i can run, but i can't hide

by LonelySatellite

Summary:

Jessica sighed as she finished her drink in one sip. She didn’t give any information about who they were working for exactly. She had to mention Murdock just so Malcolm would show up. The only thing she said was that they had to look for certain individuals for a client. And from the info in the files, apparently, Kate had guessed it by herself. Which made Jessica even more annoyed. Kate was a fan of everyone that would wear a mask and spandex. She was infuriating for Jessica.
Yup: she would need a lot of drinks.

 

or how Jessica Jones teamed up with her new assistant

Notes:

fic' title from Family Line by Conan Gray

chap's title from Savior Complex by Pheobe Bridgers

Chapter 1: all the skeletons you hide show me yours, and I'll show you mine

        Jessica just closed the door after she came back from a meeting at Nelson, Murdock & Page. It was the week-end so she wasn’t supposed to work. Ever since Malcolm started to call in sick every Saturdays and Sundays, the PI finally decided to take some time-off herself. It was surprising for someone married to their jobs, as she was herself. But it was on the list of the best decisions she had taken in a while. And now, thanks to Matt Murdock: she had to go against this rule she had established for herself and her team. Jones took off her black leather jacket and threw it on the couch. She was alone in her apartment… For now.

She grabbed her cell phone and dialed Malcolm’s number as she was turning on her computer. The tone went for a while before she reached his voice mail. Jessica sighed and dialed again. That was the problem with week-ends: her associate had all the reasons to ignore her calls. Except: it was Malcolm. If she spammed him enough, he would finally answer. Which he did after three attempts. She had time to pour herself a drink and open a couple of search windows on her computer.

“What is going on Jess? Are you okay?” Malcolm’s voice seemed worried. Jessica couldn’t blame him. They went through too much together. And he knew that if she had to insist: it was for a good reason. Even if he wanted his days off so much. “You've called three times…”

“That’s because you were not picking up, dumbass.” Jessica explained, kinda annoyed by his comment. “We have work.”

“But Jess, we said no cases on week-end.”

“Stop whining, Malcolm. I know it fucking sucks, but it’s for Murdock’s kid. I couldn’t say no. I need you and Kate at Alias as soon as you can.”

“Fine, I’ll be there. You want me to call her?”

“I didn’t give her my number. So, yeah, that’s your job.”

“You’re impossible…”

“If I wanted a fangirl calling and messaging me non-stop, I would stick up my number all over this fucking city. And now, bring your stupid ass at work.”

And then she ended the call. Jessica then picked up the file Karen had given her. Her eyes toured the information she had. Jessica couldn’t help sighing again. This Peter kid had kinda big problems… If all of this was correct, he could be in big trouble if any of those guys were real in their universe… And from what she had seen on the news a year prior: Jessica didn’t want to see that happened again.

She would need a lot of drinks to get through this case.

***

“Wait, we are working for Spider-Man now?” Kate just shouted.

Jessica sighed as she finished her drink in one sip. She didn’t give any information yet about who they were working for exactly. She had to mention Murdock just so Malcolm would show up. The only thing she said was that they had to look for certain individuals for a client. And from the info in the files, apparently, Kate had guessed it by herself. Which made Jessica even more annoyed. Kate was a fan of everyone that would wear a mask and spandex. She was infuriating for Jessica.

Yup: she would need a lot of drinks.

And now, even Malcolm looked impressed by their supposed client. Jessica had promised Peter she wouldn’t say anything about his vigilante life. But apparently: Kate was too smart not to see it.

“We are working for one of Murdock’s clients.” Jessica repeated calmly.

“Yeah, I know.” Kate continued. “But the people we are looking for, they fit the description of the villains that attacked Spider-Man last year. This is enormous!”

“Listen kid.” Jessica sighed. “If you want to continue working here, you have to learn how to keep your dumb mouth shut. We respect the client's discretion around here. So, if I said ‘we are working for Murdock’s client’ then we are working for Murdock’s client. Period.”

“But-…”

“Do you really want me to kick your stupid rich kid’s ass out the window?”

“Jess, calm down.” Malcolm interrupted.

Jessica Jones was a rough person to be around. She had anger issues and a really -really- short temper. Kate Bishop was still really new to all this and didn’t have seized Jessica’s personality quite yet. If Malcolm wasn’t there, the poor archer girl would’ve found herself in real trouble more than once. And most important of all: without a job. Malcolm’s intervention in their conversation brought back Jessica’s focus. She handed Kate and Malcolm’s their own files about their targets.

“So.” She started. “Malcolm, you’re on Max Dillon’s case. Bishop, you’re taking care of Flint Marko. Remember: our job is to gather as much info as we can on these potentials’ assholes. We don’t follow, threaten or try to communicate with any of them or their family. We just need to know if they exist and what they’re up to.”

“And what about you?” Malcolm asked, as he was gazing through his file.

“I’m taking care of Osborn and Octavius.” She replied. “They seem like the most dangerous ones.”

“Why do you always get the good targets?” Kate sighed.

“I’m the one with super strength shit powers.” Jessica observed. “Plus: I’m the boss. I do what I fucking want. Now do your job and work your asses off. I want this done in a few days.”

***

        It was already night time when Alias’ door opened for the first time in a while. Jessica finally raised her head from her research. Her eyes were burning from all the screen time, her mouth was dry and her stomach was actually hurting for once. She had completely lost track of time with this case for Murdock. Alias had been working on this for a little bit more than a day now. Kate was annoying Jessica more than usual and the PI knew how hard she was on her assistant. It was her way, somehow, to show Bishop that she actually liked her. Jessica was this rough love kind of person. Except with Daredevil. She still had a lot of bitterness against him. But he had been a co-worker in the past. And unfortunately for Jessica, she would care for his problems. More than she would like to admit.

When she finally looks up at her computer screen, Jessica’s eyes meet Karen’s as her girlfriend turned on the lights and dropped her stuff on the loud orange couch.

“You look like hell.” Karen said as she was walking towards the PI’s desk. “When was the last time you took a break?”

“Depends what time it is.” Jessica replied, raising her shoulders. “Last time I checked, it was still daytime.”

Jessica heard Karen sighed as she was taking her heels off to come and sit on her laps. The PI surrounded the blonde with her arms. Jessica even laid down her head against Karen's shoulder and took a deep breath of her girlfriend’s perfume. It was good to reunite with Karen after this long day… Jessica had missed her… So much.

