holding back feelings like it's the end of my life

by fifty_one

Summary:

“So do you think you’ll actually be able to do it?”

“Do what?”

“Act gay. With me.” His mouth hinted at a smile.

“Apparently I’ve been doing a great job of it already without even knowing.”

★

Jeon Jeongguk has never had a problem doing what his management tells him to do. Until they tell him that pretending to be gay for your fellow group member is really good for business.

Chapter 1: "the gay thing"

“You’re in my spot.”

 

Jeongguk was sitting in the backseat of the SUV, scrolling on his phone, and he looked up to see Taehyung leaning in through the open window. “I don’t see your name on it.” Jeongguk went back to what he was doing. 

 

“I don’t really need to put my name on it when I sit there every single day.”

 

“Well, not every single day. Like, today, for example. I’m sitting here.”

 

Taehyung opened the door. “Move.”

 

Jeongguk scoffed. “Why?”

 

“JK, just move somewhere else,” Namjoon said from the front seat, sounding more like a tired dad on a cross-country road trip than the leader of a boy band. 

 

Jeongguk really wanted to argue, but Namjoon sounded so pissed already, and he didn’t want to make it worse. Better to just suck it up and be the bigger person instead of holding up everyone’s day. He unbuckled his seat belt and moved to the back row, sliding in next to Yoongi, who flicked his eyebrows upwards as if to silently acknowledge that it was unfair that Jeongguk had to move. 

 

Jeongguk was aware just how obvious it was to everyone how bad things had become between him and Taehyung. They used to be okay; not exactly warm and friendly to each other, but polite enough to get by. Now, though, they bickered constantly. Jeongguk knew just how much of an annoyance their feuds were to the group, but as hard as he tried, he couldn’t hold himself back from fighting with Taehyung. There was something about him specifically that just got under his skin. He didn’t know if it was his constant perfectionism, or this aura of entitlement that he gave off, but whatever it was, every single day they were fighting with each other. 

 

Of course, this all took place behind closed doors. For interviews, performances, or public appearances, Jeongguk and Taehyung acted like any of the other members acted with each other. They hugged, they danced together, they cheered each other on and laughed at each other. They even held hands on occasion. Anything to sell the idea that there was no bad blood between them. Jeongguk wasn’t dumb; he wasn’t going to sacrifice his success and the success of his friends for the sake of a stupid feud he had with Taehyung. 

 

The engine rumbled to life and Jeongguk stared past Yoongi out of the window. From the front seat, Namjoon had selected some Coldplay to accompany their drive, and Jeongguk tried to just listen to the music and let his annoyance slip away. Still, he couldn’t shake the persistent thought of how infuriating it was that he always had to be the bigger person. Even more infuriating than that was how much it seemed like Taehyung was going after him in particular. He never seemed to pick fights with anyone else, never seemed upset when anyone else was running late, or missed a cue. What had Jeongguk done to make himself Taehyung’s target?

 

He stole a glance at Taehyung, who was resting his face against his hand tiredly. Sitting in his spot. 

 

Whatever.

 

★

 

Jeongguk had been attending meetings with the band’s management since he was sixteen years old, so at this point they had become a strict routine. Sit all together in a boardroom, get feedback about performances and interviews, review next steps and important dates. 

 

Which is why it took him by surprise when the agent’s assistant popped her head into the waiting room and asked for only Jeongguk and Taehyung. 

 

Namjoon frowned. “Why?”

 

“Apparently it’s a personal matter.” 

 

“If it has something to do with the group, then I think we should all be involved,” Namjoon protested.

 

Hoseok spoke up from his spot on the couch. “Joon, she’s just relaying a message. We can talk about it with the agent later.”

 

Taehyung and Jeongguk exchanged a brief glance, then stood. 

 

The assistant smiled politely. “This way.”

 

The two members followed her down the long corridor into the meeting room, and she left, closing the door behind herself. 

 

The agent acknowledged their entrance with a little nod and gestured for them to sit.

 

Jeongguk felt like a kid that got called to the principal’s office. As they sat down, Jeongguk glanced over at Taehyung, who didn’t seem nervous in the slightest. Taehyung reached for one of the water bottles that had been set out for them and cracked it open. 

 

“I understand that your time is very valuable so I’ll keep this to the point. I wanted to have a conversation about your public image.”

 

Jeongguk’s pulse jumped at the thought that he might have done something wrong. “Is there a reason why we’re the only ones in this meeting?”

 

The agent didn’t look up, instead flipping through a folder in front of him. “Yes, and I would appreciate it if what we talk about stays in this room.” 

 

“I don’t think that seems fair–” Jeongguk began to say, but Taehyung touched his shoulder lightly, and their gazes met. 

 

Taehyung’s eyes said let’s hear him out , and Jeongguk listened.

 

“Go on,” Taehyung said to the agent, cool as ever.

 

Jeongguk braced himself for how they were inevitably going to be lectured by the agent for their unprofessional behavior. He hated getting in trouble. He felt the embarrassment roll over him in waves. 

 

“You’re aware of the gay thing, correct?”

 

It took Jeongguk a second to process what he had heard. “The… sorry?”

 

“A large percentage of your fans believe that you two are in a homosexual relationship,” the agent replied, using his pen to point to the two of them.

 

Jeongguk’s embarrassment and guilt had quickly been replaced by complete confusion. “But, Tae and I are not… like that.” He couldn’t bring himself to say that word , that stupid word that lived in the back of his head, the one that he wouldn’t even let himself think about.

 

Taehyung snickered at Jeongguk’s obvious hesitation, and Jeongguk could feel his face heating up.

 

“Take a look at this.” The agent pulled several pieces of paper out of the folder, lining them up in front of Jeongguk. There were news articles, tweets, and statistics for youtube and google, and they were all about Taeyhung and Jeongguk potentially being together. The views were astronomical. “It seems that the speculative content that tries to show ‘proof’ of a relationship is most popular.”

 

Jeongguk hoped the flush in his cheeks wasn’t visible. “Isn’t that… weird?”

 

“It happens with a lot of male celebrities. You should be flattered,” Taehyung chimed in. He hadn’t given the papers more than a glance, and instead was leaning back in his chair, looking at the ceiling with a sort of vacant stare. 

 

Jeongguk was tempted to reply with something equally snarky, but he restrained himself, and instead looked to the agent again. 

 

“I understand how much your group values authenticity,” the agent began. “And we are not asking you to be inauthentic. But you have to remember that before anything else, your group is a business with investors. And those investors benefit greatly from all that internet traffic.” 

 

The gears were turning in Jeongguk’s mind. “Wait, you’re asking us to… act more… like we’re together? So people will talk about us on the internet? I don’t know about you, but that feels plenty inauthentic to me.” His annoyance with Taehyung and the feeling that he had somehow been caught doing something bad were combining to create an awful, irritated feeling in his chest.

 

“We’re not really intending for you to do any ‘acting’,” the agent explained, using air quotes, “but when you hug during performances, or hold hands, or look at each other, or even just sit next to each other during lives, people talk.” His tone of voice was level and calm, almost bored, as if he wasn’t talking about the most bizarre thing in the world. “We don’t want you to do anything that you don’t already do. It’s just, the things that you do, we want you to do slightly more. That’s all.” 

 

“Okay,” Taehyung said, monotone.

 

“Tae,” Jeongguk said with a frown.

 

“What?” Taehyung defended. “Is that really going to be so difficult for you?”

 

Jeongguk felt like there was some other meaning behind his words, but he ignored it. “It just feels like lying.”

 

“Well, you heard what he said. It’s not lying. I’m sorry if it’s something you don’t want to do, but unfortunately, this is our job. So we can’t just do everything we want to do all the time.”

 

Jeongguk could feel that stupid, embarrassed, irritated feeling bubbling up and threatening to spill over. “That’s incredibly funny coming from you. I’m sorry if I actually ask questions and don’t just do what people tell me without thinking about it first.”

 

“I’m not a mindless drone. But I am a professional .”

 

Jeongguk was about to flip out, but Taehyung spoke again in that same emotionless tone.

 

“We can continue this conversation later. I’m sure that the agent is very busy.”

 

Jeongguk felt a pang of embarrassment at almost letting his emotions get the best of him in front of the agent, and annoying as he was, he was just a little bit grateful that Taehyung had stopped him from saying anything else. 

 

“So, then I take it we’re all good?” The agent said, as if he hadn’t been listening to anything that either of the members had said.

 

Jeongguk exhaled, then nodded politely. 

 

“Great. Thanks again for taking the time to meet.” 

 

They had just stood up when the agent stopped them. 

 

“And, just a reminder, the other members aren’t supposed to be privy to this information.”

 

Jeongguk was at his boiling point again in an instant, but suddenly Taehyung’s hand was on his shoulder for the second time that day. 

 

“Understood,” Taehyung said simply.

 

Jeongguk knew that he wasn’t taken as seriously as the other members in the group because of his age, but this was just ridiculous. There wasn’t much he could do except follow Taehyung out of the conference room and silently vow that he would yell at him for it later.

 

When they walked into the waiting room where the other members were talking amongst themselves, they all fell silent.

 

“So?” Namjoon asked. “What was it?”

 

Jeongguk looked at Taehyung intently, and their eyes connected for the briefest moment before he looked away.

 

Taehyung shrugged. “Just some boring contract shit.”

 

★

 

The whole rest of the day Jeongguk spent awkwardly hovering around Taehyung, waiting for an opportunity to get him alone so that they could talk, but the opportunity never came. The group went about their usual routine; lunch, then rehearsal. Jeongguk was grateful when it was time for them to rehearse because for a short while, he could try to forget all of the weird shit that had happened that day. Unfortunately, though, he was unsuccessful.

 

Once they had finished, Jeongguk sat on the floor, his back against the mirror, and opened up his phone. All he had been able to think about while they were rehearsing were the sheets of paper the agent had showed him, of the tweets and YouTube videos. He had no idea how he had gone all this time without knowing that so many people thought he and Taehyung were in a relationship. He opened Twitter, tapping on the search bar and thinking for a moment. What was it called again? He nodded to himself, remembering, and typed in ‘taekook’. Immediately there were thousands of results, and those were just from the past day. There were photos and videos from their most recent performance, and even pictures of them that had been taken while they were at the airport.

 

“Whatcha lookin’ at?” Hoseok plopped down beside him.

 

Jeongguk nearly threw his phone. “Nothing,” he said, trying (and failing) to sound like he hadn’t been incredibly startled.

 

Hoseok didn’t seem to notice, though, and if he did, he didn’t seem to care. “I wanted to ask you about something.”

 

“Hm?”

 

“Are you okay?” His voice was lowered, even though the other members were across the room and probably wouldn’t hear him anyway. “I feel like you’ve been getting picked on a bit lately.”

 

Jeongguk smiled sadly. “It’s nice to know I’m not the only one who thinks that.”

 

“Taehyung can be pretty hard on you. I think that he just thinks you can take it. But if it ever gets too much, come tell me, okay? I can help work it out. It might be nice to just have someone on your side, at least.”

 

Jeongguk stared at Hoseok, who was smiling back at him supportively, and he wanted so badly just to tell him everything about what had happened in the boardroom that day. But he couldn’t. It would make Taehyung look deceptive for what he had said, and as upset as Jeongguk was with Taehyung, he couldn’t do that to him. 

 

“I really appreciate that. Don’t worry too much about it though. I think I’m going to try and talk to him. This has all just gotten way out of hand.” He wasn’t lying; every word he spoke was technically true, but he still felt like he was being dishonest to Hoseok, and that didn’t feel good. 

 

“Okay guys, we’re gonna do a little video, is everyone good?” Namjoon announced from the other side of the room. Some of the other members made sounds of agreement. 

 

“I think he’s just gonna film people talking about what we’re rehearsing,” Hoseok explained.

 

Jeongguk nodded, watching as Namjoon started recording Yoongi, who was talking about the choreography. 

 

Hoseok stood, and offered a hand to Jeongguk to help him up. 

 

As Jeongguk stood, he looked across the room and his eyes connected with Taehyung, who, to his surprise, was staring right at him. Jeongguk tried his best to ignore him, and instead followed Hoseok as they walked towards the rest of the members. 

 

“JK, we’re gonna do you next, okay?” Namjoon said, pointing the camera at him. 

 

Jeongguk put on a pleasant expression. If there was one thing he knew how to do, it was to be in front of a camera. 

 

“How are you finding the choreography so far?” The leader asked.

 

Jeongguk laughed. “It’s really fun. But there’s this part where I have to do a little spin and switch places with Jin, and I keep messing it up. Everyone’s really patient with me because it always takes me so long to get stuff like that right.” Suddenly he felt a pair of arms wrap around him from behind. Taehyung. 

 

His pulse jumped, and he tried not to let his surprise show on his face, instead smiling warmly. 

 

“You’re too hard on yourself, it’s a difficult move, anyone would take a lot of practice to get that right,” Taehyung said, and though Jeongguk knew he wasn’t being genuine, it sure sounded like it, and it still somehow made him feel reassured.

 

“You’re too nice to me,” Jeongguk replied, and he almost laughed out loud at how untrue that statement was.

 

Namjoon gave a thumbs up behind the camera, then turned around to film Jimin next. As soon as they were out of frame, Taehyung’s arms fell away.

 

Jeongguk leaned close to Taehyung’s ear. “We need to talk.” 

 

Taehyung nodded, and Jeongguk scanned his expression for any indication of what he was thinking, but as per usual, it revealed nothing.

 

Once Namjoon finished the video, he came over to Taehyung and Jeongguk. “We’re gonna do dinner at that new fusion place, what do you guys think?”

 

“Actually, we wanted to order in, so we’ll probably stay behind,” Taehyung said.

 

Hoseok heard this and must have been concerned, because he popped into the conversation. “Are you sure?” He asked, staring straight at Jeongguk. 

 

Jeongguk did his best to say ‘it was my idea’ with his expression. “Yeah, we haven’t hung out just us in a while.” 

 

Namjoon made a face like he was impressed, and Jeongguk imagined that he was thinking that the two of them were finally going to resolve whatever had been going on between them. Jeongguk wished that was the case. Instead he was just hoping that they would make it through their meeting without physically fighting each other. 

 

“Good luck,” Yoongi said, as if he could read his thoughts.

 

★

 

They managed to put off having any conversation at all until the food arrived, after which it became impossible to ignore each other. 

 

Jeongguk was the bigger person for the millionth time and went first. “It bothers me that you’re so chill about all this stuff.”

 

A smile threatened to make its way onto Taehyung’s face. “Yeah, I can tell.”

 

Jeongguk attacked a noodle. “Do you purposely try to bother me?”

 

“Not purposely, no. I think it happens pretty naturally.” He laughed lightly. “No, but seriously, though. I think we just always happen to disagree.”

 

“Well, I don’t think so,” Jeongguk frowned, realizing he was inadvertently proving his point, “because I can see the differences in the way that you talk to the other members versus how you talk to me.”

 

“I guess,” Taehyung conceded. “There are a lot of things about you that genuinely bother me. But I think that’s because we’re the most alike out of anyone. And there’s nothing I hate more than seeing myself in other people.” 

 

“You think we’re alike?”

 

Taehyung shrugged. “Anyway, I wouldn’t be so hard on you if I knew you couldn’t take it. Like, today. Despite everything that had happened, when the camera was on you, you were great.”

 

Jeongguk ignored the compliment, thinking about how easy it was for Taehyung to just wrap his arms around him like they were best friends. “So, you’re really not upset by any of this?”

 

“Why would I be?”

 

“I don’t know, aren’t you upset by people thinking things about you that aren’t true?”

 

An amused smile slowly worked its way onto Taehyung’s face. “What do people think about me that isn’t true?”

 

Jeongguk felt like Taehyung was playing dumb on purpose, and he crossed his arms. “You know. How people think that you and I are…” He trailed off. “Which would mean that they think that you’re…” He gestured vaguely with one hand.

 

The smile was now a full-blown grin. “That I’m what?”

 

Jeongguk felt his face glowing red. “That you’re…” He gestured again. “Like that.”

 

“Like what?” Taehyung said with a laugh.

 

“Like,” Jeongguk had to force the word out, “gay.”

 

Taehyung stared, still grinning, now blinking in disbelief. “Jeongguk, I am gay.”

 

Jeongguk’s brain felt like it had just blown a fuse and all the lights inside had gone dark. “What?”

 

“Yeah, I thought you knew.”

 

“How would I know that?”

 

“Relax, I just… thought it was obvious.” Taehyung’s amused expression had now morphed into something significantly more puzzled. 

 

“Why would it be obvious?”

 

Taehyung stared at Jeongguk and Jeongguk stared back.

 

“No reason,” Taehyung said.

 

Jeongguk was too busy reeling from this new information to notice how Taehyung was analyzing his expression. He felt so incredibly stupid for not figuring it out for himself. All the guys that had hit on Taehyung over the years hadn’t just been a strange coincidence. And then he found himself wondering if Taehyung had taken any guys up on their offer. If he had been on dates, had hook-ups, had boyfriends. The thought made Jeongguk’s stomach feel tight for some strange reason, and he pushed the thoughts away. “So, who else knows?”

 

Taehyung had gone back to his noodles. “Jimin, for sure. Everyone else, I don’t know.”

 

“So, you just thought to tell Jimin and no one else?” Jeongguk was feeling weirdly angry about being left out of the loop. Logically it wouldn’t have even made sense for Taehyung to tell Jeongguk about something so personal. 

 

The question made Taehyung react in an odd way. He was a very confident person, and there weren’t many times when anyone saw him get embarrassed or shy. But he laughed awkwardly, and Jeongguk swore he saw his cheeks glowing red.

 

Oh.

 

“I really thought you knew. I thought everyone knew,” Taehyung said quietly.

 

“Yeah, I guess people don’t tell me anything.” Jeongguk could feel his own face growing warm, though he wasn’t sure why. “So you guys are, like… together?”

 

Taehyung laughed again, though now he seemed much more relaxed. “No, no. We just, you know. Sometimes.” He cleared his throat slightly. “Jimin and I are really close. But we’re just friends.”

 

That tight feeling in Jeongguk’s stomach had returned full force, and he absentmindedly poked at his food. It made sense, it really did. Taehyung and Jimin were both very attractive, why wouldn’t they like each other? He recalled all of their hand-holding, their hugging. All this time he had thought they had a regular friendship like everyone else in the group, but behind closed doors, they were fucking?

 

Taehyung naturally changed the subject. “So do you think you’ll actually be able to do it?”

 

“Do what?”

 

“Act gay. With me.” His mouth hinted at a smile.

 

“Apparently I’ve been doing a great job of it already without even knowing.”

Chapter 2: disco pants

“Okay, next we’re going to be doing… V and Jungkook,” the production assistant read off of the schedule. 

 

The group was all sitting around in hair and makeup, getting ready for a photoshoot. Taehyung and Jimin were sitting on the counter next to each other, looking at something on Jimin’s phone. 

 

Jeongguk glanced over at them, wondering absentmindedly if he and Taehyung having their photos done together was just a coincidence, or if it was on special request from the agency. He watched Taehyung run his hands through Jimin’s hair, and… there it was again. That weird, stupid feeling. 

 

He’d been getting it a lot recently. He realized he’d never noticed just how much time Jimin and Taehyung spent together: sitting next to each other, eating together, playing with each other’s hands or hair any time they waited for something… Now that he’d noticed it, he couldn’t un- notice it. And that weird feeling in his stomach had become a regular thing.

 

Jeongguk stood, straightening out his clothes, and he caught Taehyung’s gaze from across the room, who stood as well. Jimin said something to Taehyung as he was leaving, something Jeongguk couldn’t quite catch.

