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The cold is different in Dragonspine.
Kaeya is not sure if it is due to his Cryo Vision or pure experience, but nothing compares to the chill of the mountain. Even at its base, where the temperature is nothing that the city of Mondstadt itself hasn’t seen during winter, the atmosphere differs. That is only one of the many peculiar things that are true about the mountain.
For instance, Kaeya happens to be particularly interested in one of its researchers.
Kaeya’s post is nowhere near Dragonspine, and yet he finds himself up there for the second time this week anyway. It just so happens that he passes by the Investigation Team Captain’s camp, and it just so happens that said Captain is currently in the middle of an experiment there. What a coincidence.
“Please give me two minutes,” Albedo says while Kaeya lingers at the entrance of his camp, his back turned on him. Kaeya did not even get the time to blurt out a single word, but Albedo responds as if he has been expecting him.
Isn’t that funny?
True to his word, it’s not long after that Albedo puts down whatever materials he has been occupying himself with and offers Kaeya a warm smile. “Sir Kaeya.”
“Sir Albedo,” Kaeya smiles back, stepping further into the campsite. “Keeping yourself busy as always, I see.”
Albedo nods, quickly writing something down in a notebook before closing it. “I am only finishing up. Sucrose and Timaeus have already taken most of the specimens back to Mondstadt.”
“I suppose it is safe to assume you will be coming home soon as well?” Kaeya asks. “There happens to be a certain Spark Knight that quite misses you.”
He doesn’t miss the way Albedo’s smile alters at the mention of his little sister, to something softer. “I was in Mondstadt yesterday.”
“And yet it’s already so empty without you,” Kaeya teases, but there is truth in his words. Days and nights seem to pass more easily with Albedo back in Headquarters.
Albedo shakes his head. He gestures for Kaeya to come closer to his workstation, where he has lit a lantern, and Kaeya gladly does so. “Am I right in assuming that is the reason behind your visit, Captain?”
“I am on duty, you know.”
The alchemist looks up at Kaeya and crosses his arms. “I don’t recall there being anything about an expedition in Dragonspine on the notice board.”
A smile stretches across Kaeya’s face. “Caught me.”
“As did some Hilichurls, apparently,” Albedo says, pointing at Kaeya’s chest.
Confused, the Cavalry Captain looks down, and low and behold; his shirt and coat have been all messed up, hanging unevenly from Kaeya’s shoulders. He briefly recalls losing his balance while fighting off a few Hilichurls on the base of the mountain, which he decides is what caused this. Thankfully, nothing has been torn.
He laughs. “Apologies,” he mutters and reaches down to fix his shirt, but is met with Albedo’s hand instead.
“Let me,” is all Albedo says.
Kaeya can only stand there in silence as Albedo gets to work. He knows the alchemist is only trying to help him, but he is only becoming more and more aware of how close to his bare skin Albedo’s hands are. How nice it feels.
“Uh…” Kaeya trails off, and clears his throat. He needs to distract himself. “How did you know it was Hilichurls?”
“I cleared everything else on my way up,” Albedo explains, briefly glancing up at Kaeya.
Kaeya pretends his breath doesn’t get caught in his throat.
“Did I ruin your afternoon painting?” he asks, but it’s getting harder to speak clearly.
Albedo smiles, and this time he does not look up to face him. “Do not worry about it.”
Kaeya doesn’t, not about Albedo’s painting, at least, but only because he’s too busy worrying over losing his sanity. He stopped looking at Albedo’s hands ages ago, but the feeling, the mere thought, of them on his body alone is enough to make his face burn. Can Albedo feel how fast his heart is beating right now, he wonders?
Keep yourself together, Kaeya mentally slaps himself. Albedo is only readjusting his coat. That is all this is.
Come to think of it, what is taking him so long?
It is only then that Kaeya realises that Albedo’s hands are not moving anymore. He glances down, only to see that his coat has been fixed—and yet, a pair of gloved hands are holding onto the V-neck of his shirt.
“Albedo?”
“You’ll catch a cold, Captain.”
Time stops.
He is not sure why, but Kaeya’s mind goes back to last fall, on a day that it stormed out of nowhere. In fact, it rained so much that the shops closed that day. The Knights were sent out to escort the merchants by the gate and their stock home safely, but Kaeya’s gaze happened to spot a figure by the alchemy table. It did not take him long to realise who said figure was.
Albedo was trying to salvage as much of that day’s work as possible, and yet when he saw Kaeya struggling with a crate of stupid vegetables, he did not hesitate for a second to rush to his side to help.
Or last month, when Albedo covered for Kaeya and let him stay in his lab after an intense drinking night with Venti and Rosaria at the tavern the night before. It may not have been the best nap of Kaeya’s life, but seeing Albedo lie about needing him for an experiment certainly made up for it.