“You’re still working on Peter’s case?” Karen asked as she caressed Jessica’s hair.

“Yes.” Jessica sighed. “I thought that it couldn’t get weirder than pajama dressed ninja-killers, but I was wrong. This world is full of shit and assholes.”

“Did you find anything?”

By the troubled sound of Karen’s voice, Jessica understood that her girlfriend was deeply worried about that kid. Jessica could understand… She started to feel the same way about Kate. And she couldn’t imagine what it would be like if her assistant had to be in this kind of shit show. By the way, Karen never would usually ask Jessica about her work. They both knew what professional secrets were like. And what it meant for their clientele to keep it low profile… And intimacy. But this time, Jessica could make an exception… Especially considering the results she had.

“I’ve been looking for this Otto Octavius person. And for now, I haven’t found anything. There seems to be an Octavius family -yeah, I know, I was surprised too. But nothing about robot arms or AI research.”

“Sounds promising…”

“I barely know what I’m after…” Jessica sighed. “I’m trying to do my best.”

“You’re the best.” Karen smiled, kissing Jessica’s forehead. “I know you’ll do anything you can.”

“I really wish I wasn’t going into this so blind…”

“You know what it’s like for Matt now.” Karen laughed, clearly trying to mess with her.

“Oh! Not you too with the dumb blind jokes.” Jessica complained.

“It was too easy!”

“Enough with Murdock, I’m starving.”

“Well, that’s new. Pizza?”

“Pizza it is.”

***

        A couple of days later, Jessica met back with Matt Murdock about the individuals Alias was tracking down. Their results were inconclusive, but it would have to do. Even if Jessica had now to endure a dinner reuniting her colleagues and Murdock for a whole night. But that would be a problem for some other time. Jessica hated the idea to spend time with anyone that wasn’t Karen. But she knew her girlfriend would be proud of her. And the idea of seeing a smile on Karen’s face was way more appealing.

As Matt Murdock was leaving Alias, Kate’s head peaked again in front of her desk. Jessica looked at her. Wondering what was happening…

“I didn’t want to talk about it in front of M. Murdock.” Kate started, looking uncomfortable. “You know, because of this whole ‘secret identity thing’.”

“Kate, you’re running around New York city with a bow and arrow, without covering your face. You’re just lucky this bastard is blind.” Jessica sighed. “What do you want?”

“I’m… Kinda into something and I would need your help. I’m tracking down someone that is getting herself into trouble. And I want nothing to happen to her.”

“And you want me to...?”

“I need some… Professional help on this.” Kate told her, in a confidential tone. “You know your way around dangerous people. You’re rational -or at least more than me. And I don't feel confident enough to do this all by myself.”

“I’ll go with you.”

“Really?!” The archer exclaimed herself. “I don’t have to beg or anything...?”

“Listen kid. I saw what you can do and you’re quite good at it. But I won’t let you get yourself in trouble, particularly if you ask me. Count on me. And not a word to Malcolm.”

“You don’t trust him?” Kate asked, surprised.

“No, quite the opposite. I trust him too much and he would be stupid enough to get himself in danger. And I can’t let him do that again.”

“I didn’t know you could actually be so nice…”

“Don’t get used to it. Go back to work. We’ll talk later.”

***

“What the fuck are we doing here?”

For some reason, at night, Hell’s Kitchen was always darker than anywhere else in New York City. Jessica and Kate were standing on the roof of a building that seemed abandoned. There were no lights of any sorts and it was dead silent. The young Bishop was wearing her Hawkeye purple costume, her bow and quiver on her back. It was only the second time that Jessica had seen her wearing her superhero suit. It reminded her of Murdock, while they still worked together. At that moment, Jones thought how much Kate would love to work alongside Daredevil. Probably more than with her. After all, Jessica was just a PI with superstrength, a drinking problem and a shit load of trauma. At least, Matt had some training… He was kind of a hero. And there she goes: pulling herself down as they were supposed to look out for… What were they looking for again?

“According to my information,” Kate started. “We should find my… Acquaintance in the perimeter.”

“Your information?” Jessica asked.

“My mom used to run my family’s security company. I have some resources.” Kate answered, shrugging her shoulders.

“I didn’t know that.”

For all that time, Jessica and Kate never really talked about each other. Jones has always been so secretive about everything and it was hard for her to talk about herself and her story to anyone. The only person she would talk to was Karen. They bonded over many things: family trauma, being used by criminals, abductions, and having to kill someone to protect themselves… They even went through the Blip together. Without Malcolm, Franklin and Matt around, they found each other. And it was for the best. Jessica wasn’t sure she was ready to trust anyone else, for now. That was why she had never forgiven Matt for faking his own death for so long… It brought her back to a dark place she never wanted to see again… And it was the same for Kate. This girl could turn her back on her. Any time.

“I-… I don’t really like to talk about it.”

“You don’t have too.” Jessica reassured her. “I’ve been there. Mommy issues I mean.”

They didn’t really have more time to talk, since footsteps started echoing in the alley beneath them. They both stopped talking, walking toward the edge of the rooftop. Jessica squinted to try to see something. She could barely distinguish the shadow of three people. Two of them are considerably taller than the third one. They were built like fridges. The smallest had a bag on their head -or something at least, because Jessica couldn’t see their face- and tried to struggle against the two others.

Jessica heard Kate pull out her bow and an arrow.

“What do you intend to do?” Jessica whispered.

“Shoot them both?”

“You would really kill two people?” Jones asked, sarcastically. “You can’t do that you know?”

“I’m not going to kill them. I just want to rescue my friend.”

And before Jessica could say anything, Kate stepped forward on the roof. Her foot hit a rock -or something- and she lost her balance. If Jessica wouldn't have been there to grab her arm, Hawkeye would’ve dive to the ground. Kate struggled to suppress a groan. Both brutes below them raised their heads. Jessica couldn’t hear what they were saying, since she was pulling over Kate on the roof. But it didn’t sound like English. One of them grabbed the third person and threw them over his shoulder as the other one pulled out a gun.

Even with bad lighting, he managed to take a shot in their direction. Jessica was still holding Kate’s arm. Hawkeye tried to shoot, but they were out of cover. They needed to go.