 

They walked onto the set and were instructed by the director to sit on the floor in front of the camera. The theme of the shoot was more on the serious side, which Jeongguk didn’t like. He always felt more comfortable being goofy or happy in front of the camera rather than being serious. He knew that the serious shoots were Taehyung’s strong suit, though. He could pose effortlessly, narrow his eyes at the camera, show off his cheekbones and line of his jaw. He didn’t have to contort his face in any special way to look good– he just did. 

 

They were a few minutes into their shoot when the director instructed them to improvise a little bit. “Maybe get a bit closer together?” He suggested.

 

Jeongguk could feel Taehyung begrudgingly inch a bit closer to him, and the annoyance that Jeongguk felt radiating off of Taehyung sparked something in him. He wanted to see just how much he really could bother him.

 

He leaned over and carefully rested the side of his face against Taehyung’s. 

 

Jeongguk felt Taehyung freeze under his touch, and he watched his expression on the screen in front of them. Taehyung looked actually genuinely surprised, which wasn’t something that happened often. Jeongguk had to hold back a satisfied smile. 

 

“That’s lovely,” the director commented.

 

What Jeongguk didn’t realize was that Taehyung would take his action as a challenge, and Taehyung never backed down from a challenge. The director finally instructed them to change their positions and Jeongguk removed himself from Taehyung, and in turn Taehyung reached a hand up to play with Jeongguk’s hair. Jeongguk had to hold himself back from shivering at the gentle touch. Taehyung’s hand fell away, but he continued to stare directly at Jeongguk, while Jeongguk looked at the camera. 

 

Jeongguk watched Taehyung on the screen in front of them. Taehyung was doing his usual bedroom eyes look, although Jeongguk had never realized just how powerful that look was until it was directed at him. He watched Taehyung’s gaze travel up and down his face, watched how his eyes seemed to linger on Jeongguk’s jawline. The fact that they were doing all this on camera had Jeongguk’s cheeks glowing with warmth. There was a room full of photographers and stylists and assistants and they were all watching Taehyung rake his eyes over Jeongguk’s face and body. And Jeongguk knew that it was just to get a rise out of him, of course he knew that. But Taehyung’s expression was incredibly convincing, and it was far too easy to believe there was actually a chance that Taehyung did want to fuck him. 

 

“Okay, I think we’ve got everything,” the director said, snapping Jeongguk out of his trance. Taehyung dropped the act immediately, standing up and walking in the direction of the dressing room area without giving Jeongguk a second look. Jeongguk managed to get to his feet, feeling like he’d just stepped off of a rollercoaster.

 

And then, as quickly as the rollercoaster feeling had gone, it was back again, as Jeongguk watched Taehyung plop down next to Jimin on the couch and beam at him, already engaged in some sort of exciting conversation.

 

“How was last night?” Hoseok appeared beside him, as he always did when Jeongguk least expected it.

 

Jeongguk tore his eyes away from Taehyung. “What?”

 

“Well, you and Tae seem to be getting along pretty well today. And I know you guys had that talk last night. So I’m assuming it went well?”

 

“I don’t know if I would say it went well. It definitely could have been worse, I guess.” 

 

Hoseok nodded. “Are you excited for Friday?”

 

“Friday…”

 

“You know, the show we’ve been rehearsing for every single day…” Hoseok raised his eyebrows.

 

“Right. Sorry, I’ve been a little out of it today.” Jungkook rubbed the back of his neck with his hand. He really needed to get out of his head about this whole Taehyung thing. There was a lot of way more important shit he had to worry about. “Yes, I am, actually. It’s been a while since we did an actual performance. You nervous?”

 

Hoseok shook his head. “Nah. Just pure excitement.” He thought for a second. “Do you wanna get something to eat before rehearsal? I think we’ve got some time.”

 

Jeongguk agreed, and as he left with Hoseok, he had to stop himself from stealing one last glance at Taehyung over his shoulder. 

★

 

Taehyung was bored. 

 

Their outfit fittings often lasted several hours, with everyone trying on different outfits, and several people needing alterations, which meant that it involved a lot of waiting. For the first hour or so, he had entertained himself by hanging out with Jimin, as usual, but the suit Jimin had to try on needed a lot of alterations, and so his stylist had taken him away to another room. 

 

Taehyung got tired of looking at his phone pretty quickly, and his stylist had disappeared about an hour prior and not come back. He looked around. Hoseok and Yoongi were engaged in some sort of thrilling conversation, and Namjoon had his headphones in. God, there wasn’t even anyone to bother. Presumably the other members were with their stylists.

 

He made up his mind to go find Jimin, wherever he was. He went down the corridor, peeking in a bunch of empty dressing rooms. Eventually he came to a closed door, and behind it he could hear raucous laughter. It sounded like Jin and Jeongguk were losing their minds over something . Against his better judgment, Taehyung didn’t knock, and just opened the door.

 

Inside he found Jin laying on the floor, laughing, and Jeongguk standing in front of the mirror, wearing a pair of shiny silver pants.

 

“God, what am I going to tell him?” Jeongguk said through his own laughter. “He’s already adjusted these twice.”

 

“Well you’re gonna have to say something,” Jin managed, “unless you want everyone to see your…” He trailed off as they both realized that Taehyung was in the room, and he burst into laughter again. 

 

Jeongguk made eye contact with Taehyung in the mirror, that stupid deer-in-the-headlights look, and Taehyung’s gaze dropped for a second, just a second, to Jeongguk’s crotch, before Jeongguk hastily covered himself up with both hands.

 

“What’s up?” Taehyung could feel an amused smile spread across his face. 

 

“Jeongguk’s stylist made his pants too small,” Jin explained. 

 

Do they even make pants big enough for that thing? Taehyung thought, but he restrained himself. “Right,” he said. 

 

“I think the silver is making it worse, Kook-ah,” Jin commented. “It really just… highlights it.” He gestured broadly.

 

Jeongguk nodded. He was so red he was practically purple.

 

“Like a spotlight,” Jin added.

 

“Yes, I get it,” Jeongguk squeaked.

 

Taehyung cleared his throat. “Sorry for just barging in. Have you guys seen Jimin?”

 

Jin shook his head. “No, but if you find him, tell him to come in here and look at Jeongguk’s disco pants.”

 

“Do not tell him that,” Jeongguk protested.

 

Taehyung left the room, closing the door behind himself. He didn’t continue to look for Jimin; instead he returned to his own dressing room, sitting down on the chair in a daze. 

 

Both hands. He had to use both hands. And Jeongguk had pretty big hands too. 

 

He had only seen it for a split second, but a split second was more than enough. The image was burned into the back of his mind, and when he closed his eyes, it was all he could see.

 

Suddenly a hand was on his shoulder, and he nearly yelped in surprise.

 

“Chill, it’s me,” Jimin laughed. “Are you okay?”

 

Taehyung nodded.

 

“I just came in here to show you these,” Jimin said, gesturing to his bottom half. He was wearing the silver pants, except on Jimin, the crotch area didn’t seem to be a problem at all. 

 

Jimin pouted playfully. “Stop staring at my dick, you freak.”

 

★

 

The Friday morning air was cold as Jeongguk stood onstage for their sound check. He was glad he had decided to wear a jacket over his hoodie.

 

Taehyung showed up slightly late, wearing a fluffy brown jacket that made him look like a teddy bear. He pushed his sunglasses up onto his head and immediately walked over to Jeongguk, wrapping an arm around his waist.

 

Jeongguk nearly pushed him away in surprise before he realized why he was doing it: there was a photographer standing off-stage, taking pictures of them. Great.

 

“You’re late,” Jeongguk said sourly. Their mics weren’t on yet, so even though they had to look like they liked each other, they didn’t have to sound like it.

 

Taehyung didn’t respond, simply flicking his eyebrows up at him. “You know, if we’re really gonna sell this, you’re gonna have to do more than just tolerate me.”

 

“See, tolerating you is already difficult enough.” Jeongguk watched the photographer out of the corner of his eye.

 

“Well, it’d be nice if when I touched you, you did more than just act like a piece of cardboard. Maybe you could try coming up to me sometime. So it doesn’t just look like I’m obsessed with you.”

 

“Wouldn’t be that far from the truth, would it?”

 

Taehyung smiled pleasantly, but his eyes were very clearly full of malice.

 

“Okay, mics are on,” the sound supervisor announced from the pit, giving them a thumbs up.

 

“Let’s make it a good day,” Namjoon said into his mic.

 

Taehyung separated himself from Jeongguk, putting in his earpiece, and Jeongguk did the same. The opening bars of ‘HOME’ played through the speakers, and from the other side of the long t-shaped stage, Jimin started to sing.

 

Jeongguk watched Taehyung sway slightly, then start to sing his verse. God, it was completely unfair. Jeongguk got here early just so he could warm up, but Taehyung could stroll in late and just pick up a mic and he sounded perfect.

 

Their banter, combined with how annoying it was that Taehyung was late, had given Jeongguk more confidence than usual. It was his part, and as he sang, he reached forward and squished Taehyung’s cheek like a little kid.

 

Taehyung’s expression flickered into a shy smile, and Jeongguk could have sworn he saw him flushing slightly. 

 

The music stopped. “We’re having some connectivity issues, I think we’re gonna reset all the mics and run it again,” the supervisor told them from the side of the stage.

 

Jeongguk tapped his mic to ensure it was off before leaning in close to Taehyung. “You know, you’re a pretty good actor. I don’t know many people who can blush on command.”

 

Taehyung glared back at him. “You’re embarrassing me by pinching my cheek like a baby. That’s all. I could embarrass you too, if I wanted.”

 

“How’s that?” Jeongguk said, cocky as ever, but he instantly regretted having so much confidence as he remembered what had happened— that stupid, dumb thing. Up until this point Taehyung hadn’t so much as mentioned it, and Jeongguk had figured that maybe Taehyung actually had a moral standard after all. But apparently he actually wasn’t above humiliating someone.

 

Taehyung stared back at him, mouth twitching slightly. Then his eyes dipped down to Jeongguk’s crotch, then back up.

 

Of course Jeongguk couldn’t help but replay the moment from the previous day in his mind, and he felt his face heating up. “That’s not fair.”

 

“Who says?” Taehyung said, feigning innocence. “In fact, I think after being subjected to seeing your entire dick yesterday, I deserve a little retribution.”

 

Jeongguk scoffed, though his red face betrayed him. “You didn’t see anything.”

 

“I saw something .” Taehyung fiddled with his earpiece, and his gaze flickered down to Jeongguk’s crotch again.

 

“Stop looking at it!” Jeongguk hissed quietly, turning his body away so that it was out of Taehyung’s view. 

 

“Your fault for wearing gray sweatpants.” Taehyung shrugged. “I mean, is that even legal for you? I feel like that should count as indecent exposure.”

 

Jeongguk laughed in spite of himself. “Quit it,” he said, although he felt himself grinning.

 

“See, you do actually think I’m funny sometimes,” Taehyung replied, and his eyes connected with Jeongguk’s for just the briefest moment before looked away.

 

“Sorry for the hold-up guys, we should be running again in like two minutes,” an assistant shouted to them from the side of the stage. “We’re doing camera tests as well.” The large screens behind them suddenly blinked to life, and Jeongguk turned to see himself and Taehyung being broadcast. He quickly searched for the camera that was filming them, and when he found it, he did a thumbs up.

 

“Why is it that you’re so happy all the time?” Taehyung asked. “Is it drugs?”

 

Jeongguk laughed. “Why is it that you’re so grumpy all the time?”

 

Taehyung crossed his arms. “I”m not grumpy. I’m just… reserved.”

 

“Well, I think that you should try being less reserved every once in a while.” Jeongguk got an idea: something that would bother Taehyung, which was the best kind of idea. He swiftly reached down and hoisted Taehyung over his shoulder in a fireman's carry.

 

“What the fuck–” Taehyung hissed. “Put me down.”

 

“I thought you said you wanted me to initiate things more,” Jeongguk said, grinning, and he angled himself so that he could watch Taehyung’s face on the big screen. He looked completely unimpressed. “Hyung, you’re supposed to act like you like me, remember?”

 

“Don’t call me hyung,” Taehyung protested, though he made an effort to put on an expression like he was actually enjoying being manhandled.

 

“Why not? That’s what you are. Check this out, hyung.” Jeongguk showed off by effortlessly squatting and coming back up multiple times, all while still holding Taehyung. He checked his expression on the big screen and found that Taehyung’s face was bright red, which made him burst out laughing. He gingerly set Taehyung back on his feet.

 

“How do you do that?” Taehyung croaked, straightening out his clothes.

 

“You’re very light,” Jeongguk said simply.

 

“You’re… strong,” Taehyung said, blinking. Then, after a moment: “Never do that again.”

 

“Well, you wouldn’t really be able to stop me, would you?”

Chapter 3: you're killing me

The hours flew by and before Jeongguk knew it, their concert was starting. He never dreaded performing– it was usually his favorite thing in the world– but this one, he was dreading. Sure, he and Taehyung had done videos and had their photos taken together, but this was the first time that they would be actually performing since that stupid agency meeting.

 

Namjoon did his usual little motivational speech and Jeongguk tried to find it comforting, but he couldn’t quite fight off the nervous feeling that had settled in his stomach. They got into their positions and the platform raised them up onto the stage, where they were greeted by the thunderous sound of the crowd. That did put Jeongguk at ease, just a little. If there was one thing he cared about, it was his fans, and he wouldn’t dare disappoint them. The group settled into their first number and Jeongguk felt his body moving almost entirely on muscle memory. 

 

The screens were displaying footage of the members, just as it had been that morning, and Jeongguk turned to watch as it focused on Taehyung while he sang his verse on Boy With Luv. Taehyung finished it off with a wink into the camera, and for some strange reason, watching that made Jeongguk’s pulse jump. He brushed it off as being on edge, which he very much was. He knew that he and Taehyung were going to have to do something , but Jeongguk hadn’t figured out exactly what, or how, or when. All he knew was that if they finished this concert and they hadn’t done anything mildly suggestive with each other, they would be in trouble with their agency. 

 

Luckily Taehyung was willing to take one for the team and make the first move. They had reached a part in the song where Jeongguk and Taehyung were supposed to harmonize. They stood in front of each other, as usual, but this time Taehyung brought a hand to the back of Jeongguk’s neck and pulled him slightly closer. Jeongguk had to make a concerted effort not to gasp into his microphone, and all around him, the crowd roared. 

 

It was during their third song that Jeongguk noticed something in the crowd: A sign with a printed picture of him from their last performance, where he had pulled up his shirt to show his abs. He laughed, imitating the photo and pulling up his shirt in the same way. The crowd went wild, and Jeongguk beamed. 

 

He sensed someone looking at him, and he turned around to see Taehyung staring , lips parted slightly, his expression indecipherable. 

 

“What?” Jeongguk mouthed.

 

Taehyung shook his head. 

 

Jeongguk looked back into the crowd and found that the people who were holding that picture of him were waving it frantically. He grinned and did it again, this time pulling his shirt up slowly. 

 

Suddenly Taehyung was beside him, nudging him slightly. 

 

Jeongguk wanted to ask him what was wrong but he didn’t want to draw attention to himself, so all he could do was look at Taehyung and try to search his expression for some sort of indication of what he was thinking. All he got was Taehyung’s usual serious face, although Jeongguk could have sworn he looked even more grumpy than usual. 

 

They finally had their small intermission to change their clothes, and as they left the stage, Taehyung leaned in close to Jeongguk. “Don’t do that.”

 

“Do what?’

 

“The… shirt thing.”

 

Jeongguk frowned as he handed his mic to one of the assistants and then got busy pulling off his shoes. “What’s wrong with the shirt thing?”

 

“It’s trashy,” Taehyung said simply, unbuttoning his shirt.

 

Jeongguk scoffed. “We used to show off Jimin’s abs all the time.”

 

“Yeah, key phrase being used to, because we stopped doing it, because it’s trashy.” Taehyung had now pulled the crisp dress shirt completely off, and Jeongguk felt his chest get tight. 

 

Taehyung looked like a doll. His body was long and slender and looked smooth, like it was made of glass. Jeongguk wasn’t quite sure how it was possible for a person to be entirely free of blemishes, but somehow Taehyung had even, tan skin, all the way from his collarbones down to the waistband of his underwear. 

 

Suddenly Taehyung looked up and their eyes connected. Jeongguk quickly looked away, realizing that he had been caught staring. He hoped Taehyung wouldn’t think it was weird. Taehyung looked supernaturally beautiful. Anyone in their right mind would stare at him. It wasn’t weird.

 

Jeongguk pulled off his t-shirt, and grabbed his black suit jacket off of the clothes rack. “It’s okay to be jealous, hyung.”

 

“What?” Taehyung said.

 

“I mean, is it even possible for you to get abs? You’re like a twig.”

 

Taehyung pulled on his own suit jacket, laughing dryly. “You think I’m jealous that you… have abs.”

 

Jeongguk shrugged. He finished getting dressed, and the makeup artist rushed over to him to touch him up.

 

“Well, I’m not, for your information. I just think you should put more consideration into what people think of you. I would say it’s not exactly mature, respectable behavior.”

 

“Respectable?” Jeongguk said incredulously. “Does lifting my shirt a little bit make me a prostitute ?”

 

Taehyung rolled his eyes. “Forgive me for trying to give you good advice.” They had finally finished getting ready, and the makeup artists darted away.

 

Jeongguk thought for a moment, then leaned in close to Taehyung. “You know, I wish I had been a prostitute, because I’m sure I would have made a lot of money off of you.”

 

The tips of Taehyung’s ears went pink, and he seemed to clench his jaw. “That’s ridiculous. I know you’d fuck me for free.”

 

“Oh, is that what you tell yourself?”

 

“Guys, places,” Namjoon called, and Jeongguk grinned, knowing that the fact that he got the last word would bother Taehyung to no end. He stole a glance at Taehyung, who stared back at him with a look that could kill. 

 

Jin nudged Taehyung. “Can you guys at least pretend to like each other?”

 

★

 

They continued their performance, and Jeongguk found himself on edge again. Sure, they had looked at each other once. Jeongguk didn’t really think that was going to be enough for the agency. He had to think of something he could do.

 

Eventually they reached Magic Shop in their set list; it was one of their more low key songs that gave them a chance to rest. Taehyung sat down in the middle of the stage, leaning back on his elbows. Jeongguk saw an opportunity, and he took it. He walked over to Taehyung, sitting down on his lap, and smiled pleasantly, scrunching his nose. He glanced over his shoulder at Taehyung, and their eyes connected. 

 

Taehyung began to sing, and Jeongguk could feel the vibrations of Taehyung’s chest against his back. Taehyung shifted his legs under him slightly, and Jeongguk adjusted himself in an attempt to make Taehyung more comfortable, but he froze when he felt Taehyung breathe in sharply– the tiniest little gasp of air that only he could notice. Jeongguk shifted again, and– there it was again. Taehyung gasped. 

 

Before Jeongguk could fully process what had happened, he felt that familiar ache in the pit of his stomach. No way. There was no way he was getting turned on; not over Kim Taehyung, and not over such a tiny thing like a single breath. Still, as much as he tried to deny it, there it was, and it became impossible to ignore when he felt something pressing firmly against his ass. 

 

“Jeongguk,” Taehyung breathed, so quiet only he could hear. He sounded so tortured and yet so blissful, and Jeongguk honestly couldn’t tell if he was saying his name to get him to stop or to ask him to do it again. 

 

Jeongguk felt like his head was underwater. Miraculously, he still remembered to sing when he was supposed to, as if his body was on autopilot. Meanwhile, his mind was racing. What the fuck were they going to do? If a single person out of literal thousands realized that Taehyung was getting hard onstage, they were done for. And Taehyung was wearing tight jeans, because of course he was. If he stood up now, there would be no hiding it. 

