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Wei Ying watches Nie Mingjue stride away across the Unclean Realm’s training field. Then he turns and throws his arm around Jiang Wanyin’s shoulders with such enthusiasm that he also jostles Lan Wangji. (Lan Wangji finds himself vaguely wishing to be jostled more, if it means Wei Ying touches him again. Then he squashes that thought down. He must adhere to the self-restraint of the Lan sect.)
Wei Ying crows, “Jiang Cheng! I’ve got a brilliant idea.”
“Mmm,” says Jiang Wanyin, still watching Nie Mingjue’s back with that shy smile that had bloomed across his face when being complimented, then, “Hm?” Then, at seeing Wei Ying’s expression, he says, “Oh, what? C’mon, it’ll never work. He’s got too much self-control for anything to happen.” He meets Lan Wangji’s eyes like he expects Lan Wangji to agree with him, but Lan Wangji isn’t actually sure what they’re speaking of. Chifeng-zun, he supposes?
“Sure it will, it’s a great strategy! When has our double-team attack ever failed us? Besides, Nie-zongzhu called us ‘young heroes,’ we’ve got our foot in the door already. Ideally the back door?”
“I’ll put a foot in your back door — Calling someone young isn’t an indication of interest, Wei Wuxian. It means he thinks we’re children.”
“’Heroes,’” Wei Ying reiterates. “C’mon, Chengcheng, this’ll totally work. Back me up here! We’re gonna get our man! Show me that sultry little smile that has seduced half of Yunmeng!”
Lan Wangji had not, until that point, really been keeping up with their banter, too distracted by mentally cycling through the areas in the Unclean Realm that he thought might be of interest to his traveling companions – perhaps the kennels for Wanyin, he had once, during their studies at Gusu, mentioned liking dogs, and the grand archery fields for Wei Ying – but at that, his brain screeches to a halt.
“Sultry,” he repeats. The shape of the word feels unfamiliar in his mouth. “Seduced.”
“Yeah!” Wei Ying turns to him, alight with glee. “Just you watch, Lan Zhan, nobody can resist us when Jiang Cheng and me team up. There’s no threesome the Twin Prides haven’t been able to wrangle! Nie-zongzhu is a sexy, sexy mountain and we’re gonna climb him.” He jerks Jiang Wanyin back and forth, chattering about their past lovers(??) and the wonderful times to be had with three instead of two(?????) and how excited he is to get up close and personal with Nie Mingjue’s moustache(????????????)
Lan Wangji stays silent. He is faced with a horrible dilemma.
Nie Mingjue is a handsome man. Lan Wangji understands this (though he personally thinks that leaner, more slender bodies, perhaps closer to Wei Ying and Jiang Wanyin’s size – swimmer’s builds, he believes they’re called – are more aesthetically pleasing). But Chifeng-zun is also brave, and righteous, and strong, all attractive qualities. It is naïve to be surprised that Wei Ying and Jiang Wanyin wish to – plan to – how do they even intend to –?
And this is just a thing they do together? Together together? That certainly recontextualizes their easy physical affection with one another. Lan Wangji’s eyes lock on the arm Wei Ying has wrapped around Jiang Wanyin, the way his hand has begun to slide down toward Jiang Wanyin’s narrow waist, petting sweetly across the lush green fabric of his robe. Faced with this new information, that slow hand-to-waist journey instantly becomes the most sensual thing Lan Wangji has ever seen in real life.
And when do they even do this… threesome-wrangling? For all his shameless teasing, Lan Wangji has never observed Wei Ying actually having… relations with anyone. And Jiang Wanyin has seemed very sensible about such… matters… of the flesh. Reserved, possibly even disinterested. Yet despite his naysaying, he has not actually objected to the notion of scaling Chifeng-zun like a mountain alongside Wei Ying. In fact, his eyes gleam with increased interest the more Wei Ying talks about it; both he and Wei Ying are flushed, eager, brimming with energy as they strategize. It is… a fetching look on them….
But none of that is relevant, Lan Wangji thinks, giving himself a firm shake. The only relevant fact is, Nie Mingjue has already been in a relationship for years.
With Xiongzhang!
That, however, is a secret from almost everyone else, as Xiongzhang fears Shufu might disapprove of him courting a fellow sect leader. Lan Wangji could explain to Wei Ying and Jiang Wanyin that Nie Mingjue is taken, and thus it would be inappropriate to attempt to woo him. Surely that would dampen their determination. But the relationship is an important secret. Lan Wangji cannot betray Xiongzhang’s confidence. But he cannot let other men try to seduce his brother’s beloved! The mere thought fills him with agony – nauseating in its intensity, his very veins writhing with something hot and sticky and almost jealous.
