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It had always seemed enough to her, the relationship she shared with Anakin. Stolen glances and hidden moments, vows shared under the Naboo sunset. He was hers, and she was his. A secret marriage that let them live double lives; husband and wife behind closed doors, senator and Jedi Knight at every other moment. It was enough for them - they had each other and that was all that mattered.
The future had always seemed too far away to make a decision. With Anakin fighting in the war and Padmé on the Senate floor, neither of them could fully conceive what their future together would look like. She had always imagined that Anakin would leave the Order behind once the war was won, committing himself fully to her the way he couldn’t when his duty as a Jedi took him elsewhere. She imagined him setting down his lightsaber and rushing to her door, ready to start the rest of their lives together. She imagined his eagerness to truly be with her, to put an end to the secrecy and finally be hers.
But the war ends and they still hide behind pillars and in the shadows. Palpatine’s betrayal shocks the galaxy, his treachery exposed by the Jedi Order once Anakin and Obi-Wan Kenobi defeat him. She still doesn’t know what happened exactly, how Anakin defeated the man whom he had once considered a friend. When she asks him, he tells her that he almost failed, but Obi-Wan was there to help him.
They’re closer than they’ve ever been, she sees. It makes her smile, knowing that Anakin’s distrust of his former master has truly been put to rest once and for all. She watches them on the HoloNews as they go from planet to planet, restoring peace throughout the galaxy as the Senate stumbles through ceasefire negotiations with the Separatists.
Her eyes linger on their figures standing side by side, shoulders brushing as they grin at each other, some private joke hidden in their gaze as the reporters ask them more questions. They’ve never seemed more like the Team, two halves of a whole, two souls so intrinsically linked it’s difficult to tell where one begins and the other ends.
A reporter asks another question but she doesn’t listen, too busy noticing how Anakin’s smile goes softer, sweeter, as Obi-Wan answers, and she becomes aware that he has never once smiled at her like that.
No, this is a smile reserved only for Obi-Wan Kenobi. The realisation burns her to her core.
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“When are we going to tell everyone we’re married?” she asks that night as he collapses beside her, chest heaving and pleasure coating his skin. His eyes stay closed for a long moment, before his lashes flutter and blue eyes meet her gaze.
“What are you talking about?”
She tucks the sheets around her as she sits up. “The war is over,” she tells him, “so why are we still hiding? Why can’t we truly be together?”
“Padmé,” he murmurs as he reaches out to her but she moves away from his touch. His brow creases. “What brought this on?”
“I’m tired of waiting, of sneaking around. You’re my husband and I want to be with you,” she pauses, letting her lip tremble just slightly before asking, “Don’t you want that too?”
He stares at her in confusion. “Of course I do,” he says as he leans in, and this time she doesn’t move away. He presses a kiss to her neck as his arms wrap around her. “But I can’t abandon the Jedi, not when they need me.”
“The Jedi or Obi-Wan?”
He recoils, eyes narrowed as he scans her face. “What are you talking about?”
“The Jedi are always going to need you,” she tells him, ignoring his question. “Whether you leave now or in five years, they’ll still need you. But I need you now. I need my husband by my side —”
“To do what?” he snaps. “What would I be doing by your side, Padmé? Standing there looking pretty?”
“I don’t want to lose you,” she grounds out, feeling the tears welling up in her eyes.
His eyes soften. “You won’t lose me,” he reassures her. “I promise.”
“Then leave,” she orders. “Leave the Order and be with me.”
He stares at her in shock. “Padmé, they’re my family —”
They’re the words she’s been wishing to hear for years, desperately wanting for Anakin to realise the Jedi love him as much as he loves them, but now — now all they do is make her sick. Her sudden sob spurs him into action and he pulls her into his embrace, shushing her as he holds her gently.
“I don’t want to lose you,” she repeats.
“You won’t, angel,” he murmurs. “I’m yours —”
“But you’re not!” she shouts, suddenly wildly furious with him. “You’re in love with Obi-Wan and I can’t stand it!”
Her words are met with silence. He stares at her, eyes wide with shock, mouth moving soundlessly as he struggles to find something to say. An ache grows in her chest. She had so desperately hoped she was wrong.
“You can’t even deny it,” she whispers. “How long has it been going on?”
He shakes his head vehemently. “There’s nothing between us, I swear. I love you. I would never do that to you.”
“But you want to.”
Through her tears, she is haunted by the image of his anguished face. Here they sit on sheets soaked in their secrecy, and she knows that while he speaks truly when he says he loves her, the fact is that he also loves another. Oh Anakin, she thinks through the ache in her chest, will you ever be satisfied?
“You promised to be mine. You can’t have both,” she says as she pulls away from him, her voice going cold. “You made a vow to be my husband, you knew what you were giving up —”
“Did I?”
The words are tired, resigned; it sounds like something he has asked himself before.
“I stand to lose everything I care about,” he says quietly, not meeting her eyes. “I have to give up my family, my duty, who I am for this relationship — and I can’t go back from that. What are you sacrificing for us?”
She stares at him, the realisation coming over her like cold water slowly trickling down her spine. “It’s not them you’re giving up — it’s me, isn’t it?”
The silence that steals through their bedroom carries the answer to her.