 

Jeongguk got an idea. He glanced over at his shoulder at the big screen, which was currently showing him and Taehyung. God, Taehyung looked wrecked. No, don’t think about that . He grabbed Taehyung’s arms and held onto them. 

 

“Hang on,” Jeongguk said, holding the mic away from his face. 

 

Taehyung shook his head almost imperceptibly. 

 

Jeongguk looked over his shoulder at him. “Trust me,” he whispered. Taehyung didn’t respond, so Jeongguk took that as a sign to continue, and he lifted up Taehyung onto his back and stood up. 

 

The crowd cheered at what they interpreted as Jeongguk giving Taehyung a cute piggyback ride, and Jeongguk played into it, smiling into the camera, and dancing back and forth. He watched Taehyung’s expression on the screen: He was still bright red, but now he was wearing a tiny smile. 

 

★

 

Miraculously, they got through the end of the concert without Taehyung exposing himself to a crowd of thousands. As they stood in their formation and the platform lowered, taking them away from the eyes of the crowd, Taehyung looked at Jeongguk. 

 

He was sweaty, and his shiny black bangs clung to his forehead. He was short of breath, and panted, his lips parted, his mouth still curved into a smile. Taehyung felt blood rushing south again and he quickly looked away, staring at some innocuous place on the floor and trying to have boring, non-sexual thoughts.

 

The minute that they were backstage, Taehyung located Jimin and grabbed his hand, pulling him out of view of the rest of the members. 

 

“Tae?” Jimin questioned, blinking at him innocently. 

 

Taehyung pressed his lips to Jimin’s, pushing him back against the wall. Jimin hesitated for a moment before returning the kiss, then pulled back. 

 

He laughed lightly. “Right now?”

 

Taehyung grabbed Jimin’s hips, pressing his body flush against him, and something seemed to click when Jimin felt Taehyung’s growing erection press against his thigh. “You look so good right now,” Taehyung breathed. He kissed messily at the base of Jimin’s neck, and Jimin moaned softly. It wasn’t a lie: Jimin looked good. He always did. He was damp with sweat, and his lips were pink and parted slightly. Jimin was very pretty, sure. He wasn’t exactly what Taehyung wanted, but he was pretty, and he was here, and he was kissing Taehyung back. 

 

“Okay, okay,” Jimin said with a dazed smile. He grabbed Taehyung’s hand and led him to the bathroom, pulling him into a stall and locking the door. Taehyung gave him a few clumsy kisses, and Jimin undid Taehyung’s belt, working his jeans off of his hips. Jimin dropped to his knees immediately, briefly palming Taehyung’s hardness through his underwear.

 

That was one fortunate thing about Jimin: he was one of those guys who seemingly enjoyed giving blowjobs more than he enjoyed receiving them. And to his credit, he was pretty good at it. He finally pulled the waistband of Taehyung’s underwear down, and seemed taken aback. Taehyung was incredibly hard, and his tip was already leaking precum.

 

“Wow,” Jimin said, wearing an amused smile.

 

“What? You’ve seen my dick before,” Taehyung replied, his voice slightly strained with arousal.

 

“Not like this.” Jimin wrapped a delicate hand around the base of Taehyung’s cock and stroked lightly. “What’s got you all hot and bothered?”

 

Taehyung didn’t process the question, already lost in the sensation of finally being touched. He was so aroused that he was almost oversensitive, and he let out a slight hiss when Jimin pressed his tongue to the underside of his cock.

 

Jimin pulled back for a moment. “It’s okay, baby. I’ll take care of you.”

 

Taehyung winced internally. He hated when Jimin used pet names for him. It always made their situation feel more intimate than it really was. He quickly forgot that, though, as Jimin wrapped his lips around the head of Taehyung’s cock, and Taehyung closed his eyes in pleasure. 

 

He was glad that Jimin hadn’t wanted to receive, or give him a handjob, or worse, wanted Taehyung to fuck him, because admittedly, those positions would have made it significantly more difficult for Taehyung to pretend that Jimin was someone else. Someone… stronger. Someone less dainty, who could easily pin Taehyung against the wall of this bathroom stall. Someone infuriatingly innocent; someone who would look at up at Taehyung with those stupid, doe eyes. 

 

Taehyung thought of what made him hard in the first place: the curve, and heat, and pressure of Jeongguk’s ass sitting squarely in his lap. Taehyung knew what it was like to fuck Jimin; he presented himself proudly and willingly, and moaned softly and pleasantly at all the right times. He was small, and fragile, yet incredibly confident. But Taehyung wondered what it might be like to fuck somebody who was the opposite of that. What would it be like for someone so much stronger to submit to Taehyung, to let himself be opened up?

 

Taehyung ran his hand over the back of Jimin’s head and down the nape of his neck, feeling how sweaty he was from the performance, and then he thought of Jeongguk, with his damp hair, and parted lips, and heaving breaths, and Taehyung came.

 

Never in his life had Taehyung had such intense clarity after sex. As Jimin casually wiped the side of his mouth with the back of his hand, Taehyung felt himself turning bright red, and he wanted so badly to cover his face, to run away and hide somewhere no one would ever find him. He couldn’t believe he’d just had Jimin suck him off in a public bathroom.

 

Taehyung rested his head back against the wall of the bathroom stall, staring at the ceiling as he let out a few panting breaths. 

 

“Was it okay?” Jimin asked, standing now. He leaned in to Taehyung and gave him a single kiss on the neck. 

 

Taehyung nodded. “Thank you.”

 

Jimin laughed. “You don’t have to thank me. I like doing it.” He wet his lips with his tongue, giving Taehyung one last look before opening the stall door.

 

Taehyung followed him out, still dazed, and copied him as he washed his hands at the sink. 

 

Jimin splashed some water on his face, frowning. “Do I look like I just gave someone a blowjob?”

 

“Yeah, but that’s what you always look like,” Taehyung replied, and Jimin laughed, flicking water at him. 

 

When they found themselves back in the room with all of the other members, Taehyung’s eyes immediately found Jeongguk. He was talking with Jin, laughing about something.

 

“Where were you guys?” Yoongi asked, and everyone looked up.

 

“We had to pee,” Jimin fibbed. 

 

Taehyung’s gaze connected with Jeongguk’s, and he followed Jeongguk’s eyes from him, to Jimin, back to him again. He seemed to slump backwards a little, looking away.

 

There was a sick feeling in Taehyung’s stomach that felt sort of like… guilt.

Chapter 4: singularity

Taehyung woke up the next morning to a message on his phone from his agent, and his pulse spiked. Surely he and Jeongguk had done everything that they had asked. They couldn’t possibly want more than that, right?

 

But it wasn’t about Jeongguk, Taehyung realized as he blinked the sleep out of his eyes. 

 

He stumbled into the kitchen, where Jin and Jimin were already awake, making breakfast.

 

“I got nominated for something,” Taehyung said breathlessly. “My solo music.”

 

“Oh my god, Tae, that’s amazing,” Jimin gushed, rushing over to him to crush him in a hug.

 

“Great work, Taehyung. You’ll have to tell Namjoon when he wakes up. He’ll probably start crying like his kid is going off to kindergarten or something,” Jin said, grinning, as he tended to the eggs on the stove.

 

“We should have champagne!” Jimin suggested, his eyes glittering.

 

“You just want an excuse to drink before eleven a.m.,” Taehyung scoffed, but he didn’t protest when Jimin brought down a bottle from the shelf. 

 

Jimin went through all of the cabinets and frowned, then hurried out of the room. 

 

Taehyung could hear him calling to one of the other members. “Hyung, where are the champagne flutes?” 

 

“Why do you need champagne flutes? It’s ten thirty,” Yoongi grumbled from his room.

 

“Taehyung got an award!”

 

Taehyung rolled his eyes. “I didn’t get an award!” He corrected.

 

Namjoon rushed in, his hair still a mess from sleep and his shirt on backwards. “I heard you got an award,” he said excitedly.

 

“No, I didn’t get an award,” Taehyung laughed, “I was just nominated. That’s all.”

 

Namjoon didn’t seem to care either way. “For your solo music, right?” He crushed Taehyung in a hug. “I’m so proud of you!”

 

Yoongi and Hoseok stumbled in. 

 

Hoseok seemed to be grinning even wider than usual. “Taehyung, you absolute beast!” He rushed over, holding onto Taehyung’s hands and swaying excitedly.

 

“Congratulations, Taehyung,” Yoongi said genuinely, in his usual level tone. “I know how good it feels for people to appreciate your solo projects. And you’ve worked so hard. I’m really happy for you.”

 

Taehyung had a lot of respect for Yoongi, and his words meant a lot. He felt himself wanting to instinctually bow his head. “Thank you, hyung.”

 

Jimin went onto the balcony to pop the cork after Jin insisted ‘no loud sudden noises before noon’, and he re-entered, pouring out several flutes of champagne. 

 

“When do you know, Taehyung?” Namjoon asked, and when Taehyung looked up at him, he realized Jin had been right; he could see that the leader’s eyes were glassy.

 

“Well, the awards show is next week. Wednesday. You’re all invited, although I know you guys are busy, and I certainly wouldn’t be offended–”

 

“We’ll be there,” Namjoon assured Taehyung with a grin.

 

“Wouldn’t miss it for the world,” Jin called from the stove.

 

“Oh, shit,” came a familiar voice from the doorway, “if it’s someone’s birthday, I totally forgot.”

 

Taehyung glanced up to see Jeongguk walk in, wearing his usual I-just-woke-up look. His brown eyes were filled with concern.

 

“Relax, Gguk, Taehyung was nominated for an award,” Hoseok reassured him. 

 

Jeongguk’s mouth formed a tiny ‘o’. He looked to Taehyung. “For your solo music?”

 

Taehyung nodded.

 

Jeongguk smiled. “Congratulations.”

 

It was one word, just a simple stupid word. But maybe it was the way he said it: so genuine, and happy, and yet so serious. Maybe it was because they had spent so long at each other’s throats that Taehyung had forgotten what it felt like to have Jeongguk actually say something nice to him. In any case, his heart fluttered in his chest.

 

Jimin handed him a flute of champagne, and Taehyung was about to drink when he remembered something. “Oh, yeah. And they want me to perform.”

 

★

 

Jeongguk was nervous, and he didn’t know exactly why, although he was sure it had something to do with the fact that this would be the first time that he and Taehyung would be seen in public since the concert. Jeongguk knew, logically, that at the concert, no one had suspected anything was off, but the fact that it almost was a complete catastrophe wasn’t lost on him. 

 

He had finished getting dressed, and he looked himself over in the mirror, adjusting his collar. He was wearing an all-black suit— something that looked nice, but wouldn’t stand out. Satisfied, he sat on his bed, opening up twitter, wondering what people really thought about the way that they had interacted at their concert. All of the top results were videos and pictures of him carrying Taehyung on his back. He watched a video where someone had zoomed in close to their faces to try and figure out what they were saying. 

 

“TRUST ME”... I WILL NEVER RECOVER FROM THIS

 

the way tae seems unsure until he says ‘trust me’. kill me

 

TAEKOOKERS HOW WE DOING

 

Jeongguk let out a relieved breath. People obviously seemed to like how they were interacting. And as much as he didn’t want to admit it, their agent had been right. There were an incredible amount of recent tweets about BTS, and almost all of them were about Jeongguk and Taehyung. Still, he found it funny that the one genuine thing that had taken place was the thing that people were focused on. He hadn’t said ‘trust me’ to Taehyung because he was trying to convince anyone of anything. He had said it because it was what he meant. The idea that people might be picking up on that made his stomach do somersaults. He brushed it off, and headed out of his room.

 

“Lookin’ nice, JK!” Hoseok was all smiles and energy, as usual. 

 

All of the other members were gathered in the living room, waiting to leave, but Jeongguk’s eyes immediately found Taehyung, who was squatting in front of the mirror, touching up the corner of his eye with an eyeliner pencil. He was wearing all white, because of course he was. His long white jacket was draped over his shoulders, giving him a fluttery appearance. Jeongguk was absentmindedly reminded of a flower. A lily, maybe.

 

Taehyung looked at him out of the corner of his eye. “Hi,” he said, monotone.

 

“Hey,” Jeongguk said, his voice coming out much quieter than he intended. He couldn’t tell for sure if Taehyung had been actively avoiding him since the concert, considering that Taehyung never went out of his way to hang around Jeongguk anyway. He had been suspiciously absent from the past few group activities, though. He knew logically that Taehyung might just be embarrassed about what happened, but then again, it was so hard for Jeongguk to picture Taehyung being genuinely embarrassed about anything. He was always so confident, so put-together. Jeongguk was sure that if he mentioned to Taehyung anything about him potentially being embarrassed, Taehyung would laugh at him, call him immature for thinking that, and then deny that it had any effect on him at all. 

 

“He won’t tell us what he’s going to perform,” Jimin informed Jeongguk with a pout. He was sitting on the counter, wearing a tan coloured suit with a lavender shirt underneath.

 

“It’s supposed to be a surprise,” Taehyung said, finally capping his eyeliner and standing up, brushing off his clothes. 

 

“You ready to go?” Namjoon asked from the couch.

 

“I think so,” Taehyung replied.

 

The venue was slightly smaller and a lot more low-key than Jeongguk was expecting. Rather than a big celebrity event, it seemed to be full of producers and executives, with a few famous people thrown in for good measure. In the reception area, people were milling around and talking to each other. 

 

The group had likely attracted the most attention out of anyone in attendance. The decision for all of the members to attend instead of just Taehyung had brought in flocks of reporters and photographers.

 

Jeongguk felt his stomach flop as he realized he was supposed to be seen with Taehyung. He nudged past a few of the other members so he could get beside him. Taehyung acknowledged him with the most subtle of facial expressions.

 

A reporter and a guy with a fancy looking camera stopped the group, directing them over towards the wall where they would have their photo taken. Jeongguk’s heart leapt as he felt Taehyung hold onto his bicep, letting Jeongguk lead him. 

 

The photographer made the group all gather around Taehyung, and Jeongguk summoned his courage, then wrapped an arm around Taehyung’s waist. Maybe it was just his imagination, but he could have sworn he felt Taehyung’s breath hitch. Taehyung leaned back against him, and Jeongguk tried to make a relatively normal facial expression as the cameras flashed.

 

At some point the group split up, with Namjoon and Yoongi engaged in conversation with some producer, Hoseok and Jin over by the snack table, and Jimin flirting with some Korean solo artist who had pastel pink hair. Jeongguk wanted so badly to just follow Namjoon around, or even hang out with Hoseok and Jin, but he had a job to do, which, unfortunately for him, was to hang around with Taehyung. 

 

They sat at their assigned table, Jeongguk lazily stirring his cocktail with the little toothpick.

 

“I don’t know how many times I'm going to have to remind you of this, but we’re supposed to look like we enjoy being around each other,” Taehyung grumbled.

 

“What would you like me to do? Feed you hors d’oeuvres?”

 

“That would be a lot better than what you’re doing right now.” Taehyung took a sip of his drink. “You look like a divorced dad drinking his sorrows away.”

 

Begrudgingly, Jeongguk reached for Taehyung’s hand and held it.

 

“You’re not doing it right,” Taehyung said.

 

Jeongguk scoffed. “How so?” He didn’t see what was wrong with it. He had his hand clasped around Taehyung’s. What could he possibly be taking issue with?

 

Taehyung’s slender fingers slowly laced themselves between Jeongguk’s. “Like that.”

 

“You’re impossible,” Jeongguk muttered, though he did see the difference, actually. This was more intimate, somehow. It reminded him of a romance movie, how when the two characters have sex for the first time, they always lace their fingers together. He instinctively rubbed Taehyung’s thumb with his own. “Are you nervous?”

 

Taehyung cocked his head. “Why would I be?”

 

“Performing solo at an awards show is a big deal. At least in my opinion.” Taehyung’s response rubbed Jeongguk the wrong way. Why couldn’t he at least act like a normal person with normal feelings? Why did he have to pretend he was better than everyone all of the time?

 

Jeongguk’s train of thought was interrupted by someone abruptly sitting down beside Taehyung. He recognized him as the pink-haired dude that Jimin had been talking to earlier. Guess Jimin moved on to somebody else.

 

“You guys enjoying the party?” the guy asked, the tiniest hint of sarcasm in his voice. He flashed Taehyung a perfect smile, not even attempting to look at Jeongguk. 

 

“Hey, I think I know you,” Taehyung greeted him, his tone sugary.

 

“You do?” The guy was surprised, and honestly so was Jeongguk. 

 

“Yeah. Your music was in a drama, right? I had to look it up while I was watching, it was so good.”

 

“Thank you, oh my god,” he gushed. “Congratulations on the nomination, by the way.”

 

“Thank you,” Taehyung said, nodding his head politely. He was wearing this kind of shy smile that Jeongguk had only ever seen a couple times before. It suddenly dawned on him. They were flirting. 

 

Jeongguk cleared his throat, giving Taehyung’s hand a brief squeeze. Taehyung’s eyes snapped up to his, all sweetness disappearing from his expression. 

 

Pink-haired guy’s gaze lingered on their clasped hands for a second. He looked up at Jeongguk, then smiled awkwardly. “Sorry, I… realize I’m intruding.” He stood, lowering his head respectfully before walking off in the other direction and disappearing into the crowd. 

 

Taehyung glared at Jeongguk. “Do you have a problem?”

 

“I’m sorry, I thought we were supposed to be convincing everyone we’re in a relationship. Or, are we supposed to make an exception for guys you wanna fuck?”

 

“Who says we were gonna fuck? I was just having a conversation.” Taehyung pulled his hand away from Jeongguk’s, wiping it on the tablecloth as if it was somehow contaminated. “As if I have the time to fuck somebody.”

 

“You have time for Jimin.”

 

Jeongguk was expecting Taehyung to at least look slightly taken aback at being called out. Instead Taehyung just stared back at him, as if Jeongguk was stupid for saying that.

 

Taehyung sighed. “There’s a photographer to your left,” he said, without breaking eye contact. “We actually need to start looking like we like each other.”

 

“What, do you wanna hold hands again?” Jeongguk said, his tone sour. He really was not interested in this whole dumb thing right now.

 

Taehyung laughed, and although Jeongguk knew it must have been fake, Taehyung was a pretty good actor, and it sounded genuine. Taehyung leaned in close and Jeongguk could feel his breath on his neck. “We’re gonna have an inside joke, and I’m gonna think it’s really funny. Whisper something to me.”

 

Jeongguk resisted the urge to roll his eyes, feeling the pressure as he watched the photographer’s round black lens out of the corner of his eye. He leaned into Taehyung, gingerly placing a hand on the back of his head to keep him close. He didn’t know why he did that; it just felt instinctive. “Did you and Jimin actually fuck? After the concert?”

 

Just as he had explained, Taehyung burst into laughter, throwing his arm over Jeongguk and practically going limp just to sell it. 

 

Jeongguk felt himself smiling, realizing that it was just the image of Taehyung laughing that had made him do so. He didn’t think much of it, because it was working to his advantage in this particular moment. 

 

Taehyung wiped a fake tear from the corner of his eye, leaning into Jeongguk again. “Is that what you’ve been thinking about? Me and Jimin fucking?”

 

Jeongguk pulled back, and it was kind of bizarre, the image of it: Taehyung grinning while he said that. There wasn’t anything he could say in response to that, but he figured it was his turn to laugh anyway, so he doubled over, leaning on the table as he laughed. He wasn’t exactly acting, either. There was something genuinely funny about this situation. Him and Taehyung lobbing insults at each other and forcing themselves to laugh like they were a studio audience. The more he fake laughed, the more they started to turn into real laughs, and before he knew it, he really was laughing.