…All this turmoil is on Lan Xichen’s behalf, surely. That’s the source of his emotional response.
“…and so, with any luck,” Wei Ying finishes (his arm now firmly tucked around Jiang Wanyin’s waist, gently fingering the fabric over his hip), “A-Cheng and I will be enjoying Nie-zongzhu’s saber skills within the week. Thanks for listening to me ramble, Lan Zhan, I wouldn’t have thought you’d be so supportive!”
Lan Wangji must say something. He must be polite, restrained, and diplomatic, as any proper Lan should be. But he must also explain, eloquently and efficiently, exactly why he hates the idea of Wei Ying and Jiang Wanyin enjoying Chifeng-zun’s… anything.
He opens his dry mouth. They wait for him to speak, a smile curling Wei Ying’s beautiful lips, an alluring divot between Jiang Wanyin’s brows.
“Mn,” Lan Wangji says at last.
“Great!” says Wei Ying. He tugs Jiang Wanyin off toward the guest quarters. “C’mon, Jiang Cheng, let’s go make our plan of attack! I saw some kennels on the way in, and obviously dogs are terrible but I figure Chifeng-zun must think they’re cute if he bothers to raise them. So I’m thinking you could arrange it so he walks in on you playing really adorably with some puppies, soften him up a bit, and then I could pull off some really impressive tricks on the archery field to get him hot, and then….”
Jiang Wanyin rolls his eyes and starts poking holes in Wei Ying’s seduction strategies, but he goes. Lan Wangji is left alone with his own thoughts.
“Mn,” he mutters again, furious with himself. His restraint ribbon itches.
~
Wei Ying’s method of seduction is to tease. It is disconcertingly similar to how he used to needle Lan Wangji at the Cloud Recesses, except his natural charisma is now deployed to entice rather than annoy. His warm, sparkling wit draws out Nie Mingjue’s heretofore unrevealed sense of humor. He is by turns rakish and confident, then playful and coquettish. He takes every opportunity to touch Nie Mingjue on his huge biceps, laughs at all his understated jokes, and asks intelligent, engaging questions about Qinghe.
Jiang Wanyin’s methods are subtler, but no less compelling. His usual reticence now seems demure, even coy. He remains serious and diligent as ever, discussing sect matters with Nie Mingjue and sharing his observations of Qishan Wen’s movements, but now he glances up through his eyelashes as they speak, his hair swept casually to one side to expose the nape of his neck, and he does this… thing with his hips that is. Suggestive. Lan Wangji can’t even describe what it suggests exactly, since Jiang Wanyin is just standing there, but it is.
(Jiang Wanyin also often touches Nie Mingjue on the biceps, too. Lan Wangji doesn’t know why he and Wei Ying feel the need to do that. Certainly Nie Mingjue’s biceps are impressive, but it’s not like other cultivators’ biceps are inferior. The Lan handstand-and-rules-copying training regime, for example, makes for arm-muscles hard as steel, despite their comparative lack in size.)
Lan Wangji wonders what the Twin Prides might be like on the field of battle rather than of love, so efficient is their two-pronged attack. At least one of them can be found at Nie Mingjue’s side at all times, always for a perfectly legitimate reason. Lan Wangji hence must spend most of his time with Huaisang, who can be exasperating company at the best of times, never mind when Lan Wangji is having a crisis. (This concerns Huaisang’s own brother; why isn’t he having a crisis? Unfilial.) And even when either Jiang Wanyin or Wei Ying does accompany Lan Wangji, soon the other will come dashing in to switch positions with his martial brother with a clasp of their two hands and a cheeky grin (Wei Ying) or a bashful smirk (Wanyin). They rotate so quickly Lan Wangji hardly has time to engage either of them in conversation, slow as his tongue is, or to figure out how to ask them to cease their flirting with Nie Mingjue, for Lan Xichen’s sake.
But even worse – today, Wei Ying has made the awful, inspired suggestion that he and Jiang Wanyin spar together against Chifeng-zun at the same time. Shirtless. The light attire, Jiang Wanyin earnestly explains to Nie Mingjue, is customary for the Jiang Sect, what with Yunmeng’s warm climate. Would Chifeng-zun care to participate in this long-held tradition?
As it turns out, Chifeng-zun would. Wei Ying discreetly high-fives Jiang Wanyin behind their unclothed backs.