“Hawkeye, we need to retreat!” Jessica told her, pulling her on the opposite side of the roof.

“I can’t leave her!” Kate complained. “I have to follow them.”

“You won’t help anybody. You’ll only get yourself killed. Come on, kid. We will find them back.”

Kate finally put down her bow and let Jessica pull her away. They ran away, from the roofs, until the gunshots were only a bad memory. When they couldn’t hear anything, Jessica stopped and let go of Kate’s arm. The young woman was panting. If it had been lighter, Jessica swore she could see Kate cry. But it was still dark as Hell.

“I failed…” Kate said repeatedly. “I lost her…”

“Come on kid.” Jessica told her, as nicely as she could. “We have to go back to my place. Are you hurt?”

“I-…”

Jessica swore as she understood a bullet had actually grazed her assistant’s arm. She understood that Kate was bleeding. But nothing that looked too severe.

“Yeah, back to my place we go.”

***

            Kate was biting on a towel to prevent herself from screaming. Jessica was trying to stitch up the injury the bullet left on Hawkeye’s arm. It wasn’t that bad, but deep enough to need a few stitches. Surely, Jessica wasn’t that good as a nurse, but they couldn’t go to the hospital. That was the sad part in being a vigilante in New York. And at least, Jessica had some experience with stitches. She explained that she had to do this herself in the past. To prevent any infections. According to Jones, Kate wouldn’t have felt anything if she had accepted to drink some cheap vodka before she started. But Kate refused to drink anything from Jessica’s alcohol shelf. Which was fair enough. Most of those bottles were actually disgusting. But Jessica wasn't a fancy drinker.

“As good as new!” Jessica finally exclaimed as she cut out the piece of string that stuck out Kate’s wound. “Sure you don’t want a drink?”

“And let you poison me with your cheap alcohol?” Kate tried to laugh. “No thanks. But I would go for pizza, though.”

“You kids.” Jessica sighed as she was taking a huge sip of her bottle of vodka. “It would be best if you stayed here for now. Just to make sure you don’t open it by accident.”

Kate’s costume was covered in blood anyway. She had lost a bit of blood and Jessica just wanted to make sure that her assistant would go back home safely. She was just being careful. Jessica did worry for her more than she would admit.

“I have pizza leftovers in the fridge. If you find a way to make my microwave work, be my guest.”

“You’re not hungry?” Kate asked as she was standing up from the toilet and walking out the bathroom. “With all this running and bleeding I’m starving!”

“My condition makes me a light eater.” Jessica explained, as she was following with her bottle of vodka.

“That’s a shame! I love food so much; I don’t know how you do it.”

Jessica smiled for a second. She then understood why Malcolm liked Kate’s company. She was kinda nice to be around.

A couple minutes later, Kate was sitting on the orange couch, wearing one of Jessica’s old shirts instead of her bloodstained fancy archery costume, eating her pizza. Jessica was sitting down on the other side of the room, at her desk, getting through her bottle of vodka.

“I didn’t thank you for saving me, on the roof.” Kate said after finishing one slice of pizza. “I don’t know what happened… I wanted so much to do this right that I totally lost it.”

“It’s fine.” Jessica assured. “It happens to everybody.”

“It never happened to me before. To completely fail like that. Hurts even more now that I lost my only good lead… They’re gonna be all careful now and I won’t get this close to find her ever again…”

“We’ll find a solution.” Jessica told her. “Now that you brought me into this shit, you’re stuck with me. And it would be dumb of me to leave you alone with this.”

“Really? You would do this, Miss Jones?”

“You can call me Jess.”

A big smile illuminated Kate’s face when Jessica dropped that. Jessica never liked the sound of “Miss Jones”. It made her feel old. But she was still trying to figure out if Kate was someone she could trust. And for now: the archer girl didn’t show her any reason not to. Except putting them in danger. But that was just another night in Hell’s Kitchen.

“Can I at least know what we’re after?’ Jessica asked, since Kate was still silent.

“It’s… It’s a friend. Well, not really, she tried to kill Clint -and me- numerous times.” Kate responded.

“How lovely. I don’t usually call ‘friends’ people that try to kill me.”

“She’s not that bad. She was raised as an assassin and she has lost everyone… She is the only person I have left.”

“Even if she tries to kill you?”

“It’s not really like that anymore. I think her old organization found her back and are trying to hurt her. I can’t let that happen.”

“Since you have no one left?” Jessica asked.

Kate pinched her lips and finally nodded. Jessica knew what this felt like. She had been there too many times…

“Ever since my mom got arrested,” Kate explained. “My friend was the only stable thing in my life. We saw each other from time to time. She was still doing her job -you know, being an assassin and a spy- but I always knew there was good in her. I just…”

“You like her. You want to save her before she destroys herself.”

Once again, Kate refused to answer. She looked down to her remaining slice of pizza and decided to throw it in the garbage. She wasn’t hungry anymore.

“It’s that obvious?” She finally asked.

“I’ve been there. When I met Karen, I thought I was alone against the world. I didn’t want any help from anyone. I thought that because I was broken, I couldn’t be repaired. I still think I’m too broken to be saved. But it feels nice to have someone I love to hold on to.”

“What happened to your family?”

Jessica had a sad smile.

“They were killed in a car accident when I was a kid.”

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay, I think I’m over it now.”

Jessica told Kate almost everything about what happened to her since she was in this car accident. How she found back her mom, that they were both the product of IGH’s experiences and then she told Kate how she lost her mom again. Of course, Jessica didn’t talk about Kilgrave. It was still some very delicate subject for her. Kate listened the whole time, without interrupting. Which was quite impressive.

“I didn’t know all that about you…” Kate confessed. “I looked you up - I do that with all heroes in New York- but I didn’t expect… All of that. I’m very sorry.”

“Like I said, it’s okay. I don’t like to talk about it anyway.”

“We’re really starting to bond. I love it!” Kate laughed, trying to lighten up the mood.

“Oh, shut up.” Jessica laughed with her.

***

A couple of days passed before anything out of the ordinary happened again in Jessica Jones’s life. It was night time and she was alone in her apartment, working on an important -so well paid- case. Karen was preparing for court with Murdock and Franklin. Which left Jessica all the time she needed to drown herself into work. Kate and her hadn’t talked about that night again.

Until now.