 

“What?” Taehyung hissed, still wearing that fake smile. 

 

Jeongguk couldn’t even respond. In fact, he could hardly breathe. He lay on the table, laughing, turning his head to see Taehyung, trying to communicate telepathically that he actually couldn’t stop laughing now. 

 

“Okay, if you act like I’m that funny, then it’s suspicious,” Taehyung protested, but he was starting to smile, starting to really smile. His face scrunched up, and he started to laugh. Jeongguk knew it was real by the way he used his hand to hide his face. 

 

“I’m… sorry…” Jeongguk wheezed. 

 

They continued to laugh even when Hoseok and Jin sat down beside them.

 

“What did I miss? What’s so funny?” Hoseok asked, wearing a sort of bewildered expression at how much Jeongguk and Taehyung were seemingly enjoying each other’s company.

 

“Nothing, nothing,” Taehyung said, wiping away real tears of laughter this time. 

 

Eventually a PA came and tapped Taehyung on the shoulder, whisking him away backstage to prepare for the performance, and Jeongguk felt a pang of disappointment in his chest as the seat beside him was suddenly empty.

 

It felt like forever until it was time for Taehyung’s performance. They announced the winners for a couple of the other categories and then, there he was. 

 

Taehyung walked onstage and when he did, Jeongguk’s stomach did a peculiar flip. He had already looked nice enough when Jeongguk was sitting and talking to him before, but now that the stage lights were on him, in his all-white outfit, he looked like he was glowing. 

 

The stage was very different from how the group usually performed. There was one stationary mic, which Taehyung positioned himself in front of, and behind him, there was a live band. 

 

The band began to play the opening bars of the song, and Jeongguk recognized it immediately: Singularity. He was doing one of BTS’ songs. That must have been why he wanted to keep it a surprise. 

 

The song felt very different with the live band, and without all of the showmanship of Taehyung’s usual performances. He began to sing, his voice low and full of emotion, and Jeongguk was entranced. Beside him, the other members were swaying and even mouthing the words to show their support, but Jeongguk hardly noticed. He was watching the way Taehyung was gripping the microphone stand, his rings glinting in the stage lights. Every high note and low sensual word that Taehyung sang felt like a gut punch to Jeongguk, and he was sure that if he was standing, he would have fallen to his knees. 

 

It simultaneously felt like it lasted an eternity and also no time at all. When the song ended, Jeongguk snapped out of his trance and realized that his mouth had been slightly agape. He awkwardly closed it, swallowing back the feeling that was in his throat, and finally remembered to clap. The other members were standing and he followed suit, wondering if Taehyung could even really see them through the stage lights. 

 

But he could, he realized. Because Taehyung’s eyes landed on him. They were searching, and searching, and they landed on him. Taehyung had been looking for him.

 

After his applause, Taehyung slowly made his way back to his seat beside Jeongguk. Immediately the other members were patting him on the back, lovingly shoving his shoulders, telling him how much they loved his performance. Namjoon looked like he was going to cry. But Jeongguk stayed silent, watching Taehyung carefully. Like if he looked away for one second, Taehyung might disappear. Onstage, the announcer was discussing the next performer, and the audience was beginning to quiet down.

 

“How was it?” Taehyung whispered to Jeongguk as he sat down. 

 

“Pretty good,” Jeongguk said.

Chapter 5: "pretty good"

Taehyung didn’t win the award. 

 

The other members must have thought that was the reason for Taehyung’s somber appearance that he kept up until the time that they had to go home. As they were driving home, Namjoon got into one of his long speeches about how proud he was and how achievements can only be measured by how much effort you put in and whatever. Taehyung didn’t care about whether he won or lost, and he wasn’t really listening— he couldn’t listen. Not with the voice that was echoing in his head. 

 

Pretty good. Pretty good? It stung like a persistent insect, over and over again, little by little. Somehow it might have hurt less if Jeongguk had said that he had done terribly. Then he could just chalk it up to an exaggeration because of their stupid rivalry. But pretty good? ‘Pretty good’ meant he thought absolutely nothing of it. That it didn’t even register on his radar. That it was so bland and uninspired, yet just good enough, that it was completely unremarkable. 

 

He stole a glance at Jeongguk, who was sitting in the back of the limo, picking at his fingernails. His black suit was crisp and perfect, with the top button of his dress shirt now undone. Taehyung wanted to grab that stupid collar with both hands and shake Jeongguk, throttle him, force him to pay attention, force him to feel any emotion other than absolute boredom. Force him to notice. 

 

“Kook-ah, you’ve been pretty quiet. You okay?” Taehyung heard Yoongi ask quietly. 

 

“Yeah, these types of things make me pretty tired,” Jeongguk replied, putting on a fake smile. 

 

After an eternity of trying not to look at Jeongguk, they finally got back home. Taehyung said good night to the rest of the members and went to his room, closing the door behind himself. He pulled off his clothes, hanging them up carefully. 

 

Pretty good. Pretty good.  

 

He put on a pair of boxers and a t-shirt. Pretty good. He brushed his teeth and flossed. He got into bed. He barely even clapped, he was practically asleep, that’s how boring it was. 

 

Taehyung turned off the light and squeezed his eyes shut, but nothing was drowning out the stupid little voice in his head. Then he heard the shower start in the bathroom, and felt some sort of mild relief that there was some white noise to distract from his persistent thoughts. 

 

Suddenly there was an echoing bang that came from the shower, and a voice:

 

“Ow, shit.” Jeongguk’s voice. Of course it was.

 

Taehyung flew out of bed without thinking about it, and appeared in front of the bathroom door. He knocked lightly. “You okay?”

 

Jeongguk laughed. Taehyung could picture it even without seeing it: his shoulders bouncing, his stupid face scrunched up like a little kid. “Yeah, sorry. Just dropped a shampoo bottle on my foot.”

 

God, Taehyung was a fucking idiot. Bad enough that he was obsessing over Jeongguk’s reaction to his dumb little performance. Now he’d made himself look like a creep who listens intently to Jeongguk showering. Taehyung picked himself up and forced himself to walk away, back to his bedroom, back into bed. He had to go to sleep before he did anything else embarrassing. But the voice in his head, the one that had been chanting ‘pretty good’ for the past couple hours, had something new to pester Taehyung with: the image of Jeongguk in the shower, droplets of water rolling over his skin, eyes closed due to the pleasurable warmth and water pressure. Hair slicked back, sleeve of tattoos partially obscured by soapy lather, strong hands running over himself, running down his smooth chest, down just a bit further—

 

Taehyung flushed bright red. He wanted to punch his pillow like a preteen having a tantrum. Since when did he care what anyone thought, let alone fucking Jeongguk ? Since when did he keep himself up at night making softcore pornos in his head about his housemates? What the fuck had happened to him? 

 

★

 

Jeongguk had never masturbated to something non-sexual before. Usually, when he needed to get himself off, he pictured the usual stuff. People fucking. Public sex. Getting head. Random porn that he’d watched when he was a teenager that had immortalized itself in his brain for some reason. Sometimes he’d masturbate to something very specific, that he’d never considered weird, (but now that he was thinking about it, maybe it was).  

 

When he was a kid, his dad had a workshop in the basement. He liked wood-working, and would spend hours down there at a time. Jeongguk was usually instructed by his dad not to go down there because of the shavings, or the strong fumes from the wood glue. He would see his dad occasionally appear in the kitchen to get a glass of water, wearing a protective mask and safety glasses. But once, Jeongguk’s dad was trying to fix a problem with the wiring, and it was Jeongguk’s job to go down into the basement and stand by the circuit breaker to flip the switch whenever his dad told him to, or something (he didn’t know, he hadn’t paid attention). And while he did that he stared at the back of the door to the furnace room.

 

There was a poster on the door. One which Jeongguk had assumed his mother had never seen, considering she literally never came down here. It was of an American girl— Jeongguk didn’t know where his dad would have even gotten it. She was blonde, and tan, and wearing an impractically small swimsuit. It occurred to him that this was the kind of thing that his dad liked (gross), therefore it must have been the kind of thing that normal guys liked. Jeongguk didn’t know why he couldn’t consider himself a ‘normal’ guy, even then. But he remembered the picture. He knew the way that it was supposed to make him feel. The imagery of the photograph was incredibly clear: this picture had been taken and this poster had been made because guys looked at this and they felt turned on. 

 

It wasn’t like Jeongguk felt nothing when he looked at it. He did feel a tiny bit turned on. Nothing crazy, but he could maybe understand the appeal. He did like girls. Sometimes. Maybe just not girls that looked exactly like her. Still, the picture stuck in his mind. It stayed in his mind until he was an adult. And he would revisit it every time he felt the slightest bit… not normal. In high school, when the sweaty guys on his soccer team would pat him on the back and ruffle his hair, and Jeongguk would find himself sneaking glances when they all got changed, he would go home and sit in bed and think of the poster of the girl. He would jerk off to that girl, and he would feel better, because he had reminded himself that he could like normal things. That just because he had abnormal thoughts, didn’t mean that he even had to acknowledge them in the slightest.

 

Jeongguk never ever masturbated to the thought of a guy. Usually there was a guy involved somehow, as there often was during straight sex. But Jeongguk didn’t think about just guys. That was a section of his mind that was off-limits; blocked by that stupid poster of that girl, reminding him that if he crossed that line, he would be unable to return to feeling like he was completely, one hundred percent normal .

 

But Jeongguk was standing in the shower, leaning up against the wall, water pressure drilling into his back, thinking about a guy, and he was hard. 

 

Not just any guy. Kim Taehyung. 

 

The worst part of it was that he wasn’t picturing Taehyung doing anything at all, really. He couldn’t even make the excuse that thinking about someone doing something sexual could turn anyone on, regardless of their gender. He was just thinking about Taehyung. More specifically, he was thinking about Taehyung looking at him. He was replaying that moment in his head from the awards show: when Taehyung’s gaze had landed on him. Then it morphed into something different. The crowd disappeared. Now Taehyung was looking at him. Just looking. Staring at him with his stoic and slightly disapproving expression. He was hard, thinking about that. He hadn’t even touched himself— he had only just slightly grazed his cock with his forearm, and his knees had nearly buckled due to the instant relief. 

 

It wouldn’t be that bad, right? If he touched himself a little? Just to take the edge off. He was sure that it was a lot weirder to stand here in the shower thinking about a guy and getting hard and not doing anything about it. Besides, he didn’t have to think about anything in particular. He could just think about nothing, and do this because it was what his body clearly needed, and it would be over with. He took himself in hand and started to stroke slowly, still feeling paranoid, like there was someone out there reading his mind at this exact moment, and they knew , they knew that it was a guy who had made him feel this way. But it felt so good, and before he knew it he had completely forgotten about any potential mind readers, or that stupid poster of that girl, and instead he was thinking about Taehyung. Taehyung’s hardness pressing into his ass as he sat on his lap at that concert. He thought about what it might be like if Taehyung had reached around him, his slender fingers undoing Jeongguk’s belt and unzipping his pants. If he had pulled down Jeongguk’s jeans and pulled down his own and rested his cock up against Jeongguk’s bare ass instead. If, greased up by sweat and precome, he had slid his cock right along Jeongguk’s hole.

 

In his mind he heard Taehyung’s snarky voice. Is this what you think about, Jeongguk? You think about your hyung fucking you?

 

Thinking about Taehyung catching him in the act, watching him masturbate, knowing that he was touching himself to his hyung doing something completely wrong— it should have made him feel embarrassed. But it only turned him on even more. He traced his free hand along the curve of his ass in vain, pulling back one of his ass cheeks and feeling the slight stretch, though the sensation frustrated him more than anything. 

 

That was the other thing that Jeongguk didn’t like to think very hard about: He fingered himself sometimes. But he had previously brushed that off as being completely normal, straight behavior. It wasn’t his fault that dudes had a prostate. Every man had one, straight or not. And as long as he thought about straight things while he did it, then there was nothing abnormal about it. 

 

However, this had to be crossing some sort of line. Fingering himself while thinking about a cock against his asshole was different. He circled the sensitive area with the pad of his finger, feeling his face burn with humiliation. He couldn’t do anything. He didn’t have any lube. Still, he pressed a finger against his hole, and the sensation made him slump against the shower wall with need and frustration. In doing so, his elbow bumped one of the shampoo bottles, causing it to fall directly on his foot. The pain wasn’t that bad, but the loud noise it created made Jeongguk cringe. “Ow, shit,” he cursed. He wondered if that was some sort of divine signal that he was doing something wrong. 

 

There was a tap tap on the door. “You okay?” 

 

Taehyung.

 

If there was ever a divine signal, that was it. The situation was so awful and embarrassing that it was actually funny. Jeongguk laughed. “Yeah, sorry. Just dropped a shampoo bottle on my foot.” He hoped Taehyung didn’t hear how his voice trembled. 

 

There was silence from behind the door, and Jeongguk assumed that meant Taehyung was satisfied with that response. He reached around and turned the water temperature to freezing, vowing that he would never, ever, do any of that again.

 

★

 

“Would you fuck Jeongguk?”

 

Taehyung’s gaze shot up to look at Jimin. “Why would you ask me that?”

 

Jimin laughed, putting up his hands defensively. “It was just a question. Yesterday we were talking about the things we would do to Jin if he wasn’t so painfully straight. I thought this was also on the table.”

 

Taehyung and Jimin were helping each other pack for the group’s vacation to Australia. It was their first trip in a long time where they didn’t have any responsibilities; it was an actual vacation, just for the sake of it. 

 

Jimin had brought his entire wardrobe and dumped it on Taehyung’s bed, and he was rifling through it, pulling clothes out so that he could periodically ask for Taehyung’s opinion. It wasn’t often that the members could actually dress themselves, considering most of the time their outfits were being carefully styled, so Jimin seemed excited to be choosing his own outfits. Taehyung was looking forward to it, too. And he wondered what Jeongguk would choose to wear. 

 

“So?” Jimin prompted. 

 

Taehyung slumped down next to Jimin’s pile of clothes. “Uh, no.”

 

Jimin nearly choked. “You wouldn’t?”

 

“No. You would ?”

 

Jimin grabbed a button up from the bed and held it up to himself in the mirror. “You must be kidding. I know you and him have some sort of weird… rivalry, cage match thing going on, but I personally would put that aside to get him in bed.”

 

“ Jimin-ah, ” Taehyung scolded. 

 

Jimin laughed. “I don’t know what you’re so touchy about. I mean, he’s gorgeous. And he’s got that whole strong-but-stupid thing going on. He’s like if a little puppy got body-swapped with an adult man.”

 

“I guess I’m just not into idiots, then.” Taehyung pulled a pair of Jimin’s expensive looking sunglasses out of their protective case and slid them on. 

 

“Don’t know when you turned into such a prude,” Jimin said, grinning. “You should borrow those. They’re good on you.”

 

Taehyung ignored the compliment. “So are you really considering going after him?”

 

Jimin let out a little snort. “Do you actually think I could?”

 

Taehyung lay back on the bed. “Well, in my professional opinion he might be even straighter than Jin. But you’re you , so that isn’t even relevant.”

 

“You think he’s straight?” Jimin said incredulously. 

 

“He doesn’t seem like it, but trust me, he is. He didn’t realize I was gay, and I feel like that’s all the proof you need.”

 

“I mean, what if he’s just oblivious? You know Jeongguk. He’s… not always the brightest.”

 

Taehyung shrugged. Yeah, well, I had an erection while he was sitting on top of me and it had zero effect on him whatsoever, he wanted to say, but he didn’t. “Anyway, as I said, that stuff doesn’t really matter when it comes to you. You could pull literally anyone.”

 

“That’s not true,” Jimin insisted, but his grin hinted that he thought otherwise. “So should I go for it?”

 

“What’s the worst that could happen?” Jimin pulled off his shirt, putting on the one he was holding. 

 

Taehyung tried to put on a neutral expression, pulling out his phone. He opened Twitter. Dread was rolling through his stomach like a thunderstorm. He chalked it up to him developing a stupid little infatuation. Maybe he was only interested in Jeongguk at all because Jeongguk would never be interested in return. 

 

Would Jeongguk actually be interested in Jimin?

 

Everyone on planet earth was interested in Jimin. Why would Jeongguk be an exception? 

 

Taehyung tried to picture what it would be like when Jimin inevitably came and told him that he had hooked up with Jeongguk. Right now Taehyung’s only comfort was the idea that Jeongguk was straight– that was the only thing that made him feel better about Jeongguk’s complete lack of interest in him. But if Jeongguk got with Jimin, he wouldn’t be able to use that excuse anymore. He would have to come to terms with the fact that Jeongguk just didn’t fucking like him. 

 

As always, Taehyung’s obsessive thoughts were making him feel ill. He was so wrapped up in himself that he didn’t even realize Jimin had left the room until he heard him call from the bathroom. 

 

“Have you seen my water bottle?”

 

“Which one?”

 

“The blue one.”

 

“Yeah, I think. Let me go get it.” Normally Taehyung wouldn’t go out of his way to find something for someone else, but he welcomed the idea of leaving this room and preventing Jimin from asking him any more stupid questions about Jeongguk. He went down the hall to their home gym and walked in, expecting it to be deserted considering that all the members should have been busy packing. 

 

Jeongguk was draped over one of the workout benches, looking at his phone. His chest was heaving and he was drenched in sweat. 

 

He hadn’t looked up yet, and Taehyung had hope that he could leave without being noticed. 

 

“Hi,” Jeongguk said without looking away from his phone. 

 

Shit. “What are you doing here?” Taehyung tried to sound unbothered.

 

“Working out,” he replied. 

 

“Yeah, I see that,” Taehyung said sourly. “I meant, what are you doing here when you’re supposed to be packing?”

 

Jeongguk placed his phone on the ground, letting his hands fall beside him in a sort of defeated gesture. “I don’t know.”

 

“Are you okay?”

 

“Yeah. Just stressed.”

 

“What about?” Taehyung spotted Jimin’s water bottle sitting next to the treadmill, and he walked over to get it. 

 

Jeongguk let out a sigh. 

 

Taehyung sat down on the floor. He was a couple feet away from Jeongguk, and he watched as Jeongguk ran a hand through his dark hair. 

 

“I don’t know if it would even make any sense if I tried to explain it,” he said quietly. 

 

“Try me.”

 

“Why are you so interested?” Jeongguk snapped slightly, and Taehyung felt like he’d received an electric shock. Jeongguk never got angry, he never raised his voice in the slightest, so in order for him to react that way, Taehyung must have really fucking bothered him. 

 

“Sorry, then,” Taehyung shot back, and it was true. He really was regretting saying anything, because it was getting harder and harder to pretend that Jeongguk actually didn’t hate him. He grabbed the water bottle and left before Jeongguk had the opportunity to say anything else.

Chapter 6: forgive me

Notes:

Slightly longer chapter to make up for the fact that I probably won't update for a bit because I'm moving! But I hope that you enjoy :)

Jeongguk was in a daze when he was woken up by his alarm to leave for the airport. He had managed to finish packing the previous night, although he wasn’t quite sure how, and he had no recollection of what he had even packed. He could faintly hear the sounds of the other members in the kitchen, and he grumbled as he realized he was probably the last one awake for the millionth time. 

 

He pulled on sweatpants and a hoodie and shuffled into the common area. 

 

Immediately he was pulled into a hug by Jimin. “You excited, Kook-ah?” He asked. 

 

Jeongguk nodded, stifling a yawn. 