He thinks back to the time he let him borrow his personal notes of a briefing with Jean, or the evenings they draw with Klee, or even the countless instances he has dropped his work just to chat with him.
He thinks about today.
How warm Albedo’s smile had been when he faced Kaeya. How he slipped into conversation with him so easily. How he offered to help with Kaeya’s shirt.
How it’s fixed, but his hands still linger on its collar.
Oh.
Kaeya is not an idiot. He is perfectly aware of his own feelings towards the alchemist. They have been present for far, far too long, and Celestia knows he has pondered over them for even longer. He loves him. He really does.
But at that moment, Kaeya realises something very, very bad.
Albedo may actually love him too.
Oh, no.
“Kaeya…”
Albedo chooses that moment to speak, and Kaeya thinks he may actually pass out this time. The gears in his head are turning faster than he can think, and his heart is beating as if he ran the entire way from Mondstadt to Dragonspine and back, but he needs to do something, anything, before Albedo can—
“I—”
Kaeya takes a big step back.
It is awkward and forced and leaves Albedo hanging with his hands in the air, but at least Kaeya can breathe again. He tries not to look at Albedo as he clears his throat.
“Anyway,” he says through a thin smile, “what was it you were working on, again, before I interrupted you?”
He cringes at his own choice of words, but at least the conversation is moving on.
He makes sure to lean down and closely observe the experiment on the alchemy table. He thinks he spots some slime condensate, and are those… toad legs? He shouldn't be surprised. He has seen Albedo use much more questionable materials in his experiments in the past. Kaeya is certain he is going to explain this one in detail too, even if he cannot grasp everything the alchemist says.
But all Albedo says is, “This isn't fair.”
Kaeya's blood runs cold.
Okay. Perhaps the conversation is not moving on as smoothly as he intended.
He doesn't have the heart to face Albedo, not when his tone is so dismal, so he keeps his eyes on the alchemy table, pretending he didn't hear him. Maybe he can still salvage this.
“Is this for that slime repellent you're working on? How is that coming along?” he asks, hoping Albedo will take the hint and just drop it.
“Kaeya.”
He picks his head up, slowly and carefully, until his eyes meet the alchemist's. He cannot help it, when Albedo says his name.
“I don't want to talk about this,” Kaeya finally admits. His eyes never leave Albedo's.
“I do.” Albedo takes a step forward, but keeps a respectable amount of distance between them—certainly more than before. “I believe you owe me that.”
Kaeya doesn't mean to chuckle, but the sound escapes his lips anyway. “There's nothing to say.” He's lying. There's too much he wants to tell him. To show him.
“That's not fair,” Albedo repeats.
Kaeya doesn't miss the way his voice wavers. The words that follow, however, are not the ones of a hesitant man.
“You have made your interest in me more than clear.” He states it as it is. Kaeya should not be surprised, but something pierces through his heart at the remark anyway. “You seek me out during the day, stay in my office until night. You follow me up mountains. But you won't let me do the same.”
Albedo has thought about this before, Kaeya realises. His lines are rehearsed. Known to the heart. How long has he been waiting for this performance, he wonders? Unfortunately for the alchemist, Kaeya has no intention of taking part.
“You cannot fathom having something real.”
Something twists in Kaeya's chest. It could be his heart, or it could be his lungs—all he knows is that it's getting colder.
He laughs. It's a quiet and restrained sound that doesn't suit the Cavalry Captain.
“You are walking down a dangerous path, Albedo…” Kaeya warns.
“As have you,” responds Albedo. “I spent months trying to understand you, Captain, why you act the way you do, why you provoke me.” He takes another step closer. “Why I like it.”
Kaeya's heart falters.
He cannot recall a time he’s seen Albedo like this. He often catches the alchemist with a fixed stare on him—studying him—but it has never been with a look so accusatory. Wistful. The candlelight from his desk is illuminating in his eyes, and Kaeya thinks he could set him on fire with his gaze alone if he wanted to.
“You can't… You can't make me feel these things and then take it all back. You don't get to do that.”
Albedo continues approaching him, with every beat of his heart. Kaeya holds his breath.
“It's not fair.”
Kaeya wishes he would stop saying that.
“Lots of things aren't fair for people like us, Kreideprinz.”
They are both outcasts from the City of Freedom, the place they call home. And even if Mondstadt accepts them with open arms, its people will never know who it is they are truly welcoming in their walls—the lies, the secrets, so many secrets Kaeya is tired of keeping. But he doesn't have a choice. Breaking his silence is not an option.
After all, Kaeya already tried once.
“Kaeya.”
Albedo’s hands have somehow ended up on Kaeya’s forearms, crossed over his chest. Albedo pushes down gently—but that is all it takes for Kaeya to uncross them, to let them fall on his sides, and expose himself to the alchemist once more.
“I'm well aware of both our circumstances and of Khaenri'ah's secrets,” Albedo says, and one of his hands comes to rest on Kaeya’s shoulder. His touch could burn him, Kaeya thinks. “But I don't want this to be one of them.”