Someone banged at the door of her apartment. Jessica frowned, ready to punch the drunk asshole who had the nerve to come disturb her that late at night. But when she slammed open the door, Kate’s face, covered in blood, was at her doorstep. In her arms, she was holding a blonde girl who was also covered in blood. Her face was swollen and turned blue from the beat up she must have had. If she was still conscious, she was too beaten to stand by herself. Jessica was speechless as she grabbed Kate to pull her into her apartment. She closed the door behind her.

“What the actual fuck Kate?!” She shouted.

“I need your help Jess… Please… I don’t know what to do…”

“Okay, calm down. Put her on the bed. I’ll make a call.”

“No! I don’t want anyone to know she’s here…”

“Don’t worry Kate. It’s a friend.”

“But-…”

“Listen, she is too hurt for me to do anything. We need the help of a professional on this. She won’t say anything, I promise. She helped me before.”

Kate finally nodded and brought the blond girl into the other room. Jessica grabbed her phone and dialed a number.

“Hello?” A tired male voice answered after a few tones.

“Luke?”

“What the hell, Jess?” He asked. He sounded annoyed. Like… Very annoyed.

“I need to talk to Claire. It’s an emergency.”

Chapter 2: dissect my insecurities

Summary:

Weirdly enough, she wasn’t even blaming Kate for all of this.

This was all her fault. Everything and everyone were better off without her… And that miserable situation she had put herself in was proof of that.

 

or how Jessica Jones fell back into her old trauma

Notes:

chap's title from Prom Queen by Beach Bunny

            The apartment was ecstatic. Kate was sobbing in the bedroom, next to the blond girl she had brought in, and Jessica was pacing around the living room. It had been less than thirty minutes since she hung off the phone. They should already be there by now. What could possibly take them so long to come all the way from Harlem? New York City wasn’t that big after all. And it was the middle of the night.

At least, Kate’s friend was so beaten up that she wasn’t conscious anymore. She had lost a lot of blood, but she wasn’t bleeding anymore, for now at least. Jessica had so many questions bumping into her head, but Kate was so shocked that she preferred to stay silent, even if her sobs were not that silent at all. Plus, the PI had the urge to call Karen. Just hearing the sound of her peaceful and caring voice made everything better. But Kate also asked that no one should know about her presence here tonight. Jessica suspected it was because of this girl she was carrying. Probably the person Hawkeye tried so much to keep safe and had failed to before… Jessica decided to wait. Even if it was killing her from the inside.

The loud silence was interrupted by knocks on the door. Jessica ran to open it, without questioning. Claire Temple was standing at the doorstep, alongside Luke Cage, who was holding the medical supplies’ bag on his wide shoulders. Jessica sighed with relief. She let them in right away, making sure nobody was following them before closing the door.

 

“She’s in my room.” Jones said before the others could open their mouths. “She seemed to have lost a lot of blood and her face was… Doesn’t look good.”

“I’ll check in on her.” Claire responded gently, taking her bag from Luke’s hands. “I’ll have to work fast, though.”

“I can count on you not to say anything?” Jessica wondered. They had been there before. The night Claire and Luke met, in this same apartment. The nurse already took care of a vigilante in Hell’s Kitchen before that. Matt, as Daredevil, always trusted her. And Jessica did the same. She just had the bad habit of not trusting anyone. Claire was a friend, Jessica knew it. But she had track records with so-called friends… She never fully trusted anyone.

“Of course.” Claire nodded as she walked to the other room.

 

Weirdly enough, Luke stayed in the living area with Jessica. They haven’t talked in a while. Jessica wasn’t even sure he and Claire were still dating until she had called. But he was the first person she thought about when she saw Kate come in tonight. Jessica wasn’t sure she ever was in love with Luke Cage. But she trusted him. He was one of the only humans on this planet who had this privilege. Other than Karen, Jessica didn’t trust anyone like that. And she was glad that Luke and Claire showed up this fast. She couldn’t have the death of this girl on her conscience… She would never be able to look Kate in the eyes after that.

 

“You look pale. Have you slept lately?” Luke asked calmly.

“I’ve been… Busy with work a lot.” She answered, raising her shoulders. “Like always.”

“It’s good to see you have friends now… And that Hawkeye girl is amazing. It’s good for her to have you around.”

“I don’t know about that… She just threw herself in danger tonight and I had no idea about it.”

“She’s okay?”

“I don’t know… I hope she is.”

“Don’t worry, Claire is taking care of her. Everything will be fine.”

 

As he was saying that, Claire stepped out the door, wearing chirurgical gloves covered in blood. Her shirt was also dirty and she was holding bloody compresses between her fingers. She looked at Luke and Jessica, she seemed in a hurry.

 

“Luke, honey, I need your help. Jess, do you think you could go get some new clothes for your assistant? The poor thing is in shock. I’m convincing her to take a shower to calm down but she’ll need some clean stuff to wear.”

“I’ll take care of it…”

***

            Jessica’s apartment was wrapped in the dark. It was the middle of the night, two half bottles of cheap bourbon next to her computer. Something woke her up. It wasn’t the first time she would fall asleep in the middle of doing some research. Usually though, Malcolm was the one waking her up in the morning. Or Karen, if her girlfriend happened to spend the night at her apartment. Still half awake, Jessica looked up from her desk. Taking a moment to scan the surroundings.

Nothing.

There was nothing. No one. What the fuck?

Then, Jones frowned. There was something. She couldn’t tell exactly what. But something wasn’t quite right…

 

“Oh, Jessica…”

 

She totally froze when she heard that voice. Jessica jumped on her feet and started looking around in her apartment. Nothing. She was totally alone.

 

“Oh Jessica!” said the voice again, this time laughing.

“Where are you, little piece of British shit!?”

“Don’t you remember? You killed me that night on the docks.”

 

That terrifying voice. Tinted with evilness and that stupid British accent. This fucking voice had haunted her for months. It drove her crazy. He drove her crazy. Bringing everyone against her. He tried to destroy her. And he almost achieved it…

 

“But I told you, you’re always going to be mine, Jessica Jones. Always together.”

“Stop with your shit, Kilgrave. Get out of my head!” She shouted, pulling her hair.

“But that’s where you put me, Jessica. And I’ll never leave…”

“No! NO!”

***

“NO!”

 

As she opened her eyes, Jessica realized she was just in her apartment. Lying down on her ugly orange couch. She was panting, covered in sweat.