 

“Jeongguk’s finally here, we can go!” Seokjin announced. 

 

“Thank god,” came Namjoon’s voice from the bathroom. 

 

Jeongguk’s gaze drifted over to Taehyung against his own will. Taehyung was on his phone, and he glanced up for just a second, but quickly looked away when he made eye contact with Jeongguk. 

 

Jeongguk felt guilt rising in his stomach. He genuinely felt bad about how he had snapped at Taehyung the previous day, but he didn’t know how to explain it to him without sounding like an idiot— Hey Taehyung, sorry for yelling at you, it’s just that I’m avoiding you because I’m scared that literally just looking at you will give me a boner. 

 

So instead his strategy was just to ignore him. Not ideal, but better than telling him the truth. 

 

He barely registered Jimin grabbing his hand as they walked out of the door and loaded their suitcases into the car. 

 

The ride to the airport was uneventful. Jeongguk was asleep for most of it. In fact, Jeongguk was basically asleep all the way through security and until they got to their gate. He only fully woke up when Namjoon handed out their individual tickets and Jeongguk realized he was seated next to Taehyung. Taehyung seemed to realize too, because their eyes met, and Jeongguk saw how Taehyung’s mouth was pressed into a thin irritated line. 

 

“Sorry guys, no first class today, unfortunately. We booked this trip sort of last minute and all the flights were filled up.” 

 

Jeongguk didn’t care whether or not they were in first class, except for the fact that being in economy meant significantly less personal space, and the last thing Jeongguk wanted to do was get too close to Taehyung right now. 

 

“You look tired, Kook-ah,” Seokjin commented, ruffling his hair. 

 

He was right. More than that, Jeongguk felt tired, and not just because he had been woken up incredibly early. He was exhausted from doing this dumb shit every day. Every moment he was busy trying so hard not to let his real emotions show. He wished so badly he could let it all out, that he could tell his friends what he was going through, that he could tell Taehyung… well, he wasn’t sure exactly what he wanted to tell Taehyung.

 

“It’s okay. Sleep on the plane,” Jin suggested. 

 

Sleep sounded good, and Jeongguk was actually looking forward to sleeping on the plane, until they boarded and he sat down next to Taehyung, and he realized how impossible sleeping would be. Taehyung looked downright pissed off. He was sitting in the window seat, and his knees were pointed away from Jeongguk. He had pulled out a novel and buried his face in it. 

 

Jeongguk would have felt annoyed at Taehyung’s behaviour in any other situation, but he couldn’t help but think of their conversation from the other day and how he had snapped at Taehyung for no reason. The guilt was giving him a stomach ache. 

 

When the flight attendant came around to serve coffee and tea, Jeongguk asked for “extra napkins, and do you guys have a pen I could borrow?” The attendant gave him one, and he thanked her profusely. Once she had gone, he put down his tray table and scrawled a note on one of the napkins. 

 

I’m sorry for yesterday.

 

He carefully placed the napkin so that it was sitting like a bookmark in Taehyung’s book. 

 

Taehyung’s expression stayed completely unchanged, and he plucked the napkin out of the book, placing it back on the tray table. 

 

Jeongguk frowned. He realized he was going to have to step up his game. He doodled a little picture of a bear, and in a speech bubble, he wrote:

 

If you don’t forgive me, this trip is going to be un-bear-able ~

 

He placed it in the book once again, and upon seeing it, Taehyung’s mouth twitched into a tiny little smile. He motioned for Jeongguk to give him the pen, and he leaned over the table, writing a message of his own, then handed it back to Jeongguk. 

 

It’s ok. I was stressed yesterday too. Let’s forget about it.

 

Jeongguk felt a weight lift off of his shoulders. It would have been really embarrassing to make that stupid pun if Taehyung was still mad at him. 

 

Taehyung seemed to relax too. He changed his posture, not facing the window anymore, and he spread out his legs slightly. Not much, considering how limited the space was, but enough so that now, Taehyung’s thigh was resting against Jeongguk’s. 

 

Jeongguk froze. God, just when he thought he would finally be able to relax, now he had a very different kind of stress. 

 

Taehyung didn’t seem to care at all that their legs were touching, because of course he didn’t. He just went back to his novel. Jeongguk acted like he was busy on his phone, trying to find something to distract himself.

 

Taehyung yawned, and rubbed his face tiredly, then stretched out his legs slightly. Just slightly— but now they were making even more contact than before. 

 

Jeongguk felt like his thigh was on fire. 

 

He didn’t know how long he was sitting there, just staring straight ahead, only able to focus on the tiny bit of physical contact he was making with Taehyung, but eventually Taehyung adjusted his position, letting his hand drape over their shared armrest and hang right above Jeongguk’s crotch. 

 

It was ridiculous that somehow this was turning him on even more than what had happened at their concert, and Jeongguk wondered why. At their concert, Taehyung’s erection was pressed directly against his ass. But somehow, Taehyung’s hand dangling tantalizingly close to his cock was way hotter; Taehyung could touch him, but he definitely wouldn’t , and just thinking about that put the word please on the tip of his tongue.

 

Jeongguk didn’t know how to back himself away from this particular ledge. He tried to think about other things, but couldn’t get past the persistent warmth that was radiating off of Taehyung’s hand– or was that just his imagination? He tried to tell himself how stupid and pathetic this all was, but the voice in his head sounded like Taehyung, and the idea of Taehyung insulting him was not helping him feel less turned on. 

 

Taehyung chuckled to himself lightly, and Jeongguk had to stop himself from jolting in surprise, though he quickly realized that Taehyung wasn’t laughing at him; his eyes were trained on the page in front of him. He’d probably just read something funny. 

 

But now that Jeongguk had looked over at Taehyung, he couldn’t look away. He watched how Taehyung’s eyes traveled back and forth across the page as he read. He watched how he bit his lip slightly. Taehyung chuckled again, and Jeongguk was entranced as he watched a smile flicker over Taehyung’s face. He briefly moved his hand so that he could turn the page, but immediately returned it back to its spot. 

 

Suddenly Taehyung met his gaze, any hint of the smile dropping away. “Am I bothering you? Sorry. It’s funnier than I thought it would be.”

 

“No, it’s…” Cute, he almost said. “...fine. It’s fine.” 

 

Taehyung nodded, satisfied with Jeongguk’s answer, and went back to reading. 

 

Jeongguk would have been perfectly content with just watching Taehyung read, but unfortunately Taehyung’s hand was still dangling in a very dangerous zone, and despite him trying to focus on literally anything else, it was all he could think about. 

 

Taehyung moved his hand to turn the page again, and when he returned it, it dipped just a tiny bit too low, and brushed against Jeongguk’s crotch. 

 

Jeongguk had to suppress a yelp. Before he knew it, he was urgently squeezing out of the seats, into the aisle, and into the bathroom. Luckily it was unoccupied, and as soon as he locked the door, he pulled down the waistband of his pants and underwear, hands shaking as he began to touch himself.

 

★

 

Taehyung looked up from his book as Jeongguk returned. The first thing he noticed was Jeongguk’s complexion: he looked a bit more flushed than usual.

 

“You okay?” Taehyung asked. The odd look on Jeongguk’s face, combined with the fact that he had darted out of his seat at the speed of light, had led Taehyung to believe that he was feeling ill or something. 

 

“Yeah, just… something I ate. Or motion sickness, I don’t know,” Jeongguk said as he took his seat. 

 

Taehyung frowned. “You don’t usually get sick on planes.”

 

Jeongguk shrugged in response, fidgeting with his clothes.

 

The flight attendant had just finished assisting someone a couple rows behind them, and Taehyung stood up. “Excuse me, can I have some peppermint tea?”

 

The attendant nodded and brought the cart over, handing Taehyung a steaming paper cup with a teabag in it. 

 

“You don’t like peppermint tea,” Jeongguk remarked. 

 

“You’re right, I don’t.” He placed it on Jeongguk’s tray table. “Drink it, it’ll help your stomach.”

 

“You… ordered tea for me.” Jeongguk said quietly, eyes fixed on the cup in front of him. 

 

“Yes. Drink it.” Taehyung was almost regretting his decision to do something nice for Jeongguk, considering that Jeongguk was acting like it was a big deal, when it really wasn’t. ( Was it? ) 

 

Taehyung acted like he was reading, but he peeked at Jeongguk in his peripheral vision. Jeongguk was slumped slightly in his seat, his shoulders rising and falling quickly with his breath. Why is he… panting? He watched Jeongguk lift the cup to his mouth and couldn’t help but notice how his hand trembled slightly. Is he having a panic attack or something?

 

Suddenly Jeongguk’s eyes darted over to Taehyung, and Taehyung had to act like he wasn’t looking at him. He watched as Jeongguk located the napkin he’d been writing on before, and the pen, and started scrawling something. 

 

“Why are you…” Taehyung was about to ask, and the word writing died in his throat as he read the words on the napkin. 

 

I have to ask you something

 

Taehyung took the pen and wrote back. 

 

What?

 

Jeongguk’s handwriting was slightly messier than usual. 

 

You never answered my question at the awards show. 

 

Taehyung frowned, writing back. 

 

What question?

 

Jeongguk seemed to glance over his shoulder before he wrote again. 

 

Did you and Jimin actually fuck after our concert

 

Taehyung scoffed a little. They were running out of room on the napkin and he flipped it over. 

 

You can’t let that go, can you?

 

Jeongguk wrote something quickly. 

 

Answer

 

Taehyung thought for a moment. He remembered Jeongguk’s dejected expression after the concert when he watched Taehyung and Jimin walk in together. For a second he genuinely considered lying. He didn’t know why he was suddenly so concerned with Jeongguk’s feelings. Then again, he figured that if he lied it would bite him in the ass later. He begrudgingly wrote his answer. 

 

Yes

 

Jeongguk’s expression was completely indecipherable. He furrowed his brow at the napkin, looking at it like it was some sort of irritating inconvenience, like an unpaid parking ticket, or a piece of gum on his shoe. 

 

Taehyung pushed the pen towards him, wanting him to reply, to explain why he had been so insistent on knowing. But Jeongguk ignored it, going back to his tea. 

 

The rest of the flight was silent and awkward. When the flight attendant came around to collect their garbage and tell them to put their tray tables up, Jeongguk was perfectly smiley and happy and polite. But as soon as she left, the smile fell away, and his clouded expression returned. 

 

Taehyung had never been so happy to feel the plane touch the tarmac. They exited the plane and Taehyung felt overjoyed that he wasn’t going to be stuck next to Jeongguk anymore. 

 

As they waited for their luggage at the carousel, Namjoon was on the phone, his brow furrowed as he listened to what the voice on the other line was saying. His frustration didn’t show in his voice, though. He politely thanked who he was speaking to and hung up. 

 

Hoseok looked at him questioningly. 

 

“Our living arrangements aren’t ready yet,” Namjoon sighed. “We’re supposed to have a little villa, but apparently the last group that went through there left some damages that need to be repaired.”

 

“It’s not the end of the world,” Hoseok assured him. “We’ll just get a hotel.”

 

★

 

Why was it that Jeongguk and Taehyung always ended up in close quarters with each other?

 

Jeongguk felt like it must be some sort of joke that everyone was playing on him. As they stood at the front desk of the hotel and decided who would share what room, Jeongguk and Taehyung were left until the end, as if they were being picked last for a basketball game. The realization that they would have to room with each other set in slowly, and Jeongguk didn’t even allow himself to glance over at Taehyung, not wanting to see the annoyed expression that was probably on his face. 

 

The flight had been long, and Jeongguk was thankful that it gave him an excuse to just immediately go to sleep when they got to their hotel room. He was just going to crawl into his bed on his side of the room and pretend that Taehyung didn’t exist. He would stare at the wall all night if he had to; as long as he wasn’t looking at Taehyung and thinking about what had happened on the plane.

 

They reached their hotel room door, and Taehyung fumbled the key card against the lock. Jeongguk zoned out, staring at his feet, hoping that Taehyung wouldn’t try to make any conversation. 

 

“What the fuck?” Taehyung said as the door opened.

 

Jeongguk looked up. “What?”

 

Taehyung entered, pulling his suitcase behind him. “Is this the wrong room?”

 

Jeongguk frowned, checking the door. ‘This is 2102,” he confirmed.

 

Taehyung glanced at the key card again. “Fuck.”

 

“What’s your problem?” Jeongguk snipped as he walked in with his luggage, but his stomach dropped. 

 

There was a singular, queen sized bed in the center of the room. 

 

“I’m calling Namjoon,” Jeongguk announced. 

 

“Why, so he can tell us to suck it up? Don’t bother.” Taehyung set down his luggage and went into the bathroom, washing his hands. 

 

Jeongguk let out an audible exasperated sigh, flopping down on the left side of the bed. “Well, then don’t act like I have the fucking plague next time.”

 

“It’s not you,” Taehyung said as he reentered. “I’m just exhausted and I was looking forward to having my own bed.”

 

Jeongguk felt his face growing warm with embarrassment; why had he automatically assumed that Taehyung’s frustration was because of him ? “Yeah, well, me too.”

 

Taehyung slumped down next to him. “Could be worse.” He paused contemplatively. “Could be a single bed.”

 

For a moment a mental image of sharing a single bed with Taehyung flitted across Jeongguk’s mind– how their legs would have to slot together… Maybe Taehyung would have to lay on top of him. Jeongguk halted those thoughts before they got out of hand. “Yeah,” he agreed.

 

“So, I mean, we can build a wall out of pillows if you want,” Taehyung suggested. He stood up, unzipping his suitcase and pulling some things out. 

 

“Nah, I don’t want to waste pillows like that. It’s fine. Just… stay on your side.” Jeongguk sat up, unlacing his shoes. He suspected Taehyung was going to change into pajamas, but honestly he was way too tired to do the same.

 

“Yes sir,” Taehyung joked, along with a little salute. 

 

Jeongguk’s stomach flopped. He pulled off his hoodie and lay back, crawling under the covers and watching Taehyung out of the corner of his eye. 

 

Without warning, Taehyung stripped off his shirt, and Jeongguk instinctively looked away, hoping it wasn’t too obvious the way his head turned so quickly. 

 

“What, you’re not gonna brush your teeth?” Taehyung commented, and Jeongguk turned over. He was still shirtless, of course. Stop making me look at you, Jeongguk thought.

 

“I’m so tired,” Jeongguk groaned.

 

Taehyung made a face. “Didn’t you, like, puke?”

 

Jeongguk flushed bright red. Fuck. “Oh, yeah.” God, Jeongguk, you’re a terrible liar. He stood up, because he had to at this point, unless he wanted to risk looking like a weirdo.

 

Taehyung pulled on a loose fitting white t-shirt. “How do you survive on your own?”

 

Jeongguk couldn’t even think of a rebuttal to that. He pulled his toothbrush out of his suitcase and went into the bathroom. As he brushed his teeth, he looked in the mirror and watched what Taehyung was doing in the reflection. 

 

Taehyung went to pull down his pants, and Jeongguk’s instincts told him to look away again, but he just couldn’t . Taehyung was facing away, and all of a sudden Jeongguk was staring at his bare ass.

 

Taehyung had a cute butt. Jeongguk couldn’t remember ever thinking someone had a cute butt before. He’d seen girls with objectively nice asses and internally remarked upon it, but he’d never seen a butt that he would describe as cute . Jeongguk watched as Taehyung bent down to fish a pair of boxers out of his suitcase, and, okay, now Jeongguk really had to look away, because accidentally glancing at Taehyung’s bare ass was one thing, but staring long enough to see his…

 

Jeongguk spit into the sink, washing out his mouth and splashing cold water onto his face. Luckily when he finally dried off his face and looked up, Taehyung’s butt was clothed in a pair of boxers. 

 

Taehyung wasted no time in clambering into bed. Jeongguk made his way around to his side, and for a moment wondered if he should get changed too, now pestered with the idea that Taehyung might glance at his naked butt while he was turned around. He chickened out, and settled for just taking off his sweatpants, leaving on the pair of briefs he was wearing underneath. 

 

He turned around and felt an odd pang of disappointment that Taehyung wasn’t even slightly looking in his direction. Instead he was fully turned over, already wrapped in the duvet like a cocoon. Jeongguk switched off the light and climbed under the covers. 

 

Sleep didn’t come as easy as he thought it might.

 

The room was silent. He hated that. He usually fell asleep with some sort of music on, but he doubted that Taehyung would allow that, so he said nothing, listening to the quiet hum of the air conditioning. His mind was racing, and he doubted he would actually be able to fall asleep anytime soon. Just like when they were on the plane, Jeongguk was painfully aware of just how close he was to Taehyung. 

 

Taehyung, with his soft brown bangs, and his body heat, and his stupid cute butt. But mostly Jeongguk was thinking about the body heat part. It felt like Taehyung had a force field of energy around him, and Jeongguk was sitting right at the edge of it, feeling the buzz. Maybe he was imagining it, but even just laying here next to him he could feel Taehyung breathing, slowly, in and out. A voice in Jeongguk’s head was urging him to just reach out his hand, to reach across and touch Taehyung’s warm skin. Jeongguk didn’t listen, and though he would have liked to call it self control, in reality he knew it was just fear. He pictured how Taehyung might react to being touched by him. He pictured Taehyung’s annoyed and slightly disgusted expression. Would he pull away? Or worse, would he push Jeongguk’s hand away? 

 

That mental image killed Jeongguk’s obsessive thoughts pretty quickly. Now he had a sick feeling in his stomach, and he rolled over onto his side so he was facing away from Taehyung. He was just going to squeeze his eyes shut and pretend like he was somewhere else. 

“Mmh.”

 

Jeongguk was just on the brink of sleep when a tiny noise woke him up. He blinked into the darkness, listening. 

 

Taehyung inhaled sharply, and then there it was again. That sound. He… moaned. 

 

Jeongguk froze. Was Taehyung dreaming? Surely he must be. But then again, people don’t usually jerk themselves off while they sleep, and Jeongguk could hear the quiet sounds of skin moving against the crisp white hotel sheets… and another significantly more lewd sound. 

 

Holy fuck. Jeongguk’s abdomen ached with arousal. He had to clench his jaw, pressing his lips together to prevent himself from unintentionally making a sound. He felt so, so grateful that he had been facing away from Taehyung when he fell asleep, because even just the idea of Taehyung masturbating was causing heat to travel down to Jeongguk’s crotch, and he was getting hard. 

 

His mind raced with questions. Why was Taehyung doing this? Was he intentionally trying to mess with Jeongguk, or was he just genuinely horny enough to jerk himself off while sharing a bed? Sure, Taehyung was a dick, but he wouldn’t mess with Jeongguk at the price of his own dignity. 

 

Taehyung made a little sound, low in his throat, that made Jeongguk want to squirm. 

 

Well, if Taehyung wasn’t intentionally fucking with Jeongguk, then god definitely was. 

 

Jeongguk couldn’t help it. He really, really couldn’t help it. His hand slowly traveled down to his groin. Even just that slight movement alerted Taehyung, who seemed to freeze. Jeongguk pretended like he was just moving in his sleep, and let out a slow sleepy exhale just to sell it. 

 

Taehyung hesitated for a moment, then continued, and Jeongguk felt a wave of warmth wash over him. He ran a thumb over the head of his cock and had to hold his breath so as not to make a sound. This had to be one of the worst ideas he had ever conceived. Because as good as it felt to finally touch himself, he had no idea how he was going to hide it from Taehyung, who was already acutely aware of his every movement. But as the seconds crawled by, and Jeongguk listened to Taehyung touching himself, he became less and less afraid of being caught. After all, Taehyung was the one who started it. If anything, Taehyung was the one who should be embarrassed. 