The spar commences in a clang of swords and saber. Lan Wangji observes, respectfully.
“Oh, do unclench a little, Wangji-xiong,” Huaisang says after a while, fanning himself. The waft of cool air reaches Lan Wangji too, which he appreciates, given how oddly warm the training grounds are. But he does not unclench his fist from Bichen’s hilt. “Wei-xiong and Jiang-xiong aren’t going to get anywhere with my brother. And you know Da-ge never notices when somebody’s flirting with him, anyway – didn’t Xichen-ge have to literally yell his confession into Da-ge’s face? Wei-xiong shared all the details of his and Jiang-xiong’s plan with me, and seems quite convinced they’ll succeed, but I really don’t know if this strategy of theirs can bear fruit.”
Lan Wangji grips Bichen harder. “Why have you not told them so, then. To make them stop.”
Huaisang titters and snaps the fan out across his face. “We-eeeell,” he says, arching his eyebrows, “because the whole situation is hilarious, I suppose?”
It is not hilarious. Huaisang does not grasp the gravity of the situation.
“And surely, Wangji-Xiong,” Huaisang says, an unexpected note of Qinghe steel entering his voice, “you don’t mean to suggest that my da-ge is the type of man to cheat.”
Of course not, under normal circumstances. Nie Mingjue is honorable and iron-willed, and Xiongzhang is doubtless the most wonderful partner imaginable; Nie Mingjue couldn’t possibly have any dissatisfaction with him.
And yet.
And yet!
Wei Ying and Jiang Wanyin are – together, they are –!
They race across the training field as one, pursuing Nie Mingjue tirelessly. Chifeng-zun, legendary warrior that he is, holds them at bay with apparent ease, but sweat runs down his bare chest just as it does theirs.
Together, Wei Ying and Jiang Wanyin are devastating.
Wei Ying’s swordsmanship has haunted Lan Wangji’s dreams since their moonlit spar across the rooftops of the Cloud Recesses. He is explosive, dramatic, his feints and twirls backed up by remarkable control. Suibian skims nearly past Baxia’s guard again and again, the scrape of steel almost musical, until the blades collide in a ringing crash. Wei Ying, lighter and smaller than Nie Mingjue, is always thrown back, but every time he returns to the fray he swings faster, grins wider. He is a joyous battle-song, given form and flesh.
(Also, he has an unexpected, achingly perfect beauty mark on his left pectoral.)
Like his style of flirtation, Jiang Wanyin’s swordsmanship is less playful than Wei Ying’s, but no less powerful. He seizes upon every slight opening in Nie Mingjue’s defense and drives forward into them, pouring his whole body into each strike – which Lan Wangji half-expects to leave him overbalanced and exposed. Yet he remains so quick, so flexible, that he twists aside again and again from blows that might otherwise have shattered him, turning them into attacks of his own. He never stops.
(He has tied his hair up into a ponytail for the match, baring that sweet, vulnerable nape that Lan Wangji has spent days trying not to stare at.)
And, though individually the Twin Prides are skillful swordsmen, side-by-side they become a force. They dart over and around each other, always graceful, always aware of the other’s position. One breaks open a defense; the other plunges forward into the space he’s made. One spins away from a strike; the other vaults over his back to shield him. Their swords flash in tandem; their smiles gleam. They take such obvious delight in the simple joy of movement, in their own skills, in each other’s presence, every beautiful thing in each of them caught and reflected by the other a hundredfold as they flow together across the battlefield like the rivers of their home.
Lan Wangji fists Bichen even harder. His self-restraint ribbon feels as though it is tightening around his head.
This is horrible. Surely after this display Nie Mingjue is afire with lust for them both, in addition to the intellectual and emotional attraction he must feel after these past days of their stimulating conversation and warm company. Honorable, iron-willed, and already-being-courted though Nie Mingjue may be, he is still only a mortal man! And how could any mere mortal ever resist the combined charms of the Twin Prides of Yunmeng?!
This is overpowering. This is unendurable! Lan Wangji has to do something! …For Xiongzhang’s sake!
With a yell and a flashing twirl of his sword, Wei Ying leaps into the air. Nie Mingjue grins through the sword-glare, undeterred. He drops his guard, reaches out with one enormous hand, and scruffs Wei Ying in midair.
Wei Ying dangles for a moment like a kitten, too astonished to retaliate. It is, admittedly, a stunning feat of Nie Mingjue’s physical prowess. Lan Wangji respects it, and does not picture how Nie Mingjue’s huge, strong hand could easily encompass both of Wei Ying’s wrists at once.