Ever since Kate brought in the blonde girl at Alias, Jessica had started to have bad dreams again. In all of them, either Hawkeye died by her fault or Kilgrave’s memory was tormenting her. And she hated every part of it. As she realized where she was and that all of this was just another nightmare, Jessica let her back fall onto the couch. She sighted, looking up at the ceiling. It had been days since that night. Days since Kate asked her to hide her friend at Alias, while she was trying to find a solution for this situation. Jessica knew nothing about her new roommate. Except that she was blonde, unconscious and very beaten up. Oh, and that she was supposedly an assassin? Jessica couldn’t say she was totally reassured with that last part, but it wasn’t her first rodeo.

And Kate counted on her to hide this person at all cost… She wanted so deeply to do everything right, but she didn’t know Jones all that well to just ask her something like that. Jessica wouldn't have been able to refuse, even if she wanted to. She was that kind of person, ready to do anything to protect others -even people she didn’t know- just to make sure they were safe from any trouble. She had done it in the past. It never ended well but for some reason, she still had hope. So, Jessica had “closed” Alias for a couple of days. In other words, she asked Malcolm and Kate to work from their own homes. Malcolm was used to it and even if he looked suspicious at first -or on the phone at least-, he didn’t complain. After all, they were all cramped in Jessica’s apartment. It was better this way. And Kate? She had barely given any news since that night. Leaving Jessica with all of her insecurities, anxiety and paranoia. That’s what happened when she began to isolate herself. It wasn’t good on her nerves at all.

The worst part about this: she missed Karen. So much. And even if she could call her on the phone, Jessica tried not to. She was very bad at lying, especially to her girlfriend. But she made a promise to Kate… So, she told Karen that she had a very big job in her hands. That she would have to be alone for a couple of days. And ever since, she had been distant, cold, to everyone around her.

Suddenly, someone knocked on the door.

Jessica jumped before standing up. She thought her visitor was going to walk away, since she wasn’t answering and just walking around to her alcohol shelf. Jessica grabbed a bottle of bourbon and started to drink as the person was knocking again. Jessica sight, putting the bourbon down.

 

“We’re closed!” She shouted in the direction of the door. “Come back next week.”

“Jess? It’s Malcolm. I had to talk to you about a case.”

“I’m not available.”

 

She heard him trying to open the door. She had locked in from the inside. That was exactly why she hadn’t left her apartment in days. Malcolm was always finding a way to come in. Especially if she had forbidden him to do it.

 

“What is going on?” He insisted. “Did anything happen?”

“I told you to get lost, Malcolm.” She grumbled. “I’m not in the mood for your shenanigans.”

“But…”

“I’m working!”

 

Jessica sighted as she heard his footsteps walk away.

 

“See, Jessica? You don’t even need me to tear your life apart… You can do it all by yourself!”  Kilgrave’s voice echoed in her head.

“Leave me alone!” She screamed for herself, throwing an empty glass against the wall.

 

Kilgrave was right…

She was destroying her life herself…

***

How many drinks did she have? Too much? As usual.

Jessica was sitting on the floor, a couple of empty bottles surrounding her. She hasn’t showered in days. She wasn't even picking up the phone at this point. Her cell phone was somewhere in her apartment, probably with a dead battery. She had been ignoring everyone even more lately… Even when Karen came by, Jessica made it as she wasn’t there. Just crying in the corner of the room, as she was sipping more alcohol.

Weirdly enough, she wasn’t even blaming Kate for all of this.

This was all her fault. Everything and everyone were better off without her… And that miserable situation she had put herself in was proof of that.

She was nothing more than human trash waiting to get picked up…

Today should’ve been another of those waiting days where she would’ve dive deeper into her loneliness… Except someone broke in.

Frowning, Jessica grabbed an empty bottle of bourbon and tried to get on her feet. But she had drink so much just this stupid little thing was the hardest…

How did this person make it through her apartment? She was locked in… Without thinking too much about it, she sneaked being the intruder and just lifted up the bottle to smash it on the man’s back. And except the sound of broken glass: nothing really happened. That’s when she realized…

… It was Luke Cage.

 

“Shit! Jessica!”

“Why the fuck are you breaking into my house?!”

“You attacked me with a bottle!” He protested, this time facing her.

“Because you fucking broke in!”

“You are the one completely going off the radar for almost a week and you assume no one is going to notice?”

 

Jessica remained silent. She closed the door, being careful not to walk on the glass on the floor. She made sure no one was in the hallway before putting the lock back on.

 

“At least you didn’t break my fucking door.” She mumbled. “What are you doing here anyway?”

“Karen called me. She said you didn’t return any of her calls in days. And you didn’t seem to be at your apartment. I went by to make sure you were okay… Clearly, you’re not.”

 

Jessica didn’t know what to say. She was dying inside just thinking about the idea she worried Karen… She missed her so much… But she couldn’t call her. Not until there was a solution to all of this…

 

“I’m fine.” Jessica said slowly. “I’ve been working my ass off.”

“Really?”

 

She crossed her arms on her chest as he was saying that. His deep brown eyes were almost reading into her soul. And she hated that. She looked away, shaking her head.

 

“What do you want me to say? That I’ve been drinking and sleeping for the last few days?”

“You look like trash.”

“Well, thanks a lot for the heads up.” She replied sarcastically, rolling her eyes.

“All of this just because Hawke-girl…”

“Hawkeye.” Jessica corrected him.

“Whatever, asked you to look up on an unconscious girl?”

“I’m helping her.”

“You don’t look in shape to help anyone. You’re fucking load up on alcohol you can barely stand!”

 

Jessica hated that Luke was so right. Ever since they had their… Thing, a couple of years ago, he acted like he knew her better than everyone else. And he did know her well. Which made her even angrier when they encountered each other after that.

 

“Did she wake up?” He then asked.

“If she did, Kate would’ve picked her up.”

“Good point.”

 

Silence fell on the room. In the meantime, Jessica got tired of trying to stand still. She let herself fall on the couch. She didn’t say anything as Luke was walking to the bedroom and then back in the living room. He then sat next to her. Watching her every move and reaction. Jessica was raging inside, but not as much as she wanted to. After all, she was still glad Luke showed up. Just to keep her thoughts far away from Kilgrave.

 

“I didn’t know you were dating Karen Page.” He finally said.

