Chapter Text
“Alright boys! Eyes up front!” Jester commanded as he paced up and down the line of aviators standing on the hot tarmac.
“You have shown the ability to work as a team in a variety of situations now, however, all were planned!” He turned and walked back.
“There is no planning in warfare! You have to adapt and perform no matter how much you don’t want to!” Turn.
“So today you will be forced into a new situation, one that WILL NOT be comfortable. NEVERTHELESS, you must perform!”
The line of men exuded a tenable aire of dread at what was about to happen. Jester glared under the hot sun even through his aviators.
“Today you will be mixed up! RIOs with a different pilot and pilots with a different RIO!”
Immediately the line of men exploded in protest. What!? No way I’m doing that!
“QUIET!”
They were.
“I don’t want to hear any shit from you! This is an order!”
“Yes, SIR!” (no one said this in a happy way.)
“Alright! Listen up for your new pairings! RIO Wolfman you’re with–”
“Um Sir he’s not here.” Hollywood muttered.
“What?”
“He’s sleeping one off. Sir!”
Fucking idiot . Jester muttered under his breath. “Ok, then RIO Sundown you are with Hollywood! RIO Goose you are with Iceman! RIO Slider you are with Maverick!”
If there was an uproar before, there really was one now.
The gasps were audible.
“NOT ONE WORD!” Jester roared.
The men stood dejected shoulder to shoulder.
“Now get your asses in those planes! And step on it!”
Mav looked at Goose with horror as they split off to separate planes, Goose gave him a pouty lipped look and made his fingers into a heart shape and pointed it at Mav.
Mav turned in horror as he saw Slider’s scowling face looming down at him. Why the fuck was Slider so tall? Mav glared back and climbed into the plane.
“You better be wearing fucking deoderant Slider.”
“Don’t worry Tiny, I’m not.”
“Just like old times huh!” Ice said sarcastically as he slipped into the cockpit.
“Yeah except Slider’s seat smells like something died in it.” Goose grumbled.
When they were airborn the comms came to life and it was awash with messages like wartorn love letters.
“Goose do you copy?”
“Hi MAVVV!!”
“How’s it going Slider?” Ice peered through the window at his distant ex-rio.
“Pipsqueak over here won't listen to any of my directives.” Slider glared at the back of Mav’s seat.
“Yeah because you start every sentence with ‘hey idiot’!” Mav yelled back.
“You guys are sooo gonna lose!” Came Hollywood’s voice.
“It’s a good thing we don’t have a dysfunctional homoerotic rivalry with anyone, aye Wood?” Sundown cracked.
“Yup, sure is! See ya suckers!” Hollywood zoomed off into the distance.
“Ok ladies enough chit chat!” Yelled the gruff voice of Jester. “Your objective is FIRST to work as a team and SECOND to shoot me down.”
“Ready. Set. Go!”
Ice gunned it and Mav immediately let the plane nosedive. Everyone winced as the sound of Slider screaming curses overwhelmed their ears.
“Are you trying to kill us you asshole!?” Slider screamed as Mav brought the plane back to a safe position.
The comms crackled and Jester yelled at them to stay focused.
“Sir it’s not my fault! I’m being held hostage!”
Goose and Ice sat in civil quiet as they listened to all this play out over the comms.
“You know we won’t beat him.” Goose said.
“I’m counting on Slider’s big mouth to annoy him into distraction.” Ice sped ahead and banked right.
“Hey you know I can hear you!”
“Yeah we can hear you and now I’m wise to your plan. Slider shut up.”
This went on for another minute or two before everyone was actually working together to engage (or evade) Jester.
Out of nowhere Maverick swooped down and took the kill shot. Jubilant cheering came over the comms.
“Hang on, Slider.”
“No! WHat? Why!?” Slider yelled as the plane tilted violently to the left and then was flying upside down.
“Holy shit!” Hollywood yelled over the comms.
Ice’s jaw dropped and Goose grinned. Slider screamed.
“Alright that’s enough gentlemen.” Jester grumbled. “Head back in.”
When the planes were finally stationary on the tarmac once more there was a big feeling of relief. The pilots and RIOs disembarked from their seats and quickly descended ladders or just plain jumped.
Goose and Mav ran dramatically towards each other and hugged exaggeratedly.
“Miss me sweetheart?” Goose threw his arm around Mav’s shoulders.
“You know I did, honey.”
Ice laughed as Slider stumbled out of the Fighter and fell to his knees and kissed the ground.
“Scared much, Kerner?”
Slider flipped Ice off before he took his outstretched hand and was pulled to his feet.
“That little prick might be fucking insane, but he’s definitely better than you.” Slider slapped Ice on the back.
“Hey fuck you, at least Goose actually gave me our stats! You and Mitchell were just bitching the entire time.”
“We still beat you man.”
“ ‘We’ , you make me sick.”
“Aww is someone jealous?” Slider put Ice in a headlock and gave him a noogie.
Hollywood and Sundown were just making out.