Then Nie Mingjue grins even wider, showing off his dimples, and swings Wei Ying around by the collar in a wide arc – directly into Jiang Wanyin, who was streaking up from Nie Mingjue’s blind spot. There is a loud thud, a screech, a clatter, and a lot of cursing.
At last, the dust clears.
Bichen’s hilt creaks. The blade throbs with blue light, sending Huaisang inching away with a shameless titter into his fan.
Both Wei Ying and Jiang Wanyin lie on their backs on the training field, their lithe limbs entangled, their bare chests heaving. Nie Mingjue braces himself on his elbows and knees above them. His great arms practically encircle them both. His own bare, broad chest nearly brushes theirs with every breath. They all gaze at one another, panting, speechless.
It is obvious: They are falling in love. Now, at this very moment. The threesome is about to happen right here, right now, right in front of Lan Wangji’s metaphorical salad. Even though nobody else could possibly care for Wei Ying and Jiang Wanyin as much as Lan Wangji does!
His soul howls in anguish. His forehead throbs beneath its ribbon. No! He must stop this! He cannot bear the thought of Wei Ying and Jiang Wanyin courting Nie Mingjue!
…For Xiongzhang’s sake, of course!!
“A good fight,” Nie Mingjue rumbles. His voice is warm. “Your teamwork is impressive. Who knows – a little less useless dancing about next time, and maybe you’ll be the ones to get me on my back.”
Wei Ying swallows, then says in a low, eager, breathy tone, “Do you promise?”
And then Jiang Wanyin reaches up, again, to touch Nie Mingjue’s bicep.
Lan Wangji’s ribbon, figuratively speaking, snaps.
NOT FOR XIONGZHANG’S SAKE! NOT FOR NIE MINGJUE’S SAKE! FOR HIS! FOR HIS, FOR HIS, FOR HIM, ALL FOR HIM!!!!!!!!
“Jiang Wanyin, Wei Ying,” he croaks, stumbling forward. “I must speak with you both. Alone!”
~
“Good talk,” Wei Ying purrs, stretching luxuriously, then settles back against Lan Wangji’s side with a pleased groan. They are both covered with sweat and spend, so the settling is a bit stickier than Lan Wangji would normally prefer. But he finds he’s actually very into it in this context. The sated, smug glow Wei Ying has is especially lovely.
“Mmm. Very productive,” says Wanyin, tucked against Lan Wangji’s other side. He is equally sticky, smug, and radiant, and trails idle fingers across Lan Wangji’s bicep. (HA! Score one for the Lan arm-training regimen!!! Take that, Qinghe Nie! Size isn’t everything!!)
Lan Wangji – stickiest, smuggest, and most superbly sore of all – hugs them both close. “And you do not mind?” he asks, just to be certain he has not misunderstood everyone’s expectations. “That I want so much from you both? That I was so… unrestrained?”
“Definitely not. By all means, unrestrain more. It’s a good look on you.” Wanyin flops a hand down onto Lan Wangji’s chest. Wei Ying does the same, lacing their fingers together; Lan Wangji’s pale ribbon, looped in long coils around their wrists, contrasts pleasingly with their golden skin. Lan Wangji’s heart is as full of love as his ass is of… the physical byproducts of love.
“And it is all right that I am not comfortable with you courting Chifeng-zun?”
“Sure! Especially if he’s already dating Zewu-jun, of course; I feel bad we didn’t know they were an item,” says Wei Ying. Jiang Wanyin nods sleepily, nuzzling into Lan Wangji’s neck with a yawn. Lan Wangji’s heart swells even more. They are both so kind.
“But it will not bother you to damage your winning record?” he presses.
“Record?”
“Mn. You mentioned that ‘there’s no threesome the Twin Prides haven’t been able to wrangle.’ You seemed very proud of it. I only want to ascertain that I will be enough for you in the future, and will do my best to ensure that you will not feel disappointed that your plan did not succeed – that you were not able to seduce the person you were originally interested in.”
Wei Ying and Jiang Wanyin both blink up at him, looking startled. Then they glance at each other. Twin slow, wicked, stunning smiles – the smiles that seduced half of Yunmeng – spread across their faces.
“Ah, but my sweet, jealous, adorably unsuspecting little Lan-er-gongzi,” says Wei Ying, splaying himself out over Lan Wangji’s chest as Wanyin stretches up to plant a kiss to the tip of Lan Wangji’s nose, “we did succeed. After all… it was never actually Chifeng-zun we were aiming to seduce.”