“Surprise?” She dropped, flippantly.

“What I was trying to say is that I’m very happy for you. You deserve happiness. Not… Whatever this is.”

 

She couldn’t help stifling a laugh. He had his ways to make her smile. It wasn’t… Romantic -or whatever it was before- between them anymore. Just friendly. Jessica had forgotten what it was to have a friend lately.

 

“Like I said, I’m fine.” She insisted slowly.

“Call Karen.”

“I can’t… I can’t lie to her. You know what lies had brought me before… It can’t do any good. And I promised Kate I wouldn’t say anything…”

“She seemed very worried on the phone, earlier.” He said with a thin smile curled on his lips. “I’m sure that if you explain to her there is something going on, but that you have to keep out of this, she’ll understand.”

“How come she called you and didn’t ask Murdock to give me a speech about hope and shit?” She laughed.

“I think she figured out you still hate him for the whole… ‘Pretend to be dead’ thing. And I’ve known you the longest.”

 

She shrugged.

 

“Fair enough.”

“Just tell me you’ll think about it?”

“I promise.”

***

            Luke had left the apartment for a couple of hours now and Jessica had finally put down the bourbon for today. She was waiting, sitting at Kate’s desk in the corner of the room, that her phone’s battery was good enough for a call. She needed to hear Karen’s voice more than anything in the world… And the blonde’s plan to contact Luke to talk Jessica out of her misery was a good idea… Why did she know her so damn much?

A weird gasp escaped from the bedroom.

Jessica frowned and slowly stood up. She walked to the bedroom, unarmed.

Ever since the night Kate brought this stranger here, she hadn’t made a single sound. For a moment, Jessica thought someone must’ve climbed in. But no.

She quietly pushed the door away. There she was. The short blonde girl, in her blood-stained clothes, her face still covered in bruises, was standing in the room, looking around her for something… She looked completely panicked and lost. Which made sense since she was brought here unconscious. Jessica showed her empty hands…

And a second later, a gun was pointed to her.

 

“Woah!” Jones exclaimed.

“Identify yourself!” The stranger asked.

 

Her voice had a strong Russian accent Jessica hadn't heard in a while. Ever since Daredevil had chased down the Russian mafia out of Hell’s Kitchen. The blonde girl looked young. Too young for what she was even doing. If she was frightened, she didn’t show it. Totally Kate’s type , she thought. Dangerous and fucking creepy .

 

“Don’t worry, I’m a friend.” Jones said slowly, making a step forward. “I don’t mean any harm.”

“Then why are you keeping me captive?”

Jessica laughed. “Captive? Oh hell no. I was fucking hiding you! I realize how bad that sounds now.”

“Is this a joke to you?” The blonde asked, tilting her head.

“Listen, kid, I’m a PI in Hell’s Kitchen. You’re in New York. One of your friends brought you in because you were fucking bleeding out. Someone took care of your wounds, I made sure no one found you before you woke up.”

“Friend?”

“Do you even understand English?”

“I don’t have any ‘friends’.”

“Well that’s quite reassuring… I knew I shouldn’t trust Kate…”

“Kate? You mean Kate Bishop?”

“Thank God you know her and I didn’t step in some crap again. I’m Jessica Jones. I swear, I’m here to help you.”

 

The girl finally put her gun down and Jessica started to breathe normally again.

 

“Enchanted to meet you, Jessica Jones. My name is Yelena. Yelena Belova.”

Chapter 3: i can tell you believe you're guiltless but i don't think i'd feel better if i opened your eyes

Summary:

Therefore, Jessica didn’t feel worried for Kate: she was angry. Boiling in rage from the inside. Why would Kate do such a stupid thing? Apparently, Jessica had trusted the wrong person.

Again.

or how Jessica Jones got pissed off again

Notes:

chap's title from Guiltless by Dodie

            It had been less than an hour since Jessica hung up the phone to call Kate. That was the deal: as soon as the blonde friend was awake —whose name was Yelena— Jessica would call her assistant and this situation would be over. Except, one thing wasn’t going according to plan: Kate Bishop was not answering her phone or any of the messages Jessica was leaving. Maybe the PI had no rights to be so insistent. After all, she was the one who had gone totally under the radar for a couple of days. But they had an agreement. Kate was supposed to solve the problem while Jessica was hiding the Russian girl. That’s it. And even if Yelena wasn’t as bad as Jessica thought, she couldn’t handle the solitude anymore. She needed Karen to bring her back from her misery… And for now: nothing of this was ever gonna happen if Kate kept ignoring her.

In the meantime, Yelena Belova was going through the leftover pizza from a week ago. After all those days in a coma, she must be starving. The blonde girl asked for mac & cheese, but Jessica hadn't left the apartment to go groceries in a while. So, pizza it was. A strange silence was filling up the room. Jessica was pacing in the living room, Yelena was eating on the sofa… Really, the situation was bad.

 

“So, what is it exactly that you do?” Yelena finally asked, her mouth still full of food. “I’ve never heard of you before, Jessica Jones.”

 

Jessica froze for a second, just so she could actually process the question Yelena had just asked. After all, Jess wasn’t paying attention at all. She was just a ticking bomb of anxiety at this point. She needed to hear from Kate, she needed to call Karen. “I’m a PI.” She then answered. But with the look filled with incomprehension that Yelena gave to her, she continued: “Private Investigator. That means that people come to me to find other people.”

Yelena’s eyes lit up this time as she pointed her finger on her own chest: “Just like me!” She exclaimed. “People ask me to find other people, and then I kill them.”

 

“Except I don’t kill anyone.”

“Meh!” The Russian said, shrugging. “Sounds the same to me!”

 

And then someone knocked on the door, saving Jessica from this weird conversation. Without thinking, she rushed to the door. Behind it, she found the worried look on Karen’s face… And Malcolm was looking over her shoulder. Jessica didn’t care about her associate, all that mattered was Karen. Why did she look so worried? What happened? Did Murdock get shot again? Surely, he had been shot again… This man thought he was full Matrix style, but he was still blind… And fucking stupid.

Jessica opened the door wider to let Karen —and Malcolm apparently— enter the apartment. Surprisingly, no one asked any question about Yelena’s presence in the room, which means something really —really— bad must have come up.

 

“Karen? Are you okay?” Jessica finally asked. “You look like Matt screwed up again.”