 

He ran a hand along his cock. It was dry— he obviously didn’t have any lube, and there was no way he was going to manage to discreetly spit into his hand. The friction was too much, and Jeongguk almost grunted in frustration. He shifted his focus to the tip of his cock, spreading around the precome that he had produced. It wasn’t enough to lubricate him, but still, it felt really fucking good. 

 

From beside him, he could hear Taehyung speed up slightly, could hear his breath hitch slightly, could feel his movements vibrate across the mattress. It was making Jeongguk forget where he was, what he was doing, why he absolutely couldn’t let Taehyung know he was touching himself. He ran his thumb over his tip again and this time he let out a little sound: just the slightest moan. 

 

Any sound or movement coming from Taehyung halted immediately, and Jeongguk froze. The air was deathly still. Jeongguk didn’t even dare inhale. 

 

“Jeongguk?”

 

Jeongguk let out a breath. “Yeah,” he responded, his voice rough. 

 

“Holy shit.” He heard Taehyung shift behind him, presumably rolling over. “I’m… were you…?”

 

Jeongguk could take a guess at what the missing words in that sentence were. “Yeah. I’m sorry.”

 

“Why are you apologizing?” Taehyung asked, his voice shaky and breathy. “I should be apologizing.”

 

“You really don’t need to, I mean, I…” Jeongguk could only imagine how red his face was, and he was glad Taehyung couldn’t see it. “I get it. It’s not weird. I’m… really horny too. I jerked off in the airplane bathroom,” he confessed. The words felt like they were falling out of him rather than him willingly saying them. 

 

Taehyung laughed, hearty and genuine, and Jeongguk felt some of his embarrassment disappear. “I knew you weren’t puking. Oh my god.”

 

Jeongguk laughed a little too. “Yeah, it was pretty obvious, wasn’t it?” He wasn’t going to mention that it was Taehyung’s literal thigh that had made him do that. 

 

“God, what are we doing?” There was still a smile in Taehyung’s voice, but he was breaching the sensitive topic again. 

 

“I don’t know,” Jeongguk said honestly. He had no idea how he ended up in this situation. His plan to avoid Taehyung and not get a boner in front of him had failed on all accounts. 

 

“Do you wanna keep going?”

 

“…What?”

 

“Sorry, sorry.” Taehyung laughed again, although this time it sounded significantly more nervous. “Sorry. You just said it wasn’t weird and then I went and made it weird again.”

 

“No, I— It’s not weird. It’s still not weird. I’m just surprised.”

 

“It’s just that usually when I… you know, I don’t get seventy five percent of the way there and stop. I know some people like that sort of thing, but I’m not one of them.”

 

Jeongguk had never heard Taehyung sound so… awkward, before. He was always sure of himself, and had a way with words that could charm absolutely anyone. But now he was laying next to Jeongguk, clumsily explaining how he wanted to finish himself off. Jeongguk’s head was spinning. 

 

“Sure,” Jeongguk said. 

 

Taehyung nearly choked. “Do you mean like sure as in you understand what I’m saying, or sure as in…”

 

“I can touch you.” Jeongguk wasn’t sure where he had got this sudden surge of confidence. He wasn’t sure if it even was confidence. It felt more like he was in a dream, where he could say or do whatever he wanted and it didn’t matter. 

 

“You can… what?”

 

No going back now. “I can touch you. I don’t think it’s weird. It’s what you do with Jimin, right? And you guys are just friends.” That surge of confidence was disappearing. “Unless you don’t want me to.”

 

“Come here,” Taehyung said quietly, so quietly, like it was hard for him to get the words out.

 

Jeongguk rolled over, feeling dizzy as he was suddenly face-to-face with Taehyung. He couldn’t see him, it was still pitch black, but his eyes had adjusted enough to make out the outline of his face, and the slope of his shoulder. He watched the shoulder rise and fall with Taehyung’s breath. Holy shit. All of a sudden everything was very, very real. Why the fuck had he agreed to this? This wasn’t some strange wet dream born out of sexual frustration and jet lag. This was the real Taehyung, laying in front of him, breathing, waiting to be touched. 

 

As terrified as Jeongguk was, he reached forward with a cautious hand, and in the darkness, he made contact with Taehyung’s hip. Even through his boxers, Jeongguk could feel Taehyung’s body heat, that stupid addicting heat that Jeongguk had wanted to feel so badly. He slipped a finger into the waistband, slowly dipping it slightly lower. 

 

“What’s with the foreplay?” Taehyung asked.

 

“Sorry,” Jeongguk breathed, and his voice shook. “I probably won’t be very good at this.”

 

“Hey, I’m not that scary, am I?” The snarkiness had completely disappeared from his tone. “Jeongguk. It’s just me.”

 

Jeongguk brought his gaze up to Taehyung’s face, and even in the darkness, he could tell Taehyung was looking at him with those warm brown eyes. It’s just Taehyung. Taehyung, who Jeongguk had grown up with. Taehyung, the goofy weird kid that had somehow grown up to become so composed and mature and alluring .

 

Suddenly Taehyung’s hand was on his own, and he almost jumped at the contact, but made an effort to relax a little. Taehyung guided him inside of his boxers, and Jeongguk felt Taehyung’s half-hard cock. God, his face was burning– not with embarrassment, but with pure arousal. Taehyung removed his own hand, and Jeongguk slowly ran his fingers up the underside of Taehyung’s cock. Taehyung took in a shuddering breath, and Jeongguk had to make an effort not to moan in response. 

 

Okay, maybe this wasn’t so bad. After all, Taehyung had a dick, and Jeongguk knew how to make someone with a dick feel good; at least, he knew how to make himself feel good, and he hoped that Taehyung would be pretty similar.

 

Jeongguk shifted closer so that he was at a better angle, and all of a sudden he felt himself pressed almost flush with Taehyung. He steeled his nerves and tried to pretend like being so fucking close to Taehyung didn’t make him feel like he was going to pass out. He used both hands to work Taehyung’s boxers off of his hips, and Taehyung helped a little bit, shifting around and eventually pulling them off himself. Then he spit into his hand, and almost caught himself feeling ashamed at what he was about to do; but now there was a pool of spit in his palm and a pantsless Taehyung laying in front of him, so it was a slightly too late to decide that all of this was a bit too gay . He didn’t let himself think about it for any longer, and reached forward, wrapping his hand around Taehyung’s shaft.

 

Taehyung moaned. God, he fucking moaned. Because of something Jeongguk did. Because of something Jeongguk was currently doing. 

 

Jeongguk began to stroke, slowly and tentatively at first. Taehyung was quickly hardening into his grip, and Jeongguk marveled at how it felt to hold someone else’s cock, and have it respond to his touch. Gaining confidence, he sped up slightly, and Taehyung made a little ‘uh’ sound that encouraged him even more. 

 

“You’re hard,” Taehyung observed, his voice strained with arousal.

 

Jeongguk halted his movements. “Am I not supposed to be?”

 

“Do you want me to touch you?”

 

Jeongguk swallowed hard. “Sure.”

 

“ Sure , or yes ?” Taehyung asked, his tone sour.

 

“Yes. Yes,” Jeongguk replied, coming across as much more urgent than he would have liked. 

 

Taehyung palmed Jeongguk through his underwear, and Jeongguk tried not to groan in response. He pulled down his underwear, and Taehyung wasted no time in wrapping a hand around him. 

 

“Jesus Christ,” Taehyung breathed.

 

“Shut up.”

 

“I’m serious. How do you live with this fucking thing attached to you?” Taehyung laughed, and Jeongguk could feel the vibrations in his chest. “That’s so hot,” he added like an afterthought.

 

A rush of warmth went through Jeongguk’s body, and he felt his cock throb in Taehyung’s grip. 

 

“Aw, you like compliments?” Taehyung removed his hand so that he could spit into his palm, then returned it to Jeongguk’s cock. He began to stroke. “You must get a lot of fucking girls with such a big cock.”

 

Jeongguk let a moan tumble out of his lips, and he started to stroke Taehyung again, as if to persuade him to keep talking. “I get a lot of… complaints, about it, actually,” Jeongguk managed.

 

Taehyung chuckled, warm and dark like chocolate. “Poor baby.” He was skillfully running his slender fingers over Jeongguk’s shaft, with just the right tightness and speed.

 

The fact that Taehyung was so fucking good at pleasuring him was making him feel oddly competitive. Jeongguk slowed his movements, dragging his thumb over Taehyung’s tip, just as he had done with his own cock just a few minutes ago. Taehyung shuddered slightly, and Jeongguk felt a rush of pride. He did it again, more insistently this time, which drew a groan out of Taehyung. 

 

“I thought you said you wouldn’t be good at this,” Taehyung said.

 

“I guess I lied.” He picked up speed again, tightening his grip slightly, trying to copy whatever magic Taehyung was doing on his dick.

 

“ Oh .” Taehyung’s hand slowed on Jeongguk, as if he had momentarily been made to forget what he was doing. God, Jeongguk knew he was going to chase this feeling forever: pleasuring Taehyung so much that he couldn’t even think about anything else. 

 

Maybe it was the competitiveness, or his rapidly growing confidence, or just plain desire for Taehyung; Whatever it was, it made Jeongguk grab Taehyung’s shoulder and push him onto his back so that he could clamber on top of him. 

 

Taehyung completely abandoned Jeongguk’s cock, stunned by the sudden change in position, and Jeongguk didn’t even mind. He was too busy maintaining his pace on Taehyung’s cock, and grasping Taehyung’s shoulder with his free hand. 

 

“What are you… doing?” Taehyung’s breathing had picked up, and he was undeniably panting now. 

 

“I really want to make you come.” It was the most honest thing that Jeongguk had said all night, and there was something that felt just slightly too intimate about it, but Jeongguk couldn’t put the words back in, so he just had to hope that Taehyung wouldn’t think it was weird. 

 

Taehyung didn’t shoot back some snarky reply like he always did. Instead he just whined. His hands fumbled at the hem of his own t-shirt, and he hastily pulled it up to expose his chest. “I don’t want to fucking… ruin this shirt…”

 

God, it was actually going to happen. He was actually going to make Taehyung come on himself. He kept up his insistent pace. 

 

“Oh my god, fuck , oh my god .” Taehyung’s body seized up beneath Jeongguk, and he shuddered, then came. 

 

Even in the dim light, Jeongguk could see the pool of cum that had accumulated in the middle of Taehyung’s chest. Taehyung’s body seemed to melt into the bed, going limp. The quiet stillness of the room was filled with both of their heaving breaths. 

 

Taehyung was the one to finally break the silence. “You can come on me.” He still sounded very much wrecked.

 

Jeongguk nearly choked on his spit. “What?”

 

“Make yourself come on me. I have to shower anyway.” His tone was so weirdly casual, and Jeongguk was reminded for the first time in a while how strange this whole situation was. But there was no fucking way he was going to turn down Taehyung’s offer. 

 

Jeongguk put a hand on himself– the same hand that he had used to jerk off Taehyung– and he groaned as he felt it slide across his palm, lubricated by Taehyung’s spit and cum. He was already incredibly worked up, and it wasn’t long before he was at the edge again. 

 

Taehyung was pulling up his shirt even more, tucking it underneath his armpits. “Go on,” he said. “Impress me.”

 

Jeongguk trembled, whimpering slightly, and then he fell over the edge, trying his hardest to aim as his orgasm rushed through him. 

 

Taehyung made a sound that was sort of a moan and sort of a scoff as he looked at the cum that covered his chest. “Jesus, Gguk.”

 

In any other situation, it would have registered in Jeongguk’s mind that Taehyung hadn’t called him Gguk in literal years. At this particular moment, though, he was occupied with trying to hold himself upright. “Sorry.”

 

“Quit apologizing, I…” Taehyung laughed. “I don’t know what I was expecting.”

 

“Stay here,” Jeongguk mumbled, climbing off of Taehyung, trying not to trip over himself as he made his way to the bathroom. He flicked on the bathroom light and immediately squeezed his eyes shut at the brightness. “Ugh.” He blinked a few times, trying to get his eyes to adjust, and eventually was able to find one of the towels. He grabbed it, but caught a glimpse of his reflection in the mirror. God, he looked fucked. He was flushed from his cheeks downwards, and his hair was sticking up in odd directions. Embarrassment swirled in his stomach, and he felt glad for the billionth time that he and Taehyung had done that in the dark, where he couldn’t be seen.

 

“Can you hurry up?” Taehyung complained.

 

“Sorry, sorry.” Jeongguk walked back into the room, offering the towel to Taehyung, who took it. The light from the bathroom was illuminating his body, and Jeongguk made an effort not to just stare at Taehyung’s dick as it rested against his abdomen. He looked so, so pretty. Even with a puddle of cum sitting in the divot in his chest, he looked divine. His bangs fell perfectly over his forehead, and one of his arms was splayed above his head. 

 

It was silent and awkward for a moment as Taehyung wiped his chest. “Do girls actually complain about your dick?”

 

Jeongguk rubbed the back of his neck shyly, sitting down on the bed. “Uh, yeah. I guess it’s painful, I don’t know.”

 

Taehyung let out an awestruck chuckle. “I’m surprised you don’t have more of an ego.”

 

“Eh, I don’t think having a big dick is very special.”

 

“I would feel pretty special if I had your equipment.”

 

“You should feel special already. Your dick is perfect.” Jeongguk wasn’t sure why he said it, (other than the fact that it was true). Maybe it was the post-sex endorphins that were messing with his better judgement.

 

Taehyung smiled slyly. “What did you say?”

 

“Whatever.” He glanced over at Taehyung, and had to suppress a snort. “You’ve got, um.”

 

“What?”

 

Jeongguk leaned forward and wiped a droplet of cum off of Taehyung’s cheek with his thumb. He wasn’t sure whose it was, but disgustingly enough, he was hoping it was his. 

 

Taehyung grinned up at Jeongguk. “Gross.”

 

Their faces hadn’t been this close since they were literally jacking each other off, and Jeongguk could feel himself getting dizzy again. He leaned back. “Yeah.”

 

Taehyung finally got up, pulling his shirt all the way off, and tossing it and the towel onto the floor. He was walking in the direction of the bathroom when Jeongguk spoke up. 

 

“Taehyung?”

 

“Yeah?” Taehyung turned, and Jeongguk could see the trace of a smile on his lips. 

 

“Don’t… tell anyone about this, okay?”

Chapter 7: conversation

Taehyung stared at the sunny-side up egg on his plate. It stared back at him like a single, judgmental eye. 

 

Around him, the rest of the group was gleefully talking and laughing, as per usual, and maybe even more so now that they were on vacation. They seemed to be fully enjoying everything their continental breakfast had to offer. Meanwhile Taehyung had a stomach ache.

 

Why had he done that last night? Why had he decided that rubbing one out in a bed that he shared with Jeongguk was a good idea? Why had he… continued? Why hadn’t he just laughed off the embarrassment and rolled over and gone the fuck to sleep?

 

Sure, in the moment it had been nice. Feeling Jeongguk’s hesitant hands reaching out to touch him was nice. Hearing him moan and whimper, that was… nice. 

 

But that look in Jeongguk’s eye, the tone in his voice as he anxiously asked Taehyung to keep all of it a secret– that wasn’t so nice. It had immediately killed that warm bubbly feeling he had, and as he had stepped into the shower to wash himself off, he’d felt so ashamed that he nearly puked. 

 

His gaze flickered up from his untouched food to look at Jeongguk across the table. The youngest member was laughing with Jin about something while absolutely devouring a waffle. He didn’t seem to be feeling the slightest bit distressed about what had happened the night before, and why would he? Jeongguk could just blow his load on somebody and then ask them to forget about it and go on with his life. With every passing moment, Taehyung was feeling less embarrassed and more pissed off. 

 

He looked back down at his single egg, and pierced the yolk with a fork, watching the golden liquid seep out. 

 

“Hey, Tae, I didn’t ask: how was yours and Jeongguk’s room last night? Was it okay?” Hoseok asked. It was the first time anyone had spoken to Taehyung all morning. 

 

Without even looking in his direction, Taehyung felt another set of eyes on him, and sure enough, from across the table his gaze connected with Jeongguk’s. Jeongguk looked downright petrified, and it almost made Taehyung laugh out loud. What, did Jeongguk think he was going to just announce to the rest of the members that they had jacked each other off? Still, he could practically feel the anxiety radiating off of Jeongguk, and that was satisfying.

 

“Yeah, it was great, actually,” Taehyung replied.

 

“Great? Really?” Hoseok seemed surprised at Taehyung’s enthusiasm. “Our room was just okay, what made yours so great?”

 

“The bed was… very comfortable.”

 

The rest of the members seemed to be joining in on their conversation. “Comfortable?” Jin interjected. “I found it to be way too hard.”

 

“See, I like when it’s hard.” Taehyung wondered if the innuendo was too obvious after he had said it, but no one seemed to pick up on it. 

 

No one, except Jeongguk, who was bright red, his eyes now focused on the bowl of fruit in the center of the table. 

 

“What about you, Jeongguk?” Hoseok asked.

 

“What,” Jeongguk squeaked.

 

“Did you find the bed to be comfortable?” 

 

Jeongguk cleared his throat, and his eyes connected with Taehyung’s for less than a second. “It was pretty good.”

 

Pretty good . Taehyung wanted to lunge across the table and throttle him. If Jeongguk was going to act like this, if he was going to continue to make him feel so ashamed and embarrassed and unwanted, well, then, it was only right for Taehyung to tease him in equal measure. 

 

~

 

The trip to the villa would have seemed uneventful to the outside observer. The group loaded their suitcases into the rental car and drove there, talking and laughing amongst themselves as per usual– at least, Jeongguk was trying his hardest to make everything seem as if it was as per usual . In reality, it was anything but. 

 

Every moment, in his mind, repeated over and over again, he saw the events of the previous night. He saw Taehyung illuminated by the bathroom light, his beautiful dark hair a mess, his eyes watching Jeongguk. He heard Taehyung’s voice, his little sounds of pleasure. He was trying really, really hard not to think about that, actually, because he didn’t exactly have a great track record with not getting hard at inappropriate times. 

 

On their way to the villa, Taehyung sat in the front passenger seat. Jeongguk watched as he took a picture of himself in the car’s side mirror. There was something so douchey about it, but instead of making Jeongguk pissed off like it usually would, it just made his heart flutter. Even the way that his long slender fingers held his phone was so ridiculously perfect. He tried not to remember the way those fingers had felt when they gripped him. 

 

They finally arrived at the villa and the group democratically decided that they should go swimming immediately. Jeongguk was opposed, of course. It was already difficult enough having Taehyung in front of him when he was fully clothed. But of course, luck wasn’t on his side. 

 

Jeongguk changed into his swimsuit and came outside to find Taehyung draped over a lounge chair. He was wearing those kind of swim shorts with the five inch inseam, so just slightly more of his thigh would be exposed than it usually would be. Those few inches of thigh made Jeongguk irrationally angry. He trudged over to the cooler to get a drink.

 

“Jeongguk, can you put sunscreen on my back?” Taehyung called lazily from his lounge chair. 

 

Jeongguk’s gaze snapped up to his. “No.” Why would he even ask?

 

Taehyung pouted, propping himself up on his elbows and pushing his sunglasses up onto his head. “Please? I can’t reach.”

 

“My hands will get all greasy. Ask someone else.” Jeongguk took a sip of his drink. 

 

“If anyone else asked you, you would,” Taehyung complained, sitting up, and Jeongguk didn’t have a rebuttal for that, because it was true. If Jeongguk refused, that would look suspicious to the rest of the group. Jeongguk was feeling like the two of them were being way too suspicious already. He had no choice. He sighed, walking over to Taehyung and opening the bottle of sunscreen. 

