hates how eager he feels.
***
“So, uh.” He studies Tsukishima’s face across the dinner table. “No plans tonight?”
“No,” answers Tsukishima shortly. Then, with an air of relenting, he says, “I’m not seeing that guy anymore.”
Tension pours out of Kuroo’s body in a rush. A second later, he feels guilty; what kind of asshole is happy about the end of his friend’s relationship?
“Sorry. Are you okay?”
“Sure.”
“Do you…want to tell me what happened?”
Tsukishima shrugs. “Nothing. It just wasn’t a good fit.” He smiles wryly. “Maybe I’m just not cut out for that stuff.”
Kuroo shakes his head. “Or maybe it was just the wrong guy.”
The look Tsukishima gives him is hard to decipher. Hard, maybe. “As opposed to the right guy? Are we back on this soulmates shit?”
“No! Just, you said yourself, it wasn’t a good fit. So maybe… there’s someone who would be a better fit.” Me, says part of his brain, but he tells that part to shut up. “Maybe you just haven’t found them yet.”
“Maybe.” Tsukishima looks at him for several seconds — enough for Kuroo’s heart to start to pound. And then he looks down at his food and says firmly, “So how’s that business class going?”
***
It’s dark by the time they leave the restaurant. They walk towards the train station in silence.
“You know,” says Tsukishima, “the idea of soulmates kind of scares me. If there’s only one person for everyone, then…you only get one chance. What if you never find them? What if I never met my soulmate because I had my headphones on too loud, or turned right instead of left, or didn’t sign up for the right class in my first year of college? Do you ever worry about that?”
“No.” Kuroo doesn’t dare say more.
“Or, what if you do find them, but you fuck it up?”
“I don’t know. I hope…I hope we get another chance. Infinite chances.”
Tsukishima sighs. “That would be nice. ‘Be carried by the river to the arms of your lover.’”
“That’s lovely. What’s that from?”
“You said it, or something a lot like that. One time when we were talking about destiny. And then you made me eat a scone.”
“Oh my god. I remember that now! Or, I don’t remember what I said, but I remember talking about fate while we ate these amazing pastries.”
“Yeah.” A few more minutes of silence, and then Tsukishima asks, “Do you think you’ve already met your soulmate?”
Oh god, oh god. What does he say? It’s too dark, he can’t see Tsukishima’s face. In the end, he answers simply, “Yes.”
A pause.
“But you’re not with them?” Tsukishima’s voice is low and serious.
Oh god. “No.”
“Is it… someone I know?”
Kuroo stops walking. He’s having a hard time getting enough breath. “Tsukki.”
“Yes.” He says it in the tight tone of a child who expects to be scolded.
It’s you, it’s always been you. Kuroo tries to say it, he really does. Then he gives up, and goes for the safer, “Why are you asking me this?”
Silence. He can hear Tsukishima breathing, and then he finally answers. “I just have to know.”
“Tsukki.” Kuroo steps closer. “Tsukki.” At last, this close, he can see the expression on Tsukishima’s face. He’s biting his bottom lip, eyes wide. Kuroo steels himself, draws a breath, and says it.
“It’s you. It’s always been you.”
For a moment, everything is still. And then Tsukishima is stepping in close, and drawing a shuddering breath. His arms reach out, and then he hesitates, and Kuroo can’t stand it — he pulls Tsukishima close.
Tsukishima lets out his breath in unmistakable relief. He clings to Kuroo, so tight he’s almost shaking. “Me too,” he breathes into Kuroo’s neck. “Always.”
“Always,” Kuroo repeats.
“I’m sorry.“ Tsukishima is trembling now. “I’m so sorry. I’m sorry it took me so long and I’m sorry I went on those stupid dates, when I knew… I knew…” He trails off, shaking his head.
Kuroo strokes Tsukishima’s hair, whispering his next words into Tsukishima’s ear.. “It’s okay. It’s okay. We weren’t gonna miss our chance. None of that stuff was gonna keep us apart. It couldn’t. We…we belong together.”
“Really? You really believe that?” Tsukishima pulls back to look at him. “You think it was…destiny, or something? And we couldn’t have messed it up?”
“Well… yes and no. I think we chose each other a long time ago.” He reaches up to stroke Tsukishima’s cheek. “So, we were always gonna end up together. Because… that’s what both of us wanted.”
“Both of us wanting it doesn’t make it inevitable.”
“Not inevitable.” Kuroo’s fingers trace Tsukishima’s jawline. “Just likely. Like the river.” He brushes a thumb across Tsukishima’s lips. “The current was always going to bring us here. All we had to do was not mess it up.”
“I’m sorry,” says Tsukishima again, and Kuroo can’t stand it.
He stops Tsukishima’s words with his mouth, and then everything is lips and breath and hands.
“Stop apologizing,” says Kuroo when they part. “You didn’t mess it up. See? We’re fine.” He kisses Tsukishima again. “In fact, I think it turned out pretty well.”
“I’ll give you that one. I like where this is going.”
“Your apartment?” In the dim light, Kuroo can’t be sure, but he thinks Tsukishima actually blushes.
“Well,” says Tsukishima, taking Kuroo’s hand, “if you insist. I mean, I hear it’s almost inevitable. No use fighting it.” They start walking.
Kuroo’s heart is incredibly light. He swings Tsukishima’s hand. “Destiny’s not inevitable! Just powerful. Oh noo!” he adds facetiously. “I’m caught in the current! Fate has me in its grasp! I must go to bed with Tsukishima! It’s my destinyyyy!”
“Shh! Oh my god, you’re ridiculous.” But Tsukishima laughs, and holds Kuroo’s hand a little tighter.
And walks a little faster.