“It’s… You don’t know?” Karen replied. “You haven’t seen the news?”

 

Jones frowned, looking around her place.

 

“FYI, I still don’t own a TV.”

“Who doesn’t own a TV?” Malcolm sighed.

“Okay, I’m fine with my girlfriend coming in without invitation, but can I know why the fuck you’re here, Malcolm?” Jessica grumbled.

“You’re the one disappearing for a week and I’m the one who gets asked for explanations?”

 

Once again, Karen saved everything by dragging Jessica’s attention away from Malcolm. She stood behind the desk, she had turned on the computer.

 

“You deserve to know.” Her girlfriend said slowly. “But I also need you to promise you won’t get mad.”

“Is this a fucking intervention?” Jessica asked annoyingly. “Yeah, I drink too much, I don’t sleep enough and I’m grumpy all the time, but I’m not gonna do anything about it!”

“She really didn’t tell you anything?” Malcolm asked, surprised. From this moment, he didn’t seem so annoying to Jessica. She never disliked Malcolm, quite the contrary. But to show people that she cared about them was a dangerous move. Jessica had learned the hard way that giving a shit is what gets people in trouble in the first place. That’s why she was always so cautious about her relationships.

“Who fucking didn’t tell me what Malcolm?” She asked, angrily.

 

For a moment, no one talked. Jessica was still looking at Malcolm. Her girlfriend and her associate seemed worried. What the hell happened for the two of them to be so concerned?

 

“Kate revealed she’s the new Hawkeye.” Karen finally said.

 

The silence grew heavier, if that was even possible. Jessica knew she should feel concerned, worried about Kate’s situation. She knew what it was to be out to the public when you’re a vigilante, or a “superhero” as Kate would say. Jessica knew that the fact that they were working without a mask could get them and their family killed. She’d been there.

But Kate knew everything about it. She had followed Sallinger’s case from afar, as she did with every case involving a superhero. She was that kind of creep. Therefore, Jessica didn’t feel worried for Kate: she was angry. Boiling in rage from the inside. Why would Kate do such a stupid thing? Apparently, Jessica had trusted the wrong person.

Again.

 

“Kate did what?” She understood the first time. But Jessica needed to hear it again. To justify how furious she was. Jones wasn’t the best at managing her emotions. But that was no secret for anybody in this room —except Yelena, but she didn’t really count in this situation…

“Jess, calm down.” Karen said, stepping towards Jessica. That stepped backwards. Karen didn’t insist. She knew Jessica was doing this in fear of losing control of her powers. The last thing she wanted was to hurt Karen… She wanted to punch Kate very hard on the face, but that was… another problem.

“I’m really calm right now!”

“You guys didn’t know?” Yelena’s voice asked, filling the room with a weird silence again. “I thought everybody knew. She’s been walking around in an archery suit and no mask on for a while.”

“Who’s this by the way?” Malcolm asked, finally noticing the Russian’s presence in the room.

“Hi!” Yelena chanted with a smile.

“It’s no one…” Jessica sighed.

“I’m Yelena. Kate Bishop’s friend.”

“And she’s Russian?”

“Not relevant, Malcolm.” Jessica sighed again. “How did this shit show happen?” She asked, turning to Karen.

 

They were still a couple of steps apart; Jessica was looking at her girlfriend’s beautiful face. She always hated to see Karen worry about anything. Being around Matt this much made her the worrying type. She had heard all of Franklin’s stories about finding Murdock shot, wounded, bleeding. How he had fear to lose his boyfriend because of all this fucking vigilante work. Jessica had the luck to heal fast. And she was also more careful —or as she liked to think— than Daredevil. Karen was biting her lower lip, remembering Jessica that all she wanted earlier, after talking to Luke, was to tell her the truth and run to her arms. But now, she hated that her beautiful girlfriend was so worried… Kate did put herself into some bad shit. Karen knew it. And Karen worried for everyone. She was the best person Jessica knew.

 

“She did it to protect Spider-Man’s secret identity…” Karen explained, slowly. “I-… I helped them…”

“And you helped her?” Jessica asked, surprised. “Why would fucking you do that? You know how dangerous this is! You almost got killed, several times because of…” She paused before saying something in front of Malcolm that he wasn’t supposed to know. “Because of you-know-who.”

“Is there really such a thing as a Spider-Man?” Yelena asked, interrupting their conversation. “Does he… You know, make webs?”

“Yeah, and that’s pretty cool, actually.” Malcolm responded.

“Like out of his butt?!” She said, disgusted.

“What?!”

“Shut up you two!” Jessica yelled, annoyed.

“She looks  mad…” Yelena sighed.

“Just fucking shut up for now and eat your dumb pizza.” Jessica said, rolling her eyes and looking at Karen again. “So, how did it happen?”

“Some journalist —ex-journalist, actually— discovered Spider-Man’s identity…” Karen explained again. “He was asking for money, a big bunch of it. I thought Kate and him were just going to negotiate to get him out of there… But apparently, Kate decided something else… I told her to talk to you first, since you’re a known vigilante… But you were not answering the phone.” This last sentence sounded like a reproach. Jessica couldn’t blame her.

She shrugged. “I’ve been… Busy.”

 

Karen gave her a look. The look she gave her every time she knew Jessica wasn’t saying everything, she knew about something. But it wasn’t the time to talk about the promise she made to Kate. Jones just reached for her phone and dialed.

 

“What are you doing?” Malcolm asked.

“What does it look like I’m fucking doing?” Jessica answered, glaring at him with anger. “I’m calling Kate! And she better answer or I’m going to get her little stupid rich kid’s ass and throw her off a building.”

 

***

            A couple of hours later, Jessica had finally calmed down. She explained herself with Karen about what happened in the last few days. And, just as Luke predicted, Karen wasn’t even mad. She was comprehensive, nice and supportive, as usual. Once the anger went down, Jessica had apologized to Malcolm and Yelena for her behavior. Or Karen made her do it, but it was all the same. She had introduced the Russian girl to Karen and Malcolm, explaining that Yelena was probably wanted by some gang or even the police. It was better for her to keep it low profile.

Even if she’d just woke up from a long coma, Yelena was still exhausted from the beating she had gotten. Karen insisted on changing the bloody sheets from the bed, encouraged Yelena to take a shower and even went shopping to get the assassin girl some decent and clean clothes. While Jessica was calming down and explaining the situation to Malcolm.