 

When Jeongguk placed a sunscreen-covered hand on Taehyung’s back, Taehyung inhaled sharply. Jeongguk froze.

 

“It’s cold,” Taehyung said quietly. 

 

Jeongguk could feel warmth creeping into his cheeks. He ran his hands over the smooth planes of Taehyung’s back. His skin was warm, and golden. 

 

“Hey, JK,” Jin called from a few feet away, and Jeongguk looked up. “You should put some of that on yourself! Your face is looking red!”

Jeongguk didn’t know if Jin was being serious or if he could actually tell that Jeongguk was blushing; he didn’t know which was worse. He hurriedly closed the sunscreen bottle and dropped it into Taehyung’s lap. “There. Happy?”

 

“You better have done a good job,” Taehyung grumbled. “Let me put some on you.”

 

“No way,” Jeongguk said, like a kid whose mother had just suggested he eat his vegetables.

 

“What, do you want to get skin cancer?”

 

“I’m not gonna get skin cancer.”

 

“Yes, you will. There’s a hole in the ozone layer.” Taehyung was already standing up and opening the bottle of sunscreen, and Jeongguk knew how weird he would look to the other members if he just suddenly ran away from Taehyung. So instead he froze, holding completely still as Taehyung reached out a hand and smeared a stripe of sunscreen on Jeongguk’s cheek. He started to rub it in, and Jeongguk wondered if it was just his imagination, or if Taehyung was actually going intentionally slow. 

 

Jeongguk couldn’t close his eyes, he couldn’t look away. All he could do was stand there and stare right at Taehyung’s face. They were only about a foot apart. The last time they had been nearly this close together, Jeongguk was wiping his bodily fluids off of Taehyung’s cheek.

 

They hadn’t kissed. Jeongguk fully realized this for the first time. All that, and they hadn’t even kissed. Now Jeongguk was standing in front of him, as Taehyung carefully rubbed sunscreen onto his face, and Jeongguk thought about what it might be like to kiss him. 

 

“All done,” Taehyung said, snapping the lid of the sunscreen closed. 

 

“What?” Jeongguk broke out of his trance. 

 

“You okay?” Taehyung asked, his face totally innocent, except for his eyes. Jeongguk could have sworn that there was something evil in them. 

 

Beside them, Jin emerged from under the pool water with his hair plastered to his face, looking like a wet dog. “Guys, we should play chicken!” 

 

Taehyung’s innocent expression broke into a full-on evil grin. “Great idea.” 

 

“I don’t know, isn’t that, like, dangerous?” Jeongguk complained, and Jin narrowed his eyes at him. 

 

“ Dangerous ?” He questioned. “You love playing chicken. You’re the one that usually forces us to play.”

 

“I’m getting frail in my old age,” Jeongguk joked. 

 

Jin laughed. “I don’t think so. Get in here. We need to make teams.” 

 

“I call Namjoon,” Jimin shouted, materializing out of nowhere.

 

“Well, if you call Namjoon, then I call Jin,” Hoseok laughed.

 

“Where’s Yoongi-hyung?” Jeongguk said, thinking that this could be his last chance to save himself. 

 

“I think he’s taking a nap,” Namjoon chimed in, climbing down the pool ladder into the water. “God, that’s cold.”

 

“I don’t know, a nap sounds pretty good,” Jeongguk said.

 

“Oh no you don’t,” Jin protested, grabbing Jeongguk’s hand and pulling him directly into the pool. The cold water hit Jeongguk’s body like an electric shock. He surfaced, shaking the water out of his hair. 

 

“Sorry Jeonggukkie, but we have six right now, which is perfect, and if you bail we won’t be able to make teams.”

 

Jeongguk let himself float on his back, staring at the sky. Once again he was going to be paired up with Taehyung. He’d love to blame the situation on Taehyung but honestly at this point it seemed like divine intervention. Or divine torture, if you were Jeongguk. 

 

The rest of the members got busy getting onto each other’s shoulders. Jeongguk was aware of Taehyung quietly slipping into the pool and floating over to him. 

 

“Are we going to the shallow end, or what,” Taehyung asked.

 

“You can’t give me just one moment’s peace, can you?” Jeongguk groaned, and it had more than one meaning. 

 

Taehyung ignored Jeongguk’s sour comment and grabbed his hand, towing him to the shallow end. Jimin had successfully clambered onto Namjoon’s shoulders, and Hoseok was trying (and failing) to get onto Jin’s. 

 

“So who’s gonna be on top, you or me?” Taehyung asked, the corner of his mouth quirking upwards. 

 

Jeongguk nearly choked on his saliva. “Uh, I’ll be… on the bottom.” 

 

“Really?” Taehyung asked. “Last time you were on top. Don’t you remember?” 

 

Jeongguk had already weighed his options in his mind. Either he could sit on Taehyung’s shoulders, and potentially get a boner right next to his face, or have Taehyung sit on his shoulders, and potentially get a boner, but not in plain view of everyone, and the second option sounded just slightly more appealing. “Well, not this time.” Jeongguk was willing his face not to turn red. He crouched down so that Taehyung could climb onto his shoulders. It took some balancing and readjusting, but eventually Jeongguk stood all the way up, and felt the way Taehyung gripped him with his legs. Fuck . This wasn’t going to be easy.

 

First they were up against Namjoon and Jimin. Taehyung was right: usually Jeongguk was the one doing the fighting, instead of the one carrying. It was a bit tricky to balance at first, as Jimin and Taehyung pushed hard on each other’s hands, and Jeongguk had to compensate with his position. Jeongguk would have thought that Namjoon’s height would give the other team the advantage, but soon enough they toppled over backwards, creating a gigantic splash. Hoseok had finally managed to climb onto Jin’s shoulders, but it was almost all for nothing as Jin almost fell over from laughing. 

 

“Great job, my noble steed,” Taehyung said, craning his head downwards to make eye contact with Jeongguk. 

 

“Don’t do that,” Jeongguk protested, stumbling forward a bit as the weight distribution changed. 

 

Taehyung grinned, but he listened, sitting up straight again. He adjusted his position a little, moving just slightly to the left, and then– Jeongguk could feel it. As in it . Against the left side of his neck. His whole body seized up like he was going into shock. 

 

He didn’t know why Taehyung seemed to be putting so much energy into embarrassing Taehyung in front of their fellow members. Jeongguk didn’t know what he had done to deserve that kind of treatment. He had literally given Taehyung a fairly decent handjob the night before; though, he hadn’t fully processed that yet. Did Taehyung not enjoy it as much as he had made it seem? No, that wasn’t possible, was it? How could he have come all over himself like that if he didn’t enjoy it? So then what explanation could there possibly be for Taehyung being so mean this morning?

 

Jeongguk came crashing back to reality as Hoseok and Taehyung began to wrestle each other, and Jeongguk was caught off guard. He stumbled backwards and he and Taehyung were plunged into the water. 

 

“We were doing so well,” Taehyung complained as he and Jeongguk surfaced. “What happened?” 

 

“I guess I’m just bad at this game.” Jeongguk waded over to the edge of the pool, but stopped in his tracks when Taehyung grabbed the back of his shorts to keep him from leaving. 

 

“Where are you going?” Taehyung whined. 

 

“I wanna lie in the sun.”

 

“When have you ever wanted to lie in the sun while we’re on vacation? Who are you and what did you do with Jeongguk?” JIn asked, and his tone was playful, but what he was saying was entirely true. 

 

“I think I’m just tired.”

 

“Why? Didn’t you get a good sleep last night?” Taehyung was wearing that stupid evil grin again. Jeongguk didn’t often feel motivated to enact violence against another living being, but with every passing second he was getting closer and closer to just tackling Taehyung.

 

“I’m going to take a nap,” Jeongguk announced, stepping out of the pool and grabbing his towel, quickly drying himself off. 

 

“What’s up with him?” Jeongguk heard Namjoon say quietly as he left the pool deck. He exhaled slowly, trying to shake off his nerves. Yes, the rest of the group thought he was acting weird, but they had no reason to think he was acting gay , so everything was fine. 

 

Unless Taehyung decided to say something.

 

But he wouldn’t. Right? Of course not. 

 

“Did something happen last night?” Jimin appeared beside Jeongguk and scared the everloving shit out of him. 

 

“No, why?” Jeongguk answered quickly. He continued walking in the direction of his room, not giving Jimin a second glance. 

 

Jimin kept up with Jeongguk’s pace. “Because I’ve never seen you so stressed out in your life. Well, not since you were like sixteen.” Jimin was quiet for a second. “Did you guys have a fight?”

 

Jeongguk saw an opportunity and took it. “Yeah.”

 

“I knew it,” Jimin said quietly. “What about?”

 

Jeongguk entered the front door of their villa and Jimin was still not deterred, following close behind. Jeongguk sighed, leaning against the wall. His true feelings, the events of the previous night, everything that had happened in the past month, it was all pounding at the inside of his chest, begging to be let out. “He’s just being mean and moody, as per usual. Last night it actually seemed like we were… getting somewhere. Like, actually becoming friends. But this morning it was like he was a completely different person.” It was the most honest thing that Jeongguk had said in weeks, and he instantly felt some of the weight lift off of his shoulders– only some, though.

 

Jimin laughed without much humor. “Yeah, I know what that’s like. It’s really hard to break through that barrier with him. Most of the time I would consider myself close with him, but even now, there are still moments where I… wonder. What he really thinks of me.”

 

“Is it weird?” Jeongguk knew that he shouldn’t ask this question, but he just had to.

 

“Is what weird?”

 

“You know, your guys’... relationship.” Jeongguk didn’t know exactly how to put it, and he just hoped that Jimin would catch on.

 

Jimin laughed bashfully. “ Oh . Yeah, sometimes. Especially because it seems like it’s something that just turns on and off for him at random. Like sometimes he seems totally into me, and then other times, he just seems completely uninterested. Maybe that’s just the kind of person he is.”

 

Jeongguk wondered if that could be the explanation for why Taehyung was treating him this way. Was Jeongguk going to be the new Jimin? Was Taehyung going to fuck him after concerts instead? Jeongguk was trying to be offended by this idea, but there was a little voice inside him that was saying god, yes. 

 

Because really, that previous night, when Taehyung touched him, when he asked him to come right on his chest, that had done something to Jeongguk. As much as he didn’t want to admit it, Jeongguk would happily put up with Taehyung’s stupid bitchy behaviour all day if it meant that at night he would let Jeongguk touch him again.

 

“How do you deal with that?” Jeongguk asked Jimin, holding back the urge to tack on the word hypothetically .

 

Jimin smiled. “Ah, I guess I’m just not that invested in what Taehyung thinks of me. I know he likes me. He wouldn’t… uh, you know. If he didn’t like me at all.” His soft cheeks were tinted pink. “Well, I guess that advice isn’t very relevant to you.”

 

Jeongguk laughed at that.

 

“Can I ask you something?” Jimin said after a moment.

 

Jeongguk’s stomach turned to ice. “Sure,” he replied.

 

“You aren’t… uncomfortable, right?”

 

“With… what?”

 

“With the fact that me and Taehyung mess around sometimes.”

 

“Of course not.” Jeon Jeongguk, biggest ally.

 

Jimin beamed. “Of course not,” he repeated. “Okay, okay. Enough about me. Here’s what you’re going to do. The next time you talk to Taehyung, be straightforward with him. Maybe he just wants you to show initiative, and that you really do care about being his friend.”

 

Jeongguk shrugged.

 

Jimin touched his shoulder. “Don’t be like that. Come on, what’s the worst that can happen?”

 

Well, he could tell everyone that I gave him a handjob , Jeongguk thought. He didn’t say that, though. “I guess you’re right.”

 

“And if that doesn’t work, just send him my way, and I’ll kick his ass for you!” Jimin gave Jeongguk a firm pat on the shoulder, then headed off in the direction of the shower. 

 

Anxiety and anticipation settled into Jeongguk’s gut like a stone. 

 

~

 

“Can I talk to you?” 

 

Taehyung looked up from his book to see Jeongguk looming over the couch, his expression completely indecipherable. 

 

“Sure,” Taehyung replied. 

 

Jeongguk glanced over both shoulders as if even being caught talking to Taehyung was a liability. “Like, in private.”

 

“Is this not private enough for you? There’s no one around.” Taehyung furrowed his brow, gesturing vaguely towards the completely empty common room. 

 

Jeongguk shook his head. “Never mind, then.” He turned to walk away.

 

Taehyung stood abruptly. As much as he loved bothering Jeongguk, he was so insanely curious about what he was going to say, and he didn’t want to miss the opportunity to hear it. “Let’s go for a walk.”

 

Their eyes met, and Taehyung wanted so badly to be able to interpret the look on Jeongguk’s face, but he was completely unable. 

 

The Australian heat was borderline unbearable, and within the first few minutes Taehyung was regretting his ingenious suggestion to go outside, but as time went on and the sun was setting in the sky, the temperature started to go down. They walked in silence for a long time, and Taehyung was reminded of that first night, when they had eaten their takeout together, both thinking hard about what to say, both saying nothing. 

 

Similar to that first night, Jeongguk spoke first. “I don’t understand you.”

 

“Likewise,” Taehyung shot back.

 

“No, seriously. I don’t understand your need to be a total dick. You’re obviously very aware of… where my boundaries lie. But you continue to cross them.”

 

“Are we talking about what I think we’re talking about?”

 

Jeongguk frowned. “Are we?”

 

“By boundaries, you mean I don’t want everyone to find out that I jacked off with another dude . And if that’s the boundary, then I haven’t crossed it.”

 

Jeongguk’s face was flaming red, and Taehyung wondered what it would have looked like if they had the lights on the previous night. Would Jeongguk have been flushed like this?

 

“That’s not… entirely what I’m talking about, but I guess that’s part of it,” Jeongguk grumbled. 

 

“Don’t lie. I know that’s why you’re all pissed. But you have no reason to be, because nobody knows anything. I like to poke fun at you, that’s all. If you’re terrified that your friends are gonna find out you like dick, then that’s none of my business.”

 

“If nobody knows anything, then why is Jimin interrogating me on if something happened between me and you?”

 

Taehyung’s heart jolted in his chest. “Jimin asked you if we hooked up?”

 

“I mean, no , ” Jeongguk stammered, “he asked if we had an argument. But still.”

 

“Yeah, that’s all you, sweetheart. You’re the one acting like an angsty teen, and if anything is going to tip the other members off, it’s going to be that.”

 

“How am I supposed to react when you provoke me like that?”

 

“ Provoke you? Making gay jokes isn’t provoking you, and if you’re interpreting that as provoking you, maybe you have some soul-searching to do.” Taehyung laughed wryly. 

 

“This is so funny to you, isn’t it?” Jeongguk had his arms crossed over his chest as he walked, as if to guard himself. 

 

“It is, actually.”

 

“You’re a dick. Seriously.”

 

Taehyung stopped in his tracks, and Jeongguk stopped too. “ I’m a dick? Right.”

 

“What the fuck did I do?”

 

In his mind, Taehyung was replaying that moment, over and over, of Jeongguk asking him to keep everything a secret. “The fact that you have no clue shows how little empathy you really have.” Taehyung could feel the frustration and hurt bubbling up in him, and he had the distant thought that maybe he should shut up before he said something he would regret, but that thought was quickly dismissed and he kept talking. “Actually, maybe that’s giving you too much credit. You’re not cruel, you’re just stupid.” Then Taehyung finally turned around to walk back in the direction of their villa, instantly feeling a pang of guilt at what he had said. He figured the best thing he could do was just remove himself from the situation.

 

A hand snaked around Taehyung’s arm, stopping him from walking away. “Wait.”

 

“What,” Taehyung replied. He didn’t even look in Jeongguk’s direction; he felt too guilty already.

 

“Come to my room tonight.”

 

Taehyung sighed. “What, so we can continue this conversation?”

 

“No,” Jeongguk said flatly. “Not for… a conversation.”

 

Oh. Taehyung's gaze connected with Jeongguk's. “What makes you think I would want to do that?”

Jeongguk shrugged, and pushed past Taehyung, walking in the direction of their accommodations, leaving Taehyung standing there alone, stunned.

Chapter 8: 1:14 a.m.

Taehyung sat at the end of his still-made bed, staring at the door. 

 

The house that the seven members were sharing had fallen completely quiet at least an hour ago. Yoongi and Hoseok had been the last ones awake, talking and laughing in the kitchen, probably incredibly drunk, and even they had eventually retired to their respective rooms. 

 

He grabbed his phone, flipping it over to check the time, and to see if there were any texts from Jeongguk. 1:14 a.m., and no texts. Would Jeongguk even be awake?

 

He already knew the answer to that, though. Of course Jeongguk would still be awake. Jeongguk was probably a nervous wreck at this very moment, thinking that he’d been rejected. 

 

Good , Taehyung thought to himself, though he wasn’t sure if he totally believed that.

 

He shouldn’t go. He shouldn’t show Jeongguk that he was okay with being treated like a dirty secret. He shouldn’t just give in to whatever Jeongguk wanted him to do. 

 

Taehyung knew these things logically, but despite all that, he really, really wanted to , and since when was Taehyung the type of person to hold back from doing whatever he wanted to do? 

 

Tomorrow. Tomorrow he would get serious about not giving into Jeongguk. Tonight… he would let it slide. 

 

He tucked his phone into his pocket and finally stood up, catching a glimpse of himself in the mirror. He was wearing sweatpants and a t-shirt– nothing special. He messed up his hair a little bit. It looked too good, and the last thing Taehyung wanted was for Jeongguk to think that he had put effort into looking nice just for him. 

 

He quietly opened his bedroom door and looked down the darkened hallway. He felt like a little kid again, sneaking around his parents’ house at night. As he walked, he scanned the bottom of every one of the doors, noticing that not a single one had a light on. Including Jeongguk’s. 

 

Maybe he really was asleep. Taehyung felt a weird rush of relief and disappointment. Still, standing in front of Jeongguk’s door, he knew that there was a small chance that Jeongguk really was still awake, and he couldn’t just walk away knowing that. He lightly tapped on the door with the pad of his finger, hoping that Jeongguk (and only Jeongguk) would hear. 

 

There was the sound of movement inside. Taehyung’s insides turned to ice. He wiped his hands on the front of his pants. 

 

The door to the dark bedroom opened, revealing a wide-eyed Jeongguk, who seemed to scan Taehyung’s appearance, before grabbing his shoulder, pulling him inside, and closing the door behind him. 

 

“You didn’t see anyone, did you?” 

 

Taehyung frowned. “No. And for the record, forcefully pulling me into your room is way more suspicious than just letting me in.” He squinted into the darkness. “Would it kill you to turn a light on?”

 

“I didn’t want anyone to know I was still awake.”

 

“Yeah, well, once again, it’s way fucking weirder if people hear us talking in a room without any lights on.” Taehyung flicked the switch next to the door and turned on the light.

 

He looked around at the room. Jeongguk’s suitcase was open, and his belongings were strewn everywhere. The bed was unmade. 

 

Jeongguk squinted at the brightness, and Taehyung wondered how long he had just been sitting here in the dark. He was wearing a baggy black t-shirt and a pair of boxers. “Sorry for the mess.”

 

“We’ve only been here less than a day, how does it get this bad in that time?”

 

“I don’t know,” Jeongguk shrugged. He pushed aside some of his clothes with his foot, then just sort of hovered awkwardly.

 

Taehyung wasn’t enjoying the weird tension that was hanging in the air. It reminded him of an awkward first date. He walked over to Jeongguk’s bed and flopped down on it on his back, staring at the ceiling. 

 

“I thought you weren’t gonna come,” Jeongguk said quietly. 