Kaeya looks the other way. He wants him, needs him, to stop talking.
“The truth is, I have fallen for you, Captain.”
Stop, stop, stop—
“And I can only hope you have fallen for me too.”
This isn’t fair.
Of course he has fallen for him. His heart beats for the alchemist so hard it hurts. But it was supposed to be another secret, and Albedo knows. Of course he knows. Kaeya never tried to hide it, the same way he never tried to hide his place in Khaenri’ah when he first laid eyes upon the star on Albedo’s neck.
As always, Albedo is spot on.
It’s not fair.
Albedo rests his hand on Kaeya’s face, and despite it being gloved, Kaeya feels its warmth like it’s someone’s skin. He tries to turn his head away, but Albedo’s hand follows, so Kaeya shuts his eyes close instead. He cannot look at him. He does not want Albedo to look at him either.
“I… I can't,” Kaeya finally says. “I can't, Albedo.”
“Please, Kaeya…” And Archons, Kaeya has never heard him plead before. “Tell me what you feel.”
The air in the room is too heavy to breathe in. Why can’t Albedo just let this go? Why can’t he understand that this is a mistake? Two agents of Khaenri’ah, together, is a bad idea waiting to happen. Albedo knows this. He shouldn’t be here. Neither of them should, but. But they are, and Albedo’s thumb on Kaeya’s cheek is so warm and when did he remove his glove? With every caress, Kaeya grows more and more undone. Albedo is rubbing circles on his cheek, traveling up, wiping his tears.
Since when had he begun to cry?
He tries to smile, but he doesn’t have it in him anymore.
“You don't want this,” Kaeya says. He hates the way his voice sounds. Strained. Desperate.
“Don't tell me what I want.”
Albedo's hold on Kaeya's chin is gentle, but he still forces Kaeya to look at him with ease. He feels trapped, and dear Celestia above, he wants to be. Under Albedo's gaze, he wants to be anything.
“What do you want?”
He wants this to stop. He wants things to go back to the way they were, with mindless bicker and subtle touches to get him through the day, back when it was simple. He wants to do paperwork in his lab, and he wants Albedo to seek him later in his office when he ‘forgot’ a paper, now decorated with stupid circles and eyepatch strings.
He wants playdates with Klee, and walks in Windrise where he gets to watch Albedo paint.
He wants to run into Albedo in the library in the middle of the night, when it’s empty, to share whispers of a language only the two of them remember how to speak.
He wants to see Albedo smile. Archons, he has such a beautiful smile.
But at that moment, he forgets all about these things. His desires, his fears. He forgets about everything. All he has is Albedo, who does not believe in chances but is begging Kaeya anyway, who is holding him the way no one has ever held Kaeya before, who is asking him what he really wants.
And Kaeya's voice is barely above a whisper when he chokes out,
“You.”
He is not quite sure what happens next, but Albedo is kissing him. Kaeya thinks he inhales sharply, but he does not feel any air come in. All he feels is Albedo. His hair between Kaeya’s fingers. His waist under his hand. His lips under his. Albedo’s fingers, still lingering on his face with a gentle motion that is putting Kaeya to sleep by keeping him wide awake. There’s so much going on, but it’s so little, and it lasts forever, but ends so fast.
When Kaeya looks into Albedo’s eyes after, he swears he sees stars.
“Kaeya.”
His name rolls off Albedo’s tongue like honey. Kaeya physically feels his chest getting tighter, the blood traveling up his face and burning his cheeks.
“When I first arrived in Mondstadt, my sole purpose was to uncover the secrets of this world,” Albedo continues, and Kaeya can barely keep up. “That has not changed. However… I have come to realise that it might be okay to focus on other things as well.”
He leads Kaeya down with his hand again, to rest their foreheads together. Kaeya feels like he is on autopilot when he closes his eyes, because seeing Albedo like this is still too much for him.
“Do you have any idea,” Albedo says, his voice close to a whisper, “how incredibly frustrating it is to have you in my head all the time?”
Kaeya laughs.
It’s weak and nothing like his usual confident chuckles, but it’s genuine. The sound must surprise Albedo, because he puts a distance between them again, just enough to look at him. Kaeya does not mind; after all, his own laugh took him by surprise as well.
“Ten seconds ago you were trying to swoon me, but now I’m frustrating?”
“I was not trying to swoon you.” Albedo has let go of Kaeya’s face, his hands too busy holding onto the collar of his coat. This time, Kaeya lets him.
“I don’t know, Albedo,” Kaeya says, and although he has his usual tease back, there’s something softer in his voice, too. “It seemed like swooning to me.”
Without a single warning, Albedo pulls Kaeya from the collar closer to his face.
Kaeya barely manages to hold back a gulp.
“Never brush me off again, Alberich.”
And then he kisses him.