The night had fallen now over New York, and for some reason, because Yelena was squatting in Jess's room, Karen was still hanging out. Jessica and her were sitting on the floor, one next to the other. Jones was exhausted. She kept calling Kate over and over again. And at one point, she started to worry. She started to care. She knew Peter Parker was a good kid. He was this weird mix of Murdock and Franklin for some reason, he just wanted to do the right thing, by wearing a mask. Jessica didn’t know the kid that well. But he sure didn’t deserve to be outed in public by some freak who wanted to make some filthy cash over a good person's back. Jessica felt bad for him. And she was still angry at Kate.

As they were sitting on the floor, in silence, Jessica finally laid her head on Karen’s shoulder. Her girlfriend pulled Jones against her. It had been a while since they saw each other. Jessica still felt like shit about not telling her the truth. She didn’t deserve this reaction from Karen. She didn’t deserve her kindness and affection.

 

“I’m so sorry…” She finally whispered. “I’ve acted like shit.”

“You were doing what you thought was the right thing.” Karen said, as she shrugged. “There’s no harm in that.”

“I let you down and you don’t deserve this.” Jessica continued raising her head, gazing into her eyes. “We’re girlfriends, I trust you more than anyone else… You deserved to know…” She paused for a second and smiled. “You were right to call Luke.”

“Yeah, I know.” Karen smiled. “I figured you would try to break Matt’s nose again and I thought that Foggy would like his boyfriend to return in one piece.”

“You talk like I tried many times.” Jessica mumbled. “It happened once. And that was because he played dead for seventeen months, when I saw him blow up.”

“You’re right. He kinda deserved it.”

 

They both laughed for a second and Karen grabbed Jessica’s face gently into her hands. She then kissed her. It was their first kiss in days… Jessica put her arms around Karen’s body. She squeezed her gently against her body, afraid that she might disappear. Jessica needed Karen so much… It was hard for her to admit it… That she needed anyone. She was so lucky to have someone like Karen Page in her life. She was the best. She was perfect. The perfect person for Jessica.

 

“I love you, you know?” Jessica murmured.

“I know.” Karen replied with a smile. “I love you too. But I should go home now. I don’t think we both fit on your couch.”

“We made it work before…” Jessica smiled, biting her lower lips.

“Well… Let’s see this has you paying for your disappearance.” Karen said again, standing up slowly, Jessica still holding her hand from the ground.

“This sucks…” She pouted.

“What you’re doing for Yelena,” Karen continued, ignoring her complaint. “It’s really nice. I’m proud of you.”

“I’m just… I just watch over her. That’s the right thing to do.”

“Yes, it is. And when you see Kate tomorrow, please don’t go too strong on her. She was trying to help Peter… I know it’s not her best move, but you should really try to talk this out with her. Without yelling and without punching.”

“I’ll try…”

“Goodnight, sweetheart.” Karen kissed her one last time and let go of her hand.

“Goodnight, love…”

 

***

            Kate just walked into Alias. It was a little bit later than 10AM. Jessica was already down half a bottle of bourbon, Yelena was still asleep. Jones hardly slept. She still had bad dreams about Kilgrave. About Kate getting killed. About Karen getting hurt because of Hawkeye’s decision to reveal her identity. Kate was still at the door, Jessica sat down at her desk. They were staring at each other, in silence. They both knew this conversation was going to be unpleasant. But none of them really wanted to start it.

Kate finally walked forward Jessica, carefully. She was wearing her regular clothes. As if she was coming to work. Except, this wasn’t about work. This was about the other part of their life.

 

“Hi.” Kate said, stopping at her desk.

“That’s all you’ve got?” Jessica asked, drinking more of her drink. “No explanation, no nothing. Just ‘hi’?”

“You’re mad about it?”

 

At least: Kate wasn’t dumb —or not trying to play dumb—. She understood right away what the PI was talking about. Which would make things way easier.

 

“Mad?” Jessica repeated. “I’m fucking furious! How could you do something so stupid?!”

“I was protecting my friend!” Kate said, raising the sound of her voice. “He can’t have his identity out and about! I can take care of it!”

“But can you?”

 

Silence fell between them. Jessica then stood up and started to walk toward Kate. Not to intimidate her. Just to talk eye to eye.

 

“Can you really handle your real life being wrecked by the people Hawkeye pissed off? Are you ready to put every single person you care about in danger of being killed to get to you?”

“How hard could it be?” Kate said, crossing her arms, almost in a challenging tone. “Jessica Jones is doing it.”

“I never fucking ask for any of this!” She shouted. “Do you know how my identity went out in the first place?”

“I—…”

“Exactly! A fucking psychopath tried to use me to kill people. He reached out to me to make me pay for leaving him. And ever since that day, I lost every single person I cared about.”

“You have Karen…”

“But at what fucking cost Kate?” Jessica paused, as tears were rushing to her eyes. “I lost my family, then my mother, then my adoptive family… I lost every single person I ever cared about. I lost Luke at some point because I’m the reason his wife is dead. That’s what you want? To end up alone and miserable?”

 

Kate didn’t answer for a minute. She was thinking. And then, she shook her head.

 

“You see, Jessica, that’s where you’re wrong: you choose to be miserable; you choose to be the world’s victim while you could do so much more! You could be a hero; you really deserve to be. I’m just doing what you’re too scared to do. I have the guts to do something for this city. While you just hide up in fear.”

 

Jessica’s jaw clenched as she was listening to Kate’s words. She didn’t know anything about Jessica or what she went through. She thought she did. But she was just fucking selfish. She only thought of herself. And for that, Jessica couldn’t forgive her. Not after this.

 

“Get out.”

“I came to pick up—…”

“Get your fucking ass out of my apartment.” Jessica repeated, making a step forward. She was ready to punch someone if she had to. “You’re not welcome here anymore.”

“But Yelena…”

“Oh, she’s still sleeping for now and I’ll give her your address when she wakes up. Your heroic ass will be able to keep her safe while she goes back to you, won't it? So now, I won’t repeat myself again. Get the fuck out.”

 

They exchanged one last glance as Kate Bishop left Alias. Leaving Jessica alone in her apartment.

That went really bad…

Series this work belongs to:

• Part 6 of you're no good alone