 

“Yeah, me too,” Taehyung confessed. “Are you just gonna stand there?” 

 

Jeongguk carefully lay down next to him, and Taehyung could feel the nervousness radiating off of him in waves. He felt like he was probably emitting the same thing. He kept his eyes trained on the ceiling.

 

“You looked nice today,” Jeongguk said. 

 

“What?” Taehyung turned his head to see that Jeongguk was staring squarely at the ceiling too.

 

“You looked nice. I like those… swim shorts that you have.” His voice was so quiet, Taehyung could barely hear him. 

 

The compliment made Taehyung’s chest hum. “Thanks,” he breathed. 

 

Jeongguk’s confidence seemed to be growing slowly. “It’s like they’re made for you, you know? It actually makes me mad, like, I genuinely get pissed off at how good you look sometimes.” 

 

“Whatever,” Taehyung laughed. 

 

“I’m serious. I’m dead serious.” Jeongguk was silent for only a few seconds, but to Taehyung it felt like a million years of anticipating what he would say next. “And it doesn’t help that you never stop teasing me.”

 

“I don’t tease you.”

 

“Don’t play dumb.”

 

Taehyung let out a little laugh. His head was still turned, watching Jeongguk stare at the ceiling. He wondered if Jeongguk would ever work up the courage to actually make eye contact. “All right, yeah. Maybe a little. It’s just fun to see how red you get.” 

 

The ceiling light of the bedroom wasn’t hiding anything, and even at the mere mention of Jeongguk’s blushing habit, he was turning red again. 

 

“You know, despite how much you piss me off, I was thinking of forgiving you,” Jeongguk said finally, his cheeks still slightly pink. 

 

“Yeah?” 

 

Jeongguk finally turned his head to face Taehyung, and Taehyung was taken aback at just how dark his pupils looked. “Yeah. If you let me touch you.” His gaze seemed to drift slightly downwards, as if he so badly wanted to look at Taehyung’s body but didn’t want to get caught doing it. 

 

Taehyung’s mind went completely blank. He didn’t have a single snippy reply at his disposal. He was speechless. He stared at Jeongguk’s arm that was draped over his own body. Jeongguk’s finger twitched, just slightly. Like he was thinking about something. 

 

“If I didn’t want you to touch me, I wouldn’t be here,” Taehyung pointed out, trying to sound as cool and calm as ever. 

 

That hand that was resting on Jeongguk’s chest traveled over to Taehyung’s stomach, his fingers snaking under the hem of his shirt and brushing against his skin. Taehyung was torn on where to even look, but he settled on watching Jeongguk’s face. His mouth hung open slightly, and his tongue ran itself along the inside of his lip. Most compelling of all were his eyes, trained on the small patch of bare skin that he was revealing. They looked practically glazed over, as if he had completely lost his lucidity. 

 

“God, Jeongguk, you’re… freaking me out,” Taehyung said, a laugh bubbling out of him.

 

Jeongguk froze, and his eyes snapped up to Taehyung’s, and– there it was. Clarity. Jeongguk was wearing his usual deer-in-headlights look. “What?”

 

“No, I mean…” Taehyung didn’t know how he was supposed to put it into words. He was cursing himself for saying anything in the first place. “You just get this look on your face. It’s… intense.”

 

“Is that a bad thing?”

 

“No. No.” Taehyung’s chest felt tight. “Do you really want me that badly?”

 

Taehyung watched as Jeongguk’s gaze flickered over his features. “Yeah.”

 

The last thing that Taehyung was expecting was for Jeongguk to continue talking, but he did. 

 

“I want you so, so bad. Sometimes I feel like I’m going fucking crazy.” His hand was moving again, sliding up Taehyung’s stomach and sitting in the middle of his chest. He was adjusting his body, moving closer, propping himself up until all of a sudden he was over Taehyung, with their faces just inches apart. 

 

Taehyung’s hands were moving of their own accord as they came to rest firmly on Jeongguk’s hips. 

 

“Please. Help me. Help me feel better,” Jeongguk managed, and his words completely overcame Taehyung’s self-control and caused him to grind his hips upwards, making connection with the front of Jeongguk’s boxers. 

 

Jeongguk faltered at first, but he very quickly caught on, and grinded right back, his body weight pressing down on Taehyung as he did so, evoking a little moan out of Taehyung. They quickly got into a rhythm, with Jeongguk making a concerted effort to move slowly and intentionally, as he sought friction against Taehyung. 

 

Taehyung could hardly think through the haze that had settled over his mind. He was watching that little place where their bodies were connecting, and he was marveling, over and over again, at how fucking good this felt. They probably looked ridiculous, grinding against each other, fully clothed like horny teenagers. But maybe horny teenagers were onto something, because this felt like heaven. 

 

Already this was so much better than the previous night for the sole reason that Taehyung could see everything. He could see the way Jeongguk was chewing on his lip, how his brow furrowed and his nostrils moved with his labored breath. And he could see the hardness in Jeongguk’s boxers. He could actually see it this time, instead of just feeling it and approximating its size. It was just stupidly big. That was the only descriptor Taehyung felt was appropriate. 

 

Taehyung dipped his fingers into Jeongguk’s waistband, then met his gaze as if to ask for permission. Even now, he was somehow still concerned that Jeongguk would be too chicken, that something was going to tip him over the edge, and he would back out. 

 

Jeongguk still wasn’t giving him any confirmation, verbal or otherwise, that this is what he wanted. He just stared back at Taehyung, his shoulders rising and falling rapidly with his breath. 

 

Taehyung gave in and asked outright. “Can I take these off?”

 

Jeongguk’s voice was rough with arousal. “You can do whatever you want to me.”

 

Taehyung wasn’t perfectly satisfied with that answer, and there was a part of him that wanted to make Jeongguk beg for it, to say exactly what he wanted Taehyung to do. But, on the other hand, Taehyung was feeling just as much anticipation as Jeongguk was, and he didn’t want to wait much longer. He pulled down Jeongguk’s underwear, and had to hold back from making an audible sound at the sight of it. Everything about Jeongguk was perfect, so why would his cock be an exception? He grasped the underside of it, feeling it slide along his palm, and it noticeably twitched. 

 

“Aw, did you miss me?” Taehyung cooed. He’d caught on pretty quickly last time that dirty talk really did it for Jeongguk. 

 

Jeongguk nodded almost frantically, thrusting himself slightly against Taehyung’s grasp. Taehyung moved his hand away, and Jeongguk’s eyes met his, clearly pleading. 

 

“Relax, I’m not going anywhere. Lay on your back,” Taehyung ordered. 

 

“Why?” Jeongguk asked, though he was already doing what he was told. 

 

“Because.” Taehyung lay down in between Jeongguk’s legs. 

 

Jeongguk propped himself up on his elbows so he could see what Taehyung was doing.  

 

In lieu of explaining himself in words, Taehyung opted to just show Jeongguk instead. He worked Jeongguk’s boxers off of his hips just a bit more, and wrapped a hand around the base of his cock. Then he leaned in and licked a long stripe from the base to the tip. 

 

Jeongguk shuddered, and Taehyung could feel Jeongguk’s whole body tense up as Taehyung lingered for just a moment at the tip. He removed his mouth, but stayed close enough that he knew Jeongguk would be able to feel his breath. 

 

“This doesn’t usually work,” Jeongguk said, his voice thin and almost strained. 

 

“What?”

 

“Many have tried. None have been… successful,” he explained, and Taehyung caught on to what he meant. 

 

“You’ve never actually finished from a blowjob?”

 

Jeongguk shook his head. 

 

“You shouldn’t have told me that,” Taehyung said with a laugh. 

 

“Why?”

 

“Because I’m competitive.” 

 

Jeongguk let out a little nervous laugh. “Knock yourself out.”

 

Jeongguk’s apparent doubt only added to Taehyung’s conviction. He leaned in and lightly circled the head with his tongue, making sure to go agonizingly slow. He could tell from the tenseness in Jeongguk’s body that he was too busy worrying to even feel it. 

 

“Hey,” Taehyung said, backing off from his dick. “Relax. This isn’t a test.”

 

Once again, Jeongguk chuckled nervously. “It feels like it, a little.”

 

“Well, it isn’t.” Taehyung started to kiss Jeongguk’s inner thigh, wondering if it would help him get out of his own head. And he’d be lying if he said he hadn’t always wanted to press his lips to Jeongguk’s thigh. His legs were so toned and muscular, and his skin was smooth practically everywhere. There was a tiny beauty mark on the inside of his thigh, and Taehyung made sure to give it extra attention, which quickly evolved into Taehyung sucking a love bite into Jeongguk’s skin. The action was drawing the most beautiful noises out of Jeongguk, who was quietly whining as Taehyung made the hickey darker and darker. He let his teeth graze over the sensitive spot, and Jeongguk sucked in air sharply. 

 

Finally satisfied, Taehyung looked up at Jeongguk, whose head had lolled back and was resting against the bed frame behind him– not to mention that his cock was clearly dying for attention after Taehyung had been so focused on his thigh. Once Taehyung stopped, Jeongguk looked up, locking eyes with Taehyung, who grinned. 

 

“You really like that, don’t you?”

 

Jeongguk didn’t answer. His gaze flitted down to his untouched erection for a moment, as if to telepathically communicate to Taehyung that he needed to be touched. 

 

“I’ll only suck you off if you promise to enjoy yourself,” Taehyung said as he finally wrapped a hand around Jeongguk’s cock again. 

 

“I promise,” Jeongguk managed. 

 

Taehyung wasted no time in pressing the head of Jeongguk’s cock into his mouth. He used his tongue to feel the underside of it, experimenting with what he might like. Jeongguk immediately groaned. Taehyung was watching him intensely, keeping his gaze fixed on Jeongguk’s expressions. He savored the way Jeongguk’s eyes squeezed shut whenever he felt good. Taehyung dipped himself slightly lower on Jeongguk, and Jeongguk’s mouth twitched. God, it was addicting; Jeongguk, who normally wanted nothing to do with Taehyung, was melting under his touch. Taehyung dared to dip a little further, and started up a rhythm, slowly sliding his lips up and down Jeongguk’s cock. Just when it seemed like Jeongguk was getting used to it, he removed himself. “Jeongguk, look.”

 

Jeongguk lifted his head, and Taehyung saw that his eyes had that glazed-over look again. 

 

Taehyung had to hold back a satisfied grin. He slowly parted his lips, maintaining eye contact with Jeongguk as he began to suck at the tip. He purposely produced drool so that when he pulled away, a string of saliva connected his lips to Jeongguk’s cock. 

 

“ God ,” was Jeongguk’s response, and his eyelids fluttered slightly. 

 

“Don’t look away,” Taehyung reminded him, before wrapping his lips around his cock and pushing down, taking him almost all the way to the hilt. 

 

Jeongguk had to bring a hand over his own mouth to stifle his moan, though Taehyung definitely still heard it. It came from somewhere low in his throat. Taehyung had never heard him make a noise like that before. 

 

Taehyung started up a rhythm, feeling Jeongguk’s cock against his throat. He guessed Jeongguk was feeling it too, because with each movement, Jeongguk was whimpering into his palm. 

 

Taehyung didn’t have a gag reflex, of course, and at this moment he was feeling particularly grateful for that, as Jeongguk was definitely the biggest guy he had ever sucked off. He did, however, know how good it felt for someone to choke on your dick, so he pushed down just slightly more, and purposely gagged on Jeongguk. He let him slide out a little, then pushed down and did it again. 

 

“I-I’m sorry,” Jeongguk croaked. 

 

Taehyung removed his mouth, not caring about the saliva that dripped from the center of his lip.  “Why are you sorry?”

 

“Because I know how awful that probably is for you, but god, it feels so fucking good .” 

 

“You’re sweet.” Taehyung ran a hand up and down Jeongguk’s shaft, lubricated by his spit. “I want you to come down my throat.”

 

Jeongguk practically moaned at that.

 

“Do you think you can do that?” Taehyung asked, his tone sugary.

 

Jeongguk nodded, and that was all the permission Taehyung needed to take his cock in his mouth again, starting up a persistent rhythm. Jeongguk groaned, not bothering to even try to stifle it. Taehyung bobbed his head, feeling his jaw start to ache, but the sounds that Jeongguk was making were indicating that he was getting close, and Taehyung was still just as determined to make him finish. 

 

Taehyung reached out and grabbed Jeongguk’s hand, bringing it up to the back of his own head and pressing down, trying to wordlessly give Jeongguk permission to fuck his face. Jeongguk intertwined his fingers into Taehyung’s hair, but his touch was impossibly gentle, which wasn’t exactly what Taehyung had been intending. Still, he kept up a consistent pace. 

 

“Fuck, I… I’m actually gonna come. Taehyung, please. ”

 

The use of his name made Taehyung glow with warmth. He felt Jeongguk tense up underneath him, and then he came, with a low whine that made Taehyung’s insides burn. Taehyung diligently swallowed most of it, though when he pulled himself off of Jeongguk’s cock, he purposely let some dribble out of his mouth onto Jeongguk’s skin. 

 

“Oh my god.” Jeongguk’s head fell back, his body going totally slack. 

 

Taehyung wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, grinning contentedly. “You’re cute.” He rested the side of his face against Jeongguk’s thigh, and watched as his shoulders rose and fell rapidly with his breath. There was fondness, a real fondness, growing in Taehyung’s chest as he watched Jeongguk. Probably just endorphins or something. 

 

Jeongguk’s hand was still resting against the back of Taehyung’s head, and suddenly it twitched to life. He started to absentmindedly play with Taehyung’s soft brown hair. For some reason Taehyung felt his face start to heat up. He scooted himself upwards, lifting Jeongguk’s shirt so that he could trace little circles on his bare skin. 

 

“This might be a stupid question, but how do you do that?” Jeongguk asked. His voice was rough, and Taehyung felt his stomach jump. 

 

“Do what?”

 

“Like, how do you…” Jeongguk’s words quickly devolved into laughter. He brought a hand up to his forehead. “How do you do that without puking?”

 

Taehyung grinned. “Practice.”

 

Jeongguk’s voice grew quieter. “Is it fun?”

 

That drew a laugh out of Taehyung. “Depends on your idea of fun. If you like having another man’s cock down your throat, then, yeah. It’s fun.” He smiled lopsidedly up at Jeongguk. “See, now you’re imagining sucking me off.”

 

Jeongguk instantly broke eye contact, his cheeks turning crimson. He stayed silent.

 

“Don’t get shy now , Jeonggukkie.” Taehyung crept up Jeongguk’s body, finally straddling his chest. “What happened to the boy that was whining and moaning for me? Taehyung, please …” Taehyung tsked. “He’s so quiet now.”

 

Jeongguk was even redder than before, only now his lips were parted. Under Taehyung’s body, he could feel Jeongguk’s breathing quicken. 

 

“ Help me, Taehyungie-hyung, please, let me touch you,” Taehyung mocked even further. He started to slowly rock his hips back and forth, grinding himself against Jeongguk’s chest. 

 

“You’re such an asshole,” Jeongguk complained, though his hands were telling a different story, as they gripped onto Taehyung’s waist, moving with him. 

 

Taehyung scoffed. “I think I’m being really nice, actually. I’m giving you lots of great material to jack off to later.” Despite trying to seem like he was doing this entirely for Jeongguk’s benefit, in reality Taehyung really, really liked the way it felt to gain friction against Jeongguk’s firm chest. The only thing that could have made it better was feeling it with his bare skin, and he couldn’t fight the urge to pull his pants down over his hips and let his erection make connection with Jeongguk’s chest.

 

Jeongguk watched, transfixed, as Taehyung’s hard cock slid up and down against his sternum, lubed up by the precome he had produced. 

 

Taehyung let a few moans slip out. “Do you actually think about me when you jack off?” His voice was clearly wrought with pleasure.

 

Jeongguk’s mouth twitched into a smile. “I try not to.”

 

Taehyung flicked his eyebrows upwards. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

 

“I do it and I feel guilty about it.”

 

That fueled the fire in Taehyung’s abdomen. He increased his tempo, seeking even harder for friction. He clumsily pulled off his t-shirt, and his hand found Jeongguk’s shoulder to brace himself as he thrusted. “What do you imagine me doing?”

 

Taehyung would have thought it impossible to get Jeongguk to take his eyes off of what was happening on his chest, but miraculously, Jeongguk turned his head to look away, letting out a scoff. 

 

“God, is it really that bad?” Taehyung laughed. 

 

Jeongguk suddenly sat up, supporting Taehyung’s back as he did so, so now Taehyung was sitting in his lap. “Please shut up.”

 

That only made Taehyung laugh harder. “It must be really fucking depraved if you’re this defensive about it.”

 

“Do you ever stop talking?” Then Jeongguk wrapped Taehyung’s cock in his magic grip, and Taehyung stopped talking. “God, you’re fucking annoying. You’re lucky you’re so pretty,” Jeongguk mused as he ran his hand up and down Taehyung’s shaft. 

 

It was downright embarrassing how quickly Taehyung approached the edge of his orgasm. After all that– after giving Jeongguk head, and rutting against his chest– he was pretty worked up. He moaned softly. Jeongguk’s free hand was pressing into the small of Taehyung’s back, and Taehyung leaned into it for support. His eyes were closed, focused entirely on the physical sensation, but that hand against his back reminded him who he was with. Jeongguk . It was Jeongguk who was savoring every opportunity to touch him. It was Jeongguk who was making him feel this good. It was Jeongguk who had been sitting in the dark, probably for hours, just praying that he would even show up. 

 

Taehyung opened his eyes to see Jeongguk looking, not at what his hand was doing, but instead staring intently at Taehyung’s mouth. His tongue darted out to wet his lips, betraying his thoughts. Taehyung didn’t have time to even consider kissing him, because at that moment Jeongguk found the exact right tempo and grip to coax a whine out of Taehyung, and before he could even warn him, his orgasm crashed over him like a wave, and his come spilled over Jeongguk’s fingers. 

 

Taehyung’s tense shoulders slumped into total relaxation. “Sorry,” he muttered.

 

“For what?” Jeongguk replied breathlessly. 

 

“For not warning you.” 

 

Jeongguk was transfixed, staring at his hand, decorated with Taehyung’s come. Once again, Taehyung watched as Jeongguk ran his tongue over his bottom lip. He was still for a moment, like he was considering something, before snapping out of it. He reached over and pulled a tissue out of the box on his nightstand, using it to wipe himself off. 

 

Jeongguk looked like he was about to say something when the pocket of Taehyung’s sweatpants buzzed. Two short little vibrations, which was Jimin’s text tone. Taehyung ignored it, reaching for a tissue and wiping himself off as well. Then, there it was again: buzz buzz. Taehyung rolled his eyes, pulling his pants up over his hips and grabbing his phone out of his pocket. 

 

j.m. 

are you awake?

come here

 

Considering it was about two in the morning, and knowing what he knew about Jimin, Taehyung concluded that Jimin was probably having a breakdown of some sort. In all honesty, he really wanted to stay here with Jeongguk, sitting squarely in his lap. But he knew that if he knowingly ignored Jimin in his time of need he would feel awful. 

 

Taehyung looked up and his eyes connected with Jeongguk’s, whose expression was completely unreadable. 

 

“I gotta go,” Taehyung said. 

 

“Right,” Jeongguk replied. He disentangled himself from Taehyung, pulling up his boxers. He plucked Taehyung’s shirt off of the floor, dropping it unceremoniously in his lap. 

 

Taehyung felt a pang in his stomach at the sudden coldness Jeongguk was showing him. He quickly pulled on his shirt, and as he slipped out of the door, he saw that Jeongguk was already laying in bed, his back turned.